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TW M04MI iM* >i»«* !• '»•» *fc^ OH BiiMki *4(« jm.»»< *• »•* *nia«l r*bi>M(vi «4 gB»»ii VUJkkMk M^ ^M /Mitily t, fwnlf« ML koMV «»«< iM f«<»'>ii>ii AM tlfWt^ !*• MMtrir*- t>t« krttiui tmaH <• «•« M th« •fIflMl jUl^mc«|lll««t tM( tt* tM|< ^ ^ •«*ii HOWOtlBs MOflta, itotlts (f«« MM4t< Ktr Ui4 K&C. I iMfc K «, t yAa »M «i tirtl »• VMM li Wnif*," *M M «MM>4 tM«-W^K« wiW. Il>«| -n* WU W.IUII •«« lka*f fM* "TTW Ms^^^ «„• «u» h,!, ^ _„_..^^, ^. to«M/ r»<«*« J^«ar (Kihttiiiyii muniiy. No one regrels this more lhan The Smoke In: what the lHg}iSodeiy.h-was notthe I i^ So Did It Really Mean? should be sent to Semper, either via snail mail: Semper, c/o Student Union, ciety or the Student Union -vAio asked University of Queeensland, SI Lucia 4067. Or you could come dovt/n to dozens cf police onto campus -it isthe Whilst thus year's O-Wcck was a mild Semper and deliver it to us in person, or fax it to us on 377 2220,Views and Dn The death of a relationship is a hard parents, or your relations. ten to your blub time for all iiumans to bear, I can only You can't stop yourself trying to help or ber. Don't pick genuinely give a temaie's point of saying those horrible words such as someone who has view, but as a female wilh male friends "just put it behind you" or "just forget just broken up with it has always seemed more of a hu about it. they weren't good enough for his Of her ownl man pain than a male/female pain. you anyway". Thanks Mum, but it partner, nor some When our relationships falter and fail doesn't help. How do you get over them one who didn't likej as they inevitably must, for one rea when you have all the same friends your partner. son or another, we all go through a except a few old ones, and everyone Sometimes it'sl period of deep mourning and change. keeps asking wnat happened? "What's good lo just write it It doesn't matter who did Iho ending, wrong?" How does get stuffed sound? down, "/ou could *•* . . :'** ^^ or how it came to pass. All that re always make an No one wants to be depressed or boring mains is a sense of loss. Both parties attemptto bottle it to be around. Yet still, we would all like to feel it and it manifests itself in our ac up, bul if you do, make everyone feel miserable when we tions. Some people allow the pain to be prepared for a are beyond clieering up. "Leave me pass Ihrough them and heal accord long period of re atone, I wanl to sulk" is an ofl coined ingly, others experience deep regret sentment and an phrase Ihat is just as often misinterpreted and a need to hold on to the empti inevitable emo ness, others try to patch it over and by well meaning friends as il is used. They tional explosion of| *mi ignore it. Some of us tend to go to ring you up and tie up the phone when all some kind (hope extremes and still others try lo stifle you want to do is sit next to it and wait for fully it won't happen next time you're in want to gel back together. Use the con their natural feelings of bereavement. the 'apcbgy call' or the 'I'm lost without town and see them wilh someone versation to make ail your misunder- But all in all, it hurts. It really huds. you, let's try again'call. It may never hap else!). Jealously really is a curse, and slandirgs clear lo you, and your ex. pen, but you'd rather not wonder if they so is obsession. What is the point in No one can truly appreciate how you tried to ring while your friend was trying making their life hell? It certainly wont' Anyway, breaking up is hard lo do, feel. They can be sympathetic and un to drag you oul to make you feel better. bring them running back to you with a making up is never easy olah blah, and derstanding, but nothing they do or say It's far worse when they do call, and bunch of flowsrs will it? The very best it happens to people all over the world will ever make up for what you feel and then il's only lo speak to your flatmate you can do is handle yourself wilh dig everyday. Don't lose yourself in your can't express. Even if you want to let or '.0 ask for their toothbrush back. nity and pride. Be honest with yourself, agony, don't blame every*hing and eve go, you may find it difficull, even im and ask them to talk about it with you. rybody except yourself; you should You could get really bitter and twisted possible. The reason being is that all Afterall, you were partners once, and have oeen given a decent explanation that emotion takes time to melt away. with all that disappointment hanging just because you're not now it doesn't if you had a decent partrer. It's a good And as we who have experienced this in the air around you. My God, does mean you can't discuss things like de pain, ils a growing pain and you are a know, only time can heal that empti it ever end? Well, yes of course it cent adults. It may clear a lot of things better oerson for having loved some ness. Someone new helps a lot. But if does, but maybe nol this week. up, but don't expecl it to solve anything. one and given of yourse I, the relationship was a long or an in Depending on your personality, you Mosl importantly, don't expect that talk You're always who you are, and a thou tense one, that won't fix the pain for a may want to talk it all out with some ing about why you broke up means that sand break-ups can'l take that away. good while yet. It is truly depressing lo one, if this is what you need to do, pick they have changed their minds and see your friends go through it, or your someone who will be quiet and just lis- Anissa AND IN worthy and enjoyable than drinking wine inside in the night is anyone's guess. Why can't we just have a proper drink now and then, and not be fobbed off with all this loutishness and old bed linen? My honest opinion is that the toga party was a hackneyed, worn-out excuse for a return of "Schoolies." It's not that I don'l like BEEEEE-AHH!, I'm just not a fan of vomit, college songs or loud, supposedly deep and meaningfil, talks about proof labels. If you're a typical toga party person and you're drunk, just do your peers a favour and keep your tiny inebriated mind to yourself. So, to the toga party then I came, where a cauldron of beery gonkles hissed aboulmtne-e.ars. The train(s) to Toowong were a typicali^ueensVairid Rain jrdBuction (S||ueeze On In), with a 15-minute,,delay at Sti;athplne^so4he( "giiard could v|alk up and dovyi||the^.train, tjien gel out of th')^,.train ar^tf^alk'' up-and dow|Ti;.t])e plgtform^THer^-was a||mail contingent|p1 oafs in togas bii|, encoyracilngly, tbey^'|(^Mi^'"9 '^/shed at. By|r<^|wong station the sn^all gjtjrtingent had^f^W^^^Ia'sizea^^ one,^i^|ts ered to be a toga-like fashion (what about having a dhoti party, or a knee britches dents to develop responsible, civilized drinking habits rather than sending them and periwig party, just to show how dumb ripping off historical garb for a piss-up off once a year to gel shit-faced? really is?) Aclually. my whole stream of oafaphobic consciousness was set in motion by a I know everyone has the righl lo enjoy themselves and not be threatened by fellow I met at the bus slop as I was leaving. "Did you realize," he asked me, low-life primates, but at the toga party I seemed to'encounter nothing but low-life Ihal in forty years' time a lot of these kids will be running the country?" And he primates. There were some wallies with leaves wrapped around their noggins in was right. In forty years those blanket-clad brats will be top lawyers, doctors, a vaguely laurel-wreath-like fashion. I was accosted by one of,those people, a engineers and bureaucrals. And apart from the fact that by then they'd have two pimply, scrawny jerk who yelled '\vheresyertogamate, har har har!" What a merry Mercedes cars and at least one coronary, they'll all be exactly the same as they lad, a fellQw of infinite-iest.and a prick. "Wheresyertogamate" seemed lo be were forty years before. And I ran off into the bushes lo be sick. "Hey, running gag. Weajir^ something that hadn't been bought from Captain Snooze , wheresyertogamate" said the supine heap of drunk I'd just thrown up on. '*" '"J' was appa^ntly afhideous iransgression of Ihe lemming-like rules of conformity (Oh, by the way, I've just read Ken Lord's v;rite-up of the Toga Party in The Jtf that t»gan fepefate as alf that beer mixed with all Ihat long-dormant testosterone Sunday Mail, Brisbane's leading brand of budgerigar-cage liner. Apparently 'Ihou- .llf ^^ 9^s^''09fn.,|^y tie pfifay have cost more tharf^their.togas, but I still fell as sands of students turned St Lucia's Sir Fred Schonell Drive into a v/hite river." It ^n^icuoulan<|>unwjfeme as a plaid polar b6aii^ii*d:t>een at the party for was actually more of a yellow river, with flecks of while and Ihe occasional chunk |bo,t3t half an|iQ|ir.be^re;| m^i^ypne I knew who'd-admit they knew mo. I mot of carrot. Furthermore, Ken the Lord asks us "wouldn't you be tense at the sight Isonie Engineering acquairita^^^Hltrthere's so many familiar faces around" of a while wave stuffed with hormones, high spirits and enough energy to v/ipe sai(jl one of them. So that wa^||^9 toga party was just another opportunily to away St Lucia?" expand the Hawken "Brazil" BuWfri^'s already extensive collection ot Engineers dj:inkir||;beer and singing%itly songs about drinking oeer. That must have been (Oh, Kenny. You'll go blind.) Marcus Salisbury siwhy tfie^conversation was so awful. Apart |^pnT@)iquitous^j|te|esy^ogama^,||J^also hegd^*llkeyertfemate, liesufemateMsd "^vhere^lpiritrtl^." A'^^r^^pjetly ^pfjoaWeci HTeHipL "Ex- icusepe, I jusf^nled t^*^^-" she |?;d. in|^very nicp^un-soul«il'way,"... |wher^yertogaiMte?" Oh, ^^y. Shegas ano^er apparently swfef and sensi- 'ble y|ung lady Making J rrBskke a^t of ui^^ally sweei-andlsehsible young tadi^'S'make: ie,fmnp|§fnat|i their ©ck-ape i^ate fri|ndV<^riVfor drink. Sorry gais. You're being c6'nn'ed l^ screviing your heaj^ijlb/trendojd ad campaigns, just like us proud owners of a "Y" chromosome have been for.y«ars. This causes trouble, at least for most ot you. The big problem caused by mixing beer with oestrogen (apart from ail the car smashes and headaches) is the old horror- story of waking up in the wee hours of next morning underneath a bloke who looked like Christian Slater last night, bul wholias apparently changed into Pe ter Reith. This Is a fate worse than death, and I suppose prevention is better than having to saw yourself irPhalf to get^ut from under him. It'd be a lovely world where yye^i^lD{6§ll get slosHted and not' have to worry about being raped or rolled, but tf^^^p^n't lovely, (^^ore immediate:|e*||^binge-drinici^ sends ils perpetraSij^V back down-lfi^cltl aind eyoiut^nary^scales. You's^iyast ^ years Ic^^dncess School Japtairi^overtgBre|^WeM, slfeygolng to down two ^cans of Rdurex Lite apd theeel over an||ell^u abodthow she had oral sex * with a voJ^J|)all play,eV on ^'hoolie^' And tfafgeeky twefp standing next to her ^ with,tj)e'^^^ln|#t|^a pt^et, he^s going^lb|g(opose marriage to her just after ^i^fcstafts to rfifi^Being Way dranf^and happy, sheJlUccept and they'll both wake up In Gonkleboro, Massachusetts at midday Ibniorrow and they won't come back unlil either the novelty or the spermicide wears off. I'm tyring to make the point that some ugly situations inevitably arise from this sort of event. To put it a bit more crudely, all these wretched "More beer" Eton Rifle beer-mgby bastards should get their brains out of their dicks and grow up Support and report and show some respect for the rights and needs of others. David Shankey wrote a letter published in last year's Semper (pg. 5, April issue) in which he slates There's a lol you can do to Need help? Security operates there is "a list of sexual assaults as long as your arm," however*^most victims boost your own personal 24 hours a day on the St (possibly due to the (act that they were very dnink and therefore not altogether safely — and just as much Lucia, and Gatton College confident of wining their cases) refused to press charges. More beer, eh boys? you can do to help others. campuses - It doesn't matter how many poor buggers are trying to do good by handing out phone 1800 800 123 (free "no means no" cards (and a rousing reception they got), what matters is the Take care... be aware! call). youngsters Ihemselves making an effort. And to put it realistically, *hey're not for others as well :is for going lo. According to Shankey's letter, there has been at least one near-death yourself by watching, sup at a toga party In the recent past. Throwing a whole load of randy, scantily clad porting and reporting. drunks together In a relatively confined space is unlikely to modify their views about one-night-stands, sexual harassment or alcohol poisoning. Shoot me t''ii.Siifi-|>aX'nivi'i>Hy page seven y^ \^ Whilst the boys on screen get the camaraderie, the /\lC\ mateship, and the good roles, it appears female characters have ^ O ^^^^ f&legated to the second division. Hampered by a lack of decent ^\^J roles, and having to work in a testosterone dominated environment, it seems that \y HoHollywood has lost the plot (again). Semper feature writer, Elizabeth Georgiades looks at the Q>S raw deal women are getting in the cinema, and gives the Dream Factory a long overdue kick in the plot device. It is commonly bnown and com The film I want to begin with is Fall- Bul do we really need to know what Consider A Few Good Men as a film plained about that there are few ing Down. Michael Douglas" char- happened? It's enough to see her re- looking in the direction in repre- good female roles in movies. Ac acier seems justified in what he act aggressively to Thelma's almost senting men and women equally, tresses of Michelle Pfeifer to Meryl does. Yeah. he"s lost his job. yeah, being raped to understand tJie dev- Obviously it is a Tom Cruise film, Sueep's calibre are noted ii^ \he he's divorced and yeah, he's had a astaiing effects etched in her mind another in many attempts to revive media for saying so. I have no idea bad day. Remember Fatal Attrac and body. If women retaliate with his flagging career (at the time). So about movie statistics, but I thin}? it tion? Glenn Close's portrayal of threats and intent to cause bodily the tide needs working on? Rome V70uld be fair to say that there are AJex was so frighteningly imense it harm they are labelled a bitch. For was not built in a day. What is strik lot of women who go to the mov had male audiences in America instance, there is a scene in The ing about this film and possibly ies. So if there are a lot of female leaving the auditorium. Producers Accu-sed where Jodie Foster's char grabbed all of Hollywood because viewers et the cinema, why then are changed the original character acter sees her rapist driving on ihe of its originality was that there was there so few good role models? Close plays to suit their needs. She road, her intent to smash into him no sex. I find it surprising because Some of you might asb, and rightly, was made out to be psychotic as causes him fear. And again in the Americans do it so well on cel whal is meant by good role mod well as neurotic which was a resul: Thelma and Louise caused e lot of luloid that it is an art form, hence els? From a feminist standpoint. I from being career oriented. When concern amongst its critics about all the those specials on the great would tabe that to mean noi being you dissect all the bullshit they heap the extent of unnecessary violence. est kisses on screen etc etc. The ab portrayed as a second class citizen, on her, you come down to one One wonders whether this concern sence of sex might deter some of not being marginalised by the point: she wanted him, he wanted arose from the facl that they were you however it is worthwhile view masculinisi storyline in the film, her. They had sex. What happened women causing this commotion ing. It's not only a good film about given equal storyline lime to deal is nothing unusual since most men and that in Hollywood appears to male/female working relationships with concerns and issues that most back away immediately when con be unconventional and risque. it is also self-indulgent of American women deal with. fronted by a woman's right to be as propaganda. Bul that's another sertive even if it means taking an ag Films get their ideas from people story, see JFK instead. The trend has largely been in mak gressive line. This is not about the and make them larger than life. It's ing buddy movies or movies that morality of the characters actions, about the reality of gender roles There are few films that portray have male characters as the lead as it is aboul the film's ami-feminist and that we haven't broken from women characters like Jane well as hero who saves or tries to conieni which stereotypes women the habitual stereotyping of our Campion's The Piano. Films like The save the day whilst wining the giri as home wreckers because they selves. We justify our lackings by Age of Innocence and Ethan Frome as well. Male aciors have many and have a career instead ofa marriage, colouring them with Hollywood's may strive for similar recognition diverse roles to pick and choose It is about equal representation as superficial idealism, I read in an is but is coloured by male observa from, and women are once again the sexual aggressor. And further sue of The Sunday Mail that we tions. Orlando is a wonderful film marginalised. In Backlash: The un more if Close's character is to be loved Pretty Woman because it ap examining both feminine and mas declared war against feminism. stereotyped as the olher woman pealed to our sense of true love, and culine stereotypes over the years. Faludi gives a brilliant account of who can't get her own man because so the same could be said for Sleep True Romance is unique in that it Hoilywood trends in representing she has a career, then Douglas' less in Seattle. It appears that peo expresses female violence in the female characters. One thing is sure character should also be stere ple cope with failed relationships or tradition of The Last Boy Scout and it has never been a constant repre otyped as an adulterer rather than broken marriages so they 'd much Reservoir Dogs, I do not justify gra sentation, nor has any truth been a survivor of casual sex with his rather fantasise about the real thing tuitous violence but if it is going to attached to it. Women have been marriage intact. Alex's victimisation on screen than look at themselves. be a feature in films then by all portrayed as passive pill-popping not only by the makers of the film means acknowledge female vio wives to femme faiales to overly bu: also by the film's society is no: Traditionally women have been lence. ambitious career minded women to in the least acknowledged. Douglas' portrayed as the submissive hero being submissive wives (which is character in Falling Down also e ine who comes to the realisation The problem of finding good roles where they shouid've been left in victim of the social system conveys that she must give up something. for women to play is largely i be the first place if you were to listen to the audience ihrough its treat her identity perhaps in order to find lieve an artistic one. We need more to Hollywood), The poinl is that we ment of the character a sense of jus true romance and happiness. The writers, gender unspecified, to cre make up if not the major tification for his suburban angst. sacrifice of ambitions and identity ate quality female roles. Hollywood ity at least half the is the real female condition. This actresses have started to form their population and are Rape is also presented as being perpetual moulding of women's own production companies to no where near against the woman in films. The Ac identities is never ending. For ex combat this problem. Bette Midler given equally cused comes to mind. To this day I ample in the Lethal Weapon One produced and starred in For the good film cannot look at a pinball machine and Two have simply been lethal to Boys, and Barbara Streisand pro roles as men. without disgust. Unless we've been , the female characters, they die. In duced, directed and starred in The physically violated there is no way the third Lethal Weapon, Rene Prince of Tides without a doubt a we can understand the extent of Russo is portrayed as Gibson's dou superb film yet was discriminated deprivation of privacy a rape ble and they engage in boasting against so openly at the Oscars and victim would feel, matches about whose got the most was bypassed a nomination in the Thelma scars etc etc. and there are the fight year of the woman 1 might add. and scenes where Russo stands on her Louise own. And surprise surprise, she sur If films were meant as a projection also vives a gun shot Wound, Despile her of the reality of the human condi initial credibility as a tough female deals tion, the idealism of transcending cop. this is soon overridden as she with rape. Lousie gender stereotypes, even a por is there ultimately as Gibson's love can't even bring her trayal of the truthfulness about gen Interest since his previous attempts self to relive the mere der stereotypes, then something at finding the righl one were deadly. narration of her rape, leaving funny happened on the way to the J'n a mystery lo the audience. editing room. \ Depressed? Psychotic/ Neurotic? Or a woman with a gun? Nobody ever does deep psychoanalysis on Arnie, but it happens lo women anytime they show aggression on screen. JAMtS B BEAM DlSULLINGCXJ •CLERMOM • BEAM • ki VTHKY 9 BRIE F HIS T 0 R Y 0 F DRUG USE People have been using a variety of drugs for recreational, ritual and medical purposes since the dawn of civilisation. Virtually every civilisation has had their drug of choice, prepared from an indigenous plant. Opium was used by the Sumerians 7000 years ago, alcohol was brewed by the Egyptians 5500 years ago and bolh cannabis and lea were used in China over 5000 years ago. (There is some evidence Ihat cannabis fibre was used over 12000 years ago!). Tobacco was introduced to Europe by Colombus in 1493, fn the nineteenth century throughout most of the Western world drug use was completely deregulated. Its use was a matter for the individual and opium, cannabis and (after it was synthesised in 1898) heroin could all be purchased from a pharmacist without a prescription. Medicine did not enjoy significant respect and patent medicines were widespread. The three most common ingredients of patent medicines were opium, alcohol and cannabis. A BRIEF HISTORY OF PROHIBITION 1925 and 1931 laid down the framework madness. It found that cannabis use the liver are toxic. The kinds of chro for which signatory nations were lo leg was more extensive than oelieveo, tha: mosome breakages linked to cannabis Almost as long as drugs have beer islate. Australia particioated in and rati cannabis was less addictive tnan eithe- are also shown by aspirin, paracetamo' used, there have been attempts to fied these conventions as a conse- alcohol or opium, that moderate use lee and thousands o< other common drugs stamo tnem out. In the seventeentP QuencG of the international communi to no injurious mental effects and tnat Most ol tne research on lung cancer and century tobacco was outlawed in sev ty's - in particular Great Britain's - ac- cannabis was not causally linked to in cannabis have been conducted usinc eral German states, as well as Russia Quiescence to the USA's viewpoint, with sanity. The La Guardia Committee on oalients who were known smokers c* and the Ottoman Empire where its use little independent consideration. In'act fvlarijuana 1938-44 in New York was the tobacco as well as cannabis, with no carried the death penalty. Coffee was a telegram from (later PM) Stanley first major American inquiry. It confirmed attempt to account for the damage aom: also prohibited in parts of Germany and Bruce to PM Joseph Lyons pointed out these conclusions and added that there by the tobacco smoke, and few of the the 1736 Gin Act of England was en that the "United Kingdom has taken the was no causal link between cannabis studies have taken inlo account the fac; acted with the intention oi making Gin necessary legislative action to ratify the use and criminal activity. Olher inQui'- that even the mosl regular cannao s so expensive as lo be generally una [Hague] Convention within the specified les which have come to similar conclu smoker inhales considerably less than vailable to the poor. All of these attempts time" and "the United Kingdom govern sions, and recommended that the oer- any tobacco smoker. The bottom line s at prohibition failed. ment would be severely embarrassed sona! use of cannabis be decriminalisea that cannabis has been in known uso (if Australia did not ratify)". for over 5000 years and in that time not The modern era cf orohibition began or legalized include the Siler report one death or one case of lung cancer with attemots to limit the use of opium. Although cannabis had been used (1932, Panama), Wootoon report (1968, has been linked to cannabis, and ye: In the nineteenth century opium was a throughout Europe as an intoxicant UK), Le Dain report (Canada, 1972) and alconoi ana tobacco Kill tnousanos o' significant international trading com since Napoleons soldiers returned from the Shafer reoort (1973, USA), Ali o' people every a ay. modity, the British government being Egypt in 1800, few concerns about its these reports were ignored to a greater one of the biggest dealers. In fact the use had been voiced. The first concerns or lesser extent oy their respective gov Cannabis may not be dangerous in it opium wars were fought with China to raised were in the British colonies of ernments. self but it leads people on to harder ensure the British governments right to India and Egypt. The British Govern Some of the arguments forthe prohibi drugs which are dangerous sell opium in China against the Chinese ment instigated an extensive inquiry into tion of cannabis are as follows This argument is simply in contradictioi governments wishes. Ihe effects of cannabis and, as detailed of the facts. The large majority of can below, found the concerns groundless. We already have two dangerous drugs, In Australia, the lirst legislation prohib nabis users have never tried any othe' Nevertheless, delegates from Egypt why should we introduce another? Le iting drugs was introduced and pro illicit drugs. Furthermore, many of tne raised the issue of cannabis at the 1925 galising cannabis will result in increased moted on a wave of anti-Chinese rac users who are led on to narder drugs Hague Convention and. with the sup use, which will mean increased harm ism. Only the use and sale of opium for are done so by coming into contact witn port of the USA and over the objections for the community smoking - a habit practised almost ex the underground network of drug use^s oi Greal Britain were successful in hav This argumenl is the most commonly clusively by Chinese immigrants • was and sellers in order to acquire canna ing cannabis added to the list of drugs used one of advocates for prohibition. prohibited. The use of opium in medi bis. Thus the 'gateway' effect can be which governments would seek to con For starters, it implies that cannabis is cines, and the use of laudanum (tinc seen as