Leaving the Lab, but Still Thinking Science
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Issue 110 July/August 2014 A NEWSLETTER OF THE ROCKEFELLER UNIVERSITY COMMUNITY Leaving the Lab, but Still Thinking Science M AYLA H SU Barbara Ehrenreich graduated from The ing was marked by alienation, much of it that was suddenly revealed to me? Or was Rockefeller University (RU), Class of 1968, spent reading and writing, with frequent it a substance—the indivisible, elemental but never worked as a scientist. Instead, solitary wanderings at night. With little material out of which the entire known she became a journalist, best known for bitterness, she recounts that it was ob- and agreed-upon world arises as a fantas- Nickel and Dimed, in which she docu- serving her volatile parents that began her tic elaboration?” Although she dismissed mented the hardship of life working at a life as a scientist. Her father’s influence this as some sort of visual aberration, series of low-wage jobs. She has written and her own thoughtful nature led her to perhaps due to extreme fatigue from late- nineteen books and numerous articles, on begin, as a teenager, the journal in which night reading, it periodically recurred, in diverse subjects such as women’s health, she charted her attempts to understand school, or while reading, while alone or war, economics, and the joy of dancing. the most important questions of our exis- even in the presence of others. She wrote Her most recent book is Living with a tence. Why are we here? Why do we die? “at times like that I am not even real to Wild God, a memoir describing her child- Is there something greater than the trivi- myself. I don’t know where I am. My own hood into early adulthood, and an explo- alities of everyday life? Why does religion thoughts are like a distant throbbing ration of how a lifelong atheist reconciles make no sense? whisper.” episodes of mystical dissociation with an She devoured books about religion It was while returning from a ski trip absolute conviction in reason and science. and chemistry, which she describes as “an with her brother and a friend that she had How is it that someone who received alternative world full of drama and in- the most profound of such episodes. Af- a PhD in immunology from a leading trigue…under the calm surface of things ter skiing all day, and ingesting very little, university ended up as a leftist freelance there exists a realm exempt from brute the three slept uncomfortably in the car. writer? Natural Selections recently inter- gravity, where atoms and molecules are In the morning, exhausted, she woke at viewed Ehrenreich to find out. It’s a story in constant motion … somehow, out of all dawn, and stepped out of the car to walk of a promising young scientist who took this invisible turmoil, the gross material around the town of Lone Pine, California. some unexpected turns by being com- world was supposed to assemble itself.” She experienced a sort of mystical sen- pletely true to herself. This reduction of all of life and the exis- sory overload, when “the world flamed The path to RU began in Butte, Mon- tence around us led her to ask even more into life...no visions, no prophetic voices, tana, where Barbara Alexander was born urgently, why? Why was there anything just this blazing everywhere. Something in 1941 to a heavy-drinking, tough-mind- at all? ed copper miner and a severely unhappy Along with these ru- homemaker. Although emotionally be- minations began what littling and constantly fighting, the two became lifelong episodes were also free thinkers who read vora- of strange, extreme dis- ciously. Ehrenreich’s father, a charismat- sociation from normal ic, handsome, and brilliant man, earned sensory experience. graduate degrees in mining science and The first of these -oc propelled himself into the lab and even- curred when Ehrenreich tually management. Early on, she real- wandered away from a ized that excelling at school, particularly family picnic. She was in science, earned her father’s approval. staring at a tree, when More complicated was Ehrenreich’s rela- “something peeled off tionship with her mercurial mother, who the visible world, tak- insisted that young Barbara was too cold ing with it all meaning, and unattractive to appeal to men, and inference, association ... was resentful of her daughter’s academic the word ‘tree’ was gone, achievements and disdain of housework. along with all notions of Unsurprisingly, Ehrenreich’s upbring- tree-ness ... was it a place 1 poured into me and I poured into it.” ally a sort of a lowly apprentice. It was After considering a number of psychi- clear that if you want to stay here, you Editorial Board atric and neurological explanations for have to be an obedient serf. I’d never been EDITORIAL BOARD these experiences, she decided not to tell to any place like this, where we had a din- anyone about them. She also wondered