''Were it left for me to decide whether we should have a government ,,;wt1tbU1' 'newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I . should not hesitate a moment_ to prefer the latter." - Thomas Jefferson

VOL. 11 NO. 2 o adline for all submitted articles to The Scribe is 3:00 p.m. Thursday prior to issue articles are to appear. Due to SEPTEMBER 6, 1984 e problems with printing, there will be NO EXCEPTIONS! Flash and the Kids High School and College Career A Real Coup! Stu_de.nts Urged to On Thursday, September 6, appearances. They appeared in Focus Flash Cadillac and the Continental American Graffiti performing the Kids will be petforming in the Pub. family hits "At the Hop", "Louie, Apply Now _for Private This event, sponsored by the Stu­ Louie", and "She's So Fine". In The University of Colorado at dent Center and UCCSAS, will be Apocalypse Now, they performed Colorado Springs is hosting a free to UCCS students, faculty, "Susie-Q" appearing in a U.S.O. Financial Aid CAREER FOCUS on Friday, September21 from 10:00to3:00at and staff and $5.00 for the general show. Flash Cadillac tours all parts High School and College stu­ about $500 million dollars. Much the UCCS campus. public. A free-taco bar will be fea­ of the country sharing the stage dents who have not received the private financial aid is based on with entertainers ranging from tured in the Pub. The concert will necessary state or· federal funds for factors other than need or family If you have wondered what you Rush to The Mills Brothers to begin at 8:00 pm. continued education are urged to income. but on criteria such as can do with a major in psychology, George Carlin. Television appear­ "Flash Cadillac are the best apply to The Scholarship Bank for major, ~ccupational goal, willing­ communication , economics, rock ances include The Tonight ShCMI 'n' roll stage act I've private educational funding. ness to enter contests, write essays geography , business, education or and Happy Days. ever seen . . . including the Working in conjunction with or take on an internship. engineering (or any other major, Rolling Stones. " This evening promises to be ex­ high school and college financial for that matter!) CAREER FOCUS Rolling Stone Magazine citing and entertaining and all stu­ aid counselors, The Scholarship The Scholarship Bank has ap­ will be your opportunity to com­ dents, faculty, and staff are en­ Flash Cadillac's credits are im­ B~nk will send students a proximately 25,000 source~ of pri­ pare a variety of work experiences pressive including movies, h~t couraged to attend. Flash Cadillac, computer-generated printout of the vate financial aid and will send and environments to specific col­ singll:!s, concerts, and television Thursday, September 6 at 8 :00 pm. private aid sources that the student students a list of 20 to 50 names lege majors. Representatives from appears specifically qualified to and addresses upon receipt from the areas of media, government/ receive. According to the director the student of a questionnaire. The non-profit, manufacturing/ Display of of the search service, private fi­ questionnaire can be ordered from industry, health, business and ser­ nancial aid from corporations, The Scholarship Bank in Los vices will meet with participants on Challenged Books trade groups, lllld educational and Angeles by sending a stamped, a one-on-one basis to aid them in civic foundations amounts to ap­ self~addressed envelope to 10100 discovering career options. proximately one fourth of all fi­ Santa Monica Boulevard, #2600, at th.e UCCS nancial aid available, or a sum of Los Angeles, CA 90067. - In addition, workshops on re­ sume · preparation , Job search Bookstore strategies, and interviewing Huckleberry Finn is "racist. " techniques will be presented by Mother Goose's Nursery. Librarians and booksellers are FALL SHORT COURSES local employers. There will also be panel discussions on the changing Rhymes are "anti-Semitic" and promoting Banned Books Week . Computing Services will offer a series of short courses beginning the image of sales careers and a pre­ Mike Royko 's Boss is "detrimen­ nationwide. Sponsoring organiza­ week of August 27 thru September 13. The courses are held in Cragmor sentation for the mid-life career tal to students and will contribute tions believe that most would-be Hall, Rm 26, (the term. room) and are open on a first-come/first-serve to social decay. '' book banners act with what they basis. Students should take either Course · A or B before taking the changer. Books like these, challenged or consider to be the highest motives text-editing Course C. (The EDT editor is common to both systems.) Participation is free , and lunch banned on similar grounds during - protecting themselves, their . COURSE A: INTRO TO THE PDP 11/70 will be available for a small fee. the past year, will be displayed at families and communities from COURSE B: INTRO TO THE VAX 11/780 Because participation is limited, the UCCS Bookstore through out perceived .injustices and evils and COURSE C: USING THE EDT EDITOR National Banned Books Week, preserving the values and ideas . reservations are encouraged by September 8-15, 1984. Most of they would have the entire society calling 593-3246 or stopping in the these books are well known but are embrace. The result however; is Student Life office (Library 127) considered dangerous or objec­ always and ever the denial of SHORT COURSE HOURS no later than September 18 . tionable by individuals or groups another's right to read. The UCCS During the week of August 27 classes will be offered only on who would deny others access to Bookstore believes that Americans Wednesday, August 29 and Thursday, August 30. The schedule will be This special event is sponsored them. support our basic right to read the same as Wednesday, September 5 and Thursday September 6. by UCCS Career Services, UCCS Other books challenged recently guaranteed in the first Amendment Student Life, and UCCS Alumni WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 3 (NO CLASSES LABOR DAY-MONDAY) and Friends Association . It is being are: Stephen King's The Shining, to the Constitution of the United AND SEPTEMBER 10 because ''the story contains vio­ States . . held in conjuction with UCCS MON TUE WED THUR FOCUS, Sept. 21-22 , an all­ lence, demonic possession and Banned Books Week is spon­ B . A ridicules the Christian religion, ' ' sored jointly by the American 2:00 PM ...... A B university open house. B C A C William Golding's Lord of the Library Association, the American 4:00 PM ...... · · · · C B Flies, is ''an inappropriate reading Booksellers Association, the As­ 6:00 PM ...... C A A C B C assignment," and the Time-Life sociation of American Publishers, 8:00,PM book on Toyko because the book the American Society of Jour­ includes a photograph of. the nalists and Authors, and the Na­ ·The Scribe backsides of nude Japanese men at tional Association of College ADVISORS Ext 317 a public bath. Stores. Advisors are located in Room 25, Cragmor Hall, Their role is to ·Is Searching assist students in the use of the system. Because of the number of For Quality UCCS Focus languages and packages now on the systems, it is not possible for advisors The University of Colorado at the Colorado Springs campus. to be able to help debug general programs. Writers Colorado Springs is opening its Registration will begin :at 9:30 campus to the entire community on a.m. with coffee and donuts. Food Saturday , September 22 , 1984. booths wilt be available all day. The UCCS -Scribe is presently This year's theme is UCCS FALL ADVISING SCHEDULE Children 's activities and day care searching for some part-time staff FOCUS, focusing on the total uni­ MONDAY-THURSDAY ...... , 10:00-10:00 PM will be available and there will also writers to fill the positions of con­ versity . Everits begin at 9 a.m. and FRIDAY ...... 10:00-3:00 PM be plenty of free parking. tributing writers. We are looking continue all day on the UCCS SATURDAY ...... 10:00-3:00 PM Scheduled in conjunction with for quality writers who would SUNDAY : ...... 12:00-3:00 PM campus. UCCS FOCUS are the CAREER enjoy contributing an article or two Focus on academics: faculty FOCUS program on Friday , Sep­ every week to The Scribe. We are presentations, laboratory de­ tember 21, the 7TH ANNUAL willing to pay fo r these articles and monstrations, campus tours , art PIKES PEAK WOMEN 'S FES­ would like to discuss the positions exhibits and information booths. TIVAL on September 22 . SPSS ADVISING with students who wish to write Focus on special events: and would take the job seriously . If parachute demonstrations, musical UCCS FOCUS offers ari excel­ TUESDAY+ THURSDAY ...... 5:00-7:00 PM this opportunity sounds appealing performances, " Focus on Fitness' lent opportunity for you to intro­ WEDNESDAY ...... :.·,· ...... 