Humility Matters Matters Series

Thoughts Matter: Discovering the Spiritual Journey Tools Matter: Beginning the Spiritual Journey Humility Matters: Toward Purity of Heart Lectio Matters: Before the Burning Bush Discernment Matters: Listening with the Ear of the Heart Humility Matters

Toward Purity of Heart

Mary Margaret Funk, OSB

LITURGICAL PRESS Collegeville, Minnesota

www.litpress.org Deep gratitude to our prioress, Sister Juliann Babcock, OSB; my Benedic- tine community of Our Lady of Grace Monastery in Beech Grove, Indiana; and my Irish Cistercian sisters, Abbess Marie Fahy, OCSO, and nuns of St. Mary’s Abbey in Glencairn, County Waterford. This set revision of the Mat- ters Series is because of the vision and competence of Hans Christoffersen and staff at Liturgical Press, Collegeville, Minnesota. Cover design by Jodi Hendrickson. Cover image: “Moses at the Burning Bush,” by Eastern Orthodox Nun Rebecca Cown of New Skete, Cambridge, New York. Commissioned by Pamela Farris. Based on an original at the Monastery of St. Catherine, Mount Sinai, Egypt. Used by permission. Excerpts from the English translation of Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults © 1985, International Commission on English in the Liturgy Corporation (ICEL); excerpts from the English translation of The Roman Missal © 2010, ICEL. All rights reserved. Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Bible © 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved. © 2013 by Order of Saint Benedict, Collegeville, Minnesota. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by print, microfilm, microfiche, mechanical recording, photocopying, translation, or by any other means, known or yet unknown, for any purpose except brief quotations in reviews, without the previous written permission of Liturgical Press, Saint John’s Abbey, PO Box 7500, Collegeville, Minnesota 56321-7500. Printed in the United States of America. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Funk, Mary Margaret. Humility matters : toward purity of heart / Mary Margaret Funk. p. cm. rev. ed. of: Humility matters for practicing the spiritual life. 2005. includes bibliographical references. isBN 978-0-8146-3513-1 — ISBN 978-0-8146-3490-5 (e-book) 1. Humility—Religious aspects—Catholic Church. 2. Spiritual life—Catholic Church. i. Funk, Mary Margaret. Humility matters for practicing the spiritual life. ii. Title. BV4647.H8F86 2012 241'.4—dc23 2012039190 To my guardian angel, Brigid Funk, who shows up from time to time when humility matters!

Contents

Iconographer’s Preface ix Rebecca Cown Foreword xvii His Holiness the Dalai Lama Introduction xxi Chapter 1: First Renunciation: Former Way of Life 1 Chapter 2: Second Renunciation: Thoughts of Former Way of Life 10 Chapter 3: Third Renunciation: Self-Made Thoughts of God 93 Chapter 4: Fourth Renunciation: Thoughts of Self 129 Chapter 5: Humility: A Dialogue with John Cassian 149 Conclusion 180 Appendix 1: Friends on the Spiritual Journey 186 Appendix 2: The Practice of Redemptive Suffering 190 Notes 196 Select Bibliography 206

vii “Moses at the Burning Bush,” by Eastern Orthodox Nun Rebecca Cown of New Skete, Cambridge, NY, commissioned by Pamela Farris, based on an original at the Monastery of St. Catherine, Mount Sinai, Egypt Iconographer’s Preface

Rebecca Cown

By means of all created things, without exception, The Divine assails us, penetrates us, and molds us. We imagine it as distant and inaccessible. In fact, we live steeped in its burning layers. —Teilhard de Chardin

