Friday 28th February. 1997 issue 1081

http ://www. su. ic.ac.uk/Felix est. 1949 F^LIX Student Newspaper of Imperial College

Sabbatical candidate interviews. Something for the Find out what the candidates said when they Weekend says Take were really under pressure. Centre pages. me to your leader'

New Election favourite after Kheir withdraws

NEWSTEAM post of Union President, which now The result of next week's Imperial sees Royal College of Science Acad- Anger at hustings debacle College Union Sabbatical Elections emic Affairs Officer Samantha hangs in the balance today, follow- Baker as the single, uncontested can- ing the shock withdrawal of one of didate. Speaking to Felix, Miss the two Presidential candidates. Baker admitted "I still have to con- Omar Kheir, considered by many as vince students that I'm the best can- the favourite for the job, confirmed didate... I will continue campaigning his withdrawal from the elections as before." yesterday leaving Samantha Baker Following this week's farcical standing agianst 'New Election'. hustings, and the lacklustre cam- Mr Kheir's withdrawal follows a paigning by some candidates, many series of rumours concerning his students voting in Monday and health and the pressures of his work Tuesday's election may choose to as a postgraduate in the Electrical return 'New Election' for the posi- Engineering Department. Mr Kheir tion of President. Were this the case, met Eric Allsop, the current ICU nominations for President would be President, early yesterday morning reopened, allowing new and poten- to comfirm his withdrawal from the tially better candidates to stand. sabbatical race. Although unusual, such a result At the time of going to press, Mr seems increasingly likely as medical NEWSTEAM that I've had cream on my tits and it Kheir was unavailable for comment, students at St Mary's Hospital Med- The low turnout for both of this won't be the last." ical may choose to 'block vote' for a but Mr Allsop later outlined some of week's sabbatical election hustings, The post of Deputy President new election; It is believed that the the factors contributing to his deci- on Tuesday in South Kensington and (Finance&Services) had three candi- medics had originally planned to sion. The former candidate has been on Wednesday in St Mary's, with dates, Rob Clark, John Savery and vote for Mr Kheir, who now openly ill for the last two weeks, and was few impartial observers attending Duncan Tindall, whose manifestos supports the re-opening of nomina- only able to attend the College has once again demonstrated the and answers had strikingly few dif- tions. Many students at the South briefly to write his name on the nom- lack of student interest in Union ferences between them. One notable Kensington campus have similarly ination papers. This may explain the affairs. incident was Mr Clark's downing of expressed their disaffection towards lack of a campus-wide poster cam- Jeremy Thomson, standing unop- eight pints in quick succession. the candidates standing for all four paign promoting Mr Kheir, as is tra- posed for the position of Felix Edi- The two candidates for ICU Presi- posts. ditional for ICU sabbatical candi- tor, refused to be drawn regarding dent, Sam Baker and Omar Kheir, dates. Were the ICU Presidential elec- his plans for Felix next year, but proved the most controversial with In addition, Mr Kheir's Electrical tions to be re-held, a number of highlighted his background as Arts general incredulity at their flippant Engineering research team is report- prospective candidates have hinted Editor. He faced particular hostility approach to the South Kensington ed to be facing a critical publication that they might stand. Robin Riley, from St Mary's over his ignorance hustings and their ignorance of seri- deadline for their work, in direct ICU's Publications Board Chairman, regarding topical medical issues. ous issues. competition with other groups. Mr is alleged to have signed a statement Next up were the two candidates At first event Sam proposed turn- Kheir is believed to have been under confirming his intention to run for standing for Deputy President ing ICU into a brothel with Omar severe pressure from his supervisor, the post. Another likely candidate (Clubs&Societies), Sarah Thomas retorting with his wish to see a with a suggestion that his PhD might may be Royal College of Science and Smita Chaturvedi, who con- playpen in Beit Quad. After the sec- be in jeopardy were he to devote too Union President, Mo Dulloo. "At the firmed that they came from similar ond hustings Piers Williams, current much time to his Presidential cam- moment I can't say anything" said hockey backgrounds, and who man- DP(F&S) and co-ordinator of the paign. Mr Dulloo, but went on to say "Once aged to give similar answers to many New Election campaign, commented As returning officer for the elec- a new election's certain, it will be an of the questions. Ms Thomas' pro- to Felix that he would have said tions, Mr Allsop expressed regret interesting contest with Robin." poser got the biggest cheer of the more on behalf of New Election but concerning Omar's decision. He A precedent for a new presidential night from the medics when she felt that it wasn't needed as "all the claimed to be "saddened by the lack election to be run was set in 1974 responded to a frontal flanning with other candidates seemed to be doing of competition" in the race for the when the race was run four times. "Let's face it, it's not the first time my job for me." 2 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Dramsoc Professor Bryan Coles dies aged 71 ripped- off?

JEREMY CLARKE nishing of the new Physics building, language, an ability founded on his NEWSTEAM Bryan Randell Coles FRS, Emeritus the Blackett Laboratory, Professor sense of humour and considerable Recent attempts to publicise Professor and Senior Research Coles took a keen interest in the knowledge of English Literature. Dramsoc's upcoming production of Fellow of Solid State Physics from development of the College. Before Professor Coles was a member, Christopher Marlowe's Edward II 1991 died suddenly on Monday at 2 being appointed Dean of the Royal and frequently chairman, of many have run into difficulties after over am. Born in Cardiff in 1926, Bryan College of Science from 1984-1986, international committees, including forty posters were ripped off the Coles attended Cardiff High School he spent the end of 1983 as Hill the International Institute Laue- Sherfield walkway notice boards. and achieved a first in Metallurgy Visiting Professor at the University Langevin, the International Council Speaking to Felix Mike Wyer, from the University of Wales in of Minnesota. From 1986-1991, of Scientific Unions Abstracting Dramsoc's publicity officer, 1947. He came to the Department of Professor Coles was Pro-Rector of Board and was IUPAP representative described how an evening's work Physics at Imperial in 1950 as a lec- Imperial College and was then elect- for several years. He served on the was mysteriously censored turer in Metal Physics and a year ed to be a Fellow of the Royal Advisory Panel on Study overnight. later gained his D.Phil, from Jesus Society, where he Chaired the Institutions, NATO Science With less than half a dozen posters College, Oxford. Scientific Information Committee Division, and was a member of the remaining from the original fifty, On leave from London in from 1993. British National Committee on speculation is rife as to why bizarre Pittsburgh, Professor Coles was the As Nevill Mott has said, Professor Physics. During 1955, Professor and possibly malicious attack International Co-operation Coles had devoted his career to the Coles married Merivan Robinson of occurred. Since the play deals with Administration Fellow at the experimental investigation of metal- St. Paul, Minnesota and leaves two sex, violence, and gay relationships Carnegie Institute for two years from lic alloys and their interpretation in sons. In his private life, Professor it has been suggested that homopho- 1954. Three years later, he was the language of quantum mechanics. Coles pursued interests in natural bic tendencies may have taken appointed Senior Lecturer in Physics Not only this, but also his work in the history, mediaeval architecture and offence. Dramsoc sources have at Imperial and then a Reader in field of spin glasses has resulted in opera. Having retired at the begin- denied allegation that they may have Physics in 1962. Professor Coles world-wide renown. Professor Coles ning of the academic term 1991, he incited animosity from other spent the summers of 1962 and 1969 provided inspired leadership in all continued to take an active interest in Imperial College Union clubs or as a Visiting Professor at the his work and warm hospitality to the both his work and the College itself, societies, and insist that they will be University of California in San many eminent people who visited being Staff Orator from 1991-1993. protesting to the Union. His death is a considerable loss to Diego. In October of 1966 he was him, and to the students taught by Suggestions that this week's high both the College and the scientific appointed to the Chair of Solid State him over his years at Imperial. His winds may be responsible for the world, and he will be sorely missed Physics at Imperial. Closely associat- inaugural lecture was received with posters disappearance have been dis- by all who knew him. ed with both the planning and fur- praise and showed his facility with counted by Dramsoc members. WHERE WILL YOU BE LIVING IN News in Brief 1997/98? UNION BAR WRECKED The Royal School of Mines won the "bottle match" against the YOUR ACCOMMODATION QUESTIONS Cambourne School of Mines last ANSWERED! Saturday. That evening, the Union bar was packed, and some of the fix- tures sustained a significant amount Where to live Contracts of damage. Two tables were trashed, one with its top smashed, the other had its legs broken. Where to There was another incident when a large shield was pulled down from look the wall, damaging the wall in the has put a lot of money into this ven- Who to liveprocess . ture. The application itself cost about with Full Bottle-Match report next £4,000, as well as spending almost W week £100,000 on dBs to bring it up to standard. Our application is now Deposits \/ BAND BANNED being processed, and we are at the One of the bands that played in last stage where we can be inspected at week's 'Abandon" were told to any time. A licensing officer may Inventories watch their behaviour if they wanted not have seen the joke. It would have to play again at the Union. POG, the been a pity for the behaviour of one first band out of four to play on person to have jeopardised all this Paying the rent Friday night, were reprimanded after with one childish gesture. It was a A talk given by ULAO staff in association with the their lead singer pretended to light very silly thing to do." up a spliff on stage at the end of their TUESDAY 4TH MARCH The band insist that it was simply performance. meant as a joke, and were surprised 5.30 RM. Mark Home, the Union Ents man- at the reaction they provoked. ROOM 220, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING ager, explained,. "We are currently However, Mark did concede, "It applying for a public entertainments was a very good pretend spliff, Student Accommodation Office license, and we need to keep a snow- though." white clean reputation. The Union See letters, page seventeen Sunday second march 19 9 7 ten am eight pm simon ings students Author ofj city of the iron fisn £ t h r e e otherwise £ e i g h t nicholas royle A ,] r 1 l counterparts /Author oi | saxophone dreams

