B”H Erev Shabbat Vaetchanan, 10th of Menachem Av, 5780; July 31st, 2020 947

Upon her return to the seminary, Sharon A Bottle for the Wedding cried herself to sleep.

Shlomo, a fine religious Jew who was In her dreams, the Lubavitcher Rebbe living in France had unfortunately not appeared to her. “Don’t worry,” he said, been blessed with children. Just before “he is your soul mate and it is a good his 25th wedding anniversary his Lubav- shidduch. I will be with you and I will be itcher friends invited him to 770 for dol- there at the wedding.” lars. The visit was exciting and eventful, When she awoke in the morning, the the experience of a lifetime. After Shlo- dream had assuaged her broken heart. mo received his dollar, the Rebbe did Chatan and Kalla decided to marry in a something unusual and handed him a very simple ceremony at the shul near bottle of vodka saying, “this is for the the seminary with just a few friends. wedding.” Meanwhile, Shlomo’s 40th wedding an- Shlomo was bewildered, he had no chil- niversary was approaching and he want- dren, so he wasn’t expecting to make a Menucha Yankelevitch menuchay.com ed to celebrate in grand style with no wedding. He arrived back in Paris and less than 500 guests. At 6:00 in the put the bottle away safely, with no reso- morning on the day of the party, the ca- lution to the puzzle. terer phoned. “Shlomo, disaster has As Divine Providence would have it, Meanwhile, a young girl, Sharon, was struck, last night there was an explosion sometime later she happened to pass by in the hall and it is flooded with sewage growing up in Paris with her parents. the seminary and the name rang a bell. Her parents had mentioned that they and water. Only the food is safe for it On an impulse she walked inside and was prepared elsewhere. But don’t wor- were Jewish but with no explanation as struck up a conversation with some of to what that meant. When she reached ry, I will find another hall somewhere, the students who were milling around. It somehow.” her teens, her parents said to her: wasn’t long before she became a fre- “Remember we told you are Jewish? quent visitor. Two hours later the caterer rang again. Well, make sure that your future hus- She decided to put her degree studies on “What amazing good fortune! I have band is also Jewish.” hold for a year so that she could study found a smaller hall in the shul, not far She was baffled, not understanding what full time at the seminary. After a few from the original venue. Prepare signs difference her future husband’s religion months, one of the teachers proposed the directing the way to the new place.” idea of a shidduch to her and with her could possibly make and put the matter When Shlomo arrived at the hall, the agreement, arranged a meeting with a out of her mind. Rabbi came in from the shul downstairs wonderful Lubavitcher young man. When it was time for her to go off to and asked him if he could spare five men university, her parents repeated the The young man began the date by telling for a short time to make up a minyan for strange request: “Make sure, you do not her that he was not born Jewish and was a wedding. Shlomo was taken aback, end up with a non-Jewish husband.” a “ger tzedek” (a righteous convert). He “doesn’t everyone have a minyan for a was concerned that this might make him wedding?” he exclaimed. This time she was motivated to read up unacceptable in her eyes. She reassured Continued on page 3 about being Jewish to discover why it him that it didn’t bother her at all. was so important for her to have a Jew- ish husband, but she was not able to find After a few pleasant meetings, they were Shabbat Times anything to help her. However, she dis- ready to get engaged. She now went Candle Lighting Motzei Shabbat covered that there was a synagogue near home to break the good news to her where she lived. She went to see the parents, but to her utter distress and Jerusalem 10:7 5078 amazement they exploded with fury and Rabbi there hoping he could explain. Tel Aviv 1077 5075 Kind as he was, they were not on the venom. Haifa 1077 5075 same wavelength. Finally, he came up “Didn’t we tell you that you have to with an idea. marry a Jew? Someone who wasn’t born Beer Sheva 1071 5078 “Not far from here is a Chabad seminary a Jew can never become Jewish. For us New York 1087 5088 for young Jewish girls, perhaps someone he is a non-Jew.” there might be able to explain better than A terrible fight ensued. They screamed Chabad Of Israel I can.” at her: “If you marry him, we will cut Rabbi Joseph I. Aronov you off, we will not attend the wedding Published by M.L.S. Kfar Chabad (03) 3731777 The Rabbi wrote the details for her on a Editor: Aharon Schmidt piece of paper which she put in her bag and we will never speak to you again.” [email protected] and promptly forgot about it. Please guard the sanctity of this publication Mitvos - Infinite Bond connection or bond. when a person performs a mitzvah, he or she bonds with G‑d in all His infinity. In a Torah reading