a consequence of prohibition - trol. Cannabis was not originally in comparably as dangerous as alcohol ture of opium), both widespread if cannabis could be obtained openly cluded in the list of prohibited drugs in and tobacco which is untrue, as detailed amongst all classes of (white) society there would be no need for this contact several Australian states, but was below. But most importantly il assumes were both allowed lo continue. to be made. added by proclamation as a result of that prohibition slops people from us The next step in the development of the the treaty. There is no evidence of con ing drugs. This was not Irue in the sev These arguments against prohibition do current legal regime came as the medi cerns about a cannabis problem in Aus enteenth century, was not true during not even cover the arguments about the cal profession throughout the Western tralia before Ihis lime, or for several dec alcohol prohibition in the USA and is not enormous cost incurred by our legal world sought to bring ths use of medi ades afterwards. true now. There is some evidence that system in trying to enforce unenforce cines exclusively under their own con I the opposite is true. By being illegal. able prohibition laws, the harm done to trol. No longer were non-medical prac CANNABIS-MYTHSAND FACTS cannabis may have a greater appeal to drug education and treatment programs titioners to be free to self-prescribe. The ' adolescents than it would otherwise when they cannoi be conducted in an Harrison Ac* (1914) in the USA and The reasons behind the prohibition of have. The teenage consumption rates open manner, the damage done lo oth- similar legislation in Australia from cannabis have never been publicly jus for cannabis are considerably higher in envise lawrful citizens in prison, the dis 1917-1927 ensured that opium, co tified. (Nor in my opinion can Ihey be the USA and Australia than they are in respect for the law and police that en caine, heroin and morphine were all il publicly justified). Throughout the twen the Netherlands, where cannabis use sues from outlawing a large part of so legal, excepl on the written prescription tieth century the official reasoning has is decriminalised. ciety, the significant economic benefits of a medical practitioner. run contrary to the scientific research that can be obtained from hemp as a Cannabis is more dangerous than al done on Ihe effects of cannabis, and in commercial crop or the havoc wreaked Early this century, as now, the USA led cohol or tobacco. As it is fat soluble it many cases has run contrary to Ihe rec on our notions ot individual liberty by the international campaign for the pro remains in the body longer and thus ommendations of committees estab invasive prohibition laws. hibition of drugs. As is well known, al lished by the governments. For much causes more damage. It is linl 4° »e. t^ ^?,^'' w«' EXPOSING 9^'rtt^ tx^^" THE CASE AGAINST benzoprene... and they are found in pot DECRIMINALISATION smoke in amounts which are 50 to 100 OF MARIJUANA per cent GREATER than are found in tobacco smoke. And, of course, there Decriminalisation of marijuana can only are the cannabinoids wh:ch exist only be debated if the arguments are based in the cannabis plant.,., on facts. Sir Humphrey Appleby may tetrahydrocannabinol, one of the declare that "facts complicate Ihings" cannabinoids, acts on the brain, lhe bul it is on them I rest my case. An art iungs, the reproductive organs.,, on ful campaign by the proponents of other organs,., in fact, ON EVERY decriminalisation !o present the drug in CELL in the body" an acceptable light can easily be chal lenged. This campaign has presented Classifying Ihe smoking of cannabis as the drug as "harmless"; the crime of its a "victimless" crime, belies the facts. In use as a "victimless" crime and, rather my submission to the CoC I included desperately, they extol its "therapeutic" court cases of crimes ranging from value. In their defence of the drug murder and rape to arson where the mythinformaticn abounds. accused were under the influence of cannabis. In some cases Ixith alcohol As long ago as 1978. at the 7th Inter and cannabis were involved. Dr Gerald national Congress of Pharmacology Miiner of the Victorian Department of where papers on the biological effects Health is Australia's foremost re of marijuana were presented, eminent searcher into the driving hazards asso researchers came to these findings as ciated with marijuana use and its posi recorded in their concluding summary tive connection with the road toll. Or QsigQei in Iheir published book of the proceed Miiner has found cannabis adversely ings of the Conference, Q. "Does can affects perception skills, reflec action, nabis cause damage to the body?" A, co-ordinalion, braking time, mood, "The phrase used in the summary of the judgement and other motor skills. No session on reproduction, doubl High Society would prefer to ig 'incontestablement nocif, is justified. nore DrMilner's findings. Studies with chronic administration re When Elaine Walters, a Victorian con veal long-term darT>age to lungs, repro On a recent TV programme (Decem munity worker and recipient of Church ductive function, and the immune sys ber 1993), 3 former users of cannabis ill Fellowship to extend her studies on tem. The fact that cannabinoids are now suffering respiratory ailments and cannabis visited the Netherlands, which cumulative accentuates the risk. Now other debilitating effects, were inter the proponents of drug liberalisation that structural changes in the central viewed. They were resentful that the laws regard as very "enlightened", she said: 'Tha Netherlands is a couniry nen/ous system have been described dangers of cannabis-smoking were not where liberal drug policy is failing. When that outlast exposure to the drug, the presented to them and all stated they I was there speaking with parent reversibility of the effects of long-term would not have indulged in the drug if groups, the "Junky Union" and police, use, including that on memory, comes they hac known. The truth is, of course, there was an ovenvhelming feeling of into question". information has been available for a mixed resignation, indifference and de- long time and Drug Education pro Q. Is cannabis addictive? A. Tolerance ^spairi»-Amslerdam is regarded as the gramme In our schools are lax if they p^ occurs lo the psychic action, as well as .\DnJ9C?ap"Aai ot Europe and government are not getting the messagejacross.|^ lo many other effects. Characteristic : officials frorn surrciunding countries and "Vfctims" are not only those w^1osuffer^ withdraw symptoms devetop; these are 'peq>le Iconsulted atthe United Nations the more striking because of the slow through personal use. There are the? made it quite dear to me they were most elimir\aV;on of cannabis from the body, families who watch a personalilyr disturbed by the Dutch policy." Elaine withdrawal from Iho tissues must be change and health problems in a fam-- Waters added;-"1 have been unable to slow. Psychic dependence is shown by ily member; the emptoyer who has to find any example of an epidemic pat the facl that consumption is not merely suffer poor workmanship and the tax tern of drug abuse in any couniry which 10 avoid withdrawal symptoms but to payer who has to contribute toward the has been overcome without Implemen maintain the psychic effecl; lo quote treatment of those physically or psycho tation of sanctions against users ard from the study on pain and memory, as logically damaged by cannabis. traffickers; however, where laws have tolerance developed, '1he subjecis wero In debating whether cannabis use been liberalised the problem has been complaining that the cigarettes were no should be decriminalised we must lake exacerbated". longer producing a 'high'". Cannabis advantage of the knowledge of the ef satisfies the usual rrileria lor an addic fects such legislation has had overseas. As Alddus Huxley cautions in his Pref tive drug. There we find that it results in more ace to "Brave New World" dictatorial people experimenting with the drug; Governments will offer new freedoms Those presenting papers at the Rheims more experimenters becoming regular to Ihe populace while, at the same time, Congress were pharmacologists, physi users and more regular users becom removing or diminishing some of their ologists, psychiatrists, biologists, gy ing addicts. Such is the sociology of basic political and economic freedoms naecologists, biochemists etc. Would drug-taking when it is given pseudo-re (freedom of speech is certainly dimin those who demonstrated an ovineshow spectability. The present laws must be ishing in Australia). Huxley adds "In con of approval for decriminalisation at the acting as a deterrent for many young junction with the freedom to daydream "pot-in" refuse to believe Ihe findings of people. The fewer consumers (without under the influence of dope, the mov experts in their own discipline?,., espe whom there would be no drug problem), ies and the radio (no doubt today he cially in the field of the exact sciences. the less profits forthe exploiters. would add television), it will helpio rec Dr, Carlton Turner was the Director of a oncile his (the dictalor's) subjects to the Government-sponsored Marijuana Re In the first six months afler California servitude which is their fate. "Remem search Project al the University of Mis decriminalised marijuana arrests for ber also that Orwell's Newspeak for sissippi and was often called "The man driving under the influence of drugs in 'Ireedom" was "slavery". creased 46.2% for adults and 71.4% for who knows more about marijuana than A Courier (vfail report (1st March 1994) anyone else in the world." More than juveniles. When Oregon decriminalised il in 1973, many thought it was legal that a highly potent hybrid cannabis 10 years ago (and much more research being grown in New Guinea was being has been done since then) Dr Turner ised, and were smoking it on the streets. When a referendum, via a citizen peti snuggled inlo Australia shows the risks was saying "ll (cannabis) is by far the run by users of the drug. Even if the mosl complex of all ihe illegal drugs. tion process was held in Oregon in 1986 to legalise the drug the proposal was drug wore decriminalised and the Gov So far, we have identified 421 diferent ernment controlled its distribution and chemicals ... 50 different types of waxy defeated 3 to 1, Alaskans were so dis turbed by the dramatic increase in mari its strength (i.e. became the pusher and hydrocarbons (which help make the lar reaped the monetary rewards) a black in pot smoke) 103 different terpines juana use after decriminalisation that they, by popular referendum in 1990 re- marktel in stronger varieties would de which, like the tars, are irritating to the velop. iungs... 12 fatting acids... 11 steroids... criminalised it. This reversal of policy 20 nitrogen compounds. There are toxic was also influenced by the facl that 25% It may be advisable for those who use agents including carbon monoxide, of applicants applying to assist in clean the drug to abstain for three months to ammonia, acetone and benzene. There ing up Ihe Prince William Sound oil slick allow themselves to think more clearly are also cance'-causing chemicals in were testing THC positive and could not about the problems which cluding benzathracene and be employed. decriminalisation would create. Hilda Brooks 12. THE FACTS ABOUT MARIJUANA - increased risk oi cancer ol throat, longue and iroulh I am Counselling Co-ordinator with an organi - greatly impairs lung and respiratory illnesses sation called DRUG-ARM, I have a Bachelor - adversely effects Ihe reproductive system of of Social Science Degree, am an ex-drug ad the male and female dict and have been in prisons in 'our states in - causes alterations to sperm, testostcfono and Australia. In other v/ords 1 am not just another oestrogen levels academic, I KNOW the facts. - increased risk of impairment lo unborn chil One of the ma;or arguments I get when par dren ents bring young people in to see me, "but it's - adversely affects the heart (tachycardia and decriminalised in S.A. and A.C.T.: blood pressure) Let me give you some statistics irom these two Itl. Did vou know that high does ol marijuana states and the United States of America, has resulted in the following psycholoxic ef fects? South Australia vs New South W ales (i) confused and disorganised thinking What follows is an extract from the Report irom (ii) anxiety that can replace euphoria reaching the Effects of Cannabis Legislation in South Australia on Levels of Cannabis Use from the panic proportions Monitoring, Evaluation & Alcohol Services (iii) hallucinations, delusions and feelings of Council in S.A, page 24. The report compared paranoia SCHOOL CHILDREN'S SURVEYS. Percent {iv) depersonalisation and a loss of a sense of age of school children aged 13 to 16 years who time reported use of cannaois on a weekly oasis. IV. It is now known that psychiatric conditions associated wilh ma'ijuana use may result in a When these figures are interpolated they snow that in each age group ihere was a higner use ;a) scnizopnrenic like stale in South Australia than Nev/ South Wales (b) psychosis tnat can be acute or chronic where the penalties on cannabis ate far heavier ic) the iikeiihood of contir.ueo use in young and which has not decriminalised the drug. adulthood can be the result ol heavy marijuana ijse in adolescence 13 year olds .... 21% higher than NSW :d) 'flashbacks" can occur long after use has 14yearoids 16% higher than NSW stopped because of ils transient or acjle men 15 year olds 40% higher than NSW tal disturbances 16 year olds 31% higher than NSW (e) tolerance the more that is used, the more Another government study surveyed the use that is needea ol canna'pis in the A.CT. compared lo N.S,W. (f; dependence producing and withdrawal This stuoy surveyed adolescent males ano fe symptoms both occur with cannabis use i.e. it males v/ho used cannabis on a monthly basis, is physically, and psychologically ado cling This study was performed before the A.C.T had {g) there are 426 different chemicals in mari decriminalised. However the laws in the A.CT, juana has already trivialised use as far lower fines (h) cnronic marijuana users display loss of in- lhan those of N.S.W. which had already been le'est in personal appearance, impairment of introduced before decriminalisation. ;ucgement. loss of concentration, apathy and The figure released by Dr S Doumani of the general dullness in behaviour. They may also A.C.T. branch of the A.M.Ashow that there v/as show a loss of energy, poorer school or work performance and negative parental relation 45% higher use with males in the A.C.T. than ships. This is knov/n as the "motivattonat syn N.S.W. and drome" 85% higher with females in the A.C.T. lhan (i) the marijuana of today, is far stronger than N.S.W. that used in Australia in the early 70's Reports from other countries are similar and ()) statistics show that regular use may provide show wider aval ability plus less penalties equal the "gateway" to other more spectacular drugs. wider use. V. Most importantly, Alaska v/as the one state of U.S. which LE The younger the user, the greater the vulner GALISED mar'juana. Drug use there was ability to damage, developmental impairmeni nearly double that of the rest ol the United and a progression to a drug dependent life style. States. In late 1991 the people of Alaska v/ith a popular referendum voted to RE- During 1960/70 only animal sludies were avail CRIMINALISE lhe drug... and this has been able. done. Now in the 1990's life studies in human beings In 1980 the United Stales Senate Select Com prove beyond all doubl the disastrous results mittee under Senator Mathis investigated the oi using marijuana. decriminalisation of marijuana. The medical evidence against the drug was ovenvhelming, since 1980 not one slate in the U.S. has decriminalised cannabis. The leading medical and scientific research experts, logether with the World Health Organi Courses available in sation and the United Nations are in agreement thai marijuana is very dangerous. Over 10,000 research studies are now on record, none of TYPING which clears marijuana, A summary follows, I. Immediate Effects WORD Intoxication with marijuana has serious effects on mental cognitive functions, namely percep PROCESSING tion, judgement, fine motor skills, operating machinen/ and driving motor vehicles and the performance of complex tasks. This impairment SHORTHAND may last over 24 hours. Very reasonable rates It affects at least 5 neurotransmitters in the brain which are responsible in passing mes for university students sages across the synapse (gap) between the brain cells. Day or evening classes NAUGHTY WEED! II. Chronic Toxic Effects from Regular Use BRISBANE COiWMERClAL COLLEGE - short term memory impairment and increased 8lli Floor 2.i^^ Kdward St Brisbanu 13 difficulty in learning Telephone: 221 '1396 The Smell Of S So you're fed up with the iaws that make smoking a bh of pot a crime. So fed up you might even do something NO PAIN NO GAIN So what can you do? Individual defi The Goss government's strategy is to radicals and criminals. ance, ie smoking yourself silly, has continue lo move further and further lo Those people who are Labor support changed your attitude towards the is the right. The Nationals and the Liber ers musl at a time like Ihis ask them E sue for good, but has left a bad taste of als have to be even more right. Even selves a simple question - is the gov paranoia. Your friends all feel much the tually they fall off the edge. Those on ernment their servant or their master? same. the left have nowhere lo turn - they can choose Between a right wing govern The Goss government is vulnerable on jijT So the law is the problem. To change ment or an extreme right wing opposi this issue, not least because of the size that requires a vote in parliament To tion. This is the normal strategy for-so- of the Hypocrisy Gap within the govern I do that it is necessary to change the :*r'-- .^-r cial democratic parties in government. ment rtself. g minds ol the current parliamentarians, Whenever there are any doubts aboul : or to Changs the members of parliament At the Great Cannabis Debate, the first ^ it within the ALP, it is usually sufficient when the opportunity presents itself at public event organised by HEMP, Bris to invoke the ghost of Gough. I an election. bane solicitor Paul Richards spoke On the basis of this strategy, the Goss about techniques for bringing about I Marijuana law reform is portrayed as a government will be very reluctant to change. He suggested that people con minority, fringe issue. More than half the change the marijuana laws. Goss's own . sider two particulartechniques -puling, adult population have smoked dope. statements on tho issue are a dear in-, and the use of street theatre.- ; I Only a quarter of the population are in dicationofthis. •,; ../_;.: JjC^^ jfavour of immediate law reform. Did H^ went on to say - "There were some; I these people have such a bad time on Does ali this make reform an impossi-, fabulousgueniita theatre techniques we pot that they were turned off for ever? ble task? Not at all. The reason that .used in the Vietnam Moratorium days,: Is this evidence that marijuana is no- refomn is well within our grasp is that and infact Wayne Goss would remem I where near as safe or as much fun as there is such strong feeling in the com- • ber them because he used to write I some of us seem to think? munity at large in favourof cfiange. So some stuff. In fact he wrote a play which many people have something person-, was a cannabis type play based upon jNo. What we are seeing here is the ally at slako. But this has to be trans "The Sound Of Music" and he called it I hypocrisy gap, the gap tjetween public lated into action and political pressure. 'The Smell Of Spook", And everyone ; and private morality. . . was tripping all over the stage to the j^To succeed, a reform campaign must In pressuring the government three , songs from "The Sound Of Music" with ^ i^ win both morally and politically. In other points must be grasped clearly words rewritten by himself because it ^^^ words, it must convince a majority of (a) a government musl be judged by its was all good fun In those days." f^ the public and Ihe politicians Ihal actions, and supported or attacked ac The wowsers still think they have the ; (a) marijuana use is not morally wrong cordingly. The Bjelke-Petersen govern moral high ground. There are two main ment is a thing of the past. Our current arguments aga nst them i (b) political clout rests with the mari- pnablem is the Goss government. ^ juana users and their supporters, and (a) Freedom of choice. Who are they to d ^ not with the wowsers. (b) reform must be made an issue within say what we do wilh our own bodies? the party. iThe wowsers loading the argument (b) Prohibition entrenches organised (c) the opposition must be dragged back \ against reform are chiefly made up of a crime, corruption, and contempt for the into the real world on the issue. This is j faction of tha medical establishment, ie law. :the Qld AMA, and sections of the fun- not as impossible as it sounds. The This article is not meant to deter orde;^;' ! damentalist, uncharitable "thou shall •Young Liberals policy would appear to press those people who wantto see the: not" school of Christianity. Our oppo- be ahead of the ALP at the moment. law changed. It is intended to clanfy the ^ I nenls have God and Science on their This is still a long way from senior party answers to two questions - "What-are < I side. support. The Natbna! Party should be our alms?" and "Who are our'oppO',^1^ conlinually reminded that commercial \xfii j fl would be a serious mistake to see use of hemp could benefit farmers enor nents?". either doctors or christians as the prob mously; : •; . j. For those'Students who want to do,^ lem. The OW AMA speak as the vo'ice : something to change the lawrs, there is- of all doctors in Queensland, In reality 'So far Goss would be quite satisfied that plenty that can be done. No one'per- they only represent the views of a mi-', his no change strategy is working. How son can do everything, and every little' nority of doctors with fairly extreme ever, the current.Qld ALP policy was bit helps. , _' ^ J: "views. The wowsers likewise do not supported by an 80% rhajority. This rep • have a monopoly on christian views on resents considerable dissatisfaction (a) organize on campus . - -, , the subject. Groups such as HEMP are within the party. Also many young vot (b) organize to kjbby the Qld ALP Stale' ; already opposing the publk: pronounce ers are bitterly disappointed that the Conlerence'which is due mid 1994, ; ments of such people. We should try lo change they felt they voted for hasn't (c) make public statements' - > debate these people publicly as much happened. ;. (d) help with demonstrations andother^ as possible, especially to mass audi-:, In simple teritis, the government nnust activities off campus „ ,; . ences on TV, etc. In the interests of re-..- ^ feel more pain from those pursuing re-:i.