2:00-5:00 PM duce family and friends to your to you, contact The Scribe at x469 fun run and the alumni barbeque. (593-3469) or leave a message at university. PLEASE NOTE: THERE WILL BE NO ADVISING ON LABOR A special focus will be the foun­ the Student Center Desk. We Contact the Student Life Office, DAY, SEPT. 3, OR THANKSGIVING 2+ AND 23. ders ' reception honoring persons would be very happy to hear from Library 127, ext. 264, for addi­ whose efforts were critical to the you . establishment and early growth of tional infom1ation . ISSUES & ·oPINIONS • • • Editorial columns and letters to the editor published on the' 'ISSUES & OPINIONS..'' page ofthe Scribe do Footnotes not necessarily reflect the views of this newspaper. We reserve the right to edit all letters. All letters must be _signed, however we will withhold the author's name on request as long as the identity is made known to the • newspaper. ID From History the By Gaspar 0. Abeyta SEPT.3 SEPT.4 Office • • • Labor Day-enacted on June 28, Los Angeles, Calif.: Birthday­ 1894, by President Grover - - - i;.,c On September 4, 1781, Los I was standing in an -add-drop •- to UCCS, and canned news re- more editorials? Are you sick of all Clevehµ'ltl~, declaring the first Angeles was founded by de­ line last week when I heard a stu- leases. W-e came to this newspaper the standard canned press releases? Mondayi:in September a legal cree. The original name of the dent make a critiquing statement · ·with ideas and imagination. Our Do you want more cartoons? The holiday for federal employees. city was "El pueblo de Nuestra about The Scribe. I wasn't' paying goals were set and determination to Scribe has a budget and that budget Senora La Reina de Los much attention until the word reach them has been fierce. uses 25% of .the student fees. Angeles de Porciuncula. ' ' "boring" became audible. The We have slowly been attaining Twenty-five percent of the money Treaty of Paris Anniversary - you spend on student fees goes to signed in Paris on September 3, SEPT.5 student then proceeded to toss the what we have strived for. We have Anniversary of First Continental newspaper into the trash. I became cut the ads down, one page or less this new,sp~~v- ,t~fok, do you even 1783, thi~ treaty between Bri­ Congress Assembly - On defensive of the paper, as I felt it per week. We have gotten rid of care? ,.1i1 !'lv· v :cJ ilJ .H::i, tain and the United States ended September 5, 1774, the first was my duty, and made a statement College Press Service and all of the The sp!J>ti9q_; tp J!ii& iJ?r~blem it the revolutionary war. seems is to get input.°write in - continental congress assembled of excuse, "It is hard to put out a stories which were' irrelevant to in Philadelphia, PA. paper the first week of school when you, the readers. We are currently let us know how you feel. Call us World War II Declaration An­ you have no one_writing for your trying to hire more staff writers. - give us your insight. We-want to niversary - The British ul­ SEPT.6 first issue." Ironically, I have to The staff of this newspaper has see your name in print. The Scribe timaum to Germany to halt the William McKinley: Assassina­ concur with this student's view, constantly been striving to make has the tendency to become boring invasion of Poland experied at tion Anniversary - On Sep­ there are times I find The Scribe this newspaper a publication which and you the reader have the key to 11:00 a.m., C .M .T., Sep­ tember 6, 1901, President Wil­ very boring. serves its readers. We are holding keeping it vibrant and interesting. I tember 3, 1939. At 11:15, liam McKinley was shot at Janelle and I realized this prob- up our end, now, it's your tum. could keep making excuses for it, Prime Minister Neveille Cham­ Buffalo, N. Y. He died Sept. !em before she became editor. In The Scribe is your newspaper as but I won't. If you think The Scribe berlain announced the declara­ 14, 1901. is boring - do something about it. the past, due to financial misman- much as it is ours. What do you tion of war against Germany. SEPT. 7 If you don't, expect no more than agement and lack of direction, The want to read? What kind of col­ Australia, France, South Af­ On the status quo. Brazil Independence Day - Scribe was filled with an enormous umns do you want to appear? Do rica, Canada and New Zealand September 7, 1822, Brazil de­ amount of garbage, i.e., too many you want more pictures? Do you Bryan J. Russman immediately issued their own clared its independence from ads, stories which were irrelevent want more features, or how about Assistant Editor declarations. Portugal.

