PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 #11 www.razorcake.com Sean, the co-founder of Razorcake, and I are best friends. We lived Totally legit. The state is more involved with registering a vehicle. and worked together for around a year and a half in a small apartment and When it came to the rings, instead of fretting over carats, a friend of never even got close to yelling at one another. Then he left. I’m not pissed theirs made them, special. The simple silver bands were a Navajo design or jilted. He left to move in with his fiancée, now wife, Felizon. of a staircase that looped around, up and down, signifying that if you’re If people I like but don’t know very well ask me what Razorcake’s feeling down, you just flip it over, and you’re up. Everything, if you hang about, I tend to squint an eye a bit and rub the back of my neck before on with a decent attitude, can work out in the end. answering. “It’s got a lot about loud or spastic music that usually doesn’t The cake was from the bakery where Felizon’s mom, Corazon, get a lot of exposure. And we try to cover other parts of the underground, worked. too, like writers and filmmakers and comics.” This magazine is our tether The pavilion – an old wood structure with campers off to the side – between the “real world” and the life we want to live. It’s a reflection, was on the beach. It cost thirty-five dollars, which was paid to a man spearheaded by a couple of dudes who really don’t like how the dominant whose chickens ran around on the grass. culture works and find so much worth and vitality in the cracks of our I was the “official” wedding photographer. Almost everyone there culture. was ready to take pictures. (One of the most memorable quotes of the Isn’t a magazine just a bunch of words and pictures? night was when Corazon proclaimed, “Oooh, plenty camera.”) Ms. Pants No, not quite. Sean and I are both in our thirties and the longer we DJ’d, filling the air and playing CDs with songs that didn’t have “fuck” in plug away at Razorcake, the more starkly obvious our personal rebellion is any real obvious place. becoming when we look at people our ages going in such different At the center of it all were Sean and Felizon; a bit nervous, beaming. directions. We’re so far away from the two point five kids, house, SUV, In the eight years they’ve been together, it was the first time I’d ever seen picket fence mentality, but it’s more than that. It’s not just a negation of all them kiss. that stuff, but building something else. And it got me to thinking. We do what we do, not out of any spite, but It’s tougher when traditional culture’s breathing hard down the back we’ve found what works extremely well for us. It makes us happy. It of your neck and attempting to order how you should act in a specific makes us creative. It makes us not hate ourselves. It makes us question situation. pretty much everything – especially rites of passage that society as a Sean and Felizon’s wedding was rad because they looked at it whole holds dear. But here’s the thing. There’s no one single time when carefully and split everything down. you have to put your own wrists out and put the cuffs on yourself. I swear I’ve been to no shortage of weddings that made me feel like I was in a it. It takes effort and time and energy, but you know what? Being mall. Everything was pre-processed: DJs playing “YMCA”; a bunch of hundreds of miles away on a tropical island, watching my best friend be people who had never met one another and probably wouldn’t like each bashful by all the attention, surrounded by people who deeply care about other anyway, in a big, rented hall; and cake whose frosting looked like it him, on an occasion that was thoughtful (and so happened to be came from an expensive tube of toothpaste. Those things bum me out. iconoclastic) made me realize, yeah. Yeah. This is why we do what we do. Sean’s not religious, so his brother hopped on the internet, filled out a Put some meaning to this whole thing called life when it counts the form, and voilá, when they went to register with the state of Hawaii, most. Reverend Scott Carswell was listed as a legitimate wedding executor. -Todd AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #12 • Make ads the right size and orientation. December 1st, 2002 • We don’t reserve ad space. AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #13 • We will not accept electronic ad files. Hard February 1st, 2002 copy only. EMAIL OR MAIL US FOR THE RATES • Send good laser prints for the ads. Use solely black ink on all art. Do not output your ad on AD SIZES a bubble jet printer even if it looks black and • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. white. It will reproduce like complete shit when • Half page, 7.5” wide, 5” tall. it goes to an offset printer. • Quarter page, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. • All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI • Sixth