Nervemaster Copy.Qxd

2 3 CHICKS NOT BOMBS Rock without Cock p. 17 LiveOnRelease p. 9 T.V. Mamas p. 9 Manda and The Marbles p.11 t at Milk The Organ p. 21 omorrow spinnin i [email protected] DJ Todd T The Smears p.15 The Widows in LA?: “I’m going to Disneyland to Billy the Kid p.15 talk with label peeps,” grinned Billy Hopeless about the latest news regarding his post Black Halo’s project, The Widows. But The Rumours p. 21 what has/is to come of these talks? Who knows, but as soon as The Dirtmitts p.11 we hear, I’m sure you’ll have already heard it from Billy himself. Local pornofunk master and DJ to the stars of Nerveland, Todd COLUMNS Tomorrow, along with the ultra stylish purveyors of all that is surf, glam, electro-country and hipster in Vancouver, Rumbletone Productions, are hosting a night called Barracuda at the bar Milk, It’s Raining Men p. 5 455 Abbott St., every friday night. One can expect everything from Hopelessness p. 7 glam rock to trash rock to punk and pop as well as a room full of Atomick Blast p. 7 rockers and talkers drinking getting comfortable. Guest appearances Don’t by Mr. Hopeless, Otaku, Bryce Dunn and Frankenstone (yeah, I fuck with The Nerve, punk: Skate Menace - Skate Spot p. 24-25 got that off the poster). Syd Savage ripped us off. He’s a lying, cock sucking, Ridin’ Shotgun p. 25 piece of shit. Syd? If you’re reading this, was it worth it? Huh? Premature Death: Say goodbye to 303 Live folks, looks like the Fucker? landlords have refused to renew the lease with the current lease hold- SECTIONS ers of the Columbia Hotel bar and, as a result, the club shut it’s doors ATTENTION TOURING BANDS: Now that we’ve breached the March 29th. American border, we’re starting a new section called Full Body NEW!! Classifieds NEW!! p. 31 Cavity Search, or Assaulting the 49th, or Just Put The Dope In RESURECTION! According to the promoters at The Cobalt, Fashion p. 13 Your Bass Cab, Dude, or something like that, and want to feature Vancouver’s Hardcore bar will re-opening it’s doors after extensive bands from Vancouver who are heading south of the 49th so as to give Live Wires p. 18-20 interior reconstruction (included, apparently, is a new dishwasher… the Yanks the heads up…. AND bands that are heading to Vancouver Off the Record p. 22-23 yay! No more Hep C!). According to wendythirteen, the grand re- from down south. So, please let us know if that means you and we’ll opening weekend will feature: Fri. May 2 – Kill Allen Wrench [fea- tell everybody about it. Got it? Good. Straight 8 - Gore p. 26-27 turing Dr Heathen Scum of the Mentors] sidesixtyseven and Jak-Uzi. Games and Puzzles p. 28 Sat, May 3 is S.T.R.E.E.T.S, Autopussy, Feral [Seattle chicks Hey, got a cheap shot for us? E-mail your news to cheapshotz@then- Smut - Tex & Dex p.29 dressed as cowboys] and Motorama. ervemagazine.com Cartoons p. 30 Advertising (a/k/a Fire Insurance) THE NERVE HIT SQUAD Brad Damsgaard King Pin (a/k/a Editor-In-Chief) On the Cover: L. to R. Billy of Billy the Kid and Bradley C. Damsgaard the Lost Boys, Lou Rumour of the Rumours and Sue of the T.V. Mamas Lady Godiva (a/k/a Music Editor) Sarah Rowland The Nerve is published monthly by The Nerve Father Gary (a/k/a Visual Art s Editor) Magazine Ltd. The opinions expressed by the writ - Jason Ainsworth ers and artist s do not necessarily reflect those of Shotgun (a/k/a Film Editor) The Nerve Magazine or its editors... but of ten do. Bjorn Olson First publishing right s only are property of T h e Friend of the Family (a/k/a Adult Content Nerve Magazine cause we have no desire to own Editor) Jason Wertman you. The Nerve does not accept responsibility for content in advertisement s. The Nerve reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or submis - The Getaway Driver (a/k/a Production Manager) sion and accepts no responsibility for unsolicited Pierre Lortie manuscripts, artwork or women. Copyright 2003 Map and Details (a/k/a Art Director) Saturnin The Henchmen (a/k/a Design & Graphics) Pierre Lortie, Saturnin, B. Damage CHANGE OF ADDRESS!! Send Everything to: The Muscle (a/k/a Staff Writers) 508 - 825 Granville St. Atomick Pete, A.D. MADGRAS, Mike O, Casey Vancouver, B.C. Bourque, Sinister Sam, Adler Floyd, Aaronoid, V6Z 1K9 Dmidtrui Otis, Angela Fama, Billy