PHANTOMS The Once Over THE FIXX

The Fixx is not your typical En­ RATING GUIDE glish band taking advantage of the Awesom ******, Excellent second British invasion, but rather ****, Alright ***, Medicore **, a band with its own distinct combi­ Arm Pitt*. nation of style arid sound. This is BRING IN THIS ADD TO BIG very apparent in the bands latest APPLE RECORDS AND TAPES, album, Phantoms. MALL OF THE BLUFFS, AND The very progressive style of the GET $2.00 OFF THE FIXX LP Fixx is some what comparable to OR CASSETTE OR SHOW US the group YES, with the vocal YOUR UCCS I.D. AND RE­ overtones of THE POLICE. This is CEIVE $1.00 OFF ANY OTHER quite obvious when listening to NON-SALE LP OR CASSETTE. "Are We Ourselves" for the first time. You make ask yourselves as I did ''am I.listening to YES or THE POLICE." After careful anaylsis of the song however, you can dis­ tinctly tell that it is a FIXX song all the way. The FIXX successfully incor­ porate a number of modem ele­ ments into many of its songs (note the unique blending and use of synthesizer throughout the album) . The subtitle vocal touch of Cy Cumin has been gracefully inter­ grated with the rhymanic consci­ ence of the album. Phantom is a definite must for those music lovers who are into the progressive modem music scene. This album has the potential to be one of Fixx 's best works to date. *** - Gaspar Abeyta UCCS to Host 7th Annual Pike's Peak

Women's Festival EDITOR ...... Janelle Heeke ASSIST ANT EDITOR ...... Bryan Russmann The Women's Information tion of women's talents, skills, and learn about women in various ADVERTISING DIRECTOR ...... Daniel Morton Center is currently accepting reg­ energies. The collective efforts of careers. COPY EDITOR ...... Denise Fischer istrations from persons interested women from all over Colorado are If you wish to have a booth, pre­ LAYOUT & DESIGN ...... James Kadlec in participating in the 7th Annual what enable us to sponsor the Fes­ sentation, or exhibit at the Festival, Pike's Peak Women's Festival. tival. Business and professional ·please write the Women's Infor­ · The Scrihe is p11/Jlished hr 1he UCCS Newspaper Board. Srnde111fees This year the Festival will be held women, craftswomen and artists, mation Center at: UCCS, P.O. and ad1·er1isi11g re1·e1111e .filll111ce ifs opl'l"mio11. on Saturday, September 22, from individual women, organizations BOX 7150, Colorado Springs, The appearance of"{l(/i-er1isi11g. i11c/11di11g i11.1·en1, in 1his p11/Jlirntio11 11 :00 A.M. till 4:00 P.M. on the of women, and community agen­ Colorado, 80933, or call us any does 1101 co11.Hi1111e w, e111/or.1"£'111e111 In 1his U11ii·asi1r or 1his 11eH·spaper of" UCCS campus student center cies that provide services for time of the day at (303) 593-3197. prod11C1s or se1Tices {l(li-enised. ·patio. women all contribute friendship, - GUEST SPEAKERS Address all replies a11d i11q11iril's lo 1-_- diwr. The Scrihe. U11i1·ersi1_1· of" The Pike's Peak Women's Fes­ support, and information to help us Nancy Dick ...... 11 :00 Co!t;,mlo 111 Colorado Springs. P .O. Bo.r 7150. 80933. tival is an annual tradition in Col­ learn about what women have to Marianne Banister ...... 12:00 l hl' opi11io11s l'.l/l/"i'SS l'd in lhl' 111·11 ·s1wp1'r do 1u11 lll'Cl's.rnril_,· n •11n•;;('11/ orado: a celebration of Women, for contribute to our community, and Women Voters Project . . . . . I :00 1hc 1-iew,· of" 1he U11i1 ·n si1_1 · of' Color{l(lo . lhl' Board of' Ri'g<' nl., . or lh l'ir Women. It is one day set aside each to give students an opportunity to UCCS Security ...... 2:00 di'sig11/ltl'I I rl'11n's i'11 /u1i, ·l's year to gather together in recogni- (sexual assault) ENTERTAINMENT

Powers Boothe gets ready to blow away Communist Russians in Colorado ,, by Joe Bob Briggs _ JOE BOB SDES TD THE DRIVE.;.JN· .!/

