I Ndependent C Ulture a Rtpol I T IC S AC T I Onthelumpen FI Eld G U I
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UMPEN FIELD GUIDE TO CHicagO JagOffS INDEPENDENT CULTURE ART POLITicS ACTION THE L 124 2119 S. HALSTED ST. DINNER BRUNCH CHICAGO, IL MONDAY — THURSDAY SUNDAY (312) 526-3385 5:30PM — 10:00PM 9:00AM— 2:30PM FRIDAY + SATURDAY 5:30PM — 11:00PM NIGHTWOODRESTAURANT.COM Tourists come to Bridgeport to taste “The Bean.” bridgeportcoffeecompany.com 5 Quimby’sQuimby’s BookstoreBookstore GeGe Socia Socia wit wit Hardscrabbl Hardscrabbl for for SpeciaSpecia Deal Deal an an Loca Loca Even Even Inf! Inf! @hardscrabblegifts@hardscrabblegifts @hardscrabble_chi@hardscrabble_chi @hardscrabble33@hardscrabble33 @hardscrabble33@hardscrabble33 zizinesnes ~ ~ books books ~ ~ comix comix 03/31/1503/31/15 +HardscrabbleGiftsLLCChicago+HardscrabbleGiftsLLCChicago weirdoweirdo reading reading material material you’veyou’ve made made and and consigned consigned 18541854 W. W. 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CoCnotanctat cJte fJfe: f3f:1 321.520.550.54.544242 NCNSCF SCFe rCteifriteidfi ePde rPseornsaoln Tarla Tinraeirner jefjfeefrfyelruynlugn@[email protected] m USUASTFA TCFe rCteifriteidfi eCdo aCcohach USUAS BAo Bxionxgi nCge rCteifriteidfi eTdra Tinraeirn/eCro/aCcohach wwwww.wiro.inrolunnlugnfigtnfietnsess.cso.cmom EngElnisghli,s Ehs, pEasñpoalñ, o中l, 文中文 4 Guest Editors World Correspondent Technowizard Paul Durica Brian Mier Mike Evans Bill Savage Design The Business Editor / Publisher Alex Dougherty Logan Bay Ed Marszewski Marian Frost [email protected] Cover + Illustrations Dmitry Samarov Advertising Contents Editorial Team Leah Menzer Sara McCall Photo Editor [email protected] Emma Saperstein Aron Gent Daniel Sloan Lumpen Worldwide HQ Comics Editor 960 W 31st Street Joe Tallarico Chicago Il 60608 Well hello there reader. lumpen.com 35. A City Cyclist Responds 35 52. The Totebags 45 self-named jagoffs In this issue of Lumpen Andrés Carrasquillo Kathy O'Neil 66. Thorndale Jagoffs 54 36. Chicago Drivers 36 53. The "I Never Complain 46 Tom Schnieder Carol LaChapelle About the Weather, but..." 67. Sidewalk Linebackers 55 Weather-Complaining Jagoff 37. Joseph S. Pete Jaywalking Jagoff 36 Sam Weiner V. Francone we explore Jagoffs. 68. 54. JaGoFF (Guerrilla 55 38. Random Extras 46 Parking Lane Drivers 36 Honna Eichler George Artists/Musicians) Matt Lauritzen Gary Kuzminiski (on behalf on JaGoff) 55. 39. People who Grew Up On 47 Secretary of State Jagoff 37 the jagoffs aboard Wine Coolers Jagoffs Amy Beth Danzer Peter Hand 69. The Business Traveler 56 40. The LiPaWoP 37 Nick Jager 56. The Coffee Shop Complicated 47 Ed Herrmann Drink Right NOW Jagoff 70. individual jagoffs The Suburban White Kid 56 41. Charlie Davis First Wave Gentrifiers who 38 on the Green Line 1. 13. 24. John Kinzie 10 Marshall Field 17 The Jacksons: Jesse, Jr. & Sandi 25 Protest Second Wave Gentrifiers 57. Jarrett Neal Locals Who Hate Newcomers 48 Paul Durica Julie Welsh Bill Savage Bill Savage Chris Brotherton 71. The ChicagoLAND Jagoff 58 2. 14. 25. 42. Margaret Anderson 10 Marshall Field, Part II 17 Rahm Emanuel 25 Thirfters 38 58. Julie Welsh The One-Man Neighborhood 48 Paul Durica Paul Durica Jerry Boyle Honna Eichler George Watch John Shuster common jagoffs habitats 3. 15. 26. 43. Saul Bellow 11 Charles Tyson Yerkes 20 Bernard Epton 26 The Ol' Timer Who's 39 59. 72. Paul Durica Paul Durica Ian Morris Only 20 Jagoff Lakeview Watchdogs 49 Michigan Ave. is my 57 Sam Weiner Honna Eichler George honorary Chicago Jagoff 4. 16. 27. Steve Dahl 11 Cubic Transportation System 20 Bruce Rauner 26 Rachel 44. 60. Bill Savage Robert O'Connor Kari Lydersen Hipster Musician 39 The I Think the Public Alley 73. Christopher Peterson Is My Private Oasis Jagoff 49 The state's number one tourist 58 5. 17. 28. Ronnie “Woo-Woo” Wickers 12 Ventra 21 Jon Burge 26 Amy Friedman attarction is My Chicago Jagoff Bill Savage Yana Kunichoff 45. Pawel Grajnert "Get Oprah!" Jagoff 39 Rachel 61. Greg Salustro Dibs Jagoff 52 6. 18. The Old Navy Street Preacher 13 M. Fishman 21 types of jagoffs Amy Friedman 46. in the land of jagoff Marc Fisher W.R. Logan Sq. Youths Riding the #66 42 29. 62. The Clout Jagoff 27 Katherine Uhrich Dibs Jagoff, Part II 53 74. 7. 19. A Child's Tale 59 Larry Harmon 13 Unelected Chicago 22 Bill Savage Randy Bushwa Joe Bryl 47. Paul Durica Board of Education Slow-Walking Cell Phone 42 30. 63. Mary Zerkel Pub Crawlers 32 The Rescue Dog Owner at 53 75. 8. on Metro Platform Parting Jags 59 Jerry Reinsdorf 14 Paul Dailing Max North the Bucktown/Lincoln Park 20. Bill Savage Dan Ryan 22 31. Dog Park Hugh Iglarsh 12.5-er 32 48. 9. The El Door Blocker Jagoff 43 Amy Friedman Bushman 14 Jamie Trecker & Shanna van Volt Bill Savage 21. Paul Durica Mathias "Paddy" Bauler 23 64. The Losing Their (dog) Shit 53 32. 