filled with many im- Every mitzvah represents a bond with G‑d, portant events: e.g., the repetition of the a step above the limits of humanity and a Grabbing the Opportunity Ten Commandments and the Shema, there chance to relate to G‑d on His terms. is one small passage that is occasionally For this reason, Moses was eager to per- overlooked: The Torah relates that at that A person can try to relate to G‑d intellectu- form the mitzvah of setting aside the cities time, Moses set aside three cities in the ally or emotionally, but then he is con- of refuge before his passing. area of Trans Jordan to serve as cities of scribed by his thoughts and his feelings. refuge for anyone who accidentally killed He can go no further than the limits of his He knew the meaning and significance of another person. mind and heart. And G‑d certainly trans- all the mitzvos, but he was not interested in cends those limits. the intellectual satisfaction that this know- Now the question arises: This act had no ledge brought him. He wanted the infinite immediate purpose. The designation of A Means to Bond bond that can be achieved only through these cities would not actually take effect actually fulfilling the mitzvos. until three other cities were set aside in the Indeed, since G‑d is infinite and man, fi- land of Israel between the Jordan and the nite, one might think that there is no way That’s why — on a personal level — he Mediterranean and that would not be until that one can ever relate to G‑d, because prayed so sincerely to be allowed to en- several years later. Why then did Moses finiteness and infinity are skew lines that ter Eretz Yisrael, as related at the begin- take the time to make this designation be- will never intersect. ning of this week’s Torah reading. He fore his death? wanted the chance to fulfill all the mitzvos From man’s own perspective, this is true. whose observance is associated with our Mitzvah - Connection But the limits mentioned above do not Holy Land. confine G‑d. For His infinity encompasses Our Sages answer: When a mitzvah comes finiteness as well. He can step into the When G‑d did not grant his request, he to your hand, do not postpone its fulfill- realm of finiteness and give man a means grabbed the opportunity to fulfill whatev- ment. True, Moses knew all the laws and of bonding with Him. er mitzvos he could. Therefore, even all the significance behind setting aside though his act would have no immediate a city of refuge. But that was all on the That’s what mitzvos are. G‑d prescribes a effect, he set aside the three cities of refuge intellectual plane. Here he had the chance physical deed for man to carry out. True, in Trans Jordan. to take part in the actual fulfillment of every one of these deeds has manifold sig- the mitzvah. There is nothing higher than nificance, enabling us to refine ourselves Reprinted from Keeping in Touch, Vol. 4, that. and the world at large. Sichos in English. From our Sages and Moshiach Now! reprinted from relates But over and above any and all signifi- www.LchaimWeekly.org - LYO / NYC - מצוה - The Hebrew term mitzvah meaning cance, the advantage of a mitzvah is that - צוותא - to the term tzavsa

Respect for a Rav Lest you corrupt yourselves and make a And these words which I command you Despite disagreements and irrespective of graven image (Deut. 4:16) this day shall be in your heart (Deut. 6:6) the actual dispute, the Rebbe taught that respect for rabbonim must be upheld. Why did Moses have to remind the Jew- "These words" of Torah should be always To this end, in 5747 (1987), when as a ish people not to make graven images, at the ready; all one must do is open up result of a machlokes (dispute) the local considering the fact that they had just one's heart for a second and they will rabbonim were not honored with being spent forty years in the desert and had enter. called to the Torah for the Ten Com- seen open miracles and wonders? (Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk) mandments aliya, the Rebbe publicly protested. From this we learn that an individual must never think that his worship of G-d At that time, saying (Deut. 3:23) Rav Mordechai Shmuel Ashkenazi, a”h, is perfect and he is beyond temptation. (the previous Rav of Kfar Chabad) relat- One must be ever on guard, even against Moses beseeched G-d that in later genera- ed: In the 5710’s (1950’s), there was a sins which appear to have no attraction. tions -- "at that time"- - when the Jews certain fundraiser in Eretz Yisroel who (Sifrei Musar) will be in the depths of exile, unable to created much strife within the Chabad muster up the proper intentions before institutions. The episode involved my praying and only capable of uttering the grandfather, Harav Meir Ashkenazi, the Hear O Israel, the L-rd our G-d, the L-rd words, their prayers should be acceptable former Rav of Shanghai. is One (Deut. 6:4) before G-d. (The Amshinover Rebbe) Once, in a conversation with the Rebbe, Our Rabbis said: "Hear--in every lan- this man called my grandfather