the power of one. ONE LINE, ONE TEAM, ONE STORY

Words by: Aaron Schneider, Amy Repp, Angeline Yeo, Angelle Fox, Antony Puttick, Brendan McKenna, Ciaran Healy, Daniel Ari, Genevive Cueva, James, Jayme Neumann, Jennifer Coldiron, John Normoyle, Julia Osetrova. ​ Kalina Georcheva, Lola Adebayo, Migle Semetaite, Mike Upchurch, Owen Hammersley, Rafael Healy, Salome Dmello, Siddhartha Dev, Sonya Hau, Spencer Takata, & 400 Anonymous contributors.

Illustrations by: ​ Alejandra Camargo, Brian Puttick, Cody Pickett, Hayle Birlew, Jordan Murphy, Rafael Healy, Sarah Holmes, Sonya Hau.

Edited by: Ciaran Healy & Migle Semetaite

Chapter One Written by: Amy Repp, Angelle Fox, Antony Puttick, Daniel Ari, James, Jayme Neumann, Jennifer Coldiron, John Normoyle, Mike Upchurch, Migle Semetaite, Owen Hammersley, Siddhartha Dev, and 80 anonymous contributors. Edited by: Ciaran Healy and Migle Semetaite

The day began sunny side up, until pent-up frustration creeped in and the world turned upside down. Kick-started the day with a run, and realised that I can now tell the time by looking at the sunlight on the leaves of the tree outside my window. Thank God the weather is decent, because I couldn't handle this during winter. Some days it feels like we only just started social distancing and WFH last week... and then you realize it's been two months! It's startling to see how much structure the old 9-5 provided. Now I am responsible for setting up my own rhythm (riddim). My back hurt. And the limitations of working off a 15” laptop screen became very apparent today.

New day, and it's so rainy and gloomy today. What a relief after two weeks of sunshine that you can't properly enjoy. I watched the thunder roll in. I really don't like the rain and the cold, but it does make you appreciate the sunshine more. After the greyest day, I'm looking forward to the bow after the rain! I'm healthy and I made someone smile today, it was a good day. Especially for a Monday – no tube delays, no sweaty carriage, no wifi issues and I even got a thank you from my client. AND it's still light at 6pm. It's a cosy day – I love the sound of the rain, which is also making me appreciate the time at home more. It's incredible to realize just how much time is wasted on commuting – two hours back every day. But I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm all out of sorts. I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. At least weekly calls with family and friends keep lifting my spirits. Ironically, Covid-19 has done two things – social distancing and building bonds at the same time. Isolation forces the extra effort to stay in touch. Yesterday I had a lovely facetime with my family and my heart is full. But it made me miss them so much more. I thought about my mother (83 years old) today... and how even just a few months of isolation and social distancing are so much more of a loss of her precious time. Finally, the sun came out, and I actually notice it so much more now.

A sunny day with a side of panic. I woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday, realized it was Wednesday, decided it would be nice to shower and get dressed for a change, only to have both my son and wife look at me with that "what are you thinking?" face. Straightened my hair for the first time in six weeks and felt pretty. I ate, I ran, I ate some more. You know what all this has made me realise? I love coffee and almond croissants. I got a look from my postman that said "you are really milking that Amazon Prime subscription". It may have been my third delivery of the week ... on a Wednesday. And yet, I never thought I'd find myself trawling through Amazon looking for beans, and not the baked kind you find in a tin. The school thought it'd be fun to have an experiment. I could barely track down flour let alone beans that aren't in a tin. I waited thirty days for an Amazon toilet paper delivery—it was a scam. So instead, I had the girls draw a beanstalk and sent that to their teachers, boom! Using one's initiative to be innovative. Homeschooling is hard, but here's an upside: I taught meteorology before work and we made origami replicas of native butterflies at night. The downside? My child is a banshee this morning... she's testing every inch of my sanity!! My youngest wet the bed at 4am. Changing her sheets was the most exercise I have done in five days. But it can also be surprisingly calm for a copywriter/daddy daycare operator for a 1-year-old, while the wife heads to work at a hospital during a global pandemic.

Another day sheltering in place, another messy bun on top of my head. It's cloudy again; I don't think I'd mind the gloom if it wasn't for all the doom. On the upside, I stopped my cat from eating my snake in the middle of a client presentation. Some days look like this: log on, check mails, feed baby, walk baby, put baby down for nap, take work calls, feed baby, walk baby, take calls, play with baby, respond to emails, feed baby, bathe baby, respond to emails, put baby down to bed, log on start part two of the work day. And others are made by my recently potty trained 2-year-old interrupting my international leadership meeting by walking into a room with his pants around his ankles screaming 'Mommy, I pooped!'. I love all this extra family time. During the work day I'm treated to a chorus of new-born birds cheeping from their nest in the roof gutter. And a Woodpecker family getting violently kicked out of their tree hole by a rival bird family while giving a client presentation about home loans. How fitting. COVID-19 made me realise that the most important parts of a building are the windows. I find myself feeling like Doctor Dolittle, and talking to animals. I'm great mates with "Limpy" (a squirrel, with a bad leg!). He prefers the tougher name of "Hard knocks" but he'll always be Limpy to me. Animal crossing is life. All in all, today was great, but don't eat bats people, it fucks up the world. I ate some more. I was thinking about that tub of ice cream in the fridge all day; finally gave in at around 4 and it was the highlight of my day!

New same, same day… it's getting boring now. My husband speaks loud enough on his conference calls to be heard without the computer; dogs huff to go out; dogs bark at those who dare to pass by; dogs huff to go out; work gets done; leave the dining room and shut the light. And even in the midst of all the monotony, I was able to rediscover the joy and satisfaction of riding my bicycle. Now that it is so much less daunting in the uncongested suburbia, I rescued the bike from its two-year stint in the shed for exercise and errands. I also became fixated on filling my flat with plants and I'm not sure why - maybe it's because they give me some kind of purpose, some kind of visible, tangible change, something to do. Can't help but feel anger and disappointment, not much else today. It hit me that quarantine will be the new bar to compare if we really like someone. So it was a little scary today to let three outsiders into our home to replace our air conditioning system. It was the first time I've spoken to an outsider in person in over seven weeks. I haven't seen some of those closest to me in five to six weeks now, but work being so busy has been a nice distraction from that. I felt happy as I was enjoying my new walking routine before work in the morning, hearing the birds, smelling the flowers on trees, feeling accomplished for exercising. Yet, as I thought about all the things I'm going to miss out on this summer, like swimming in pools, going to fairs, seeing friends and family at barbecues, my eyes filled up with tears with a sense of mourning and loss. I'm regretting all the times prior to lockdown I said no to a cheeky post-work pint and chose to head home instead..I've learnt my lesson! Finally, the clock chimes 5pm and it's a crude reminder that another day flew by without me uttering a single word out loud. Today sadness wins, I'll try again tomorrow.

While I sipped my stovetop espresso looking out into the exploding garden, the phrase “dancing on the deck of the Titanic” replayed in my mind, and my heart felt both heavy and light, like those glass frames filled with sand and colored fluid that you turn over and over to watch new landscapes form; and meanwhile the baby hummingbirds we’ve watched from the time their microscopic hearts fluttered inside two white jellybeans are twitching in their too-small nest, their tiny, pure-black eyes wide open, taking in the immensity of the sky, their imminent domain of danger, nourishment and exquisite freedom. It was the busiest day in a long time. But then we saw it when it moved out of the nest onto the branch, saw it as it took flight, perhaps for the first time leaving its sibling; and we set up our computers around the datura tree, on the porch and in the garden below, so we could work and watch what might come next: for it to return, for the sibling to follow suit, for the mother to come and see what had happened seemingly overnight. Felt drained by the end of day. Wanted to work out, but only managed to plank for a bit. Cooked, ate dinner, watched Outbreak and now I'm feeling cautious. Probably not the best idea right now. I don't really understand how I can be so tired all the time when I'm barely moving. My chair is killing my back and the cat on my lap is like a personal space heater I don't need and didn't ask for. But I'm grateful to be healthy, employed, and supported by my team. I'm discovering the power of breath-work, what a joy! Lots of fun conversations with colleagues and challenging work on my first day back from staycation, but I'm smiling all day thanks to fabulous creative thinking by the team. I ate some more. The three-week old grapes in the fridge were crisp and mold-free, so I said screw it and ate them. The power of Spotify's 'Feel Good' playlist set the tone for my day. As I headed out for my daily morning walk, I saw my favourite coffee shop reopen for takeaways after seven weeks, and bumped into my old tennis coach heading to spruce up our local courts. Today was a good day!