imperial college science fiction imperial college union beit quad prince consort road south kensington s w seven two b b [email protected] http.://wvw.su.ic.ac.uk/clubsocs/scc/icsf/ 4 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Tower cranes and scaffold mask the BMS site, but underneath, the building begins to take shape NEWSTEAM have a clear roof, will have a glass Despite difficulties with the winter divider between the first and second frosts, the Bio-medical Sciences floors to prevent noise rising from the building will be on schedule for it's public lower floors to the research internal fit out to start in June confi- levels above. Reading and writing-up dently predicts Schal Construction areas will be set aside adjoining the Manager, Phil Hilton. Fears that the atrium, with communal 'social areas' work wouldn't meet the strict timing on the northside of the building over- targets have been assuaged by rejig- looking the Queen's Lawn. The ging of the work. ICSM Student's Union has been allo- From the Queen's Lawn, the Bio- cated space on the ground floor. medical Science building is a cluster The library extension and the of concrete pillars and steel poles. music and arts centre, the source of Behind the scaffold facade, the site's much acrimony in recent weeks 170 workers are currently laying the (Letters, Felix 1079), is proceeding at steel supports for the final two stories a steady rate, with weather sealing on and completing the internal walls on the fourth floor almost complete. the lower levels. Concrete laying was John Downey, Schal's Library Site hindered by the weather and has sub- Manager, said that "noisy work had sequently overrun its schedule. PHOTO: ALEX been restricted to between 10am and The next stage, the steel super- The transformation over eight months of the BMS site. The central atri- 2pm" to minimise the disturbance to structure for the top two floors, has um which will bring light into the building's centre is now clearly visible. staff and students. had to start without the concrete which is sited within a service duct, Hilton described the project as "chal- Contrary to reports in IC Reporter being finished. This, as explained by will be removed after the steel work lenging" with some unique features, that the music and arts centre's fund- Schal's Site Manager Oliver Clarke, is complete. particularly the central duct shaft ing bid for Lottery funding had has necessitated the use of a third Even without the internal walls, which was "the biggest he had ever failed, Ian Caldwell, Director of tower crane, making the BMS build- the impressive size of the future lab- seen," and the central atrium that is Estates, said that the application was ing "the biggest construction project oratories, seminar rooms and lecture designed to bring light into the centre being currently being put together for in the capital." The extra crane, theatres can already be gauged. Mr of the block. The atrium, which will submission at the end of March.

ADVERTISMENT ADVERTISMENT IS YOUR DIET Vote WELL BALANCED? Robert Clark ARE YOU For WORRIED ABOUT Deputy President YOUR HEALTH? (Finance & Services) ARE YOU CONSTANTLY SNACKING?

IF YOUR ANSWER TO ANY OF THESE IS YES, CALL US TO FIND A Vote For Your OUT WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU Union's Future

ICU Hustings in dB's 6pm on the 25* Feb.. St Mary's Hustings in St Mary's Bar 6pm on the 26th Feb. (0958)597628 and Cross Campus Voting 10am to 5pm on the 3rd & 4th of March MAKE YOUR

A MESSAGE SO SIMPLE EVEN AN IC STUDENT WOULD UNDERSTAND

Hustings : iCU dBs 25th Feb 6pm SMHMSSU 26th Feb 6pm Voting : All depts. Mon 3rd/Tues 4th Results : DaVinci's Tues 4th

/CU It's Your Union - have your say IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY NEWS 7 6 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Are Imperial College students paying too much for their rent?

The differences between the various 'acquired' a copy of the Confidential The average weekly rent for private accommoda- Halls of Residence of Imperial Strategy for the Future Development tion in 1996/97 was £40.12. College were recently brought to my Simon Wistow and his cohorts of and Management of Student The average cost of institutional accommodation attention. A resident of Fisher Hall Residences. We began to skim read mackintosh-clad investigators increased by 4.7% between 1995/96 and 1996/97 commented to me that on a recent through it looking for juicy titbits to (actually Imperial only increased by 2.6%, hurrah). visit to Holbein Hall he had been highlight turn their skills to Imperial's Average, non-institutional rents increased by amazed at the difference between the Interestingly enough, the Powers 3.8% between 1995/96 and 1996/97. standards of repair. He gushed on that be seem to be aware of the prob- housing problem... A student living in institutional accommodation in about the mirrors, the pastel shaded lems, concerning Imperial's bedstock, receipt of a full grant and student loan did, on aver- walls and the up-lighting, then said: as well they should. To quote the age, spend 63% of their weekly income on rent. "God, they must be paying a fortune.' This sound- report, Imperial College is aware that the rents are A student living in the private rented sector did, ed like a challenge to me, so after a bit of wran- high "relative to competitors, both London based on average spend 52% of his her weekly income on gling I managed to get hold of all the rents for the and provincial". They also accept that IC halls rent. halls (see table below). offer "questionable value for money in certain res- My conclusion is mixed. Imperial College is Like me you'll probably have noticed that idences where there is a severe maintenance back- aware of the problems they face with their bed- Holbein and Fisher Halls have the same prices, as log." stock. Union input into accommodation charges do the halls in Prince's Gardens. But why should Back in 1993, however, an exhaustive plan to may help matters. Given the exclusivity (read cost) this be so? Why is Garden Hall cheaper than the "overcome perceived competitive weaknesses in of our Kensington location and the crippling lack rest of Prince's Gardens? Time for a quick call to the physical condition of the residences and exces- of funds, things could be worse. On a more subjec- the Accommodation Office. Sadly this was not too sive variations in standards of maintenance tive note, however, there is a need to address the useful. Sharine Brown, the Residences Manager between residences and increase value for money" imbalance of rents charged within Imperial's halls. gave the new prices for halls next year. Those cost- was drawn up. PHOTO: SIMON Perhaps some money should be spent on the resi- ing £47.53 are going up to £49.00 and the halls This resolved to "establish minimum acceptable The inviting interior of Fisher Hall's showers. Students share their daily ablutions with flakes of dences that need sprucing up. After all, happy halls costing £58.31 will go up to £60.06, except Fisher and targeted standards for all student accommoda- paint, mould and mushrooms. = happy students = happy uni! which has been reduced to £53.13, but apart from tion in terms of furnishings, equipment, decorative that, nothing, nada, zip, zilch. order, cleanliness and all round value for money, I was referred to Piers Williams on the grounds and ensure that all existing residence meet the min- that she didn't "know enough about (the subject)" imum standard by the end of 1993/4 and targeted and "only wanted to deal with facts". Piers standards by 1995/6". Included in this is a "rolling explained that this year the accommodation levels programme of redecoration - three year internal were being set by himself and the Union cycle, five years external". Hmm, has this hap- Welcome to my home Accommodation Officer. They had pened? First impressions say not. TOGETHER AT LAST.... duly traipsed round all the halls and On a more serious note, Fisher Hall set the levels accordingly. HALL TRIPLE (together with other halls in Evelyn Fisher Hall was apparently refur- Prince's Gardens Gardens) is under Leasehold for the For bished 7 years ago and Holbein, 3. Beil (old hostel) £47.53 next 50 years. Although the report These cosmetic renovations have jus- Beit (new hostel) £58,3! resolved to begin negotiation with the tified an increase in rent. Speaking as Falmouth Keogh t.5S3i' relevant landlord for outright pur- "One Stop Shopping" someone who didn't get a choice into Selkirk £58.31 chase, the report also highlights the which hall I went into, I find it a lit- Tizard £58.31 College's relative lack of funds and tle unfair that. Why should I be Weeks £58.31 inability to raise finance at acceptable Software Sales + The Computer forced to pay £10 pw more than other Garden £47.53 £33.32 rates. This may explain the discrepan- residents in Evelyn Gardens for no Linstead (catered) £58.31 + ': £40.8 i -meals cy between the 'three year plan' and Shop are combining noticeable difference? The rooms are reality. Worryingly, they seem to be generally accepted to be smaller and, Bcnsard Suntey £47.53 £33.32 £23J0f overly concerned that the poor condi- For advice on purchasing PCs, tion of halls reduces their chances of to quote a visiting friend, "crap". Fisher S.31 0.81 £23.8(1 Frankly speaking, the whole building Holbein £58.31 £40.81 "profitable disposal". In other words, software, printers, hardware is in a state of disrepair. I cannot Southwell £47.53 £33.32 they seem to give priority to getting upgrades, consumables and actually recall having seen a wall WillisJackson £47.53 £33.32 halls in a condition fit to sell, rather with paint not discoloured and peel- i'V than fit to live in. Furthermore, sec- accessories ing off. Montpelier (upgraded) tions discussing the possibility of halls being forced to close if they could not If Fisher is better than Southwell Montpelier (non-upgraded) £47.53 come to and Willis Jackson then I don't mind 0 : '' H Tjse £56.49 £39.55 meet Health and Safety standards (and paying more but I REALLY object to £:-::: vt:&' House £36.33 forming suitable contingency plans) does nothing to inspire confidence in paying as much as Prince's Gardens. ; ' CCS SHOP housing standards. What does Evelyn Gardens have Room A Level 4 compared to Southside? A shop? A Room B Through further acquisitive activi- Pizza place? A student bar? Room C ties, we found ourselves in possession Mechanical Engineering Building Proximity to college? Connections to Ensuite of the NUS Accommodation Costs ext. 46953 the college Computer network? No. 11 bedsit Survey 1996/97, which covers private The only link to College is the single : r. bedsit sector and university rents at all uni- [email protected] telephone line up to the main cam- Wilson House versities in the UK. The main findings 9.30am - 5.00pm (Wed 10.00am - were as follows: pus, but since the internal phones Pre-elinical room 5.00pm) don't work with the ACC discount Clinical room The average weekly costs across all phone cards it is of no use. er day; Washing m types of institutional accommodation Suitably riled, my partner and I 1- .ill w.ndcn, .ippu"(i in 1996/97 was £48.37. FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY MONARCHY 9 8 MONARCHY FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY 1 ong to rufe over us? tfc Oueen fias one very reaf power: to sacf a prime minister, fast use5 in r]er name by th> 6o\>ernor'6eneraf of Xustrafta. Is it rigfyt tr]at an unefecte5 person can 5ismiss tf]e efecte5 0rime TDinister, or is it an important 6afance neccessaro for t(je way our country is run? The monarchy is the last bastion of a wholly thrives on it's unique culture and cosmopoli- Can you imagine it: The People's Republic as head of state takes much of the pressure corrupt and murderous colonial history that tan atmosphere. of Britain? Oliver Cromwell called it the off the serving Prime Minister. Many should be removed, especially if Britain is In addition, the monarchy perpetuates the Commonwealth of England. There is little observers say that the role and glamour of our }£>ro determined to remain in the upper echeleons survival of the notorious British class system doubt that there is a lot wrong with the whole monarch should be reduced to that of of worldwide finance, industry and politics. which impedes the competitive viability of hereditary principle: the vast majority of the Scandinavian countries (a bicycling monar- Many countries in the world operate perfect- Britain as well as violating all humanitarian country, including a substantial number of chy), but it is worth remembering that our ly well without a monarchy, in fact they oper- codes of conduct. In fact the monarchy is a left-wing Tory MPs believe in constitutional Queen represents a country with a population ate better! For example France and Germany, symbol of upper class tyranny. One may reform of the Lords, but the mainstream greater than that of the monarchies of whose economies are thriving. There is no argue that the monarchy is a diplomatic aid political parties all want the Queen to stay. Norway, Sweden, Finland, Holland, reason why Britain should not do the same. and a symbol of neutrality but the following Why? Denmark and Belgium combined - why The royals are paid monstrous amounts to statements made by the monarchy in recent Britain's constitution consists of a variety shouldn't they be more glamorous? act as upstanding citizens and yet this model years profess otherwise. of documents, including the Magna Carta, The Way Forward Group consists of the family is awash with adultery, divorce and In reaction to the ban on handguns due to The 1688 Bill of Rights, and common law Queen, her immediate family, plus a few con- treachery. In short, if they wish to lead the the horrific Dunblane affair one member of and statute law. Claire Rayner said on the stitutional experts. They are always looking Survey Questions sordid lives of their 'normal' subjects then the monarchy, who shall remain unnamed, infamous and inarticulate Carlton debate that for ways to prepare the monarchy for the 21st they should be willing to receive the comple- insisted that any actions to ban them were Britain needs a written constitution and elect- century, including primogeniture (the first- 1. Do you think the monarchy born child inheriting rather than the first-born mentary pay cuts that their loyal subjects; inappropriate, his reasoning, "If someone ed House of Lords and no more monarchy. I should be scrapped in favour of nurses, doctors, teachers, university lecturers with a cricket bat went into a primary school can imagine nothing more boring and clinical son), reducing the Civil List, reducing free- and all manner of public servants are contin- and murdered children one would not sud- than an off-the-shelf constitution and a bies and glamorous trips, paying tax, doing republic with a President of Britain? President. We have an institution that has more charity work, improving Britain's ually having to endure. There is an alarming denly seek to ban cricket bats." In Dunblane 2. Should the Sovereign's role in decline in funding for our Great Nation's 16 children, all under six, and their school served us for over a thousand years, it is image abroad (who would a foreign country education, NHS and military and yet insane teacher were murdered. famous throughout the world (when someone rather have - Her Majesty or John Major?). constitutional affairs be lessened, to Many of these changes have been imple- amounts of money are being given to one On a diplomatic visit to Hong-Kong this says "The Queen' they nearly always mean something similar to the family so they can galavant across the globe, same member decided to offer derogatory the British Queen) and brings in untold mented, and more are in the pipeline. ski holidays, and Caribbean trips, thousands comments about the population and its "slitty investment in the form of tourism and trade Many people argue that the behaviour of Scandinavian model ? to lavish on designer clothing, not to mention eyes", among other things. fairs on the Royal Yacht (estimated to be bil- the Royal Family has; shown that they are not 3. Would you like to see a written the huge number of servants that they Overall, the monarchy is impeding the lions of pounds a year). The cost of this fit to govern us. Th&Jjress love nothing more employ. It is absolutely ludicrous that illiter- British economy, their only positive contribu- British icon is minute in comparison with the than a story that qjjplpnes royals and sex. constitution? Xnti acy levels in Britain are among the highest in tion is in the sale of newspapers, where we financial benefits we receive. . The behaviour of past royals was appalling in 4. Do you think Charles should the developed world, that the queues on NHS are informed daily of the sexual deviances of The monarch is a symbol of continuity, ris- comparison with the present and of elected waiting lists are insurmountable, that class our suceeding King. ing above politics. Her immense experience politicians, and the public is not exactly ascend to the throne? sizes are ridiculously large and yet it is possi- In conclusion, the concept of an inherited of constitutional affairs allows her to advise 5. Should female royals be given ble that £60 million in a royal head of state, along with its entourage of var- her Prime Ministers at their weekly meetings, 'Ihebatlleisnotalioutthel d behaviour of yacht. Will you benefit from a royal yacht? ious dukes, lords and squires is archaic and something which ex-Prime Ministers of aj§l .i particular member (do note the Queen's equal rights of succession? Some pro-royalists may argue that the reprehensible. Britain should bravely enter political parties said ths dated;.., jjjernu iour has always been impeccable) but 6. Do you think that a parliamentary Monarchs . . sensB lie institution as a whole. It should >

