i
The Issue University of No. 903 Surrey Students' Paper 7th March 1997 International Gala Night
ast Friday saw the tached to a flower which while her mum was shouting fugalìy tumed inside a circular grand finale to represented fertility. at her saying that she had no sieve. respect for her elders or for International The evening ending with the L The Norwegian Society gave tradition. The show developed Week with the fabulous US a humorous tale of life in into a series of traditional audience standing up and gala night. Six overseas Norway, the history of the Vì- dances including one per- dancing in the aisles to the fi- societies performed five kings and how to cope with formed at Asian weddings. nal dance of the Hellenic and trolis! The highiight of the Cypriot Societies. The whole half an hour shows show was when the Norwe- The last act was a joint eifort depicting the history, ni^it was thoroughly enjoy- gian milkmaids milked the hu- with the Hellenic and Cypriot able and a big thank you culture and traditions of man cows who were fitted out Society which was a humor- should go to ali the societies ous look into the history óf the ^the countries of origin. complete with udders. involved in the week's ^Mhe first performance two countries and their people. The International Tamil Soci- The sketches ranged from the events, Noel Feriara was from the Malaysian ety, newly formed this year, hilarious sketches with the Overseas Secretary and Society who recreated periformed a spectacular mod- Greek Gods to traditional Gwynn Davies, Dean of the Malaysian wedding em day dance to traditional Cypriot and Greek dances. International Students. ceremony. Showing how Tamil music. One member Each of the eight sketches cov- For those of you who the bride was pampered demonstrated the traditional ered had a dance to represent didn't go - unlucky but and entertained by her Tamil dance wearing the most it or a song to be sung. Al- remember, there's al- beautiful, ornate, costume I though I think the highiight of ways next year. friends and how the have ever seen. the show was the Cypriot groom ha.d to fight his dance 'Tatchia' perfomied at Melanie Dean way into the bridéis Friends of Asia themed their social gatherings where one of Communications Officer house. The performance show as 'East meets West'. the performers balanced a The show started with a mod- glass fìDed with wine centri- ended with the audience em day Asian girl gossiping being given an egg at- on her mobile to her fiiencÉ Week 9 - Safer Sex Week
U/eek 10 - Dru^s Awareness Editors Bit Mirror, Sìgnal, CONTENTS Manoeuvre
A recent survey of songs lis- self a Polo. Yeah, I know it's tened to while driving has old, but Volkwagens last for- 1 INIIRNATIONAL GALA NIGHT ever don't they? Anyway I just been released and it ap- 3 STUDENT LOANS pears that drivers are middle don't really need it for liiat aged and middle-of-the-road long - just until I graduate 4 IMPROYINGYOUÄCY in their tastes in music. I dis- and then I should get a com- agree, I think it takes years of pany car. The stereo is a bit car and road abuse to become knackered but as long as you a fully fledged 'road bore', play it loud you can't hear the there are many transitional hole in my exhaust. 5 AIDS-itUNSVSR HAPPEN TOME stages drivers go throu^ be- 6 AN INTEVIEW WITH U2 M fore becoraing a 'middle Young Family 7 TOOL AT THE LONDON ASTORIA aged' driver. l'm stili waiting forthat com- 8 LimE SHOP Of HORRORS pany car but ^ey promised Hard Core Townie they would review it next Yeah, so l'm seventeen got a year. When the kids were REGULARS problem with that 'ave ya, I bom we had to get a bigger can drive can't I? l've got a car, SHE thou^t it would be 3 FILM REVIEWS Fiesta, it used to be my mums a good idea to get a Volvo 10 MUSIC REVIEWS but I don't teli me mates that. coz it is a safe 'family' car, la PERSONALS It's got two wicked speakers not very exciting though. in the back and I can play my music REALLY LOUD. I go l've lost ali my decent tapes down town with me mates since Johnson, our youngest, and we race roimd the one ate them so ali I have to listen to is Mr Men storytrme, but 14 ARCHERY GOES TO HERTFORDSHIRE way system coz we're cool as 14 SPLATFEST 2 - THE SECRET CONFLia and 1 play my Gangster rap things are getting better. 15 MEN S HOCKEY toons coz it lets the birds Middle Aged know how I like my women. 16 NETBAU aiRDS ON TOUR! l've been stopped by the po- Salesman lice three times but they Oh YES, l've got the com- never nick me coz l'm too pany car - eventually. Di- clever for that. vorced the wife and our awfiil children and now I VI Form College have a flash new car without Student the jam sandwich stains on University of Surrey Students' Paper the seats or finger marks on Mummy and Daddy bought the windows. me a Beetle for my ei^t- Union House, University of Surrey, eenth birthday and it's really What's that idiot doing on Guiidford, Surrey. GU2 5XH cool yeah. I cali it Bertie, the road, l've got no time for Bertie the Beetle, I sprayed people who stick to the speed Telephone: 0M83 259275 his name onto tìie back ha ha! limit, don't they know l've Fax: 01483 34749 Music? Oh anything, I listen got an important meeting to Advertising: 01483 259275 to anything, Happy Mondays go to - it's allright ni over- E-niiail: [email protected] are cool aren't they and I just take them on tiie inside if http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Unlon/barefacts/ lurve Blur - they're soooo they won't pulì over. Stress, Edttof - Melonle Dean cheeky. stress, that's ali I get, thank Bare Focte Secretary - Elizabeth Moolouf God for the nice reiaxing mu- Technical £dHor - Jeff Blockhcm The magic tree? Oh yeah (tee sic I can play on my in-car Peotures Ecfitor • Tania Rocis hee) mummy doesn't know I CD player.I can now revert Film Edftof - Bfuce Chcpmon smoke, although l'm sure she to my youth with the likes of Music Editor • Rob Wlrxter has seen the emergency cig- Bohemian Rhapsody and Spods Editor • Marte 'Ginga' Cusock gies I stash in the giove com- Hotel California. Rioto^apher - Matt Ftinnell partment. I don't do very Cartoonist • Stuart Parker Typtet - Ctalfe Hoggett much driving only to go to Oh dear! EcSfodal Contitxjttons: And/ Gale. Bruce Chopman. the pub at lunchtime, I Now read on and enjoy... Matt FOr^, Samantha Birmingham. Liz M and ottìere... though that was what it was Music Devfews: (-^.rrviute. VIcU Snelgiave, Jcnies Hemlngwc^, for?! Mei XXX Pouf AmoiU Al Mooney. Morto Oios, Mark DeLonge, Lee Bi^maa Morto Comeso and Oflver ChamefO Uni Student Bare Facts is an independent newspaper, published by the University of Sirrey Students' Union Communications Office. I sold the Beetle in my first The views expressed within tt>e paper are Ihose of the Editor, (he Editorial year, it kept breaking down board and tlW author, and do ncM necessarily represeni the views of the University of Surrey Students' Union or The University of Surrey. ali the time so I took out a TtUs puUica(ion may noi be reproduced In whole or In paa stored in electronic fortn. student loan and bought my- ©USSU Communications Office 1997 Notices Notices AGMs 3 P/G physics students and 7pm in TB23. Please they get up to next? Mens Rugby AGM from Bucharest Univer- come along - you don't An informal interactive Tuesday 18th March at sity require local accom- need to sign up in ad- talk with 'magic-like' 6.30pm modation from 1/5/97 to vance! If you want any demonstrations by Profes- Grant Mitchel Room 30/6/97. Please contact more details before Mon- sor Mike Underbill. Mon- day, contact Rodney day 17th March 7.30- Pakistani AGM Margaret Millington, Tuesday 18th March at 1 pm X9329 or email m.mill- Bates in Room 15, 5th 8.45pm, LT D. Free ad- Grant Mitchell Room [email protected] Floor, Senate House. mission by ticket only, for bookings ring 9314. NetGamer Society AGM • "Ian Braithwaite, Final Public Meeting of the Thursday 20th March at Referendum Party in the Year Sociology student, SKILLS DEVELOP- is running the London MENT PROGRAMME 6.30pm County Suite of the Civic LT A Hall, Guildford • Tuesday Marathon on 13th April There is going to be a 18th March at 8pm, bring in aid of SCOPE (for- Stress Management work- Games Society AGM along as many friends as merly the Spastics Soci- shop taking place on Sat- Sunday 16th March at 3pm possible. ety). Ifyou would like to urday 1 st March between LT A help Ian by sponsoring 10am and 1pm. Also, on Shell Step Programme - him, he would warmly Tuesday 4th March, there Mens Football Club AGM This offers you the welcome your genorosity. is a Public Speaking Sat 8th March at 7pm chance to spend 8 weeks He would also be de- workshop between 6pm Varsity Bar over the summer doing a lighted to hear from any and 8pm. Both workshops paid placement in a small CathSoc other entrants from the are free although a £2-de- 9th March at 12pm or medium sized business University as the big day posit will be required and in Surrey. This takes Quiet Cenfre gets ever closer. Ian can refreshments are pro- Ring 821997 in case of query place over July and be contacted, via the Soci- vided. These workshops Augest this year and is ology pigeon holes or on offer you the chance to LGBSocMeetings only open to students extension 4913 or by e- brush up your skills in an Tuesday 8pm, TB11 whose vacation address is mail at sc31ib@sur- informal atmosphere. All Postgraduate Association also in Surrey (graduates rey.ac.uk, alternatively students are welcome to AGM and those graduating in Ian is an active member attend. For more details Monday 17th March at 6pm May are not eligible). of the university Running and to-book your place, Wates House Those who are placed re- Club which meets at 6pm contact Rodney Bates in ceive around £100 a week. Monday and Friday at Room 15, 5th Floor, Sen- There will be an opportu- campusport." ate House or on extension nity to fmd out more at a number 3177. presentation on Monday • These Engineers and Sci- 10th March between 6pm entists - \^atever will Crossword No. 52 Across 13. A silver white element (9) 1. Primitive Drum (3-3) 14. Most gloomy (7) 5. Hard limestone (6) 15. US partnerships (7) 9. Unemotional (6) 17. Much below actual value 10. Coined (6) (7) 11. A festive occasion (4) 18. Compel (7) 12. Recall to mind (8) 20. An aromatic plant (5) 14. Fraud (6) Previous Solution 16. Shot at (6) Across: 1. antiquated 7. reti- 19. Practise beforehand (8) nue 8. primp 10. garb 11. esti- 21. To bungle (4) mate 13. top-hat 15. Athens 22. Introduced from a foreign 17. engaging 18. spin 21. land (6) snake 22. elector 23. sfreetcars 23. Disregard (6) 24. An elephant, for example Down: I.alter2.tint3.queasy (6) 4. appoints 5. emirate 6. 