THE SIMPSONS: “WHO REALLY NEEDS THE KWIK-E-MART?”
BY JAY BENOY
THIS SPEC SCRIPT IS A WORK OF FICTION, INTENDED FOR THE CURE FOR THE SIMPSONS COMPETITION 2018. IT IS NOT AT ALL AFFILIATED WITH THE FOX COMPANY OR THE SIMPSONS, OR THE COMEDYCROWD.
Jay Benoy [email protected] @JonnyJonJon1 FADE IN:
“THE SIMPSONS” - - TITLE SEQUENCE - -
CHALKBOARD: “This show was actually funny nine years ago.”
COUCH GAG: THE SIMPSONS RUSH IN TO THE HOUSE TO FIND JAMES WOODS, LOUNGING ON THE SOFA BESIDE POOCHY, THE DOG. They’re chilling about - Poochy looks worse-for wear and smokes CIGARETTES, with a full ASHTRAY right beside him, and Woods wears the Kwik-E-Mart STAFF UNIFORM.
JAMES WOODS (With glee) Ooh-hoo, controversial.
OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE ENDS.
FADE IN:
ESTABLISHING SHOT: SPRINGFIELD.
MUSIC UP: “BETTER DAYS” BY GRAHAM NASH
We see the POWER PLANT - - MOE’S - - KRUSTY BURGER - - THE TIRE FIRE - - A sweaty, hot SUMMER DAY. A TRAFFIC CONE - - It melts to ORANGE GOO on the sidewalk.
- - We close in on the KWIK-E-MART. MUSIC FADES OUT.
INT. KWIK-E-MART – DAY
A bored and restless APU HOLDS HIS HEAD UP ON THE COUNTER.
A man enters - - the AUTOMATED RING of the convenient store’s DOORS accompany him - - Apu doesn’t remotely acknowledge the man - - WE STAY ON APU.
CUSTOMER VOICE (O.S) How much for ice?
APU Nine dollars.
CUSTOMER VOICE (O.S) What a rip! “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .2
We hear the doors go once again, just as before, as the man LEAVES instantly.
APU (Snapping) You cannot argue with VAT, sir! - - (Back to ORIGINAL POSITION) …He’ll be back.
BART & LISA (O.S) Hey, Apu.
At first, Apu can’t figure out where the sound is coming from - -
APU’S P.O.V. sees the counter - - and the top of TWO SPIKED SIMPSONS HAIRCUTS – BART AND LISA. He LEANS in to them.
APU Oh, hello, Simpsons children 1 and 2! Can I interest you in one of these new experimental Squishees?
LISA Hasn’t that been proven that 60% of that stuff is… people?
Bart puts his ELBOW ON THE COUNTER, trying to HAGGLE - - Apu does THE SAME – a meeting of minds.
BART Is it cold?
APU …more or less.
BART Deal. You drive a hard bargain, sir.
LISA - - Hey, Apu. Do you have the latest issue of Uppity Teen? I want to bone up on the latest “Who’s Not” lists.
APU (Handing Bart his SQUISHEE) Second shelf, down. “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .3
Bart sucks on the straw - - and immediately coughs up a WEDDING RING. He recovers, just:
BART Smooth.
Another BELL at the door - - A smaller man in a SUIT is escorted in by two LARGER MEN stood just beside him. As they stand in the doorway, the three men come off as SILHOUETTES
- - Apart from the AUTOMATIC DOORS repeatedly threatening to CLOSE ON THE TWO LARGE MEN behind, there is something ominous about the group…
SUIT (Up to the DESK) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon?
APU Yes? What can I do for you, sir? (The Suit flashes a BADGE, under his jacket) Is this about selling those multipack cans as individual cans, because I swear I didn’t know! I swear it!
SUIT Uh, no - - but, really, don’t do that - - I’ve seen too many good cashiers in my time go down from that - - My name is Charlie Lance. I’m the area manager of the Kwik-E-Mart brand.
APU Oh, I know who you are! You were the first man to abolish price guns across the US. A lot of people fought you on that, but you saved a lot of lives. What you did was revolutionary.
SUIT (Modest) I’m not sure about that… I put on my nametag everyday just the same as you.
APU Then, what can I do for you today? “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .4
SUIT Apu… I don’t know how to tell you this, but, we’re selling the Kwik-E- Mart brand.
APU Ah-waah…?!
Bart and Lisa GASP, from the side of the store.