we all go down to the Stop-n-Go selves useful and hide bombs in each other for food. Then he gets I would of gone to the Sinatra every activist has swine flu . and load up some Cokes and Twin­ their brassieres or something, so em all together and they go attack party they had over at the Publican The only pig they ever listen to is kies and head off into the moun­ they start helping em to annihilate the drive-in and play some touch Convention this week, but some , and let's face it, the tains to hide. We've all thought the Communists. football, and then they fight some people in this country have to work woman's a puppet. about it. We all know iticould hap­ Next thing, this Russian tank Russian tanks, and then some Blue for a living. Frank called and said, What I'm leading up to is how pen here. Well, they've finally put blows away 20 red-blooded Thunder copters come and try to "Come on, Joe Bob, you gotta be Joe Bob's Mailbag has been full of it on the 1BigirHufdcf<,i 1sl!reen. In Americans while they 're singing destroy the kids, and I'm not gonna you," but I said no, I'd like to do it pig mail for two weeks now, de­ "Rect' Dawn" that's exactly what "America. '.' (J'm sorry, but l ·:be• go into the whole thing but the for you, Frank, but there's a mil­ manding recognition for Priscilla, happens. lieve it's time for Kung Fu City.) Meskin' guy is plenty p .o.ed. lion people out there waiting for the Unsung Pig. Here's the article The leader of the Communists is These kids start popping out of We're talking "Nµkes in Toy­ the weekly breast count and I can't they 're sending in: a Meskin who's been down there in wheatfields to blow away pinkos, land. '' No breasts, but listen to this let down my public. You under­ ''HOUSTON (UPI)-Priscilla, Salvador City shotgunning the planting bombs in the Commie's body count: 104. All-time drive-in stand that. Tell you what, I'll call a swimming pet pig that loves tuna peasants and kissing Fidel's hiney. trucks, and fighting heat-seeking champion in the dead-body de­ Sammy and Dean in Vegas and let fish sandwiches and chocolate­ He lands his copter in this town in Soviet missile launchers with partment. Two gallons blood. A em know there's a gig in Dallas, chip cookies, recently saved the Colorado and, first thing, tells his single-shot deer rifles. They get disappointing 38 on the vomit but just because there's a lot of life of a mentally retarded youngs­ men to go get all the gun­ some help when Powers Boothe meter. No beasts, except for the booze floating around the city, ter who ventured too far into Lake registration lists to find out who's gets shot down in his F-15 and tells Meskins. A little kung fu . Two that's no reason to tum into a total Somerville, the boy 's mother packing and who's not. That's the em how Omaha, Washington and motor vehicle chases. One drive-in party animal. Besides, big guy, said." problem with the gun-control issue Kansas City got nuked, but fortu­ demolition derby. Four _crash­ you gotta watch that waistline. Now just stop and think about it in America today. Sure, it don 't nately nothing important in and-bums. Three tons of twisted Gimme a little smile, buddy, Love a minute. How many retarded kids seem like much, but what happens America was damaged. They ask metal. Drive-In Academy Award ya, Frank. are alive today because of forgot­ when the Communists get their him why World War III got started nomination for Powers Boothe, Speaking of pfgs, I think it's ten who've done the same hands on the info? and he says, "Two toughest kids who gets fatter ever time I see him, about time for the Joe Bob Briggs thing in lakes all over this great Anyhow, all the kids from the on the block, I guess. " They ask and Ron O 'Neal as the Communist Annual Swine Report, and I guess country? Twenty? A hundred? A high school are hiding out in the him who's backing America and he Meskin. Three and a half stars. you know what's numero uno on thousand? But do we hear these mountains and making each other says, " 600 million screami~g Joe Bob says check this out be­ this year's list. I'm talking Ralph. stories in the Eastern Establish­ drink deer blood out of Dixie cups, Chinamen." Also he tells about fore it happens in your town . The world-famous Diving Pig. ment pinko media? Does Jerry until they get tired of Beenie how people in Denver are eating Ralph has been down in Norleans Lewis hold a pig-a-thous? Do they Weenies and have to go back to for about a week, diving for allow pigs in the Olympics? I think town for some Kennel Ration. But World's Fair tourists, and I don 't we know the answers to all these the Communists have took over by know about you, but I'm sick of questions. I don't think we have to then and sent