ne of the pillars of spiritual teaching in East- Oern Christianity is deification (Greek: theosis),1 which means participating or sharing in the divine nature. This is our inheritance, according to St. Dorotheus of Gaza; it is an inborn spark of divinity like a light burning deep within our hearts, within the core of our being, guiding us as we discern what pleases God, and illumi- nating our journey upon this earth. Christ speaks about this same light when he says we are not to hide our light under a bushel but bring it into the light of day. In this broken world, however, this inner light, this divine ix x Humility Matters sensation, is often covered up by the cares and concerns of our daily lives and by our conditioning from early childhood. St. Paul also speaks about this enlightenment and the need to stay awake, to become conscious and aware—not simply about the life of our outer senses, but especially about our interior senses.2 We call this the light of discernment. Another term is aesthesis, a Greek word difficult to translate into English, which we may understand as inner perception or divine sensation: a spiritual sense. Our innermost spiritual senses need to be made conscious and honed and practiced in our daily lives. Our earliest Christian teachers reiterated that “God became human in order that the human person may become God.” This divine gift presupposes our personal and collective inner work, our synergy with God. This poten- tial has been present from the very beginning, according to the account in Genesis, since we are created in the image and likeness of God. The “image” is the reflection of God. One commentary on this Genesis passage says that “likeness” refers to being endowed with discernment and understanding. So, by inference, we might say that the “likeness” is what we are called to bring into reality by inner discernment. St. Gregory of Nazianzus says, “Whatever is not consciously embraced cannot be transformed.” That is, unless we awaken to this divine reality in our hearts, to who we really are and to what we are called, we cannot engage with this Divine Spirit within, and it will remain dormant. We are personally called to be transformed and Iconographer’s Preface xi transfigured into our God-likeness, but not just for ourselves; we are called personally to become God’s agents and to enable God’s ongoing creation of this world of ours.3 God has no other hands, feet, eyes, mind, or heart than ours to continue God’s creating. The Spirit of God is everywhere present and filling all things, and human beings have been called to cocreate with God. The raw materials, so to speak, need our working with God to bring about life, harmony, peace, justice, and beauty out of chaos and disorder. God has given us the mission and purpose of incarnating God’s very first words—“Let there be Light”—and to make it a living reality in our lives. The story of Moses before the burning bush may well be a paradigm of every person’s divine visitation or awakening to the divine presence. If heeded, this encoun- ter will change a person’s life. This change, or metanoia (Greek for “change of heart,” “change of purpose, direc- tion”), moves us away from our former identity, where the ego is in control, to become an instrument in God’s hand. This is what happened to Moses, who once was a Hebrew slave saved by an Egyptian princess. He was raised and educated as an adopted prince but later, hav- ing slain an Egyptian overseer, fled for his life into a foreign land and then became a shepherd. After many years in this lonely desert, God revealed to Moses his true identity and purpose in life. The story tells us that Moses was tending the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, and led the flock to the far side xii Humility Matters of the desert. He came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a thorn bush. Moses saw that, although the bush was on fire, it was not consumed. So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush is not burnt.” When the Lord saw that Moses had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush: “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.” “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face