Inside This Issue News 3 Classifieds .!!!!! 8 Opinion ] 9 Student Life 12 Sports ".".16 Entertainment " 21 Brain Candy 26 "The tie that binds since 1926" Volume xxxvn • Issue Seven • Wednesday, September 25,1996 the Cord WLU Student Publications

70 years later...

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— — ■ . ■ . m I COMPIIjfREND Fix The Rest! I Daily 10 to 7PM Sat 10 to SPM Build The Best, ! NEWS Sacrificing class sizes As the population of WLU grows, what are the costs?

CHRISTINA PHILIPS Another problem is housing. Cord News Many students on Laurier Day in Laurier's small school image has November were told on one of the been one of its defining characteris- many tours that Laurier basically tics. The small school atmosphere, guarantees residence to any one the "high school down the street" who wants it - but not any more. from UW. In one university review For the first time in years there book, it said the best thing and were many first year Hawks out in worst thing abour Laurier was that Waterloo looking for Housing. the profs know you by name. Residence spots were filled by However, Laurier's image is starting June with 185 on the waiting list. to change, Laurier is not as small as Granted, the housing office did try to it used to be. This year there was a help, but with so many students noticeable increase in acceptance of looking for accommodation even off first year students - up 20% from campus housing spots wentfast. last year. There are aproximatley 500 Laurier is increasing in populari- first year students (including KW ty as it was 1 of only 7 schools in the resdients) who are living off campus. province to have applications One person who did not get resi- increase this year. dence was surprised. He did find a Obviously, most departments place nearby, but considered him- have increased. Arts increased the self lucky for finding a decent place most with 123 more students than so close to the school. last year. Next was Honours The small class sizes were a defi- Students at this summer's Discover Laurier program experience small class setting Economics, up 56 students, followed the nite factor in why many chose to by P.E., 38, then Honours come to Laurier. The idea that in Computing, 16 and the Music pro- gram, which was up .5% and the er. A few years ago the competition nals is a concern for many students. most classes you could tell if you gram increased by only 6 students. music program which remained the to become an ice breaker was Another concern is whether the knew someone when you walked The Honours Business same at 75%. Most programs fierce, think about what it will be University is benefiting enough to into the room. Administration Program, being the dropped their admission averages like in March with 20% more stu- justify an increase in students. An increased acceptance rate exception, decreased by 35 stu- about 3 - 4%. dents wanting to welcome the '97 One of the main reasons for means bigger classes. "The classes dents. A bonus to small schools is the frosh. increasing the number of students are way bigger than I thought," said Despite admission averages rem- ease with which you can enter into Many question whether Laurier was to offset the Ontario govern- one first year student. inaing somewhat high most have clubs or volunteer positions. as a larger school will be able to ment budget cuts. "Small classes was really some- decreased slightly, again with the However, with increased admis- accommodate the needs of its stu- Tuition is better than many thing pushed by the university, in exception being the Business pro- sions, the competition is much high- dents. Access to computer termi- schools, but still 15% higher than one of the books it said most classes last year. were under 50 or 100," remem- Varsity sports teams have had to bered another student. deal with a number of funding cuts, Now in many classes it will take wondering if it will affect their a couple of weeks before faces start teams' competitiveness. to become remotely familiar. Culture shock Career Services survey shows promise

ROXANNE COPPENS average salary for the employed ERIC HENRY porcelain splendor from the fluores- behaviour. Though they are not Cord News Laurier graduates was $30 605. Cord News Commentary cent lights above?" written, they are no less strictly Each year Career Services at Other data from the 1995 Let me tell you a bit about my sum- "Forsooth little friend, this is so. enforced. A beer before eleven is Laurier investigates the paths grad* Graduate Survey illustrates that half mer. I lived in a modest home near But what if I am outside? Besides, often met with puzzled looks and uates choose to pursue after they of the students with degrees in Arts Regina St. My best friend was there's a very good reason to drink alienation. Despite our carefully leave Laurier For 1995 Laurier and Music pursue further educa- dark. He's a quadroped, has long during the day." Qark raised an constructed free society of the '90 s, secured a placement rate tion. While students in Science and ears and a bushy tail. We get along eyebrow, urging me to continue. "If we still have taboos and strictures. of95.3%. Of this figure 59.4% were Business tend to seek employment pretty well. Aside from a few minor I start drinking early in the morn- Why does society want to control employed, while 34% went on to immediately after graduation. Ihe instances of sexual abuse on behalf ing, I'll pass out in the afternoon. our drinking habits? Well look at further education, with 4,7% top three career choices for 1995 ofmy roommates, Clark had a fairly Nothing happens in the afternoon. I Ezra. Wild nights of fervent party- remaining unemployed. The other graduates were in Marketing, good summer. won't miss anything. Then I'll wake ing, while fun, are not socially con- 1.9% includes students who have Accounting, and Social Services. I like Clark because he's an intel- up around four, my hangover will structive. elected to remain unemployed due Most universities do not have lectual. We would sit for hours disappear by eight, and I'll still be in If everyone drank all the time, to such tilings as parenting or trav- comprehensive surveys like debating the more fundamental time for the night life." who would be left to grow food and eling. because of the number of questions of the universe. He would Qark nodded. "You are a man govern. Does this element exist This high placement rate is one resources needed to complete it. hop around the room smelling old of odd habits." because cultures without it died out, which Laurier easily maintains. The first of the data is collected urine stains in the carpet, and we "Yes Clark, and if I pass out in or is it the natural product of a According to Jan Basso, Director of at Spring and Fall convocation. would ponder. the sun, I can work on my tan." I rational human mind? Something Co-operative Education and Qireer Then a survey is mailed to those One day I asked him, "Clark, opened another beer. Qark started to think about. Services. "I.aurier's placement rate who were missed. A last attempt to why is it that we always drink at chewing through an electrical wire A few beers later, Clark and I yet has always been 95% or higher." make contact with graduates by night? Doesn't it make more sense looking for a buzz that he couldn't again feverishly tackled an 'Ode to Career Services also reports that telephone is made the following to drink during the day. It's light get from second-hand smoke. Mr. Noodles', after which I passed the Graduate Employment Program April out. I'd rather stumble around in I thought some more about the out behind the house to get some at Laurier has an increased num- Basso says that Career Services the light than in the dark." cultural processes that define our more colour on my back. ber of recruiters this year. Jan feels this survey is a necessary part "Ah, dear master," he would daily routines. People want to drink Unfortunately, Clark played a Basso agrees that this illustrates of helping students realize the reply, "does not the bar illuminate in the morning. The Second Cup very cruel trick on me and took all how the economy is definitely start- career options they have with a the dance floor for this noble pur- even has Irish Cream coffee. But of my clothes. ing to show improvement. The Laurier degree. pose? Does not the urinal glisten in our society has rules about such Look mom no tan lines.

theCord September2s,l996 3 (News Semantics between the sexes; He said. She said. We wonder.

MELANIE SEAL would insinuate an admittance of you dance, you are ultra cool. Cord News commentary being wrong. We're neverwrong. Women in general love to dance. If

Family Planning/Birth Control - Lefs just be friends - Yup, I'll admit you dance with them, that only Hmmm...this one is usually covered it, it's a cop out. Usually, what means more time with them, and by women and their good old women really mean is "I'm really more chances at getting close to responsibility. I think that birth con- not attracted to you, end of story, them. Besides, it's totally cool when trol pills are what come to mind for and I don't know how else to tell a guy is hip enough to dance all

most women - although condoms you." We don't want to be your night with you, get close to you... should be the priority. But for many friends, we have enough male whatever. There's nothing cool of us, the best birth control method friends already. We just want you to about standing against the wall, is seeing that guy who has a black stop trying to get into our pants. watching your friends dance. turtle neck on after he takes his How are you? In either sex, this is a Women don't really care how you shirt off. Hmmm...actually, I have to stupid phrase, a mere greeting that dance, just as long as you are out go now is passed between people when they there. And ballroom dancing, now What do you want to do? This is pass each other in the hall, see each that's romantic... wait, I guess there probably the most annoying ques- other in class, etc. It shows no com- is more romance in the world other tion a guy can ask on a date. passion; it means nothing. We don't than "Ghost." Usually, it signals a lack of planning care about your ingrown toenail, or and a general "oh my God, I forgot that corn on your left foot. We just about this date, maybe she'll have want to be civil. an idea" attitude. The best way to Foreplay -1 honesdy think that men combat this question is to bounce it and women have different interpre- right back at the question poser. A tations of this word. With men, I simple, "Uh, 1 don't know, what do think that it begins when the right you want to do?" works quite fine woman smiles at them. Sometimes I in continuing the confusion. For the think it ends at this point also. For most part, this just signifies indeci- women, foreplay means so many siveness, something which should things. It can be a look, gesture, wit- be despised in both sexes. ticism, or smell of a man. Foreplay

Yes - a great word. When asking a does not have to be physical sex. question and hearing its response, Sex is in everything we do. I'm your heart rate quickens. Yes is a going to stick my neck out. Foreplay word which is not offered enough, is the interaction between two peo- usually due to responsibility. ple who are interested in each other.

No - "No" is often said by women Explaining it, it sounds boring. It's too quickly, often they say it not hav- more interesting than this. It's ing totally thought things through. humankind's basis for life.

No gets in the way of hedonist activi- Relationship - A ridiculous word ties. No makes us responsible, pro- which ties two people together who ductive, boring people. believe they have many common

Maybe - For me, this one means likes/dislikes, stressing them out to never. I'm just thinking of a good no end when things don't go right, reason to justify no, and currently, 1 or things aren't working out, or they don't have one. Maybe is another can't spend enough time with each way of saying to someone, "Well, other. It doesn't always have to be that's a great idea, and I'm really bad, and more often people of our glad you brought it to me, but you generation are getting linked up may as well walk away, because with people. I have no idea why this that hugely conflicts with my own is, it may have something to do with Deadline Dates for Application to plans and ideals." the threat of STD's and AIDS. But Programs at Ontario Universities Do you like what I'm wearing? Okay, maybe people are just too lazy to Professional I'm going to educate you guys. date. It takes a lot work. Trust me, I When a girl asks a guy if he likes know. what she's wearing, usually what Romance - No guys, it's not just 1 997 ENTRY she really means is, "Do I look fat?" found in films. It's not flowers or

Valentine's - Remember, with such inspirational chocolate on Day. j.|Hf November 1, 1996- sources Sometimes, that most programs) of information as the things are _ (First year " XklAf1 w w Seventeen, Young and Modern, and romantic are those quick and short 111 May 1,1997- Teen! magazine, all preaching that comments made between two peo- (Upper year programs) you can't be too thin, your hair too ple. You don't have to throw your too or jacket down mud puddle so that shiny, your skin clear, your in a Novemberl996 clothes too hip. "Do you like what I can walk over it. It can be some- I'm wearing?" she asks. He won- thing simple. What am I saying...l'm MEDICINE dered for a moment what the cor- a cynic. Romance is dying a slow rect response should be. "You look death in the nineties. It's lethal. December 6, 1996 amazing," he said as he always did. Most women have as much It's the only way to win this one, romance in their lives as the nearest boys. sponge cake and "Ghost" rerun. Please Forgive me- I don't think TTiat's romance. EDUCATION

women say this phrase, for this Dancing - Hard cold fact guys. If CONTACT THE OUAC FOR AN APPLICATION FORM

650 Woodlawn Road West P.0.1328 CORD NEWS Law: [email protected] Guelph ON NIH 7P4 (519) 823-1940 Medicine: [email protected] Tired oftrying to be the next http://ouacinfo.ouac.on.ca Education: [email protected] Shakespeare? Try Cord News. Wednesday, October 2,1996

Meeting - Cord News Office - 5:00

4 September 25, 1996 theCord (News)

chuckles species of mon- ROBIN WHITTAKER Yes. other researchers. Its perseverance idiotic concepts. The man wolves and several would keys, albeit minus the banter. AND AARON HUNTER What he's thinking: Uh huh. seems to defy evolutionary forces; slightly at romance, like he Cord News Commentary puzzled scientists wonder how this chuckle at an overturned cock- Give me some sugar, baby No. behaviour can last, seeing as how all roach's feeble efforts to right itself. Origin: When a man says this to a sweetest verbal Family planning/birth control What he's thinking: Uh huh. the people that use it die alone and woman, it is the caress he can muster. This (or some What he's thinking: B'nai Brith? miserable without having repro- Dancing. variant) has passed from That Irish resistance thing? And Maybe. duced. To a man, it is the ultimate What he's thinking: Vertical twister, been down controlling them? And their fami- What he's thinking: Huh? sign of lower, spineless life. but less romantic. drunk father to bemused son for To man, suggests the of generations in many lies? Origin: a this hundreds Do you like what Cm wearing? How are you? cold and calculated act of separating parts of the world. Neuroscience what do you want to do? What he's thinking: I know Uncle What he's thinking: What's for din- the weak, disoriented and sick shows us that these words stimulate What he's thinking: Listen. I have to Herb's attic isn't the best place to ner? females at a bar from the stronger a woman's "love-centres", and inter- enough, come up with every friggin' idea find a suit, but... ones, in order to ply them with less estingly their "disdain-cen- around here. That's it. It's over! Relationship. than witty banter when they leave tres" and rejection instincts as well. Origin: When a woman says this to a I love you. What he's thinking: Secure, yet the dance floor in exhaustion. This Actually, the latter quite a bit more man, the man recognizes it as the What he's thinking: Yeah, yeah, somewhat constricting. Naw, 1 pre- behaviour can also be observed in than the former. Well, good. beginning of a brief state of cultural yeah. Hey, c'mon. It's the Simpsons. fer battleship. reversal, much akin to the Roman Have some consideration. festival of Saturnalia in which the Romance servants took on the roles of their Please forgive me. What he's thinking: The Holy masters, and vice versa. For a short What he's thinking: I'll take the Romance Empire was neither Holy (sometimes only seconds long) time, blame for you again. nor Romantic nor an Empire. News the man can feel a sense of control Discuss. Oh! The love thing! over his own destiny. This is, of Lefs just be friends. Mmmm.... Pompeii, Caesar... course, followed by a profound feel- What he's thinking: Like in "Debbie Origin: To a man, little more than an ing of anxiety when the only honest Does Dallas." amusing literary convention dating answer to that question involves Origin: The central theme of clumsy back to medieval times. Medieval simultaneous sleeping and nacho- ancient break-up rituals, the phrase times are also characterized by eating. has survived to this day, much to the phrenology, "bleeding" for medicinal puzzlement of anthropologists and purposes, trial by ordeal and other Bites

