DID YOU SEE POSH CLUB TELEVISION? It's Not Too Late to Watch Our Internet TV Shows PC*TV

A LOOK AT

LONDONIT'S DOUBLE THE FUN IN THE BIG SMOKE WITH OUR ELEPHANT AND HACKNEY CREWS TEAMING UP TO SHARE LOCKDOWN GOSSIP AND SCANDAL FROM THE CAPITAL DRAMATIC DISH TOWEL DELIVERY DANCE OFF... Taking dis-dance to a whole new level, The Posh Club doorstep delivery team struck a pose from afar with surprised recipient Merlyn Seivright. Dropping of one of our gorgeous new super-absorbent and super-fly tea towels with panache and grace were South London glamour puss, Rhys's Pieces and some of the staf and volunteers who make The Posh Club possible. The stunt is part of the club's eforts to stay in touch with isolated elders stuck at home alone under lockdown. Spreading nothing but cheer and joy as they make their way around London, giving gifts and giggles to unsuspecting senior citizens... full story inside DID YOU SEE POSH CLUB TELEVISION? It's not too late to watch our internet TV shows PC*TV. Four live shows recorded in Hastings, London, Brighton and Crawley. Hosted by our resident pretty boy in a bow tie, Dicky from Duckie. Go to theposhclub.co.uk on your computer, phone or tablet to catchup. AZARA & POSH T 'S PUSSY GALORE MEET NINA CAMILLERI WELCOMING WORDS I got my cat about two years ago from cat rescue when she was a couple of months old. She’s a mix of brown, orange and white. I went to Mitcham and brought her back in a taxi. When I first got How on earth are you all Posh Clubbers? her, I couldn't find her anywhere. I'd look and look and then I'd see We can't tell you how much we've missed the basket moving across the floor, upside down. She learned to turn it over. seeing your warm and smiling faces. She’s the sixth cat I’ve had but I’ve never bought one. It’s always These past few months have been a real others trying to get rid of them or they follow me home. The Pied Piper of cats, that’s me. Even on holiday, they know I’m a cat challenge, haven't they? We know that woman. I lived in Malta for a while and my friend gave me two many of you have been 'shielding' and may kittens. In Australia, one followed me home. ‘Follow her! She’s an old girl on her own, maybe she’ll give us some food!’ They must only be stepping out of your front door now. know. They zoom in on it. We may not be clapping eyes on you, but She’s been very hot in this heat – stretched out on the floor, here in Posh Club land, we're holding you flapping around! I’ve just wiped her down with a damp cloth. And she’s completely scatty, my pussy. The maddest cat I’ve ever had. in our hearts. The Posh Club spirit is strong She sleeps on the bed with me on a special sheet. I go in there, and the Posh show must go on! come out, go back in – and my knickers and bras are all over the floor, like I’ve been burgled. I thought I’d had a cat burglar – but it We are delighted to bring to you a special was the pussy burglar. edition of The Posh Paper, put together by the Posh teams from Elephant and Hackney. It's one way for us to stay connected with your lovely selves. It's packed with Elephant and Hackney Posh features, interviews and entertainment from the people you know and love - about the people you know and love. Queen of the Kitchen, Lorraine, is not only a dab hand with the egg mayo, she's also turned WHAT'S INSIDE her hand to interviewing our very own Posh Club heart throb and top notch rock 'n' roll 2. WELCOME / NINA CAMILLERI warbler, Black Elvis. 3 - BLACK ELVIS / WIKADO FACE MASK / DOREEN BARCLAY Our guests are the main stars of this show - 4 - ELSA'S ELIXIR/DOORSTEP DIVA Diane and Bernice sharing fond memories of their Nans, our most dapper Posh gents 5 - EUNICE WHITE recommending their Posh Top 30 hits, and our 6 - PHIL VINE / PETER'S QUIZ Eunice sharing how she's been caring for folks on the NHS front-line. 7 - SEYMOUR GRANT / GOODBYE PINKY And this is only the tip of the Posh iceberg my 8 - VANESSA GALLAGHER / OWEN DUCKETT / NIALL'S SMILES friends. 9 - POSH T'S STAR SIGNS We hope you'll enjoy reading our Posh Paper 10 - WRENCH & FRANKS - YOU LOOK FABULOUS as much as we've enjoyed putting it together. It's brought back so many happy Posh Club 12 - POEM / WORDSEARCH memories and reminded us how strong the 13 - POSH CLUB TV love is in the Posh Club family. May the Posh Club spirit be alive and well in your hearts. 14 - PC*DC TOUR 15 - JUNE POWER Loads of Posh love from Azara and Posh T xxx 16 - BERNICE O'GARRO You can contact the Hackney team by 17 - DIANE WILLIAMSON phone on 07938 985 644, by email on 18 - DAPPER CHARTS [email protected], or by post to The Posh Club c/o 13 Brenchley Gardens, 19 - LIP TIPS / REG O'DONOGHUE / LORNA'S PIE SE23 3RD 20 - TWERK PONG You can contact the Elephant team by phone on 07848 816842, by email on [email protected] or by post to The Posh Club c/o 306 Amhurst Rd, West PHOTOS BY CAITLIN MENZIES, ELSABET YONAS & PETER ROBERTSHAW Hackney, N16 7UE Supported by Over the bathroom sink, scoop the THE KING & I Wickado mask onto the face and spread an even layer avoiding the by Lorraine WEAR A MASK! eyes, lips, nostrils. Give it a taste and I’m Lorraine, Queen of The Posh Club Glamourpuss Posh Club lick your fingers and wash your hands. Hackney’s kitchen, and maker of all of those lovely sandwiches. volunteer Caitlin Menzies Take a seat for 10 mins and do some pelvic floor exercises. Today I had the pleasure of interviewing a shares her recipe for a Posh Club legend - Black Elvis, AKA Colbert While your mask cooks, let me tell Hamilton. We had a good old catch up – diferent kind of face mask you about the benefits of this delicious so good to see you again Colbert, looking for perfect pandemic face mask. forward to seeing you back on the stage one Avocado is perfect for reducing day soon! panache. inflammation of the skin and adding Born in Birmingham in 1963, Colbert learnt WICKADO FACE MASK moisture to the face, making your skin to sing from his favourite artist Elvis’ records feel as soft as a baby’s bum. from the age of 13. Amazingly, Colbert is The Wickado face mask - to make your skin Honey contains anti oxidants and musically self-taught, having had no singing soft, smooth and supple #norifraf. antibacterial properties, keep those lessons, or musical tuition. I asked him if he To create this homemade face mask, you will germs away darlings. Honey is also played any instruments. He replied that his need: ½ a ripe avocado, 1 tsp. plain yoghurt, great for hydration of the skin - voice was an instrument in itself, and I would 1 tsp. of honey, a bowl, a fork and a face positively moist. have to agree. cloth. Plain yoghurt is the fountain of youth, When Elvis passed in 1977 Colbert became Firstly, mash your ½ a ripe avocado with a increasing the elasticity to the skin greatly inspired by his music, along with the fork in the bowl until it becomes creamy and providing a free face lift. work of Tom Jones and Bruce Springsteen. soft, add 1 tsp. of plain yoghurt and 1 tsp. of Now it has been 10 minutes, with a Colbert’s confidence in singing went from honey. Mix all the in-gredients until smooth warm face cloth wipe away the face strength to strength and he went on to form (don’t worry if there are any small lumps). mask and your skin will feel fabulous! a Rockabilly Band. Following on from this success, Black Elvis was created about 18 years ago. I went on to ask him how he stayed slim; did he go to a gym? “Oh no!” he said, “My and that one, sitting on their laps. Then I get workout is being on stage.” the bus home on my own. I’ve been on my own 30 years. After three husbands, I gave So what’s it like being on stage as Black ANIMAL MAGIC up. Like I tell them all, I look better dressed Elvis I asked? “There’s the crazy side, and MEET DOREEN BARCLAY than undressed, let’s not spoil the image. the build-up. It’s a buzz, a good gig, a good AKA DOREEN PETSHOP performance. I love what I do. And there’s What’s kept me going in lockdown is my the joy that I can give to other people. You I’m an 83-year-old who’s more like a front garden. People come round and take can’t buy the feeling of applause. It’s a 33-year-old, that’s what they tell me. I’m in pictures. They admire the flowers I grow in powerful thing.” this old house on Cassland Road in Hackney toilets. They say, ‘That’s beautiful’. I say, ‘It’s a where I’ve lived almost all my life, since I gazunda. You know what that is? A piss pot!’ Due to the lockdown, Colbert sadly has was four. They say, ‘How long have you lived (Cos it ‘gazunda’ the bed.) It’s my social life no gigs at the moment. He has performed here?’ I tell them 79 years. They say, ‘You’re out there now. I’ve had lots of fun and I don’t online, livestreaming from Streatham and not 79!’ I say, ‘No, I’m 83!’ My nan kept intend on giving up. also with Birmingham University as a thank chickens. I used to be down Brick Lane every you to the NHS, singing the popular Elvis Sunday with my dad and his horse and cart. I song, Can’t Help Falling in Love. You can find remember the Italian prisoner-of-war camp it on YouTube; search for Black Elvis (Colbert in Victoria Park. Hamilton) – Can’t Help Falling in Love. I sold Paul O’Grady his first dog. My family Black Elvis sends peace and love to all The had a pet shop, used to be a scrap-metal Posh Club guests, staf and volunteers and yard. We had Palomino mares, a couple of can’t wait to return to The Posh Club dance monkeys, you name it. I used to walk a pig floor soon. down the street, that was the most famous. blackelvis.co.uk When they did the Big Breakfast on Channel 4, with Chris Evans and Paula Yates, they were always on the phone cos I could get them monkeys, pumas, 16-foot pythons. Lily Savage was on it too – that’s Paul O’Grady before anyone knew who he was. Lily told me, ‘I’m doing well, I’m moving to Butler’s Wharf now, I can get a dog’. Later, this chap in his 30s comes in wearing a smart camel coat, hair done nicely. I thought, ‘he’s nice, I’ll serve him’. He said, ‘Where’s my fucking dog, Doreen?’ Paul O’Grady! I love my boxing. My friend John Oliver first trained Anthony Joshua. I’d go to the annual shows at the Pedro Club in Chatsworth Road and the monthly meeting at Old Street with the old-time boxers. We’d have talks. I’m a man’s woman – I’m round talking to this one ELSA'S ELIXIR Hey Posh friends, DOORSTEPDisco Diva Aminita Francis delights DIVA Its Elsa here, coming at you with not one, Posh Clubbers with delectable door- but TWO immune boosting concoctions to step visits. Here she is with Gerard help you stay VITALISED and DANCING on Ennis, Fred and Marge in their back- The Posh Club floor. garden sanctuary, Posh Club Legend HOT DRINK: GOLDEN HOUR Lorna, her neighbour Mary and Queen Athena the dog. What you will need: - Thumb size piece of ginger - Thumb size piece of turmeric - 2 oranges - 1 lemon - 1 cinnamon stick (or cinnamon powder) Optional: garlic, pepper Method 1. Grate the ginger and turmeric in to a pot. 2. Wash and chop up the oranges and lemons. Remove the pips and squeeze the juice in to the pot. Then drop the orange and lemon peel into the pot. 3. Add cinnamon to your liking. 4. Add water and bring to a boil. Then reduce the heat and leave to simmer for 15 mins. 5. Pour in to your favourite mug and enjoy! SMOOTHIE: DELICIOUS DUSK What you will need: - 1 cup of blueberries (fresh or frozen) - 1 cup of kale/spinach (fresh or frozen) - 1 cup of dairy-free milk or water - 1/2 a lime - Thumb size piece of ginger - Sweetener: a tablespoon of maple syrup or 2 soft dates. Optional: seeds, nuts -feel free to use whatever berries you have to hand. Method 1. Add washed berries and greens to a smoothie maker or blender. 2. Peel and chop the ginger, adding it to the mix. 3. Add the juice of half a lime. 4. Add a cup of milk or water and finish with sweetener of choice. 5. Blitz it all up until smooth. Pour in to your favourite glass and enjoy! Benefits: - Immune Boosting - Anti-oxidants - Anti-inflammatory - Anti-bacterial - High in Vitamin C

If you make these, take a selfie for us and send it over to [email protected] for a chance to feature in our next paper! Look after yourselves & see you on the dance floor. NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES by Posh Tracey Eunice Whyte is a regular and The racism was more underlying then. As and relaxation. What is the secret to your a Black member of staf, you’d be dragged health and wellbeing? very elegant guest at The Posh into the ofce and reprimanded for things Eunice: I think hard work is the secret; I’ve Club Hackney. When she’s not that your white colleagues would never be always worked hard, since the age of 16. sipping tea and daintily nibbling told of for. Now, things are better, there I also like to keep fit. Usually I go to the are more Black managers and senior gym twice a week, and to keep fit class. I sandwiches, she works as an nurses. eat well; I cook fresh food, not anything NHS health care professional Posh T: What do you enjoy about your out of a packet, although I get fed up with - most recently on a COVID-19 work; what makes it worthwhile? cooking. I think that going to church keeps me well too, and being involved with my respiratory ward at Homerton Eunice: I work on a respiratory ward. We have a lot of patients who return to the community. Hospital. Eunice talks to Posh T ward regularly. It’s so reassuring that they Posh T: What would you say, looking about her life and work. know me and the regular staf team. They back over the 40 years since you started say, “Eunice, I’m so glad you’re here. Now working in the NHS? I’ve seen a familiar face - I’ll be able to Posh T: Eunice, how did you begin working Eunice: Sometimes I wish I’d had the in the NHS? relax and go to sleep.” opportunity to do something else, train in a Eunice: I didn’t start out planning to work Sometimes I’m out in the shops, or at diferent profession, but I have done well, in health care. I actually wanted to be a the market, I’ll hear someone call out to made the best of the opportunity I had, teacher. Back in Jamaica my Auntie used me, “You looked after my mum at The while caring for my children as well. to run a private school, a summer school, Homerton. Thank you so much, you did a I have also studied for three counselling and I used to help to teach there. wonderful job.” This kind of thing makes my diplomas, and I’m a union rep. I have 3 job feel worthwhile. children, 6 grandchildren and 3 great- I came from Jamaica to the UK in 1965 grandchildren. I keep busy. with my parents, first to the Midlands, Posh T: You were working on a respiratory then Manchester. I would have liked to go COVID-19 ward during the pandemic. What On behalf of all at The Posh Club, we to college, but my parents were not in a was that like? extend our heartfelt thanks and respect to Eunice Whyte, and other people who position financially to send me. Eunice: I was scared, my colleagues were scared, for our own health. We got through have been working in health and social I was married at 18 and had my first (of 3 care and essential services, keeping our children) at 19. We were close in age, so it together, myself and my colleagues, by talking and supporting each other. communities running during the Covid-19 it was like we grew up together. I raised pandemic. them with the values my parents