SUIT - - Well. Actually, technically, we’ve already sold it.
APU AH-WAAH?!
SUIT A buyer has taken the Kwik-E-Mart over, and will be changing the name and terminating all of its staff by the end of this week.
Apu FAINTS from the news, just missing a mountain of STACKED CANS - - despite not being touched at all - - they then FALL on to Apu’s crumpled body anyway.
SUIT (CONT’D) Quick! Get him up!
A Bodyguard rushes to Apu’s aid, grabbing a “KRUSTY-DOCTOR” OFFICIALLY BRANDED SMELLING SALT from the pharmaceutical counter on his way round. He sways it to Apu’s lip - -
APU (Eyes still closed) That’ll be 12 dollar, 49, please! (Gradually, eyes open) I - - I think I’m fine.
SUIT (Leaning in, pitch black) You’ve got until Monday to get all your crap out of the store.
LATER. Apu SWEEPS THE FLOOR manically. Bart and Lisa stand beside the counter, both WATCHING. “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .5
Finally, Bart - eating at a tub of ICE CREAM - pipes up:
BART What’s he doing…?
LISA I think this is how he’s processing the news…
BART Look how dead his eyes are. I mean, more so than normal for a guy who works in retail, anyway.
LISA You’re right. And he’s sweating so much already that that broom is working more like a mop.
Apu FLINGS HIS BROOM down the aisle, angrily, and comes back over to the counter - - SLAMMING HIS HEAD down on it.
APU What am I going to do?
BART - - You should probably put a wet floor sign down first before you do anything else, there, Sweaty.
APU - - This job is my whole life. How can I just be thrown aside like some out- of-date jerky?
LISA I suppose it was only a matter of time before a big business came in and ate the smaller one, completely destroying any sort of individuality that made that place special in the first place.
BART I blame Disney.
LISA Can we do anything to help, Apu? “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .6
APU No, no. I think for now I’m just going to stand in the ice cream freezer until I can figure out how to tell Manjula.
A delirious Apu begins to climb in to the FREEZER - - as the two kids cautiously BACK OUT OF THE STORE, away from him.
INT. APU & MANJULA’S APARTMENT – PORCH - NIGHT
Apu enters, downbeat and broken. He takes off his JACKET, then his SHIRT, and finally his BULLETPROOF VEST, hanging them all up on the same PEG - - he moves on and every item of CLOTHING FALLS OFF. Apu goes in to - -
INT. APU & MANJULA’S APARTMENT – BED ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Manjula sits up in bed, having NOT EXPECTED Apu at all.
MANJULA Apu! You are home from work, and six hours earlier than usual… what is wrong?
APU (Climbing in to BED) Manjula, I have something I must to tell you.
MANJULA What is it, husband?
APU Well, you see - -
Looking at her, intensely, he LOSES THE NERVE.
APU (CONT’D) - - I love you very much. (She lets out a SMALL SIGH) You, uh, seem disappointed.
MANJULA No! No! Complacent, perhaps, but, never disappointed. - - I love you too, Apu. “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .7
MANJULA (CONT’D) Was that all you had to tell me?
APU Yes… I think I’m going to stay up for a bit and watch television. You go to sleep.
She KISSES her wayward husband on the CHEEK, meaning it, and closes her eyes. Apu turns on the TELEVISION - -
INSERT ON: A re-run of THE BIG BANG THEORY. The character, RAJ, is on screen, greeted by a LAUGH TRACK.
CLOSE UP: APU. The LAUGH TRACK gets louder, with the audience laughing HARDER - - almost DIRECTED AT APU.
Perturbed by the unfunny TV show, Apu turns the box OFF.
APU (CONT’D) So… so awful.
INT. APU & MANJULA’S APARTMENT – CHILDRENS’ BEDROOM - LATER
Eight individual COTS – one of them resembling Apu’s SPORTS CAR - all with SLEEPING CHILDREN in them. Apu stands over the first - - KNEELING DOWN AND KISSING HIM on the forehead.
He moves along to the SECOND COT - - kneeling down - - another kiss – then the third - - before GIVING UP entirely.
APU I… I’m too tired. I’ll get to the rest of you tomorrow.
LONG SHOT OF ROOM. Apu stands in the doorway, in the background of all of the cribs.
APU (CONT’D) I only know half of your names.
INT. SIMPSON’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY
Homer is sat on the couch, he almost SPITS OUT HIS DUFF IN SHOCK - -
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .8
HOMER Barney did what?