What a day, I put on jeans for the first time in seven weeks. It's rain, lightning and hail, followed by a bloody chicken tail today. A most surreal and sad day, a day my family needed to be hugged, but couldn't be. Then a new neighbour dropped a card, flowers and a colouring book into our house. Meanwhile some crazy, delusional people are taking the government to court over social distancing measures. At times I am hit with a wave of melancholia, but it is not strong enough to knock me off my feet. Receiving a lovely handwritten letter in the post today was the nicest surprise. I realised that I'm not shy about knitting while in meetings – I ​ finished a sweater I had been working on during my commute for three months, without missing a beat in any of them. On days like this, I'm grateful for the one line, one story outlet as ​ I no longer have my pod-mates to regale with all my innermost and randomest of thoughts. Enjoyable day actually. It flew by because I was genuinely flat-out. Most importantly, we've finally answered a question no one ever asked - can zombies bake bread?

42nd consecutive day working out with gym buddies over zoom early this morning. But today felt like this: sgdniuoaghuowrahguowhvetuigwuaityuwetuithuiwaesrhtuiaszhtui – a lot like yesterday and I suspect tomorrow will be the same… The week feels slow and I thought today was Friday! I don't look good on Zoom. They need filters that make me look like I have had more sleep. I haven't left the house all week and it's Thursday, which would normally freak me out but somehow it doesn't seem abnormal anymore... That's weird. This time last year I was sunning it up in Barbados, but today it's raining and I'm at home. On more of a positive note I finally finished my second book, and learnt to do my own lash extensions. I'm not sure if I would've survived the lockdown without Pringles.The world will have to send Nintendo a big thank you for Animal Crossing too, if we ever get back to normal. Locked down we may be, but life in all its guises continues apace: family birthday, funeral for a friend's dad, Hangout meetings, all in the same day. Got caught in the rain today, so I just stood there allowing the raindrops to fall on my face. For a while it felt like the old times, when the world was alright. But, the new normal is strange and trying to adjust is tough. I just really want things to go back to normal. But going to 7/11 with a mask on and then disinfecting all my purchases is where we are at. Clean house, clean dog, so treated myself to a fresh pair of stolen hotel slippers from my ever-dwindling supply. Today happiness wins. My husband and I bought our first home together. And as I watched a little girl on the back of a Sea-Doo hold onto her father for dear life, I realized it was the perfect metaphor for life.

Chapter Two Written by: Aaron Schneider, Angelle Fox, Angeline Yao, Brendan McKenna, Daniel Ari, Lola Adebayo, ​ ​ ​ ​ Migle Semetaite, Salome Dmello, Siddhartha Dev, Sonya Hau, and 60 anonymous contributors. Edited by: Migle Semetaite

Another glorious week in isolation. Started off gung-ho, then realized there's only so much baking, cooking, organizing, Korean face masks, and exercising I can do to fill the time. So I rescued a decades-old bike to explore the deserted streets of San Francisco, and noticed things I've zipped by without looking at before. I realised that this will last longer than I thought, so I need to create some better working and living habits now. My eyes are sore. 15”’ MacBook screens are brutal for long weeks of consistent work. Although productivity hasn't been great this week... I'm feeling well overall and grateful to have a job. I don't mind staying home, but it has taken a toll emotionally. Seeing my family over FaceTime ONLY has been really, really difficult. But I've found opening the fridge and staring at it aimlessly extremely therapeutic. It's my new favourite thing to help me destress and relax. I've begun doing it at least 20-25 times a day and the results seem really positive, besides the occasional unnecessary snacking. Had an apple, it kept the doctor away. I'm looking forward to the weekend but I don't know why… it's not like I have plans! And yet, I absolutely refuse to watch Tiger King, not even if it were the last show on earth. I'll just binge my new guilty pleasure, 'Don't tell the bride'. I ended up shopping on Amazon at two in the morning again, and I'm sure I will never financially recover after this lockdown. Sunday was one of the slowest days I can recall, but today things jump and jungle. Part of that is the uncertainty of it all. So many leaders speak and act with such certainty, which is completely phony. Some days are better than others, but today was great – one coyote sighting, two roadrunners fighting, and the neighbors building a pool. Setting up an outside workstation in the backyard was the best decision I've made all quarantine.

Walking into the patio this morning, I noticed the damp, beige floral carpet of fallen blossoms against the verdant green bushes. It’s Mother's Day, and as I sat there with my mum over a coffee at 9am, I realised just how lucky I am to be able to do that. To share a coffee, to hug, to simply be in the same room – what a luxury. I also had a FaceTime with my 18 month old nephew and every time we speak he seems to have changed so much. I feel sad that I'm missing him growing up. On the plus side, he hasn't forgotten who I am and said my name for the first time! It’s around the 50th day of this new stay-at-home life, the fifth day of my participation in the daily album cover assignment on Facebook, the last day of treating what might be a basal cell on my nose with the medication my dermatologist gave me last year. I decided to do home renovations since I'm spending so much time at home. So it's the second day of the plates being in the cabinet where the dry goods were and the silverware being in the drawer where the tea was, which is why, trying to sneak a piece of dark chocolate, I’m looking again at the flatware. I should really be eating more fruits and vegetables, however everytime I reach for them my brain goes: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HAM SANDWICH? I'm going to miss my fridge post lockdown.

Life is stuck on pause. Things are moving quickly, then stopping suddenly. One of the hardest parts about keeping in contact with loved ones is that barely anything happens in between phone calls. I'm finally taking proper care of my plants since they’re just in front of me. I killed all my grass with weed killer and now literally have time to 'watch the grass grow'. The usual chirping in the garden has been interrupted by an oafish new arrival, who makes this HOOHAAAW noise all day. Thank god for David Walliams' audio books. It's finally a warm day, kids are playing at the beach while socially distancing, and I felt a sense of normalcy for the first time in weeks. My cat photobombed three meetings today and we have oak titmouse babies nesting outside. I noticed and named two hummingbirds that seem to frequent my backyard looking for food. Red-head got in a fight with Blue-head over the lemon tree this week, but they seem to have made up now. It was the most exciting thing I've seen in a while. I'm beginning to worry about the dog's growing attachment issues, or more accurately, my attachment issues to the dog. Another sunny day in isolation is complete, and my heart is full because I had homemade carbonara for dinner. Bacon is life.

Today I had to be tested for COVID. I would encourage everyone to continue to be as diligent as possible in being smart, sanitary, and distanced so they don't have to experience it themselves. It's not pleasant. Leo shared the five stages of lifting our lockdown and I haven't been this excited in a long time to know that I can finally start travelling and seeing people. I spoke to my dad yesterday and he was willing away about all the meet-ups we would have when everything 'went back to normal'. He told me how he was dreaming of just sitting with my mam and the grandkids, enjoying some nice fish and chips out in Howth. It made me ache and smile. I'm frustrated at home with two small kids while my husband is too busy in meetings all day to help out. I'm not able to do my work 100%, or get the kids to do their homework. So we built a six foot rocket, because there's no COVID in space. Tik Tok is driving me crazy and if I hear another "Tik Tok" song, the tablet is going out the window. My days are now either 'Kids, close the door — I'm on a video chat — CLOSE THE DOOR — I'm on a video chat — close it!' or 'Daddy, there's a BIRD in the house! Hoooold on, I'll have to call you back'. I don't have the time or energy at the end of the day for me-time or read a book. Homeschooling sucks. Today I cried, I laughed, I panicked until I finally passed out at 3am.

Finally, the clouds moved on and the sun came out, making life just a little bit easier and happier than last week. The mosquitos are back with a vengeance. I dispatched five of them last night, rising from bed again and again, fumbling for my glasses, disturbing my wife's sleep with the bedside lamp, and slapping the walls with a rolled-up New Yorker. Then, this morning I noticed a sixth one on the inside of the window screen, appearing to be lost in its meditations of the open garden just beyond its range of flight, just before I killed it too. I don't know what's appropriate anymore. On my lunchtime walk, I noticed the trees gently swaying in the cool breeze and a grey heron strutting in front of pink, yellow and orange flowers, as if inspecting the work of the garden staff like a headmaster. My dream holiday is officially cancelled, and as I listened to the royalty free music while on hold with my travel agent, I felt embarrassed for mourning the loss of my trip. Is it okay not to be okay about this, when people around the world are losing so much more? Then I noticed a fly in my studio, the small black kind that moves in short segments, turning and turning around the center of any room they’re in; and I watched it for a while with greater understanding than ever before. I've never been more social and lonely at the same time than in isolation. Working from home makes you appreciate a good chair. ​My back is killing me, and I must confess it's because I've been sitting like Gollum for seven weeks. All I can think about is memes, so many memes. Finally, after four weeks of waiting, my paint-by-numbers arrived, and I ruined it in 5 minutes. I was trying to figure out what went wrong, and it finally dawned on me, the shoe was supposed to be blue. At the end ​ of the day, I just felt like turning my light off and sitting in the dark corner of my room, alone, on the floor, while the sun was going down and some chill beats were playing from my laptop. Then, from nowhere, Akon's 'Lonely' came on and I felt that more than ever before.

I set a new personal record of seventeen meetings today. As I sat through the marathon, "Today is the day" was uttered and you could just see the flurry of panic ripple behind the screens. The tears are resting right under the surface and one more ping, one more shout from a child, one more reminder of this strange new world is bound to set them free.

