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May 2000 VOLUME XXXtl!/NO. 5 Rabbi Yehuda Leib Lewis

elping the Agunos - Halachic Solutions: Myth and Reality

I. THREE CATEGORIES OF "AGUNA" With the greater freedom of move­ defined and taught by the sages of the ment permitted Jews after the Emanci­ 1almud so as to free women from being e should be greatly concerned pation, a second type of aguna started agunos. 1 about the issue of agunos. We to occur. These were women whose hus­ Regarding the second type of aguna, W should also be concerned bands had traveled to some distant land the most obvious way of dealing with about hypocrisy and dishonesty in gen­ (often the American Continent) and just husbands who are probably alive is to eral, and the hypocrisy and dishonesty disappeared. find them and persuade them to agree with which the current international The third type of aguna results from to issue a get. Improvements in inter­ aguna campaign is riddled in particu­ the epidemic of marital break-up since national communications and travel lar. the middle of the 20•h century. These are have made this much easier.2 Jewish law knows of only two ways women whose husbands are alive and to end a marriage, tbe death of either well, whose whereabouts are known, but Type Three Aguna: A Scandalous Situation spouse or a get (Jewish religious who (for all sorts of reasons) refuse to divorce). Where neither has taken place, give their wives a get. Since Jewish Law here is obviously the world of dif­ the marriage is deemed to continue. Any only recognizes divorce by mutual con­ ference between the first type of new relationship the wife may enter sent (as different from Western secular Taguna-the husband in an appar- without a get is considered adulterous, law, where the court grants the divorce, and the children from such a relation­ in Jewish Law the parties effect the 1 Although halacha generally requires two inde­ ship are mamzeirim. An aguna is a divorce themselves under the Beis Din's pendent witnesses to establish facts (Devari111 19, 15), in the case of an aguna the testimony of one woman who is "chained)) to a marriage supervision), if a husband withholds his witness alone, hearsay evidence, or the word of which is all but over due to circum­ consent, his wife becomes an aguna - relatives and others norn1ally disqualified can be stances beyond her control. "chained." acceptable as to the husband's death. Similarly, It may be helpful to divide agunos The first type of aguna is the subject the Shulchan Aruch (Even Ha'ezer 17:21, Reina) quotes the Rambam in cautioning against exam­ into three types. Until about 200 years of extensive discussions in the 'falmud ining the witnesses too rigorously in such cases ago, almost all aguna cases concerned and poskim (codes). Indeed, She'eilos where dishonesty is not suspected. husbands who had disappeared, usual­ Uteshuvos (halachic responsa) are rich 2 In recent years, the Jerusalem Beis Din togeth­ ly while travelling. More often than not in questions and solutions concerning er with the Chief Rabbinate of Israel has they had been murdered or drowned. aguna problems of this type. The after­ employed a team of people trained in locating and persuading these absconding husbands to The absence of proof that their hus­ math of the Holocaust gave rise to sev­ give their wives a religious divorce. The success bands were actually dead made their eral significant decisions of this sort. of this initiative has been remarkable. A n1cm­ wives agunos. This is an area where halacha has con­ ber of the team recently shared some of his expe­ sistently enjoined and practiced excep­ riences with me. They were as exciting as any Rabbi Yehuda teib Lewis is the Rav and Av Beis detective thriller. This scheme deserves to be Din of Amsterdam, Holland tional leniency within the parameters extended further.

------~ 6 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 ently harmonious n1arriage who disap­ practice, this procedure is used only very people inanage to ren1ain civilized and pears presumably because he is dead - rarely - for example, where the wife is behave reasonably, in spite of the temp­ and the third type - a husband who is suffering from prolonged irreversible tations. Nevertheless, there is certainly alive and well, and unreasonably refus­ mental illness.' Theoretically, this pro­ fertile ground here for bringing out the es to grant his wife a religious divorce. cedure is available for the husband of a very worst in human behavior. Much of The first case is a tragedy where no-one won1an who unreasonably withholds her the acrimonious quarreling that occurs (but the murderer) is at fault. The lat­ consent to a get.A small number of rab­ in divorce cases has less to do with the ter is a scandal. The husband is abusing banin1 have, over the last 25 years, earned financial or property issues about which the processes of Jewish law in the most considerable opprobrium by the speed the couple is ostensibly arguing than outrageous way. The unjust situation in and ease with which they arrange such about the anger and resentment raging which the wife finds herself (she is in fact "permissions." Thus, while the problem below the surface. The abuse of the pro­ an artificial aguna created by her hus­ affects both men and wo1nen, the agunos visions of Jewish Divorce Law that band's recalcitrance) is not infrequent­ are in a specially vulnerable position. require freely-given consent of both par- ly accompanied by demands which fall not far short of extortion. Thus she may be pressed to waive her financial claims, or even pay her husband, or concede her custody claims concerning the children in exchange for a religious divorce. These • cases are rightly condemned and exco­ nyone who has ever met any of the senior riated by rabbanim and the communi­ halachic scholars who deal with these ty at large. A It is not unco1nmon for wo1nen questions will confirm that they are invariably men whose divorce negotiations are not going well to complain that they are of exceptional humanity. agunos. It is indeed open to question to what extent a woman whose husband withholds a get until she grants rea­ • sonable access to their children or a woman whose husband declines her inflated financial demands and in the meantime withholds a get is to be TRAGEDY AND TRAUMA ties is a tempting stick with which to regarded as an aguna. In Jewish Divorce beat the other spouse. Law, either side can withhold consent, he suffering of the modern-day The potential for misuse of Jewish thus impeding the other from remar­ aguna is only too real. The Law in divorce cases has increased rying and thereby keeping him or her Tunhealthy interest of the press in enormously since the E1nancipation. "chained:' Indeed, in the ebb and flow such cases does great damage to the Until then, Jews enjoyed autonomy. It of divorce negotiations, the implicit (or good name of the Jewish community was natural that a marriage might only not so implicit) threat to do so is used and Jewish Law. How do these situations be terminated by a get, and remarriage as frequently by women as by men to come about? without a get was impossible. Problems extract 1nore advantageous terms. 1~hus Every divorce is a tragedy. It is fre­ in connection with consent to a get were there are husbands, aguniln, who are quently a traumatic experience for almost unknown. Since the Emancipa­ unable to remarry because their wives either spouse. They are likely to be inun­ tion, civil marriage and divorce have refuse to consent to a get. dated and almost submerged by a del­ become widely available and common. In the last resort, however, a n1an uge of pain, anger, disappointment, Jews are at liberty to choose whether to could (at least in theory) fall back on Bib­ betrayal, revenge, love, hatred, confu­ have a chupa (Jewish religious marriage lical Law which permits polygamy, and sion, depression and much more. ceremony) or a civil ceremony- or both. take a second wife. Cheirem (the decree Friends, family and lawyers sometimes If the marriage fails, the law of the land of) Rabbeinu Gershom (c 980-1028 ), the help (and sometimes manifestly do requires them to divorce in court. In the ban of polygamy, which became almost not!). In the vast majority of divorces, absence of a get, the couple remains universally accepted, includes an excep­ married according to Jewish Law. This tion. Where permission is granted by l 00 3 The requiretnents for her care and protection, may (and often does) create the anom­ depositing of a get with the Beis J)in (in case she rabbis in at least three different countries, recovers), as well as the co1npletion of the civil aly where a couple are divorced and thus a man niay niarry a second wife vvith­ divorce w-ill nonnally be conditions of the "per- free to remarry in the eyes of the law of out first divorcing his existing wife. In m1ss1on the land while remaining married to one

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 7 another in the eyes of the Jewish law. de, they fall broadly into two categories. viate the plight of agunos. Classical This situation is not rare. It is frequently The first approach is to apply pressure halacha as formulated in the Talmud misunderstood hy lawyers and judges. to the recalcitrant husband to persuade recognizes an extremely narrow range It is also the source of a common oppor­ him to change his mind. The difficulty of situations in which a Beis Din may tunity for the couple to remain here is that the husband's freely given declare a marriage retroactively null and "chained." One spouse will simply consent is a Biblical requirement. Thus void, as never having taken place. In ignore the necessity for a get at the time a get given under pressure which cross­ practice, this procedure is never used. of the civil divorce. es the line into coercion or compulsion The attraction of these approaches is is null and void. The Beis Din can do no that they obviate the need for a get, and II. IN SEARCH OF HALACHIC more than urge the husband, applying thus no consent would be required from SOLUTIONS pressure that stops well short of extract­ either side. It is worth noting that such ing his consent to the get against his will.' proposals entail a weakening of the learly the classic halachic There are indeed a few very rare excep­ covenant of marriage entered into at the approaches to resolving aguna tions where a get given under duress may time of the chupa. It also seems that such Cproblems cannot apply to these be valid. For example, where a husband proposals must lead to some weakening artificially created agunos. You cannot has contracted an incurable condition of the halachic foundations of marriage. declare a live man dead! Rabbinic rendering him physically repulsive, or The overwhelming consensus of scholars, over the last 150 years, have where he repeatedly forces his wife to expert opinion is that these approach­ considered a number of approaches to violate halacha. Yet even in these cases, es simply do not work. It is, perhaps, eradicating this outrage. Although the compulsion may not lead to the desired worth adding that the problems of details are outside the scope of this arti- result. There are several husbands cur­ agunos created by the husband's refusal rently in jail in Israel who apparently to agree to a get arise purely from human The Once-in-a Lifetime Purchase prefer that to giving a get. cussedness. There is thus every likeli­ that you should never have to use: All other approaches involve some hood that were a way found to remove form of retroactive annulment. Classi­ this weapon from the grasp of recalci­ KAKKA IN cal halacha (Jewish Law) as formulated trant husbands, they would quite quick­ in the Talmud and Codes only recog­ ly find another, perhaps even more out­ ERETZ YISKOEL nizes an extremely narrow range of sit­ rageous way to vent their feelings. uations in which a Beis Din may declare There is thus no prospect of eradicat­ Call Rabbi Gavriel Beer for a marriage retroactively null and void, ing the tragedy of agunos by purely information on obtaining and thus as never having taken place. halachic solutions. cemetery plots in Beth Shemesh There is hardly a halachic scholar of the and other locations in Israel. first rank in the last hundred years who Naming and Shaming has not examined proposals along the 0 I 1-972-2-656-9427 lines of retroactive annulment to alle- lthough there is no complete halachic solution to the problem Aof aguna, a great deal could be done to ameliorate and even prevent such situations in the hope that aguna cases will no longer arise, or at least become very rare. The most obvious area where progress can be made is nam­ then Rabbi Mordecai Scharf prm1Ule.J ing and shaming. Where a recalcitrant husband is confronted by his name and • 24hour Supervifwn photograph in the local press, on the • Family Atmo.Jphere internet, in his trade journal, or in his •Schooling I Work Progranz synagogue bulletin, he might think again. Similarly, withholding synagogue in Israel privileges may be effective.

REFERENCES For more information: 4 Recently, Rabbi Zalman Neche1nia Goldberg and other distinguished halachic scholars in Israel AVAILABLE Tel. +972-2-993-1746 have succeeded in persuading some recalcitrant Fax +972-2-830-9018 husbands to give a get by compelling them to Web: www.tikvah-efrat.com choose between giving a get or appearing before E-mail: [email protected] a beis din for a din lbrah to arbitrate the wife's claims.

------8 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 Nevertheless, there are two issues that use the gap between Jewish Law and the Pre-Nuptial Agreements should not be ignored. The responsi­ Law of the land. This is the background bility for initiating this sort of pressure to the First (1983) New York Get Law, t is probably too early to judge is very grave and should only be under­ which is designed to make it difficult to whether Pre-Nuptial Agreements taken by competent rabbanim. It is conclude a civil divorce if the religious I (PNA) are effective in reducing essential that such pressure not begin divorce is still pending. Obviously, the aguna problems. 'fhesc agree1nents vary prematurely or unfairly - not least, to greatest care is required to avoid legisla­ from a general undertaking to resolve avoid a libel action. The other difficul­ tion creating a source of undue compul­ marital disputes according to halacha ty is the risk that once a recalcitrant hus­ sion, thus rendering the get null and void. and thus submit them to a beis din, to band becomes the target of a naming­ Consultation with a wide range of senior much more specific agreen1ents includ­ and-shaming campaign, he rather than halachic scholars is thus essential. It ing financial penalties for breach or non­ his wife may be perceived as the victim. would appear that the success of the First con1pliance. Some ha1achic scholars, Nevertheless, with proper safeguards, c;et Law owes much to the consultation including the Gaon Rabbi Yosef Shalom nan1ing and shaming can help. process which preceded its enactment. By the same token, serious concerns Legislative Initiatives have been voiced about the second ( 1992) New York Get Law. The eco­ The he gap between the law of the land no1nic sanctions it poses for withhold­ and Jewish Law undoubtedly con­ ing a get may indeed cross the line into New Book Ttributes to the problems of agunos. coercion, which would invalidate any "Master Your Thoughts" In spite of the con1plications of gaining subsequent get. from Targum!Fe1dheim parliamentary approval and the under­ The ease with which an halachical­ is for parents of teenagers. Please send $13 for your copy. standable reluctance to "take our problems ly acceptable sort of legislative change outside;' a change in the law of the land can be achieved will vary from place to Yeshiva Fund to delay the conclusion of civil divorces place. Nevertheless, where possible, it Box82 until the religious divorce is completed can offer substantial help in alleviating Staten Island, NY 10309 would make it hard for either side to mis- the plight of agunos.

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The Jewish Observer, May 2000 9 Elyashiv, have questioned whether such This debate seems to revolve around is no consensus about the value of PNA's agreements do not impinge on the a conundrum. The more teeth a PNA nor about any specific text, it is unlike­ requirement that a get be given (and has, the better the chances of the sig­ ly that many communities or rabbanim received) without duress. Others, natories complying, but the greater the will insist upon couples signing one, par­ including most recently part of the fac­ risk that such compliance might ticularly bearing in mind the reserva­ ulty of Yeshivas Rabbi Isaac Elchonon amount to compulsion, thus threaten­ tions of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein ?··~ (in a public message dated December ing the validity of a get. On the other regarding the impact signing a PNA 1999), seek to promote their use as "a hand, a PNA phrased so generally as to might have on some couples (Igros critical step in purging our communi­ be certain of offering no risk to the get Moshe, Evven HaEzer IV, 107). ty of the distressful problem of the mod­ is unlikely to be of much real influence At best, it seems that the PNA's may em-day aguna." on the couple's behavior. So long as there be of some educational benefit in directing the couple's attention to some of the risks and responsibilities of entering a Jewish marriage. Tradition­ ally, rabbanim preparing couples for marriages normally explain both the text of the kesuba (the original PNA) as well Personal responsibility throughout service - NOT JUST "PAPERWORK" as other relevant halachic information ORIGINATOR OF THE PRESENT RABBINICALLY APPROVED METHOD to them. The value of this pre-nuptial Highl)' recommended by Gedolai Hador- Here and in Eretz Yisrael counseling and education cannot be 1043-42tul Street, Brooklyn, lVf 11219 exaggerated. Day &Night phone: (718) 851-8925 It cannot be emphasized enough that ]))t7'0N100Nj7 ))l"j7 - ]'"T~ 1Nl 1110::1)) 'llO the most important area where the com­ Kavod Haniftar with Mesiras Nefesh and compassion for the bereaved family. munity can contribute to preventing the JAHARAS HANIFTAR SHOULD NEVER BE COMMERCIALIZED occurrence of aguna cases is the provi­ sion of every possible means of support and encouragement for those experi­ encing marital difficulties at whatever stage. No one marries intending to divorce. Although much is being done, far more is needed so that couples can turn for help before the situation is hopeless, or is made hopeless by lawyers.