because he was afraid to look at God. The icon on the cover of this book depicts this en- counter. Several aspects of the icon highlight our journey toward discernment. First, the bush is actually a thorn bush, typical of the desert, indicating that there isn’t any place where God cannot be encountered! Next, we see the blackened sandals behind Moses. Sandals are made of the skin of animals; they are dead skins, indicating the passing nature of our persona, our identity in this world. Moses puts behind him his sense of who he has been; without it, he is vulnerable and full of fear. Yet, the icon manifests his readiness to follow the call into an unknown, to a mysterious and awesome divine en- counter. His ego identity is not in control. The icon also indicates a change in his consciousness of who he really Iconographer’s Preface xiii is. His clothing is radiant with divine light. His ego is not obliterated but participates in the Light of God. He has awakened to the divine spark within, to his true identity in God. His inner senses are illumined, awakened, and he hears the voice of God telling him to lead his people out of Egypt.4 What ensues is a dialogue with God. Moses’ first reac- tion is “Who am I?” Stripped of his former security in who he thought he was, he now is aware of his limitations, his sense of inadequacy. But his former identity doesn’t just totally disappear; for now it will become God’s agent in responding to the plight of his people. God assures him, “I will be with you.” To us as to Moses, this is the invitation to center our attention on a new identity—on God consciousness, on a God who is full of compassion. After the divine awakening comes the descent into the daily: the call for us to incarnate (“en-flesh”) God’s presence in this broken world. We perceive Moses’ resistance, his difficulty in accepting the challenge of being God’s instrument in the liberation of his people. He is invited by God; this mission is not forced upon him! The experience gives him the light, the strength, the discernment to face the challenges, to face his own fears, his resistances, and his limitations in fulfilling the divine mission—which is also his own purpose. We see Moses at the foot of the holy mountain. Mount Horeb is at the bottom; the summit is Sinai, which Moses will later ascend and where he will commune with God xiv Humility Matters in the deepest recesses of his being. This present encoun- ter is his new beginning. Enlightenment is not a place where we build a tent and savor God’s presence in bliss for the rest of our lives. Nevertheless, it is a divine light. When Meg asked me to write this preface, my very first thought was a certain sense that whoever is drawn to this book has most certainly already experienced some- thing akin to Moses’ visitation (or theophany, as Eastern Christians may say). In other words, one who is drawn or deeply attracted to God must surely be responding from a God-given divine sensation, the inner light I mentioned at the beginning of this essay. Our experience may not be as dramatic as Moses’ or St. Paul’s experience, but even if it is more subtle, it is nonetheless real. It is one thing, however, to experience this divine presence and another to flesh it out in our lives. This process requires serious reflection on the tools for the spiritual journey. Who am I? What am I called to by God? How do I discern the path ahead? Discernment grows as we are purified in all the areas of our being. In these times, when spiritual guides and teachers are often inaccessible, this book may well be a companion on the journey, one that will support us through what may feel like a labyrinth or a maze as we make our way through the complexities of everyday life and the sea- sons of more profound changes. Just as Moses in the desert received what he needed to discern his new life, these writings by Meg Funk offer tools for growth in self-knowledge, for deepening our relationship to God, Iconographer’s Preface xv and for growing in discernment with God consciousness in our own life and purpose. Rebecca Cown New Skete Cambridge, New York

