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But He'll Change But He’ll Change But He’ll Change Ending the Thinking That Keeps You in Abusive Relationships Joanna V.Hunter ® Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012 hazelden.org © 2010 by Hazelden Foundation All rights reserved. Published 2010 Printed in the United States of America No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise—without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Hunter, Joanna V., 1949- But he’ll change : ending the thinking that keeps you in abusive relationships / Joanna V.Hunter. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-1-59285-818-7 (softcover) 1. Abused women—Psychology. 2. Intimate partner violence—Prevention. 3. Family violence—Prevention. 4. Abusive men. I.Title. HV6626.H86 2010 362.82’92—dc22 2009042701 Editor’s note While the stories and lives shared in this book are true, names and other identifying infor- mation have been changed to provide anonymity. This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals. 14 13 12 11 10 1 2 3 4 5 6 Cover design by Theresa Gedig Interior design and typesetting by Madeline Berglund To my husband, who by word and action reminds me every day that I am loved and cherished. And to those who surrounded me and supported me as I healed. CONTENTS m Editor’s Note . xiii Preface . xv Acknowledgments . xix Introduction . 1 My Story . 21 Chapter 1 Seeing Him as All-Powerful and the Center of My World . 29 Yes, but . I Love Him . 33 I Miss Him (or I Need Him) and Can’t Live without Him . 36 He Is Everything to Me . 39 It Will Hurt to Leave Him . 41 I Have to Do What He Wants or He Won’t Love Me . 43 I Have to Do What He Wants Sexually or He Won’t Love Me (or He’ll Find Someone Else) . 45 I Have to Tell Him Everywhere I Go and What I Do So He Can Reach Me or He Shows Up Unexpectedly Because He Loves Me . 47 If I Try to Leave, He Will Kill Me or My Children . 49 If I Divorce Him He Will Take My Children from Me or Will Have the Children Alone for Visitation . 51 He Is a Good Provider . 53 vii viii CONTENTS Chapter 2 Denying and Minimizing His Behavior . 55 Yes, but . He’s Not All Bad or He Has a Really Sweet and Wonderful Side . 58 We Have Had Some Good Times . 60 He Only Yells at Me Because He Loves Me . 61 My Children Need Their Father . 63 He Doesn’t Hurt the Children . 66 He Doesn’t Mean to Hit Me . 68 At Least He Doesn’t Hit Me . 70 He Doesn’t Lie to Me . 73 At Least I Don’t Have It as Bad as Others . 75 He Must Love Me—He Gets Jealous When I Talk to or Spend Time with Other People . 77 He Must Love Me—He Wants to Be with Me All the Time . 79 It Doesn’t Matter That I Quit Doing Things I Enjoy or That He Made Me Quit My Job . 81 It Doesn’t Matter What Other People Think or My Friends and Family Don’t Understand . 83 It Doesn’t Matter What Names He Calls Me . 85 It Doesn’t Matter That He Insults My Religion, Race, or Ethnicity . 87 It Doesn’t Matter That He Flirts with Other Women . 88 It Doesn’t Matter That He Withholds Affection When He’s Angry . 89 He’s Learned His Lesson by My Leaving—Now We Can Get Back Together and Everything Will Be Okay . 90 This Can’t Be Happening—I Am Not One of “Those Women” . 92 Sooner or Later, He’ll See What He’s Doing and Stop . 94 CONTENTS ix Chapter 3 Believing I Can Save Him . 97 Yes, but . I Can Change Him . 100 I Can Save Him . 102 He Needs Me or He Can’t Live without Me . 104 I Have to Make This Work—I Don’t Want to Be a Failure . 107 I’ve Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship That Would Go to Waste . 109 I’ve Already Put So Much Energy into This Relationship—If I Leave, Someone Else Will Benefit from My Hard Work . 112 Chapter 4 Sacrificing My Self . 115 Yes, but . He Has Low Self-Esteem . 119 I Don’t Want to Hurt Him . 120 Everyone Else in His Life Has Let Him Down—I Am All He Has . 121 I Have to Stay or He Will Kill Himself . 123 I Have to Forgive Him . 124 I Must Stay, I Promised God . 127 Chapter 5 Blaming Myself for His Behavior—Believing I Deserve It . 131 Yes, but . If Only I Could Just Love Him Enough, He Would Change . 135 If Only I Didn’t Make Him Angry or Provoke Him . 137 x CONTENTS If Only I Were More Attractive/Thinner/Smarter/More Interesting/a Better Communicator/More Fun . 138 I Made My Bed, Now I Have to Lie in It . 140 I Never Do Anything Right—I Always Let Him Down/ Disappoint Him/Say and Do the Wrong Thing/Blow It . 142 Chapter 6 Blaming Outside Forces for His Behavior . 145 Yes, but . If Only He Could Quit Drinking/Doing Drugs/Gambling/ Having Affairs . 148 If Only His Boss/Teacher/Coach Wouldn’t Put Him Under So Much Stress . 150 The Devil Made Him Do It . 151 If Only My Family and Friends Would Treat Him Better or Be More Accepting and Accommodating . 153 Chapter 7 Accepting Male Privilege . 155 Yes, but . Men Should Make All the Decisions . 159 Men Should Control All the Money and Property or Men Should Earn More Money Than Women . 161 Men Have Fragile Egos . 163 Men Don’t Know How to Express Love or It’s Just the Way Men Are . 164 It’s Okay for Him to Demand or Force Me to Have Sex . 166 CONTENTS xi Chapter 8 Giving Up on Myself . 167 Yes, but . I Have No Choice or There’s No Way Out or There’s Nothing I Can Do . 170 No One Else Will Ever Love Me or This Is Better Than Being Alone . 173 At Least I Know What to Expect . 176 At Least I’m Having Sex . 178 It’s Too Late to Start Over or I Can’t Make It on My Own . 180 No One Cares about Me Anyway . 182 I’m a Stupid,Worthless Nothing . 183 I Am Embarrassed and Ashamed to Be in This Situation . 185 I Have Nowhere and No One to Turn To . 186 I Can’t Find a Job or I Have No Skills . 187 I Can’t Care for My Children . ..
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