Rabbi Elchanan Theological Seminary • YU Center for the Jewish Future THE BENJAMIN AND ROSE BERGER TO-GO® Established by Hyman and Ann Arbesfeld • August 2019 • Av 5779

AUGUST 2019 • TISHA B’AV 5779 national tragedies and individual suffering

Dedicated by Rabbi Doniel Z. Kramer in memory of his parents, Rabbi Meyer and Rose Kramer of Philadelphia PA הרב מאיר בן הרב חיים מנחם ז"ל ורייזל בת יהודה לייב ע"ה We thank the following which have pledged to be Pillars of the Torah To-Go® project

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Rabbi Dr. Ari Berman, President, University Rabbi Yaakov Glasser, David Mitzner Dean, Center for the Jewish Future Rabbi Menachem Penner, Max and Marion Grill Dean, Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary

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2 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Table of Contents Tisha B’av 5779

Dedicated by Rabbi Doniel Z. Kramer in memory of his parents, Rabbi Meyer and Rose Kramer of Philadelphia PA הרב מאיר בן הרב חיים מנחם ז”ל ורייזל בת יהודה לייב ע”ה

4 Rabbi Yaakov Glasser: Mourning National Tragedies and Individual Losses Introduction

6 Rabbi Elchanan Adler: A Closer Look at the Kinos: Context and Sequence Tisha B’av Insights

12 Ilana Turetsky Ed.D: Sinat Chinam: Where Does It Come From, and How Do We Fix It?

16 Rabbi Josh Blass: The Recitation of National Tragedies and Individual Suffering 25 Rabbi Tanchum Cohen: Portal To Profundity:A First Introduction To Rambam’s Letter On Techiyas Ha-Meisim

29 Rabbi Josh Grajower: Reflections on Shiva

31 Rabbi Doniel Z. Kramer, Ph.D.: Visiting the Sick: Restoring the Berachah of “Hamakom” to its Proper “Place”

36 Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz: A Halachic Guide to Paying a Shiva Call

Dedicate this space in memory or in honor of a loved one. For more information, please contact Rabbi Robert Shur at [email protected]

3 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Rabbi Yaakov Glasser Introduction David Mitzner Dean, Yeshiva University Center for the Jewish Future Rabbi, Young Israel of Passaic-Clifton

MOURNING NATIONAL TRAGEDIES AND INDIVIDUAL LOSSES

he observance of the Three halachic demands that we encounter. and the 12 months, which decrease Weeks and Nine Days Understandably, many people struggle in intensity. Rav Soloveitchik would seem to evoke some of the with this challenge. explain that the inverted framework Tmost unique halachic quandaries of mourning during this time The mourning practices of theBein throughout the year. The disruption period, is a manifestation of ’s Hametzarim period, which increase in of our generally more relaxed their intensity leading up to Tisha B’Av deep understanding of the human months of summer with the halachic —Three Weeks, Nine Days, the week experience. An aveilus chadasha, expectation for one to experientially of Tisha B’Av and Tisha B’Av itself — a recent loss, follows a halachic connect to the entire range of national are a mirror image of the mourning progression to help process the loss tragedy throughout Jewish history, practices that define our general in a manner that will ultimately is one of the most challenging aveilus practices: shiva, shloshim, facilitate that individual to reintegrate

4 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 into the normal experiences of a moment and truly appreciate the and unsupportive comments to those life. By contrast, aveilus yeshana, profound loss that must have come to who are struggling. The mitzvah the commemoration of previous each and every family, upon the loss of of nichum aveilim places the entire losses in our history, yields no such their loved one. community in the homes of those visceral reaction, and therefore, who have experienced the loss of halacha guides our emotions by their loved ones, but our behavior incrementally increasing the intensity and attitude within those homes, will of our mourning observance. It is ultimately determine if the mourner indeed so challenging to truly feel and Yahadus asks of us can emerge from the experience experience the pain of our people’s to not only confront edified with hope, or even further loss from centuries ago, and certainly pained by the magnitude of their loss. in antiquity. the tragedies of our Tisha B’Av teaches us not to abstract the loss of others and engage them One of the Kinnos we recite on Tisha people as broader with formal acts of ritual, but rather, B’Av (number 23) depicts the tragic to truly internalize their pain and story of the son and daughter of Rabbi experiences in the provide the love and support that they Yishmael who were sold into slavery so desperately need. only to discover that their relative context of our history, masters intended to marry them to but to take a moment Concluding a shiva visit, we recite the each other. Horrified by the prospect following phrase: המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון of such a profound violation, they and truly appreciate וירושלים. each isolated themselves in a corner of a dark room and fervently prayed, the profound loss that May the Omnipresent comfort you only to discover their intended fate must have come to among the mourner of Zion and the following morning and die of . shock in the face of such a terrible each and every family, reality. Rav Soloveitchik explained By referencing those who mourn that the liturgy of Kinnos, which is upon the loss of their the destruction of Jerusalem and the predominantly focused on the vast loved one. two Holy Temples, this declaration losses of communities, includes this acknowledges that while our national story to accentuate the importance losses encompass the demise of of relating to each individual in the individuals, every individual loss also face of national churban. Tragedies of impacts the broader national story of immense magnitude are sometimes In this Tisha B’Av issue of The the Jewish people as we yearn for our internalized in a more abstract Benjamin and Rose Berger Torah To redemption. manner as it is nearly impossible to Go®, we explore the wisdom of Torah emotionally process the loss of each as it relates to supporting those who individual. Yet Yahadus asks of us to have experienced loss. We have all not only confront the tragedies of found ourselves at a hospital visit or our people as broader experiences in shiva house observing well-meaning the context of our history, but to take individuals who make inappropriate

Find more shiurim and articles from Rabbi Yaakov Glasser at https://www.yutorah.org/rabbi-yaakov-glasser

5 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Rabbi Elchanan Adler Tisha B’av Insights , RIETS

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE KINOS: CONTEXT AND SEQUENCE

he recitation of Kinos meaning of the Kinos. As the number compositions are riddled with obscure on Tisha B’Av has a long of Kinos increased, their recitation language and contain numerous history.1 Maseches Sofrim was moved from Chazaras HaShatz allusions to a wide range of pesukim T(18:3) records the minhag to read to after kerias HaTorah. Within and ma’amarei Chazal. Moreover, Eicha on Tisha B’Av night along with Ashkenazic Jewry, there were different the paytan often employs a play on selected perakim in Yirmiyahu and traditions regarding the recitation words or invents new linguistic genres. Tehilim. During the Geonic period, of Kinos by the entire congregation. To attempt to plumb the meaning Selichos were recited within Chazaras In Western Europe, the Kinos of R. of Kinos requires some familiarity HaShatz like on other fasts.2 With the Elazar HaKalir were recited by one with these unique word forms, as emergence of piyut as an integral part designated individual and the other well as the sources they derive from. of davening, Kinos became part of the Kinos were recited by everyone Our ability to understand the Kinos seder hayom of Tisha B’Av. Many of the present. In Eastern Europe, all of the has been greatly enhanced by the Kinos compositions were expansions Kinos were recited in unison. publication of annotated editions of the piyutim recited within Chazaras in both Hebrew and English.4 In 3 In recent decades, we have witnessed HaShatz. Accordingly, only the a renewed interest in studying the addition, Rav Soloveitchik’s annual chazan would recite the Kinos and Kinos. However, doing so poses exposition of the Kinos in Brookline, others would listen. It was the chazan’s a unique challenge. The Kinos MA, have been published in various responsibility to understand the forums5 and have added immeasurably

6 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 to a deeper appreciation of Kinos gap of one Kinah (#25), followed by Bridging Kinos 6 through 9 and their underlying themes. three additional HaKalir Kinos (#26, Indeed, many shuls now follow #27, #28). The first of the HaKalir Kinos recited on Tisha B’Av day (#6 in most Rav Soloveitchik’s lead and have If we look closely at the opening and introduced an explanatory Kinos, editions; #7 in the Goldschmidt closing words of these Kinos it is edition) begins with the word Shavas. in which the dirges are not merely apparent that HaKalir intended his recited, but are explained by the This Kinah was intended to be a individual compositions to be part of a sequel to a Kinah that does not appear rabbi or some other knowledgeable series. That is not to say that all 19 (he individual who studied them in in our standard texts. We can discern may have composed more) form part this from the fact that the Kinah is advance. of one long series. Rather, they were based on the alphabetical structure of Almost half of the Kinos that appear likely written as a few “mini-series.” Eicha. Each stanza contains the words in the collection of Ashkenazic Jewry [Prof. Daniel Goldschmidt suggests from Eicha represented by a specific were composed by R. Elazar HaKalir. that in the past, the chazan would letter of the aleph beis. The first stanza While Hakalir’s precise identity, choose which mini-series to say.] of this Kinah uses the lettersamech as well as the historical period in and continues to the end of the aleph which he flourished, are a matter of beis. The first 14 letters of the aleph considerable controversy,6 there is no beis are missing because they are part doubt that he was held in extremely Each word of a previous Kinah.9 high esteem. HaKalir’s compositions are complex, and saturated with of HaKalir is The Kinah ofShavas closes with the remember — זכור ה’ מה היה לנו layers upon layers of meaning. Each “golden,” laden words word of HaKalir is “golden,” laden Hashem what has happened to us with symbolism. His contributions with symbolism. (taken from Eicha 5:1). This is clearly to piyut have transformed our liturgy7 a bridge to the next Kinah, “Eicha זכור ה’ מה and his Kinos have been recited by His contributions Atzta” (#7), which employs as its refrain. Eicha Atzta ends היה לנו .Ashkenazic Jewry for centuries I would — אאדה עד חוג שמים to piyut have with 10 Literary Bridges between the soar to the circle of heaven, which Kinos transformed also serves as the opening words of the subsequent Kinah (#8). The same This essay will explore the literary our liturgy. applies to the closing words of Kinah — איכה תפארתי מראשתי השליכו — transitions between the Kinos #8 composed by R. Elazar HaKalir. As we How did they throw My glory from My head — which appear as the shall see, an analysis of these literary The standard Kinos collections do opening words of the next Kinah (#9). bridges will yield fascinating insights not present all 19 compositions Thus far, we have identified a string that would largely go unnoticed in a together. It is unclear why the last four of Kinos that are consistent with the superficial perusal of the Tisha B’Av of HaKalir’s Kinos appear separately standard edition. Kinos. from the first 15. What is even more The standard Kinos collection peculiar, however, is that the sequence Bridging Kinah 9 to Kinah 15: contains 19 Kinos for Tisha B’Av in which these Kinos appear in our Linking to the Tochecha in day that were authored by HaKalir.8 editions clearly do not conform Bechukosai The first 15 appear in succession to HaKalir’s intended mini-series. — beginning with “Shavas” (#6 in Once we examine the literary bridges Next we encounter something most editions of Kinos) through between each of these Kinos, this interesting. In the printed editions of Hatei (#20). The next composition point will emerge into sharper focus. the Kinos, Kinah #9 closes with words of HaKalir appears four Kinos later How does — איכה ישבה חבצלת השרון (#24) — “Tisaser le’aleim” — then a the Rose of Sharon11 sit [alone] — an