a shakran guage." One can accept the yoke of heav- [liar]. The Rebbe responded sharply, “If en in any language, not just in the He- Take good care of your souls (Deut. 4:15) one calls a Rav a liar, one’s teeth fall brew tongue. Likewise, in every object out!” that a person sees and every sound which One must not abuse or neglect the physi- Indeed, not long thereafter, this man’s reaches his ears he must strive to see that cal body, for "a small defect in the body teeth came loose and began falling out… "the L-rd our G-d, the L-rd is One." We creates a large defect in the soul." can find G-d's greatness and absolute Respect for a Rav and Blessings for a unity reflected in every single thing (The Mezeritcher Maggid) Shidduch reprinted from The Weekly Far- which occurs in the world. brengen by Merkaz Anash, on-line at (Sefat Emet) TheWeeklyFarbrengen.com The Greatness of the 15th of Av The greatness of the 15th of Av is de- since the person is likened to the Temple, A Bottle for the Wedding scribed in the end of the tractate Ta'anis, a lack in his service is like its destruction, which says, "The Jews had no holidays G-d forbid. The 15th of Av teaches that like the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur." the lack can be transformed into an ad- Continued from page 1: Since the holidays are reexperienced eve- vantage. Just as the 15th of Av is such a ry year in the spiritual sense, we have this great holiday because of the destruction, same holy effect each year. his lack in serving G-d can also be trans- “Not in this case,” said the Rabbi and formed into an advantage. Chassidus explains that the reason why told him about the wedding of the ger the 15th of Av is so holy is due to its fall- As our Sages mention regarding Av, the tzedek and the newly religious girl whose ing on the 15th of the month, when the destruction was "in order" that there be a parents were boycotting the wedding. moon is full. Since the Jewish people are later ascent. So too, G-d created us with a Shlomo did not hesitate for a second. likened to the moon, the full moon sym- yetzer hara (evil inclination), the inten- They will be my personal guests at my bolizes the full holiness and revelation of tion being that we overcome it and trans- simcha. He told the Rabbi to invite the the Jewish people. However, this seems form it - leading to the greatness of "light wedding party to his banquet and he questionable -- every month has a 15th! which comes from darkness." would put them at the head table as his Furthermore, the holidays of Pesach and th guests of honor. In addition, he offered to Sukkos both fall on the 15 of Nissan and Adapted from the teachings of the Rebbe take the couple under the chupa together Tishrei, respectively. in Sichos in English with his wife. The answer to this lies in the unique na- A Blessing for a Shidduch When the wedding contingent turned up, ture of the month of Av, which contains One of the qualities of the 15th of Av is they were ushered into the grand hall the tragic date of Tisha B'Av, when the where Shlomo’s guests were arriving at Temples (first and second) were de- that it served as a day for matchmaking for the young men and women of Jerusa- the same time. The chupa was erected on stroyed. These, as well as other tragic the balcony. events in this month, affect its entire char- lem. Thus, we share the following letter: acter. Since later on, this month becomes A young woman requested a blessing for The story of the amazing Divine Provi- a time of joy (because of the various joy- a shidduch. The Rebbe responded in his dence flew from mouth to ear among the ous events of the 15th of Av), the joy is handwriting: “I confirm receipt of your throngs until there was not a dry eye to much greater than it would otherwise be. letter of 11/13 concerning a shidduch and be seen. Since the month has been converted and marriage. The source of blessings is Ha- At some point during the meal, Shlomo transformed from a time of mourning to a Shem, Who gives the Torah and com- related to the assembled guests the story time of joy, it has the advantage of "light mands us to observe the mitzvos. The way which comes from darkness." The previ- of how the Rebbe had given him the bot- to receive His blessings is by the daily tle of vodka, with the words, “it’s for the ous darkness contributes to the light observance [of the Shulchan Aruch]. which comes later. wedding.” “And concerning a shidduch: First and Then the bride asked for permission to In one's life there are times when one foremost – a life of tznius (modesty), ex- serves G-d more completely, and others speak. “Actually, the bottle of vodka actly as described in our Torah, the Torah belongs to me. In my dream, the Rebbe when he is somewhat lacking. The latter of Life.” times represent a sort of destruction -- told me that he would be present at the wedding. I now understand that his giv- ing you the bottle of vodka to be used at my wedding is the Rebbe’s way of par- ticipating and attending.”