Foreword

ister Mary Margaret Funk has been a friend for Smany years, and I have a great admiration for the enthusiastic spirit she has brought to her work to demonstrate the relevance of the contemplative life in our contemporary world. In this third book in a series devoted to recovering ancient techniques for contemplatives today, she has focused on humility. All the major world religions are concerned with helping individuals to become good human beings. All em- phasize love and compassion, patience, tolerance, for- giveness, humility, and so forth, and all are capable of helping individuals to develop them. I believe that the great spiritual teachers of the past, in addition to con- ducting themselves with great simplicity, voluntarily accepted suffering without consideration of the hardships involved—in order to benefit humanity as a whole. They placed special emphasis on developing love and compassion and renouncing selfish desires. And each of them called on us to transform our hearts and minds. This is one of the ways we can make our lives meaningful.

xvii xviii Humility Matters One of the goals of contemplative practice is to lessen the power of negative emotions. If we wish to do this, we must search for the causes that give rise to them. We must work at removing or uprooting those causes. At the same time, we must enhance the mental forces that counter them: what we might call their antidotes. This is how a contemplative must gradually bring about the mental transformation he or she seeks. The opposing factor of humility is pride or vanity, while the opposing factor of generosity is stinginess. After identifying such factors, we must endeavor to weaken and undermine them. Humility is an essential ingredient in our pursuit of transformation, although this may seem to be at odds with our need for confidence. But just as there is clearly a distinction between valid confidence, in the sense of self-esteem, and conceit, so it is important to distinguish between genuine humility, which is a kind of modesty, and a lack of confidence. They are not the same thing at all, though many confuse them. This may partly explain why today humility is often thought of as a weakness rather than as an indication of inner strength. Certainly, modern society does not accord humility the place it had in Tibet when I was young. Yet in contemporary life, humility is more important than ever. Just as compassion is of little value if it remains merely an idea, it must become our attitude toward others, reflected in all our thoughts and actions, so the mere concept of humility does not diminish our arrogance; it must become our actual state of being. Foreword xix This is why Sister Meg is quite correct in saying that humility matters. It is a reflection of our putting others first and placing less importance on ourselves. I trust that readers will find much inspiration in this book and pray that those who do will meet with success in putting that inspiration into effect. Indeed, they might also find encouragement in the following verses from a Tibetan text called The Eight Verses for Training the Mind that I think may be relevant here and that I myself have recited since I was a small boy:

Whenever I am in the company of others, May I regard myself as inferior to all And from the depths of my heart, Cherish others as supreme.