•The Z'chus of l.iving, Breathing and Experiencing the Kedusha of Eretz Ylsrael • III. OF NON-SOLUTIONS AND • The Torah Touring Experience of a Ufetimel •Daven by the Kosel Ha'Moravi •Climb I HIDDEN AGENDAS Matsocla • Inspiring Sl'liurim • Shabbos in Tzlas • Maron • Amukah • Amazing Workshops • Kevrei Tzadilcim • Experience Yerushalayim in Depth • Delicious Hotel Style Meals• Swim in the Kinneret • Shabbos in Yerushalayim •See Gedolim •Kayaking I t is important to recognize non-solu­ in the Yore/en •Rosh Honikra •Fully Equipped Modem Gym • Undef'9round Caves • tions. Recently, Dr. John D. Rayner, Eilat • Air Conditioned Dining Rooms• Banana Booting • fin Gedi • Biblical Zoo • Hor I Hofzofim • Beautiful Campus & Dormitory • Snorlcling • Paddle Boating • Minhorot I the spiritual leader of the radical Halc.otel • Campfire • Tour the Galil • Mearof Eliyahu Hanavi • LJght & Sound Desert I wing of British Reform Jewry (Jewish Experience • Golan Heights• Gamla • Cable Cars • Be'er Sheva •Make Wonderful Chronicle, Oct. 22, '99), wrote, "The International Friends • Yad Vashem •Swim in Yam Hamelach •Bedouin Tents • Mearat I Shem and Ayver in Tzfas •Climb Incredible Mountains • Achdus • Tz.ipori •Our Own problem (of agunos) is not rectifiable as Olympic Pool • Har Hamenuchos • Shmiras Halashon Rally • Rabbi Zev Leff • Ancient I such, as distinct from preventable:' He Susya • Oceanorium Experience• Jeeping • Nachal Maj'raso •Hotel El Arlzei in Eilat 1 followed this commendably honest • Konyan Ha adom •Meo Shearim • Rebbe's Tiscf, •Flower & Fruit Decoration •Camel I Rides •Color War •Kever Rochel• Kever Dovid Hamelech • Simcha Dancing • Teveria observation by the statement that "the • Meara# Chazon • Nac:hal Amud Nature Trail• Climb Sand Dunes• Meara# Holc:emach I Progressive Movement regards its 'Rab­ • Degem Seis Hamilc:closh •Hay Rides • Banyas •Mock Wedding• Swim in Hotzbanei River •Sunset Kumzitz by the Ocean • Cave of the Chashmonaim • Pelcien • Coral Reef• I binic Court' as entitled to declare a mar­ Underwater Obsetvafory • Sreafhf'afcjng Vistas • and Much, Much Morel riage dissolved (without a get) where a Just Aslc Any of our Wonderful Macltane Bracha Campers# civil divorce has taken place." What he omitted to mention was that such a "dis­ -"" solution" is halachically meaningless. I A Safe, Secln, Warm Atmoephere In Magnificent Yed Blnyemln Where a marriage was conducted Under the Direction of Rabbi Sholom & Mrs. Chaya t11nz1Hwg I according to halacha, even after such a L 1066 £ 23nl Street Blooklyn, NY 1J210 (718)377""234 "dissolution," the couple remain mar-

10 ------· The Jewish Observer, May 2000 ried. Any subsequent relationship would Protecting Women's Rights? At a seminar organized by the be adulterous and the children l)WHRW in Jerusalem in July 1998, Pro­ mamzeirim. Thus a solution based on ver the past year, there has fessor Eliav Schochetman of the Law declaring the traditional rules of mar­ been an orchestrated interna­ Faculty of the Hebrew University said: riage, divorce, aguna or man1zer out of 0 tional campaign by the Inter­ "Instead of looking for halachic solu­ date or no longer applicable, etc., is national Council of Jewish Women tions, which do not exist, we ought to about as helpful as comforting an (ICJW), based in London, and the concentrate on solutions which do orphan by formally declaring his par­ International Jewish Wo1nan's Human exist:' His point, like that of Dr. Rayn­ ents alive. Right Watch (IJWHRW), based in er, was that in all honesty, we must rec­ Nevertheless, the frankness of that Jerusalem, to draw attention to the plight ognize that there is no complete state1nent is in striking contrast to the of agunos. Seminars and meetings have halachic solution. Instead, one should pseudo-halacha emanating from both been held world-wide dedicated to concentrate on ameliorating and pre­ Conservative and allegedly Orthodox "solving the problem of the agunas:' venting aguna cases. In spite of this and bodies such as the "bet din" of Rabbi Unfortunately, it is difficult to avoid the similar statements from every informed Emanuel Rackman or Moshe Mor­ impression that this campaign is fre­ corner, the campaign continues acting genstern. The latter recently told the quently deeply misguided. as if a halachic solution were just Jewish Chronicle (March 10, 2000): "Every marriage the (British) Reform performs is valid. Every get from the (British) Reform movement is in accordance with Jewish Law and is valid. I would urge every woman in a For careful attention to your dead marriage to go to the Reform. individual needs, call us today! They are acting in accordance with the halacha:' At a seminar organized by the (914) 354-8445 Jnternational Jewish Woman's Human Rights Watch (of which more later) entitled "Halachic Solutions to the Problems of Agunos;' the chairman of the "Joint Bet Din of the Conservative Movement in New York" stated that "the Conservative Movement is bound by halachic arguments and not by halachic authorities,'' whatever that may mean. He continued by explain­ ing that the "Conservative Movement has two approaches: (I) preventive • Incoming calls from anywhere measures, such as a special clause -J r] ~ -.I in ~he W~rld (Israel an_d U.K. only) Vorce mall • Call waiting • Caller ID added to the ketuba or Conditional Ill 1 -If -I • I...... • Itemized bill • Spare battery & more! Marriage, and (2) curative measures such as annulment retroactively by • Lowest Rates Guaranteed! • Student Specials their Bet Din." The Morgenstern and •Same day delivery N.Y./N.J. • Next·day delivery nationwide Rackman approach is also based on Travel Agents & Corporate Accounts Contact Josh Mehlman, President retroactive annulment. Since every halachic scholar of any standing has condemned these approaches as deeply flawed, it is only right to state clearly that those who preach them are engag­ ing in pseudo-halacha, devoid of intel­ lectual honesty. This charlatanry serves only to exacerbate the problem because the annulments, etc., so issued are null and void. The women thus "helped" remain married as before, with all the consequences thereof.

The Jewish Observer, Moy 2000 11 around the corner, if only the rabbis could solve this problem if they wished, that the rabbanim's gender impedes would search a little harder. their inability to do so proves that they them from truly appreciating the issues, are cruel, hard-hearted, uncaring 1nen. is as unworthy of consideration as any Helping.,, or Hindering? The problem of agunos is thus the "fuult" piece of racist lunacy. These attacks are of the rabbis. This is not merely absurd. not merely impertinent. They are false. his touching confidence in the It is very revealing. Everyone knows that It is thus hard to avoid the impression rabbis is but one short step to calls agunos are caused by recalcitrant hus­ that they reflect ambivalent or even hos­ Tfor pressure on the rabbis to solve bands, not by rabbis who pleadin vain tile predetermined attitudes to rabbinic the problem, and just one more to out­ for civilized behavior. scholarship and ultimately to traditional rageous and insulting behavior when (of Similarly, anyone whohas eveimet Judaism itself. course) they do not deliver. This is the any of the senior halachic' scholars background to the recent unedifying Judging The Torah spectacle of a street demonstration outside the offices of the London Beis number of the aguna activists - Din led by several leaders of the ICJW. including, I understand, Ms. Quite apart from the obvious question A Sharon Shenhav, the director of as to whether arm-twisting generally !JWHRW - are themselves religious. leads to good decision making, one -is They would, one hopes, vehemently entitled to wonder about the calls for deny any suggestion that they seek to dialogue emanating from this campaign. dismantle Jewish Marriage Law as such. Street demonstrations are the opposite All they want is the rabbis to improve of dialogue. The most important pre­ it by removing or rectifying some inad­ requisite to dialogue is some wil1ingness who deal with these questions will equacies or faults. Sadly, this is all too to listen. Yet the instigators of this cam­ confirm that they are invariably men of reminiscent of the language of Classi­ paign seem unwilling or unable to hear exceptional humanity. This is well illus­ cal Reform, whose leaders, 150 years ago, the simple fact that rabbinic scholars trated by Chief Rabbi Yitzchok sought to "improve" Judaism in tune have long concluded that there just is no Elchonon Spektor ?"lit ofKovno (1817- with the values and styles of J 9

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12 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 of rernedying our inadequacies and the agunos- namely, the Orthodox Rab­ going to come. Her purpose must be to faults. The Torah is the vantage point binate. One must therefore conclude score points. Certain1y the agunos are from which the mores and values of any that for some of the campaigners, the not helped in any way by these antics. epoch or culture can be judged. To plight of the agunos is not that impor­ Once again, this has little or nothing to reverse this by judging the Torah from tant. 'fhe agunos are no more than the do with helping the agunos, and much the perspective of the values of our time means. They are not the end. to do with a generalized attack on tra­ or place is, at best, sense]ess, at worse, This startling conclusion goes some ditional Judaism. The hypocrisy lies in blasphemous. way to explain the fact that Ms. June pretending otherwise. The aguna campaign offers a timely Jacobs, the World President of the illustration of this. As we have noted, ICJW, recently went on record oppos­ he plight of the agunos is pro­ modern aguna problems come about ing attempts to ameliorate the plight of foundly disturbing. So is the not as a result of halacha, but through agunos by a change in the law of the land Thypocrisy and dishonesty of its misuse. The fault lies with human (including the New York Get Law). some of those clain1ing to campaign on cussedness, not with halacha, whose Some years ago, her organization orga­ their behalf. Let us have an end to it, so require1nent of freely-given consent nized a petition to the Chief Rabbinate that we can get down to helping the reflects a perception of the autonomy of Israel with 25,000 signatures. The agunos and seeing to it that, as far as and responsibility of the parties far more result, as she admits herself, was nil. The hu1nanly possible, such cases cease to sophisticated than the somewhat reason is simple and certainly known to occur. • patronizing idea that an outsider - the her; namely, that there is no halachic judge - rather than the couple them­ solution. Nevertheless, she is currently VISITING NY? selves should determine the end of their busy mailing invitations all around the marriage. Jewish n1arriage has nothing world to senior rabbinic personalities MIDWOOD to fear from comparison with the sor­ inviting them to a conference with the GUEST SUITES did hedonism which too often passes for remarkably original title, "Halachic Ave. J, Brooklyn contemporary lifestyles. Indeed, there is Solutions to the Aguna Problem." She 718-253-9535 nothing specially contemporary here. It cannot imagine that anyone serious is is immediately recognizable from the generation of the Flood or from Sedam and Amora. What is so deeply disturb­ ing is the pressure to distort halacha to -- -- make room for behavior which is its antithesis, such as Morgenstern's asser­ tion to The New York Times(August 13, 1998) that a "woman has the right to say, I 'I loved you yesterday and if! change my • Full Day or Half Day Programs mind today, the man must go:" Chas • Includes Intensive Limudei Kodesh mil'hazkiri I • Endorsed By Leading Gedolei Yisrael nilllt! • Dynamic Shiurim By The Foremost Mechanchim~'ll,.,..... It is thus worrying that the • Hundreds Of Successful Maalot Graduates Worldwide l)WHRW's publications do not restrict I • Choice of Regular or Lishma Program I their outrage to cases of agunos (which • A Warm Bais Yaakov Atmosphere - Select Group Of Students might be justifiable), but also attack • Option of Eight Week Summer Program In Yerushalarim instances of normative halacha, such as I • The Exciting Alternative To A Full Year In Eretz Yisroe I the prohibition upon an adulteress Our Renowned Mechanchim Include: Robbi Avroham Blumenkrantz, I Rabbi Y. Cahan, Rabbi Dov Eichenstein, Rabbi Dovid Gibber, Rabbi Yoel Kromer I marrying her paramour subsequent to Rabbi N.D. Rabinowich, Rabbi Mechel Spitzer, Rabbi Yisroel Dov Webster her divorce. This suggests that this cam­ Rebbetzin Chaya Blumenfeld, Rebbetzin Y. Dovidowitz, Rebbetzin Chaya Ginzberg paign has another agenda entirely, I Rebbetzin Devora Kitevits, Rebbetzin Naoma Lermon, Rebbetzin Esther Twersky I namely "i1nproving" Jewish Marriage Summer In Eretz Yisrael: Rabbi Dovid Rehon - Dean, Rabbi Dovid Kass - Director Rabbi Nosson Geisler, Rabbi Leib Keleman, Rabbi Y. Monat, , Rabbi Meir Treibitz, Law by bringing it "up to date;' etc. No Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller, Rebbetzin Zehava Kas.s, Rebbetzin Rena Tanhish Orthodox scholar is likely to want any­ thing to do with this. The campaigners cannot be unaware that by broadening their agenda to attack aspects of nor­ mative Jewish Law they find unpalatable, RABBI SHOLOM G. GINZBERG, DEAN they risk the co-operation and support I 931 Coney Island Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11230 I of the only people who can in fact assist For More Information Phone Or Fax:{718\377.0222 ------iiii - -· The Jewish Observer, Moy 2000 13 EARLY INTERVENTION

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he Megilla of Rus presents us with he made two parties in honor of the cations from any of the invitees? both a dilemma and a lesson in marriage of each. As a leader, he natu­ We mnst therefore understand that Tsensitivity through its description rally used these opportunities to provide his motives were impeccable. Accord­ of the return of Naomi - accompanied a festive meal for his community. But ing to one explanation (Midrash Tal­ hy her daughter-in-law, Rus - to Eretz there was one person whom he did not pios), he was intentionally trying to Yisroel. The passuk (1,19) states that the invite - a man by the name of Mano­ embarrass Manoach so that he would be entire city of Beis Lechen1 was aston­ ach. Manoach had no children, and granted a child as compensation for his ished to see Naomi. The Midrash (Rus Boaz reasoned that he should not invite discomfort. Alternatively (Ben Yehoya­ Rabba 3:6) asks how it is possible that Manoach since Manoach would never da), Boaz was acting out of sensitivity all of the city's inhabitants (or even the be able to reciprocate. The Gemora con­ to Manoach's predicament; he did not majority of them) should happen to see cludes that Boaz's first marriage - with want to cause Manoach the painful real­ Naomi's ignominious return. ization that he wonld not be able to rec­ The Midrash offers three answers: iprocate by inviting Boaz to a simcha of • Naomi returned on the second night his own. In either case) Boaz was altru­ of Pesach, when the barley for the Omer Naomi's istic in his motives) not at all callused sacrifice is harvested with great fanfare. and insensitive. • Boaz was marrying off one of his But that leads us to a new question. daughters. Return: Why then was Boaz punished in such a • Boaz's first wife had passed away and terrible way for withholding the invita­ the multitudes were paying their last tion? In addition to whatever Divine respects. As his first wife was being A Challenge reckoning with Boaz's children brought escorted out, his future wife, Rus, was them an early death, why did his own entering the city. to our efforts at raising his children end in While some of the answers are mutu­ tragedy? ally exclusive, they each can relate in one The answer might well lie in the fact way or another to Nao1ni and Rus's Sensi ti vi ty that causing another person emotion­ arrival in Beis Lechem. The third al pain, even when it can be rationalized, answer, for example, is certainly a can never pass without some kind of ret­ prime example of Hashgacha perattis ribntion. Indeed, life is full of ambigu­ (Divine Providence): Hashem timed ous situations for all of us, where we Naomi's return to coincide exactly with must often choose between conflicting an occurrence that could endow her ill­ courses of action, such as helping or fated trip to Moav with some justifica­ intruding: Should we start a conversation tion. Now the daughter-in-law, who is with the person sitting next to us on the accompanying her, can fulfill her destiny train, or should we assume that he wants with Boaz as progenitors of royalty. But his privacy and does not want to talk to why does the Midrash add the other two a stranger? Should we say "Good Shab­ reasons (even stating them first)? What bos" to a neighbor mowing his lawn, or significance could possibly be invested should we spare him the embarrassment in the fact that it was the night of har­ of being caught violating the Shabbos? vesting barley for the Omer, or that on Should we visit an ill friend, or should we that very day Boaz was marrying off a all of the children it produced, all of assume that he probably would appreci- daughter? whom died in his lifetime - was not as worthy in Hashe1n)s eyes as his future THE WEDDINGS OF BOAZ'S CHILDREN marriage, which would bear only one child - Oved, who would go on to cre­ ~" Invei et us begin with Boaz's weddings: ate the Davidic monarchy. The Gemora (Bava Basra 91a) We certainly cannot take the Gemo­ 8~"(~Cfcr Hagefen Ldescribes the invitation list to the ra at its simple face value: Boaz was a various simchos that Boaz celebrated. He tzaddik, a true leader of the Jewish peo­ ~~l. ( The Shidduch service had thirty sons and thirty daughters, and ple. How are we to understand that he b.l for older singles would withhold an invitation because L A project of N'shei Rabbi Abba Zvi Naiman, a senior writer for the there would be no reciprocation? Fur­ Agudath Israel with Schottenstein Talmud project, serves as Mara Agudath Israel of America D'Asra of the Ba is Medrash of Ranchleigh in Bal­ thennore, when he arrived at the forti­ tin1ore. This article is based on a segment of his eth and fiftieth weddings, did he expect 66l9 l3thAvenue,Brooklyn,NY 11219 soon-to-be published Edrei Tzon on Rus. to receive an equal number of recipro- Tel. (718) 256-7525 •Fax (718) 256-7578