LISA No, Dad, listen. Some men came in to the Kwik-E-Mart yesterday - -
HOMER Yuh-huh…
LISA - - and told Apu.
HOMER Go on…
LISA - - that the store has been bought out, and that it’ll be turned in to something else entirely - - and that Apu will be out of a job in less than a week!
Homer is unmoved - - before REALISING what was said - -
HOMER Lenny did what?
LISA Please, Dad. I need you to do something.
HOMER Why me? He’s my friend, but doing something would also mean leaving this couch.
LISA Please.
HOMER Fineeeee. - - Go over it once more.
EXT/ESTAB. KWIKI-E-MART – DAY
The Kwik-E-Mart store has “CLOSING” signs in its WINDOW.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .9
INT. KWIK-E-MART – CONTINUOUS
Apu stands at the register, UNSHAVED AND LOOKING DREADFUL - - A customer LEAVES the store.
APU Thank you – you can’t come again!
Homer enters.
HOMER Uh, hey, Apu. Lisa told me what’s happening. How’s it going?
APU Oh, you know. I suppose I am feeling a little more downbeat than normal - - Can I get you your usual? Various pork products, and the most discounted of cheese we have – bringing you gradually closer to your inevitable demise?
HOMER Mhmm… maybe later. So what are you going to do?
APU I’m not sure yet. The thing I’m struggling with most right now, is how to tell Manjula. I’ve found that the longer that I don’t tell her I replace by revealing other secrets to close ones.
HOMER Ooh, do me, do me!
APU - - People who have followed you in to the store regularly complain about your odour being strong and unpleasant… sir.
HOMER Huh, really glad I came in here… Well, why don’t you fight it? “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .10
HOMER (CONT’D) Take this to town hall, baby.
APU I did. The deal’s done. They also said a change would be good for the town.
HOMER What is this place turning in to, anyway?
APU Another convenience store…
HOMER Oh, that’s convenient. - - Well, what does your, you know, God, say?
APU I still haven’t heard anything back yet.
Apu bursts in to TEARS.
HOMER Maybe you just shouldn’t tell your wife at all. It works for me. - - I mean, until they find out, that is. But, man, is that initial 14 minutes sweet!
An idea… Apu wipes his eyes, hopeful.
APU Or… why don’t you help me! You could tell her.
HOMER Oh, I don’t know… I find that the more I do things the higher the percentage of shenanigans…
APU Nonsense! Homer. Please. I am gutless and weak.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .11
HOMER I suppose if you’re both gutless and weak… I can probably help you out.
APU Great! I have a reservation tonight at The Hungry Tiger Restaurant. Be there at eight. Here’s the directions.
Apu WRITES THEM DOWN and HANDS THEM to Homer.
HOMER This is a lot more than I had in mind…
APU Don’t worry. I’ll be there too. I’ll tell you what to say. - - Why? What did you have in mind?
A THOUGHT BUBBLE appears above Homer’s head:
EXT. HOMER’S FANTASY - APU & MANJULA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Homer sets a BROWN PAPER BAG on FIRE with a lighter, rings the DOORBELL and runs off, giggling - - Manjula answers the door and begins to CRY.
BACK TO:
HOMER Ah, marital relations.
CUT TO:
ESTABLISHING SHOT: THE HUNGRY TIGER RESTAURANT. The sign outside says “DO NOT TRUST ANYONE POSING AS VALET PARKING”.
INT. THE HUNGRY TIGER – NIGHT
Manjula stares directly at us - - REVERSE: Homer gorges on INDIAN FOOD.
MANJULA So… Homer, what are you doing here? And where is my presumably treacherous husband? I do not enjoy surprises.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .12
Homer threatens to CHOKE on hearing that - -
HOMER (Recovering) Well, uh, boy, are you in for a treat…! (Waving down WAITER) Yo, garson! What’s this stuff?
WAITER That’s plain naan bread. You also ate some of the tablecloth in your haste, sir.
HOMER In-credible. Two more baskets-full, and some more of this “tablecloth”. Am I saying that right? (To MANJULA) Can I get you anything?
MANJULA I’m… fine. So, Homer… will Marge be joining us tonight? Or anyone else maybe? Literally, anyone.
HOMER No, I don’t think so. I’ve got her cooking right now for when I get back. You know the old saying: “Go out for burgers, then steak at home.” - -
CUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON’S HOUSE – SAME TIME
Marge works tirelessly at her kitchen top, bobbing about everywhere, maintaining the various dishes she has to cook. She groans - - before a CHANGE OF HEART again.