Boundaries are beginning to form and hold as we find our way through staying at home. ​But what will our boundaries be in the outside world under this new normal? It saddens me to think that once things return to normal we may no longer be able to slow down, stop and take the time to smell the roses, talk to our neighbors or engage in all the self-care (some) of us are indulging in now. Sad to think of these things as indulgences too! It all started with a gradual tapering of makeup application – welcome at first – but now I’m left with a streak of black eyeliner, which I never wore pre-pandemic isolation. And I am becoming a master at Words with Friends. My wife sheepishly admits that apart from not hugging friends, she is mainly enjoying this - but it's always that way; in the life we knew before, we got so many hugs, but also so much more stress in the pressure-flow of time. I’m burning out of energy, creativity and desire to 'quarantine'. Where did this flood of work come from? The kids were at each other’s throats, so I forced them to take their craziness outside. They ended up knee-deep in the muddy ditch puddles with their trucks while I sipped wine in the driveway. I should have been catching up on reports at my desk. Whatevs - sanity exceeds productivity in times like these. The past few weeks have been wild but I'm taking tomorrow off to simply exist without any plans or deadlines. I've never been more excited to do nothing, even though it feels like just an enormous pocket of nothingness all the time. I was supposed to be sunning it up in the Carribean next week, but I have a new plan for my holiday: Margarita Monday, Tequila Tuesday, Wet Wednesday's, ThursMoreDrinkingToDo, FriDaquiry, Saturday Sangria and School night Sunday. I wonder, what will the new normal be? Today was full of promise but finished on a low. Peering through the window, I see leaves on trees gently dancing in the breezy sunshine, as if to echo Captain Tom's thoughts of better tomorrows. I’m clutching to my new mantra ‘be strong, keep calm, you will survive this’ as we roll into another week of isolation.

Chapter Three Written by: Angelle Fox, Migle Semetaite, Siddhartha Dev and 47 anonymous contributors. ​ ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

Deep sadness caught up to us tonight for all the bright plans we’ve had to realise and for the world our teenage daughter faces. We’re not angry people and are generally positive, but this long, foggy unknown comes as sadness. I wish people would stop being so demanding – remember folks, we are meant to be kind and supportive to each other. The day I am back in the office I will hug the first person I see just because I can. He/she will be all over my social media because the moment will be truly special! The lack of clarity for when this is over is making it increasingly harder to look forward to weekends and beyond. Also, what happens to all those disposable gloves? My boyfriend and I adopted a dog last week and it feels like we have our first child. It has honestly helped focus our attention away from this prolonged stay at home order and on something that relies on us. The sun shines on VE Day in London, and it’s a poignant reminder of sacrifices made. A socially distanced street party in our road signals a brighter future ahead, and a desperate need for human interaction.

I’ve been putting my new Nespresso to use, because the only thing that keeps me going at this point is coffee. I wonder how much coffee can you have before you officially "have a problem?" – asking for a friend. And yet, it seems like I could do with another cup, as I tried to plus up my video background for a presentation this morning. Started Monday right, wished Migle a happy birthday. First birthday in quarantine, and I gotta say, I've never felt more loved. A day I will never forget. The experience so far has been surreal, a mixture of ups and downs. Last week was tough, slow and emotionally draining. So over the weekend I sprayed myself with the hose and laid out in the sun with a bottle of wine and played ocean sounds from my speaker. After months of being stuck inside, backyard beach was almost as good as the real thing. I think I injured my back, but then I got blind drunk on FaceTime, and it was AWESOME.

Today that mother bird is teaching younglings to fly. I wished my mother for Mother’s Day, and that five-minute conversation with her made me feel far better than I felt the whole week. Indulging in fried fish and chips on Mother's Day is fun while it lasts, but makes us all feel sluggish and parched later in the day; meanwhile new ideas about how to live, thrive and survive spark a sense of hope that warms me. Thank God for mothers. My mental health took a nosedive over the weekend, but I'm thankful to have a job. I need to get back to doing creative things in my spare time and stop staring into the middle distance waiting for something to happen. I read a lot this weekend, I never had time for it or it took a really good book to keep me hooked. I think it was just an excuse so I wouldn't let myself down, or realize that really, I was just bad at prioritizing things I wanted to do. Now with all the time in the world, there are no more excuses not to do all the things you said you wanted to get to. What a waste of a perfectly good Bank Holiday.

The unknown journey continues. We got a new family member – a pet rabbit. He has been keeping me and the family sane. We built a bunny run that was so nice and big, we decided to give him a friend. They are getting along really well. Now I'm focusing on them instead of wondering what else is going on in the world... Pets really help cure depression. I'm ​ also practising yoga almost every day now and I can almost touch my toes for the first time in 28 years! If that's not the highlight of the lockdown I don't know what is. We finally rebuilt our fence that blew down the week before Thanksgiving, and I've never planted so many ​ vegetables. My plants must be wondering why they are suddenly getting so much love from me. It was a two Tums kind of morning. I tried making jacket potatoes at home. I miss my local builder's cafe. Finally, at the end of the day while I was doing the dishes a gorgeous acoustic rendition of the Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" played on my favourite talk radio show, and as the final verse neared the end, low and behold and I kid you not, the. sun. came. out!

Woke up to the news that we should go to work, not go to work, go to work and ‘Stay Alert’. What da fuq does that mean? Boris's hair looked nice on TV the other day. Can't say the ​ same about mine. I am worryingly close to doing something extremely stupid and irreversible to my hair. I cooked up a new strategy for working from home. Starting today I’m doing more calls/meetings standing up.... More energising for sure! So much free time, so little to do. I keep experiencing these bursts of motivation, it erupts like a volcano in the middle of the night, urging me to get shit done. And then BAM, it's gone just as suddenly as it appeared, and I'm back to staring out the window asking myself 'what's the fucking point'? My doorbell rings this morning, and while I’m making my way down the hallways I’m trying to remember what I ordered on Amazon. I open the door and to my delight it’s my knight in shining armour aka my boyfriend. Dressed for the occasion in a face mask and gloves, and armed with a hand sanitiser and a bag of flour, he just pulled off the most romantic gesture ever. A quick hug, some air kisses and he was gone. But my heart is so full. I can finally bake my sprinkle cake.

Not much is happening, but there’s a lot of W'sapp group excitement in our street today. While county line crimes might have reduced during pandemic, burglaries/car thefts are still happening; a Range Rover stolen from a neighbouring town in West London, was found in our street by the owner, who has been alerted by the tracking company that tracker wasn't registering. So he drove around the streets with a friend, in search of his beloved treasure on wheels - now immobilised! I wish my neighbour didn't feel the need to kango hammer his garden slabs at 8am in the morning. I'm just so tired. It finally happened, the quarantine has ​ broken me and isolation blues have enveloped me. It's been over 100 days since I last saw my nephew, I'm bored out of my mind, my wisdom tooth is killing me, and I haven't slept properly in weeks. I miss real life. I’ve become quite accustomed to mid-week Rosé wine and given up ​ on cleaning at this stage. Who's going to see my house anyway?

So, yeah, I should be well versed in how to deal with staying at home. I guess it’s always been a thing of mine, so much so that once upon a time 'in my head', I thought it was dangerous to go outside. It was a gradual thing, started on planes, progressed to buses, cars, workplace and finally home. Agoraphobia was the diagnosis, translated into: fear of the marketplace. Simply put, it’s a fear of going outdoors. It was unbearable, I didn't want to be here (but never would’ve done anything to make sure I wasn’t). It got to the point where I couldn't even be at home. I had tried every holistic therapy possible, the only answer was now hospital. I remember walking into my new home for the next 6 weeks, scared out of my wits but delighted that I would hopefully be healed. Another patient said to me: 'you look really normal, what are you here for?' To which I replied, 'what does normal look like’? They didn’t reply. 6 weeks passed and every weekend I was let out to complete a task - from things that might be easy for me to do such as sit in a cafe for 5 minutes with a friend, right up to the scariest one, a plane journey. Mindfulness, the gym, tennis, art and CBT were some of the aides that helped me overcome my little bump in the road. After this, I never, ever, ever, ever took being able to go outside for granted, in fact I went on many hiking holidays after and cherished the outside. I think many will now too appreciate freedom. The first taste of freedom is loud in our street, as a 4-year old’s birthday party is in full swing. Screams and laughter all around, social distancing not so much. A perfect metaphor for Boris’ lockdown relaxation.

The sun is shining and I’m getting somewhat browner. And it’s not even June. Winning. Thank God for parks. Me and my wife have been taking my niece to the park everyday, to tire her out, and it’s been lovely. Feeling pretty tired, but at least it’s Friday. This monotony is replaced by excitement and oddness in dreamland. Last night, in a dream, I was at a cuddle party where many adults, most of whom were strangers to me, all gathered just to lie around and hug each other, some clothed, some naked, not really about sex, but just human closeness; and as I woke up, I felt a transcendent sense of pure love. It’s weird how I’ve been "accumulating" thoughts throughout the week so I can share them here, but some days it feels like nothing has happened and others have been non-stop. We are basically living on a roller coaster. My plans for this weekend look like this '...... ', but maybe I’ll finally answer the question: would I rather fight a duck-sized Antony Puttick, or an Antony Puttick-sized duck?