------· The Jewish Observer, May 2000 75 ate his rest? Should we slowly abandon Here too, \.Ve n1ight suggest, exquis­ fort another person in pain without our single friends to spare them the pain ite Hashgacha perattis co1nes into view: regard to any rationalization. Only of seeing our growing families? Because Boaz made his tragic 1niscal­ through responding to this calling The Gemora teaches us that Boaz culation, he lost, at least temporarily, the would his union with Rus be success­ was confronted with a delicate situa­ ability to build the Royal House of ful, enabling him to regain his ability tion, and chose incorrectly, hurting David, for a lasting monarchy cannot be - to reclaim his destiny - to create the Manoach's feelings even when his rea­ built upon a wedding where a single royal lineage. soning was sound: True, Manoach member of the nation was slighted. This would probably have spent some house was doo1ned to failure, and on the HARVESTING THE OMER uncomfortable moments at the wed­ very day that one of Boaz's mistakes dings, realizing that he could never rec­ (perhaps his last, according to the sec­ he first reason the Midrash men­ iprocate, but at least he would not have ond explanation) was being made, the tions for the large crowd wit­ been "shunned." And Manoach's pain opportunity for a new start presented Tnessing Nao1ni's return is that the did lead to his being granted a son - itself with the arrival of Rus from people had gathered to cut the barley for Shimshon the Nazir, who became the Moav. After suffering through all his the Omer sacrifice. This approach also Shofeit (Judge) over Israel. Nonetheless, tragedies, one could suggest, Boaz came can support the line of reasoning that causing pain cannot be justified. Cer­ to realize his mistake and started his we have suggested so far. tainly, one must be very wary about marriage with Rus knowing how sensi­ The harvest for the Omer begins the hurting feelings, even when rational­ tive he must be to all, under all cir­ 49-day period when we examine each of izations are in place. And a man of cumstances. our characteristics to prepare ourselves Boaz's stature is held accountable for for the acceptance of the Torah. It is said even such subtle situations. BOAZ AND MANOACH that certain great tzaddikim were more concerned about Shavuos than Rosh et us digress to explore the disso­ Hashana and Yorn Kippur, because on HAT PLUS nance between Boaz and Mano­ Shavuos their specific share of Torah was Hats • Shirts • Ties • Accessories Lach. We have seen that by failing at stake. But derech eretz- perfecting our to be sufficiently sensitive to Manoach's character traits - must preceed the Your#l Stop needs, Boaz lost the right to propagate Torah. It was this process that was begun for the royal line. It is interesting to note when Naomi returned with Rus to Eretz Quality Hats that according to the Midrash (Bereishis Yisroel. Rabba 98:14), Yaakov Avinu had Thus, the Midrash delineates the WE ALSO DRY CLEAN LARGEST SELECTION thought that Shimshon was to be the method for establishing the Jewish & RESHAPE HATS OF CHOSONIM TIES IN (Al/ work done on premises) BROOKLYN Moshiach. Apparently, Boaz lost his role monarchy in three ways: The monar­ 1368 Coney Island Avenue in history to the very person whom he chy must begin with careful examina­ (7"18) 377-5050 slighted, and Manoach became the tion of one's character. When Boaz Ma/or credit cards accepted • We ship UPS prospective progenitor of the royal line erred in determining how to treat of the Moshiach. Manoach, his married children all Shimshon failed in his mission, how­ died- temporarily giving Manoach the ever, by marrying unworthy converts opportunity to become the progenitor Digest of Meforshim who swayed him from his brilliant of the Moshiach. To regain his ability future. By contrast, Boaz avoided this to build the monarchy, Boaz began a '>V1ji7 in::i '>V1ji7 mistake by marrying Rus, the righteous new line with Rus, who entered Bretz 7""::1t "l)JV'm 7N"lr.l1!1 l'"n1'1r.l convert from Moav, and thus began the Yisroel on the very day that his first Available at royal line. marriage came to an end. LEKUTE I Boaz's teshuva is alluded to later in Common wisdom grants royalty clo Yitzchok Rosenherg the Megilla when Naomi tells Rus to license to act with sweeping disregard JO West 47th Street, Roon1 503 meet Boaz in the middle of the night for details of hurt feelings or wounded New York. NY 10036 in his granary. In that passuk (3,1 ), egos, as long as they focus on the larg­ (212) 719-1717 20 Volumes on Torah, Perek, Medrash, Naomi describes the future husband of er picture. Not so the Royal House of Megilos, Talmud, and Tehi!im. Rus as manoach, a comfort. Why David. No slight to a fellow Jew is Proceeds of sales distributed a1nong should Naomi use this unusual term insignificant, as the experiences of Yeshivos and used for rep1·i11ting of for a husband? Perhaps she was Boaz, Manoach, and Rus demonstrate. volu1ncs out-of-print alluding to Boaz's need to correct his And we, the loyal subjects of this mag­ PRICE: $8.00 PER VOLUME mistake with Manoach and become a nificent kingdom can he no less exact­ person who is always willing to com- ing in emulating their noble conduct.•

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The Gemora records the famous Hashem Elokaychem - I am Hashem them ... so that they should accept:' exchange between the Heavenly angels your G-d" ( Vayikra 18,2). The Meshech Moshe had indeed been given a and Hakadosh Baruch Hu when the Torah Chachma (Reb Meir Simcha ofDvinsk) unique mission, to separate from his was about to be given to the Jewish nation. explains the connection, pointing out wife so as to be in constant readiness to The Malachim said, "Ribbono Shel Olam, that the Torah includes no command­ receive Hashem's word. Nobody else what is a mortal doing amongst us?" ments that would be too difficult for a received such a mitzva because it could Hashem responded, "He has co1ne to accept human being, mere flesh and blood, to not be expected of anyone else. Only the Torah." They countered, "The precious carry out. Hashem gave us only mitzvos Moshe could, and only Moshe would. treasure that has been hidden for 974 gen­ that are within our grasp, and comple­ So, too, was Moshe to encourage B'nei eration before the world was created - You ment our mortal make-up, rather than Yisroel: their acceptance of restrictions want to give to hun1an beings? . .. Keep Your oppose it. This is one of the under­ of arayos was not counter to their nature. glory in the heavens!" standings of the Zohar's comment that It would only enhance their stature as At this point, Hashen1 instructed Moshe the 248 limbs and 365 veins of the people and perfect them in being Am to respond to then1, "Grab onto My heav­ human body correspond to the number Hashem. enly throne and return a rebuttal." of positive and negative commandments Moshe then explained that the Torah is in the Torah: Hashem created us pre­ HUMAN ATTITUDE, HUMAN FEELINGS totally irrelevant to angels in heaven. Did cisely to be able to carry out the laws and angels leave Mitzrayim? Do they have par­ demands of the Torah. The Torah never aking this concept one step fur­ ents to honor? Do they have a yeitzer hara commands us to fast for an unreason­ ther, the late Telshe Rosh Hayeshi­ that requires warning then1 not to steal and able amount of time or to remain celi­ Tva, Rabbi Elya Meir Bloch 7"ll1 niurder? bate. Therefore, before a person can (P'ninei Da'as Emor 21,17), offers an Finally, the angels acquiesced and protest that the restrictions of arayos are insight into one of the Torah's seemingly showed admiration for Moshe, as every too demanding and surpass the expec­ inexplicable restrictions - the kohein Malach gave Moshe a gift. (Shabbos 88b) tations of human nature and desire, the ba' al mum. The Torah is very exacting While this exchange is best under­ Torah says, "I am Hashem your G-d." I regarding the qualifications of the stood on an esoteric level, it also bears am the engineer. I designed the machine kohein for performing the avoda (Divine a message relating to our actual fulfill­ called mankind, and I know its limita­ service) in the Beis Hamikdash. His ment of Torah and mitzvos. tions. I can tell you not to copy the ways physical appearance had to be as perfect of Mitzrayim and Canaan. Guard my as his spiritual level. On the surface, this THE DESIGNER KNOWS HIS PRODUCT mitzvos and live by them. This will not would seem contrary to the value sys­ only be a source of reward in the next tem reflected in the rest of the Torah. he Torah introduces the section world, but will give you satisfaction in this Does the kohein's impressive physical dealing with arayos (illicit rela­ one as well. appearance enhance his ability to Ttionships) with the words ·~ni This, the Meshech Chachma con­ achieve atonement and grace for Kial cludes, is the proper understanding of Yisroel? Even the Melech Hamashiach is Rabbi Henoch Plotnik serves as Rav of K'hal Adas the words of Toras Kohanim 137 - that described as "sitting among the destitute Bnei Yisroel in Chicago. He was represented in these pages by "Vv'hy Tim Stood For Aleinu" (Dec. Hashem told Moshe: "Tell them ... just and ill"! '98). as I told you and you accepted, so tell Reb Elya Meir suggests that the issue

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 19 here is not Hashem's dissatisfaction with the kohein ba' al mum; rather, the Torah is showing insight and sensitivi­ ty into human nature. If we were called upon to select someone to represent us before nobility or a government official, Full Service Conimunity we would certainly favor someone •Healthy Job Market whose impressive stature in character, •Affordable Housing •Bais Yakov wisdom and achievement is matched by •Nurturing Community •Yeshiva Gedola •Learning Opportunities •Kolle} a physical appearance that would, at first •Shomer Shabbos •Mikveh glance, serve to command respect in the Medical Residencies •Eruv eyes of his audience. To inform the •Community Activities •Wisconsin School Tuition kohein that his mission is no less impor­ Vouchers For Qualifying Families tant than that of an emissary beseech­ The Torah Con11111111ity of Rabbi Mic/rel Twershi Invites Your Interests 1-800-226-3129 ing a human king, the Torah gave us the same standard: a perfect specimen, in every dimension - even the superficial. One might ask, shouldn't the Torah teach the opposite - that physical appearance is indeed meaningless and trivial, and that only purity of the soul really counts? But the Torah was not given to angels, it was given to humans with human attitudes and human feel­ Helping ead1 & every Professional, warm, ta/mid succeed in his dedicated Rebbeim ings. "Lo bashamayim hi- it is no longer learning and reach and staff_ in the Heavens." It is here, and it is ours. his polenUa!. If we delegate a kohein ba' al mum, whom we might pass over as an emis­ sary to a king of flesh-and-blood, to per­ form avodas Hashem, it would minimize the value of what he was doing in his eyes and ours.

Secular studies department incorporating "NA'ASEH V'NISHMA" -ARE WE vocational skills NOT ANGELS,AFTERALLl

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------20 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 one-time event, one need only read the perhaps enough to vault them to that "Leave your glory in the heavens;' they words of Rabbeinu Yona, when he dis­ 1nadreiga immediately.5 argued. To that, Hashem ordered Moshe cusses the power and importance of But the question remains. Are we to grab onto His holy throne and being a mekabel (one who makes sincere expected to be malachim? Is the Avos respond. Human beings, fickle though resolutions) and a shome'a (one who is D'rav Nasson speaking to us and encour­ they may be, can also attain lofty open to listening to what others have to aging us to be what our forefathers were? heights, as long as they remain attached say). Rabbeinu Yona (Sha'arei Teshuva, If so, does the Gemora not call this the to Hashem. We were placed here to 2:3) quotes the Avos D'rav Nassan: level of angels? On the other hand, does struggle with temptation, to ultimately "When one's deeds exceed his wisdom, the Gemora not say, "Torah wasn't choose what is right, to conquer our evil his wisdom will endure, as it says given to the angels" (Berachos 25b )? Are inclination to succumb. Should we 'Na'aseh v'nishnia."' Can someone actu­ we meant to be 1nalachim, or not? achieve that, we would rise beyond that ally do more than he knows? When Klal which even the malachim can reach, and Yisroel dec1ared "Na'aseh v'nishma," DEFINING A MALACH, create an even greater Kiddush Hashem. however, they were making a sincere, DEFINING A MENTCH As the Maharal writes on the pasuk in absolute resolution to do whatever Yechezkel, "Above the image of the Hashem would ask of them. When one ne approach to this compelling throne was the image of man," a man makes such a commitment, Hashem question involves understand­ can reach levels beyond his angelic coun­ rewards him as if the resolution were 0 ing" that a malach, by definition, terpart.' The malachim's purpose is now actually fulfilled. Such is the power of is no more than a manifestation of to serve us. a kabbala. Thus, in a sense, one's deeds Hashem's will. "One malach cannot This is borne out by the end of the have actually surpassed his wisdom, for perform two missions," because every narrative in Shabbos - that the the reward for the actions co1nes for single will of Hashem is, in essence, Malachim actually presented Moshe things he does not yet even know he will expressed through the creation of with gifts when they parted company. do! l"his was achieved at Har Sinai. another malach. In fact, Chazal tell us They, too, were taught that the aspiring Perhaps this is how every Jew at Har there are so1ne angels who, upon con­ human could now rise to loftier heights Sinai was able to experience nevua cluding their shira - the song that cel­ than even they could, and now they shall (prophecy), hearing Hashem's voice.3 ebrates the completion of their mission serve him as well. Surely, they did not all prepare for - they cease to exist. Certainly there is prophecy as one normally would4. Did no concept of death in Shamayim, but WHERE IS OUR MODEL? they not have but three days' notice to their mission of carrying out the will of achieve a level that the greatest tzaddikim Hashem has been consumated, thereby e can now perhaps get a achieve only after years and years of ending their existence. The message a deeper appreciation for an preparation? The answer may be that malach is meant to "hear" creates the W oft-quoted Ma'amar Chazal: not only did the kabbala (commitment) power and the purpose of its existence. "If a rebbe resembles an angel of of Na'aseh V'nishma bring them the The "Nish ma" of a malach defines its Hashem, seek Torah from his mouth, rewards for their anticipated deeds, but purpose in life, and the Na' aseh follows and if he does not, do not seek Torah even the levels of ruchniyus (spiritual as a 1natter of course. from him." Our right to the Torah was attainment) they had resolved to strive At Sinai, human beings learned that based on one thing only, that we could for also became theirs. The kabbala to they- and we, as well - can elevate their surpass the Malachim and create a be a navi, the sincere resolve to reach all souls to the level where their entire greater Kiddush Hashem through our those madreigos (levels of greatness) was ambition in life is to fulfill ratzon level of kiyum HaTorah (fulfillment of

3 Sec Oznayi111 L'Torah, Parshas Yisro for anoth­ Hashem - G-d's will. Yes, we are 1nor­ Torah's demands) than the angels can on er approach to this question. ta1, and yes, we have human yitzrei hara, theirs. If one does not seek out a rebbe 4 This regimen is detailed by the Ramba1n in Hil­ evil impulses, but for a fleeting moment who exemplifies the ideal of fully chos Yesodei }fa Torah, Ch. 7: "Nevua (prophe­ we assumed a capacity to 1nake ourselves reflecting ratzon Hashem, the Torah is cy) can only be experienced by someone great in wisdom who has total control over his yeitzer angelic, to become one great vehicle of not our rightful portion. It is not just a hara, someone with a great breadth of knowledge; expressing Hashem's will. ma'aloh, a fine advantage, but rather a one who incorporates all these traits ... and sep­ prerequisite - " ... if not, do not seek arates himself fro1n the ways of the general pop­ BETTER THAN A MALACIB Torah from him .. ;" it is imperative. ulace ... never engages in idle pursuits ... and whose mind is totally bound to the Heavenly The paradigm rebbe is closest to what throne... receives Ruach Hakodesh and his soul he angels wanted to keep Torah we can fathom in our limited scope to is bound with the angels ...." in the Heaven. To send it down being a total manifestation of ratzon s Sec P'ninir11 Mishulcha11 Govoha, Parshas Yisro, to those who have the choice to Hashem. (Indeed, Rabbi Elazar Shach who quotes a similar thought in the name of T defy it can be cause for Chillul Hashem. K .. Rabbi Aharon Kotler 7"~.) ""'1!> once remarked, "My hasagos - 6 See Pachad Yitzchak, Shavuos, Ma'amar4. 7 Quoted in Sif~ei Chaim vol 3, p. 130. the furthest reaches of my concept of

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 21 greatness - end with the Chafetz Alter ofNovaradok- the mussar giant, Pesach, the Alter presented his talmid, Chaim. More than that is beyond me.") Rabbi Yosef Yoizel Hurwitz !>":Yr. An Reh Yitzchak, a new suit in honor ofthe He has no self-interest nor self-serving accomplished ta/mid chacham and a upcoming Yorn Tov, which was a once­ desires. He belongs to Hashem; he great tzaddik, Reh Yitzchak embodied in-a-lifetime dream for a Novaradok­ belongs to his talmidim. everything one could conjure up in er bachur. Shavuos time, the Alter terms ofselflessness and living for oth­ approached his talmid and asked him A CASE IN POINT ers. His son writes in his biography of to return the suit, as it was needed by Reh Yitzchak, Lapid Bish Novardikoi, a ta/mid who had need to travel to striking illustration of this point that the incident that changed his another city to establish a Novaradok­ took place a few years ago. One father's life forever was a remark made er outpost. The young Reh Yitzchak, A Shabbos morning, I was relating to him by the Alter. surprised at the request, halfprotested, a story to my kehilla: As was the norm in Novaradok, new half inquired, "But it is mine!" The Rabbi Yitzchak Orlansky !>":Yr was clothing was not a common item in Alter lashed out at his prized disciple, one of the outstanding disciples of the anybody's wardrobe. One year, before "How does someone not feel embar­ rassed to say the word mine!" This episode, related Reb Yitzchak, changed him forever. Nothing in this world should ever be construed as "mine." An important message Upon hearing this story, a mispallel who had studied under Rabbi Orlansky regarding genetic testing in the United States, came charging over after davening and disputed the accuracy of the story. "It has got to be a bobbeh Recently, Quest Diagnostics Inc. announced that individuals who ma'aseh! You didn't know Reb Yitzchak. received "non-carrier" results when tested by Quest Diagnostics for He could never have said the word mine Tay-Sachs Disease carrier status from late 1992 through late 1998 during his entire life - before the Alter should be retested. or after." It was of no use to even attempt to Please be advised that those who tested through Dor Yeshorim persuade him of the veracity of the inci­ do not have to worry about this. Quest Diagnostics has never dent, which is recorded by Reb performed testing for Dor Yeshorim and these "retests" Yitzchak's son, as well as by Rabbi Chaim do not apply to anyone previously tested by Dor Yeshorim. Zaitchik ., .. ,,, in Hameoros Hagedolim.