SABBATICAL CLECTION INTERVIEWS What do the candidates really think? Felix & IC Radio put the questions to them, so here are the results... To hear the full interviews, tune into IC Radio on 999AM this evening at 6pm. By Mark Baker and Chris Earls

Felix Editor cate and "let them make their decisions." As Council Chair Sarah suggested that it was difficult for her to say what she would have done differently to the current sabbatical team with regard to the bookstore tender but did say that "in retrospect Jeremy Thomson maybe it should have been publicised a little more beforehand.". She Questioned initially as to why he is standing for Felix Editor, Jeremy said that "however much protesting we do it's not going to change, suggested that he is "the best person to do it, from the experience we have to accept the fact that we can't get it back." point of view." He stressed that he has been involved with Felix Encouraging students to vote for her, Sarah said that her experi- throughout his three years at IC and therefore knows "all the back- ence would enable her to "change the things that don't work and con- ground to it." In addition to his experience Jeremy emphasised that tinue the things that do." with so many major issues due to be discussed in the coming year he is "someone who isn't afraid to mince their words." Discussing this year's News pages and how he wishes to change Smita Chaturvedi them, Jeremy accepted that there may have be too much London news saying "It's very important that any news that's not in IC is With her limited experience in hockey and ACC, Samita denied that directly relevant to students." He went on to say that while news of she did not have enough experience to do the job, and suggested that IC research may be important it must be realised that Felix "is not a whatever she did not know at the start she would be able to pick up College newspaper it's the student's newspaper." at the start of her sabbatical year. Samita accepted that the only direct As to the expression of political views in Felix, Jeremy insisted that experience she has of clubs, other than hockey, is of the Indian although he has his own opinions, "it's not up to me to make Felix Society and being involved with "a few of the sports societies". She my political mouthpiece." He further expressed his wish to reunite denied suggestions that she might favour sports clubs saying that the current two sections of Felix into a single A4 publication, insisting "because they [arts societies] are so small I'd like to bring them out "We can get a lot more done, in the time, effort and money avail- and promote them." able." With regard to communication Samita suggested that joint social With his extensive experience on the production and writing side of events would be a way to break down the existing rivalry between Felix, Jeremy was asked whether he felt that there are any areas South Kensington and medical students. Samita agreed with her rival where he needs training. He responded by conceding that most of the candidate that any mergers should not be forced saying "I really do finance side would be new to him and that "I don't have much experi- think it's their decision". She did however admit that this might be to ence in advertising." the detriment of the overall student body commenting that "Yeah maybe it will be a bit of a disadvantage", but denied that her position was due to electoral expedience. DP (Clubs & Societies) With regard to the recent loss of the academic bookstore, Samita felt unable to offer an opinion on how the tender should have been handled differently. "I wasn't there, I'm not on Council or anything" she said before adding that "as far as I can see I wouldn't have Sarah Thomas changed much." Apart from her experience in City & Guilds and ICU hockey, Sarah Questioned as to why students should vote for her she replied that admitted that she has not been involved in other clubs and societies "I'm very enthusiastic to do the job, I've got the energy and determi- but suggested that this was hot a problem. She highlighted her dual nation to do it well and would like to do it well." perspective both from an individual club member and from the organi- sation level as C&G President. With this and her current role as ICU Council Chair in mind she denied suggestions that she might be DP (Finance & Services) regarded as a hack, but pointed out that her experience has enabled her to "pick out the way things have been done wrongly in the past". With communication featuring in both manifestoes Sarah suggested that she would like to see joint events between medics and those on Duncan Tindall the South Kensington campus to alleviate the current "animosity". Duncan revealed that he decided to stand a few weeks before papers She emphasised the Mary's involvement in the rugby club tours but went up because "it just seemed the right thing to do". He picked out had difficulty suggesting what other type of joint events she envis- communication as being an important issue, stating that as soon as aged. She denied that "ovciapping" clubs and societies should be sabbaticals are elected, the 50 students on council "are the only peo- forced to merged but that people should be encouraged to communi- ple that they see". He suggested that the new Clubs and Societies FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY NEWS FEATURE 11

