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Issue 917 - Weekly Friday 24th October 1997 Student lobby groups clash over fees

he split between student lobby of the anti-fees campaign as a whole. groups opposing the govern- Matt Pannell According to NUS President Douglas Tment’s proposed tuition fees Editor Trainer, “The NUS stance on fees has grew last week, as the ‘Campaign for not and will not change. We are utter- Free Education’ criticised the National Union of ly opposed to the levying of fees for any student and Students for ‘doing its best not to lead a real campaign’. will continue to oppose the Government’s latest plans.” The Conservative MP for Guildford, Nick St Aubyn, The splinter group, made up of hardline activists and last week entered the fray, attacking the plans in an open disgruntled NUS rebels, is being backed, according to letter to Surrey University students. “Higher student its own press release, by a number of public figures debt coupled with higher drop-out rates is a recepie for opposing the fees. MP’s Dennis Skinner and Jeremy failure,” he said. He went on to highlight several prob- Corbyn, Socialist European MEP Ken Coates, and lems with the plans, which had been “hoisted on the Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell, are all lending their back of the Dearing Report, without thinking support. Even the Liverpool Dockers are claimed to be through...key problems.” He was backed by fellow backing the campaign. The group claims to have organ- Tory Virginia Bottomley, who, in a seperate letter, ised ‘the only democratic campaign in the student added that “it is all the more deplorable in that the movement’, and claims that the NUS is ‘still refusing to An extract from the document sent out by the Campaign for Free Education last week to put up a real fight’ against fees. NUS staff have Labour Party gave no previous warning that they were Student Union Presidents nationwide. The paper fiercely criticised the National Union of expressed concern over the latest developments, claim- preparing such steps.” Students for its ‘lack of performance’ in fighting current government proposals to introduce tuition fees. ing that the CFE’sR activitiesag are jeapordisingtea them success ‘pleased’ with week of chaos

fter a week of mayhem in the Students’ Union and around ACampus, the Rag team were yesterday ‘pleased’ with the results of their activities. Although not all the money collected has been counted, the week has been described as successful for the chari- ties to benefit from the proceeds. Events included a traffic light disco, a beer-drinking competition, a ‘raid’ on Guildford town, a blind date, a slave auction, and the infamous ‘Hari-Hits’ John Dear watched some of the antics..... he fun started at approximately 8.30pm in the bizarre dungeon Tpopularly known as the Helyn Rose bar, as the lights came up to reveal a mock “Blind Date” set and the teletubby called Po. The audience were goaded into singing Blind Date style music and the first contestant was wheeled on. This contestant’s name was Duncan, I think, and he was studying for a degree in something highly technical. He now had the task of asking three girls (hid- Poetic Justice: After a week of Rag terror, including kidnappings, slave auctions and indiscriminate ‘Hari-Hits’, Rag Chairperson Wendy den behind a dangling Bowater suffers an appropriate fate at the end of last week’s Rag beer-drinking competition -Photos Courtesy of Stage Crew (Turn to Page 2, col 3)

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sports 11 . ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Friday 24th October 1997 n STUDENT LOANS: APPLICATION Rag Blind Date: ARRANGEMENTS FOR 1997/98

First Time borrowers who need to obtain eligibility certifi- an eyewitness account cates to apply for a Student loan, and repeat borrowers wish- ing to have their renewal eligibility certificates signed on (Continued from page 1) as the teletubbies taunted the con- curtain) three obscene questions. John Dear testants with beakers of booze, say- behalf of the University should go to the Registry, as follows: On being asked what sort of car she ing perverts), but the third young ing things like, “Mmmmmm.. this is would be, girl number one said man was...... Superman?! Actually nice and wet”. It must have been WHEN: From now until 29th May, 1998. she’d be a Rover, “Because you can no, it was editor Matt dressed up. hell for the cracker scoffers. Soon it Monday, Wednesday and Friday Afternoons, 2:30 - 4:30pm relax in me!”. This was quite sexy. You’ve never seen such a thin pair was finished. A boy with a huge Given the chance, I might have cho- mouth won. Congrats! of legs in all your life. The cozzie There then followed an erotic sen her. I’ve always liked Rovers looked nice though. WHERE: Room 1, Registry, 6th Floor, Senate House (First and relaxation. As the evening banana eating contest, and it was door on left inside Registry) Sarah’s trio of questions were as really, really erotic. I mean it. Very. lurched ever forward, it transpired dark and foul as can be expected, that girl number two’s most embar- Erotic. The first girl on stage to take covering such subjects as bondage part was a bit shy, and munched WHO SHOULD ATTEND: rassing moment was when she had and varieties of sexual violence. to walk about with a teletubby and a timidly on the ‘nana. Had she never Mondays - Students with surnames A-G Matt responded to the questions done this sort of thing before? I red ball. This came as no surprise. brilliantly in a deep (possibly Wednesdays - Students with surnames H-O Personally, I’d be ashamed of walk- shudder to think. Things got a bit Fridays - Students with surnames P-Z forced) voice. He stated that he more exotic and erotic as the second ing around with red balls. The enjoyed being whipped in a small answer may have been a good one, girl delicately bit off her banana’s cupboard by a dominatrix or some- skin with her teeth, and proceeded Students unable to attend the session appropriate to their sur- but girl number three gave a more thing. But this wasn’t enough for outrageous answer to the last ques- to suck tenderly....fantastic stuff, name may attend any of the others; the above timetable is Sarah. After Laa-Laa’s little round- this.....at the banana. The last pair tion, claiming that during a fire drill ing-up piece, she didn’t ask for our simply an attempt to regulate the numbers at each session. she calmly slipped out wearing only were the best performers. One girl First time borrowers who are not sure what documentation debonair and kinky Superman, opt- and one boy (it might have been a bra and French knickers. After a ing instead for man number one. they need to produce in order to obtain an eligibility certifi- short break to buy more beer, the good ol’ Duncan) joined each other This concluded the Blind Date, but on stage. The bloke only took his cate, should read the University’s leaflet ‘The Government’s second round of Blind Date began. the evening’s madness was far from The question asker for this part of trousers off to add to the eroticism! Student Loans Scheme: notes on the Application Procedure’. over as members of the audience It was disgusting really. In the end, the contest was Barefact’s very own were invited to a cracker eating This is obtainable from the information rack outside the Sarah, who has the good fortune to they chomped and slurped on each Welfare Office in the Students’ Union, or the information competition. To win the competitors other’s bananas, much to my satis- study dietetics. had to eat five dry Jacob’s crackers rack in the Registry. The lads she had to choose from faction. So, I can happily say that it as quickly as possible. As they bit was a night of classic entertainment. were a motley crew. Two of them into the nasty dry crackers, mem- were standard male students (drool- Oh, I forget who won the ‘nana Would you like to bers of the Rag committee dressed thing. Sorry. Halloween Cocktails stop smoking? Brought to you by the Charity Dinner Dance Committee...