everbody over to the this kind of commercial exploita­ . sugar-coat it. I think we know drive-in for "re-education. " All tion of a performing artist. You which political party is the true day long they keep the parents may not realize it, but Ralph was friend of the American pig. penned up in there while they spout snubbed by the Publicans. They Ralph, we love ya, babe. Watch propaganda like '' America is a hired a bunch of pathetic-looking, out for those come-ons on Bourbon whorehouse'' on the drive-in sickly zoo elephants to walk down Street. I know they're pigs, I've speakers, and the mamas and dad­ Commerce Street .and dump all seen em myself, but don't catch dies come up·to the bob-war fence over Neiman-Marcus, and all that any diseases. We're gonna need and look through it like they been time Ralph was down in Norleans you ·in '88. gassed with Raid and say "Avenge scarfing up crawdaddies. Speaking of the future, " Red me!" So the high school kids go Do you realize there hadn't been Dawn" is the flick about what it's back up in the mountains to make a a pig invited to a political conven­ gonna be like when the Com­ plan, only on the·way they stop at tion since '68? That was the year a munists have us for lunch. We've Ben Johnson's house and pick up disgusting nominated a pig all thought about it. There we are, two bimbos he's been hiding under for president. Pig's name was minding our own business in his kitchen floor. Ben tells these Pigasus. Course, nobody listened · elementary school, and these guys he don't want his grand­ to him and we ended up with Communist SWAT teams daughters being raped by the Nixon. You know, the Publicans parachute down to the playground Communists, so the guys take em talk about pigs a lot, and some of equipment and start blowing away along to kill some Russians. em look like pigs, but when it safety-patrol officers. After eight Then the bimbos refuse to wash comes down to supporting pig or ten second-graders get sprayed the dishes like they 're told. So they rights in this country, they act like with semi-automatic weapons fire, tell em at least they can make their-

BODILY COMFORTS by Denise C. Fisher Have you ever done anything the wall. It's true that that bed ity protects you from the problems . sharing a two room home with two or wonderful. Lots of clean air, fresh that was so very out of the ordinary could probably be a little firmer but and hassles of the world. But when more people for a month and see, most spring water, and God 's beautiful . that people gave you strange looks you've worn it down just right so you get right down to it, it becomes unfortunately, hCM' friendships can tum earth are the greatest company in for it? I'm sure that everyone has at that it. conforms nicely in all the a real pain to make plans, talk into bon:lerline wars with much aggra­ the world which generally goes least once in their lives and it is this curves and crannies of your body. comfortably to an old friend on vation and frustration. If you ti)' this without saying. But tiy having to once that I would like to address. That bed has probably served its long-distance, or,,. even to just say one, you will quickly see that there is 1ive under the conditions men­ Human beings, although being purpose well in that it has provided ''hello'' to someone. Try it some­ such a thing as "too close for com­ tioned for a couple of months and far from perfect, have actually a refuge from the aches and pains , time, you probably won't like it! fort." there will be a big change in your neared perfection in terms of bod­ of the real world info_a world of What other wonderful things do attitude. Everyone would certainly Now, why would anyone in their ily pleasures and comforts. We get dreams. But just trying sleeping on we enjoy that give life that extra become more appreciative ot me right minds go without these used to having certain ''luxuries'' tese comforts. I did my "once in a the floor or in a closet in a sleeping comfort quality? How about a nice luxuries for any amount of time - without which, we have a tendency bag for a couple _of days and see steamy bubble bath complete with lifetime" this summer which in­ even for just a day? This question is to become extremely uncomforta­ just how much