CLIP THESE OUT & GIVE ‘EM TO YOUR SWEETHEART! WORDS FROM THE WIZARD Hey Ottawa – you’re really somethin’. It’s a pleasure hangin out, you always know what to say. Thanks for being a pal, it means a lot that you care - more than you could know. Well loyal Targians, the organ which And hey, thanks for wearing out our fl oor paint and pumps blood throughout our bodies eating all our perogies – it’s nice to know that the work holds major signifi cance this month we put into this relationship is appreciated and enjoyed. but February also marks a much more serious annual observance... I am of Sorry about the cold out there – we are working on a scheme but it’ll take course talking about BLACK METAL some time – our research and development division is working for YOU at HISTORY MONTH... it’s the time of year maximum overdrive speed and is promising either results or distractions when we refl ect on all aspects of this soon. sub-genre of music, and its effect on the world. Our anniversary will be coming up in a couple months…. we promise forget. We’ve got some new toys for you to play with - games that will BLACK METAL had its humble of the recording enhances the feel of it keep you laughing and killer nights/shows that’ll keep you rockin. Hope beginnings in the 80s, when no-one if anything. However, in some cases it things are well with you, try not to worry so much – everything will work took it or its lyrical content seriously, does affect the quality merely in that in out. See ya soon, stay awesome – you’re the best!!! and it was somewhat comedic (ex: some places the snare is a bit too high in Venom) which brought on its second the mix, so when listening to this wave in the late 80s and 90s when WAY on headphones, it will sound like explo- – Yogi too many people took its lyrical content sions out of nowhere from time to time. In WAY too seriously (ex: Mayhem). Even some spots the bass is also very diffi - the 2000s, when the craze of hipster cult to detect. This band has often been black metal (did I say hipster black compared to Venom, being two of the metal? My mistake, I meant post-rock fi rst black metal bands (although I would progressive transcendental atmospheric consider Venom to be more proto-thrash), experimental noise metal) began to and having similar song titles (sacrifi ce, surface, with many in North America raise the dead, etc). The strength of this clinging to what had been a music album is very similar however to Venom, genre for decades, yet declaring that in that they both rely heavily on simple, they were somehow “into it before it catchy, evil-sounding riffs ( Necroman- was cool” and that no-one else “could sy,Reaper,Sacrifi ce). Quorthon’s vocals possibly understand the meaning on this album are absolutely disgusting, behind songs like possessed by Satan” especially considering the time this album (ex: Liturgy). As much as we all love was made, and I only wish that they were hipsters though, this month I will be higher in the mix. covering one of the fi rst black metal , long before “burst beats” were This album is without a doubt a black a thing, BATHORY’s self titled debut. metal classic, and should be in the record collection of anyone who wishes they lived A lot of this album is pretty expected of in Norway, and is a card carrying mem- black metal. The production isn’t great, ber of a cult ( notice how it isn’t spelt kvlt but it is black metal, so the rawness people on the internet). SLO’ TOM’S VALENTINE’S ADVICE FOR WIZARD THE LOVELORN OF THE MONTH HEY SLO’ TOM! MY GIRLFRIEND HARDLY EVER WANTS TO GET IT IAN XENON ON. WHAT CAN I DO? - Signed, Frustrated IAN HAS BEEN IN GREAT BANDS Dear Frustrated: I don’t know much about women, but I DO know LIKE THE DAGGER EYES & SUPPOSITORIES & RECORDS that being in a relationship is a lot like being in a band. So you want to SOME OF OTTAWA’S MOST ‘rehearse’ more often, eh? Maybe the problem isn’t your band mate – EXCITING ACTS. HE ALSO HAS maybe the problem is YOU! Maybe she’d want to rehearse regularly