Resource Centre would aid communication, and it would be "helping Speaking about the Bookstore he said that no matter what is done clubs to help themselves". "it's not going to win us it back." But we should "make students Duncan thought that he was "an approachable person" and that realise" what services ICU provides and how they can influence "people would find it easier to talk to me than some of the other sab- them. baticals of previous years". He thought that MSC and club treasurers ICU must advertise itself more, he claimed. If people had been bet- would have an easier job "if they have previous examples" of Budget ter informed about the Bookstore "there would have been a lot and 5 Year Plan submissions. more... gut feeling about it". He claimed that we should ensure that "College knows the student As to the future of the Bookstore, he said that we could "ask the populous wasn't happy with" losing the Bookstore, although he student what they want ... on their campus", making the point that emphasised that it was "just one part of one of the Union's trading "nobody's asked that question yet." arms." He said that the loss could raise interest from the students and that "we have learnt a number of lessons" from the experience. In defence of the current sabbaticals, he admitted that "it was a President very difficult situation for the Union to be in" and that "whatever hap- pened the sabbs would be blamed." On the future of ICU Bookstore, Duncan made the point that "there will be more space for stationery, regalia and things like that". Finally Omar Kheir he said that they would have to "think quite hard" about their options Asked initially why he is standing for President, Omar emphasised the with the Bookstore. fact that he has "been here a long time", and of his experience "from the whole thing." He was unable however to suggest two things which he would do during his year in the post saying, "I can't tell you Robert Clarice what I'm going to do. I couldn't honestly make any promises." With the recent loss of the Union bookstore, Omar was pessimistic Robert stated that he had "an ideal perspective" due to his experi- about College's assurance to refund lost profits commenting, " if they ence in Industry. He also would like to see stronger communication, want to do something else they will and there's not much we can do especially with academic staff, saying that "academic staff do tend to about it." He also suggested that "people are making a lot of fuss listen, far more than people give them credit for". over an issue I don't feel too strongly about" and that he doesn't see He pointed out that "its the average club treasurer who has to draw it as a "horrible loss." up the 5 Year Plan" and thus they should be given more help, particu- Following his joke manifesto, Omar refuted suggestions that he is larly details of previous years' finances. He also suggested that the not a serious candidate insisting that he had been trying to "make an training given to "people like club treasurers is not significant impact" and that "there are some subtle digs in my manifesto." He enough". did admit though that there were irregularities with his nomination Still on the topic of training, he felt that it could be expanded to papers and that his proposer did not actually sign them, as required by teach MSC treasurers "how they can train their clubs to improve the the ICU Constitution. input of 5YPs, budgets and costings." Robert stressed it was impor- On the issue of future education funding, Omar emphasised his tant for there to be "a general filtering down of information from the personal preference for a form of graduate tax, and said that unless top," such as providing justification when 5YPs are cut. he is advised otherwise by IC students this would be his public line as Commenting on the loss of the Bookstore, Robert said that he felt President. "its a bit of a disgrace that we lost it". But as the contracts were Commenting on why people should vote for him, Omar suggested signed all that could be done "is ensure that this type of thing never that since he is a "people person", he expects support "simply happens again". He recommended that there should be "some deep because they know me or they've been recommended to vote for thought" into what the Union will use the current Bookstore site for. me." With regard to tenders, he claimed the Union has "got to be strident and actively chasing them". He thought that the Union should seek to raise its profile "so that Sam Baker people understand why we needed the bookstore" and the impor- tance of financial independence. Pointing to her role as Academic Affairs Officer with the RCS and her He proposed that ICU ought to make use of its "direct 1-1 contact position as Dance Club President, Sam suggested that she was a suit- with many members of staff" and warned that there was a risk that able candidate as she had "seen things from different angles." "Waterstones will stock a very limited range of high profile books." Questioned as to what she would do as President she responded that "you can't move mountains", but that if elected she would do her best to "represent all of the students at IC". John Savery On the issue of the loss of the Union bookstore she felt that "there's nothing we can really do about that, we can just work on John started by drawing attention to his experience in SCAB, as Chair what we do have." Sam suggested that she would attempt to keep and Treasurer. He claimed that in the last year "things have improved College to their commitment to make up lost profits by "liaising with significantly" in SCAB. He said that "the next big thing" would be the College." move of medical schools to the South Ken campus. He mentioned Asked about her limited experience, Sam admitted that "perhaps that it was "a bit worrying" that the new halls have not yet received compared to Omar yes I've got a lot more limited range of experi- planning permission, and that when Biology moves out of Beit Quad ences." She insisted however that her experience of Academic Affairs "there isn't going to be any building time" to expand ICU. Stressing would do "nothing but help me". that "the first year is going to be really hard work" due to the Sam conceded that on the issue of future student funding, "I don't increased demand on space and services. have a firm idea at all" but insisted that "I don't believe as President I On the subject of communication, John stated that "MSC chairs should have." She emphasised that she would represent all IC stu- get a hell of a lot of flak" and highlighted the need to "work together dents, but had difficulty saying how she would obtain a "consensus of as a team." opinion" on this matter. To help clubs prepare 5YPs and budgets, he recommended that People should vote for her because "I can do the job, I'm willing to DP(F&S) should give more information on the previous year's submis- do it", she said, adding that "I'm not just going for the people who sion, in particular why it was cut. He thought that "we need to be a know me, think I'm a great person, if they like what they see and lot more open in what we say and do." believe I can do the job then they should vote for me." 12 NEWS FEATURE FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Opting

Suppose having examined their made policies in detail you reckon that the "If you don't vote your two Mels are on the ball but the rest are rather lacking in the ideas testicles will fall off. It's department you might decide to a proven medical fact." simple vote like this: The Single Transferable Vote (STV) used in Mel C 1 Well, maybe not, but this is you big Imperial College Union elections is a more Mel B 2 chance to have a say in how the Union sophisticated, and some would say more New Election 3 is run. It's easy. You don't have to sit on complicated system, to the nationally used Emma 4 any boring committees, and it only takes first past the post policy. STV allows stu- Victoria 5 a minute to do. dents to specify not just their first choice of Geri 6 Whatever you do, the Union does candidate, but also their second, third and affect you. So please take the time to fourth. In the interests of 'transparency' and All the votes are counted, with the highest vote. in order to allow you to best use your vote, turnout ever for an ICU election, and each below is a short description of how it all candidate polls as follows: works. Emma 3,000 Filling out the ballot paper is clearly where Mel B 1,500 it all starts, and the number of votes you get New Election 800 How2 depends on the number of candidates. With Mel C 700 a maximum of four choices in this year's Geri 600 elections you get to list your preference Victoria 400 from 1 to 4, with your most favoured person Spoilt Papers 100 vote? getting a 1, the next a 2 etc. If you only have eyes for one candidate then you do not A total of 7,100 people vote, but unfortu- To Vote you will need an ICU mem- need to pick a 2,3 or 4, your vote is still nately 100 didn't read this advice and failed bership card. If you don't yet have valid. In this instance you should still howev- to fill in their ballot paper properly. This one, get it from the Union office (1st er use a 1, rather than a tick or a cross. therefore leaves quota, or number votes » floor, Beit Quad). When all the tens of thousands of ballot needed for success, at 3,501 or [(7,100 - papers are collected initially only the 1s are 100) / 2 ]+ 1. Clearly Emma falls just short of Voting takes place in considered and each candidate's first prefer- the target so now Victoria's first preference ence vote is counted. To win an ICU sabbati- vote is examined and her 2s are counted. Of departments and the cal election in the first round, a candidate the 400 papers, 300 have given Emma a 2, Union on Mon 3rd and needs to receive more than 50% of the valid 50 have given Geri a 2 and another fifty only votes. If one of the candidates has achieved had eyes for Victoria. This leaves the Tues 4th March. this wonderful ideal, he is declared the win- recounted votes like this: ner and the count is finished. Emma 3,300 For details of the voting system, If however, as is more likely, none of the Mel B 1,500 see the article on the left. possibles has managed to inspire such a New Election 800 level of support the second round of count- Mel C 700 ing kicks in. The candidate with the least Geri 650 number of votes is now eliminated and his Spoilt Papers 100 Candidates papers re-examined to consider his voters Non Transferable 50 second preferences. All the 2s are now dis- all shite? tributed to the remaining candidates and the The new quota is now 3,301 or [(7,100 - 100 totals recalculated. - 50) / 2 ]+ 1, which Emma just misses. Next This process continues until one candidate for the chop is Geri and her 600 1st prefer- reaches the magical 50% figure. While this ence and the 50 votes she got from Victoria Vote New may seem a protracted system, counting is are now examined for their respective 2s unlikely to take as long as one recent elec- and 3s. These are then added to the previ- tion in one of the UK's near neighbours ous figures and the totals are now as fol- Election. where over seven days of counting was lows: needed to elect one particular member of Emma 3,600 Parliament. Mel B 1,500 Nominations will be Just in case the above still sounds compli- MeIC 1,000 re-opened, and other cated here's an example of what might hap- New Election 800 pen: Spoilt Papers 100 candidates may Imagine in an ideal world where the Spice Non Transferable 100 stand. Girls suddenly grew brains and were all studying at Imperial College. Being ambi- Emma has jumped her final hurdle and is Remember, you can vote New tious types they all decide to run for Imperial duly elected as the President of Imperial Election for any post. Only College Union President, opposed of course College Union, to tumultuous applause. that position will have by the ubiquitous New Election. another election. FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY COLLEGE HIERARCHY 13 Would the real Mike Hansen please step