you miss that bed. bubbles and some baby oil? How cluded having to ''do without'' and completely beyond me but it just ble. Have you ever thought about Next, how about that telephone? about having to go without a regu­ I became much more appreciative goes to show you that many hu­ some of the conveniences that Sure, you complain about it at least lar bathtub or shower and having to of all the basic luxuries that mans enjoy very normal lifestyles make our lives enjoyable? And fifteen times a day because it's wash in a sink or washtub? Hu­ human beings enjoy. The only which include some of these very then, have you ever proceeded in problem now· is that I get daus­ forever ringing off the hook when mans have an obcession with water basic comforts of life. It certainly your train of though to think about what trophobic whenever I walk into you want peace and quiet and and getting wet to get clean and would be a challenge to do without life would be like without these quieter than a churchmouse when having to go without immersion in The Scribe office (or should I say any one of these things for any heavenly comforts? you want it to ring. But disconnect a nice comfortable bath can be cubicle?). length of time - a challenge that Well, please join me for a brief Whenever your time comes to that phone and toss it in the closet awfully unnerving. most people have probably never tour through a rather dreary exis­ for a couple of weeks and see what How do you feel about your pri- . do something extremely out of the even considered undertaking. ordinary, bear in mind that some­ tence without some of our favorite it does to your life. You can't reach vacy? If tliere is one thing that most thing good will come out of it in the bodily pleasures. Keep an open anyone without shelling out twenty people would defend to the death, Now you might think camping mind through this tour and let us cents and nobody can reach you. it is probably their privacy. Having comes awfully close to this and not end. And no matter what that begin. Sure, it's fine for maybe the first your own room or even just having too many people are adverse to something is, it will only go to show that humans enjoy luxuriat­ Let's begin by walking into you week because it's a new kind of aplacewhereyoucan bealoneisoneof camping out but sure, you and the bedroom with the bed over against feeling in which your inaccessibil- those ultimate pleasures in life. Tiy wilderness for a few days is just ing in "bodily comforts." This edition of Jocques Lebeau is reprinted from the March 9th, 1983 issue of The Scribe. Meadow Muffins Air Force Academy Jocques Lebeau is Introduce the I'm Sponsors Driving Club Presidential · back!!! MEADOW MUFFINS restau­ rant and saloon, as part of an on­ Dear Jocques, " your life and it's speeding away Symposium I 'm' a terribly shy young guy from you at an ever-increasing going effort to promote a responsi­ who has absolutely nothing going rate. Leave home, be independent. ble attitude towards the consump­ The U.S. Air Force Academy at Georgetown Uniyersity; will be sponsoring a Presidential ''Elections: The Delegate for me. I'm not attractive, have no Leave your ball and chain behind tion of alcoholic beverages, has introduced the ' 'I'm Driving Symposium during the month of Selection Process." personality, I'm scared of my and find Ms. Right yourself! Club ''. This program is geared to­ September. There will be three alarm clock so my mommy wakes Hopefully, you '11 grow and de­ September 25, Jody Powell: . wards young adults and its goals guest speakers for this event. me up, and most people think that velop a personality - you can't Former press secretary to are to reinforce the importance of Events are free . of charge unless · I'm a drip ( actually not just a drip, pick one up on you way home from President Carter; ''Elections marked by an asterisk (*). a running faucet) and I'm so timid the grocer! Just because I feel sorry not driving under the ·influence of and the Media.'' September l l , John Anderson: that my mommy had to capitalize for you, I'm going to give you alcohol and to make a real impact 1980 presidential candidate; the right letters in my letter to you. some specific advice, mainly be­ to lessen the number of young Lectures