25. Wooden hammer (6) brightness 9. pleasantry 12. Down gangrene 14. pageant 16. in- 2. To stare down (7) vent 19. pates 20. beta 3. Land-cultivation (7) Crossword Compiled by 4. Presbyterian minister (9) Jeff Blackham 6. In being (5) 7. A rich sweet cake (4,3) 8. Tolerated (7) & Sport Aìming for the SPLATFEST 2 - heart in "The Secret Hertfordshire Conflict" ell first of all you leap over a ditch try to Archery Club In Hertfordshire an apology to hold onto the gun when you aturday - dawn was However, once acclimatised those that land! You know who you are to the new surroundings W Samad. Still 1 can't fault him but a distant wanted to go paintballing that much we did wtn after all. many of the archers found on the 1/3/97 but didn't Smemory as a merry their missing form and pro- And we won the next game band ofarchers, clad in ceeded to shoot with spangly know about it, our and the next so it ended up green and white, accuracy. comms officer was ili and with a score of Blues 500 gathered at the sportshall he couldn't print out our Reds 300 and that's where I As the end of the compétition adverts. So. sorry but lost count I'm pretty sure that ready to départ for the neared, and with everything there will be another we won some more games. University of going so weil for most of the Splatfest! Secondly an Hertfordshire and do club, disaster struck! Ail were ThankfliUy a firn day was had lined up a king aim when apology to those who by all and some of us leamed battle. there was a sudden loud went, they were told by some new uses for the f-word The joumey there was an ar- crashing noise as Chris's lon- me to tum up at 8.25am ranging from surprise to pain duous one, Ilvened up only by grod (a long stabiliser at- ready togo. Well I tumed to just piain team encourage-1 the copious amounts of blue tached to the front of the bow) up at 9.05 so I apologise ment, if you can encourage smoke billowing from the décidé to part company from for being late. your team by shouting "get a rear of one of the cars as it the bow. The sight of the for- f****** move on you sprung an oil leak half way But despite ail the problems lom longrod lying on the and minor détails the paint- Still it round the M25. Having de- floor was enough to induce posited half its engine oil on ball soc managedto pull off was fun and despite what the giggles in even the most some people say it doesn't the car behind the stricken ve- hardy member of the team. another great days worth of hicie arrived to complete the total chaos. The day ranged hurt ail that much (and yes if team of archers waiting at you do know me I am being In the end Gil, our saviour, like it did last time with vari- hypocritical)! Hatfield. managed to daim second ons games played in différent prize in the University La- scénarios. The two teams Finally thanks must go to Kit was set up, bows strung, dies Compétition and third in Blue and Red were evenly Dave for driving us and for arrows primed, and lucky the Open Ladies Compéti- being the Terminator on the mascots kissed as the start of matched psycho for psycho! tion. Alas the other members Red team took the first three Blue team. And last of ail the shooting neared. The small of the side were only a few paintball soc would like to games which included attack- size of Ae venue and tropical points off the lead, but just start advertising early by say- heat un-nerved the plucky out of reach of the medals. ing and defending the fort ing that there will be an end of Stag Hill Archers causing (and ri! get that bloke who year paintball game. The them to drop valuable points Robin shot me in the butt). Well it place is to be decided in the in the initial few shots. was time Blue team pulled next two weeks but all are back and our secretweapon in welcome to join in, men, the form of a speeding Eser women, martians anyone re- Interdepartmental Sports won our first game for usj. He ally. This time there will be was appropriately promoted adverts and we will find a way to organise this better (we or Présentations And Easter Social to general. at least I hope so). A date for your diaries for ail the Departmental Sports repré- From then on it snowballed sentatives and winning teams from the Spring Semester - for the Blues the next two That's it! WEDNESDAY 19TH MARCH l.OO p.m. at the Varsity Cen- games were won by a few sui- Doiible Dave tre. Guest of Honour - no less and no more than STEVE DE cide runs, oh and next time WINT!!
Interdepartmental Lambada British Trampoline Fédération Workshops Coaching Course Come along at lunch time today (7th March) to the University Any student who has had some trampolining experience and Hall at 1.00 p.m. for the Interdepartmental Lambada Workshop who would like to qualify as a coach should contact either Jane (come along, bring a friend or bring the whole department!!) Tumer, do Trampoline Club pigeon hole or Sally Edie at The last lunchtime Lambada Workshop will benext Friday 14th Campusport on Extn. 9891 mimediately. The course will be March at 1.00 p.m. Do join us and leam to twinkle your feet heid either on Campus or locally at the Spectrum. to sounds of South American music! Lizn AIDS - It'U Never Happen ToMe
By LizM
was 10 when I first sex without a condom; from Mary's Hospital in London This brings me back to when I contaminated needles; frans- have uncovered a dramatic was 16 and my grandmother heard about AIDS; it fusions with contaminated rise in the rate of HIV infec- always used to quote at me Iwas that fimny thing blood or blood products; or tion. Whilst many experts be- (regarding colds or anything) that those people in passage from mother to baby lieved that it had already 'prévention is better than a Africa got that made in the womb. Most new cases peaked, the opposite may now cure' this would seem defl- them ili. At 12 I of infection amongst women prove to l>e true. Blood from nitely the case as regards occur through sex with in- patients attending the Acci- AIDS although your choice is discovered it had 'corne fected men who either don't dent and Emergency depart- limited to celibacy or a con- to England* and it was know they're infected or don't ment was tested anonymously dom. But then you really don't drug users who were admit to having had sex with for the virus. During 1992/3 have a choice do you? No sex, getting it. When I was 14 someone in a high risk group: one in 77 people were found to protected sex or certain death bisexuals, intravenous drug be HIV positive but in 1994/5 - I know which I want. Be- I was told that it was users, those with a previous this figure increased to 2.5 in cause after ail, here at Surrey homosexuals who were relationship with someone 77. What's worse is that it is (according to the above statis- becoming ili with it but I who used dnigs or has HIV or suspected that half of those tics) there are roughly 250 didn't really know what anyone who may have had tested had no idea they were HIV positive students. they were so it didn't blood transfiisions in the past. infected. And the cure? Well However, in the UK there is quite simply there isn't one. Isn't it fimny how things hap- seem to matter. At 15 I now no risk of infection from Scientists are experimenting pen to you when you least ex- got a bit confused by HIV blood transfusions as ait do- with combinations of drugs pect them to? and AIDS and which was nated blood is screened for the (AZT, 3TC and Norvir) and what. By 16 knew virus'. looking at gene pattems but whatever it was, it was the date of discovery seems a Terence Higgins Trust Whilst ail this is very well be- long way off. Helpline: 0171 242 1010 going to kill me imless I cause they have proven these National AIDS Helpline: was very careful. Now at methods of transmitting HIV, 0800 567123 22,1 know that HIV is the what about rumours of trans- virus that weakens the mission through kissing and body's natural ability to oral sex? There still seems to MiM'iùâdniiï,.. be no news as regards trans- fight lethal infections and mission through kissing (you cancers and that once a can al! breathe a temporary person (who is HIV+) sigh of relief) but as regards Bare Facts is laohing far RELU ujhters. has developed an illness oral sex, there is a risk (albeit intErvieujEirs. phatagraphers, tqpists, laqup a 'smaller risk') of transmis- BTtists and designers that indicates that the sion if séminal or vaginal flu- immune system has ids are taken in tlirough the broken down - they have mouth. This is. not just If LjQu are interested in ani^ area AIDS. through cuts or cold sores in •f jDurnalism - me are sure ta The big question is how can the mouth, it has been proven have a job fcsr i^aul you get it? With so many con- that HIV can penetrate the flicting reports in the press mouth's mucus membrane these days it is very hard to cells. Might make you think find a truthfiil answer. Media twice before you get that attention (as with any contro- chocolaté sauce out versia! issue) tends to deviate fì-om the issue at hand and so As for my young view of who in search of fact I contacted the was actually becoming in- Terence Higgins Trust. Their fected, did you know that last answer is as follows: 'The vi- year unprotected heterosexual rus oniy lives in some body sex accounted for 33% of new NíWMÍlíMtól fluids (blood, seminai or vagi- HIV infections and since re- nal fluids) of an infected per- cords began, more than 12,976 son. It can oniy be transmitted people have contracted AIDS when these fluids are passed in Âis country. Frightening? into another person's blood- Well, it would seem that the stream in one of a number of nightmare doesn't end there. 63í)¡íííiB(íreFtó(|ú! ways: through vaginal or anal Studies conducted at "St Feature Behind The Scenes With Liz M In a new feature, we put a university character under the spotlight. This week's spot- light star is Liz M, the Bare Facts sex columnist and new Bare Facts secretary.