Chapter Four Written by: Angelle Fox, Antony Puttick, Angeline Yeo, Daniel Ari, Genevive Cueva, Lola Adebayo, Migle ​ ​ ​ Semetaite, Sonya Hau, Spencer Takata, and 50 anonymous contributors. ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

Today I noticed that I hear birds in the morning as opposed to the planes. It's been hard, but I'm trying to find something positive in this situation to keep me going. Took two days off for a 'staycation' instead of a Mexico City girls trip... would have preferred Mexico City, but it was nice to be unplugged from work, even if I was just pottering around the house. And yet, I never thought I'd say this, but THANK GOD my holidays are over. It's strange how the "slowing down" feeling of quarantine sometimes manifests as crushing boredom and depression, but other times comes out as a profound gratitude for things I'm usually too preoccupied to appreciate, like clouds rolling through the sky, birds chirping, and the intricacy of spider webs. So after wrapping up most of my "must-do’s" for the day, I grabbed a glass of wine, put my feet up and brainstormed for 20 minutes on new ways to bring COVID-related solutions to our clients. Then I shut down my laptop and ran out the door for a walk with my family. In some ways, this is forcing me to take a hard look at my work and personal life, and try to actually find the balance. This week was testing, but the sun is shining today and we have brighter days ahead to look forward to.

Today is hard. I'm running out of sugary food...I need sugar! I'm also wondering how it's going to be out there when things go back to 'normal'. Oddly, now that things are starting to lift a bit, I'm rather used to this way of life and I think I like it a lot. Perhaps tomorrow will be different and I will welcome going back outside. Not today though. It hasn't rained in weeks, so it's nice to see the rain and breathe in fresh air. In the end, the torrential rain caused a huge tree to fall on my old 200 year old University building and smashed the roof. I'm putting more stock in my dream life where I am able to touch people, speak face to face with strangers, move through crowded spaces despite an unknown anxiety; waking from these dreams makes me feel strangely hopeful. I kept saying that nothing will change once we're allowed out, but as I took the tube for the first time in two months, I could feel my anxiety clawing its way up from the pit of my stomach to the outside world. I could barely breathe because my mask was covering 95% of my face and my hands were swimming with sweat, begging to be doused in Purell. I saw my best friend for the first time in two months, and although I made promises to smother her with a massive hug the next time I saw her, I just couldn't cross the invisible line that kept us two meters apart to do it. My husband and I had to say goodbye to our beautiful kitty girl yesterday, and while the void she's left is all the more keenly felt while we're quarantined at home, we're also terribly grateful that we got to spend so much time with her in the last months of her long and sassy life. It's fair to say, yesterday things felt pretty hopeless. But today there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe.

I am truly grateful for the lovely family I live with. It would've been so much harder without them. I'm also officially friends with the UPS delivery man, and now know his route in the neighborhood. Monday through Friday between 1 and 3 PM I get another package I don't need. I'm not sure if I'm shopping online because I'm bored, or because I'm craving some human face-to-face interaction. Little things make 'stay in place' a little easier, like friends and neighbors dropping off lemons from their garden, eggs and miso soup on their grocery runs, and booze and home made food. It's all ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, ham, ham. I'm going vegan. In other news, I have somehow figured out how to cook! What a relief! I also treated myself and got a KitchenAid mixer so I don't have to hand whip the batter for all the baking I've taken up - it's a life saver! Baked ANOTHER loaf of sourdough, made pie dough and a pie from scratch... I don't know who I am anymore, but I'm rolling out of quarantine just a little plumper. It's been a good week so far – got comfort childhood food that brings back well-needed happy memories. Additional sets of sit ups and squats were needed after. But my greatest revelation this week is this: I never realised how mentally strong I am. I thought this experience would break me, not seeing loved ones for so long. But I've created new positive habits which are sustainable and will stay with me going forward. Last week my family and I decided to have a BBQ on a Thursday afternoon. What a wonderful way to break the weekday routine of working from home. If you need a break too, you should try, it works! Early starts have their upsides: birdsong in the background, peace and calm without the rest of the household up and about, all in all, much more productive couple of hours. And then a lovely surprise invitation to a graduation party in Singapore on Zoom for Saturday wrapped up the day. Finally a happy memory of these strange times!

First day of walking around London in flip-flops in 2020, and it actually feels like a VF summer. Woohoo! Today is the hottest day of the year in London, which lifts moods. However, I've realised that in spite of this, mindfulness is difficult to achieve thanks to a busy day of meetings. I must try harder! Also, another downside to this glorious heatwave in London is me having to shave my legs. I realized this morning that Memorial Day is coming up and a holiday the Friday before that. Two thoughts struck me. First, how is it even possible that Memorial Day is right around the corner, what the hell happened to spring? And second, I guess I have a four day weekend next week...which is odd in itself since days of the week seem like a foreign concept now. I'm working at some level every day of the week… I know we are all feeling the effects of the days running into one another to a befuddling degree. I really feel sorry for my plants, did I water them this week? Was that last week? Two weeks ago? Three? It's gotten to the point where I put conditioner in my hair twice because I can't remember if I've done it. My plants are dying but my hair is silky smooth! I'm back to being as busy as I've ever been. It feels like being more busy because I've had a long taste of a quieter, stiller life so recently. Some organisations are better prepared than others to navigate the demands of IT issues during lockdown. My poor niece had to wait until the last minute to know if she'll have access to her law exam papers, which was originally promised 48 hours before each exam! Thankfully, the last exam is tomorrow and a huge, collective sigh of relief all round for now. I need more arms, brains and eyes to get the work done. I had a lack of career growth anxiety before lockdown, but now I'm completely paralyzed by it. I think a four day work week might be the answer to all of our problems.

My day has been challenging yet fulfilling. I am experiencing lack of appetite due to the increased self-assumed pressure of work and life responsibilities. I remind myself to take a step back every now and then, to do something I enjoy which is uplifting. It makes me hopeful and love life a little more. Can't wait to travel again, to meet all my loved ones. All this stuff taken for granted so easily. I didn't realize the power of meditation until being forced to slow down. I always thought that having a regular yoga practice was keeping me sane and calm. BUT, no matter what I tried, my mind never really seemed to quiet down. Needless to say, 'stay in place' has had my brain on OVERDRIVE. So I tried meditation. And realized how manageable those 5-10 minutes every morning are. After I have gotten ready for the day, but before opening my laptop, I now look forward to just sitting and breathing. Nowadays, I take a moment to breathe in the anxiety itself, to feel exactly where it is in my body and to let it stay there even as I press on with the things I have set for myself to do. And who would've believed that it completely changes your mindset and mood?!?!? I've been feeling very weird for the last couple of weeks: one moment I just want to lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling feeling sorry for myself and the next, I am bursting with energy, shooting three emails per minute and looking up online HIIT classes. Here's what's weird about it: unlike pre-lockdown time this has nothing to do with coffee. This Nespresso machine is the best gift I've ever received. I may be old, but never cranky. Coffee is life. I'm also putting my kids on the path to delinquency as I take them to the skate park at the crack of dawn to burn off their energy before they're back on screen for lessons. May not be the worst idea, until my daughter appears with her face covered in blood and walking toward me like the bloody omen in the middle of a meeting! No crying, no fussing, just asking for sweets. When I asked what happened, she fired back "don't worry dad, I just put my knee through my nose when I was doing karate kicks off the bed". Ah, ok, brilliant! The screen needed to take a backseat for five mins.... having kids around basically brings back the kid inside of us, she is the only reason I want to go to the park to enjoy the sun. Though feeling anxious about the world's health, I'm so proud that I go to see my son take his first steps!

The haircut felt like a drug deal. Masks on. Cash only. Handover through a slightly opened door. Little communication. Would we ever see him again? Three and a half hours later, our 'son' was returned to us. We checked his markings to see if it was actually the same dog. We will never forget his COVID-cut. I have a little bird table outside, and normally get visits from starlings, squirrels and crows.... but today I had a blue tit and a parrot. Well when I say parrot, it's more like a small yellow budgie, rather than a "Pretty Polly", pirate-sized parrot. We also had a rat in our garden who had been doing the rounds through all of our neighbours' gardens. I think it has been caught. I hope it has been caught. Please let it have been caught. Grayson Perry's Art Club last night reminded me to look out of the window more often. So today I noticed a robin in the garden. It may be small, but it's mighty vicious when any other bird tries to encroach on its territory. Full-on screechy brawl as background to my hangout call! My new favourite thing is listening to Stephen Fry read Harry Potter on my daily walk by the river. It didn't drown out the two 14-year-olds telling me I look like a crackhead. The worst part is, I actually thought I looked cute today. I guess divided we live, united we die – homestay is the best policy! I shook it all off by dancing and singing along to Whitney Houston for an hour. And it was GREAT. Wrapped up the day by painting my nails, only to realize I'm terrible at it. It was nice to have blue nails though. Finally, I spoke to my gran this week and something she said really hit me: "This virus came from above – the universe needed to slow down. We all were getting too worried about what we had and not focusing on who we are."

