The Art of Authenticity How to Be
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The Art of Authenticity How To Be You Mary Sorensen The Art of Authenticity: How to Be You Copyright © 2018 Mary Sorensen All rights reserved. ISBN: 1718678517 ISBN-13: 978-1718678514 Mary Sorensen ii The Art of Authenticity For my Mom, one of the wisest and best people I know. and For My Sweetheart, Who brightens my days just by being. iii Mary Sorensen iv The Art of Authenticity ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to Glenden Brown, my first Cuddle Groupie, who did some work as an editor for me and was always happy to have deep and meaningful conversations. My Authenticity in the Park discussion group during the summer of 2018 whose members were ready to work on authenticity and share their journey and their authentic selves with the rest of us. I need to recognize Pamela Bradford who was hosting Cuddle Parties in Salt Lake at the time I needed to find them and was instrumental in setting me on this path. I will be forever grateful to her and the opportunities and connections she made possible for me which have profoundly influenced my life in many positive ways. The Cuddle Party community which created the framework for many friendships and special connections I have witnessed and experienced personally. My brother and project partner, Aaron Sorensen for always supporting me, helping me with editing, traveling through life together and having many late night real conversations on the couch. v Mary Sorensen vi The Art of Authenticity CONTENTS BREATHE First ix Introduction xi 1 What Does it Mean To Be Authentic 1 2 Challenge Your Assumptions 11 3 Labels 47 4 Feminine and Masculine 63 5 Be Yourself, Against Opposition 71 6 Morality 77 7 Love Yourself First 101 8 Affirmations and Flattery 117 9 Shine Your True Light 131 10 Your Surroundings Influence You 143 11 Community Is Essential 153 12 Speak Up. Use Your Voice 165 13 Face Your Fears 177 14 Not Caring What Other People Think 187 15 Reframing Rejection 201 16 The Power of No 215 17 The Power of Yes 223 18 Play 227 19 Say What You Mean 231 20 Awkward Conversations 235 21 Change, Accept, Leave 241 22 All You Have Is Now 263 23 When Not To Share Your Whole Self 269 24 What now? Practice! 275 25 Why this Book? 285 26 Resource List 295 27 Mary’s Story 301 BREATHE again 315 vii Mary Sorensen viii The Art of Authenticity BREATHE First Smile Breathe in deeply Close your eyes Breathe out Smile again Repeat You are here because you are searching for something. Please know that nothing I say in this book is intended to give you the impression that you are flawed or lacking. There will always be room for improvement in all of us, but at the same time, we are all worthy of love right at this moment. Thank you for taking the time to work on you. Breathe again. We can do this together. One step at a time. ix Mary Sorensen x The Art of Authenticity INTRODUCTION My intention for this book - This book is meant to be an introduction. It is supposed to have bite sized ideas and subjects to give you a place to start. I am intentionally trying to keep it short and simple; which is not the same as easy or shallow. I know it is easy to get over- whelmed, so I want to provide a starting place. Let’s have a conversation. This book is not meant to be read cover to cover in one sitting. It is a workbook. Read a chapter and think on it for a week or more. When you are ready for something else, read another chapter. Not all of these ideas will resonate with you or be something you want to work on. You can pick and choose what works for you and what you are ready to think about. You don’t need to answer every question. Choose the ones that spark something within you and explore your answers. There are adult conversations in this book. I talk about many aspects of being human - without shame. I try to use examples from all walks of life because I believe in including everyone. I do not xi Mary Sorensen expect you to make the same choices I have made and I am not trying to bring you over to my agenda. My only agenda is to help you make the right choices for you and be your true self. If you do that, I will be very happy, and so will you. I only have my story to tell, so that colors my writing and my personal journey. I am not a therapist nor a counselor. This book is based on my personal experiences, my own learning journey and my observations of people who have come to me looking for someone to listen. I am a person who is on this road the same as you. I have found some things along the way which I really want to share with you. This is just a conversation between you and I. I am here to tell you that making mistakes is part of being human. Pain is part of being human, but suffering is optional, as the Buddhists say. It is all right to be afraid. It is all right to not know the answers. You can’t know the answers until you do the work, and then there will always be new questions. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us what we already know. Hearing things in xii The Art of Authenticity a new way or hearing it at the right time to absorb it can make a real difference. Maybe we want permission to do what we already know we need to do - you have my permission and I would like to help you grant permission to yourself. Maybe we just need someone to tell us it is ok to make that tough move even when we are afraid - or perhaps it needs to be done because we are afraid. I tell you now, it is all right to make that move. It is even all right to go back if we find that move was a mistake. We sometimes need someone to remind us it is ok to make mistakes along the way as well. Things will be better for everyone after we work through it and get to stability on the other side. All of this has been said before, but it hasn’t been said by me, and it hasn’t been presented in this way to my knowledge. If there is anything contained here that fuels a spark in you, there are many other books, resources, therapists and practitioners (including me) you can consult to continue your work with yourself. I hope you will do so. Being the best you is a continual journey, not a destination. xiii Mary Sorensen I want you to be your best and highest self. What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn't make it worse. Not being open about it doesn't make it go away. And because it's true, it is what is there to be interacted with. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it. – Eugene T. Gendlin xiv The Art of Authenticity xv Mary Sorensen xvi The Art of Authenticity 1 WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE AUTHENTIC? Authentic - adjective 1. Not false or copied; genuine; real. 2. Having an origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified. 3. Representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/authentic Yes, I know. It is pretty cliché to start with a dictionary definition. Well, there is a reason things become cliché. There is value in returning to the beginning, validating our assumptions and making sure we all have the same understanding. When someone is authentic, they present their real self to the world without apologies. They represent their true nature or beliefs to themselves and to the world. They are able to hear dissenting opinions or criticism without 1 Mary Sorensen feeling threatened or afraid. They are true to their own self. Authentic, grounded people who have a solid foundation of conscious core beliefs or values can accept there will be people in the world who won’t agree with them, but who are worthy of respect. Others opinions of them do not define their worth. Those who are comfortable in their own authenticity are able to understand that not everyone will like them, and that’s ok. They can release those people and move on to find the people that do nourish their soul without allowing the opinions of others (imagined or real) to affect them. Should we always be authentic? Once you know who you are, you can be true to yourself. This does not mean you can declare yourself to everyone and always be accepted and get your way. Unfortunately our culture is such that there will be times you decide to make compromises to get along. Being authentic also doesn’t mean you always have to tell everyone everything about you. Some people are not safe to share your story with. They may not deserve to see your true self, or be capable of accepting your truth. Being true to your self means that you don’t get involved in anything that goes against your nature. People who attempt to shame you or cause you to feel bad about yourself have no 2 The Art of Authenticity role in your life.