7 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 apparent transition to the opening the fact that this Kinah concludes sanctum (#16). Hence, we can discern of Kina #10. However, this was not on a semi-hopeful note suggests that a sequence of #14, #13, #16, but we the original closing phrase of Kinah it either closes a series or is a stand- have yet to decipher the whole series. #9. Rather, this Kinah, as originally alone Kinah. What precedes #14 and what follows ?#16 לכן קוננתי composed, ended with איכה אשפתו פתוח כקבר — I therefore Bridging Kinos 11-12-14-13-16 We have already seen that #11 and lament, how is it that his refuse box #12 follow in sequence. Is it possible is open like a grave. This is a clear Let us continue to the next series that they precede #14? At first glance, transition to Kinah #15, which opens by exploring the concluding words there is no connection between Kinah איכה אשפתו פתוח כקבר איכה יעיב באפו with the words . of Kinah #11, which is introduced #12 which ends with and Kinah #14 which opens with ויקונן ירמיהו על יאשיהו Apparently, this Kinah was intended with the words Upon closer .איכה את אשר כבר עשהו to be followed not by the printed — Yirmiyahu eulogized Yoshiyahu Kinah #10 but by what in our editions (#11).18 The Kinah closes with the 12 examination, however, we discover my tent was something interesting. Kinah #14 — ונטש אהלי is #15! words A closer look at Kinah #9 reveals abandoned. This phrase serves as a consists of highly complex groupings of three stanzas, with the first two of אהלי why: Each stanza concludes with a literary bridge to the next Kinah My tent that you craved those stanzas containing references — אשר תאבת pasuk from the tochacha in Parashas Bechukosai. It begins with the blessings (#12). Kinah #12 concludes with the to words in the second chapter of and Eicha.19 As noted, Kinah #12 ends — ועד עתה איכה יעיב באפו preceding the tochacha (the first 11), words the ,איכה יעיב באפו continuing with the klalos (curses) until now, how has He clouded me with the words .opening words of this same chapter איכה יעיב next 11), and the Kinah ends with in His anger. The phrase) is a reference to the opening Hence, it is clear that Kinah #12 באפו vehalacti af ani” (Vayikra 26:24) — I“ too shall walk [against you13]. Kinah words of the second perek of Eicha. contains a bridge to Kinah #14.20 We #15 also contains a reference to the Its placement at the end of Kinah #12 have thus managed to identify a larger tochacha in each stanza and picks up suggests that it is a bridge to another sequence of: 11, 12, 14, 13, 16.21 It precisely where Kinah #9 left off: from Kinah, but which one? It doesn’t seem remains unclear if this comprises the “veheveisi alaichem cherev” (26:25) — to connect to the Kinah that follows entire series or whether there are I will bring upon you a sword. Kinah in the standard version, “Ei koh”— additional Kinos in the series. After #15 concludes with: “Hashiveinu where is the [merit of] “koh” [that all, Kinah #16 does not conclude on vehoreinu eileh hachukim” — restore was promised to Avraham] (#13). a comforting note. Rather, it ends a — ובת קול נשמעה עורה למה תישן with איכה ,us and teach us these laws — based Furthermore, the next Kinah Alas! That it has heavenly voice is heard, saying “wake — אשר כבר עשוהו on the pasuk following the tochacha.14 The optimistic tone in which this already been done (#14), concludes up, why are you sleeping?” Is this phrase intended as a bridge to another רגנו להמיר לשון איכה Kinah concludes indicates that it is with the words ?they protested that they Kinah or is it the end of the series — בלשון אי כה ,intended to close the series (6, 7, 8, 9 15)15. were made to exchange the language This remains unclear. of eicha with ei koh. Clearly, the If so, we are left without a true two Kinos were printed in inverted Bridging Kinos 18-19-20 .sequence — #14 leads into #13 איכה ישבה חבצלת —bridge to #10 a Kinah that deals with the 24 However, if that is the case, what ,השרון The next Kinah in the standard mishmaros of the kohanim. It is not precedes #14 and what follows #13? If — אם תאכלנה נשים פרין editions is clear which Kinos, if any, are part of its We can resolve the second question 16 women eat their offspring (#17). The עד מתי אלקים series. The Kinah concludes with the by noting that #13 ends opening of this Kinah has no obvious for how long, O God, will — יחרף צר — ומשלחנך תאריח שולי חמת אריח words connection to other Kinos. and offer hospitality to the mishmar the oppressor blaspheme? This seems “The subsequent Kinah, V’Atah זכור from “chamas ari’ach” — which does to be a literary bridge to the Kinah ,(remember what amarta” — And You said (#18 — אשר עשה צר לפנים not seem to provide a literary bridge 17 — לך ה’ הצדקה to a subsequent Kinah. Moreover, the oppressor (Titus) did in the inner contains the phrase

8 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 For You, Hashem is righteousness, in of the series. Thus, we have a series of have yet to pair with others. Working its final stanza, a clear bridge to the 18, 19, and 20, though it is unclear if backward, “Eich Enachem” — how this is a complete series or if there are can I be comforted (#28) contains לך ד‹ following Kinah (#19) titled Kinos that precede #18. the refrain “eich enachem” for each הטה אלקי Similarly, #19 ends .הצדקה My God, turn Your ears line, with the exception of the closing — אזנך ושמע and listen, and the next Kinah (#20) Pairing Kinah 17 with 28; 10 line, “ve’az enachem” — then I will Kinah #20 with 24; Bridging 27 to 26 be comforted. The positive ending .הטה אלקי אזנך is titled has the hallmark of a closing Kinah והאר פניך על מקדשך השמם ends with — shine Your countenance on Your There are four Kalir Kinos that we of a series. Indeed, it is the last Kinah desolate Temple, which are words of have not yet explored (24, 26, 27, that we recite of the Kalir Kinos. comfort, implying that this is the end 28), and two others (10, 17) that we However, it is unclear what, if any,

Illustrative Summary

The following chart lists the nineteen Kinos of R. Elazar HaKalir recited on Tisha B’Av day along with their relevant literary bridges. The second from right column highlights the opening phrase or refrain of the Kinah that suggest a literary connection to a previous Kinah; the extreme right column highlights the Kinah’s closing phrases that often serve as literary bridges to a subsequent Kinah. The three left columns indicate the name and number of each Kinah and which Kinah it is definitely or possibly a sequel to.

# Title Sequel To Opener/Refrain Closing Phrase Kinah that isn't זכור ה' מה היה לנו שבת סורו מני שבת 6 recited אאדה עד חוג שמים זכור ה' מה היה לנו #6 איכה אצת 7 איכה תפארתי מראשותי השליכו אאדה עד חוג שמים #7 אאדה 8 איכה ישבה חבצלת השרון איכה תפארתי מראשותי לכן קוננתי איכה :Original ending was #8 איכה תפארתי 9 השליכו אשפתו פתוח כקבר ומשולחנך תאריח שולי חמת אריח איכה ישבה חבצלת השרון (Possible Pair) #24 איכה ישבה 10 ונטש אהלי ויקונן ירמיהו על יאשיהו ויקונן ירמיהו 11 ועד עתה איכה יעיב באפו אהלי אשר תאבת #11 אהלי 12 עד מתי אלקים יחרף צר אי כה #14 אי כה 13 רגנו להמיר לשון איכה בלשון אי כה איכה את אשר כבר עשהו #12 איכה את אשר כבר עשהו 14 השיבנו והורנו אלה החקים איכה אשפתו פתוח כקבר #9 איכה אשפתו 15 ובת קול נשמעה עורה למה תישן זכור את אשר עשה צר בפנים #13 זכור את אשר עשה צר בפנים 16 ואם יהרג במקדש ה' כהן ונביא לא משמיעים אם תאכלנו נשים פרין (Possible Pair) #28 אם תאכלנה 17 לך ה' הצדקה ואתה אמרת ואתה אמרת 18 הטה אלקי אזנך ושמע לך ה' הצדקה #18 לך ה' הצדקה 19 והאר פניך על מקדשך השמם הטה אלקי אזנך #19 הטה אלקי אזנך 20 ואת נחלתי נטשתי תסתר לאלם (Possible Pair) #10 תסתר לאלם 24 הנני משובב גלות בניכם אז בהלוך ירמיהו #27 אז בהלוך ירמיהו 26 תרחם ציון כי בא מועד אז במלאת ספק אז במלאת ספק 27 ואז אנחם איך אנחם (Closing Kinah #17 (Possible Pair :איך תנחמוני 28

9 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Kinah precedes this. “Az B’melos B’melos sefek” (#27). Both Kinos Endnotes sefek” — then when the measure was close with words of comfort. They filled (#27) doesn’t seem to provide a also both open with the word “az.” 1. Much of this background material can be found in the introductory section of Prof. bridge to #28. Thematically, they are interrelated. Daniel Goldschmidt’s edition of Kinos, as well We may tentatively conjecture that They tell a single story, but in reverse as in the introduction to Kinos Hameforash .(should be order. Kinah #27 belongs before (ed. R. Yaakov Weingarten (אם תאכלנה נשים פרין) #17 paired with Kinah #28, in that both Kinah #26. Kinah #27 references a 2. Over time, on fast days, Selichos were contain a pithy refrain of despair conversation between Yirmiyahu and removed from Chazaras HaShatz and recited a disheveled woman (symbolizing afterward. On Tisha B’Av, Selichos were “alelai li” — woe unto me and “eich ). She directs him to call removed completely and replaced by Kinos. enachem.” In addition, both reference Knesses Yisrael on the Avos to cry out on behalf of Theaveilus motif overshadowed the taanis the slaughter of tens of thousands to motif. their exiled children. Kinah #26 opens avenge the dam navi — the blood of with Yirmiyahu visiting the graves of 3. For many of our holidays, there is an the slaughtered prophet. expanded version of Chazaras HaShatz that the Avos and imploring them to pray includes piyutim. On and 24 תסתר לאלם תרשישים מרון Kinah #24 — for the Jewish people. , these piyutim are recited almost — You hid yourself in order to silence universally. However, on other holidays, the the celestial angles from singing — Conclusion practice is less common. Some communities does not indicate an overt connection still recite yotzros in Chazaras HaShatz of the to the other Kinos that appear beside four parshiyos and some recite a krovetz in We have identified clear patterns Chazaras HaShatz for . Piyutim exist for it in our printed editions. It does, in the sequence of Hakalir Kinos, Chazaras HaShatz of the other holidays, but however, bear a fascinating literary and conjectured upon others (see are not commonly recited. The original Kinos and thematic connection to Kinah accompanying chart above), although were designed to be inserted into Chazaras .How we have not assembled all the pieces HaShatz following a similar pattern — איכה ישבה חבצלת השרון — #10 does the Rose of Sharon sit [alone] of the puzzle. The awareness of the 4. In Hebrew, these include: Seder HaKinos (#10). The literary connection is in inter-relationships between these Le’Tisha B’Av of Prof. Daniel Goldschmidt, Kinos Hameforash, (Weingarten) and Kinos the same rhyme scheme. In Kinah Kinos may be a useful guide for those #10, the last words of the respective Tisha B’Av Im Peirush Kadmon (Holzer). In who do not recite the entire collection English, there are the editions produced by R. .of Kinos. Rather than selecting in an Rosenfeld, Artscroll, and Koren השרון, :lines of the first stanza are In the first stanza arbitrary fashion, I would recommend .ארון, אהרון, מרון 22 5. Rabbi Dr. Jacob J. Schacter’s The Lord of Kinah #24, the rhyming words reciting Kinos that form part of the is Righteous in All of His Ways. See also same series. Even those who do recite Harerei Kedem, Vol. 2 pp. 306-311. Many of .מרון, חרון, ארון :are strikingly similar Furthermore, these two compositions all the printed Kinos may wish to Rabbi Soloveitchik’s insights have also been are also thematically related in that consider altering the order of their incorporated in the Koren edition. Kinah #10 discusses the mishmaros recitation so as to more accurately 6. According to many , R. Elazar kehunah — the families of Kohanim adhere to their original sequence. HaKalir was a Tanna. Tosafos (Chagigah 13a, that served in the Beis HaMikdash, s.v. V’raglei) and the Rosh (Berachos chapter Hopefully, the issues discussed in this 5 #21) assume that he was R. Elazar, the son while Kinah #24 discusses the lost essay will become irrelevant in the 23 of R. Shimon bar Yochai. [See, however, Mor vessels of the Beis HaMikdash. very near future. U’ketziah (OC 112) who quotes the Arizal The two remaining Kinos are Az“ as attesting that HaKalir contained the “spark of the soul” (nitzotz nishmas) of R. Elazar b. Bahaloch Yirmiyahu” — Then when Shimon. See also the Chida’s Machzik Bracha, Yirmiyahu went (#26) and “Az ibid.] According to the Rashba (Teshuvos