if your A LIST OF SCIENCE DEGREES songs weren’t so short and the tempos so fast. Slow it down a bit and try LONGER THAN THE LONGEST to work on some longer songs – otherwise, you’ll be back to ‘jamming’ as MIC CABLE AT TARG. HE USED TO a solo performer! DO MATH & LASER ENGINEERING THINGS FOR SPACESHIPS... WHAT??? DON’T BOTHER TRYING OTTAWA PUNK PINBALL LEAGUE HEY SLO’: I WANT TO MAKE MY BOYFRIEND A ROMANTIC DINNER. TO UNDERSTAND - WE ARE JUST (OPPL) & HOUSE OF TARG PRESENT SUGGESTIONS? - Signed, hungry4love GLAD HE QUIT THAT BULLSHIT PINBALL TOURNAMENT #2 TO BECOME THE TARG SOUND Dear hungry4love: I’m no expert on fi ne dining, but planning a great meal WIZARD. DREAM + DO = HAPPY - $. IT’S AN IFPA SANCTIONED PINBALL is really no different than writing a killer set list. Start with something easy TOURNAMENT - Head-to-Head, 3 and catchy, then move into the heavier stuff and – as your grand fi nale – TOP 3 FAVE ALBUMS? Strike Knockout Format. wind up with a couple of hits. Don’t forget to set a little something aside - Wire, - Wire, ‘cause if you follow my advice he’s sure to want an encore! 154 - Wire Registration/Practice: 11am-12:30pm, Tournament Starts @ 1pm sharp. All skill levels & All Ages welcome! DEAR SLO’ TOM: VALENTINE’S DAY WILL SOON BE HERE AND I MOST DETESTED BAND WANT TO MAKE IT REALLY SPECIAL! ANY IDEAS? - Signed, Flowers I really really really really really really hate Win Prizes! Earn WPPR Points! & Chocolates Morrissey. I really like Pregnancy Scares. Facebook: Ottawa Punk Pinball League Instagram: @ottawapunkpinball Dear Flowers & Chocolates: I don’t know anything about romance but I FAVE SHOW(S) AT TARG Twitter: @punkpinball All the shows Morrissey wasn’t at. DO know that Valentine’s Day is a lot like playing a gig: it can be the event CHRISTINE that transforms you into a solid unit… or it could break up the band! If it’s FAVE BANDS YOU RECORDED? NORTHAN, RMT your fi rst Valentine’s Day together it’s normal to be nervous. Just make Chloroform, R0b&rt@ B0nd@r, Mother’s from THE HIP JOINT sure you’re both in tune and give it your best shot! Sadly, if you’ve been Children, Holy Cobras, Nightshades will be offering FREE together a while, Valentine’s Day is just another show: put on new strings, hand & arm massage FAVE GAMES AT TARG know your parts, and try to look like you’re still having fun. Good luck! therapy to keep yer Pinball, the older the better. I miss Laser DON’T FORGET TO MARK THURS MARCH 7 ON YER Cue and Future Spa. game on track. http://christineshipjoint.blogspot.ca CALENDAR FOR “SLO’ TOM’S BIRTHDAY BONANZA” AT TARG AWKWARD & NOT SO ROMANTIC SCENES. SAT FEB 14 – House of TARG/ SUN FEB 22 – House of TARG/ CKCU present; REMI ROYALE’s Ottawa Punk Pinball League present; Valentine’s Unisex Mixer!! We IFPA SANCTIONED PINBALL A GUIDE TO ALL THE CONCERTS TAKING are proud to present the most TOURNAMENT - Head-to-Head, 3 Strike Knockout Format, Registration/ PLACE AT HOUSE OF TARG THIS FEBRUARY. exciting and romantic evening of entertainment ever!! Come alone Practice: 11am-12:30pm, Tournament or bring a date – love songs/ Starts @ 1pm sharp. All skill levels serenades, candlelit dinner service, welcome! Win Prizes! Earn WPPR SAT FEB 7 – House of TARG/ABC TUES FEB 4 – House of TARG/ comedy, videos, games, things are Points! Brewery present; AVERAGE TIMES MEGAPHONO/Ottawa Showbox/E- going to get nuts!! (ott) w/sg PALE LIPS (mtl) A magical Tron Rec. present; FET NAT w/ THURS FEB 26 – House of TARG/ sg THE YIPS and AKOUFEN – evening of garage/punk/pop led by THURS FEB 19 – House of TARG/ CKCU present; SAINT CLARE w/sg Megaphono has put together an Ottawa music scene sweethearts/ PBR present; PARTY AT THE CHOPS AND THE HOLICS + FIRE amazing festival for all of Ottawa House of TARG favourites – get ready MOON TOWER! Come get dazed ANTLERS - 3 killer local bands unite to enjoy and it’s kickin off at The for killer tunes, high energy stage & confused with DJ Skid Vicious & to bring you an evening of Ottawa House of TARG with performances by action and super fun!! DJ KJ Maxx! Alright, alright, alright! indie rock, great songs, wicked experimental jazz/math/weirdos FET There’s a new fi esta in the making... musicians and friendly faces. NAT and melodic indie/pop rockers THURS FEB 12 – House of TARG/ Full kegs, everybody is gonna be THE YIPS and alt/metal maniacs PBR present; FUTURE JUNK - a there, you ought to go. Not coming? FRI FEB 27 – House of TARG/CHUO AKOUFEN – a great start to a month Bruised Tongue DJ night! DJ’s Two It’d be a lot cooler if you did. No present: THE GOLDEN DOGS w/sg of killer shows!!! Scoops & disc0p spin awesome cover!! ORNAMENTS - Last time GOLDEN tunes all night! This will serve as the DOGS played TARG was insane!! THURS FEB 5– House of TARG/ kick off party for Ottawa Implosion FRI FEB 20 – House of TARG/ Great tunes, high energy stage PBR/Rock n Roll Pizza Party present; Weekend Vol 2! It’s also the Bruised Beau’s All Natural present; BIG show from this killer band featuring ROCK & ROLL HOT DOG PARTY!!! Tongue 6 year anniversary so JEEZUS TRUCK vs. IN HEAT - Get an ex member of Ottawa legends DJ’s Skid Vicious, Luke Nuclear come out and party with the brains your fi x of fi erce rock n roll when SLEEPING PILOT and AS THE & B-Rad bring back everybody’s behind Bruised Tongue who had the these two monsters square off and POETS AFFIRM - special guests favourite party on the fi rst Thursday of know-how to put out releases from sweat it out, it’s gonna be loud so ORNAMENTS are back in business every month - this time with a twist! Boyhood, Roberta Bondar, Tropical quit yer bellyachin’ and let’s get serving up a serious dose of Ottawa HOT DOGS!!! They’ll be spinning Dripps, Organ Eyes & so many more down to business!! indie pop warmin up the night - - No cover!! awesome tunes all night to make you stoked! bounce around the dance fl oor like a SAT FEB 21 – House of TARG/ pinball! Do the tilt! Do the fl ipper! Do FRI FEB 13 – House of TARG/ FWYS present; THE BRAT ATTACK Sat Feb 28 – House of TARG/ the ramp! No cover!!! FREE Hot Dogs Ottawa Explosion present; BIG DICK RECORD RELEASE SHOW w/sg ABC Brewery present; THE YA or maybe Pizza served at midnite. w/sg THE FAMINES (mtl). This is CEREBRAL SCRUB? (Toronto snot YA’s - covering the best of The the release show for the BIG DICK’s fi lled skate punk rippers) TALK- Rolling Stones, THE YA YA’S pay FRI FEB 6 – House of TARG/FWYS Disappointment LP coming out on SICK (Montreal ) tribute to one of the most important present; Ska Jeff’s triumphant return Dirt Cult Records & P.Trash Records. WAR FAIR (Ottawa punk/hardcore) to SKA!! The title says it all – come The Famines are a two-piece garage- (and resilient) bands of our time. BRAIN DAMAGE (Ottawa skate skank/dance the night away with THE shock noise-fi lled combo once Featuring members of bands like punk rippers). There will also be a BEATDOWN (mtl) THE SENTRIES (ott) described as “berzerker barrage” THE BUSHPILOTS and GOOD TO screening before the bands of BRAT plus DOUBLE D SOUNDSYSTEM and based out of Montreal, Canada, GO, guaranteed to get you movin’!! ATTACK’s new video - this band has spinning all ska, rocksteady, and in which Raymond Biesinger sings, been going strong for over 15 years, reggae vinyl! guitars, and executes the visual end of things & Drew Demers hits the check em out!! drums. SKA JEFF IS TARG’S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR WIZARD SO WE DECIDED TO HI-JACK HIS COLUMN AND LIST THE TOP 5 FIVE VIDEO GAME CHARACTER HOOK-UPS WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM WITH. LET’S PLAY CUPID.

OUR NUMBER #5 LARA CROFT #4 CHUN-LI ONE VIDEO She’s a 10 he’s a 7.5 She’s young & hot but GAME HOOK- and therefore out of his maybe too hot for Jeff UP FOR SKA league. Jeff is defi nitely to handle. This dame is charming enough to aggressive & we aren’t JEFF IS: catch her at a weak sure if Jeff is into that MS. PAC-MAN moment for a one nite Ghomeshi shit. 1 week stand though. fl ing at best. She’s THE First Lady of the arcade & Jeff deserves the best.

