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Open Adoption from a Birth Mother's Perspective

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Open Adoption from a Birth Mother's Perspective University of Vermont ScholarWorks @ UVM Graduate College Dissertations and Theses Dissertations and Theses 2016 Open Adoption From A Birth Mother's Perspective: A Story To Help Educators At All Levels Understand And Help Others Heal Sara Elizabeth Villeneuve University of Vermont Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.uvm.edu/graddis Part of the Education Commons, and the Social Work Commons Recommended Citation Villeneuve, Sara Elizabeth, "Open Adoption From A Birth Mother's Perspective: A Story To Help Educators At All Levels Understand And Help Others Heal" (2016). Graduate College Dissertations and Theses. 449. https://scholarworks.uvm.edu/graddis/449 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Dissertations and Theses at ScholarWorks @ UVM. It has been accepted for inclusion in Graduate College Dissertations and Theses by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks @ UVM. For more information, please contact [email protected]. OPEN ADOPTION FROM A BIRTH MOTHER’S PERSPECTIVE: A STORY TO HELP EDUCATORS AT ALL LEVELS UNDERSTAND AND HELP OTHERS HEAL A Thesis Presented by Sara Daniels Villeneuve to The Faculty of the Graduate College of The University of Vermont In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements For the Degree of Master of Education Specializing in Interdisciplinary Studies January, 2016 Defense Date: November 10, 2015 Thesis Examination Committee: Robert J. Nash Ed.D., Advisor Susan Comerford, Ph.D., Chairperson Judith A. Aiken, Ed.D., Committee Member Holly-Lynn Busier Ed.D., Committee Member Deborah Hunter Ph.D., Committee Member Cynthia J. Forehand, Ph.D., Dean of the Graduate College ABSTRACT When I was just 17, and in my first year of college, I found out I was pregnant and I had to navigate my way through adoption and healing after relinquishment. Adoption is a difficult choice. There is no one path that each birth parent follows, and there is no one road to healing that works either. Each birth parent’s experience is unique. Adoption and being a birth parent has historically carried a stigma of shame for “giving up” a child. In just the last 40 years, an adoption renaissance has brought new understandings about the process, the opportunities for open relationships with birth parents and their children, and the need for long-term support for birth parents and adoptive parents. The birth parent experience can be one of love, respect, and compassion with the child and adoptive parents. I share my story to help those who face a similar situation; I hope that my story and supporting research can help others consider options and give them hope. In my profession as a high school teacher, I have had several pregnant students who faced difficult choices. I tell my story for all educators because understanding adoption and the birth parent experience can help other professionals practice empathy and understanding for their students facing this situation. Because of my own experience, I think I understand their fears and issues, and am able to give compassionate guidance. DEDICATION To my family, in the largest possible sense: my husband, children, parents, siblings, relatives, and friends. I am so blessed to have you as the loving, encouraging force that keeps me whole. I appreciate all that you do to raise me up, hold me tight, and encourage me to continue on. With the deepest of gratitude and sincerity, I thank you for your love and support. To all birth parents considering an adoption alternative—those before me and in the future: “From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, I survived” --Father Craig Scott. I write my story to heal my scar just a little more; may you find a path to heal, too. ii TABLE OF CONTENTS Dedication ............................................................................................................... ii CHAPTER 1: A STORY TO HEAL .......................................................................1 1.1 The Context ............................................................................................1 1.2 Why SPN/eSPN Writing: Methodology ................................................3 CHAPTER 2: MY STORY .....................................................................................6 2.1 Seeking Independence ...........................................................................6 2.2 Figuring it Out........................................................................................8 2.3 The Adoption Option ...........................................................................10 2.4 Taking the First Steps ..........................................................................12 2.5 Answering to My Family .....................................................................13 2.6 Finding a Forever Family.....................................................................15 2.7 “The Day” Arrived ...............................................................................18 2.8 Our First Goodbye ...............................................................................19 2.9 Relinquishment ....................................................................................20 2.10 Saying Goodbye .................................................................................22 CHAPTER 3: MY LIFE WAS NEVER THE SAME-AND THAT IS OKAY ....23 3.1 What Followed .....................................................................................23 3.2 Missing Margaret .................................................................................25 3.3 Shame ...................................................................................................29 3.4 Our First Reconnection ........................................................................30 3.5 Grieving ...............................................................................................33 3.6 Bouncing Back .....................................................................................34 3.7 Celebrating Life ...................................................................................35 3.8 The Adoption Closet ............................................................................36 3.9 Vulnerability ........................................................................................37 3.10 Resiliency ...........................................................................................38 3.11 My Story Matters ...............................................................................39 3.12 A Letter for My First Daughter ..........................................................39 CHAPTER 4: I AM NOT ALONE: OTHER BIRTH PARENT STORIES .........42 4.1 Isolation by Choice ..............................................................................42 4.2 The Third Option .................................................................................44 4.3 Finding Out I am Not Alone ................................................................46 4.4 Helping Birth Parents Heal ..................................................................48 4.5 A Letter to Birth Parents ......................................................................51 CHAPTER 5: FOR EDUCATORS .......................................................................54 5.1 How Can We Provide Support .............................................................54 5.2 A Letter to My Colleagues ...................................................................61 iii CHAPTER 6: CONCLUSION ..............................................................................62 6.1 In Summary ..........................................................................................62 REFERENCES ......................................................................................................65 iv CHAPTER 1: A STORY TO HEAL 1.1 The Context My story is that of a birth mother, a term few are aware of. I am a woman who gave her first-born child up for adoption. For 19 years I have struggled to tell my narrative. I hide it; I deny it; I put it in my little box and tuck it away. But my story does not just disappear. My story shapes my life. My story begins and ends with choices and features independence and resilience. Each time I share my story I find a way to accept it and I heal a little more. I am only one member of my story and, like it or not, it defines me. How it defines me continues to change and evolve. I share the reality now to reconcile my past, help others, and to share it with my own children. I always think it will get easier to tell my story, but each time I open it up, it is like ripping off the bandage again and again. There is no doubt that, if I could, I would go back to the very beginning and change the entire course. However, given all of the circumstances and what has happened and who I am now as a result, I could not be prouder and more thankful for the way it turned out. How do I begin to tell a story that I have lied about for the last 18 years? I am ashamed and embarrassed. I intentionally hid my pregnancy, birth, adoption, and birth- child. I did this selfishly to protect myself from getting hurt; I thought others would think of me differently, judge me for my bad mistakes. Time does not heal all wounds. I thought if I just waited, my wound would heal and I would be ready to talk. “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, 1 protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is
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