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10 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Harashba 1:469), he was R. Elazar ben 12. As noted by Prof. Goldschmidt, once the 20. In the Peirush Kadmon, the stanza that Arach. Others consider the possibility that original sequence was lost, the closing line serves as the last paragraph of Kinah #12 in HaKalir was R. Elazar b. Yaakov or R. Eliezer of Kinah #9 was altered in order to create an our versions appears as an introduction to b. Hurkinus (Tzemach Dovid, 4:833). On the “artificial” link to the Kinah that followed. Kinah #14. This is further evidence that Kinah other hand, R. Yosef Steinhart (Zichron Yosef, #12 was intended to be read together with 13. The bracketed words are taken from the Orach Chaim, no. 13), speculates based on Kinah #14. This stanza follows the poetic Artscroll translation, given that the phrase “I the language of some of HaKalir’s piyyutim, structure of Kinah #12 (with a play on the too shall walk” originally appears in a negative איכה יעיב and weaves in the words (פה that he lived in the Geonic period. This view word context (as indicated by the subsequent words into that structure in order to connect it באפו was also held by R. Wolf Heidenheim and “ba’chamas keri”). However, it is possible that R. Shlomo Yehuda Rappaport (Shir). [See, to Kinah #14. HaKalir took poetic license with these words however, a critique of this opinion in Noda and intended to allude to the mystical notion 21.This order also is followed by the Breuer’s Bi’Yehuda (Orach Chaim 2, #113. See also of “Shechinta begalusa” — that Hashem kehila. lengthy discussion in Shu”t Teshuva Me’ahava Himself went into exile along with the Jewish by R. Elazar Fleckeles (Orach Chaim 1:1)]. 22. The first printed stanza of Kinah #24,Al “ people. Most contemporary scholars place HaKalir in Churban,” is a preamble. It does not fit the the Byzantine period. 14. The pasuk immediately following the style of the rest of the Kinah and it does not tochacha (26:46) begins with the words eileh seem to be part of HaKalir’s original Kinah. 7. For an eloquent rebuttal of Ibn Ezra’s hachukim. The actual first stanza begins“Tisaser .” critique of HaKalir’s obscure literary style and a fascinating analysis of the genre of piyut as 15. Indeed, in the Breuer’s community, these 23. Inasmuch as Kinah #10 ends on a semi- a whole, see Maharal’s Nesivos Olam, Nesiv five Kinos are read in succession. positive note and Kinah # 24 does not, we Ha’Avoda, perek 12. would have to assume, if our conjecture is 16. See later, where we offer a conjecture that correct, that Kinah #24 should precede Kinah 8. Kinos HaMeforash (introduction P. 25) this Kinah be paired with Kinah #24. #10. However, there is no discernable literary states that 20 of the Kinos were authored by 17. The words Vayekonein“ Yirmiyahu” that bridge between the two, so our suggestion HaKalir. This calculation is apparently based appear at the end of this Kinah in some remains speculative. on his erroneously attributing the anonymous printed editions is a misprint. It was inserted Kinah # 25 (Aish tukad bekirbi) to HaKalir 24. It is interesting to note that the Kinah is as an introduction to the next Kinah, which (see p. 255, ibid). based on the story found in Eicha Rabbah, bemoans the tragic death of King Yoshiyahu, Pesicha no. 24, with one major difference. In 9. This Kinah, which, according to but bears no relevance to the Kinah at hand the , Rochel is deemed most fit to Goldschmidt, begins with the words Zechor and therefore cannot serve as a literary bridge. pray on behalf of Klal Yisrael. In the Kinah, it Eicha, appears in the appendix of the 18. For an analysis of this Kinah, see my is both and Rochel together with Bilha Goldschmidt edition (p. 147). article in a previous issue of Torah To Go, and Zilpa who cry for the Jewish people and or Tisha B’Av 5776. elicit Hashem’s assurances regarding our (דאה A’adeh can either mean soar (from .10 .ultimate return to Eretz Yisrael .(איד break (from 19. The third stanza in each set contains an 11 . Chavatzeles hasharon is a reference to the embedded code for the name of the author, .אלעזר בירבי קליר .Jewish people based on Shir Hashairim 2:1

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11 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Ilana Turetsky Ed.D Tisha B’av Insights Faculty, Azrieli Graduate School of and Administration

SINAT CHINAM: WHERE DOES IT COME FROM, AND HOW DO WE FIX IT?

hazal identify a number of • We did not recite a blessing prior relationship with Torah. causes for the destruction to learning Torah, which some The Yerushalmi,Yoma 1:1, of the Beit HaMikdash (the associate with an insufficient powerfully states that any generation CTemple). The causes include the appreciation of the wonderful gift in which the Beit HaMikdash is following: of Torah ( 81a). Nedarim not rebuilt is held accountable for • We violated the three cardinal In addition to the above enumerated Churban HaBayit, for had that sins: murder, idolatrous practices, causes, perhaps the most famous is generation been worthy enough to be and acts of sexual promiscuity the Talmud’s statement in Yoma (9b) spared Churban HaBayit, they would (Yoma 9b). that the Second Temple was destroyed also be sufficiently worthy to merit because of baseless hatred, sinat its rebuilding during their own later • We were not sufficiently careful 1 to honor the great among us chinam. According to some, baseless era. This suggests that the lessons hatred is even the driving force that emerge from the religious and (Shabbat 119b). behind some of the other Talmudic moral deficiencies of the generation • We did not act lifnim mishurat explanations for Churban HaBayit; of Churban HaBayit have important hadin — above and beyond the were it not for baseless hatred, we implications for us as well. law — and instead were satisfied would have been better at honoring The purpose of this article is to better with a minimalistic fulfillment others and would have been more of the basic “letter of the law” understand the source of sinat chinam. successful at developing a positive What generates baseless hatred? requirements (Bava Metziah 30b).

12 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 לֹא תִׂשְ נָא אֶת אָחִיָךּבִלְבָבֶָך הֹוכֵחַ ּתֹוכִיחַ אֶ ת Indeed, the term itself requires further distance him as much as possible. For עֲמִיתֶ ָך וְ לֹא תִּׂשָ א עָלָיו חֵטְ א: elucidation. People don’t generally love requires a presence with another hate others for no reason at all, and, and hate requires absolute distance. You shall not hate your brother in your is heart. Rebuke your brother but incur no ״אהב״ on the contrary, people usually offer R’ Hirsch notes that the word .signifying guilt because of him ”א“ explanations for why they feel slighted comprised of the letter or offended. What, exactly, constitutes the individual self, adjacent to the Rav Hirsch notes the relationship :which refers to an act of between the two phrases in this pasuk ״הב״ sinat chinam? In exploring these word questions, we will strive both to gain a giving to another. R’ Hirsch explains (a) We are not supposed to hate our better understanding of the root cause that love is the process of devoting brother in our heart, and (b) We are of the Beit HaMikdash’s destruction, myself to the other, thus creating enjoined to rebuke others in instances and to empower ourselves to work a close connection. This involves of misbehavior. toward rectifying the problem. an element of sacrificing complete Rav Hirsch suggests the following: fulfillment of my self-interests, and כאן נאמר: אל תשנא את אחיך בלבבך, אלא — Approach #1: Rav Hirsch הוכיחנו להביאו לכלל הכרה עצמית. נמצאת instead, bringing “the other,” a being Loving and Hating those who outside of and distinct from myself, זו החובה המוטלת עלינו - כל אימת שנראה are Different לנו, שאחר פגע בנו: או נשכח את הפגיעה, closer to me. Love is about cultivating connection and intimacy, whereas ושוב לא תשפיע על דעותינו כלפיו; ואם אין Rav Shimshon Rafael Hirsch addresses אנחנו מסוגלים לכך - אל יעלה בליבנו טינה hate is about distancing those who are love and hatred in several places in his dissimilar and/or distinct from me. עכורה; אלא נוכיח את ריענו בגלוי ובמישרין, commentary on the Torah. Within his וכך נאפשר לו להסביר - או לתקן - את view, a clear perspective emerges in R’ Hirsch further expounds on this מעשיו. רק אדם, שלא עידן את נפשו, שותק which love and hatred primarily relate concept in the context of the divine מתוך איבה כבושה. love your ”,ואהבת לרעך כמוך“ ,to our capacity to handle and interact command with “the other.” neighbor like yourself (Vayikra 19:18). Here it says: don’t hate your brother in R’ Hirsch explains that creating this your heart, rather rebuke him so that he R’ Hirsch comments on the pasuk in closeness involves looking out for the 2 can come to a personal recognition. This Parshat Vayerah (Breishit 22:2): best interest of others, feeling invested is an obligation placed on us. Whenever ,in their success, and doing what I can it seems that someone has wronged us אשר אהבת. “אהב” - “הב” בהקדמת to advance their accomplishments, we can forget the wrongdoing and not אל”ף המתיחסת אל האישיות הפעילה, whereas hatred is all about pushing let it influence our thoughts toward the היינו: להתמסר לזולת, וגם לשאוף לקרב את others away, rooting for their failures, offender. If we are not capable of doing הזולת אליו ביותר; היינו: לשאוף להגיע לכלל and celebrating their eventual downfall. that, we should not bear a grudge, but התחברות הדוקה ביותר עם הזולת. היפוכו .This prescription sounds compelling rather rebuke our friend in an open way של “אהב”: “שנא”, קרוב ל”סנה”, היינו and (perhaps) somewhat within Through that, we can explain or correct בעיקרו: היות קוץ, לדחות את הזולת מעצמו, reach when interacting with kind, his ways. A person who has not refined להרחיק אותו מעצמו עד כמה שאפשר. compassionate, like-minded his ways will remain quiet because of a ל”אהבה” דרוש קיומו של הזולת, ל”שנאה” .individuals. However, according pent-up hatred - ריחוקו עד כלה: to Rav Hirsch, how do we develop According to R’ Hirsch, when someone ”אהב“ Whom you love.” The word“ to give) with an strong, positive relationships and behaves in a way that offends us, we) ”הב“ is the word preceding it, which symbolizes avoid a sense of hatred when dealing are called upon to have one of two ”א“ the individual self. This means that with individuals who have offended us reactions. Ideally, we should try to we devote ourselves to another and or caused us pain? forget the event that happened, to the also attempt to draw the other closer, point that it has no negative impact seeking to create a strong bond with While Rav Hirsch makes several on our attitude or behavior toward is suggestions throughout his this individual. However, if this is ”אהב“ the other. The opposite of which is similar to the word commentary on , one not possible, our second option is to ”שנא“ shrub), because at its core it is seems especially pertinent. The verse share what was hard for us with the) ”סנה“ a thorn that pushes away another to (Vaykirah 19:17) states: offending party so that he/ she may

13 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 be able to improve his/her behavior with an explanation as to why he Within this approach, how can we going forward. R’ Hirsch is highlighting believed it was so important to write avoid baseless hatred and the lashon the idea that at times, rebuke is a way about these laws, a decision that hara that ensues? Perhaps the most of preventing or reducing negative warrants particular justification given obvious answer is to properly learn feelings toward others. that no one before him had dealt with the Chafetz Chaim’s works on lashon these laws in nearly as comprehensive hara, including both his halachic In this passage, Rav Hirsch highlights a manner as he did. works as well as his works of mussar an incredibly important insight into that encourage people to carefully human relationships. Confrontation The Chafetz Chaim starts off by monitor and purify their speech.3 is uncomfortable and people tend seeking to understand the connection Proper knowledge of the halachot, as to shy away from challenging or between baseless hatred and Churban well as a deep sense of the import of awkward conversations. However, HaBayit (the Temple’s destruction). this mitzvah, are necessary to navigate R’ Hirsch is pointing out that given In quoting the Talmud’s (Yoma 9b) the many challenging and complicated the reality that family, friends, and comparison between sinat chinam acquaintances can, at times, hurt one and the three cardinal sins of murder, interpersonal situations that arise. another, if we can’t forget about the idolatry, and sexual promiscuity, the An additional dimension is shared offending incident and erase it from Chafetz Chaim highlights the severity in the Chafetz Chaim’s sefer, Ahavat the record of our mind and heart, of sinat chinam and also looks to better Yisrael. In this work, the Chafetz then the ability to sensitively engage understand how and why this served as Chaim offers a variety of additional in open communication can be the the basis for the Temple’s destruction. insights for those who wish to rid key to mending and improving those The Chafetz Chaim explains that themselves of any form of sinat relationships. Whether it is because . He lists four potential causes sinat chinam not only refers to the chinam the dialogue gives the other party the internal emotional experience of for sinat chinam (Ahavat Yisrael chance to explain his/her thinking or baseless hatred, but also to its external chapter 3), many of which have to circumstances and to potentially clear manifestation, namely, lashon hara. do with different forms of jealousy. up a misunderstanding, or because He strengthens this claim by quoting a In this context, baseless hatred does the process of getting something not mean that we have no reason Gemara in Arachin (15) that explicitly off our chest can be cathartic and equates lashon hara with the three for our emotions. Rather, similar can provide a release for the hurt cardinal sins (similar to the equation to Rav Hirsch, it refers to enmity that has been stewing within, the that is essentially unjustified and depicted in Yoma (9b) comparing short-term challenge of engaging unwarranted, in this case rooted in sinat chinam with the three cardinal in open, sensitive communication sins), pointing to the egregious nature jealousy and pettiness. can strengthen relationships in very of lashon hara and to the harshness Though the Chafetz Chaim didn’t meaningful and long-lasting ways. of the punishment that would ensue use these precise terms, many Jewish This type of open dialogue can be an from committing this offense. Indeed, thinkers extend these concepts to important force in preventing baseless the Chafetz Chaim associates this sin describe what perhaps can be termed hatred, namely, hatred that didn’t have with the core of Churban HaBayit. a “culture of competitiveness.” In such to be, i.e. hatred that grows as a result For the Chafetz Chaim, the problem a culture, we feel that the success of of negative emotions that, absent a with sinat chinam is not only the others stands to threaten our own healthy outlet, mushroom into larger- internal hatred that we carry, but the success. This may be because the than-life proportions and create a behavioral ramifications of harboring resources under discussion either toxic backdrop for the relationship. this ill will. Our thoughts and are or feel finite, and therefore I emotions directly frame the speech we experience someone else’s success Approach #2: The Way We Talk express, and the natural extension of as limiting the assets available to me. negativity toward others is destructive Examples may include someone else’s As is well-known, the Chafetz Chaim forms of communication, including child being accepted into a prestigious analyzed at length the laws relating words that corrode relationships and institution, leaving one less spot for to proper and improper speech. He social standing. my child who is also applying; an introduces the work Chafetz Chaim