taught Posh T: Have you considered me, and strong ‘church’ values. I moved retirement? to London in 1975 and in 1980 I started my Eunice: I did retire actually, NHS career working on a general ward in in 2014. I thought, what am the old Hackney Hospital. I going to do with myself? Posh T: What was it like working in a I’ve always worked, since general hospital in London back in the my children were small - I 1980s? just didn’t know what to do Eunice: The work was physically hard, but with myself. My colleagues I’ve always been used to hard work. The suggested I ask my manager camaraderie of the team was wonderful. I about coming back to work had a Black manager and Black colleagues part-time, and so after 3 from all over the world, so there was a lot months, that’s what I did. I of support. There were not really chances went back to work part-time, for promotion then, particularly as a Black 2 days a week, and 6 years nurse. later, I’m still working. Posh T: What was your experience like as a I’m thinking of slowing down, Black nurse? but it’s my colleagues who convince me to stay. They Eunice: There was a lot of racism from don’t want me to leave. I patients back then in the 80s. I was always have colleagues from all referred to by patients as “the nurse in the over the world - Nigeria, yellow dress”; the patients never referred Ghana, Italy, the Philippines. to me by my name. One day, a patient They are wonderful; we’re a called out to me, “Eunice, can you get me family. They call me ‘Mama a jug of water please?”. This was the first Eunie’. time a patient had referred to me by my name. I felt seen for the first time in my Posh T: You are doing workplace, recognised and respected for a very demanding job, who I was. Eunice, at a time of life when many people your In 1992, I moved to Homerton Hospital. age are enjoying their rest PETER'S TEA TIME QUIZ While unable to welcome guests at the door in Hackney, Posh Peter has been busy setting quizzes for family and friends. Here's one to tickle the taste buds of The Posh Club family. Phil Vine our fabulous kitchen BUS BOY 1. What is the price of the cheapest afternoon assistant talks to Ben Walters tea at The Ritz? about his time working for London a. £34.99 b. £45.00 transport. c. £53.50 2. Which country produces the most tea? You’d find some odd things. Once I started my life on the buses in 1980. a. India a colleague found a steering wheel You had to do a ‘skid pan test’ to show b. China you can stop safely if the bus goes in the car park – I always wondered c. Sri Lanka into a spin. The day I did it, another what happened to the bus with no instructor ended up in hospital. I steering wheel! On the number 30, 3. Who makes "exceedingly good cakes"? passed first time though. someone left a bag full of £20 notes – eventually the police turned up 4. What is the filling of Marks & Spencer's top One of my favourite routes was the with the man that left it. He was a selling sandwich? 22 to Putney Common. My conductor courier. I told him, ‘You’re incredibly a. Cheddar cheese was a character. He ended up getting lucky! A lot of people would walk of b. Ham sacked when he left the bus for an with that.’ c. Prawn & Mayonnaise hour to go shopping on the King’s Road. We had first aid training, of course. 5.How many cups of cofee are drunk per I delivered a baby boy on the 277 to day in the UK? We had plenty of funnies. I’ve had Victoria Park. I said, ‘Don’t call him shopping go flying all over the road. a. 70 million Philip!’ I was driving a number 30 b. 95 million A young couple making love on the past Harrods when the bomb went c. 102 million top deck – ‘best ride ever’, they said. of outside in 1983. Many were hurt, A drunk who managed to get his willy including myself. My conductor was 6. Champagne comes from France. stuck in the front grill – he held onto very badly injured. I helped the driver Prosecco comes from Italy. Where does The the windscreen wipers while the fire of a number 73 – the paramedics said Posh Club fizz come from? brigade cut him loose. I saved his life. And once, on a late a. Aldi shift on the 26 towards Shoreditch, I b. Lidl saw flames coming out of a building c. Wherever has a special ofer and two young children hanging out of a window. We opened the back 7. Devon and Cornwall disagree on the window of the bus and I was able to order of proper scone spreading. In which county do they put cream on the bottom and reach them. Their mum was out. No strawberry jam on the top? one was hurt, it was amazing. a. Devon My favourite one was driving to b. Cornwall Waterloo on a ridiculously hot day in 2002. At the station, I shouted ‘Last 8. What booze is in a Caribbean Black Cake? stop, all change’ and checked the bus for lost property. Coming down the 9. Does Britain drink more cofee or tea? stairs, I saw a leg, stocking and shoe! Artificial, of course. My controller told 10. In which English county do you find the towns of Ham and Sandwich? me to keep it on my dashboard – it would be dangerous inside the cab, a. Kent might get stuck under the pedals. b. Devon I opened the doors at my first stop c. Yorkshire and a lady fainted – then a second – 11. What is added to champagne to make a then a third! After they recovered, I Buck’s Fizz? set of over Waterloo Bridge and saw a young lady hopping. I pulled up. I 12. What is the UK's top selling brand of tea? said, ‘What’s wrong, love?’ She said, a. Twinings ‘I just lost my new artificial leg!’ I said, b. PG Tips ‘Hop on – no pun intended – I’ve got c. Yorkshire it here!’ BOMB THE BASS MEET SEYMOUR GRANT With lockdown, I’m taking it easy. I stay I used to work as a driver for the away from the crowd - have my herbal Jamaican embassy too. The main driver tea - read history books - go through my went on holidays and I went along in notes on the computer. There’s an old my traditional tie and wore my Jamaica proverb that “a little bit of ginger is good badge and the commissioner said, ‘At for us sometimes” – it means a change least we have somebody who wears a wakes you up, helps you think about suit’. I’m a person who dresses in a suit yourself and about life more generally. I and tie. And it set a trend for them. When think lockdown has been a bit of ginger: the main driver came back, he went and people seem to take a bit more care for bought a pinstripe shirt. others and appreciate others more. It Sometimes people say, ‘Why do you helps them save money as well! wear a suit all the time?’ I have them, so I I played bass in an all-style band – wear them. My grandfather had diferent calypso, rock ’n’ roll, blues, funk and suits for diferent occasions. My father soul. It was the bass player of the and my uncle and my son come the Vagabonds influenced me to play music. same way. When my son’s friends see One night in 1966, they were at the me, they say, ‘That’s where it’s from!’ Marquee Club and they put everything What’s my favourite suit? Well, I like my into the show! I told my friends, ‘We must silver suit. I bought two the same and play music’, and we formed a band. We you’ll search far and wide for another played all over England, air bases, the like it. It was a sample, a lighter shade of Flamino Club, the Whiskey-A-Go-Go. silver with a shiny stripe in the material. We were played on Jimmy Young, went I like unusual things so my suits are to Germany and St Lucia. Sometimes my diferent. When I go to The Posh Club, wife got vexed with me. I don’t really play ladies get excited. I get the most hugs anymore but I’ve just got my bass fixed and kisses. Are they for me or the suit? so I’m going to have a knock about. It’s For both! soothing to the soul.