sing a new nicotine replacement therapy (nicotine inhaler). The Date: Thursday 30th October treatment involves nicotine replacement therapy. If you are inter- Uested in participating in a pilot trial of this treatment, contact Dr Tickets: on sale from Friday 24th October, 12-2pm in the Union Foyer Jonothan Fouldson, Senior Lecturer in Clinical Psychology (ext 2605) or come to the first group meeting at 12:30pm on Thursday 6th November, in Venue: Helyn Rose Bar 19AD30. Dress: Fancy dress / smart ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 3 (1,1)

n Friday 24th October 1997 Features 3 ANIME

ou’d have seen the title Anime is Japanese animation , a Japan but that’s another story) and some anime have strong, inde- heading by now and are very distinct style used by the producers target anime at all kinds pendent female characters, Yprobably wondering what Japanese and immediately recogniz- of age groups from children up to equipped with state-of-the-art kind of ‘creature’ is anime. Maybe able to anyone with previous expo- adults (yes, there are adult anime). power armour and enough it’s an alien from outer space or per- sure to it. Large, child-like eyes, a Anime doesn’t limit itself to a weaponry to decimate the haps that large green blob moving shock of hair which looks messy proven formula. Some anime entire planet as the main role. around in your refrigerator which and at times very spiky and the var- ignored all sense of conventions and Coming from a society that has you could have sworn wasn’t there a ious hair colours used ranging pre-conceived ideas. How many women in traditional, submis- few weeks ago. Fortunately, it’s nei- throughout the visible spectrum are movies have you seen which have a sive roles, you might wonder. ther. some of its’ more outstanding fea- vampire as one of the good guys? Why? (maybe the Japanese tures. Furthermore, it also deals with likes aggressive women :) However anime is not a ‘adult’ topics such as death which What has Surrey University in cartoon as most car- cartoons either ignore or make fun common with anime? There’s toons are associated of in a realistic manner. a Science Fiction and Anime with a children’s with a Then there’s the Japanese fascina- Society in the university (yay!) called Memories is playing as part distinct Good against tion with advanced state-of-the-art and the small logo in the of the London Film Festival. Evil kind of plot which technology in particular giant robots Entertainment’s Guide in Barefacts For more info you can try ends happily ever after. or more popularly known as mecha. on the Saturday slot besides the BritAnimé, an online webzine While some anime is Some of the more interesting anime UOS Club looks vaguely familiar. called Animejin (http://www.anime- loads of trash, it might deals with the technological and Wonder where it came from :) jin.demon.co.uk) and the Anime be fair to say that most moral implications in which the dis- Anime scenes in the UK close to Web Turnpike anime are a more intelli- tinction between machine and per- Surrey are The London Anime Club (http://www.anipike.com). gent genre than most son, male and female, good and evil (13-14 Cornwall Terrace, cartoons. Anime are are blurred. London), an anime convention usually derived from Anime is also a good source of cul- called Shinnenkai 98 manga (the equivalent tural reference such as Japanese and (http://www.hpsound.demon.co.uk/ of a ‘comic book’ in Asian mythology. Additionally, shinnenkai/) next year and a movie Points to remember on gas safety

Samantha Birmingham Danger Signs Student Affairs Officer Condensation in the room where the gas as a precautionary back up to the certificate. appliance is installed. These are available from DIY/ hardware A yellow or orange lazy flame rather than a shops - Robert Dyas in the High Street sells safe crisp blue. them for £5. Remember Carbon Monoxide is Sooting or staining on or around the appli- slightly lighter than air so it is best to put the ance. detector at least 6 feet above floor level. Detectors DO NOT replace the need for a Corgi service and check. Carbon Monoxide Poisoning 3) Ensure that air vent/s in the cupboard or room where the boiler is located are open. A Symptoms are similar to those of viral infec- supply of air is essential for the safe operation tions and include drowsiness, weakness, of all gas appliances, do not be tempted to headaches, nausea and pains in the chest. If block up what appears to be a draughty air anyone in your house experiences these whilst vent unless a Corgi Registered engineer has using a gas appliance, stop them using it until confirmed it is not needed. it has been checked. Exposure to relatively low levels of carbon dioxide emissions can 4) We recommend that you do not use rooms cause brain damage or even death. When you The Tradgdy of Anne Brennan - A warning to us all with gas appliances as bedrooms. Student inhale this gas into your body, it will try and nne Brennan was a student from dents noticed the spot had changed colour in occupied houses pose a special risk because, take oxygen from your blood and eventually it Durham. She was studying English time to get out of the house. It wasn’t soon often, a ground floor room is used as a bed- will deprive the brain of oxygen. It’s colour- Aand had her whole life mapped out enough to save Anne’s life but there are still room. If using a room with a gas appliance as less, odourless and has no taste. For these rea- before her, but in 1995 she died of Carbon six students around today who wouldn’t have a bedroom is unavoidable it is important that sons, it’s called the silent killer, so don’t save Monoxide poisoning. Anne was living in a been here otherwise. it is of a ‘room sealed type’ - there are special on safety this winter, protect yourself and student house and had very sensibly ensured Okay, so you are probably wondering what regulations about this, a Corgi engineer can those you live with by following all the pre- that the gas appliances in her house had been you should do to protect yourself. Here’s the advise you. cautionary steps listed above. checked. In essence, she had done everything check list: that had been asked of her and no one could be blamed for thinking that she would have been 1) Get the appliances in SPORTS TUTORING safe. your home checked and ser- Volunteer in local schools, expand your skills and do something different ! viced by CORGI registered The problem is that the certificates that say Support is given and you can use the experience to gain a coaching qualification. the appliances in your home have the ‘all installers. Gas appliances clear’ are only as good as the person who in rented accommodation Whatever your interests you can get involved, contact Catherine on x 9920, checks the equipment. In Anne Brennan’s must be checked every or pop up to room 15, 5th floor Senate house for a chat. house the defects in the gas systems had gone 12mths so demand to see a unnoticed and the unfortunate result was that certificate from your land- lord. By law you are enti- following a very cold spell of weather when Some of the opportunities available include: Anne put on the heating the carbon dioxide tled to see a current certifi- emissions killed her. One note of reassurance cate on request. See below is that whilst Anne died, six other students for an example of what cer- FOOTBALL SWIMMING RUGBY NETBALL PE HOCKEY survived. They survived for one reason and tificates look like. Student volunteers are needed to help coach these sports in local schools. You can assist that is that they had bothered to invest in a gas with any age and various times are available. You will need to be enthusiastic and be 2) Purchase a gas spot or a spot (a small card that changes colour when able to spare approximately one-and-a-half hours per week. carbon dioxide is detected). The other stu- kite marked audible alarm ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Friday 24th October 1997 n Editorial Letters