U.N. burn the candle at both ends. Former Proper sleep and following Canada's Disarmament Food guide is the way to maintain Hey Students! I I good health." according to Karen. 5 also Karen suggests proper Ambassador hygiene such as washing hands as GOLDEN ||J Jj | often as possible while living in resi- LORI DYSIEVICK dence; unclean hands are a com- Cord News mon way of transmitting sickness. WLU was fortunate to have hosted Health Services is located on campus Douglas Roche, former Canadian ifyou have questions or concerns. Disarmament Ambassador to the U.N. on Thursday, Sept. 18, 1996. Cowe try our Weekend | § ijjil j Roche was the keynote speaker in a Mum's the municipal affairs seminar held from ! & ! 9:30 am to 12:30 pm in the Paul word at breakfast buffet! jjjf Martin Centre. I r / Other speakers included the Includes bacon, sausage, eggs, homefries, pancakes, waffles, french toast, i ? 1 Director of the Laurier Centre for Laurier croissants, fresh fruit and much more. | I Military, Strategic and Disarmament Studies, Marc Kilgore; Bill Robinson, MELANIE SEAL 190 Weber Street (beside White Rose). Waterloo. 886-2572 Researcher for Project Cord News

LLBO - Open 7 days. 7am to 10pm Ploughshares, a peace research Ontario Minister of Education John organization located on the U of Snobelen gave the keynote address Waterloo campus, and Alistair D. at the University Board of Governor s Edgar, Assistant Professor, dinner on Sept. 20. The speech was Department of Political Science at a closed affair, and Snobelen was not WLU. available for questions before or Roche related a positive message after the dinner. Some said of the STUDENT to the students who attended the speech, "He didn't really address seminar. He claimed that the end of any issues." the Cold War and the rearrange- ment of power in the global commu- nity left a window of opportunity for SPECIAL! the next generation of political lead- Take Back ers to make great strides for nuclear disarmament. "For students," Roche said," this the Night is the best news for you... because you are entering the prime years of TOM HRUBES your lives as we approach the twen- Cord News ty-first century." Roche continued to This year's "Take Back the Night" warn those present that simply march will take place on Thursday, because the media is not focusing on September 26th, with the march set nuclear weapons, the threat contin- to begin at 7:15 pm. The event is set ues to exist. to begin at the north end ofWaterloo Park, the Seagram Drive Entrance to Gvic Square, Kitchener Gty Hall. will a pre-march rally at If you want to lose weight, look great, tone up or improve for sports, we are the only people There be Waterloo (Seagram Dr. to see. Staffed by university physical education graduates who have been professionally trained to Park Maintaining Entrance) at 6 pm, as well as a post- guarantee you look your very best. For the most in facilities, the best equipment in the world, march celebration at Civic Square, Band professional one-on-one service, try Canada's Top Club. You deserve it! Health at Kitchener City Hall, scheduled to begin at 8:30 pm. Laurier The yearly march is organized by Call Now! the Take Back the Night Committee LEAH LANGUILLE of the Region of Waterloo, and is 747-1044 /~ If -r Cord News supported by a number of commu- Staying healthy while at university is nity organizations and individuals. important in to a \ \ uooaLite order be successful j Columbia st. /7 7 i student. Late night studying, UNIVERSITY 7^/, st J HWY#BB OF WATERLOO / Y - employment, and partying with \/ ERB ST. KING ST. friends can cause many schedules to HWY#7 be stretched to the limit Karen * innminS * HWY Ostrander, a registered nurse with 'Time limited offer. Some restrictions may apply. Health Services, suggests; "You can't

theCord September 25,1996 5 (News Seventy year old tie continues to bind Laurier MELANIE SEAL "Cord" of sympathy. 'The College 6. Freshmen shall not be seen in the Editor is now his "rec. reviewer" for and help Waterloo Lutheran Cord Nostalgia Cord" shall be "a tie that binds". company of a lady, except at College the Waterloo Chronicle. Cambell University become a part of the Monday, September 23 was a day Some Cord alumnae have gone functions or accompanied by an will be inducted into the Laurier community. We felt we created a like many others at Laurier, a day on to further a career in editing, upperclass man. Athletic Hall of Fame, the first link with the community." As that was unremarkable for many. journalism, public relations, while Ask any Cord alumnae what media person to do so. Business manager, Billyea said that However, for those of us sweating it others have not. Regardless, most they remember most about then- The Cord has often found itself his position allowed the university out in the Cord offices, it was a day look back at their years at the Cord years of working with the paper, covering interesting media events, associate with the Waterloo commu- of great importance. It was a birth- as probably their most notable and they will no doubt tell you it is both worldwide and locally. From nity. day, a cause for a celebration. The experiences of life at Laurier. Often the late production nights. There's the Ezra Street More importantly, Billyea said Cord, Laurier s student newspaper, alumnae will stop by, hang out with something about the delerium that the Cord always had many volun- turned seventy. current Cordies, check out produc- sets in with exhaustion while teers. "There wasn't a shortage of So much can be said about the tion equipment, and compare notes. working on an people to get involved. The Cord seventy years of the Cord s history, a With over sixty volunteers, the wasn't just a hot topic, it allowed one page article hardly does it jus- Cord is now a students to express their literary tice. and creative skill." Originally a six page pamphlet The Cord celebrates its ability to produced by ten Waterloo College remain an important part of the students and Dean A.O. Potter as Laurier community for seventy faculty advisor, "The College Cord" years with its Alumni on Saturday, was published bi-weekly and sold September 28th in the Alumni for five cents a copy and seventy- " Nightmare, the excite- lounge. With over four hundred and five cents for a yearly subscription. ment of winning the Vanier Cup, the eighty people invited, it promises to In the College Cord s first editori- Jfk ~ end product that protest in favour of the Vietnam be the most interesting gathering of al, Carl F. Klinck (class 0F27) wrote: ' makes a group of people bond War, World War 11, and the College Waterloo CollegcAVaterloo Lutheran "You have in your hands today, together. Cord declaration "Financial Crisis UniversityAVilfrid Laurier University the College Cord - a printed College part of life at Laurier. Rick Cambell, a Cordie in 1974- has been successfully passed" (on alumni yet.

paper at last. A dream has been Published every Wednesday 1976, is now the publisher of the May 23,1929 - a touch early in fact), A tie that binds the students not realized, a desire fulfilled, and evening, the paper is read by stu- Waterloo Chronicle. He refers to his the Cord has lived through seventy only in its readership, the Cord has another chapter of achievement dents staff, and faculty alike. Now years at the Cord as "a labour of years of history, seventy years of formed many close relationships. added to the story of Waterloo completely autonomous, the Cord is love", and that "a lot oflifetime rela- university and worldwide change. Often these relationships have College...There is much work for us run by the independent corporation tionships were formed." Cambell Cliff Billyea, Cord Alumnus from exceeded the length of time to do. Waterloo College is in need of of Wilfrid Laurier University Student said the Cord did not always have as 1961-1964, has never really left the required to obtain a university or various things- an athletic field, Publications. With only two full-time many volunteers as it does now. University. As Director of Ancillary college degree. Happy seventieth intercollegiate sports, organizations staffmembers and produced by stu- "Production night was the most ter- services, Billyea has been able to see birthday to the Cord. May it see for cultural development, wider dent volunteers, the Cord is a com- rific group of four people who ran many Cords through the years. many, many more. advertisement... If the College Cord pletely student run organization. the whole paper... There were a lot "We've come a long way since does not take a leading part in these The College Cord of the twenties of 3 a.m. runs to Dumont Printing. then," Billyea says, referring to the So much can be said about the tasks, then it has been born in vain. holds many similarities to the cur- We just prayed that what came out Editorial stances taken by the Cord. seventy years ofthe Cord's history, a The responsibility rests upon you rent one. It is true that the paper is in the Torque room on Thursday "The camaraderie of the Cord as a one page article only scratches the and me..." now published weekly, it is now was what we had sent off to the group of people was amazing. The surface. Great Appreciation goes out The first edition also explained printed on tabloid size newsprint printer on Tuesday night." Cambell Cord gave us the opportunity to to University Archives and their the reason for the name "The and free to the students, however its also said that his Entertainment express the views of the students help in retrieving older Cords. College Cord". The Editorial staff spirit remains the same. The Cord writes in the same 1926 edition, was and is the guide for Laurier stu- "What does "College Cord" mean? dents in how to be hip and happen- Is the name only a fantastical whim ing. On October 7, 1926, The Congratulations To The of the editorial staff? Only an attrac- College Cord published a list of Cord tive alliteration? Perhaps, but also a Freshmen rules handed down by great deal more than that. "College Waterloo College's Tribunal. The list on its 70th Anniversary! Cord" has a very real meaning reads as follows: a bound up in vital way with 1. Freshmen shall always give gen- ****X******* ****X ** Waterloo College and those who are tlemanly precedence to upper class- interested in her. By means of a men. Ancillary "Cord" we draw: and by means of 2. Freshmen shall not smoke ciga- From Services the "College Cord" we must draw rettes. the interest of men and women to 3. Freshmen shall keep off the grass our school, draw students and facul- on the campus except in games. Bookstore fl ty into closer sympathy and draw 4. Freshmen shall wear plain dark pwmn H d the hearts of all together in a com- socks and dark ties, and shall not jj mon love for Waterloo. In it shall we wear spats except on Sundays and Residences find the record of our common holidays. BOOKSTORE | hopes, our common joys, our com- 5. Freshmen shall not wear v > mon sorrows - it shall be a common sweaters without a coat. jliflfck. i Conference II Centre HUm Parking o 'j mmm % ~T|

Nf| Services Tcdid

Like The Cord, we are here to serve the students, faculty and staff. Best Wishes, Melnuie, Editor-in-Chief and staff, for a great year, PICTURE and may the Cord celebrate another 70! ILE:

Cordies have always been proud of the papers they produce.

6 September 25, 1996 theCord -{News; Dark and Dangerous Bag O' Crime

Theft Under $5000.00 A WLU student reported the theft of and black denim pants. The suspect 1415 hrs Thu 19 Sept 96 Theft Under $5000.00

- individ- Sat 96 Tue 03 Sept 96 Mon 16 Sept 96 his wallet & some personal belong- was also riding a bike. Waterloo A report was received of an 0215 hrs 21 Sept people purchase WLU was in Person (s) u/k removed one of the ings from his locker in the men's Regional Police are investigating. ual soliciting to A student apprehended of sign taken from signs directing people to the Security room at the Athletic Complex. All salon products outside Conrad Hall. possession a the Office from the SUB Quad. items were recovered later in the Sexual Harassment The individual could not be located. rear entrance of Wilfs. The matter day except a small amount of cash. 1730 hrs Thu Sept 96 is being forwarded to the DAC. Suspicious Person A WLU student reported that the Cause Disturbance $5000.00 1200 hrs Mon 16 Sept 96 Theft Under $5000.00 (Vehicle) previous day a male person had 0105 hrs Fri Sept 96 Theft Under

- A WLU student reported being con- 0845 - 1900 hrs Wed 18 Sept 96 passed her a note in the library A WLU student became argumenta- 0230 0300 hrs Sat 21 Sept 96 fronted by a male individual on A WLU student reported the theft of requesting sexual favours. The indi- tive after being denied access to the Person(s) u/k stole the wood carved Lodge St. The male leered at her her vehicle from lot 4. The vehicle vidual is described as caucasian, Turret. He started shouting and "HAWKS NEST" sign from the 2nd and then stood in her path on the was recovered by Waterloo 5'9", 170 lbs, brown hair, wearing making threats to the Turret staff. floor of the SUB. The matter is sidewalk causing her to go around Regional Police on Sat 21 Sept 96. wire rimmed glasses, blue jeans, a The matter is being forwarded to under investigation. him. The male is described as being long sleeved pinkish/ted shirt and the DAC. Caucasian, 5'10", 220 lbs, with Police Information (Sexual being in his late 20's. Mischief medium length brown hair and Assault) Suspicious Circumstance 21 Sept 96 approximately 45 to 50 years of age, 1015 hrs Wed 18 Sept 96 Unauthorized Soliciting 0330 hrs Fri 20 Sept 96 Person(s) u/k broke a window on the unshaven, wearing work type cloth- A WLU student reported to 1345 hrs Thu 19 Sept 96 A 12 year old youth was observed ground floor, south side of the Alvin ing and driving a white cube van Waterloo Regional Police that she A report was received of individuals riding his bike in the area of Woods Building. with a red stripe. The information had been sexually assaulted while attempting to sell long distance ser- MacDonald House. Investigation was passed on to Waterloo Regional jogging in Waterloo Park. The sus- vices outside MacDonald House. revealed that the youth had snuck During this time period 2 warnings Police for observation. pect is described as a caucasian They were issued a trespass warn- out of his house. He was returned & 1 provincial offence notice were male, 5'10", 150 lbs, straight black ing & sent on their way. home and turned over to the cus- issued for liquor violations. Theft Under $5000.00 hair, with a skin condition on his tody ofhis parents. 1050-1100 hrs Wed 18 Sept 96 face, wearing a dark blue T shirt Unauthorized Soliciting

'96— —HOMECOMINGStudents, Faculty, Alumni and Friends are invited to participate in HOMECOMING '96 celebrations.

