SPEECH IS A RIVER MY RECOVERY FROM STUTTERING BY RUTH MEAD Copyright © 201l by: Assn. for the Study & Cure of Stammering ALL RIGHTS RESERVED By Right Brain Press, 2011 ISBN 978-1-4507-0543-1 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION BY JOHN HARRISON FOREWORD PART I -- SPEECH IS LIKE JAZZ CHAPTER 1 SPEECH IS LIKE JAZZ – (It just happens) CHAPTER 2 LOCKED INTO CONSCIOUS THOUGHT CHAPTER 3 ALWAYS TRYING HAS MADE ME TIRED….MAYBE THAT‟S A START CHAPTER 4 MORE CURES? CHAPTER 5 A MIND-BENDING DISCOVERY – I HAVE A VOICE CHAPTER 6 THE 800 POUND GORILLA IN THE ROOM CHAPTER 7 HITTING ROCK BOTTOM PART II -- THINGS I LEARNED ON THE WAY TO THE ZONE CHAPTER 8 BOTH KINDS OF ME (SOMEONE GREATER THAN MY CONSCIOUS MIND) CHAPTER 9 GETTING ON MY OWN SIDE (OPENING MY EYES, SEEING FOR MYSELF) CHAPTER 10 WRITING DOWN THE STUFF 2 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering PART III – ARRIVING AT THE ZONE CHAPTER 11 ARRIVING AT THE ZONE PART IV - 7 KEYS TO THE ZONE CHAPTER 12 ONE OF SEVEN. TAKE THE SCARY OUT OF SPEECH (THRU HARRISON‟S HEXAGON) CHAPTER 13 TWO OF SEVEN, SPEECH IS LIKE A RIVER (CREATE A POWERFUL METAPHOR) CHAPTER 14 THREE OF SEVEN. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR CREATING BLOCKS (EXPOSING BLOCKS AS IMAGINARY) CHAPTER 15 FOUR OF SEVEN. OUTWITTING MY BLOCKS: I TALK TO MY MOUNTAIN CHAPTER 16 FIVE OF SEVEN. WRITING THE RIVER; ALLOWING THE FLOW CHAPTER 17 SIX OF SEVEN. STOP THE CHATTER; PRACTICE NO-THINK; LEARN TO IMPROV (and one technique that worked!) CHAPTER 18 SEVEN OF SEVEN. STOP CHATTERING; READ LIKE CRAZY; GET ON THE INTERNET; CONFIRM YOUR OBSERVATIONS BIBLIOGRAPHY 3 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering INTRODUCTION BY JOHN HARRISON (Author of REDEFINING STUTTERING: What the Struggle to Speak Is Really All About) Early in March of 2011 I heard from an ex-stutterer named Ruth Mead. Ruth had found my book, Redefining Stuttering, on the Internet, and was startled to discover that there was someone out there who shared the same perspective on stuttering that she did. As it turned out, Ruth wasn't the only one who was startled. So was I. In my 35- year involvement with the stuttering self-help movement, nobody, but nobody, had come closer to understanding the essential nature of the recovery process. Ruth had written a book on stuttering, SPEECH IS A RIVER -- My Recovery From Stuttering that ―had sat in a drawer for several years.‖ Why had she put it aside? Be- cause what she had written seemed so foreign to the prevailing theories about stutter- ing that she was sure nobody would ―get‖ it. Then she found my book and suddenly everything she had been thinking was validated. There was someone else who shared her vision. And this someone, like her, had also recovered. Ruth contacted me, and we started a lively correspondence. I am absolutely fasci- nated by Ruth's work. Ruth is a brilliant writer. She has a vibrant and entertaining style. She really has a handle on what her stuttering was about. But most of all, she recov- ered from a 30-year severe stutter in a way that I'd never heard of before. You will find SPEECH IS A RIVER -- My Recovery From Stuttering, a fascinating read. And if you're someone who stutters, you will be introduced to a radical new pers- pective on the essential nature of stuttering and the path you need to follow in order to disappear it. 4 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering FOREWORD It has taken me an inordinate amount of time to decide to write this book on stuttering. There are good reasons for this. First, I was born into a family of educators, but from my earli- est memory it was apparent that I must have been in the rest room when the ―Schoolmarm in- stincts‖ were passed out. Even when my stuttering went away and I felt compelled to write the progression of what happened prior to this event, I bumped into another problem. Everything I wrote sounded too authoritarian (like Aunt Bea lecturing Opey to pick up his undies or learn his fractions.) And even statements like ―I was cured by doing this, this, or that…and you too can be cured if you do what I tell you‖ sounded pedantic and missing-the-point, a little like saying ―My parents were happily married for 60 years and had l2 children, so if you have l2 children you can also be happily married.