Dovetail's First Ten Years from Joan C
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0) Looking Back, Moving Forward: CD Dovetail's First Ten Years From Joan C. Hawxhurst, I remember having tea in a fancy midtown restaurant with Lee CD Dovetail's founding editor: "+-» Gruzen, author of Raising Your en years ago this month, Jewish/CJtristian Child* (which had I mailed the first issue of a profound influence on me), and TDovetail to about 200 charter being struck by her passion and the subscribers. It was thinner and less playful sparkle in her eye. I remem• pleasing to the eye than the issue you ber sitting nervously in Egon Mayer's hold in your hand today, but just as office at the Jewish Outreach full of spirit and conviction. As I Institute, being very aware of the stuck on that original set of mailing weighty impof^nce of his sociologi• 0 labels and breathed in the distinctive cal sjjud^ unVl\d that he smell of printers' ink for the first was respectful of my idea, and could time, I felt like a midwife helping see withjjne the gap in services for a new life be born. 0naffflia|ed interfaith couples. This baby has gro\vij>i«dfd«j'efeR^^ j YUpent a night with Susan Gertz, CD along with my tw^iologidal^v 'i}^ author of Hanukicah and Christmas childreru.«6w^ld 4, and 1 ke tRm at My House, * tMC-ffi-st ia^pendently has beeiipurtur^^ ma^wonder- [ .published children's book for ful and cc^mittM souls along the^^v^ jnterfaith kids.; Her children, for way. Like : s, it is much less j^r^^t ^wb j$he wrote the story, were CD dependent on me than it was injtejO^ • 'dent and articulate, modeling infancy, and I am grateful for the for me the possibility of secure and village—editorial board membersV - well-adjusted interfaith kids. I visited subscribers, donors, amji>ehind-the- with Leslie Goodman-Malamuth, scenes supporters—tffif is raising coauthor of Between Two Worlds, and this child. was deeply moved by her stories of growing up in an interfaith family Dovetail was conceived during my and eventually founding a national first year of marriage. Steve had been organization for "parevehs" (those raised in a Conservative Jewish neither milk nor meat): adult home, and I came from a long line children of interfaith famiUes. of professional Protestants (mission• aries, pastors, and deacons). As we planned our wedding and talked In This Issue about children, I searched in vain A New Agenda 3 for open-minded resources and Prayers For 9/11 4 networks of other families, and Surviving to Planning 5 began to believe that there was a gaping hole in the literature. I found From Downstream 8 a handful of books, some helpful and Personal Milestones 9 some didactic, and a few isolated Tides of Change 13 local interfaith groups. After talking Fruits of the Journey 15 it over with my husband and with Bulletin Board 16 other interfaith couples, I decided to do a fact-finding mission to see what God's Greater Unity 17 people in the field thought about the A New Direction 18 need for a new kind of publication. Moving Forward 19 Volume 11, Number 1 September/October 2002 Dovetail I met with the authors of Happily husband and I are in fact raising flows with the changing tide of each Intermarried: Rabbi Roy Rosenberg, Jewish children in a Jewish home. couple's life cycle. Our services are Father Peter Meehan, and Reverend Within the supportive Dovetail needed desperately at times, then less John Payne (NY: MacMillan, 1989), community, we were able to explore urgently as couples set their own and enjoyed their sparring banter as the possibilities, talk about the tough course and navigate through waters they recounted their experiences in issues, and come to our own mutu• that have been charted but not fully the intermarriage debate. 1 was ally acceptable solution. To me, that explored. Sometimes a couple needs welcomed by two interfaith commu• is the essence of Dovetail: Our a life raft, sometimes a compass or a nities in Connecticut, one indepen• mission is not to decide right or tugboat, sometimes a wave of the dent and one synagogue-based, and wrong, not to steer couples toward hand when they reach the shore— saw firsthand the strength that any particular decision, but to Dovetail has been all of these things couples felt when they were buoyed provide couples with the tools and for thousands of interfaith couples by the support of others. information they need to make their over the years. own best choice. The absence of an The idea for an independent and Now, it is with a midwife's mixture across-the-board, clear-cut right non-judgmental periodical that of pride and humility that I watch an choice makes for a messy, emotional would include a wide range of exuberant, confident Dovetail enter process, but when couples take experiences and opinions about adolescence under its competent and the time