• SATURDAY a.m. • 11 SATURDAY 4:30-6:30 p.m. SEPTEMBER 27 - 29 SBE 30th Anniversary Events Alumni WLUberfest Peters Building Athletic Complex Gymnasium Join the School of Business and Cec Joyal '86 and the WLUberfest TICKETS Economics in celebrating three decades Committee have planned one of the of excellence! There will be displays, most popular events of Homecoming and eaiiv demonstrations, and the opening of the weekend. Tickets are $6 (including new SBE Historical Gallery. Mementos food). Profits will be donated to the REGISTRATION will be available for alumni. SATURDAY • 2-4 p.m. Alumni Association Bursary Fund. For more information, contact: Homecoming Football Game: When we reach our caP acitV of 1 - 000 ' -information Deb Bergen by telephone 519- • people will be admitted only as at , r U II aur| ©r oen awL vs. 884-0710, extension 3948, ore-mail others leave the gym. s av«ll«DIC IDn at [email protected]. University of Windsor Lancers SATURDAY • University Stadium 8 p.m.—l a.m. Alumni u,l! * SATURDAY • 11:30 a.m.-l :45 p.m. Tickets will be available at the Athletic Alumni Turret Open House and Complex from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Dance and Buffet Pre-Game Warmup on Friday or an hour before the 9ame The Turret Wilfrid University a r ...... Laurier *tj it at University Stadium. Al JIL The Alumn, Assoc,at,on and the WLU : There will be a special half-time k ||| i SeefT™'the newly renovated Alumni Hall. ettern s ' nV te y U ,0 danC presentation to celebrate the 30th ' ? ? ' Facurty and ihe ™ght?faway Space ,s limited, to the KTVf I n staff, members of the Anniversary of the School of Business .IMI ■ ■[Hj Alumn, Association Board of Directors tat 550 ticket holders, so get your tick- , ■1 ■ I and Economics . Come the |UMgfe meet ear| Will be serving ets y- Last ear > the dance was sold - free pre-game hotdogs to iqfil fniinHinn ftnidpn Hawk* V 9 Tickets $8.50. visitors. Beer and wine will be available out. are ; ALUMNI purchase. for ... and so much morel association

theCord September 25,1996 7 ~~ " Help Offered at 570-1323 prior to Nov. 1/96. Progressive Student Painting F 1 monitor, modem, $600. Call lisa at Company RED DEER CLOTHING 885-1171, Models and Actors Needed currentfy seeking applications fon is a funky new store in your Word Processing Service by Kitchener agency for upcoming Jr. AccftOffice Manager Students' Union Building. By Computer forSale Reports, resumes, letters, mailing local and Toronto assignments Pr ocess fin stmts for 2 divisions, selling ends of lines we are able 386sx, Critchlield BMG RAM, 80 lists, form letters, etc. on recycled (fashion shows, catalogues, advertis- Computerized A/P Subledger, to sell TOP QUALiTY clothing at MG hard drive, DG monitor, SB pro paper. Laser printing, dictaphone, ing, promotions, TV commercials, Payrolls, Cash Reports, Accounts UNBELIEVABLY AFFORDABLE sound card, loaded with software equation editing, graphs and charts etc.) Skills workshops, photo ses- Payable, Bank Reconciliations, PRICES. wp, win., DOS, games, and more, available. Audrey 884*7123. sions, and immediate agency repre- General and Administrative Duties. New Stock Dally! $400 oJxo. Call 884-4015. sentation available for beginners. Macintosh accounting software pkg. Resume and interview Prep. Flexible hours to suit your schedule. Must possess Microsoft Word/Excel p, i In-home service, evening and week- For appointment call 743-6550 skills. Basic accounting' bookkeep- Students Wanted for l^6*soil3lS end appointments available. 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. ing exp. an asset. 2nd year Employment Reasonable rates. Student discounts. CGA/CMA, + Min. 1- 2 yrs. expert- 3 nights a week, Great opportunity Call "Foot in the Door". Call 888- Brockyard Recording Studio ence. Professional Environment! for extra cash. Please call Fraser at Hey there You... 9241. Grand opening. 8 track digital Deadline Oriented! Must be able to 884-0631. 1 know you couldn't forget about me,

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8 February 8, 1995 theCord OPINION

Editorial You can't give patriotism away

In an effort to increase Canadian patriotism, Ms. Sheila Copps developed a clever scheme. Assuming that the bril- liant colours ofred and white flapping on Canada Day were enough to bring out the federalist in every Canadian citizen, she proposed her government give to each interested citizen a flag. Not much in life is free, and as it turns out, Ms. Copps underestimated the number of proud Canadian citizens. theCord Millions of dollars later, her department throws its arms up in the air and shouts, "enough." They will no longer be honouring the flag give-away, and a strict review ofthis move is underway. "The tie that binds since 1926" So let's see what Copps has achieved. She has spent milllions of dollars on flags for hundreds ofthousands of citizens. Sure, it's a great gesture, but perhaps the money could have gone to something a little more... well, worthwhile. I'm not saying that I feel strong national pride isn't important but flags are not the way to make peo- ple feel for their country. Instead, how about a country that works to lower its national debt? Even a country which puts more money into medical research and provincial health care systems would make quite an impact on its citizens. And I'm sure that many Canadians in our age group would be thrilled to see that money invested in the educational system, by way ofincreased scholarships and bursaries, for example. But no, that money has been spent on a 16 x 22 piece of acrylic in the hopes ofcreating the "Super Canadian," A Laurier University Student Publication Wilfrid a Canadian so patriotic, so devoted to the image of mass assimilation that all recognition ofthe fact that their gov- 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 ernment was wasting ridiculous amounts of money on propoganda is non-existent. (519)884-1970 ext. 3564 And now, thanks to the campaign, many Canadians did have a flag to wave on Canada Day. Thanks to the Fax: (519) 884-7723 campaign, money that is so desperately needed in other areas of government legislation is gone. Thanks to the Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3566 campaign, many feel that they have cashed in on government handouts. And, thanks to the campaign, Sheila "...Okay, so it will read Laurier...dot, dot, uh, like- Copps has egg on her face. Realistically though, what was Copps thinking? Did she actually believe that the general population would not colon, you know...space..." jump at the chance of getting something for free? And really,what kind ofreasoning is that - "Oh! I know! If I give -Melanie Seal, English Graduate all of Canada a maple leaf to wave around on July Ist then the country will live in harmony, proud to belong to articulating instructions for a cutline such a nation. A free flag isn't a means of instilling patriotism in people, it's more like something given out with a Editorial Board happy meal at a fast food restaurant. It has no meaning, you play with it, put it aside, and forget about it. patriotism, think Editor-in-Chief Melanie Seal Ifthe government isreally enthusiastic about creating a greater sense of perhaps they should the living, News Editor Tom Hrubes about making its citizens happy, improving economic and social rankings, increasing standard of fund- and Associate News Editor Lori Dysievick ing amateur atheletes who may one day represent the country, and recognizing academics. The list goes on Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter on. Create a sense ofpride within the individual, not by the material tokens representing national identity. Assistant Entertainment Editor Robin Whittaker I am proud to be a Canadian citizen, although I was not born here. I have a 16 x 22 flag I wave proudly on Sports Editor Greg Chownyk Canada Day. I bought it myself. Assistant Sports Editor Jim Donnelly Perhaps the original intent was not just to increase national pride and unity. I'm sure an argument could be Features Editor Ann-Marie Smith made that Copps was intending only to gain popularity in the polls. It seems that Copps' plan to increase national Life Editor Ann Huskinson pride has succeeded most in increasing the national debt. Production Mike Vencel Manager Editorial by Melanie Seal, Editor-in-Chief The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the CordStaff, the edito- Cord Staff rial board or WilfridLaitrier UniversityStudent Publications. Production Assistants Tina Tarn Vacant Classified Coordinator Vacant Copy Editors Christina Mogk responsible for this vandalism and theft don't destroy International Coordinator Vacant things for everyone. Sincerely Student Publications Staff Joel Lynn Photo Manager Marion Ilensel Letters Photo Technican Steve Williams Art Director Jeremy Kerr WLUERT Co-ordinator writes Systems Administrator John Malkovich World Wide Web Editor Andrew White To all my friends, Advertising Manager Robert Norris TO the EDITOR I am writing this to let you know that I am no longer Ad Sales Representive Vacant one of the co-ordinators for Wilfrid Laurier Ad Production Manager Dannielle Chartrand University's Emergency Response Team. I would like Ad Production Assistant Vacant to thank the Team for three years of dedication and Atheletic Advertising Manager Pete Robinson loyalty. Administration For those who would like an explanation, over Thievery in the Students' Union Orientation Week, I broke one of the rules of the President Laurie Legault Team because I thought it was in the Team's best VP of Finance Kevin MacDonald Dear Editor, interests. For this infraction, I was prepared to face VP of Operations David Janzen Congratulations to the person or persons who stole the the consequences, and this is how the Team and its Public Relation Manager Vacant "Hawks Nest" sign from the Students' Union Building on advisors have chosen to deal with this situation. I Board of Directors Shane Lidkea Friday night. Great job to the people who stole the must express a heartfelt apology to the Team for Beth Costelec Jen Clarke "beer" banners from the windows from Wilfs. These having put its members in a position where the Christine Gergich Ryan Lock acts really show what university students are all about. image of the Team may have been placed in jeop- Domenico Magisano I hope that it was not a Laurier student who did this. ardy. The Cord will not print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemed by the staff as a voting body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of its Code of Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cord They would essentially be STEALING FROM THE STU- I am most sorry that I didn't get a chance to subscription rates are $20.00 per term for addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by CanWeb Printing. All DENTS. The Students' Union has spent a great deal of make my vision -of the Team a reality. I had a goal commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect those of the Cord staff, the editori- al board, or WLU Student Publications. money on renovations to improve the building over the for the Team that I shared with the other coordina- past few years. Students should be proud of our build- tor, one that, because of the internal wrangling, 1 am Contributors: Colleen "grammar queen" Nicholson, Dave Kerth, Roxanne ing. We are proud of the fact that we own and operate afraid may never be realized. I have failed in my Coppens, James Eaton, William Chung, Mike Adoijan, David Trapper Ray, one of premier facilities in province.- goal to help make the Team and provide a Trueman, Lynne Pauli, Brad Semotiuk, Tim Foran, Trainspotting student the grow Soundtrack, a really old picture of Heather Mundell, Anjuli Varma, Nick Now we have students stealing from other students greater degree of safety and first-aid awareness to Thomas, Homer Simpson, Thom Ryan, Brian Gottmers, Lauren Stephen, in our building. It will cost $700 to get repairs done to the Laurier community, and for that 1 must apologize Alan Horn, Mike Lucas, Craig Hillett, Sterling Lynch, Alexander Houston, the sign area and the"beer" banners cost $50 apiece. to everyone here at WLU. Scott TUbman, Christine Philips, Leah Longuelle, Eric Henry, WLU Security, Now, this may not seem like much, but In the end, I believe that failing was to be too Douglas Coupland, David Nando these "little" my John Milton, Duchovny, Duarte, Cathy to Hagen and her son Jim. The Cord is now seventy years 01d... and still funky. items add up in a hurry. On a building withrecent reno- dedicated to my duty the Team, to the mission of vations and an expansion totaling over $4 million, this the Team, and, unfortunately, not enough to the act of vandalism is not covered by insurance, so the rules that bind the Team... expense must come from somewhere. Stealing the sign, Signed, Letters Policy for one, can decrease the marketing potential of our Ex-coordinator WLUERT •AH letters must be signed and submitted with the author's name, student new "Hawks Nest". identification number,and telephone number. What's up with this? When someone steals some- •All letters will be printed with the author's name. Letters can be printed thing or commits vandalism on campus, they tire steal- without the author's name only by permission ofthe Editor-in-Chief. ing from every other student. The Office of the President ￿Letters must be received by Tuesday at noon for publication In that would like the sign and the Wilfs banners returned. Call week's issue inprint, on disk, or viae-mail to: 22corxl@macM .wlu.ca my office at ext. 3409 and leave a voice mail message on • letters that are submitted on disk or via e-mail must be accompanied by where I might find the sign. You could leave it behind a signed hard copy. the bushes outside of the Conrad Quad to the left of the Jl EtttiBS » Letters must be typed, double spaced, and cannot exceed 500 words. third maple tree and call security. The point is, the jaj&sffi 'M ■ I • The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will Students' Union wants the signs back. . not be corrected. Hie Student Union Building currently has 24 hour • 'Ilie Cordreserves the right to reject any letter in whole or in part, that is access. We may have to consider changing this policy is in violation ofexisting Cord policies. this petty theft continues. Let's hope that the individuals

theCord September2s,l996 9 Opinion)

A look back

Throughout Laurier's history, the Cord has always been there. (Clockwise from upper left) A class of 1948, a model of the unbuilt Aird building, Tommy Hawk' from the Winter Carnival and the Peter's building. Fast Efficient Service For Researching r n and Draft Copy Work Custom Essay Service | 4 Collier Street, #201 ' Toronto, Ontario, M4W 1L7 i!5l „J (416)960-9042 Orientation Week through the eyes ofa Frosh Nevv H JEANNOT ADELAND Being on the gold team (we Opinion eiqk Cord snatched the gold!), I was immedi- Perhaps it was the anticipation or ately introduced to cheering the nerves that had my stomach in obscenities, wearing mass amounts rking a knot that early morning of of yellow paint, shining every thing September Ist but whatever it was, and anything in the pouring rain AtX I was crawling the walls of my par- but most importantly, I met some of Montreal to the most enthusiastic, f^eW° ents' car. Kitchener- friendly and Waterloo is about an eight hour craziest people in my life. I have a drive but with my parents sharing theory that when everyone has to the task, the car ride hours could make a complete fool of themselves not be measured. My father, cruis- facades, attitudes and expectations ing at 140 km/hour and my mother fly out the window. I got to know tentatively tapping at the accelera- the real personalities my floor- tor at 65 km/hour we made it to my mates in their rawest of moments;

CAREER * V6 / FAIR at as tired, drunk, new home "in no time all" my dirty, and happy. This >cs . s< i r , father proclaimed. honest look at people made me • i y \( J ; : Screaming, yelling coloured T- realize that this is what Frosh Week shirts came out at us in every direc- is all about; getting to know great Welsto(l£y,' October 2,1996 tion, paying no attention to other people and having kick-ass time cars in the street. My mother being (and team). organized neurotic felt very uncom- The true test of strength was not 10£>0 a.m/- 3:30 p.m. fortable with these seemingly the Regatta games nor the VERY aggressive folks dying to unload her wet Shinerama, it was making it to precious daughter's items and my Sunday without too much damage. Dingemans Conference Centre father chuckling at my mother's And so to the Frosh of96: we made worries. it and now we can do anything! Kitchener, On'tari o It seemed to me that was for- I \#?\ \ I //' gotten in the shuffle as my parents' i bickering over where to park domi- Cord Opinion. TranspoktationTrovided nated the conversation as my stom- ach churned and churned. Finding

v ; the line for keys for letters "A" to ';'i-f\ "H" in a sleuth of people could have You must kMm been accomplished easily if my r-yi:-.'.:*:>k:W tf:: < mind had been screwed on straight. have at least Mi However, overwhelmed, underfed and exhausted I could not function one. well but I noticed I was not alone. Co-sponsors: This aspect of Frosh Week was Career Services probably the most reassuring part College, University Ouelph, of the whole ordeal. Whether I was Conestoga of lost, tired, hung-over or just plain University homesick, someone somewhere Wilfrid Laurier University, of Waterloo was feeling the same thing. Ibis is what got me through Frosh Week '96: it was all new and all pretty WLU Student IP. Card Required For Free Admission damned scary but I was never unaccompanied.