‖ So this is what I decided to do: I decided to simply tell you what happened to me and the progression of what happened (as well as my own interpretation of those events) as clearly and truthfully as I can and leave it to you to put the pieces together and come up with your own connections and conclusions. If my observations don‘t confirm yours, then by all means, trust your own eyes. And who knows? Even though no one has absolutely proven this to be true, it may well be that this elusive thing we call ―universal unity‖ might turn out to be the fruit of each of us (individually and honestly) using our own eyes to see, our own ears to hear, and our own hearts to under- stand. It seemed as if nothing I observed on my journey matched anything being pushed by the experts at that time. This led me to despair. I hadn‘t stuttered badly until a math teacher took it upon herself to make me conscious of my stuttering and then tried to fix it. During that year in her class I changed from a little girl who s-s-s-s-s-stuttered now and then, to a little girl who had intense blocking on approximately 90% of her words. The experts seemed to conclude that early speech therapy was important, believing that stuttering was due to mechanical difficulties or genetics or poor breathing techniques and more than one respected speech therapist told my parents that scientists concluded that stuttering was due to brain damage. Common sense prevailed, however, because I (and the other kids who were being treated in that speech clinic) knew we did not stutter when we were alone, or when we spoke to each other, or when we spoke in unison, or sang, or whispered, or talked to babies or animals (if no adult was in hearing distance). Even we, young as we were, knew what that meant. Even if the adults did not. So even though my experiences didn‘t match what the experts were saying, what I final- ly did have going for me was the fact that I, who had never made a phone call, not even one time, before I was 33 years old, was suddenly able to make my living by talking on the phone 24/7. Also, I had patiently recorded my observations of what was happening before and after those approximately-three-months it took me to stop thinking about speech, as well as continu- ing the work of observing and free-writing until now. And then it happened. One Saturday afternoon in late summer I was surfing the in- ternet nervously, no idea what I was searching for (but later recognized I was still seeking con- firmation of my own observations and experiences regarding stuttering.) I found a massive 5 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering tome about stuttering (REDEFINING STUTTERING) written by a person I recognized only as being associated with the NSA (National Stuttering Association). His name was John Harrison. This material was not heavily theoretical and was not based on a lot of psychological research or controlled clinical experimentation, but had the ring of truth to it and appeared to be grounded in his personal observations and experiences. His stuttering had disappeared, as mine had, and I noticed many similarities between his experiences and observations….and my own. I printed off the entire book, lugged it downstairs to my big leather reading chair, forgot to eat dinner, and read until early morning. I was awe-struck by what I read. This profound book convinced me finally that my own careful observations had merit and that at least one person in the universe saw many of the same truths I had seen (and continue to see.) Harrison‘s book was the ―transformative moment‖ for me. I took my manuscript out of the dusty bottom drawer and took another look. There is no way I can over-estimate the strengthening effects of Harrison‘s clarity on my dim and foggy notions and my wobbly obser- vations. I quote him throughout this book. Through John Harrison I heard of another writer by the name of Dr. Bob Bodenhamer and the group ([email protected]) he founded on Yahoo. His book ―I HAVE A VOICE – HOW TO STOP STUTTERING‖ also confirmed my own observations: that my blocking was largely cognitive rather than merely physiological. I also found the invaluable writings of Barbara Dahm and the website of ―Stuttering Jack.‖ These books and websites are listed in the Bibliography. 6 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering ALWAYS TRYING HAS MADE ME TIRED. MAYBE THAT‟S A START…… SONG FOR YOU/MURDOCK SPEAK OR DO NOT; THERE IS NO TRY (Me, misquoting Yoda) “SPEECH IS LIKE A RIVER.” Rumi 7 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering PART ONE SPEECH IS LIKE JAZZ (IT JUST HAPPENS) 8 SPEECH IS A RIVER – My Recovery From Stuttering CHAPTER 1 SPEECH IS LIKE JAZZ (IT JUST HAPPENS) This book is about how one person (me, if you must know) stopped stuttering.