Week 3, Semester 1, 2014 honi soit Qui MUNK Y Pants

Library plans spark dispute Georgia Behrens reports on growing tensions between unions and the university.

Staff unions have entered structure, with fewer generalist President Grant Wheeler the potential impact they would into a formal dispute with positions and a greater number said that library staff had have on staff. the University of Sydney of specialist, technical, and been kept in the dark about over proposed changes to the managerial staff. how the changes would affect The university has insisted university library system. their employment. that these changes will not necessarily result in a Both the National Tertiary “We don’t know how many staff reduction of overall numbers Education Union (NTEU) and “We don’t know will be retained, and how many of permanent staff, but has Community & Public Sector how many could be made redundant. conceded that some are likely Union (CPSU) lodged formal We don’t know what sort of to take voluntary redundancies disputes on Friday, claiming staff will be retraining staff will have to in light of changes to their that university management undergo. We don’t know what job descriptions. had failed to comply with retained, and sort of jobs people will be obligations to staff in its required to do once all these “We’re anticipating that most management of various how many changes have been made,” of our changed needs can be library reforms. he said. met by re-distributing current could be made staff and resources. We will The proposed reforms, first “The university is very happy be doing all we can to help reported by Honi last Monday, redundant.” to talk about outcomes, and our staff re-train and re-settle include plans to convert two Since the publication of everything it’s going to achieve, themselves in new positions if satellite campus libraries into the proposal in February, but it’s extremely selective necessary,” university librarian “self-access” libraries without the CPSU and NTEU have about the information it Anne Bell said. permanent staff, and to adapt stated their frustration at releases when it comes to the the Badham and Medical the “inadequate” levels of measures they’re going to take.” Libraries into postgraduate- consultation they believe only study facilities. to have taken place between Wheeler said the unions were staff and the university. formally entering dispute in continued The Draft Change Proposal the hope of getting more on page 4 also suggests modifications to Prior to lodging the formal detailed information about the university library staffing dispute, USyd’s CPSU Branch the university’s plans and 3 Letters 12 Pictures and porn letters 4-5 News 14-15 Feature: The lost graduates of AusAID

6 The Manning Files 16 Learning lessons and SRC stupidity would be nonsensical to have although, during a short period author’s apparent taste for the 6 The USU responds 17 SRC Help some sort of evaluation process of Labor right control, a Pizza Hut theatrical was when he suggested Contents 7 Right from the ‘art: Refugee art project 18-19 SRC Reports Do we in place ready to go to see if this opened in Wentworth. This led to it was somehow a grave scandal is an effective and successful idea, endless attacks on the Union for that a Catholic Mass was offered honi soit 8 Navigating the Stanley Parable 20 Puzzles and quizzes or whether Sydney’s world beaters allowing capitalistic oppression as an optional activity for students issue #3 9 Sporting bans a bizarre moral toss-up 21 What’s On really end up beating themselves in the student safe space of at what was essentially a 10 Young guns: army recruiting 22-23 Honey Soy the most. Wentworth and, once control Catholic Independent School. returned to the left, the lease Quick, someone better call 11 Profile: Erik Jensen 24 SRC Services advertisement (we’re just want kidding, it’s another NDA ad!) Yours, expired and so did the Pizza Hut. ‘Today Tonight!’ 12 Getting social at the new town club nocturnal Arghya Gupta VSU wreaked havoc on many I would happily acknowledge aspects of student life but trust the flaws of the Opus Dei MBBS IV me, campus food was not one movement and schools (there We acknowledge that Honi Soit’s office is located on the traditional lands of the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. We would like to acknowledge librarians? of them. are numerous), but in the shadow the Traditional Owners of the land on which we work and pay our respects to the Elders past and present. of such a melodramatic account Stuart Midgley Dear Honi, my criticisms wont make nearly Dining in as thrilling a read. I know it’s A little article by Georgia Behrens sometimes hard to admit to how notified me that Fisher would be the land mediocre and undramatic our lives Editorial trialling 24 hour access areas. Some love really are, but suggesting that Cute, but don’t we already have secretive “cults” are invading Hello and welcome to week three. By now you’ve their matching stationery and highlighted notes the Carslaw Labs (amongst before for Opus our education system is a little probably broken between seven and nine New and praiseworthy contributions and general air Engineering, Medical, and far-fetched and paranoid, even Year’s Resolutions, stopped attending lectures of superiority­ - they don’t. It’s week three for that-place-under-Fisher after for Honi Soit. entirely, and resolved to sit in sullen silence everyone, the optimism of a new year is fading hours facilities)? time Dear Honi, during tutorials because fuck you who are you for everyone, and we’re all wading through the Yours Sincerely, to tell me my contributions “aren’t exactly what shit together. Have these people (specifically, Dear Honi, I found the ‘expose’ on Opus Dei the reading was about”? You’ve also probably oft quoted University librarian by Andrew Bell in your most Brigid Meney already resorted to using the word “hegemony” To ensure you get through to week four, we Anne Bell) been to any of the Christina White’s overview recent edition to be entertaining where it isn’t really applicable, drunk more recommend you do all of the following this week: Masters Nursing II 24 hour access labs on campus? of campus food options (Too but fanciful. alcohol than you’ve eaten fruit, and pretended eat a cronut, watch some otter videos, engage Not only are they noisy and bad you can’t eat sandstone, to discover god multiple times in order to snag in a pointless Facebook argument, wash your crowded, they also serve as an O-Week edition) leads this aged Having spent nearly three years a snag off the EU three times in one week. In sheets (seriously mate), pat a pug, floss twice international student hostel, postgraduate to reminisce that, at the same Opus Dei schools that short: it’s week three and you’re back into the daily, have some bevs with fronds, unfriend and Mr Bell has written such a story Prices a snack bar, and the closest however bad things are today, swing of things. Only five weeks until midsem! punch the next person who links or likes “20 online gaming room this side of they were far, far worse in my about, I can’t say my experience Strangers Kiss For The First Time” and READ Broadway. Having the third floor undergraduate years of 1999-2002. was anywhere nearly as dramatic. up 66% But don’t let the drudgery and unbridled THIS PAPER. It’s our gift to you – a machete of Fisher will allow it to befall the I am genuinely disappointed, as wankery and stress of university life get to with which to slash your way through the same fate. Back then almost every food my geography class may have been you too much, hey. While that git in your tute Dearest Honi, sweaty, slimy and riotous jungle that is week outlet on campus was Union slightly more interesting had the might look like they have it all together with three. See you on the other side. As an ardent student, and one run. The Union boards, secure in teacher walked around with blood Congratulations on a great issue who has used campus libraries their annual compulsory student streaming down her body from last week. Great except for one until 10pm more than anyone else unionism income ($408 a year per religious corporal-mortification, thing: in my General Secretary’s on campus the past three, if not student in 1998, automatically while whipping her back and Report I marvelled at Vegesoc’s seven, years (challenge presented), directed to the Union no matter chanting a secret Catholic mantra. Letter of the week! “$3 lunches”. It seems this was I can assure Ms Bell and anyone what the University wanted) How to avoid a quarter a one-off, and the regular price Dear Sir, or Madem, Gloves, Dressing Gloves, Driving Gloves, else that 24 hour study spaces firmly believed that private Mr Bell’s assessment of religion will be $5 as per usual, which Wheel Chair Gloves, Rugby Gloves, semester crisis: are cacophony to the eyes, ears, enterprise was evil. being used as a precondition for I Hope you are very Fine, And All types of Sports Gloves...... and nose, and the furthest thing socialising during his school years includes seconds. 1. Join your ‘friends’ on the Law Lawns. Remember to bring: conducive to effective study. Unfortunately they also seemed to can be likened to the geeks joining My deepest apologies for this After Compliments, I would like to take We assure our best quality as well anecdotes about yachting in Croatia, your HSC results think that freshness was the work the chess club to make friends. an opportunity to introduce our company as the best services, also in a very break-down, and a series of obnoxious ill-informed opinions. delicious mistake. If anyone manages to get actual of Satan and nutrition a capitalist It is more of a reflection on your with hopping our best future business suitable rate. study done there, they can study plot. Considerable effort was average awkward teen’s self- relationships. Our Company is one of the 2. If you often sleep with your housemate don’t tell her Sincerely, in the middle of the Devonshire expended on expunging all traces confidence, than the ‘luring and best Companies in Pakistan, dealing:- Awaiting for your prompt reply for husband. This is particularly true if you still live at home. entrapping’ nature of a religious our long and healthy business terms. St tunnel so as long as they have of imperialist tastiness whilst WiFi, or, you know, at home. group or chess club. Mariana Podesta-Diverio Weightlifting Gloves for women, If given an opportunity we shall never 3. Buy your ‘Men of Physics’ calendar on Wednesday the serving staff were given the Weightlifting Gloves for men, Cycling let you down in any case.Hope to hear on Eastern Avenue. Full price: $15. Jeans and Joggers finest Soviet anti-customer-service However what highlighted the Arts (Sociology Hons.) Gloves , Sailing Gloves, Police Gloves, from you soon. discount: $10. The other major issue which is training available. Skydiving Gloves, Mechanic Gloves, being kindly forgotten by most, PaintBall Gloves, Winter Gloves, Best Regards 4. The perks of an ACCESS card include: including Jen Light and previous Five of the six food outlets on Working Gloves, Wellding Gloves, $2.80 Moove at Wentworth, an instrument SRC campaigners before her for campus (Wentworth cafeteria, Baseball batting Gloves, Childern Muzammal Attari for cutting a line of coke, and an ill-advised the same issue, is the outcome on old Manning cafeteria, Holme butt-plug. Use yours wisely. student mental health of the idea ‘Buttery’, Bosch and Engineering Have a thought? of a 24 hour library. Sure, many kiosks) were owned and run by 5. A reminder to Vet and Philosophy world class universities have 24 students that heavy-petting remains the Union and they all served Just one? Mistakes in the Week 2 edition of the crossword hour libraries, but has anyone illegal in NSW. the same food. Literally. Apologies occurred as a result of an editorial oversight. Sorry done a cross-cohort study about Just a single one? to crossword producers and readers for this mistake. how the sleep times, moods, and Sausages that had aged three depression scales are changing by hours in a bain-marie, soggy the users of such libraries? Are chips and horrific catering trays these libraries at least staffed for of pasta/cheese melts (also aged Write a letter to the whole 24 hours (my bet is that under lights) were the mainstays. they’re probably more staffed than A weekly ‘special’ was offered for editors Credits Sydney’s libraries; *zing*)? students who were on a budget. Editor-in chief: Georgia Kriz masthead illustration: Helen Xue contributors: Cameron Smith, It was usually some unidentifiable @honisoit.com Anjali Vishwanathan Increased self-imposed stress, a meat in a bright yellow curry Editors: Georgia Behrens, Felix Donovan, John reporters: Sarah Armstrong, Elliot Brennan, lack of sleep, and a non-conducive sauce squeezed from a big plastic Gooding, Andrew Passarello, Justin Pen, Astha Rajvanshi, Cameron Caccamo, Adam Chalmers, Rupert Coy, Dominic artists/photographers: environment are negative factors Michael Rees, Lane Sainty, Christina White Ellis, Eleanor Gordon-Smith, Nick Gowland, Zeb Holmes, Alexandra Mildenhall, Jay Ng catering bottle and then spooned Sam Jonscher, Tom Joyner, Alex McKinnon, Patrick all round. I think before student onto over-cooked white rice. creative director: Judy Zhu Morrow, Sarah Mourney, Harry Stratton, Mary Ward, puzzles/quizzes: Paps representatives start championing Soylent would have been an We’ll print your Jeff Wong, Isabelle Youssef, Naaman Zhou the idea of extending the Carslaw improvement. Labs to an extra 40 square metres lone thought. DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Dover Dubosarsky, Jennifer Light, Miranda Smith, India O’Neill, Naaman Zhou, Phoebe Corleone, Sonia Feng. All expressions are on the third floor of Fisher, it The sole alternative was Ralph’s published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. 2 3 news news Unions enter formal dispute continued from page 1 Georgia Behrens has been hanging out in the stacks. Unis lobby to deregulate fees “But it is possible that there will the right way for them,” he said. performance standards and of reforms the university has The Group of Eight submission reveals a push for revenue, writes Nick Gowland. be some staff members who do not “inherent diseconomies of scale” proposed in the past few decades feel that they are suited to the new In a statement provided to within the current system. in an effort to rationalise the models for whatever reasons, in Honi on Friday, a university delivery of library services. Sydney University Vice-Chancellor places (CSPs) and uncap tuition he indicated that he endorsed the university accessible, but which case that is a choice they spokesperson said: According to data from the Michael Spence stated that it fees for courses in law, commerce, the “broad thrust” of the Go8 it’s not being distributed in an are entitled to make.” Council of Australian University In 2011, Fisher Library removed would be “not unfair” to both scrap economics and accounting where recommendations. equitable way,” she said. “The university has been engaged Librarians, the overall almost 500,000 books and journals the Commonwealth-supported graduates “generally enjoy high Wheeler said that morale in a very broad and extensive performance of USyd libraries from its collection to make way places in and uncap tuition for private returns”. University of Sydney SRC Sydney University Law Society remained extremely low consultation process about the relative to their Australian and for more student study spaces. courses like Law, Economics, Education Officer Ridah Hassan Equity Officer Natalie Czapski amongst library staff despite future shape of the library… New Zealand counterparts has Since 1990, more than ten Commerce and Accounting. Under the current demand-driven has slammed the submissions as criticised the Go8’s assumption these assurances. We hope we will be able to resolve drastically declined in the past 20 university libraries have been funding regime, the Government further evidence of universities that graduates of Band 1 courses [the dispute] during a meeting years. A recent survey of students’ closed and had their collections The comment was made in relation subsidises fees for all domestic prioritising dividends over will earn more and thus be in a “We all just have a huge cloud next week. The university is perceptions of their university redistributed. to a submission to the Federal students enrolled in undergraduate quality of education. position to pay off increased debt. of uncertainty constantly hanging committed to discussing this libraries placed USyd in the lowest Government’s ongoing review of bachelor degrees. In the case of She claimed that the current job over our heads at the moment. matter in good faith.” quartile in four out of the five Bell said that, while there were demand-driven university funding the ‘Band 1’ subjects named in the “I think it’s clear that universities market for law graduates was Most staff have very little faith areas covered. currently no plans in place to close made by the Group of Eight (Go8), submission, the Commonwealth these days operate as businesses poor, and the “damaging” Go8 in the University to go about The reforms have been proposed any further libraries, “nothing is a lobby group composed of the subsidises 16 per cent of tuition and view their degrees as recommendations would “box managing these changes in by Bell to address slipping This the latest in a number ruled in, and nothing is ruled out”. Vice-Chancellors from the leading fees. Student foot the rest of commodities to be sold. If they people into going after high paid eight Australian universities. the bill either up-front or under get away with privatising corporate careers” at the expense The review is being conducted the HECS-HELP deferred debt some degrees, it will give them of community justice and law by economist Andrew Norton, scheme. confidence to start privatising reform. and former Liberal Minister for others so it’s pretty bad for all End is nigh for Raue case Education Dr David Kemp. However, if CSPs were to be students,” she said. Czapski said that the assumption removed, this private contribution was especially problematic The USU’s legal drama has reached its final chapter, writeJohn Gooding and Justin Pen. The submission, made in December would rise by around $2000 a year. Echoing the argument of an considering most high-earning 2013 but released to the public Further, the result of uncapping SRC submission to the review law graduates put hours of unpaid The NSW Supreme Court was board announced a meeting “It is unfortunate that Tom made directors trying to roll me affect last week, argues that research tuition fees would be a 30-40 per last year, Hassan cautioned that work into clerkships, which are expected to pass judgement this where it would vote to expel the decision to litigate this matter, my work,” said Raue. quality in Australian universities cent increase in base course fees, any increase in deferred debt simply not an option for many past Monday on Raue v. Morris, him. The move to expel Raue but that is a decision he made and declined after the influx of students the submission projects. If Band would be a disincentive for lower low SES students. the case between University was prompted by him providing is out of the Board’s control.” “If it doesn’t go my way, I will do to uncapped university places was 1 courses were to be effectively socioeconomic status students to of Sydney Union (USU) Vice Honi Soit with a quote from a my best to convince the board that not adequately met by increases in privatised as suggested, the HECS study particular courses. She also “I think it would be a shame if President Tom Raue and President confidential report. Morris stated that after the removing me is bad for the union funding. The submission contains debt for a three-year Bachelor of rejected the Go8’s suggestion that accessibility to the justice system Hannah Morris. judgement she will meet with the regardless of whether they are a slew of recommendations Commerce degree would increase privatisation would increase the and the people actually working Morris stated last Friday that other executive members of the legally allowed to do so. aimed at balancing funding by by 53 per cent, from $29,934 to quality and accessibility of in it came from higher means or a The timing of the judgment the USU is “looking forward to Board and discuss how to move deregulating tertiary education. $45,750. tertiary education. particular background,” she said. together with Honi Soit’s printing the hearing being over”. forward from there. “[The case] has been a very schedule means we are unable to isolating experience and involved The most controversial proposal is Although Spence maintained any “The people who run the Go8 Dr Kemp and Mr Norton’s report cover it this week, but check the “I don’t regret the decision that the Raue was more specific when a lot of hard work all because to allow universities the option to increase in private contributions universities get millions of dollars on demand driven funding will be website (honisoit.com) or next executive made. The removal of a discussing his prospects following of one sentence which seems a forgo Commonwealth-supported would require Senate approval, a year collectively. There is plenty released to the public later week’s issue for the latest. Director was never going to be an the delivery of the judgement. bit trivial. Sometimes I wonder of money to make all degrees in this year. easy process, and I was under no whether I should have taken the The case is a result of an injunction apprehension that it would be,” “If it does go my way, I will easy path, but in the end I think in October of last year brought she said. continue to do my job and try not to that I did what was best for the against Morris by Raue after the let the unpleasantness of my fellow members of the USU.”

