PAGE 8 [email protected] Good Drink ... Good Meat ... Good God
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PAGE 8 [email protected] Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat! Computer, kill Flanders. What's an email? Some people might think your work is silly or meaningless, but, I, for one, want to thank you for all of your hard work. Sorry I was not listening. I was lost in your eyes. [to Jesse Grass, the environmental activist]. Homer : Marge, she's going to narc on our stash. Marge : We don't HAVE a stash. Homer : No, of course not. Homer : Now Marge, if the unthinkable should happen, you're going to be lonely. Marge : Oh Homer, I could never remarry. Homer : Darn right. And to make sure, I want to be stuffed and put on the couch as a constant reminder of our marital oath. [Homer Triple Bypass] Don't make me come up there! [to Rev.Lovejoy at his very long sermon on Sunday]. 76.2?! ? I'm already 38.1! I've wasted half my life! You mean grease is money?!? Woo hoo! my arteries are filled with yellow gold! My God! you're greasy! [to a teenager working at Krusty Burger] God, I know you're busy ... you know watching women changing clothes and all ... [praying for his 'grease' business] Hurry up, I cannot be jabbing you. [poking the bagboy with a bread stick at the grocery store] Vow! it just rolled over to 10,000! [in Africa, photographing the odometer instead of the sceneries]. Bart : Hey, this monkey can lead us to some bananas. Homer : Or more mouth-watering monkeys. [in Africa, looking for food] Oh man! it feels good to get out of that car! ... Woo Hoo! Go Karts!!! Lisa : Shouldn't you put on a batting helmet? Homer : No it messes up my hair. Marge : And punish Lisa for lying to us. Homer : Okay, you young lady, now run to Kwik-E-mart and get me some chips and beer ... and get something for yourself, sweetheart. [Bart in the tree house tending to the eggs of a bird he killed with a BB gun Marge : What do you think he's doing up there? Homer : I don't know, drug lab ? [The family is watching the hatching of the eggs] Homer : Oh man! this is the most exciting thing I've seen since that Haley comet collided with the moon. Lisa : It never happened. Homer : Sure it did. [still waiting for the eggs to hatch]. Homer : Why is it taking so long? Bart was born in 5 minutes. Marge : It took 53 hours! Homer : Really? The time just flew by, didn't it? [Homer the hippie] Woman : Oh Homer! how do you keep your hair so thick and lustrous? Homer : Lather-Rinse-Repeat. Always Repeat. Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing! [Homer, the hippie is lying naked in the backyard] [Homer at the sci-fi convention] Mark Hamill : Who are you? Homer : Homer Simpson, nerd-buster. Forget Maggi, she's gone. It's an honor guarding your body, sir. [to mayor Quimby]. I ordered 'double double burger' and they gave me 'double double double double burger'. Oh sure, the mayor takes some bribes, but he also makes trains run on time. Awh! the corpse is climbing the stairs! [to Mark Hamill] You're luminous, magnetic and incodescent (?). I wouldn't do that if I were you, Rev.Lovejoy. This "saint" Flanders is as crooked as you and me. [Ned Flanders using senior citizen's card at the car wash]. He he, buffaloes are easy to kill. Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver! Corgan : Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer : Homer Simpson, smiling politely. Homer : You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide. Corgan : Well, we try to make a difference . We got a little rule back home : if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back. Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors. [out of high school]. Bart : Do you wear boxers or briefs? Homer : [checking] Nope. Bart : What religion are you? Homer : You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh ... Christianity. [Homer joins the Naval Reserve] Bart : Hey, Homer, bring me back a torpedo. Homer : No. Bart : But Flanders got his kids torpedoes! Homer : Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power! Marge : Homer! Homer : But only if you're good! [to Bart] Even if you're not. One Two Better Not Sue! [Homer, the chiropractor]. Oh! my spino cylinder! They'll pay for what they did to my can. Man : There is no air in the outer space. Homer : There's air in the space museum. Hey, I thought real doctors hated chiropractors. It's not trash can, son. It's Homer Simpson's spino cylinder! Can you look even more pathetic? [conmen Homer and Bart] Colgate Cavity Patrol!?! I told you my memory is fuzzy ... FUZZY! [conman Homer in court]. You listen, Smash, we're not signing anything unless it's a contract. Bart : Mom, my lifelong dream is to become a rock star! Homer : And my lifelong dream is to get rid of Bart. How_many_ lives do you have to ruin? Lisa : What does it mean? [some song on TV] Homer : It doesn't mean anything - like ling-ding-aling or give peace a chance. Homer : [from croud] Hey, Flanders! You're the worst coach this team has ever had! Marge : He's the only coach this team has ever had... and the season hasn't even started yet! Homer : Yeah, well ... he's wearing that hat like an idiot. Marge : You know, Homer, its very easy to criticize. Homer : Fun, too. Marge : Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself. Homer : Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seatbelts. New York is a hellhole. And you know how I feel about hellholes! Oh, all right. But not a minute later cause when the sun goes down all the weirdos turn crazy. [Homer in New York City] Homer : Ah ha! I've got it! Brain, how can I ever thank you? Homer's Brain : Just don't bump me on your way out of the car. [Homer gets out of his car, bumping his head on the way out] Sorry. Man : Warning : tickets should not be taken internally. Homer : See? Because of me, now they have a warning. Homer : Heh heh heh, I did it! Second in line, and all I had to do was miss eight days of work. Man : With the money you would have made working, you could have bought tickets from a scalper. Homer : In theory, yes. [sotto voce] Jerk. Homer : God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. [doorbell rings] Ned : Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick -- Homer : [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord? It's just a legal thing ... to protect me. [adding Marge's name to 'Uncle Homer's Day Care Center]. You da man, Carl. I bet you can fly. [at the basketball game]. Miss work? But my life will be nothing without my nuclear plant! [after the basketball injury]. [a bored Homer with basketball injury at home tries to mate his cat and dog by putting them in a sack and shaking it]. Good ... we'll have a miracle hybrid with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog! Okay, I'm going to come back with a perfect gift a husband can give his wife ... an annulment from his secret marriage. [annulment of Homer's Las Vegas marriage to a "floozie"]. Awh! a sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn. Homer : Homer Simp, I mean Max Power. Woman : Nice name. Homer : Isn't it? I got it from a hair dryer. ... And I've counted the pennies in the ash tray. [to the valet parking attendent] ... Well, I spend a lot of time on the couch. Oh! I thought it would be cool to be on Springfield's 'A' list. But these people are NUTS! [Homer is trying to escape from a group of hippos] Does anything from the movies actually work? Awh! good old govt ! Lisa : I just want to study! Homer : That's not fun. Lisa : It is to me! Homer : No, it's not. They like me because I'm brave! [at the slaughterhouse]. Must eat meat ... Must defeat the man I just met. [steak-eating contest at the slaughterhouse]. Hey, this man is not breathing. Don't people usually breathe? [the dead trucker at the steak-eating contest]. He called me greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It's a thing we had. Awh! open road! Look son, it's one of nature's most beautiful sights ... a convoy! Le Grill!?! What the hell is that? [Homer building a backyard barbeque]. Finally I found something that people worship me for screwing up. That feels pretty good. [Homer's screwed up barbeque seen as an "outsider's art"]. A mascot contest?!? I can win THAT! ... [sotto voice] ... unless one of you jinxes me. [for the Olympics at Springfield]. [Homer is trying for mascots] Lisa : You paper mached my cat?!? Homer : Only for a protocol, honey.