49. Anonymous The "My Chicago" Jagoff 33 The Space-Grabber 44 10. Jagoff John Dudas John Kass 15 Bill Savage Vincent Truman Paul Dailing 22. Urban Planners on 1900 23 65. 33. The Devil in the White City 54 The "New York Sucks" Jagoff 33 50. 11. Farwell Block CLub, plus The Old Left 44 Superfan Jagoff Phillip Danforth Armour 15 Sam Weiner August Spies Aldermann Joe Moore (49th) Paul Durica Sam Weiner Anonymous Neighbor 34. Bike Ninja Jagoffs 34 51. 12. Trapped in Amber Liberal Jagoff 45 George Pullman 16 23. Bill Savage LuAnn Paladino Paul Durica William Hale Thompson 24 Paul Durica Individual Jagoffs 9 Introduction Uncomplimentary words with no definite many overlapping categories. The Mope, the yahoo.com) solicited submissions, and many meaning—just used when you want to show Jamoke, the Douchebag, the Bust-out, the Chicagoans contributed their ideas for who, that you don’t think much of a person: “Don’t Bro: any person in each of these might veer or what, was a jagoff. Some didn’t make the invite him. He’s a ________. into jagoffery at their worst moments. But cut—frankly, people who don’t clean up after let’s give them credit: Mopes and Jamokes their dogs, or people who go slow in the left It’s this last definition that most seems to Welcome to the Lumpen and Douchebags and Bust-outs and Bros lane of highways aren’t just Chicago, and jibe with how the term is used in Chicago. sometimes deal with their fellow citizens aren’t necessarily jagoffs. The writing styles Casey Cora, of DNAinfo Chicago, wrote in clean and honest (if Loserish) ways. Not and approaches vary greatly, as we’re not Field Guide to Chicago Jagoffs. a story about the planned Guide, including the Jagoff. The Jagoff always acts as though like those Chicago Manual of Style jagoffs our incorrect—yet highly plausible!— no one else exists, or if they do exist, they who try to make everything uniform. speculation about Slavic origins for the don’t matter except for how they may This experiment in urban lexicography and crowd-sourced freelance So what follows includes six things: indi- term. This initial publicity led to further gratify the Jagoff. vidual jagoffs; types of jagoffs; self-identified media attention. socio-linguistics had its origins in the Llano Del Rio Collective’s The pure Jagoff is gonna be who he (or jagoffs; Chicagoland jagoffs; jagoff habitats; An Antagonist’s Guide to the Assholes of Los Angeles, which “annotates An appearance on WBEZ, Chicago’s local she) is, regardless of anyone or anything and some parting jags. It’s not a comprehen- public radio station, caused a bit of a stir, as else around them, regardless of common sive list, just what we have as of the time just over 80 places, banks, businesses, politicians and polluters, war some folks with delicate sensibilities were decency or common sense. Jagoff is an before the epochal 2015 Mayoral election.We contractors, institutions, a troll, a yeller, and a cruel mis-dial,” culled deeply offended that we would say “jagoff” essential subject position, immutable, and would hope that any Jagoffs we’ve neglected on the radio, even as we explained that it did a Jagoff’s jagoffery will continue regardless to include will inspire discussion, action, and from an “open public call.” not mean anything sexual. It seems that you of what anyone around them says or does. perhaps a general reduction of jagoffery all cannot talk about what words really mean, Jagoffs are like Louis XIV of France, the Sun over town. But we’re not holding our breaths. as opposed to what people think they mean, King, around whom everyone revolved. One But “assholes” is such an . LA term. In populist enough that the Mayor of Pittsburgh Here is your Field Guide to Chicago Jagoffs. without Western Civilization crashing down. common theme in the entries below will Chicago, we have jagoffs. So we set out to campaigned to have it included in dictionaries. It’s as though you cannot wake up when the show that Jagoffs transform public space produce this Guide. Enjoy. This Pittsburgh claim, we rashly theorized, cock crows anymore, since that word also into private space, as they act like no one By Bill Savage & Paul Durica What the word actually meant was our might suggest an Eastern European linguistic has a rude sexual meaning. As any aficionado else exists or matters. starting point. We thought, like most people origin, “jag” sounding like a Slavic verb of the New York Times crossword can tell So we set out to call out the jagoffs of who bother to think about such things did, of some kind, “jagov” perhaps meaning a you, “small wrens” are also called tits, but Chicago, the people who annoy everyone that “jagoff” was a Chicago variant pronunci- person who .