Chapter Five Written by: Angelle Fox, Antony Puttick, Angeline Yeo, Daniel Ari, Migle Semetaite, Sonya Hau, Spencer ​ Takata, and 40 anonymous contributors. ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

Bright and breezy, day flying by… and then BAM, shit hit the fan. Mum lost her phone on the bus, so I spent my Friday night riding up and down my street on the same bus route, looking for it. All would've been great, if the bus drivers just answered my plea when I asked if they picked it up. 9 bus rides later, I finally reached the right driver on the phone, who informed me I missed him by a couple of minutes and now he's done with his shift. Devastated, I thanked him for his efforts, but he wasn't done doing good yet. He asked me to find my way to a dodgy bus stop, where 2 minutes later he pulled up, bravely opened the front doors and handed me the phone back. Faith in humanity restored or is it the promise of a Bank Holiday weekend?!

The long Memorial Day weekend was the most normal I've felt through all of quarantine. The extra time off allowed me to finally unwind. We built a herb garden planter box, which required three trips to various nurseries. The idea of being responsible for our new plants is what got me out of bed this morning. Simple pleasures in life, like watering the plants, brings a smile to my face. Richmond Royal Park is exotic with its deer herds and perroquets: so on this Bank Holiday, after slight relaxation of the lockdown, families are flocking to the park in bright sunshine, appropriately socially distanced. And then suddenly, everyone begins to stand aside as if to welcome some royalty from abroad – turns out, we were greeting a large parrot with feathers of red, blue and green on the arm of the owner! My laptop fell off my bed and now only 80% of my screen is working. You'd think I would've experienced the 'heart drop' moment, followed by a sense of sadness mixed with a little anger. But no, unlike before COVID, I saw the positive in all this – it could've been much worse. So I closed the laptop, rolled over, and fell into a dream where shit like this doesn't happen. Aaaarrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! One of the neighbours is now playing violin all day long. Send help.

Holy shmokes! I attempted to give my husband a haircut for the first time ever. It did NOT go well. I watched a YouTube video 3 times before I tried it, and of course thought I had it down. Not so much. Thinking 30 minutes was plenty of time before my first meeting of the day, I started with the clippers only to realize I'm actually terrible at this. I then had to hop onto my meeting and tried really hard to contain my laughter as he made faces with his silly looking hair. Thankfully, he was able to fix it himself. Will not be changing careers anytime soon. I remember saying two months ago that in two months, this would feel familiar, that some of the looming of the unknown would have clarified, and even as we sheltered, we would feel some sense of balance in the routine; it's proven to be true. We have new resources for getting through each day with only a little sense of being haunted by the world situation. I don't know if it's genius or sad, but I bought Alexa just so I can switch the lights on and off without leaving my bed. I slept horribly last night and feel really stressed today. It feels like I'm constantly having to eat shit and nobody cares enough to put a stop to it.

People just don't understand how hard it is to work and be a single parent. If you're in a couple, you can swap shifts; single, you have to do it all from sun-up to sun-down, constantly on. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are couples out there about to kill each other, so being single has its perks... but getting tired now. Boogie boarding at the beach for 5 days straight with my 2 kids was the happiest I've been since 'stay in place'. I have a baby niece! The best news I've heard all year so far. During my morning walk, I notice a mother with her brood of three, all under 8, running for their daily exercise, and two brothers encouraging their kid sister to lengthen her stride and run like a unicorn! Not sure if things are looking up, I'm used to it, or over it, but it feels like there is a glimpse of hope that we might be able to slowly get our life back; that thought is helping me sleep better at night. With our first long holiday weekend since the holidays amongst so many changes at the company, the shift to WFH without childcare, and the weather in the first part of the year, having a long break was like a big deep breath. I returned to work with a weird combination of back-to-work blues and re-energized excitement for the work in progress. On the flip side, with the news of the George Floyd murder by police officers in Minnesota, it feels like our society is falling to pieces, leaving me feeling very unstable and in a constant emotional roller coaster. It feels like every time we take a step forward as a society, it's closely followed by two steps backwards. We must do better.

Feeling pretty overwhelmed this week due to crazy amounts of work and struggling to switch off in the evenings. It's growing increasingly hard to stay up beat when all you have to focus your energy on is work. Counting down the days until I can meet my friends and family again and set up camp in a pub garden with a VERY large G&T. At least the sun is shining and giving me life. I actually can't believe this amazing weather. I ended up taking a nap the other day in my back garden for almost an hour, and of course I got a sunburnt…Retail therapy is the best cure, so the big question is, flip flops or espadrilles? Ah sod it, let's get both. Just got a call from the delivery driver asking for directions. Surely they would know the route to my place by heart by now? He must be new. Home-made ice tea with lemon and fresh mint is giving me life in this hot weather! I just hope I get to feel the sand in between my toes, smell the ocean, and feel the sun dancing on my skin this year. I really miss the beach. Kayaking in the beautiful bay and watching seals sunning with their pups makes me appreciate where I live. I feel grateful to be an introvert during these trying times. Isolating is hard, but I feel very equipped to handle time alone compared to my extrovert friends who are struggling more without social activities. I felt so alone yesterday.

Seems like people are really beginning to either be sick of this whole situation or just thinking that it's going away. Have to say, I am too. I have started reading again and sorting out all the junk I've collected over the years - it's cleansing to say the least. I've nowhere to bring this 'junk' though, but at least it's ready to go! Castlegate continues to be the political story in the UK: a saga of a misfit and tall tales! I went for a socially-distanced BBQ with another family and it was so great to see people in real life. I ventured out a couple of days ago to see my friends in an awkwardly spaced circle sitting next to a take-out restaurant. The concrete was hot, the beer was cold, but my temper flared as I returned home to my bubble—we’re months away. I think many people are a bit too relaxed about the current situation now! As a serial "take-out-for-lunch person", at the beginning of this lockdown I used to have a tough time figuring out what to make for myself and my family for lunch. Like seriously, how does one feed oneself lunch every single day of the week? 10 weeks in, and now it's my favorite meal of the day. I enjoy getting creative with mid-day cooking and we all get to take a little break from what we're doing, sit down together, and enjoy lunch as a family. Such a sweet outcome of the current WFH situation. Neighbors and I have taken to trading baked goods to share the love and the calories. If my wife didn't think to slide a plate of food on my desk, I'd work straight through the day without eating. With no social eating and drinking and a lot more outdoor time, the 'stay in place' benefit has been weight loss and being able to fit into old clothes again.

I was walking down the river path, immersed in the magical world of Harry Potter, when all of a sudden everyone around me, in the flats above me, crammed into tiny balconies broke into a round of applause for our carers so loud, even my noise cancelling headphones couldn't ignore. I stopped, watched the sun go down, and for the first time felt like we're really in this together. St. Paul's Cathedral in London has started an online memorial for those that have passed away from the virus. A dear friend's father succumbed to this and today, she let me know that she had entered his name on the online roll. Remembering him today with much fondness, what a sad, unexpected ending to a life lived with great gusto. Two years ago today my grandpa passed away. Not a day goes by without my heart aching with longing to see him, to speak to him, to hear his signature laughter. Two years ago today I also started at Epsilon. I went from the funeral, to the airport, straight to the office. I'm not religious nor spiritual, but before I went into the WeWork building, I asked him to keep an eye over me on my first day. As I sat down at my new desk, a lamp above it flickered, and I knew he was with me. Today, as I sat reminiscing, I bird flew into the garden, perched itself on the fence, and sat there with me for a while. And once again, I knew he was there.

Chapter Six Written by: Angeline Yeo, Lola Adebayo, Migle Semetaite, Siddhartha Dev and 20 anonymous ​ ​ contributors. Edited by: Migle Semetaite

I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in eight weeks. Much happier this week in general, must be the sun! Excited to finally see my cousin in person soon. It's such a shame that we missed out on hanging out the last two months, before she moves across the country with her fiance next month. In yet another bid to get in shape, I'm trying out step aerobics, and it made me realise how bad my coordination is. The boys signed up for Russian math online classes, which means more alone time for me. Plus the Russian teacher knows how to whip them in shape. So I'm thinking about having a 'party for one' this weekend! 'Normal People' is keeping the nation entertained in more ways than one, and I'm strangely enjoying this slower pace of sameness. Several Hay festival talks, a quiz and a BBQ were the highlights of the ​ weekend! Sadly, all clouded by the brutality of events in the US. Man's capacity for harm knows no bounds it seems. If we perhaps focus on being good ancestors, we might find some hope and guidance for a better future. The sun is doing her last dance, leaving footprints on my face to remind me of the first day at the beach this year. Freckled and exhausted, I finally had a good night's sleep.

