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Third Presbyterian Church Tuesday Bible Study Old Testament Tour - Samuel Lesson 70 – and Tamar

2 Samuel 13:1-39 (NIV) 1 In the course of time, Amnon son of fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of son of David. 2 Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. 3 Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." 5 "Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.'" 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand." 7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." 8 So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. 9 Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. "Send everyone out of here," Amnon said. So everyone left him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. 11 But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "Come to bed with me, my sister." 12 "Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. 13 What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you." 14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!" 16 "No!" she said to him. "Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me." But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, "Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her." 18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. 20 Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman. 21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. 23 Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. 24 Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?" 25 "No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, "If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us." The king asked him, "Why should he go with you?" P a g e | 2

27 But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king's sons. 28 Absalom ordered his men, "Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave." 29 So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules and fled. 30 While they were on their way, the report came to David: "Absalom has struck down all the king's sons; not one of them is left." 31 The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother, said, "My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom's expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. 33 My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king's sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead." 34 Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, "I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the hill." 35 Jonadab said to the king, "See, the king's sons are here; it has happened just as your servant said." 36 As he finished speaking, the king's sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his servants wept very bitterly. 37 Absalom fled and went to son of Ammihud, the king of . But King David mourned for his son every day. 38 After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon's death.

Questions

1. It has been said that fantasy far supersedes reality especially when what we fantasize about is of the flesh. Why, then when we finally get the thing we have desired most, are we often less than satisfied? 2. How would you characterize the advice given to Amnon by his "friend" Jonadab? 3. In what way was Amnon’s sin like the sin of his father David with ? How does this account give us pause to really look at the life we live before our children and not the life we just tell them to live? 4. Do you feel David should have questions Amnon’s unusual requests regarding this sister? What in your opinion should his response have been to Amnon’s requests? 5. It has been said that the difference between temptation and lust is that temptation is not a sin, but when we have given way to this sin in our heart and now look for opportunity to act upon it…. then temptation becomes lust and that is a sin. Why is obsession with a person or thing dangerous? Speak to how obsession affects a person’s life. 6. Why are lust and genuine love seldom related? 7. What overwhelming desire should you examine for its purity before you pursue it at all costs? 8. Amnon received some terrible advice from and “advisor.” What steps can you take to evaluate objectively the character and motives of your "advisors"? Can you think of a time when you received poor advice from someone you trusted as an advisor? What was the outcome? 9. In the next chapter we see that Amnon was killed for the raping of his half-sister. Should rape be punishable by death? Why or why not? 10. What steps can you take to make sure you are not obsessing over something or someone?

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The Consequences of David's Sin Began to Fall upon His House: Rape, , Revenge, and Murder, 13:1-39 (13:1-39) Introduction: rape, incest, revenge, and murder—this is a story of shame and disappointment, of despicable, reprehensible wickedness. And the tragic wickedness took place within the family of David. Because of David's terrible sin of adultery and murder, the hand of God's judgment continued to fall upon David's house. Just as all parents and children, David's sin influenced his children. His sinful behavior had an impact upon his children, especially his sons. His willingness to commit adultery was stamped, imprinted in their minds. They were influenced, impressed, swayed by his disposition to satisfy the lust of his flesh. As a result, his sons began to follow in his footsteps, the shameful and tragic footsteps of immorality and murder. This is: The Consequences of David's Sin Began to Fall Upon His House: Rape, Incest, Revenge, and Murder, 13:1-39. 1. The rape of Tamar by Amnon: a lesson on lust and immorality (v.1-22). 2. The revenge of Absalom: a lesson on revenge and murder (v.23-36). 3. The agony of David in reaping the fruit of his own sin (adultery and murder): a lesson on reaping what one sows, Galatians 6:7 (v.37-39).

1. (13:1-22) Rape, Example of— Lust, Example of— Immorality, Example of— Tamar, Rape of— Amnon, Sin of— Jonadab, Evil Advice of— Incest, Example of: there was the rape of Tamar by the oldest son of David, Amnon, who was heir to the throne, the crown prince of Israel. David's sin of adultery with Bathsheba influenced and made an impression upon his son, and his son walked in the footsteps of his father, committing a fateful act of immorality. This is a striking lesson on lust and immorality, showing just how despicable and reprehensible lust and immorality can be.