14 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 acquaintance purchasing a “dream us what He believes we need to thrive The Chafetz Chaim Zechor( LiMiryam house” in a neighborhood with in this world, and if someone else has Perek 4) notes that in particular in limited availability, and precisely the something that we don’t, it is because, our generations, the ones prior to the neighborhood where I had hoped to based on His G-dly calculation coming of Mashiach, it is all the more move; a friend’s engagement, leaving (one that we are not usually privy important to invest effort in repenting me with the feeling that there is one to understand), He believes it is not and correcting the sins that caused less eligible bachelor in the pool in our best interest. Once we stop Churban HaBayit. For Rav Hirsch, of singles that travel in my circles; viewing others’ successes as a threat, this may demand the willingness to or even a trusted friend becoming it becomes a lot easier for us to unite, overlook the misdeeds of others or to increasingly close with a different to support each other, and to promote openly and sensitively communicate acquaintance, causing me to worry each other’s success. This orientation about them, and for the Chafetz that my friend will now have less need carves out the space for us to feel like Chaim, we are charged with shifting for or interest in me. we are on the same team as others, our perspectives and, by extension, rather than competitors in the race of polishing the quality of our speech. In Another manifestation of the “culture life. both cases, we are carefully tending of competitiveness” may relate not to to our interpersonal relationships so instances where assets feel limited, but Furthermore, when we assess our that small fissures in relationships to situations where we define our self- own accomplishments, not just in are managed in a healthy, productive, worth directly in relation to others. terms of socially-normed barometers timely manner, thus promoting close In this form of competitiveness, I of success (which are, by definition, bonds predicated on authentic mutual assess my strengths and traits based relative to others), but by our efforts respect and support. on others’ position and condition. to fulfill the G-dly mandate to be kind The degree to which I view myself as and generous of spirit, then our sense It is often said in the name of Rav intelligent/generous/professionally of self-worth remains untouched by Kook that the proper antidote for successful/spiritually ambitious/ the external success and advancement sinat chinam is ahavat chinam. May we an effective parent is directly of others. If we truly believe that we be zocheh to feel the positivity that informed and characterized by my are on the same team, and that our we direct toward others reverberate (self-perceived) position relative efforts should be directed internally back to us, resulting in a continuous to those around me. By definition, toward becoming kinder, more cycle of constantly improving, that would mean that someone else’s compassionate, and more empathic strengthening, and deepening advancement automatically triggers a toward others, then de facto we are relationships. May we be zocheh to downgrade for me. better equipped to celebrate the build a society characterized by love, success of our friends and community support, and the genuine celebration A possible antidote to this culture members. In this way, lashon hara of each other’s success, ultimately of competitiveness may involve a melts away because we are no longer leading to the joint celebration of the paradigm shift that reframes how we threatened by others and searching rebuilding of Bayit Shlishi (the Third perceive and interpret our reality. for subtle ways to bring them down. Temple). When we believe and internalize that The root cause of lashon hara is thus Hashem’s bounty is unlimited, and weakened and hopefully eliminated. that Hashem has enough parking Endnotes spots/scholarships/kind-hearted Building Toward the Future 1. See, for example, Yibaneh HaMikdash pg. and socially comfortable eligible 141. bachelors/professional opportunities/ (fill in the blank) for everyone, then The Talmud tells us that the Beit 2. This fits with Rav Hirsch’s powerful explanation for some of the arayot found in we no longer experience resources as HaMikdash was destroyed because of sinat chinam, baseless hatred. The Parshat Acharei Mot. See his commentary finite, and thus cease to experience to Vayikrah 18:6. See, as well, Rav Hirsch the success of others as threatening. purpose of this article was to increase to Shemot 15:13 for more on this general Many Jewish thinkers encourage us our understanding of this particular approach. to internalize the idea that G-d gives sin, including both its root cause and 3. See his sefer Shemirat HaLashon at length. pathways for rectifying the problem.

15 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 National Tragedies Rabbi Josh Blass and Individual Mashgiach Ruchani, Yeshiva University Suffering Rabbi, Kehillas Bais Yehudah, Wesley Hills, NY

THE RECITATION OF KADDISH

הקדוש ברוך הוא מנענע ראשו ואומר אשרי he laws and concepts quite ancient. TheTargum Yerushalmi המלך שמקלסין אותו בביתו כך מה לו לאב of mourning, for both explained that when Yaakov Avinu שהגלה את בניו ואוי להם לבנים שגלו מעל national and personal loss, called his sons together to bless them שולחן אביהם. Tare found extensively throughout (Breishis 49:1), the sons responded and are addressed to their father’s words, Shema Yisroel When the Jewish people enter the comprehensively in the Shulchan Hashem Elokeinu Hashem echad. In synagogues and study halls and recite, Aruch and sifrei halacha. With that response, Yaakov replied Yehei Shemei “May His great name be blessed,” the said, it is worth noting that the rabbah mevorach l’olam va’ed — May Holy One Blessed be He shakes His head mourning practice that is arguably His great name be blessed forever (in approval) and says “How fortunate the most adhered to, namely the and ever. A similar version of this is a king that they praise in His own recital of Kaddish, has origins that are conversation is recorded in Pesachim home.” Now [that the are in exile], somewhat murky at best. We would 56a, but the Targum specifically “What is going to be with a father Who be hard-pressed to open a Gemarah records as Yaakov Avinu’s response exiled His children and woe unto the or the and locate Yehei Shemei Rabbah, the centerpiece children who have been exiled from their precisely where the mandate for the of Kaddish. father’s table.” “Mourner’s Kaddish” comes from. It The significance of the wordsYehei Similarly, the Gemarah in Shabbos is also worth noting that this tefillah Shemei are mentioned in a number of 119b emphasizes the importance of doesn’t seem in any way connected other sources in Chazal. The Gemarah Kaddish in saying: to mourning. In the coming pages, at the beginning of Berachos 3a, אמר רבי יהושע בן לוי כל העונה אמן יהא I will address the history of this שמיה רבא מברך בכל כחו קורעין לו גזר דינו. records a conversation between ubiquitous practice and discuss some Yossi and Eliyahu HaNavi in which R. Yehoshua ben Levi said: Anyone who of the reasons for its adoption into the Eliyahu said that: mourning rituals. responds “May his great name (etc.)” with all of his might, his sentence will be בשעה שישראל נכנסין לבתי כנסיות ולבתי The basis for the recital of Kaddish is .torn up מדרשות ועונין יהא שמיה הגדול מבורך

16 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Last, Chazal highlights the centrality Gemarah never even entertains the tehillos yisroel — You are holy sitting of Kaddish in Sotah 49a, which states possibility of interrupting Sh’ma among the prayers of Israel — is that following the Churban the world for Kedusha. The mere fact that the recognizing that sanctity is created continues to exist only because of the possibility even exists to respond to not necessarily by the malachim on recital of Kaddish: Kaddish during Sh’ma is certainly high but by the efforts of corporeal striking. man below. The malachim are capable ואלא עלמא אמאי קא מקיים אקדושה of recognizing and exclaiming G-d’s ,Similarly, Tosfos in Berachos 3a דסידרא ואיהא שמיה רבא דאגדתא. sanctity but it is Bnei Yisroel, through How does the world remain in existence? discuss why Chazal instituted that their efforts and tefillos, that can Through Kedusha D’Sidra (the Kedusha Kaddish be said in Aramaic as create and add to that Holiness. It is said in U’va L’Tzion) and through opposed to most of tefillah, which is that concept of man as the mekadesh Yehei shemei rabbah said after learning in Hebrew. Both answers provided that somehow makes the angels feel Aggadic passages. by Tosfos appear significant. The first inferior, and in proclaiming the words is that the malachim were deprived While the actual words of Yisgadal of saying Kaddish and therefore, as a Yisgadal v’yiskadash shemei rabbah v’yiskadash are not mentioned in Shas we are reaffirming man as a potential way of avoiding making the Celestial and only appear in later Medrashim sanctifier. Angels “jealous,” the prayer was (Yalkut Shimoni, Yeshayahu 296), written in Aramaic, a language that is While these and many other these sources and others highlight apparently unknown to the malachim. sources reflect both the importance that the essence of Kaddish, which Tosfos’s second answer is due to the of Kaddish as well as its ancient consists of amplifying G-d’s “name” significance that Chazal has ascribed lineage, they in no way shed light in the universe, is clearly traced to , as demonstrated in on the specific practice of mourners back to the earliest of times. The Yehei shemei the aforementioned Gemarah in reciting Kaddish. At what point was Aruch HaShulchan (Orach Chaim . They wanted to guarantee that it instituted that a child should recite 55:1) in fact traces its origin to Sotah even the most uneducated Jew would Kaddish for a parent? the time immediately following understand the tefillah and therefore the destruction of the first Beis The earliest source that specifically instituted that Kaddish would be said HaMikdash. Specifically, once mentions Kaddish in conjunction in the vernacular of the day, which was Klal Yisroel were dispersed from with a mourner is found in Meseches Aramaic. their lands and no longer felt G-d’s Sofrim (19:12), in which the following presence through the vehicle of the The concept that the malachim custom is found: משחרב בית המקדש התקינו שיהו החתנים Beis HaMikdash, the Anshei Knesses would feel jealousy toward Bnei והאבלים באים לכנסת כדי לגמול להם חסד HaGedolah constructed a tefillah Yisroel because they were given the חתנים לקלסן ולהלוותם לבתיהן אבלים לאחר that would allow individuals to feel opportunity to recite Kaddish is שיגמור החזן תפלה של מוסף הולך לו אחורי that they still had the opportunity to discussed at length by many of the דלתי של בית הכנסת או בפני הכנסת ומוצא sanctify and amplify the name of G-d. ba’alei machshava (see the Gesher שם האבלים וכל קרוביו ואומר עליהם ברכה TheAruch HaShulchan points to the Hachaim, Chelek Aleph, ch. 30 and ואחר כך אומר קדיש. above Gemarah in Berachos, which Meshech Chochma beginning of clearly links the recital of Parshas Kedoshim among others). Yehei shemei When the Temple was destroyed, it was with the overall feeling of brokenness They point to the Gemarah in instituted that grooms and mourners following the Churban. 91b, which says that man’s Chullin come to the synagogue in order [for the ability to sanctify G-d’s Name and The centrality of Kaddish is manifest kehillah] to perform kindness for them. sing is more exalted and both in halakhic and Aggadic sources. shirah The grooms, for the purpose of praising beloved than the comparable actions For instance, a question was posed them and escorting them to their homes. of the malachim. The essence of (Berachos 21b) as to whether or not a For the mourners, after the chazan Bnei Yisroel’s superiority lies in person can interrupt reciting Kerias would finish the Mussaf prayer, he would the Kedusha D’sidra, which is the Sh’ma in order to answer Yehei shemei. go behind or in front of the doors of the beginning part of U’va L’Tzion. The While the Gemarah concludes synagogue and find the mourners and very statement of that one should not interrupt, the v’ata kadosh yosheiv their relatives and recite a blessing on