[ t i m e l i n e ] Thanks to Max Chalmers, Adam From the boardroom to the courtroom Chalmers and Xiaoran Shi. Plagiarism, schmagiarism Lane Sainty attended the first SRC meeting of the year and all she got was this lousy article. June 21, 2013 24 September, 2013 20 December, 2013

USU Vice President Tom Raue leaks confidential information from an internal report toHoni Soit. Factional fighting dominated the at length from the 2013 edition The controversial motion did not downplay the importance of Raue is elected Further procedural first Students’ Representative included Political Economy, Vet pass smoothly, causing heated plagiarism rather than defend unopposed by delays postpone the the Board as Raue’s information reveals the University had some degree of control over police during industrial final day of the Court. Council meeting of 2014, with Science, Sociology, Economics and discussion and accusations of the actions of Hassan and Morley. Vice President action, which took place last year and resulted in numerous reports of police brutality and injuries The matter is heard a motion passed condemning the the Sydney College of the Arts. factional pettiness. Both Eleanor of the USU. to students. on December 20, with Education Officers for plagiarising The re-using of articles caused Morley and Ridah Hassan “Plagiarism is not the biggest both parties providing sections of this year’s Counter out-of-date information to appear expressed a belief that the thing in the world,” said Anna Raue cites the significant value of “the public interest” in his decision to disclose this information, closing submissions. Course handbook. in the handbook, including motion was a matter of political Sanders-Robinson, SAlt member contrary to the wishes of the other Executive members the Board. reviews of courses that are point scoring. and an SRC Global Solidarity The motion, moved by Julia Robins no longer taught. Officer. “This obsession with of Sydney Labor Students (a Labor “The point of this motion is to plagiarism…whatever,” said Omar Left faction), asked Education The handbook also mentioned hang us out to dry,” said Hassan. Hassan, SAlt member and an Officers Ridah Hassan and Socialist Alternative on pages The pair also offered their poor SRC Mature Age Students Officer. 31 August, 2012 30 September, 2013 15 November, 2013 Eleanor Morley, both of Socialist two and three, and on page five handover as a defence, saying “There was no malicious intent.” Alternative (SAlt), to publicly included a paragraph spruiking that they had worked hard on The Board censures University of The USU announces Following a series of procedural delays, the matter is brought before the Supreme apologise in Honi Soit for recycling the Marxism 2014 conference to the handbook. After lengthy discussion of the Sydney Union Board Director Tom Raue. a move to expel Court in mid-November. work without attribution and be held in Melbourne. motion, an SLS member requested Raue from office promoting SAlt in the handbook. However, Julia Robins denied the the vote be carried out via secret The censure motion is based upon following alleged The proceedings, initiated by Raue, contest the constitutional validity of the Board’s comments made by Raue concerning “serious misconduct” authority to dismiss Directors and further challenge the allegation of “serious Julia Robins said the SAlt motion was politically motivated. ballot, at which point Hassan and members of the pro-life club, LifeChoice regarding the misconduct” put forward by the Board on 30 September, 2013. In the 2014 Counter Course references set a “dangerous “It was not supposed to be ‘political Morley exited the room in protest, Sydney, denouncing the USU in his “deliberate disclosure handbook, aimed at providing precedent,” and that future use point scoring,’ it was supposed to along with all other SAlt members capacity as SRC Vice President for of confidential USU CEO Andrew Woodward, President Hannah Morris, Vice President Tom Raue, a students’ view of the courses of SRC resources for political be correcting a wrong that had in attendance. approving the society in his capacity, information” contrary Honorary Treasurer Sophie Stanton, Human Resources Manager Sandra Hardy, and offered at USyd, the Ancient advertising could jeopardize the been done,” she said. in a report published by Hoit Soit, and to USU Regulations, Events Manager Lee Devereux appear as witnesses to testify on these issues. History and Geography articles Students Services and Amenities The motion passed 21 to three, for encouraging members of the Sydney Duty Statements Several SAlt members spoke with four abstentions. University Atheist Society to boycott and Handling of were identical to those found in Fee funding received by the SRC. The case is adjourned till December 6. The interlocutory injunction is extended to against the motion, opting to Interfaith Week, a USU program. Grievances Policy. December 9. 2013. Further articles quoted

4 5 the manning files opinion Straight from the ‘art So it turns out they (literal) sausage-fest. “We had no Hey, mind your own Oh my god that’s like so exotic! Also, don’t hate each other problem with what the EU did,” racism! is India really dustier than Australia? Asylum seekers should be empowered not pitied, writes Anjali Vishwanathan. these days Vice President of the Catholic Society That seems unlikely. of St Peter Christopher Pinto. Last week, the University of Sydney The Evangelical Union seemingly Business School joined the ranks of Climbing the stairway “What’s this?” Art Project, which facilitates a stories. “When my made an ecumenical faux pas after “We by no means take offence and the University of Sydney Union and to swole platform for asylum seekers to drawings are clean, I feel holding a Week One welcoming BBQ we don’t think they had any malice; St. Paul’s with an all-caps display of A SERCO guard picks up one of express their despairs, hopes, that my heart is clean,” on Ash Wednesday, a day on which they were just trying to build up new racial insensitivity. The Manning Files have received word Catholics are unable to eat meat. members.” that Led Zeppelin’s enthralling epic the notebooks that emerge from and fears, has been banned from one refugee says. In doing so, the EU - which describes “Keen to knock off a 6 credit point Stairway to Heaven has made it onto the security screening belt and entering Villawood as a volunteer itself as “a student-run Christian EU President Matthew Hill said subject during Uni break from a the Sydney University Gym playlist. begins to slowly leaf through it. organisation. Their website is Beyond Villawood, the group” - appeared to have excluded that the society had not received any DUSTY INDIAN VILLAGE?” read Its pages are filled with delicate blocked from computers and a artworks are printed in 36 per cent of Australia’s Christian complaints about the event. While the an announcement on the School’s Whilst this song is a classic, Manning and haunting Manga-style ink service provider notice announces zines or feature in local population from their Sunken majority of EU members identify as Blackboard. Closer inspection of the Files is of the opinion that it’s fairly Lawns celebration. Protestant, Hill said that the non- 40K website, the program’s chief unsuited to smashing cardio or illustrations. She looks at me, that it bears ‘suspicious’ content. exhibitions. They tell denominational society had “a range sponsor, reveals the “DUSTY INDIAN grinding out some reps. Unless her brow furrowed. a very different story We thought that this might be a of EU members from Catholics to VILLAGE” in question is, in fact, an you’re on the StairMaster, of course. The Project was instituted in from dry, intimidating great meaty story, but no. Apparently Protestants and all the denominations ostensibly nameless “village right next “Did you do these?” Catholics on campus didn’t mind within those groups”. to Bangalore!” 2010 by a collective of academics statistics or the rhetoric missing out on the non-denominational and artists concerned by the that prevails in the “Uh yeah. I-I was just taking inhumanity of Australia’s mainstream media them in” detention policies. It has since which keeps asylum grown to occupy a unique seekers anonymous and The guard seems unconvinced position amidst Sydney’s activist inhuman in the public but she gives it back and my heart enclaves as it operates in direct mind. Such constricted gradually begins to dislodge from collaboration with refugees. flows of information mean my throat. that even among those Inside the detention centre, dedicated to advocating The drawings are the work of the process of creating artworks for their rights, asylum a 15-year-old refugee, living in provides a therapeutic outlet for seekers are reduced Well, we tried Villawood’s Immigration Detention creative expression. The refugee to the abject tragedies Centre. This is the first time in activist movement has a tendency of their past. They are Letter from the USU The assertion that these 2 Restrictions on the voting rights of Soit publishing these democratic my experience that guards have to be a little self-indulgent. It often romanticised as hapless Senate-appointed Directors wield Board Directors are contained in 7.4 avenues open to USU members. paid such close attention and this emphasises the activists’ own victims of our policies; Board “disproportionate influence over the of the USU Constitution. There are We also hope that in future, editors woman, who bears a Southern ire and nudges asylum seekers’ not only disempowered inherently exclusionary direction of the USU” is a spurious several avenues open to members and reporters of this paper seek Cross tattoo, is notoriously perspectives to the periphery. but even weak or necessitous. of people in tenuous and We write in response to an article claim at best. Senate-appointed seeking to make alterations to the comment from the Board when temperamental. However, through art, men The Refugee Art Project’s zines vulnerable situations. published in last week’s edition Directors play a commensurate, Constitution. (1) A resolution passed naming individual directors. and women behind barbed wire are reliant on autonomous and Most refugees staunchly guard titled, “The Democratic Deficit”. rather than disproportionate, role on by a two-thirds majority of Members Cameras, phones and journalists are enabled to enter the public creative expression. They combat their social media presence with the Union Board. They are bound by present and voting at the Annual As always, the Board welcomes and are generally prohibited inside pseudonyms and profile pictures The University of Sydney Union the same Constitution, Regulations, General Meeting; (2) a resolution encourages member feedback. This discourse on their own terms. the tendency for refugees to be detention centres. So it is of flowers or cloying babies. Board is comprised of 11 Directors Duty Statements, fiduciary duties passed by a two-thirds majority of can be directed to the President’s As we sit together and draw, anonymised by well-meaning elected by popular student vote, 2 and legal liability as other members Members present and voting at a email ([email protected]), unsurprising that the Refugee we build friendships and exchange activists as well as opportunistic To insist that they agitate through Senate-appointed Directors and the of the Board. General Meeting, or; (3) a resolution or to the Board directly at our politicians. the city’s main streets while Immediate Past President of the passed by a simple majority of at monthly members forums. flanked by antagonistic policemen Union. In the past, the Union Board The article included a contract least 4,000 Members voting in Examining these comics opens is an unreasonable demand. has sought suitable candidates to fill addressed to 6 Directors regarding a referendum. Yours (non)contractually, a window to their lived realities. vacancies for the 2 Senate-appointed the role of Senate-appointed Directors We see that suffering is typically This does not signify that asylum Directors. Candidates are selected on in upcoming Executive Elections. Though a Big Mac would have been Board Directors manifested in smaller fragments seekers must be clambered over merit, experience and independence. nice, in the interests of an informed University of Sydney Union and spoken for. It highlights the readership we would appreciate Honi of memory. We’re invited to share tender moments of friendship need for advocates of refugee between two men amidst the rights to adopt diverse and grim surroundings of the detention creative approaches to their We want to thank the Board Directors trust our elected representatives to it says nothing of the conversations need to; we hope that we can trust that centre. A child illustrates her advocacy; to be contemplative and for their letter and for engaging in act on our behalf. that can be had between elected and the people we elected to represent us fright at the discovery of giant be reflective of the spaces they public debate about the way that our unelected directors. will fight for a student-run student crabs one night on Christmas have opened up. student union is run. It is a debate not In voting for them, we determined union. Island; later, her consternation about the use of power in an abstract that they would serve our interests. We certainly could try and stack out at the adults who won’t take her The decision to actively pursue the way, but about how best a student In electing them, we decided that we the AGM at the end of the year and We’re also kind of worried we don’t story seriously. Another poignant dream of safety and embark on its organisation worth $22m annually wanted them to be in the room on our demand constitutional change. have enough mates. Please don’t pass journey is a brave one. It reveals a can spend that wealth to enrich the zine is dedicated to the memory behalf, calling the shots for the Union We hope, however, that we won’t the buck on this one. fierce independence; that asylum student experience at this university. that we pay for the pleasure of being of our friend Ahmad Ali Jafari, a part of. a detainee who passed away in seekers are not victims but fighters If you missed it, last week we Once upon a time... detention last year due to guards’ with temerity. They should not expressed concern about the They are right to remind us of the negligence. Art provides a medium evoke pity in the advocates for Senate-appointed directors voting avenues that exist for us to change to create an enduring tribute to his their rights. in the election of the USU executive. the constitution. But they should “I believe that the passion and creativity of student memory. This takes on particular It frightens us that the vote of these not be blind to the easiest avenue control will be the driving energy of growth in the significance when the details To relegate refugees to passive directors, neither elected nor students, available: to use the power we gave coming years.” of SERCO’s misconduct are not recipients, as we often do, imposes could swing a close election. We think them to act in the student interest. Tim Matthews, USU Board Director reported in the media. a double-oppression. It strips them this would be anti-democratic: taking of the basic agency that they came control of the student union out of They are correct that section 7.4 of the here to claim over their lives. student hands. USU Constitution puts restrictions on The refugee activist community Refugees should not be merely the voting rights of Board Directors. “I want to heighten transparency in USU was recently jolted by a statement Our student directors, in their letter This section merely prevents the CEO governance, and create a progressive and inclusive written by Liz Thompson, a former included in the protest. It is theirs. above, seek to shirk responsibility for and the Immediate Past President organisation that empowers student decision- making.” migration agent who leaked the ensuring that the student union is from voting in executive elections. Bebe D’Souza, USU Board Director recent events on Manus Island. student-run. That section does not compel the Among other things, Thompson directors to seek the votes of the accused the refugee movement of They advise us to turn up to the USU unelected colleagues who sit beside excluding the voices of refugees. AGM in with some like-minded mates, them on Board, nor even does the “At USyd, we have one awfully beautiful university illustration by or get 4000 of our mates to vote in section stop them from asking those - I mean, just look at the Quad!” However, she fails to note the root MURTAZA and of the problem: that public rallies, Mohammad. images a referendum. These avenues are unelected colleagues not to vote in the Kade Denton, USU Board Director from the rap facebook. important, but in almost every other election. The Constitution gives the the dominant mode of protest, are decision that the Union makes we unelected directors the power to vote; 6 7 analysis analysis