Hands off Pizza + 1... have indeed been provided with me to read something that is not true Labour’s spin doc- good customer-staff treatment. The and has never happened in my To Whomever it may food that was provided to me was knowledge, in theBare Facts maga- also up to my expectations. I have zine. Please do not treat the com- concern never had a bad experience with any ments written in the magazine as tors lose their grip: of the staff being rude to me or pro- real and visit Pizza + and enjoy its This is with reference to the com- vided with any bad food. As far as delicious pizzas and staff treatment ments made by one of the customers I know most of the students study- that is student-friendly. I eat at enjoy it while it lasts who visited Pizza + a few days ago. ing in the University have a very pizza + six days a week. I have been a regular customer in good reputation of Pizza + and their The Labour Party has prospect in the fore- staff. It is indeed very upsetting for Sanjeev Vijay Kumar become famous for Matt Pannell seeable future’ of an Pizza + since September 1996. I pulling long-forgotten Editor end to animal test- quotes out of its com- ing. According to Hands off Pizza + 2... wouldn’t always feel like being nice sent to Barefacts. Isn’t it a bit cow- puter in order to spring them on Labour’s slick pre-election docu- after working for 12 hours.Also ardly to hide behind a letter when opposition MPs. How satisfying it ment ‘New Life for Animals’, Tony Dear Simon Rose, Pizza plus is a luxury that most attacking someone??? is to see the New Labour media- Blair claimed to be ‘totally commit- Universities do not have. It is not Now that I have said my piece, I managers tie one another up with ted to stopping cosmetic testing on supposed to be a five star restaurant, feel that you had better apologise In response to ‘Pizza gets roasted’ devious and conflicting briefings on animals’. Perhaps the Labour spin- simply a cheap place for students to for some of the statements made in last week; the Party’s stance on the single cur- doctors assumed today that their eat. If you do not like it, then go your letter or take this matter up (1) I am an H and C student and I rency. How surprising to see that a pre-election hype has been long-for- somewhere else. with Alvin personally. He is a just would not be able to run Pizza plus report by Home Secretary Jack gotten. They were wrong, and see- (3) Even if Alvin did upset you, and fair man who rarely makes ene- better than the manager Mr. Alvin Straw, published later this week, ing the tables turned makes a being a retail student as you are, I mies and I know that he would Weighill, who works longer hours claims that there is ‘no realistic refreshing change. am sure you will recognise that cus- much rather you talked to him than than you or I could ever compre- tomer care is essential. But you will to a newspaper. You have angered a Letters hend. If you think you could run also know that sometimes we are lot of people by attacking a person Pizza plus better, I can have a word not as polite as we could be to our that you do not know. Next time Hazel Farm is no joke... miles or pay twelve pounds for a with Alvin and I am sure it can be customers. If Alvin was rude to consider you actions more careful- taxi, whereas campus students get a arranged and then we could all crit- you, it was for a reason.He is not ly- An Apology is due!!!! Dear Editor, free mini bus ride home, whilst we icise you in the disgusting way that intentionally rude. I have known walk in the rain through the dodgier you have criticised Alvin. Alvin for 12 months and have never Vicki Stabb parts of Guildford. (2) Let’s get a few things straight, had a reason to fault him or his 2nd Year Hotel and Catering I have just read Hugh Janus’ letter Fifthly, we have no 24hr security shall we? If you had to put up with Pizzas. I do not feel that he Management in Bare Facts about the ‘happy’ stu- out here, a few video cameras doted some of the shit Alvin gets then you deserved the attacking letter you dents at Hazel Farm, and despite about here and there but no security. acknowledging the little gobshite as What would happen if a Hazel Farm Hands off Pizza + 3... high volume has to be made by me We often have rude students coming an obvious future comedy genius, I student was attacked on the way and plus has to be put through the into Pizza + and if you are rude to feel I must slag him off. back from Bo’s on a Wednesday? till. Imagine if you were 110% us then you cannot expect us to ‘Hugh Janus’ (no, stop it, it’s too Dear Editor, Or if one of our rooms gets burgled? sober and you had to serve many smile and be polite back, maybe if funny) obviously doesn’t live at Sixthly, and least importantly, we customers (most of whom are some of the students knew how to Hazel Farm because if he did he don’t get Bare Facts delivered out After reading the article in Bare drunk!!) Need I say any more! grow up, behave and show some would be aware that there is nothing here unlike campus students (which Facts, issue 916 (last week) con- After having worked here for one respect we would not have these to smile about here and that we are is why is has taken so long for me to cerning Pizza +, I would say that the year, together with my companions, problems in the future. I am in the indeed miserable gits. If he did live reply to Hugh’s great letter). Bare quality of service may decline a lit- I cope with two of the busiest nights final year of H & C and I do not at Hazel Farm he should, in fact, be Facts is posted to placement stu- tle at times (namely late Friday and of the week. True, I have never think I could do a better job of Pizza writing to Bare Facts complaining dents who want it yet you can’t be Saturday nights). This may be due seen the outside of Pizza + on a +, at least not with the constraints about the piss poor attitude from arsed to stick a load on to a minibus to the fact that when the Union clos- Friday night. I wonder why I made and conditions at the moment. certain elected individuals towards going to Hazel Farm. es and everyone comes into Pizza that decision, after seeing some of Hazel Farm residents and the non- Seventhly, the Sabs and other Union Plus I have to make over 120 pizzas you, the answer is evident... Tiago Cecil Vasconcelos existent facilities out here. Let me Officials refuse to accept our exis- in the space of about an hour. This give you a few examples: tence at Hazel Farm because if they Firstly, the bus service is shite and did we wouldn’t have these prob- the mini-bus service is even worse. lems. So come on, let’s have some Poor track surface to by the entrance to the medical cen- safer by resurfacing the pathways In fact it is a joke and not a particu- answers, we voted you all in and we blame for trolley crashes... tre it came to an abrupt end. around campus used in these dash- larly funny one at that either. Why deserve an improvement to the ser- es, held by many on Friday and do we not have a bus taking us back vice Hazel Farm students are get- I was not held to an unrully repri- Saturday nights. I hope, along with at 2am on a Saturday night? Are we Dear Editor, ting. manded by the campus security many of the other sportsmen not supposed to go the Union or the A last word for Mr Janus, in future staff but ended up ass over tit when involved in this extreme sport, UOS club or Chem. Soc. Pub Quiz when writing letters please put your In reply to the letter in last week’s the trolley span wildly out of con- some action will be taken as soon or whatever happens to be on at the real name as then it is easier to edition of Bare Facts “getting trol due to the bumpy tarmac path- as possible. Union that night? insult you . May I also suggest that trolleyed should be safer” I also way. The consequence of this was Secondly, can somebody do some- you think about what you write next took part in this sport last Saturday having to go to casualty the follow- Anyone interested in helping form thing about our shop? It’s a bloody time and stop trying to impress all evening, after the football match ing day, being too inebriated to go what would be the first society for disgrace. It’s always empty, too your mates in Dickhead Soc. with (nice one Hoddle’s boys!). I was that evening, and have stitches to trolley dashing in Britain please expensive, there are holes in the your humour. the only member taking part in the my chin. reply through Bare Facts to floor, and if it was the Spar you’d trolley dash and after cruising past TrolSoc. go bananas about it. Steeve French several spectators on the pathway In short, this sport should be made Lyall Burgess Thirdly, why can’t we have our own Editor’s note: Bare Facts will now bar out here? Come 10pm, when be delivered to the Hazel Farm we’ve all finished working for the Common Room / Launderette every night, we’d like a pint but sadly the Car Parking Problems... front of the Austin Pearce Building cars/vans maximum) has meant this week. Your letter has also been Union is three miles away. Also we is only open occasionally and then space has been unused for the past passed on to President Bob who have no pool tables/coke machines is closed and chained off at 6 seven weeks. says that if you ring her up Dear Editor, and all of the countless other facili- o’clock. (259227) she’ll arrange for all the ties happy cheery campus students I would be interested to know where Sabbs to go to visit you, bringing a have. I would like to complain about the With more students living off site the University think that students bottle, to discuss all these prob- Fourthly, all Hazel Farm students lack of parking on campus that especially in their Final years, being and staff alike are expected to park? lems. who go to Bo’s on a Wednesday seems to be available this term. able to park on or near the campus Surely money from Parking Permits night have to either walk home 3 Having closed the Union Hill car- is essential. Getting onto campus should be directed towards parking? park, the University has made no after 10 am means you spend 20 Stop Press: March to support continuation of legalised abortion: extra provision for parking the spill minutes driving around before find- Jeff Blackham London, Wed 29th October. For details contact Jackie Beer over which has now moved to the ing a place. Closing off Union Hill (Women’s Officer) on [email protected] Anyone Interested interest- other car-parks. Even the space in for contractors only (all 10 ed in women’s issues can come in and meet Jackie on November 6th. ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 5 (1,1)