It is with heavy hearts that we say a final Posh farewell to our Pinky, aka Nanny Joan, aka Joan Huxtable. Pinky passed away peacefully In August in Homerton Hospital, having had several strokes. Pinky shone with a colourful, life-loving spirit and brought sparkle and celebration to The Posh Club. She lit up the room with her sequins, her walking stick with flashing fairy lights, her dance moves, and her warm and joyful personality. Pinky was loved and cherished as a mum, nan, great grandma and great great grandma. Each evening, Pinky's great grandchildren would video call her to tell her what colour she should wear the next day. We love you Pinky and miss you already, from everyone at The Posh Club Hackney xxx From Joan's daughter Janet Veira: Mum, Joan ‘Pinky’ Huxtable, was born in India and arrived in the UK when she was 18. Joan was a wonderful, individual soul, she seemed to grow younger and funkier with age and always lit up any room she entered- proving to be the life and soul of any party. Mum touched the hearts of many. Always willing to help those less fortunate then herself. Mum just wanted to please everyone and loved to see people smile and laugh!! She spoke fondly of the posh club and enjoyed the friendly staf and wonderful friends she made there. She will be missed by many but most of all by her 6 children, 18 grandchildren, 19 great grandchildren and one great, great grandchild. x R. What have you enjoyed about FATHER NIALL’S volunteering at the Hospital? LOCKDOWN LIFE V: It was just simply being helpful, The Posh Club Hackney giving something back and cheering up the over-worked staf who were volunteer Richie Howell is most going through so much with Covid-19. often found in his marigolds, Quite like Posh Club! shooting the breeze with R. What did you learn from your time SMILES there? (it’s the way he tell’s ‘em) Lorraine and Phil in the kitchen. V: I didn’t mind doing any job! I was A neighbour looked over the fence and happy to get stuck in with any task that suggested I put horse manure on my Here he interviews fellow needed doing, e.g. phoning patients strawberries. TRIED IT. Posh Club volunteer Vanessa or wheeling the trolleys around the I’m going back to whipped cream Gallagher to find out what she’s wards. I learnt I do enjoy meeting new people and how important it is Q: What do you get if you cross a cricket been up to in lockdown. to talk and listen, especially to the bat and a tin of beans? staf’s stories and problems. Just so Wind in the willows Name: Vanessa important to keep spirits up in a crisis. Day job: Flight Service Manager, Q: What do long-distance desert R. What does the future hold for you? Virgin Atlantic travellers drink? V: I plan to continue volunteering at A: Camel-mile tea (senior Trolley Dolly) the hospital (if they still want me!) R. How are you? even when I take to the skies again, hopefully in September. V: I’m good, although in self-isolation as Coronavirus Coronavirus I went to Spain the week before last, so R. Any message to the Posh club folk? consigned to barracks for 4 more days! V: Missing everyone terribly and I By Owen Duckett - The Posh Club, Hackney R. How have you been keeping busy and cannot wait to see you all again. Coronavirus, coronavirus, sane since March? from where did you come to divide us? V: I had so much time of from my flying You have travelled the world, job, I contacted my local hospital, Queen and create such enormous fuss Elizabeth in Woolwich to see if they needed You came with such frown, any volunteers. Initially they said no, but you have closed people down they not long after contacted me to help Virus, o virus - you despicable clown with admin. Very quickly the hospital was You have beautiful faces hiding behind gowns inundated with donations from restaurants, cafes and department stores, so I also You have been a disgrace to the human race, became in charge of coordinating the and no one ever seen your face distribution of the meals, drinks, Easter eggs Your presence has caused lockdown, isolation, and gifts to the NHS staf. I was also involved and destroy human celebration with Project Wingman at the hospital. This Even make government rule with confusion was a scheme where crew from UK airlines You have human dying in a rush and the world stafed a rest-room or lounge, in uniform, living with this enormous fuss. for hospital staf to unwind during or after a In time, we will have a vaccine, that shall wipe shift. Essentially tea, cake and sympathy and you clean a friendly chat with some added glamour! and again, there will be congratulations, and celebrations, at your elimination Virus, virus never again shall you return to fame

- After spending lockdown alone, hosts Azara and Rhys have been SCANDAL caught posh “bubbling” together in the hall in Hackney! Posh T’s Genuine mystic Posh T is also the landlady at Star Signs The Posh Club, Hackney in her spare time Aries Taurus Gemini 20 March-20 April 20 April-21 May 21 May-21 June Jupiter, that delicious planet of excess, is Taurus, what are you like? You feel you’ve got A little Posh birdie tells me that you are racing through Aries right now. What’s that a thousand things to do before the end of the looking for a makeover girlfriend. Your got to do with the price of chips? Well, this day and you won’t rest till they’re all done. imagination is on fire, so how to bring your means you can't sit still, lest you turn into a We can’t keep up with ya. If you’re out and inspiration down to earth? Struggling to sack of couch potatoes. Given the choice about, please don’t take out your frustrations make a decision, in two minds? That’s Gemini between a sweaty workout and reclining in on the innocent shop assistant. It’s not their all over isn’t it dear. What I say to you is trust front of Bargain Hunt with a box of Family fault. Take a deep breath, and remember, yourself, and your steaming cauldron of Circle, I’d know where I’d be? Up to me patience. A handy investment might be a pair creativity. Then make a decision and stick to armpits in custard creams. But don’t listen to of boxing gloves to take out your frustrations, it. You can’t go wrong. Fling the high street me. I know that motivation can be tricky right on a cushion dear, on a cushion. magazines aside and let your imagination now, so why not phone a friend, pop on your guide you. Think bold. Leopard print leg- leotard and get your Mr Motivator on? warmers and a sequin hoodie? Get in! Cancer Leo Virgo 21 June-23 July 23 July-23 August 23 August-23 September Life is due to take a brighter and more Easy Leo, calm and steady is the order of the Virgo, you don’t fool us dear. You can drop enjoyable turn for cancerians. You can relax day. Put a cold flannel on your fiery brow. that “Perfect Petinia, I’m so organised I’ve got into your routine and find some fun things We love your passionate self, but sometimes my knickers colour-coded for every day of to do to. I’m not being funny, but, how can I you’re a bit too much, a bit extra, know what the week” image. I bet that the insides of your say this, you’ve let yourself go a teeny weeny I mean? Can I make a suggestion? Turn that drawers are just as messy as the next gal’s. I’ll bit. You’ve withdrawn into that shell, and it’s ferocious, passionate energy on to yourself. let you into a secret; we want to see you let time to come out. I know, you’ve been busy Even a fiery lion needs self-care; we know your hair down. Mix up that knicker drawer, I scurrying around, busying yourself with you’re a pussy cat deep down. Do us all dare you. Wear Friday’s knickers on Monday! important matters, but guess what, we like a favour, pour yourself a soothing cup of Even better, wear no knickers at all, and that gentle side of you. We want to see a camomile tea, put your feet up and let the secretly enjoy the wind kissing those uptight little more of that silky soft underside. And I golden rays of the sun warm the cockles of Virgo cheeks. promise, we’ll be gentle with you. your heart.

Libra Scorpio Sagittarius 23 September-23 October 23 October-22 November 22 November-22 December I do envy you Libra and your quest for I’ll let you into a little secret; many moons Sagi-agi-ttarius, your self-assurance is balance. I’m an all or nothing kinda gal me, ago, under a starry summer sky, I lost my impressive. Sometimes though, how can the one who eats all her sandwiches as virginity to a Scorpio, under Southend pier I put it nicely, it can teeter on arrogance. soon as she gets on the coach. Sometimes on the pebbly beach. I wouldn’t say it hurt Your conﬁdent air of authority is a boon though dear Libra, you can’t sit endlessly on exactly, but it did pinch a bit. But enough of when complaining at The Posh Club that the fence pontiﬁcating, while the race of life my saucy seaside past. What I will say Scorpio your pot of tea is cold, but in friendship, your passes you by. Sometimes you’ve just got a is that you’ve got an undeserved reputation unwavering self-belief can be overbearing. make a blinking decision. And stick to it. So for having a sting in your tail. I know you’ve My mystic wisdom is here to help, not harm, no more half rice, half chips, know what I’m got a passionate and loyal heart. My advice so sometimes dear I have to be cruel to be saying? Trust and honour your heart, and to you, phone a friend and let them know kind. Take a tip from me, I’m a great listener. your decisions won’t go far wrong. how much they mean to you. Sharing that Next time you speak to a friend, try asking passionate Scorpio warmth will make the them questions about them for a change, world a better place. cock your head to one side and nod sagely; it works a treat and looks like you really care.

Capricorn Aquarius Pisces 22 December-20 January 20 January-18 February 18 February-20 March Capricorn, you are, hands down, the best One good thing I’ll say about Aquarius is that A little ﬁshy tells me that you are secretly a Zodiac sign. You are often depicted as you closely follow Capricorn, so some of their deep romantic at heart. That's all good if you boring, ugly, unadventurous and generally brilliance probably rubs of on you as a result. have a sweetheart, but what if you haven’t? unworthy of goodness. I take ofence at Having said that, you do have some good How much of this lockdown have you spent such rudeness. Your wisdom, compassion, qualities of your own. I bet you’ve been ever swiping left, swiping right on those dating intelligence, creativity and beauty are so creative during this lockdown, haven’t apps eh? Take it from Posh T dear, the one unrivalled. And this has nothing at all to do you? Have you tried making facemasks out who deserves your love the most is yourself. with the fact that I am a Capricorn obviously. of your old knickers? While I know you love Be sure to look in the mirror today and tell I won’t have a word said against Capricorns, to keep busy and have a project, it’s really yourself how wonderful you are, how nice and if anyone tries it, well, just try it, and important to take time for rest and relaxation. you look, what a lovely smile you have. If you’ll have me to deal with, Posh T, genuine Go on, put your feet up, open the window you’re feeling ﬂush, why not buy yourself a mystic and Posh Club Landlady. That is all. and listen to the birds sing! little pressie - because you’re worth it.