In all my actions may I watch my mind And as soon as disturbing emotions arise, May I forcefully stop them at once, Since they will hurt both me and others.

The Dalai Lama August 15, 2005

Introduction

umility matters. Since God is our heart’s desire, Hwe long for our own direct experience of God. Our world is suffering. Indeed, for Christians the root of most of the anguish on earth is the ego-driven mind in denial of its true vocation: to renounce our former way of life and to embrace our baptismal initiation into Christ Jesus. How we labor to empty ourselves of all that is not God in imitation of Jesus is a central concern of the Christian life and has been the subject of the teaching of spiritual masters since the beginning of “The Way.” In particular, the early ascetics of the Christian tradition were committed to radical discipline because they knew well the truth that is surprisingly found through the low door of humility. This book is the third in a series intended to recover traditional early monastic teachings for contemporary contemplatives. Thoughts Matter retrieved the foundational teaching on the eight afflictive thoughts that drive

xxi xxii Humility Matters the “old nature” in its ambling forgetfulness: food, sex, things, anger, dejection, acedia, vainglory, and pride. This work is the spiritual journey. Tools Matter set out the prac- tices that were antidotes to those afflictions for beginners on this spiritual journey. This volume, Humility Matters, takes the spiritual journey to the center, the heart of the matter, and offers a simple and systematic rendering of monastic teaching on purity of heart and its human face: humility. Humility matters. It is what others see of our purity of heart. It is at the core of our experience of life in Christ. So central is this quality of being that it may be said that humility is for a Christian what enlightenment is for a Buddhist, realization is for a Hindu, sincerity is for a Confu- cian, righteousness is for a Jew, surrender is for a Muslim, and annihilation is for a Sufi. Humility is the human side of reality, neither better than nor less than other realms in God’s Creation. Because Jesus of Nazareth was fully human and fully divine, we enter and belong to the Trinity knowing the face of Jesus. We become holy as human. We need no higher state of consciousness, nor are we obliged to transcend beyond our human nature for our salvation. Our normal life and death will accomplish our entrance into eternal life. Yet we need not simply live this life in service of the next life. The experience of God can begin now, and we can have a personal relationship with the living God throughout our daily lives in this lifetime. Today, the world is blessed with contemplatives, some living in monastic communities and perhaps more living Introduction xxiii hidden in the world. I offer this book to all spiritual seekers who desire to be taught by our elders. Their teachings are classic, timeless, and universal, authenticating specific faith traditions. The elders were inspired masters whose inspirations come down to us through a transmission across the generations. We enter into the depths of this wisdom through the prayerful metabolism (rumina- tion) of the gospels, the sayings, conferences, rules, and commentaries. The most important step is not reading ancient wisdom but living it. Because there is a systematic progression in the life- changing wisdom spelled out in this modest volume of ancient insight, it is best to read the entire book, then give ourselves years to live into these teachings gradually over the course of our life. In fact, this is what we do with our precious life—follow the movement of what the early Christian teachers called the four renunciations. What becomes evident, as one opens to this wisdom, is that Christian life is always and ever a labor of conversatio morum—the ongoing conversion of mind, heart, and way of life that is the real work of the gospel way. This book makes the claim that humility is the unmistakable char- acter of one who has accepted the vocation to take the spiritual journey. So let us begin. Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matt 11:28-30) xxiv Humility Matters The ancient monastic tradition tells us to undergo four renunciations. First, we renounce our former way of life; second, we renounce the thoughts and desires of our former way of life. Then a deeply felt grace invites us to renounce our self-made thoughts of God. Finally, before the God who is Mystery, we see the light and are enabled to renounce our self-made thoughts of self. Each of these renunciations leads us further into a purity of heart that is experienced in this body, in this lifetime, and is an actual experience of peace. It makes sense to learn an intelligent way to navi- gate the spiritual journey from our elders. As rendered here, the spiritual journey proceeds in stages, beginning with the fourfold renunciations, leading to the way of humility. An individual would not necessarily travel in a straight sequence in any programmed sense, however, since God’s way is a mystery for each soul. There is more often than not an experience of the simultaneity of all four renunciations. It seems that each of us is invited to taste and see the ancient wisdom for ourselves. This is the reversal of the arrogant tasting and eating in the Garden of Eden, which was a bold striking out to do it alone. In following the way of renunciation, we embrace the wisdom of the ancients. So let’s continue with the catechesis on the four renunciations. “Negate nothing,” say the early masters of the Chris- tian way. Though it may seem ironic, it is important to understand this in the practice of renunciation. Nothing is negated. What is is! We acknowledge the reality of all Introduction xxv that we are invited to renounce: our erring passions, our ideas of God, and our self-made sense of self. Humility is standing in the truth of being. Because we already have what we are looking for—the direct experience of our living awareness—we renounce what is not and so negate nothing. These teachings about renunciation were given to serious seekers who desired to live life in conscious awareness rather than heedlessly. These renunciations are described in many classics of spirituality. First, we awaken, either suddenly or gradually, and notice that we are going the way of our false self. We change and repent of our former way of life and strive to imitate the Gospel directives of loving God and neighbor. Second, we notice that we are not our thoughts, and so we renounce the thoughts