Spoiled for choice Tech The very foundations of modern video games are questioned by The Stanley Parable, writes Jeff Wong. Five matches worth of anti-Semitism Sport The length of football bans sends a bizarre moral message, writes Naaman Zhou. The reader’s eyes were drawn is left to the machinations of his Many games punish the player In spite of the negative press to the article about The Stanley own free will – or so it seems. for straying too far from pre- surrounding linearity and the lack It’s lunchtime in East London and they say, a “reverse Nazi salute”. that has been performed outside week in, week out, wholly Parable, curious as to what this A disembodied narrator speaks determined paths, physically of freedom in video games, some Nicolas Anelka is running through schools where Jewish children pardoned it seems, by virtue of was all about. They had heard to Stanley and, by extension the disabling them from traversing as games favour closed narratives the last line of defenders, everyone Anelka has denied the anti- have been gunned down. being white, English, and good whispers about this particular player, guiding both through the they please. The Stanley Parable because it allows for a story to be arrayed messily like the quivering Semitism charge, claiming it at placing his foot conveniently video-game, and decided it office in search of explanation for on the other hand appears to offer told that compliments the provided dots on an LED football display. was “just a special dedication” to The FA have a track record between other players and the was finally time to see it for the mysterious events within. every possible path to the player, gameplay. A game’s ability to The 34 year-old striker shrugs off his friend Dieudonne, who was with this unique brand of self- goal. Unlike the bite-happy Suarez, themselves. Or had the reader so long as the player can actually provide a sense of free-will must his marker and clips the ball, like watching the game. The problem is contradiction. In October 2011, the FA look comically toothless. One of the first places the narrator known about the game for some comply with, or defy, the narrator. be entirely reliant on player choice, a suited executive sinking a putt that Dieudonne has been convicted the Liverpool striker Luis Suarez Why is a manager’s idiocy valued takes you is a room with two time, and in fact come here to see Davey Wreden, developer and and not upon pre-determined with the faintest of taps, into the of hate speech eight times, and in was given an eight-game ban for at seven matches, an anti-Semitic doors, where he instructs you to if this article held opinions similar writer of The Stanley Parable outcomes. Wreden himself states far corner of the goal. a 2013 show, said of Franco-Jewish racial abuse. Suarez (who has gesture at five and enter one of them. A few players to their own? The reader grinned stated that the game came from that “it’s the kind of thing that radio presenter Patrick Cohen: in the past deliberately handled racist abuse from may listen to such commands, at the clever introduction and “a desire to do something that seems to emerge naturally from In celebration the Frenchman pins “When I hear him speak, I think the ball, bitten opponents, and the captain of but many would be beset by the continued reading. hadn’t really been done before”. open inquiry rather than being one arm to his side, lifts the other to myself: ‘Gas chambers...too bad deliberately bitten the hands of England only four? nagging curiosity of defying the He wanted to produce “a kind consciously programmed into across his chest and presses his they no longer exist.’” opponents), had called another The numbers Apologies - sadly, I’m not as narrator and choosing the other of game that broke player the game.” hand to his shoulder. He looks like player “negrito”. Weeks later, simply do not well-spoken or as witty as the door, if only to see what happens. expectations.” a medical mannequin in a sling, or Anelka has since been banned for the then England captain, John add up. narrator in The Stanley Parable, The desire for independence The Stanley Parable is a spark a man singing the national anthem five matches and fined £80,000 by Terry, was similarly charged, this which in October 2013 found its and explanation, fuelled by the However, in The Stanley Parable, of creativity and ingenuity in with his shoulder standing in for the English Football Association time for calling compatriot Anton way onto PC and Mac. Hopefully, mischievous possibility of defying every action has been pre- the increasingly cynical medium his heart. Those in the stands (FA). Two weeks later, the FA Ferdinand a “fucking black cunt”. however, I will be able to guide the narrator, is what makes The conceived. The player is ultimately of video games. The ability for think nothing of it but across the handed out a comparable ban, His punishment? A four-match you as the narrator did Stanley, Stanley Parable one of the most still being guided to recite a story such a simple game, once an Channel, French fans have just sat this time to the manager of ban. Compare this to Suarez’s and illuminate several points of impressively written and creative already written for them. The game amateur hobby project, to spark up, perhaps pressed the rewind Newcastle United, Alan Pardew, eight, Pardew’s seven and the five intrigue about the game. indie games of recent times. One effectively only provides an illusion conversation and thought- button, raised an eyebrow or two. who headbutted a player as he the FA gave a 14-year old who, as of its central themes, however, of free-will. Can The Stanley provoking debate should not Some are on the phone to the press. rushed into the technical area a joke, told the referee his name Stanley, the game’s protagonist, speaks fathoms about the game Parable really be considered a be taken lightly, leaving it to for a throw-in. was “Santa Claus”. arrives at work to find his office itself. It’s a core theme that game, rather than a digital choose- advance the artistic medium Anelka has just performed a building empty. All of his co- plagues a great proportion of your-own adventure novel? Is the of video games. gesture known as the “quenelle”. While Anelka will miss five On Sunday, Anelka was officially workers have disappeared, and video games - choice, free-will true theme conveyed actually the Invented by controversial French matches, Pardew will be gone for released by his club for “gross for the first time in his life, Stanley and pre-determinism. lack of free-will and choice? “comedian” Dieudonne M’bala seven, having been charged last misconduct” and his career M’bala, it is widely seen as having Wednesday with violent conduct. looks all but extinguished. anti-Semitic or racist connotations. But the violence tag is a bit of a After thirteen years in the Premier It has been performed in front of misnomer. Pardew’s headbutt was League, it seems he will never Holocaust memorials, synagogues ugly, pig-brained and reeking of play in England again. Terry, Science and the Toulouse primary school foul machismo, but it was less a meanwhile, has remained captain Worth its weight where two Jewish children were Zidane-style charge and more a of Chelsea FC every year since killed in 2012. Most English media brief nod in the general direction his conviction. He retains this Harry Stratton explores the role of genetic modification in preventing Vitamin A deficiency. outlets describe it with the same of someone else’s ear. It seems this position of power over his three-word phrase: it resembles, is worse than repeating a gesture racially-diverse teammates Here are some depressing facts. which it delivers that Vitamin A However, Golden Rice has proven This led to panicked scenes of This year, Vitamin A deficiency is and the ease with which it can be to be very controversial. Last starving people besieging delivery estimated to kill 700,000 children. integrated into local food supply year, far-left guerilla organisation convoys, desperate for something It’s also on track to send another chains. A single cup of rice, the Kilusang Magbubukid ng Pilipinas to eat. 370,000 kids irreversibly blind. staple crop in the parts of the posed as local farmers to attack developing world where Vitamin A the Filipino government’s trial It’s incredibly easy for first-world Media Here are some even more deficiency is most acute, promises rice crop. Closer to home, a related environmentalists and religious A not so bygone era depressing facts. There is a to deliver up to 50 per cent of the CSIRO fibre-enriched wheat radicals to tell the developing The battle for reproductive rights is not yet won, writes Sarah Armstrong. solution to Vitamin A deficiency. average person’s daily Vitamin A project was destroyed by two world that they should just The American Society for requirements. Best of all, because Greenpeace eco-vandals. buy Vitamin A supplements. Events in Channel 9’s Love Child estimated 150,000 children forcibly there isn’t really a problem these However, the passing of ‘Zoe’s Nutrition, leading anti-blindness the patent on Golden Rice is But telling starving people that seem a world away, with episodes removed between 1951 and 1975 in days, and that these incidences are Law’ in the lower house and the NGO Helen Keller International, controlled by a humanitarian trust Both the global scientific they should just plant more carrots punctuated by the Apollo moon Australia. It’s an important story just the product of a few ‘bad eggs’. rightward shift of the abortion and the CSIRO have all endorsed rather than a private corporation, community and former Greenpeace is like telling them to eat cake. landing and anti-Vietnam war to tell, but cannot be seen as the debate in recent years could it. When it was trialled in parts modified seeds are distributed free kingpins Patrick Moore and Mark protests. The show, set in the end of the story of reproductive In the first episode a young undermine this progress and limit I say let them eat rice. of the Philippines, mortality of charge to farmers in developing Lynas condemned these attacks, late 1960s, focuses on how forced rights, a final chapter in some pregnant woman named Vivian the freedom of judges to interpret due to VAD was reduced by countries, thanks in part to but not before controversial Indian adoption affects the lives of people definitively finished past. is sedated by her father and laws in favour of bodily autonomy. 20 per cent within a year. But the humanitarian programs of nationalist and involved in a Kings Cross home taken to the home. She later tells With a senator recently describing a baffling coalition of far-left biotechnology giants Syngenta “Deep Ecologist” for unwed mothers, reminiscent The house matron (played by Joan that her mother found her abortion as a “death industry” and environmentalists and far-right and Monsanto. Contrary to Vandana Shiva of a reform school. While based Manda McElhinney, who is far in the process of unsuccessfully bills importing inflammatory but religious extremists has thus far the “terminator seed” myths of alleged that on true events, the show implies less likeable in this role than attempting to induce miscarriage locally negligible aspects of global kept this solution out of the hands dystopian fiction, these farmers allowing Golden that challenges to reproductive when playing Rhonda in AAMI using several dubious methods. abortion debate (such as sex- of those who need it most. are actively encouraged to save Rice in India was autonomy are being a thing of ads) embodies the conservatism selective abortions), the issue and propagate these seeds. “like saying rapists the past and nothing for us to of older generations. She requires Even though those days have been is far from safely resolved. Golden Rice is a strain of rice should have the worry about. penitence from the young women in largely left behind, abortion isn’t genetically modified to include In regions where governments freedom to rape”. the house and enjoys the authority freely available in New South Assurances that we’re no longer in beta-carotene, the chemical have introduced Golden Rice Ms Shiva is best Love Child addresses sexual she holds over them. Wales. The Crimes Act continues the ‘bad old days’ of 1960s abortion precursor to Vitamin A. There’s programs, rice prices have known for calling politics through the eyes of lively to penalise obtaining or providing rackets and so don’t need to worry nothing particularly exciting about remained stable without the on the government young women – hidden away Though television shows often an unlawful abortion, and provides at all fail to take into account the beta-carotene in and of itself - it’s need for state subsidies that of India to by their families to prevent focus on individuals in order to for a maximum penalty of 10 years less evident, but still very real the same ingredient that’s in foods developing world governments withdraw food embarrassment – and a young illustrate larger societal issues, in jail. Court cases in the 1970s issues of today. Love Child displays we eat every day, like carrots, struggle to fund. According to the aid from cyclone- midwife, Joan, who empathetically the use of the matron as a stand-in clarified that for abortion to be a difficult and astoundingly spinach and, if you live International Rice Institute, if ravaged areas on works as their advocate in a for the entire system of oppression lawful, pregnant people had to recent part of Australia’s history in Newtown, kale. there was ever an efficient method the grounds that system stacked against them. detracts from the reality of the satisfy doctors that continuing the of reproductive rights, but it is to get nutrients to those who need some of it might Through a collection of fairly situation. In Australian society pregnancy would cause significant important that the debate over The reason that Golden Rice has them the most, but are unable to contain genetically standard character tropes the reports of anything vaguely mental or physical harm, and the these rights is not now dismissed researchers and health advocates illustration by alexandra afford them, this is it. modified wheat. mildenhall show highlights the pain felt discriminatory are met with a liberal enforcement of this law has as a vestige of last century. so intrigued is the efficiency with by the mothers of the Senate- chorus of voices assuring us that allowed some freedom.