n Friday 24th October 1997 Features /Features 5 The easiest job in the world

ell, it’s true isn’t it? You have a building full of Kamran Loqueman Wpeople all desperate to have a good time. You have a vast them up into near ecstasy and then collection of your favourite Vinyl move in for the kill only then to and CDs that you know everybody bring them back down again after a likes. You pick out a selection of couple of hours. The amount of the top ten tunes of the year, play times you do this in a night depends them one after another and watch upon how much time and energy the dancefloor go mad. You then you have (I personally like to do it pick up your big fat cheque and the about three times a night). The end of the night and go off into the worst thing you can do as a DJ is sunset with the DJ groupie of your peak too early and play all your choice. major tunes when no one is interest- Well, unfortunately working as a ed in getting on the dancefoor. Disc Jockey is a bit more tricky. I Prodigy at 8.30pm on a FNO will don’t intend to sell it as the most dif- not be good use of a crowd-pleaser. ficult job in the world, but I intend Other skills include actually playing to try and explain what the everyday records, dance music should be DJ has to consider. mixed in order to blend one song Contrary to popular belief you do into another. The idea of adjusting need some degree of skill. Whether the speed of one song to match you’re playing classics from the another using a series of beats is, Hip-Hop, Trash, Indie, Rock, Pop, to go whizzing off to the loo when that gets everybody’s juices run- 60’s and 70’s, Pop from the 80’s, or quite frankly, a small sliver of your Commercial Dance, Garage, the other is played afterwards. Yet ning. Indie and that repetitive dance type auntie’s marble cake. However, in Trance, Acid Jazz, European, Asian, most DJ’s are accommodating. So, to all those punters out there, stuff from the 90’s, you need skill. reality, it is dead tricky (ask Pete and even Classical for the Matt Recently Leroy Wilson at a SHAG please remember this when you ask Why? Well, DJing is not just play- Tong). And, in my opinion, to build Pannells of this world. got asked for anything Greek. He a DJ to play the theme tune to ing one song after another, there is a up a decent atmosphere using any At an environment such as our said “go and get it and I’ll play it.” Grange Hill at an FNO. It may just knack. other genre of music is just as diffi- Union on a Friday night, all these So she did and he played it, and the clear the dancefloor the DJ has When I first began to DJ, putting cult. different styles have a following. 50 or so partying Greeks loved it. spent the last two hours trying to tapes together for me and my So, this should give you an idea as The requests that Chris Haslam and The other 600-odd people didn’t. It fill. friends, I always started with a real- to how most DJs plan their set. It all Andy James receive do vary. You is impossible to please everybody (And for those budding DJs out ly banging tune, my reason being if sounds so simple. Well, if there was always have the stilton of cheese all of the time. The DJ’s job is to there I recommend that you get you start with a ‘top tune’ it will get only one type of music THEN it such as the Spice Girls, but you can ensure that as many of the people practising and get involved with the people enjoying themselves from would be simple. But no, these get asked for Wham and then Josh out there have as much of a good smaller gigs on campus, such as No the start. Wrong. Creating a set is damn money grabbing bands have Wink in successive requests. time as they can and unfortunately Wave and UoS. You never know like making love (or so I’m told). to play different styles, don’t they? Playing one of these songs will get a this is all that is humanly possible where it may lead...... ) You start with a bit of foreplay, whip You have Swing, Soul, Rap, Jungle, few on the dancefloor only for them until they create a style of music ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Friday 24th October 1997 n