SORTED FOR TEAS & FIZZ by Peter Robertshaw

Forget bad knees and hip replacements DJ Magoo supplies the tunes Scandalous Windrush generation displacements And buys the chips in Wetherspoons Ignore BREXIT and other scandals Reggae, pop and rock and roll Slip on slingbacks, your pumps or sandals Disco, ska and funk and soul In wheelchairs, brogues, in 6 inch heels When Whitney hits that special note We've got no time for meals on wheels I feel a lump rise in my throat So leave your woes and snoring spouses Be quiet; sit down it’s now show time Powder your nose; put on smart trousers Three varied acts all in their prime My lovely friends don’t dwell on lockdown From avant garde to quite traditional Push up your boobs and pull your frock down Simon’s bills are juxtapositional At Brighton, Elephant, and Craw-lee We’ve Elvises galore to spare Hastings too and naughty Hacknee Burlesque boobs, and asses bare Emmy grafts to get the funding Put down your phone; switch of computers It buys the tarts, it gets buns in We’ve crooners, troupers, hula hoopers Azara, Claud, DJ Magoo A glass of fizz, a rafe ticket Posh T Tracey, we love you Please Azara. Can you pick it? Lorraine and Phil, Kevin and Andrew Shower gel, a snazzy brolley Duckie’s Dicky, Simon and our Lou This week’s star prize – a shopping trolley Peter and the Volunteers Share laughter, smiles and sometimes tears Azara teaches, and I’ve tried The power of cakes, dancing and love But I’m rubbish at – Electric Slide Aprons, bow ties and rubber gloves There's no such thing as old aged folk Our finest hats, glamour and pearls We are The Posh – and we’re no joke The dudes and queers and golden girls A tribe of dreamers, renegades and chancers Lesbos, Asbos, Those in between Lovers, friends - amazing dancers Soul boys, drag kings, and pearly queens New memories are made now week by week Each week we meet at hip St Pauls We'll show the world we've still to peak And grab this life, tight by the balls R. E. S. P. E. C. T. The queue starts for an hour before A slice of cake; a cup of tea It's often mayhem at the door We knock down walls now, stone by stone Then rushing for your favourite seat We can change the world, fruit scone by scone "I'll keep my coat; I've friends to meet." Then cake dance time to Seafood Mama So grab YOUR coat, it’s time to end For sandwiches there's such a clamour We’ll say farewell to our Posh friends More tuna. Cheese. Brown bread for me. They're energised. They're now survivors Another pot of 'erbal tea. … and what's the price? It's just a fiver.

S B L F D L L O R S S I W S FOOD WORD SEARCH Q T U N A E W H O L E Y M S LEMON - DRIZZLE W O R G C M G K C O R G E O GRAPES - MAYONNAISE E I M A J O L I X R E H A E TUNA - TOMATO X C N N W N U Q E S T J L H D V O G Y B T B W I U A A T SCONES - FRUIT S G G E U Z E N U A T M P E CARROT - WHOLE C R T L A U N R X O I T H L MEAL - ANGEL O A P V L C F O R M N A C Z CHEESE - CREAM N P H B U W E R Q I P R R Z BLUEBERRY - GLUTEN E E L L S P A T B X E T E I STRAWBERRIES - EGGS S S B Z J C H E E S E S A R JAM TART - JAM G U M A Y O N N A I S E M D ROCK - SWISS ROLL R E B M U C U C T O M A T O CUCUMBER POSH CLUB TV

While the doors to The Posh Club Some Posh Club TV stars will contribute to all four programmes. There will be cookery are closed, the team have been tips from Fanny Cradock – better known to exploring diferent ways to stay Hackney regulars as Tracey. Producers also promise some cutting- connected, including ‘courtyard’ and And the Pink Suits will beam in spectacular edge avant-garde experimental arty dance routines from around the beaches, content, possibly involving live potato- ‘doorstep’ versions of the Club, gifts kitchens and warehouses of Margate. Some peeling. They promise it must be seen to in the post and of course your own bits might get quite steamy – which won’t be believed. Posh Paper. come as a surprise to those who saw Pink Suits And what TV format would be complete member Lennie doing his legendary ballet without an Andrew Marr-style Now you can also turn on and tune in to Posh Club routine on stage. newspaper review? Only this time, they’ll TV – a new series of four shows broad-cast live be reviewing what’s in your very own Each venue will also have its own unique from the Club’s regular venues and available to Posh Paper. Perhaps they’ll even tell you material. In Crawley, for example, superstar watch afterwards on The Posh what they think of this article! hair and make-up artist Darren Evans will be Club’s website. coifng local volunteers’ hair with an audience All four posh club TV shows can be Internet whizz Kirsten will be on hand to make phone-in vote to decide the best ’do'. viewed online at theposhclub.co.uk sure anyone who wants to get online to watch can do so. There will be one show from each Club, co-hosted by Dicky Eton from Duckie and local HOW TO WATCH compères, each with a special local guest star. In Crawley, the ever-glamorous Annie is joined by guest star Rod Stewart (or someone who looks and sounds just the same – or better). In Hastings, Spaghetti Oops & Beans on Toast are joined by jazz Kirsten musician Liane Carroll. In Brighton, Coco DeVille and Becca are joined by local legend Chris from Seaford. And in Hackney, co-hosts Rhys’s Pieces and Azara are joined by guest star Black Elvis, On your ipad, tablet, phone or computer, click on one of these symbols. who’ll be whisked all the way from Brixton in a stretched limo to avoid being mobbed by fans on the tube. 1 The shows will be filmed inside each Club’s regular home, hopefully ofering a little reminder of the address bar classic Posh Club get-togethers even though they Click your mouse or remain of the table for now. tap your fi nger in the address bar at the top In each Posh Club TV show, local Clubs will 2 of the window. provide their own televisual twist on a range of programming ideas. For instance, each show will also feature a Using the keyboard buttons, type www.theposhclub.co.uk specially created musical lip-sync number. In Hackney, Rhys and Lorraine will share a very 3 special choreographed and socially dis-tanced version of ‘Summer Nights’ from the musical Press the return/enter key. Grease. This key can look dif erent depending on the device or keyboard, Every episode will include a singing vicar look for the button with the words Return, Enter or the arrow 4 symbol printed on it. delivering some personal favourites, ranging from music hall in Hastings, where Father David has a personal connection to Marie Lloyd, to indie pop in Crawley. The Posh Club website will open as shown. There will also be a ‘local quiz for local people’, Click on the button with teasers related to the history of each town where it says “CLICK CLICK HERE TO where the Posh Club takes place, and keep-fit 5 HERE TO WATCH WATCH PC TV routines from each Club’s regulars. PC*TV” and it will play the show. Other bespoke features will include a round of Posh Bingo – have you cards at the ready – and another gameshow format – watch out for Twerk Still having trouble? Pong in Hackney! Call our help line and speak to Kirsten on: 07305 351 797 PC*DC TOUR By Tracey Smith, Posh T PC*DC are The Posh Club Hackney’s pride and joy. Formed from a mutual love of dancing, they have grown from a small band of Posh Club guests that took to the stage in 2016 to a touring contemporary dance company that stormed London and the South East in 2019. In deepest, darkest December 2019, the dancers from Hackney Posh Club Dance Club (PC*DC) took to the road to take their unique brand of joyous performance on tour. T: How many PC*DC dancers went on tour? quite a few ladies in her room till late into the I began by asking Haitch - How on earth was How old was your oldest dancer? night one night! the idea of taking Hackney PC*DC on tour H: There were eight dancers on the tour, T: What was it like, being out of town together? born? who I refer to as The Ladies: Barbara Layne, H: We visited three towns outside London - June Power, Mabelyn Dick, Donald Hutera H: I like the question, ‘how on earth’, cos Crawley, Brighton and Hastings. There was (who is very happy to be an honorary ‘lady’), it suggests a kind of ‘unhingedness’ that I an ambassador from The Posh Club in each Daphne Wells, Jeannie McAfrey, Dahlia fully embrace. It was an idea that was always town to take us on a little tour and then we’d Douglas and Olivia McDonald-Smith. The around. There were the other Posh Clubs go for dinner together, the night before the oldest dancer was over 80. to go to and it felt like we needed to bridge performance. We had a ritual where we’d those gaps. We couldn’t think of a more fun The touring crew included Lou, Azara and meet in my bedroom to make these hot thing than going on tour with the dancers. me and Kathleen Bryson, a researcher who toddies in flasks and then we’d congregate T: It's a pretty adventurous idea. How did it go was making a film about the PC*DC tour and in the foyer to have our drinks before setting down with the group? my 3 year old daughter Sula. of on our winter walks, nice and warm inside. Olivia brought hot water bottles as H: The group has always been open to T: It was an intense schedule, visiting all well for anyone who wanted one and made crazy ideas, like, “Yes, we’ll do that!”