Busy Monday, with a pinch of panic and a side of what the fuck am I doing. I'm having an emotional day trying to figure out how to bring balance to my new work from home life. How to pause and just shut down from the always-on reality of this business. And when I'm not stressing about work, I'm obsessing over face masks and online shopping furiously to find the perfect one. Today I also realised I stopped wearing a watch, and I've worn a watch since I was 6 years old. It's really weird how under these strange circumstances, you start doing things you never thought you would, without giving them a second thought. I forgot I had a day off booked for today. My anxiety was at an all time high, returning back to my regular scheduled programming. A week off was the relief I needed. I made it a point to not look at any other screen but my phone and the tv. I spent some quality time with my kids, without the distraction of a ping, an email, or a meeting. It made a huge difference in our mental health. However, all the relaxation and fun times quickly got interrupted by a freak accident. Mummy guilt made me give in and allow the kids to play out in the communal garden with the other children, but I never imagined mummy guilt could also have me fighting back tears in the back of an ambulance. The little one fell and split her head open, I've never seen so much blood on a child in my life. However that didn't stop the show, I was determined to not let mummy guilt get the best of me. Once we got back from A&E at 2am in the morning, I pulled an all nighter wrestling with a bunch of balloons and some fishing wire, and managed to put a balloon garland and decorations together in time for celebration. Take that, mummy guilt! All in all, the quarantine birthday party was a huge success, and so was my needed...very much needed...few days off.

Today was a bright spot in the quarantine experience, as the kitten somehow found the bracelet that's been missing for eleven months. My wife entered my home office to inform me that our Labrador Retriever ate our baby boy's dried-up umbilical cord, which I assume makes them blood brothers. Maybe it's the relentless sunshine, maybe it's the collective determination to go back to normal, maybe it's the smell of the North Sea and sand between my toes, but I feel like we're just a step away from hugging friends and family. It's incredible how much the ​ weather affects your mood. As soon as the sun bowed out and gave way to the grey veil of British summer, I'm once again finding it harder to stay positive and focused on the future. And ​ then I realised I've been sitting in the same upright chair, looking at my computer screen for 15.5 hours... fuck! Sad yesterday and words difficult, hearing, seeing what is going on in the US. Cool, grey stillness this morning when I start my walk, punctuated by houses with colourful gardens by the river, the distant whirring of cars, the sight of a plane overhead... marking the early phase of return to a different normal as the sun tries to appear from behind the clouds.

I've decided, I am not a fan of people. I don't know what to make of the world anymore. My hope was that this crisis would bring people together and show that we are all on equal footing, but I feel that it has brought out some really horrible sides to humanity. I feel that too many people have stopped caring. It's hard to focus - between rioting, the bombardment of emotions wrapped around current events, the complete inadequacy of our elected leader, and the monotony of weeks of social distancing, it wears on you. Meanwhile summer has arrived, bringing the sunshine and warmth. My kids are restless for friends and activities, my friends are divided by opinions, my home office is a mess, and my days all seem to run together. There's a mix of defeat and hope, apathy and enthusiasm, sadness and love. It's hard to wrap your mind around what's happening and how our world will change coming out of this. It finally feels like we're getting somewhere. It's a new dawn, the air is electric, people are finally waking up from their ignorant slumber. Change is coming, and I'm going to make sure I march with it. It's interesting the euphoria of emotions injustice brings up in us. Not only injustice, but when our own ignorance, ugly and bare, comes to light. And the inner battle begins – What can I do? It's not my place, it's not that bad, just ignore it. Unlike COVID-19, we are not powerless against this pandemic. We should all do better. It's embarrassing at this point… no, that's not the right word. It's cruel and pathetic. It's so hard to explain to the kids what is currently happening. My thoughts are all over the place, but being isolated has left a lot of time for reflection, for growth, for change; I have hope that we are all getting out of this better people. If not… this would all have been a waste. What a great rider team catch-up today. Felt a great sense of unity. Everyone keeps talking about all this unrest, but all I see is hope. I stumbled across this last night and it stirred a sense of hope and purpose:

"What if 2020 is the year we've been waiting for? So uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw that it finally forces us to grow. A year we finally accept the need for change".

Chapter Seven Written by: Angeline Yeo, Lola Adebayo, Migle Semetaite, Siddharta Dev and 20 anonymous contributors. Edited by: Ciaran Healy

What is one thing you don't see making a comeback in your life after lockdown? I'm leaving bras back in early 2020. I've had wayyy too many digestive biscuits in the past week...I need to start social distancing from my fridge. I made bacon cheese burgers from scratch, and all I'm going to say is, sweet mother of Jesus they were so good. Big baking project disaster! Custard and rhubarb tart recipe stated 8" pastry dish...somehow that translated in my mind to 8 cms. The result was a very thick pastry case with little room for custard, let alone the rhubarb! Don't think I'll be applying for the next series of GBBO just yet! This life is starting to feel like my new life, I think I better get used to that. My new normal is here, embracing it will make it easier for everyone involved.

I killed a good portion of my lawn by accident a few weeks back, with Resolva weed killer (PSA: don't use weed killer on a lawn - it kills the grass too). So I've spent a decent amount of time over the past few weeks watering, caring and praying for the little grass seeds to grow up and make my lawn a perfect blanket of green. Five weeks of full-on sunshine and no rain was testing for the little seeds, and then finally this week... I gave up! Life's too short for a manicured lawn. We ventured out in the kayak as a family one morning this weekend, then after the ride, took a dip on the beach. My kids tried to play with a little girl about their age and I cringed as they got "too close," although I welcomed the light conversation with her mother and crave the joy of a summer day playing in the water and sand. My husband still doesn't feel it's safe, and he has the data to prove it - so we hurried to pack our things to head for the car and further avoid people. He's an introvert, so the isolation is welcome. I'm craving interaction worse than ever - yet bored with our discussions as I'm talking to the same person all the time. Holy crap, I'm busy! I wonder how much of this over-doing of doing is a retreat from the growing insanity and calamity of the world. I'm really struggling this week. I'm just so angry all the time. I yo-yo between sad and angry, occasionally going full on Hulk on people I love. WTF is wrong with me? It's been a LOT lately. Big meetings, more changes, still working from home. It's all for the better in the long term, but it's a lot to process while trying to stay focused on work and manage my family life. I feel really tired today and worried about my boyfriend - he doesn't seem to be coping well with staying home for months on end, and given we're not going back to an office anytime soon, I don't know how to help him.

Powerful images of George Floyd's funeral service on TV: grief-stricken family, friends and those standing against injustice the world over, the sea of bright white clothes a determined sign of a fresh chapter to make long-lasting change. Watched the CNN & Sesame Street town hall about racism - glad we're having open conversations with kids about this important topic. Cloudy day today reflecting my mood, I think and a Monday to boot! Went, gingerly, for my first overground train journey in nearly three months at the weekend: deserted train carriages in the main, most passengers wearing home-made PPE, some more professionally produced. I wonder what an alien would make of this sight… I've finally been able to get some sleep and starting to feel human again. How do we get comfortable with fear? Not fear of the virus but fear of re-entry, of going back to an office, of flying, of dining out, and even of just shaking hands or a loving kiss on the cheek to a relative or friend seldom seen. I noticed that I'm much more aware of race than I've ever been before - which has me questioning whether that's a good thing or bad. Either way, it seems the world is finally working to make real change. Watched the documentary of the 1968 Black Power Salute at the Olympics and listened to the podcast about the Tiananmen Massacre, the issue is more than an American or racial one. Grateful to be part of a company that doesn't sweep things under the table and speaks openly about all issues.

Definitely hit it....breaking point! Disbelief. Hot anger. Confusion. Heartbreak. Sadness. That's what I went through when my flight home was cancelled less than 24 hours after I bought my ticket. I'm SO SICK of social media. To some extent, I want to just unplug entirely, but I'm isolated and also needing an outlet. We're FAR too reliant on social networks - and it takes its toll on our mental health. My greatest concern at the outset of this quarantine was boredom while working from home. Over three months in and I'm still ok - not yet bored. I asked myself how could this be? One reason could be work, which has taken over my life and kept me busier than ever. But the other thing I realized that keeps me going and provides me with the escape and comfort my brain craves is 'online shopping'. The excitement of impulsively buying things I surely don't need or look at after they arrive is unparalleled. The thrill of adding things to my shopping basket and clicking checkout keeps my mind off all the chaos around in the midst of this terrifying situation. Swimwear, beach towels, floats are surely things I don't need at the moment while sitting at home like a couch potato, but the thought of needing it for the next holiday I go on gives my life the normalcy it needs. Made myself believe that if it's something that's keeping me sane and happy it's surely not a bad thing. Three months ago I surfed Asos looking for the perfect pair of Mom jeans. Today, I spent three hours agonizing over what shade of pink I want my new joggers to come in. And that's my quarantine story.