NATALIE IMBRUGLIA - Torn (RCA) ALBUM OF THE WEEK Not taking the road of some ex soap INSANE CLOWN SINGLES stars, Natalie shows maturity in her ALBUMS POSSE - The Great style of music. This is shown by her THE CRABS – What Were Flames Milenko (Island) writing input on some of the songs and SINGLE OF Now Smolder (K) Stephen King’s IT meets she actually can sing. This is still a pop Initially, I had low expectation when I Cypress Hill, such are the THE WEEK song though, good as long as you picked up this CD knowing that their Marylin Mansons of the know what you are buying. 7/10 G.D. FAMOUS TIMES - The Blue Man debut album ‘Jackpot’ was rather fluky rap scene, complete with (Heavenly) and monotonous. Surprisingly, this biblical wrnings of the TRAVIS - Happy (Indipendiente) I really love this single. It sounds real- third full length release by The Crab coming of the fourth joker A catchy tune, but not the most origi- ly great on the whole and the tribute to has something more to offer. The group of evil; the Great Milenko nal of lyrics. “I’m So Happy” is the Roy Orbison (Track 2 ‘The Big O’). I tries to meld a kind of soft-grunge and a general obsession basis of most of the song. The song would recommend this to anyone for electric sound and coffeehouse-on- with sinister and evils acts. ‘When I’m Feeling Blue (Days Of the either easy listening or ‘concentrating’ campus folk guitar with varying effect. Some may be offended by Week)’ is actually much better than the work music. 10/10 G.T. The vocalist, Lisa has a very beautiful, the dark humour “you title track. 7/10 G.D. FORCE AND STYLES - Paradise dynamic voice, but the problem is that know for 13 your sister’s she buries it underneath musical layers got big tits” or the graphic and Dreams (Diverse) DEPECHE MODE - Useless (Mute) in the album. If she could learn to rely details of killing, “I’ll take If you like hardcore, this one’s for you. “It’s about time” Depeche Mode found on sparse instrument and more upon your face off and wipe my This has been caned everywhere by all a new song to fuck about with. Not her vocals, then she will improve by ass with it”, the underlying of the DJs. If you haven’t heard it, it’s that I dislike the song, but three ver- leaps and bound. A strange quirk wit- aggression, or the anti the most gorgeous, happy dance tune sions of it on the same CD is a bit nessed throughout the album is that middle-America messages. ever released. The advantage with this excessive. Admittedly the third version most of the songs need to get going for Detroit’s answer to single is the six mixes available. There is almost unrecognisable, meaning that a while before they get really good. Loaded is intelligent if is even a house mix, a trip hop mix, it is crap, but when all’s said and done ‘Confess’ has a really great, simple brash. The clown symbol- and others. The bass line is typical of the original ‘Useless’ is pretty good. beat with pretty good lyrics. This ism reoccurs on most tracks. Often melodic and with extensive verbal sampling Force and Styles, and can also be heard 7/10 E.C. on tunes like “Shining Down”, it album is a solid effort. 9/10 D.A. and sketches the CD is a polished offering with guests Alice Cooper, Slash and always gets the crowd going. Need I Steve Jones, this is coherent, entertaining and accessible. 9/10 H.B. 3 COLOURS RED - This Is My TONY DE VIT - Live in Tokyo say more? 9/10 M.B. Hollywood (Creation) (Global Underground) highlights of this album are the tracks alongside The Chemical Brothers and Re-recorded version of their Fierce An album of utmost quality from the fom Gene, The Longpigs and The The Orb. On the whole, it’s cool and THE JELLYS - Jelly Belly EP Panda debut single, only without the Mixmaster, a collection of underground Clash. My only criticism is “Where are impressive. 7/10 D.A (Proud + Prejudiced) bite of the original, nevertheless a good tunes, most of which I hadn’t heard of Space?”. The song ‘Kill Me’, which Bright and cheery punk edged power song. As is the b-side demo of ‘Sunny before. There are some banging tunes was prominent in the film doesn’t fea- V/A - Shooting Fish OST (EMI) pop with a sense of humour. Now that In England’ which would have been a here that make you want to dance, and ture in the soundtrack. Although not as An interesting mixed bag of stuff, on Green Day have turned more serious better single. 6/10 R.W. the door for The Jellys is wide open. also a number of interesting new mixes good as ‘Trainspotting’, this is one of the one hand you have the indie / hard of tunes you know. ‘Feel My Love’ the best soundtracks I have heard this rock of Space, Symposium and 8/10 R.W. SCOTT GARCIA feat. MC STYLES (TDV) and Mark NRG’s ‘Don’t Stop’ year. You have to go out and buy it. Strangelove (the three s’s) and on the - A London Thing (Connected) are both included in what has been, for 8/10 G.D. other you have the soulful melody of THE HITCHERS - Big Mug Sounds like something that will be me, one of Tony’s more memorable Jackie De Shannon and Dave (Murgarroid) played on “Cool FM” or some other mixes. Don’t let the absence of known 4.0 - 4.0 (A+M) McAlmont. There’s even a bit of tech- The Hitchers are a new and rising 4- pirate radio station. A nice tunes put you off, though, as Tony rins- With their album being recently no thrown in for good measure. Things piece from Ireland. Their new single dancey/garage bassy tune with some of es out some blinders, including ‘What released, these foursome are sure to be start off with Space’s Pulp Fiction style ‘Big Mug’ is a lovely, mellow, acoustic the worse “singing” on record. 6/10 Would You Like To Hear’ (Die a big hit....(no coincidence that it’s just ballad ‘Me & You Vs The World’, number. It’s one of those songs that the F.F. more you listen to it, the more you will Witness), which tears through your in time for Christmas). For some time I which is a great addition to any compi- speakers at an alarming rate. This isn’t wondered where I had heard this style lation and has a few well known songs grow to love it. 8/10 N.W. DIMITRI FROM PARIS - Sacre your normal, run-of-the mill house before. Soulfully patient, nonetheless like Silver Sun’s ‘Golden Skin’. The Francais! (Yellow Stereo) selection. This is recorded live, and the already-explored songs seem to take on big problem with it is that there is very THE CHARLATANS - Tellin’ A very interesting mix of wit, wisdom speed of the music shows. If you like a higher level of meaning. Not only little new material. So most fans will Stories (Beggars Banquet) and turntable trickery with a little house but have never been out to a can they sing, but they’re going com- already have the songs. 