forward... „j Dr Matiui Mike Hansen is Director of Finance at 1 Dr Rodney Ea What was your background before coming to ill Ian Caldwell Imperial College? Imperial College. Glorified accountant I Lynda Da vies Well, I was brought up in Watford. At school I or essential to the College's future? guess I was a scientist. I suppose the place to go was IC. But you wouldn't, nobody ever did, it was What do actually do as the Director of Finance? ._) Vernon McC too close to home. What do I do? Finance is a broad set, it goes When I was in the lower sixth, my Chemistry from the making sure staff salaries are paid month- master mentioned that he had received a bursary ly through to making sure the electricity bills are from Shell to go to university, so I thought well paid otherwise the lights go out. Then there's the related, they are somehow less concerned about the this sounds good and I wrote to all the big compa- glamorous bit, dealing with the Executive well-being of College. It's interesting, when nies I had ever heard of saying I'm a bright kid, I Committee of the Governing Body and and the University Challenge was on and we were win- want to go to university, will you pay me, and BP Boarding Committee. It's a very varied job, in ning, it was a real buzz, people at the operational put me through university doing Economics and simple terms it's probably anything to do with level were really proud in the pub to say I work at Chemistry. I ended up in Scotland, University of money. Imperial College. Stirling. Stirling spelt with an 'i'. Do you socialise with the If someone thinks they I was employed by BP until four years ago, people you work with? "Last year, we ended up, 90 are not getting a reason- that's twenty-two years, which was a ball. It was a The place does suffer able service then they lot of fun, but I guess I got a middle age crisis or from the fact that it is in the of us, at the top of Queen's should complain, if they something. The last ten years were nearly all over- centre of London and many Tower for a few beers." don't get satisfaction they seas and I reached a point where I'd had enough. It of the staff commute. 1 should come and see me in was at that stage I thought well hang on, I don't probably socialise more than I have done with my Room 442 or email me at [email protected]. want to be at Head Office in London, you know work colleagues in former places I've worked but Fundamentally, I expect my people, and they know big offices, so that was when I started looking I don't spend all my time hanging out with the peo- it and accept it, to provide a reasonable service. If about leaving BP. Then I got a phonecall asking ple I work with. One has different circles of friends it wasn't for the students and staff we wouldn't be whether I would be interested in coming to IC and in different places. here, the only reason we're here is to make the so it all sort of worked out and I ended up here after Do you worry about waste in your department? whole thing work. all, I'm delighted to say. Do you attempt to cut the cost of running Being on the Bookstore committee, why did you And what did you do within BP, was finance Finance? give Waterstones the tender? your area? Not particularly Finance. Obviously we try and I don't think it's fair to give my personal opin- Well, when I graduated from the University of cut the cost of everything, whatever it is and it's ion because it was a committee decision. What I'm Stirling, I was smart enough, I'm glad to say, to always, a trade off between cutting costs and keep- happy to say is that I have no doubt that our main realise that if I ever did want to leave BP a CV with ing the services going. There are some things concern was to get the best bookshop. Whether it University of Stirling on is not that great. It seemed which are really easy wins, like buying your elec- was the right decision or not, some people believe smart to get an additional tricity cheaper. It would be the Union could have done better because of their qualification, so I quali- "...doing things with money is difficult for me to do my job committment. I don't know but I'm absolutely sure fied as an accountant if my colleagues didn't that it was done in a completely fair and open- while I was in BP and then always nice...spending it or think I was at least doing minded way and that the union was well- repre- spent the next twenty borrowing it, if it's got lots my bit on the efficiency sented. It was difficult, if they'd done a really bum years desperately trying front. I have a completely job it would have been easy but they didn't, they not to be an accountant. of zeros on the end, it's quite clear conscience on that did a really good presentation. There was a differ- So you had obviously pleasant." front. ence of views, people had different standpoints but had enough after twen- Your job is cost-cutting at the end of the day, I don't think that anybody ty-two years, but did you generally enjoy your and being efficient? would say that they didn't fully agree with the time up until then? Well, no, it's getting good value for money on decision. I'll be very disapointed if we don't end Oh yes, it's a big fun place. If you're an accoun- the things I'm involved with whatever that hap- up with a very good bookshop, tant doing things with lots of money is always nice. pens to be and obviously, because I look at the What do you do in your spare time? I mean whether you're spending it or borrowing it, numbers more than most, I'm able to do that. It depends on the day I suppose. I do social run- if its got lots of zeros on the end, it's quite pleas- Do you feel that the administrative staff really ning once a week with the City Hash House ant. reagrd themselves as being here for the students Harriers, I was pounding around Bayswater last Interestingly, people have asked if it was diffi- and because of the students, or do they resent night. We've run from the Southside bar on two or cult to come here after working for a multi-nation- having to deal with the 'great unwashed'? three ocassions this year. al oil company and the answer's no, not at all. The No, I have got a completely clear conscience on Have you ever run in the Marathon? culture is actually, strange to say, not that dissimi- the attitude of my employees. What you don't see No, it's a drinking club with a running problem, lar, IC is quite like BP in some ways, in that its is the amount of crap they take from certain stu- real athletes needn't apply! We're not very serious. numerate, I mean it's engineeringy based, it's dents, you don't see the verbal abuse, you don't see We start from the pub, run the circle back, and international, clearly, and it has, what's the word, a the stuff being thrown at them which happens. spend a few hours drinking. Last year we ended up, confidence i.e. arrogance to the place because IC's What probably annoys me more than anything ninety of us, at the top of the Queen's Tower for a good at what it does as is BP. about this place is an inference that for some rea- few beers. son because people are not directly academically Interview: Maria, Photo: Robin 14 COLUMNS FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Lord Grade, cigar smoking supremo never mind, the planned expansion of consist of a coffee machine, possibly £150,000 on internal audits. So rigor- and the TV moguls TV mogul, once conferencing will bring in the drach- on the fourth floor. You seem upset, ous are these checks, my own depart- had a dream. It was at the time that mas. Oh dear. It's the students that doctor? ment has taken to cleaning the inside Jesus of Nazareth had been made, bankroll Estates, not conferencing of windows that haven't had their and Lew was trying to sell it to the which is a loss-maker, due to the I think I then heard Finance's name outside cleaned for 30 years and fer- American networks. One night he already slapdash control of costs mentioned. I can't be certain, but I'm rying students up to St Mary's in had a vision seeing a large '25'. This, going for a Burton as IC kindly offer sure someone said £2.3 million. That taxis so the poor dears can attend lec- he thought, must be the price of the to employ every stu- C i yy-i f\ y\ Rnl/ar seems rather a lot of tures scheduled with no consultation film. Can't be 25 or 25,000, so it dent who's not on money spent for a between the two. God help us if we must be 25,000,000. He duly got $25 holiday to look after department that is didn't have an audit. million, twice what they were initial- the guests and clean the supposed to be careful ly prepared to pay for it. I also had a rooms. In other th the cash, I Registry's getting £2 million said dream in which a large '18' words, the mor hought. Still, it's a someone on the walkway who appeared. This means nothing, I we build, the ig university, lot should have known better. This M thought, besides an indication that I more we lose. of departments seems rather excessive for a depart- Realising this, jjl must be working too hard. Days etc. Hmm. ment that issues certificates and it seems that JH later, while wandering through the Nottingham exam timetables. It's not short of conferencing, f SCR, as you do, all be came clear. As University is staff, as I have said before, but for the great white ! about 60-70% you know, dear reader, my hearing is that to explain a budget of more than hope of IC the size of us. phenomenally good, so I couldn't a couple of hundred thousand, they and Campus 1 hey have less help but overhear a conversation would need more people than could Renaissance, \ ~ lan 10 people about '18'. As with Lord Grade, it physically squeeze onto level 3.1 just is as safe a bet , in their finance meant 18 million. It's the Sherfield can't think where all that money as a seaside r* operation, budget for 1996/97. goes- answers on a postcard. donkey in the \ whereas our Grand National. )hone book lists As you can imagine my ears pricked In short, you learn a lot from pinning They also men just over 100. Now up considerably at this stage. I caught back the ears round here. It's all very tioned that Clayponds \ ar be it from me to f well College constantly pleading the word 'Estates', this time from spends almost five times make crude comparisons, another part of the SCR. My head f just poverty, but when details like this more on gardening but this looks a tad turned. Apparently, they expect to cxcc come to the fore, it is very difficult to than security con- VolCC Of RCClSOll ssive. Perhaps spend about £8 million in the coming have any sympathy. Academic tracts, which I'm Nottingham con- departments are having to make gen- year. Fair enough. Big department, sure will delight the residents. tract work out and if so, why don't uine cuts, but Sherfield ploughs its lot of expenses, but also with a lot of Walking by the BMS, someone we, since I doubt it could cost more merry furrow, stuck in the 1970s, income from the Halls of Residence. shouted over the noise of concrete than the current setup. Some careless oblivious to the real world. IC has an A lot indeed, about £695,000 from mixers that the communal areas, soul on another table remarked that April to September or minus which were cut from 800 to 600 sq m to ensure that proper checks are kept excellent Management School and a £215,000 after expenses, according have been further 'redesigned' to on spending, we spend nearly central management unaware of its to my indiscreet fellow diners. Still, teachings - Discuss. Westminster Eye - Hamish Common

tainly don't spring out at me a being similar it sounded to dictatorial gov- In nearly every report on such pro- representative of the public as a ernments defending their right to grammes, you will find a quote by whole: in fact each job requires censor news reports and opposing Mary Whitehouse. All they have someone with a big mouth and a will- views. Both arguments stated that the really done is phoned her up, saying ingness to use it. State had to act for the common good there's a new revolting programme A perfect example of this is in defiance of certain members of the out and what does she think about it? Westminster City Council's decision public. Of course the good council- Their tendency to give column inch- a few months ago to ban JG Ballard's lors aren't despots, but their censor- es to the people mentioned above just 'Crash', a film depicting fantasies ing of a film that they hadn't seen, biases the argument and creates a about car crash victims, from screens based on their own opinions, which bigger news story out it, since plenty A programme depicting sexual abuse within its area. The British Board for were not in the least representative of of people are always ready to jump was broadcast on ITV this week. "No Film Classification had already given the public's is dangerous and bad. on the bandwagon and publicise Child of Mine" - commissioned by it an 18 Certificate, but Westminster It is perfectly possible for a film to themselves before an election. Meridian Broadcasting - depicting used its legal right to ban it anyway, be shown only on cinema, or for In any democracy freedom of the gradual fall of a kind but weak preventing a large number of West more cuts to be made in a video ver- choice of the individual is of para- man into a pimp and abuser, with the End cinemas from showing it. I can sion of a particular film. Natural mount importance, with the authori- ghouls of our nightmares reconciled be more precise about who made this Born Killers, a film of similar ill- ties giving adults suitable guidance with the family next door. Comments decision - it was a bunch of council- repute, was shown on cinema, with and allowing them to see what they were mainly along the usual lines, lors, most of whom admitted not hav- cuts, and its release on video has wish. Britain has some of the strictest that such things ought not to be ing seen the film ("but that is not the been suspended indefinitely. The codes on television and video ratings, shown on our screens. point" said one councillor) and were BBFC is publicly accountable for its and they are unlikely to change given One may ask: who makes these taking a wonderful opportunity to get actions, and this is the best compro- the influence of the censorship lobby comments? Who is kindly deciding themselves onto news programmes mise we can have between decency on these issues. what the public ought and ought not and newspaper pages with long and undue censorship. Councils should be wary of using to watch? Mainly it is journalists and tirades against the tide of filth and The media are another part of the powers of censorship - the opinions backbench MPs, plus occasionally their brave defence of decency. problem: they are always willing to of a whinging few should not be councillors and various pressure When listening to their speeches, I exaggerate and fan the flames when assumed to be those of the public at groups. These groups of people cer- couldn't help be reminded of how something comes out on television. large. FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY CROSSWORD 15 Win a Collins Dictionary and Thesaurus with the