8 9 investigation profile We Want You, Inc. The survival of the fittest Eleanor Gordon-Smith examines the recruitment of young people by the Australian military. Tom Joyner speaks to The Saturday Paper’s Erik Jensen.

Even over the phone, Erik Jensen making up for a truly stellar With only 30 per cent of the media”, which an audience like his The army needs recruits. oh I can’t do this oh has the weary air of a man whose billing. In sport, Jensen would paper’s subscriber base residing consumes fervently throughout the In Australia, we outsource this in I want to come home. crusade against print media’s slow be a wildcard, in politics a outside of its three launch cities, week. This perhaps goes to explain part to the Manpower Services Inc. That’d keep the noobs decay has taken an early toll. maverick, or in the arts, a rising and with limited newsroom why he is working within a weekly They’re a private sector, civilian out.” Noobs? “Guys star. But survival in print is a resources, it seems ambitious print cycle rather than a daily one, corporation who find part time who put ‘lol’ in their At 25, the hair of the editor of harder test than most, and Jensen that Jensen should claim The although print cycles, he says, are and full time ‘talent’ for a application. They see the newly launched The Saturday has yet to prove himself. Saturday Paper will have a “inherently arbitrary” – possibly spectrum of industries including this shit and think it’s Paper may be slightly unkempt, nationwide purview on par with part of the reason why online grain harvesting and interior for misfits who love but his words are handsomely Since departing from his post that of News Limited’s national media has succeeded in the first design administration. guns. They get chewed articulate. Jensen exudes as summer editor of The Herald, daily, The Australian – a paper instance. He seems unmoved by up fast. It’s not a experience and intelligence that Jensen has spent the last 18 whose criticism has been swift the prospect that almost all of the The collaboration between the fucking gap year.” would otherwise belong to someone months working closely with and vociferous since launch. “Well paper’s operational costs would be ADF and Manpower Services has much older and probably more publisher Morry Schwartz. yeah,” Jensen hastens to add, “I in printing and distribution. yielded a series of campaigns that It doesn’t seem the jaded. But then again, Jensen is The two have been busy don’t think you should confuse feel like an unlikely allegiance of moment to point out no stranger to print – he began approaching advertisers and our distribution footprint with our Even if he doesn’t admit it openly, Contiki, GTA and Tough Mudder. that the ADF does in writing music reviews for the mustering a crack team of around editorial aspirations.” Jensen is well aware of print Don’t be a soldier; start a Defence fact run a gap year Sydney Morning Herald at 16, 10 full-time staffers to produce media’s seemingly marked time, Career. Don’t join the army; program. before joining its ranks as a their new edition. It’s no surprise But Jensen’s ambition, along but remains singular in his vision challenge yourself. reporter upon finishing school. that Jensen is about as sanguine with Schwartz’, is precisely the for The Saturday Paper: to provide Manpower joins a rising joining up was a way and collected as his exhaustion expedient for the entire project to quality long-form journalism for Daniel, a UTS student who tide of corporations including Serco to stay ideologically Speaking from his Melbourne might betray over the phone. date, something that Fairfax, his old a discerning crowd of “Twitter moonlights in the reserves, is and GFS now managing civilian- consistent with his office, Jensen laughs nervously unimpressed by the people this control mechanisms that have belief in compulsory when I bring up his age, a sort of advertising is attracting. typically been the dominion of the national service. I ask topic impossible to ignore in an He’s a stocky guy, unsurprisingly, state. Manpower Services thinks if the money helps - a industry mostly governed by men “His vision for The Saturday Paper: and is mostly monosyllables of potential recruits as players trainee recruit can expect sometimes three times his senior. and refills until we start to in a job market full of competing to make $34,460 in a year. I ask him if it’s realistic to provide quality long-form journalism talk Kapooka. internships, placements and part “I mean it doesn’t hurt. But to imagine his editorial team ever time work. if I just wanted money I’d being as young as he is. “It’s not for a discerning crowd of ‘Twitter users’” Kapooka is the training site just stack shelves.” really a criterion on which I look outside Wagga where new recruits By far the biggest influx of in commissioning [someone],” Jensen’s words echo rehearsal. employer – “obviously a financially users”; turning to its pages for get turned into soldiers, whether recruits happens over summer, he says. “A young person who “We’re launching a newspaper troubled company” – apparently greater depth of the ‘how’ and for the Reserve or what Daniel when school leavers and tertiary writes well is just as an attractive because we believe there is a “Guys who Perhaps this explains the ways failed to champion. Jensen takes the ‘why’ of any story that has already calls the ‘real army’. “They should studiers are looking for any proposition to an editor as an significant market for people recruitment drives have targeted helm in the same week that Fairfax been chewed through what he calls show these fuckwits crying into number of combinations of money, older person.” who want to read long-form put ‘lol’ in their young Australians in the last few switches its weekend flagships to the “incredible and unhelpful grind their phones on - what day are something to do during the day, journalism in print, and aren’t years. The era of army personnel compact format. of a 24-hours news cycle ”. they allowed a phone? Day 15? a way to get fit, and a way to give It’s a genuine worry for those being satisfied elsewhere.” application. standing in shopping centres and - to all their girlfriends about back to the community. For Tim, aspiring to work in his field, and Troy Bramston’s column in The For the paper, Jensen proclaims bookstores is long since passed. Jensen has certainly set himself But this proposed ‘market’ Australian, which ran the Monday no great reach for in-depth They see this If the ADF wants to compete with apart not only on his own merit, has drawn skepticism from after the paper’s launch, was a international coverage, nor do other employers who want a part but also among the last of a dying both conservative and progressive typical effusion of flying spittle. his resources appear to allow for shit and think of the young, fit, mobile workforce, breed in an ailing medium. pundits. When an advertising “The Saturday Paper is likely truly comprehensive nationwide it knows it has to out-advertise pitch in the launch’s media- to rival only one other weekly reporting. But then again, this it’s for misfits them. Joe, a 22 year old with his The Saturday Paper, a 32-page kit outlined the paper’s target newspaper: Green Left Weekly,” is not his focus. sights set on being a clearance tabloid-sized edition published demographic as being specifically a wrote Bramston. Jensen is duly who love guns. diver, was bemused by a recent weekly and printed on a dense, social elite, a “well-educated people nonplussed. He does, however, On this, I ask Jensen how much of series of recruitment ads run in white stock, leaps out on living in the inner-suburbs,” appear uneasy when asked to a semblance The Saturday Paper’s They get cinemas nationwide for Navy, newsstands beside the dusty it sparked online criticism. explain how he plans to quell format shares with periodicals like that a few years ago made like mastheads of the Herald and Daily Targeting an audience between 35- the already growing perception Schwartz’s own The Monthly: its chewed up fast.” Zuckerberg and dropped the ‘the’. Telegraph. Meticulously designed 49 years old, members are seen to of political bias, and maintain focus on long-form journalism, its “They had a guy on a tuk tuk from front to back, its black, white be “image-conscious” and “socially- balance between what is a largely eschewance of online-only content, somewhere in south east Asia. Manpower has three years and red colour scheme lends new aware” with “a high disposable ex-Fairfax cohort of contributors. its indignance of a 24-hour news They didn’t show the hours you left in its contract with Defence, meaning to the old joke. income”. Jensen dismisses my “It is quite an active hope of ours cycle, its weekly print structure spend every day on mindless which is worth suggestion that this is problematic. that we remain an unbiased press, with a slim middle-class target cleaning”. $500 million to the company. It Speaking of his accomplishments “I certainly am not pitching a although of course I imagine our demographic – would it be fair to is tasked with two things: ADFA - among them a 2010 Walkley newspaper to that audience,” he say it is a magazine stuck inside The second part of the R2 strategy, critics like Gerard Henderson and recruitment and retention. The for Young Journalist of the Year tells me, “whether a person is rich a newspaper’s body? Retention, is simple enough. Troy Bramston will struggle to see potential for alliteration was not and a 2009 UNAA Media Peace or well-educated, or ill-educated Once people are in the army, through that,” he says. lost on the military boffins who Award for an investigative piece doesn’t really bother me.” “Because we’re tapped more don’t lose them. Australian dubbed the strategy ‘R2’. on the exploitation of international Even so, posters and billboards heavily into the news cycle than retention focuses on trying to students - Jensen is impatient, Though, this is contentious in light plastered around the city on what a magazine is, I think that “establish and maintain the ADF The ADF has allocated $3.1 billion if humble. “I won one of those...” of the paper’s launch distribution launch weekend featured heavy- warrants that we produce our as an employer of choice, to recruitment and retention since he hesitates, “what are they structure. For now at least, set slogans. “Not the Daily paper every week.” by providing contemporary 2007. That’s 117 M1 Abrams called?” An award momentarily The Saturday Paper will only be Telegraph” and “A Newspaper rewards for a competitive tanks. When I told Daniel about escapes him. sold in Sydney, Melbourne and but without the Murdoch” are It remains to be seen if or how The marketplace”. This doesn’t seem Manpower Services’ involvement Canberra, urban areas in which punched in dark type on the side of Saturday Paper will develop. It to rattle Daniel and co so much. in recruitment, he’s bemused in an It is rare for a publisher to appoint Jensen and Schwartz have an a construction site on Parramatta is a project borne from a love for “No I get that’s all fair. Some guys almost curmudgeonly way. “I had an editor so untested, even on top established readership with The Road near Leichhardt. newspapers shared by both editor get 182K as a base rate, but they no idea they were managing it. It’s of Jensen’s lauded achievements, Monthly and The Quarterly Essay and publisher, but it’s almost as do a hard job. Pay them. But the weird that they’re not… that they especially when such a seasoned (published by Schwartz’s company His defense of his decision to if it has to consciously be a paper people they’re attracting with don’t have military experience. vanguard of journalists and critics Black Inc.), where, arguably, back print seems dogged, if not for its premise to work. Jensen this entry-level bullshit... we need You’d think they’d want more than assemble beneath him, including their “environmentally-aware” irritated, but Jensen concedes assures me he isn’t worried, but it young people, not people with just a civvie advertising company.” the likes of David Marr, Martin ‘lighthouse consumers’ are to that for immediate news coverage will take some time. Against my nothing better to do.” Mackenzie-Murray, Hamish be found. The Saturday Paper can only hope better judgment I am inclined to McDonald and Christos Tsiolkas, to be “a complement to online believe him.

10 Advertisement by Dom Ellis 11 culture review

Newtown Social Club’s new “lease on life” Samantha Jonscher looks at the plan to bring a Melbourne touch to Newtown’s live music scene