1. The craving lust of Amnon for Tamar was despicable, reprehensible (2 Samuel 13:1-2). Tamar was his half-sister who had been born to David's wife , the daughter of Talmai who was the king of Geshur (2 Samuel 3:3). Note that Tamar was the full sister of Absalom. Amnon lusted so much after Tamar that he became ill, for he could not figure out a way to have her sexually. Why? Because Tamar was faithful to the LORD, obeying His commandments and living a pure, righteous life. 2. The evil scheme suggested by a friend and cousin, Jonadab, was also despicable and reprehensible (2 Samuel 13:3-5). Note that Jonadab is said to be a subtle, shrewd, or crafty man. He noticed and questioned why Amnon looked so dejected and troubled. After Amnon shared his infatuation and craving for Tamar, his friend Jonadab suggested a scheme to lure Tamar into his bedroom (2 Samuel 13:5). The crown prince Amnon was to pretend to be ill and go to bed. When his father David came to see him, the crown prince was to ask if his sister Tamar could prepare and feed him one of her special meals. 3. The evil scheme was carried out with Amnon going to bed while pretending to be ill (2 Samuel 13:6-10). When his father, King David, visited him, he followed through with the scheme by requesting David to ask Tamar to prepare and feed him one of her special meals. David agreed and ordered Tamar to do as Amnon had requested (2 Samuel 13:7). In obedience to her father, Tamar went to Amnon's house and baked a special bread for him. But note what he did while she was cooking: he lay down close by her, watching and lusting after her. After Tamar had finished cooking the bread, she took it to him. But the crown prince pretended to be so sick he could not eat, so sick in fact that he wanted no one around him except Tamar (2 Samuel 13:9). Ordering everyone else to leave, he immediately asked Tamar to bring the food to him in the privacy of his bedroom and to feed him there (2 Samuel 13:10). Being a compassionate, concerned sister and being totally unaware of Amnon's wicked motive, Tamar did just as the crown prince requested. She brought the food to him in the privacy of his bedroom with no one present but him and her. 4. The incest committed by the crown prince Amnon was abominable. He raped Tamar, his half-sister (2 Samuel 13:11-14). As she began to feed him, he grabbed her and pulled her into bed, begging her to have sex P a g e | 4 with him. But Tamar strongly resisted (2 Samuel 13:12-13). She immediately shouted out either "No" or "Do not" several times. In struggling to resist his lustful advances, Tamar made four appeals to the crown prince: ⇒ She reminded him that rape was a crime and that such a thing should not be done in Israel (nor in any other nation). ⇒ She appealed to his conscience, emphasizing that rape was a wicked evil. ⇒ She begged him to think of their reputations: she would be disgraced and his reputation would be ruined, for people would look upon him as a wicked fool. ⇒ She appealed for him to control his urges and to ask permission to marry her if he was burning with lust. But the crown prince refused to listen. Being stronger, he raped his half-sister, committing incest with her. 5. The rape and incest exposed the appalling shortcomings of the crown prince as a person. Once he had committed the reprehensible evil, his emotions immediately turned from attraction to hate (2 Samuel 13:15-17). Suddenly realizing the seriousness and possible repercussions of his wicked action, the crown prince ordered Tamar out. But she refused, for they now needed to be married. Because she had been violated, she could not legally be offered to any other man, not by her father, King David (2 Samuel 13:16). But Amnon refused to listen to her appeal for marriage. He called his personal servant to evict her and to bolt the door after her (2 Samuel 13:17).

6. Because of the shameful rape, four tragic results soon took place (2 Samuel 13:18-22). First, Tamar suffered deep anguish and grief (2 Samuel 13:18-19). As she ran out of the house of the crown prince, she deliberately tore her robe, the distinctive robe worn by the virgin daughters of the king. Then as quickly as she could find ashes, she put the ashes on her head, as was the custom of that day, weeping and covering her face as she ran to her room. Second, Tamar was emotionally broken and forced to live the life of a desolate woman (2 Samuel 13:20). A woman who was shamed and raped in the culture of that day was as good as dead. Raped women stood little chance of ever being married and having a family. For this reason, as soon as Absalom found out about the rape, he moved his sister into his own house to care for her and to provide a sense of security. Third, when David heard about the incestuous rape, he was furious (2 Samuel 13:21). But the king did nothing. He could have insisted that Amnon marry Tamar and take care of her, giving her a family and providing security for her (Exodus 22:16; Deut. 22:29). But he failed to correct and discipline his son, indulging and giving license to his wicked immorality. Being lenient and condoning the sinful behavior of his sons would eventually lead to the death of Amnon and to the revolts of Absalom and . The consequences of David's sin were continuing to fall upon his own family. Fourth, Tamar's brother Absalom grew bitter and hated Amnon (2 Samuel 13:22). But he remained silent, saying nothing to anyone. For as we will see, he was secretly plotting and waiting for a convenient time to take revenge upon Amnon.