Dor Yeshorim maintains an aggressive quality control program and uses The talmid would never be convinced only specialized genetic laboratories that meet its high standard of qual­ that his rebbe was ever anything else but "similar to a malach." Why should I ity assurance. Although blood samples are drawn by local laboratories, bother convincing him otherwise? they are then sent to major leading laboratories where the results are The Ponovezher Rav 7"::if once com­ analyzed, determined and then entered into the Dor Yeshorim data mented on the Mishna in Avos (VI, I), base. This exacting process is one of the reasons it sometimes takes ''Whoever learns Torah lishma, merits extra time for final results to be obtained. many things ... ," that the "many things" Dor Yeshorim takes this opportunity to remind the public that are intangibles, not the list subse­ early genetic testing saves time, aggravation and money. Don't quently delineated in the Mishna. He explained, "If you would look at the face wait for the last minute. Prevent undue stress by testing now of the Chazon !sh, you would catch a for all the diseases (r"l) being tested for by Dor Yeshorim. glimpse of those many things." Please be aware that Dor Yeshorim is a premarital testing program. It is We may have never actually seen exclusively for unengaged or unmarried individuals who have not been malachin1, but whatever we have seen in previously tested and are not aware of their carrier status. our holy rabbei'im is at least a starting point. Incorporating those images into our understanding of human potential ---DOR YESHORIM for greatness will in turn spur us to raise our own stature and recapture that COMMITTEE FOR PREVENTION OF JEWISH GENETIC DISEASES special madreiga we all truly achieved For more information, call (718) 384-6060 so many years ago, in the shadow of Sinai. •

22 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 NOT THE ORDINARY CASE .. :·"~

Dear Friend, When does a person reach the breaking point? How much anguish can one person endure before he collapses in despair? When does it become incumbent on the community to step in and ease the pain and suffering? For a certain prominent rav in Bnei Brak the time has come right now. There is not a moment to waste. For years, suffering has been a frequent guest in his home. Severe financial problems left his modest apartment impoverished beyond belief. The marriages of a few children under these circumstances drove him very deep into debt. Meanwhile, he developed heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes, requiring periodic hospitalization. The rebbetzin collapsed under the pressures and suffered an emotional breakdown, leaving· her husband, in his distressed and debilitated condition, to care for their young children single-handedly. The married children have suffered tragedies of their own and are unable to help their parents in a meaningful way. And now, the final blow is about to fall. The creditors can no longer be held off and the rav is in danger of losing his apartment. ls there no end to suffering? With your help we can bring relief to this stricken family. If we all work together, we can accumulate enough money to prevent this family from being evicted, we can alleviate their extreme poverty, and we can give them renewed dignity and hope. In the zchus of this great mitzvah, may the Almighty bless you with long life, good health, and success in everything you undertake and much Yiddishe nachas.

Sincerely,

Rabbi Avrohom Y. Pam Rabbi Yaakov Perlow Rabbi Aharon Leib Shtcinerman Rosh Yeshivas Torah Vodaath Novo1ninsker Rebb<.": Rosh Yeshivas Ponovitz Please make your tax-deductible contributions payable to: Bnai Yitzchok and mail them to: Rabbi Y. Perlow 1840 Fifty Second Street Brooklyn, NY 11204

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The Jewish observer, May 2000 23 SHAVUOS REFLECTIONS Rabbi Zvi Lampel and Mrs. Fan1ala Sa(ran

RABBI YEHUDAH DAVIS n::ii:i7 p')i~ i:>'r Builder of Torah and Kiruv in America

emarkably, Rabbi Yehudah Davis, born gedalim to study in the great Euro­ revolutionary ideas of kiruv rechakim. ':nil, succeeded in producing pean yeshivas. The talmid muvhak Indeed, in his thirst for knowledge, he evered Torah giants, prestigious (prime disciple) of Rabbi Isaac Sher of had attended top universities, only to rabbanim, notable Torah institutions Slabodka, he perpetuated the Slabodka become a formidable challenger to his and highly admired Torah laymen, derech when he returned to America, professors' views, decline invitations to managing nevertheless to remain almost and developed a unique methodology a department chairmanship, and leave unknown to the general populace. of learning and teaching that brought the institution after just one year. Rabbi Mordechai Gifter, N"1'>'n>, Rabbi American youth to Torah, and Torah to Avigdor Miller, N"v>7">, and ';rm;,7, American youth. Rabbi Aharon Kotler GROWING UP IN Rabbi Nosson Wachtfogel, 7"~T all 7"llT called him "The Gadal in chinuch;' BALTIMORE AND NEW YORK named Rabbi Davis as the driving force and it takes little effort to summarize his that originally led these American- message to the world: You are here to use abbi Davis was born in Baltimore and develop your heart and your seichel n 1907. As a young boy, he was Rabbi Tzvi Lampel, a former taltnid of Rabbi (intelligence) to see the emmes. It took Rl nspired to become great in Davis, lives in Passaic, New Jersey, where he and little effort because heart and seichel and Torah by his grandmother's stories of his wife are involved in chinuch and kiruv. Rabbi Lampel is author of Dynamics ofTalmudical Dis­ emmes were the constant, incessant European gedalim. Those who grew up pute and translated the Rambarn's introduction words whenever he spoke, to whatever in America in that generation did not to Seder Zera'im into English. audience. have the benefit of yeshivas ketanas or Mrs. Faygala Safran, wife of Reb Nesanel Safran Rabbi Davis was at once fiercely loyal chadarim, and attended public elemen­ ~a former ta/mid of Rabbi Davis~ lives in Eretz to da' as Torah, nonconformist in his tary schools, with afternoon schools or Yisroel. She is an author and frequent contribu­ activities, and insistent that "normalcy" Talmud Torahs. Yet even as such an ele­ tor to Jewish 1nagazines. was the proper demeanor of a talmid mentary school child, Yehudah Davis The material in this biography was compiled by chacham. It was his uncompromising would endeavor to complete his home­ Mrs. Leeba (Davis) Banash, granddaughter of loyalty to emmes that put him at odds work quickly, to allow time to study Rabbi Y. Davis. She lives in Eretz Yisroelwith her husband Reb Tzvi Arych Banash who is study­ with the Jewish establishment and that Chumash. ing there. convinced him to create what were then After graduating high school, Rabbi

24 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 Davis attended Johns Hopkins Univer­ Yosef Begun, who shared with Rabbi sity. Possessing a brilliant mind, he Davis his n1any innovative designs to requested permission to take the grad­ further Torah study and practice. One uating exam only six weeks into the third project was printing Yalkut Yedios year, and did superbly. He then moved HaEmmes, a collection of the RamchaI's to New York City at twenty years old, writings (including Derech Hashem) where he studied at America's only post­ with original 1narginal notes summa­ high-school-level yeshiva, Yeshivas Eitz rizing each paragraph. Another was Chaim. He also continued his secular authoring Eina Pekicha, which he dic­ studies at Columbia University, only to tated to Rabbi Davis. This work stressed quit after one year, disappointed to find how all matters must be approached no evidence to support the institution1s through a Torah outlook, and included claims of honest pursuit of knowledge. a plea to resolve the plight of the Russ­ Wherever he was, Rabbi Yehudah ian Jews, underscoring their need for Davis formed youth groups dedicated to 1noney and encouragen1ent. This so riv­ Torah study. In New York, he formed a eted Rabbi Davis's soul that he was study group of ten, including Rabbi determined to undertake that mission. Avigdor Miller, Rabbi Mordechai Gifter, This was in the l 930's, not in the Rabbi Ber Elya Gordon, and Rabbi Nas­ Rabbi Da1'is with Rabbi Nosson ivachtfoge/ I 970's. Clandestine missions to help the son Wachtfogel. Another one of those later years, Rabbi Wachtfogel was to Jews of the Soviet Union were unheard whom Rabbi Davis influenced to go to repeatedly refer, in his Yom Kippur of. (Indeed, Rabbi Davis was later skep­ Europe was Rabbi Mordecai Yoffe, who shmuess, to that encounter with Rabbi tical of the motives of the l 970's later became his mechutan. Rabbi Yoffe Davis as part of "The Sholom Aleichem "activists;' and critical of their headline­ founded several yeshivas in different that saved America," and he declared grabbing activities.) Yet Rabbi Davis parts of the United States. Rabbi Davis that "50% of the Torah in American risked his life to help. As a holder of would arrange for leading personalities yeshivas is due to Rabbi Davis!" Tbis was prestigious university credentials, he to address the boys - people like Rabbi the first step in what Rabbi Davis was could enter Russia, in spite of govern­ Yaakov Yosef Herman (of All Par the Boss to develop, shortly afterwards, into a sig­ ment restrictions. With money tucked fame), and great European figures such nificant movement of A1nerican youths into the sole of his shoes, and the KGB as Rabbi Isaac Sher (Mashgiach of Sla­ traveling to Europe to study in its great following him, he made his way to the bodka), who ca1ne to America to raise yeshivas. yeshiva of Rabbi Yehoshua Minsk. funds for their institutions. Jn 1931, the two came to Mir, in (Yeshivas were illegal, of course, in the Poland, where Rabbi Davis remained for Soviet Union, a situation which Rabbi EUROPEAN ASPIRATIONS a year-and-a-half. One of his chavru­ Minsk overcame by masquerading the sas (study partners) there was Rabbi building as a sewing shop.) Rabbi Davis fascinating turn of events brought these American youths, A destined to become the Gedolim and founders of America's leading Torah institutions of our generation, to the European yeshivas in which they grew great. Rabbi Yehudah Davis met Rabbi Nasson Wachtfogel, even then admired as a Talmudic genius, and plied FREE him with numerous kushyos (internal contradictions in the Talmud). Unable COMPUTER to answer the questions, Reh Nasson declared that "for answers, you'd have to COURSE go to [the great] Europe[ an yeshivas]." For Women Coping On Their Own Rabbi Davis, always a n1an of action, (Widowed, Divorced, Separated) insisted that they follow through with that route. Rabbi Davis, speaking from 30 Hours of Instruction - Day Classes his heart, indeed persuaded Rabbi For More Information or To Register, Wachtfogel - and his parents! - that he should make the move to Europe. In

---·----·------·--·--·------·· The Jewish Observer, May 2000 25 exchanged shoes with one of the as a "gaon in pashtus (simplicity)." Europe, the Chafetz Chaim gave him his bachurim, thus transferring the money. The Chafetz Chaim impressed Rabbi blessings. "fhe mission was a success) and he set off Davis with his emotional involvement Immediately upon returning to to return to Poland and the Mir Yeshi­ with worldwide Jewry, and imparted a America in 1932, Reb Yehudah resumed va. Because of the short duration of his lesson that was to stay with him for years. his New York study group, continuing visiti however, the border guards sus­ On hearing that Rabbi Davis came to arrange lectures by European Torah­ pected him of illegal activity and con­ from New York, the Chafetz Chaim giants who were visiting America. fiscated his visa, preventing him from quoted the Gemora in Megilla that Within a year, he influenced each of the remaining in Poland. defines a "great city" as one which con­ members of the group to make the move tains at least ten people who learn Torah to Europe, and convinced any reluctant MEETING THE CHOFETZ CHAIM full-time. Radun was a very small town. parents to agree. Thus, Reb Mordechai But "on the map in Shamayim;' the Gifter went to Telshe, Reb Elya Gordon hrough the efforts of Rabbi Chafetz Chaim emphasized, "Radun is attended the Mir in Poland, and Reb Chaim Ozer Grodzensky, Rabbi a great city:' One of Rabbi Davis's final Avigdor Miller joined Rabbi Davis in his TDavis received permission to stay accomplishments was his taking a small return to Slabodka. in Poland for a precious three more group of people to found a yeshiva com­ weeks, during which he visited the munity in Mountaindale, a tiny hamlet ENTER REBBETZIN DAVIS Chafetz Chaim, in Radun. Entering the in the Catskills, thereby transforming it humble home (he would often mention into a "great city:' uring his year in America, Rabbi his need to bend over to fit under the Initially, the Chafetz Chaim advised Davis conveyed his friend Yitz­ doorway), he saw three people - two Rabbi Davis not to return to America. Dchok Chions' regards to his whom he could tell were talmidei No matter how advanced the learning father, Rabbi Tzvi Aryeh Chions, 7"lll. chachamim, and one who was dressed was there, it was incomparable to that The father was so impressed with the as a simple Jew. Of course, that "sim­ of the European yeshivas. But when young scholar that he arranged Rabbi ple Jew" was the Chafetz Chaim, whom Rabbi Davis assured him that he intend­ Davis's tannaim (engagement) with his Rabbi Davis would thenceforth describe ed to bring more Americans to study in daughter, Fraida Basha ;rv, although she was only in her early teens. The future Bais Yaakov Academy Seminary rebbetzin, a well-versed young lady, apparently impressed Rabbi Davis with J2l3 Eln1 Avenue I Brooklyn, New York 11230/ 718-339-4747-Ext. l 15 her learning and middos. Rabbi Shlomo Teichman Rabbi Avrohom Greenberg Mrs. Faigie Selengut The Chions family and Rebbetzin Dean Dean Coordinator Davis deserve their own full-length article. For purposes of brevity, suffice The New York Half Day Seminary for the Bais Yaakov high it to say that Rabbi Chions was a school graduate who wishes to further her limudei kodesh studies in paragon of bitachon (trust in Hashem), tandem with an exceptional extra curricular program. hachnosas orchim (hospitality), tzedda­ BYA half day seminary offers: ka (charity), chessed (helpfulness) and •An optional mid-winter trip to Eretz Yisroel extensive learning. The rebbetzin was a •Varied and multi-faceted extra curricular programs true match for her chassan, a fighter for •Trips to Jewish communities and institutions outside truth, teacher of Torah and its values, Brooklyn and practitioner of kindness. •Guest speakers on the European and immigrant experi- ences, the Baal Teshuvah movement and many others SLABODKA YEARS •Panel discussions on topics of Jewish concern •Visits with Gedolim n the interim, Rabbi Davis returned •Job Placement to Europe in 1933. His learning in •Teacher training course I Slabodka was interrupted in 1936, •Torah Umesorah diploma when his mother became deathly ill, and •Government funding available he decided to marry in America while •Classwork can be applied to post high school degree near his mother. She expressed concern programs. about her younger son, Ch uni, W"W, for she felt that her husband would not be Faculty: R' Naftali Bruck, R' Yosef Mitnick, R' Eliezer Sandler, R' able to care for him. Rabbi Davis Shlomo Teichman, Mrs. Yehudit Davidowitz, Reb. Yehudis Karelitz, assured her that he would take his Mrs. Miri Kroizer, Rochel Licht and Mrs. Breindy Reiss. teenage brother under his wings.

26 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 Indeed, Rabbi Davis took his new walked up to the bima with Shulchan America) to issue a kol korei against it. wife and brother back with him to Sla­ Aruch and Rambam in hand, taught the This was done, and the proclamation bodka, and fashioned games for young congregation that mixed dancing is an was signed by many of Baltimore's great Chuni to play after his scheduled learn­ issur of gilui arayos (prohibited act of rabbanim. ing. (Even the Mashgiach, Rabbi Zalman immorality) for which one can be con­ Rabbi Davis dedicated his efforts to Kobriner, volunteered to play ball with demned to Gehinnom, and concluded, repairing breaches and erecting strong­ the boy, when it was time for Rabbi "Of course, there will be no dancing." holds of Torah. He began Baltimore's Davis's sederto begin. "Just teach me the The dancing was canceled. Bais Yaakov for girls, knocking on rules," the Mashgiach called from the Recognizing that mixed dancing was doors and recruiting students to absorb window.) comn1on in even the most respectable the teachings of Rebbetzin Davis around During this period, Rabbi Davis shuts ("How else will frum boys and girls her kitchen table. He took over Balti­ joined a chabura (study group) that meet each other?"), Rabbi Davis more's network of Talmud Torahs from completed the entire Shas in one year. appealed to Rabbi Elchonon Wasserman the Conservative rabbi who ran it. (This was not his first time; he had (who frequented the shul while in And he formed groups of young men, a]ready done so even before arriving in Europe.) Rabbi Yisroel Bergstein ?"!,one of the chabura's members, described Rabbi Davis as a "tremendous force, the ari she'b'chabura (the lion of the pack)." It hurts The war clouds forming over Europe in 1938 marked Rabbi Davis's final days 10 c II on that continent. Before leaving, he sought a formal semicha, knowing how om es IC this would please his father. Presiding over the "examination" were three great Lithuanian rabbanim: Rabbi Reuvein .,,i Zelig Bengus (the Kai verier Rav, later to become the Av Beis Din of the Eida • Hachareidis in Jerusalem), the Kaidan­ er Rav, and the Kovner Rav (the D'var Avraham). BACK TO AMERICA It hurts eturning home to Baltimore with his wife and year-old daughter r R(destined to become the rebbet­ zin of Rabbi Yosef Rosenblum, N .. P'?w ), Rabbi Davis was offered a prestigious, o. well-paying rabbinical position in Man­ hattan's Upper West Side. However, he was advised by Rabbi Elchonon Wasser­ It feels better just to talk about it. That's why we're here. Our staff is made up of man i"Yi1 to remain in Balti1nore, where caring and sensitive individuals. Together, the income would be considerably less, we can help you explore your options. We but he would wield more influence. can refer you to recognized professionals for counseling, legal advice or help in "There are times when one must put finding a safe environment. We can also aside personal needs;' he declared. put you in touch with some very special As rabbi of Adas B'nayYisroel, Rabbi Rabbis. But in order for us to reach out to you, you must first reach out to us. Davis was ever vigilant against becom­ ing beholden to others - he adamantly Confidential Hotline 1 . 8 8 8 . 8 8 3 . 2 3 2 3 refused a raise in salary or gifts from the (Toil Free) sisterhood. This served him well in 718.337.3700 maintaining his independence. When Do it for yourself. (NYC Area! he heard that a social dance was sched­ Do it for your children. ShalomTaskForceisa501{c)(3)charitableorgarnzation uled to be held the coming night, he