Felix Prize Crossword by Cobra In our L'liiUmuHig ^f!^;&|:|iS:K^ H'liv in 5 with \i1y. Across: with. (3) The winner of issue On oltVr is a copy oi ;<. Collins {',vm l)klionar> ami 1 tiesiiurits 10 (he fust I. This stable is broken with men in 32. Young insect l()79's crossword |!||!!!!|!!^ to the mix tmi:«}i^B^nmt:nt}:iy. power. (13) right in molten rock. competition was John 10. Pilot passes test with nothing to (5) Douglas of Maths 11. pay.(5) 33. Comic party. (5) II. Boat propulsion system said to 34. Religious male can sit back- be Italian. (5) wards for tropical insect. (7,6) 12. Make knot in confetti ends. (3) 14. Defensive gun tower for lathe Down: bits. (6) 2. Egyptian ambassador takes risk 16. Repair the queen's handyman. around winter sportsman. (5) (6) 3. Use rag to clean up disputes. (6) 17. Broken fit shed is moved. (7) 4. Composer losing sleep takes 18. Need to scratch in armpit chan- inventory. (4) nel. (4) 5. Bizarrely lose berry. (4) 20. Two elements show 6. Correct journalist is singled out. favouritism. (4) (6) 21. Being well off, can afford a 7. Wanderer is up hill. (5) French calf fee. (9) 8. In hotel less riot over butterfly. 22. See with Oriental affirmative. (13) (4) 9. Use protein tonics for looking 23. Bridge-player finishes wine inwards. (13) cask with a song. (4) 13. Illness in fun line state. (9) 24. Odd red ink right for beer 15. Film the company. (3,4) swiller. (7) 16. Wander leisurely around, men 26. Ham and rind less egg mayon- read.(7) naise is initially a basketball player. 19. He owns ash perhaps. (3) (6) 20. Wager in drab ethic bookmak- of material. (6) 30. Vegetable can come in tube and 28. Outfit of clothes for oil plat- ers. (3) 27. Steak is even less abundant. (5) packet. (4) form is not in.(3-3) 24. Possibly decimal. (6) 29. All right, a Greek letter can be 31. Public vehicle is not an 30. Take credit backwards to hit 25. Stupidly rob nib of pen for band an African animal! (5) American market. (4)

The weekly poem by PoetIC

THE FAINT SPICY SMELL OF YOUR FATHER'S CIGARS

By chance we met And later when you took me out Yesterday, after half a lifetime apart Do you remember the slow walks home on dark Winter nights? And to my surprise Along the muddy cinder track? Deep love, long forgotten The wide black silence Welled up, consuming me The overgrown hedges with thistles and wet bramble leaves And then, so clear in my memory The many halts when you would kiss me Was that faint spicy smell of your father's cigars And occasionally, the brief clattering of a lighted train Passing through the cutting below? Do you remember how we met? In the train compartment Do you remember Sitting in opposite comers The night we saw the glow worm? Faces not entirely unfamiliar The brilliant sphere of glowing yellow light From our daily journeys home from school Illuminating the blackness I looking shyly into my window It made you kiss me all the more Trying to decipher your intermittent reflection So secure, so certain Pretending not to notice that you were sketching me But as my cheek pressed against your shoulder And when we reached our destination In a distant corner of my mind You followed me off the train, clutching your picture I was waiting for something more Caught up with me, and awkwardky showed me your work Uncertain, unsettling I was impressed by your courage Unknown, disturbing And when I inspected my portrait And held there, tightly, against your coat I was strangely not embarrassed I was vaguely aware By the dreadful regulation hat Of that faint spicy smell of your father's cigars And your several attempts at the snubby schoolgirl nose

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GET READY - GET FRESH! Access, Visa, Mastercard, Cash, Cheques FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY LETTERS & NOTICES 17 LETTERS TO FELIX WHAT DO You SAY AFTER YOU SAY HELLO? Communicating with others group POG are innocent? playpen highly offensive. It is diffi- University life cans be fun and stimulating, but many students find Dear Felix, cult enough to convince College to it tricky and lonely. Often students feel a sense of isolation - POG, or Pretensions of Grandeur, take our space problems seriously, perhaps this is the first experience of living away from home. stole the show at last Friday's band what hope is there for us when presi- Making and keeping new friends can present a challenge. night. The support band attracted dential candidates don't take it seri- This support group will consist of 6 - 8 students and will crowds in excess of 250 people, far ously? take place on 9 consecutive Thursdays between 5.30 and 7.00pm, more than the headline band I was disgusted and outraged by beginning Thursday 24th April, with a brief initial interview for Resident Waste. the performance this evening and prospective participants on Monday 10th or Monday 17th March. The gig was marred, however, by find it insulting that the candidates do The group will take place at Imperial College Health Centre and an unfortunate incident with Mark not believe that they need to outline will be facilitated by David Allman who is a counsellor there. Home, Union Ents manager. any ideas or answer any of the sub- Participants will be expected to agree to a confidentiality contract. To arrange an initial interview, contact Liliane Carter at the Health Andy Haynes, POG's singer, pro- stantial questions regarding the Centre on extension 49381. duced a tobacco cigarette shaped like future direction of the Union. Can a joint as a stage gag for one of the either of the candidates possibly THE LEVERHULME TRUST bands own songs, Hallucinogenic believe that those students who put Haze. After lighting the alleged spliff long hours into their societies, and Grant Applications Compiler / Receptionist he handed it down to the crowd. therefore the Union, would place it's Graduating Students looking for a short-term appointment may Commendably, Union stewards future in their hands? wish to apply acted promptly and detained those Disgusted ofOpsoc, The Trust have a vacancy for someone to join their team dealing who were smoking the fake reefer. Laurie Tweedale with applications for academic grants. The fixed-term contract However, once convinced it was Victoria Swerling. would be for a maximum of 10 months with a four day week only tobacco they let them go. starting 26th August. Salary is set about £13,500 pa, pro rata. Mr Haynes acted swiftly to calm Dodgy posters Applicants should have excellent English skills and typing skills of the situation, announcing the incident 60 wpm. Knowledge of Word 7 is highly desirable. as a stage prank. After the gig Dear Felix, Would suit someone with office experience graduating this year. though, Mr Home banned POG from Now I'm confused....! read the let- Hand-written applications with cv by 15th April to Ms S Herd, The playing at Union events ever again. ter about Friday night names at the Leverhulme Trust, 15-19 New Fetter Lane, London EC4A 1 NR. Most are aware of the Union's Union, and racked my brains about drug policies, and the Stewards any lewdness or cheap innuendo & Cycle Coding should be congratulated for their drew a blank. And lo & behold.. I Anyone who cycles into Colleges cannot be unaware of the very quick response and for their decision found some of the posters that could real danger of having their bike stolen. To attempt to combat to let the situation pass, but is it right be considered a bit dodgy .. & I'd just these thefts, the local Police have organised free cycle coding for POG to be punished for a stunt so like to point out none of them are sessions. trivial as this? After all Mr Home has official Union posters - the big give- Don't leave it until the last minute - get your cycle coded condoned comedians on Union com- away is there's no Union logo. Wednesday 5th March, 10-6 edy nights who not only joke about The Union does operate a policy of Thursday 6th March, 12-8 all types of drags, but hand out free not producing publicity that may samples of legal hallucinogens. offend, and we would be very inter- Is it right for the Union to judge an ested to hear of any posters that do Postgraduate Scholarships obviously thriving culture, or should cause any of our members offence. and Awards the world be more aware that it Cheers Closing dates are approaching for various awards for exists? Mark Home Postgraduate study at IC. However, they are limited in number Adam Foster, President & CEO of Events & Marketing Manager. and are applicable to specific courses and nationalities. For more SPOGA (Society for POG details see Departmental notice boards or the Postgraduate Awareness). The Referee's a prospectus.

