Interfaith Weddings: Looking Forward and Looking Back Or Some People, Weddings Are to Sacrifice Anything
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05 CD Interfaith Weddings: Looking Forward and Looking Back or some people, weddings are to sacrifice anything. Sometimes CD the first time they are Intro family support was available and +-» duced to Dovetail Journal and sometimes the couple stood alone. CO Fall it's varied and wonderful re• sources, and that alone makes this What I have heard most from topic worth revisiting regularly. married interfaith couples is that Immediate access to the DovetaU the journey of making these dehcate website and newly published decisions was the model for much of their life journey together. resources by Dovetail are enough Whether they searched for answers CO to make me cry with jealousy! from the pulpit or the bima, from It was by chance and good fortune in the pew or from under the 0 that I found Dovetail in the early huppah, from the Torah or from the years of it's publication, although New Testament, they were striving by then I had weathered the wedding to find ways to honor God, honor dilemmas in isolation from other themselves, and honor their fami• interfaith couples. Joan Hawxhurst lies. Most reported that what they and, later, Mary Rosenbaum have learned in the short run was less CD become long-standing heroes in my important than how they used their house. Today, Dovetail has support lessons in the long run. for all people in interfaith relation• ships. This is the place to go where Wedding days, by definition, are so we all agree to respect and appreciate very public. The decisions a couple CD each other's differences. Because of makes and their intentions are on the hard work of Joan and Mary, we display and will be questioned and now have lots of heroes and their re-questioned. The poem by Hillel real-life stories to look to for wisdom Schwartz, "Make not much of us", and support. If you haven't got a truly captures the feeling of the wedding in the works, it can still be winds blowing so many directions a wonderful chance to look back and at once and the couple standing see how far you and your spouse and together in their choices. families have come. The choices you make for your Piecing together a family celebration wedding day can be simple and of any kind can be a trying affair, but interfaith couples clearly shoulder an extra burden when they try to bring In This Issue together two religious traditions on such an emotionally charged day-a Turning Differences into wedding! 1 have heard many wonder• Opportunities 3 ful, amazing, soul-stretching and sometimes painful stories from Planning an Interfaith interfaith couples who worked hard Marriage Ceremony - A to make their wedding day special. Search for Balance 5 Some felt extremely proud and 357 Miles to Graceland 7 successful. Others felt the experience Humor 9 did not meet their expectations. Poem: Make Not Much Sometimes one partner chose to give of Us 10 up their "dream of a lifetime" in I Moved My Ice Cream Bowls order to share a lifetime with their To Massachusetts 11 chosen and sometimes no one had Bulletin Board 15 Volume 1 2, Number 3 January/February 2004 ^Dovetail direct, which might avoid a lot of One thing I requested for our you started off Have you stayed true deep, traditional, or controversial wedding was reading three Bible to your original intent? Have you issues with your family. They can verses that meant a lot to me: the grown from lessons learned and also be elaborate and intertwined, Shema, First Corinthians Chapter become a better person or stronger and even deliberately be used to sort 13, and finally a verse from the couple? Unlike the top of the cake, through the depth of two traditions chapter of Ruth. In the story, no relationship is frozen the day of representing two families. My guess Naomi, a Jewish mom, gives her the wedding. The journey continues. is that most couples try to approach son in marriage to a non-Jew, Ruth. Remembering that a sense of humor their decisions from both angles When the son dies, Ruth pledges is the best gift of all, 1 included a with a careful balance. Nancy her life and friendship to her lighthearted joke circulating on the Nutting Cohen, in her homily mother-in-law. The story showed Internet and a piece by Julie Potter "Turning Differences into Opportu• that friendship and love can grow which I hope will bring smiles to nities" describes her life as an active out of struggles and pain and even anyone reading them. Catholic who finds herself facing great loss. It confirmed for me that marriage to a Jewish man. She shares there is great strength and wisdom Keep the faith! in womanhood, and that love can her search for her own values and Debi Tenner^ • - : beliefs and how she was able to share be bigger than any one tradition. them