{e, ) lobby the Liberals,,Nationals,' tbrm, we should promote as much de-^ form than it does from the wowsers IGreens, Democrats. ,, ~ .' '- -^ bate withir the medical profession and ropposing it. No pain, no gain. When that (f) make links naiksnally with other cam within the churches as possible. : pressure becomes real, the ALP hacks, pus and off campus groups ,,; ; will bJe out in force telling everyone who , The political problem immediatelycon- A bit of time;Spent on any of these points will listen that change wi|l mean the end ; fronts us with the current Goss Labor should be excellent therapy for your of civilisalion as we know it. It would be I government. The current poltey platform amoiivational syndrome. logical to expect some selective repres 'of the Qld ALP is essentially one of sion by the government against its op decriminalisation. However, their politi ponents, lis opponents, after all, are Tony Kneipp Brisbane HEMP. cal strategy Is entirely counter to it. l/^.y!rz*?.w ••j'rt'A" • f THE FOURTEENTH PAGE OF MANY. You'll have noticed that inuch ol this sent. In the 70's we had Steve Biko, debate, which is saying something Be warned - failure to nail your col issue of Semper \s dedicated to the the martyred leader of the South Af in this politically correct pseudo- ours to the wall could seriously dam most pressing studenl concern of rican youth who dared to take on the society we call a campus.! mean, age your image. the I990's. In campuses in Australia terror of apartheid. In the 80's, we we're all so desperately right on "Oh dear", I hear ycu fret, "I'm a and across the globe, from the USA were all moved by the uprisings in in most of the opinions we're pre feminist, pro-choice, anti-racist, en and Canada, throughout Britain and Tiananmen Square, and that sym pared to voice, bul at least there's vironmentally friendly, slightly left Europe, yes, even in New Zealand, bolic shot ot the lone student hold room to choose on the dope is wing person. I'm low in cholesterol, there's one burning issue upon eve ing at way an entire lank division. sue. It's equally fashionable to do some kind of physical exercise rybody's lips. So what is it that can stand with the pro- or anti- lobby. twice a week, drink fresh orange mobilize opinion on such a global Yet here we are, children of the These positions are pretty straight- juice, I've got an S.U. year planner scale? Bosnia? Somalia? (remem golden age of mid-eighties eco fonward. Either you've tried it and over my desk, own a copy of ber Somalia - it's in Africa). Guess nomic prosperity, our formative can't comprehend the gross Woodfacfi and know the lyrics to al again., The sanctity of individual hu years lived against the backdrop of breach of your freedom of choice least one Smiths song. I'm the per man rights under threat from the yuppiedom, in a poiilicai environ which the current law represents; fect student... but how can I decide worid capitalist conspiracy? Nope. ment which has seen even the left wing parties in Australia and world else you wouldn't touch it with a my position on the dope issue?" The crisis of third \Nor\6 debt? The shitty slick and resent bitterly the wide, adopt an essentially monetar Well, beloved reader, fear nol. Now threat of communism" The struggle attempts of the minority to inflict an against tyranny? Not even close. ist agenda from the centre-right. We you can undergo all the trials and ape the dynamism of our forebears, other divisive carcinogen upon on No, the issue which unites the di already fragmenting social order. tribulations of smoking, without the verse national student communities and the best we can manage is to cost, or risk to your health, or dan take the most incidental offshoot of In fact, the only position it's not safe of the developed w/orld is marijuana. ger o: arrest. Semper are proud to that pioneering American move io hold is the middle ground. I sus present MARIJUANA - the board It's ) •rVovjtHoUMHf \ 6Et^ PUA? U/A5 -,- '-^jvivr'f^'. tHoi)urti ~ . '. A HOOKAH. (JbcrrYWrfHSeM ^ ^^.OU-- LAUt,rtl»/K \ 9 \^^^' ,^,<^t^!:'\<^ . AH 15 fniNviC.S A "^m 't^^-^U'^ "<0 /IWAClMARefTE ^\^ovi\ you'i.e .f'**w!, .XPACK. - RgAu-y HI/WMXV/ QotWV wpsi MI55AT0RN^ '.5! y ^^ (^'/vo/ "-f 'rtj/CC '|AA) »«0fi-A THIS IS PAGE 15 THE VILLE A SHORT TREK FOR A BIG FEED Having conducted his whirlwind, Blunderbus)"Apparer.ily they like lo flying pizza-bases. Hence our allcdgcd fel name gives mc concerns aboul the menu award-winning tour of the Uni Refecs say that 'The Cat is Back", but what kind low Asians continue lo dine at the and that native over tliere is wearing Wall's Eugene Erd-\Vcis.s warily vcnlurcd inlo of cal is it? And where is it back to'? Ilalian restaurant next door." lop hat!" the uniamcd CATS TANGO: Wc might be snobs bul we DB, "1 never realised these Australians "Mien Gotl!" 1 screamed, "It's Ross Kelly, wildemcs.s of the burbs accompanied siill can't afford this place. thought that ihey were living in Europe, I with a whiteboard eraser! Run for you're by his two loyal companion.s. Wall and PASTA PASTA: Wc might be la/,y but wc suppose the mosl delightful a.spcc; of such lives!" DB. Passing the massive alien mono don't have the time lo wait for the service. a delusion is thai diis lime ihc English sil Looking back 1 feel no shame at my lith of Union College and marvelling KITTEN CLUB: Wc may be crass, taste astride the Coniinenl and the Frcncia inhabit cowardess as I knew that thccnlirc area was at The Great Wall of Emmanuel our less yuppies but wc have problems with the insignificani lillle island off the coast. about lo be bulldozed for a huge sporting inU^cpid u-io made ihcir way down Up drinking our banana dacquarics offlamincx. Foccaccia Eugene?" complex. land Rd. Eugene: "Absolutely DB." FOOD: Healthy hippie-child's size. Walt parted the bushes and gasped in FOOD: Good! SERVICE: Available. awe. It was just as ihc prophet E,ugcnc THE FOODSTORE SERVICE: iol'.y Good! PRICE; Undisclosed. Currently seeking had foreiolti, the land of tlie perpetual PRICE: Quite reasonable for the quality, the legal advice as lo whether this is admissable gasU"onomic orgasm, where Uni stu- Once known as the Leningrad Hypcrm.ir- fiscally responsible student would reserve to the Senate committee. ucnLs and Burb dwellers mingle in kci due to its empty shelves and Soviet at this locale for special ucats. Besides, ifyou have to ask then you prob peace and hopefully the home of ihe mosphere, a new regime has taken charge ably cannot afford it. ultimate University dinner, THE of this food depot ending a long period of PORTOFINOS VILLE!! inefficient administration with a scries of GOLDEN CHOPSTICKS "1 say chaps! There's so much to chose sweeping reforms such as the introduction And so our ir.trcpid duo left the Indian from, so many delights and yet so many of a Health Food Bar and ... Food! Ocean and sailed dicir sprilely ketch into In America there is a MacDonald's-style hidden dangers", said Wall. The iiusiy food depot's C7j:ch-oui Comrade the quicity rustic harbour at Portofino, Chinese fasl-food chain called lhe Panda DB pccrccf out from under his Piih eyed his customers warily, "So that will be Eugene: "DB? Can we discontinue the Express, If ever such a thing were lo evolve Helmet, "I suggest we bring oul the el one Knaublau-Zwicbelnbratwursl boat-sailing metaphor? I'm beginning to in Australia it would surely be from lhe ephant guns, load up lhe solid shol and Sausagc.three panakins of beef jcrkey and get seasick." Golden Arches, a hem... Chopsticks. anproacn ihat pink neon thing on ihe ... anyiliing for tlie gentleman in the tux DB: "Righty-ho! Would a small, coastal Eugene and DB enter stage right, collapse Western flank. edo?" village metaphor do?" into the sidewalk fumilurc and order iwo "Yes thanks such alot old chap," Wall Eugene: "Ya, ya." cups of jasmine tea and the swcetcom and gasped as he strode up to the counter wjih Portofino is a small coastal village nestled chicken soup. Tlicy arc halfway dirough his collection of aphrodesiacs, "I'll t)c Ixtwccn the green groves of a Curry joint their supper when llicy arc approached by having a pound of The Tsar's Own Black and lhe sheer cliffs of a dcrclici Health Bar. a mysterious confucian gcnilcman tearing Caviar flown direct from the Caspian Sea, lis residents conduct a half wakeful ill-lidings. It is a note from a Walt obvi one bottle of Royal Jelly (gels your yang existance during the day taking a siesla in ously much changed by his experiences on up!) and a boule of your best Bollinger, the afternoon and then frccbasing on the East Side: preferably '68 if you have it." cafficnc into the evening. The generally "Sell the house Comrade C/.cch-oui shook his head, "I'm patrician community dine on a variety of Sell lhe car .ifraid that you will have to goto the St Lucia pasta and pizzas open and closed (1 kid you Sell tlie kids Cellars, Sir," not, they fold them up to look like a kidney Forget it! "What! You don'l e.xpecl me to cross over and then deep fry them!). Liquid intake Just forget it!" lo the East Side! consists of good coffee at the right tempera Our hcros leap to iheir feel and continue Heck-golly-gosh-by-jim-danination what if ture and for the brave a parlicuiarly exotic their search. one of the chaps from the polo club hap form of Ilalian Cola. FOOD: Fast Chinese. pen, perchance, to see me tliere? I'd never For the son of student who longs for the SERVICE: Okay. recover!" pretension of a European holiday but can PRICEiMore than MacDonalds. "Bul there's only one ihing for it, 1 must not afford one a trip to Poriofino is lhe an have my Bolly", and wiQi coat-tails flying swer. Clive James once said ihat he had lo THE ST LUCIA CELLARS Watt disappeared into the East Side. cut his University education short tjccause F(X)[): Gocxl variety + Health Foo DB and Eugene descended the stairs inlo a It had been a long and arduous adventure mysterious Asitui Palace abounding with along the banks of the River Hawken so af e.xolic aromas and hidden delighls. ler a long night's forced march our gastro Eugene accosis a passing waiter. "Where nomic groupies sat down lo coffee, cheese is Walt." and crackers at Taslcfully Yours. Although The waiter l(«)ks up and smiles, "Mr Walt, a deli, Tastefully Yours is known to some he dead!" siudenLs as liie earliest possible source of "Never!"exclaims DB pointing (o an over food at the Ville when those devastating indulged diner in the comer, "there he is, luinder pains sel in afier a long night's cram- only he's gone bald, has put on forty mine. kilos and is wearing black paj:imas! Walt! FOOD: Deli stuff. You arc not .V1;irlon Brando!" SERVICE: Fine. Walt looked up from tlic millions of delec PRICE: Hokay. table dishes he had ordered in an orgy of over-indulgence, still irying lo stuff a final morsel into his moulli, "The honor, ilic hor ror", wi'Ji which he falls flat ujxm his back. THE ICE CREAMERY DB eagerly makes his way toward the re maining food, "Such a shame lo leave such The morning sun was rising into the sky a gorgeous repast unfinished, eh what?" and the expecliiion was moving al a rapid Eugene grabs DB by the shoulder and trot before the midday scorch. They had scrciutis, "Enough!... Enoughof this ridicu •'.Mr Willi, he dead! Siunpled all thai the Ville had to offer so it lous Apocalyp.se Now analogy wilh all of was filling tlial liiey shouid inp it all off w ith ils suipid, half-baked references lo a film dessert at the Ice Creamery. The ice cream wliich only lialf of the sludeni population JAWS CHEZ TESSA was creamy iiritl iceii anil lhe w:\ffie, cones has seen and nobody understood. Send cone-sha|U'(i ami made from waffles. tlial poor innocenl oxen hack lo tlie Philip BA,'\AR ...,B,AA ....BAAAAR ...BAA Wall raised I-i.s monocle lo h:s eye ;ind sur- DR licked his iips and donned his pith liel- pines where u hvlongs ;ind you!... drop that ..DADADAAAA ..,.DADADUMM,\1,\1 ve\ed ;i L'-ithering of students in i!;o dis- :iie;. Walt straigiilotic;! his collar and inachete!". ...DADADAAA :,irice, "I say. the sludenls seen: !o he re- I;uge::e consjlicd lhe map. in a nighl and a A mijility belch cniiUed from where Wall Lurking Ir, lhe dopihs of the 'v'ilie. ready lo voiiir,i:." i::iy these liirce i;a<.l siif>x'ved a gasironomic had fallen. " Auniy M,. is dial you?" give ciisloiners an i::'r(;r!;cl!atMe seafinvj u'x- "1 shiUilii '.ay :;ial !i:c\ :'.:c iil'Aavs re\i)il :'iel'd:ini •AIIICII lakes soim' siiii!enLs a life "No no. Not anoihcr movie rercrcnce. I perier.ce, lies Jaws. •nc" repiied'DH. time 10 see •,!r.(! iinilersia::.:. They came, car.not deal with ihis anymore!" DH ex- "What's that by iiolly, r'v ••:v.. !n Thni-o l:Ui;ene: "! ihink !h;it Wal; is :..•:(.•,':::•,•! :o Jie\ sa'.v •;;L'', .!;;•: I'he ViKc! Lkiinis. shoving a plate ol"ncxidlos :n his Meli? Ei!i!cr:e I ;hii:k j spy a !v^ ;".,;; oif .i:c the ;act;h,'i liicre is .m .iw:;:! U^\i^\ s:;:i:i;!i;s mess im. ^i:i:bi)ard iiow!" extiaims DH. ,!i the es:;ih'.ishM!e:;i ;:i) aite.i.i.' .^tay umei! :':^r i^iir iicxi iiisiallmeni wher: "DB. I don't think we're in Kansas iuj'aene: "''I'ah, vah, ii isa nian-ea;;:i^ sii.irk DH: Siiiuuis .i bil Hoisli:c' .Slauv i>-e the tiiaps :nvi;sii);aie ::;e horrors and lie- .mymorc." s;iys Eugene. DH'." oiiuiii 10 run ihem oil, eii 'Atiai'.'' leiiis of Coi'lce .Siiop Culiun;! F(30D: Seriously liiough tlic Thai P:iiace '>Vaii: "No, r:o chaps, lion't you see il is .1 (k*;iig men of at!li:e!ii.e a:;d :11a:K •.••;•: ;ii serves tlie IjcstTiiai tucker DB has supped Man eaiini; Shaik. 1 say, ^imie scalcod trepid Uio simply passes!C'nci '\\\<.\ ;>% IMU upon this side of ihc Chao I'hrava. would (10 down a iroai." hail ihey occn burn io liil'lereai circuiTi- SERVICE: Excel lent. DB: "Shall we?" stances, such as ihal of a penny-pinchins: PRICE: Good for the quality but not habit- Wall: "Lei's." studenl, diey woui:i have found Chez Tessa forming for studenl FOOD: .All tlie seat'txid a standing student 10 have a W'iiic variety of inicresimu lootis budgets. could wish to select from, and siinply be al reasonable prices. cause it is traditional, a slurpy m;ichine FOOD: From all pans of the glo'-ic ;md !oLs (because what is seafood withoul green of it. devil slurpv?). .SERVICE. Good. SERVICE:' Fast and friendly. PRICE: Good. PRICE: E.xcelleni size portions at an eco nomical price, especially the "fish/chip/ drink combo". 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT! TU N E U PS (4) (6) (8) cyls $30 +parts GREASE AND OIL CHANGES $20 + oil and filter (if required) WHEEL ALIGNMENTS* *free brakes and front end checks come in for friendly service SoTPH 369 6288 SERVICING THE WESTERN SUBURBS FOR OVER 20 YEARS NOW RELOCATED AT MILTON ON THE WAY TO UNI COL PEARSON AUTOMOTIVE -|4 Ftaiilwav "Terraoo l\/lilton SHORT STORIES THEN IN THE BEGINNING, there was the word. "NOW" And there was darkness. Then there was the second word "Bugger" Il was muttered softly as the celestial being struggled with SPIDERS lhe instructions for die D-I-Y Celestial Creation Kit Mkll. "Build your own universe for fun and profit" the side of the box saidenihusiastically. Well, ii/hc/she/ihey mulicrcd, & STRANGE if the blue wire is supposed to plug in there, where docs that switch thing go? Hmm... They wake mc, a dawn inlo this dreamy plain. Vivacious visions Prior to Then calm be, leading mc by lhe hand a palh. It had all seem so simple at the lime the sales-entity in the My firstexcursio n was taken with a bunch of nubilcs dressed in shop showed off die demo model. Plug this in here, switch attraction 60's style chic, they were breadiing into the air. De that thing there, push this button, and hey presto, one bil serted of populace, violent music splashes against my ears and I lion years later you had a fully ficdgcd society on die verge writhe as trickles of blood flow from those cars. But my nubilcs of collapse for you to try and save. It would tc bigger lhan are unaffected, as if wearing some devices protecting ihcm from SiniCity or Civilisation lhe sales entity aimounccd enthu the noise that is savaging the air. siastically. We approach some concrete shrine of some martyr past away AfierThen bul before now long ages ago. It rapes the air like a large phallus. Afler much frustration, rcv/iring and a lol of swearing of The nubile's previous gentle sway now manifests in lo move the type that causes interesting ripples in reality, the Su ments that t>efit the music blasting through this city - violent and preme Bcirg(s) stood up and spoke thus piercing. They arc in fact the embodiment of the music, pawing "Dam" at me in violent strokes they lake me in a hold I can't escape. They motion towards the cold looking epitaph, the form of which It had been a radier long day, which had involved a lot closely resembles that of a mirror. Like those supposed ages ago morc work than it should have. It was quarter past eight I'm enshrined again as I am impaled on a large pen my sialue is and things did not look promising lo have diis universe grasping. generator up and running txforc Celestial Rock and roll Wrestling started at half past. Which would be a shame to My slipping memory is dial of a strange bird call. Where my miss because the Kristians were playing the Agnostics to perception slips to wake me with a start and the fright of realisa night which was always good for a laugh. The Agnostics tion, I lie sleepily, cmbanassing and b)cing embraced by my muse/ never knew who or whal they were at the best of limes. lover. Finally, in a release of lension that was to confound phi She takes my slight shake as a muscle iwitch. Do you get those losophers for millennia lo come, it/he/shc/they sjxjkc a twitches? Maybe naniral rhythm - if only it could be enhanced. word that was completely unspcpcliaJMc^ ' and kicked the gen- That nondescipt line is blurred again. Crossed lines weave a orator across the univcrse/roo paltcm, crossing here and there, spun like a tale. The form devel Back to the generalor. ops into a web. The web of Arachnid, spun out of il's posterior. I Il by now had boimccd across the roorH^and came to rest consult my wise old grand-father for info loo specific for him, he i humming away quietly to itself. The Celestial being de knows webs arc strong though. cided that he/shc/ihcy/it would gel back lo generalor after This gigantcan (exaggeration I know but it's nonetheless big!) the Wrestling. T.V. is still the major religion of all beings, spider, like it's web weaving arachnid family has an ass contain regardless of how many people worship you. So il/shc/ ing special organs used to comb silk. thcy/hc sal down, tuned in and switched off, only to be interrupted five minuics later by il/ihcy/she/hc's son re Silk webs spidery and smooth caught on my face when I run turning from college. ihrough one Combing silk like combing hair on human.s, slippery strokes. "How's the Universe coming along? ask the son of the celestial being. Like gobs of acam, while spots patiem il's abdomen. Il's web is precariously strung between lhe house gutter and the house re "Have a look for yourself: cycling bin; don'l know what it'll do down when rubbish collec And verily the son did go and investigate lhe generalor. tion happens. The strength of the web has ensnared a few And the generator was running, for it was now a working chrismias beetles of which two arc cocooncd for later consump generator, and it was generating, for ihai is whal a genera tion. tor does. One though is being devoured now for my onlooking. Il doesn't The son wandered back lo the T.V, universccJwjth a print give lhe courtesy of slopping u's munching when I make my oul of Ihc conicnts of the new universe. One life bearing presence known, when it sees me, when il senses mc, it must, it planet widi a variety of ethnic cultures, religions, lan simply must; the musty smell sucks ihrough my nose. I'm de guages, and opinions on ihc bcsl way to cook a boiled voured. I jerk awake embracing a muse/lover in her room. She egg. Fair mix of animals and plants, prctiy realistic sel up reciprocates the iwitch in surprise. but for ore thing The reputation hasn't dawned on me, sc once again, and so "Ah, dad?" asked lhe Son of God Castles mad of sand... mell into ilie sea. "Yes" Eventually. Did you really intended to have By iny, toasters on the Earth this ume? Birds and spiders copulate in the air. The absurd sians hinting realisation. The scene is vivid in il's non-plus general haze. Birds Stephanie Shcplcy and spiders, curious sounds, ircc limbs bending, straining in an 1 The closest attempt to spelling It involved hitting a guished passion wanting to cum. I am dreaming, hallucinations chicken with a keyboard several times. It was pretty in sleep, wanting il to puncture my conscious, but I'm too con close to the proper spelling scious dien, need to free up that time like in my unconscious stales. I wake with the predictable trcniblc. 2 Well It was a room, but U was also a universe. If you don't quite follow step into any angst ridden teenag "What's wrong." er's room for a few minutes. It's a completely different I realise; my muse/lover, her idiosynaasies rumbling under die universe in there. surfaces of the wall of this room, this house. I've come here. 3 I'm not going through that again I'm shown lo asccndanlal casual judges - viewed favourably. 4 Or room if you're going lo be pedantic # SWAMPY The first thing you need to do when you larly, so they'd probably gel on like a house Pig was a fat drug addict who used to finish school is escape from your parents. 1 on fire. But when Indi voiced this opinion, shoplift for a living. He would seduce young get into sex and drugs and loud music and Rat said "So you're a faggot arc you?" boys by getting them off their faces on my parents are bom again christians. My "Out and proud" replied Indi. drugs. He would get diem addicted to drugs name's Fishy, I'm a fish freak- a pisces you and then teach them how to shoplift lo sup "TJial's coo), you just don 'l look like one." know. I work part-time in a pet shop, which port their habit. If tlicy didn't make good is icnific. I'm studying biology at uni, "So what does one look like?" shoplifters, he would teach litem to prosti ihough I'd like to do some religion subjects tute thcmsc'ivcs. Nice guy. He's the only too, occult Sludies. I get inlo larot cards and Indigo was extremely steamy, lall, tanned and muscular, widi short dark hair and dark person I have ever punched up. Anyway, wicca and my mum says I dress like a witch. Pig befriended Indigo, and he introduced Mum and dad belong to the Chosen Brodi- eyes. But liie nicest thing about Indi was that he didn't love himself, like so many him lo Saph and me. Ils strange how even crhood, a brainwashing, sexist , self-con the most revolting people serve some pur gratulatory bunch who meet every cvenning beautiful people do, he was friendly, out going and iirtisiic. Indi look an immediate pose in tlic greater scheme of ihings, llunigh and all day Sundays and reckon that they're 1 hope I never sec Pig again. going to heaven and everybody else will rot dislike to Ral, saying "Thai homophobe in hell. I'd been planning on moving out moves in over my dead body." So now il was a full house and we planned with my boyfriend, Poss, my best friend Anotiier prospective hou-semate wxi Bugsy, the housewarming to end ali Saphirc, and our gay friend Indigo, ever Bugsy studied medicine and worketl al Bris housewamiings.We needed music, lighls, a since schoolies week. So there wc were, bane Access Television, or BAT, the public bonfire, alcohol and drugs. Luckily Saphire dressed straight, hooning around the sub IV station at the university. Bugsplattcr was had a deadly sterwi system. ;iiid gol righi urbs in Indi's beat up triumph herald, with very plain, short and mousy, and had a per inlo DJing. Bul tlien Bugs had a big record four bald lyres and the door held closed with manent expression like she was sucking a coUecliaii, and tended lo he a bil ofa stereo a jockey strap, h was especially funny to lemon. Bul she W;LS friendly and suggested ntiy.i. Bugs borrowed some wild lighls from B.^T, and the house looked truly psych sec Saphirc in a chambrcy shin and 50h. llial the rest of us come in and do volunteer edelic, Saphirc had plenty of pol, and wc Saphirc was a swampy, a full-on gothic work at B.AT, she could show us around the decided lo invite Rat loo, just in C;LSC lie punk, with long dyed black hair, six ear and place and inlrodnce us. So tiiat was how had any hash. Actually we inviiod every- one nose piercings, pointy shoes and every Bugsplaiier i;ol to move into lhe house. last scrap of clothing was black. We sped bixly we knew, SCIUKJI friencl.s, people from from one real estate agent lo the ncx:, en Bugsy did take us down to BAT, and ir.u-o- Uni, nightclub aquainlaiices anti die B.AT quiring in our nicest speech and drama ducc us to lite woikcrs iherc, and I'm so brigade. It was a huge parly, llie Salanic voices after cheap houses close to the uni. glad she did. I h.id gone on a lour of tfie soiree. We had slide projectors and oil We all noticed, after three Icnockbacks, how place during 0 week, but if anylhing it had wheels and psychoramas set up all through the real estate agents looked suspiciously made mc feel ever, more alienated and in and under the hou.se. We had stacked up an al Poss. So Poss volunteered lo stay in the awe of lhe place. Having met a few of the enormous pile of biodegradable rubbish in car afler that, and nol let his Aboriginality staff, I got right into working in the news llie middle of die garden- old wooden fur gel in the way of us finding a house. room, Poss got righl into the Aboriginal niture from under the house, paper and card program at BAT, dcing research and report board boxes, and dead branches. The fire Possum is always good for a slash, maybe ing. Saphirc was quite keen on working with consumed the pile quile quickly, with that's why I love him. Al the end of die year, the music program, and being a presenter. flames rising 10 metres high into the air, then it settled down to reveal a metal rec we had the most excellent dmg binge. Pos Bugs Was not a very good presenter at B AT, tangular tank. Wc were all tripping really sum had been stashing all semester for af in fact she was shilhouse, so it suprised me badly and convinced ourselves that the tank ter exams. In die week and a bil since his when she made it big in mainstream tv. I was some kind of coffin. Bugs had all the last exam, wc had ecstasy, trips, speed, hash, think I was jealous of her gelling paid tv BAT crowd in her room, tripping so badly heads and, of course, heaps of leaf. Possum work. Ihough she certainly showed off about they were unable to face lhe rest of the parly. is part Aboriginal and part white, he is very it enough. Much lalcr, Bugs told me dial The party started on friday night, and kept exotic looking, with wavy black hair, greeny she was jealous of mc for going oul widi going all Saturday. Some people went home brown eyes, and dark brown skin. Poss and Possum, who was her "ideal" man- and came back, some people slept on I first mel at school, working in the school goodlooking, intelligent and ideologically couches, so.mc just stayed awake. So by newspaper, so we were both interested in sound. If only they knew he was also child Saturday nighl wc had already had 2 com the media. Poss emollcd in social work, ish, self-centred and parasitic, if only I knew plaints from the neighbours. Poss found because he thought he could bcsl help his it dicn. Part of the reason I moved oul of three people he didn't know fucking in his community that way. home was because mum was sick of mc bed, and was nol happy. So al aboul4 oclock spending the night at Possum's house and The house we liked bcsl was the one lhe on simday morning, Poss went around the because I think she worked out that I was agent had described as "tired". A huge old house and told everyone to go home. queenslander, right in the bottom of a val taking drugs, she told me I would bum for ever wilh fire and brimstone, and that the ley, awfully renovated wilh half the veran What a disaster area the place looked like. whole BroUierhood were praying for my dah enclosed with fibro, wilh five bed Wc decided sunday would be a big cleanup, soul. rooms, and the rent was SI75 per week. It and all went to bed. had a big back garden, with tea trees and Saphire couldn't get any austudy at all be There was a knock at the front door at seven fig trees and a big clump of bamboo. "It cause hcT parents were too rich, but she had looks like a swamp" said Indi, and he should m the morning. Don't tell mc it was party an altemative form of income. Saphirc fell animals coming back for more. Surely it know, being a geography student. Wc signed into drug dealing without even realising it. the lease, even ihough we were all only 17. couldn't be the real estate come to evict us, When she was aboul 15 years old she was we'd only been there 3 weeks. No-one even fought aboul who got which very keen lo experiment witli drugs and "Who is il?" someone called sleepily. room, dtough nobody actually wanted the didn't know anybody to score them off. closed-in fibro room, Wc did have a biJ of Living with her parents, she needed to get "Il's the police". an argumenl about whether we'd get a fifth away, and spent a lot of dme in sleazy night person to move in. Indi lold us he was only clubs in the Valley. These, she discovered, getting SSO a week austudy, so he'd really were good places to take drugs and to mccl appreciate paying $35 rent rather than S44. people who sold them. I had firsi smoked conlinued ncxl month. So we put a notice up at the uni for a room pot with Saphirc and dioughl it was great- lo rent, and decided we'd all interview pro a much better effect lhan drinking with die spective housemates, and if anyone didn't added thrill of being illegal. Saphire and I like them, they didn't gel the room. And started hanging around in a swampy club whal a procession of freaks came to check in the city, and the gay bars in tlic Valley, out lhe room. We were worried because we because the music was much better lo dance all smoked pot, so wc didn't want the jus to. tice administration student. Or the mature Before wc aclually met Indi, wc always age student who clucked her longue at the used to sec him at night clubs and pervc al mess. But there were a couple of possibili him on the dancefioor, bul were always too ties. Rat was a j^armacology sludeni, who shy to talk lo him. It wasn't as if wc were impressed us immensley by bringing around faghags, in fact, when wc found out he was a block of hashish for his inlcrvitw. He was gay, we gave up any hopes of romance. I a bit dirty and feral, but then so was Indi's actually mel him through Pig, who is one boyfriend from Nimbin, who visited regu of the mcst revolting people I have ever met. CLUBS fiND SOCIETIES SPOTLIGHT ON GOLDEN KEY A new society in town, So far this year, Golden they said to say that the to the posters, enabling us the Golden Key Na Key has had a Welcome "Smith family" had do- to mabe the campus a lit tional Honour Society Bacfe night, where nated them. What this tle better. Over a tonne of has gotten off to a members brought/^-;-Xstarted was a