Welcome! We are please to present to you one of the Sigma Leadership Academy’s first Signature Program – Navigating Crucial Conversations.

This training session, was developed in partnership with Phillip Edge, Faculty Member of the Academy. The main goal of this session is to assist our members with their achievement for greater success in the workplace and Fraternity life through meaningful development.

Two hours does not lend itself to addressing all skills necessary for personal and professional success. This session is interactive and insightful for Sigmas and other participants alike. We hope you find this training a powerful and valuable tool in advancing your skills.

Our expectations for today’s session are for you to engage fully‐using your head and your heart. Secondly, we expect you to provide candid feedback on today’s session and provide recommendations for future sessions.

On behalf of the Faculty and Staff of the Sigma Leadership Academy, Thank you!

Enjoy the Session!

John E. White Academy’s Director

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Empowering Regional Directors through Effective Communications –Navigating Crucial Conversations

A Sigma Leadership Academy Signature Learning Lab

Learning how to create and communicate in an atmosphere where you and others feel safe giving and receiving constructive feedback is important skill for leaders today. During this learning lab we will introduce ways to navigate potentially damaging curial conversations and scenarios. We will learn how written and unwritten rules in the workplace impacts career growth. We will introduce ways to seal allies and solutions that enable you to remove potential restraints that impede the growth of our Fraternity.

Thanks!

Copyright Notice

All content included in this document is the property of the Sigma Leadership Academy of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. These materials shall remain the exclusive property of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity. No part of this publication may be reproduced or otherwise duplicated in any form without the written permission of the Sigma Leadership Academy.

Acknowledgements

 Phillip Edge, Faculty- Sigma Leadership Faculty  John E. White, Director of Sigma Leadership Academy  Kevin L. Davis, Director of Communications-SLA  Louis Defreeze, Graphics Manager, SLA  Charles Talbert, Faculty- Sigma Leadership Academy

Please be advised that the views, observations and conclusions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Sigma, but reflect those of the authors and the experts cited herein.

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INTRODUCTION

Learning Objectives

 Create an atmosphere where you and others feel safe giving and receiving constructive feedback

 Recognize and effectively manage barriers, roadblocks, pitfalls and baggage

 Practice communicating through various Crucial Conversations

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Icebraker: Introductions and Communication Styles

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Agenda and Content

Open

 Agenda

 Learning Objectives

 Norms

 Introductions

Reflect

 “Our Journey”

 “The Sigma Persuasive Activity

 Intent and Impact

 Stress Model – Using “Fatigue-An Essay”

Refocus

 Crucial Conversations

 Roadblocks, Barriers, Baggage and Pitfalls

Rise

 Interactive Theater

 Strategies & Models

Close

 Action Planning

 Evaluations

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Team Members

List the names of your team and any information you deem pertinent.

Like you, I’m still a work in progress. And the next step beyond failure could be your biggest success.

-Debbie Allen, Singer, Dancer and TV Producer

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Debrief

“The Sigma Persuasive Activity”

Historically Black Colleges and Universities Have Outgrown Their Usefulness

Pro:

Con:

“We must realize that our future lies chiefly in our own hands.” -Paul Robeson, Actor and Activist

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Please provide 1 or 2 words to describe this activity.

Based on your roles and interactions during this activity, what was your lead community style?

Did you have any “aha” moments, if so what were they?

Could you characterize the discussions as Crucial Conversation, why or why not?

What lessons can you take away from this activity?

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Intent and Impact

Statement: “Thought You Were A Kappa?

Is this conversation a Crucial Conversation? Why or why not?

Potential Intent

Potential Impacts

Clearly, no one knows what leadership has gone undiscovered in women of all races, and in black and other minority men.

-Gloria Steinem author and feminist

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Stress Model

Using two excerpts from “Fatigue-An Essay” as indicators, place the statement number on the scale as to how the statement has affected you in the past or presently.

Range of Attitudes, Emotions and Beliefs

100% OR GREATER

ZERO OR LESS

Fatigue-An Essay3 (excerpts)

I am tired of-

1. Being told by other people that I am too black and being told by black people that I am not black enough

2. Being invited to participate in discussions because there is a need for a “black perspective” and when I offer input, being told that race should be left out of the discussion.