17 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 their behalf and afterwards, he would therefore there is no need to assume his landmark sefer Gesher Hachaim, recite Kaddish. that a mother or father are subject to (Vol. I ch. 30 4:1)records another the judgement of the wicked. Hence perspective as to why Kaddish was While Maseches Sofrim does not we are instructed to recite it for eleven instituted for the mourner. He says specify who exactly said the Kaddish and not twelve months. that Kaddish is another form of and for how long it is to be recited, — testifying to the clearly the concept of saying Kaddish While this answer is certainly valid, tzidduk hadin righteousness of G-d’s judgement. as part of the mourning process dates and is in keeping with the story It would be natural, argued Rav back well over 2,000 years. recorded by the Ohr Zaruah, it does Tukachinsky, that a mourner would put a somewhat uncomfortable bent There is a well-known story that be angered or disturbed by the way on what many feel is an incredibly would seem to shed light on our in which Hakadosh Baruch Hu was meaningful way of honoring a practice. The story can be found running the world, so as a result, parent. Perhaps we can argue that in numerous sources but is most we institute that the has the this reasoning can be expanded. It is avel identified with the passage found in opportunity to repeatedly proclaim not simply that a parent is in need of Ohr Zaruah (Hilchos Shabbos no. 50). . atonement, which is being assisted Yisgadal v’yiskadash shemei rabbah The story is about Rabbi Akiva who by the child’s Kaddish. Rather the Last, it would seem logical that meets a man who he immediately recital of Kaddish reflects the legacy the Kaddish was instituted for the recognizes is an apparition. The man of the parent, in that he or she has a mourner specifically because we looked horrendous and spoke of his child who continues to perpetuate recognize the comfort that is brought intense suffering since his death. Upon the name of G-d and to some degree to man by feeling G-d’s presence. Rabbi Akiva’s inquiry as to what could the parent’s legacy and values, even Just like in the story in , be done to alleviate his current state, Berachos after their passing. This perspective is which informs us that Hakadosh the man responded that if his son very much in keeping with statements Baruch Hu can be “found” in the Beis would say Kaddish for him in public throughout Shas. The concept of Hakneses and that in some way he is then he would be released from this b’ra — the son is a merit to also mourning for the Churban, so punishment. The story concludes mezakeh l’abba a living or deceased parent ( too, man after he has suffered his own that Rabbi Akiva found this son, Sanhedrin 104a), or churban finds solace in this ancient circumcised him, taught him Hebrew mah z’ro’oh bachayim af hu — just like the son is living practice. Even during, or perhaps and how to say the Kaddish and in bachayim the father continues to live ( specifically during, our lowest points, short order the man was released from Ta’anis 5b), speaks to the impact that the we can understand that we can bring his purgatory. This story is recorded child has in perpetuating the legacy G-d’s presence into the world and by the and Rishonim (Rivash of a parent even after their death. can hopefully be comforted by that #115), is codified by the Ramo Children who continue, both through presence. This is especially true in (Yoreh Dei’ah 376:5), and serves as the Kaddish and more important light of the communal nature of the basis for our custom that a child through their actions, to exemplify the tefillah, in which the mourner says Kaddish for eleven months for a the values of a parent brings an feels buoyed by the presence of the parent. atonement and a comfort to the soul larger community. While churban What is the desired effect of a child’s of the deceased. This also explains — be it the destruction of the Beis Kaddish? The simple understanding why the text of the Kaddish Yasom HaMikdash or the more common is that a child saying Kaddish for a (Mourner’s Kaddish) is in no way forms of loss and grief — are almost parent serves as an atonement for the related to the parent or to mourning. by definition times of enormous pain, parent’s sins. Based on this reasoning, The responsibility of the child is to we recognize the eternal wisdom of the poskim ask, why should Kaddish be mekadesh Shem Shamayim — to the Torah and Chazal, which give us only be for eleven months when sanctify the name of Heaven — which opportunities to find comfort within the dino shel Gehhenom is said to be hopefully is a reflection on who the that grief. twelve months? The answer of course parents were. is that we don’t want to assume Rav Yechiel Michel Tukachinsky, in that a parent was in fact wicked and

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PORTAL TO PROFUNDITY:¹ A FIRST INTRODUCTION TO RAMBAM’S LETTER ON TECHIYAS HA-MEISIM, AND SOME OF THE DOORS IT OPENS TO EMUNA DEPTH

ince the days of the Rishonim, The Narrative Background The thirteenth principle is techiyas ha- discussions of aveilus have often meisim. I have already explicated it above.6 One of the most direct formulations included a hashkafic look at life Earlier he also stated, succinctly and Safter death.2 The tragic experience of emuna principles throughout unambiguously, that techiyas ha- of personal loss and often mishna appears near the end of aveilus meisim is a cardinal principle of the Masseches Sanhedrin, in which the awaken many questions about the Jewish faith: details of the postmortem state of the first individual identified as losing ּותְחִ יַת הַמֵתִ ים הוא יסוד מיסודי תורת משה -neshama, as well as the specifics and his footing in Olam ha-Ba, the world רבנו עליו השלום, ואין דת ולא דבקּות בדת reality of techiyas ha-meisim, the future to-come, is one who denies techiyas יהודית למי שלא יאמין זה ... :resurrection of the deceased. ha-meisim, future resurrection Techiyas ha-meisim is a cardinal ואלו שאין להם חלק לעולם הבא: האומר אין A particularly intriguing conversation 5 principle of Toras Moshe, a necessary תחיית המתים, … on this topic appears in a lengthy belief for one who wishes to subscribe to letter3 penned by Rambam in 1190- The following have no portion in the the Jewish religion. 1191, commonly known as his Iggeres world-to-come: one who denies future Techiyas ha-Meisim (Letter Regarding resurrection ... Yet despite these unequivocal pronouncements about techiyas the Resurrection of the Dead). The It is in his commentary to this mishna ha-meisim, there were those7 who historical backstory of the Iggeres is (commonly known as his hakdama raised the canard that Rambam had itself fascinating, and in the Rambam’s le-Perek Cheilek) that Rambam heretically denied techiyas ha-meisim. masterful hands the topic becomes famously enumerates his list of the 13 Rambam is clearly frustrated by this a springboard over the course of the foundational and cardinal principles radical distortion of his writing: Iggeres for several larger topics in the of our faith, and techiyas ha-meisim 4 והנה חבורינו כבר נתפרסמו ויקראו ויראו אנה study of emuna. We will sketch some makes a brief and clear appearance as אמרנו זה. :of that background and touch upon the final principle some of these broader points. My oeuvre has been published and והיסוד השלושה עשר, תחיית המתים. וכבר disseminated. It can be read and ביארנוה.

25 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 determined whether I said this.8 Olam ha-Ba is the world of ultimate ha-meisim further contributed to the reward, experienced by those who will misunderstanding of his position, as He wrote Iggeres Techiyas ha-Meisim 11 some mistook that brevity (compared in order to set the record straight, to have undergone techiyas ha-meisim. to his expansiveness in exploring … ואחרי כן יבא המשיח והוא מכלל חיי clarify that he did believe in — and Olam ha-Ba) to indicate that he העולם הזה ובסופה יהיה יום הדין ותחיית had always believed in — techiyas actually denied techiyas ha-meisim המתים שהוא השכר הכולל הגוף והנפש והוא ha-meisim. He reviews various points ,entirely. This is of course erroneous העיקר הגדול שהוא תקות כל מקוה להקדוש in his writings where he clearly stated as he pithily notes that a truism stated ברוך הוא והוא העולם הבא שבו ישוב הגוף that belief in techiyas ha-meisim is briefly remains true. Drawing out an כמו נפש והנפש תדבק בדעת עליון כהדבקה necessary and one of the cardinal idea makes it no truer than the short בגן עדן עולם הנשמות ותתעלה בהשגה גדולה beliefs for every Jew. sentences quoted above, in which ממנה ויהיה קיום הכל לעדי עד ולנצח נצחים. Rambam opens the Iggeres by noting Following this world (which will Rambam unequivocally states that the irony that his very attempt to culminate with the era of Mashiach), belief in techiyas ha-meisim is absolutely elaborate on ikkarei emuna was techiyas ha-meisim will inaugurate the required of every Jew.13 itself misunderstood as a rejection ultimate reward which encompasses of the well-known ikkar of techiyas both body and soul. This ultimate The Rational and the Super- ha-meisim. He dramatically takes reward is Olam ha-Ba, in which we will Rational some small solace in commiserating enjoy unimaginable pleasure through 9 with Hashem Himself, noting the exceptionally profound connection with All this begs the question, one whose ultimate irony that His most direct Hashem. This state will be eternal and answer may open new doors for us: statement of monotheism, namely everlasting.12 Why was the Rambam remarkably Shema, was utterly misinterpreted and Rambam disagreed strenuously with brief? If indeed he accepts techiyas ha- misconstrued by Christians to imply meisim, as he did and as every believing the exact reverse.10 this opinion. One of the central topics of his hakdama le-Perek Cheilek is that Jew must, isn’t there much to discuss, techiyas ha-meisim is one of the end- to elaborate? Moreover, his brevity was Of Techiyas ha-Meisim and stages of Olam ha-Ze, of this world (in dangerous, as we have seen that it led Olam ha-Ba this sense, akin to yemos ha-Mashiach). some to mistakenly deduce that he did It is not a part of nor the same as Olam not truly accept this ikkar be-emuna. One of the great debates on emuna ha-Ba. In both his hakdama le-Perek 14 topics among mainstream Rishonim Rambam’s response is succinct and Cheilek and his Mishne Torah, he profound: is the question of techiyas ha-meisim writes briefly abouttechiyas ha-meisim and Olam ha-Ba. Both terms appear Belief in one Creator implies belief that He and extensively about Olam ha-Ba. in the abovementioned mishna can perform any miracle at His will.15 Yet and throughout the Talmud Bavli Rambam believes that they cannot it is clear both from the Torah and from and beyond. At times they appear be the same, as he marshals several empirical observation that He generally to be interchangeable, and the mekoros and logical arguments to wishes the universe to operate according preponderance of Rishonim believe develop the thesis that Olam ha-Ba will to the logical and scientific patterns that that indeed they are. Hashem will bring be an entirely spiritual existence devoid He founded, and He seldom chooses to us back to life to enjoy the ultimate of any physical aspects, while techiyas actually suspend these natural patterns reward. The event oftechiyas ha-meisim ha-meisim will obviously involve the and perform open miracles.16 will inaugurate the eternal era of Olam reconnection of body and soul. Techiyas ha-meisim is fundamentally . This opinion is often associated ha-Ba He reiterates this point in the Iggeres, and intrinsically miraculous, as physical particularly with Ramban, as he and notes that his “disequation,” his items tend to decay and corrode over expresses it repeatedly and develops it uncoupling of techiyas ha-meisim from time.17 Techiyas ha-meisim is therefore at length throughout the final segment Olam ha-Ba, was one of the causes that a “super-rational” phenomenon, of his . For instance, Sha`ar ha-Gemul led some to misunderstand him and beyond the reach of scientific or logical claim that he denied techiyas ha-meisim. analysis; we know it to be true since the העולם הבא הוא עולם השכר לאותן שהקדוש Rambam’s brevity in discussing techiyas Tanach and Chazal tell us so, but we ברוך הוא מחיה בתחיית המתים.

26 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Experience have no analytical tools available to fill in details not already provided by nevua or by Torah she-be-`al Pe tradition. We are thus unable to fill in details oftechiyas ha-meisim about which we are often curious, such as with which clothes the dead will arise, or whether they will arise old or young.18 While these questions may often be of substantial interest, summer חברthis ן and at times be emotionally fraught, we are not equipped ו -to answer them due to the super-rationality of techiyas ha meisim, and we can only say that we will know once it has happened. Moreover, Rambam therefore wrote very briefly about techiyas ha-meisim. This led some to misunderstand that he did not take it seriously, while in fact he simply wrote only what was of substance: we believe firmly intechiyas ha-meisim, though we are at present unaware of most of its detail. On the other hand, while Olam ha-Ba is not “scientific” in the usual sense of the word, Rambam understands that it is logical (as spiritual entities do not naturally decay, and ultimate reward is logical), and thus — unlike techiyas ha- meisim — Olam ha-Ba does yield to rational analysis and Book a Tour for a Fun & Educational elaboration. Rambam therefore wrote about it at relatively