page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. (85 line screen). • If you feel the need for us to invoice you, • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. understand that your ad won't run until we have the cash on hand, so make those ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS arrangements before the ad deadline. • All ads are black and white. • If any of this is fuzzy, we'll explain it. • Sean <[email protected]> • Todd <[email protected]> • • Rich Mackin <[email protected]> • Nardwuar <[email protected]> • • Designated Dale <[email protected]> • • Rhythm Chicken <[email protected]> • Everyone else can be reached c/o Razorcake. Razorcake and razorcak.com are massaged and squooshed into place by: Sean Carswell, Todd Taylor, Felizon Vidad, Megan Pants, ktspin, and Skinny Dan. I like to play jax - and my favorite candy is tootsie pops... I get very lonely listening to my Thank you list: neighbors do it. Supersonic thanks to Dan Monick (www.dmonick.com) for the cover shot of Lane (Lucinda was the only lady who ever sent in an unsolictied photo for the punk rock girl page who wasn’t directly affiliated headlocking Billy and the pic in Ben’s column; you-fucking-rule thanks to Julia Smut with a business. She lives in Phoenix.) for help on the cover; oh-no,-Christians-in-Razorcake thanks to Bob Cantu for the White Stripes pics and Randy Iwata for the ever-present Nardwuar technical help; holy-fucking-shit thanks to Donofthedead for his record reviews although he underwent back surgery; welcome-to-the-fold thanks to Aphid Peewit and Janaka Stucky for their reviews; super-Kat- alistic thanks to Ms. Jetson for her Rolling Blackouts interview and pics; wiggly hair thanks to Chris Z. for piping in; truckin’-on-with- plasma,-blood,-and-sperm thanks to Rev. Nørb for his advice column; pizza-and-soda thanks to Harmonee, Stacy, Sara, and Dale for helping out at the slave labor insert stuffing party (but, uh, fuck you Dale); you’re-a-big-sucker thanks to Felizon for marrying Sean; projectile-vomit-and-hazard-ass-poo congratulations to Andy and Jen - Retodd is now an uncle to a kid named Trevor. Issue #11, Dec. 2002/Jan. 2003 Cutting. Tasty. www.razorcake.com and PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 Table of Contents ***** The Rhythm Chicken .................... The Dinghole Reports ................... pg. 4 Art ..................................... Lil’ Beez and the Misfinks ............................... pg. 7 Maddy ..................................... Shiftless When Idle ............................... pg. 8 Sean Carswell ...................... A Monkey to Ride the Dog ........................ pg. 10 Designated Dale ............................... I’m Against It ..........................pg. 14 Ayn Imperato ........................................ 94103 ............................ pg. 16 Rich Mackin ................................... The Twisted Balloon ......................... pg. 18 Money ......................................... Lazy Mick .......................................... pg. 20 Ben Weasel. ............................. That Iron String .................... pg. 22 Gary Hornberger .......................... Squeeze My Horn ....................... pg. 24 Rev. Nørb ............................. Love, Nørb ............................ pg. 26 Nardwuar The Human Serviette ............. Who Are You? ..................... pg. 32 Felizon Vidad ................................... Shark Bait ................................ pg. 36 Shawn Granton ........................... Quake-O-Phobia .................................... pg. 39 ***** Jewws ........................................ Interview by Megan Pants ........................ pg. 40 Dillinger Four ................. Interview by ReTodd ............................ pg. 48 Rolling Blackouts ............. Interview by Kat Jetson & Chris Z. ......... pg. 56 Blazing Haley ............. Interview by Designated Dale and ReTodd ............ pg. 60 ***** Dan Monick ........................................ Don’t Fall In ................................... pg. 67 Record Reviews ........................... Toby’s Drooling ................................... pg. 68 Zine Reviews ............................ 30-year-olds Going to Prom ................ pg. 88 Book Reviews .............................. Fighting Monkeys .................................. pg. 94 Video Reviews ................. Fresh, Curled Turd ............................ pg. 95 Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for every- one else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. He asked, “Can you play ‘Unchained Melody’?” I answered, “Sure thing, Vern!” and pulled on the Chicken head. Vern broke out laughing and the wedding party looked on with great interest. The Dinghole Reports tender, etc... However, I have also first gig of my next Milwaukee with questions, ending with, “What By the Rhythm Chicken played other monumental gigs that tour.