When I meet General Manager Jack wanted to give it a new lease on life,” really into live music support it whole However a few people did admit it was Chasing funnier Martin at the Newtown Social Club, Martin says. Martin comes from the heartedly, but people that are on the time, including Sydney musician and Rupert Coy asks if I can feel change in the air. It’s Melbourne team behind live music edge really need to be excited about Triple J presenter Brendan Maclean. mid-week when we catch up and the institutions Northcote Social Club and an act to choose to go and see it”. In an editorial for Faster Louder, The Chaser have lost pub, once the site of the infamous The Corner. Newtown Social Club is titled “Why I won’t miss the Sando”, Sandringham Hotel, is closed for the group’s first venture north of It is this “social aspect” of Melbourne Maclean pointed to poor sound mixing, touch. renovations. Wooden pads protect the border. that the team is trying to recreate lacking amenities and fines for artists pastures? the floor, plastic sheeting covers the – a culture where live music is part who couldn’t pull enough patrons. bar area and Triple J blares over the Martin seems intent on bringing of the pub you go The strangest thing about excellent wordplay, there was the reaction to the backlash after the Previous stage shows Cirque du speakers, punctuated occasionally by Melbourne’s music philosophy to to, not something watching re-runs of CNNNN is wonderful tension of two policemen Realistic Wish Foundation sketch Chaser and Age of Terror Variety the roar of construction equipment. Sydney. “Melbourne has pubs where completely seeing Julian Morrow with hair. whose passion is restricted by the (which parodied the Make a Wish Era had highly successful, you can go, meet up with your mates, separate from the The Chaser team has grown same laws they strive to uphold. Foundation with the punch-line: often sell-out national tours. Newtown Social opened its doors last see a gig, and afterwards it’s just a pub experience. up and grown old. From USyd “Why go to any trouble when By comparison, OMS will have April. The final round of renovations pub again. Sydney lacks a bit of that, In line with this Arts Revue to fifteen years of Skits of this quality are few and they’re going to die anyway?”). just two shows in Sydney (1st, are set to finish in early May and you tend to go to venues and then to “social club” pranks, biting political satire, far between for The Chaser these The team’s popularity and talent 2nd May) and four in Melbourne. will boast a 300-person capacity another pub.” philosophy, there and ridiculous costumes, the once days. After a decade and a half went horribly against them. band room. are no pokies in of churning out jokes, middle-age To some extent, the Chaser boys sight. The food unparalleled team is dropping Public outcry went as high as then- Geography also plays a part. is setting in. There are striking are limited by stage productions Looking around, the Sando is gone, “In Melbourne, the music scene is is cheap and back to the pack. Maturity, fatigue, PM Kevin Rudd. The vehemence of similarities to the rise and fall because their best work relies on but not entirely forgotten. The very much above ground, and easy cheerful - $20 is and scars from the infamous ‘Make the public reaction seems to have aesthetic is firmly modern – exposed to find, but I think in Sydney by the enough for two or a Realistic Wish Foundation’ of Rob Sitch, Santo Cilauro, and left a lasting impression on the stirring up mischief amongst an brick, plywood and industrial nature of its geography, it’s a bit three drinks and sketch have conspired to create several others of the Chaser’s group: they have rarely shocked unsuspecting public. Nothing will furnishings – but remnants from the more fractured and split up”. a pizza. a predictable decline. Nothing most direct predecessors. Their us since. ever match their APEC stunt, but former venue linger. Old tiles pepper This fracturing, Martin believes, as funny as The Chaser at their own fifteen years of great success the reactions provoked by Chris’ the walls and the old steel truss work changes the way that Sydneysiders The day the peak can last: even The Simpsons with The D-Generation (1986-9), The most notable feature of the ‘divorce’ on Sunrise and Clive has been painted black to frame the interact with live music. “There is less Sandringham photography by jay ng descended from a sharp satirical The Castle (1997), and The Panel group’s evolution was the way the slightly-too-loud commuter new pub. Outside, the Sando’s logo spontaneity, it tends to be your entire closed its doors parody to meaningless one-liners (1997-2004), eventually faded with they broadened their range. showed the Chaser in its element. and iconic pink facade have also been night not just part of your night.” was an emotional less frequent, less biting shows They progressed from a They can’t do this on stage, and in left intact above the new street level one for the Sydney music community. The Sando may be gone, but live music and slapstick. like The Hollowmen (2008). Fawlty newspaper, The Chaser, to a larger OMS the one attempt at audience entrance. “The old pub had reached a He posits that this has a big impact on When it was announced, there was has a bright future in Newtown. point and it was run down. We really who goes to see what. “People that are an outcry of sadness and nostalgia. Chris Taylor and Andrew Hanson’s Towers could only achieve such parody of news broadcasters in participation—the ‘iPhones in the One Man Show (OMS), which unadulterated comedy genius CNNNN before peaking at War air’ finale—was largely ineffective. previewed at the Factory Theatre because it ran for just twelve on Everything, a variety show that on 21 and 22 February, was at episodes. enabled their humour to penetrate Again, their popularity betrayed times very funny, deeper into society and opened up them. As relative newcomers in the but isn’t in the same far more targets. Since then, they mid-2000s, they were in the perfect league as earlier have limited themselves both in position to prank almost whomever works. The sketches “After a decade style and substance. Single issue they wanted. As their notoriety frequently picked shows like The Chaser Decides and grew, fewer people—particularly Feminist fisting films on easy targets— and a half of The Hamster Wheel have reduced politicians and celebrities—took the Department the range of their commentary and their bait or found themselves of Immigration, churning out undermined their appeal to large caught unawares. Their ambushes Internet trolls, audiences. The heavy reliance of John Howard’s morning walks Isabelle Youssef watches feminist pornography with her mother. banal Coles ads— jokes, middle- on highly successful elements of fell flat, Mr. Ten Questions was without developing previous shows, such as the much- increasingly treated with tolerance ideas or challenging age is setting in.” loved CNNNN newsbar (‘Thai rather than surprise, and Jaymes There are some things that Several video excerpts produced by and how they are seen sexually. it will be a slow change. boundaries the way restaurant has pun in its name”) Diaz, who a few years earlier mothers and daughters should Stardust were screened, including For her, the job is about control they once did. The best War on In their War On Everything days, now manifested in ‘live tweets’, would’ve been running for cover, not do together. Watching a ten-minute film with a poem and boundaries. She spoke of As compelling as Stardust’s Everything sketches, from the The Chaser was far more prepared highlights their stagnation. was glad to be on their show. pornography on a cinema-sized recital on politics and pornography camaraderie in the profession; arguments were, I questioned invasion of Today Tonight or the to make the audience, themselves, One suspects that even bin Laden screen in Marrickville’s Red overlaid with a video of her talking about knowledge sharing where I stood on the issue. I, like hilarious parody of Detective and unsuspecting onlookers Audience ratings are testament grew tired of having his speeches Rattler Theatre may well be masturbating with a dildo in dressing rooms and the push to a large part of society, do not Superintendent Clive Pugh’s uncomfortable. The Grim Reaper’s to this decline. War On Everything sub-titled. one of them. and a vibrator; and a 15-minute improve Occupational Health and know much about the industry police-speak often used humour job application at James Hardie, averaged 1.5 million viewers in The Chaser is still funny, and film juxtaposing scenes of Safety in the industry. and its potential to subvert to advance more meaningful The Eulogy song, and the fake Seasons 2 and 3 (2007-9), the OMS is worth watching. But It was an experience my own Stardust and her real-life heteronormative attitudes towards commentary. The reprisal of Pugh, weapons sale outside a Bulldogs APEC episode generating an the team that once declared mother and I awkwardly shared at girlfriend getting ready for their Stardust resisted the traditional sexuality. You can’t help but who came out with his love for NRL game all made us laugh and incredible 2.9 million. The Hamster they didn’t want to grow up has the Seen and Heard Film Festival respective jobs (sex worker and feminist idea that all porn consider Stardust a special case: Constable Hugh, was undoubtedly squirm, and it’s crucial that there Wheel (2011-12) averaged barely finally succumbed. That youthful (SHFF), an annual festival gardener), with Stardust getting objectifies women by describing a highly educated woman, she the highlight of OMS. Aside from is comedy that does this. None half that - 840 thousand - with invincibility has gone. showcasing the work of exclusively fisted by her girlfriend. her work as “performing was pole dancing and stripping was present at OMS, a long-term no audience reaching a million. female directors and celebrating femininity”, which suggests alongside a job in corporate law. a diverse range of female issues The audience reaction was mixed. performativity in all sexual and experiences. Festival Director Watching pornography in a encounters, whether My hesitations aside, the political Lucy Randall began the festival in communal setting, on a big screen, on-screen or not. potential of pornography is 2009 in an attempt to combat the with loud audio was surreal. exciting. Being directed and bias of distributors against female Some people looked away and Stardust’s first film shows how produced by women, it challenges directors and producers in the then to the screen then away feminist pornography can cater negative representations of female mainstream film industry. again, others watched on relaxed, to female fantasies. She talked sexuality. In this way, Stardust’s a few went to the bar or the about the power of receiving aims align perfectly with Randall’s We were there that evening to see bathroom. As Stardust sat facing (as opposed to penetration) and as they both stress the need for a discussion with Zahra Stardust, the audience, seemingly unfazed, the strength of women as they diversity in representation: from a self-professed feminist queer it felt as if we were intruding on allow someone into their body. body types and race, to sexual pornographer with a Masters an intimate moment. At the end She argued that pornography is orientation and disability. in Gender and Cultural Studies, of the fisting film, Stardust puts another arena in which to push for currently undertaking a PhD on a pair of ripped black tights the representation of diversity; in Both women face the same in the area of pornography laws. – the same tights that she was physical appearances, race, sexual challenge: as long as male-directed Stardust spoke to her personal wearing at SHFF. orientations, abilities, and so on. films dominate the industry, it is experiences as a stripper and a Due to the enormous body difficult to reach a wide audience. porn star, and also made reference Stardust defended the legitimacy of pornography being produced, to extensive academic literature of sex work, arguing that women such a movement still seems to about pornography and feminism. are able to choose when, where be in embryonic stages, meaning

12 13 feature feature

The organisation has an a photo of her hugging the “There were a few additional Nevertheless, job offers came impressive CV. Across its AusAID sign that sits outside things I wanted to say.” to some of the graduates in late forty-year history AusAID has the front entrance. December and early January. immunised millions of children In it he wrote, “I honestly had Public sector agencies, desperate and educated millions more. “It’s embarrassing how much I love no idea that I could be given an to fill vacated positions, could People have been pulled from that organisation,” Christine said. offer and then be made ‘excess to only take on people already floods and fires by planes whose “I imagine the way I feel about requirements’. I do hope that I am employed by the government pilots received a cheque from AusAID is how a One Direction the only foolish graduate that put due to the hiring freeze – and AusAID; deaths in childbirth have fan feels at one of their concerts.” all his eggs in the AusAID basket.” while the graduates were nearing The lost been prevented by the army of termination date, they were still midwives trained and employed listed as Australian Public Sector by AusAID; villages and towns employees. across South East Asia now drink “I do hope that I am the clean water because AusAID paid The National Mental Health construction workers and water only foolish graduate Commission, a tiny 12-person graduates companies to provide it. organisation, said it would create Felix Donovan speaks to two Sydney graduates about the AusAID dream they lost. that put all his eggs in the a graduate program just for Critics of AusAID say that it Darian. He got offers from 11 needs to be more cost-effective, AusAID basket.” agencies in total and decided to and that it needs to focus more take a position with the Australian Just 48 hours before Australians of Sydney. Her expectations were he wouldn’t be working for them hadn’t been concerned about his Australia’s immediate region, and Bureau of Statistics. There is would make him their Treasurer, low. It’s an incredibly competitive next year after he got the call from job. Now he was. He got friends that it needs to be more blind to a hope that he can work on the Joe Hockey went on national program, with close to 2000 AusAID. It was the only place he and colleagues to give him their Australia’s national interest – statistical side of various aid television to announce a $4.5bn graduates applying for just applied to in the final year of his interpretations of these HR but even they have to admit that - Darian Naidoo projects in South East Asia. But, cut to the foreign aid budget. 35 positions every year. PhD, and he’d got the job. ambiguities. They wondered the more money it has, the more he said, “I have only ever applied if the name or structure of the lives it is capable of improving. Like Darian, Christine was at One question lingered for him, to one government agency”, and It was necessary short-term pain, Christine didn’t get an interview Darian did not start organising graduate program would change. Whatever it’s efficiency score, work – at the job that she had which he asked at the end of his the ABS is not it. he said. Reducing aid spending the year she finished her degree. the specifics of moving to Canberra Or was DFAT going to include the that much is true. planned to leave to go to Canberra personal letter. “Why were we not would allow the government to “If you’re passionate about straight away. He had vague graduates signed by AusAID into - when she got the call from a told about the possibility of losing Darian is still in touch with the limit the ballooning national debt. working for an organisation, ideas, but nothing concrete, their own graduate program? Which is why Christine was so woman in HR at AusAID telling our jobs when the merger with other graduates, some of who have “The stronger the Australian you keep trying,” she told herself. no signatures on paper just yet. surprised to hear about the cuts her she no longer had a job there. DFAT was announced?” also received job offers from public economy, the more generous we Over the next two years she took “I’m a bit lazy, I was putting all Nobody floated the possibility that will cripple many of AusAID’s service agencies. can be in the future.” internships, volunteered for the of that off until January.” of the program being abolished programs. “I understood that “She was really nice. I knew it “To this day, that question has Red Cross and moved to Geneva altogether. the government was committed must have been awful for her to not been answered,” Darian said. “But I’m not sure how many of Prime Minister-in-waiting Tony for a month to work for the United Christine was not. She wrote to deficit reduction. That’s fair have to call everyone, so I said I “It may seem like a small thing, them have taken those offers. Abbott was not as stony-faced Nations Human Rights Council. handover documents and started Eric Abetz, the Minister enough. But AusAID’s budget was sorry,” she said. Christine’s but that is what I am most Or whether they got offers at all. about the cuts. “We will build Christine chalked up enough interviewing replacements at work. for Employment, broke the is small and it saves lives.” first reaction was to apologise to unhappy about.” We were told there would be no st the roads of the 21 century unpaid experience to get hired She bought a car so she could drive uncertainty on October 31 in the woman who was firing her. guarantee.” rather than shovel money abroad,” as a community organiser by the back to Sydney on weekends and a televised press conference. “I never thought the cuts would Had that ominously vague email he said. Justice and Peace Office of the see her family. Her relatives were The Coalition government was land there.” “I know it’s strange, but I of October contained more detail, * * * Catholic Archdiocese. checking Canberra real estate promising to downsize the public felt guilty for the other grads. or had it indicated that there was The announcement sent AusAID, websites daily. service by 12,000 jobs in a deficit In early November, while It’s really not as bad for me. a possibility of job losses, he and Christine was on her way to the organisation that administers After a year there, Christine reduction effort. They would do researching for his PhD at the I’m young. I don’t have a partner his fellow graduates could have Christmas lunch with her family Australia’s aid budget, reeling. reapplied to AusAID. This time, Both Christine and Darian were so, Abetz made clear at the press Agricultural Faculty’s building or kids. I hadn’t bought a home applied for jobs elsewhere. when the Department of Human It called into question the future she was offered an interview making these relocation plans and conference, “through natural in Redfern, Darian got a call in Canberra.” It took a Fair Work Australia Services got in contact with her of aid programs all over the world. in Canberra. She flew down completing security clearances and attrition”. No one was to be forced from AusAID. hearing to force DFAT to even to offer her a position there. And, although none of them and stayed with her brother. other civil service paperwork when out of their job. Finally, she considered herself. send the resumes of the graduates She had spent a month in the realised it at the time, the cuts Immediately after the interview Hockey announced the foreign aid Because of the cuts to its budget Overwhelmed, she left work and it was firing to other public dark, not knowing what to do with also made uncertain the futures they nervously debriefed, cuts on 5 September. He also reassured public and the merger with DFAT you went to sit in Hyde Park, where service agencies. the next year – years – of her life. of 35 recent graduates who had dissecting the body language employees that the Government are going to have your employment she called her dad and mum received employment offers from of the panel, talking through her Christine had bought the car “will continue to support targeted with AusAID terminated, he was and brother to tell them what After the FWA hearing, DFAT also She read about DHS and its work AusAID just two months prior. answers. Then she waited, phone by the time a sentence smuggled recruitment programmes for told. You will get an email with had happened. sent letters of recommendation to with rural areas, refugees, people always in sight. When the call into the end of a press release Graduate and Indigenous more details tomorrow. I am all the graduates. Each letter was with disabilities. It was doing * * * finally came she had to hold from the Prime Minister’s office employees”. so sorry. She had been made “excess to two pages long. The first page was good, and seemed a natural follow- back tears. revealed the abolition of AusAID requirements”. so general that there would exist on from her community work with Christine D’Rozario still as an independent agency. Reading the Minister’s remarks The email came from HR at DFAT 35 identical ones if not for the the Peace and Justice Office. remembers where she was when Darian Naidoo was in his ninth The first the graduates heard of later that day, Darian felt secure the next day. The closest it came * * * fact that the graduates have She accepted the offer, and began she got the call telling her she’d year of university when he first all of this, if they weren’t combing again. He couldn’t know or even to an apology was ”regrettably”. different names. The only working there in mid-January. been accepted into AusAID’s applied for a place in the AusAID the newspapers, was in early suspect it then, but exactly a week There was no offer of compensation The graduates had been told that information it contained was that Still, Christine sees it as a graduate program. Her phone had graduate program. He was close October in a strange email from later Abetz’s statement would for the application process or their employment with AusAID they were employed by AusAID, stepping-stone, another entry not left her sight for weeks. “I took to finishing a PhD in Agricultural AusAID Human Resources. become a lie. the other opportunities that the would be officially terminated in and then terminated by no fault path into AusAID. it with me into the shower,” she Economics, focussing on the graduates denied when they December. They got in contact of their own. said. “I’d spend meetings at work education and employment “On 18 September 2013 an * * * signed with AusAID. There was with one another and speedily Christine grew up Catholic, and thinking of excuses to leave the choices of young South Africans. announcement was made to merge no mention of another option that cobbled together a collective The second page, essentially considers that to have driven her room if I got a call.” AusAID into the Department Christine had decided in her first the graduates could pursue. response. written in code, was an internal towards organisations like AusAID His expertise in international of Foreign Affairs and Trade year of university that one day All that was provided in the review of the graduate’s and DHS. “It’s about helping Finally Christine missed a call economic development persuaded (DFAT),” the email read. she would work for AusAID. way of explanation was this: Darian was heavily involved in performance in the application people who are less fortunate from an unknown number. In the the application panel to give him In the summer holidays she went it from the start. He joined the and interview that was evidently than I am. I feel as though I have voicemail message, they said they an offer. He decided to wait a year, “We understand you will be to Bangladesh, where her parents “Given the changed circumstances, Community and Public Sector only ever supposed to be read or a responsibility as a Christian and were from AusAID, could finish his PhD, and then reapply. wondering what this means grew up. She visited villages and the Department has made the Union and began drafting a letter understood by AusAID HR. as a person to do good work.” Christine get back to them soon? That was at the end of 2012. for you and the 2014 AusAID was appalled by the conditions preliminary decision to terminate to DFAT. Fifteen graduates signed She remembers sweating as she Graduate Development Program. that people lived in. “It’s a bit your employment pursuant to their names to it. It was legalistic The assessment of Darian states “I’d like to think everything called back, her hand shaking so “Lots of people said I shouldn’t clichéd, really, but poverty really Section 29 (3) (a) of the Public in parts, appealing to certain that he “made strong claims to happens for a reason. And with much as she put the phone to her turn down this offer, I may not get ”Whilst we cannot confirm details pulled at my heart-strings,” Service Act 1999 on the grounds conditions of the Public Service SC5 and 7”, and was “suitable this, I can say I was one of those ear that she had to use two. The it twice,” he said. But he applied at this stage we would like to she said. that you are now excess Act of 1999 that the graduates against SC1, 5 and 6”. It was filled grads. I still have the photos of woman asked her where she was. again last year, and again AusAID reassure you that we will keep to requirements.” believed AusAID and DFAT had with references to untranslated me in front me of the AusAID At work. “So Christine, how would sent him an employment contract. you informed of any further Feeling a sense of duty – that breached. It was moral in others, criteria that are specific to building, hugging that sign. you feel about changing jobs?” He signed it this time around. announcements and decisions she was lucky enough to be * * * describing the relocations and program that no longer exists. It’s nice to know that I did achieve in relation to your employment.” born in Australia, that she owed missed opportunities of some The letter of recommendation was my dream, however fleetingly.” Christine first applied to AusAID Darian had been working at the something to those who the birth After she bought her car, Christine and the stress and anxiety of all. about as clear and useful to Darian Despite having read about the in her final year of university, World Bank as a consultant on lottery had not smiled upon – took her parents to Canberra. and his potential future employers “Even if it was only for a month, foreign aid cuts and AusAID a Bachelor of International and development issues in Papua Christine read about AusAID. She wanted to show them where Darian wrote his own letter to as it is to you reading this. I’m happy about that.” Global Studies at the University New Guinea. Darian told them being merged into DFAT, Darian she’d be working. Her mum took accompany the collective response.