MARGE Who am I kidding? I actually quite like it.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .13
BACK TO
HOMER Speaking of, uh, excuse me:
Homer gets up from the table, bringing some of the TABLE CLOTH – ATTACHED IN TO HIS PANTS – WITH HIM - - Homer walks over to the FISH TANK in the centre of the restaurant - - directly behind the tank, in CLEAR SIGHT THROUGH THE GLASS - - is APU, waiting for him.
APU Thank you for doing this for me. I just don’t think that I can face her myself. OK, Homer, this is simple, I’m going to tell you everything you need to say - -
HOMER I can do that. Although, my memory isn’t what it used to be. Who’s the president right now? It’s, what, Clinton, right?
Apu tries to put this in terms that Homer will understand:
APU No, look, this will be easy. - - I just want you to think of every US sitcom that you’ve ever seen and this should be fine - -
SMASH CUT BACK TO THE TABLE - - HOMER SAT BACK DOWN WITH MANJULA, AS BEFORE - -
HOMER - - Manjula, Apu is running late, so he sent me to keep you company in the meantime.
MANJULA I really wouldn’t have minded waiting. I’m sure I would have preferred it actually.
More food arrives at the table - - it completely throws Homer. He begins EATING AND TALKING, simultaneously - - “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .14
HOMER Manjula, see - - Apu - - is a great guy - - I mean, I’d probably have married him myself if you hadn’t - - gotten there first - - and his job - - oh, God, this is good - - he really loves you - -
MANJULA Homer - - do you have to do this? I really would like to talk to my husband face to face. Just tell me now, is he here, and telling you what to say so he doesn’t have to?
A food stuffed Homer, is rumbled. He swallows a huge mouthful, sheepishly.
HOMER OK. He’s stood behind the fish tank.
- - APU, sweaty and nervous, turns - - to Manjula - - stood in Homer’s place.
APU Manjula! How did you know I was here?!
MANJULA It was incredibly obvious, Apu! I saw through your half-assed NBC 22-minute comedy idea, only 2 minutes in! Why would you send Homer in your place?! What on Earth could he say, that you cannot say to your own wife? Really?
Apu looks in to his wife’s EYES – two round, hazelnut circles looking right back at him, raged, but entirely honestly.
APU I always seem to forget until I look you in the eye: they are the most perfect shade of brown, my dear. - - I cannot lie to you anymore.
MANJULA Apu…? “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .15
APU I lost my job this week. The Kwik-E- Mart was sold. Tomorrow is my last day. After that, I have nothing left. That is why I sent Homer to do it for me. I was scared. I-I was ashamed.
MANJULA You have me.
APU That’s true. And that will always mean so, so much.
They KISS.
MANJULA Well, if we’re saying how we really feel… maybe the timing is perfect. Listen - I want to move back to India.
APU India? You do? Why?
MANJULA Honestly, I’m bored of this place. I’ve seen every aspect of this town at least three times now: old Springfield, new Springfield, Ricky Gervais for some awful reason… And, well, I wanted to tell you the other night when you came home, but… I’ve been offered a job, in Bengal, actually: A good one. I think I just want to spice it up a bit.
APU And where spicier than India?
MANJULA Exactly! I just don’t think I want to be stuck around the house anymore. Plus, seeing all these white people incapable of performing basic tasks in this heat has reminded me of home.
- - A WHITE WAITER DROPS HIS TRAY of drinks and collapses. “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .16
MANJULA (CONT’D) I want to provide for you. And this way, you could actually be with the kids more. That, and I can finally get away from those damn monsters myself…
APU Hmm. What’s the job you’ll be doing?
MANJULA I’d be working in a school. - - Hey, at least there would be less children there.
APU But, this is our home.
MANJULA It is. But so is India. And if you want to stay, then you can. But for better or worse, you are my husband. And I would like you there with me. With the Kwik-E-Mart gone, what do you have to lose, really?
Apu dwells on that.
APU I did get a pretty sweet severance package - I guess they had no idea what they were getting in to when they had to pay off a man who has been shot in the workplace 19 times, huh!
MANJULA Besides, I’m sure there’s a cute, little market out there that could really use a manager with 20 years experience…
APU OK - - Let’s do it!
MANJULA Really?