at- tracting us to return to our former way of life and strive to remove any and all obstacles to our true self. As we see more clearly, we notice that God is not a thought either, so we renounce self-made thoughts of God and consent to God as God is. Then, finally, we notice that we are not a thought of self, so we renounce our self-made thoughts of self and abandon ego-driven motivations and actions. This fourth renunciation concerning the thought of the self requires delicate discernment, so that we are not tricked into self-loathing or a version of numbness that leads to inert passivity that would cause us to loop back to our former way of life. This wisdom can be retrieved from the wisdom of late antiquity, 200 to 450 CE. My root teacher of renunciation xxvi Humility Matters is St. Benedict (480–547). His most frequently quoted master, other than Scripture, is John Cassian (360–420), who wrote the Institutes and Conferences, brilliant systematic descriptions of contemplative life. Cassian presents both the theory and practice of contemplative living through his personal contact with the elders living in the Egyptian, Palestinian, and Syrian deserts. This wisdom, along with the gospels, inspired the Rule of Benedict.1 Besides bringing forward the desert teachings, in this book I present two examples of humility: St. Teresa of Jesus (of Avila) shows us how to renounce our self-made thoughts of God and St. Thérèse of Lisieux shows us how to renounce our self-made thoughts of self. Both of these examples of humility are also teachers of practice through their writings. St. Teresa of Jesus gives us a teaching on the practice of recollection and how to pray appropriately as we wait upon the Lord to come when, where, and how God wants to manifest to us, as in the third renunciation. The second example of humility, as in the fourth renunciation, is St. Thérèse of Lisieux. She invites us to practice the Little Way, which is living into the renunciation of self and shifting toward sacrifice. Paradoxically, her way of spiritual childhood is the way to profound maturity. Her own experience of growing up was sudden, but we can undergo this maturation gradually through the wholesome practice of the Little Way. When self no longer dominates and we feel a desire to sacrifice, we know it, and this renunciation is “full of grace”; our Introduction xxvii humility becomes a way of life, like that of Mary who has- tened to visit and assist her pregnant cousin Elizabeth. The book’s final section is a sharing of ten indicators of humility, as listed in the Institutes of John Cassian. It seems that whether we are monastics or contemplatives in the world we can behold the beauty of humility, that sacred art of simplicity fashioned in the soul. In these ten indicators of humility, I hope to capture the living tradition of these elders that invites us to consider what humility would look like if we were to live it today. I engage in an imaginary dialogue with John Cassian that confronts today’s seekers with the timeless wisdom. When humility reigns, redemptive suffering becomes our ministry. This is a high teaching and we fall short of its rigors, but through Christ Jesus redemption continues through little souls like us. Though the overall image of Moses and the burning bush is the theme of the five books in the Matters Series, this book makes use of two metaphors: the journey and the river. The image of a journey is an attractive symbol that cap- tures the notion of the ancient quest and connects us with the likes of Abraham, Jesus, Anthony of the Desert, Mary of the Visitation to Elizabeth, and historic heroes available as teachers in all cultures. The journey implies a calling, a vocation, and a response in faith. This journey has two simultaneous dimensions: one is external, which is seen by our families and friends; the other is internal, known by the heart in secret but in harmony with the universe. xxviii Humility Matters The image of a river provides a graphic and poetic meta- phor for grasping the twin dynamics of the journey, inner and outer, and also helps us understand the four renunciations. Our life above the river is what people see: the external life, marked with dim efforts to follow Christ. When we are initiated through baptism, the sacred waters are briefly parted and we plunge in deeply, only to be lifted above those same waters and swept into the Chris- tian way of life. We vow to live the first renunciation of our former way of life, to live in communion with all the faithful who treasure the Gospel and extend their hands in charity, especially mindful of the poor. But there is another dimension, a deeper immersion: our life below the river is known only by the heart. This interior orientation moves us into more profound depths of renunciation where we surrender our passions, our self-made thoughts of God, and even our self-made thoughts of self. And so the pathway of the real spiritual journey is underneath the surface of the river. This hidden way of life is what is actually going on in the interior thoughts and feelings. From above the river, no one can see any other person’s motivations, which are nourished from beneath the river’s surface where there is rich, energetic life. A pilgrimage observed from above the river can seem like any other trip: fly to Lhasa, stay in the Tibetan Quar- ter hotels for tourists, travel by jeep to the monasteries with their restored temples and stupas, eat Tibetan food, meet interesting people, take pictures, write a diary, and Introduction xxix then fly home. But underneath the river’s surface, there is an inner journey full of openness to profound encoun- ters, real austerities, ceaseless prayer, mystical moments of beauty, breakthrough insights, and profound awe. We return home from a journey below the surface of the river forever transformed. This book is for pilgrims who dare to travel in the depths of the river. Since it is a hidden journey that has been navigated by many who have gone before us, we learn from our elders. Some of us have an intense attraction to live as they did: consciously committed to the way that brings us to humility. In following the teachings on the four renunciations, we realize humility. So enjoy this book. Move through it slowly in a lei- surely way conducive to lectio divina.2 The whole consti- tutes a system, so read the entire book, then give your- self years to live into these teachings. The Holy Spirit can bestow on us patience, gentleness, meekness, and humbleness of heart. We are created in God’s image and are invited to live in God’s likeness.