7/10 F.F In a bizarre break from tradition, this touch of Afro-Caribbean sound. This “proper” club then buy this and sample mercial too! Perri Ried is definitely Charlatan song actually has easy to fresh-faced DJ Dimitri has a way with the music for yourself. If you have, this going to kick start these guys like he MICK HARVEY- Pink Elephants understand lyrics. A nice relaxing tune his maddening mix of eccentric dance is right up your street. Banging house did with Tony Rich and TLC. There is (Mute) which reveals a kinder gentler styles. 6/10 D.A. Charlatans. 8/10 F.F. that relentlessly pounds your speakers one thing I’d like to say though....they And then Mick Harvey of Nick Cave for close to 100 mins. You won’t be seem too much like Take That from a and the Bad Seeds, peered through the OMAR - Golden Brown (RCA) displeased! 9/10 M.B. new angle. Watch this quartet sour in looking glass and saw deep into the LIL’ LOUIS AND THE PARTY - Vocal delivery and background tunes the charts. 8/10 I.U. magical, mystical world of Serge Clap Your Hands (Go! Beat) amazing. Perhaps what fails this single YVETTE MICHELE - My Dream (RCA) Gainsbourg land for the second time, This is an interesting single from Lil’ is probably the fact its been reworked This is the debut album of a rhythm ARKARNA - Fresh Meat (WEA) and thought “bloody hell, there’s Louis. With six mixes allowing the lis- by one too many people. A good tune and blues singer. She was a street per- This is an inspiring indie-dance debut another lot of good songs I could trans- tener a good cross-section of dance to listen to when your in a foul mood former so her style is well honed and album by North-London based four- late into English for the benefit of the styles, he covers all the bases. This is a or when wake up on the wrong side of very effective. This whole album is a some Arkarna. Ollie (vocals), James masses”. So he did and came up with welcome return after his absence, bed. 6/10 I.U. although some may have heard gorgeous example of great rhythm and and Lalo (guitar) set about writing the yet another excellent album of the blues music. It is a must for anyone songs, blending the most precise frisky, Frenchman’s finest songs. ‘Freedom’ under the name Black THE CURE - The Wrong Number who is a fan of this style. I love this groove technology with a vivacious Standout tracks on the album include Magic. If you like R & B or house this (Fiction) CD. It is perfect for either listening to pop sensibility that screamed out “clas- the orchestral ‘Pink Elephants’, a high- is both. Pick it up and enjoy. 7/10 M.B. Horrible and heartbreaking. The Cure generally or a dance music. The track sic” without a hint of pretension. ly comical version of ‘Je T’aime....Moi have employed Mark Plati to massacre called ‘Everyday And Everynight’ is They’d namecheck classic renegades Non Plus’ (I Love You.... Nor Do I), as LABRADFORD/STARS OF THE their latest offering, stringing Robert particularly beautiful, with clear lyrics. like the Beastie Boys, Prince or The sung by band friends Nick Cave and LID - The Kahanek Incident Vol.3 over Erasure to the worst possible Definitely worth listening to. The only Prodigy, but the songs paid heed to no Anita Lane, which if you turned up (Trance Syndicate) ends. Salvaged only by the remixes bits that aren’t so good are where she one. 1997 saw them open for business really loud would really worry your This is ambient music to the point of offered by R. Smith himself, which are has someone DJing the record, but I proper. Their debut single ‘House On flat-mates, and Serge/ Mick’s highly almost not existing, built up mainly of reassuring, pleasant and show that the can put up with that as the material is Fire’ scaled the high walls of the Top moralistic anti-drugs song of ‘To All guitars but with loads of swirling, songwriting is still with the Cure and of such a high standard. 9/10 G.T. 40 with ease and place themselves The Lucky Kids’. 7/10 D.N. wooshy noises too, and it’s quite nice. that Wrong Number is actually a good Music specifically designed for sketchy song, underneath it all. The mixes earn V/A- House Of America. (EMI). CHICANE - Far From Sunday afternoons, and believe me in 7/10, but for track one 2/10 H.B. The Maddening Crowds that situation it’s a treat. 7/10 A.M. ‘House Of America’, a soundtrack which combines some of the best indie, (Xtravaganza) BUSH – Bonedriven dance and sixties elements that an The album title describes (Interscope) album possibly could without actually the album. There aren’t This is the 3rd single forgetting that it’s a soundtrack. The many instances in which I to be taken from their film is set in a small town in south can say this, but the won- album ‘Razorblade Wales, which would explain the “dis- derful ambient mixes of Suitcase’, which has tinctly Welsh flavour”, although the well known tunes are wel- the hip sizzle of only hint of this, I found personally come, and this album is something on the cut- was Tom Jones’s “Green green grass of well and truly chilled. ting edge. The band home”. Other contributions, as the There is still the occasional constructed an soundtrack supposedly winds it’s way slightly upbeat mix, but this impressive slash-and- through the film, include Teenage doesn’t break the ambient burn sound dynamics Fanclub, Supergrass, The Prodigy and dub. Containing the well- with loud, stormy, ‘Motorcycle Emptiness’ by the Manic known singles ‘Offshore’, riff-roaring aggres- Street Preachers, which is well worth ‘Sunstroke’, and ‘Red sion, and anguished the CD on it’s own. If this album is Skies’, ‘Far From The lyrics about hellish anything to go by, ‘House Of America’ Maddening Crowds’ takes relationships and sui- should be one hell of a film. 8/10 E.C. you on a journey to Ibiza, cidal tendencies – but not to the hustle and bustle of the Club scene or central San Antonio, but to TWANGG! 9/10 V/A - Face OST (Island Studios) deserted shore-lines, the Cafe Del Mar and 6am sunrises. If you haven’t been to D.A. It’s good to see great soundtracks Ibiza, then buy this album and feel the after-club vibe, the chill-out tunes and the accompanying the brilliant surge of almost sleepy atmosphere. When looking at the track titles, you would be easily This weeks music bought to you by - British films which are being released misled into thinking that this is an upbeat album. From ‘Early’ through to Matthew Beal, Dean Arif, Emma Clarke, Gemma Decent, Frank Fraulo, at the moment. This soundtrack com- ‘Already There’ until ‘The Drive Home’, each describes its own part of the big Alastair Mooney, Denise Nicholson, Ikaraam Ullah, Nick Walsh, prises a diverse range of artists and picture and takes on its own journey. This album would be a welcome addition to Georgina Tarrant, Honey Butcher, Rob Winder styles, from Fluke to Paul Weller. The the morning after selection. Absolutely gorgeous. 9/10 M.B. ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:47 Page 7 (1,1)