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 27 Do you want a chance to make a real difference? some of whom he sent to Brooklyn to learn in the new Yeshivas Chafetz Consider joining us in Portland, Oregon as an Chaim under Rabbi David Leibowitz ?">n, to become b' nei Torah of the high­ Education Director est caliber. Rabbi Davis innovated the As a dynamic, growing Congregation of 50 families, mostly Baalei Teshuva, we are looking now-common idea of summer camps for an educator to create an exciting after school program for our children & teenagers, and to help with outreach to the larger community. on the outskirts of the city, where the bachurim would swim, play ball, and For more information, please contact: Rabbi L. Oppenheimer study Torah undistracted. He favored Cong. Kesser Israel, 136 SW Meade, Portland, OR 97201 a "bands-on" approach to learning, hav­ (503) 222-1239 ing the boys make their own tsitsis after learning the relevant halachos, and www.kesserisrael.org helping them build their own succos after studying that subject. Rabbi Elya Meir Bloch, of the Telshe Yeshiva in Europe, expressed surprise upon seeing Rabbi Davis's American o-.,no nJ'1l1 • m:i:m• i"n:J n1Jl7,~· bachurim learning with diligence. Rabbi !11JlJTi1 • n1ll1pll 'K1ll• Davis suggested that Rabbi Bloch start oi:::in:n:J• cuiin+ i1i1li1• a yeshiva in America. Rabbi Bloch Journal Ads + Yearbook Entries+ ,,ll'l11 ;n7p;i. demurred, saying that he had no bachurim with whom to do so. Rabbi Full C'i6'C publishing services: Typing, Typesetting, Printing & Binding Davis thereupon encouraged some of his own bachurim to join Rabbi Bloch. Rabbi Bloch later referred to Rabbi Davis as the founder of the Telshe Yeshiva in Cleveland. last Chance THE MOVE TO BRIGHTON BEACH he summer of 1944 marked a new chapter in the life of Rabbi Yehu­ Win I A Switzerland Vacation Tdah Davis. At a hotel in Treal younelf to an Woodridge, New York, Rabbi Shmuel exotic vacatio11 at Machlis entreated Rabbi Davis to relo­ the Hotel Mehopol cate to Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, where nes~led in tl1e picluresque resotl there was a yeshiva ketana. Reluctant to lo'\\'11 of ),J:osa, leave Baltimore, Rabbi Davis consulted Switzerland. Enjoy Rabbi Aharon Kotler, who advised him -J:bc kedtht.alcing to go. His mastery of secular subjects, sceti.ery while rtl'L"\:cin~ U1 a kn~l1er plus his greatness in Torah, made him lem.,Jwdrin l1oteL the perfect choice to serve as principal PaclM.te incltt~ of general studies. His independent, i'.oillld-trip airf.;,re fierce loyalty to Torah values, however, for lwo,b:a{U:if~:-h> hotel and- n one brought him at odds with lesser people. wMk stay at' the One of Rabbi Davis's first moves as Hmel Metiop,bl principal was to inspect the books in the with ri1ea}g_ , Reshidion~ opply-. school library and remove those that had apikorsus (heretical content). The rest of the staff tolerated this - until he ~ CaU Oorah Kirov Rechokim rejected a Jewish history book, which to receive our 48 page color booklet they insisted should stay. This was the and choose from many. unique and exciting prizes. last straw for them, and they declared that rejecting this book proved that his CALL: 877-7-AUCTION objections against the others were also

28 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 unfounded. They decided to bring the 'forah scholars and leaders. He began was so enthralling that despite the case to a din Torah, presided over by "The Boys' Chabura of Brighton:' and summer heat, we didn't even think of the Rabbi Aharon Kotler. This book took under his wings future leaders such beach a few blocks away. He fashioned referred to the Chashrnonairn as a as Rabbi Shaya Jacobson, who was to us into bnei Torah, starting with noth­ "mighty band." "What is so terrible head Yeshiva Tiferes Torah; Rabbi Dovid ing, yeish rne'ayin, ex nihilo. If not for about that?" asked Rabbi Kotler. Weiner, now of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim; Rabbi Davis, who knows where we Rabbi Davis explained that it implied his brother Rabbi Binyamin Weiner; and would be today!" the victory of the Chashrnonairn could Rabbi Aharon Zuckerman, now Rav of Talrnidirn, some even from the be attributed to their military strength, Agudath Yisroel of Midwood and fac­ chabura days, felt such attachment and whereas it is fundamental to the Chanu­ ulty member of the Mirrer Mesivta in indebtedness to their rebbi that they tore ka episode that the victory was a mirac­ Brooklyn. keriya at his kevura (burial). ulous delivery of the "strong into the Rabbi Zuckerman describes this hands of the weak," as underscored in period as one of intense learning. BRANCHING OUT Al Hanissirn. Rabbi Kotler advised that "Rabbi Davis devoted all his time - his this page be torn out of the book, since days and nights - to his chabura in Techniques in Learning otherwise the work seemed to be of Brighton. He told us to come to his value. To this Rabbi Davis countered, house whenever we had a problem. And uring this period, Rabbi Davis, "If the gadol hador overlooked this bit whenever we'd come, the Rebbetzin in search for ways to clarify and of apikorsus (denial of miracles), how would honor us as if we were the most Dsimplify learning, created orig­ will others detect other such elements choshuva guests. A rnenahel of a yeshi­ inal methodologies based upon rules of that may be hidden in the work?" Rabbi va usually has off on Shabbos, but Rabbi language, syntax, and logic. When he Davis)s reasoning won the case. From Davis would spend part of every Shab­ discovered that the Rarnchal had actu­ then on, Rabbi Kotler would refer ques­ bos telling us stories of gedolirn. He ally advocated such methods long ago tions of hashkafa (ideology) to Rabbi would do so in such detail that we felt in his sefarirn, Derech Higayon and Davis, saying, "He has a special chush we were seeing them ourselves, such as Derech Tevunos, he immediately began (sensitivity) for detecting objectionable when he described how Rabbi Elchonon to master and use these works as texts material." Wasserman would stand with such from which to teach his disciples. During those pivotal times, Socialists humility before his rebbi, the Chafetz and Zionists were aggressively imposing Chaim, that despite the way he physi­ The Lakewood Yeshiva in Boston their agendas on yeshivas, and Rabbi cally towered over his rebbi, they Davis saw it as his duty not to fall in line appeared the same size. After teaching n the mid-!950's,RabbiAharon Kotler and surrender, as other institutions were us, he gave us prizes and a place to play. sent Rabbi Davis to be Rosh Yeshiva doing. In fact, he dismissed many As we grew older, he began to teach us I of a Boston branch of the Lakewood unsuitable members of the yeshiva's on Friday night, Shabbos afternoon, and Yeshiva for a year-and-a-half. (During the staff. At the first Torah Urnesorah con­ Motza'ei Shabbos. His fiery presentation Ellul tllat he was there, he delivered twen- vention, Rabbi Aharon Kotler asked Rabbi Davis to deliver a keynote address. "But you are the gadol hador:' Rabbi Davis demurred. "It is you who should speak." "But you:' Rabbi Kotler responded, "you are the gadol in chinuch." It has been said that Rabbi Kotler would not 1nakc a move in chinuch with­ out consulting Rabbi Davis. FOR "THE BOYS' CHABURA" OF BRIGHTON THE FINEST ithin four years (1948), Rabbi 1 Davis was no longer principal 1111111 W of the school, but remained as a rebbi. Yet it was now that he began to have his greatest influence in Brighton Beach, reaching the youth of another generation and fashioning them into

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 29 ty-five memorable shmuessen.) Rabbi be joined by members of the Mirrer Yeshi­ (1986), involving a drunken driver. Davis then returned to Brooklyn for a peri­ va class. The boys themselves raised the Rabbi Davis maintained his unique role od that was to become one of personal funds to buy a building in Brighton Beach, of teacher and molder of dedicated stu­ tragedy. After a long bout with pneu­ and the name Yeshiva Zichron Mayir was dents until his passing on 23 Adar I 5757 monia, Rabbi Davis was finally able to chosen, in memory of Rabbi Davis's son. ( 1997). Yeshiva Zichron Mayir contin­ resume teaching. Then, quite suddenly, The boys who formed it eventually ues to instill its talmidim with Rabbi two days later, his 19-year-old son, Mayir emerged as Torah leaders, teachers, Davis's derech of seychel, lev, and emmes - a tireless masmid and exemplary baal mechabrei sefarim (authors of scholarly - intelligence, heart and adherence to middos- died from a brain tumor works), maggidei shiur, roshei yeshivas and truth. This approach - perceiving the roshei kollelim. Continuing with his way, emmes and internalizing it until it Yeshiva Zichron Mayir Rabbi Davis took the boys to the Catskills becomes part of the person - was Rabbi in the summers. In Parksville, Rabbi Shlo­ Davis's formula for success with all of his espite the tragic loss of this bud­ mo Diamond, his son-in-law, recalls, talmidim and his kiruv rechokim pro­ ding scholar, Rabbi Davis contin­ ''There was no heat, no running water. We grams over four generations. Dued to devote himself to dissem­ were comfortable American boys. What Kolle! Ohr Yehuda in Brooklyn, estab­ inating Torah learning and ideals. He made us go there? He was our rebb~hewas lished in Brooklyn after the petira (pass­ assumed the position of maggid shiur in our father in everything in life - in mar­ ing) of Rabbi Davis 7'"Y!, under the lead­ the Mir Yeshiva in Brooklyn. One evening, riage, in chinuch, in ruchnius, in gashmius." ership of his son Rabbi Moshe Davis two boys attending nearby Lincoln High In 1965, the yeshiva property was pur­ N""'71<>, serves as a continuation of Rabbi School knocked on Rabbi Davis's door and chased in Mountaindale, New York, Davis's derech of perceiving emmes and asked him to teach them. Rabbi Davis where it eventually relocated year-round. internalizing it - as is written in the assented, and thus began a newyeshiva, to The decaying hotel building that origi­ Torah: "V eyadata hayom vehasheivosa el nally had housed the married couples was levavecha - And you shall know and take soon replaced by an innovation- mobile to heart ... :'The kollelalso utilizes Rabbi homes that turned far-from-wealthy Davis's approach that he saw written in idealists into instant homeowners. Sefer Michtavei Chafetz Chaim. The Soon afterwards, an independent Chafetz Chaim's son writes how he cheder was formed, educating the chil­ learned with his father, starting from the dren of both Mountaindale and neigh­ pasuk in the Torah, tracing the concept boring South Fallsburg (location of all the way to contemporary halacha. It Yeshiva Zichron Moshe) in the pure spir­ is Reb Moshe Davis's hope that using his it of Torah. Rebbetzin Davis continued father's methodology will instill his Yun­ to teach and inspire the women and girls geleitwith the tools they will need to con­ of the community, until her tragic death tinue spreading the true light of 1orah in an auto accident on Erev Succos 5747 to Klal Yisroel. • We put the 11 organize 11 into Organizations. You work tirelessly for Klal Yisroel. You're involved requirements - completely integrated with the in raising thousands of dollars each year. Do you fundraising features! With no additional know which of your efforts get the best response? programming or setup, V-MANAGER gives you Which fundraisers are most successful? Which dozens of point-and-click reports, as well as a donors need more attention? complete custom report writer -- allowing you to get the information you need right now! Organizations from coast to coast are discover­ ing V-MANAGER, the most sophisticated Ready to put the "organize" into your organiza­ fundraising software system available. tion? The people who depend on you deserve the Organize your contribution, pledge, and bestyoucanoffer: V·MANAGER. billing data. Arrange banquets, journals, event attendance, mail response tracking, Call us. 773-743-7240 [email protected] and more. The educational version prints report cards and transcripts, tracks tuitions and scholarships, and manages pledge-to-raise

30 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 o"1Dn \11Dn ('J 11''' -' J ni•m

- . ah 1 I No 49 / NO\'ember 6, '99 Chagtg · ·uve mitzvah to api>e81 in jndicates that _the post the festivals is ~ed ~ .::i cii the Bais Hamdr;.dash _on a korbon; appellf1D8 m ••• A 16.page Daf-Yomi Bi-Weekly, the obligation _to a kotbon is not a ni'N,:J. l''.1,'.n;'::>~vari.m 1&.16) ~thout 3 1 the Bais Hanukdas • The posuk (Sh'm~ ; ;, 1()~ n"l:::!.l':I (positiv~ nutzvah ts out that the Ram.ham Now in its 2nd cycle. teaches that there ts Hashem in the Bais The Turet Even ~th bove mentioned . oh) to awear before on pesach, (ble1 with e a halmi m.tttY times a year, v!JI() is mcomp~ ent in the YetUS . ~h lhteC nNI, i""\)l()J. Ql)'))l!:l 15 ••• Elaborates and expounds on 1 Yerushalnn. _It ~~to appear in th~ Ba.is shavuos and su~ (~u:vah is called i1',N · that the postttve nu f the obligauon to '"\)"11,1'.:>l: ';:!:::>). This hem]. Hamil::dash l..'i i:ndependentyo balmi obligates l-or-2 topics from each daf...... 11.rance £before Has...... ""'n N'J n1'.':iD bon for the erus BaiS Byr- th re 15 a''"'>' 'J bnng a kor •. n to appear in the • In addition, e ) f DP'' i)!) "\N"'l' N - . dment o ed by women and child.re the are exempt ftom (negauve comnian f Me empty band - ,, ___ ,1,dash even though . Y tl the positive ... Written in lucid English, with nlUIU"- bon Ev1den Y' do not awear he: ore d to offer korbon n'J"I'} bringmg a kor . the Bats Hami};daSh ts which one is oblig~te in the Bais Hamikdash tl)itzVah to appeal'. m the Bais Haro.ikdaSh extensive Hebrew footnotes. niiN"'l upon apIJCann& • fulfilled merely by enletlRS H--•"dash without on _..,, m the Bais nlll'"" . h • •• the festivals that women and childl:en U a man aJ>PC"'-" _ to the y erushalmi e me> The Misbna states ·tzVah of n,,NI The a korbon. accord_ing tzvah of re'iyah (even ... Veiy easy to understand and arc exempt fro:i 1i:; .:.:ros 'J:>i1 ;i"1) explains fulfilled the po.s~uve nu the negative mrtt:Yah yerus}ullmi (cit . drc are only exempt from .ml. he ism v1olauon of t.--ded) enjoyable to read. th o..., -·"ng empty 1JAU that women and cbil ' ~ However, they are which forbids apl"'""""'- bam ~the posiltve btlnging a tgrbon re ty t of the roitzvas The reason the Ram_ korbon is that the other aspec Bais obligated m th must appear m the rrutzvah of re'iyah to bn~~g ~e Bavli which ... Understandable & beneficial even 'i ah, namely, ey be rules m accordance "-om all aspects of ~-~:1.-.i ...,,h on the festivals '" that the .,....,....- ·bid) documen"' and children n fulfill Rabbeinu Tam (t yerus}ialmt and exempts women li bolds that one cannot • to those not studying Daf Yomi. re'iyah Tue Ba~. without offering a korbon Bavli Wsagtees Wlth. !:. from all aspects of the rnitzVah of re 1yah hildren are exempt ftom xemplS women and clrl1 'korbon re'iyah. nor and since women and c also exempt from ':..,. ah; they need not offer~ •• ._, ... ..i~~n.1 ... Warmly endorsed by leading 1o;;ty in the Ba.is~· wh bringing a korbon ~ey are dash 1 must they apPC&f 2 writes that a man ° appearing m the Ba.is ~wntes that even tf Rabbonim & Maggidei Shiur. The Rainbam da of the fesuval m the • The Minchas CbinUC·uvah are mdependent nt'lf'..ars on the first Y .._ boll re'iy.b ha.< ayr-·- ·thout a ..or the two aspects of ~ed ~) if a man were to Bais l{amib:lash W1 itive mitzVah to (as the Yerusbalml m ~-nh ,,.,;thout a korbon tt not only railed to fu}fi11 :: also vtolatcd a th------= deemed a n··pJ.)lJ. ~--TO ORDER COMPLETE Ttt!S FORM & MAIL ALONG WITH PAYMENT TO ':~':id~ "'l I appe&1m:=tzV~·· not to appeal emru: AL HADAF •PO Box 791 • Monsey. NY 10952 I =ded (O~"l ,l!l 1Nil N I oNEl'EAR Address------I SUBSCRIPTION Cliy/Slatc;lip ------Approx. 24 Sixteen Page Jssues I J 0 Check Enclosed Please charge my o;~.!i1rJ: D t• fora !·yearsubscription I SATISFACTION GUARANTEED! dlf~$40 l:co=m:______-r~o:: ____I If not completely satlsfied cancel within 60 days for a: refUnd. CANADA $54 •OVERSEAS $65 •US FUNDS ONLY• ALLOW 3 WEEKS FOK FIRST ISSUE ORDER TODAY! PllONE /.FAX 914•356·91141·888·AL·HADAF BACK ISSUI:;S A VAILABLB ON ALL 0.F SHAS Rabbi Leonard Oppenheimer Kiruv? I'm just a ''Regular Jew!'' OR, BRINGING TORAH TO

PORTLAND, OREGON Congregation Members. At extreme right, Rabbi Oppe11heimer, holding child.