in her wedding ceremony with In my favorite quote, Ruth pledges her husband, Harry. to Naomi, "For where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will An interesting angle from which to lodge. Your people shall be my view your wedding planning can be people, and your God, my God." found in Ned Rosenbaum's story of (Ruth 1:16) his trip to Graceland-well, almost! He shares the point of view of a My husband of 21 years, Steve, was possible officiant of an interfaith comfortable with all these verses wedding for a young couple. Ned and it made our day more meaning• listens carefully to what the future ful and comfortable that we chose bride and groom don't even know from our own hearts. Yet the advice they are saying, and interprets for he shares in "Planning an Interfaith us. This was the first of many lessons Marriage Ceremony" reminds me I learned in my own interfaith of how difficult it can be to find a marriage: take the time to Listen, balance in an interfaith relationship. Listen, Listen! The challenge of Hstening doesn't stop after the Already married? Looking back on wedding or even at ten or twenty a wedding passed can be a valuable years-it's there for the long haul. way to check in on your relationship now, compared to where and how Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel Dovetail (ISSN 1062-7359) is published Dovetail's Staff of communication for interfaith couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: The Dovetail parents, and their children. No matter what Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, their specific choices regarding faith for their 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107; Debi Tenner home and children, the more interfaith tel 800-530-1596; fax 502-549-3543; Eilitar families can share their ideas, experiences, Email [email protected]. resources, and support, the more they can make peace in their homes and communities. A one-year subscription is available for Jewish and Christian perspectives can dovetail. $29.95 from the above address. International Jennifer Ashman Huey subscriptions are $35.00. Single issues are Associate Editor Believing that there are no definitive answers to available for $5.50 each. the questions facing interfaith families. Dovetail Dovetail welcomes article submissions, letters strives to be open to all ideas and opinions. to the editor, and comments or suggestions. Kelly Kozlowsky Editorial content attempts to balance and respect the perspectives of both Jewish and Christian Send to Debi Tenner, Editor, 45 Lilac Ln., Managing Editor partners in interfaith marriages, as well Hamden, Ct. 06517, [email protected]; as the diverse perspectives of parents and Review Editor Carol Weiss Rubel, 310 Tulip children of interfaith couples. Inclusion Circle, Clarks Summit, PA 18411-0213, Carol Weiss Rubel in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. [email protected]. Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive Book Review Editor Copyright © 2004 by discussion of all related issues in the Letters to The Dovetail Institute for the Editor section, and reserves the right to reply. Interfaith Family Resources. All rights reserved. January/February 2004 page 2 Turning Differences into Opportunities by Nancy Nutting Cohen n my case, interfaith involves a told me that Harry was Jewish, and Nancy Nutting Cohen has a RA. in Jewish and Catholic partner in I think, in the back of my mind, this Theology and MEd. in Religious marriage. But I'd also like to big difference of religion was what Isuggest that every marriage is an assured me that we wouldn't "get Education, is trained in the art of spiritual interfaith marriage, every relation• involved." direction, andis a Licensed Associate ship is an interfaith relationship, Despite my resistance, Harry and Marriage and Family Therapist She has even if it's between two people of I did have at least one thing in spent over twenty-five years working for the same faith. Two Cathohcs, for common: we both liked to explore example, can have vastly different various Catholic institutions (parishes, the Twin Cities. As time went on, we understandings of what it means to schools, hospitals) in everything from youth gradually started talking about be Catholic or Christian and how religion. We discussed our beUefs ministry andcurriculum development one relates to God and to other about God, values, and how life to pastoral care and spiritual direction. people. Indeed, every marriage is a should be lived and people should mixed marriage. All marriages unite Presently working as a therapist and be treated. I came to realize that I a mixture of difference, histories, spiritual director in private practice, she had more in common with Harry views of life, values, and goals for is especially interested in melding the best than I do even with many Catholics.