to ask themselves the hard interfaith family life was born of energetic current editor, Mary questions and struggle through the my own experience in a synagogue Rosenbaum, who is fond of saying challenging emotions, they emerge interfaith couples' group, where all (with regard to burgeoning support confident in their decision and ready participants were steered firmly, if for the Dovetail Institute), "A rising to help their children develop healthy surreptitiously, toward the decision tide lifts all boats." So, as we prepare spiritual lives. to create a Jewish home and raise (as I write) to gather on the shore of Jewish children. Every time I tried As I reflect on the roots of Dovetail, Lake Michigan, I envision our third to ask about other options, or to talk I realize that many of the people who national conference as one final about a resource with a different inspired and supported our organi• water metaphor, that of an efferves• perspective (such as Lee Gruzen's zation in its early years have moved cent spring from which we can all book), the facilitator changed the on, turning their attention and their drink for refreshment and fill our subject. As the Christian partner, I passion in other directions now that vessels for the journey ahead. May felt excluded and faintly disrespected. their own interfaith choices have Dovetail help you on the way for at been made. That's how it is with least another decade! ^ A beautiful irony of my journey with Dovetail—our network ebbs and Dovetail is that, a decade later, my *Titles available through Dovetail at 800-530-1596 or www.dovetailinstitute.org. Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel Dovetail (ISSN 1062-7359) is published of communication for interfaith couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: The Dovetail Dovetail's Staff parents, and their children. No matter what Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, their specific choices regarding faith for their 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107; home and children, the more interfaith tel 800-530-1596; fax 502-549-3543; families can share their ideas, experiences, Email [email protected]. Mary Helene Rosenbaum resources, and support, the more they can Editor make peace in their homes and communities. A one-year subscription is available for Jewish and Christian perspectives can dovetail. $29.95 from the above address. International subscriptions are $35.00. Single issues are Believing that there are no definitive answers to Dr. Silvine Farnell available for $5.50 each. (Michigan residents the questions facing interfaith families, Dovetail please add 6% sales tax on back issue orders.) Associate Editor strives to be open to all ideas and opinions. Editorial content attempts to balance and respect Dovetail welcomes article submissions the perspectives of both Jewish and Christian (query or completed manuscript), letters Joan C. Hawxhurst, M.A. partners in interfaith marriages, as well to the editor, and comments or suggestions. Send to M. H. Rosenbaum, Editor, at the Founding Editor as the diverse perspectives of parents and children of interfaith couples. Inclusion above address. in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. Copyright © 2002 by Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive William D. Rosenbaum The Dovetail Institute for discussion of all related issues in the Letters to Design Consultant Interfaith Family Resources. the Editor section, and reserves the right to reply. All rights reserved. September/October 2002 page 2 Jewish Outreach: A New Agenda by Egon Mayer ore than fifty years ago, Growing Sensitivity Egon Mayer, Ph.D., is currently there were two pieces of Professor of Sociology at Brooklyn Since the pubhcation of the 1990 conventional wisdom M National Jewish Population Survey College, Brooklyn. N.Y. Dr Mayer, about interfaith marriage: one (NJPS 1990), the Jewish community who was a plenary speaker at the applied to American society in has become far more attuned and general, the other to the Jewish Dovetail Institute's second national sensitive to the realities of interfaith community within it. The broadly conference in 2000, is the author of family life. This greater sensitivity applied view was that intermarriage has resulted from a number of a number of studies and books on was the flame under the melting pot. developments. First, the bare facts of intermarriage, including It produced the dynamic force that NJPS 1990 drove home the point would make real the motto im• Intermarriage and the Jewish that among the youngest marriage printed on our coinage: epluribus Future, Children of Intermarriage. cohort the incidence of intermar• unum ["from many, one"]. That riage is no longer a minority phe• Conversion of the Intermarried, view, when applied to the American nomenon.