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[email protected] | (718) 677-6886 based upon this abovementioned 2 Ramban likely founded the genre of sefarim other mekoros.] dedicated primarily to hilchos aveilus with miraculousness: techiyas ha-meisim 10 Iggeres (pp. 339-340). is an ikkar specifically because it his Toras ha-Adam, and he began as well the practice of dedicating a section to techiyas 11 Sha`ar ha-Gemul (p. 299). is a miracle. I believe he means that ha-meisim and related hashkafic topics with his 12 Sha`ar ha-Gemul (p. 306). techiyas ha-meisim is a neis nigle that has celebrated Sha`ar ha-Gemul, a practice manifest As an aside, Ramban’s language elsewhere in as well in contemporary sefarim on hilchos aveilus been predicted and has yet to occur. that and nearby paragraphs appears to be the such as Gesher ha-Chayim and Penei Baruch. It is a clearly and overtly miraculous source for much of what Ramchal writes in In contrast, Rambam’s Iggeres is an entirely suspension of scientific principles that Mesillas Yesharim (opening of perek 1) about the hashkafic work unconnected tohilchos aveilus. has been prophetically predicted in essence of Olam ha-Ba. Similarly, his definition unambiguously direct terms,22 and 3 In introducing his edition of this work, Rav in Mesillas Yesharim (close of hakdama) of Yitzchak Sheilat devotes the first footnote to sheleimus ha-lev appears to be based upon whose realization and achievement still whether this document properly ought to be Ramban’s language and categories in his lie in the future. Remarkably, while we called an “iggeres” or a “ma’amar,” a letter or an Hassagos le-Sefer ha-Mitzvos (mitzvas asei 5). know little about the details oftechiyas essay (Iggeros ha-Rambam, ed. Sheilat 5755, Moreover, Rav Yechezkel Sarna noted in the ha-meisim, accepting it is an application p. 315). Near the end of Sha`ar ha-Gemul introduction to his edition of Mesillas Yesharim of several of the ikkarei emuna listed (ed. Chavel 5724, p. 309), Ramban refers to (5717, p. 9; http://hebrewbooks.org/41769) “Megillas Techiyas ha-Meisim.” This article uses that Ramchal adopted a Maimonidean style above — belief in the Creator and the the conventional “iggeres.” in composing Mesillas Yesharim; this is true in corollary recognition that any miracle is several senses, and particularly in quoting post- 4 See Rambam’s Peirush to Berachos (9:7), possible if He wills it; the authenticity Chazal sources anonymously. Consequently, where he writes of every prophetic word — and techiyas Ramchal’s mekoros often remain a mystery. It might be worth exploring how much of שדרכי תמיד בכל מקום שיש איזה רמז בעניני אמונה .ha-meisim is therefore an ikkar itself Mesillas Yesharim in toto is in fact based upon אבאר משהו, כי חשוב אצלי להסביר יסוד מהיסודות .the Ramban’s writings יותר מכל דבר אחר שאני מלמד. I always seize opportunities to elaborate A Closing Charge 13 Iggeres (e.g., pp. 358, 362-364). on emuna topics, as I value teaching our Rambam’s Iggeres touches on a foundational beliefs over any other topic. 14 Iggeres (pp. 362-364), and expanded subsequently. host of other great issues as well, Rambam’s expansiveness throughout this including when to interpret Tanach Iggeres is a prime example of this self- 15 Iggeres (p. 367) citing his More ha- literally and when as profoundly description. In the opening paragraphs of Nevuchim (2:25), and brieflysupra (p. 356). the Iggeres (pp. 340-343), he appears to 16 Ramban’s Peirush to Bereishis (6:19), meaningful mashal; the realness of the explain the rationale for this primacy, noting Shemos (13:16) and Devarim (20:9). See intangible and non-physical; the role that a number of his contemporaries were also Chanukka To-Go 5777 (p. 22). of malachim; the danger and other halachically well-versed yet woefully deficient weaknesses of apologetic arguments; in ikkarei emuna. 17 In modern parlance, techiyas ha-meisim is a miraculous violation of the usual Ramban highlighting the uniqueness 5 Mishna Sanhedrin (10:1), particularly principle of entropy and the second law of girsas ha-Rambam. of the human beings as a singular thermodynamics. fusion of physical body and spiritual 6 English translations mine throughout. soul; and numerous others. Hopefully, 18 Hakdama le-Perek Cheilek (ed. Sheilat, p. 7 Rav Sheilat (p. 354 n. 18) suggests that this 130). this first foray into theIggeres has may have been raised by R Shmuel ha-Levi, 19 Additionally, techiyas ha-meisim has been a inspired you to dive more deeply the contemporary rosh yeshiva of Baghdad. well-known and well-accepted Torah concept, into this Iggeres and other machshava 8 Iggeres (p. 354). See also supra (e.g., p. 344). while Olam ha-Ba was not a topic of popular writings of Rambam and the other focus and thus Rambam felt that it needed 9 One wonders whether Rambam perhaps great ba`alei machshava within our heightened educational focus and emphasis. saw his own position as a rare sort or analogue sophisticated and nuanced masora. of ve-halachta bi-drachav, the mandate 20 This is one of the terms that Rambam to emulate Divine traits and conduct in frequently uses in reference to the 13 ikkarim. appropriately human fashion. See his Hilchos Endnotes 21 Iggeres (pp. 356-357), paragraph De`os (1:6 ff), where he expandsve-halachta ולזה נחשוב תחיית המתים מפינות concluding bi-drachav beyond kindness and compassion and for this reason we enumerate ...“ ,התורה This turn of phrase is borrowed from 1 to encompass the full breadth of human Rambam’s Hilchos Yesodei ha-Torah (2:2), techiyas ha-meisim among the cardinal, personality and character and our response ”.See yutorah.org/lectures/lecture. foundational principles of Torah .”פתח למבין“ cfm/927784 for an expanded exploration of to the entire panoply of life’s situations. [See this significant phrase. also his Shemona Perakim (perakim 2 and 4), 22 Daniel 12 cited in Iggeres (pp. 353, 357 and where he bases this mandate upon an array of n. 65).

28 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 National Tragedies Rabbi Josh Grajower and Individual Suffering Director of Day School Engagement, New York and New Jersey NCSY Faculty, Yeshivat Frisch and Naaleh High School for Girls

REFLECTIONS ON SHIVA

aving completed the shiva up, but many, many more whom I surrounded by the type of people who period commemorating the did not. People from every stage of are willing to go to such great lengths tragic loss of my 33-year- our lives came to demonstrate their to show love and support. Hold wife following her eight year- support and — without exception long battle with cancer, I would like — every visitor added to my sense Read the Room to offer a few personal reflections of consolation and connection with regarding the shiva process. I have no the world. As expected, some of While the following may sound resentment towards anyone. I was, the guests who were closer to me obvious, I admit that I myself had and remain to be, overwhelmed by the or to my wife were able to provide never really considered it when I was love and support shown to our entire a more acute form of comfort, but the one paying a shiva call: what you family. These comments are meant to that certainly did not diminish the see when you visit is only a highly- be personal reflections, which I hope cumulative level of support offered by segmented glimpse of a tumultuous others will find helpful when making each individual condoler — regardless seven-day period filled with a myriad decisions regarding how to properly of their affiliation to our family. Some of emotions. There were times when comfort mourners. drove many hours just to sit for a few I wanted to tell emotional stories and minutes, share a story, and/or give a cry. Alternatively, there were times Show Up hug before driving right back home. when I wanted to tell funny stories While sitting shiva in New York, we and laugh, times I wanted to listen, I cannot emphasize enough how had visitors from: Israel, Switzerland, and times when I just wanted the uniquely meaningful it was to see England, Illinois, South Carolina, room to be silent. Florida, Colorado, Utah, and each and every person who walked It may be difficult in practice, but the California. It is exceptionally moving, through the door. There were some halacha of waiting to be spoken to people whom I expected to show meaningful, and reassuring to be

29 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 before speaking at a shiva house is minutes and then leave. Or, if you just who they were. We can never have the instructive embodiment of a keen want to listen, stay for as long as you enough memories of the people we’ve and sensitive insight. I would suggest like. You may not be able to offer any lost, so please don’t worry about over- that, upon arrival at a shiva home, one words of comfort, but again, there is sharing. should sit back and observe for a few comfort in your presence alone. And, minutes before interacting with the even when it’s less busy, staying 5-10 E-mail, Don’t Call avel (mourner). There is no script for minutes is not offensive. I will restate: grieving, and mourning is a non-linear it meant a lot to me that you took From a purely practical standpoint, and individualized process. Read the the time to show up. I do not take it is very, very difficult to take phone room and engage in a manner befitting that for granted, but please don’t feel calls during shiva. I understand the the mourners’ current behavior/tone, pressured to talk or to make me talk. preference to call vs. e-mail, because and don’t rely on your expectations. (see: Read the Room above) it seems a little more personal, but it ends up having the opposite effect. Do Not Ask Practical You can’t know what I’m doing at Questions the moment at which you call, so it Repeating stories usually means disrupting something Thankfully, throughout about my wife or someone — thereby detracting shiva, insensitive, foolish, or from both the significance of your call, (unintentionally) hurtful comments over again was as well as any in-person conversation were extremely rare; and the few that (or much needed meal) you might came were — indeed — very few, comforting; repeating be unwittingly interrupting. When a and far between. I believe — as many person takes the time to write a nice visitors observed — that sometimes chitchat with people e-mail, the end result tends to be there really are no words. And yet, who didn’t know much more meaningful and personal. many people could not help trying I received many heartfelt, emotional, to fill the vacuum with practical what to say was not thoughtful e-mails, and that format questions: “When are you going provided people with an outlet to home?” “Who is coming with you?” express themselves properly, and “When do your kids start school If You Knew My Wife, I Wanted allowed me to receive their messages again?” You to Share at times during which I was able to devote my proper focus to the words While these questions seem While the status quo for a guest at a of comfort. innocuous and likely reflect an shiva home should certainly be more underlying level of care and concern, I found the shiva process to be listening than speaking, the instances answering the same immaterial extremely moving. I have always in which people who knew my wife questions over and over again can believed there is great wisdom in the — friends, family, students, neighbors become very annoying very quickly. Jewish mourning process. Having the — shared their own anecdotes and Telling the same stories about my wife unfortunate luck of experiencing it feelings about her were extremely over and over again was comforting. firsthand, I can state unequivocally meaningful. Of course we know a Telling 300 people about my travel that it is a brilliant, therapeutic and lot about her life, but sharing with itinerary was not. thoughtful time period. Thank you to us the parts we may not know goes a each of you for showing up, calling, or long way towards helping to preserve Quick, Quiet Visits are OK e-mailing. While my heart aches and not only the memory of a loved one, I wish my wife were next to me, this but of a more complete, colorful, and Among the many visitors who came experience made me proud to be a relatable person. Even — and perhaps during shiva were some people who Jew. May we continue to be there for especially — the most seemingly did not know my wife. In such an each other. benign stories can help us remember instance, I found it to be perfectly the subtleties that made that person Originally published on Times of Israel Blog, acceptable to sit in silence for a few Nov. 15, 2018. Reprinted with permission.

30 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 National Tragedies Rabbi Doniel Z. Kramer, Ph.D. and Individual Chaplain (LTC-ret), USAR; Board Certified Chaplain, Hudson Valley Veterans Affairs Healthcare System Suffering Rabbi Kramer is a retired Army Reserve chaplain, and has completed 40 years as a VA healthcare chaplain. Born in Philadelphia, he received his BA, MA and Ph.D. degrees and Rabbinic ordination at Yeshiva University and RIETS. He has also been a synagogue/community rav, a college instructor and is a past National Director of the UJA Rabbinic Cabinet.

VISITING THE SICK: RESTORING THE BERACHAH OF “HAMAKOM” TO ITS PROPER “PLACE”

here was a wealthy and about the hospitalization and told was sitting shivah, and he told his wife miserly Jew to whose house a his wife that he had to visit the poor smilingly that he had to visit the son poor man came, looking for beggar since bikur cholim, visiting the and perform the mitzvah of nichum Ta morsel of food to sustain himself. sick, is such an important mitzvah. avaylim — comforting the mourners. The miser refused to give food to The next morning in the synagogue, His wife asked why he was in a good the beggar, but after repeated pleas, the miser heard that the beggar had mood, and the miser responded that the miser dug into his garbage and died, and he told his wife that he had he was joyful that with one lousy pulled out a piece of old, rotten fish, to attend the funeral, sincelevayat piece of fish, he was able to fulfill four which the beggar devoured. Late that hamait — escorting the deceased to essential commandments: hachnosat afternoon, the beggar became sick a final resting place — is also a very orchim — feeding a hungry guest, and was rushed to the hospital. At great mitzvah. That afternoon, the visiting the sick, attending a funeral, the evening service, the miser heard miser learned that the beggar’s son and comforting a mourner.

I am honored to dedicate this Tisha B’Av issue of Torah To Go in memory of my dear and revered parents, zichronam livrachah, whose professional rabbinic and rebbitzen roles were but a reflection of their personal commitments to care for and pray for the sick as well as comfort those in mourning. If I have mastered any of the caring skills expected of a rabbi/chaplain, it is due to their example and teachings. In this season of mourning, may we all merit to again hear the clarion call of the Almighty, no longer hidden from us — “Nachamu, Nachamu Ami” — may we all be comforted with the imminent coming of the Messiah and a world where all people will be at peace, “Uva leTzion Goel” — and may the Redeemer come speedily to Zion, Amen.