Before Surrey nying that it can cause dread- What's your fiil, hannful effects. favourite How old are you? song? What 's your view on precau- Nearly 23. 'Sitting on ti ons? the dock of What did you do before com- There is only one thing I have ing to university? the bay' - to say here - AIDS It should Otis Red- I worked for an advertising be taken seriously and any ding. agcncy for 3 years on the protection should be used. Mercury C)ne-2-0ne below Who's the Are you open minded? the line account, which was sexiest man? I like to think so. Naturaiiy fantastic. Richard there are some issues that I So, who -would you have a feel very strongly about, but Burton - his One-2-One with? on the whole I have a very voice!!! Richard Branson. open attitude towards life. Is size im- TTiere are onfy two issues I portant? What made you come to uni- have uncompromising views versity? Only when it on and they are friend^ip and Comes to I leamed the hard way how the way I live my life. bank bal- important a degree is, al- ances! though saying that, I was What is your most prizedpos- lucky enough to get my job session? without one. Fitzherbert, my teddy bear! Where did you go to school? Is there anything you'd St Mary's Convent, Cam- change in your life? Bare bridge. Losing my virginity at such a Facts Liz withFitzherbert Who do you look up to? young age - it affected my life greatly. Strangely enough my family What did you think of the Miz are my greatest role models What 'syour biggest mistake? Is Bare Facts the first paper L article? forme, especially my English Nearly marrying a man I to print your work? I was flattered that l'd made grandmother. They've ali didn't love. No, l've had several pieces enough of an impact for succeeded in what's most im- ptrinted in other papers, in par- someone to do a send ofif, but What'syour most embarrass- ticular Aston University's portant to them, I thought it was far too crude ing moment? 'Sun' paper. Whydidyou choose to write? Going to a party and being and insensitive. I love writing. l've done it confronted with the 3 men I Do you enjoy researching You made quite an impact at since I was a kid and luckily was seeing at the same time, your subject? How many Hustings - was that your for me there are people who especially as I tumed up with hours research do you do in idea? enjoy my work. someone else. an average week? Yes - we wanted people's at- Of course I find it interesting, tention and 1 think I suc- What's the best moment of any form of contradictoiy be- ceeded in grabbing it! About You your life? haviour is fascinating - and a Singìng in a club in Beirut in good writer always spends How do you see your role as What do you look for in a front of hundreds of people. 90% of their time on research. Bare Facts Secretary? relationship? Basically as a means of help- What makesyou cry? Why are your articles based Friendship, respect, loyalty Watching programmes like ing the current Editor to aroundsex? achieve the goals she sets, but and above ali, great fun. Pet Rescue. Contrary to belief that l'm sex at the moment, mainly to en- What's your view on abor- What's the worst moment of obsessed, I just find it a very courage more writers for Bare tion? your life? interesting source of conver- Facts as there's so much tal- I feel it's a very private and Finding out my father had sation and it's something that ent going to waste in this uni- personal issue which con- leukaemia, can provide a lot of entertain- versity. cems the two individuals in- ment as well as being a very volved. It's every person's Ifyou could be anyone in the personal thing. Anything you 'd like io say to choice, so I don't feel there world, who would you be? your Bare Facts readers? should be a law against it, but Vivien Leigh - Scarlett in Are your articles based on If there's something you'd saying that, it's a huge re- Gone With The Wind. personal experience? like me to write about, let me sponsibility. Partly, but I also include other know - l'm writing for you What's your favourite TV people's experiences, other- What's your view on drugs? programme? wise an article based solely on Again it boils down to how a Absolutely Fabulous - Patsy my own experience would person chooses to live their is my old ad agency boss. not make that interesting life. However, there's no de- reading. Reviews TOOL London Astoria 23 Feb. t's got to be said; Grubby on the weekend's there are some nice Amsterdam tour, but, for a people in London change, the guitarist was actu- I ally not someone on day re- these days, although the lease fi-om the local asylum. only ones I met on Sunday 23rd were Having come from "apathy"', Australians handing out through "'indifference" to free (large) measures of "hmm, not too bad", the crowd were actually "quite looking tequila, to try and keep forwards" to TOOL. Cast list: out of hypothermia in the Drummer (sane), guitarist queue. No chance. (moderate)...and an alien be- Even as the first three people ing and a victim of the Black were still buying T-shirts, the Death. The alien in residence first support, FOIL, had al- was Maynard (as in the wine ready kicked in, fronted by a gums, yes) James Keenan, bald Scottish bloke. I'd be wearing boxers and painted to- more accurate, but that's really tally blue, but with fluorescent Most tracks from 'Aenima' Favourite tracks from 'Opiate' red spots on head and chest. and 'Undertow' also made an I all I know about him. This was were accompanied by hyp- The clinical case was bassist notically repetitive back-pro- appearance, but the final the compulsory "stand and Justin Chancellor, white with jection sequences of, well, number was the title track stare" band, and no-one did large black spots. Oh, and a God knows what, something from the last album, per- anything apart from drink, quiff that looked like horns. that looked like creatures from formed in Keenan's "new out- smoke (cigarettes? Aha!) and 'The Fly'. Also toni^t: How fit'", a very minimal leotard clap politely. Rating: unim- Straight into the final track to deal with stage invaders. (Zip up? or zip pressive. from 'Aenima', 'Third Eye', Throw them over your shoul- down?...uhm...). everything, band and crowd der, strangle them, sit on them However, LODESTAR get alike, went frantic. Keenan for ten minutes and garrote Quality stuff, although the credit for fielding the Angel of looked and moved like a cha- them with your mike while usual health warning applies Death on the bass. In a skirt. meleon on serious acid, the someone else (Lodestar about not being able to hear The front of his head was novice security guard at the singer) does your lyrics. The your lecturers the next day. shaved, he had waist-length fi-ont panicked at crowd surf- sad unfortunate man was taken And remember, kids, tequila's hair and a, well, individual ers, and the aging man next to backstage, probably for later not always good for you. style, ending with him trying me showed off a highly lim- entertainment if Keenan's hip "Dope Fiend" man infront of to push his guitar, neck first, ited series of hand move- movements on stage were any- me threw up something very through the stage. Sound quite ments, which would have been thing to go by. Crowd partici- close to pure ethanol and similar to Senser, but Senser better at a trance concert. Hey, pation was in, but the second passed out standing up, gener- only ever did one decent track. man, be individual. (and last) attempt was ended ously letting us to the barrier. Their sharp-suited singer with a mid air flight back off. Cheers guy. looked worryingly like Mark.