are from 7:00 to 7:50 ''Elections: A Candidate 's Mommy says not to worry, that cause I can't build your life for people involved in alcohol related p.m. at the Arnold Hall Theater. problem situations. Perspective. '' someday Ms. Right will come into you, just help your love life along. For additional information call the September 20, James Lengle: my life and sweep me off my feet You need to meet some girls, so The idea behind the 'Tm Driv­ Visitors Center at 472-2555 or the Professor of political science and we '11 be happy forever. I'm here are some ideas from my pri­ ing Club'' is that when a club Public Affairs Office at 472-4040. beginning to have my doubts, vate reserve on where to meet girls. member is the designated driver for though, I just celebrated my 44th a group of friends, he/she is enti­ 1) Look first in places where birthday with my pet snail Herbie. tled to free non-alcoholic bever­ you 're sure to get a good reception, Herbie got more cards than I did. ages all night long. In line with this like a women's prison. Sometimes, when mommy is club, Meadow Muffins has also in­ driving me to work, I think about Bob Hope knows just 2) Go where these kinds of girls corporated ''Officer No Thanks'', doing different and daring things how much Red Cross go. For example, if you want to a staff member on the floor specifi­ helps veterans. like maybe looking at the secretary cally watching the number of .. Red Cross also help, many at work and saying ''Hi'' or meet a rich girl, wait outside a di­ vorce court. drinks being consumed by custom­ ve teran, upgrade their military something. I really want to be ag­ ers; as well as explaining the pro­ ;discharges . . . and that hold s the key tn gett ing a job. Ju st last gressive , but mommy says I'm the 3) If you want to meet a beaut­ gram to patrons. year. Red Cross represent ed delicate type, "a peach that bruises more than 2100 veterans before iful girl, wait outside a divorce For free membership in the club, easily. " Please Jocques, help me court. di..,L·har~c review hoards . find the girl of my dreams. patrons need only register with a .. And dischar,_,e re vie" for Meadow Muffins manager. The ,rn additinnal 6046 ve teran, is Signed, 4) If you want to meet a rich and in process. Shy Guy beautiful girl, wait outside a di­ person must show a valid driver's "Giving a hand to v<'teran, is vorce court for a girl who just di­ license and state that they are the · another pnwcrful reason fnr us designated driver for their group. --~ -- t,1 hcl p kec·p Red Cross re adv. vorced a plastic surgeon. Also, .. ,r Y"U ·re a veteran. thl' "Lend a hand ... · Hey Shy Guy, when you do finally meet that girl, They will then be issued an official rule, and re,_, _, tha t afkc·t 1,1ur I think you already found the girl sticker, button and membership benefit, can-S\llllet imes be you 're to charm her with your wit, ha ftl i 11'-' . Where Ill tum for of your drean1s without realizing it so try these guaranteed lines: card. The driver is then sworn in by help' - - your mamma! She seems to do Officer No Thanks and receives "Trv Rc·d Cross Ye,. the everything for you. I'll bet that I) Sing the score from at least non-alcoholic beverages the entire Red C-,.,,ss . your mommy even ties your shoes .. Last vear. American Red one obscene French opera. evening. Cross heiped te ns nf thousands for you! I think that your advancing of former servicemen and their 2) Use the words " my estate," Meadow Muffins is committed familie, ,_, et their educati onal. years should be a clue to your prob­ to stopping drunk driving. Our lems. You 're stuck in a rut, or as in "my trust fund," and " come with disabili11~ insttratll'e and concern goes further than just medical \,enefit s. your case a deep pit and that pit is me to Acapulco " in a single sen­ KeepRedC~ tence. acknowledging the issue and sup­ ready. your mother. I take it that you 're porting its rectificationj but to ac­ still living at home, so what are you 3) Order Muscatel in four lan­ tively developing programs and waiting for, an earthquake to jog guages. systems to help prevent the prob­ your senses? Wake up boy , this is Good Luck! lem.

Thurs. Sept .6th 8 P.M. 'til 11 P.M.

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THE PUB