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .17
APU Yes. Tomorrow is my last day at the Kwik-E-Mart. I will be sad to see it go, but this is a new start for us. We can book the flights tonight. When we get home. I want this. I want you to have this. I love you, Manjula.
They embrace in front of the fish tank – two silhouettes, as one, while the FISH swim around BEHIND THEM.
APU (CONT’D) Do they have your card behind the bar?
MANJULA No… why?
APU (Quick-thinking, to the WAITER) Yes, can we get that food to go? We’ll have one of everything!
INT. KWIK-E-MART – THE NEXT DAY - AFTERNOON
For the last time, Homer enters the store. The aisles are completely EMPTY. The place is deserted, bar Apu.
HOMER I’ve never seen the Kwik-E-Mart this empty… I’ve never been this close to so little food before either.
Homer SHUDDERS.
APU Apart from the fruit, of course. I couldn’t give that away!
- - Apu gestures to the FRESH FRUIT stand – completely pristine, filled, and entirely untouched. It sparkles.
HOMER Avaca-DOH!
- - Apu stares over his store, mournfully.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .18
HOMER (CONT’D) You ready?
APU Yes. I just have to close the store - one last time.
Apu puts the Take-A-Penny-Leave-A-Penny jar COINS IN HIS POCKET, leaving ONE. - - Apu TURNS OFF the SECURITY CAMERAS - - He unplugs the SQUISHEE MACHINE - - the ornamental Squishee atop the machine SLOWLY STOPS ROTATING.
HOMER Sleep well, sweet Squishee machine. Hopefully you’ll live to squash another day. - - (Just holding it together) I gotta get out of here, Apu. This is all making me too emotional! - - Can I lick the taps?
APU No.
Apu TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS, picks up his LUGGAGE and they leave the store.
EXT. KWIK-E-MART – FRONT ENTRANCE/CAR PARK - CONTINUOUS
Apu LOCKS THE DOORS, and pulls the METAL SHUTTERS down. He turns to see ALL OF THE TOWNSFOLK there, waiting for him in the CAR PARK, they make an ARCH for him. Apu greets them, and shakes hands, saying goodbyes… SNAKE wipes away a TEAR with his HANDGUN.
MOE puts a FLORAL NECKLACE around Apu - - Apu continues onwards - - but Moe’s HANDS BURST IN TO FLAMES from where they were holding on to the necklace.
MOE Gee, all this goodwill; it burns, it burns!
Homer and Apu get in to the CAR. Apu RAISES A HAND at the window, and holds it there, PRESSING IT TO THE GLASS - - “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .19
- - The moment is COMPLETELY RUINED, as Homer pulls off heavily from the curb - - TIRES SCREECHING, as the crowd is dangerously covered in DIRT AND GRIT.
INT. HOMER’S CAR – HIGHWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
HOMER So, why couldn’t Sanjay take you to the airport?
APU He took Manjula and the octuplets in his cab.
HOMER In a heatwave like this? And with that many children? That poor, poor man.
Apu holds his head up with his arm, staring out the window. Homer drives slow, as Apu REFLECTS - - He turns to Homer.
APU Since I came to Springfield, twenty years ago now, I have worked hard every single day of my life. Not just at my store, but I have worked hard to teach people. Teach them about my beliefs, how to be vegan, and how, yes - it is OK for us not to eat animals. I have married and have had children with a woman that I most certainly love. - - In turn, I have been terribly unfaithful and have overcharged hard working people for underwhelming merchandise on a disturbingly regular basis. I… am flawed… and I am far away from the perfect Hindu. However, I do know that I have made a difference in my time here - for better or worse; I have tried my best to help educate this small-minded town. - - But, I suppose everything else has simply moved on, and caught up, and now, this place doesn’t want me here anymore. And now it’s time for me to go.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .20
HOMER I want you here, Apu.
APU It’s time, Homer.
HOMER Really can’t convince you, can I? (APU shakes his head, mournfully) Very well. Hey, Apu - -
APU Yes, Homer?
HOMER Look in the glove compartment.
Apu opens the box, to reveal a card. It reads: “We’ll miss you”, and inside is SIGNED by all of the SIMPSONS.
HOMER (CONT’D) Lisa couldn’t make it, but just know that you mean an awful lot to her. Marge too, and Bart. The baby too.
APU - - Did you steal this from the Kwik- E-Mart?
HOMER Nabbed it when you weren’t looking.
APU (Groans) I guess that’s OK. (Wryly) …I’ll send you the bill when I get there.