I now have Disney+ so I have my childhood to look forward to! Things seem to be improving and it is getting harder to keep calm. Woke up at 6 in the morning to do my fortnightly grocery shopping. It’s so nice to stroll around the supermarket right after it opens, just me, my trolley, and a kindly assortment of insomniacs and the elderly. I bump into the same people every time and, while I’m not on a first-name basis with any of them, I’m firmly in the ‘polite head-nod’ phase with many. The experience was ruined by a heavy downpour as I was unloading the car though, so much food, ended up beating my personal best for bags carried in one go. Woop woop, I’m a camel.

Chapter Eight Written by: Angeline Yeo, Siddhartha Dev, Migle Semetaite and 20 anonymous contributors. ​ ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

It feels like the world started spinning faster, the days are heavier, spitting up uncomfortable truths at every turn. But the scariest thing of all, is that when we needed someone to lead, all we were met with was deafening silence. Maintaining focus and drive has been more challenging this week. Between reflection days, deep discussion, restlessness from isolation and adorable kids at home begging for more interaction, it's hard to keep my head "in the game." I flex between uber motivation and zilch - which leaves me frustrated with myself. It's just all getting way too much. What with racism, climate change and deadly viruses, and who knows what else? Certainly uncertain times, but we must keep positive and keep dreaming of happier times ahead. I watch the news and I want to protest everything. I want to march in the streets about equality but I also want to protest the reopening of the country so soon. I don't know how to do one without contradicting the other, when really we all just want to save lives. I'm having a down week. Maybe not even a down week. I think it's a numb week. There's so much going wrong that I no longer know how to react. We all know that if we're not actively fighting something then we are complicit in championing the status quo. I just don't know how many fights I can sign up to and how to prioritise. It's like the worst kind of client call. There's a hundred things to do, everything is top priority, everyone is in a different team and not communicating effectively, your boss is on holiday, and it's only 10am on a Monday. Oh and the deadline was 3 weeks ago. Sometimes a melt down is necessary to help us refocus and carry on the best we can.

I no longer know how to distract myself from the world. Lounging in front of Netflix felt like a luxury for weeks. Now there's nothing to watch. I've cleaned the house, I've done DIY, I tried to be healthy, I cooked, I found new hobbies. What do I do now? Watched Big Brother last night, the one with Craig and Nasty Nick's Showdown, and I'm convinced it's the best show ever. I'm setting goals and intentions for the week, they seem to be helping a lot, and I finished a book which was a sense of achievement in itself. People ask what we're up to for the weekend, and I quickly realize another week has passed. I have no plans for the weekend, and I can't keep track of what day it is. The monotony wears on me but it's also a little… comforting. I know what to expect each day, a lot of the stress of being/doing/etc is gone. It's just day-by-day now. Other days I'm so stir crazy, I think I'm losing my mind. And there are just SO MANY MEETINGS. Things got busy. This is my life now. On a brighter note, I've arranged my books according to the colours of the rainbow and I just sit on the couch and admire my work. I also repurposed my bra hanger for drying masks, since bras are somewhat optional these days. Unlike my rainbow of books, the masks don't bring me joy. In the next instalment of Bakegate, I took on the challenge of fluffy scones. The results however, left a lot to be desired. BUT, what they lacked in appearance (flat, thick, and cake-like) they made up in flavour! A generous lashing of whipped cream and strawberry jam, and it's a masterpiece! Would Mary Berry approve of this special edition?! The boys are off to tennis camp, and it's so peaceful for the first time in three months. But the sudden silence is eerie, and I kinda miss them now.

The audible battle between the treble register of natural birdsong and the bass key of the mechanical birds arriving from distant lands to find a temporary home at the airport, signals the dawn of the new normal. And it's not so different from before! There's a definite feeling of opening up alright, but the fear of the new normal still lingers on. Revenge shopping is all the rage now. Starved of physical retail therapy during lockdown, shopaholics flock to raid shelves of luxury items in particular. A novel experience no doubt, with social distancing in place! For the last couple of months all I wanted is for everything to go back to normal, or rather, to get my freedom back. Now that everything's slowly returning to status quo, I have zero desire to leave my lonely, sad cocoon. I went on a long bike ride to clear my mind, but I was too focused on my podcast and apparently going too fast because I didn't see some bumps on the trail ahead. Before I knew it, I lost my balance and went flying into a pond of murky water. I went waist-deep into dark, gooey water and had to haul my bike out. Thankfully, I didn't have any serious injuries other than some multi-colored marks on my legs and a bruised ego. I went back through the same spot again on a different day and the city had put safety cones around the bumps. Coincidence? I miss the pub. The first night out will be a black out. I got my hands on takeaway pints this weekend, and it felt sooo good and sooo illegal to have overpriced lager in a make-shift beer garden. Brought back the memories of warm summer nights, spent sneaking ciders in poorly lit carparks at the tender age of 16.

Now that we've all become epidemiologists, I can't help but read up on the approach of different countries. There seems to be so much mixed research about the effects of lockdown vs no lockdown so far. So, the big and unavoidable question is...were all the months spent in lockdown pointless? I thought long and hard, and here's my 2020 review: one star out of five. Would not recommend.

Chapter Nine Written by: Angeline Yeo, Daniel Ari, Siddhartha Dev, Migle Semetaite and 28 anonymous contributors. ​ ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

I can't fit into any of my summer clothes. I've been eating non-stop for the last couple of months and I'm reaping the rewards now. I'm Mr. Snuffleupagus, that’s all I have to say! You'd think I'd start social distancing from my fridge, but no, I made cottage pie for the first time and it was goooood! I also bought an 8 kilo watermelon yesterday. Just in time for the heatwave, bring on +32 degrees! A day of back to back calls resulted in 'screen face' which needed urgent attention! Thankfully, summer has, at last, arrived in London and the annual week's heatwave is predicted for this week - perfect weather for after-work walks in flip-flops and a panama hat. The hottest day this week and I just had to pack up and head over to my boyfriend's garden. The view of the coy fish pond, and rustling leaves is exactly what I needed. It's been a pretty productive day considering the sweltering heat. But I have a confession to make...it has been so hot the last few days, I've had to take calls with my camera off and chill in my bra...hopefully won't end up on the Risky Business slides. I just want to go outside in the sunshine! Major incident declared in Bournemouth marks the hottest day of the year so far. Pictures of crammed beaches is like an insult. We've spent the last four months inside, and all that progress will be undone in a day. Restrictions may have lifted, but anyone with a shred of common sense knows that it's because the economy is crumbling, not because it's safe. I get it, it's hella hot, but is it worth catching and spreading a deadly disease?

I'm not sure where to go from here. People seem to be returning to normal, but infection rates seem to be skyrocketing because of it. It's tempting to throw caution to the wind and spend time with the friends and family I've been missing so much. The promise of a dinner out or a weekend trip in wine country is beyond enticing, but I can't help but feel gaslit when weighing the options. New social distancing game in town: Is it 2m? Is it 1m? It's 1m plus, stupid! Johnsonian creativity with words now strikes the numbers. Watching friends makes me forget what's going on outside. It took me almost three months to feel "comfortable" enough to go for an outdoor run. The minimal exercise done in my apartment was of very little help, I was falling hard mentally and physically. I now feel alive and energized again, allelujah!! Went on a bike ride and had to battle cars on the busy street... I kinda miss the lockdown days when I had the roads to myself. Days are passing quickly and I am tired of staying in. It makes me wonder if this is me getting too used to the new normal? Last weekend marked my first take-away flat white in my favourite local cafe after 3 months and 6 days of my attempts at making coffee at home. That did hit differently, just as thousands of Instagram posts predicted right at the beginning of lockdown. Perfectly smooth, with a velvety foam, heavenly arabica smell and a hint of citrus notes...I could write a whole book about that single cup!

I'm looking forward to this weekend, a social distance party in the park awaits. Going to finish off a pretty great week with an Aperol Spritz by the river. Can't wait. Cooking continues to be the highlight of the day. But daily walks around the neighborhood, and dreaming that someday we'll be able to own a house somewhere, is also a welcomed escape from the norm. The boys started tennis camp and are loving being outdoors all day. They're starting to look like farmers with all their different tan lines. For the first time in so long I was able to make my niece go back to sleep after she woke up at 6am. That was definitely a win I needed. My dad on the other hand, has fallen victim to COVID conspiracies, and is waging war on website cookies. He keeps screaming at his phone every time the pop-up appears, saying he doesn't like cookies. I started calling him the cookie monster, and he's not a fan. I find myself obsessively organizing things around the house, with the nagging voice in my head telling me that I need to take advantage of the forced time at home. I also think it brings me a sense of control over something. But it never ends - there's always something else to organize, something else to improve - it feels like a proxy for life. And there's always the junk room - the one place where you drop everything and "deal with it later" - except later never seems to come. I refuse to let the clutter and mess take over my tiny flat... now that we're in this for the long haul, I got a tiny desk and it's starting to make things feel a bit more manageable. Recently, all things nature are preoccupying my mind. Today's walk through a small wooded part of the English Heritage site, the sun glinting through the tall tees with the bird choir at full volume, makes me wonder when we might be able to visit other far-away forests, more exotic, more colourful?!