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MARKETING & FINANCE iiaprm-l INFORMATION SESSION / Tuesday, October 1,1996 5:30-7:00 PM JILJ Paul Martin Centre refreshments provided A first look at Laurier WILL ple in coloured shirts screaming and has a Laurier backpack and a yelling,_trying to make us feel at Laurier sweatshirt which we proud­ home, I just felt extremely over­ ly sport almost every day of the Have whelmed. school year. We all know that pur­ days wt I somehow felt that I just didn't ple and gold pride is the best, and right? fit in. Suddenly, horrible thoughts we won't let anyone tell us otther­ have be1 filled my mind. "What if I had made wise. can be fi the wrong decision? Maybe I should Almost everyone is incredibly you nev1 have just stayed in highschool for caring and fiiendly (except for those we've C< another couple of years.. . or even who sent me to the boiler room guide 01 decades." Oh, no! I want my instead of 4-201). Everywhere I go, most eX) I seem to see another fiiendly face. Mommy! are their Oasses are great (not that I've To make matters worse, I was a Cut< been to very many!) I'm still getting student living off campus; one who the Core to having a lecture with some­ wouldn't or couldn't get the tradi­ used youdou times over 200 other people in the tionalexperiences of being a frosh. I Enjoy! didn't have twenty people around same class and the endless reading me at all hours of the day and I that I will be doing for the next four didn't get to order Dial-a-Bottle years, but the ideas of no atten­ twice a week like some of my fiiends dance at lectures and no parents at in res. home are certainly appealing. Do I sound like a whining, weep­ Those ideas may be two of the most ing little child? You haven't heard it important highlights of university. all yet. After the completion of my first Many of you have probably seen three weeks things, seem to be look­ It doesn't take long for students to notice that with all its cracks, crevices and funky architecture, Laurier me around with a lost look on my ing better. I have finally found 4- is a nifty place to explore. face, or maybe I've even stopped 201, my roommate is great, and I've you to ask where 4-201 is. (Okay, so got myself a Laurier backpack. ANJULI VARMA Leaving behind my highschool full of guys tell me that this is going to be I'm a little slow at learning my way Honestly, I'm having an awe­ CORD STUDENT LIFE infinite memories has been one of the best four years of my life? I around.) some time here, even if I can't Being a frosh at Wilfrid Laurier the hardest things I've done in my question that thought!) So how about some truth? This always find the washroom. University is probably an experience entire life. My first week was incredibly... is a G.reat University! To me, the that can never be forgotten. It's I'm in this unknown place where LONG. With all the emotions of most unique aspect of Laurier is the (So, if you see me in the halls and been just over three weeks since I I'm still having a hard time finding leaving home, my friends and my fact that the students here have so I'm looking a bit lost, please direct arrived here and it still feels strange. the nearest washroom. (And you parents, combined with all the peo- much school spirit. Every one of us me to the nearest washroom!) Befo.re I Came to University I Wish I Had Known...

FROM THE WALLS OF BRICKER a lot of different ways. school, so what? -That you can know everything and -That free food served at 10:00 is CORD STUDENT LIFE -That university kids throw paper -That I'd go to a party the night fail a test. gone by 9:59. -That it didn't matter how late I airplanes too. before a mid-term. -That you can know nothing and -That Sunday is a figment of the scheduled my first class, I'd still -That if you wear a skirt everybody -That Chern. 100 required more pass a test. world's imagination. sleep through it. asks you why you're dressed up. time than my other four courses -That I could get used to almost any­ -That Psychology is really Biology, -That I would change so much and -That every clock on campus shows combined. thing I found out about my room Biology is really Chemistry, barely realize it. a different time. -That change is a very positive expe- mate. Chemistry is really Physics, Physics -That you can love a lot of people in -That you were smart in high rience and shouldn't be avoided. -That home would be a great place is really Math, Math is really... to visit. -That it's a good idea to go places -That most of my education would alone and not always rely on a be obtained outside my classes. group for support. -That fiiendship is more than party­ -That it's possible to be lonely even ing together. when you are surrounded by Bored B-1 Boys -What I was getting into. fiiends. -That I would become one of those -That fiiendships are what makes people my parents warned me this whole place worthwhile. Trials and tribulations ofLittle House about.

NICK THOMAS One good example is a 19th night? Should we really be partying CORD STUDENT LIFE birthday party we recently had for a every day? Is drinking even Sometimes I ask myself, "Is guy on my floor. It was a very well allowed on a school night? It must University all that it's cracked up to planned surprise birthday party be! I have no classes before 1 p.m., be?" By the end of a unique three with invitations and even a decorat­ but at night I still struggle to find weeks, the conclusion I've come to ed lounge with balloons and party places to hit, to have fun, to get is a big YES. Frosh Week was a paraphenelia. We drank, we bond­ drunk. blast but that's done and over with; ed, and we got the birthday boy Isn't first year supposed to be it's a full year of school to look for­ completely shit-faced. After a cou­ the best year? So let's have some ward to now. ple hours of drinking we decided to fun. Let's bring our ·business text I live in Little House and have go to the Thrret (the Laurier hang­ books to Loose Change Louie's or only one complaint: What's up with out for most first year students for­ our sketch pads to the Turret. I the showers?! The shower heads some post-res. drinking). It's a want every first year out roaming start at my neck. The only thing the great bar but it's just like every bar I the streets from Sunday to water hits is my stomach and any­ went to during 0-Week. Wednesday and studying from thing lower. Every time a guy However, since studies have Thursday to Saturday, ok? comes out of the shower his stom­ started I've had a whole new out­ Keep the Laurier social atmos­ ach is red. As if that isn't bad look on the Laurier social atmos­ phere alive. enough, the only way to wash your phere. Is it just me or is there noth­ Come on, all you 3rd & 4th year hair properly is to get on your ing to do from Sunday to guys, tell us unexperienced frosh knees. T ·.!. ·• k11ow how short the Wednesday? Once you get back where to go when we're bored. I guys were ;: ;;c. "'hen this place from classes what can you do? still go out at night sometimes look­ \HiS built, bui Jm showers have got Homework? Well, that's what some ing for places so that I might one to go. choose to do. Over the past two day have a big enough repertoire of Oh well at lAast I've got the B-1 weeks, I've heard the phrase ''I'm bars to keep me busy every night. boys wh( L. ve become my best bored," from just about everybody When that day comes I'll be sure to buds. an '-ww my friendships on my floor. tell you guys where and when to with every one of them will contin­ No one knows where to go. Or meet me. Until then, I'll see you out ue to grow throughout the year. should one even go out on a week there.

12 Septemher25.1996 theCord (Student Life) Six Simple Laundry Tips

WILLIAM CHUNG & DAVID Tip #1: Ironing. tic-free dryer sheets and always time consuming. For those of us a dry-cleaning jointlike this? TRUEMAN Never put your laundry straight check the top and sides ofthe dryer. who are versed in time manage- -Do you come here often? Cord Student Life from the dryer into the laundry bag. ment, we'd like to do some textbook Have you ever had one of those If you do this, you'll have to iron Tip #3: Those darned collars. reading. But because of the noise days when nothing seemed to go later. If you fold your clothes nicely Have a problem with ironing all and the atmosphere, this is not right? Laundry may or may not right away, they're sure to be wrin- those collared shirts you own? always easy. The experts agree that have been a factor, but it definitely kle-free. This will avoid any talking Don't fret. The experts believe it's magazine reading is highly enjoy- can be frustrating. So to ensure that behind your back about your wrin- all in the order. They recommend able and easy, or perhaps you can you never have a bad laundry day, kled clothes. Instead, they'll admire lifting the collar, ironing it, ironing browse through the latest issue of we've compiled a comprehensive your laundry-awareness. the rest of the shirt, and then folding the Cord. Warning: don't read guide on laundry. We asked the the collar down. If the problem per- pornography; it just mightruin your most experienced experts, and here Tip #2: Missing socks. sists, they advise you to simply not chances of meeting that special are their tips for you. Everyone has lost a sock in the laun- wear shirts with collars. someone. Cut out this handy guide from dry at one time or another. One the Cord for easy access whenever expertknows exactly where they go. Tip #4: Colours. Tip #6: Pick-up lines. you do laundry. Because of the static, they cling to Many of us have a couple of shirts What happens if you see that hot Enjoy! the top or sides of the dryer. Use sta- which have been with us for quite babe from your Psych class, but you some time. For whatever reason, don't know how to approach him or style or comfort, we just love to wear her? First, make sure you're not them. But after a few years, the washing your underwear. Then, colour begins to fade, and the quali- use one ofthese fab pick-up lines: Dr. Hugh G. Rection's ty of the material begins to degrade. We asked the experts, but they -Are your parents bakers, because PICTURE Opinion" couldn't think of a good tip for this you've got a great set of buns. FILE "Professional problem. -Wanna share my detergent? end like -Let me help you out of that dirty Don't up this- Tip #5: Reading material. laundry your wearing. Follow these tips for some clean fun. BRAD SEMOTIUK son. Onefinalpiece ofadvice: ifyour Let's face it, doing laundry can be -What's a nice girl like you doing in good AND TIM FORAN Dad everfinds out, do as the Doctor Cord Student Life would in theface ofmalpractice alle- Dear Hugh, gations - deny everything! Let me tell you about my interesting Healthy Fudgy Oatmeal Frosh Week here at Laurier this fall. Dear Dr. Rection, That Thursday started off an ordi- I have been an active masturba- nary one with my buddies and I at tor for the past three years. It was a Brownies Brickcr sitting around for a few wob- secret that I learned in my first year bly pops before taking in the fiddle of from my floor-mates in residence. Ashley Maclsaac. What would come Before that time I was repulsed with Student Budget Menu later is not quite so ordinary the whole thought of "turning myself though... on." Was I ever missing out cm one I stumbled into my room after the of the world'struly great pleasures... LYNN PAULI show to notice that there was some- I have been dating my boyfriend Cord Student Life one fastasleep under my covers. My for a year and a half and I love him stumbling around and anxious very much. He is a very sweet, con- heavy breathing must have awaken siderate lover but is very reserved 1 cup flour 3/4 cup quick cooking oats my midnight guest, for out from when it comes to discussing our sex under the covers came my Dad's life. I am dying with all ofmy female 1/4cup wheat germ new girlfriend - soaked in whiskey, lust to begin masturbating in front of with eyes cryin' for my young golden him and him in front of me, but I 1 tsp. salt hawk. like a good host I made her don't know how to bring this fantasy feel at home between the sheets. out ofthe closet. 11/2 cups sugar We were awakened the next Should I be embarrassed? Is this morning by an urgent phone call all too much to ask ofmy lover? Tell 1/2 cup cocoa from my Dad in Mississauga. He me I'm not the only Hawkette with was wondering if I'd seen or heard this need. 2 tsp. vanilla from his girlfriend, who'd left him French Tickler I after a big fight the day before. I 1 cup vegetable oil ; consoled my Dad as I watched Tina DearUckler, slip out of her teddy and into her This fantasy that you have 4 eggs tight jeans, and I thought to myself, revealed to me is not uncommon. "Oh yeah Dad, I've seen a lot of Studies have shown that women of 1/2 cup cold water her..." the 90'sare more assertive and more My Dad didn't suspect a thing. 1 comfortable with not only self-stimu- 1/2 cup walnuts or sunflower seeds feel guilty - please help me... lation, but with sex in general Boy Wonder For many women, self-stimula- Put all ingredients in bowl in order given and beat on slow speed, tion can produce better results than scraping down, or by hand until smooth. Do not overbeat. Butter DearBoy Wmder, being with oldfaithful so don't be and flour a 9 x 13 pan, and turn batter into it. Push into corners and As a Golden Hawk you should ashamed. To approach your smooth top. Bake at 350 F for 30 minutes (no longer) - don't over- always be looking out to help those boyfriend, do not talk to him about it bake. Frost with chocolate icing if desired. in need. However, you may have first; as the water starts to boil help gonea wee bit overboard in the hos- yourselfto yourself* Show him you Note: If using a glass pan, bake at 325 F for 30 minutes. pitality department There are enjoy it - look for his response and clearly two problems here, one with urge him to give himselfa tug while - : which you ignore at it too - 5 ;; | may and one you looking you. He'll love fjf Sw; ; | 4 j; Cord Student Life. must deal Firstly yourfather's love you've got theDoctor's Guarantee! \ We and possible poor performance The Doctor must also let you in \ as a lover is not your concern. Ifyou on some goodnewsfar all those hem do anything with this, let me suggest on one of the world's most inexpen- that you subtly whisper some ofyour sive sports. There have been break- sexual secrets to the old guy to buff throughs in vibrator technology to up his aged "techniques." Secondly, the extent that they now look less what should you do with two-timing Uke a sexual organ and more tike a Tina? Put her in her place -stick up Louisville slugger. for the old guy! Tell her that you've Many women report that the also satisfied your Dad's previous popular G-spotattadimeritcan drive and that they were much better in solo-artists, such as yourself, to the sack. She won't have a come- orgasm in approximately SO sec- back for that - you hcwe the Doctor's onds. Guarantee! Atfamily get-togethers, Go ahead, treat yourself! play the role of the innocent little

theCord September2s,l996 13 (Student Life)- "The Originals" of Laurier Adorjan takes a look at what makes Tyson Murray tick

MIKE ADORJAN you always have the wish that you gas hole or something and you can't and have a shortage of communica- so I'm not sure if there's a god, but Cord Student Life could be getting more done. do much about that [but] ..shove a tion skills, so they can't really I'll wait.. I just believe that we're The inspiration for starting a section ...I thought about going to rock back in it and dig somewhere express themselves verbally, and the here to., put here to multiply and called "The Originals" originated a big university, and you think of it in else. You just learn from your expe- only way they can get their point grow and handle the changes, ~o'm from the City TV program of the terms of the four seasons. You riences. across is physically. I do the latter, I here) to learn as much [as I can] and same name. It profiles people who know, you come and it's still sum- ...I think the reason for try and get the point across without., contribute whatever I can to have contributed original ideas to mer, then you go through winter, learning martial arts is for an this whole reactionary retaliation. make.... I'll just do the best I can and society in some way, or who are and if you're in a big university, increased sense of security. I trust And plus, it's basically like I'm not a after I'm done with., served my themselves originals for going you're going to be doing 45 minute my surroundings, and I don't fighting type, so I'll be nice to people time, I'll justleave it in the hands .of against the grain, and challenging treks through snow I'd just rather expect., my surroundings to turn on with the hope that they'll be nice the younger generation. popular notions. Here is a new col- be able to run from 'a' to 'b' in two me. So I guess I'm not prepared if back. ..expect the best., sort of like...... I guess that's why I'm (at umn devoted to scavenging the most to three minutes, and it's so compact anything were to happen. ..the fight a., symbiotic relationship. Laurier), is to learn where and how remote aspects of the student body here. or flight reaction, you know, is basi- ...It's really hard to define this technology is going and how it's on the I iiurier campus. I hope that ...I come from around cally what it boils down to. Like you our reason for being here. ..postu- being developed." these writings will be an evolution- Ottawa-Maxville- a striving metrop- do have people who are all physical lates and theories.. I'm an agnostic, ary process. I have selected the can- olis of 800 people. I lived in the sub- didate for the first interview, but 1 urbs of a town called Point Clair, and would prefer to have volunteers I was there for 11 years of my life, come forward in the future. and then I moved to Maxville for 1 THERE AND BACK AND THERE AND BACK AND THERE MMBACK AND THERE AND BACK People who want a forum year, and then to France for 3, then for their voices to be heard; a back to Maxville. So it's not too Speaker's Corner for the Cord, ifyou much of a shock (moving to will. Please feel free to e-mail me if Waterloo). STUDENT RETURN FARES. you wish to be interviewed, or have ...When I first got (to and/or comments at: France), left when questions I was 12, and I from Kitchener/Waterloo to: thecord@machl .wlu.ca. was 13. ...They're very nice people, 1 have selected as my first I learned a lot of good studying skills Toronto $22 Belleville $51 Sudbury $91 interviewee Tyson Murray, age 19. from the schools there - I was at a Peterborough $42 London $20 Ottawa $85 private Catholic school, and I'm a "...Why Laurier? The rep- Protestant, so the sisters were pretty Other discounted destinations available. resentative that came to our school receptive to that... my nationality Price does not include G.S.T. did a really great job on the presen- being Canadian, they're more open tation, and pushed the type of to Canadians than Americans, but.. Pickups on campus for Toronto. Dropoffs also available. Flag stop points: Frank C. Peters Building (University Ave.) atmosphere that was involved with you can all understand why. Not and Athletic Complex (King St.) at the Kitchener Transit Bays. Please see schedule. Laurier, ...and I took an hour and a saying that Americans are bad, Surf to http://www.greyhound.ca/ halftour and it hit me, in making my because I have American friends decision, it wasn't the ranking of the and everything, but you know their lITRAVEL CUTS Greuhaund university that made my choice, it general reputation ,or whatever. If I Student Union Building, 3rd floor (to France) get was more where I'd be spending the could move back and Wilfrid Laurier University 886-8228 Street Kitchener next four years of my life. I got a job there and a visa, I probably 15 Charles W. 741 -2600 accepted to Waterloo and their co- would. op program, and I tell people that I ...You know you have the turned it down, and they're thinking big yellow buses and you're driving you're stupid, but no I'm not, I chose around to amusement parks, and Low cost resume to go to Laurier. I talked with a lot of you have these groups yelling at employers and yes, Waterloo does each other... It was very fun; I almost service by our have the rep (for computers), but lost my voice calling friends back they're not only looking for the home that didn't recognize me. ■ mMB experienced staff. experience but also for the people Then, of course, you have the frosh jES type of person. So they like a person flu, the cold virus that went with social interaction skills, and around... yeah, lectures are amus- mechanical knowledge. They said ing, a whole symphony of coughing, that they're basically concerned your altoes and your bass. Yeah, JIUVd floor|luu| with experience, so it's more the co- Frosh Week, was really fun... it was resumefc*plus i " op program that's recognized at a bit different from my brother's Waterloo, not necessarily the pro- frosh week, who goes to Queen's. Students' Union gram. Here the computer program They made him do some weird stuff. at Laurier is in the science faculty, We had bonding activities, what was Building and is almost like an engineering it, play-fair? degree. I like both math and sci- I'm really happy...satisfied ence, but I have that mindset for the with the security here. There is no Professional service sciences (except Chemistry). I just infraction on my sense of security. love laurier, and I'm here, I came You know, I still feel as though I can here with a mindset of being sur- walk around ..and besides, my life is AT A STUDENT PRICE. rounded by all these assignments like destiny, so whatever happens and due dates. I knew I was facing happens. I'm not into the stars or a lot of work, but I came here with astronomy or anything like that., that mindset, so basically I came our lives are predetermined by life, prepared for the workload. And I'm it's like digging a tunnel, you know, keeping up pretty well. Of course you're always digging, and you hit a SUPER OPTICAL or LENS MASTER 91 King St. North, Waterloo 598 Belmont Ave. Kitchener & (Belmont & Glasgow area) (King Bridgeport) O ut 0f Town Free 747-5657 1-800-661-5335 570-0118