14 15 yes, in my backyard src help Pens down, brains down Zeb Holmes doesn’t want to study, he wants to learn. It’s Not Always Fair

It seemed like only yesterday that Although recent research is employer to weed out the We are passively force-fed much I was stumbling through O-week unavailable, Barbara Pavan’s best and brightest, students more information than our short “All staff, students and as a fresh-faced first year with a review of 64 studies between 1968 would theoretically be coming to term memory can retain, and Ask comically oversized campus map and 1991 showed 91 per cent of the them with a resonate knowledge without active engagement, we affiliates at the University in my hands and a sense of awe- time, non-graded groups perform base, rather than one which never process these ideas at a have a right to work or inspired fear in my heart. It was better or as well as graded groups disappears on the call of “pens deeper level. In contrast, students Abe a simpler time, a time before The in academic achievement. down”. Future employers could in an interactive class achieve study in an environment Wolverine and slightly after X-Men take on the task of implementing higher complex comprehension that is free from unlawful Origins: Wolverine. But now, years While non-grading has been a standardised test within the – 74 per cent compared to 41 per Dear Abe, removed from these naive bright- consigned to ‘radical’ teachers, it is interview process, and for the cent in a non-interactive class – harassment and eyed beginnings, I trudge through merely the logical extension of the university, final exams could still and have a 20 per cent higher discrimination, and to be Is it true that I can change all of my campus echoing the call of the uni current slide towards the pass/fail test a student’s grasp of course attendance rate. The university subject choices before the end of March? student: “Will this be on the test?” format, now offered in a majority material to calculate the quality of sector rightly emphasises treated with dignity and The Faculty says that I could only do of courses within competitive the course without bearing on the the importance of tutorials respect, irrespective of that in week one. What is the real story? While this may seem like a Ivy League schools as well as individual student’s record. in encouraging learning, but Changeable cynical approach to education, the existing system of grading their background, it is a mindset that is well and bastardises their usefulness, beliefs or culture.” truly taught. From our NAPLAN- as few students engage with Dear Changeable, like beginnings to the repeated non-assessed material. regurgitation of pre-prepared You cannot enroll in new classes after 14th answers known as the HSC, our As to why these passive systems What is Unlawful Harassment? Other types of harassment may not March. In fact it’s probably not a good idea learning is stilted. So when we continue to exist at all, it may be be ‘unlawful’ under anti-discrimination The University defines unlawful harassment as to enroll past week one mainly because you walk through those Hogwarts Nobel Prize wise to latch on to the wisdom of legislation, but may nonetheless contravene any type of behaviour that: would have missed out on vital information gates, your typical working, winner Carl Howard Zinn and Jeff Schmidt. the University’s staff and student Codes of in the first week of classes. time-poor, student will realise Weiman has They see the professional • the other person does not want; and Conduct or the University’s Workplace Bullying the effort-reward equations of also questioned educator as someone tasked with Prevention Policy and Resolution Procedure. You can however ‘withdraw’ before the their study pretty quickly, and the passivity reproducing an “endlessly pliable” • offends, insults, humiliates or intimidates them; and is either: What is Unlawful Discrimination? “HECS census date”. This will give you no learn to exclusively focus on of students in worker, able to conform to any academic penalty and no financial penalty readings directly related to traditional science ideology with which they are - sexual, or The University defines unlawful discrimination if you are a local student or little financial their assignments. classes. Weiman presented. as any practice that makes an unlawful - targets them because of their race, sex, penalty for International students. cites three separate distinction between individuals or groups, pregnancy, marital status, transgender, We know that we can force people studies which Unfortunately, the answers to so as to disadvantage some people and sexual preference or orientation (including If you drop a subject after the census date, to study, but we also know we demonstrate that the catastrophic problems of the advantage others. Discrimination may be homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality and but before the end of week 7 (17th April – cannot force them to learn. important degrees at USyd with most students only recall lectures near-future won’t be found at ‘direct’ (specifically acting against someone) heterosexuality), disability, age, carers’ remember, the 18th is a public holiday so the A ranking system that rewards clear vocational pathways, such in vague generalities immediately the bottom of a reading list by a or ‘indirect’ (inadvertently acting against responsibility, political belief, lack of a end of the week is Thursday not Friday) you study cheapens the effort of as the Masters of Teaching. The afterwards. When quizzed on a begrudging, but admirably pliable, someone who has a particular characteristic). political belief, lack of a particular political will receive a Discontinue Not Fail (DNF). learning, diminishing the value common criticism of non-grading- specific non-obvious fact, only third year. Although non-grading A DNF does not count as a fail on your we place on the information or the inability of employers to 10 per cent of the graduate is dismissed as radical, to borrow belief (including trade union activity or lack What should you do? of it, and student association activity or transcript, however you are liable for fees. the educational systems that differentiate between applicants- audience remembered the fact an adage from Einstein, “We can’t If you think you are being discriminated lack of it), religious belief, lack of a religious disgorge it. would similarly apply to judging just 15 minutes after the lecture. solve problems by using the same against or harassed make detailed notes belief, and/or lack of a particular religious There are occasions where you have the vast field of passing students. Throughout an entire introductory kind of thinking we used to about days and times of the incidents noting belief; and extraordinary circumstances that mean you To this end, many activist physics course, students will create them.” any potential witnesses. Your safety is an have to discontinue from studies at a later professors have begun to However, if these processes were generally master no more than • that, in the circumstances, a reasonable immediate concern. Talk to an SRC caseworker date. Come and see SRC HELP caseworkers implement non-graded courses. flipped and the onus placed on the 30 per cent of the key concepts. person should have expected would offend, about how to make a complaint and what for advice about late DNF applications and insult, humiliate, or intimidate. possible outcomes there are. Remember that possible fee refund applications. a caseworker can give you an idea of what you This includes actual, potential and perceived can expect without forcing you to take action (imputed) race, sex, pregnancy, marital status, Abe unless you want to. etc. Abe is the SRC’s welfare dog. This column offers Student Politicians Continue to Change Contact us Some types of harassment, such as sexual students the opportunity to ask questions on anything. This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink Alex McKinnon went to the first SRC meeting horrendously drunk. harassment and other forms of physical assault on [email protected] or call to make an payment or as general as a question on the state of the the World and/or stalking, are also illegal under criminal appointment on 9660 5222. We can arrange world. Send your questions to [email protected]. Abe’s answers can provide you excellent insight. law. These types of harassment may result in to meet with you on any campus. On Wednesday night a bunch of these valuable initiatives, the a more honest guide to courses, belong. The motion passed criminal prosecution. students gathered in a room in the counsellors (student politicians) subjects and the uni experience eventually, having taken a Quad and spent about four hours usually do a piss-poor job at than the undergraduate marketing solid hour to be voted on. shouting at each other. At the end, doing that. pap the University churns out. they went out drinking with their This year’s edition, which was You know that footage of friends and reassured themselves Still, with a small glimmer of distributed at O-Week, apparently wankstains like Christopher Pyne that it was time well spent, and hope, I went along to report on its contained descriptions of courses sneering childishly in Parliament? Get your • We buy & sell textbooks according to demand that they were very talented and findings forHoni Soit. To prepare that aren’t taught anymore, as Remember how it makes you & give 40% cashback on books we buy.* important. In a month’s time they myself, I had consumed around well as lecturers who no longer depressed and angry, and turns will do it again. seven standard drinks beforehand. work at the university, because you off politics entirely? Well they • You can sell your books on consignment. It was not nearly enough and that’s what happens when you learnt to act like that in SRC Please phone us before bringing in your books. For those who don’t know admittedly, I didn’t last long meetings in universities around HIGHEST copy-and-paste other people’s shit. textbooks • We are open to USYD students & the public. (which is most of you), it was enough at the meeting. the country. Tony Abbott learnt it CASHBACK the first meeting of the Student’s The two Officers spent much of when he was President of the SRC Search for text books online at: Representative Council (SRC). The meeting’s ‘big issue’ was an the meeting pointing out minor in 1979; so did Joe Hockey when RATE ON www.src.usyd.edu.au/src-books allegation that the two Education On paper, it is an organisation flaws in the motion, reprimanding he was President in 1987. And of Call 02 9660 4756 to check availability and reserve a book. that lobbies the university, the Officers, Eleanor Morley and them and claiming there was course, future Prime Ministers and CAMPUS NEW Location! Level 4, Wentworth Bldg government and whoever else will Ridah Hassan, plagiarised the no “malicious intent” in the Cabinet members are learning how CHEAP! Get 40% not 30% (Next to the International Lounge) work of their predecessors while listen, to try and improve services plagiarism, which totes makes it to do it now, in the Quad Refectory Hours: Mondays to Fridays 9am - 4.30pm for students – opposing staff and putting together this year’s okay. When the motion was put to every month. But I got well Phone: (02) 9660 4756 Email: [email protected] funding cuts, getting affordable Counter Course Handbook. a vote, they loudly stormed out of munted after, so whatevs, kids. don’t pay full price for textbooks... student housing, and cheaper The Handbook is the SRC’s largest the room, followed by the other two buy them secondhand at SRC books. travel concessions. Though, if publication besides Honi Soit, and members of Socialist Alternative, This service is provided to you by Students’ Representative Council, the meetings are held to discuss is meant to provide students with the faction to which they both University of Sydney