3. Hearing people say, “Sigma’s are Country” or never thought you will have been a Sigma! Or Phi Beta Sigma Sissies!

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady, Human Rights Activist and Feminist

3 Asheville, African-American News, “Fatigue-An Essay,” Don C. Locke, October 1994

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Learning Points

 Communication permeates each aspect of our personal and professional life

 People embody differing and/or similar lead communication styles

 The Sigma story and journey is dynamic

 Each of us must recognize how our own attitudes, emotions and beliefs impact our communication styles and our stress levels

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REFOCUS

Native American Folklore

"A Native American boy was talking to his Grandfather. 'What do you think about the world situation?' he asked? The grandfather replied, ' I feel like wolves are fighting in my heart. One full of anger and hatred; the other is full of love, forgiveness, and peace.' 'Which one will win?,' asked the boy. To which the Grandfather replied, 'the one I feed.''

Author Unknown

When our thoughts ‐ which bring actions ‐ are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white, we are in a living hell. That is as real as hell will ever be.

George Washington Carver

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4 Crucial Conversations Defined

My Definition

Author’s Definition

 When the conversation involves communication between two or more individuals where there is highly charged emotions – it may create touch points or flashpoints.

 When people do not share the same pool of thought, differing opinions – when the pool of thought is dangerously shallow, people, smart people say things that they may regret later

 When the conversations have the potential to alter or change the relationship between the parties

Was the initial Introductions Activity a Crucial Conversation? Why or why not?

Was the Persuasive Activity a Crucial Conversation? Why or why not?

“It is not your environment, it is you-the quality of your minds, the integrity of your souls and the determination of your will-that will decide your future and shape you lives.”

-Dr. Benjamin E. Mays, Education and mentor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

4 Patterson, Kerry, and Grenny, Josephn et al., Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

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Examples of Crucial Conversations in the Workplace and in Sigma

 Giving feedback to a colleague about his/her performance  Giving or receiving an unfavorable performance review  Talking to a peer about an offensive comment or gesture that they made

 Talking with your manager about an offensive comment, statement or gesture he/she made  Holding a chapter accountable for program implementation and reporting  Talking about a alleged hazing incident

 Providing feedback to someone on hygiene and/or attire etc.  Talking with a team member who is not carrying his/her load  Providing feedback to a customer/client Tips5

A crucial element of navigating through Crucial Conversations is our ability to learn to watch for conditions when safety is a concern. According to the authors of Crucial Conversations, tools for talking when stakes are high include:

 Learn to spot Crucial Conversations

 Notice physical and emotional signs – some people may react emotionally, some may react behaviorally such as pointing their finger etc.

 Pay attention to the content. Watch for signs that people are fearful. Some of the signs are when people are pushing too hard; when people fear, they may be harmed; when people ‘fight or take flight’

 Look for your style under stress

 Monitor your own behavior 5 Patterson, Kerry, and Grenny, Josephn et al., Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

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Barriers

 Discussing politics

 Using profanity

 Using slang

 Disclosing private information

 Sharing of confidential information

 Gossip

 Conversations of an inappropriate nature

 Attire

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Cross-Cultural Barriers6

Dominant Group Non-Dominant Group

1. Assertive 1. Aggressive

2. Self-Confident 2. Arrogant

3. Unaware 3. Ignorant

4. Ambitious 4. Impatient

5. Unwavering 5. Militant

6. Socializing 6. Congregate

7. Expectation 7. Entitlement

8. Opinionated 8. Mouthy

9. Upset 9. Angry

Let’s not run and hide, let’s acknowledge the divide. Let’s work together to make things better.

-Johnnie L. Cochran, Jr. Attorney and Human Rights Activist

6 Adapted from Phoenix Rising Consulting 2008

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Organizational Savvy – Unwritten Rules7

Fraternity Unwritten Rules (as perceived by some members of Sigma)

Always have a plan

When bringing up problems in your business, it is critical to have a plan or solution(s) to present your supervisor when you advise him/her of problems. Supervisors want to know that you have a handle on the issue and that you are competent and capable to handle the issue Make quick/clean decisions. Show pros and cons of your plan/solutions.