31 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 In a Talmudic passage (Shabbat 127a), we are taught a lesson so essential that it is incorporated into the daily morning prayers. Bikur MAZAL TOV! cholim — and the other mitzvot Koren Publishers mentioned above — constitute a celebrates the completion of very small number of good deeds whose performance guarantees a just reward in this world and THE NOÉ EDITION undiminished returns in the world to come. KOREN TAL M U D BAV L I Properly, as the Rambam (Hilchot De’ot, 3:3) writes, we should lead a healthy lifestyle and take care GET THE of ourselves so that we are well SET! and able to serve Hashem in a 42 VOLUMES wholesome manner. Those who now $1600 follow the Divine commandments and are righteous will be spared from illness (Ex. 15:26). However, perfection in life is rare, and while we don’t understand the ways of God, sometimes sickness comes to help us change our ways and repent. At other times, The Hebrew and Vocalized [menukad ] as with Avraham, sickness can Aramaic text is and punctuated Rashi be a natural process of healing, duplicated next and punctuated Tosefot commentaries such as following a prescribed to the English to facilitate circumcision. The fact that the translation in pronunciation and Torah (Ex. 21:19) permits a trained logical units. comprehension. doctor to heal others, though the Dialogue and poetic phrasing The Mishna and Talmud sickness itself has Divine origins, is texts are vocalized, are presented proof of the dictum that we should punctuated, and always strive to seek out the best with distinct line completely digitally breaks, facilitating reset for greater treatments to improve our life comprehension. clarity and legibility. spiritually and physically, while believing in God as the arbiter of Thousands of full The direct translation The translation is accompanied life and death. color illustrations of the text is in bold, by thousands of informational throughout the Talmud while the elucidation Notes and extensive indices Besides the medical care from a bring to life specific and explanatory text of Background, Language, is in a lighter font. Personalities, and . professional that may be rendered textual references and background. information to the sick, our tradition recognizes Original, uncensored passages of the the very special healing power that Talmud have been restored based upon can come from family, friends, careful study of medieval manuscripts. and even strangers who ask about our health, and who desire to Sets available online at www.korenpub.com provide assistance; thus bikur and at your local Jewish bookstore. cholim becomes a major religious

32 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 paragon and activity. Just as God Divine presence that uniquely hovers recite a prayer asking for a merciful visited Avraham when he was ailing over a sick person. recovery. after his circumcision to comfort 5. When praying in the presence of him, so too should we emulate the a sick person, we may pray in any Almighty and visit those who are ill The common language so that the patient will (Sotah 14a), as we are instructed in understand and be appreciative, but the Torah, “After the Lord your God denominator of if praying away from the sick one, we shall you follow and emulate” (Deut. should recite the prayer in the Holy 13:5). Interestingly, it is a suggestion these laws is that Language — Hebrew. by the non-Jew Yitro, when he came to the Israelite encampment to visit merely “by going,” 6. We should not just pray for a his son-in-law, Moshe, and said to specific person alone, but should also him: “…and you shall tell them [the our caring presence include in the prayer the hope for Israelites] the way that they should go” healing for all who are sick among the (Ex. 18:20), which has found its way and visit to the sick, Israelites, and say: “May Hamakom, into the codification of Jewish Law. the One who is in every place, be Our (Bava Metzia 30b) have when possible and merciful to you among the sick in said that this phrase, “that they should permissible, is most Israel.” On Shabbat we should say, go,” specifically teaches the mitzvah of “On Shabbat it is not permitted to bikur cholim. The Maharsha explains efficacious and cry in pain, and therefore may a quick that the key fulfillment ofbikur cholim recovery come.” is predicated upon “going” — going desirable, together 7. We might suggest to a sick person to visit the sick and allowing our that he or she might feel less burdened mere presence to serve as a source of with heartfelt prayer if loans were repaid or if property healing and inspiration. to the Almighty that might be restored, without any fear The Code of Jewish Law, theShulchan of death — so that a sick person can Aruch in Yoreh De’ah 335, teaches in His merciful healing feel strengthened to properly attend to detail how we should ideally visit in personal affairs. the following 10 paragraphs: be sent to the ill one. 8. We should not visit those with 1. Relatives and friends (whose severe internal, psychological, presence may bring immediate neurological or ophthalmic diseases or 4. Halachah is very mindful of the consolation) should visit quickly upon other such difficult health issues when need for a sick person not to feel notification of illness; those who are it will be laborious for them to talk or embarrassed or inconvenienced, so more distant, after three days. communicate, unless we know for sure generally, we should not visit during that the visit will be appreciated and 2. Stature makes no difference — the the first three hours of day, when helpful. Rather, it may be preferable to great should visit those who are young treatments may be administered and visit their home or nursing station and or small, even many times during the sick one is thereby feeling a little inquire how we can be helpful to them the day, as needed, as long as the better at that time, because a visitor in terms of cleaning or the like; and visitor is not bothering, burdening, or might think that there was so much when hearing about these challenging inconveniencing the sick. The Maharil improvement that we need not pray cases, we should be moved to want to says that an enemy should visit a for the sick. We should generally also pray that God’s mercy be upon them. sick person, but the Rema disagrees, not visit during the last three hours of feeling that such a visit could bring the day, when a sick person may be in 9. We should visit non-Jewish sick much discomfort to an ill person. tremendous pain, and a visitor might people, too — “mipnei darchei shalom” — because such visits will engender 3. A visitor should not stand over a feel that prayer would not be effective. Ultimately, we do not fulfill the and foster peaceful relationships in the sick person but rather sit alongside, world. out of respect for the Shechinah, the mitzvah of bikur cholim if we do not

33 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 10. With internal illnesses where The Rema’s concluding words are truly personally performed acts of care is more intimate or sensitive, discussing the relationship between “gemilut chasadim”— extending many for modesty purposes, it is best that visiting the sick and comforting kindnesses —which have no limit … a male not treat a female, although a mourners deserves our attention. We and they are all manifestations of the female could care for a male. began by stating that bikur cholim is Biblical teaching that “One should love one of a small number of good deeds The Rema adds: Some suggest that one’s friend/neighbor as oneself …”(Lev. “whose performance guarantees a sick person’s relative approach the 19:18). a just reward in this world, and local rabbi or Torah scholar and In paragraphs 2 and 3 of Chapter undiminished returns in the world ask that person, who has attained a 14, the Rambam discusses how the to come.” This list does not include lofty spiritual level, to pray for and mitzvah of accompanying a visitor comforting mourners. On the other seek Divine assistance in sending is properly accomplished — in hand, comforting mourners does take a merciful healing to the sick. It is contrast to our opening story! Only precedence over visiting the sick. also customary to recite a prayer for in paragraphs 4 through 6 does the sick during the Torah reading The codification in theShulchan the Rambam discuss the details of in the synagogue, and even to add a Aruch, Yoreh De’ah of the chapter bikur cholim. Paragraph 7 concludes new name in very serious situations, dealing with the laws of bikur cholim with the teaching that the Rema because a name change may help avert appropriately and chronologically will later repeat, “It appears to me an evil decree upon the sick one with precedes the chapters dealing with that comforting the mourners takes just the original name. death and mourning. In the Rambam, precedence over visiting the sick, his order of these laws is more because comforting the mourners Finally, the Rema quotes the teaching puzzling. Rambam has no chapter pays tribute to and is concerned with that for a person who has time to do dedicated to . Rather, kindnesses shown to both the living only one mitzvah, it is preferable that bikur cholim he has a 14-chapter section called and the dead.” Chapter 14 thereafter priority be given to visiting a grieving , the laws of mourning. continues and concludes with mourner during shivah instead of Hilchot Avel Only in the 14th and final chapter, laws concerning the deceased and visiting the sick because in the former after dealing with all aspects of death, mourners. case, we are paying respects and does the Rambam introduce the honoring not just the living but also We see that the Rambam codifies importance of in its first the deceased. bikur cholim these laws of gemilut chasadim not in halachic paragraph: a chronological manner, but rather The common denominator of these by their spiritual and cosmic impact מצות עשה של דבריהם לבקר חולים ולנחם laws is that merely “by going,” our and effect where “comforting the אבלים ולהוציא המת ולהכניס הכלה וללוות caring presence and visit to the sick, mourners” — — takes האורחים ולהתעסק בכל צרכי הקבורה ... וכן when possible and permissible, nichum avaylim .precedence לשמח הכלה והחתן ולסעדם בכל צרכיהם is most efficacious and desirable, ואלו הן גמילות חסדים שבגופו שאין להם together with heartfelt prayer to the There is another area wherebikur שיעור אף על פי שכל מצות אלו מדבריהם Almighty that His merciful healing cholim and nichum avaylim share a הרי הן בכלל ואהבת לרעך כמוך כל הדברים be sent to the ill one. When visiting, unique similarity that has not been שאתה רוצה שיעשו אותם לך אחרים עשה we should be sensitive to the needs extensively discussed. In the laws in אתה אותן לאחיך בתורה ובמצות. and state of mind of the sick, and not Yoreh De’ah 335:6 cited above, the extend a visit too long to the point It is a positive commandment instituted Shulchan Aruch quotes the Talmud that it becomes a burden. We should by the Rabbis to visit the sick, and (Shabbat 12b) that we should bless inquire how we might be helpful in comfort the mourners, and prepare a the sick with a blessing that addresses running errands or doing some other dead body for burial, and fete and honor God as Hamakom: a bride, and accompany visitors as המקום ירחם עליך בתוך חולי ישראל. meaningful activity, and the topics of conversation should be uplifting. they are leaving, and be involved in all May Hamakom, the One Who is in Therefore, it is best to not talk about aspects of burial … and rejoice before a every place, be merciful to you among the the sickness or deaths of others if that bride and groom and care for all of their sick in Israel. could depress the sick one. needs, since all of these commandments

34 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Interestingly, this blessing is not an explanation by Rav Soloveitchik one who is sick with the term that frequently recited, especially since we offered in connection with the indicates the presence of death. may pray in any language. phrase in the Haggadah where God When we are careful with our prayers is addressed as “Baruch Hamakom, By contrast, the blessing of comfort and utterances and give them proper Baruch Hu”: thought, the blessing of “Hamakom המקום ינחם — extended to mourners The appellation of ha-Makom, “the yerachem …” extended to a sick — אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים May Hamakom, the One Who is in Place,” refers to God when He retreats person seems so appropriate. Indeed, every place, comfort you among the and seems distant, at times of travail, in the Yesod Malchut, this mourners of Zion and Jerusalem — trauma, and tragedy. Yet even when He prayer is listed as the climactic prayer is almost universally used among recedes to His Place, nonetheless, from to be shared with one who is sick: המקום ירחם עליך בתוך ]כל[ חולי ישראל. .Ashkenazic Jews, and yet this text is a distance ha-Makom appears to us not found in the Talmud or Shulchan When God relates to us from a distance May Hamakom be merciful to you . The just says Aruch Gesher Hachaim we refer to him as ha-Makom. Therefore, among [all] the sick in Israel. that it is a “traditional blessing.” The when we console the mourners, we use Alay Tamar on Moed Katan, chapter the appellation ha-Makom, and we say, May healing quickly come to those 1, mentions that our current text “Ha-Makom yenachem etkhem …” who are ill so that we need not recite this berachah often, Amen. emerged around the Middle Ages With this explanation, the use of as a replacement for the traditional Hamakom in the prayer for the sick As a postscript, the various blessings for mourners said in a seems so appropriate (as it does for times mentioned above in the special Grace after Meals which fell one who loses a servant or animal Shulchan Aruch for visitation applied into desuetude. [I thank Rav Aharon or for one in captivity). During an primarily to an era when most sick Kahn for this source.] illness, we feel a sense of separation people remained at home, with no The Talmud inBerachot 16b mentions from and perhaps even abandonment full-time trained care-givers. In our another berachah that also includes by God. Ironically, even though day, when so many of our sick are the unusual appellation of God as we believe that God is imminently in hospitals or the like with 24/7 “Hamakom,” which is recited when a present where the sick person is, professional care, visitation times person suffers the significant loss of a and His presence hovers over the could be different and should be servant or animal: Hamakom yemalay sick bed, we still feel separated from guided by present medical needs lecha chesroncha — May Hamakom that Divine Presence due to the and the patient’s desires. replace your loss. spiritual and physical manifestation It is amazing how the thrust of of sickness, and we sense isolation Additionally, in the “Achaynu Kol Bait these halachot for the sick seem from God in our lack of wholesome Yisrael” prayer recited after the Torah to be built into the training that completeness. reading on Mondays and Thursdays, most Board Certified Chaplains remembering those who are in At the same time, perhaps this is receive when taking required distress and captivity, we address God why many no longer use this formula Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) with the same formula that is used for for the sick. We do not want to units. The halachic concerns a sick person: “Hamakom yerachem emphasize this distancing from about the appropriate time and length alay’hem” — May Hamakom have God and would rather concentrate of pastoral visits, and the guidance mercy on them. on a healing that will bring the sick that visitors should let the sick person person closer to the Almighty once guide the conversation in a manner Why is this Divine name, again. Another reason might be that that would be most beneficial to the “Hamakom,” only used in these since it is easy to confuse the word patient, and the expressed desire blessings where there is some sort “ ” — have mercy, addressed to offer to recite a prayer for those of loss or hurt? In the yerachem to a sick person, with the word in need of healing, are all standard Haggadah, An Exalted Evening (p. “ ”— be consoled, addressed chaplain practices. 45), featuring the teachings of Rav yenachem to a mourner, we want to make sure Joseph B. Soloveitchik and edited by that we accidentally do not address Rabbi Menachem Genack, there is