. That The Posh Clubs. How did the group find it covers for them all, which was so sweet. openness enables things like this to happen. performing in 5 very diferent venues? We had a fabulous time on these little If Emmy (who raises the funds and develops H: Each venue came with its own pleasures excursions the evening before the shows. our programmes) or Lou (who produces and challenges, particularly regarding In Hastings, we ended up in the amusement our work) had questioned the sanity of it, the stage set up, the size and shape of the arcade on the seafront. Azara handed out it would have made it much more difcult. stage. The group were absolutely brilliant £2 each in 2ps and of we went to the slots, The dancers probably did have some in adapting to each circumstance. A couple frittering our money away. It was great reservations and fears, but they never really of the stages were really quite small, and fun - everyone came out with some sort of showed it. They’re so gungho. others were not very easy to get up onto, keyring. and The Ladies were so professional, much less fussy than actual professionals. We In Brighton, we went for a walk along had to change the dances to fit the stage the seafront, had fish and chips and Olivia conditions, and the performers were learnt a new hot pepper sauce recipe. In outstanding in their ability to take on board Crawley Annie took us on a haunted tour whatever we threw their way. around an old hotel, we visited an old church and finished the night with an Italian meal T: Where did you stay on tour? accompanied by two local Posh Club guests. H: It was the Travelodge all The social things we put the way baby! It was fine, THE PERFORMERS in place were important. people were comfortable, They helped to make it happy, and it was warm. It WERE OUTSTANDING more of an experience was around Christmas, so IN THEIR ABILITY TO about being together and it was pretty nippy, but they enjoying where we were were troupers. Hanging TAKE ON BOARD going. I didn’t want it to be out at the hotels was great. WHATEVER WE a just a transactional thing, It was really important that where we’d rock up, do the the group was held by this THREW THEIR WAY. show, and leave. Meeting experience and that they some people from the felt rested so they were hosting club the night before we performed really able to enjoy themselves and relax helped the group settle in and feel a sense into it. We spent three nights out of London of each new place. These rituals were one of and by the last night in Hastings, our rooms the ways in which the project helped to build were all on the same corridor, and everyone friendship links and created bonds between was going in and out of each other’s rooms. the older people from diferent towns and It was really cute. I remember June having backgrounds, and supported them to inspire each other. Now guests and volunteers from of transformation where the audience came We’re also going to be launching PC*DC The Posh Club Hastings have started a dance in on the joke of the performance. I don’t Elephant with the PC*DC in the House group, inspired by PC*DC called the St know whether that was because the group project with Azara as creative director, Leonards Dance Troupe, which is wonderful. had evolved, or because it was the last show and setting up PC*DC as an independent before Christmas, but it was really special company, me as creative director of PC*DC T: How did PC*DC develop through the and absolutely delighted us all. Hackney, Azara as creative director of PC*DC touring experience? Elephant, and Lou as producer. T: Would you like to tour again? What are H: It was such a positive experience. I plans for future projects? We’re gonna dream big and look far and think Dahlia said there was something wide for funding for the next collaborative about going out of town, out on the road H: Touring, yes, the Highlands and Islands, project, like going on tour with Stormzy and together, that gave a shot of excitement Caribbean islands of course. I can’t think performing between his songs. Yes, definitely to the work, like a shot of adrenaline. of any people I’d rather be sipping a rum watch out for us touring with Stormzy. Donald said the performance exploded punch in Barbados with than The Ladies, after Haitch ended the interview by expressing with a burst of energy, and engendered a a PC*DC show on the beach. her deepest gratitude to the PC*DC dancers, wild and raucous energy in the audience Seriously though, we do have plans. Before PC*DC champion Emmy, touring crew Azara saying “It’s good to see older people being the pesky pandemic, we were going to do and Lou, and to film-maker Kathleen. Thank so full-on”. In Hastings in particular, there a PC*DC Summer School, with Posh Club you for your dazzling talents and for making was this fervour in the atmosphere, and a turns/artists teaching the dancers skills 2019 an extraordinary year! Watch this space real visceral response like hula hoops and burlesque, Posh Clubbers! PC*DC have just begun! to the performers from THE AUDIENCE and then we’d make a show after the audience. It was that. Hopefully we’ll do that in the gratifying and buzzy and CAME IN ON THE future. exciting. Barbara spoke JOKE OF THE We will have a glitzy red-carpet of the realisation that film premiere at some point, for PC*DC really does have PERFORMANCE. the PC*DC film that Kathleen and something to ofer, and Azara have been making. that they have the ability to entertain diferent groups from diferent We are going to do a new socially-distanced areas, which was a marvellous feeling. project, PC*DC in the House, which hopefully will happen over the winter. People will T: What were the highlights of the tour? create short dances in their homes, which H: The amusement arcade and our final will be recorded and edited into Tik Tok-like performance in Hastings, where the online oferings. One of the themes for this audience really responded to the dances will be a flock of Flamingos that’s had to by throwing our imaginary balls back at the break up, but will come back together again performers on the stage. There was this kind when the time is right. SPICE OF LIFE MEET JUNE POWER At the YWCA I went to classes and started baking and icing cakes. I love Hello! I’m just making some guacamole. baking. Then I went to college for Growing up back home in Barbados, we’d three years and became professional. pick avocados from the tree and make things with it. Now it’s a posh thing! We’d plant My other favourite is fishcakes. It’s lots of things and see them grow. Sweet diferent to the British fishcakes. It’s potatoes, yams, coconuts, okras, cabbage. codfish. You mix it and drop in balls as Spinach grows wild everywhere. Mangoes? big as a golf ball of the spoon, cook it Just pick them and eat them, so many slowly with herbs and flour and spring diferent kinds. onion. People like them. Even the Mayor of Hackney had my fishcakes at I learned to cook by watching my mother. St Paul’s and he said, ‘These are nice!’ We started early. As the first daughter, I had to learn things – to cook and wash, how to I love fish myself. A nice salmon salad, do fish and meat, how to season things. Then or salmon in the oven, nice and moist at secondary school the teachers showed with nice veg and potatoes. I’d sit in us how to prepare things for when you get the garden and enjoy that. I don’t married. drink, really. If I have a little glass of wine, I just sit and fall asleep and that’s When I came here 41 years ago, I couldn’t a waste of drink, isn’t it? believe it. Oh my God, everything was potatoes! And back home, we season all the I never stop cooking because I cook food. Here it was just salt and pepper after for people. Sometimes neighbours you cooked the meal. I wanted to go back who aren’t well or people who are home, I couldn’t understand it. But then I do older. I fit it into my daily life. I have remember going to Faulkners on Kingsland this guacamole to deliver in half an Road for fish and chips – my husband’s hour. That’s another favourite of mine. English. I liked that, it was nice. People used That’s why they ordered it – because to come from everywhere. they’ve had it before! NAN NOSTALGIA!Ah Mama was lovely. She was BLACK and Bernice: You grate it. Azara and Claud Palazzo BEAUTIFUL. She always had her head tied, Azara: Is it like you're making bammy? met up with The Posh Club like those Karrell women. I would always try Hackney guest Bernice to get my head to tie like that, but I could Bernice: Yes, the Jamaicans call it bammy, never do it. But she was tall and regal. they make it small. Hers is already made O’Garro for a bit of Nan Whenever she went into town, she’d dress flat and round and *sigh*. That would be Nostalgia. Here Bernice talks up with her lipstick and all. nice with your Ovaltine or your drinking chocolate, yeah. I said ‘Mama’ - we called her Mama, not about her Grandmother, Grandma or anything, just Mama - “Mama Azara: Was it sweet or savoury? who she always called where you going?” She said “I must look my Bernice: No, it was in between. If you get best when I’m going out, you don’t know who a good batch of cassava, it comes out Mama. you’re going to meet” and then she’ll puf really nice! She could bake as well, not up her shoulders and she would go out. She Azara: Is this a picture of your Mama? just cassava bread, but cakes and rolls. I would have her umbrella as her walking stick missed her for that. There was a cousin that Bernice: Yes, I’m from Montserrat and she is so that if it rains or if the sun is too hot she knew her the best. She would be able to Montserratian. would have shade. tell you all about her. She says “The legacy Azara: Montserratian? Where is Montserrat? Mama passed on maybe 25 years ago now that our Mama left behind was, generosity, Bernice: Montserrat, it’s next door to and I read her Eulogy. She looked like she understanding and love.” Antigua. There’s no straight flight from here was just sleeping. Beautiful lady. to there. So, you go to Antigua and take Azara: What did your Mama do? What was Thanks so much for telling us about your one of those little planes that flies just over her occupation? wonderful Mama, Bernice. water - or you take the boat. So, that’s where Montserrat is – It’s lovely, it’s hilly and it’s Bernice: My Mama did everything. As I where the volcano erupted. said, Montserrat was of the Motherland, so whatever England wanted Montserrat Azara: A volcano? would ship them. I remember helping my Bernice: It erupted about 20 years ago. And Mama picking cotton and cleaning it. You that’s why there are so many Montserratian had to clean it before you could bag it people here, because England is up. There were always caterpillars in it, or Montserrat’s ‘Motherland’. So, when you worms or silkworms. I’d help her and we hear the names that my Grandmother would sit down and she would talk. Another gave to her children, you’ll see. She had season, I remember her getting delivered 4 girl children - Anne Elizabeth, Mary boulders of stone. And she had to *acting Francis, Caroline Elizabeth and Alberta out hammering the boulders* break it down Beatrice. I’m the oldest of 17 grandchildren to send over here. and I don’t want to count how many great Claud: To make what? gravel? grandchildren there is now. Bernice: Pavement. I don’t know what they did with it, but it would go in a sack someone would come and pick them up and ship them away. Anything that was going to make money, she would be there helping out. Claud: Sounds like she had some good biceps! Bernice: *laughs* Yeah she was strong. Mama was also a great cook. Azara: What was her best dish? Bernice: She used to cook saltfish and fried dumpling. Saltfish and… oh, I couldn’t drink the cocoa tea. It was too strong and too oily. But that saltfish, it was done so nicely. Those dumplings… Azara: Crispy and flufy? Bernice: *chuckles* They were great, just lovely. And my Grandfather built her a stone oven. You know the ones where they bake the pizzas in? He made her one of those. And she would bake cassava bread. It was made in a circle. Claud: Is it ground up? On a summer’s day in July, The Posh Club Elephant Landlady Azara met up around to her house, ‘cause we all lived that’s totally diferent story. She was a party with Posh Guest Diane together y’know in the street - all my Mum’s girl. This is what she looked like when she Williamson to shoot the cousins and sister and Nan. In those days, dressed up. She was tall and sometimes she you all did. looked like a man as she was just like my breeze about family, Dad. But do you see her fox fur? She’s the We lived in one room and a landing. Me, my one with the cigarette… showing more leg… ancestry, party girls and Mum, Dad and brother. And we didn’t even rogues of the past. have running water - we had to go through Azara: What is she drinking? the chap downstairs to go to the toilet - Diane: It looks like Guinness. You could We met in a Diane’s garden although there was a slop bucket on the never rely on her. She would always let you landing. We used to go over to my Nan and just of the Walworth Road down. Grandad’s for a bath, because they had one in Elephant and Castle, fitted in their house. Azara: She was too much of a party girl? to sip cool lemonade and I remember being about 11 having a big trip Diane: Yeah! She would be working sort through a biscuit tin of out to my Nan and Grandad’s house with my somewhere that had a children’s party, and cousin. We’d get on the tube to Stockwell she would say “Oh, I’ll come get ya!”, but memories. Station and get the bus up to Tulse Hill to she never would. She was a drinker, as well. where they lived. She would always give us I remember her saying “look Di, I’m not Diane: Look! This is my auntie – she was some cakes to bring home, although she drinking. I’m on milk. All I got is milk. You riddled with arthritis - she was a right couldn’t do very much for us really as she was tell your Dad all I’m drinking is milk!” Then hum’bird. I can’t remember doing too much not even able to go shopping on her own. when he went out the room, you would with her actually, all I remember is going Now my Dad’s mum on the other hand… see her delve in her bag and put a drop of something in it! Azara: Vodka and milk - white Russian! Diane: Yeah! I remember going to a few parties she had with my Dad, his friends and their wives. I remember once my Nan and another woman running around putting sanitary towels over their ears as earrings! She always had new blokes on the go as well. So, that’s my Grandparents - one very homely, baking you cakes and everything, and the other one, always letting you down and y’know… *laughs* Diane: Actually, I have been trying to do some research on my ancestry and found out that my Great Grandfather ran of to New Zealand. When he was there, he married a 16-year old who died in child birth and then went on to marry a Maori woman and have 14 children. So, it seems that he was bit of a rogue as well! I actually found one of his children in New Zealand, we had our DNA done and his and mine don’t match so I’m not even sure he really was my Great Grandfather after all. DAPPER CHARTS This Posh Club Top 30 was Peter Harewood - Elephant & Castle: American gospel singer who headed Boat Ride, Red Plastic Bag the family group, featuring his children recommended by some of our Ragga, ragga, Red Plastic Bag, 2002 Mavis Staples (b. 1939), Cleotha Staples most dapper gents. Len Leslie, Something Happening, Red Plastic Bag, (1934-2013), Pervis Staples (b. 1935), and Seymour Grant, Milton Smith, 2009 Yvonne Staples (1937-2018). Based in Tiny Winey, Byron Lee & the Dragonaires, Chicago, the gospel group performed in Mike Elvis and Peter Harewood 1984 local churches before breaking into the let us in on their top tunes for Stand By Me, Ben E. King, 1961 secular market after signing with Stax a posh-tastic lockdown. We’re Save the Last Dance for Me, Ben E. King Records in 1968. and The Drifters, 1960 Conversely, former R&R preacher, Joe