Don’t’ bee too critical of others

Being critical can be viewed as a negative. You may be viewed as not being a “team player” if you are too openly critical of peers/coworkers. How do you determine if you are being overly critical? Ask yourself if your remarks are necessary, will they add value; and whether your remarks are about behaviors and outcomes or about the person or individuals. Take the time to ask yourself how many times in the last week, month or year have I brought issues forth that may be perceived as being critical or hypersensitive of others.

Be brief

Our culture appreciates those who encapsulate complex issues into bite-sized pieces. However, be prepared to respond to any questions that may be posed to you. Take the time to list each potential question that you may be asked and develop an appropriate response in the event that you are asked.

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

-Will Rogers, Actor and Philanthropist

7 “Unspoken workplace norms and behaviors that are necessary to succeed.” Catalyst 2008

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Keep an even temperament

Learn to manage frustrations and keep your cool. Our culture does not tolerate those who have frequent outburst or facial Micro inequities such as rolling of the eyes, in reaction to stressful situations. Maintain composure through frustrating or difficult conversations. Select your battles wisely.

Speak Grammatically Correct English

Do not misinterpret this statement, we are not speaking about those individuals who are just learning English or has English as a second language; most people are understanding of this difference. What we are saying is that, if you are prone to using slang/casual language, to keep it at a minimum, or not at all if possible.

Gain Consensus

At times, decision-making is more than “win or lose,” or “I’m rights and you’re wrong.” Seek ways to find win-win solutions, seek ways to build solidarity by seeking input from every vested team member. By using the skills, wisdom and knowledge of everyone, it increases our ability to make a more informed decision.

Build Relationships

To be seen as someone deserving of growth, you should attend and participate regularly in company events. Obtaining networking skills and getting your name in the forefront of decision makers is a positive.

Don’t burn bridges

You never know who you may work with in the future. In addition, you may not be aware of all professional/personal relationships. Comments or actions that are debasing to others may burn bridges that you are not even aware exist.

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Understand Credibility

Reconcile that, seemingly, some in our Fraternity or in your place of work do not seem to have to follow some of the same rules as others. What we mean by this statement is that credibility is built over time. Individuals who have earned their reputation and thus their credibility are not always going to be views the same way. For instance, let’s use the example of slang. Individuals who have a longstanding view in the company as being credible, accountable and responsible may be able to get by with using slang. Say that you, on the other had, just came onboard to the company and immediately begin to use slang: your impact will be much different; you likely will be viewed by a different standard.

Find a mentor

Mentors will assist you in learning the rules. Being involved in company mentoring programs is seen as valuable. Informal mentors are also very helpful to learning and navigating the rules.

Sigma has a dress code

All organizations do have dress codes whether it is noted or not. Sigma and most businesses dress code is both written and unwritten (it is virtually impossible to note every nuance of attire). Sigma has a specific code for business and business casual dress. Keep an eye on peers and others to understand what the unwritten standards for dress code are.

Face time is important

Know when you need to be in the office v. home office. You will need to be seen regularly. Remember, “out of sight, out of mind.” Be prepared to attend company events, it is considered an important aspect for growth opportunities. You must be willing and actively participate in the company culture by supporting company events. Be very mindful that decision-makers, rightfully pay attention to visibility.

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Fraternity culture is not meant to remove individuality from its members.

New and tenured brothers must understand the Fraternity’s culture. The Fraternity culture changes over time and will continue to change. To be successful, in any organization you must know the rules.

Expect collaboration

It is not seen as teamwork to blindside someone such as a peer by going to the peer’s boss or leader about a topic involving the peer, without having discussed the item with the peer first.

Additional Perceived Fraternity Unwritten Rules

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Unwritten Rules for Minority Professionals8

 Know how others see you – your brand means everything

 Be visible – you can’t get ahead if no one knows who you are

 Be aware of career derailment

8 Wyche, Keith, R. Good is Not Enough; And Other Unwritten Rules for Minority Professionals: Penguin Group, New York, NY 2008

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How-To-Solutions

Learning Strategies

 Observe others, both successful and unsuccessful

 Individual feedback; performance evaluations feedback; formal coaching

 Trial and error; trying different tactics

 Observe written and verbal interactions

Gaining Access

 Informal networks

 Formal and informal networks

 Mentors, sponsors, supervisors

“Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue consistently.”