WHAT'S ON??? Civic Hall, Guildford DGM Production brings you the first live performance of the songs from the album plus a host of other Beatles hits from that Gary Rhodes - Friday 4th April at 7.30pm era. Gary Rhodes' tour is unlike any other cookery roadshow ever Tickets £10.00, £12.00, group discounts available, call the box imagined or staged. We're all so familiar now with his best office on 01256 844244. selling cook books and the highly successful BBC TV series 'Rhodes Around Britain'. Bringing flavour of his experience to New Victoria Theatre, Woking the Civic promises to be even more exciting as the audience gets Enid Blyton 's The Famous Five - Wednesday 26th to Saturday a chance to see and smell his genius at work! 29th March Tickets £9.00, £11.50, £12.50 call 444555 for more info and This exciting show contains all the ingredients to delight chil- bookings. dren and adults alike, as we follow the four children on an adventure holdiay filled with intriguing days and mysterious The Anvil, Basingstoke nights. With a dastardly spy, bumbling cooks, secret passages, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - Friday 11th April 1997 a spooky cottage and an ancient map with the promise of hidden at 7.45pm treasure, all is set for a fast-moving adventure full of mystery It was 30 years ago that the Beatles brought out what has and suspense. Uncle Quentin's formula has been stolen and the constantly been regarded as the best pop music album ever - Sgt five must find the culprits. Aunt Fanny is waiting to supply them Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Until now, all the songs with lashings of ginger beer when they return. from the album have never been played live due to the complex- Call the box office on 761144 for more info and tickets. ity of the orchestrations and arrangements and the various techinical effects used. o Film Reviews She's The One here were quite a plot. Frances (Ed Bums) is complica few reasons why I married to Renée (Anniston) ted when went to see this. but for some reason, he's Mickey T having an affair. Why oh finds out The reviews in all the why? The sex starved Renée that his movie magazines had cannot get Frances to sleep brother is been quite good and with her, something that most seeing some friends had red blooded males would give Heather. their back teeth to do. Okay, recommended it. Right,this However, the main so when you find out that the woman Frances is having an ali sounds pulii ng factor was affair with is Heather very com- Cameron Diaz, Jennifer (Cameron Diaz), you can sort plicated, Aniston and Maxine of understand - tìiis being the (and it is), Bahns all in one film! movies, Frances is attractive but it is to not only Anniston but also fllmed as Superbì Okay, so a roman- perhaps that's not the Diaz! Lucky git! However, Diaz is Frances' brother's tic com- best reason for parting (Mickey) ex-fìancé, to whom e d y , with your cash, but what he gave the elbow when he r a t h e r promised to be an found her sleq)ing with an- than being tumed into a sor- able film - one that doesn 't tax exhibition of gorgeous other bloke, So, Frances is did tale of sex and jealousy, the mind at ali and is very women tumed out to be a sort of cheating on his own that it could so easily have easy to sit through. My stand- very good film. brother. become. When I say roman- ard test for the quality of a film is how often I look at my Not many of you will have tic, it doesn't fall into the trap of being ali gooey and slushy. watch to see when I can go seen last year's superò As you can see, Frances is luclq' in lust, but ^ is his The romance is more physi- home: during She's The One, 'Brothers McMuUen', a film brother. Mickey meets Hope caily based shall we say I didn't look at it once and the about three brothers chasing (Bahns) in the back of his taxi (watch out for the scene wiA 90 minutes the film lasted just (at some points) after the while she is on the way to a èie vibrator). This is not a side flew past. Definitely worth same woman. Weil, She's friends wedding and two days splittingly fiinny film, but one watching. later, they too are married. which raises a laugh when it The One reunites some of the (4/5) cast and follows a similar However, things become is needed. It is a really enjoy- Little Shop of Horrors (Book by Howard Ashman and Music by Alan Menken) t was a dreary fortune. Al Mooney's fantas- Weil, to cut a long story short, three narrators, played by Jo tic performance as Seymour Audrey II becomes out of Holland, Emma Green and February night as we had US ali ^mpathising with controland Seymourisforced Kim Knights, da-dooed with Itrudged down to the the brow-beaten florists assis- to feed his boss (and adopted great energy and finesse ali new Electric Theatre tant as he faced the moral di- father) to the plant in order to throughout and, of course. Al to see the G&S Society lemma of whether to give the placate it. Audrey and S^- captured the simple charm of production of Little Shop funky plant what it was ask- mour fall in love but Audrey Seymour to a tee. However, ing for...human flesh. His di- melodramatically dies of the gold star must go to Mark of Horrors, hoping for a lemma became ali the more shock when the plant vi- Cusack as the Dentist (to little something to real when the secret love of ciously attacks her and S^- name but one of the parts he brightenourday. Andwe his life, and fellow florist, mour, in his miseiy, dives played) for an amazing per- certainly got what we Audrey (Audrey II's name- headlong into the plant with formance. It probably helps sake) admitted that her boy- her. that he is a mad b***'''*d in hoped for! ! ! friend, a fiendish dentist with reality but he stili stole the While Messrs. Gilbert and an appropriate lust for human Some highly entertaining per- show for me with his rolling Sullivan turned in their suffering, had been abusing formances from the whole eyes, uncontrollable pelvic graves, we rocked in our seats her. S^mour leaped to the cast, including Duncan Hob- movements and a convincing as the highly talented cast rescue only to find that the bes as Mr Mushnik, Ben portrayal of someone laugh- took US through the grizzly, Dentist polished himself off DeVille as the indignant plant ing to death. but highly amusing, tale of with an overdose of laughing and a job weil done by Jon Audrey II, a blood-crazed gas, enabling Seymour to ful- Smith, the puppeteer. Alison Weil done chaps, see you next man-eating pot plant, and the fil the plant's demand for Justice was convincing as the year for more of the same! ! ! increasingly anaemic Sey- food witiiout having to com- dumb (but sensitive) Audrey, mour who agrees to feed the mit murder. her vocal style perfect for the Becks plant in retum for fame and pârt and a joy to hear. The Let'f Talk About.JEX Whit's On Monday nijlit Sexy Cocktails in the U^per Bar FREE Condom with every cocktail bought Wednesday night Tooheys Promotion in the Upper Bar FREE Condom Keyring on offer Friday night Safer Sex Traffic Light Pyjama Party More FREE Condoms availabieü!
All Week Leaflet and poster displays In the Union and lecture Theatre Coneourse
^m WT TnCT i^RC älL P^LL^CU
You can't teil just by looking at somebody that they 1 my iNitM it Mip wm HmTiy mm have HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease. It can be unwise to believe everything that a new partner says about their previous sex life. People won't know whether or not they are infected unless they had an HIV test more than 3 months ago and have not had sex, or have practised safer sex since. (Don't forget the risks from sharing needles as well.) Whether you're drinking or not. you can still carry Condoms with wiimoiitNioiwiiiitacstimiitiitisii you. Obvtously it is more difficuit to think stralght when you have been drinking. The message you should try to keep in mind Is: "Only haye sex using Condoms."
1 Hin lüii^. I my i This is a common concem, and a real fear for many men. How mt m mm ir w mein. about finding time to practise on your own with Condoms, and try different varieties to find one that suits you? Some other good ideas worth trying are putting on the condom with the help of your partner, or trying the new condom, designed for women, calied Femidom. It is never too late to start using Condoms, and choosing safer "IT ¡m Bili mm m m um Tttt« m «y m sex is one way to show that you care about each other. ÄlParSTOOMTEIIimilTNIlW.''
Then why not be prepared and carry Condoms all the time - just immi rr im upens. mn « m it mv in case.
Once is enough to get pregnant or become infected with a wmmiitiTilfilimMJiisTONttimm sexually transmitted disease. Äiiir
r Thaf s right. They are only after being safer, for themselves artd for their partner.
Most Condoms are so thin nowadays that sensitivity is hardly "y(iiiiiONimiiyiniii«wiTHÄii(iNii(iM(iN^ nmnm- reduced. Putting a condom on can be an erotic and pleasurable iati." part of sex. Using a condom can give you peace of mind and that is very enjoyable.
Who does? Try to bring it up before you are about to have sex - perhaps as a joke, or just by taking a deep breath and saying, "1 want to talk about us using Condoms." Many partners will be pleased and relieved that you brought it up. 'I THINK rr B MY PÌWTNÌII'J M T» M 5I1IIÌ EIYTHINIÌ1Wha$ t if your partner thinks like you do? You and your partner are equally responsible; you can both give or get sexually transmitted diseases from each other. Be^inners Guide to Succesiíul Condom Use Putting on a eondom can be a tricky business and offen it feel more like the Krypton Factor than a fun part of sex. So, here's a quick Beginner's Guide (with pieturesl) of how to become and expert with latexl
1. What makes a good condom?
Aiways ehoose t reliable brind that etrries tb« Britiih Standard Kitemark and/or European standard logo. Usa an extra stron§ variety such as Durex Ultra-Saf« if yeu have anal intereoursa. 2. Unwrapping
First check the expiry date. It's a good Idea to do this hefore you 9a out keeause if they are eat of date there is no gyaranfee that they won't Fall apart. So, don't be a eheapskate, buy soma that are in dateli! Once you have your new eondom In its shiny packet, jently squeeze it to ene end of the foli and earefolly tear off the other end of the feil. Take care not to damage the condom with nails and rings (treat them like you wouid treat a posh pair of tightsK). 3. Unrolling Before you put It oear your willy, unroll It a fraetion to check It Is the right way round. 4. Mind the gap! ßently squee» the last centimetre of the closed end (usuelly e teet) between fìnger and thumb to expel trapped air and make Space for your love juices to flow. This is important as trapped air can make the condom split once the action starts. 5. Roll on Keep s(|ueeziRg the teat and hold the condom over the erect penis with one hand (this Is where It gets technlcal) and with the fìngere of the other hand, roll if over the penis. If this is tricky, get your partner to do the rolllng. 6. Anyone for jelly??