Ms. Pac-man is super cute, fun loving, good with make-up, knows how to accessorize & best of all she is on the pill. A perfect match! #3 MORTICIA #2 FROGGER We think he would do This ambitious amphibian They would make a well with a more mature has that certain “je nes pretty crucial 613 power se quois” that might mate + she is punk… couple don’t you think? well more goth. Not sure make for a ribbiting relationship. Hop 2 it Jeff. if Jeff could put up with DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE TARG RUSTIC BRUNCH all the My Chemical Romance though. EVERY SAT & SUN 11 AM - 3PM PINBALL YOGA WITH PINBALL SOLUTIONS By Andrew M. THE BEARDED WIZARD This month’s hot pinball tips are for the Addams Family machine. If you have been playing a lot of pinball these days you may have It is a peaceful game that best rewards single-ball play, although noticed some pain in places you didn’t know you had. Here are a few PINBALL YOGA POSES I picked up on my recent trip to India. I hope it some prodigies swear by multiball. helps improve your game and that you do not sue me. Single-ball play involves mastering the rhythm between two shots: the SATURN STUNT MUDRA center “Bear Kick” ramp, Stretch those fi nger & I mean really hyper extend yer and the “Electric Chair” digits. Fingers take a beating during pinball play and just a few mudra poses like this one could potentially prevent a scoop. When the scoop seriously painful injury. is activated (at the start of each ball, after a Bear Kick ramp is hit, or on a brief timer after the ball enters the right inlane), it awards a “Mansion Room”, which is basically how to do well GOOGLY-EYES SALUTATION at the game. If you can Practice looking in every direction possible at nail the BK/EC rhythm and the same time. This exercise is great for gaining get to 12 Mansion Rooms, focused eyeball control during Multi-Ball. you “tour the mansion”, Learning to break out your third eye is helpful for which is good news at making important jackpot shots but looks weird. Targ - these days you can probably get on the HS 1-4 board with a single tour. Oh yeah, and make sure to get the extra ball after you tour, ‘cause it goes away if you drain. KARMASUTRA-ISHARTED Fancy footwork and hip thrusts Most Addams Family machines have a few designated safe zones to shoot at. are important Pinball techniques. These safe zones change from machine to machine. Some feed the ball out of the Getting your legs limber by bumpers safely to a fl ipper (if you hold the left upper fl ipper up). Some allow for an stretching the heck out of ‘em easy trap out of the right scoop. The Targ machine, at least last time I played, has could prevent an injury. This a pretty easy trap out of the left scoop, and a release from the right scoop that is advanced pose requires a so unreliable I just whack at the ball when it comes out. I have also had success tremendous amount of mental concentration because the not using the left upper fl ipper at all - the ball tends to drop safely into the leftmost physical movement can loosen inlane for a controlled shot. (This is rare for an Addams.) up more than you bargained for. Use trial and error to fi nd your safe spots, get comfy in them, and enjoy a peaceful evening whaling on the electric chair. Just make sure to plug it in fi rst. ANDREW’S ROCK SHOTS. If you have attended an Ottawa underground music event within the past 10 years then you have probably found yourself standing next to ANDREW CARVER. He’s the tall introverted dude with a camera & he is at EVERY show documenting all the fun. (FUN FACT: Andrew also holds a Guinness World Record for creating the world’s largest pepper grinder.)

NEW HUMAN at Birdman Sound, June MILLION DOLLAR MARXISTS at 18, 2011, as part of Ottawa Explosion Barrymore’s, June 6, 2004 (opening for Electric Frankenstein) SONIC YOUTH at the Capital Music FLAMING LIPS at Bluesfest, July 10, Hall, August 6, 2004 2010

PEACH KELLI POP at Ritual for the ALL PHOTOS BY Gaga Weekend, June 11, 2010 ANDREW CARVER CAMP RADIO - Raw Sugar, May 15, 2010, for Kelpfest For more photos/ information check out: www.natcaprock. blogspot.ca/, Or view over 80K photos documenting the Ottawa underground music scene on Andrew’s FLICKR stream: http://goo.gl/iBUqmz HIGH ON FIRE at the Capital Music Hall, NEW SWEARS at Ottawa Explosion, TWITTER: July 23, 2010 June 22, 2013 DEMOLITION DOLL RODS - The DOM June 9, 2004. @natcaprock