n Friday 24th October 1997 Entertainments Guide 7

GIG GUIDE

It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling.

21:30 Dangerfield Bush, 3 Colours Red - London (for details and bookings phone Kilburn National 01483 578017) 21:30 Red Dwarf Jaguar - Farnham Maltings 21:30 Shooting Stars AT YOUR Lightning Seeds - SUNDAY - UNION Guildford University 21:00 Friends THURSDAY 22:00 Frasier Motorhead, dBh, Novocaine - Portsmouth Pyramid Centre A Life Less Ordinary (15)

24th 18:00/23:35 TFI Friday 13:10, 15:45, 18:15, 20:55

Friday (01705 358608) Scarfo, The Hybirds - London The Peacemaker (15) Garage (0171 607 1818) 14:00, 17:15, 20:15 Hercules (U) 20:10 Casualty PICK Garageland, Twister, 13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:55 22:50 Match of the Day Scarfo, Feline - The Full Monty (15) OF THE Guildford Civic Hall 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 19:15 Blind Date WEEK (01483 444555) Shooting Fish (12) 21:45 Film: Motorhead, dBh, Novocaine - 12:30, 15:15, 18:00, 20:45 The Godfather London Brixton Academy A Simple Wish (U) Spillage - London Camden 12:45, 15:15, 17:45 (Nb Sunday

25th 21:30 Drop the Dead Monarch (0171 916 1049) only, 12:05, 14:00) Donkey Violet - Islington Hope and Anchor Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U)

Saturday (0171 354 1312) 13:30, 15:45, 17:45 Bean (PG) 12:15 20:00 Full Circle with The Game (15) Michael Palin 20:15 AT YOUR Dust Junkys - Volcano (12) UNION Guildford University 15:45, 20:50 There’s nothing on - you Inter - Aldershot West End Centre My Best Friend’s Wedding (12) may as well watch the (01252 330040) 15:10, 17:45, 20:20 band Austin Powers (15) 13:15, 18:20 26th

Sunday Chancellor’s Restaurant Sunday Roast: 12-4pm FRI + SAT Bar snacks and take-away also available A Life Less Ordinary (15) 23:30 Film 97 with Barry 12:15, 14:55, 17:30, 20:15, Norman 22:55 Radish, Addict - Portsmouth The Peacemaker (15) 22:00 Never Mind the Wedgewood Rooms (01705 13:15, 16:15, 19:15, 22:15 Buzzcocks 863911) Hercules (U) 12:15, 14:25, 17:15, 20:10, 22:00 NYPD Blue Twister - London Garage 22:30 (0171 607 1818) The Full Monty (15) 27th 21:00 The Sweeney 13:00, 15:30, 17:50, 20:30,

Monday Fees Night - 8pm - Hall 22:50 Shooting Fish (12) 13:15, 16:00, 19:00, 22:00 20:30 A Question of Sport Del Amitri - London Royal Albert A Simple Wish (U) 12:45, 15:00, 17:15 23:15 Seinfeld Hall Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U) 23:40 Larry Sanders Lounge Act - London Upstairs At 13:30, 15:45, 18:00 Show The Garage (0171 607 1818) Gary Numan - Guildford Civic Hall Bean (PG) (01483 444555) 13:15 The Game (15) 28th 20:40 Highlander Super Furry Animals - Portsmouth Pyramids (01705 19:30, 22:30

Tuesday 358608) Volcano (12) 16:10, 12:15 My Best Friend’s Wedding (12) 22:00 The X-Files 15:30, 18:10, 20:45 Austin Powers (15) Sensible Feeder - London Electric Ballroom 13:45, 18:45 (0171 485 9006) 20:00 University The Karelia - London Kings Challenge Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) Night 21:50 The Rugby Club Roni Size & Reprazent, Monkey

29th Mafia - London Astoria No Silly Night, But 22:00 Prime Suspect Doubles + Mixer are still £1 Wednesday 22:20 Clive Andersons All talk Pillbox - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) The People vs. 20:30 Top Gear Radish - London Garage (0171 607 1818) Larry Flynt 21:00 Thief Takers Scarfo, The Hybirds - Reading Lecture Theatre G Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Sunday 5pm & 8pm, Monday at Super Furry Animals - London 8pm 30th Forum (0171 344 0044) Antonia’s Lane

Thursday Haloween Cocktails - Helyn Rose Bar Wednesday 8pm ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Cinema and Arts Friday 24th October 1997 n CECIL Donna McPhail at Guildford Some Kind Of Interview Civic Hall 15/10/97

onna McPhail is most Andrew Thomas & things that have happened to her. famous for being a presen- Donnas’ style reminds you of a Dter of The Sunday Show, James Buller crazy drunk woman you might meet and for slightly dodgy radio adverts at the bar who decides to crudely what lots of “alternative” comedi- for a certain women’s hygiene prod- tell you her life story. ans do, swear and tell knob jokes! uct. The Civic Hall was the latest It’s fun for a while but in places you The audience were regaled with venue for her national, 20+ show have just heard it all before. A wel- insights into her life: tales of drunk- tour. come distraction but not necessarily en nights out, previous tours, drugs The £10 1 hour show was basically worth the ticket price. and her Tamagotchi – (one and the Donna standing on the stage doing same really) and other “crazy” Divas Dance Company