Thought 1. The lesson for us is clear: we must guard against lust and immorality, all forms of immorality such as adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, bestiality, fornication, and lasciviousness. Sex is to be pure and holy, set apart for one man and one woman. This is the clear teaching of God's Holy Word. And anything short of sexual purity and holiness is impure—despicable and reprehensible, shameful and disobedient to God's Holy Word. As we walk through life, we see the sights and scenes of this world. In looking, our eyes often fall upon some enticing, seductive sight. It may be the seduction of pornographic literature or a person who is dressed immodestly or else dressed to attract attention. We cannot help the first look, but we can control P a g e | 5

the second look. It is the second look and the thoughts that follow the second look that lead to lust. And when lust has conceived in the human heart, it becomes sin. Scripture declares that a man who looks at a woman with lust in his heart is guilty of committing adultery. With all diligence and control, we must guard against lust and immorality.

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (1 Cor. 6:18). "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Cor. 7:2). "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts" (Galatians 5:24).

2. (13:23-36) Revenge, Example of— Murder, Committed by— Absalom, Sins of— Amnon, Murdered by— David, Results of His Sin: there was the revenge of Absalom, his murder of the crown prince Amnon. For two years the bitterness and hatred of Absalom against the crown prince had been brewing and boiling within his heart, just waiting for the right opportunity to strike. As now described by the Scripture, the moment for revenge finally came.

1. Two years after the rape of his sister, Absalom was finally able to devise a plot against Amnon for violating his sister (2 Samuel 13:23-27). Carefully plotting the scheme, he planned the revenge around a sheep- shearing celebration that was to take place at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim. To divert attention from his plot, Absalom personally invited both his father David and his father's officials to attend the festival (2 Samuel 13:24-25). When David refused the invitation, Absalom urged him to come time and again. David continued to refuse, but eventually gave his blessing to the festival. Keep in mind that Absalom was manipulating his father, calculating that he would refuse the invitation. Finally accepting his father's repeated rejections to the invitation, Absalom then requested the very thing he really wanted: Could the crown prince Amnon be the official representative in place of the king? But something about the request made David suspicious, arousing him to question why the crown prince should attend the festival. Just how Absalom answered his father is not given by Scripture, but it apparently satisfied David. For eventually David agreed and actually sent all his sons as representatives of the royal palace. Note how David is reaping what he had sown: he is being deceived just as he had used deception in his sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:6-13). 2. When the day of the festival arrived, Absalom ordered his men to kill Amnon (2 Samuel 13:28). They were to wait until he was intoxicated, perhaps from drinking wine. When his senses were dull, they could more easily catch him off guard and murder him. At first the men apparently balked, for they feared King David. It seems that Absalom had to encourage his men not to be afraid, but instead to be courageous and to do the dastardly deed. He assured them that he would personally take responsibility for the murder: it was he who was giving the order, not them. 3. Apparently in the presence of everyone at the festival, Absalom's orders were carried out (2 Samuel 13:29). His servants murdered Amnon, then all the king's sons hastily jumped on their mules and fled for their lives. They obviously concluded that a revolt against the throne was taking place and that their lives were in danger. P a g e | 6