HOMER I look forward to it.
INSERT ON: ROAD SIGN: “SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT – NEXT RIGHT”
The REFLECTION of the road sign CASCADES ACROSS THE WINDOW and Apu’s face from inside the car, as Homer PULLS OFF RIGHT and towards the AIRPORT. “Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .21
EXT. AIRPORT - CAR LOT – LATE AFTERNOON
Apu and Homer exit the car, standing in the middle of the dense car lot.
HOMER Well. This is you.
APU Homer. You have been one of the best friends/regular customers a simple shopkeeper could have asked for.
HOMER And you’re one of the sweetest people/stereotypes of people that I could have asked for. - - I’m never going to see you again, am I?
APU No, probably not. (A moment of reflection for the two) - - Maybe in some of the Halloween specials. That’s for the public to decide.
HOMER Thank you, Apu. I’m going to miss you, buddy.
Homer HUGS him – it takes Apu by surprise at first, but then he embraces back.
APU I’d… better go.
HOMER Thank you, come again!
A bittersweet smile from Homer. - - Apu picks up his bags, turns, and SLAMS straight in to the SIDE OF A CAR.
APU Doh!
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .22
Apu walks off towards the AIRPORT ENTRANCE, WAVING at the door. Homer SADLY WAVES BACK - - and Apu is GONE, out of his life, forever.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT – ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Apu stops, on noticing a line of CABS, awaiting possible passengers coming out of the airport. He leans in the window of one of the TAXI DRIVERS – another INDIAN MAN.
APU Excuse me, can I ask you – do you like what you do?
TAXI DRIVER (Shrugging, thick Indian accent) It’s a job. And we have a good union.
A FAMILY climbs in to the BACK of the cab.
TAXI DRIVER (CONT’D) (Put-on American accent) Howdy! Where can I take ya’ll today?
Apu watches as the cab DRIVE OFF.
BACK TO:
HOMER takes a MOMENT, simply looking at the airport entrance - - realising Apu’s not coming back. Homer KICKS THE DIRT, walks around the front of his car, and GETS IN. Slowly he closes the door, and takes a BIG SIGH - - before eventually STARTING HIS CAR – sitting there for a moment.
ESTABLISHING SHOT: Homer’s CAR is just one of thousands in the AIRPORT CAR LOT.
WE QUICKLY ZOOM BACK IN TO HOMER. He laughs to himself.
HOMER I bet he looks exactly like some dumb Wes Anderson picture right now.
MUSIC UP: “MUSIC FOR A FOUND HARMONIUM” BY PENGUIN CAFÉ ORCHESTRA.
“Who Really Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” .23
INT. SPRINGFIELD AIRPORT – MAIN HALL – CONTINUOUS (OVER MUSIC)
Apu walks in SLOW MOTION FROM L TO R, just like someone would in a WES ANDERSON MOVIE - -
Apu rides the ESCALATOR UP, rising up our screen - -
Still in SLO-MO, Apu passes various BOARDING GATES: BUMBLEBEE MAN stands outside “MEXICO” - - HIS BEE CHILD IS SEPERATED AND PUT IN A DOG CAGE - - LUIGI by “ITALY” - - Right beside that is FAT TONY by a gate that reads: “LITTLE ITALY” - - and GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE by “SCOTLAND” - -
MUSIC ENDS. Apu stands and looks up at the DEPARTURE BOARD, squinting his eyes at the dull BLACK AND WHITE LETTERS.
CLOSE UP ON FLIGHTS - - We PAN DOWN the various locations before reaching “Bengal, India, 19:50” - -
ANNOUNCER’S VOICE (O.S) The twenty-one and a half hour flight - - at nineteen-fifty - - to India - - has been - - delayed - - by forty minutes.
SHOT FROM REAR: An already exhausted Apu’s shoulders drop - - he looks up again at the non-stop business of the airport – PEOPLE EVERYWHERE; business men, families, all sorts of every shape, size and race moving about, trying to catch their flights.
Apu smiles and takes a seat overlooking the RUNWAY, stretching his legs out over his luggage, and putting his FEET UP. He stares out in to the distance, as planes take off in the forefront of a DISTANT SPRINGFIELD.
APU I’m sure being in town for just a little longer couldn’t hurt…
MUSIC UP: “BRIMFUL OF ASHA” BY CORNERSHOP.
FADE TO BLACK.
ROLL CREDITS.