charity garbage was picked up, great start. Having along a can of food and cp that maintains peo- and fun was had by all. some eight hundred heard abouti"ahnut ^mss^zzissAl^ pie's dignity, The day started a seven members, who study in The Smith Fam- \[ and helps them o'clock on a Sunday morn all faculties, Golden Key ily, a new char to mabe a go of ing. It was pouring rain, must be one of the hard ity in Queens- ; life without be and the intrepid Golden est societies to adminis land. Set up in : ing belittled and Key Executive wondered trate and organise func Sydney, the made to feci de- whether anybody would tions for. Smith Family ' "f|' pendant on oth- brave the elements to turn was founded by a group^^ers. As the Smith Fam- up. They need not have worried - more people For the uninitiated, of business men one ily sets up in Queens-. Christmas. They hap- land. Golden Key hopes turned up than expected. Golden Key is an inter Special thanbs to the Chi national organisation pened to be driving to maintain a good rela- through a poor part of tionship with this fine nese Youth Club (also a which aims to promote new academic excellence, town, and decided that charity. put something back into they could help mafee club in town) who put in a the community, and aid the time of a year a lit- Golden Key's second huge effort! Over a tonne members in their quest tie better. When the event for the year was of garbage (and a shop to become successful in trucbload of toys was the Clean Up Australia ping trolley) later, the day their respective profes delivered, wishing to Day, AH types of people ended with a well-earned sions. remain anonymous, came along in response barbeque. > ^ ^ -^ ^': > Deep, fr«in ^ rece^jes of mer e^/e^^v^ih {{yyima A outer sp<,ce, eugehfi-tKeCosfvsic ^vk m %Q_ 'G^eeh' zo^e, ^ -^> Hippo spe^s^ward UQ] E^Jjene txfcyfl^ blei^Je^ i S^Oned uJeek. Wtt,-tl£ ffiodehts... ^ (k)^ ^ V^V)^"" He ^odcUt4 the Ke nacUed over +o 9r«b So«,eprcfzeii prefzeic. ...melloweclout 9/ ().i\^\\ Cl joint or i\ -two... It ^ ')> , Eu^eiae toppM aiM fel/- his giree d. CLUBS & SOCIETIES Resistance Club United Nations Club Report Some of llie Youth & Studenl Panels coming to "Fiesta" a night of Reggae and International Beer and Food was held on Wed 23 INTERNATIONAL GREEN LEFT CONFERENCE Feb in conjunction m\h UQU activities, Amnesty, GERSOC and the Indo Asian society and was highly successful. A Generation at Risk Speaks Out Joe Magri-National President of the Young Cliristian Workers; Bernie Briggs Wc held a wine and cheese members welcome on Wed 2 March wilh a speaker froni Unifcm, iJjc United Nations agency on the rights o[ women. -Australian Youth Policy & Action Coalition; Rob Miller - Student Rights & Information Officer, RMIT Student Union; Elle Morelle - Resistance, National So what's in stoic? I'm glad you asked! Radical Youth Organisation | Tue, March 22 - 1pm AGM Clubs & Socs Room (Whacky Fun) Tues, April 12 - 1pm Topic lo be finalised \ i Students Looking Out: International Solidarity On Campus | Late April Model General Assembly (an opportunity to represent a nation in a^ i simulated General Assembly - go rabid with imperialist crap as the U.S .A. or be a, Rcpresenlaiives from Network of Overseas Student Collectives Australia &• whining 3rd world nation with some weenie problem like toxic waste dumping) -! ASEED; Andrew Leighi - Community Aid Abroad; Sarah Stephens - Reslsiance|topi c - Sustainable Development wilh a working group discussing the 1995 Beijing! summit on rights of women. It is always a lot of fun and very educational. Taking Back The University: Rebuildng a Radical Student Movement For more info ringDa n 377 2200. Tony Borgeesi - Left Alliance, Melbourne University; Michael Tardiff -\ i Resistance; Caitlin Windham - ANU Stdueni Association President Cheers - Dan Siskind GERSOC - German Student's Society j jNew Voices: Feminism On Campus German Students' Society urgently needs and desperately new membersi i Jen Crothers - Women's Officer, Tasmanian Uravcrsiiy, Hobart Campus; to help breathe new life into the society. Anyone with an interest in the! iSpeaker from People Initiating Campaigns to End Sexism (PIECES); Susan; German language, culture, travel, politics, culinary delights, BEER, etc.; i Horsfall - Women's Officer, Tasmanian University, Launccslon; Toni Lawson; especially welcome. i-Women's Officer, Queensland University What do we offer you? A room to meet, socialise or even study in; a\ social dimension to the academic study of German, the opportunity to; mingle with Germans and non-Germans in a variety of social events such: IPLUS INTERNATIONAL GUESTS: as dinners, Frhstcke, and BEERfests; also the opportunity to practise and; i Susan George, author, "How The Olher Half Dies" improve your German in a relaxed atmosphere; but most importantly,! i Representative from the New Zealand Alliance discounts and FREEBIES. Yes! Vou read it correctly. FREE tea and coffeej i Peter Camejo, Board member, Environmental Federation of America all year to members, HUGE discounts at the many social functions, andj i Juan Antonio Blanco, Cuban analyst wilh the U.N Non Aligned Movement even some FREE lunches! i Sonny Mclencio, Philippines, Vice Presidcni of Makabayan. Getting serious for a moment, we can also offer you help and advice ini your studies (in various departments and faculties) through the expertise: International Green Left of our long-standing members, as well as on a student-staff level through; participation in the Consultative Committee. In short, we can give yo'j; Conference, March 31 to April 4 the whole picture the Department only begins to sketch for the; j University of NSW, Sydney unsuspecting. What would you expect to pay for all this bounty? Membership is a mere; •^ I Registration: Concession $50 for 4 days, %15 per day $5 per year and entitles you to all those discounts and freebies, and youj iFor more Info contact Resistance ph 254 0565 or write to P.O. Box can join any time in Room 610 Michie Building, il247 Fortitude Valley 4005 Drop in and see us (or our r.oticeboard) anytime for more details, Wej look forward to seeing you in 1994. ^^. eamiwn c/w fiftJitation lias mo/t^ Se-Ki^'U if^n (^O iirt4n[ .^I«v\rs of th« virorf^ avoiding this sort of hassle? Sugges Greetings, Salutations and Welcome throagh the to Round 2 of Semper for 1994. looking glass blankly tions are very welcome. nice 10 know which side your would have developed at least some Qne morc poinl. On O-Wednesday, To kick off this month's column, a mother is on. Anyway, conU"ary to degree of skill. Obviously not, since g^mper received a fax of a photo of big thank you to everyone who con- my mother's opinion, I wasn't ad nol one of at least 90 women had Howard Stringer® , with the caption iribuled last issue, and to everyone vertising, and, as it siands the arti been keen on making a pennaneni who look a copy of Semper. We "To the Lords of Time, The Last Ac cle was written simply because I'd acquaintance of him. Super stud? printed 8000, and within seven days cidental Hero says: See how love and had enough of ali this sexual pres Hah! Anything else with that sort of of arriving on campus, we were left murder will out." The following sures I had to live with. Until I put failure rate would have been chucked wilh only a couple of hundred cop Tuesday, a collection of Howard out long since. ies. Now ihal's quick. Secondly, finger to keyboard^ nobody had said Stringer era Sempers turned up on the thanks to those people who gave us anylhing positive about being a vir pile of 1994 Sempers. Will scnnebody On a completely different subject, re feedback aboul ihe first issue, we ap gin, as if il was something to be please tell me what lhe hell is going cently, I submitted a short slory* for preciated lhe criticism and the praise. ashamed about. So I wrote ihe arti on? this issue Semper under my second Finally in Ihis grovel-a-lhon opening, cle, announced to the world I was thank you to Michelle and Elizabeth still a virgin, and if I thought the favourite nom de plume? See if you Have fun people. for sponsoring a broke Semper edi sexual pressure was bad before, I can recognize it. Big problem we've tor to go to the River Phoenix Movie think it's going to get worse from got wilh the short stories we're re Festival. here on. Now I'm a confirmed, defi ceiving at the moment is that they're Stephen nite and bloody obvious target. Next all dark and morbid and depressing. lime I think I'll keep my word proc Hey lighten up people, life's not thai Stephen has the dubious dist'nction of On to the nexl bil. essor shut. bad. being awarded Semper's first RortMaster 2000 awards after being the only editor on I wrote a couple of pieces in the first ihe Semper Purchase Card at Union Book Still on the sexual side of life*, that Second to last point. Does anyone shop for two months mnning. Before Ihe issue of Semper, and by far and Audit Committee gets excited, they were wretched Cosmo magazine has been else out there suffer from the ability away' lhe one that generate the most all legit Semper expenses. bugging me again. This lime, there to find places that the person who interest was Virgin on the Ridiculous. was an article aboul how beautiful you 're going out with for the evening "I Wasn't that a movie recently? I've had a lol of really positive feed people make lousy lovers^ and one would never nonmally go to? It hap 2 Cynicism runs in the family back from il, wilh a lol of people say 3 Yes pen lo paper has been superseded. of the people mcniioned in the arti pened again lhe other night, I look a ing how brave 1 was to write il. ^ How come 1 keep writing about some cle was nicknamed Hal 90, because very Christian, Christian woman out thing I've got no knowledge of, and people Frankly, I thought I was a bloody keep reading it? he supposedly had had 90 lovers. 90 to the movies to see Carlito's Way. idiot for commilling it to paper, a 5 O.K, So my knowledge of the iheoiy is lovers. Hell, this guy musl be •Whoops. Still, I've taken a Darryl scnlimcni shared by my mother, who improving, but practical experience is a talentless. If ninety women had only Braithwaiie fan oul to a Screaming long way off. cheerfully agreed wilh me. Thank 6 No. itwasn't about sex. put up with this guy for a few goes, Jets concert, and a vegetarian to cat- you Mother. It's nice to know that 7 $ is my favourite, but everyone recog before ihey said, 'thanks but no lie farm. Heck, the only thing I you agree with me sometimes. Apart nises it now. I'm not responsit>le for all of thanks', he must be damn near use haven't done is given a Jewish girl t\a\ gratfi^ friough. from that, she also wanted to know 8 Stringer was a notqrious/legendary less. You'd Ihink with the amouni pork chops for dinner, I'm working whether I was advertising.^ Ws also Semper editor from ttie late eigtities. of practice he's had, that by now he on that. Isn't there somcwbij of *"**" Complex ph 37Z 2200 ext ^O^/ ^^^ WORKSHOPSI TRIPLE J PRESENTS ACTIVITIES IS OFFERING THESE "TU WORKSHOPS IN FIRST. SEMESTER Bar Training Black and while Phofograpliy DEFRHYME Basic Video FRIDAY APRIL 15th MAIN REFEC/BISTRO STUDENTS $6 OTHERS $9 TICKETS THROUGH UNION SHOP, Produclien THE 1994 UNI OF QLD REVIEW! Bjke MainlenAnce Intro fe Mile Basic Computer Graphics Latin Dance Dance Malting Life Drawing !!!l.T^^TtS%Mi/ !! Make Up THIS FI»&l^A^RClTl||!^ti^ Techniques For Main refec/Bjstro g^sfs^fihtives^|^^jam PHOI8B# -•— Film And Theatre Meditation FREE EVENTS Screenprmfing Wed 23rd 1 pm Main Refectory THE BLACK EYED SUSANS St Johns Ambulance First Wed 30th 1 pm Main Refectory « Aid Course me, Detoils and 27 enrolemenls are available in Activities • in SA and ACT decriminalisation has not quirements for lecturers. ti'on of fighting for women's rightso n cam pus. I hope you came along - we had par reasupEPs increased number of pot users 3. Finally, and not so quiedy, we are proudly • over 50% of charges are under 2S's. This ties, debates, campaign launches, banner PEpOPt announced the birth of'*Unlon Focus".This drops and speakouts! I probably still have means a lar^e proportion of uni students publication will contain information about • 90% of convictions are for small amounts, time to tell you about the International The Student Union has been in the spot clubs, activities, union events and issues i.e, users not big dealers, Therefore, aver Women's Day March and Rally on the 12th light recendy for acting upon it's policy sup which affect students. Pick it up in the refec age students are labelled criminals. This of March. The tiieme Is We Are Family porting decriminalisation of cannabis. A few and have a look, smashes careers and opportunities e.g. Women United For Action. The rally starts people have been wondering where the practising law, travelling to U.S., working That's all for now. at 10am to Emma Miller's place. From there Student Union gets off on hosting 'Stoned in childcare etc. Jenny McAllister we'll be marching to Musgrave Park at Week', and publishing information about • prohibition encourages a black market } 2pm. There will be stalls, speakers, ex decriminajisadon, at a cost of about $t per • dealers can lead pot buyers to harder cellent entertainment and that night there student. Here is my long winded road to drugs will be a dance party and cabaret (women justification. €n€Pat viC€ • alcohol and dgarettes are the gateway to only) at The Club at 172 Robetson St, New The Student Union Executive and Coundl drugs not cannabis Farm - Come along to the rally to show is democratically elected from the student • cannabis is not physically additi've pepoOPi T Wayne Goss and the other so called "pro- body each year. This body co-ordinates the • no one has ever died from cannabis use traditional family" faction. Because it's In resources of the Union as well as being ac • thousands die from alcoholism and smok ternational Year of the family, Mr Goss Gov tive advocates for students needs In the uni ing each week The Student Union has taken a strorg and ernment is launching into a full-scale attack versity and the community. The services die • there are negligible effects of occasional public stance on the decriminalisation of on lesbian and gay parents, single mothers, Union offers, fulfil a variety of interests and use of cannabis marijuana recently. The Union has policy Aboriginal families etc.. At the same time, needs. I am going to exploit this opportu • under prohibition one ounce is more ex on a wide range of issues from education he and ti-c State Dept of Family Services nity to advertise them:- pensive than an ounce of gold to free speech which affect students. ignore the family issues of rape, domestic Activities-Workshops (eg. photography), • if decriminalised, you could legally grow DecriminaJisatior of marijuana is an issue violence, incest, and women's economic bands, O-week etc. a few plants for personal use which affecu students. Over 50% of most oppression in the family. So this year the ScreenprintJrg - Print t-shirts, poster, ban • if cecriminalised people could afford to convicted of marijuana possession arc WED Area is concentrating on creating our ners etc. cook with cannabis young people. A large proportion of which own definitions of "family" and rejecting the Clubs and Societies -Administrate andfund • cooking cannabis avoids the effects of drug users are students. misogynist bias of people like Mr Wayne Goss. over 130 clubs eg. political, social, depart smoking, bongs reduce effects The Student Union is not promotmg drug mental. • cannabis is less harmful than alcohol and use for discussion of drug law reform. The Heavy stuff aside, feel free to come up and Welfare - Help with welfare things, includ tobacco possession of a relatively harmless drug bring any issue to myself and Toni to deal ing Austudy, accommodation, employment, • laws discriminate against those who so (relative to tobacco and alcohol) which with, run a workshop on, o' produce in loans, tenancy. cially prefer cannabis to alcohol or ciga harms no-one else should not have a crimi formation on. We have just finished reno Semper - You are reading it! rettes i.e. happy and mellow people versus nals penalty. Over 30% of Qlder's have vations on the Women's Room which is now Publications - Design and orpnise all un loud, annoying, obnoxious, vomiting, vio used marijuana. A significant part of sod much more spadous, has reading material, ion publications and some outside work. lent paralytics! ety uses marijuana regulajly. For doing so couches to snooze on and lots of interest Education - Helps students having prob • $28 million is spent enfordng prohibition they should not be labelled criminals. They ing women to talk to! We are keeping the lems with the university and provides in • it should be spent on health education shou Id be informed of effects of d rug u se - Women's Room open on Wednesday nigtits formation on educational issues. services for cannabis users not in the courts not in jail. until 9pm for any part-time women on car> Womens Equal Opportunity - Provides • convictions, fines and lack of information pus. Collective meetings happen at I pm on space, and support for the special needs of Some reports in tiiemedi a wrongly said tiiat about cannabis effects are infringing on wel Tuesdays, so either come to one of those, women students. Has information for all We were holding a smoke-in. The Student fare of many students drop in anytime or call us on 377 2242. We on women's, and feminists issues. Funded Union put no money into the smoke-in but looking forward to seeing you. only by women. Decriminalisation does not equal legalisa did publicise the debate. However, as a tion (can't decriminalisation. If we don't union we should support the issue and con Cement Box - Excellent live theatre fea Carolyn Ride speak up, nothing changes. "High Sodety' done the right of students to protest the turing fantastic student productions. Woman's Equal Opportunity VR is an affiliated union club supporting decriminalisation drug laws. Schonell - Cushiest dnema , and the best decriminalisation, speaking up and provid pizza's in Brisbane. Features top foreign and The only way to get the Goss Government ing sodal forums for pot users. Let's face art house films. Broaden your horizons, the to act on any reform is by strong and acti've it, diey smoke often, the public should M^nr^^HMi Schonell is a must. Voices in the community. Goss has to be know and die laws should be repealed Legal Service - Car crash, been arrested, need shown there is widespread support for this apea's a solicitor? $10 first visit, tlien it's free. We support law reform, health education issue. We hope die Student Union - one pepopt CNIdcare - Kindy, after school care, play and services for cannabis users. We do not speaking on behalf of students many of house, and the new Market Cribb Centre. encourage the use of any drug. whom are affected, has added it's voice to Union Shops - fUin the 2nd hand boobhop, EDUCATION: IT'S ALL JUST CHOOKS 'Stoned Week' effectively encouraged de die cause. the lolly sfiop and we lease many more. AND GLAMOUR bate and masses of discussion on campus Catering - Runs three refecs, a coffee shop, Goss has to be shown there is widespread and in the media. The Yojng Libs, Qld Pen Are we settied in y^:? and function rooms. The food is cheap, the support for an issue and is a matter of jus sioners League, Federal Branch of AMA, service runs to late at night, and many stu tice. The StudentUnion has put its case and This report in summary, is about chooks Professional body on alcohol and other dents are employed through catering. added its voice to the cause. (Goss when and glamour. So if that is all you really drugs, and UQ Student Union support N.B THE REFECS HAVE STOPPED MAK he was at Uni dkJ a Uni Revue sketch on wanted to know then you may stop read decriminalisation to name a few ING A LOSS, JUST TO PROVE THE LEFT the ridiculousnesso f Qld Drug Laws), ing now. Thank you. We as students may MANAGE BETTER THAN THE RIGHT! Wake up and smell the grass, it's every However, decriminalisation is not the only be likened to chooks. We waddle out to where. Decriminalise cannabis now! matter the union has taken a public stance Uni and scratch around in different feeding There are also a number of finance and on. Half price bus fares for students, charges lots fulfilling our desire for scraps of knowl administrative staff to assist in operating the Ma7 Thorpe under HECS, postgraduate tax. Unfortu edge. Where does glamour fit into this pic Union. nately the media does not see these as ture? (clicine heaven) Wel! some chooks sim The Union has policy on a number of issues pressing issues. The Student Union - with ply have more glamour than others. How including civil liberties, community issues, 56cr€tap your help in getting involved ph 377 2200 ever you may have already observed that student welfare and educational issues. Stu repor vvill help us actively pursue all issues which fowl decorum very quickly disappates upon dents have differing backgrounds, needs, and affect students. decapitation of chickens. Something which concerns. Many come from minority groups. The Union has a couple of quiet, but im may also be applied to students: DON'T The Union acts as advocates for students on Watch out for Women's Week, Education LOSE YOUR HEAD - YOU LOSE YOUR portant issues we are pursuing at the mo and Media Forums, Faculty Review Infor- a number of fronts. We all know tiiat socie GLAMOUR!!! You can alleviate this situa ment. niation. ties stiiicture affects university students. tion by visiting the Education Office for the Therefore, politics affects all our members, 1, Student accommodation. This always David Shankey relief of any unpleasant study matters. And and we have a responsibility to advocate stu creates problems for students. We have if you haven't al ready, you can pick up a copy dent needs. Pol ides are formulated and rati difficulties getting bond rnoney, paying rent, of the A/ternoti've Handbook or purchase our fied by council (that democratically elected getting references, getting a place dose to below cost funky education t-shirts ($ IS). body of 60 students). uni that's not next to a bus depot, and gen erally finding affordable suitable accommo weo apea 's Oh and "by the way if anything else you The Council caldfied a policy supporting dation. The Student Union has received a report come across doesn't smell right, bring it to decriminalisation of cannabis, on the con grant from the state government to find a us. i.e. lecture material charges, lack of tu dition that there are devices to detect driv .project which researches student housing Well, things are pretty hectic at tho mo torials etc. ers ttiat are under the influence of pot. This needs. This project will provide us with ment in our area- now that we're getting, On that point I resign due to stupidly un- policy was formulated at a general meeting some statistical ammunition to lobby both at long last, anew room! It's huge, it's got a foreseeri circumstances (employment and of students. It was the biggest general meet the university and the government for im fridge and a sink and a phone for incoming study) - it's all my fault really. ing for 1993. The vote unanimously voted provements. calls. It will be large enough for our weekly for policy to support decriminalisation of CoD.ective meetings (women were camp Thank you Sally and all the very helpful cannabis. These are supporting reasons 2. Teaching standards. Teaching ability has ing in the hali and hanging from the ceiling friends of the Education Area. Sacha from tho CJC report on cannabis use: neve been the no. I criterion for promo last year) - and the whole thing is probably Blumen his been appointed as interim Edu • prohibition of alcohol did not reduce con tion at this institution. However in recent cation Vice-President and Is very eager and years some recognition has been given to Well overdue as it's the only women - only sumption in carty 20th century safe space on campus! Come join the steady energetic about the prospect of this for the • prohibition is not a deterrent for using the need to encourage innovation teach coming weeks. ing. ("Chalk and talk" no more). The Stu stream of women who've been trooping up cannabis in Qld to fiave a look! Sean Lynch. • dmost 1/3 of Queenslanders have tried dent Union, however, feels that it has not I was the E.VR (annabis gone far enough. This year we are investi By the time you read this, we've probably gating putting into place more stringent re • 10% smoke regulariy also finished Women's Week, our celebra- G'Day, Toga Night was a masochistic expe- 28 rience (well at least it was interestingj, a - lowering Austudy indcocndent rate to Tre Welfare Areas employment crappy leaflet as well was done (which no nationa 21 noticeboard (also located on the grounc doubt you haven't read j and I need a hun 4ir«r=^i\; - the creation of a HECS liability appeals floor of the Union Building) is the one you dred odd dollars very quickly. tribunal can never get to decause it's so crowded! a I PS - parity between Austudy ar.d job search Vote for things on Wednesday 2nd March Currentiy, jobs arc advertised and updated - no expansion of the loans scheme (you've missed it). daily in areas such as: cleaning, gardening, report - reducing the amount of time needed to Vote from them, tutoring, retail/sales, labouring, child-mind be spent in the work force to receive ing and hospitality/catering. All of these jobs Friggin' bastards This holidays I've been wearing two hats - full independent Austudy from 3 to 2 are advertised at award wage rates. years Sach Blumen one as NSAO anc anotiier as O'Camp Co DLC to the high demand placed on this serv i am the interim E.VP. ordinator, so my report wil( consist of two - eqtial HECS liabilitY regardless of course totally disjointed chunks. studied ice, we are going to make it bigger and bet - a time limit of HECS liability payments ter! As you may have heard, a new Em O'Camp "94-3 practice common on most after which payments are exempted ployment Officer is about to make waves r—Bins socs other major campuses in Australia is an - opposing introduction of "over-quota full in the Union by providing a much larger "Orientation Cajnp" where all first year stu ap€a'5 up front fees" (ie if applicants don't employment service for all. This should dents are invited on a weekend retreat to make it to University on academic merit become a reality withh the next couple of peport meet new people and prepare for Uni life they can buy themselves a degree) months, as this huge endeavour is our high (no - we didn't nave any christian over - opposing to re-introdurtion of last year's est priority, and everyone is flat out work tones). This Union felt that many students ing for it. Hi and welcome back to the unmitigated budget's defeated HECS changes from small and regional high schools were joy of lectures! I hope that you all had agreat disadvantaged when entering UQ in that For more information on Education cam Look out for notification of Welfare Com O-Week and that you've fully recovered! they knew few other students. It can be paigns and NUS