-Maya Angelou

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Learning Points

 We must continuously seek work/life balance and eliminate negative stress

 It is critical to refocus our energies and attention towards positive outcomes and solutions

 Crucial Conversations are a natural part of workplace communications; there are three main components

Highly charged emotions

We do not share the same pool of thought

When the conversation has the potential to alter the relationship

 Roadblocks, barriers and baggage can impede professional growth

 Barriers and roadblocks can be removed or overcome through strategic alliances and actions

“You cannot fix what you will not face.”

- James Baldwin, American Author

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Being Heard-Giving Constructive Feedback

1. State the constructive purpose of your feedback

2. Describe specifically what you observed

3. Describe your reactions

4. Give the other person an opportunity to respond

5. Offer specific suggestions. Depending on the feedback, it may be appropriate to offer suggestions. In this case, make sure your suggestion is specific and doable

6. Summarize and express your support. Avoid misunderstandings and check if your communication is clear. The summary is an opportunity to show your support for the other person and conclude on a positive note

“Life has two rules: number 1, never quit!; number 2, always remember

number 1.”

-Duke Elliot, Composer and one of the founding fathers of jazz

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Interactive Theatre – “Can’t We All Just Get Along”

What elements of Crucial Conversations did you observe?

What were some of the “Hot Button” issues that surfaced for you?

How could you use the models: Giving Constructive Feedback, Listen, and Intent and Impact?

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Tips-Communicating Upwards

Ask yourself how you feel about authority in general, about your manager, authority figures of a different race than you.

Even if you believe that you are not being recognized for your accomplishments, you do not need to be belligerent. Remember, “You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”

 Set up an appointment at your manager’s convenience

 Prepare ahead of time

Be specific

Be honest

Have examples

 Check your emotions

 Allow space

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Hearing Others – Listen Model

L Look and act genuinely interested Hearing is a

function of the

ears… I Imagine the other person’s story; walk in their shoes

S Stay focused on the message and Sense the emotions of self and others Listening is a function of the T Talk less and Take your Time; you can’t learn if you’re talking head, heart and ears. E Eliminate background noises and engage your head, heart and ears

N Nurture the relationship, thank the

individual for sharing their perspective

What sections of the Listen Model do I need to focus more on?

How can I apply this model to my Sigma and workplace relationships?

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Disagreements Model10

 What happened My  Who was involved Description

 In the moment Lessons  In retrospect Learned

 Behaviors or actions My Actions to  Timing Turn Around

Identify your last disagreement.

What was the outcome?

In general, what is your communication style during a disagreement?

How does this style align with Sigma’s written and “perceived” unwritten rules?

10Adapted from Phoenix Rising Consulting

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Pathways: Hypothetical Examples for Review

Below are several hypothetical case examples for you to explore Identify Crucial Conversation elements and then note how, potentially, would be the best approach to the situation Processing these mini-case examples will increase the likelihood of transference to the workplace. Moving from conception to action is intentional.

Your coworker has received a negative performance review. He/she meets with you over lunch and blurts out, “Hey, I figured this was coming ever since I told the manager about herself, she’s had it out for me. I’m not like you. I keep it real. I can’t play the game.”

You are engaging with a coworker whom you admire that is older than you are and he/she makes the remark, “Young black kids have it made today, we did all the work and you’re getting the gravy.”

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Your manager called you into the office and told you that customers have complained about your attire and are uncomfortable working with you because your style of clothing is too “relaxed”.

You have made several recommendations that have been implemented. However, you manager consistently gives credit to others for your ideas. You are concerned that this will affect your performance reviews. You notice on the manager’s desk a placard that read, “as long as the work gets done, it doesn’t matter who gets the credit.”

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Learning Points

 Allies exist amongst all races of people

 We must create the environment of “safety” if we are to hear different perspectives

 Consistently seek avenues to develop a plan for diffusing potential anxieties of crucial conversations

 Disagreements are natural, we do not all hold the same viewpoints – how we disagree is a choice

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Legacy

How can I champion inmproving Sigma Communications and increasing Sigma Brand Equity?

What is my legacy to Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc.?

Who will support my continued development in these areas?