NOT JUST FOR PROFESSIONALS primary vehicles for reintroducing our al core ... a sense of yearning to be at lost brothers and sisters to their heritage. one with The One, full of resolve to ((Another article on Kiruv," you Notwithstanding the importance of change and grow .... And yet, months are probably saying .... the former, the most compelling way to later, we wishfully hope to still have a "That's not for me. After all, help other Jews reconnect with their her­ chance to realize at least some of those one would have to have spent years itage is by developing an ongoing, per­ visions. That's "The Real World;' quo­ developing sophisticated arguments sonal relationship with them. A rela­ tation marks firmly in place. While it about deep issues in Jewish philosophy, tionship marked by love, caring, and may be the Alma D'Shikra - the false or be capable of giving shiurim on all true kinship, in which trust is built, over world - it is nonetheless the reality that sorts of topics that one may not be a period of time, that a Torah lifestyle occupies most of our energy and time, expert on ... rightl is not only spiritually deep and reward­ making it hard to retain our connection "Furthermore, one has to be willing ing, but a real option to consider. And with the real "Real World" and our ideals to be maser nefesh - or more likely, this is done, most effectively, not by rab­ at one-and-the-same time. meshuga- to live in some 'out-of-town' bis or by charismatic speakers, but by the place like, say, Portland, Oregon ... a powerful effect of seeing people who are OVERCOMING THE COST OF beautiful place to visit, but so far from just like them, but who are living and COMPLACENCY family and friends, and Rabbanim, very loving a Torah lifestyle. few Shomrei Shabbos, no yeshivas gedo­ This is not to dismiss rabbis, kiruv hat is the secret to overcom­ los, no Bais Yaakovs, a spotty weekday professionals, seminars, and outreach ing the pervasive problem of minyan, and last but not least, no centers. They all play an important and W complacency? 'fhe answer, as kosher restaurants or pizza shops!" vital role. Recognizing their iinportance, any kiruv professional will tell you, is I am here to tell you that not only is Torah Umesorah has taken the lead "Follow-Up" - the effort to maintain it possible - it can be a life-changing amongst several organizations to invest a connection, once the seminar is over experience that can bring a sense of joy, major sums and to place Rabbis, includ­ and participants are back in the cold fulfillment and kedusha, which in its ing myself, in a growing number of "Real World:' Many dedicated profes­ own way, is difficult to feel in the cen­ communities, in an effort to jumpstart sionals try to stay in touch with semi­ ters of Torah life. It can bring about Orthodox life in those communities. nar participants, but while those calls tremendous growth in one's Torah Seminars can generate an incredible and invitations are wonderful, they are learning and avodas Hashem. And most energy that can touch neshamos very usually impractical, given the difficul­ of all, it is something that can be done deeply, helping people make a major ty of doing so with so many people. Life very successfully by people who are not reevaluation of their relationship with is a marathon, not a sprint) and to be necessarily kiruvprofessionals or rabbis. Hashem and His Torah. successful at life, one must be able to Permit me to explain. While I do not But as any kiruv staff member will tell keep up the inspiration over the long claim to be any kind of expert in Kiruv you, the Achilles heel of any of these pro­ run, not just in short effusive bursts. For Rechokim, I can tell you that despite all grams is "The Real World:' What hap­ most people, the most powerful, real that you may read about programs and pens after the seminar? What happens chance that a lasting effect will be had seminars and retreats, they are not the when people return home and get back from a seminar, would depend on find­ Rabbi Oppenheimer worked for n1any years as to business-as-usual? What happens a ing a local presence that will maintain an engineer at Bell Laboratories until he was few weeks later? a relationship with the person, devel­ inspired by Rabbi Berel Wein who implored his We all know the answer. It's akin to oping an ongoing, deep bond that will audience to do vvhat they could to help other Jews the Post-Ne'ilah syndrome, which fol­ lead to a true, lasting change. reconnect. For the past five years, his family has lived in Portland, Oregon, with a wonderful com­ lows Yorn Kippur. We had a tremen­ In a fascinating conversation, Rabbi munity of Jews who are seeking to reconnect with dous hisorerus, a glimpse of who we Dr. Dovid Gottlieb, one of the most their heritage. might be at our most essential spiritu- sought-after speakers in the world of

32 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 kiruv, remarked in effect) "You n1ight in the world of business. to sense that the Orthodox presence in think that people are most impressed by In addition, however, they bring a new town is vibrant and growing, and people what I can present) as an expert in Ana­ model of Torah observance and scholar­ will begin to come and "check out" the lytical Philosophy and Logic, and how ship to places that have really never expe­ new community that is developing. I can talk very impressively about rienced the lifestyle that we so take for Most of all, relationships between Cross-Cultural Critiques, the Adoles­ granted. People will note that he comes frum Jews and their non-frum brothers cence of Science, and other fancy top­ to a learning seder at night in the shul a and sisters will be formed - relation­ ics, and that this is what attracts people few tin1es a week, which is now energized ships based not on being preached at by to Torah. That is all gobbledygook! by a new level of 1orah study. The cou­ rabbis, but on shared experience and There is really only one question that ple hosts a home-study group, and just mutual respect from people that they our fellow Jews have. And that question by being herself, she does more to destroy can relate to as friends and neighbors, is - 'Do I want to be like those Peo­ preconceptions about Orthodox wo1nen who arc real role models. In short, an ple?' That is the only thing that truly than a thousand lectures could. They enormous amount of good can be interests the vast 1najority of then1. often have Shabbos guests in their home. accomplished by people who are just "The participants are saying to them­ The ruach in the shul is greatly enhanced going about their business as lay mem­ selves) 'They' seem to be experiencing true by the presence of people who are inti­ bers of a growing community. joy in life - I want the same joy. 'They' mately familiar with the tefillos and per­ This idea might seem similar to the seem to have stable families and values - haps can lead them. They become one Community Mini-Kolle!, found in quite why not me? 'They' seem to be intelligent of the mainstays of the effort to create a a few cities around the country) which and well thought-out- I want to be intel­ daily minyan. The local store is made have succeeded in energizing the com­ ligent and well thought-out. That is why aware that there are a growing number munity, first and fore1nost) with the ines­ it is important for me to be able to give of people in town who will patronize timable zechus of hosting a center for intellectually stimulating lectures; not them if they carry more kosher products. high-level Torah scholarship. Addi­ because, at the end of the day, the lec­ The rabbi can n1ake a more convincing tionally, great energy has come from the tures themselves will matter. What will argument to the local deli owner to con­ enormous collateral and side benefits, matter is whether they, in fact, can relate sider "going kosher;' given the burgeon­ similar to those I have described above, to me as a real person whom they would ing community interest. The local Jew­ and are, frankly, often the main reason like to emulate. And in order to present ish con1munity school realizes that if it that philanthropists choose to invest the an example they will want to emulate, wants to service this segment of the con1- very large sums that it takes to support the n1aterial n1ust all be accurate and munity, it will need to change its attitude these wonderful institutions. logically sound." toward the teaching of Torah and But, back in the "Real World;' sup­ Judais1n) and provide an acceptable porting a mini-kollel requires hun­ FOSTERING A SEA-CHANGE IN option for those families who require an dreds of thousands of dollars annually, THE JEWISH WORLD intensively Jewish education for their chil­ a remote dream for a com1nunity strug­ dren. The larger community will begin gling to maintain a shu~ a mikva, a rabbi hat, then, am I suggesting? That there is a tremendous, You can! Just call W relatively untapped opportu­ nity for us to affect a sea-change in the ''rwish I could The Yit:t:i Leibel Jewish world. Moreover, this can be Helpline. done far less expensively and with HOURS: much less effort than many existing out­ speak to a Monday-Friday ...... Sam -12pm reach efforts. The program? Encour­ Monday-Thursday ...... Spm -11 pm aging young couples, or retired couples, Sunday ...... 9am -12pm, 9pm -llpm Extra hours Sat. night ..... 7pm - 9pm to 1nove to outlying communities. frum therapist hnagine the effect on a community ~l! 718-HELP-NOW of one or two couples moving in; cou­ \~6 (718) 435-7669 ples who have had the benefit of a yeshi­ on the phone Chicago ...... (800) HELP-023 va or even kollel background, who are Lakewood ...... (732) 363-1010 now at a point where they have decid­ Cleveland ...... (888) 209-8079 ed to enter the working world, and arc without giving Baltimore ...... (410) 578-1111 Detroit...... (877) 435-7611 joining the comn1unity as baalei-battim. They perhaps are working at a corpo­ For addiction problems call our addiction ration, pursuing professional or voca­ my name.'' therapist, Wednesdays 11 :30pm to I :30am tional training, or getting their feet wet

·-.... --·------~··-·--··--·-·--·----··--··------·----··-·--·--·-··--·----··-·--- The Jewish Observer, May 2000 33 and a small school - barring the special WAKING UP ASA VALUED"ISH" especially for a young couple, there is a interest of a visionary philanthropist. great sense of community and of being In contrast, the addition of work­ ithout being overly dramatic, valued that accrues to a family that ing couples to a community not only it is fair to say that this could moves into a smaller community. I does not cost the community anything, W be one of the most rewarding know of what I speak - as a former it enhances the community's fund-rais­ and exhilarating steps that one could denizen of Flatbush and Monsey, as one ing abilities to the point of perhaps take, enriching one's life with purpose, of the thousands that frequented their actually funding that eventual kollel meaning, and deep fulfillment. It is a countless shuls and innumerable kosher and yeshiva that it dreams of having chance to wake up every day knowing establishments, I have seen and experi­ some day. that one is making a major difference in enced how easy it is to feel alone and You may ask, "Is it not asking an an entire community, ennobling the lives irrelevant in the large community. One enormous amount from someone to live of its families, and quite possibly grow­ often wonders whether anyone really in such a community? Are there any ing on a personal level to heights never cares if he came to shul, participated in benefits besides the tremendous mitz­ dreamed of before. community affairs; whether, in the va involved?" Why is this so? First and foremost, faceless thousands around, there is any way that any individual, other than the rare few, can feel truly needed. Whether, in places where one davens here Shab­ Binah Institute bos morning, there for Mincha, a third ofAdvanced place for Maarivand in various "minyan Judaic Studies 1>--''-kc"' factories" during the week, one can feel Baltimore, Maryland for Women truly bonded to the great enterprise of building something special to increase AN OUTSTANDING SEMINARY Hashem's honor in the world. Perhaps la> Intensive Limudei Kodesh programs it is partially due to this existential lone­ liness in the large frum areas that some­ fa, Distinguished, dedicated faculty of r:·o:;,n •-to?r1 and lil)jnD times Shabbos, Kashrus, and obser­ la> Optional educational tour and study program in Israel vance in general are taken for granted. fa- Extracurricular programming and community service projects It is all too easy, unless one conscious­ la> Staffed, spacious dormitory and dining facilities ly chooses not to, to fall into a mitzvas anashim melumada-spiritual rut of B.A. & A.A. DEGREFSAVAILABLE IN going through the ritual motions, rarely la> Jewish Studies grappling with what Hashem wants of la> Jewish Education us) or what our neshan1a is supposed to la> Interdiscipllruuy Studies accomplish, during its fleeting sojourn Includes options in Special Education, Computer Graphics, in this world. Computer Information Systems and Accounting* By contrast, in a small community, every person feels greatly valued and Professional Cerlilicate Progra111s also available treasured. Their very presence in shul, Full-day, Half-day, Evening Programs and Internships their participation in the community's Credit provided for appropriate prior learning. efforts, the effect that they have just by Financial aid available for qualified students showing up at an event or at a learning REB. CHANA SLANGER ri'imr.i/DEAN session, the difference that their Shab­ bos table makes - these are very real and FOR INFORMATION OR l!EGISTRATION CALL: tangible to everyone in the communi­ (410) 602~9717 OR (410)484-9153 ty. There is an enormous opportunity to be special by simply being a yorei 7504 Seven Mile Lane, Baltimore, MD 21208 ' ... - - ,.,, Shamayim, going about their day-to-day BINAH IS THE ONL.Y SEMINARY IN THE U.S. THAT business. All the more so, then, if one IS AL.SO AN INDEPENDENT, FUL.L.Y APPROVED feels that it is a makom she' ein ish - a HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION place where there is no one else to fill that role one gets a special impetus This affords us the privilege to choose the finest faculty and to have complete control to make oneself into that ish, that spe­ over cuniculun1 development- insuring acade1nic excellence il'l1i'l DYi -~ ?;;, and the opportunity for you to earn a college degree in a true Torah environn1ent. cial person who can give something very special to the community.

34 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 BLUEPRINT FOR GROWTH Furthermore, this pioneering has an they themselves, are accomplishing IN THE WILDERNESS extraordinary effect on one's children. something special, and they are proud On a recent trip to Eretz Yisroel, I dis­ to be models of Yiddishkeit. Constant­ e have had the experience, cussed the chinuch of my children with ly aware of the beauty of Shabbos and several times, of having peo­ a very well-known Rav to whom I look Kashrus, they never take it for granted. W ple join us for a time from as for advice. I laid out the dilemma my They learn to relate to other Jews with short as one week to as long as a few wife and I are facing between continu­ openness) love, and respect. So if they years, for professional reasons. In vir­ ing our work in Portland, and the sense know a few less Rashi's or Mishnayos at tually every case, the persou has truly felt that as they grow older, our children are this point, do not worry- that can be valued because of the contribution he not learning as much quantitatively as made up easily in time. But the life or she was able to make, just by being their cousins in New York and Yerusha­ lessons they learn every day in Portland another frum Jew in town. In many layim. He assured me not to worry are priceless." cases, these people have confided that about this. "First of all;' he said, "there although they were initially concerned is a well-known beracha that Rabbi BROADENING ONE'S PERSPECTIVE about the effect that living in such a Jew­ Aharon Kotler'>"~ gave to families who ishly remote place would have on their go out to be marbitz (disseminate) hich brings me to another lives, they were in fact greatly enriched Torah, that their children will turn out benefit, which is crucially by the experience. In many cases they well, that has come true countless W important in my view - the learned and observed far more here, times. But even on a purely rational opportunity to get to know the "real because of the more public role that tl1ey level, it is evident that the terrible prob­ world" of Jewish life, outside the clois­ had, than they were doing back in the lems that many frum communities are tered world of New York and other large centers of Orthodoxy from whence now facing with 'dropout children' are communities. The famous cliche of the they came. almost nonexistent among families who narrow perspective of the "New York­ And yes, we in the frum communi­ spread Torah in smaller communities. er;' looking out at the rest of the coun­ ty have a lot that we can learn from them. The children get infused with an esprit try, is unfortunately all too real in a Jew­ Getting to know people who walk six or de corps, a feeling that their parents, and ish sense as well. When one lives outside seven miles to shul every Shabbos, or who have started from a non-existent knowledge of Hebrew and are now learning Mishna and Daf Yomi, folks We feel that CJirls who who while continuing successful secu­ lar careers have turned over their lives choose to stay in America to embrace kashrus, Shabbos, and taha­ ras hamishpacha. Learning to appreci­ deserve a special seminary year ate the fellow who is moving towards observance and tlrns will not turn on the ;i, ,,,~ .,:Jj"\.,:J radio or heat in his car as he drives to shul on Shabbos, having turned down a Bais Yaakov Teachers Seminary ofQueens contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars because it was incompatible now acceptin9 re9istration for f:ALL ZOOO-N"~'On with sensitive Jewish values. The Feb­ full-mornin9 Limudai Kodesh Program Teacher Traininq Proqram ruary edition of The Jewish Observer had fflr 1st ,ul(/ 2nd )'t't;r >"NninmJ t1pplicanrs /Or 2nt!}l'tlr scmirtmJ' 11pp!i1't1ntJ 011{v a wonderful article, "Of Coats and •exciting intensive curriculum • nvo afternoon~ a week Fires;' that beautifully captured the • t;1lcnred dedic.1tcd sraff • educational psyd1ology struggle and search of our fellow Jews • WJrttl dose-knit environn1eru • 1nerhodo!o,t,')' • t>Xrra-<·11rricul;ir -.icrivirie.~. chesed • student teaching. model lessons "out there:' Imagine getting to know prograllls, gue.sr ~peakers, Shabbaronin1 • exi.:iting guest ~pe;1kers on spt•cial these people, not as a curiosity at your • upritH1a! three-week ~(udy-iour facer~ of te;l<.:hing Shabbos table (a situation that many in Er<'.lz Yi~rad • tt'..icher's degree baalei teshuva detest being in), but as your neighbor, learning partner and /Or I ;t tlnd 2nd.Jif'rtf Sl"tnirirll]' rtpplic11nts /Or 2nd year semin<1ry t!pplil·aniS on(J' friend. While they would so appreciate • conlhines ful!~n1orning a11d tl::'