Dear Referee, Disgusting husting Application forms from the Scholarships Office, Due to your unforeseen adhesion Room 314, Sherfield Building Dear Alex, to your boyfriend, we, the players of I am writing to express my severe the IC 2™ XV, have been forced to disappointment at the performance of concede the match to a team of limit- Exam Stress Workshops the candidates for ICU President ed and often negligible ability. Wednesday 5th March and Wednesday 12th March 1997, shown at hustings this [Tuesday] We thoroughly believe you should 3 - 4.30pm in the Health Centre evening. Having been one of the few be hung, drawn and quartered. To take full advantage you are advised to attend both free people interested enough to attend I If, and only if, this is done, we will workshops, which will be led by Psychotherapist Claudio Calvi. was offended at the lack of respect be happy and believe our destiny will For bookings, ring Liliane Carter on (59)49381 the candidates appear to have for be fulfiled. Imperial College Union and those Yours, members who take an active role in lCRFC2ndXV After this week's hustings, confidence in the candidates for certain posi- the organisation of Union events. (The letter is signed by the captain,tion J s is not high. Would the real candidate please step forward. Those of us who are heavily Harrison, and the other fifteen membersFelix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board. involved in Clubs and Societies of the squad.). Printed by Imperial College Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, realise how much influence the Letters may be edited for length. London SW7 2BB. Telephone: 0171 594 8071 Union has on our ability to run our The guest editor's opinions are not Copyright Felixl997. Telephone/fax: 0171 594 8072. ISSN 1040-07U events. With the huge pressure on necessarily those of the editor. NEWS: ROBIN; FEATURES: AFUA, HAMISH AND MARIA; ILLUSTRATIONS: space in the Union building I find Deadline for letters in Felix 1082 suggestions to turn the space due to is Tuesday 4th March. STAVROS; PUZZLES: DUNCAN; GRAPHICS AND LAYOUT: DAVID AND MARK; be gained after Biology leave Beit Letters may be e-mailed to our WEB EDITOR: LEON; PHOTOGRAPHY: LING AND ROBIN; SPORT: SIMON AND Quad into either a brothel or a address: [email protected] Mo; COLLATING LAST ISSUE: DAVID AND MR COOPER, CHEERS! 18 SPORT FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY Skiers have a (snow) ball Rugby ref ruck-up

On Saturday evening, two football some 0.55 ahead of the next competi- Well, we have some good news and was as reliable as ever in his turbo- fans (Nick and Gilles) joined three tor. Nick finished two good runs with some bad news. Good news - we charged zimmer frame and Nipply other eager skiers (Cait, Ruffina and a total time of 29.04, putting him sec- won. Bad news - we lost! The refer- finally "scored". Charlie "Snake Dan) after the Man Utd-Chelsea ond in his age group and ninth over- ee! Where was he? This lack of an Hips he prefers, Arse-bandit we pre- game for a race at Hillingdon ski cen- all. Finally Dan had a good run with official referee resulted in us forfeit- fer" had a close shave, but "Chat the tre. This was the final stage of the two of his best runs this season - his ing the game and so we have now cat" showed the Austin Healey in Huskis race series, and the evening aggregate time of 29.26 placing him been knocked out of BUSA. True to him (i.e. an old knackered car) whilst started with individual racing. third in his group and fifth overall. the spirit of IC rugby we played any- Keith, the 22 year old standoff-half Gilles (Ginardelli's fellow coun- These results put IC in second way and the 32-12 scoreline in our that he is, worried about his grey tryman) had a quiet start as it was his place, behind Holloway. In the final favour was not enough to secure an hairs. Dave turned up - cheers. first race since his accident. An event of the day, our true potential official victory. All our efforts, and Kolbne showed his "eau de" with excellent second run placed him finally showed by winning the dual those of star full-back Chris went to serious runs and big pants. Yomi tenth in his age group. team slalom. Even though we had a waste. The bastard referee. demonstrated his spacialist scrum- After a storming first run provi- tough draw we beat Holloway in the Uncontested scrums obviously half abilities. Bollocks! He tells me sionally placed her first in her group, quarter-finals, leaving us Hillingdon worked in our favour as the more that he scored a try but it was slight- Ruffina had a bit of bad luck in the in the semis. With a bit of luck and powerful forwards dominated in ly dubious. Nim "No Stud(s)" failed second and fell due to going into her good planning we pressured one of rucks and mauls and the backs ran utterly in his attempts to get on the inside edge. This also scuppered her their racers to miss a gate and quali- rings round their opposite numbers. pitch because Manny and I [Rob chances of a high placing in the indi- fied for the final. Peachy's passing simply defied logic "Fluffy, shaving foam on his head"] vidual tables. In the final we triumphed glorious- (Julian "captain concrete" Harrison) were just too good (well, fat). This wasn't to be the last of our ly due to the collective effort of the again. Manny mullered, Peachy prat- "Thanks" go to Trefor for very quiet bad luck. Cait, our star racer and team, with some outstanding starting tled on and Rob rampaged. Mart's support. Mo says Jasper is "well-fit." favourite in the overall girls event, and racing by Gilles and from Cait play was much improved after his All in all we had a great season, clipped a gate in her first run, spin- who withstood the pressure of having redemption at Church (or was it in but finally I feel that I must sum up. ning her through 180 degrees and the second best racer of the day on the toilet?), but his second row com- Give us a C; give us a U; give us an destroying her chances. She however her tail. patriate James Weekes, well, need N; give us a T. And what have you proved she was the best in her second The only thing left to say is that we we say more [actually it would have got... the referee. run as she finished it in 13.49 sees, truly kicked some butt! helped! Sp. Ed.s]. Grandad Bryce Dream win for Arabian knights Wind-sock win shock for firsts

By Saiful Alam were played in good spirit. For once, IC first footballers arrived This put the fear of God into UCL, The long awaited OSC 5-a-side foot- It was a 'funny old tournament'. on time, and with a full team. After forcing them to score a superb own ball tournament finally took place on The Bangladeshi All Stars beat the UCL's last pasting by us we expect- goal. This was followed by a shotgun Sunday 16th February. The event Turkish Delights in the third place ed them not to show, only to be dis- right foot from Dave, making up for was sponsored by Sport and Leisure play-off even though the Turks appointed when they turned up an his earlier one-on-one cock-up with (aka - IC Sports Centre). thrashed the Bangladeshis in the hour late. Conditions left a lot to be the notorious UCL keeper. In Only eight societies turned up with qualifiers. Similarly, the High-flying desired with winds of at least one remarkable conditions (Dicks play- squads on the day, but the favourites Hellenics were unbeaten all day, but hundred km/h but IC played solidly ing, Jules and Tony on the pitch at were all there. Some of the others they were outplayed by the Arabian in defence with some crunching full time, Chris Parsons in one piece blamed the weekends' 'open-hous- Knights when it mattered most - in fouls from Psycho. It was nil-nil at and flashbacks of the '87 storms). es', parties and fiestas for their play- the finals. half time, when we were delighted to So, another win for the firsts - no ers' absences. On behalf of the OSC I would like see our short strider/defender/keeper thanks to Donal who was shit. Two groups of four teams were to thank Sport and Leisure for their /boxer in the lovely red jacket, Tony. ICFC I 2-0UCLI drawn, and the top two from each support, Alex Neilsen for organising were allowed to go on to play for the the event, and all the participants honours. The four others were fight- who made this event a success. There Fourths seconds away from ing it out for pride. are plans for this making this tourna- blowing seconds away Although there was some tension ment an annual event from here on. during the games - there were no Finally, congratulations to the Arabic With a free date in their busy sched- after the restart, with the seconds major outbursts, as anticipated by the Society team - "maashaallah". ule, IC II kindly agreed to play us, showing a bit of the class that we had organisers. In general, the games the fourths, in a friendly. The match done well to stifle this long. We held was delayed while the less proud out until fifteen minutes before the members of the fourths clammered end when a clever short corner total- BUSA de-booster for fourths to get their autographs. When it got ly outwitted our defence and their underway, it was clear that it was captain planted a glorious header in A defeat in BUSA spells the end of a the second half we got it back to 2-1 going to be the proverbial game of the back of our net. Minutes later our glorious run, but the fourths need to and then 3-2, with the supremely two halves, since the wind was so 'keeper was to blame - a punt upfield pick themselves up from this defeat gifted Morgan expertly finishing strong. Goal kicks barely reached the landed in the box and bounced right and concentrate on the league. from a Nak pass, and a brilliant solo half-way line against the wind and over the advancing Stu and into the It all went pear-shaped in the first goal from Pete. with it reached the other penalty box. net. As the end of the match drew few minutes when our keeper mis- Pushing men forward in the final But it was not so; after winning the nearer the seconds became more and judged a routine shot, and then minutes and defensive errors meant toss the underdog fourths raced into a more desperate as they looked to be another defensive mistake put IC two that UEA secured the win. We were deserved three-nil half-time lead. completely humbled. It was not to down after only ten minutes. by no means disgraced, but if the Morgan scored with a "f*cking glori- be, though, as in the dying seconds In truth there was no way back mistakes by the captain and keeper ous" opening goal, again with a their little striker nipped in to head in from here against a strong Anglian had been cut-out it could have been classy finish and completed his hat- the equaliser. In the end the wind was side, but brave, or in hindsight fool- oh so different. trick on the stroke of half-time. the winner, Brian. ish, substitutions gave IC a sniff. In ICFC TV 4 - 2 UEA TV The story read quite differently ICFC II 3 - 3 ICFC IV FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY SPORT 19 Gunners (nearly) shoot to the THE LATEST SCORE top in BUPC From Felix's sports pundit Dave Robinson.