*Cashback rate depends on conditon 16 src reports src reports

President’s Report Wom*n’s Officers’ Report Jen Light Georgia Cranko, Phoebe Moloney and Julia Readett. University is) made a submission to allow a higher fee. The proposed fees acted by this push for deregulation the Federal Government’s review of would be three times the current rate. of fees. organising our annual publication the chance to meet new students be running this semester. Lots of the demand driven funding of Higher Growing Strong. Developing new and catch up with old students. students were really receptive to the Education. The submission called for The deregulation of fees is an Although this proposal was submitted skills such as InDesign and Photoshop Our O-Week experience was nothing idea and many felt that should never the first step in the ever-pressing push incredibly dangerous road to go on without knowledge from the VC thanks to our publications managers but positive with over 120 sign ups be the sole solution to ending violence by some universities in Australia to and one that the SRC is firmly against. Michael Spence, and has not been was fantastic, as well as working and lots of enthusiasm and passion against wom*n, but is an important fully deregulate fees and the sector. Allowing Universities to choose approved by the Sydney University with other wom*n students on from students all round. We loved part of developing confidence and the rate in which they charge, will Senate therefore not an official policy producing a beautiful celebration selling our consent undies which empowerment. The submission suggested that evidently lead to fee increases and of the University of Sydney it is still of wom*n’s writing. featured embroidered phrases that Australian Universities should be able create a greater socio economic gap. a policy endorsed by the group of eight. raised awareness about consent in We would like to thank all those to opt out of Government funding and It will encourage a culture in which The publication was officially launched a fun and informative way. students and staff who have helped us in exchange charge fully deregulated those who will be completing high On the 26th of March the SRC will ay O-Week and was a huge success, throughout the summer and helped fees for particular courses. The GO8 return courses such as law and be Marching with students all across with new students and old students We also attached a leaflet that further prepare us for the year ahead. We are proposal was to deregulate law, commerce will be the students who can the state and the country for the We are very excited to be a part of really enjoying what we all came explained the complexities of consent really looking forward to working more economics, accounting, and commerce. afford it. The push over the last decade National Day of Action against Abbott the SRC this year and continue the up with. We’re really excited for our and provided services and access with staff and students of the SRC The submission argued that these for Universities to increase the amount and Pine’s Education cuts. Join us great tradition that the Wom*n’s launch which will be held at the to further resources. We were also and feel that the summer and O-Week specific courses traditionally award of students from low socio economic at Fisher Library at 12pm to fight Department has held over the years. Newsagency in Marrickville and very excited to promote the Wom*n’s have prepared us with the experience In mid January the Group of Eight with high paying jobs and therefore backgrounds and create a more against any further cuts to your Over the summer we had a great time will feature slam poetry, tea and Self Defence workshops that we’ll we need to start the year. (a collection of Australia’s supposed student’s long-term benefits would inclusive acceptance system is counter education. top eight universities, of which Sydney General Secretary’s Report Indigenous Officer’s Report Kyol Blakeney, Crystal Dempsey, Madison McIvor and Brad Hanson. James Leeder discusses what happens when the government raises course costs and student debt.

education should be funded has in England was published by the onto students drastically affects the Times with the controversial question, judgment on this strategy yet. One This year, we will be pushing for now cemented itself; that the cost British parliament in February this accessibility of tertiary education. “What is happening to the Koori legitimate worry, however, is the fact the Aboriginal and Torres Strait of education should be borne by year. It details in clear statistics For a country that prides itself on Centre?” that there has still been no immediate Islander flags to be permanently the individual. the impact that removing subsidies high social mobility and a deeply improvement to the conditions of the flown on campus along with some and uncapping fees had on students. egalitarian culture, moves to reduce Here is the truth. After negotiations support network for the students. physical changes to our space in At the moment we know that the It found that within two years of the accessibility of university should between students and management, Old Teachers’ College to promote federal government is considering implementation, large reductions be stopped at all costs. the Koori Centre has remained a The remainder of the year was our culture. We will continue with moves to reduce direct funding to student numbers occurred with space for Aboriginal and Torres Strait about increasing the awareness of our aim to work collaboratively with of courses, as well as funding of a 12% reduction in domestic and Unfortunately, it is clear that the Islander students so far. It is equipped Indigenous issues and presence in the staff and management and hold universities as a whole. The removing international undergraduates and government does not care what the with a study area, library, and a University. The collective made history regular autonomous BBQs and lunches of subsidies for courses (which means a 9% reduction in postgraduates by impacts of its changes are. They common room. While these are the this year by having the first Aboriginal across campus for all Aboriginal and higher course costs for students), 2012. These drops where serious have already reformed the start-up bare essentials, there has been major student councilor to be elected by Torres Strait Islander students. which has recently been proposed enough to warrant a response from scholarship, a scholarship for students staff shortage in the space and most the students and the first Aboriginal by the Group of 8 universities the Governments’ Higher Education who receive centrelink, to change of the rooms that used to be offices are Vice-President of the SRC. To further The Indigenous Office Bearers for 2014 themselves (this includes Sydney) Funding Council for England (HEFCE) it into a HECS-style loan, meaning empty. The Koori subjects are now achieve this goal, the Indigenous are Crystal Dempsey, Madison McIvor, for law, economics and business which described them as “significant”. poorer students will now be graduating being amalgamated into the Education students founded the Wirriga Society. Brad Hanson, and Kyol Blakeney. degrees, has also been lauded as an Considering what the reforms did, it with more debt than their wealthier Last year, the Aboriginal and Torres and Social Work Faculty. This society is open to all students of optimal solution. Ultimately, changes is not hard to see why. Students are counterparts. If you care about what Strait Islander students spent a the University and encourages the You can contact them at indigenous. It is clear to anyone who has seen that raise course costs only have not interested in graduating with these changes may do, I encourage majority of the year increasing As far as we know, there is a five-year coming together of cultures to gain [email protected] the QS university rankings over the negative impacts to students and to crippling debt and for many potential you to get involved with the SRC and awareness on Indigenous issues plan to build another space within the understanding between them. Wirriga last few years that Australian higher society, and this has been seen clearly students, particularly those who are I hope to see you at the National Day within the University and also gained University known as The National has also been given the opportunity to education has a funding problem. when similar proposals have been less fortunate, raising fees shifts the of Action against the proposed cuts attention from the wider community Centre of Cultural Competence. While co-ordinate the Indigenous Festival This problem has not only meant that implemented in other countries. balance in their consideration on March 26. from down the road at Redfern to Alice there have been many questions and in 2014. we have seen higher education cuts of whether or not to go to university. Springs radio. Attention was drawn concerns regarding the changes in repeatedly over the last few years, but A research briefing on the effect of Making university more costly and to the Koori Mail and the Indigenous the Koori Centre, we cannot make a also that a clear principle over how the 2010 higher education reforms placing the burden of fees directly Vice Presidents’ Report Education Officers’ Report Your Vice President’s Max Hall and Laura Webster are not above getting their hands dirty… Ridah Hassan and Eleanor Morley. You, dear reader, are likely a non- of people from a low socio-economic demographics and tuition cheques Indigenous, Australian wom*n who background. should never be allowed to stand in posters, leafleting, chalking, making Last year proved that protests can of your tutorials packed to the brim, was raised in the affluent Inner the way of an inclusive and socially lecture announcements, and setting win. By hitting the streets we turned if you are frustrated by course cuts, West… you’re also studying a BA. Nationally, 17% of students come from conscious admissions policy; yet up stalls to get the word out. Hopefully education into an election issue, and if you want to support staff wages The numbers don’t lie and the a low SES area. At USyd, that number if recent alterations to housing you have heard it’s happening by now. forced the Labor party to back-flip and and conditions, if you want to demand numbers paint an interesting picture halves to 8.6%. scholarships are anything to go by it If not, well, shit. oppose the cuts they introduced, when more student welfare not less, if you of the people that populate your seems as though the university could they took opposition. Just recently, want to support international student lecture theatres, dictatorially dominate These statistics are damning to a care less. These changes will leave Next Wednesday March 19th, exactly the Senate also rejected legislation rights, if you want quality and free your tutes and get between you and a University that claims to be “founded students in need of accommodation one week out from the NDA, we’ve that would turn Start-Up Scholarships higher education – you need to be at meat box after a hard days study on principles of diversity and equity”. unsure whether they will receive planned a blitz day. The Abbott into loans, another victory for the the rally on March 26th, 12pm outside at the neoliberal factory. If Spence continues to run with this assistance until well into the semester government isn’t going to fight itself campaign. But we’re not in the clear, Fisher library. See you there! people pleasing line, he should closely - long after they have signed a lease and we want to try bring as many and need to keep up the fight. Inside these sandstone walls, 57% follow it up with “but if you have the and begun paying rent (which is also students as possible to scream against The education officers apologise for of 53 000 students are female, just dollars, I have your acceptance letter!”. ridiculously high). Students in need our scummy PM and his snake-like Politicians aren’t interested in meeting any content included in the 2014 ahead of the national average of 56%. No brochure filled with buzzwords can of help = not Spence’s division. crony Christopher Pyne (eurgh). us and reasonably discussing our Counter Course Handbook that was International students comprise apologise for the inequitable reality We’re going to start the day leafleting issues, they’re not interested in well not attributed to its author. There was We’ve always thought it was slightly unfair that Sydney Uni management 22%, while regional and Indigenous that this number represents, no matter Management and admin must stop Redfern station at 8am, before setting articulated letters or argument. We content we included from previous students make up only 5.6% and 0.8% how much money the university thinking about their ludicrous pay up on Eastern Ave for a day of banner can only force them to change their handbooks, and unfortunately we do little else but treat students as The Education Action Group has been nothing more than numbers on a page. of the populace respectively. throws at ‘media consultants’ to cover checks and realise that education is painting, placard making, and photo minds through mass action. March forgot to seek out their authors and it up. If education remains the silver a privilege owed and deserved by all really busy the last couple of weeks petitioning. Stop by if you see us! 26th is our first chance to do just that. add them to our thank-you list at the In order to celebrate the release of trying to build for the national day the new Veronica Mars movie (which This places USyd behind the national bullet that improves the livelihood of who seek it, rather than a commodity end. We apologise for this mistake. average in intake of both regional all who receive it, then our University exchanged with those who can of action on March 26th. We have th one of your VPs watched at 3 in the March 26 is shaping up to be a really If you think Abbott and Pyne are (6.5%) and Indigenous students is failing abysmally to share this. afford it. been contacting clubs, societies and important day for students. fucking bastards, if you are sick morning) we decided to do some collectives to participate, putting up not-so-subtle sleuthing to find those (1.1%). These shortcomings, whilst dirty facts the Uni doesn’t want you embarrassing, don’t come close to the It goes without saying that to know. extraordinary underrepresentation an attachment to traditional