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 35 that cocoon, and gets to know other would sit down to learn Torah in Vilna, Jews, one has a new appreciation for a Jew would be saved from committing many of the great issues such as assim­ a sin in Paris. Torah study affects Am ilation, intermarriage, apathy, continu­ Yisroel as a whole. Yet we see that this ity, and all of the other burning prob­ alone is not enough, for Rav Yisroel lems of Jewish society, and the people Salanter himself moved to Paris [in the behind these othenvise faceless statistics. late 1870's] to disseminate Torah As stated earlier, real change can be knowledge among his fellow Jews in brought about only by building rela­ person. I am certain that it was not tionships, not by pronouncements from easy for him to live there, but this did on high, no matter how eloquent. not dissuade him. He did it purely for Readers of The Jewish Observer are no the sake of Heaven. doubt aware of the obligation that "We must follow Rav Yisroel eacb of us has to do something in this Salanter's example. On the one hand, special time when the nevu'a (prophe­ we should immerse ourselves in Torah cy) has come true1 when there is "a study and cause the hearts of our way­ hunger in the land, not for bread or for ward brothers to become more recep­ water, but to hear the words of Hashem:' tive to the beauty of Torah. On the According to a famous psak of Rabbi other hand, we must also reach out to Moshe Feinstein.,.. ~. one is required to our brothers in the manner of the early give ma'aser, lOo/o of one's time, to reach­ prophets, who would travel from one ing out to others. May I quote one of city to another and spread knowledge A wedding, Purim, and other celebrations in Portland, 0 the Torah giants of our generation, of Hashem among the people:' Rabbi Aharon Leib Shteinman, at a Lev To be sure, "moving to Paris" is not in small communities. "Aptitude" refers I:Achim rally a few months ago, as for everyone, and such decisions must to the capacity to function effectively as appeared in the Yated Ne'eman: be made in consultation with Rabbe'im representatives of Torah in a non­ " We have accomplished much, and chaveirim. But much that is not observant milieu. Whatever degree of but there is still a tremendous amount being done can be accomplished if there hatzlacha I have had here in Portland of work ahead of us, and we need great is a will to do so. As follows: had less to do with my paltry abilities Siyata DiShmaya. Know that he who of lomdus and knowledge of Torah; participates in this effort will earn inde­ THE OPPORTUNITIES ARE BECKONING more to do with my willingness to meet scribable reward in the world to come. my fellow Jews where they were at, with "Rav Yisroel Salanter used to say or those that have the aptitude or love, tolerance and acceptance; and that there are two ways to have a pos­ inclination, there is a great need for everything to do with Siyata DiShmaya. itive effect on others. When a person Frabbanim and kiruv professionals I would deeply encourage young cou­ ples to consider this way of life as Why did the Chafetz Chaim & R'Chaim Ozer Grodzinskv start Ezras Torah? . immensely fulfilling. For an eye-open­ TO SAVE ing account of what it is like, I highly rec­ ommend the wonderful book Tales TALMIDEI CHOCHOMIM Out of Shu~ by Rabbi Emanuel Feldman. For those who can do so, coming to FROM THE PAIN AND SHAME OF POVERTY. R'tl1almOmGri(/""' ltC>Fnf 1""'1f/'11TcA''1llROP\ 1J Medical fund the meantime are priceless.

36 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 program that can bring great dividends advent of technology, places arc no in which a shul in a large community longer so far away (it costs the same to forms a "sibling" relationship with a call New York from Oregon as it does s1nall con1munity, visiting each other, from Lakewood), and a new openness hosting each other, keeping in touch and to Torah observance abounds. Let us sharing ideas and hopes and aspirations. see where each of us can make a differ­ This has been done effectively in Austin, ence in doing the tremendous 1nitzva of Texas, among other places, and has great pidyon shvuyim, freeing captives: our potential for further success. brothers and sisters who are considered To conclude, there is a tremendous "'[inokos Shenishbu," captive souls, sure­ opportunity before us. Many things that ly qualify. All of us can do our part, if might have seemed impossible a few only wc have the will to do so! II years ago, are no longer so. With the BCC IS EVERY GIRL'S DREAM••• The Best Summer in Israel camping/touring program for Frum girls ages 10-17 • 6 weeks of over 22 Exciting lburs. Daily Shiurim, fv\\~ Hiking, Climbing, Drama, Music, Dance, Arts & Crafts ·cc. '"-~ ~- ,... and the "Ruach" Which is the Hallmark of the -~~r~$ AMAZING BCC Program • On Campus: Waterpark, Large Pools, Water Slides, <\\ ~ SPl~s\\ ftfidreshes L'Mitzvos llatluyos Baretz, Fann, Zoo, Sports ~" ~ For those who cannot or do not want Fields & So Much Morel ~ to leave the larger co1nmunities, one can • Join the Hundreds of Girls from around the world who ~~ participate in Torah Umesorah's"Part­ have enjoyed touring Eretz Yisroel, with the Zelman ~~ ners in Torah;' in which one can devel­ Fami(IJ since 1986. S~~ CALL FOR INFORMATION AND APPLICATION, ~ op learning relationships, which have been enonnous catalysts for changing lives. Whether doing this in person, or by phone through "TelePartners in Torah," one can do a world of good in one hour a week. We have several peo­ (718) 282-6350 / 941-5500. (800) 442-2295 ..______Direeted by Zishe & D'vora Zelman. ------ple in Portland who look forward eagerly to learning regularly with their "chavrusos" across the country, and I am sure that those feelings are reciprocal. There are other programs, like TYPE OF CAR OR SIMILAR SHARE - Shabbat Holiness and Recre­ A FIAT PUNTO 3 OR. ational Experience - that bring togeth­ B Wi pQLo 5 DR. c RENAULT CLIO er lay couples from larger communities c·· -PEUGEOT -306 if with counterparts in smaller com1nu­ c·' MITSUBISHI CARISMA NT ~JN~~US_a_·$~ATS ~·. nities. We had the wonderful privilege MT MINIBUS 10 SEATS • ::S of hosting such a program over four D KIA PRIDE I DAIHATSU SIRION 2>0 ·ii·.~ -DAEwoo LANOS _2..,.s years ago, when a group of JEP volun­ • N1sSAN Ai.MERA-- F ~ ~94 teers (Zeirei Agudath Israel's outreach G • MAZDAi.Aiins-1".a 3'-S «' • GMC-SAVANA ::ll'.:98: __ arm) visited us for a Shabbos. The effect x •CITROEN XANTIA 350 was electrifying - it was an opportuni­ XL '- ti/IA~_()A 62_6 I _PEU~EOT 406 2.0 3~S i~ SX ' CjiEVROLEJ MAl,l_BU ~.s~ :i::.·a: KX •MAZDA MPV 763 '" ty for people in Portland to meet busi­ ~··.ic vx •voLV0940 833 ness people like themselves who were J'' -- • "LAND-ROvEA' 1iiSCOVERv 980 ~?! friendly and successful, and who cared enough to travel here just to spend Shab­ FREE• one d

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 37 THE WORLD OF THE BAAL TESHUVA Israel Goldman

LEARNING THE TALMUD I understood. Though a tumult, the miss the mark:' - WITH PASSION room was not violent or chaotic but, Learning was no longer a solitary act with all of its energy, somehow driven. of settling into a book and melding my y first exposure to Jewish Torah (the whole of Scripture, Oral Law, intimate memories with its prose. It had learning came six years ago and rabbinical exegesis) is not abstract. become a very public-minded bid to M when I visited a community It propels and guides. Sometimes you meet my intimate memories and ask, kollel and timidly sat at the front of a go passionately, sometimes in song, but "What sort of person have I been?" small study hall, staring at ten men always with love for what is moving you learning the Talmud. Seated at differ­ and your fellow travelers. YEARNING FOR BLACKNESS ent tables, they learned in pairs and filled A prospective convert to Judaism, I the room with a racy din of English, Yid­ longed to read the Talmud, yell in Yid­ oth of my parents were born in dish, and Aramaic. dish, and love words enough to fight Boston in the late I 920's. After "What are you talking about?!" yelled over them, but with each visit to the Bprevious marriages, my father, a a man in the far corner as he stared yeshiva I grew more aware of how alien black from Cambridge, and my moth­ across the table at his study partner. I was to Jewish learning. er, a white from Dorchester, met in the "That's not what the Gemora is saying!" The kollel men arrived for each day racial and cultural freedom of the "It's not?!" asked his partner, incred­ of study wearing black hats, black suits, 1960's. In 1970, when I was three, they ulous. "Of course it is!" his voice explod­ white shirts, and ties, displaying a rev­ fled the city's nascent downward spiral ed. "Look at what Rashi says!" erence for learning that I could not into drugs and violence and n1oved to Ignoring the challenge to consider understand. They were also very disci­ a suburb. Rashi, the first man began reciting the plined. The products of a lifetime of My mother's paternal grandfather Gemora, insisting that the text was self­ yeshiva training, they sat and pored over was a sea captain, whose family had explanatory. complex texts for hours. The word immigrated from England to Cape Cod "Hello!" his partner yelled, trying to yeshiva means, simply, "sitting:' I could in the 1600's. To remember that piece break in. <

38 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 "Of course;' returned the professor. WORDS TOO ELEMENTAL FOR one evening, "Freedo1n is a train on its My father stood. "Your major COMMENTARY tracks." premise is that all Negroes fear white The one hundred students crammed men:' entered the University of Massa­ into the old classroom silently stared up "That is correct," said the serious, chusetts at Amherst in 1985 and was at him, unsure of his message. He stared small man behind the lectern. ! drawn into the black separatist cul­ back at us, his warm yet fiercely uncom­ "A minor premise," My father sug- ture strongly present on campus. The promising gaze the only appropriate gested, "is that I am a Negro:' ideal that I and other blacks shared was response to our incomprehension. His The man nodded. to define ourselves spiritually through words were too elemental for com­ "Another, that you are a white 1nan." our skin color, a fantasy evoked through mentary. "Obviously,» he said. self-segregation. Watching this brown, very slender "Then we must conclude that I fear It never seemed strange eating only man with a knit yarmulke clipped atop you." with blacks in the campus dining halls his neatly parted hair, I could under­ "Yes," he answered, unabashed. or going only to black dances and par­ stand why so many resented his Poised in the center of the class, my ties at a place and time in our Jives when immense scholarship, authorship, and father was dressed exquisitely in a dark, we should have been most free. We popularity as a lecturer. He was free and woolen, shark skin suit, starched blue believed that segregation was our one knew, as most did not, that a person's shirt, and tie. All sat turned in their expression of freedom that white peo­ purpose in life could only be the disci­ chairs, staring up at him and scarcely ple had not already stolen. pline, toil, and sacrifice of laying tracks breathing. "What do we want?!" upon which the God-given vehicle that He tilted his head to one side and "Freedom!" is himself could fly. He knew that true frowned. "Well, what if I took you out­ "\t\/hen do we want it?!" freedom lay heyond mere release from side and gave you a beating?!" his voice "Now!" an unsavory thing, such as racism. Free­ boomed. "What would your conclusion "What do we want?!" dom was not life unrestrained, but be then?!" "Freedom!" bound and guided by devotion. He The room exploded with laughter. "When do we want it?!" The professor was doubled over. My "Now!" father was not laughing. His fists During student demonstrations the clenched at his sides, he stared for a long word "Freedom!" filled my throat and tin1e at the man standing, mortified, at reverberated in 1ny ears. It was a power­ the front of the room. ful invocation. We screamed it with all of Growing up, I had believed that my our being. Did we know, however, what interracial identity gave me the best of freedom was or how to avail ourselves of both my parents' ancestries. As I it? Did we possess such an acute sense of 1537 50th Street, matured, however, I chose one heritage its absence in our lives that we should Brooklyn, NY 11219 over the other and claimed blackness as scream for it? I did not, and searched in (718) 854-2911 my eternal birthright. By college age, I vain for such in the faces of my peers. had transformed my light complexion Julius Lester' emerged from years of from the intriguing evidence of the civil rights activism, understanding the union of two cultures into a sign of deep essence of freedom, and most blacks, • . • i1 ::ii r.l i1 r, :n shame for not being as black on the out­ students and colleagues alike, despised LEARN MORE side as I strove to be within. him for it. The victim of harassment Like any boy, I longed to be my father from fellow professors within the TORAH DAILY and wove his life's stories into my African Studies Department, he relo­ n::mor.i m ,,:i unfolding life. The trials of one gener­ cated to Judaic and Near Eastern Stud­ Your life will be richer. Follow the ni7 for !earning ilJtuY.l & il:i7il ation, however, achieve meaning ies at the end of my junior year. daily. Join the many thousands through­ through the next only if built upon, not Prior to his move, he said in a lecture out the world who learn Torah daily by exhumed. My father had fought to spare following the ni7. We will seri(fyou the ni7 free. himself bitterness. Ironically, I was turn­ 1 Nearly twenty years ago, Julius Lester under­ went a Conservative conversion. As lecturer and Write or call: ing bitter. Preserving his dignity, he had author, he inspired young people to seek gen­ Rabbi Elias Karp confronted his enemies and had never uinely spiritual lives. Many of those whom he 4701 15th Avenue #3C needed to demonize them. Building a taught were Jews, and some of them, like myself, Brooklyn, NY 11219 fantasy, I longed for enemies and cre­ \-Vere moved to later choose Torah observance, a (718) 851-ono decision for which each, I am sure, is grateful to ated demons. Julius, yet because of which none, ironically, could In memory of Rabbi & Mrs. Charles Batt legitimize his Je,-vishness. Hartford, Conn.

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 39 taught. We listened, uncomprehending. I hated her queries and often CHEVRA OSEH CHESED In turn, he silently gazed at us, know· answered as though on trial, with curt, OFAGUDATH ISRAEL ing that he, as teacher, had done his job colorless descriptions. Nothing she said

and hoping that we, someday, might do was of value to me. I hung, however1 on BURIAL PLOTS ours and lay long track across the vast Dad's every word. earth of our souls. Unable to contain herself in the face IN ERETZ YISROEL of my coldness, she said one morning, Interment in a Shomer Shabbos Beis GLASSES FOGGED WITH COFFEE "I know that you value nothing I say Olam neat Beis Shemesh because I am white." We were standing Please phone or write to: hen I came home from college in the kitchen, facing one another, the Chevra Oseh Chesed of Agudath Israel on semester breaks, my sink and counter between us. 84 William Stroot.Now York, NY 10038 W mother would exclaim, "Oh, I turned to the window behind the (212) 797-9000 Dear! How's my college boy? Tell me sink and held a cup of coffee to my lips. every little thing!" The aroma filled my nostrils. My glasses fogged as I breathed. "Isn't that so?" she challenged. I was silent. "You always say that I don't under­ stand," she said, her voice filling with emotion. "You say that I don't know." She moved closer, her head inches from my shoulder. "Well, what do you think I did all the years before you were born?!" she screamed. I turned and glared at her. "I'll tell you!" she cried, her eyes red and quivering as they searched mine. "I lived!"