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We accept all insurance • Blue Cross • Green Shield • Ministry of Community & Social Services, and Welfare Canada »DVA 14 September2s,l996 theCord (Student Where they are now... Life) ROXANNE COPPENS in Economics with the Finance and has; Gian is responsible for building has already been making money for He also suggests getting to know as Cord Student Life Accounting Option. He is currently his own clientele. Actually, Gian over a year. Only one week after many people as you can, since the is the last time you will have to employed with This the "Financial finds that one of the more frustrat- graduation, Gian was employed job involves being outgoing enough to Grandma and Uncle John Concept listen Group", a full service bro- ing aspects of the job is being with this company. He found out to establish a large clientele. tell you that there are no jobs out kerage firm. younger and having to slowly gain about the job when he attended a The most exciting aspect of there university students. Each Gian is responsible for for helping credibility in order to gain a larger Financial Forum the company had Gian's job appears to be his positive week, this column promises to deliv- people manage their finances, pre- number ofclients. Payment is based advertised in the newspaper. attitude towards the work. Gian er to you a profile a Laurier grad- pare their taxes, and of develop invest- on commission and "there is no In order to get yourself into a enjoys being a Finance Broker so uate who is actually EMPLOYED. ment strategies. A person in this steady paycheque that comes," he field of this sort, Gian recommends much that he said, "I don't really see Our search begins with Mr. Gian position make can a salary ranging said. getting involved in extracurricular it as a job." Paulo Spangaro, who graduated from $30,000 to $200,000, depend- Although there may have been activities that will illustrate your Real success cannot always be from laurier in 1995 with an HBA ing on the number of clientele one some frustrations with salary, Gian interpersonal skills to employers. measured by dollar signs.

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theCord September2s,l996 15 SPORTS Hawks are toast of Waterloo

The two point convert attempt by Zmich realizes that "there is still the Warriors was unsuccessful. work to be done." Considering the Laurier's offense also stumbled fact that the Hawks first three as it did in the previous week in the games were against probably the second halfagainst York. McDonald three toughest teams in the league, struggled and threw two more inter- it appears that when the team does ceptions to give four on the day. get rolling on all cylinders, there More disappointment occurred may not be anyone who has what it when standout slotback Zach takes to beat them. Treanor was forced to leave the game with an injured ankle. Head coach Rick Zmich isn't too worried about his team's offensive woes. " I am not overly concerned. We turned the ball over too much. I Coach's mean in the first half we had 250 Players yards of offense," said Zmich. "It's a of mental approach. We have to be a the Game LYNCH little more calm. We know the sys- tem can work." Offense: Andy Bacon, tailback STERLING Perhaps the only bright spot for The tailback had a great day for the the offense was the running game. Hawks as he rushed for over 121 The offensive line opened holes for yards on 11 carries. His game was PICTURE: Bacon all day and he finished the highlighted by an electrifying 59 Laurier slotback Zach Treanor stretches out to make a big catch in the Hawks' 26-10 dismantling of the game with 121 yards on only 11 yard run in the first quarter that set Waterloo Warriors on Saturday. Unfortunately for the Hawks, they will be without the standout slotback carries. up tiie Hawks first field goal. The for a few weeks as he damaged ligaments in his ankle. The Hawks put away the game third year player was free to run when second year conerback A 1 behind huge holes opened up by GREG CHOWNYK over on offense on the Warrior two Warriors on the scoreboard, but he Ruby picked off Wilkinson and die offensive line and also account- Cord Sports yard line. On the next play, Bacon also conceded a safety to contribute returned the ball for a 43 yard ed for the 1 lawks first touchdown. After taking somewhat of a beating ran in it for the major and the ensu- to the Hawks totals. McDonald con- touchdown and finished out the in the local media in the week lead- ing O'Hara convert put them up 10- nected on a 25 yard touchdown game's scoring. Defense: Jason Gundy, line- ing up to the game, the Golden 0. strike to Zach Treanor late in the Zmich was pleased with the win. backer Hawks showed the city just who was The Golden Hawk defense came halfto put the Hawks up 19-3. "I think it was a big win. There has It seemed as though Gundy was in the best football team as they sound- up big throughout the game and The second half saw some slop- always been a tremendous rivalry the Warrior backfield all day long. ly beat the Waterloo Warriors 26-10. were able to stall a Warrior offense py offensive play from both sides. with Waterloo since I have been I le finished the day with two sacks Some had the Hawks pegged as that racked up 327 yards against The Warriors continued to stumble here. It is also good to beat them on Warrior QB Ryan Wilkinson and the underdogs heading into Guelph the previous week. Their and didn't score a touchdown until and pass them in the standings." also registered three tackles that Saturday's game, which definitely combination of strength and speed the fourth quarter when Jarrett The Hawks seem to be improv- resulted in lost yardage for motivated Laurier. Once the game made for a tough day for the Smith ran one in from one yard. ing with each and every outing, but Waterloo. The fifth year player was got underway, it was clear that they Waterloo offense were never really an ail star last season and is no were on a mission to erase those able to consistently execute. game will be taking place before doubt looking to repeat on that thoughts. linebacker Jason Gundy led the Looking ahead the kickoff. The Pi Kappa Alpha honour as he remains an integral After being sacked twice on the way, getting into the backfield and Fraternity will be running in the part of one of the best linebacking first drive, Laurier QB Kevin causing havoc for Warrior QB Ryan The Hawks are home this Saturday game ball from Windsor. The trek cores in the country. McDonald regained his composure Wilkinson. Gundy finished the day to face the Windsor Lancers for begins Thursday morning and will and guided his team down the field with two sacks and three tackles for 1 lomccoming. The Lancers have conclude just before game time on Special Teams: Harvey Stables, on the team's second drive. A 59 loses. Kenji Konno also made a con- yet to win this season and the Saturday. All the proceeds from siotback yard run by tailback Andy Bacon set tribution when he layed out Warrior Hawks are going to be out to keep tills event will be donated to the Big Stables takes this honour for the up a chip shot field goal of 19 yards slotback Chris Amey deep in things that way. However, Uiurier Brothers of Kitchener/Waterloo. second time in three weeks. The for Scott O'Hara that put the Hawks Warrior territory. This was perhaps will have to do without the services Both Dean Nicholls and YVLUSU second year Belleville native was up 3-0. the biggest hit of the season as both of slotback Zaeh Treanor who had President Joel Lynn will be two of once again one of the first Hawks The Hawks added to their total Amey and Konno were shaken up some ligament damage done to his the runners taking part. down field on the coverage units when Dino DiMarino blocked an on the play. ankle against Waterloo. Game time is 2:oopm at and came through with some big Arek Bigos punt and Laurier took A Bigos field goal put the Something to look out for at the University Stadium tackles. Women's soccer has undefeated weekend

CRAIG TULLETT nil-nil tie in a game they clearly same as the Hawks failed to put the Cord Sports should have won. A ruthless ball in the net on great scoring The women's soccer team contin- Gryphon goalpost kept Laurier off chances. Lauier almost scored late ued to shine this weekend and kept the scoreboard not once, but twice. in the half during an inspiring surge, their undefeated record in tact. The opening half saw the Hawks but were one again turned away. In Saturday's match against dominate both speed and ball con- The Gryphon keeper played very cross town rival Waterloo, the trol against what appeared to be a well and had a little help from her Hawks came out flying and were slower Guelph club. The Laurier two dependable goalposts. Twice able to handle the Athenas quite offense provided pressure early on the Hawks put the ball past the ten- easily. but had trouble finding the net as der and twice the posts somehow Celeste Burkitt led the way and they sent errant shots both wide and managed to keep the ball from scored twice as she put on an offen- over the Guelph net. crossing the goal line. sive clinic. Her second goal came on The best scoring chance of the Despite some bad breaks and a penalty shot and gave the Hawks first half was created when the missed opportunities, the prognosis a cushion as they coasted to an easy Hawks sweeper slipped in the poor looks to be quite favourable for this HENSEL 2-nil victory. field conditions. This allowed a edition of the Hawks. The offense is Unfortunately for Burkitt and the Gryphon striker to sneak past the showing promise and they're MARION rest of the Hawks, their hopes of defense. Thankfully for the Hawks, backed by an iron curtain defense. completing the weekend with six the Guelph player could not hit the Once the Hawks start finishing points were crushed. Lady luck was broad side of a barn as she booted up on their scoring opportunities, PICTURE. with the Guelph squad as the the ball into orbit. they will be hard pressed to find a Belise Abwunza boots the ball upfield Saturdayagainst Waterloo. Hawks were forced to settle for a The second half was much the team to match this talented bunch.

16 September2s,l996 theCord Sports) Tough defense leads Hawks to victory

ALEXANDER HOUSTON the keeper to make the score 1-nil. Laurier's head coach, Frank Cord Sports In return, Waterloo mounted a Anagnostopoulos, was very pleased "Push up! Push up! Push up!" the brave attack that would see the with his team's performance. "The Waterloo coach screams, frantically Hawks' side collapse into a defen- team played with the confidence trying to get his players to even the sive shell for nearly twenty minutes. and skill needed to be a factor in this score. It's 1-nil for Laurier and there Waterloo were desperate to league. It is unlucky that we didn't is nothing the Warriors can do to score and shots were sent towards walk away with three points, but I penetrate the Hawks' defense. the net from every angle. However, am not disappointed. I am very What else can you expect from a the sheer will to win on the part of proud of the way we are playing." Laurier side that has played Laurier, backed by the presence of Indeed, Laurier maintained absolutely brilliant defensive football keeper Mark Ignor, prevented the approximately 85% of the play as this year? Well, nothing else of equalizer from occurring. they pushed the ball around probing course - for the Ilawks side have While Laurier played fantastic for an opening in the Gryphon's only allowed one goal and have football for most of the match, the mid-field. recorded two clean sheets in their Hawks did lack mid-field positioning "It was absolutely brilliant the last three outings. as well as quality in the delivery of way the lads would switch the ball Laurier's match against arch- the ball into the box during that around in the back-field and the rival Waterloo on Saturday was highly defensive twenty minutes of mid-field in order to open up another display of the Hawks' the second half. Guelph's defensive formation," said defensive skill and patience, bal- Laurier's Oliver Bukvic com- assistant coach, Matthew Lauder anced by a confident and steady mented after the match. "It's tough after the match. "Guelph was stupe- attacking mid-field and front-line. playing in the mid-field with only fied by the quality of our tactical and Indeed, the entire first half was three players. We have a lot of space technical play. They could only react all Laurier's as they gradually built to cover and a lot ofresponsibility. It to the ball instead of anticipating the up the play from the backfield and is definitely going to take some time build up." swung the ball into the box early, to adapt, but with players like Dave While Laurier had most of the HENSEL looking for that magical header Leighton and Mike Johnston I am play, it was Guelph who struck first from the versatile Jeremy Baker. confident that we will come into our as Tony Zanini picked up a loose Although the first half went own and take control ofthe match." ball at the top of the 18 yard box MARION scoreless, Laurier struck the death- And taking control of the match and fired it past Ignor in the 20th blow in the first minute of the sec- is exactly what Laurier did in minute of the second half. PICTURE: ond half with a beautiful combina- Sunday's fixture against unbeaten Although down by one, Laurier tion along the left side from Rob Guelph as they seriously outplayed showed character by battling back A Laurier player leaps to avoid a fallen Waterloo player in Saturday's O'Brien to Dave Papa. the Gryphons for a 1-1 draw. in the 38th minute when Oliver game. The Hawks won the match 1-nil. Papa, showing some brilliant From high up in the press box, Bukvic sent in a cracker from a free- skill on the ball, then schooled his Laurier's skill, confidence, and kick, where it was then re-directed Laurier now sits in third spot and if they develop their finishing defender to swing the ball into the determination could be viewed as into the back of the net by Nelson with a total of 8 points as they near skills, they will surely find them- box to a waiting Ken Cartmill who they played football the way it was Penelas to bring the match to a 1-1 the halfway mark of the season. selves in good fortune come play-off then promptly chipped the ball past intended to be played. draw. The Hawks possess a strong defense time. This Week in Laurier Sports