Chapter 1 First Renunciation: Former Way of Life

hen I was assigned to work in East-West dia- Wlogue, I witnessed the significance of initiation rituals. Each faith tradition has rites that “make” a disciple of a guru (diksa), or begin training under a Zen master (take refuge in the Buddha), or undergo the pilgrimage (hajj) to Mecca. In these rituals, there is power in the doing, but in reflecting on the formulae, the text of required questions and responses, the gestures and exchange of symbols, one can understand what is actually happening. What follows in this chapter on the first renunciation is a summary of our Catholic baptismal ritual. The initiation ritual asks the candidate to renounce his or her life and take up the new life as a Christian. What happens in ritual time takes a lifetime to accomplish. This is the work of the other three renunciations. The

1 2 Humility Matters baptismal ritual bestows power and grace in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Though many of us were infants and others spoke for us, we underwent an irrevocable transition. We were plunged into the saving waters that are a sacramental stream of grace in the Christian community and were raised up transformed. We were lifted up, as it were, out of whatever is not the wholesome, generative, and healing life flow of following Christ Jesus and set on a journey below the surface of the river that will bring us to paradise. Christians believe that the sacrament of baptism is both the sign and reality of rebirth into new life, an initiation that commits us to specific obligations to foster and nurture our new way of being alive. The initiation ritual of a Christian is a baptism with water. This initiation is instructive for our study about humility since baptism is a transmission into living wherein Jesus is alive in us as individuals and into the Cosmic Christ gathered together as an ecclesial Church. In the ritual we find many teachings. Also in the ritual we undergo an actual transmission quickened each year on Holy Saturday at the Easter Vigil. Rituals engineer the whole of life in sacred and symbolic moments.1 First, the water is blessed, the Holy Spirit is called down to quicken the waters with special mystical pow- ers, and saints are invoked in a litany so that our ancestors in the faith witness and join in the celebration. The prayers used in the blessing of the water are instructive. First Renunciation: Former Way of Life 3 We are reminded of how creation was a gift from God and that life was breathed into all matter. Salvation history is handed on through storytelling and mythic events. We remember that the flood in Noah’s time covered the world because of sin. By God’s saving power, the water was diminished, and there was a new start of a faith- filled generation. Many years later our forbearers were saved again through the miraculous parting of the waters of the Red Sea. Descendants were again saved by the baptismal ceremony John presided over using the waters of the Jordan River where Jesus himself underwent baptism and was anointed by the Spirit. This same Jesus poured out his life on the cross. We are baptized into the same Spirit that anointed Jesus. Then the priest puts his hand in the water and blesses it. He prays that this water does for those being initiated what was done to Jesus. The baptized are anointed in his name. When we are baptized, we ritually die to sin and receive the living grace of newness of life. In the second part of the ritual, the priest asks the person being baptized, or the one speaking for him or her, should the baptism be done for an infant, to renounce sin. The word “sin” has many meanings. In the rite of baptism, rejecting sin or being freed from sin means shifting one’s entire life toward God and away from evil and ignorance. The person affirms that this is his or her resolve. With each affirmation, we renounce our former way of life in exchange for a new way of graced living in Christ 4 Humility Matters Jesus. After the blessing of water, the candidate makes the promises to reject sin, reject the attraction of evil, and refuse to be mastered by sin. As the personification of evil, Satan is renounced. In place of sin is an affirmation to avoid evil and do good. These affirmations are followed by a profession of faith as stated in the creed. Then there is an immersion in the water or a pouring of the water using these words: “N., I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” The rite continues with an anointing that confirms the person into membership. Then the ritual continues with the clothing with a baptismal garment. Finally, the newly baptized is given a lighted candle:

You have been enlightened by Christ. Walk always as children of the light and keep the flame of faith alive in your hearts. When the Lord comes, may you go out to meet him with all the saints in the heavenly kingdom.2