Many Condoms come ready lubricafed, bat if your partners bits are a little dry then you might want te use semethlng extra. There are a range of water based lubricante on the merket je.g.. KV Jelly] thet will do the job and you can aven get exotic flavours if you go to the right place! NEVER use an oll based lubricànt such as baby oÌ(, vaseline, massage oii or Castrol 6TX as these will damage the condom. 7. A safe exit? After sex and before the penis has had time to go soft (best act quickly thenK), hold the condom firmiy in place while withdrawing. This avoids spillage and embarrassing argumente about who will steep in the wet patch! 8. Gotting rid of the evidence. Wrap the condom in e tissue and put it in the bin, not: down the (00, in the ashtray, out the window or on the floor where the cleaner will no doubt fìnd it later! 9. A matter of taste. Experiment until you fìnd a condom that is right for you. There are hundreds of different smells, testes, textures and strengths on offer. If the condom you usa causes Irritation you eouid try Durex Allergy Condoms. 10. Practico makes perfect! If you've never used one before, don't leave it until you need to use one. $et familiar with thém now by praetising on your own, with your partner or with friends! Friday 21 st March
kkets £5 Guests Allowed (New Friday Night Guest system applies) Tickets from reception Mon-Fri 2-2pm From Mondoy 1 Oth March
http:/ / raft.vmg.co.uk/dreadzone/index.html USSU Ents Planner Week Ending Mar 16th gggg
Frìday brino YOOR MUM, DS THE inn Leroy Wilson NESIS Uiil Blu reter p 1 FEAT ANDY JAMES Astralasia Icuests aiiow« FREE BAND """^Cocktaiìls In the U|:^er Bar ^ SHADE Availab e Irom 7pm
Helyn Rose Bar 8pm Wednesda/
Ta ent Comp NATIONAL Bnr 8nnn
NETWORK
Thursdoy Frida/ THE OHE AND ONLY f nlstett Pila
DJ Competition fijifjanm fiaJihf! with Chris Haslom See BF Ad Guests Allowed Main Lounge 7pm FEAT ANDY JAMES Talent Final Main Union 1 pm-Close the 1997 Levis Tour ARKARNA 1 University Computer Survey
Student usage of PCs has grown steadily over the years and will undoubtediy continue to do so. The additional open access facililies to be provided by the move from the Mullens building to the Austin Pearce building will go some way to meeting this ever increasing demand but departments feel that this is noi enough.
Currently a small number of courses/departments eìther encourage or demand that students own their own PC. Certain departments have put fon^rard proposais to make the purchase of a personal computer compulsory for entry onto their courses. We need to l Course: Year : 1. Do you own a computer? Yes No if yes, answer questions 2 to 4, if no, go straight to question 5. 2. Did you use your computer for course related w/ork? Yes No Comments: 3. Do you consìder your computer to be an essenlial requirement for your degree? Yes No Comments: 4. V\ftio paid for your computer? You Your Parents Other (please state): Comments: NOW GO TO QUESTION 7 5. Would you consider it necessary to buy a computer during your time at this University? Yes No Comments: 6. If so, would you be able to afford to buy a computer? Yes No Comments: 7. Have you often been unable to get to a computer on campus? Yes No Comments: 8. Would you be more Willing to buy a computer if it was subsidìsed by the University? Yes No Comments: 9. Do you feel that computer sen/lces shouid continue to be provided free of Charge? Yes No Comments: Please return to Bare Facts Office or the Bare Facts Secretary pigeonhole in the S.U. Any problema please contact Melanie Dean intemally on ext 9275 or extemally on 01463 259275 or e- mail sus 1 md@surrey. ac. uk. I* forno tiding Ivfrorel •«(. M#i(iuH< I* 19 «nytKn^ yoiroryojr rì«lc k-ut*df i» fcrunirii*«in^ lt> l>«»t 13 nm c2)4im9 tl21.ß IS CU11.I.BD «KB te ìMc tofomy0 u ^t to G PSB15 , TT5WJE i* f i* ferin jlDg «ni y0ur|rdrtnar •llMii fmatiem »tfgftm. >« forth« « foetoi'in »«- It* wortKit feriti« fa4Bt Reaiin^ dl>0utit rodlly san efMìni tOffo «ni t^ff^ lOiown^ itiitn ^eurttìowMfe «njl youV« er^eyei sdeh sthir IvfcrJeMy kitn.it ihc UM (•lM*un>. «ni kif t »«fc yeu fWI in tk« V\itt. UM in-JeBy^frvM «>iydwni»tj if When you arrive in your best PJs with your teddy bear under your arm, you can choose the sticker that best describes your intentions for the evening: i Hi RED - "P ss o , I'm not intepestecl,not now, not ever!" AMBER - 'M mmmm ?r m open ro persuasion - Duij me a bee p and we ta k oDout it" GREEN - "OOOkhk Bat)4, I'm on fiie pu and w more I've qot a FREE condom, so if I do qo home with more than mt) teddij hear under mij arm..." That way we all know where we stand! Cinema/ÛFU Momma said "go to OFU" ruce didn't feel up presidents dure - put a bit of a clever dick, and since (who end up ticket in the his marriage isn't going too to telling you his falling from box in the well, Lenny décidés to seek Busuai lies about grace or be- Union mail- out the kid's real mother, hop- how wonderful Oscar ing shot), be- room an hour ing she will be a nice intellec- Fihn Unit is, so he has come world before the tual sort. But she tums out to gone for a lie down in a ping-pong showing, and be a tawdry actress and occa- champ, give it will cost sional pom star Tickets are cool, dark room. The John Lennon you £2 when available as for Forrest Gump, subject of this week's a hit single, you tum up. and if you tum up earlier then film hit a bit too close to and estabiish Oh, and it is a we will fatten you up with home for his liking, you the most long film so some coffee and rich tea fin- profitable bring a cush- gers. see. shrimp fish- ion if you Forrest Gump is the taie of a ery t'other side of East Grin- don't want a numb arse. Andy lovable but thick-as-two- stead. short-planks yankee bumpkin The Arty types amongst you This week's fîlms: who unwittingly changes the Whether you missed it first will want to know that we are Sunday 5pm, 8pm, course of American history. time around, or you've seen it showing Mighty Aphrodite Cespite a lack of ^ey matter, before, can you think of a bet- on Wednesday (8pm, LTG). Monday 8pm (LTG) he manages to get into college ter way to spend that boring Probably Woody Allen's best after it is discovered that he is weekend? Showings are in yet, it'sthestoryofLenny (Al- FORREST GUMP a damned good runner, and LTG at 5pm, 8pm on Sunday, ien), a sports writer, and his art Wednesday 8pm (LTG) would make an ideal member and 8pm on Monday (and gallery manager wife (Helena of tìie football team (although that's when the film actually Bonham Carter) who find out MIGHT Y he did get an unconditional of- starts, so none ofthis dilly-dal- that they can't have kids - so APHRODITE fer for Hotel and Catering). lying that we've been seeing they adopt one. As the sprog Over a period of thirty years he lately!). You know the proce- gets older he tums out to be a manages to meet numerous Odeon Guildford Friday 28th February to Thursday 6th March 1997 Jerry Maguire (15) The Crucible (12) Fly Away Home (U) Fibns for ali Friday and Saturday at 12.15, Friday and Saturday at 4.15, Friday and Saturday at 1.20 seasons 2.00, 3.30, 5.15, 6.45, 8.30, 7.25, 10.10 Sunday to Thursday at 3,25 Tin Cup(15) 10.00 Sunday to Thursday at 12.45, She'sThe One (15) .Sunday to Thureday at 12.30, 5.45, 8.30 Wednesdav 12.10,2.55. Friday and Saturday at 5.20, 5.40, 8.25 2.10.4.30,5.10, 7.30, 8.10 A Portrait of a Lady (12) 9.55 Mars Attacks (12) Friday and S^rday at 1.10, Sunday to Thursday at 4.25, Saturday Friday and Saturday at 12.15, 7.00 8.50 Mo min g Pic tu re 2.55, 5.35,8.15, 10.50 Sunday to Hiursday at 12.10, Harriet The Spy (PG) 5.45 Show Sunday to Thursday at 12.55, Friday and Saturday at 12.40 3.30,6.05, 8.40 Michael (PG) Sunday to Thursday at 1.10, Twister (PG)at 10.55 Dragonheart (PG) at Blood and Wine (15) Friday and Saturday at 12.50. 3.40 10.45 Friday and Saturday at 12.15, 3.05, 7.35 101 Daimations (U) Jingle AU The Way 2.55,5.35,8.15,10.50 Sunday to Thursday at 2.15. Friday, Saturday and Sunday (PG)at 10.45 6.40 Sunday to Thursday at 1.15, at 12.10 A Goofy Movie 3.45,6.15, 8.45 Shine (12) Matilda (PG) (Ü) 10.40 Ransom (15) Friday and Saturday at 4.30, Friday, Saturday and Sunday Adventures of Pino- Friday and Saturday at 7.10. 