Friday Sept 27 Baseball Club Brock @ Laurier Saturday Sept 28 Sunday Sept 29 4:oopm Bechtele Park Varsity Rugby RMC@ Laurier Men's and Varsity Soccer 1:00pm Mitsubishi Park McMaster @ Laurier 1:00pm and Saturday Sept 28 3:oopm University Stadium Women's Varsity Tennis Laurier Saturday Sept 28 and Toronto @ McMaster 10:00am Varsity Football Windsor @ Lauriei;r Monday Sept 30 2:oopm University Stadium Baseball Club Laurier @ Waterloo Saturday Sept 28 6:oopm Men's and Women's Varsity Soccer Saturday Sept 28 RLE Laurier @ Windsor 1:00pm and Lacrosse Club Laurier @ Torontoto 3:oopm 3:oopm PICTURE Enjoy a flame-broiled

theCord September 25,1996 17 (Sports> In the spotlight: QB Kevin McDonald

have been so close for the last three already seen all of those teams. years and this year, anything short Q: How do you prepare yourself of that, I feel as though that we for opponents? Q: What are your thoughts on cheating ourselves. A: I prepare by watching lots of film the season so far? through repetition. I like to become A: I think we have started slow Q: Being your fifth year and sec- aware of the opposition's strengths offensively. We have shown signs of ond as a starter, do you feel any and weaknesses and find a way for quality football, but have yet to play pressure to step up your play us to change and isolate their weak- a full four quarters. Defensively, the this season? nesses. guys have given us a chance to win A: Last season, there was a lot of each and every week. pressure to fill in Bill Kubas' shoes. Q: What people have most This season people know what to affected you as a player? Q: After this season is over, expect from me. Being my fifth year A: There really aren't any profes- what do you think you will be and obviously my last year, I felt that sional players that 1 think have doing next year? LYNCH I just have to fill my goal, which is affected me. I'd say my high school A: I would like to travel abroad. winning the Vanier Cup. coaches back in Kingston, Frank Maybe I will try to hook up with one and Paul Halligan certainly helped of the teams somewhere in Europe. STERUNG Q: How did spending your first me improve my game. Basically, I am pretty much looking three years as a back-up affect for free airfare! your game? Q: What has been your highest PICTURE: A: Well, it was three years of learn- moment in football so far? So far this season, Kevin ing the offense. It allowed me to A: There really hasn't been one so Mcdonald has guided the Golden man with the golden arm, quarterback Kevin McDonald become comfortable with the sys- far. There have been four seasons Hawks to a 2-1 record, goodfor tem and the coaches. When I did of disappointment here at Laurier. third place in the OUAA. Despite get the chance to play, I was relaxed That is what gave me motivation to there somewhat average start the SCOTT TUBMAN Position: Quarterback and I didn't feel like a rookie. come back for my fifth year and try team is still ranked number three Cord Sports Yean sth to win it all. in the country. Statistically DOB: October 20,1973 Q: In your opinion, what are the speaking, McDonald has complet- Laurier quarterback Kevin Hometown: Kingston most important characteristics Q: Who do you think are the ed 46 passes in 101 attempts McDonald sits down to discuss both Height: 6'2" of a quarterback? teams to watch out for this which is good for 675 yards. The the team's and his performance as Weight 2101bs A: I think that a quarterback must year? 675 yards are currently the high- wellas his football carrer after just have a lot of composure and be able A: Well, the last game against est total in the OUAA. He has also three games into the season. to read, react and adjust to different Waterloo was really tough. Other thrown 4 touchdown passes and Q: What did you set as goals for situations on the field. Also, I think than that. Western of course as they eight interceptions, which are Name: Kevin McDonald this season? it is important to provide some qual- are always good and York too will totals he would dearly like to Sport: Football A: Definitely the Vanier Cup. We ity leadership on the field. be tough, but we are lucky to have improve upon.

Cord Sports - Come write with the big boys.

\ Golden Student Publications has a volunteer opportunity for a:

Hawk | Graphic Solutions Manager I i Athletes Working with Publications staff, the successful candidate will have the unique opportunity to develop and launch "Graphic Solutions," the new of the retail design and graphic services division of Student Publications. Your mission: Identify potential markets, develop a product line, Week hire and train a competent staff and provide high quality, value-oriented Andy Bacon design and graphics services to our clients. Celeste Burkitt For more information about this position, contact

Men: Andy Bacon, football Women: Celeste Burkitt, soccer David Janzen, Vice-President, Operations, Student Publications (519) or The third year running back was Hie midfielder had a solid weekend at 884-0710 ext. 3559 djanzen@machl .wlii.ca. the Hawks offensive leader in their for the Hawks as they finished with 26-10 victory over cross town rival a win and a tie. In Saturday's game Waterloo. The Haliburton native against Waterloo, Burkitt scored Applications are available in the Cord offices (third floor. Student Union scored the Hawks first touchdown both goals in the Hawks 2-0 victory. of the game and finished the day One of the goals was scored on a Building). Deadline for applications is Friday. October 4, 1395. with 121 yards rushing. It marked penalty shot.. Sunday at Guelph, the the first time a Golden Hawk had co-captain put forth another strong surpassed the century mark in performance. Looked upon for her rushing yards this season. The third veteran leadership, Burkitt was the year student now sits tied for the one who scored the goal that lead in OUAA scoring with four clinched the National touchdowns. Championship for the Hawks.

18 September2s,l996 theCord Hockey Hawks gearing up

inevitable final cuts. his teammates. the Hawks, who played well against Head coach Wayne Gowing is However, it's the very youthful- the Mustangs last season but fre- hoping to enter the regular season ness of the team, many think, that quently came up on the losing end with around 15 forwards, 8 will elevate it to a more productive ofmost games. defensemen and 3 goalies; a consid- season in 1996-97. "We played some of our best erable shave, but one that has to be "It looks to be a much more hockey against Western last season, made nontheless. exciting and interesting year, both a team that was considerably more The coach, however, is optimistic on the ice and in the dressing talented than we were," said coach that this year's crop of rookies will room," said second year forward Gowing. "We're going to have our compliment the many sophomores Dave Archer. "There's a much more hands full." on the team. cohesive feeling among both the Many of the players, though, are "We're reasonably happy with vets and the rookies, and everyone more optimistic about their upcom- what we've seen thus far in training has a much more positive attitude." ing battles with the 'Stangs. camp," said Gowing. "It's hard to Gowing also sees the change, "Our team always gets a little get a really accurate read on where but nevertheless isn't about to jump more pumped up when we play an we're going to be, but we're more the gun on the team's future. arch-rival like Western," says than likely going to be more com- "I'm happy with our work ethic Archer. petitive than the previous season." so far, but we'll have to wait until Following the tournament in It's obvious that the team, one of our first game to see how the team London, the squad will have a few the very youngest in the OUAA, will will respond under fire," he said. days rest before getting back at it, need plenty of time to come togeth- "Many of them are just rookies, this time at the familiar confines of PICTURE er and grow accustomed to the after all, and you can never tell until the Waterloo Rec Complex. FILE league's competitive style of play. the season starts how they'll turn The team plays on October 11, The Laurier group consists of one out." 12, and 13 at the Waterloo Rec Experienced veterans like Cory Pageau (19) will be missed this year. veteran, about 10 sophomores, and The squad's first test was sup- Complex in this year's annual the remainder are promising rook- posed to be an October 1 battle Oktoberfest Tournament. As of September 23, the squad ies. against Waterloo, but the school Regular season for the Hawks JIM DONNELLY had been cut to 6 forward lines (18 The most experienced player on backed out of the match for undis- opens on October 20 at Ryerson. Cord Sports players), 11 defencemen and 5 the squad, in fact, is third-year closed reasons. Following that, the team travels It's the second week of training goalies still vying for a diminishing goaltender Geoff Schnare. Schnare Therefore, the team's initial test home to Waterloo to take on the camp and, little by little, the 1996- number of spots on the roster. The played in virtually all the Hawks' will come in an October 4 and 5 Mustangs once again. 97 Laurier men's hockey team is competition is fierce, and it's any- regular season tilts last season and tournament at Western. This is sure Ifnothing else, it should be an slowly beginning to take shape. body's guess who will survive the will definitely be welcomed back by to be a tremendous challenge for interesting year for Gowing's crew. Pennant fever heats up

GREG CHOWNYK West, the Padres and the Dodgers Juan Gonzalez. Although the Cord Sports appear as though they will be down Indians are probably the favourite to With the baseball season winding to wire battling for this division title. emerge, the upset will happen. down, pennant fever has caught on This one appears too tough to call. World Series: as the few teams left in contention The loser isn't even guaranteed the That makes way for an Atlanta and rHE «!ASW VALUE i are giving it their all, hoping they will wild card either as the Expos are still Texas fall classic. The Braves would dj \_VIDEO ; find themselves still playing come in the running. The Dodgers seem have the edge on experience as they • WHH THIS COUPON ! October. to be more talented on paper and are the defending champions. Texas 0R At time two six divi- have the in pitching, would be making their first ever ! RENT ANY MOVIE j this only of edge but those clinched, although want to appearance in World AT REG. PRICE sions have been pesky Padres just don't go the Series. Campus Court Mallr h three teams are certainly shoe-ins to away. Atlanta seems too strong, especially ■ REJ AN OLD MOVfE clinch sometime soon. However, the So with all that said and done, in pitching. Take the Braves too win, & University Phillip Streets cbcl i then ~ race in both the American and who will be in the playofis? Well, he but it will be closer some think. | -Waterloo, Ontario ! National league West Divisions are is this writer's best stab at who will Atlanta in six to repeat as World (519) 746-2578 EXPIRES OCT. 31/96 i heating up and are bound to go still be playing when the regular sea- Series Champions. I down to the last day. son comes to an end in about a Now with that taken care of, it is

L - - J American League West, time some post-season rj—mm _ In the week. to look of the Texas looked as though they were an National League: awards that will be given. Beginning easy pick to win the division about The Braves and St. Louis and the with the MVP: two weeks ago. Then Seattle sud- Dodgers will be the division winners. American League: Juan Gonzalez denly re-entered the race when they San Diego will take the wild card This guy has just had an awsome swept a four game series against the and leave Expo fans heart broken year and should hit the 50 home run Rangers. They are doing this with- once again. It will probably be a Los mark by the time the season is over. out ace lefty Randy Johnson also. Angeles vs. Atlanta championship He has bounced back after strug- Betting against Seattle probably series with Atlanta making a return gling the last couple of years to lead wouldn't be a good thing to do right visit to the World Series. The Braves his Ranger team. now. Remember last season when are just too good. They have the National League: Ken Caminiti they chased down California and edge at every position on the Another guy who has had an beat them in a tie breaker the day Dodgers except at catcher where amazing year. He clearly is the after the season ended? This team Mike Piazza is in a league ofhis own. leader of a Padre team that should has character and talent. American League: find themselves in the playoffs. Character is something that The Yankees, Indians and Texas will Cy Young Award: ! Columbia j another American League team in be the division winners. Seattle will American League: Pat Hentgen contention, the Baltimore Orioles, come through to take the wild card. The Blue Jays haven't done seem not to have. This squad is That would give first round match- much of anything all year so I j loaded with talent and on paper are ups of Seattle against Cleveland and figure they have to get some- 112 "&JEL, Medicine Centre definitely one of the best teams in the Yankees and Texas. The thing out of the season. the league. However, they find them- American League championship National League: John Smoltz

145 Columbia St., W v Unit 9 725-2640 selves in second place behind the series will be the Indians and the Not even a contest. This guy Yankees and in a battle for the wild Rangers with Texas coming up victo- has been overpowering the (Opposite Coed Life Club) card spot with the Mariners. rious. The Rangers have had a opposition since opening day. * * great therapy covered bv OTI;P insurance Over in the National League year and are led by a rejuvenated ' pf r - / / PHYSIO / ATHI ETIC THERA PISTS KINESIOLOGISTS _j_ J theCord September 25,1996 19 (Sports Dark days for Other the CFL Golden

GREG CHOWNYK plug and the team was forced to ing out money to these teams. Cord Sports seek new investors. They found Ottawa probably won't be around There just doesn't seem to be any- enough for this year, but will be hard next season, but after them the body watching out from up top for pressed to do the same for next sea- league really can't afford to lose any the well-being of the Canadian son. more teams and still be considered Hawk Football League. Not that there ever Out west, the B.C. Lions have serious. was, but this league has definitely also been hit with money problems. It is a pity that things are this seen better days. A season that The team has been placed into way. There are a lot of talented started off with a great deal of pub- receivership, forcing the league had Varsity Canadian players who are exciting licity and hype has gone bad. With at ship them $300,000 just so they to watch and can make somewhat of least three teams enduring severe could afford to pay their personnel. a living playing in the league. It financial hardship and the results The team sold 2,700 less season would be a shame to see these play- that the hard times have brought, it tickets this year, and the upcoming ers forced out of a game that they is a safe bet to say the CFL is going off season will surely be a big one if love. Results through its darkest days. the organization is to continue oper- Perhaps it is too late to save this Renewed optimism was a hot ations in the future. league. The fans just don't care topic when training camps opened. Montreal has also endured some enough about the league and on the The 'Radically Canadian' slogan was cash shortages. The Alouettes are a whole, most would rather watch the everywhere, and with the return of team that aren't enjoying the same NFL. the Alouettes to Montreal, it looked success they did when they were the One promising sign came this Lacrosse coach Gareth Jones kicked the as though this season might be the Stallions in Baltimore. Owner Jim past Saturday when the Toronto The Wilfrid Laurier lacrosse team team into gear. The result was a one where the league regained Speros has had to ask the league for Argonauts hosted the Calgary split a pair ofgames this past week- rejuvenated team that dominated respect from its fans throughout the money once already and it's Stampeders in what was being end. On Saturday, the Golden the Blues both physically and men- country. If everything only went as rumoured more requests are on its billedas the 'CFL Game of the Year.' Hawks pulled off a spectacular dou- tally. The game ended up in planned. way. The game did hold up to its billing as ble overtime victory versus the Lauder's favour 40-14. This was The Ottawa Rough Riders have All these financial difficulties the Argos defeated Calgary by just Brock Badgers 15-14. Josh Black shown in the second half when the historically been one of the league's have definitelyleft those in charge in one point and a very exciting contest led the Hawks offensively with five Hawks outscored the Blues 36-6. worst franchises both on and off the a bit of a jam. They are currently in front off a good size crowd at goals and two assists. Colin Doyle The last forty minutes of the game field. They haven't had a winning considering asking players and Skydome. However, one must won- was not far behind with five goals showed a team determined to season in well over ten years and coaches from all teams to take a pay der just how many fans would have of his own. bounce back from a disgusting dis- find themselves with the league's cut in order to support the struggling turned up if it wasn't such a beauti- Oi Sunday, in a tough, physical play of rugby in the first half, The worst record this year. This is also teams. This seems to be asking a ful day on Saturday. game, the Golden Hawks fell victim team began to play up to the stan- the team that drafted a dead player great deal. Why should a player like Whatever the case, the league to the Queen's Golden Gaels. Poor dards expected of them. TVies were in the dispersal draft two seasons Paul Massotti be asked to fork over can't survive on just one big game a defensive zone coverage cost the scored by Ethan Guefa (2), Jeff ago. some of his paycheque to pay the year. It's almost like they need one team dearly, especially in the fourth Hockman, Jeff Kogut, Dave Beivor Off the field, their financial prob- salary of someone else in Ottawa? big game a week. quarter. The Hawks will try and .and Mark Skinner. Brett lems have been legendary. The CFL He doesn't earn that much as it is, The CFL just does not rank with get back on the winning track on Macintosh had an outstanding day has been pouring money into the and asking him to give money to the other major sports leagues and Saturday when they visit the of kicking; he kicked five converts nation's capital for years trying to another team just doesn't seem is destined to wither away and be University ofToronto Varsity Blues. and one penalty kick, accounting keep the team afloat. The players right. forgotten. At what pace remains to The next home game for Laurier for 13 points. Unfortunately for the have already taken a pay cut this What is the answer? It is hard be seen, but one thing is for sure: the will be on October 6 when the Blues Hawks, outside centre Jamie season. The league finally pulled the to say. The league can't keep dish- future does not look bright. return the favour and visit Brown, broke his thumb and will University Stadium to complete the miss the rest ofthe season. home and home series. The club team also played Toronto and trounced the Varsity Domenico Magisano Blues 34-0, The Hawk Forwards WELCOME BACK TO ALL WLU handled the oppositon and the Backs were simply superior to STUDENTS! those of Toronto. The game was a Rugby joy to watch as the Hawks main- After a dismal start, the Varsity tained a high intensity level Hawks found themselves losing at throughout the 80 minutes. the half to the University ofToronto WELCOME TO ALL FROSH!! Varsity Blues. The verbal wrath of Mike Lucas WE ARE WATERLOO'S #1 CHOICE Play Sports. %Hlmp FOR GREAT TASTING PIZZA!