18 19 puzzles & quizzes what’s on

FUNCH’s 3rd March 19 @ USyd Manning March 21 @ Seymour talent and local restaurants kings-crosswords Bar. $12 ACCESS/ $15 Centre, Chippendale. $37.50. by offering gourmet hampers Birthday Party general. Seymour.usyd.edu.au along with your festival ticket. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 by If you’re feeling a bit bourgeois Paps Odds are it’s been a while since and/or are sick of greasy, sloppy you last attended a 3rd birthday Art Month Anarchist Book Fair festival food, head along. Megan quick cryptic party - which is a pity, because 9 10 Sydney Art Cycle Washington and The Rubens Across Across they’re bloody good fun. FUNCH Anarchist book fairs have been are headlining, with other acts (the USU’s fortnightly “fun While artists and art-lovers popular around the world since including Emma Louise, Sons 1. Endeavour (7) 1. Moist-eyed rip recovers flu (7) lunch” program) is having its the 1980s, but have only recently of the East and Dustin Tebbutt. 11 12 aren’t typically renowned for 5. Helter-skelter (7) 5. No Spring Chicken retired (7) third birthday this week, and their athleticism, cycling tours reached Australian shores. 9. Filch (7) 9. Warrior of the working class (7) everyone’s invited to the party. of local art hotspots have become This is the first ever Sydney March 23 @ Centennial Park, 10. Element associated with milk, 10. Commence in NSW, for instance (7) They want to help you get back surprisingly popular in Sydney Anarchist Book Fair, and will Woollahra. $99.00. bones (7) 13 14 15 16 11. Consistently veer inconsistently (4) in touch with your inner three- over the last few years. This provide seasoned anarchists and lostpicnic.net 11. Wager; “pre-“ (4) 12. Belittled beneath broken tread (10) year-old, and are providing newbies alike to opportunity to 17 Saturday, Art Month Sydney 12. Imprudent (3-7) 13. Erroneous French street follows inflatable rides, fairy floss, is giving you the chance to do learn more about libertarian balloon animals and ideas, history, and politics. The 13. Rubble (6) 18 19 20 naked runts (6) something good for you body and MUSE presents: 15. Exotic; erotic (8) 15. Coil division toward the breeze (8) face-painting. your mind, with a free cycling festival will host dozens of stalls, Anything Goes 18. Malleable, rolling with the 21 18. Cite testimony… (8) tour of Chippendale’s many including zine producers, radical March 19 @ USyd Quad Front punches (8) 19. … affixes the middle of nowhere (6) artistic hubs. You’ll hear talks t-shirt designers, and local Anything Goes is the eighth 22 23 24 Lawns. Free. usu.edu.au 19. Probe; quest (6) 22. Dawn, in a Promethean sense (5,5) from gallerists and artists at anarchist groups. You’ll be raring annual major production from to smash the state in no time. 22. Curtailed (10) 25 24. Locality appears rather extreme at each stop throughout the tour. MUSE, the University’s ever- 24. Low-pitched instrument (4) first (4) BYO bike and helmet. expanding musical theatre 26. Shock; resentment (7) 26 27 26. L’ah Wran recoils at long-toothed sea RAW Comedy March 22 @ Addison society. The nautical-themed 27. Understanding between mammal (7) Festival NSW Finals March 22 @ DNA Projects, Road Community Centre, musical is an all-time theatrical people (7) 27. Polish & rub shin (7) Chippendale. Free. Marrickville. Free. classic, and you’ll probably find syndeyanarchistbookfair.com 28. Cover, envelop (7) 28 29 28. Hide ride disparaged (7) Since its inception in 1996, RAW artmonthsydney.com.au yourself singing along to a bunch 29. Fulfil needs (7) 29. Yoko’s opening earned, then Comedy has become Australia’s of songs you never realised desired (7) biggest and most prestigious you knew before. The original Down open mic comedy competition. Lost Picnic Festival HINT: Just in case your eyes don’t work properly, these grids are production won six Tony Awards Down This is in large part thanks to identical, so you can do either crossword in either box OR if you On the off-chance that you have - go see for yourself if you think 1. Express approval (7) its stellar list of past winners fuck up one then you have a second chance to win. a spare $100-$150 lying around your fellow students have done 2. Rotating disk for records or 1. Chart gold illustration (7) and finalists, including the likes that you’d like to spend on a Cole Porter justice. trains (9) 2. Illegitimate tuna ethic is legitimate (9) of Chris Lilley, Josh Thomas, boutique music festival-cum- 3. Temperament (4) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 3. Loud, ancient crease (4) Hannah Gadsby, Tom Ballard, gourmet picnic, we thought we’d Until March 29 @ Seymour 4. Confuse; knot (6) 4. Windpipe of wildcat reveals and Claire Hooper. The NSW tell you all about the Lost Picnic Centre, Chippendale. $20 5. Member of the parrot family Argentina (6) Finals is set to be a showcase Festival. It’s a brand new festival ACCESS/ $26 concession. known for its crest (8) 5. Mice pide is infectious (8) of the best up-and-coming live 9 10 that aims to support local music seymourcentre.com 6. Ease, remove burden (9) 6. Drip secure ends into odd slander (9) comedy talent in the state. Go 7. Small branches good for 7. Pick the brains of Sunday’s meal? (5) and get your funny bone tickled! kindling (5) 8. Harvested & abandoned (7) 11 12 8. Amusing (7) 14. Math dunce solved without equal (9) March 19 @ The Comedy 14. Nomadic, wondering (9) 16. Concertina made from coco rind (9) Store, Moore Park. $25.00. 16. Excruciating (9) 17. Incognito combined 50 tonnes (8) comedystore.com.au 13 14 15 16 World Poetry Day 17. Facial bruising; bad name (5,3) 18. Characterized as unpenalised, Multilingual WE’VE GOT 18. Stormy; vehement (7) perhaps? (7) 17 20. In good condition (7) 20. Intoxicated in pieces (7) SUDS present: Poetry Slam 21. Organs; cores; suit (6) 18 19 20 21. Carol’s first husband was plump (6) Quack 23. Name; Ms, Dr, etc. (5) 23. Less cooked, more scarce (5) The only thing cooler than a 25. Oral discharge (4) 21 25. Killer whale, or Canada (4) poetry slam is a multi-lingual YOUR BACK Ian Wilding’s kooky and kinda poetry slam. With authors from 22 23 24 creepy Quack comes to life this week at the hands of the very all ages and backgrounds, this If You Have A Legal Problem? 25 capable and creative SUDS team. evening is sure to be a rich, Ol’ m8 Kevin Rudd described engaging exploration of race, We Can Help For FREE! 26 27 this as “a slap in the face for culture, ideology and heritage. time: ______Australia” after first seeing it You may not understand time: ______performed in 2010. Expect plenty everything that everyone says, 28 29 of offbeat laughs, blood, Occa but odds are that you’ll learn Fines PB: ______PB: ______drawls and…zombies. something new about another person’s life and culture, and Until March 22 @ USyd Studio be inspired to go and learn B, $7 ACCESS/$10 concession. even more. Motor vehicle accidents sudsusyd.wordpress.com March 21 @ Customs House, Circular Quay. Free. Immigration 1. Which famous novel begins: are five letters long and begin with age inversely proportional to Quidditch Society wordtravels.info “It is a truth universally the letter C. musical talent. Harry Potter acknowledged, that a single man in Criminal Charges possession of a good fortune, must be 5. In which profession might 8. Name the first five elements Trivia Night Short + Sweet in want of a wife”? an anvil routinely be used? on the periodic table in order. What is Dumbledore’s full name? Gala Final 2. Where might I find a carburetor? 6. Which city is the capital of the 9. Christine Lagarde is the Debts What is the core of Harry’s Short + Sweet - “the biggest Andulusian autonomous region managing director of which quiz wand? What dragon did Victor little theatre festival in the 3. How many times has Arnold of Spain? major international organisation? Krum battle in the Triwizard world”- has been happening since ...and more Schwarznegger won the Mr. Tournament? If you know the January, with more than 160 Olympia bodybuilding competition? 7. Were all of the members of the 10. In which country was tennis answer to any (or all) of these new plays performed over the We have a solicitor who speaks Beatles still alive, who would be player Novak Djokovic born? questions, now is your chance course of the festival. The very Cantonese, Mandarin & Japanesee 4. Name two countries whose names the oldest? Hint: In this case, to cash in. The University of best plays of this year’s festival Sydney’s high-flying Quidditch 法律諮詢 will be on show this weekend at 法律アドバイス Society invites you to join them for the Seymour Centre. It’s an ideal an evening of Harry Potter trivia night of for those with a short Liability limited by This service is provided

of Wednesday- witches, wizards Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney a scheme approved to you by the Students’

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general) 6. Seville 7. Ringo Starr 8. 8. Starr Ringo 7. Seville 6. general) attention span- none of the plays 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au under Professional Representative Council,

and muggles are all welcome. Standards Legislation. University of Sydney n an internal combustion engine 3. Seven 4. China and Chile 5. Blacksmithing (or metal-work in in metal-work (or Blacksmithing 5. Chile and China 4. Seven 3. engine combustion internal an n I 2. Austen Jane by 1. Pride and Prejudice and Pride go for longer than ten minutes. e: [email protected] | ACN 146 653 143

20 Starving Children in Africa Actually Not Interested in What Mum Cooked Classifieds

Patrick Morrow is just thinking of the children. lost: Cause. If found contact Warren Drugs. After Mosman housewife Sarah Calders – of any nationality – is mostly just wielded the threat that “the starving insulting.” The remote, oh, wait nevermind it was children in Africa would love to have under this cushion. something like that for dinner” to her quite “Frankly, if you have children who are At sea: one fishing partner. I swear I didn’t full children over a family meal on Saturday consistently struggling with portion sizes, eat him. Contact Jose Alvarenga. night, sources in Nairobi have revealed what would be more helpful is scaling down that at least one nation’s poor and hungry dinners, and directly donating any savings By Frank Ocean. Five Stars [please move have no interest in receiving the unwanted to a reputable aid agency. Stereotyping an this to the music reviews Jenny]. leftovers of upper-middle class Australians. entire continent is a pretty lazy way Voice. So I will be communicating through 500g chicken breast fillets, trimmed, cut into strips across the grain, 60mls (1/4 cup) salt-reduced soy sauce, 2 tablespoons honey, 2 teaspoons peanut of instilling gratefulness in your kids.” the medium of classifieds for the nextweek. oil, 2 garlic cloves, peeled, thinly sliced, 4cm piece fresh ginger, peeled, cut into thin strips, 2 medium carrots, cut into batons1 medium leek, trimmed, Kipkemboi Langat, a Kenyan local, I hope there isn’t a character limi cut into thin 5cm strips, washed, dried 2 x200g pkts Udon noodles (Trident brand.) Combine the chicken, soy sauce and honey in a medium bowl. stated that “even if the idea was a logistical “There are hungry kids in Australia, too… Stand for 5 minutes to marinate. Drain chicken and reserve the marinade. Heat 1/2 the oil in a large wok or frying pan over high heat. Add 1/2 the possibility (and by the time you’ve shipped In fact, now that I think of it, it’s probably My way. If found contact J. Bieber. chicken to the wok and stir-fry for 2 minutes or until just cooked. Remove from wok. Repeat with the remaining oil and chicken. Add the garlic, ginger it you’re inflicting agrossly disproportionate more equitable to get it to them anyway,” and carrots to the wok and stir-fry, tossing occasionally, for 3-4 minutes. Add the leek and stir-fry for a further two minutes.Add the noodles and cost on at least one party), the notion that Langat continued. reserved marinade and toss to combine. Cover and cook for 2 minutes or until the noodles are softened. Add a little water if the noodles begin to stick. the remnants of a five-year-old’s picked missing: Remove the lid and return the chicken to the wok. Toss until well combined and heated through. Serve. at mash potato and sausages (not likely At press time, it was revealed that Calders to survive such a trip anyway) would usually passed the homeless in her own city spacebariffoundpleasecontact meaningfully mitigate the malnourishment without acknowledgement, declaring “I don’t PeterWallace of even the smallest impoverished family carry small change” if pressed for charity. Kim Jong-Un Celebrates Hodor comes Cromosome, if found, contact Henry Turner for lease: Surprise Election Win out (as literate) Woman Actually Tries Cosmo Homosexual with option to bi. With Over 130% Of Vote Dominic Ellis Hodor Sex Moves, Accidentally Breaks House. Contact H. Laurie. Cameron Smith hails The Great Leader. Hodor Hodor Hodor. Partner’s Penis wanted: The Democratic Republic of Korea truly lived victory from the jaws of a slightly lesser victory. To the surprise of many fans of the HBO Sarah Mourney sometimes utilises staplers in her sex life. up to its name last night as the country’s Preceding this election-winning twist, the series Game of Thrones, pop culture icon Blood, contact Dr Acula. citizens flocked to the polls to exercise their Jong-un campaign had largely stuck to the tried and UK disk jockey Hodor has come out Last Monday a man was sent to hospital success to spin class as “it gave me killer Delicious six-legged insects. Contact Ann democratic right to vote for President Kim and tested communist platform of promising as an adept speaker, uttering remarks for severe injuries sustained from sexual thighs”. The danger escalated as the couple Teater. Jong-un. This year’s election has turned out fairer taxes, better roads, and promising to that weren’t simply his name. intercourse. When trying to explain how progressed to the “torrid tug-of-war”. to be the largest electoral win yet for the long break the legs of anyone who dares to vote a donut was involved in the incident he The pair decided to add a chocolate running Kim dynasty, and is the first election for the opposition. The news broke yesterday when Hodor, accused the magazine Cosmopolitan, saying: donut into the mix, and in the crumbed services: to be held since Jong-un democratically in an interview with winteriscoming.net, “Ask the f---ing editors at that f---ing poor confusion, a penis was snapped due inherited the presidency from his father Polling booth inspectors have stated they used several different words that, when excuse of print media that propagates to excessive tugging. Got Termites? Our palliative care services Kim Jong-Il three years ago. were pleased with the orderly outcome of this put together, formed a cohesive sentence. ridiculous beauty and sex standards”. will see that they live out the rest of their year’s election, having barely had to arrest any The National Health Advisory Board is now lives in dignified luxury. Jong-un’s camp had initially looked to be in imperialist allies whose pencils strayed towards The contents of the interview seemed From what his partner Alicia* revealed, warning all people to avoid any Cosmo sex Glenaeon Elderly Care. We can eradicate for a beating, with state media reporting the the opposition’s box this year. to be of a personal yet ultimately it appears things went sour after attempting moves “that look like a training exercise for these annoying pests so you can get on with Dear Leader’s approval rating had dropped inconsequential subject matter, as the a “shark attacking” where the man crawls contortionists”. Cosmo’s only response to the living your life. to a crushing 110% in the weeks leading up Jong-un is said to be holding a small private baffled interviewer focused on Hodor’s on all-fours but with his belly up, “his erect incident was to wish the man a full recovery, to the election. However in a last minute election celebration tonight with friends and aptitude for communication. ‘dorsal fin’ navigating the way to sexual and to recommend using a cinnamon glazed [Jenny, are these in the right order?] surprise move the opposition party were family, before their impending execution as nirvana” (description from Cosmo). donut next time. declared enemies of the state and executed by dissidents early tomorrow morning. “I’ve never hidden my vocabulary from the Jong-un camp, helping to secure Jong-un’s anyone, my whole life in fact, and I’ve They somehow avoided injury during the *Name changed for privacy reasons. been waiting for someone to ask about it,” “erotic accordion”, Alicia attributed her responded a chatty Hodor when asked why he took so long to come out. “I’ve tried to lead Vice Chancellor Replaces the questions a few times, to no avail!” Apple Crisis: CEO Realises He Is Still Quad Lawn With Minefield Not Steve Jobs Elliott Brennan got blown into a million little pieces. Cameron Caccamo is also not Steve Jobs. USyd Vice Chancellor Michael Spence has The new hazard has had a polarising impact again sent shockwaves through the student on social media users and couples on campus. Shares in Apple are in freefall as an “we can’t think of anything new to make” body, this time with the installation of a Second year Arts student Sally O’Neill expected product announcement from CEO were clearly heard by a shocked audience. minefield in the lawns of the iconic Quadrangle lamented her plans for Monday: “a summer Tim Cook instead became a glimpse into His last utterance was an unseemly scream, over the weekend. dress, some old books from Fisher, gym-junkie Apple’s current existential crisis. which sounded like “I COULD NEVER BE boyfriend and the perfect #study gram in front LIKE STEVE”. Dr Spence says the minefield is a purely of the quad…” Just moments before announcing the iPhone precautionary action - rumours of further 6, as well as the slightly more expensive but The worrying series of events haven’t strikes from the NTEU and their supporters But third year Business/Law student and St ultimately very similar cousin the 6S, Cook deterred Apple fans however, as lines arose late last week. “This is not an aggressive John’s resident, Dave Broman, was excited by was seen to be shaking before falling to have already formed at Apple stores across tactic; the minefields are clearly labelled,” the news, stating his intention to make freshers his knees. America. The iPhone 6 is due in stores Spence insisted, before adding: “However, go viral on his new Tumblr account: Quadbams. in May. I wouldn’t put it past those degenerates.” Before security could escort him off stage, Perhaps the hardest hit by this development in Cook sobbed and loudly bemoaned the state Not to be outdone, it is widely expected that The President of the USYD branch of the USYD community has been the campus’s ibis of the company since founder Steve Jobs current rival Samsung will have a similar NTEU, Michael Thomson, was perplexed, populace, with 43 birds already reported dead died in 2011. Mutterings such as “we just crisis of faith shortly before releasing their asking only: “Is he serious?” this week. release the same thing over and over” and own Galaxy S6 next year. 22 23 Oppose

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