ecil, the Liverpudlian rock band our music as we play. Which is nice.” have just finished touring with The current single ‘Hostage In a CMansun to promote their current Frock’ and its predecessor ‘Red Wine Presents...... single, ‘Hostage In A Frock’ and to At Dead Time’ show something of a show a wider audience their new more direction change for Cecil. melodic but no less intense side. Ste - “It has been more of a natural he campusdance perfor- of Britain’s leading performers and mark’. In other words, if you fancy This was supposed to be a full inter- progression, we’re getting better.” mance season continues next choreographers. Any one into a bit of swearing and probably view with Cecil, however thanks to Ant - “The album has a lot of different week with the dance/theatre dance, music, theatre and/or visual some nudity thrown in, this is the ridiculous security at The Astoria, it styles. The single is possibly the heavi- T company “Divas”. They are per- arts, this should be right up your work for you...... boys. ends up being more of a press confer- est thing on it.” ence on the venue balcony as a band The video for ‘Hostage In A Frock’ forming their work “Divagate” street. For tickets call the box office on soundchecked. Not ideal. Cecil vocal- features the band walking through the which, according to their publicity, If you missed Rosemary Butcher’s 01483 259905 or alternatively try ist Ste and guitarist Ant are ready to East End, in dresses performing a boy- is a multi-layered feast of vision, performance this is the opportunity your luck on the door. The perfor- answer some questions between the band type dance routine. The video sound and movement energies. to unbolt your copybook to speak. mance starts at 8pm on 29th drum tests. looks good, but was it fun to make? “Divagate” brings together every- “Divas” is dance at its most imagi- October in the PATS studio theatre. How is this tour with Mansun pro- Ant - “It got a bit heavy.” gressing? Ste - “Big East End Cockney wide thing you would want to see in a native (another gem from their Ste - “Excellent. It is by far the best boys wanted to kick the fuck out of collaboration of this kind. It fuses publicity material) and, if rumours Philippa Newis tour we’ve done. The people who are us.” operatic arias with a punkpop from the dance grapevine are any- coming for Mansun are giving us a At this point the venue PA comes on soundtrack accompanies by an thing to go by, they are considered chance. They are actually listening to and the interview is called off... award winning film featuring some quite controversial and ‘close to the Mansun and Cecil Live At The Astoria, 14 October 1997 Careers With Dr. Clarke

Dear Russ For example, suppose you’ve had a job in a bar. You might The second thing you need to I’ve just started filling out think that’s of no interest to an concentrate on is making your application forms. What employer whatsoever. But if form look attractive. If it can I do to make sure I get you describe it in terms of shows you’ve taken care over interviews from them dealing with difficult cus- it, the employer will interpret because I hate the thought tomers, handling money, that to mean you really want of wasting all that time. ordering supplies and work- to work for them. I reckon it ing long, unsocial hours - it takes about 3 hours to do the Dear Sue suddenly sounds a lot more job properly. The first hour relevant to the needs of should be spent reading, The bad news is, no one can guaran- employers. thinking and planning. The tee getting an interview for a job. second should be spent work- o, an hour or so later it’s time for frantically playing guitar and throwing The good news is, you can Of course, if you’ve had a ing out your answers to the the show. Cecil have changed the shapes he practiced in front of the improve your chances consid- year out you’d probably want more open-ended questions in Sand that’s for sure, they only bedroom mirror as a kid. Stage right played one of the songs, ‘No Excuses’, was Stove, stripped to the waist, also erably by doing just two to say a lot about that instead. rough. The third you’d spend that have been the staple of their set legs akimbo, cool as fuck. Andy things. First of all, it is essen- But you would still benefit by writing it out neatly. Take until now. The new material is not so Rathbone on drums at the back, manic, so heavy or so intimidating. imbibed with the spirit of Moon the tial that you try to sell your- applying the same kind of heart though, the first form Now Cecil have a degree of maturity, Loon, but the total star was Paul self. To do this properly you analysis. The trick is to try to which you complete is usual- the songs are darker and more thought- Draper. None of the choirboy vocals of relate what you have done to ly the worst and you can save ful. As the set progressed they won the album tonight, more full-roar, have to do a bit of homework. over a good proportion of the crowd, fueled with a variety of booze between Start by checking out the the likely requirements of the quite a bit of time if you keep they should achieve big things. songs as the virtually all-female front job. Most jobs are described a copy and modify your Mansun already have, and this show row screamed their love for him and qualities the job demands, and surpassed all my expectations. Despite threw roses at him. The songs flew by, then decide which of these in terms of tasks such as answers for the ones that fol- making great records I have always ‘Wide Open Space’ was possibly the you think you have. If you organising, experimenting, low. found the Mansun live experience to closest anything got to the recorded be lacking, to be disappointing. Not version. ‘Taxloss’ was extended with a haven’t got any of them you managing, writing, analysing this time, no way. This time they wild jam in the middle, current single may be considering the wrong and problem-solving. Russ Clark played like they were ensuring that the ‘Closed For Business’ was just punk. devil gets their souls. Everything was There was no encore for Mansun on job! The next step is to think Employers want to know Careers Service played with punk aggression, the this the last show of nearly two years about things you’ve done whether you can do the things smooth edges have gone and in their of touring, a good number of their fans the job demands. The appli- place we got a full-on sonic guitar seemed to be turned off by the aggres- which could provide ammuni- assault. As we viewed the stage to the sive style of the show, I loved it, and tion for your answers. Don’t cation form is simply a means left was Dominic Chad, legs apart, look forward to their return. rule out anything at this stage. of finding this out. Cecil are currently on a headlining tour around the UK, they play at Aldershot West End Centre on 27 October. Their debut full length album is released after Christmas. ‘Hostage In A Frock’ is in the shops now. Mansun are about to start recording their second album ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 9 (1,1)

n Friday 24th October 1997 Classified 9 Notices PERSONALS

Mountaineering EGM Wednesday n TYRONE SAMSONROY - problem n Minding the tree, dear 29th October at 2.30pm at Archery Club AGM 4th where were you last FNO? I n Fee - I think YOU should get missing you all, well nearly all!!!!! Campusport Climbing Wall November 7:30pm LTK looked, but couldn’t find you any- your hair cut. n To Bloody Foreigner from where! n And You said I wouldn’t dare! Bloody Northerner - We’ll definite- Hong Kong Society AGM 31st Postgraduate Association AGM n To all at Twyford B last year, a n Kev leave Mary Jane ly have less!! October ‘97 6:00pm LTA 4th November 6pm LTA big shout from Marc at Rottencrotch alone n To queer bloke and 5F - congrat- Loughborough, n S-P I’m sorry I was such a t**t. ulations on 3 weeks together. Love Rifle Club AGM 30th October ