Dreams of a Media Man

DREAMS OF A MEDIA MAN by Brian M inards ’VE always considered myself a fairly Having taken my first business tele cision endorsed by my wife who sugges mild, well-mannered individual, but phone call at home at about 6 a.m. that ted that it was a good idea because II must confess, if Alexander Graham day the young man’s attitude was akin to Alexander Graham Bell could not hear Bell were alive today I would be of a the effect of the potion on Dr Jekyll — I me anyway. mind to seek him out and extract a became something of a Mr Hyde. Sleep began to overtake me but not degree of retribution. With hair bristling and quietly cursing before I realised, somewhat surprisingly, Since joining the Australian Federal I grasped the telephone and told this that my wife’s wisdom resembled that of Police as Media Liaison Officer in 1984 journalist — and I must confess in not so Sybil Fawlty. his cursed invention has caused me a fair diplomatic parlance — that I had news Actually my love-hate relationship amount of heartburn. for him and it was not all necessarily with the telephone began long before 1 One night recently, for instance, my good. joined the staff of the AFP. son had to deal with an over-enthusiastic, Such is the lot of a media liaison It was one of my tools of trade during objectionable Melbourne journalist at officer. my time as a broadcaster with two radio about 11 o’clock, who demanded to I got back into bed muttering about stations in Canberra — the ABC and speak to me despite being told that I had what dire consequences a meeting be 2CA. gone to bed. tween Alexander Graham Bell and myself Presenting a talk-back radio pro The suggestion by my son that it had would present at that moment — not to gramme was, however, a far cry from my better be urgent was greeted with the mention the journalist. duties now. Although talk-back is tele opinion that media liaison officers should So saying I adopted my customary phone oriented my headphones were the be available any time of the day or night foetal position and stated that I would ear-piece and the microphone was the to speak to journalists. seek peace in my sub-conscious, a de continued^- Platypus 23, September 1988 5 mouthpiece. I never touched a telephone Lodge. The only possible casualty of the at any time for the hundreds of calls I night was a Melbourne journalist who received during my radio career. was bordering on hysteria and would not In 1984 I came face to face with this take “no” for an answer. I thought at the Telecom monster which has dominated time he was more than likely from the my life ever since. “Truth” and on being confronted with it became disoriented! In the AFP The decision to leave radio was not Odd cases taken lightly. After more than twenty Of the many unusual inquiries I’ve years in the business it was pretty easy to received two come readily to mind. A go to work each day and automatically reporter from a New South Wales South slip into gear and do what one had to do Coast newspaper rang to ask whether it but the opportunity to serve the AFP as a were true that in certain circumstances media liaison officer presented itself, and the Federal Police were issued with a I decided to apply. document permitting them to shoot As a consequence I arrived at AFP criminals. Feeling more than a little con headquarters at NRMA House in Can fident that it was probably unnecessary berra on February 9, 1984, was shown to to refer the question to a higher auth an office containing a desk, chair and Mr Brian Minards and friends. (Picture by ority, I reassured the caller that the fate telephone and told the job was all mine Terry Browne) of any wrongdoer in our community was — simply answer any inquiries about up to the courts and not in the hands of AFP matters in Canberra, interstate and I have always drawn some comfort the AFP. overseas. from the fact that having survived ans On another occasion a young, enth Suddenly the ABC was starting to look wering, to the best of my ability, ques usiastic journalist from an Adelaide radio good again . tions about those cases I faced early in station asked me whether I had Yasser I stared at the ’phone and quietly my career, then I would probably survive Arafat’s telephone number. After com implored it not to ring and mercifully it altogether. posing myself I replied in the negative did not. I found the following day that it but said I was so impressed with his By the time Operation “Lavender” was faulty! Telecom was called and it has initiative that I would see what I could and Robert Trimbole came along my not stopped ringing since. do. As it happened, one Federal police combat training had taught me to “dig I shall always remember my first eight officer advised me Mr Arafat did have a in”. I recall in the Trimbole case I infor weeks with the AFP: representative in Melbourne. I conveyed med the media briefly that “Robert • The Age tapes emerged; this information to the young man in Trimbole has been arrested in Ireland”. I • A foot and mouth disease extortion Adelaide — much to what I can only then ducked for cover, so to speak, and case emerged in Queensland and ac describe as his sheer delight. braced myself. The ’phone rang im cording to the media the disease was mediately and continued to do so con about to engulf the country; stantly for 48 hours, day and night, and • A suburban shopping centre in Can To Sum Up persistently thereafter for many weeks. berra was destroyed by fire and; There are very few dull moments in Such was also the case in “Operation • A man, a woman and two children the life of a media liaison officer with the Lavender” in which a Sydney doctor, were murdered in the outer Canberra AFP. “Challenging”, “demanding” and Nicholas Paltos, and nearly 40 others suburb of Richardson. “satisfying” are the words that come to were convicted and jailed for importing a mind to describe what has been my lot in huge amount of cannabis into Australia. nearly five years in the job. The assis Richardson case tance I’ve received from members and This case, which on the surface staff alike has been most gratifying and I seemed a clear cut triple murder-suicide, Rumours believe I can look upon many, not only as became the murder of four people by a Rumours are the most difficult thing a colleagues but also as good friends. Such so-called “friend of the family”. The media liaison officer has to deal with and support makes the job so much easier. crime was to involve me in an equally quite often they come from “an impecca On reflection I suppose Alexander Gra demanding media liaison role when it ble source” or “on good authority”. ham Bell was not such a bad sort of a was later revealed that the man convicted There was one occasion when I was glad I fellow either. Little did he know what of the murder had on a previous occasion had remembered to take my blood pres impact his invention would have on the shot dead the two sisters of the woman he sure tablets before retiring. The ’phone world when he spoke into that first tele murdered at Richardson. woke me at about 12.15 a.m. and a phone on that day in Boston in March, The first of two coronial inquiries had journalist whom I knew to be more ac 1876. Ironically, this man who invented found the sisters had died after being curate than some put my medication to what is in part a listening device once incinerated in a car, which had allegedly the test by simply asking whether I’d told his family he would rather be re run off a road, hit a tree and burst into heard anything about Bob Hawke being membered as a teacher of the deaf than as flames. The investigation into the Ri assassinated. History has since shown the inventor of the telephone. His inven chardson murders raised questions about otherwise, but suffice to say the rumour tion has certainly played a major role in the cause of death of the two young spread like wildfire throughout the my working life, but more importantly women in the car. Their bodies were media, even at that time of night. I spent he has taught me how to appreciate life’s exhumed and an autopsy found they had the rest of those hours of darkness refut simple pleasures. For me there is no been shot before the car was engulfed in ing it with great difficulty after going to greater pleasure than to answer the tele flames. The man responsible for the Ri extraordinary lengths to have it confir phone at home and be able to pass it to chardson murders was charged with their med that the Prime Minister was indeed another member of the family and say murder as well. safe and sound, asleep in bed at the . “It’s for you.” 6 Platypus 23, September 1988.

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