ring me, Sean Lynch (EVP) mittee meetings (also on the Union The Clubs and Socs Market Day on fairly difficult to meet new people in lec or Sally Haydon (Education Officer) on 377 noticeboards) and get involved, as wc are Wednesday of O-weck was yet again a suc tures of over 200 people where you never 2200. doing some major planning for the semes ter ahead of us. cess, with thousands of students attending seen the same face twice in one day. We Good luck in fun, life and (ugh) study. and joining clubs. sent out intensly witty O'Camp application Adios AmigosI Cheers Dan Siskind forms and a letter from the Union (also in It occurred to me whilst 'way having a Namali Gunaratnc tensely witty) to all first yea- students with NSAO stress, trying to locate non-existent tables, Welfare Vice-President their first round offers. We received a direct 120 clubs to stalls and tagging piles healthy response. of ecuipment (what a martyr!), that last year, when I was merely a fresh-faced stu The camp ran over the weekend Fri 11 Feb welfapG dent (mercifully) innocent of the intricacies - Sun 13 Feb nnd was shit loads of fur. We area's of the Student Union, I had no idea of how played heaps of groovy games, had group overseas Clubs and Societies operated. Then it massages, played sports (and mini golf), report dawned upon me tiiat the majority of you heard speechs from dubs & socs and the ents would be in the same blissfully ignorant po Union and boogied to eariy eighties (via The Welfare Area is just a hive of activity area's sition. Happily, I remembered diat I could Collette - ring my Bell). Even though the these days with masses of people wander use my Semper article to rectify the situa rain at Camp Koonjewarre (in the heart of report ing in and out of our doors for help with an tion! the Gold Coast hinteriand) was perpetual, incredible range of queries! Our most popu it didn't dampen spirits. I've never had the OK, so this is how it al; works. lar requests have included info on Austudy, Be ng an international student at the Uni pleasure f workiig with such a mature, Employment, Loans, Accommodation, versity of Queensland could be an exciting At the beginning of January, we send all dubs funny and entertaining group of people and Award Wage Rates, Markets, Shopping Tips and challenging experience. In 1993, there a grant form. This asks vital questions such I thank the O'Campers for making it flow and even a bizarre request for a wall- yes, were about 1,100 international students on as the dubs' proposed activities for O-week so smoothly (hoo^aygh). It cinnot go with a wall!!! campus representing 72 different nationali and Recovery Week, the subsidies re out mention that a certain LA. who looks ties, thus bringing a wide diversity of cul quested for these activities, and in addition remarkably like Zeran from "Big" has a fan Let me proceed to enlighten you with a few ture to UQ. subsidies required for things such as admin tasy of sex in a pLblic place like peak hour facts on the three most impor^mt of these istration and photocopying. Clubs then re traffic - butsomewherc romantic like ,°aris! (Sorry - tiie wa!! does not fall into diis cat The Overseas Students Committee under turn these forms to us. The O'Camp attendees have formed their egory). the Student Union wi I be renamed to In ternational Students Committee very soon. The next step is for the Clubs and Sode- own dub - O'Soc and welcome any first Austudy Ths change is necessary as "internadonal" ties Committee to meet and consider the years who are interested in joining a social The following changes have been made for seems to denote that students co.me from submissions. Three times a year, for C- group of funky, unreal people to join - call 1994: all over the world. It is felt that the present week, first and second semester, the Clubs me on 377-2200. Hopefullyifthe Union re title has suggested that overseas students and Socs Area is allocated a sum of severa' mains progressive next year this camp will * The Austudy age of independence is now arc only Asian students, which of course is thousands of dollars by the Treasury, to be be repeated and become the tradition th.it 23 years old. not true. distributed amongst clubs. This year the O- it is on campuses Australia wide (Monash * Co urses (except Masters and Ph D's) com weck sum was S22,000, the largest O- in Melbourne holds camps for about 600 pleted morc than 10 years ago will be dis- The aims of the Committee are to repre- Week amount ever. Then the Clubs and first year students!) rega'-ded. sert and communicate with international * Incomplete Masters or PhD studies won't Socs Committee, which consists of C&S National Student Stuff - The Orge of students enrolled at the University of be counted as previous study. staff, union exec members, and elected club VSU is still on the .igenda in Vic & WA. For Queensland. Wc seek to promote and as * The parenta! or spouse income and as representatives, has the onerous task of those of you who didn't read the article in sist in the eduoitiona'. soci.i! and cultural sets test will bo disregarded for families dividing the money fairly and equitably be the last issue of Semper. VSU (Voluntary Stu activities of intcrn.itional students and in holding Health Care Cards. tween all clubs who have made Grant Sub dent Unionism) is a system wherchy stu crease awareness of internationalism on * Certain fringe benefits valued at over missions. Funds are allocated on the basis dents are given the option of not joining the campus. SI000 will be included under the parcnuu' of club membership levc s, now active the StudentUnion, In the short term this means or spouse income test. Undoubtedly, the International Students club is, and the nature of their proposed a saving of the stu dent services charge (very Committee plays an impc-iant role in fos- activities. different to HECS) but in reality meais re * Students returning to study after a semes terng international goodwill. Jo promote duced student services like; expensive re ter off, will only oe paid from the first day Once the C&S Committee has granted this, a number of activities will be organ fectories with only "profit based" foods, a of their course. funds to dubs, tiiey are able to spend up to ised with the support from different inter minimal O-Week (forget the Ibga), no cam this amount upon their activities and admin Note: Austudy's definition of fLiI time study national student groups. Events include the pus activities, no cheap legal service, no istration and when they present appropri is three quarters of your full time (credit Global Groove dance party jotntiy organ clubs and socs funding, no women's area, ate receipts to the staff they are refunded point) woridoad, which is different from die ised by BSA International, QUT and Griffith no new computer room the list goes on. accordingly. University's 33 or more credit points. International Students Association, UQ More importandy your Student Union rep Sports and International/Cultural Week etc. So do you all understand now? resents you to the university, the Federal Looking for Somewhere to Live International Student Newsletter is pub Successful club events that have been held Govt (who control HECS Austudy and the If you are looking for any form of accom lished four times a year by the International lately have been the Borneo Students' "Glo purse strings for education) and the wider modation at all, the Union's Welfare area Students Committee. The first edition has bal Groove", Judith Lucy presented by community will students opting out of the has a noticeboard (ground floor of the Un Union there will be less money to repre been mailed to all international students at Women and the Law, and a forum with Jim ion Building, opposite Union Shop), where sent students. It was only through the lob the end of February, Copies are also avail Soorley and Bob Ward organised by the daily notices for vacant rooms, houses, bying of UQU and espcdally NUS (National able at the Union Building and Counselling Government Students. board and share accommodation are ad Union of Students) that the changes to vertised. We can also help in emergency Services Area. Contributions are welcome. Don't forget you can advertise your club in HECS were blocked in last year's Federal accommodation situations. Ifyou have any other suggestions about the the new bi-monthly "Union Focus". Simply Budget - saving real dollar terms several International Students Area, please feel free If you can't find anything suitable here, the contact either myself or David Shankey, tiie thousand per student in HECS (more than to contact me on 377 2200 at the Union next place to head to is die University's General Vice-President, to include your would have "saved" by not paying union Office. Counselling and Careers Building to see Joe promotions. fees. For more info on VSU cal! me or the Hurley, the Accommodation Officer Finally, wish you every success in 1994. GVP David Shankey on 377 2200, It appears Have a great month! that students in Vic and WA will lose their After you've actually found a place to live, Kathy Wong Cheers Union voices in the Autumn sittings of par die Welfare Area can also help you widi Overseas Students Representative Michelle Terry liament. This year NUS and UQU are lob budgeting to meet rent and bond expenses, Clubs and Socs Vice-President 1994 bying for changes and improvements to your rental rights, household esublishment education, Austudy and HECS these in- costs and where to buy second hand furni dude: ture. - rent assistance component for Austudy '='"'''"8 » Part-Time Job 29 FACULTY TOWERS AmmpfEeEOFmic Objcclivisc, stereotype, nasty words aren'i ihcy, furiously OR spat in ihis our golden, Politically Corrccl decade. Bul I kind of like 'cm so what follows is a nasty piece of work to An Objective Rendering of the Courses convcr.tional eyes. Let's just say ihat whal I'm going lo do is a guiddinc to lhe personalities, quirks and eccentricities of the various courses at this greal uni, yeah ihal's whal ARCHITECTURE & TOWN PLANNING I'm gonna do, I shall detail lhe many brothers and sisters Ohh the pencil draws lines and the ruler makes it go sti-Ughl, wcce and ihc t- of our common family, bianchcs of one tiec, peas of our •^ 7*-y-w-^ square goes up and down and Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy lhe Triangles, how I love pod, sands through our hour-glass, days of our lives etc Y fr< I the Triangles, they've gol angles. But wail here comes the compasses and circles cle. It's amazing how many metaphors there arc for ho they go round and round. Hchehehc. lism, truly amazing.... Lci mc icU you aboul Johnny. When Johnny was lililc Johnny he Morc big kids. Engineers do il with blocks, Architccls do it wiih pcndls and all had a few pels. A worm, a budgie, a cai, a dog and a nJlling feral thai other shit. Planning sludenls lake it to a new level though, why jusi draw pig lo be precise. One day while pcrfomiing a m;nor cosmetic buildings when you can add sliccis, highways, iiccs and crgonomically planned vivisection on ihc ruiting feral pig, he mutated il inlo a Rhino (but public spaces, whalcvcr you do don'l go near a housing estate wilh these dudes il only a small one). The Rhine rain|)agiaJ, stepping on ihc worm, can gel well interesting. caung the budgie, copulating 'ul death wilh the cal and biting the vvas\^ arse end off the dog. And then Uioughi it was a lemming and jumped off a cliff. And as Johnny knelt there, liic dog's life cbhing away 'NFO Tf CH he swore 10 leam how to properly perform vivisections on rutting Ever met a music studenl? No {•'or the sake of my saniiy speak Hnglish. feral pigs so as lo avoid a recurrence of ihis terrible incidcni. Il is neither have 1. Can'l sierc- uncanny how many Johnnys end up as Vci sludcnts. I don'l give a shii about the RAM expansions to your .'stupid programs, speaking is for corn otypc what doesn't cxisl. munication, not acronjinical dnbbtc. Ihcrc ihal's said. I must say most of ihc Info Teachers (or Computer Boffins where I hail from) arc hannlcss nice chappies. I'reUy boring lo he sure, not puch to look at cenainly, off in their own world tnie, but some of my best ftiends are i:, COM/ECON Info Tech. so 1 s'pose ihcy'd bt :innoycd if I called "cm fat, ugly boring juveniles. Ihesc arc truly lhe diildrcn of tragic ail;. Ihcir parcnis have scamid tlicm from binh with stories of ihc "Crash of '72" (it was a dark and siomiy trading floor ihat greeted mc ihal day) and indoclri- pliysiotheiapy Speech Therapy naicd them with llic greal lie "Money is cvcr>'...." No I can't bring My sister's one of these, so I speak from painful experience. I knew il To continue on Oral Opinions, wc get myself to say it. Uui let's put this way to them, ihcrc is no higher had lo be tliere SD 201 "The personal favourites of the .Marqui Dc the noble art of fi.xing lisps, acccnls power than ".Market Forces" (luiter the figure in black, thunder Sade". These people revel in pain, roll aboul in it, live it, love il and and stutters. Nollo dump on you but clap, prepare to meet thy fiscal doom and be stripped yc of all manipulate it. Yeah, yeah die shins all say caring, healing etc bul it's in ihis world of unemploymcnl, acid Worldly assets). Do ihc world a favour and commit suicide fccbs. crap they jusi like hurling people, they're almo.si as bad as Dentists rain, third world poverty and speaking of which,,.. Bronwyn Bishop, isn't it reassuring SCIENCE DENTISTRY lo know wc all sound lickety-bo? Science sludenls arc people who never slopped wondering why. But More power to you. This I can't understand, why play around in lhe grossest, dinicsi pan of why arc ihcy wondering why? And exactly how am I wondering why? our bodies. Well for fun and profit to be sure bui by god Saliva! Let mc And why am I here to wonder? And if a tree falls in a forest thai is speak 3 lillle about Saliva, ihcrc is a reason why wc spit il oul, swallow il OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY why, will any one be wondering why it is here? No, sorry ihal's an and sec it draped delicately over Aliens, it's because (you heard it here These people put lives back together. Well not Art's qucsiion. There is basically two whys that people arc wonder lirst). Hell is a Boogcr, nol flames as ccruin misguided souls claim. And really, dicy don'l move mounuins, thcy'rc less ing about, (i) Why is il so? These are often children of Aliens, the germs, the number of germs in a mouth is aboul the size of ihc National the gourmet chef than lhe main garnish on that children of science graduates and basically a scourge on laboratory Debt and going up as fast. But it must be noted that there's aboul 16 big white plate wilh shit all food on il, bui mice everywhere, (ii) Why didn't I gel inlo Med/Physiol Therapies/ million sensory nerves and aboul 15 million nerve ends in die mouth. enough on Nouvca Cuisine. Suppose you were Aboui 10 million right next to your next cavity (it's inic ihcy move around Vet, get the idea? I feci very sorty for these class 2's, they wanl lhe hit by a car, the doctor saves ycur life, the law looking for weak spots). So if you're so inclined the mouth is buckets of joys of second level science, I mean ever been lo a 2nd level lecture? yer gets you a shil heap of money, ihc Physio fun (and saliva but ihat's secondary). teaches you lo walk again, and the Engineer They hold 'cm in a toilet they're that small. The class 2's arc basi designs your artificial limb. Now what's lefi cally the product of school counsellors (hale, kill, kill, hate) who say to do you say? WcU lots and just cause I can'l yes you can be whal you wanl lo be. U's a cruel world, piiy il's nol MEDICINE think of any of it righl now doesn't alter that true. Now where lo start, nol wilh Nccrophiliac jokes, facl and bollocks lo anyone who says other yeah no Nccrophiliac jokes at all, there ihal's said. wise. They also sideline in designing safe workplaces. Just like your parcnis iedon'ifari Medicine is all aboul bodies, live ones, dead ones arse around with ihc nail gun dear you'll put (Or Bachelor of Bullshit) LAW (they're called cadavers, sec Semper is educa your brother's eye ouU Thai's what Occupa Now if you thought Engineering is the most pointless thing ever, think again, law il tional) anaesthetised ones, there all bodies to these tional Therapist do. They also design safe is. And their hypocrites too, and money obsessed. Bul my sister's one (and some of guys. Big collections of scmi-or well, non-func wcdcplaces again like your mother, i.e. don'l the Ediiont too) so they can't be all ihal bad, actuaUy Uke that back salt of the earth tioning organs. Hey il's an ugly job but some ones fart arse round with the nail gun you'll put quality characiers, Some unkind people suggest la wyen were bom wilh a silverspoon got to charge like a wounded bull for it. someone's eye out. in dKi r mouth. No, No. No, No that jusi isn't line. They were bom wilh a diclionaty and a loud hailer. Ihey' re obsessed with Uiking, given a chance they'll praitle on ifss hours. A typical home of one is constant noise. Evciy bastard is talking at once. And SOCIAL WORK Educational Studies hell they might be speaking English, but it sure as hell ain't my semi-literate brand of "So dear, he did what? Buggered your cat up Now, ihese aren't real teachers they're actual it. The don't use the same word twice in i decade, I attribute this to being given loo the dale, ihal's nice dear." Ever been to a So Claytons Science or Arts Students i.e. the Scientist many lines at schod 'o write. Which they gol for being loud. Aren'i Vicious Cycles cial Woriter? They nicely and quile calmly you become when not becoming a Scientist. They basurds. accept any excuse as to why you need lhe dole, »nd why il's quite obviously because do there chosen course then decide it isn't what it's AG. SCIENCE sodety gave you the rough end, right?Los cracked up to be and cop out, becoming ridiculously Two classes of people again (this is getting a lad rcpelitive isn't il? Let's ers but Hamiless, a touch too sincere but by over trained teachers. Bite ihal bullet go lo QUT and use three next time). jove ihey're gullible (one once believed I was become a real teacher raihcr lhan these pissy Dip. schizophrenic and so had to have regular sex Ed ccrlificaics, wipe your arse on thai lads, il's all 1 Idiots who can't fill oul an admissions form properly and who really changes so of course I need special Austudy shit and you know it? wanted a Business Management Course at TAPE considerations). Idiots for whom Animal Husbandry'involves a Church, a priest and vows. ARTS .Well, well, well whal lo say Last and Least? The sundard jokes about he number of hours you do, how pathetic your TE/OP scores are, elc etc. it's bcneaih me, all of it toully cliche, bcneaih my dignity, to quote Rowan Atkinson liberally "I spurn it all as I would a rapid bbq", I mean you'U hear il all in good time anyway, so why bother? Qairvoyanij have an easy time wilh Pharmacy sludcnts, it's Drugs, Drugs, Dmgs to Ihcsc guys placebo's, loxins, antibodies the lot of it's a big farce, they all jusi hang out Ha, ha I have finished. Don't be too offended, remember deep breathing exercises and secondly I 10 leam how to make Acid in diird year, god any Botanist can tell you that ya jusi eal don'l open the mail at the Setnper office, so letter bombs will only succeed in killing the editors. lhe nice gold cap mushci.aairvoyinls have an easy time wiih Pharmacy students, it's Drugs, Dnigs, Drugs to these guys placebo's, 'oxins, antibodies the Id of it's a big Have a nice year punters, farce, they all just hang oul to leam how to make Acid in third year, god any Botanist Stephen Cameron. can lell you that ya just cal the nice gold cap mushes. 30 COLLEGES I.C.C. REPORT 1994 has started particularly well for the Inter-Coliege Proving die impossible Council. The ICC Pool Party (eattiring Waddings Parlies Anything proved to be a tremendous success and a irib- TIIHIR VF.RSION: ule to its main organiser, Dan Birmingham. This posiljve iJuricd in liie back waters of the university lies a phenomenon thai remains ostensibly cntgrnalic to die last aniongsl the UQ start was followed up by an enjoyable and bigger than constituency - they call ihcm lhe "IH'crs" - ihosc who live where ihc cvcralinjisiic "brotherhood" prevails and who have jusi usual night on the final night of O'Week, tho Sunday RQ- embarked upon growing pumpkins in their back yard. Look for yourselves - if you know how to gci there. covery. All in all, i'm sure everyone who attended the ICC social functions had a good lime, and their attendance has assured us a healthy bank balance which will enable Stoned as all may be, that single question, revealed in Semper #1, remains • whilsl Leos are bucketing, Kings a-strcaking. us to continue lo support fully the sporting and cultural Union tractor driving and Kmnianucl barking (this is nol my judgment, by the way), what docs 111 do during 0-Wcck??? facets of college life. OUR VERSION; Docs half an hour of swilling free beer in ihc luxurious surrounds of Castlemaine Perkins sound like a good deal to you? h The ICC competition agenda starts almost immediately may come as a surprise for lhe rcsi of ICC that there arc, in the face of all claims of cultural advancement, some hurling with summer sports and debating commencing in Ihe third legends at IH. Just ask Ward. Yes, indeed. Ward ".Mumsaidwccould" levingslon has been known lo luric aboul the corridors week of term and the swimming carnival is set down for of ihis pagodaed cstablishmcni, often rapped in an American flag and accompanied by a skateboard and not much else. Bui the last Wednesday of the term. I'm sure that the ICC how could such a way-oul guy cope with hving al 111? The answer, my friends,musl not allude you • III is a fairly way-out compelition will be as hard fought as ever this year, but place • a place where divcmiiy is exulted and differences highly prized. All are free lo go around widioul fear of prejudice or also that 1994 will be a year where the students of all repression i.e. having your head shoved down a less than dean toilet in a true indoctrination style. There is no compulsion to do anylhing. Public humiliation is simply optional. And yel, ihc students stand united, most of ihem choosing to be chucked colleges actively contribute to all parts of university oul of die .Myer cenire and laxis of dicir own volition, or to sing in die foyer of Wayne Goss's office whilst on the ciiy rally life. Why? Because we apprcciaie the good ihings in life just as much as the next person. And afler all ihis, where docs everyone gel the opinion from that we arc. in these aspects, somehow different from lhe rest of I.C.C. 1994 SPORT ICC? Why a perceived inferiority? If anylhing, I could probably guarantee dial the quality of life far exceeds that of some of ihc Great I,akc colleges. Nol all things arc measured on S[X)rling prowess, which many residents lose sight of. It's the same mcnialiiy as measuring a guy's IQ by how many packets of condoms he wenl ihrough die night before h's just nol on, guys. SEMESTER 1 Get into Ihc holistic vision • fcx:us on die spectral entirely. You might be surprised to find us up al Ml. Cool-dia bcforc you. Rd1: Sa 12/03 Hockey (fi4/F); Cricket (M) Su 13/03 Kings/Grace Regatta; Basketball (M) M 14/03 Squash (F) Tu 15/03 Touch (F); Squash (M) GRACE Th 24/03 Basketball (F) Now we are fully launched into the serious world of lectures, we are asked lo roinisce over our adven Rd2: tures of tho past lortnight (somewhat a struggle ow Hockey (M/F); Cricket (1^) Sa 19/03 ing to memory loss and martyred brain eel s). and to Su 20/03 Emmanual Regatta; Basketball (M) enlighten you as to what goes on within the college f^ 21/03 Squash (F) sub-culture during the 'irst week of the year O'Week Tu 22/03 Touch (F); Squash (M) is a different event for collegians... a lot more than a Th 24/03 Basketball (F) free sample bag and a washed out Toga Parly. Nor does it bear any resemblance to 'BH —The College Rd3: Years"... Nobody goes around singing 'Que'sera, sera Sa 26/03 Hockey (M/F): Cricket (M) ..."try "Rangy - dangy - do" or "ihere's a women in Su 27/03 Leo's/Duch Regatta; Basketball {M red". M 28/03 Squash (F) Tu 29/03 Touch (F); Squash (M) Nol for the laint hearted, weak stomached Cadbury OP THE REST OF Yfl'S supporter, nor the easily oHended, O Week represents W 30/03 I.C.C. Swimming Carnival for the college student an indQclrinalion, a week of It is apparent to any casual observer that a certain feeling of an officially fair/k'elling living at home, parents' curfews tipathy exists Irom some quarters al the university towards col 31/03-10/04 Mid-Semester Break or stringent boarding house regulations , responsibil leges and that many collegians despise such unqualified notions. ity, loneliness and those brain cells which nelped us got hero. The reasons for this dichotomy are many and varied. It must be remembered - collegians mainly consist of people from provincial Although Uni is a priority for tho majority of Collegians areas who have dillerent priorities and concerns than those who ... college comes lirst because wo recognise that Ihis have lived their whole lives in Brisbane. It is possible, however, is our reckless and formative period and we're mak lor people of different ideologies and lifestyles lo gel along. This ing the most of the lifestyle made available lo us. And is evidenced by tho colleges themselves which are composed of even though there is .'ivalry amongst the colleges, a fairly eclectic bunch of students. The problem's true root is evidenced in war-cries, bucketing and eagle painting ignora.ice. ... living residentially unites you immicably to 2000 olher students... we're bound by a common thread, a Missed opportunities is an unfortunate consequence . This need postcode, a unique culture, and a dedication to the not be restricted soley to lost chances lor people of different ideo worldly pursuits. logical learnings lo get together and involve themselves in a mean ingful discussion, ll can also extend to more concrete losses due to lack of support lor their respective activities. So as we charge our glasses or our goon bladders and toast to the life we love, a fleeting spark of pity Generalised branding of people Irom, or not Iron, college derives goes oul to all of you who'll never really know quite from nothing bul ignorance. Attempting to appreciate the true at what O'Week is about. tributes ol either lifestyle can go a far way in closing that wide gap between college and non-college. ST JOHNS God said: "Jabbers you will be dressed in brown and gold and be proud of it!" And they HOLT Education Centre were. This became the tradition ol Johnians, a true test, to have pride in brown and gold. Let's study ASIAN LANGUAGES! College has begun well this year with a highly successful orientation week which al lowed the freshers lo orientate themselves to university, college and Brisbane as well JAPANESE, CHIIVESE & KOREAN as encouraging them to meet as many other freshers as "freshcriy" possible. Native speaking teachers will help you to The spirit of Mr Rastus has again been evident around college this year and has been laid to rest peacefully at lhe yearly service to commensurate his untimely death caused iinprove your language skills by our Catholic neighbours. * Conversation (3 i eve i s) Fee: $15/h Tho Ging still lies in part in the college bar while Ihe missing part still remains at large, supposedly captured by Leo's. One day it shall be returned to its rightful resting place, •Writing *Kanji more details Lakepatrol as usual will be functional this year in our endless effort to save the duck *Exam & assignment help Ph 217-7391 population of the uni, lakes. So if you see a group of vocally assert ve life savers 31 wearing their yellow and red caps, just ignore them. THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY THUMB... Feeling hot anci bothered after but within Ed's cocoon il seemed al enon beyond imagined beauty. The hitching for over thirteen hours, Stuart Suares fictional account of most tropical, someiimes too tropi sky was ablaze with a light which Ed staggered into the Calgary travels, trial and tribulations cal. seemed to dance to its own rhythm, continue... Youth Hostel. The hostel was clean, Ed was complelely focussed; afler a colours would blend and form pai- sterile and empty for no one was al week of hitching he developed an tcms in a never ending flow. The lowed in during the day except lo pede was over and Ed found himself extreme disdain for recrcadonal ve sight was hypnotic, Ed succumbed register. A middle aged witch sat hitching lo Alaska. hicles (RVs). RVs were massive gas to its auraclion as he sat glued to the behind die reception desk wiih an THE YUKON TERRITORIES guzzling motor homes that were sky watching: die Nordicm Lights, unholy lire buming in her eyes. As For the second day running Ed suf Ed would hitch as long as possible driven by loud fal-hcadcd yanks. Ed walked in he noticed lhe conde fered from the joys of driver before selling up camp. Wiih any Often Ed would stand on the side of scending stare she projected, he osiracisation, RV afler RV had luck he would be picked up and the the road and watch these beasts thun knew he was going to have a good passed on nol even one had slowed. driver would continue all nighl. The der past in dicir thousands. Ed would time here! The witch hated her job, Ed's natural hitching endiusiasm had advantage being that he got to his be suffering from heat exhaustion she hated lhe staff and particularly dwindled to a mere trickle. Life was final destination quicker and there and severe sunburn and the RVs despised anyone who carried a ruck sad, he was physically exhausted was the possibility of a free meal at would simply increase their speed, sack. As Ed threw his rucksack into and had given up on humanity. Ed one of die local roadside cafes. ITiere swerving al the last minulc. Ed ra the corner he was handed a sheet adopted a horizontally prone posi was a certain technique Ed adopted tionalised diis behaviour, these lildiy detailing all the rules and regula tion, he was ready to die. A pleasant '.0 getting the obligatory free nieai. rich humans had come from a land tions. Ed had searched in vain dream involving the Pacific Islands When the driver asked who he was where psychos roam the streets un through his tn.isiy book of Elchcapo was rudely inicrrupicd by the sound m6 where he was from, Hd never der the guise of nomialiiy. Every accommodaiion.s to ccnic to the sad of an off-key hom. Ed raised his failed to mcniion that he was going one mu.st be cautious, suspicious and conclusion iluu this was it. lie had (lead froni lhe gravel. .An old model 10 Whiiehorse in search of work and prepared if they aic lo sun'ivc, .such no recourse, ho had lo eilher.sedately Bongo Van had slopped, its door was had been hitching since the break of socialisation tends to make one accepted the dictatorial bullshit or ajar. Ed leapt to his feet and sprinted day. 