Application for the Award of Degree of Doctor of Philosophy Thesis Title Memories are Not Silence: the trauma of witnessing and art making. A Phenomenological exploration of my lived experience as an artist. Candidate Elizabeth Jean Deshon Woodhams, BTh., MA 2004 Thesis submitted in fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy with the Creative Industries Research and Application Centre (CIRAC) at Queensland University of Technology (QUT) i TITLE OF THESIS: Memories are Not Silence; the trauma of witnessing and art making. A phenomenological exploration of my lived experiences as an artist. ABSTRACT This research investigates formative and definitive lived experiences as two narrative forms - art works and writing. The research seeks to uncover the essential features of these experiences (dominated as they are by my experiences of AIDS and the after effects of war) and bring the two narratives together as a reflexive and reflective dialogue. The 'lens' of my art practice (both written and visual) is predominantly that of a landscape painter -be it 'landscape of faces' (portraits), landscapes of the human form (figurative) or the more traditional descriptions of landscape (especially deserts). Phenomenological research is a particular mode of describing and understanding the contours of lived experience. By a process of self-reflection and critical analysis this research explores various understandings of landscape so as to uncover their structure and meaning and to come to a deeper understanding of how those elements influence my art making. KEY WORDS: memories, silence, art, artists, women artists, art making, trauma, witnessing, phenomenological research, lived experience, writing, HIV/AIDS, hetrosexual voices, war. ii Contents Title of Thesis i Abstract i Key Words i List of Images vi Statement of Original Authorship viii Acknowledgments ix 1. Introduction 1 2. Background to Study 5 3. Theories of Art and Theories of Ethics that Underpin this Study 11 Introduction 11 Art 13 Ethics 16 4. Objectives of the Program of Study and the Relationship to Published Research in the Same Field 20 Unpacking Some Particular Terms 22 Trauma 23 Landscape and Trauma 25 Trauma and Time 25 Obsession, Trauma and Grace 27 An Exercise in Obsession or Making to Our Heart's Content 28 Trauma in My Experience 30 The After Landscape of Trauma 30 The Responsibility of 'Seeing' 32 Bushfires, War and Phenomenological Research 34 Relation to Other Published Work 35 5. Research Methods and Design of the Study 43 Introduction 43 iii Phenomenology as the Most Appropriate Research 'Method' for this Research 47 Research Within One's Own Practice 47 The Conduct of Phenomenological Research 50 Essential Elements of Phenomenological Research and their Relationship to Art Making 52 Phenomenology and Me 54 The Design of the Research Project 55 6. Review of Related Literature 58 Introduction 58 Artists and Lived Experience 58 Artists, Plagues, Wars and Epidemics 61 Artists and War 65 Art and Descendants 68 War Artists 71 Artists and the Holocaust 73 Artists and AIDS 78 Artists and the Experience of Art Making 81 Phenomenological research 82 Artists, Aesthetics and Ethics 82 Artists and Autobiography 85 7. Conduct of the Study 88 Zones of Desire - or Themes in Phenomenological Research 88 'Themes' and 'Essences' 88 'Themes' and the Birthplace of Art 91 'Themes' 92 Conduct of the Study or the Interweaving of 'Texts' 93 The Language of the Books 94 Relationship to Works Produced 96 Analysis of Themes 99 Art works. Book 1 of 12. 100 iv 7a. 'Themes' of Compassion/Empathy, Sameness/Difference and Witnessing 102 Introduction 102 Compassion/Empathy Sameness/Difference 103 Sameness/Difference 107 7b. 'Themes' of Blackness, Despair and Helplessness 112 7c. 'Theme' of Contemplation and Solitude 118 Introduction 118 The Trinity 120 Insights 121 Solitude 122 7d. 'Theme' of A Sense of Place 126 Introduction 126 Memorials and Art 126 The Place of Cemeteries 129 Funerals 130 Mourning and Art 131 7e. The 'Theme' of Intimacy, Art Making and Trauma 134 Trust, Surprise, Trauma and Betrayal 135 8. Exhibition Works 137 Introduction 137 Art Works and Phenomenological Description 138 Reflection on Some Particular Works - the Drought Paintings 142 Ceramic Bowls 144 9. Conclusion 146 How A Dying Baby Became A Waterfall 146 10. Appendices 154 v Appendix 1 Books 1- 12 with Footnotes 154 Appendix 2 Letters to Keith (After his Funeral, Letter from The Gulf, Letter After Ethiopia and Eritrea) 178 Appendix 3 What was it like to sit beside a dying man? 189 Appendix 4 Selected Exhibitions 194 Appendix 5 Details of Images 196 Appendix 6 Selected Papers, Conferences and Publications 198 11. Bibliography 