10.10 at 12.30 chio (U)at 10.50 10.00 Sunday to Thursday at 3.05, Ali tickets just£l!!! Sunday to Thureday at 5.45, 8.40 8.25 O Single Reviews SimìUl OF THIü WFEK R00TJ005E - Can't 6YNDICATE - Free SNEAIsER P1MP5 - 5p\r\ Spin Su^ar Keep Living This Way Me (5ticky Label) (Ciean Up) (Avex) •••• Just one more of those bands of grown up children and their Taken from their acclaimed and brilliant debut album 'Be- Moderate rock, but certainly incessant search for immédi- coming X', this single is a feast of bass fed rhyto and not novel at ail. There's so much of this stuff around that ate simplicity to get a raw teen haunting vocals. D^ce music that's original, exciting and audience and spread tiieir "in- totally worth ail the effort. Numnuts. it's impossible to say any- thing new about it. Tipped as die" juice ail over the place. Asm. PHOTEK- Ni Ten dils iik) partially contributed a 'big thing' for this year. by "the dulcet toned" Shaun Hmm, just wait and see. ichi Ryu (Science) Ryder, don't really complé- Mark LAGUNA METH - •••••••• ment the music. Inoffensive, Nuclear Snowcor^e but hardly as subversive or MAGOO-AToZ A fantastic piece of story tell- disturbing as it is claimed to (Go Beat) ing drum and bass revolving be. Vicki. And ^ack Again •••• around an ancient Japanese (ChemikaI Ridiculous lyrics about taran- fighting form. Bordering on LIVE - Lakini'ô Juice Underground) the minimalist and, as ex- tulas or something, basically pected, quite marvelous. Al. (Ra^iioactive) no good at composing, the voice is totally drowned by MONACO - What Vo It could be so much better. If the drums, which are just Live continue to Mature, this only a little more time were backing, and the rest of the You Want From Me? is a powerful orchestral rock spent by Magoo on the pro- instruments, which although (Poly^lor) track with a massive guitar duction of this E.P, they could not so bad, just don't go re- •••••••• sound. Should break them in be challenging for top hon- ally. Maybe could have been the UK. Rob. ours. As it is we are left with something OK, but very a collection of brooding badly done. Braiilmitter. Three minute throwaway pop tracks with too much going on from Peter Hook and his new OLIVE - Miracle in them, and it is this lack of GABRIELLE'5 WISH sidekick Pottsy. This single (RCA) focus which lets this single may only be a rehash of New down. Lee. - Golded Up (Manc) Order's more commercial ••• moments, but the b-sides Drum and bass, trip-hop BRIAN KENNEDY- show that there is plenty to EBTG-esque pop 'Miracle' Those of a frail disposition this new project, and that has apparentiy been attract- Put The Message In are advised not to listen to this Hooky hasn't lost it Lee ing much radio attention. The Box (3MG) mass hysteria of bludgeoned Rhythmic, iaid-back, with a •••••• guitars and drums to tiie slo- MIDGET - subtle groove. Pretty good. mo swirls of BBC radio- Camouflage (Radar) James. AKA: Things I wish l'd writ- phonie workshops. In fact it's ••••••• ten. A single comprising 4 well advised for any one not 5ILVERCHA1R- covers: title track by World to listen to this rather... urm They're young and sound Freak (Murmur) Party, 'Free As A Bird', interesting... urm... well... like Green Day, and they are ••••••• 'Street Spirit' and 'My Black- yeah, Don't rushout to buy good. Catchy and Fun songs. haired Love'. Respectively: this, unless you realy are warped, for these be lullabies Rob. If the new album is as good as OK; naff (but so was origi- nal); excellent (but so was for the TRULY FUCKED this... go get it. Catchy song UP!!! Me/. FUN LOVIN with a slow tuneflil chorus original); and mediocre CRIMINAL5 - Kin^ where the singer's low deep (someone's poem with a mel- voice really stands out. Asun. ody). If you can handle your DJ PROF-X-OR - Of New York Beatles and Radiohead with a Walkin' On Up {OaryeaWé) FLY5CREEN - Gaelic slant, then fine. You're probably better with the origi- (Nucleuz) •••••• Shesmokesshecinvesa náis» Mark •• A sleek hip-rock tune with a n¿íwrite6poetry Six mixes of the same thing, funky beat that's weil cool... KARELIA - The (MCA) 2 of which are OK, but they will buy the album. Oliveira •••••• 5mooth Taste Of don't Sound at ail like the AGENT (RoadRunner) original, that's probably why This sounds a bit like the old ••••• they're OK, since the original PROVOCATEUR - schooi pre-britpop indie stuff is just anotiier pretender try- that I used to shoe gaze to in ing to make it big in the dance Agent Dan (Epie) the early nineties. Reminisc- An unusual collection of sounds jammed together into floor. Another wannabe with ••••••• ing aside, 'Shesmokes...' is a no good tune and no inspi- hardly ground breaking ma- the sound of jazz. It's not my cup of tea, but it's got a nice ration or diversion, sad really. 'Agent Dan' is a funk track terial, and whilst it must be Brazilnutter. with heavy emphasis on a said that the mitial lilting gui- personality!!!! Nuff said! crunchy guitar element. Un- tar riff is gorgeous, the rest of Mei. fortunateiy the lyrics (dis- the track fails to live up to it's torted, mocking vocals of the early promise. Vicki. New Fast Automatic Daffo- Album Reviews bands. This album is raw WILCO - Dein^ There ALBUM OF THE WKEK power. Oliveira. (Reprise) U2- Pop {\e\ar\á) •••••••• VERUCA 5ALT - Ei^ht Arms To Hold Wow! Totally brilliant! This You (Outpost) double album grabbed me the first time I listened to it, and with each consecutive play worked itself further into my 'American thighs' the debut heart and soul. Wilco main- album from Veruca Sait was a man JefîTweedy has written a good if somewhat derivative great set of songs, his previous "altema-rock", however on band Uncle Tupelo never this, their second, album reached these heights. Imag- things have changed for the ine an amalgam of the best better. This is an album stuffed parts of Neil Young, The Roll- with confidence and on 'Awe- ing Stones, Gram parsons, some' a certain degree of arro- Alex Chilton and, more than gance. Veruca Sait have any of these, The Replace- decided that they will rock and ments. Indeed, at times do so with a vengeance, 'Vol- Tweedy's voice sounds un- cano Girls' is great with it's cannily like Paul Westerberg. Beatles and self-reference. This album may not be the The popstar worship of ' With most original album released David Bowie' and the afore- ijhis year, but it will be one of Acid guitar. Screams. Driving bass. "You can reach, but you mentioned 'Awesome' are the best and unless this is an can't grab it..." And here the joumey begins with the electri- standouts of a fme album. Rob. outstanding year for music fying 'Discotheque'. This is going to be one heck of a ride. will be in my top ten at the year A record of immense proportions, 'Pop' needs at least 5 NICK CAVE AND end. I have never given an al- listens before you even begin to appreciate the complexity bum 10/10,1 believe that you and intelligence of U2 '97. It's not as big a departure from THE 3AD 5EEP5 - need time, space and retro- 'Achtung Baby' and 'Zooropa' as die hype might suggest, The 3oatman'5 Cali spect for that honour, 'Being but what is really impressive is it'shuge variety. There is The (Mute) There' came very close, for Chemical Brothers style ftmkiness of 'Do You Feel Loved', •••••••• now however it gets nine. Rob the Aphex Twin percussion (honest!) and science fiction noises of'Mofo', the gentle despair of 'If • 6-4 to Civ Eng!? We • Zebedee - Are you giong • To Little Red Riding • The FISH swims in and were robbed. Boing?!? - FlorenceXXX Hood... Are you free for out of each pond, but in another bed-time story some it stays. • Fraggle: Where is the • Can I stroke your flu- shortly? »Toyboy* Magic Kingdom? Guild- soon? • AVS - expect a lot of ford Court or Chestnut • OI...YOU..NO.GBTA • I think I'm in'luv'with business today! Rd? TICKET TO THE HA- another mans • Am I meant to be'sabre wife.Hnmim • Good luck too ail the cast WAIIAN NIGHT IN man'? In that case, ac- and crew for little shop of THE HELYN ROSE • I'M MISSING SAMSON knowledged BARMON I OTH horrors LIKE MAD!!!.ALL MY • GD - you're as mean on MARCH. ONLY £2. • "Q: What do you get if LOVE NIKKIXXXX the dance floor as you are you cross Fraggle Rock • So KD - how many spare • Hangers with double on court - R2D2 with Disneyland. A: heads has Kryten got doors... AlwaysXXXX • Dave P - caught again Great fun underground!" then? • CONGRATS!! ON witii your fingers on a cer- • El Zorro cabalga de • Lukan dukan doola, YOUR SELECTION TO tain bird!! nuevo! • daddy ching, baby pinl^ THE ENGLAND • Congratulations Lou!! SQUAD DUNCAN!! • Lena!!!! Hello from p is worried about us di- Best decision you ever Stevenage -It's grim vorcing • No 47, what's the catas- made! *Hugs* down South!! Love, • Lukie No Mates: Was trophe this week? • Well done all Final Year Northern Boy. that flour in your T or the • Don't shout so loud- Tonmeisters - projects • Andy - thanx for Monday residue from I of your 7? you'll damage my deli- tommorow! cate hearing! nite, you're a star, love ya • Kam - So tell me, how IS • Big Dog loads - M XXX the shelf stocking going • DB, What's longi thick, • Clover sends lots of licks! this year? And how will and stuffed into your • TO: DEAN GLAD TO Thanks for the message you cope next year?! ! mouth on the way home HEAR YOU FINALLY Richard, see you soon, CAME OUT-guess who? from town?-Warren. • Nick on a mission - Good • lovePatxxx • SNOG: feat. Kath with luck with N... • Oliver : your music re- • Lidia : Your friend is re- special guests. Free entry! • There is only one trout views are shit man!! Your mates. ally cute ... • Wey 4 girls are watching and that's the FISH. you, sandra bullock lov- • So, Alastair's being sub- • R - let's have "chocolate" • K-1 luurrw you (to be dessert soon xxxxxx ing guy on wandle 3.... said in a drunken slur) tle about his avertising for with LOVE!! the EASTER BALL • There are only FOUR- • I am DYING for a beer!!! • wibble meet FISH, FISH then...