ing room where lunchtime service was Daniel Briskin whether she was glimpsing an alterna- segregated by rank: students and profes- Alessia Deglincerti tive realm or dimension, and if so, who or sors in one dining hall, technicians in Jim Keller what had brought her there, since she was another, blue collar workers in a cafete- Aileen Marshall unable to control their occurrence. Hav- ria somewhere. My friends and I would Nicolas Renier ing been raised an atheist, and after much go eat in the workers’ cafeteria because it Jason Rothauser reading about religion, she concluded was informal.” By 1964, feeling defeated Susan Russo there was no god, no candidates to carry by theoretical physics, she began a project out this role. with Gerald Edelman, a brilliant and de- Science offered a potential refuge: manding taskmaster, with whom she had selections.rockefeller.edu these disruptions of reality were possibly a tense relationship. Her studies of chy- [email protected] nothing more than transient breakdowns motrypsinogen conformation required of normal biological processes, explain- long, tedious sessions with a spectrofluo- able by molecular interactions gone awry. rometer and more of the repetitive exper- existence. Older views, such as the belief Certainly, for an intellectually restless ad- imentation she disliked. in spiritual forces populating the natural olescent, an interest in science was timely. By this time, Ehrenreich’s parents environment, or animals as the embodi- The launch of the Soviet space satellite had divorced, and her mother, drinking ment of gods, are part of pagan or animist Sputnik in 1957 sparked the imagination heavily, made the first of her eventually traditions. For her, these were more plau- of people worldwide, but also led to a push successful suicide attempts. After Eh- sible in explaining her dissociative per- for young Americans to excel in science. renreich’s return from visiting her, she ceptions, which were so full of pulsating So it was no surprise that Ehrenreich de- realized that her life had become seri- life. And as for whether her physical state cided to study chemistry, heading to Reed ously misdirected, and that a future as of health (exhaustion, dehydration, etc.) College in Oregon, chosen partly for its a middling scientist would not answer was relevant, she comments that although bohemian reputation. her intellectual questions. She became there are material bases for mental expe- Ehrenreich’s college days coincide an activist against the Vietnam War, or- riences, science can’t explain everything. with the dawning of the molecular bi- ganizing protests and participating in “One example would be love between ology revolution. During this time she marches. The civil rights movement also people. We can give all kinds of neuro- identified physics as the root of chemis- drew many students off campus. In the physiological correlates, but they don’t try, which underpinned biology, the de- spring of 1966, Edelman sternly suggested tell us much about the experience of love.” terminant of much of the social sciences. that Ehrenreich’s relationship with her So, she concludes that something exists It was there however, that she discovered father was responsible for her “problem outside of scientific description. While she actually hated lab work. She says, “I with authority”, even though Edelman she continues to reject the idea of an om- am not a patient person. I am not neat. So knew nothing of her father, and anti-au- nipotent being demanding worship, she much about bench work was about having thoritarianism permeated an entire gen- proposes that if there is such an entity, it sterile test tubes and things carefully la- eration. He threatened her with expulsion may be simply seeking notice by revealing beled.” Glassblowing was terrifying, and from RU, which was only troublesome as itself occasionally to humans. poring over expensive instruments for an end to her fellowship. John Ehrenreich, Nowadays, Ehrenreich is working with hours was monotonous. However, the de- a fellow student and her future husband, the Economic Hardship Reporting Proj- sire to further delve into the fundamen- convinced her to finish the degree. So she ect to support journalists writing about tals of life and nature led her to gradu- moved to the lab of Zanvil Cohn, a shy, poverty. When asked how she feels about ate school. She originally applied to RU’s kind mentor who took the time to actu- leaving science, she says, “I don’t have nascent theoretical physics department, ally teach. After completing a thesis on pi- any regrets. I love to read about scientif- thinking that without a linear accelerator, nocytosis in macrophages, she graduated, ic developments, but just as a layperson. no experimentation would be required. and to Cohn’s dismay, became a freelance I’m happy that other people are doing RU in the early 1960s was clearly in a writer.