200 vi List of Images Figure No. Facing Page No. 1. The Quilt, 2002 5 2. Ricko, Portrait of a Vietnam Veteran, 1999 6 3. I didn't expect it to be like this,1999 7 4. A Man With AIDS 11, 2000 8 5. My Father's Dreams, 1999 9 6. The Roots and Threads of Meaning, 2003 12 7. Rabbit Trap, 2002 20 8. Figures in Shellac, 2003 21 9. PTSD - So Bloody What? 2002 23 10. Robed Women and Drought, 2002 34 11. Red Blotches, 2002 56 12. Blue Gate, 2002 57 13. Cream Robed Woman, 2003 93 14. So Still, and Silent, and Enduring, 2003 94 15. Sienna Hills of Home, 2002 95 16. Glued writing, 2003 96 17. Ma and the Nurse, Book 1, 2003 98 18. Bundles of Rags, 2003 99 19. Woven Landscape, 2003 102 20. How a Dying Baby Became a Waterfall, Book 10, 2003 111 21. If I start Crying Now, 1999 113 22. Skeletal Man, 2002 114 23. Grief Viewing Grief, 2002 117 24. Duo Becomes the Trinity, 2002 120 vii 25. No Grave/Crosses, 2002 126 26. Beside the Bed, 2002 141 27. Drought Sheep 4, 2002 143 28. I've Always Hated Maggots, 2002 148 29. Dad's Leg and Spoon, 2002 150 30. Dad's Leg/ Keith's Sore 11, 2002 152 viii Statement of Original Authorship The work contained in this document has not been previously submitted for a degree or diploma at any other higher education institution. To the best of my knowledge and belief the document contains no material previously published or written by another person except where due reference is made. Signed: ………………………………………………….. Date: …………………………………………………….. ix Acknowledgements The list of those to whom I owe debts of gratitude would be like the Litany of Saints from boarding school when, after the name of each saint, we would respond 'We give thanks' or 'Pray for us'. I do both for my family, friends and colleagues who have enabled me to embark upon this program of study. I owe particular gratitude to those (apart from my sisters and brothers) who have provided a roof over the head of the student, her books, computer and paints during the conduct of this research - Sybil and John O'Keeffe and Russell and Susan Richards. My thanks are grossly inadequate for the gifts they have all bestowed on me. 'Sometimes we hear and see things and we feel as though our hearts will break and we don't know why'. Some of my experiences of my mother and my father, the wounded soldiers, the wards full of those dying of AIDS - and dying babies - have all, at various times, made me feel as though my heart would break. The ways in which our heart thinks itself capable of breaking may be a mystery but the causes of the suffering to which our heart 'listens' are not so mysterious - they are simply the result of our not understanding and not caring in the 'right' ways. Many have said that 'art cannot change the world' - but neither can science, psychology or economics unless they are employed by creative caring human beings who use whatever gifts they may have to assuage the suffering of others. I here acknowledge my debt to those artists who so clearly 'hear' the 'voices of silent suffering' and by so doing give succor and encouragement to those of us who might be '50 years' behind. It is commonplace in pages such as this to acknowledge the support, assistance and guidance of one's supervisors. My supervision, by Associate Professor David Hawke, Ms. Jill Barker and Mr. Donal Fitzpatrick has never been commonplace and has matched - even surpassed - the level of support offered by the University to its Post Graduate students which I have experienced as outstanding. It has taken me some time to allow myself to stop and to ‘rise to the occasion’ of this program of research. I am enormously grateful to my supervisors that, when I did stop, my study was welcomed, supported and guided with humour, great patience and wisdom. 1 1. INTRODUCTION As will be argued in this study, art arises from conflict, a disjunction between what we do and do not understand. 'Conflict' as it is used in this study does not always allude to negative experiences because we can be as puzzled by experiences we describe as 'beautiful' as we can be by those we describe as 'awful' and 'terrible'. That conflict and disjunction can give rise to 'trauma' that can be experienced as along a continuum from moderate to severe. In the context of this study, art could be described as the negotiation - a search for an understanding of the meaning - of that conflict. This search for understanding and meaning is the bedrock focus of a program of study. Any study has three essential components. First, to identify the puzzle or problem that one seeks to understand. Second, how one solves those problems and who and what assisted in the task of resolution, and third, what result or conclusion emerged from the study.