'lliis created die impression thai iintrusting. They probably ihoughl leave Calgar>'. He rcgi.stcrcd, left tite towards his ticket oul oi' Fon Nel he was relatively poor and hadn't Ed to be a knife-wielding crazy with hostel and searched for a pub. son. Tlie occupants were two mid eaten dial day. In most situations the superhuman powers readying him Ed scanned the paper for work and dle aged Califomian hippies who driver would suggest ihey slop and self to leap onto their precious RV, found an advert requesting security were on a pilgrimage to Alaska, eat at the next roadside stop. Once rip it open like a tin can and perform personnel for a local hotel with iwo They were leaving LA becau.se it in lhe rcslauran,i Ed would order unspeakable acLs on dieir pel poo large beer gardens. The Crossroads had become lo stressful; too violent. somelhing small; wailing for the dle, "Fifi". hotel was raihcr large; it had two beer They spoke of going to Alaska to driver to offer to pay, when diis oc At Fort Nelson, Ed wailed for a to gardens wiih two bands playing si claim their piece of land, if ihey curred Ed's appcutc grew appropri tal of twenty three hours bcforc get- multaneously. The place was packed Slaved for morc lhan two years it was ately. If the aforementioned driver wilh humans all wearing the tradi ung lhe sacred lifl, during that lime free. They had barely enough money failed to drive all night or decided tional western Garb. Work involved he watched over a thousand RVs for gas, yet they were heading for to diverge from the optimum rcuie, standing in the comer and talking lo pa.ss. Some were simple in their de one of the harshest places on Eanh. Ed would say his goodbyes, extract as many girls as humanly possible, sign, whilst others incorporated such The only thing they had was ambi any morsels of food offered and set Ed enjoyed this part. Occasionally necessities as a satellite dish. Ed tion and a will to succeed. Ed looked up camp. A cocoon like sack was re he would be required lo ask the stood, he sat, he walked, he even on in despair, he knew they would moved from Eds trusty backpack, a loonies to stop dancing on die tables. drew preity signs with the word suffer in their promised land. The dierma rest inflated and slid inlo the So as nol to incur any facial rc-ar- please emblazoned bul to no avail. van would shudder and creak, its sack, finally die feather sleeping-bag rangemcnt Ed would throw in a That night, whilst under the stars Ed body was victim to a cancer called was put in. It was a brisk negative strong Australian accent. Upon hear was spectator to a natural phcnom- rust. The engine whined and the 10 degrees Celsius outside ing such an unblessed sound com gearbox clanked. The engine was plemented with a unique arrange kept mnning wiih wire and sdcky ment of words die crazies would stop " 'via^. Despite dicir pre- any impending brutal-isation and ' dicament the hippies ask from where he t'wcre happy, if they was derived. The failed, they'd simply usual conversation move on. The hippies lasted anywhere originally offered to from five minutes take young Ed to die lohalfanhourand next town a mere resulted in Ed be 100 miles norlh, coming blood three days later and brothers with ^^^ several thousand Calgary's most ^ miles NorUi Ed was wanted. After ten days of inWhitcho sc. evading ftghis the stam- 5 To be conlinued. 32 NEW The Whiteboard Shredder NEV\/ Direct from the US ol A, the Clivetli NORTH is the item to Exploding Whiteboards have it you've accidentally used non erasable pens on Trouble with the Audits committee? the whiteboard. These _,,^\ board-shredders a'e the With one of these wonders of political same type as those used Ros's OFFICE SUPPLIES warfare in the office, just push the Grants Affair, bul detonator, and invite Bronwyn round memory ot thoir for a quick audit. NB: Try not lo be In event isunctear ltie office when the board explodes, it could get a little messy otherwise. DESKTOP UlHiTcBOARD {..S-nPlALL, LiSHT AHO |i>oiiTA3LZ. IDEAL \fOJ( HAODLini ALSO AVAILABLE V AflYTHiO* aORTABLE Sandwich Shop Supplies, Piggery Products Cable TV Licences and much much more All whiteboards are guaranteed to provitje erasabia results or we'll refund your money, just after youVe had to refund the taxpayers. 12 Qoool r^oscDns to ocill Brisbane Driving Sciiooi DISCOUNTS STUDENT CARS MANUAUAUTO D .& GIFT VOUCHERS D RATES DUAL CONTROL ALL CLASSES OF HEAVY INTERNATIONAL . LICENCE TESTS a VEHICLE LICENCES D STUDENTS WELCOME ARRANGED FREE PICK-UP FULL HOUR'S MEMBER D & RETURN D TUITION ADTAQ REFRESHER .CARING PROFESSIONAL FREE D LESSONS n INSTRUCTORS . ADVICE GIVEN Present this ad and receive 20% discount * * Conditions apply Driving 3cJnool =^-'-''-"^t- 33 Vegetarian Cookery Shopping Hints Or how not to have a cow over dinner part 2 It never ceases to amaze CktfCla^ tttlmpts tt Cafif tU but the benefits to the earth's me how rigid people are !tKiiaca(iiict into Cit in-ra tdiblt 0ktit population would have far 6. Watch out for size/weight dif when it comes to the sub reaching effects. Far more food il, Calcf a UtCiirtdrttcCtiftprettiK, ferences ject of food. Tell someone could be produced on the iand 70u're glTing up smoking, indtrt.attf t mtfttrpitit. Tit tktnit. now used to feed cattle and Establishing the best deal within drinking, sex, drugs, or an; of Cset from earntirorc £o *t9tCtritic sheep. The Incidences of heart a range of goods will often be a other human vice, and they'll follows OK iKeidtnt witk l dael^ tkt disease and cancers (such as matter of juggling sizes, weights bowel and breast cancers) accept it as perfectly natural. RSPCA tiidktlft iila ofpopeOfK. and. number of contents against Mention, hovrever. that you're would drop. And perhaps, fi each other. Hence the value of a nally, the boring 'meat and calculator. Toilet rolls, for exam Solng to give up eatlnig meat, three vegies' diet that has domi and you're suddenly a subver giant fast food franchise, and as ple, are one of the easiest to be the Age of the Big Mac gives way nated this country's concept of fooled by, as it is hard to tell the sive, a traitor, a cranb. or at the to the Sizzler Dynasty, one food would be put to rest. very least... rather odd. difference between 280 and 500 might ast?, are we becoming Over the next few issues some However, much of the world's aware of the wastage and plun sheet rolls (that is. until you run thoughts on the vegetarian con out and have to use your fingers). population consumes either a dering of our natural re cept will be examined, showing small amount of meat as part of sources? well, yes. But we still Woollies at Indooroopilly were how simple, cheap, and exciting the worst offenders in that they their staple diet, or none at ail. allow deforestation, soil ero it can be. For in exploring this It's only in the affluent (and sion, desertification, and alternative gastronomic world, only stocljed 280 sheet rolls but overweight) western societies wholesale rape of the oceans to Australian vegetarians espe charged 500 sheet prices. continue in our need to con that people make meat the cen cially, can leave far behind Buying herbs and spices can be tre of their diet. And surprise, sume flesh. them the narrow-minded influ surprise, it's in these societies another way of wasting money One solution to these problems ences of the country's original too. Don't buy in bottles! Packets that the Incidences of heart dis would be to get the affluent settlers and open their appe ease and cancers are also rife. or canisters can be found in some countries to lower their meat tites to the cuisines now avail supermarkets, and are of much Furthermore, as the world consumption. This might be bad able through multi-culturai in teraction. greater value. For example, a lOg gradually turns itself into one news for butchers and graziers. bottle of basil might cost you SI.75, while an 8g packet would Cooking witli TVP Quick and Eq$y Provencal Saa«« cost 59C and a 60g canister $1.43. TVP, or Textured Vegetable Protein, is described as a delicious savour flavoured, 7. Utilise specials by buying extra high quality protein source by its manu This sauce can be usetj as the basis for a variety of dishes, (includ ing the bolognaise style sauce), as well as those typical of Mexican If you see a good special, say when factures. Santitarium's Vita-Burger is one brand name margarine is going such brand. And they're right about the (add some Mexican Chilli powder/or cummin and coriander), Ital 'high quality protein source' bit. But in ian (as is), Middle-Eastern (some lemon juice, and/or coriander etc), for 79C or so, buy the limit you're unsuspecting hands, the descriptive, 'de and so on. I keep some on hand, either in the fridge or freezer, to allowed, evenif you've got to put licious', will probably be applicable to add to tinned spaghetti, baked beans, for a quick nachos, or for a something else back. Many of starving K-9's only. myriad of other uses. It's great as a shampoo too.... only kidding. these specials occur as companies My initial introduction to TVP caused me induce you into trying their prod to forego further experiences for some ten 1 bottle pasta sauce (or Bolognaise Style Sauce uct through large price reduc years. And the only reason t tried it again 2x440g whole peeled toma 1 cup of dried TVP (soak and tions. So take advantage of their was that the co-parent, in one of her rare toes, chopped wash as directed) (????) generosity. Most goods, like mar cooking moods, decided to surprise me 2 Ige onions, diced garine, cream, bread, etc can be *Provencal Sauce (as above) with her vegetarian culinary skills. And 1 large carrot, grated frozen. That's why it's always an surprise, surprise it didn't taste that bad. 2 sticks celery, diced Add the prepared TVP to the idea to utilise your shopping part Well, it still didn't taste like ambrosia, but 2 tbispns minced garlic sauce at the same time as the to ner by getting them to check out it was much better than I recalled. So I set 2 tbispns tomato paste mato paste. Simmer for another another nearby store for specials. forth on a voyage of discovery to find the 2 tspns sweet basil 20 minutes. Serve wilh pasta. It innermost secrets of TVP. After foraging 2 tspns oregano will improve overnight, so make through countless herbs and spices, 8. Time your shopping to coincide 1 1/2 cups water in advance if possible. (Cost: sauces, wines, powders and potions, (you about $5.50 for 4-6 serves) with mark downs name it I tried it), the simplest of solu 1/4 cup fresh parsley About a half an hour prior to clos tions was found staring nne in the face. *a cook's dash of oil This sauce can also be used for ing on weekdays you can often 1 cup red wine making Lasagne or Greek First of all... forget the directions on the find big savings on bread and packet. How some of these companies test Saute the onion, celery and car Moussaka. It should be less cakes, especially in those super their products is a mysteiy to me. Sec rot in the oil for a few minutes runny, however. This can be markets which have their own ond, rinse the stuff. And third, use my sure Add the garlic and herbs, con achieved by either allowing it to bakeries. Loaves of bread usually fire recipe for a bolognaise style sauce tinue to cook a little longer. Add reduce (ie: cook it slowly for- sold for $1.45 can sell for as low that'll fool many a mealeater. half the wine, then pour the rest ever), or do as 1 do, cheat.... and as 890. Saturdays and the last Soak required amount of TVP (Vita-Burger into a glass and drink. Cook for a thicken it with cornflower, shopping day before a public holi etc) in twice the amount of very hot wa few more minutes letting the One more tip. VVhen making La- day, also provide big savings on ter. Leave to soak for 15-20 minutes. IM wine reduce. sagne or Moussaka it is best to meats. And on holidays, such as PORTANT! Drain the TVP and rinseunti l Add the pasta sauce (budget make it he day before if possi- Xmas and Easter you'll find it begins to wash clear. This will remove brand of course), and any tomato^ble. Not only do the flavours im- the strong flavour that many hoards of mild mannered mums scraps you might have laying pf^e, but when reheated it is find a bit on the suss side. and grannies fighting tooth and [ tt also allows you the abil around (especially those over- easierjo cut and serve, having nail for drastically reduced items. ity to establish more fully ripe ones). Add the water and been allowed to set. Take shoulderpads and a helmet. . the flavour of the food you simmer for 1/2 hour or so. are cooking. Add the lomato paste. If still a lit tle watery, add some more paste. Turn the heat off and add the parsley. Cool, or use as directed. (Cost: about $4.00). I •.•••••.lilllliMllltlllllHllllMIMIIIIIIlllll ••••••••••••• ••ytiiBiiJiMMiUX i yiiiiiMBirf•^•^^^^^—^^^^^^•—^ i •— •••••• • !— ' ••••••••••••••• I ' '• ! ! •••I • ,,,,, Carlito's, Way hasbeen disappointinglyoveHooked: it's Film Rcvifswfs impossible to appreciate the long, hard slog those guys had to go through. "Backbeat" seems to take the impending Cellullod Eyes ond Cinematic Minds success of the Beatles for granted, seem ing to shy away from the fact that at this the opening scene is clearly flagged as the end BAC KB EAT stage in their career they were just an other Liverpool band gigging in Ham of lhe movie, which then proceeds as one A REVIEW by Marcus Salisbury (very) long flashback with narration by Carlito burg. The actors' performances are be lievable, and sometimes abosorbing. himself. TTiis removes much of DcPalmcr's The "Fifth Beatle" is a term applied to Steven Dorff gives a credible performance Once upon a time, a New York City Justice carefully developed suspense, altliough there (or appropriated by) a relatively large as Stuart Sutcliffe, although he seems at named EdwinTonrcs wrote two novels.These are enough subplots lo keep you guessing as group of people. Pete Best, George Mar times to have a dose of the River Phoenixes wat After Houry. and Carlito's Way, and were to how the final scene will come lo pass. tin, Brian Epsteinand Murray the K have (1 suppose that's inevitable if you're play based on characters and stones which had all been tagged at some time or other as Many of Uicsc involve Sea Penn in a brilliant ing a doomed, weedy druggo who wears passed through his courtroom. This year, a performance as one of the few people Carlito the fifth member of the Fab Four. For the sunnies all the lime). The film is ostensi director named Brian DcPalmer took these trusts. His portrayal of the cocaine - snorting purposes^of "Backbeat" the fifth Beatle is bly about Sutcliffe, but lan Hart as John novels, mixed in a good dose of Blue Velvet lawyer (complete with fuzzy red hair and (more li'kely than not rightly) Stuart Lennon steals the show. Lennon was a and came up with Carlito's Way. round spectacles) is one of die best features of Sutcliffe, an art school friend of John creative genius, but he was also angry, the film. This contrasts with Al Pacino's un Carlito's Way is two movies for the price of Lennon's v/ho became the Beatles' origi abrasive, foulmouthed and cynical. Hari characteristically poor performance, which one. Il consists of two intertwining, yet intel nal (and hopeless) bassist. Sutcliffe played brings all this out in his standout perform, lacks lhe dcptii yoa'd nomially expect from ligently separated genre pieces which share a bass with the Beatles during their early ance, which makes you leave the film an actor with his talent. Pcnelojw Ann Mill central character, Carlito Briganti, played by incarnation as a loud, outrageous rock'n' thinking you've learned more about er 's fKrfonnance is also less lhan believable - Al Pacino. One of these presents the main plot roll cover band gigging in a seedy Ham Lennon than you have about Sutcliffe. Also she shows altogether too much sweetness to of the movie, a dark 1970's gangster thriller. burg club. His musical inabilty (and per worth a mention is Sheryl Lee (of be a believable gar.gstor's moll. In the olher, a classic 1940*s style story of the sonal appeal) incurred the wrath of the "wraaaaaped in plaaaaaaastic" fame) as youthful Paul McCartney, who was the good women saving the wild man from him A notable suength of the film is the innova Astrid Kircherr, Sutciiffe's eventual fiance prime mover in kicking Sutcliffe out of the self, we follow Carlito's relationship with his tive camera-work DcPalmer has used when who introduces our hero to the German band. Sutc'iffe then settled down to study girlfriend Gail (Penelope Ann Miller) and ex the two main genres occasionally meet face- avant-garde (these were the days when at art school in Hamburg and became on- plore the issue of the pursuit of dreams. to-face in a single scene. Overall, though, tliis the avant-garde wasn't at least twenty gaged to a German girl before he died of is not one of DcPalnicr's better outings as a years behind the conventional world). The Each of these two story lines is separated by a head-injury at an horrifically young age. other Beatles are recognizable, but they're director. His craft in The Untouchables was the somciimes excellent use of difTercnl con And that's about the entire plot of very much in the background. They ate unquestionable, although in the list few years ventions appropriate to each. Typing them to "Backbeat." It's a somewhat low-budg depcted as specific types, much as they he seems to have hit a slump with Boifire qf gether is lhe story of Carlito's Way. This is the eted production but the staid, boring feel were in reality: George the kid (Harrison Ihe Vanities and Raising Cain. It's as though story of how Carlito (aii ex-assassin and drug- of early 1960s England is authentically re was 17 when the Beatles v/ent to Ham in this movie he's decided lo present a thriller dealer) is released from prison aficr a sneaky created (in what we see of it) as is the burg), Paul the anal-retentive pretty boy and a lear-jcrkcr ro'.Ung up into one. Unforlu- appeal by his semi-shyster lawyer David grubbily decadent Hamburg night-life. and Pete Best, the sullen and charmless naiely ihis package suffers because of tliis at Kleinfcid (Sean Penn) and publicly announces The "look" of the film is convincing, but drummer who was soon to be replaced tempt at wider scope. The ideas and storyline thai il's lime lo go straight. Unfortunately for the fact that it was shot on video-tape by the more likeable, if less able, Ringo lose focus on the central character (Carlito him, his instincts and repuiatron combine to (instead of the more grainy and more ex Starr. "Backbeat" isn't a film that Mr and when they're separately explored. uhima'.ely lead him inlo a situation where he pensive old-fashionpd film tape) leads to MrsTrolleybasket aren't going to rush out collects three bullets in the chest. Knowing It's worth seeing, but think twice if il's your a somewhat unrealistic bright, well-lit feel to see, it's just an entertaining little British the ending spoils much of the movie, bul don'l la-slSlO. ing. "Backbeat" is fast-moving and ener film about the eariy days of a cultural icon. blame me for meniioning ii her*", as this is a See it if you can, it's not half bad. Jonathan Dwyer getic picture, but the actual day-to-day, major fault of lhe film. Carlilo's shooting in hand-to-mouth existence of the Beatles The Polican Briof You either adore Julia Roberts or you loathe her. Well, noi rcally - I just thought it made a good opening line. I hajipen lo feel neither emotion for lhe woman. She's done some good work and some preity aver age stuff. The Pelican flr/c/fonunately slots into the 'good' category. Based on John Grisham's (Fhe Firm) novel, and directed by Alan J. Pakula who also wrote lhe SCTCcnplay, the fibn has a headstart in the quality slakes. Some of Pakula's previous soul with immense integrity, and il's totally credits include/IW the Presideru's Men, Klute credible to sec why the hunted woman who and Presumed Innocent, so the psychological- can trust no-one, lums lo him. Together, they cum-political thriller is righl up his proverbial slip through the clutches of death many times alley (oooo-cr, sounds a bit rude). in the pursuit of truth, justice and the nol-so- Roberts's pan is that of a young law student. Amcrican way. Darby Shaw. After learning that two supreme The Pelican Brief has been classified as a court justices have been assassinated, lo hone thriller, but I don't know if il quite makes it to her lawyer skills, Darby docs an exercise in that category. Sure, there arc a couple of heart- investigating possible suspects. She compiles stopping momenis, but for this coward ii a brief and shows it to her lecturer and lover, wasn't loo uncomfortable in that area. Ralher, Tom Call ahan (played by Sam Shepard). Tom it's a solid drama combining political intrigU(> finds the reading fascinating ard passes the and good old-fashioned mystery, even if il docs conjectural theory onio a friend who is in fall down once or twice in the credibilily de volved with the FBI. Before you know it, peo partment. ple Stan dropping like Hies and Darby real Vicki Englund ises thai what she thought was merely an em barrassing, student exercise is making a lot of powerful people morc than a little nervous. Semper has three in-season double Bray Grantham, a rcponcr with The Washing passes to give away on Monday, 21 ton Herald who is already investigating llie assassinations is contacted by the frantic Darby March at J.OOpm to any reader who for twofold rca.sons — she can give him a hot can nominate two other Julia story and he can hopefully help save her life. Roberts' movies, and why you hate Denzel Washington who I'm liking morc each anchovies(Only kidding about the time I see him poruays Gray as a dependable anchovies) 3$ • .-•. \ .. 'I (.:AEA|}IJ14C:A we would THE FIRST Ifbl wait and see our 1 o films . 