-CC. TEEN days to Easter!!!!! meet wibble. • Claire: I still fancy you. • Anna Fer : You look very • TO SSQ WHY ARE Oliver "the blind" sexy with just a towel on • Jessica - I'm hungry. YOU SO TIRED?? - Please make me food. • All those men, at your ...jeje T.L.O. P.S YOU ARE Cheers. O.R age! • Tuesday, Don't foi^et FORGIVEN!!!! • Pineapple! Where's my • Happy Birthday Rachel!! your TOOTHBRUSH!!! • T.G.B...ITWASNOT pineapple? I NEED my Hope the meal goes well. • Are you siu^e your good ME!!-T.L.O. pineapple! I've been Get plastered! wrist action has just come • Antique bike spot- tricked.. I want my pine- • Nacho : love is in the air from whisking eggs! ted.Rider looks equally as apple! • Disney's language tui- knackered. • Happy Birthday Petal, • FESTER, where are your tion, lesson I: Tail-squirt, • What's the worst thing love the girlies xxx totes toasties? endo and arse-lick! that can happen to a • Fraggle, who came to see • At least you scored once • Mr Brownpants, please man?? you at 3 am last Saturday? for us on tour captain - let us know when the wed- • Friendly Bear seeks some- • A - So what's happening? you were spotted ding is going to be! Liz M one to share pot of honey Does your new year's • DOUBLE CHINS • Shall I, or shall I not? with. resolution REALLY still CLUB??? no shouldn't • Vodka for your neck and • Gijs, did I tell you to quit stand? Wow! - C that be DOUBLE BITES hard drugs for your ankle - smoking? I MEANT IT!!! • POOH: AFTERNOON CLUB!!! love you really what's going on...?! PS: thank you for the rose. Lovely. DRINKING AND GET- • Miss Teseo Value award- • Grim bovine seen in TING LAID....NOODLE Guess who won ? nurse outfit (also a cheap- • T.G.B... "Desperately XXX • 12 times 20? Let me skate!) seeking Susan"...or are you running away? • Duracell Bunny-how see... oh? Are treasurers • Rodney, aka Craig McLo- many sizes too small was MEANT to be good at calen • Yellow-haired Kyle, did that "night-shirt." maths? you throw any UN- • Weetabix! USUAL things into the • Paul Sellwood is still • diesel - looking good, toilet? I can't find my hel- looking for accomodation new style suits you....next • Alysha - men are shit, met... next year. Remember you purchase a bird!! birds are great, and vodka must like folk music. rules, just remember that - • Mo, The weekend in the • GEORGIE- Mxxx • To my Ikkle Baby. Love BOY...HAPPY BIRTH- sewers was the best week- you ots and ots. DAY ! ! ! Seen Neighbours • To Richard (the jolly end ever -1 love you. Jo lately? green giant) we love you xxx. lots! M+M News Student Loan Sell Off Competition Launched igher Education lent opportunity for financial on to the next stage of the com- Despite all this reassurance institutions. I believe that they pétition. from the government NUS are Minister Lord will respond enthusiastically. strongly opposed to the sell off Lord Henley said: "The sale is Henley has In turn, the sale of the debt of these loans. There main H on course for completion in welcomed the laimch of transfers risk to those in the worries on this subject con- Autumn, as envisaged when private sector who are best cem the terms and conditions the compétition to sell the Secretary of State made placed to deal with it and bene- already set out by the Student £1.6bn of the her annoimcement last year. fits the economy as a whole as Loans Company, although the Student borrowers have no Government's student the size of the public sector is govemment states that the sale cause for concem. The sale loan debt to the private reduced." will not change the terms on will not change the terms on how students get the loans but sector. He said: "The which students get loans: they Government's The competition is part of a what about the repayments. staged process designed to en- will continue to be offered privatisation policies - courage the widest possible loans on generous terms, in- Some of the conditions are which have been interest in the sael of the debt cluding the right to defer re- ambigious and open to misin- emulated world wide - and so achieve (he best poosi- payments and to pay an terpretation by students and have been a great ble value for money for the interestrate linked to inflation. this could lead to new compa- taxpayer. Hie Pre-Qualifica- They will also continue to re- nies taking advantage. success. The start of this tion Document is being sent to pay on the same basis as they new compétition is an a large number of leadmg fi- do now." Nowhere in their statement important step in our nancial institutions in the UK does it say how the sell off will and world wide. They have Further saels of broadly simi- effect the low interest rate the plans to privatise student lar amounts of student loan students currently have or the loans. been asked to register their in- terest and demonstrate the fi- debt are planned for sub- method of repayment. nancial and technical capacity séquent years. The next stage in the privatisation policy, the Sharon Baker, Union Presi- "The issue of the Pre-Qualifi- required to complete the pur- contracting out of the Student dent said: "This is ridiculour, cation Document by our fman- chase. Financial institutions Loans Company, will begin the whole exercise has been a cial advisers NM Rothschild which pre-qualiiy will move later this year. waste of time and the taxpay- and Sons represents an excel- ers are still no better off." STAFF OPEN DAY FRIDAY 14th AND SATURDAY 15th MARCH 1997 Surreys Prcmeirc Ihree Sfar Country Houie Hotel, set in 9 acres of a local beauty spot, MANOR 3 miles from Guildford, requires additional staff for the opening in April of its new £1.5 m NtietanJs Comir G >•{< Bar Staff Waiting Staff tlousekeepers C&B Porters Night Porter iousekeeping Porters 2nd & 3rd Chefs Commis Chefs Kitchen Porters ixcellent rates of pay, sickness pay, potential to move within the group. Some live-in rooms available, travelling expenses will be reinbursed to successfu applicants. AA ••• for an interview, please contact David Hill on 01483 222624 News Improving your CV ou may wonder Writing on the off-chance can which are relevant to their you are a bit short of space why having a be an extremely successftil needs. This usually means you can always say your ref- method of job-hunting. 10% putting greater emphasis on erences are "available on re- Ygood CV is so of University of Surrey your degree course and on quesf ' and save several lines important. First of ali, graduates get Óieir jobs this relevant work experience that way. way. Another 20% get their than on your interests. It also some employers prefer a With just a little investment CV to an application posts through replying to makes more impact to start press advertisements and these sections with your móst of time you could transform form, so you have no many of these will ask for a recent activity and work your CV into something choice. Secondly, you'd CV. So a good CV ia impor- backwards. Employers tend which always gets the re- be wasting time if you tant. to be more interested in your sponso "I must interview the sent off completed degree than which primary person who wrote this". What could you do to im- school you went to! That, after ali, is the main rea- applications to loads of prove yours? Last week I son for sending it. employers when you mentioned two things you The way you describe what weren't even sure should concentrate on - the you've done is also impor- Russ Clark Career^ Service whether they had any way it looks and the Informa- tant. It's a good idea to use vacancies. Far better to tion it contains. Let's start "active verbs" such as organ- with the way it looks. A CV ised, persuaded, co-ordi- P.S.If you'd like to see an ex- send a copy of your CV should be easy to read. Long nated, managed, created, ample of a CV and covering with a covering letter paragraphs which require ef- negotiated etc. Signifícant letter why not pick up a copy instead. They might fort to read can be quite off- achievements resulting from of our leaflet "Curriculum Vi- simply send you an putting. To avoid this you these activities are also well tae" at the far end of the Ca- could précis the main things worth mentioning. reers Service. application form in and identiiy each with a 'bul- return, but at least you le! point'. If you have a two page CV, would know that they try putting the most relevant probably had a vacancy What about content? Em- information on the first page ployers are mainly interested because that's the most im- to fili. in the things you've done portant one. By the way, if UNIVERSITY OF SURREY CAREERS INFORMATION University of Surrey FOR WEEK 9, SPRING SEMESTER Spend 2 hours earning £15 by gìving your views on graduate recruitment to TMP Woridwide, a recruitment advertising agency on Tuesday 11 March commencing at 6 pm Windband If you are in yourJìnal year, eiltier undergrad or postead, and would like to air your vietvs, cali into the Careers