Hopeless, 604.734.1611 Vanessa Samson, Emily Kendy, Dennis Regan, D- w w w.thenervemagazine.com Rock and Miss Kim, Jenni Nelson [email protected] The Cleaner (a/k/a Cover Design) [email protected] Saturnin 4 The Nerve s Employee of the Month by Jason Ainsworth or The one who will get p aid the most beer...) A true story told to me “Mom said I was born Apparently March something into Earth to be red hot rad awe- was World Ladies day, and the by a Graffiti Vandal in some, and I can even remember heifers were running around in a which he tries to justi- my birth. Then later, I went to tizzy celebrating their vaginas, school for many years, starting and a bunch of them put togeth- fy his barbarism. with kindergarten, which I grad- er a workshop. Nothing new uated from with flying colours. there, standard banality, but one What I am about to reveal is cer- Like all graffiti vandals, I had a of the workshops was about tain to disturb and disgust you. minor talent for drawing which Graffiti. Now what is this? I did- Simply put, it is a tale of deluded me into thinking I might n’t go, of course, but I’m assum- heinous immorality, inhuman become an artist. But before I ing they were reclaiming graffiti behaviour and grotesquery. was sixteen, I decided it was too in the name of WYMYN hood or Inhuman. Will it irk you as it difficult and I wouldn’t make some such nonsense. Come on irked me? I honestly don’t any money, or “props” as we say people, graffiti is a crime, just know. in the rap industry. That’s right: like skateboarding. Let’s just Super-Rapper D sprays I am a rap-influenced induvid- grow up a bit. his so-called “tags” all over the ual. In many ways listening to I tied him up with no city where even decent people rap music enabled my influence- eyes and no cock and balls in the can see them, a large swirly ology of art per se. I was more forest and he rots. Thanks for thing, looks like a D, with some interested in “grooving” out to reading! ex, Cowboy TexAss, Cowboy TexAssinine, Fuck other crap throw in, in red paint. rap-oriented music, such as Kool Join my anti-rap coali- Head, Cowboy TexAssHole, or whatever you Disgusting. He was marking up a Rap Cool, and the Duck Sisters tion! We endeavor to replace rap Tthey call him, if he s not being cut of f from the wall near my household, in a then studying or working hard. records on jukeboxes with soul bar and/or kicked out while on assignment or crashing back alley but it was an alley I Later on I started tagging walls, enriching music by Spade a p arty like a bull-horned helmeted V iking, drinking all liked. So I caught him and or “cribs” as we say in the rap Cooley, Ernest Tubbs and Tex your booze and making off with your women, he s hard pulled his pants and underpants environment. That was six Ritter (father of motion picture at work bringing you the goods from out there to the down and kicked him in the face months ago. Now, as my life is and TV star Sean Ritter.) Nerve Centre and then, with some heavy editing, to hard. He was crying like a about to end, I look back, not Remember our motto. you, dear reader. W e d just like to take this moment to schoolgirl. Kicked him again with tears, but a sense of accom- “AIDS victim.” recognize his excellence in the category of excellence and stood on his ***** along plishment. No one will forget in reporting while shit faced. Cowboy TexAss is our with the broken ground glass. Super-Rapper D, a proud rap- employee of the month, which only happens when we Spat on him, I asked him, influenced man.” feel like it. Keep up the good work! “What’s the gag?” This is his Oh, by the way, Ed. tale of disgust. 5 6 eah, Yeah, Yeah, women of B.H.: Speaking of female artists, a to get such praise for your own self- of Manitoba? rock and punk blah, blah, beautiful songbird I know named owned product. Is it paying off and H.D.: Once in Yblah! Listen, I already paid Texas Terri and her band The Stiff are you planning on expanding the the early 90’s. my tribute and respect to the female Ones, recorded a cover of the label or just keeping it as a way of We weren’t arts last issue with my memorial to Dictators’ song “Baby Let’s Twist” maintaining artistic control? blown away by Wendy O.

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