Most of the teams involved in the likely to provide a few surprises. Anyone awake on the morning of by jamming guns and other technical Formula 1 World Championship Somethings however will not Saturday February the twenty-sec- problems, it was a credit to IC that all must having been wetting them- change, just as the marshals thought ond would be forgiven for thinking three teams still managed to finish in selves with expectation. The the gravel traps were looking tops, that they had walked onto the set of second place, yet again hammering Williams team which had complete- Pedro Diniz and Ukyo Katayama in "Night of the living dead." A group our arch-rivals Cambridge (we're not ly dominated the 1996 season was in nice new cars will still be there of pale, dishevelled creatures stag- afraid of them. Grrrrrrrrrr). turmoil. With Frank Williams, destroy all that raking and write off a gered, as if in a trance, descended on After this sterling performance Patrick Head (Technical Director) a couple of hundred thousand the sports centre. In fact this was and the night's revelries that fol- and Adrian Newey (Designer) on a pounds worth of car each race. merely members of the IC pistol lowed, one would have thought that a charge of the manslaughter of In the floodlit one day series down squad trying to make the seven Sunday lie in was in order. Instead, Ayrton Senna, the team were due to under, England and New Zealand are O'Clock start time for the British however, we all congregated in Hyde be distracted from the track. Added doing something strange. The crick- University Pistol Championships. park (along with about twenty-five to this Adrian Newey began legal et played is exciting crowds to The IC rifle and pistol club was thousand others) for a sportsman's processes to extract himself from his Bs proportions. The stadiums there this year and had high hopes to association march and rally to protest contract to join a£ fans who are being enter- place well. Captain Rickee delivered against the new gun legislation. Mclarcn. at I the I and the players seem to enjoy us to Bisley just in time to begin the This was thoroughly groovy hap- marriage th- -mil' : more, I'm not suggesting morning's shooting of small bore tar- pening, only slightly marred by the in favour of one - get pistol. We fell immediately threatened ; .ir supply extreme ugliness of the Oxford pistol Jays, bin given Ihe empty stadiums behind, but were no demoralised as team, the winners of the BUPC. World Ch;> I ill. and lack of interest in last summer's .22 is for girls anyway. The nest event in our calender is Then a few weeks ago in efforts, something has to improve The afternoon saw some superb the Courtman Shield on Saturday William's new car, Jacques Surely an evening game at a floodlit shooting of full bore revolvers by all March the eighth. This is an intercol- Villeneuvedrove within one tenth of Lord's with flashy kits and signature teams involved. After a day dogged legiate rifle competition. times set h. n tcst- tunes would bring in the crowds ing for a week. Williams with a new against the Aussies. They could even Play the national anthems and agreement with Renault began to televise It to whip up a hit of nation- look invincible ,:s die new p;irtn i alism. ship of Villencuve and Frcntzcn began to set blistering times for the On Tuesday evening New Zealand rest of the week. More surprises set a moo 11 for England, Atherton and King t 50 of Schumacher! he most sub- four and a half re all stantial challenge to Villeneuve, rounder Chris .ik the hat however both tflBpen":in and his trick of Atherton, Stewart and team mate Edcfie Irvine have strug- Hussain wnh three identical balls gled desperately to keep up with England's erratic but exciting brand Coulthard's silver Mclaren and of kamikaze cricket then regained Berger's new Benetton. it's grasp with Thorpe knocking 60 Usually the remaining teams have quickly, there were ran outs, dropped a set order with Jordan and Ligicr catches and skewed shots. As wick- making up the remaining places on ets tumbled Cork and Gough were the grid followed by a number of left with two to score from the final teams that never score any points. ball, Gough missed with his attempt For the first time in years a thrilling to put the ball into orbit but Cork was Shooters go on the pull season promises when the competi- sprinting down the wicket only tion stretches beyond the top two slightly slower than the ball and got A dozen shooters went to Hawley in Childs, to a rather low score from teams. Damon Hill is determined to the single to earn a draw. If England Kent to try their hands at clay pigeon Stavros. remain competitive, and Olivier continue to perform then the second shooting. After a brief introduction, Marcos Dakalakalakalakalakas Panis could yet win more races in an half of the winter will have been a the motley crew settled down to a suffered injuries to his trigger finger improved Ligier owned by Alain commercial success, what remains to twenty-five bird sporting layout (for when he fell out of his pram while Prost. There are also a couple of new be seen is if this can be carried onto the uninitiated: bird = clay pigeon; crying about French culture. Tea was boys, Jackie Stewart's new tartan the pitch as Atherton attempts to take sporting layout = one way of posi- taken in Dartford followed by beer in team with Rubens Barrichello still the Ashes for the first time I remem- tioning the clay pigeon launchers and Southside where everyone was remain an unknown quantity but are ber. timing of the "birds" being flung up impressed by Lee's impression of a in the air) followed by some skeet second-hand beer dispensing shooting ( = another way of position- machine in an impromptu game of RSM hockey babes score ing the launchers - this time they "Whose Line is it Anyway." involv- come from the left and right simulta- ing tomfoolery with belisha beacons. We've scored a goal (courtesy of pretty good in goal too), and the co- neously). The guns were as assorted The Courtman Shield match has Sarah). Finally. About bloody time. operative work of Natalie, Akari, as the shooters, ranging from a been moved to the eighth of March to And they were second division and Selina and Sarah in attack - we Russian hammer gun bought in a pub allow the City and Guilds dream we're only third. deserved to score [And on the pitch? for £50 to Lawrence's £20 000 team to shoot for Great Britain, so With the determined defending -Sports Eds], Purdey purchased for him at birth by make a note in your diary. More clay from Piv, the endless effort from I know everyone says that we're his father. The scores were variable pigeon shooting will take place Alex and Ros, the strong reliability crap. But we're not. We're pretty but the best of the day was by David around Easter and everyone (even of Squid and Estella, the astounding damn good, actually. And we're get- the Hairdresser (special rates for stu- non-members) are welcome. See the vocal support from Emma (she's ting better... dents) closely followed by David notices in the range when they go up. 20 SPORT FELIX FRIDAY 28TH FEBRUARY FELIX SPORT National triumph for pot-heads Runners and riders rule relay

After a good run of recent wins cruised through their first group In an unprecedented amalgamation and only lost a few places. With an Imperial College Union's Snooker stage; winning against Trinity of the cross-country and cycling almost instantaneous change-over, team set off for the BUSA Nationals College Carmarthen (8 - 0), Hull (7 - clubs, Gaffer (Demetrius) and Tazman hurtled down the first decent in Warwick with high hopes. In the 1) and Southampton (7-1). In the Tazman (Tarik) took part in the infa- of the twelve and a half mile bike first day's singles tournament Alex, next phase they again found the mous Evans Ghoulie Grind duathlon ride. However, soon the going got Jon and Vay all reached the last six- going easy with wins over Hull (7-1, on Sunday. Waking up at five in the tough with the 1:7 climbs which give teen, but back problems forced Alex again) and highly fancied UEA (6 - morning and forsaking their usual the race its name. After a storming to pull out and posed a worry for the 2) . By the next day Alex had recov- fine, hale and hearty breakfasts, the and lung-busting ride, it was Gaffer's team event.. Vay narrowly lost his ered sufficiently to win a vital match two athletes headed for Guildford in turn again to run the remaining two match, but Jon kept Imperial's flag to beat hosts Warwick 6 - 3 in the their souped-up yellow Fiesta, find- and a half miles of this gut-wrench- ing their way to the race by means of ing event. After a well deserved tailing a car with bikes on the back of breakfast, the results came through it. and positioned the "IC Crew" as the When the race began, Gaffer shot 2nd relay team. With this encourag- off to an early start, going on to tack- ing performance the team aim to take le the three mile cross-country run the event by the balls next year. Hull of a bad time for rugby lads After a marathon five hour journey half-time [Oi watch it, Sports Ed.], we reached Hull, which put the team we turned around to face what had off, except maybe Alasdair who suddenly become a very strong head- found the Humber Bridge "exciting." wind. Disheartened that even the ele- After 45 minutes of traipsing through ments were against us, we started to the most dismal town in the North, lose our poise. Humberside took we eventually found the pitch thanks advantage and not even our strong to Tom's unerring direction sense. running could save the match, deny- The pitch was as muddy and undu- ing us a place in the quarter-finals. flying with two more wins before quarter-final. Next, Queen's provid- lating as the rest of Humberside. Retiring to the changing rooms ( losing in the semi-final to the eventu- ed a sterner test, but 2-0 wins by From the kick-off our forwards which incidentally were unlit), we al champion from UEA. In the B- Simon and Vay and a final frame win showed their power and we camped were intrigued by the fact that in team singles competition, Phil and by Alex put Imperial into their first in their territory until half-time, by Hull, the women's rugby team use Asif both progressed to the last six- ever final. Here, against Bristol they which point we were leading 8 - 5 the men's showers. Unimpressed teen, at which point Phil beat Asif, began well with a win by Vay over thanks to a try from Alasdair and a with the Hull RFC facilities we and with two further wins reached their No. 1 and a 2 - 0 win by Simon. penalty from Paul. We were unlucky rejoined our storming coach drivers the final. Some fine all-round play This left Imperial almost home and not be further ahead, with a try disal- for the journey back to the Union. from Phil Davies overwhelmed his needing one more match for victory. lowed. We apologise to Capital Coaches for Warwick opponent to be crowned This turned into a race between After finding that Northerners what Gudmund did to the toilet. National Champion. Spike and Jon to be first to win their could not afford oranges or water at ICRFC in vs Humberside RFC m In the B-team event, wins over match, with Jon eventually pipping Bristol (7 - 3) and Southampton (6 - Spike to clinch the title for Imperial. RESULTS 4) were not quite enough after a loss Thus, Imperial's A-team of Simon against Queen's Belfast (2 - 8) to Baugh, Alex Robinson, Jon Fulcher, MEN'S FOOTBALL Vay Ly and Spike Milligan were allow IC to progress to the last four, IC I 2- 0 LSE I crowned National Team Champions cutting short a promising campaign IC IV 6 - 1 UMDS II for the first time. The A-team win, for the team of Phil Davies, Russel IC IV 4 - 2 LSE V combined with Phil's B-team sin- Towers, Tim Dann, Kevin Camadoo IC V 5-0 BIRBECK (walkover) and Asif Kassam. For the A-team the gles triumph made Imperial the most loss of Alex for the first day's com- successful University team at the WOMEN'S HOCKEY Championships. petition was overcome as they IC II 2-2 Fluffy fledglings fly far MEN'S HOCKEY IC I 0-3 QMW I Last weekend the IC Novice Squad place overall. This was backed up by IC III 1 - 3 Royal Holloway raced at the Hammersmith Double the men's B crew who came second Header. The course was from in their category, and seventh in the RSM vs CAMBOURNE SM Chiswich to Hammersmith, and whole race. The women's novice Football 2 - 0 despite some rough and windy con- eight also raced and won their cate- Men's Hockey 1-1 ditions all our crews performed very gory, beating a Thames Tradesman Women's hockey 0 - 3 well, the men's novice A crew won crew and finishing fifteenth overall. Rugby 18-5 their category by a minute and a half A very impressive set of results for Squash 2-3 and obtained an impressive second the novices. Full report next week...