And I besought G-d at that time, saying...let me go over, I pray You, that I may see the By Yaakov Cass good land (Deut. 3:23-25) Author’s note: This story is being pre- sented in honor of the 15th of Av. It was The Midrash relates that Moses beseeched G-d with 515 prayers (the numerical equiva- related to me by Harav Moshe Viner, lent of the word "va'etchanan" -- "and I besought") to be allowed to enter the Land of Rav of the Chabad community in Ramot Israel. Even after G-d explicitly told him, "Do not continue to speak to Me any more of Gimmel. He vouches for the authenticity this matter," Moses persisted. of the narrative. Names have been changed to respect the couple’s privacy. We learn from this that we must never give up begging and imploring G-d to allow us Rabbi Cass is a Lubavitcher chossid liv- back into the land of Israel, with the coming of Moshiach, for we have been promised ing in Jerusalem. Until recently he was a that we are the last generation of exile and the first generation of Redemption. senior official in the Israel Ministry of Health. (the Rebbe, Shabbat Parshat Devarim, 5751) Question: We made aliya 15 years ago The G.I.F.T. Thank you so much for from New York and live in Jerusalem with our six children. Recently, we had an end of the G.I.F.T is an organization in Tzfat, the Shavuot gift. It is so year parent/teacher/child meeting for our 8 year Israel supporting women who live on sweet and thoughtful. old son. The teacher asked our son to draw a their own. Its purpose is to be there face that describes how he feels. My son drew for them emotionally and practically. And this group is truly the saddest face. We were shocked. The teach- er asked him “why” but he just shrugged. The The founder G.I.F.T. realized that amazing teacher later told us in private they did the same there was a great need in Tzfat, yet exercise three months ago and our son drew the she knew she couldn't do it herself. WhatsApp Message from one same face. My husband and I do not under- So, she asked a friend, a Chabad of G.I.F.T.’s members stand. We are always giving to our kids and shlucha in Tzfat, to come on board. loving them unconditionally. How could he be Together they created G.I.F.T, which grants to Israel, not familiar with the so sad? stands for “Going Forward Together”. language and culture. A lot of them The founders formed a WhatsApp don’t have family in Israel. The wom- Group. What started out with a few en of G.I.F.T. may be divorced, wid- Answer: Love and giving, while important, women expanded to nearly 40 partici- owed or never married. What they are not the only ingredient of a happy child. pants and is still growing! share in common is the need to belong Although children need love, they also want to and not feel that they are alone. feel needed. Many of the members are new immi- G.I.F.T. activities began with Melaveh Feeling needed gives a child a sense of belong- Malkas, followed by outings such as a ing. The child feels secure in knowing that he Cooking Tip of the Week forest barbeque, a visit to a local win- has an important role in the family dynamic, in ery and many others. Attractive and the home. In addition, it can create a deeper Marinated Pargiot: Marinate 1 meaningful gifts are hand delivered parent-child connection. kilo of pargiot in 3 tbls olive oil, 3 before Yom Tov. Some of G.I.F.T.’s Mitzva, commandment, is related to the word tbls lemon juice, 2 tbls grilled members initiated new programs chicken spice and 1 tbls zaatar. I tzavta, connection. We connect to Hashem themselves - for example a Zoom art when we fulfill His Will. Although a student left it in the refrigerator for 3 class that everyone can enjoy. hours. Place on baking pan and feels good in the presence of his Rabbi, when the Rabbi asks him to do something, the student sprinkle the left over marinate on For women who live on their own, G.I.F.T. is a lifeline. Thanks to the feels a greater sense of meaning, importance, top. Bake at 180 C for 20 minutes. purpose and closeness to his Rabbi. Turn and bake another 20 activities, many of the women no minutes. This can also be made in a longer feel isolated and cut off from Along the same lines, we can understand the grill pan. community. They are committed to verse, “serve Hashem with happiness,” as a Going Forward Together. command. Or, we can read the verse, “serve Alizah Hochstead, By Baruch Gordon, freelance journal- Hashem” and as a result you will be happy. A [email protected] ist, [email protected] person who serves Hashem with the awareness that He needs him to help accomplish the pur- pose of creation, the revelation of Hashem in this physical world, feels a vitality and happi- Halacha Corner – Changing Children’s Garments ness in his service of the Creator. According to halachah, a child’s soiled garment, or any inyan of tinuf (dirt), In addition, love is not only expressed through should not be within the sight of a mezuzah; therefore, one should not change giving. Children want and need strength and diapers in front of a mezuzah. There is a custom not to have young children boundaries from their parents. They want to walk around undressed in front of Shabbos or Yom Tov candles out of respect know that their parents can contain their power- for the mitzvah. In fact, it is considered a sakanah (dangerous) to walk ful desires and emotions. Children that get around undressed in front of candles, even during the week. There are those whatever they want are not the happiest chil- who suggest that if one is changing a diaper or dressing a child in front of a dren. candle, it’s not a problem as long as the child is uncovered for a very short time, since most likely it was inevitable before the advent of electricity. When a parent is confident in their role as a Nevertheless, one should not allow a child to run around in an immodest parent and sets healthy boundaries, the child state. The Alter Rebbe writes that children should be appropriately covered feels secure. The child will also learn to set in front of sefarim (holy books) as well. their own internal and external boundaries, leading to a self-confident, secure, calm and A solution for changing a diaper in a room where there are mezuzos, sefarim, happy child. or Shabbos or Yom Tov candles (or ordinary candles)—is for the person who is changing the diaper to stand in a way that effectively blocks the view from Aharon Schmidt - marriage & individual coach- the mezuzos, sefarim, or candles. ing. Video and telephone sessions also available. For an appointment contact: Rav Yosef Yeshaya Braun, shlita, Mara D’asra and member of the Badatz of [email protected] Crown Heights, 1 Minute Halacha, reprinted from crownheightsconnect.com