I am finishing a 6-week online course in working with trauma as a counselor, so I see that there is an infinite amount of work to be done in the world. And of course, that's a sideline for me, so before I can help heal the centuries-deep collective trauma that causes some people to overlook the truth about the virus, racial reckonings, and the idiocy of our president, I have dangling modifiers to fix and a few more client-directed U-turns to navigate. And I'm tired, and maybe coffee isn't helping anymore. But, hey: fresh blueberries. As I struggled to find the best way to stand for what I believe in, I realised that having a voice doesn’t mean you have to shout, just be relevant. I don't know what's going on, but I'm constantly so angry. Anything can push me over the edge. I'm snapping like an angry chicken at everything that moves. Everything's too loud, too slow, too annoying. It's like I have an itch that can't reach and it's driving me insane. Send help. The novelty has worn off. I officially miss the office. I just need a change of scenery. Talk to new random people. My world is getting very tiny. I work in marketing for a reason. I like engaging new people. This is depressing. January looks like the earliest for when we will have a 'day at the office'. The new rhythm beats on, but the end feels further and further away. Will I have the motivation to make it to the end... is it possible to make longer-term goals that reach beyond this unknown "end" and might that bring back the motivation and happiness I once felt?

I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss lockdown. I realised over the weekend how much closer I've gotten with my dad, thanks to lockdown. We spent a lot of time tinkering around in the garden. He became obsessed with the lawn, and spent the last couple of months trimming, growing, watering and tending to the tiny plot in our garden. I was right there with him, tending to my pot of flowers I planted at the beginning of quarantine. For the longest time, it looked like a bucket of weeds, the stems growing wildly in all directions, almost like they were racing each other. And then suddenly, one morning, they exploded in a sea of colour, blooming violently and boldly, inviting every creature on the planet to bathe in the sunshine. We both looked at the fruit of our labour, and began exchanging our fears and hopes for the future. As I watched him over my coffee mug, it struck me just how grey he's gotten, I noticed new lines paving his face, and for the first time I really saw him. Older, more tired, more lined than ever. For the first time ever, I realised that time is unkind. It has the tendency to run out, when we need it most.

Chapter Ten Written by: Angelle Fox, Angeline Yeo, Siddhartha Dev, Julia Osetrova, Kalina Georcheva, Migle ​ Semetaite, Rafael Healy, Sonya Hau, and 28 anonymous contributors. ​ Edited by: Migle Semetaite

Why are my Mondays at home so much tougher than Mondays in the office? I put my ​ mind, body and soul through a grueling workout, hoping to banish all the negative thoughts. Sleep escapes me as always, and the bags under my eyes are swelling at an alarming rate. I turn, and turn, and turn like the hands on a clock until finally, with the first birdsong, I drift off. I miss feeling tired enough to fall asleep. I am soooooo tired of kids not understanding we have to work and throwing tantrums... at 6am!!! It's too early for this shit! I'm feeling grim because the missus is working from home for the next couple of days and now it feels like she's 'invading my work space'. I Desperately need a haircut, it's getting in the way of everything. I've realized there are some friends I don't really need to see that often or at all... Covid-19 may have been a way to purge. I'm pleasantly surprised that the skateboarders are masked up when I take the boys to the skatepark... if these rebel types can do it, everyone can wear a damn mask. I don't hate the mask, men stopped telling me to smile more, and I don't need to worry about the spots that never seem to leave my face. Every time I feel under the weather, I panic. Catching the flu is the thing of the past, once you get the sniffles you are an outcast. People stare at you, judge you, and go around you like you are the walking plague. And I get it, but I think what's spreading faster than this stupid virus is fear. And I'm terrified too. Not of catching it, but passing it to someone more vulnerable, more at risk. It's a weird time we live in, and I really hope we get out of it unscathed.

The heatwave of last week stopped just as we were leaving the house for a socially-distanced barbecue with a couple of friends in their newly renovated garden. The rain did appease to provide respite for the barbecue to be fired up sufficiently but no eating outside under the trees, accompanied the twilight chorus of wood-pigeons, robins and blue thrush. Tales of lockdown walks and cancelled holidays aplenty, we promised to repeat the barbecue in sunnier times at least! The amazing weather and being at the beach with giggling kids makes me appreciate life even amid the polarizing political climate and the pandemic that doesn't seem to have an end in sight. Sad state of affairs that the US may/will be banned from travel to the EU due to Covid! But I'm relieved that my parents have made it back home after three months of cancelled flights. First flight since COVID, and lemme tell you, if you're not travelling to see family it's not worth it. A secret part of me watches the world in its precipitous changes with the open-eyed wonder of a toddler — excited, eager, curious. That secret feeling could almost be described as happiness. Wrapped up the day with a dog sitting incident where the dog ate a chicken bone. This all led to a pandemonium in the house - kids thinking he'll die because the hubby is spazzing out, and me being the only calm one in the room. P.S. The dog is fine. Also, fun fact: a racoon can fit through a 4 inch gap... so you can fit two racoons in your ass! I officially love whiskey!

I've entered a new phase of 'Sheltering In Place' with no desire to be productive and have given into binge-watching HBO and Netflix. Ah yes ... here we are, Wimbledon and Chelsea Flower show highlights, along with Springwatch Live in a social distanced kind of way. The TV benchmarkers of the summer. I hope we can get back to our old normal except this time, all people are equal... 'cept the big, big Orange Baby! I'm convinced absolute power corrupts. We need to get this orange Cheeto out of office and maybe we can get a semblance of competence back in the US. Everyone needs to vote and get your voices heard! Saw Confederate statues torn down at Golden Gate Park... maybe this is the progress we've been waiting for. Uuughhhhhhhhhhhhh! Today has been a mixture of emotions - from extreme surprise and joy to frustration, annoyance, and despair. I realised over the last couple of months that my memory card is filled with random things. Like what deck that one line is in, that one picture, that one time I said something incredibly stupid, that one time I saw a pigeon fly into a window, that sort of stuff. And those memories are vivid, I can see all the details, it's like they're all in HD. But then there's the important stuff, like school, college, university, childhood. Those memories are gone, I can't remember a single thing. It's like someone hacked into my brain and went CTRL+A and deleted it all. I flicked through old photos and some of those days came back to me, but some, I realised, were just too painful to resurrect. I recently found out a friend is going through a lot mentally. With Coronavirus lurking, it makes it harder to comfort him but I hope to meet up with him soon..I hope he comes... It just reminds me that with all this talk about the virus, it's easy to forget that there are other things happening around the world that's not related to it.

Cousin and her hubby spent a weekend with us before they left cross country to DC, it was a strange yet familiar feeling to have other people in our house besides our immediate family. This week I ventured into the office to collect a few things from my desk. I have so many feelings about this, it's hard to know where to begin. First, the excitement of going for a ride in a car outside of my town limits, it made me feel quite like a dog! It was eerie going through the canyons of all the construction in the Docks- all at full tilt. The glee on the faces of the greeters in the lobby to see another human being. I put on a dress for the occasion, as you do. A compliment from a random stranger on my outfit was also a welcome treat. All in all, it alleviated my stress of going back to the office, and I'll be better prepared for the day when we inevitably start making our way back in. On the regular. Some day. I wandered out for the first, non-food retail experience in the new normal world to buy a belated Father's Day gift! No rooms to try on clothes, so imagine someone doing contortions, like an amateur gymnast, when trying on a shirt over a T-shirt, while still wearing a mask and gloves - what a sight! An experience not to be repeated too often for sure… This has been going in for so long that I had a dream that I forgot everyone's name because I haven't seen them in ages! Can't pretend I'm sad to say this, bye-bye PeopleSoft!

Nature has an ability to signal unrelentingly it seems. A good friend gifted my wife and I a rose plant several years ago to mark a landmark wedding anniversary (decades involved is all I'll say!). Each year this rose bush provides pristine white blooms just in time for the relevant date, and this year is no exception - thankfully no lockdown for the gift that continues to give, described by those in the know as Big, Blousy Blooms! Throughout the last couple of months sometimes I felt calm, happy and cocooned at home, and sometimes trapped, anxious and sad. I didn't know exactly how it all started and when it would all end. Sometimes I feel like I'll never move ahead and that I'm stuck, right here where I am and where I have been… But one thing I knew for sure: I wasn't alone. Our team's daily written musings are due to come to an end, so it seems fitting to reflect over the last weeks of lockdown. Among all the messages around us, the one that will stay long in my memory is this one in the windows of a local retail store: "The Darker the Storm, the Brighter the Rainbow"! I have absolutely loved this, but it's time. I'm finally home.