This foundational renunciation is signified by baptism. Since sin is living heedlessly, harming others or ourselves, we renounce these patterns of ignorance and sin by choos- ing a better way for ourselves and others. Furthermore, we enter into a process of critical discernment not just between good and evil but regarding the hierarchy of goods. In other words, I renounce not just what may be harmful but also what may be objectively good in itself yet not good for me. The phrase “former way of life” describes First Renunciation: Former Way of Life 5 attachment to our family; property as possession; status linked to employment or rank in society; educational, ra- cial, or gender entitlements; and any overidentification with what we do. These attachments dull our zeal and give us a kind of numbness born of unconsciousness toward our real life and the lives of others. Since baptism is usually a ritual for bringing a new- born into the Christian family, you might ask how an infant can have a former way of life. The ritual of baptism is a transmission that transforms one into consciousness of Christ. This might take the whole of childhood and even extend into adulthood. In this sense, our “former way of life” is the time before we “woke up.” It also refers to a kind of obscure mode of awareness that seems to be our human lot, unless we are engaged in some spiritual process or program of true “awakening.” To what do we awaken? We awaken to the elemental awareness of being. We shift out of the cloudy afflictions that cover our human experience of being related to God, others, and ourselves. We know our human capacities, both limitations and opportunities. We know how much we are loved by God and that we are also in need of grace. We know ourselves to be aware of a life force unique in the soul of our soul. We actually feel our being and being alive here, now and in an eternal cosmic living. When do we awaken? In a sense, there is a part in each of us that has always “known,” in a spiritual sense, but then as life and time progress, this dimension of our being grows numb. Some children are keenly awake, and 6 Humility Matters in childhood there seems to be an innocence that is a paradoxical mode of knowing. But over time this knowing dims. The Greek theologians talk about the nous— meaning both heart and mind—being darkened. In this dim stage our heart/mind lives dimly too. Relationships and resources are squandered; we neither recognize nor spontaneously choose the good. In this “former way of life,” there is a vague awareness of living below the level of our true self, trapped in a life dedicated to selfishness, sin, and the pursuit of things that are apparently good but in actuality are not contributing to one’s spiritual life. When one renounces one’s “former way of life,” this life unto death is replaced by an apostolic way of love. We imitate Christ Jesus, as the early disciples are described as doing in the Acts of the Apostles. We see the early Christian community striving to live according to the words and deeds of Jesus. Love for a Christian is compassion and engagement in justice for the poor, serving family and civil responsibilities with care and joy. Like these early ancestors on the Christian way, we renounce our former way of life precisely to live the Gospel life. There is a simple test for what this former way of life was for each of us. In my case, was this way of acting the way I acted before I was a nun? At the time of this writing, I am sixty-eight years old and can look back and remember the way I was before I entered religious life, before I made final vows, before I was prioress, before I had the practice of ceaseless prayer, before I got serious about living “green” in order to preserve things for the First Renunciation: Former Way of Life 7 next generation, or before I simplified my life to have all my belongings in my cell. My former way of life was cluttered with overwork. Some years I was sick almost all the time. This compounded a self-centeredness. Now I have enough time for both solitude and others, as the Spirit prompts. The simple truth is that there is grace that moves us from light to light, but this conversion is difficult to sustain. We get pulled down. We sometimes are ignorant of the good. We are inclined toward evil and are thin on resolve. We tend to get weighed down by our human condition—whether the primordial sin of the earliest generations, the sin of our immediate generation, or our personal sins. The way out is to return to those baptismal waters and take the plunge again, this time diving deeply into the saving river. Each time we take the plunge and rise again, we commit ourselves to the contemplative or interior way of life. In a sense, taking up the spiritual journey is to live beneath the surface and to stay im- mersed in those baptismal waters with Christ Jesus and then to rise with him above the water and live as he did. Every Christian is asked to renew his or her baptismal promises annually at the Easter Vigil. Many times there are newcomers to the faith being baptized in the same ceremony. The Easter Vigil is the most sacred moment of the church year. There are the forty days of Lent by way of preparation. All Christians are called to affirm that they are renouncing their former way of life and taking up the new life in Christ. 8 Humility Matters During the Easter Vigil, the priest introduces the renewal of baptismal promises with the following words, while the people hold a lighted candle, like the one given at their baptism. He says,

Dear brethren, through the Paschal Mystery we have been buried with Christ in Baptism, so that we may walk with him in newness of life. And so, now that our Lenten observance is concluded, let us renew the promises of Holy Baptism, by which we once renounced Satan and his works and promised to serve God in the holy Catholic Church.3

Then the priest continues with the renewal of baptismal promises, the sprinkling rite, the prayers of the faithful, and the Liturgy of the Eucharist. In the monastery we sustain this first renunciation to change from our former way of life by promising to live the monastic way of life. Conversatio morum is the lifelong labor to actualize the fundamental renunciation of baptism by a daily dedication to change our habits and patterns of living: to shift from being generated by the ego, or self-constructed self, to being generated by the Spirit of Christ that became the intentional source of our existence in the rite of baptism. This commitment to conversatio morum is supported by a whole monastic culture, established to aid the monk in the work of dying to the “former way of life” and coming alive to the new way of life in Christ. The structures and community of the monastic way of life therefore provide a rich and First Renunciation: Former Way of Life 9 enveloping context for contemplative living. Most spiritual seekers, however, have a contemplative way of life without the explicit forms of a monastery. In whatever vocation we have, whether that of a lay contemplative or a monastic, the spiritual journey cannot proceed solely above the surface of the river. We must delve below the surface in order to sustain the visible forms of our way of life, whether monastic or domestic. More explicitly, the first renunciation that frees us to live the Christian way of life necessarily leads to the other three renunciations of the spiritual journey. To these we will now turn. The external journey above the river is to do good and avoid evil. The spiritual journey starts with this plunge into the unseen, the interior life.