101 there" READERS Patrofis would be aware that we are an INDEPENDENT Cinema, and TO CALL AT now have to wait for the Majority of films, after they have screened at City/Complexes associated with the Distributors who now require most major films to screen all sessions and up to 4 week seasons. By SEMPER waiting we can offer you a choice of up to 4/5 films EVERY week, and ON MARCH 21, 1/2 NEW films EACH week. Our policy is to ALWAYS screen EVERY worthwhile film from the World scene. We cannot list EVERY film we AND NAME intend to screen in our Monthly Guide so invite you to call us on 377 THESE 2 2229 to ascertain if and when we will be screening a film you want to see. Check C.Mail, Time Off or Phone 371 1879 to ascertain weekly IMMORTAL screening times OWNED & OPERATED BY OLD UNI STUDENT'S UNION STARS SUPPORT US AND SEE HFREE VOUR FILMS IN COMFORT UIIN PASS From Itie CAPirilvS film festival TUJIN CINEMA! A Story of Creed A liclr 'ArtniinulpiW M - including tUc IN IHE NAME % L.O ntw (Qola>!t[PC[»ltfrtijlivg rncling! LIST„ j® OTHELIO A Steven Spielberg Film OF THE pATHER STEVEN SPIELBERG'S most acclaimed A film by JIM SHERIDAN] film, is based on Thomas Kcnoally's JIM SHERIDAN'S (My Left Foot) Him tells the true story of Gerry Conlon and the acclaimed Novel, and is lhe Iruc story Guildford Four. In 1974 five people were of Askar Schindler, a war profiteer and y. killed by the IRA, and after a massive proud member of the Nazi Parly, who search four people confess under duress, sacrificed his fortune and risked nis life to crimes that Ihcy had nol ccmmitlcd. to protect the lives of more than 1,300 DANIEL DAY LEWIS plays the prisoner "TJUUT^OBERT^ Jews. "An absorbing and compelling who strives to make peace with his father film, easily one of the greatest stories of and fights impossible odds lo win DENZEL WASHINGTON human courage and endurance ever freedom. "A quile outrageous, forceful and stylish film - one to be relished and I 11 Ml lold" SUNDAY MAIL. (3 hr IS) enioycd^SUNDAYMAIU2hr^^ PELiaN BRIEF ACADEMY AWARD ACADEMY AWARD I NOMINATIONS INC. NOMINATIONS INC. 1^ she was his mosl (hiiigcroiis creation. BEST PICTURE B65T PICTUR6 ^•"'GFKTSrOIlSTG BEST ACTOR BeST 5CR66NPLAY BEST ACTRESS BEST SONG OMERO AISTOnuni ASSllHmSEIWA ANTHONY HOPKINS AO\DI;MY AWARD NoMiMt Ton) Hanks ISI nLsiFoi«ic,NFilM F A R E J^ E 1. L JvL.y CONCUBINE IOF THE DA^ l)iR[CiiclbvCHI>n ENTRIES CLOSE MONDAY 21 MARCH WINNERS ANNOUNCED ON 4QR 612 TUE 'K^ V( s ' '' 5/". ' ' < '-v NAMED! LIVES ON FIRE LORDS AND LADIES Col Davies Rosie Scott Terry Pratchet Like most books, some of this is good, some bad and some indifferent. Fortunately the majority of Rosie Scotts latest novel is quite good. Scott has borrowed ImM the plot of Simone de Beauvoir's classc feminist text She Came To Stay, changed a few things no longer in l 37 •MMMMtMMfMMNMMM* HMII**tll*MIII«l"*'**M •- if-|----|------i,li»l,liWWliNWiWHW*W is You Like It Out On A Limb It is not one a band ol merry fellow-banishees. The The production makes use of a big box If the mention of 'iheatre" conjures up of my favou'ite bits of Shakespeare. It's good Duke's daughter Rosalind has on an otherwise bare slage, with mini thoughts of scripts, sets, and pleasant an odd, tinkly, panlomime-like comedy been retained at the castle as company mal but effective scene-changing from chats with the director over opening - Pm told Will was 'laking the piss oul lor the bad Duke's daughter Celia, and the court to the lorest. Particularly note night nibbles, you may have forgotten of everything" but I'm not sure that's suf they are generally having a girlish good worthy is the use of musical interludes theatre's long and glorious history of ficient excuse for Bad Guys who turn time together. Then along comes for practical purposes that haven't open spaces, actors changing charac Good at opportune moments as a re Orlando, and orphan whose older changed since the 1600s: giving the ter literally at the drop of a hat, and lines sult of highly improbable events, jack- brother Oliver unfairly excludes him actors time to change costume, distract and action invented on the spot. But if in-the-box characters appearing and from the advantages of a gentlemanly ing the audience from the scene^chang- there's one theatre troupe in Brisbane disappearing as transparent vehicles for education. Orlando is the son of a man ing, and providing variety amongst the whteh hasn't forgotten the joys and ago ptot points, and an overriding empha who was loyal to the good Duke, which dialogue. The music, arranged and per nies of improvised theatre, it's Out On sis on the kind of kive-al-f irst-sight-and- means he soon has the bad Duke as formed by Buy Webster, is a mixture of A Limb. live-happily-ever-after romance that an enemy in addition to his brother. traditional tunes and original music The Limbs have been around since July should be kept out of reach of children Celia and Rosalind are spectators to a based on chord-structures of tho perbd, '91, when a group of top Theatresporls and other impressionable persons. wrestling match between Orlando and and although the minstrel's voce on players decided improvisation had even the Duke's wrestler Charles, and opening night seemed a little constricled That said (and death threats from Eng more to offer. Andy Foreman, Trudy Orlando and Rosalind fall in love, but (possibly from nerves) he was on good lish literature professors notwithstand Cooper, Jill Falk, Doug Bayne, and almost immediately Orlando must flee terms with his guitar and the musical ing), A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.'s current produc Buck Buckingham, started performing because his brother is trying to kill him. interludes were sweet and magical. tion makes you feel churlish for taking a weekly comedy show in the Basement After Orlando's departure, the bad Duke issue wtth any of the above. It's a pleas Angie Quick is a lithe and beautiful Cafe under Metro Arts. The show was becomes distrustful of Rosalind, and he ant, whimsical, good-humoured show: Rosalind, and while the energy between experimental, the venue invisible, the banishes her on pain of death, but is you laugh with the improbable, and con her and Bronwyn Knight as Celia money negligible, but the Limbs perse conlounded when Celia elects to go cur with the epilogue. seemed a little forced at the very be vered and slowly acquired a long list ol with her cousin. Rosalind dresses as a ginning, it settled into a disarming sense improvisional games, a store of props The bad Duke has banished his brother, boy (of course) and Celia poses as his of closeness and fun. Martin Odger is and costumes, a brilliant musician, a the good Duke, to the forest of Arden, shepherdess sister, and off they go, and fast developing his talents as a comic dedicated following, and the beginnings where the good Duke is currently lead everybody meets up in the forest ot actor, making easy work of the courtier/ of a reputation for being quite astonish ing a kind of Robin Hood existence with Arden, and then it gets complicated. fool Touchstone, Peter Settle was ingly funny. The Basement changed charming as both Adam the servant and hands and became the Crackerbox, Corin the shepherd and David and the Limbs played on - now in de Clendinning had the audience in fits mand also at various pubs, at functions most of his time on stage as the melan and private parties. choly Jacques. The performers were also developing The two people who most aroused my a range of street characters, working ai admiration in connection wilh this pro festivals, shopping centres, Warna, duction, however, were the lighting de Comedy Bananaz and so on. These in signer, Geoff Squires, and whoever clude Prince Charming and his man made the decision to costume the cast servant Maggot, making a (deserved) in a vague 1930s/40s/50s Australian mockery of the "someday my prince will vein. The very different play of light be come" myth; an Automated Cleaning tween the coutt and the forest greatly Sen/ice robot; a Professor who has mis assisted belief in those actors playing taken a Japanese opera-singer for a two or more parts, and pointed up all rare species of butterfly and is franti the contrasts between good and evil, cally trying to add her to his collection; the everyday world and "fantasy" life, the rock group Legend; the Crack Po restrictron and ireedom. The "period" ol etry Squad whose hard-but-fair ser the play could not be placed, and the geant is foreverdemanding "ten rhymes actors were never in danger of making for organ, on the double"; and many misguided attempts to render the dia more. Poetry Tennis, in which the play logue in imitation BBC accents. Inter ers obtain titles from the audience and pretation in a few parts lacked a little lob lines ol poetry back and forth with clarity, but on the whole the language racquets over a net, is a recent and It's 0 3 {}s4'nKinc& pm to the besf seois in fhe house was easy to follow, and the no!ion ol highly popular development (and a Arden as a space in the mind rather ot the lyric Opera Esso Youth Series. ($80 buys ail good busking option when time-Tam than any real place was readily com funds are low). prehensible. 4 shows). Other people hove to pcy n^ [o mh for the After tha Crackerbox closed its doors, seme shows. And dress up for 'h occasion - m\ you Ali in all, an pleasant evening out, par the Limbs went to Snug Harbour don'i Not on youth nights, il you're thinking of colling OTt ticularly if you want to convert a friend Dockside and performed seven weeks to bardolatry (look it up, yes?), and an of a combined tongue-in-cheek games tyng(«ber,«o\vsagoodl!f))e< :J-^!j>«« .<•:>. other triumph for the energetic who and improvisation show entitled A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Bite the Bucket, which was filled for airing on Briz-31 (where have you been As You Like It, February 24-March 12 buried? the new TV station, going to air (Wed-Sat). 8pm, Cement Box Theatre, y.oy M, ^4 ond Septeniber %, 30 al (Ke lyric Thectre, Queenslond on April 2nd; read your Semper for $19/$12 Performing Arts Complsx. goodness sakel) All this time they were ANDREA BALDWIN also playing in the professional 38 IC«8JS1 Theatrespots show, Lightning Doubles, still going on every Wednesday night at Snug Harbour. But all this was not enough; Out On A Limb moved again, paps rying a shovel over her shoulder, forever heavy dross of intolerance, an appo omposing Venus searching for gold. She is an otxfurate site metapnor of escape from the emo this time to Ihe Barracks Hotel at Pac- Suncorp Theatre emblem of the struggle against narrow tionally dead world of Angolosaxon, dington, where they currently stage their paths of thought and the social bigot masculine society. show Umbtrek eveiy Tuesday night at ries which are an impermeable tenoency OTC do not have a reputation for oro- 7pm. in Quee{\stand's history, As a young Alison Coates gave this play bad press oucing plays that challenge current era- woman she twice saved a Chinese man The first half of the nignt consists oi m the Brisbane Review {Tuesday, Feb malic idiom, yet they are the indisput from being lynched by a mob of white shorter improvisational games like 22nd). I can not disagree wilh her com able masters of that full range of tech diggers. Unable to offer him lasting pro Hands Up, Forehead, Debate. Laverne plaint that some of the characterisation niques which assures theatre a piace tection from his persecutors, she must and Vernon, and Hatliners. Audience is fragmentary, but at that point our opin in modern enterta nment. Cinema can live with her failure as a stain upon the members contribute as much or as little ions diverge dramatically. Coaies' re not substitute for the visual exoerience glory o' her life. It is the moral tragedy as they like, withoul being singled out view is plainly unfair and to suggest, as of a QTC production. It is not jUSl a of our past that many good people have or embarrassed (more than they want she does, that the performance begins matter of lights and action. The rela suffered the death of their innocence as to be). The second half is an off-the-wall with spectacle but fizzles at the end is tionship between architecture and thea certainly as others have lost their lives. spoof on Startrek and all space adven either (a) a bit of local envy or (b) due tre IS explicable v/henever producton We should not forget that the mob in tures. It features Captain Buck (he to the blunt imperception of an old nag. values merge display and spectacle graduated from Starf.eet Academy inthe stinct described is the antediluvian iden Anyone who has travelled further north with emotion and thought; tragic and record time of Ihree weeks - the Princ- tity which evolved into our first, primi than Ihe Tewantin river will instantly rec epic modes of d rama share a comnron pal, Commander Buck, was reported to tive nationalism. This negative force ognise the personalities which stud the origin in that nexus, QTC obviously be very pleased); Security Officer Ven does not simply cause men to adhere interstices ol this olay. Three genera take delight in stimulating the yes and tricle (she once beat a man to death with to each other, but also ads as an intimi tions ot women living in the same small the ears with myriad details. They com his own head); First Officer dating influence on the lives of women house over thirty two years mar^ a pe ment on architecture and theatre along Sccchhhhllllpppt (and android who in a colonial society; Elaine Acworlh riod of trauma with ambition and disap the way. claims to have built himself from a kit, identifies its anecdotal meanings pre pointment. Coates' has argued that the because he's ashamed of his toy maker cisely. But perhaps senses that have been method of presenting this mate'ial ob father Noah); Engineer McKidney (ha jaded by the expensive destructions oi scures any sense of continuity. But only For a first play, Composing Venus is spent three years in a peanut colony for Hollywood may fiid it difficult to allow the wilfully stupid would fail to perceive unsurprisingly optimistic, ending with a a crime he didn't commit, does not kill the creations of this stage to sustain that throughout the sudden movements celebration of the future that confirms goats, is not a Mauron assassin, and their persuasive effect long enough to^ in time which assist the drama tnere is the past in its place but asserts the use can't cook); and the ship's computer its emotional reality to succeed. This an obvious temporal location for the fulness of constant resistance and in Mother (who is currently having a slight can only be attributed to some failing reminiscing: il is 1957 and Clivvy has telligent curiosity. Ascending a heavenly personality crisis ard ordering pizza;. in the audience's aesthetic education. lived with her mother and grandmother stairway, Clivvy leaves beneath her the Among the host of friends and foes en and her two sisters for most of her fastly David Maher . countered by the Starship Improvise are maturing life. She has always wanted the grumpy and extremely alien to study music in Paris, and her hope Maurons (dedicated to celebrating their for a scholarship is mixed v/ith regrets Prince's curled up toes and tyring to pro about leaving. On the same day that the mote tourism); the Inflatable Captain; Russian Sputnik is launched into space peerless bureaucrat Inspector N. Parker Cliwy's grancmother dies, her young of Starfleet Command ("I'll tie you up!", ster sister has her first period and Clivvy "Will you be using regular knots?"); the finally receives the letter she has been Nosehair in Cyberspace; the Pantomime wailing for. Virus; the ubiquitous Spy; the sacred vir gin Goat; and a galaxy ol others. If it The vertiginous drama of recollection sounds bizarre - it is, bul this is the fau t swirls about the crooked frame ol their of the warped imaginations of the audi impoverished home in flurries of mean ence. Forthe fact that it's also hilarious, ing that revive common Queensland the performers are prepared to take history. In spite of the chromed some responsibility. sophistications of Bjelke-Petersen's Brisbane, its nakedness clothed with If Iheatre leaves you cold, stand-up com the tawdry deot to corruption, much of edy makes you spit, and fantasy is too the past remains. In Charleville, where much hard work, then warm up, sit down this play is set, old men probably still and relax with Umbtrek, which is all of prefer the straight-speaking awkward these and none of them and damn good ness of male company and old women entertainment. The Barracks sells good smother their bitterness in the comfort TUESDAY WEDNESDAY food and Umbtrek is value for money at of indifferent remembering. $5.00 Jugs Beer $1.00 Beer, Wine $8 and $6 - if you don't believe me, go $2.00 Basic Spirit back Ihrough your oW Raves and Tiime Treating wilh generations of women $10.00 Jugs Basic Spirits 8 pm- 12 midnight 8 pm- 12 midnight Offs and read the reviews. But be quick who are now no longer active in the - there's a rumour of even bigger and struggle of love, the sugary emotion of belter things to come, so catch the sentiment may flavour the play's action THURSDAY rRIDAY Umbtrek show before it changes. It too much: pernaps because the author FREE COCKTAILS Pow Wow believes that distant age needs sym seems this year Brisbane will be seeing $5.00 Juss 8-10 pm a tot more that's Out On A Limb. pathetic observation. This lense is sometimes a leveller of the inconsist 8 pm - 12 midnight Umbtrek, Tuesday nights 7pm, Barrack encies between male and female mo Hotel cnr Petrie Tee and Caxton St. Pad tives, and arguably serves as a mood SATURDAY • ARIZONA'S "STUDENT CARD" dington, $8/S6 for the chronicle of the disappointments, 2 fori FREE Entry any time!! ANDREA BALDWIN frustrations, hopes and disasters which (Apply at front door) 39 shape the lives of live women. • Student receives $5.00 Cliwy's grandmother enters the drama JUGS BEER ANYTIME, day or as a symbol o' hope and ambition, car night upon presentation of "ARIZONA'S STUDENT CARD" %. RED KROSS D.J.BOBO HADDAWAY THE OTHER TWO 'Phaseshifter' LP. (This Way "Keep On Dancing!" "Life" 'Selfish' Up/Phonogram) You can do a lot of interesting things with D.J.Bobo's (Bobo? I mean Bobo?! Did they run out ol all the better names or what? ) new single. You can turn it into a fashion accessory. Or you can use it to fake the photograph of a UFO. Or you can throw it against the wall and contemplate for a second on the beauty of light striking thousand Hying pieces of metal. Whatever you do, it will be more stimulating than listening lo some thing that sounds exactly like "Some body Dance With Me". Now, you have to be preatty desperate to rip off your own song. 1 guess D.J.Bobo thought that when you find something good you should stick lo it, but in this case it was not particularly good to begin with. kravllz v. (kravitzed, kravhzing) 1. to gleefully pilfer the music trends of adis- tance era, showing scant regard for ENIGMA I saw it, I took it (such nice people those In a perfect world this record would be credibility, as in, "'Ere, Red Kross really "Semper" editors; they pay you to judged on its own merits, without the out-kravitzed themselves with this one." 'Return to Innocence' listen to the music), I played it and it's fact that its creators are members of one Typical Enigma. Programmed rhythms Hmm, not quite so, for while there is no good - but then I still think that a-ha was of the world's most important groups propel you through layers ol sampled denying (nor would they wish to) that one of the better bands of the '80s, so bearing influence. Stephen Morris and ethnic vocals, while keyboards provide the Red Kross sound is iieavily seeped be carefuL "What Is Love" reached Gillian Gilbert are the geeky 'Other Two' nice little spacey sounds that make this with 60's and 70's pop sensibilities, they number one in some ten countries. from New Order, but sadly their second perfect relaxation music. "Life", ailhough much in the same vein, scrape through wilh credibility well in single, Selfish, fails lo capture any of won't, but still, it's a well produced tight tact. In a world of Suedes, Black Crowes Either you like Enigma or it bores you the spine-tingiing grandeur of which piece ol music, nice enough to listen and, indeed, Lenny himself, nobody witless. Personally, I find it great back their parent band is capable, while and not just dance to. Unlike many other does the 'retro'thing betterthan L.A.'s ground music. There are four tracks on never straying far enough from its well- recent offerings it"s got some sem Red Kross. this CD single, and dirterentiating one trodden electro-terrain to dismiss com blance of melody running through it, and from another is no easy task. parison. Phaseshifter'oper\s with the breathtak the lyrics avoid the mention of "getting ing single Jimmy's Fantasy and from If you have trouble getting to sleep at down", "hitting the floor" and "jumping While Barney Sumner's Electronic there we're in power-chord heaven - night, buy it. That's not an insult as this to the rythm" which is a plus. Such a project was inspired pop genius and unashamed guitar anthems delivered is feel good, happy, peaceful, easy-lis nice guy this Haddaway. And by the Peter Hook's Revenge [uigld crap. The without the slightest trace of pretension tening music. Put simply, it's nice. way, why is that all the good techno Other Two lob somewhere in between. by singer Jeffrey McDonald, who alter music seems to be originating in Ger Gillian's assured vocals are the only nates between the Femmes' Gordon many lately? genuine surprise in this sugary Stephen Gano and an uncanny John Lennon. The Eye Hague-produced tracks, which is nei The Beatles influence (and these is ther inspired nor crap - it's vaguely plenty) has long been at Ihe core of Red pleasant, which is as much a cause for Kross's reputation. In fact, the album's condemnation as it is a compliment. highlight, and easily Ihe most Beatle- THE CRUEL esque track here, is the very hummable Brad Edwards Saragon - ironically (or perhaps not) SEA 40 recorded using that crap 60's technique "SEEMS TWICE" of drums in one speaker and vocals/ guitars emanating from the other. They're taking the piss, ho ho. It's very soothing stuff, Seems Twice is the most lively song on it. The cd looks Other high points (so many!) include the really nice, sort ol black with green soaring Monolith, Dumb Angel and swirls in it. I don't Ihink it is a picture of Huge Wonderln which McDonald takes anything in particular, though. Now, onto 07^M^ THE DIGABLE KIM WILDE EAST 17 HOODOO PLANETS "The Remix Collection" "It's Alright" GURUS "Reachin' (a new refutation of •Crank' time and space)" The Digable Planets have released a collection of refreshing grooves on their latest CD. Although released at the end of last year, Reachin'...Is still worth a mention for its quality jazz and blues samples imposed on hip-hop rhythms and vocals. The Digable Planets have overcome the downfalls of olher hip-hop albums by producing an album of consistent qual ity, not one propped up by one or two strong singles. Where i'm from, what cool breezes do and re-birth of slick Crank is the Hoodoo Gurus seventh Ccoo/ZAe dafj demonstrate the strength album, six studio albums and one cf this collection. compilation, and unlike many bands, It's strange how one set of remixes Le femme fetal is the strongest track Well, after West End Girls, Deep and the Gurus haven't mellowed with age. inspires nostalgia, and another on the album with slick-talk vocais over House of Love, It's Alright is stuck in In fact they've got progressively faster causes you to sit up and take notice. jazzy bass and drums. It received con the middle ground. The song sounds and aggressive, with Ihis album being Kim Wilde's remix set makes you siderable airplay on JJJ late last year remarkably like the bastard off-spring on the border of the Ihrash guitar listen, it's that good. We were playing and was one of the best singles of 1993. of House of Love and Deep, neither territory. The first track, The Right it in the oflice, trying to guess the The song covers the rise of radical pro- technopop nor technodirge and not as Time, opens up with the guitars original track before the vocals kicked life supporters in the U.S.A. threaten good as either of them. Nol brilliant, thrashing aways and the distortion in, and Kids In America stumped us. ing personal freedom and the right to and definitely an album track, but not a pedal in overdrive, and it doesn't Her most popular and widely known choose. However, political and social single. No, I'm not going to say the really slow down until track six, song is back in a totally new format, preaching does not overshadow the obvious "It's Alright". Average. Fading Slow. There's far more of a and 1 for one want lo hear this one in accessible and moody grooves that live feel to this outing than any of the dance club. Absolutely wicked album, form the basis of the whole album. previous records, and there is a new earmarked lor immediate purchase depth to the songs that many of the For those aren't that interested in the for Wilde fans, ravers, lovers and previous studio tracks have lacked, bulk of mainstream hip-hop and are technofreaks. giving the whole excercise a stronger kioking for a refreshing new direction ZZTOP sound. Play it loud, Play it Proud. should try this. "Antenna" The HoodooGurus are headed back Mark Ludlow Yes folks, as written on the CD sleeve up the charts with Crank, which will "that Little Or Band from Texas" have more than likely become their seventh finally released their first album of origi gold/platinum album. Buy it. nal material since Afterburner \n 1985 and as Billy Gibbons (lead guilar and Open 12 noon daily, Men - Sat /y vocals) says "We're sending this ^ STASH de 2Z BASH to you, 'coz you've waited and waled, and we owe it to you, on to let you know what's been going on." THE AFFECTED While not having a standout track such "FATE" BO FREE as Legs or Rough Boy from the Elimi •s SCHONELL CINEMA ^ nator and Afterburner albums to entice 00 The Affected come from Melbourne, g TICKET EACH DAY! -v people lo buy the album it does seem and it shows. In addition, they exhibit u, to have a fuller and wider variety of (U a preference for American music, sound to the album. The guilar rifts, al E •' guitar solos, and falsetto voices. 1 feel o ways a feature of 2Z Top's records, re these peopie should take a more Ui tain your attention until the end of the 3 interactionalist approach to their last song. Personal favourite o( the alum music. Actually they are fairly ok, o is Cover '^our Rig. apart from their singer who has Overall, this album is what people would listened to far too much junky com expect from ZZ lop in that the vocals, mercial pap (jcp ). The whole time 1 lyrics and music are of the kind that was listening to them, 1 was uncertain helped propel the band to stardom as to whether they were being real, or meaning that it should not disappoint doing a too-close-to-the-truth pisstake any fans out there who do buy the al (tclttp ) of said junky commercial pap VAS MFeeHAUS bum but will probably fail to attract any (ie a Ictttp of jcp). 