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20 September2s,l996 theCord ENTERTAINMENT Sloan delivers the goods

BRIAN GEIGER inciting a mass of moshing and two bands from their self-run label, CORD ENTERTAINMENT crowd surfing. However, in a move Murderecords. Enough has been said over the past that mirrored the band's transition The first opening band, The few months about the break-up and from heavier and faster songs Local Rabbits, incorporate high- reunion of Sloan, but words can towards a bouncier, pop sound, pitched vocals and keyboards into a barely describe Saturday's perfor- bassist Chris Murphy pleaded for an short set of fast and catchy pop mance by the Halifax rock band. end to the moshing. Fearing for the songs. Sloan, touring their latest album, safety of those at the front of the pit, They were followed by Elevator "One Chord to Another," were at Murphy pointed out that the whole to Hell, a side project of the drum- their pop-rock best in front of a sold- concept of body-slamming had mer and guitarist from the Moncton out Federation Hall. The quartet become "really old and really bor- band Eric's Trip. This trio contra- proved that their recent hiatus did ing." This drew cheers and over- dicted the style of the other two nothing to erode their ability to put whelming compliance from the bands, but one can only take so on an incredible rock concert. crowd. much happy pop-rock in one night. As guitarist Patrick Pentland The predominately young audi- Neither of the opening acts were suggested in a recent interview with ence continued to dance and sing particularly well received by the The Cord, Sloan focused on playing along with new songs like "The audience, probably a result of their songs from their newest release. Lines You Amend" and "Everything lack of exposure west of the The band's 1992 full-length debut, You've Done Wrong," the latter Maritimes. "Smeared" was all but ignored. being a particular crowd favourite. When all was said and done, this Only the relatively unknown song The 1994 album, 'Twice Removed" turned out to be a fabulous concert. "Marcus Said" was played from the was also well represented, with hits Everyone went home happy, with album, and it was saved until the such as "Coax Me," "People of the most of those in attendance having very end of the show. The crowd Sky" and "Snowsuit Song" further at least one Sloan song stuck in their may have been disappointed at enlivening the crowd. The only time head. WATSON missing out on some of the older that Sloan really lost the crowd was When asked what he thought of KEU material, but it did little to dull their during "400 Meters," which has the show, one Waterloo student spirits. apparently yet to catch on with their summed the night up perfectly with The show began with two new fans. three well-chosen words: "It was PICTURE: songs, "Nothing Left to Make Me In addition to promoting their awesome!" Patrick Pentland and Chris Murphy take it nice and sloan Want to Stay" and "Can't Face Up," own album, Sloan also showcased Star Trek: the season awakes

The premiere also killed off two return of Gul Dukat, who was last other crewmen and damaged seen in command of a Klingon ship, another shuttle. (How much further beginning a new life as a terrorist to the Alpha Quadrant?) against the Klingon Empire; more As a result of the ending of the Jem'Hadar rebelling against the Seska-Kazon theme (surely they're Founders; the usual colourful cast of almost out of Kazon territory, any- supporting characters (including ways!), plots for Voyager are wide Dukat's daughter Ziyal, Cardassian open this year. On the menu is a spy Garak, Bajoran religious leader show directed by Robert Duncan Kai Winn, Ferengi oddballs Rom McNeill (who plays Tom Paris) enti- and Nog, and the ever-present tled "Sacred Ground." Morn). As well, a thirtieth anniver- COMMUNICATOR Meanwhile, Star Trek: Deep sary episode will feature an TREK Space Nine premieres soon. Unlike encounter with Captain Kirk and STAR Voyager, DS9 has a whole slew of company (aided by yet another plot-lines to deal with. handy little space-time anomaly). FROM First of all, two main characters For fans who still can't get are undergoing major changes. enough of Star Trek despite watch- STOLEN Thanks to Nana Visitor's real-life ing two hours of new shows and pregnancy, the writers have inge- endless re-runs every week. Star niously devised a plot twist in which Trek: the Next Generation's sec- Major Kira is carrying Keiko ond movie hits the big screen some- SHAMELESSLY (Rosalind Chao) and Miles O'Brien's time in November. Directed by (Colm Meaney) baby As well, Odo Jonathan Frakes (who plays Will Star during With Trek shows no signs of slowing down its thirtieth year. a new Enterprise on the way for (Rene Auberjonois) has been trans- Riker), the as-yet-untitled movie fea- the upcoming movie, it should be a blast. formed from a changeling tures the long-awaited return ofthe shapeshifter into a plain, ordinary Borg. A new twist is added with the KATHY CAWSEY AND Already off the mark is Star gram!" human being. This, of course, termi- introduction of a Borg Queen,

RYAN SNYDER Trek; Voyager, jumping the gun on To the surprise of some fans, nates several plot possibilities - but it played by Alice Krige. The leg- Cord Entertainment season premieres with the conclu- Voyager's writing team ended two opens up plenty of others. (It also endary (fictional) creator of the A Borg queen, a changeling turned sion to "Basics," the cliff-hanging on-going plots in the first episode. gives the special effects team a warp drive, Zefram Cochrane, human, the appearance of warp- finale of last season. Seska (the traitorous Cardassian break.) (played by James Cromwell) drive creator Zefram Cochrane, The opener provided a con- who threw in her lot with the In terms of big picture plot lines, returns. Also coming is the launch of Dominion infiltrators in the Klingon tender for the best line of the sea- Kazon) failed in her attempt to steal the Klingon threat (led by a the Enterprise E, built in a hurry High Council, and a new Enterprise, son, with the Doctor's (Robert Voyager and its technology and died Chancellor who may or may not be after the crash of the Enterprise in not to mention thirtieth anniversary Picardo) comment (to himself): "Get in the process; Suder (the violently a changeling) still looms, as does the the last film. (What are the chances

celebrations. Get set for a new year a hold of yourself - you're not just a unstable crew member), while sav- threat by the Dominion. Other of Picard leaving Riker in charge ofStar Trek hologram, you're a Starfleet holo- ing the ship, died also. things to watch for include the again?!)

Tfiurs. September 26 $18, Call 888-4908 * The Jeff Healey Band at Lulu's • Riverworks at VViirs Sat Sept2B Sun. Sept 29 Where • 54:40 and Screaming Trees at the • A Wilfs Homecoming celebration, ￿ Mrs. Robinson's presents House of Lyric featuring Blackwater Tiio Velvet • Weeping Tile at Bombshelter • Bif Naked and Spookey Ruben at Mon, Sept 30 to • live Jazz at U of Ws Humanities the Volcano • Laurier's Langen Gallery begins its Theatre: Liberty Silver and the Bill • Kumbaya Festival: Leslie Spit exhibition of works by Monty King Quartet. A benefit to support Treeo, Kinnie star, Salmonblasten Wright. Finishes October 19th. the Canadian Foundation for the Earthtones and Unheal Honey at Hang Children of Haiti. Advance tickets 0. ofWestern Ontario

theCord September2s,l996 21 (Entertainment Gore on a Cafe is a tight budget Bon Choix Dining Out with James and Jen Marceau, Patrick the battlefield after Wallace is McGoohan, Catherine through. This movie offers some- McCormack thing for everyone, with its strong JAMES EATON AND each and everyone ofthe thirty or so Length: 177 minutes plot, great acting and terrific action JENNIFER MARTIN cakes they have to offer. I must say, Rating: R (for brutal scenes. A hint of romance makes CORD ENTERTAINMENT however, that this simply makes your medieval warfare) Braveheart all the more emotional Just desserts - I think not. It's choice that much more difficult. and heart-touching (editor's note: Cafe Bon Choix, and I do believe How can you choose just one? Braveheart is a movie ewww!). any choice you make at this place After a few minutes of indecision, about history which Don't be intimidated by the will be the right one. Now open for we finally decided on the Chocolate has in itself become length of this film. The story and Sunday breakfasts (9:ooam - Velvet and the Strawberry Cream movie history. If you action keep the pace going, and all 2:00pm), Cafe Bon Choix, located at Cheesecake, costing approximately are one of the few too soon you find yourself thinking, 100 Regina St. South, is a great $3.95 per slice. We had a Cafe au people on the planet "over already?" There's no carry- hotspot for satisfying those relentless Lait and a classy glass of ice water who has not seen it ing on about everything; clearly, sugar attacks at any time of day. garnished with a slice of lemon to

yet take this oppor- every scene has been carefully The quaint, cozy atmosphere , wash down those savory desserts. tunity to catch it selected, and each has historical seats approximately 140 patrons. Although we would have liked to before exams, importance and impact. However, I guarantee you the atmos- have stayed longer in order to sam- midterms, and Braveheart is a thinking movie, phere will not be the first thing that ple every cake on the menu, our san- academic para- sparing its characters no shame catches your attention. No, in fact, it ity prevailed and we left happy, look- phenalia catch up and displaying their human weak- will be the exquisite looking French ing forward to returning soon. with you. nesses. This is not just a typical desserts that are strategically dis- Perhaps next time we will try their Gibson stars as Scottish tale exaggerating the played in a showcase at the front homemade crepes. William struggle of one man with an iron entrance. Wallace, a will and a good deal of wit with the Ah, if I could have a dime for gj*. (Uaix Scottish folk nobles in his own country and the every customer that has walked hero who monarchy in England. Do yourself through those doors exclaiming, "Oh French Dmmm-rn believes that a favour - rent it. wow, look at that!" We Cater nobility is not based on ones To assist you in making your tfiw. «*%&&s

birthright, butrather on one's char- Braveheart and other amazing selection, friendly staff are available \*M> #»>$*?(&; >&, »<*«■;& <*W< /2«<;>X vv ,« \v/w>x #»w » l-t&.'ttfexttrtoe, W WHiyMH MELANIE SEAL acter. Braveheart is a saga boldly videos are available at the Centre to take you through the rundown on ■ ***■"•*' ***»' CORD ENTERTAINMENT representing the clash in Scotland Spot in the Students' Union Braveheart between its nobles and the English Buildingfor ridiculously low prices. - Director: Mel Gibson monarchy. And what a clash. . . C'mon like you 're really gonna Cord Entertainment We will rock you Starring: Mel Gibson, Sophie Blood, guts, and horseflesh adorn spend the time studying anyway. Audience etiquette melts down at U ofWjazzshow

BRANDON WATSON Razor. What an odd mixture, you material, but they're a differentsto- * CORD ENTERTAINMENT say? Well, it provided a ryin flesh. They reminded me a For wonder- the "brilliant entertainment, l\ On 'Itiursday last, Bombshelter ful sound with a real off-beat lot of the way King Cobb Steelie the at and Jm I hosted it's very own Acid Jazz groove. Hie numbers ranged from would play, In that they jammed once romantic jf 112 Meltdown with One Step Beyond. I PI Harvey-escjue to stuff that Salt endless, pounding rhythms and Mail 1 like Acid Jazz, as Smithers likes N' Peppa might write. frenzied the crowd. A purely The Globe and ji Burns, but this is the first concert I Kinnie Starr was really cool, but instrumentalliip-jive. have come to see. And honest to I think I am of the few that thought A seven-piece on the Bomber's high heaven, I was nay disappoint- so. She faced countless heckling stage is crowded, but they man- HUMANITIES jf ed. and often blunt insults. However, aged to get the keyboardist, two \Vv \\ N The evening consisted of just she held her own and even percussionists, the horns, bassist THEATRE, 1 two acts. The first was a performer returned fire. It was becoming and guitarist sardined. Also sar- called Kinnie Stan", a vocalist/spo- quite obvious the crowd was anx- dined was the dance floor. A lot of University S M ken wordist/guitarist. She travelled ious for the headliners. shakers and a lot ofmovers. It was with jungle artist/keyboardist Jacob One Step Beyond, a seven piece almost intoxicating. All and all, it % Cino of Third Eye Tribe and speed act of driving jazz, was nothing but was the best show at the Bomber SATURDAY metal artist/bassist Adam Carlo of stellar. I have heard their recorded this year 112 OCTOBER 26 m,- J I * 1 8 RM. I Humanities Theatre 11

van _ or-qfg box office W s , iTaats "gree j Hagey Hall, 112 To get your own FREE STUFF, come to the ' University ofWaterloo I Cord Offices this week and next week and tell ' ' (519) 888*4908 allO- it's Robin, Aaron or Mel who your FAVOURITE Canadian band is and WHY! 1 (Quantities are limited, so move your ass!) | j TICKETS $19 (incl. GST & service charges)