Service to register as soon as posàble. Only 15 students required. Refreshmentj wiil be provided Concert PRESENTATION BV COUNCIL ON INTERNATIONAL EDUCATIWAL EXCHANGE 7.30pm Morìday March ABOUT INTERNATIONAL STUDY PROGRAMMES Studiai PATS building ON THURSDAY 13 MARCH Free Admission AT 6JOpm in LT A Programma to include music by CAREERS SERVICE Bernstein and John Williams Sport Surrey Uni Ou-est Le Men's Hockey 2nds 3-2 Papier? onjour! Common (to be said in an outrageous ca va? Ca va bien, French accent a la John Cleese Kingston Uni Bmerci. Je suis a in the Holy Grail). smug git. Unlike any Scotland were, to quote Rob BU late National Wainwright, the Scotland cap- Englishman within sight tain 'always better than the re- er-nnals or sound of the rugby on sults they'd been getting'. And he scene was set. Thoughts of a goal fest were Saturday, or geordie with Saturday proved it. Granted it Surrey Men's starting to enter our heads an eye on the football last was a depleted Irish side, sof- when the oppo managed to get night. Is it me or was tened up nicely by the English, Thockey 2nds back on terms thanks to some but at last we got what we'd faced Kingston Uni dodgy marking at the back. Saturday a glorious day, deserved. And l'm not talking away in the Kingston's strength in attack to go down in the annaJs about copious amounts of fel- quarter-finals of the was starting to pay dividends of history as a day when latio after the game. Bring on with increasing amounts of clouds were swept away the French. Let us real men do BUSA piate possession around our 25yard what the English couldn't. The competition. line and it didn't take long for and the sun brought out French forced us into Cul- them to make it 2. The 2nd by sporting loden and now it's payback Despite three successftil pre- team nerves that have cropped achievement.? time. vious encounters this season up several times this season we tumed up at the Kingston though were nowhere to be Onto amore ' Surrey' note, and found and some stout defend- For sixty minutes on Saturday, I read, with some disappoint- astro somewhat cautiously. England outpiayed and out - In previous BUSA games this ing prevented the Kingston ment that the netball girlies bunch from getting any more thought France Their spirit only managed to swipe one year and last year we had and adventure was tremen- come to appreciate the benefit past Jambo. pair of underpants on a week- dousto watch. But maybe their end away. Tut tut. I don't care of ringers in your side (nota- previous successes against bly Coventry tuming up with Thanks go to Colin, Steve and if they are silk. And I bet you Justin for their coming in and Scotland and Ireland had led even went out with knickers an England player in their 2nd them into a false sense of secu- team in last years Semi-fÌ- helping out at the back and, on. Wouldn't have happened Kingston wanted me to also rity, and they just rested on in my day. I suppose long gone nal!). For this reason we de- their laurels waiting for the cided to cali upon the aid of thaiüc our first choice left back are the girls who would've (who shall remain nameless flood gates to open. Or, and in been back in action after just a Messrs. C. Pacey and S. my opinion, the weaknesses in Russell to strengthen our de- yo' bitch) for his worthy assis- quick wipe of the gusset. Ali tance in tìieir first half attacks. Jack Rowells selection came this was just fields, then. fence up! It should be men- to bear against a side of supe- tioned that Kingston fìelded Man of the match has been a toughie this week, it was sug- rior inventiveness. Against the And as for the 'maleness' of four members of their Ist Celtic nations, these poor sé- men' s hockey 2 s, weil, I cer- team. gested Tigz should get a men- tion for not having a strop with lections didn't matter due to tainly wouldn't question it, England's immense forward nor would I have that done on After some early pressure, and anyone before we realised he hadn't actually played in this power. But, against the these pages. The fact that I was some saves by Jambo (no, re- French, we saw proof that actually bom with the big stick ally!) Mike Beard popped up game! So, this title will re- main undecided for this game. Andy Gommarsall is predict- I play with is irrelevant. at the far post to knock in an- able and cannot play on the other of his now famous 3 The 2nd team now heads on to back foot, and there is no crea- Any way. Au revoir for now, yard sìap ins! The goal suc- the National Semi's against an tiveness in the middle of the as l'm back to my croissants, ceeded in knocking the stuff- as yet unknown opposition, park. Whether it be Carling or garlic and frogs legs. ing out of our oppo and within looking forward to plenty of DeGlanville, one (at least) has a few minutes of the half-time CINGA support from anyone out there to be dropped for Guscott and whistle our No. 9 (enr...me!) keen to watch a bunch of possibly Will Greenwood. managed to deflect a strike blokes playing what some stili Anyway, Rowell seems un- P.S. Any errors in the French I from Steve over the reaching wish to class '...a girls likely to make any changes for can't apologise for as I think arms of their keeper and into sport...'. Anyone wishing to the test in C^diff, where, I everyone should speak Eng- the top of the net to make it question the maleness of the think England will lose. Ha 2-0. It wasn't long before lish anyway. We did have the Mens hockey 2nds should Ha. Beacoup de egg on the even the skipper was joining Empire, after ali. take it up with our cap- face of you English pig dogs! in on the goal action and push- tain!!!!!! ing anodier past the keeper thanks to anotiier quality thni- Shearer ball from Steve! Sport The Netball Team, Sequin Thongs and Men in Tights ! riday 4pm; the netballteam setoff Ffrom campus to go where no Surrey team has gone before. To the depths of bingo and family entertainers performe rs in sequin thongs and men in tights karaoke and desperate blokes the land of smiling, cheerful 'blue coats' always willing to give a helping hand and patronising smile yep, you've guessed it Butlin's Holiday Camp, Bognor Regis! Once welcomed onto the camp by bright neon dolphins headed back early tor tea, the kid's disco (where Sara for the last girlie chat of the and a team of friendly blue toast and left-overs! promptly pulled) and then weekend, the stalwart partiers coats we unpacked the booze onto the adult disco for the We awoke Saturday after- - Sara, Jo and Becky - re- and got stuck into the eve- team challenge to begin. The noon in preparation for our mained until the end and stag- ning. With a bottle of wine, a challenge of leaving the disco netball match against West gered home alone. Sunday bottle of martini and a 24 pack with a pair of worn boxer Sussex Institute. Despite morning most of us could of beer finished (not forget- shorts was the ultimate scor- feeling the effects of the night only manage a quiet drink in ting a drink in the local) we ing event of the weekend; get- before the whole team played the coffee bar before the drive decided to hit Butlins in a big ting free drinks and a stormer and perhaps if the home, Sara and Jo's stamina way. Even before reaching unbuttoning men's shirts on opposition hadn't been com- again put us all to shame with the disco Jo proudly took first the dance floor scored insig- posed of 6' giants (bearing a a last swim our revenge place in the chimder competi- nificant points and was quite scary resemblance to Arnold was had on the joum^ home tion and then accused other frankly too easy ! An adroira- Schwarzenegger) we could when they collapsed into vir- team mraibers of lagging be- ble effort was made by Sara have taken the match. Still tual comas in the mini- hind in their alcohol con- and Helen who returned to the chips and doughnuts on the bus .just wait for the sumption (this was disco wearing the articles but beach made up for our loss! photos!!!!!!!!! immediately rectified by a disqualification was due to and we headed back for a bottle of vodka and a private these shorts being clean and 'Butlins fun pool' swim. We arrived back at campus moment in the ladies!). only 'borrowed'. First place safe and sound (thanks to Dinner and beer in front of was undeniably taken by Hayley !), and with an undam- With the cabaret over the Superman (phooeeer) started Becky who not only removí aged minibus (quite a feet for music turned away from otir evening off nicely and by the silk shorts from their the netball team these days!). tacky singing and dancing 10pm Jo had finally stopped owner but also brought them Cheers to everyone for an un- routines to a more club atmos- dancing on the bed and made home as a tour team steal! forgettable weekend I! ! ! ! ! phere and a good night was the crucial decision on what had by all. Us lightweights The International WA! to wear out (the leather trou- The lightweights gave in to sers). We headed straigjit for exhaustion around 3.30am and headed hack tn the nhalpf