A NEW INTEGRALITY: NOT RACE ... BUT LOVE OF LEARNING

spent much of the years following college gathering the wayward I arrows from the marks that I had missed and slowly washing myself of black separatism. The end of that process was the joy of becoming Jewish and joining a people whose integrality is not race but love of learning. Now, I am not sure what race to call myself. I am an Orthodox Jew and look much like a kollel man. Life is rich with the chal· lenge of better knowing myself and giv· ing freely of that intimate knowledge to my fellow Jews, my wife of one year and our new daughter. The sense of purpose that such a challenge inspires is not eas­ ily expressed in color. I think I shall call myself yellow-white-silver-mahogany· brown-black-gray... and sky-blue, ringed with forest-green and severed cloud, like the blur of a passing train on its tracks and the shrill stillness of the large world in its wake. •

40 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 Dr. Meir Wikler

as the isolated pedestrians turned into trickles which grew into rushing streams, as they converged on .the Old City. On the other hand, she was also somewhat apprehensive. A few of her friends had warned Alyson that the ((egalitarian minyan;' barely a stone's throw from the Kosel, would not only be unwelcome, but it might even be unsafe. In spite of her misgivings, she con­ tinued as planned to join her group. Most of what took place that morning is now history, splashed across the front pages of every Jewish newspaper around the world. Even though a band of police sur­ rounded the group that Alyson joined, angry taunts and insults were hurled at them from some thoughtless, young chareidim. "Why are they so angry with SHAVUOS, 5758 us?" Alyson wondered, oblivious to the pain and anguish caused by her group's presence at the Kosel, totally unaware of the sacrilege in which she was partici­ he aura of Shavuos entered our "Even though I really never knew or pating. home early this year - even even met any religious Jews while I was Then objects replaced words, and Tthough it was still more than two growing up;' Alyson shared with us, "I Alyson was shocked to see people weeks before Purim. always had the highest respect for throwing food and plastic bags of A busload of sixth graders, who them ... until I spent my junior year in chocolate milk, one of which landed and attend different public or secular private Israel two years ago." splattered dangerously close to the sefer schools but the same after-school Tal­ Alyson then went on to describe an Torah. Again, Alyson asked herself, mud Torah, were coming to New York episode that took place on Shavuos dur­ "Why are they acting this way?" for a JEP sponsored Shabbaton in Born ing her year of study at the Hebrew Uni­ As the crowd raised their voices, Park. The girls' two chaperons - the versity. Her story left us stunned. And someone lifted a rock and threw it into director of the Talmud Torah and one it reminded us how Kial Yisroel was only the group, striking Alys

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 41 Alyson, still traumatized, only nod­ emng in an Orthodox synagogue at Jf he reads these pages, let him be ded, affirmatively. home today. As a result of his kind gratified to learn how far his words "Well, I would like to apologize to you words, I learned that while some Jews traveled. "Devarim hayotz'im min halev on behalf of the Orthodox community burn bridges, others build them. nichnasim el halev - words that for the treatment you received today. I e1nanate from the heart penetrate the truly hope you realize that we don't all "' heart." advocate or even condone violence. And But even if that anony1nous, sensitive we certainly don't hate you. I believe that and caring Yid never learns the rest of you were sincerely trying to practice ne anonymous, religious Jew the story, we can learn from his exan1- Judaism as best as you know how. You felt a sense of responsibility ple what it means to truly feel a sense were horribly mistreated. Please accept 0 for another, not-yet-obser­ of achrayus - that same feeling of my apology for what happened:' vant Jew. He couldn't leave the Kosel areivus which merited us the glorious Speechless, Alyson again could only without expressing an apology, hop­ privilege of receiving the Torah on Har nod, affirmatively. ing that his words would offset the Sinai. II On the way home, Alyson reflected impact of others' thoughtlessness. to herself on the stranger's apology. "It Did he know his words would have so was as if he reversed the entire incident!» much impact? Did he realize that his Two years later, recounting the sincerity and concern would eventu­ episode at our Shabbos table, Alyson ally propel Alyson into the warm added, "The apology was so meaning­ embrace of authentic Yiddishkeit? ful to me. I was deeply touched by it. Could he possibly envision that his That man had no idea that I had been warmth and kindness would result, hit by a rock. And then he came along two years later, in Alyson's leading a and showed me another side of Ortho­ bus-load of public-school-attending doxy. Had I left without hearing his Jewish children on a JEP Shabbaton in apology, I know that I would not be dav- Boro Park? r.------~

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State, ------·~·,.. Now With Largest Dance Floor In N.Y.C. Date Effective ______Check our 25th Annivmary Spase allow 4-6 weeks for al! changes to be reflected on your mailing fabel. We wll! not be responsible for back issues missed unless you notify us 6 weeks prior to your move. L------~ 42 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 THE WORLD OF THE BAAL TESHUVA Leah Dolinger

important cere1nony that needed to take place in the life of her first-born son. Redeeming the Even if he was already twenty. So I explained the basic idea, talked about the kohanim, mentioned the avoda in the Reis Hamikdash, and expressed a deep First Born . . . and yearning to see it with my own eyes. Natasha and her mother were spell­ bound - and saddened. Spellbound by the glory and the grandeur that once was Then Came the Tears ours, and saddened that it is gone - and they, never having known anything, are so bereft and torn away without even a lex stood in the Reis Hamidrash; - some about his age, and some older, collective 1nemory. Natasha looked at it was seven vcars since his Bar so1ne with short jackets, so1ne long, her son who looked so out of place. A Mitzva and seven years since he some with long swinging peyos, nearly There was an ache for him in her eyes; had stood in a Reis Hamidrash. He all bearded, all black-hatted and deep as if she wanted to shield the once-lit­ seetned both self-conscious, and at a loss into their own thoughtful worlds .... tle boy from whatever pain he must be as to what to do with himself. Where was he, in some kind of time feeling, and clasp him to her heart. When he entered, his grandfather had warp? Wasn't this the year 2000? No, given him a Siddurthat he now held ten­ Alex; it's 5760, and the way oflife denied his was the drama in the kitchen. tatively, and out of the corner of his eye to you, your parents and your grandpar­ In the Kolle!, Ma'ariv was over he furtively glance at the swaying young ents is alive and well. Tand there was a hollow "knock" men davening all around hin1. It was Natasha, Alex's mother, and his on a shtender. "Rabbosai," said a voice, M'a'ariv, and Alex was, well, "trapped;' or grand1nother stood beside me; his "please bring your chairs into the Ezras less aggressively, "stuck" in the Kolle!. father wouldn't come; he didn't believe Nashim. We will now celebrate Alex's So, what was 20-year-old Alex doing in this stuff. "Sasha;' whispered his pidyon haben." The rustling and scrap­ in a Kolle! - trying to fit in with the mother, referring to her eldest son by his ing of chairs carried from a large roon1 shokelling, trying to make out the words pet name, "he almost didn't come. He into a smaller one, and then settled into printed on the Siddurpage! Simple; he was afraid to." silence. Alex had been borne away by the was waiting for his pidyon haben to take I glanced at her, surprised. What is Kolle! Yunge/eit and was momentarily place. Obviously, he was embarrassed to there to be afraid of, at a pidyon haben? lost from our anxious view. VV:hen he be caught in this awkward place, and just Then I realized how utterly nothing they surfaced, he was sitting between the Rosh as obviously bewildered. knew of the wealth of which they were Hayeshiva and the kohein, and opposite From my vantage in the small robbed. his beaming grandfather. kitchen off the Kolle] Reis Midrash, I To have and to have lost is, indeed, Crowded around a long table laden could see this tall, personable and dis­ a tragedy. But to have had - and not to with bread, cakes and cookies, as well as comfitted young man, and tears of won­ have known that one had, and to have grape juice and soda, were the men of der and gratitude rose to my eyes. lost - that is even worse. What a terri­ the Kolle!, two and three deep. Normally, Around this obviously Russian, assi1n­ ble trick to be cheated in that way! And they would run off right after Ma' ariv, ilated-into-Israeli-society immigrant here, in the world in which Alex was liv­ but a pidyon haben was a very special were "Old World;' young, Jewish Kolle] ing - secular Israeli/Russian society- the occasion. 'fhe kohein arose, came into men ... the kind that the Inquisadors stability and the inner peace of a Torah our little enclave in the kitchen, and tried to burn out of Iberia, the kind that life was light years away. In Alex's washed his hands for Hamotzi; the cer­ Stalin and the Bolsheviks tried to rid for world) no one was righting this wrong; emony was underway. Mother Russia, the kind that Hitler tried they didn't see anything wrong. At the Clearly and deliberately, the kohein to erase altogether - and the kind that age of 20, twelve of which he had been guided Alex through the strange and Hashem in His great overwhelming in Eretz Yisroel, in university) one foot uncharted waters of a ritual he knew chessed saved. in the army, swimming well in the nothing of. The Yungeleit were rapt, we It was Shemoneh Esrei, and Alex cyberseas, outreach programs were far, three ladies held our breath, and when looked around at the swaying, silent men far away. Alex brokenly said the beracha of" She­ Even Natasha, who has been on the hecheyanu," the tears finally came. Yes, Mrs. Dolinger lives in Ashdod, where her hus­ band, Rabbi Shaul Dolinger, is Rosh Ycshivll of yeshiva's staff for so many years as a Hashem, I too, am grateful to You that Kiryat Chinuch/Pri Etz Chaim. She is a frequent social worker, had little idea of what a I have witnessed the rebirth of us, Your contributor to various Jewish publications. pidyon haben was - except that it was an people. •

The Jewish Observer, Moy 2000 43 MOTHERS Ar WORK ..• KIDS ON THE FRINGE It)s 4:30 P.M. Do Yo~ kffOW WN'~' Mt MoMMt I~?

To my dear friend "Super Mom," Yes, I read her a story while she is eat­ let. I do the laundry. Whenever I meet you, you question ing. Yes, "I" take my "kids" outside and me, "Aren't you going crazy? You mean No, I an1 not in a rush to get out of "watch" them play. you actually stay home with your kids? the house. Yes, we do chase birds and look for cats. What do you do all day? Isn't it boring? Yes, we have time to color together We rake the leaves. It is quite "boring." Don't they drive you nuts? I could never Yes, I do build Lego. The other day do it," you tell me. ((Baruch Hashen1, I we made a snake. It crawled all around have to go to work:' the room. Yes, my dear friend, I am no "Super Yes, there are days that I get down. Mom." But, yes, I do stay home. Yes, I know in "2000" a mother has Yes, I am there to greet my son when no place if her place is at home. he comes home. Yes, I am the one who But, yes, I do stay at home with my gives him the kiss. Yes, I am the one who kids. gives him cookies with milk. Yes, I do take them out of their cribs Yes, I review the Aleph-Beiswith him. in the morning and say "Modeh Ani" Yes, my dear friend, I stay home. with them. Yes, I try to read them a story at sup- Yes, I do wash their negel vasser in the pertime. Last night it was about Choni morning. Hamagol. Yes, I do feed them their Cheerios. Yes, we bentch when we finish eating. Yes, I clean up after them and get I know I am strange. But I do stay at them dressed. home. Yes, I diaper the baby. Yes, I do lose my patience. I do get Yes, I make lunch for my son, hug him, and listen to Uncle Moishy. angry. I do yell at times. Sometimes I yell bentch him to be successful in his day's Yes, we peel the potatoes together for too much. I know I shouldn't. But, I still learning, and send him off to yeshiva. the vegetable soup. She puts the barley stay home. Before my little daughter eats break­ in the pot after we checked it for bugs. My dear friend, I am no Super Mom. fast, we make a beracha together. No, she does not go to school yet. She I am not a school teacher. I don't have a is 4 years old. business. I am not a seamstress. I am nei­ Yes, I know she should be in school ther a doctor nor a dentist. I am neither Uncle Moishy, already and be one of thirty or more. an office manager nor a speech therapist. Mordechai Ben David, You're right, she should be learning. I am neither a child psychologist nor a and other top-of·the-line I know she needs the stimulation and reading specialist. I am neither an artist friends. ''It's boring at home." nor a writer. Yet I do all of the above. I have Jewish enterJainers But, she also stays home. She stays no degree. I have no profession. I don't are available home with her mommy. She also "does work full time or part time. No, I will not to visit nothing all daY:' She cleans the table with be able to attend the Chessed Elyon sym­ seriously ill a shpritzer. She dries the silverware. She posium tomorrow night, I have no time children counts the potatoes for the kugel. She for speeches or teas. My kids need me. thanks to watches the yeast rise. She colors her own Sometimes my house gets to be a mess. rnn tirimV picture on ordinary white paper. She The laundry isn't always folded on the .ll'Tml :it-n» ., m mn makes the sun green and the grass yel­ spot. I have no dream dining room. What AChessedprqect run by low. She is four, but she stays home. else should I tell you? =-Agudath Imel of America Mommy taught her the Aleph-Beis. She Yes, "I do nothing all day." in conjunction with Suki & Ding Produttions sings to her baby brother when Mommy I stay home. I am a mother. To set up an apPOintment, cill: is busy making beds in the morning. Yours truly, (212)797·9000 EXl:.42 • M·f, 9-5 Yes, I make the beds. I clean the toi- M.A.H.S.K.

44 The Jewish Observer, May 2000 effectiveness of her approach in the cir­ cumstances described. I would like to review both her letter and the article "Buying Ti1ne" in order to clarify some of these issues. The letter mentions the fact that two deaths due to drug overdose have occurred in yeshiva circles in less than a year. Wbile these deaths were certainly tragic, we cannot allow our treatment "BUYING TIME" WHEN THERE IS NONE The suggestions in the article don't of all "problem" children to be driven by fit with the scenario presented in the a panicked fear that they will die of drug I read most of the November issue beginning of the article. They sound overdoses. It has unfortunately become the week of the funeral of a teenager more appropriate with a child not that comn1on for rebellious youth to exper­ who overdosed on drugs. This is the sec­ fJr gone, because how can a parent"cre­ iment with illegal drugs. Fortunately, ond instance in less than a year of a ate some sort of schedule" with a child only a small percentage will become death due to drug overdose that 1 am who responds to "the slightest comment hard core addicts or die of drug over­ aware of in yeshiva circles. or question you pose" with "an explo­ dose. As I wrote in the article, every case Perhaps this is why the article, "Buy­ sive and angry response," or get hitn to must be treated differently. Some are ing Time," didn't sit well with me. Years talk to anyone? And nowadays, a teenag­ involved in 1nore harmful activities than ago, a sports hero died of his first er who is a stranger to his parent js others, and may need to be treated in a encounter with crack. There was "no almost definitely involved in harmful professional facility. Others may not. I time leji to buy." The idea of holding and illegal activities. have worked with many troubled one's breath for a few years until the I would have liked to have seen other youths, including many who have child "con1es to his senses;' while doing points n1entioned, such as the parents, experimented with drugs, and have what one can, not to aggravate the sit­ independent of tbe problem child's found the method of"buying time" to uation, and encouraging the child at the issue, 1naking improvements in their be an effective one, even in such cases. same time, is not practical and not own lives. This could include absentee Many eventually returned to the Torah enough! No, everyone does not settle parents making home their priority, path. down eventually. Some become pot­ fathers going to shiurirn and being seen Mrs. Homnick writes that holding heads or heroin addicts. Some despair learning at home, running a child-cen­ one's breath until a child comes to his and attempt suicide. Some die. tered Shabbos table, getting rid of tele­ senses while trying not to aggravate the A situation in which a child is visions, computers, and newspapers, situation is "not enough." This is cer­ expelled from one yeshiva after anoth­ playing games with one's children, tainly true. It must be acknowledged, er, is a stranger to his parents, has to have going on a family trip, getting rid of any however, that the range of options it explained why he has to be home help other than cleaning help and available may be severely limited. There before4 a.n1., no tefillin, tzitzisetc. is an avoiding having them around when the is rarely a magic formula to immediately emergency. And no, it is highly unlike­ children are home, doing homework remake the child in the image we'd pre­ ly that "something must have happened with younger children, shutting off the fer to see. In dealing with such situa­ at some point that caused this;' and that phone from when the kids come home tions, the focus cannot be on whether the child changed his mindset "dra­ fro1n school until nine o'clock or later, or not a given approach is "enough," but matically:' It is rarely the case. Almost etc. If a teen is still living at home, a rather on whether or not it is the most inevitably, it was a process that took a change in the home environment will effective one, given the actual circum­ long time in developing. The emphasis go a long way towards impacting on stances, and whether it is likely to actu­ must be an awareness of a problen1 in him, even when not directly affecting ally aggravate the problem and make it the making, and learning how to stop him. worse. I would not classify the differ­ it, although I realize that the article is MRS. Y. HoMNICK ent suggestions mentioned in the arti­ addressed to those in a situation which Brooklyn cle as "holding your breath;' but rather got out of hand. as realistic ways to deal with the prob­ Three suggestions on how to buy len11 given the inherent limitations of time and what to do in that time were these situations. We must accept that made: I) having the child speak to some­ AUTHOR'S RESPONSE until the child does come to his senses, one, 2) structuring the child's life, 3) I have read Mrs. Homnick's letter and it will just accelerate his descent if we working on the relationship in as pleas­ find some of her assertions to be accu­ continue to try to forcefully change what ant a manner as possible. rate. I would, however, question the the child has now become. Yes, a child

The Jewish Observer, May 2000 45 who comes home at 4 a.m., doesn't don comment with an angry or explosive ments in their own lives are valid ones. tefillin, etc. is an emergency, but such a response? The answer is that this is She correctly points out that the child still needs to be dealt with care­ where "having the child speak with underlying causes of such situations fully. Encouraging the child, while someone" comes in. 1'his means any­ are likely a process that took along time maintaining a "hands off" approach, and one who can be an intermediary in the in developing. As she correctly noted, all the while closely monitoring his communication process. I have per­ however, "the article is addressed to course may not be ({enough,n but may sonally worked with, taught, and had those in a situation which got out of be the only way to deal with an emer­ living in my home kids who have been hand. It is these situations that I refer gency of this nature. angrily and explosively opposed to their to as representing a dramatic change parents and home, but have been able in the child's mindset. This change can Scheduling the Recalcitrant Youth to "create some sort of schedule" and frequently be attributed to a specific bought for themselves and their parents time or event, and can actually take Mrs. Homnick asks, How can a par­ not just months but years of time. place relatively quickly. In light of the ent create some sort of schedule with Mrs. Homnicks' final points about magnitude of this change in mindset, a child who responds to the slightest the need for parents to make improve- the approach implied by Mrs. Hom­ nick is "not enough." Though "a Advertise in the change in the home environment" would have gone "a long way towards Sixteenth Annual Edition impacting on him" before that dra­ matic moment, it does not go nearly CATSKILL SUMMER as far after the dramatic change has taken place. The method described in my article is geared towards CALENDAR & DIRECTORY coping with this dramatically changed Get Your Message to Where You Want It/! situation. In conclusion, the object of the arti­ Distributed to all - Bungalow Colonies, Vacation Homes, cle "Buying Time" was this: when the Hotels, Motels, Camps in the Catskill area. situation is out of hand, and you're at For More Information, Call or Write to: a loss and don't know what to do, don't Catskill Summer Directory • panic. There is hope. And the way for P.O.B. 400 Fallsburg, NY 12733 parents to survive it is to correctly assess where the child is mentally and Phone: 914-434-5240 Ext 106/Fax: 914-434-1009 emotionally right now and to imple­ A PUBUCA110N PROJECT of YESfDVA GEDOLAHZICHRONMOSHE ment the different methods to buy this crucial time. RABBI MICHOEL LEVY Jonah's Fashion Inc.

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