4. Unfortunately, Absalom's murderous deed was falsely reported to David (2 Samuel 13:30-33). For David heard that Absalom had actually killed all his sons, that not one was left. Shattered and crumbled by the news, David jumped up from where he was seated and tore his clothes, falling prostrate upon the ground in a spirit of mourning (2 Samuel 13:31). No doubt he was remembering the words of 's prophecy, that his house would be filled with violence (2 Samuel 12:10). As expected, all the royal officials and servants joined their king in his mourning. At some point David's nephew Jonadab stepped forth to encourage him (2 Samuel 13:32-33). Remember that Jonadab was the cousin and close friend of Amnon who had actually helped the crown prince scheme and plan his rape of Tamar (2 Samuel 13:3-5). Somehow Jonadab knew that only the crown prince Amnon had been murdered. Perhaps he had been present at the festival himself. Whatever the case, he told David he was certain that all the sons had not been killed. He revealed that Absalom had been set on revenge against the Crown Prince Amnon—but only Amnon—since the raping of his sister Tamar. 5. While all these events were swirling around King David, Absalom escaped, fleeing for his life. And all the were rushing to reach the palace lest they were being chased by assassins (2 Samuel 13:34- 36). As the sons approached the capital city of , a watchman on the city wall spotted a group of people in the distance riding as fast as they could toward the city. The watchman reported the fact to David. David's nephew Jonadab verified the report, announcing that it was David's sons. When the sons entered the palace, they were almost in a state of shock, grief-stricken and wailing loudly (2 Samuel 13:36). The sight of all the sons weeping and sobbing grabbed the emotions of everyone present. David and his court officials were gripped by the calamity of the moment, and they all wept bitterly right along with the sons.

Thought 1. Vengeance can consume the life of a person and cause all kinds of problems and destruction. For over two years, revenge had consumed the heart and mind of Absalom. Likewise, when somebody does us wrong, it can dominate our lives if we allow vengeance within our hearts. Seeking revenge— getting back at the person who has offended us—will consume our thoughts, energy, and behavior. We become distracted and find it difficult to keep our minds on our work and duties. Often all we think about is how to get revenge, how to strike back, how to harm and injure the person. We wish bad things upon the person, and if opportunity presents itself—or can be created—we seek to cause problems and trouble for the person. Vengeance can even lead us to abuse and assault another person; it can even lead to murder. For this reason, God warns us against taking revenge and retaliating against others. Listen to what the Word of God says:

"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also" (Matthew 5:39). "Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men" (Romans 12:17). "See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men" (1 Thes. 5:15). "Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing" (1 Peter 3:9). "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 19:18). "Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the LORD, and he shall save thee" (Proverbs 20:22). P a g e | 7

"Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work" (Proverbs 24:29).

3. (13:37-39) Sin, Fruit of and Reaping of— Reaping, What One Sows— Sin, Results of— David, Sins of, Results— David, Love of— Absalom, Flight from David: there was the agony of David in reaping the fruit of his own sin, the sins of adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11:1-27). This is a clear picture of the consequences of David's sin beginning to fall upon David's house and family, a clear lesson on a person reaping what he sows. In fleeing for his life, Absalom went to his maternal grandfather (his mother's father), King Talmai of Geshur. Meanwhile David was suffering the loss of both sons, Amnon and Absalom, one by death and the other by exile. Actually, Absalom was now the son next in line to assume the throne of Israel after David's death, for David's second son had apparently died prior to this event (2 Samuel 3:3; 1 Chron. 3:1). Whatever the case, Absalom's exile lasted for about three years. And the spirit of King David grieved during the entire period. Eventually time healed his grief over Amnon's death, and he apparently came to the conclusion that he and Absalom needed to be reconciled so that Absalom could be prepared to eventually assume the throne. As a father and as the king responsible for the heirs to the throne, David longed for reconciliation with his exiled son. The next chapter of Holy Scripture will bring about the reconciliation.

Thought 1. We reap what we sow. This is the clear teaching of God's Holy Word. If we deceive and lie to people, people will soon turn away from us and have nothing to do with us. If we are unfriendly or have an angry, hostile spirit, people will avoid us and have nothing to do with us. If we fail to secure an adequate education or are lazy and slothful, we will have difficulty in securing and holding a decent job. If we smoke, drink alcohol or take drugs, we damage our bodies and can seriously affect our relationships with others. If we habitually break the speed limit on the highways, we eventually get caught and pay the penalty. If we are lawless and commit crime, we are forced to constantly look over our shoulders, living under the pressure of getting caught and suffering the consequences. When we sow wickedness, lawlessness, or violence, we will suffer the penalty. We reap what we sow. Consequences always follow our actions. If our actions are good, then we reap good. But if our actions are evil, we will reap evil. Reaping what we sow is one of the basic teachings of God's Holy Word:

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 6:23). "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting" (Galatians 6:7-8). "For if the word spoken by angels was stedfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just recompence of reward; How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation; which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by them that heard him" (Hebrews 2:2-3). "Even as I have seen, they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same" (Job 4:8).

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Preacher's Outline and Sermon Bible - Commentary - The Preacher's Outline & Sermon Bible – 2 Samuel.