41 new ones to Ihe band. Cnr Sir iTcd Schonell Drive and Kyans Derek Curtin. Road St Lucia. Ph (07) 870 9499 Live Comedy Live Comedy Live Comedy Live Comedy Live Conversations on Comedy Judith Lucy At the Sit Down Com Semper is pleased to to applause and laugh A benefit gig wilh a difference do it, but I'm a female comic. I have edy Club. 1 had the present part one of the ter. That's very arro Conversations in Comedy was held on Monday night, no choice... chance tospeabtcfour gant and egotistical, series. This month, Larina but hey. that's why 28th February, as Women and "A favourite hobby of time is being ofthe greatest comedi Alick interviews Judith we're in It. the Law played host to two of yelled at from car windows. It's some ans Brisbane has ever Lucy, Paul Brasch, Gerry seen. Judith Lucy, Paul the best comedians this coun thing I've always enjoyed... One gor Gowans & Adam Couper Semper: Are there any Brasch. Gerry Gowans try has to offer. Judith Lucy of the geous boy stuck his head out a car basic theories that you and Adam Couper all and that's how I'm go window and said something to the work on when you're ABC's Big Gig and Late Show fame, toofe the time after a ing to die. Colonic can effect of "You're so ugly I wouldn't writing? How do you graced the stage with local genius cer. fuck you with a dead dog's dick". All brilliant show to speab write? Paul Brasch supporting. to Semper about com I could think was "well, bummer, be Paul: First time on Adam: I try to write Paul Brasch opened the night, edy and how to survive cause I wanted to spend the rest of stage... I thinb I had It from truth. working the audience up bril my life with you." Hot on the heels iL easier than these guys, Gerry: Ooh, that liantly, arid as much as I regret of this, a guy called out to me "Hey, Semper: What Is it llbe. because I already had moved me. Did that any injustice this may do to his you're as ugly as fuck"... so I shot your first time going on a street show together. material, I really have to move you? him," stage, when you first Gerry: And your a •quote him: Judith: I think Adam's V/omen and the Law presented a great had that comedy call man. "I could tell my cat was andthoughiTvegotto taking over the inter nighl of Sland-up comedy. Hopefully, Paul: And I'm a man. 1 stoned when I walked in get up there In front of view! if other clubs take a leaf out of their basically Just did my and saw her lying on the people and try to be book, we can look forward to more street show and then Paul: I think he's just lounge room floor, four funny?" such concerts during the year, bits of stand-up, so It taking it far too seri legs in the air, listening to Judith: Oh. it was just ously! Pink Floyd's Dark Side of Judith also performed at the Sit Down wasn't as bad for me. so easy. I don't bnow the Moon Comedy Club, to whom much thanks But it was still bits of Adam: Oh god! Yeah, should be given for presenting her about you guys, but I stand-up. so it wasn't as well I go to the shop, Imagine if your parents on campus. just wenl up there and bad for me. But It was buy a boob of jokes. had been so cruel, they every gag worked and still utterly terrifying, Playboy Joke books, I was fortunate enough to see her didn't teach you how to I was offered my own in a closed space with Thursday night show at the Club, and tell it. walk... chat show as soon as I faces very close to you. where she was supported by Gerry came off stage. But 1 Semper: Judith, how "When you're on drugs you McGowan and Adam Couper. Gerry said "no, I don'i thinb Semper: Where abouts do you write? forget little things... like Mc'ed the night wilh a great stand- I'm ready for that", so I was it? Judith: Well. I'm a little September." up routine of her own. Adam soon had to turn that down. Paul: My first stand-up similar to Adam. I just A truly memorable mo followed with an equally impressive But no. it was a dream. show was in Canada in get my Maurie Fields ment in the concert was performance. When he came out with That was In Melbourne '89. at the Flamingo joke boob out and steal when Megan an electric guilar, no-one would have and obviously that's all Club in Novascotia in as many of them as I I Dixon, sitting qui guessed we would all end up sing a complete lie. It was Halifax. possibly can. 1 can't etly in the front ing Gillligan's Island, and hearing a absolutely terrifying. I Judith: How exotic can pull It off quite like row, suddenly had Paul in her face reggae version of Waltzing Matilda. I talked about It for a you get! Maurie. but 1 do my asking her about her last relationship, guess that's the beauty of comedy. year before I actually best. when they broke up, why, and who did it and went on Semper: Would It have Rather late in the evening, Judith Adam: Nobody can he was seeing behind her back... "so, made her entrance. The standing- stage with more props helped being an over was it your best friend or a complete than you can aclually seas act with a foreign pull It off like Maurie room-only crowd went absolutely does, reelly. stranger? If it was your best friend he's berserk. Judith did much of the same Imagine! I had babana audience? a prick, but if it was only a complete material as she did on Monday night, sausages, 1 had water Paul: No, they still Judith: True. stranger..." bul did a great deal of impromptu pistols, 1 had toilet pa didn't laugh that much. Semper: Gerry? Megan: "aclually, it was jtuj best jokes as well. By the end oflhe night, per, and none of It was Gerry: I really try to de very funny. Adam: (who just Joined friend." the audience was so generous in its us at the table) My very construct paradigms applause I expected an encce. But Semper caught up with Megan afler Gerry: I started off do first time dates bacb to here and get Into some it was nol to be. Judith had left the the concert: ing some visual staff Queensland University discourse, so I'm building, fuelled by essentialisis "Paul had the ability to basically feel with Lisa Smith who's in 1980. They had one feminist philosophy. as though my personal life was com In SIsier Moon, and we ofthose lunch-time tal plete shit... Hey, let's just drag some Larina Alick had lots of props. Con ent contests at the I'm really not a materi poor unsuspecting audience mem doms with mllb in refec and fifteen of my alist. That really doesn't bers' crises through the slime". them, and stuff Ilbe friends said "get up and feed my work. that. And going solo I we'll clap". It was by After Paul completed his set to great Adam: Does that sound guess I just go for co popular applause who rehearsedaialltoyou? applause, Megan thought she was lonic cancer. I get won the ten bucks. So safe. Bul it was nol to be. Judith took very stressed I got up and sang a Gerry: But yes. my the miaophonc with a few comments song and told a Joke work Is fed by a strong throughout her routine like "I don't and they all clapped.. yearning to be almost mean to rub it in Megan, but I've met as good as men. somebody." Paul: Adam still works thai way except the Paul; Gerry's a cfiam- Judith Lucy's performance was inaed- money's just gone up a plon for the unem ible. She had the audience laughing bit and the numbers ployed. Writing mate almost non-stop. Here's a mere sam have moved up. rial you pick a subject ple of her routine: that's either close to Adam: Yes. there's "University interior decorating has your heart or you want now sixteen peo always been a mystery to me. They to talk about, and then ple and I get paid seem to think "yes, we're stuck wilh you just-write about it. eleven dollars... lhe seventies architecture, bul putting That can take from a on a .good a poi-plani in the corner is sure to month to a year... night. But turn that frown upside-down!... yeah, that's "'Hiis is going lo hurt me a loumore how It than it hurts you, but I'm going to started andl To be continued crack a tampon joke. I don'i want lo got addicted next month 42 Paul Brasch looking ecstaticabout winning the Spot the Judilh Lucy Competition \/v'i-th What do you do when, as a studenl pressure we feel, like we never go bother me. though clubs are obvi newspaper editor you are called Steptien Dann talks with Hoodoo into a rehearsal and go "Oh shit, the ously easier to play. We play big upon In the line of duty to Interview Gum's bass player Ric Grossman last album went platinum or sold x clubs and we don't have that situa Rio Grossman of the Hoodoo Gurus, amount and we've got to produce tion where you're standing on stage and he's already been stood up for feel. Like you can say there's a mis something as good as that." Wc al and the crowd is standing a metre the two phone interviews previ take in there but we like the feel. We ways go into the studio to please away from you. At eye level. We ously? Grovelling Is an option, so is don't want to do that though, we ourselves and we usually come up don't do that It doesn't matter sitting back and letting the man vent want the best of both worlds, which with a lot of songs. This time we where we play as long as the people his frustration. I was glad it was a is quite a hard thing to do. We didn't came up with about 22 songs, then are into participating with us. phone interview. ,;'. Just go in and play. Obviously, there we diplomatically scaled it down to wa^ quite a bit of production In 13 _ .,^., '''•••-f :-'{•)' Recording Overseas So bavins soothed an asgravated volved Hbe you play the songs so $1 What's the difference between re Hoodoo Giiru. it was down to busi many times, select the best drum $: Diplomatically? cording down in Australia and re ness ^0' .\4^\-'' '• -.•'-' /'•:'•trac k and build things on it To get a R: All four of us and tfie producer cording in LA? live feel to the album, there's a lot (Ed Stasium) made lists of the songs ,R: When you're away from you re Interviews^:v^V':/;:/-"^ ..•• '•.:'/';:-••/•productio n tricks. It's not Just us we liked and prioritised them 1-2-3 ally just focus on what you're doing $ How-doybu go for interviews, in playing live though, we're pretty and selected them out ofthose lists. which is makinga record. We essen terms of iaffectlhg you life outside' sloppy actually, tially went there biccause of Ed of the Hoodoo Gurus? S: So the top three for each person (Stasium). our producer, he wanted RIc Grossman: I usually like doing I think the album's the most aggres got through the 'e'ection' to do It In this studio just onrside of it ylmow but try and structure your sive record we've ever made, like it's R: Yeah kind of. what we found on LA It's a great studio, it's like an old life or days I have other things. I've a really aggressive record and since each other's lists were pretty much fashioned studio with a great big got got bids and other things that i Brad's taken the wheel a bit. that's all the same stuff, there were about room to try and capture the sound try and structure my day around. given it a bit of a different flavour four songs we didn't all agree about. of the band. I always think the dif ference between studios in here and Album $: What sort of pressure are the Hoo S: So. what was the most popular studios in America are the people. $: 25 words or less about the album doo Gurus under, given the suc song with the band? I've made two records overseas in R: 25 or less, great cesses of the other albums, when R: There were a few. The Right Time. my time, and both times I found the you go to produce a new record? Crossed Wires, Form a Circle, No people who work in the studios over $: You've got 24 words left R: We're never really conscious of body, and Less Than A Feeling were there are ahead of the people here. It's the best album so far. mainly it The only pressure we feel is from really popular Mainly in their attitude, which because of the songs are great and a long tour. The which is where you makes it a lot easeir. Here there's the sound is the closest to the live release an album, then go on the Touring still a bit of an attitude of "you just sound we've ever achieved. road to promote it, and we might be S: You mentioned the cycle of pro play your guitar and leave all of this on the road for a year, or eighteen ducing the album, then going off on stuff to us" while over there they'll $: It's a different sound this time, it months. Then you want to have a bit tour, so. with that marvellous lead go out of their way and try all these has a more solid feel to it, it sounds of a break, so it's sort of frustrating in here comes my 'pet' rock cliche different things. Theyll try anything. less like a studio and more like a live when you come off the road and "What should we expect from this Here they're set in there ways album your manager rings up and says tour?" R: The only trouble is when you try 'we've go to get ready for the next R: Weil, we're a rock'n'roll band and We used to drive down the freeway to do it that way, which is a great way album'. Since we all find it pretty we want to enjoy ourselves. We're everyday to the studio, drive home, to do it, is you go for the feel and hard to write onthe road, we've got an energetic band and we have a lot that's a bit crazy. Drive past the Hol you can sacrifice some things for nothing organised. That's the only of hin. and if the audience wants to lywood Hills, back to our apart join in, then we all have a lot more ments in Hollywood. We'd have heli fua This time what we might try and copters flying over the apartment do is have a bit more of a show as every night and search lights and DRIVING far as lights go and stuff like that gunfire occassionaly. SCHOOL We've always been spontaneous and we still want to have part of the show S: I take it that it was an interesting that's spontaneous. Seroiusly. we're time then. a road crew's nightmare, the light ing and sound crews will be given a It was great. It's funny with us. we set list before we go on stage. Quite kind of keep ourselves separate often we'll walk on stage and go from the rock and roil 'thing', and "Lets start with something else" and with these apartments unfortu start with a different song, and the nately there were all these bands lighting crew has a nervous break staying there and like three in the down. We might try to stop doing morning you'd hear "heey dude" that this time and have a bit more of and all these guys who looked like t,*:;^ Compctilivc Price - Hcticr than most "Specials" a show. the singer in Poison wandering Full hour IcMOn* wiih free pickup around, screaming and yelling. Los m Luteal ran - manual aniJ auto - full insuruncc $: On the subject of playing live, Angles is Just a mind blower. U's Just Male und rcmalc instructor! would you rather produce U2 style frightening I can't understand how '•'••'I Inlcrnaljoniil atudcnli welcome stadium rock gigs, or play smaller, they actually think it's a really good I LessonsBtruclured loindividual needs club gigs? look. But anyway, that's just my Student nolcsittppVicd R: For me it doesn't matter. We have taste. i Quulily instruelion - no unnecessary lcMon«! bad and good shows in small clubs and we have bad and good shows In The Hoodoo Gurus are playing big venues. You can get into a club Brisbane at Festival Hali on where it's a hundred and ten de sioiEiii mscoum March 31, in what promises to be grees, everyone's fainting and it's rc (OUR NORMAL PRICE IS BEHER THAN ANY "SPECIAL' IN THE CURRENT QUEENSLAND DRIVERS GUIDE!!) ally unpleasant but there's a great at a big night of entertainment, as mosphere. Or you can get into a sta only these boys linovp how. dium where there's a great atmos phere or it's really cold. Itdoesn't 8 TO 1:292: (immmnmm-muumum 43 Smudge at The Zoo Cafe on the contribitted to him oecoming one of 26th February 1994 the best new song writers in the Smudge returned to Bisbane to couniry. play al The Zoo Gale on Saturday Morgan then sane Down About II, night to perform a combination of one oi these co-written songs, to the old and new materials. The perform instant recognition of the crowd. Di ance coincided wilh the release of van was one ol the highlights of lhe their debut album, Manilow. set. The Zoo Care is one of the best live The attraction of Smudge lies in the venues in Brisbane. From lhe sur paradox ol their music - disposable real and cartoon-like arwork cov pop tunes combined with heart-felt, ering the walls lo the cale and bar, honest lyrics. The strength ol their The Zoo provides a friendly and re songs was clearly evident in their laxed atmosphere lor both band live performance. and audience. The crowd were eagerly anticipat Since the concert was an all-ages ing the arrival oi Evan Dando to cen show which began at 6pm, I unfor tre stage. They were nol disap tunately missed The Melniks. How pointed. However, it took Smudge ever. Sidewinder made up lor this a couple of minutes to drag Dando with a very impressive periormance. away Irom a female at the bar. Their solid, cohesive periormance Dando, cig in hand, finally ascended of guitar-wash music bellowed lo the stage and performed two away the audience and almost up songs. Evan didn't seem particularly staged Ihe headline acl. lussed about the whole event and Smudge also were very impressed cooly wandered aboul the stage watching Irom their vantage point during his periormance ol at Ihe pool table with their good Desmond, Dando finished olf the Iriend Evan Dando (ol Lennonheads second song beiore also departing lame). The newly-acquired shaven Ihe slage. The crowd awaiting an head ol Dando seemed to divert encore bul there was none. some allenlion away from Smudge's performance demon Sdiewinder, bul not enough to strated how they are one of Ihe best hinder their strong act. Indie bands in Australia. However, Smudge finally emerged and their hot and cold performance on launched into a strong set Ihal was Saturday nighl combined with the dominated by new material. Older brilliance of Sidewinder will have material such as Superhero, them looking over their shoulders Straight Faced Down and Outside lor a while to come. were also played early on in the Mark Ludlow show. The new material seemed to high light the natural progression in the development ol the song writing abilities of guitarist/vocalist Tom Morgan, His recent writing partner ship with Dando in penning most of the latest Lemonheads album has PAGE 44 Q ueensland U niuersity THE GREAT RE PUBLICAN DEBATE H Icohol F or F un!i Place: The Royal Exchange Hotel (the N.F.I, mate (belches loudly to get at R.E), Toowong. tention), A verdict fellas? Time: Thursday, 23 February, late. Doug: The beer garden is dark, seedy Good Points: Excellent atmosphere, and overcrowded. I like it a lot. Bul BEER GARDEN, CD jukebox, live music the inner bars... most nights, 8 beers on lap and proxim Mick: Yeah. Definitely not studenl ter ity to Super-chicken. ritory, even if the beer in there is Bad Points: Very few. Bolh inner bars, cheaper. Still I like it out here. Stu and the male and lemale toilets. denl crowd, nice decor. Survival Tips: Avoid Thursday and Sat Doug: (laughs) Nice whal? urday nights, the cmsh is worse than Mick: Exactly No decor. Just how Main Refec at lunchtime. I like my beergardens. ;Davo raises his head oul of Our intrepid heroes Davo, Doug the jug it has been marinat and Mick have ventured to the ing in lor the past hour) R.E. for what Ihey believed Davo: Why is it so dark? would be a few quiet ones Doug: Your eyes are closed. and a quick review. Instead Davo: Oh. (Davo's eyes light they had quite a few rowdy up momentarily). Who needs ones and did a bit of sing the British royal family? ing. After this Doug and We've got our own damn Mick settled down to royalty right here. (Davo some quiet introspec pauses for dramatic ef tion and the business feet). Uuuh,., at hand (Davo just got (Doug and Mick raise pissed). their glasses in sa Doug: A hundred CD's lute. Davo's head : In there but the juke sinks back into the box only plays Van jug). Morrison and Con Doug: To Queen crete Blonde. Why is Victoria Bitter. that? Mick: To VB. Mick: Absolutely Davo: Yeeearrh. JAL1994 SCHOLARSHIP. WING YOUR WAY TO JAPAN. Submit an essay on a given topic by 15th April 1994 and you ROYAL EXCHANGE HOTEL could land /ourself a six and a half week scholarship in Japan. Japan Airlines is offering two scholarships to undergraduates TOOWONG from all faculties. The scholarship includes a six and a half week stay in Japan (13 July - 27 August 1994), attending the Summer Session of Asian Studies at Sophia University, and provides students with the opportunity to broaden their knowledge of Japan and its people, Japan Airlines will provide return airfare, accommodation, tuition fees for Sophia University, sightseeing, home stays, insurance, daily allowance and text books. You must be 20 • 28 years of age, an Australian resident living in Australia for at leasts years and have not previously visited Japan, It is not necessary for you to have any knowledge of the Japanese language. For further information please contact; FULL OF ENTERTAINMENT Helen Goodatl, Japan Airlines, Level 14,201 Sussex Street, d7 Sydney NSW 2000. Telephone: (0212689911. n 10 fflGH STREET ST. LUCIA CELLARS TOOWONG HAWKEN DR, ST LUCIA Tel: 371-5396 Japan Airlines Teh 371-2555 45 m|>«r S|>«>rt At present Queensland Semper's new and improved school so there is not the University has some of sports page kicks off this same motivation." month unacr the guiding the best and most ad hands ot Luke Gordon. "There is also the factor of mired sporting facilities intense rivalry between for an educational insti presently seem to be the the schools which doesn't tutional institution in case. There is a large exit seem to exist ai a univer Australia. It consists of from competitive sport sity or club level." once people leave school. rugby league and union Tj,e question is. why isthe From these comments and ovals, soccer. Australian happening? and how can it many ^^^^'^ supporting rules and baseball bg changed? the view, it seems to point grounds, a fifty meter ^ . toward the fact, competing swimming pool, a weights One such contention is , , ,.^»,^^i^' «,^,,„ and aerobics centre, two for your schools open that for many people. team tends to be the final gymnasiums. squash school represents the cli objective and once you've max of sporting life unless courts and the lists goes won the premiership or you arc to play for your on. the race then that is it. state or country. The university can also There also exists the con At many of the GPS boast having some of the tention that people get in schools there is much tra Lacrosse - SkilL Speed, Strategy most competitive sports volved in sport to play dition and prestige if you UQ Sports holiest new item, and afler a suc people enrolled on cam with their mates and can make the first fifteen pus as well. There are school friends. Rebecca ccs.sful 0-Wcck introduction campaign, La or win the GPS open Queensland and Austral Fong originally from crosse is SCI to take the catrtpus by storm. Im swimming relay or even ian representatives in Bardon High School said, agine soccer with 25 goals a game, hockey with compete at any of the GPS rugby, athletics, swim "Not that many of my the contact of rugby league. Imagine being on sporting events. ming, netball, modern friends went to this uni. so the receiving end of a 160kph shol. from 5 pentathlon, touch and One GPS old boy Stan I wouldn't really know any- metres away. Hey, don't just imagine it. Do il. many other sports. Hcaly commented. "My fa- one if 1 decided to play for Contact QLA PO BOX 1090. Cabooilure 4510. Surely then, the university ther played first fifteen a sporting team at this uni- Or ring Peter Thomas (07)829 0790 must be following on rugby, his father played versity". This seemed to be where school left off. fur- ^°'' ^^^ firsts, and then I evident with many people der this system peo Obviously measures ther developing the school did when 1 was in grade I talbed with, ple are given the op such as sports scholar talents of young sports en- '2." He added. "It was a How then do we get more portunity to obtain an ships can be costly, thustasts great honour to continue people to continue playing academic degree if however. 1 am sure that the tradition, but none of ... ,^., , ,„ they have a talent in most people would However, this does note ^^^^ ^^^^^^ ^„^, ^^^^^ sport at a university level? a particular sport, prcler to be paying Perhaps there and agree to repre their university fees to could be more ri sent that university at develop talent, rather valry created be a competitive level. than to let it lie idle. STUDENT tween the various This has the effect of How much would it re campuses and uni moving the final ally cost each student versities, similar to sporting objective in annual fees if morc 6 PACK that in the USA. In past year twelve, re sports scholarships the states, the stu sulting in the promo were given to deserv dents are very tion of more sports ing beneficiaries. After KOGBT TICKETS proud of the uni talent, which in Aus visiting an American * Your clK)icc ()r6 maior Ballymore Games during the versities they at tralia seems to be university it is over $ I99i .SciLson, including the Test Matche.s tend and support ending at the school whelmingly obvious (Outer Kntry only), their sporting gates. that the benefits far * FREK 12 month membership of teams with much 50 If we are to develop outweigh the costs. CITY ROWERS .NIGHT CLUB, vigour and enthusi our sporting poten Perhaps there should Choose your six matches from these asm. be less short term Ballymore games in 1994. tial, then our school Much of this stems sports men andthinkin g in this area, from the fact their with more of the poli WED. •MARCH 30 QUEENSLANDvNORfflERN TRA.NSVAAL (NIGHT) women must be given universities offer cies and funds directed FRIDAY APRIL 22 QUEENSLAND v TRANSVAAL (NIGHT) greater Incentives to many sporting continue competing. toward rewarding and SUNDAY MAYS QUEENSIAND v NORTH HARBa'R (N.Z.) scholarships. Un- fostering success. SUNDAY MAY 29 QLIEENSLANDv IRELAND SUN.DAY JUNE 5 .AUSTR\LL\v IRELAND Broncos v Wallabies SUNDAY JUNE 12 QUEENSLAND XX'vlTAIY Touch Football Match SATIRDA^ JUNE 18 AUSTRALL\vnAE\'(NIGHT) Billed as the answer to lhe age old question as S\TL'RDAY JULY 9 QUEENSUND VN.S.W, (NIGHT) lo which code has the superior players, this malch conclusively proved... nolhing. Alhree- SUNDAY QUEENSLys'D v WESTERN SAMOA JULY 31 all draw with some of the flashiest passes, lac-». SUNIW .CGUST21 WINFIELD STATE CHALLENGE tics set plays and fumbles this side of a test S.\TIRDA^ SEPT. r NATIONAL MUTQL GRA.\1) FINAL (NIGHT) series. The inaugral trophy wenl lo the Walla C:ALL IN TO THE TICKET OFFICE AT BALDTVIORE bies, on a counlback as lirst try scorers. Both OR DIAI. AND CHARGE ON (07) 250 6100 sides whilsl armed with a core of representa tive level players, were ably assisted by live student players. To really annoy the players, THERE IS NO OTHER - — BIsuQF __. several Broncos, and Wallabies were invited to join in a pregame bout of aerobics I warm LSQWERS^ up. I'll nol be drawn to conclusions, but Tim Du Horan and his lads looked very proficenl with steps, whilst it was one of the lew occassions Bronco Allan Langer has been left flat looted. 46 PERIHELION aTAHW .N'lOKL S.'MJIN • PATFUCIA P0LI-E:TT • GWYN RoUEirrS • DL'VNK Ssrt-MO.N SaturiiaY, 26 Man^l) 1394 7. 1 OP.M Puii-CO.VCKl^T TM.K WITH JOII.N' GOLWILL 8.00PM CONCKRT XiGKso.N ROOM. D!i:PAKT.MK.N'T OJ- .Music, UN'I OF OIJ5 WITH GUEST SOPI^VVO MAJiGATiirr Scui,\Di.t:ii Pn. 365 3503, $15/10 SPORTS AND 1 R EC R EATI ON 1 ASSOCIATION 1 \ Q 9 A i CALENDAR OF 1 M EETINGS students Recreation Club Board MBEtinps-6.30PM AGM. 29 MAJ^OII Finance Advisory Committee Executive Meetings TO DE HELD IN THE SPRA MEETING ROO.M AT APPF^OX 7.30P.M - THURSDAY 17 MAR: 14AI-R: 19 MAY: 16JUN: 14 JUL: 18 AUG; 21-22 SEPT: 13 OCT: 17 Nov: 15 DEC. Council Meetings RuGuY GLURJJOUSE COMMENCE 7.45PM 29 MAR: 26 APR: 3 MAY: 26 JUL: 23 AUG SEPT: 25 OCT. Elections No.MINATED CALLED 29 Ju DEADLLN'E FOR NOMLMATIONS 2 AUG. ELECTIO.N 12-16 SEP. Blues Awards KOMINATF.N CA1.LF.O 19 AVJG .N'O.MI.VATIONS CLOSE 9 SEP BLUES MEETLVG 29 APPEALS MEETI.NG 4 OCT Blues Dinner SAT. 29 OGTOUI'R Northern Conference Games (GRIFFITH) 10-14 JUL Australian Universities Game tWOLLONGONO) 25-29 SEP President's Evening TO BE ADVISED. FREE FREE FREE. FREE FREE FREE LUNCHTIME CONCERTS CONCERTS EM:RY TUESDAY OF SEMESTER Badlnerie Players 15 MAR. I. lOr^M. NICKSON ROO.M WORKS BY MOZART. TELE.MAN'.N' A.\'D Vrv/ALDi PERFORMED ON PERIOD INSTRUMENTS. Janusz (PIANIST) 31 MAY. 1. 10PM. NICKSON ROOM C0.MPETITION PRIZE WINNER PERl-OfiMS GlIOPlN & l^ACHMANl.N'OV.