Beg Your Pardon! I Would Do It Better – Mr
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Beg Your Pardon! I Would Do It Better – Mr. President! I.) The Upcoming President Kellyanne "Come on, call me Peter - Kellyanne?" "Um yeah, have a seat Peter. You need an image consultant?" "No." "Well, I´m an image consultant and we sit in my office?" "That´s true and I have to say it - your office is fantastic. But, no I need no image consultant. Do you think my image is not okay?" "Not as such I would say. You´re very successful in your business, you´re donating a lot for social projects - in the end nobody knows something about you, at least something that would be reliable. A lot of rumors about the rich single who lives on its own in his big house." "Fine, you see, the last what I need is an image consultant." "And then? Why we´re sitting here together?" "Apart from the fact that I like it, to be together with sophisticated ladies?" "You´re a flatterer........." "No, because this is simply the truth, this is why I´m here today. I need some sophisticated ladies around me." "Sorry, the picture I have in mind now - my profession is image consultation..........." "I need you as the head in my team, as campaign manger." "As campaign manager? What campaign?" "I will be the next president of the United States - my inauguration into office as the 46. President of the United States will be in 2020." "I´m a bit speechless now - for many reasons." "May I can help you?" "I´m trained to listen to every word - maybe it was only a wrong phrasing, but......." "......no, absolutely not - I will!" "So............I mean it´s good to have self-confidence, but it would be difficult to manage you when you not would be realistic. It´s a very long way into office, many things can happen. You´re a total newcomer in politics - that has not to be a disadvantage, but........can we say that your target is the White House?" "No, in 2020 I will be the 46. President of the United States." "Why you know this?" "Can we postpone this for a second? It´s because, even when I know that this will happen, that not means, that there not have to have some developments before, which will allow me, to become the 46. President of the United States." "Okay, let´s talk about the necessary developments. You need me as campaign manger?" "I not would say.....I need you. But I know that you would be fantastic in this job. I will build a team, with women only." "Okay, interesting idea. Do you have some other names?" "Apart from that, that I will not do your job, Betsy would be cool for instance." "Betsy? Do we talk about the same "Betsy"?" "I know only one Betsy who would be interesting." "Well, I like money, but she? That brings me to another question......." "….....can we stick for a moment with Betsy?" "Sure." "Would you agree with me that she´s a money-mad bitch?" "Wow, are you sure that you wanna have her in your team?" "Yes........" "Why you´re grinning?" "Kellyanne.........another topic." "Shouldn´t we......." "...........no, this is our first meeting. Today we should talk about some important topics. Better, we should bespeak them only. You will need a bit time to say yes, but that´s okay." "Go ahead." "I said, that I "will" become the next president, and that´s no lie! But I also said that we have to create the requirements therefore. And it´s also a necessity, that we´re talking in an absolutely frank manner with each other, about everything - would you agree with me?" "Absolutely!" "Okay. I have to tell you that there are three points which contradict my presidency." "I´m all ear." "Well, as you know, I´m unmarried. I´ve no First Lady. But I think that will be easy to handle." "More or less..........you´re not......?" "What do you think about me?" "Would not be for the first time. But okay, you know your First Lady?" "I think so. The next point?" "Yes." "I don´t believe in God. More, I hate all this hypocritical religious shit." "Wow, it would be better that you not say this in public." "No, but you should know this. I think a nice churchy wedding ceremony would be a nice thing?" "Yes, I see it in front of me - and now the third point? You will top this?" "In a way yes. Well, if we would be scrupulous in it, then someone could say, that I´m not born in the USA." "What the hell you´re talking about?" "Well, as you know - I think you did your homework in front of our meeting - my parents immigrated to the US after WW II. My mother was in the late states of her pregnancy - yeah........" "She gave you birth before she had reached the American territory?" "Well, to be very exact........." "But you´re an American, you´ve an American passport - your certificate of birth?" "American - of course. As I said, you have to look very closely and to dig deep, but we also know what "to campaign" in the States means. But, don´t worry, we will use this for our advantage - so far everything okay for you?" "I had a question........" ".....later, please. So far the problems, now something that will show you, why I´m predestined to become the next president." "Now it becomes very interesting - go ahead." "I´m money-mad, I´m power-hungry, I´m ruthless, I´m not interested in the poor, I´m not interested in minorities - enough for the beginning?" "Fine, that brings me to my question." "You think too one-dimensionally, Kellyanne. But......." "You know my question?" "Sure." "Than you can answer it?" "Sure." "Okay......." "Your question is connected with the fact that our wonderful president is up for re-election." "Yes! Okay, maybe you speculate for an impeachment, maybe you hope for Mueller, but even then there will be Pence! Okay, 2024 maybe, but 2020?" "You not see your cardinal fault?" "No......." "You only think about a conservative ticket.........." "Come on, you not wanna fool me! You not tell me that you plan to become a democratic candidate? That´s a joke......!" "Why, my election program is wonderful - well, maybe a bit progressive for the wannabe democrats like the Clintons." "What you´re talking about?" "After I will be in office, I will start therewith to turn our fucking policy into a better direction. A direction that will lead this country into the future and will give this nation the place in the world that it deserves......" "....no campaign speech now, please!" "Okay, I will start with diplomacy, together with our real allies. We have to work together with the rest of the world, not against it. Good relations to our neighbors Mexico and Canada. A school reform. More money for education, less money for the military. Free universities for people who cannot effort our expensive universities. Massive investments in infrastructure, 50% green energy till 2030. Universal health care, a social safety net following the European example. Less taxes for the middle class and the poor people, higher taxes for the rich, abolition of the electoral college, hard laws against gerrymandering, easy access to elections like in Europe - enough for the beginning?" "I´m speechless! Are you nuts! Who should support you? Who should elect you?" "The American people will elect me with an overwhelming majority. And for the beginning I will cinch the support of the Koch Brothers, the Walton Family and this whole bunch." "You´re totally nuts! How should this be possible, why this should happen?" "Later, for the beginning - you have some knowledge in German history?" "I know Hitler?" "Yeah, we all know Hitler! But do you know Bismarck?" "The ship?" "Come on, don´t stick with Hitler! Bismark started with the social legislation in Germany - he started 1884 with it." "1884?" "Yes, we´re only around 150 years behind them. The point is, that he not started with this because he was a philanthrope, he started with it, because he saw that the developments at his time will lead inevitably into a revolt. It´s not necessary now to discuss how successful he was, the point is that, if we, today in our country, continue with this unbridled greed of a few, this nation will destroy itself." "And you think that the Kochs and the Waltons will listen to you?" "Sure, there´s that one emotion, which is even more powerful than greed." "Which?" "Fear." "Wow. Say, I would follow you so far - and I have my problems therewith to be honest. Okay, you have the support of the Kochs and others. You have this election program............the democratic primaries? The democrats have a bunch of interesting names - why they should elect you?" "Because I will be the best to defeat the conservative asshole in office - no matter what his name will be." "I cannot see that this will function. This is absurd!" "I said to you at the beginning that I know that I will be the next president - you know why?" "I´m all ear!" "Let me start with a retrospection. There was a story, a story that began in 2015 and ended in 2017. This story was so absurd, that, if it not would had been the reality, everybody would have laughed about you and your story. Well, after this story, what story one could write, about that you could still say: This story is too absurd that it ever can become reality.