“How to Respect Your Husband” Ephesians 5:33 INTRODUCTION Ephesians Chapter 5

1 “How to Respect Your Husband” Ephesians 5:33 INTRODUCTION Ephesians chapter 5. I debated whether to follow the order of the text in Ephesians 5 and proceed to husbands, or to give a last message to the wives. So I decided to skip to verse 33 of Ephesians 5 and discuss a wife's respect for her husband and then conclude our discussion of the wife. I consider us as having had 2 main messages on the wife, submission and this morning, respect. The previous messages dealt with companionship and completion, which is really both husband and wife. But this concept of respect is foreign to us, as a society or culture. We do not live in a respect dominated society, but rather a love dominated society. As members of our own society we say “ I love you” we get married because of love and when the people in our society no longer want to be married, it's because they no longer love each other. Plus, typically in our day and age, we would say love is unconditional. We are okay with that and we should be. But when it comes to respect, that's a different issue. Both men and women think of respect as being earned. Let's consider that for a moment. Let's say a wife comes in for marriage counseling and she's by herself and the marriage counselor asks her, "do you love your husband?" And her answer is …. What would you say … ? Her answer is, "of course!" Then the question comes, "do you respect your husband?” And she hesitates. Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. There is no “if” statement here. This is no matter what. So a wife is to respect her husband, she must respect her husband … period. That is not a conditional statement. In other words it's not that you must respect your husband but only if he expresses his love to you. That’s not it. But our culture seems to allow the wife to choose whether or not she respects her husband based on …. Whether he deserves it, or whether he loves her, or whatever. But the husband is required to love his wife unconditionally at all times no matter what. This is generally our culture I'm saying. 2 But think about that then. If love from the husband is unconditional and respect to the husband is earned, then the entire pressure of the relationship is put on who… the husband! We’ll get more into that in a minute, but ladies let me ask two questions as we begin. These questions are not meant to harm you, but to show you your need. First question, what are you actively doing to communicate respect? I’m not asking do you feel respect for your husband, but how do you express that… Every day, actively what are you doing to show this? In your communication to him, not just the house work, but in your communication to him in both verbal and non-verbal ways, what are you doing to actively positively show respect? I've read several things in preparation for this message, and I'll share later in the message summary a couple of lists I read. And these lists were ways in which wives tend to disrespect their husbands. And well over 90% of them, as I look at it, were ways in which wives disrespect their husbands in their communication to them. In both verbal and nonverbal ways. What are you doing, ladies, to actively show respect? Second question, ladies, have you witnessed another wife showing respect to her husband? What did that look like? Are you drawing a blank? You’re not alone, if so. I’d like to preach this morning to wives on “How to Respect Your Husband.” Exposition of Respect So what are we talking about? What is respect? The word translated respect in Ephesians 5:33 is the Greek word translated elsewhere “fear.” Many times, the object of this verb is God. We talk about fearing God….In fact in Ephesians 5, back up in verse 21, this same word is used as we relate to one another. We are to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. Fear is the same word translated respect in verse 33. But we tend to water down the wife's relationship to her husband in our society. For example, and we’ll turn there in a minute, but 1 Peter 3, we tend not to apply Sarah’s relationship to her husband … When she calls him "lord." And that's the same word …. Kurios …. That is used as a title for God! Now, don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that the husband is a kind of god to his wife. That's not the point. But the concept works both ways. Proverbs 31:28, it says that a 3 husband praises his wife … And that word praise is the same word that we use toward God! So works both ways. And my point is that we have watered down the loving and respectful responses that we are to have as husbands and wives. The Scriptures uses words for the husband and wife that we tend to view as reserved only for God. My point is that we need a higher view of marriage. And the words used in Scripture carry that point. So now, this word respect is the word for fear. That’s not in the sense of being afraid or of terror. But it is in the sense of Sarah showing reverence for her husband calling him lord, or master, because he is her head, her authority. So this word is stronger than the idea of merely respect. Keep that in mind as I use the word respect this morning. Respect here carries the idea of awe, reverence. Ephesians 5:21 says that we are to fear Christ and we do that when some submit to others. And fearing Christ is not just a “tip of the hat” to respecting his character from a distance and not coming underneath his authority. No, fearing Christ is respecting his character and coming underneath his authority. And so it is with the wife. She is to respect her husband and to come underneath his authority. So, when we talk about respect this morning, it is reverential and it comes underneath his authority. A wife who respects her husband is one who reverences him and comes underneath his authority. Out of Fear of Christ And keep in mind, too, that this is all done in the fear of Christ and under the control the Holy Spirit. A wife’s motivation and power for this is to be found in her relationship to Christ, His Word, and the filling of the Holy Spirit. It is easier to respect a husband who is loving, but not every wife has that luxury. The fact is, verse 21, a wife is to submit herself to her husband out of the fear of Christ and Ephesians 5:22, she is to do this as to the Lord…. And we saw last time, that the wife is to do this because God has given to her … her husband, who is her authority. Her human authority is her husband. She is to come underneath her husband's authority. And that is because God has done this. God has brought you together. Because God has brought you together, you're to come underneath your husband's authority. This is all done in the fear of Christ and under the control the Holy Spirit, as verse 18 tells us. Respect is Unconditional 4 And this respect or this reverence… is unconditional, as I said. It is unconditional. 1 Peter 2, you can turn over there. Respect is unconditional. This is proven when Peter discusses the relationship between slaves and masters. Now, I'm not saying that the wife is a slave. That's not my point … My point is to prove that the Bible teaches unconditional respect…. 1 Peter 2:18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. This submission or respect on the part of servants toward masters is required. It is required not only for those who are good and gentle but also for those who are unreasonable. And yes it would be easier to submit and to respect the master who is good and gentle. But not every servant has that luxury. And so Peter's point here is that coming underneath an authority and respecting that authority is required no matter what. There are no conditions. No strings attached. Just like love is unconditional for the wife, then, respect is unconditional for the husband. Wives, do you earn your love from your husband? Does God require you to earn your husband's love? No, of course not. No matter what, the husband is to love his wife. It’s the same way with the husband. Just like love is not earned, respect is not earned. If it's the other way around and respect must be earned, the man's heart is going to fail because he knows he tends to have character flaws, believe it or not! And what tends to happen is the wife raises or lowers her respect based on her perception of those flaws.

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