35 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 National Tragedies Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz and Individual Director of Semikhah, RIETS Suffering Rabbi, Beis HaKnesses of North Woodmere

A HALACHIC GUIDE TO PAYING A SHIVA CALL

he mitzvah of nichum aveilim Second, even once we decide to visit, as the ideal timing of the comfort. It (comforting mourners) it can be uncomfortable to perform should be noted that we will discuss provides the bereaved the this mitzvah, because we are often the halacha as it appears in the Talmud Tmuch-needed opportunity to connect unsure of what to say and how to and Codes. In this area of halacha in with other people in a meaningful provide comfort. Largely due to this particular, we can readily see the great way during their time of distress and discomfort, and partially due to lack wisdom and sensitivity of the halacha emotional turmoil. However, the of guidance, visitors often just try in most effectively helping mourners mitzvah can be challenging in several to “change the topic” and talk about through their grief. Having noted this, ways. something more cheerful. Rav Hershel it is still critical to have a sense of the Schachter shlit”a often points out that proverbial “fifth section” of First, sometimes we are unsure if we Shulchan mourners are not permitted to divert , that which is unwritten but should visit the mourner at all (“am Aruch their attention from their mourning, requires us to use a healthy dose I a close enough friend that he/she and the conversation should therefore of common sense, concern and will be comforted by my presence?”, revolve around the life and special sensitivity. It is only through the “fifth “I haven’t spoken to the person in qualities of the deceased. section” that we will perform this years”). While each case is different, mitzvah in the optimal way, and truly as a rule it is better to err on the side In this essay, we will discuss the provide the comfort that the mourner of visiting. People who are mourning halachos pertaining to comforting needs. appreciate the care and concern of a mourner, both in terms of how to others, especially if they haven’t been most effectively comfort someone in such close contact. from a halachic perspective, as well

36 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 Not Speaking Before the speak, the comforters may begin the mourning. We are very sensitive to the Mourner conversation. possibility that calling attention to our sins will bring about swift punishment In fact, the Chazon Ish is said to have The Gemara Moed( Katan 28b) cites during a time of mourning. We regularly begun the conversations the ruling of Rav Yehuda in the name even avoid the paragraph of “ with the mourners as soon as he V’hu of Rav (based on a pasuk in Iyov) that ” since it contains the phrase sensed their distress. Similarly, Chief Rachum the comforters may not speak until “lo k’chata’einu ta’ase lanu” (do not do Rabbi Yitzchak Yosef (Yalkut Yosef the mourner opens the conversation. to us what we deserve based on our on Aveilus Chapter 11 end of note 1) In fact, the Beis Yosef (Yoreh Deah 376) misdeeds). records that his father, Rav Ovadya cites Rav Hai Gaon that the practice Yosef, would regularly begin the This halacha seems to recognize the was for the mourner to begin the conversation, since he knew that the natural tendency of some mourners conversation by saying “Baruch Dayan mourners were likely too intimidated to blame themselves, especially in Ha’Emes” in order to allow others to to speak first. cases of untimely tragic deaths. We are speak. therefore reminded that shouldering This halacha can prove challenging blame is unhelpful and a potentially when the mourner chooses not to destructive approach to mourning. speak. In fact, the Perisha (YD 393:3) wonders how we can fulfill the Shouldering What Not to Say mitzvah of nichum aveilim at all if we only sit there in silence, and ultimately blame is unhelpful It is obvious that we should be very recite the formulaic passage of and a potentially sensitive when speaking to a mourner. “Hamakom…” before leaving. There It is unhelpful to provide reasons for are two basic explanations offered destructive approach the death, or to dwell on the details of by poskim to reconcile this halacha the illness and the treatment that the with the fact that it seems to preclude to mourning deceased received. While we could the possibility of providing actual write volumes about what not to say at comfort. a shiva visit, the halacha provides two First, the Perisha (ibid.) suggests examples of statements to avoid. that our mere presence is a form of Admission of Guilt First, the Gemara (Moed Katan comfort. Even if sitting in silence, 27b) says that even though we are there is real comfort in knowing that The Rama YD( 376) writes that it is obligated to stand when a nasi walks 1 one is not alone. inappropriate for a mourner to say into a room, a mourner has no such that he has not suffered as much as obligation to stand. Yet if the mourner Second, Rav Eliezer Waldenberg he deserves to have suffered. We are (notes at the end of Sefer Pnei chooses to stand for an honored guest, generally discouraged from “opening the visitor should not tell the mourner Baruch) struggles with this halacha, our mouths to the Satan” and and wonders how we can fulfill the to sit, as such a statement may be suggesting that we should be punished perceived to mean “remain seated in mitzvah of comforting a mourner more severely than we already have your mourning.” Instead, the Nimukei by sitting there in silence. Rav been, but the period of mourning is a Waldenberg cites a comment of the Yosef suggests, the honored guest particularly inauspicious time for such should say “Hashem should bless Levush (Yoreh Deah 376:1), which comments. explains that when mourners express you, and please don’t burden yourself their anguish, it triggers (is mechayeiv) In fact, the Aruch Hashulchan (376:5) (with standing for me).” the mitzvah of nichum aveilim. Prior suggests that the reason we refrain This halacha reflects the degree to any expression of anguish, the from reciting in a house of of sensitivity necessary, that even mitzvah has not begun. Consequently, mourning is that viduy is a component seemingly benign comments should if mourners express their anguish of Tachanun, and we try to avoid be avoided if they may be understood through silence and the inability to acknowledgement of sin in a house of in a way that would be hurtful to the

37 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 mourner. In a similar vein, the Rama (335:2) writes that it is inappropriate to pay a shiva visit to a person who you are at odds with (a “sonei”), as the person may perceive the visit as your attempt to take joy in their suffering.2 Even when we have the best of intentions, we must be mindful of how the mourner will perceive our words and actions. Second, the Rama writes that we should not tell the mourner “what can you do? You can’t change it!” because implicit in that statement is that you would change it if you could. While in our limited understanding of the ways of God we may feel this way, it is not the proper attitude. A Jew is required to recognize the absolute righteousness of God, and ultimately accept His decree with love.

A Shiva “Call”

Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggeros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV 40:11) notes that there are two elements to the Are you a Jewish mitzvah of nichum aveilim. First, there is the comfort Nonprofit Founder? that is provided for the mourner by visiting and Accelerate Your Impact offering words of empathy and encouragement. The OU Impact Accelerator identifies and advances Second, there is a benefit to the deceased since the innovative Jewish nonprofit startups that want to take the next step to transform the Jewish future. soul of the deceased is said to be present throughout the shiva.3

When we are unable to visit in person, the best Funding Mentorship Support available option is often a phone call.Pnei Baruch Receive up to $25K for Receive guidance from Access to OU programs your nonprofit venture experienced entrepreneurs and networks (11:12) cites Shu”t Minchas Dovid (72) that comforting over the phone is not recommended since it provides nothing for the soul of the deceased. However, Rav Moshe Feinstein points out that while Curriculum Connections Community Learn the essentials Stay connected through Engage with cohort peers a phone call will not fulfill the second purpose of of building a nonprofit our alumni network and social entrepreneurs nichum aveilim, it will at least partially provide the first (and primary) purpose, which is to offer words of comfort.4 APPLY TODAY It is advisable to find a time to call when the house ou.org/accelerator is not full of visitors. The mourner may not want to take phone calls while people are there to comfort Applications due September 5, 2019 him. Texting a family member who is in the house, to let you know when the mourner is free, can be an effective strategy.

When to Comfort

The Gemara Moed( Katan 27) says that the first three days of mourning are designated for crying. Rav Yechiel Michel Tukatchinsky (Gesher would in front of his teacher. we should be privileged to see the day 20:5:5) suggests that this where death is no longer a reality and Ha’Chaim TheAruch Hashulchan (YD 376:3) suffering will cease to exist. is the basis for the practice to avoid notes that nowadays people aren’t paying a shiva visit during the first familiar with the meaning of the three days of mourning. Since the pain lowering of the head, and it is Endnotes of the loss is felt so acutely during the therefore incumbent upon the visitors 1. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (cited in first three days, the mourner is likely to develop a sense of when it is time to not ready to be comforted.5 Pnei Baruch Chapter 11 note 5) assumes that leave. In more modern times, visiting the simple phrase of “Hamakom yenacheim” is Furthermore, Rav Tukatchinsky hours are publicized or posted on all that is required to fulfill the mitzvah, and points out that the Gemara (Moed the door. It is especially important does indeed provide genuine comfort. Rav Katan 21b) forbids the mourner from to be considerate of the needs of the Shlomo Zalman notes that if conversation is prohibited before the mourner speaks, responding to greetings during the mourner, and not to visit during times even reciting “Hamakom yenacheim” would first three days. The GemaraMoed ( that visitors are not welcome. seem to be prohibited. Rav Shlomo Zalman Katan 15a) says that the mourner suggests that opening a conversation is only should not be overly talkative, Conclusion prohibited if the mourner has not begun especially during the first three days. the conversation, but reciting “Hamakom” prior to leaving when it is evident that the Since visitors wait for the mourner to We have discussed some of the mourner will not speak is both permissible speak, visiting in the first three days relevant halachos of comforting the and encouraged. may cause him to speak more than is bereaved during the week of shiva. 2. The Shach notes that this would depend on considered appropriate. However, we should note that the the exact nature of the relationship, and that Despite this practice, the halacha is mourner will often benefit from many times it is far more likely that the visit continued expressions of support will be received favorably, as an effort to make clear that if our only opportunity to amends. visit will be during the first three days, and love after shiva has ended. The we should certainly do so. conclusion of shiva can sometimes 3. See Gemara (Shabbos 152a) that even if leave the mourner feeling lonely, and there are no mourners, a of people an occasional phone call or text to should get together and remain in his home Overstaying Your Welcome for the week. The Rama (376:2) says that he connect is often very helpful. has never observed this in practice, but cites The Gemara Moed( Katan 27b) cites Additionally, since people only the Maharil that a minyan should meet for davening at the home of the deceased even in the ruling of Rav Yochanan that sit shiva for about six days, it is the absence of mourners. once a mourner shakes his head, the fairly common for somebody to comforters are no longer permitted to have “missed” a shiva call. In such 4. See also Responsa Be’er Moshe VII Kuntros Electric 58 for further sources on the topic of sit with him. TheTur (YD 376) cites instances, there is a tendency to nichum aveilim on the phone. the Ramban who explains that since avoid the mourner out of a sense of 5. Comforting a mourner can only be a mourner is not permitted to offer embarrassment for not having been accomplished when the mourner is ready for normal salutations (she’ilas shalom), there for them in their time of need. comfort. It is therefore inappropriate to go he cannot say “lechu l’shalom” — go However, it is entirely appropriate to and comfort the mourner prior to the funeral. in peace. It was therefore necessary to call after shiva has ended, not only develop a recognizable signal of when to apologize, but to offer words of mourners feel that they would prefer comfort. to be alone, and this is accomplished In the merit of performing this great by lowering the head as a student mitzvah of nichum aveilim correctly,

Find more shiurim and articles from Rabbi Lebowitz at https://www.yutorah.org/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/

39 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779 YESHIVA UNIVERSITY’S CENTER FOR THE JEWISH FUTURE AND CONGREGATION KETER TORAH PRESENT Mourning for

כל 2019 המתאבל עלin ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתהJerusalem Tisha B’Av Live Webcast • Sunday, August 11, 2019 www.YUTorah.org/TishaBav

8:30am Shacharit 9:15am Opening shiur Why Does Tisha B’Av Matter in 2019 11:00am Kinot recital and discussion 5:00pm Mincha Sponsored in appreciation of Rabbi Dr. Jacob J. Schacter & Yeshiva University and in commemoration of the 41st Yahrzeit for Helen Friedman Kuflik, Hodel Ruchama bat Avraham Shlomo v’Etta Malka, by Dr. Alan and Shuli Rockoff of Boston.

with Rabbi Dr. Jacob J. Schacter Congregation Senior Scholar, Center for the Jewish Future and Keter Torah University Professor of Jewish History and Jewish Thought, Yeshiva University

Congregation Keter Torah, 600 Roemer Avenue, Teaneck, NJ For more information, please call 212.960.5400 x 6078 40 Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary • The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series • Tisha B’av 5779