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Action Planning

I will commit to START…

I will commit to STOP…

I will commit to CONTINUE…

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Fatigue – An Essay12 (excerpts and some Sigma additions)

I am tired of—

1. Being told by people I though you were a Kappa! 2. You are smart, I know you are an Alpha. 3. Sigma’s are just country 4. Being told by other people that I am too black and being told by black people that I am not black enough 5. Being invited to participate in discussions because there is a need for a “black perspective” and when I offer input, being told that race should be left out of the discussion 6. Letting my defenses down and then feeling vulnerable to unexpected racial remarks offensive to me whether uttered by a non-African American or by an African American 7. Hearing people say, “I don’ think of you as black” 8. Having to bite my tongue as I listen to folks make covert, unintentional racist statements 9. Trying to determine the difference between the behavior of a dominant person that is described as “assertive” and the identical behavior of an African American that is described as “aggressive” 10. Having to adjust my racial characteristics to “fit in” rather than having the organization “meet me halfway” 11. Never being able to let my racial guard down 12. Explaining that not all African Americas are employed to meet some quota 10. Explaining that “diversity” and “multiculturalism” do not imply a lowering of standards, but instead a greater recognition of competence 11. The deadening silence that occurs when the conversation turns to race 12. Being told that I am too impatient in my desire to see things change

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Quotes From Men of History, Men of Vision, Men of Culture, Men of Courage and Men of Leadership

Sigma Men George Washington Carver, James Weldon Johnson and A Phillip Randolph

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these. George Washington Carver

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in. George Washington Carver

I wanted to know the name of every stone and flower and insect and bird and beast. I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life ‐ but there was no one to tell me. George Washington Carver

Learn to do common things uncommonly well; we must always keep in mind that anything that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable. George Washington Carver

Ninety‐nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. George Washington Carver

No individual has any right to come into the world and go out of it without leaving something behind. George Washington Carver

Our creator is the same and never changes despite the names given Him by people here and in all parts of the world. Even if we gave Him no name at all, He would still be there, within us, waiting to give us good on this earth. George Washington Carver

Since new developments are the products of a creative mind, we must therefore stimulate and encourage that type of mind in every way possible. George Washington Carver

There is no short cut to achievement. Life requires thorough preparation ‐ veneer isn't worth anything. George Washington Carver

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When our thoughts ‐ which bring actions ‐ are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white, we are in a living hell. That is as real as hell will ever be. George Washington Carver

When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. George Washington Carver

Where there is no vision, there is no hope. George Washington Carver

It is a struggle; for though the black man fights passively, he nevertheless fights; and his passive resistance is more effective at present than active resistance could possibly be. He bears the fury of the storm as does the willow tree. James Weldon Johnson

A community is democratic only when the humblest and weakest person can enjoy the highest civil, economic, and social rights that the biggest and most powerful possess. A. Philip Randolph

Freedom is never given; it is won. A. Philip Randolph

In every truth, the beneficiaries of a system cannot be expected to destroy it. A. Philip Randolph

Justice is never given; it is exacted and the struggle must be continuous for freedom is never a final fact, but a continuing evolving process to higher and higher levels of human, social, economic, political and religious relationship. A. Philip Randolph

Salvation for a race, nation or class must come from within. A. Philip Randolph

We must develop huge demonstrations, because the world is used to big dramatic affairs. They think in terms of hundreds of thousands and millions and billions... Billions of dollars are appropriated at the twinkling of an eye. Nothing little counts. A. Philip Randolph

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Sources

Articles

“Unspoken Workplace Norms and Behaviors That Are Necessary to Succeed” Catalyst 2008.

Cultural Barriers – Adapted from Phoenix Rising Consulting, 2008.

Diversity Wheel adapted from Marilyn Loden, Workforce America, 1991

Books

Dickens, Floyd Jr. and Jacqueline B., The Black Manager Making It in The Corporate World: New York, NY AMACOM 1991.

Patterson, Kerry, and Grenny, Joseph et al., Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, McGraw-Hill, New York, NY, 2002.

Wyche, Keith, R., Good is Not Enough An Other Unwritten Rules for Minority Professionals: Penguin Group, New York, NY 2008.

Internet

Brown, Sandra, L. MA, The Three Main Communications Styles, http://www.communicationsskillsinfo.com/communicationstyles

www.BraineyQoutes.com

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