MY BOOKY WOOK a Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up Russell Brand
MY BOOKY WOOK A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up Russell Brand For my mum, the most important woman in my life, this book is dedicated to you. Now for God’s sake don’t read it. “The line between good and evil runs not through states, nor between classes, nor between po liti cal parties either, but through every human heart” Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago “Mary: Tell me, Edmund: Do you have someone special in your life? Edmund: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Mary: Who? Edmund: Me. Mary: No, I mean someone you love, cherish and want to keep safe from all the horror and the hurt. Edmund: Erm . Still me, really” Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, Blackadder Goes Forth Contents iii Part I 1 April Fool 3 2 Umbilical Noose 16 3 Shame Innit? 27 4 Fledgling Hospice 38 5 “Diddle- Di- Diddle- Di” 50 6 How Christmas Should Feel 57 7 One McAvennie 65 8 I’ve Got a Bone to Pick with You 72 9 Teacher’s Whiskey 8186 94 10 “Boobaloo” 11 Say Hello to the Bad Guy Part II 12 The Eternal Dilemma 105111 13 Body Mist Photographic Insert I 14 Ying Yang 122 131 138146 15 Click, Clack, Click, Clack 16 “Wop Out a Bit of Acting” 17 Th e Stranger v Author’s Note Epigraph vii Contents 18 Is This a Cash Card I See before Me? 159 19 “Do You Want a Drama?” 166 Part III 20 Dagenham Is Not Damascus 179 21 Don’t Die of Ignorance 189 22 Firing Minors 201 Photographic Insert II 23 Down Among the Have-Nots 216 24 First-Class Twit 224 25 Let’s Not Tell Our Mums 239 26 You’re a Diamond 261 27 Call Me Ishmael.
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