CONTEST SPONSORED BY ——

I I 22 September2s,l996 theCord -Entertainment) musically "Sign on the dotted line." speaking... DAN KERR look at this on several levels. do sacrifice their integrity. (Editor's contract which allows him torelease When Sloan was still with DGC, the CORD ENTERTAINMENT First, there is the "indie" artist note: This also happens in the field material on his indie label. The promotion of sophomore album We are all aware, I am sure, that (ie. Hayden) who busts his ass of literature... Evidence is given by Offspring have remained true to "Twice Removed" was next to nil, there are thousands of bands trying doing the job that he loves. Whether the case of Alfred Lord Tennyson, their indie label, Epitaph Records - simply because DGC didn't like it. to make it; for every one act which or not a major label comes along is who accepted the royal appointment the band has turned down countless Clearly, a record label can either makes it, there are obviously hun- of no consequence. However, there to the post of Poet Laureate and multi-million dollar offers to jump make or break an artist. dreds of failures. Those that are are those who criticize bands or never wrote anything good again.) ship. lucky enough to get signed have the artists for signing to major labels. Selling out can be seen as a double- The major labels do have a lot of - "Musically Speaking" is a weekly luxury of being backed by a major Bands that come to mind include edged sword: on one hand, there pull within the industry and this can column which discusses, oddly label. There are, however, two Sonic Youth and The Pixies, who are those artists who sell out for all both help and hinder a band's enough, music and its many fasci- viewpoints taken in reference to a were both signed onto major labels the money and fame, but on the future. This is where the idea of nating stories. E-mail your com- band signing with a major label. in 1990. They were seen as selling other hand, many artists sign with compromising integrity comes into ments, questions, trivia, First, there is the idea of a hard- out, which in this case would mean large labels in order to reach a play. Take for instance, bands like and criticisms to Dan, at working band getting what is com- that they were bought by the estab- broader audience. Ned's Atomic Dustbin, who went [email protected]. ca. ing to them. This is offset by the lishment. Though Beck signed a major so far as to break up instead of stay- idea of the band selling out. We can Granted, in some cases people record deal, he put a clause in his ing with their label (Sony Records). Lightman explores the ivory tower ofscience JASON KALRA bat: firstly, yes, it is about someone Arts, Benito submerged himself childhood, his friendships, and the ideal of physics in order to escape CORD ENTERTAINMENT named Benito. Secondly, Benito's within his studies, and, like most events that both subtly and pro- from the possibilities of a mediocre Good Benito pretty good. While the thought of brilliant people, found himself fun- foundly contribute to what he is existence. Yet in his relentless pur- by: Alan Ughtman someone writing a 215 page book damentally alone in the world, piti- today. suit for truth and purity, he has sac- Warner, New York; 1994 about how good Benito is just might fully isolated by his own passions. As the memories slowly make rificed a great deal, including some- $11.99 Soft-cover, 215 pages. be amusing enough to work, there is Hired at a prestigious university, their way to the foreground (won- one with whom to share his relent- oh so much more to tell. Benito is asked by the Dean to try derfully not in chronological order), less pursuit. It is a very humbling I'm sure we all realize that books in Ever since he was a child Benito and extract (steal, really) notes we begin to see something in Benito ordeal which might oblige more general are obnoxiously overpriced. was fascinated with the complex taken by a fellow professor, a that might seem strangely familiar. than a few readers to reflect upon So when Good Benito finally made machinery of physics. Within it he physics genius who refuses to pub- Though centred around the subject what the hell they are before they

its way down to soft-cover — rela- saw an ordered grace, like an lish any of his findings, though his of physics, Lightman (being a scien- find, like Benito, life is all just a tively affordable — I grabbed it and orchestra of notions, all feeding each insights would surely be invaluable tist himself) impressively recalls a series of disjointed black and white did my usual curse-to-the-book- other to provide answers (or per- to the scholarship of physics. As question that at least 1 of 4 people memories. And if it doesn't cause industry. It was a wise book invest- haps more interesting questions). Benito performs the superficial task who have read this far in my review you to ponder, then hey, it's an ment (which brings my bad/good Unable or unwilling to embrace of getting this information, his heavi- will likely ask: why the hell am I like extremely well written book and I book investment ratio to about a (what he considers) the arbitrary ly shielded unfulfillment with life this? happily suggest reading it for the stellar 80:1). Two things right off the and abstract universe of the Liberal compels him to reflect upon his Benito has been chasing the few hours ofinterest it may offer. Hard Cord

ROBIN WHITTAKER

I.ZucdhlnL As ifthe world needed another greenphallic symbol.

2. Osh Kosh B'gosh. Rolls off the tongue like a wet sock off a lad's foot

3. Haberdasher. What better name is there for a manwho sellshats?

4. "faking the elevator from the WUJSP offices to the Tlirret. Frustration is:

5. Jukka-Pekka Saraste

... but you can'tpicka betta conducta.

6. The Shoeing Cart Shuffle. O.K. What you do is start at opposite ends of the grocery aisle and come at each other with your buggies at full-speed. As you get closer, start swaying your carts back and forth as if trying to get passed. Whoever retains the Meet someone most groceries in their cart wins.

7. D6j&-gnu. The feeling you've been kicked in the ass by the same wildebeast twice.

8. Abbey Road Aftxim cover. Owns the patent on four barefooted pedestrians crossing the street.

FREE local call 9. Antidisestablishrnerrtarianism. Supposed to be the longest word in the English language, buthow often do you get to write it? There. 658-2588 10. Num. Lode o 19% PhoncTcch Corp docs noi scrccn callers and assumes no liability when meeting through this scrvicc. Adults Only 18+ H The newest insult, and functional. JK.658-25X8 is a free local call. Outside the local calling area long distance charges may appK

theCord September 25, 1996 23 (Entertainment)- Ear Candy

or philosophical nature seems almost laugh- able. The whiny vocals of Neale and Murray seem unsuited to anything but themes of love. The band can also be excused for their meagre lyrical content on a second count; that being that anything worth pondering too jITOTI'HAraj much would strip the CD of its relaxed, easy- going feel. Some of the highlights on this recording include "Indigo," :(Do You) Like It like That," "Unconditional" and "Show Me Love." Also intriguing is Like it (Remix), Punch buggy essentially a remix of "(Do You) Like It Like Grand Opening... That." a nutshell this track is the X-Files Nyr In Shake The Record Label theme song meets R & B Soul with a touch of "Grand Opening Going Out Of Business Sale" rap. is the second release from Ottawa-based Punchbuggy; sadly, there's not much here Alan Horn to set them apart from the current pack of "alternative" pop bands. The recipe for their sound is a pinch of punk and a gallon of pop, and ifyou think it sounds familiar, you're like right. Call it Nirvana-lite, Urge Overkill without style, or The Replacements without Plan to attend Twist Hausen the thrash, but there's just way too much of n and lisclvel tilis stuff around. Of course, if the familiar is what you're looking for, by all means check why capacity crowds return each year Punchbuggy out; they're certainly not incom- petent song writers, although few of the tioia#rd willing festhalle, songs rise above the mediocre. The only stand-out here is "Smart," a song which remains absolutely charming even after sev- Fun Lovin' Criminals eral listens. Come Find Yourself [ « FRIDAY OCTOBER EMI 111 Lauren Stephen Scooby Snacks, Scooby Snacks, Scooby ! GRAND OPENING t KEG TAPPING Snacks. Why else would I listen to the Fun FREE MUG W[TH ADMISSION] Lovin' Criminal? Fun grooves-generous sprinklings of heavy guitar "Passive/Aggressive" and "Bombin' the L" "Scooby Snacks" includes sample from "Movement of Fear," "Pulp Fiction," and SATURDAY OCTOBER 12 "Reservoir Dogs." What the band offers Ls an astounding mix of sounds. Through the first TWIST'N HAUSEN NIGHT half of the 14-track CD, you are secure in your expectations of a funky kind of hip-hop groove. The songs then get suddenly heavy with guitar — there is an impressive wah- I MONDAY OCTOBER 14 Jacksoul guitar solo at the end of "I Can't Get With Absolute That." But then they try to get light with MEXMM FA M I L Y DAY Ariola Recods vocal acrobatics in Louis Armstrong's "We Have All the. Time in the World" (written by CHILDREN 121 UNDER FREE WITH PARENTS Jacksoul's latest CD, "Absolute," may not John Barry of James Bond music fame). The | have any blazing guitar rifls, and the record- F.L.C. arc trying to be Leonard Cohen and SPECIAL GUESTS THE FUNIAND BAND 1 ing may lack the adrenalized rhythms of it's lame. Then they follow it up with free-for- techno, but the band nonetheless manages to all rap in "Bear Hug". In "Methadonia," fill a musical niche often devoid of main- they're light again. I'm all for variety —in

stream attention. What works well for this fact, I look for it — but the changes are so

- WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 16 style of music indeed, what probably abrupt and unexpected that 1 found myself earned the band a 1996 Juno Nomination for exclaiming, "what the hell!" way too often. best R & B Soul recording - is the fact that My take on "Come Find Yourself' is that each musician on this CD manages to use his the first five songs are fun and fresh. The THURSDAY OCTOBER 17 talents in a way that squeezes the vocals of band's use of live drums and blues/rock Haydain Neale and Dave Murray to the fore- pleasantly surprised me and I respected front. From the opening cut, "Indigo," a flir- them. But then the songs get way too out OKTOBERFEST STUDENT NIGHT tatious track that offers an almost meliow there. Love ballads just don't suit them, and Lenny Kravitz type vocal style, to the as a self-produced album, 1 seriously ques- FREE MUG WITH ADMISSION recording's final and aptly-titled song, "epi- tion their choice ofsong-sequencing. logue," what we have is a mix of songs that If you're buying the album on the merits does not stray from the unifying R & B Soul of "Scooby Snacks," you'll likely find what that makes Absolute such a success. Beyond you're expecting in at least half the album. the vocal style lies shallow, sappy lyrics that It's when things get weird that you may won- FRIDAY OCTOBER 181 don't stretch too far and offer little in terms of der why you forked over the dough. |tf originality. Yet, trying to imagine this soul- sounding CD frothing with lyrics of a political Robin Whrttaker ff GEMUTLICHKEIT NIGHT I 7^—JT 1 ! / \g/ A 1just live ! SATURDAY OCTOBER 19 or Ewtsrfaiwutewt ! Usl [ THE GRAND FINALE j \ Ifs a section J CALL TODAY! ORDER YOUR TICKER NOW TO AYWD DBAPPOINIMSIT. i ahead of its time." i <2*l OFFICE HOURS MONDAY TO FRIDAY 10:00 - 5:00 341MARSLAND DRIVE WATERLOO 519 886-7730 24 September 25, 1996 theCord {Entertainment) Pearl Jam possesses the Gardens

BRIAN GOTTMERS bands of the nineties and a member seemingly righteous reaction to The other, more low-key members Young's "Cinnamon Girl" - Vedder CORD ENTERTAINMENT of the ultra-successful clique of fame, Eddie Vedder and the rest of are Mike McCready on guitar and gave a

...... I'm still alive .. cough hack Seattle grunge bands, put their rep- Pearl Jam have emerged with their Jack Irons on drums. gag... Okay, so I can't sing, but when utation to the test last Saturday and integrity intact. They are the real Pearl Jam started off Pearl Jam is cranked, I'm Eddie proved it to be no exaggeration. thing and true to themselves. with Vedder. Eddie and the crew didn't rely on Eddie came out wearing his This was my first concert in a theatrics to carry the show - they 1978 Neil Young concert shirt, took box seat. In fact, this was my first justcame out and played hard. his stand at the front of the stage time being in a box seat for any- Pearl Jam doesn't need a fancy and proceeded to blast out his mod- thing. Getting to see Pearl Jam this show to impress their fans. They ern day poetry. Bassist Jeff Ament way was quite a treat. The band rely on Vedder's powerful lyrics and was a wild man onstage, hopping definitely didn't disappoint, and as some powerful guitar work to get around like a savage with golden far as the crowd was concerned, their message across. Despite draw- fingers. I wasn't quite sure about they rocked Maple Leaf Gardens. ing heavy criticism over their dis- guitarist Stone Gossard's two-step, "Release" good impression of Young's leg-kick- Pearl Jam, one of the biggest putes with Ticketmaster and their but his strumming spoke volumes. ing guitar style. from their first album, and quickly The music lasted for just over an —x went into "In My Tree" from "No hour and a half finishing with two Code". One of the best tracks of the encores. Some ofmy friends thought night was "Jeremy." This song on the show was too short, but it was a

- disc is amazing, but a context, success as far as I'm "THIS FILM IS AN UPPER A JOLT OF in live concerned. I PURE ENERGY! A NONSTOP VISUAL I 111, 112 /W x. 1 it's phenomenal. The crowd sang Even though my seats, food and FEAST AN SSAULT! the last part to perfection. The band beverages were free, I wouldn't hes- BRILLIANrrs managed to provide a good mix of itate to pay three big bones to see songs from their four LP releases, them again. Let's just hope they also squeezing in a chorus of Neil come back. -*￿￿￿￿ JRAiNSPOTmGjSAHtT

. ■ X icgpnapHffipMHßnmßHßSi i

FIVE DAYS LEFT! Don't Miss it! — ®g|

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1| Film Guides at Wilfs & Info Booth

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ttieCord September 25,1996 25 7 5 the section that hurts your head ASed Site-ings • RCW be prepared. , Qothed in silk By my son's wife 96.09.24 10:35:48 command: /whols allusslon Unwavering in spirit. eyes: bleeding notification: allusslon 1s Espritdemoncorps. head: sagging yul3o4s3@yorku. ca hands: flying over keypad notification: allusslon 1s on channel Alone fingers: motion blurred @/fmystlque Yet persecuted thoughts: I'm alive, alive command: /join #mystlque By the locked pain flatland: windows 95 v95.00.01a message: hey gorfe, long time Unmoved by cascara. onscreen: eudora pro vZ.Z, mlrc 4.6 no see Bark without Bite. enhanced with klttykll v1.5 /msg: yeah, too long, look, allusslon, 1 select: eudora pro v2.2 need some tools, something's going Secluded command: get mall down Familypressedtogether status: receiving message: well, you came to the Bytrouble — mySORROW notification: you have new mall right place Unhealed by time. command: read messages /msg: thanks, I'll send you the details My Time will come. message 1: from graz'zt: hey gorfe, when message: send 1t soon, 1 know does the meet go down? and will you you and you always ask for exotic Absorbed be ready? stuff, I'll need some time Memories unlocked reply: I'll be prepared /msg: time 1s not on my side at the moment, By keys with no doors message 2: from kokane: gorfe, need a fix? but I'll get you the 11st Unopened till now. / received a new shipment recently, message: It's always nice doing The Knock of Death. and graz'zt said you might need a blz with you, gorfe little relaxer heheheheh thought: yeah, that and other things I reply: sure thing, gimme details guy /msg: you too, allusslon Alone notification: end of mall command: /quit Secluded select: mlrc 4.6 enhanced with klttykll, thought: watch out, Mr. Johnson. I'll be Absorbed v1.5 prepared Knock, opened.

Mt] .1 ffilI SUBMIT■ I HA JB ■■MB 47 Erb St. Waterloo ■ ( 51 9). 886-2540 All you can eat fish and every Thursday. I Your Stuff. 85 Erbs Rd. St. Agatha (519). 747-1700 Catering, banquets

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