looking forward to seeing you Under the Boardwalk, The Drifters, 1964 Simon is solely a preacher now. Joe Pump Me Up, Krossfyah, 2001 on a dance floor soon chaps! doesn't sing soul any longer. He saves Feeling Hot Hot Hot, The Merrymen, 1987 Len Leslie - Hackney: souls instead. As associate minister of Margarita, Mighty Sparrow, 1983 At Last, Etta James, 1960 the Cathedral of Joy Church in south A Change is Gonna Come, Sam Cooke, suburban Flossmoor, Joe Simon now 1964 Did you know these Posh facts about some limits his vocal activities to praising the One Love, Bob Marley, 1977 of our Top 30 featured artists? Lord. Caribbean Queen, Billy Ocean, 1984 Bob Marley was a palm reader before As a young person, popstar Ed Sheeran Mysterious Girl, Peter Andre, 1996 he was a global music artist. Bob Marley experienced stuttering. Sheeran believes Seymour Grant - Hackney: started reading his neighbours' palms his stuttering stemmed from a procedure If You're Ready (Come Go with Me), The when he was just 4 years old. He kept it up afecting his nervous system. “I had a Staple Singers, 1973 through his teenage years, with his service birthmark on my face that I got lasered of Dream Lover, Bobby Darin, 1959 in high demand. Then, turning to music, he when I was very young and they forgot to I Can See Clearly Now, Johnny Nash, 1972 quit. "I'm not reading no more hands," he put the anaesthetic on - ever since then, I Bad Card, Bob Marley, 1980 told his neighbours. "I'm singing now." had a stutter,” he said. In spite of his early Simmer Down, Owen Grey, 1981 Billy Ocean, aka Leslie Sebastian Charles, life challenges, Ed Sheeran has gone on to become the UK's Ofcial Number 1 Milton Smith - Hackney: was born in Fyzabad, Trinidad and Tobago. Artist of the Decade with 12 number one A Message From Maria, Joe Simon, 1968 He moved to Romford in Essex when singles and albums between 2010 and People Are Doing It Every Day, Terry and he was ten years old in 1960, During his 2019. Jerry, 1965 teenage years, he sang regularly in London Maybe, The Chantels, 1958 clubs, while also working as a tailor in Soca artist extraordinaire Red Plastic What Made Maggie Run, The Dell Vikings, London's Savile Row. Ocean was appointed Bag, also known as RPB or merely Bag, 1957 MBE in the 2020 New Year Honours for real name Stedson Wiltshire. He is a Bewildered, Mickey and Sylvia, 1958 services to music. Apparently, Billy Ocean Calypsonian from Barbados, who started has three lungs. Maybe that’s why he sings performing back in 1979. He has won the Mike Elvis - The Posh Club, Hackney: so good! Barbadian Calypso Monarch Competition Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran, 2015 a record 10 times. Hailing from the I Am I Said, Mikey Spice, 2014 The Staple Singers are one of the most eastern, rural Barbadian parish of Saint Here Comes Trouble, Chronixx, 2013 successful groups ever to crossover Philip, RPG is now celebrated as one of Tempted to Touch, Beres Hammond, 2003 from Gospel to pop. Roebuck Staples the country’s 4 cultural ambassadors. Keeping it Real, Beres Hammond (1915-2000), known as “Pops”, was the

After complaining to Father Niall about the lack of rafe prizes due to Covid induced panic buying and empty shelves….. Phil is going to extreme lengths to ﬁnd the posh

SCANDAL star prize! Busted! 12. 11. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. A - Twinings - A Juice Orange Kent - A Tea Rum Devon - A er f o special best the has Wherever - C million 95 - B Mayonnaise & Prawn - C Kipling Mr. China - B £53.50 - C PETER'S QUIZ ANSWERS: QUIZ PETER'S I’S PIE!* AZARA'S MUM'S TASTY TUMS LIP TIPS A LITTLE STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE Glamourpuss Posh 500g diced beef fresh or left over. Club volunteer Caitlin 200g diced kidneys (lamb or beef) Menzies shares her 1 onion chopped top tips for lips for HANKY 2 cloves garlic chopped perfect pandemic Pinch mixed herbs or sprig of panache. thyme Pint of beef stock LUSTY EDIBLE LIP SCRUB PANKY 1 tbsp. seasoned flour This lusty edible lip scrub will leave What could be posher your lips kiss ready #norifraf. For 1 tbsp. oil this product, you will need - coconut than a monogrammed Short crust pastry (ready made) oil, brown sugar, a small bowl handkerchief? Our P.O.S.H and if you’re feeling adventurous, Puf pastry (ready made) peppermint essence. initialled hankies are soft and 1 Beaten egg Start by putting 1 tsp. of coconut oil strong and get the job done! into your small bowl with 1 tbsp. of METHOD brown sugar, mix the 2 ingredients Reg O’Donoghue showing of 1. Spice up your flour with a Twist and Shout together until you create a paste his exclusive Posh Club hankie – of salt and a Steamy Grind of pepper. Then texture. delivered by our Doorstep Diva roll your hips while you coat your beef and crew, who were out-and-about in kidneys in the flour. For those wanting to add a minty Elephant & Castle making Posh visits surprise, add 1-2 drop of peppermint 2. Put some garlic and onions together and essence to the mixture and it will in their usual interminable style. Stir It Up gently like John Holt until they are give it a sparkle of freshness. soft and limber. Now that you have your mixture, 3. Before they are close to the end Electric proceed to apply to the lips and Slide them from pan and set aside. gently rub to exfoliate leaving them 4. Shake, Rattle and Roll and fry the coated in the perfect condition for a peck. steak and kidney in the same pan, you may To remove the product, you simply need a little more oil. lick your lips clean. 5. When all the meat is Signed, Sealed and The best thing about this scrub is coated with oil and the blessing of Stevie that it is edible! It will taste sweet and Wonder. Add Anita Baker’s Sweet Lovely coconutty. onions and garlic. After licking of the lip scrub grab a 6. Mix together. Then whilst listening to dash of clean coconut oil and put on Herbie Hancock add herbs and beef stock. the lips to keep them hydrated. 7. Bring to the boil, cover and Simmer Down Top Tip: coconut oil is a great body, like the Wailing Wailers until the meat is lip and hair moisturiser, it’s got many cooked and tender. wonderful uses! 8. Tease Me like Chaka Demus and Pliers by turning on the oven to 160/170 Gas mark 3/4. 9. Then Line-dance in your kitchen like the Elephant’s naughty table, as you line a pie dish with the shortcrust pastry and bake for 15 minutes. 10. Start to sing All This Love That I’m Giving by Gwen McCrae as you fill the pie crust with cooked meat and gravy. 11. Cover the pie with puf pastry not Puf the Magic Dragon and brush with a beaten egg, if its bruised it can’t be used. 12. Bake the pie until the pastry is well risen and Golden Brown with a Texture Like Sun. 13. The last thing to do is Celebrate Good Times, Come On! And enjoy your tasty tums, saucy steak and kidney pie.

(editors note) *I know Azara's mum is called Lorna, which starts with an L not an I, but I'm pretending it's a lower case L for this excellent headline. SPORTS PAGE TWERK PONG It's the game that's sweeping the nation, part dance craze, part raw display of athletic power and part booty shake. Rumoured to be the next guest sport at the Olympics, Twerk Pong is the sport on everyone’s lips and on everyone’s buttocks. Back in the day we called it a good ol’ booty shake! Now it’s a twerk and a riotous new game coming to a Posh Club near you! Just twerk (or booty shake) the fastest to win! This Poshtastic workout puts your booty poppin’ skills to the test. There are just a few simple rules: 1. Fill your box up with the ping pong balls provided, 2. Tie the box round your waist, then by twerking, race to see who can empty the box quickest. 3. Rack up the tunes and let the players shake their booties to the music. 4. No touching the box with your hands or getting help from others. 5. Don’t take yourself too seriously because its guaranteed laughs, simply hilarious! 6. Move it, Work it, Shake it, Twerk it! WHEN THE TWERK PONG GOES WRONG It's not all fun and games! More instances of twerk strain and pong face reported in the twerk pong community A word of warning Posh Clubbers, Twerk Pong is a serious business – if your twitch gets a hitch, your thang gets a twang, y’all might go so low, low, low that you pong your way to ruin. Here’s Fanny Cradock from PC*TV (AKA Posh T) with a bad case of pong face and full hip fatigue as she is defeated by our very own twerk master Dicky from Duckie.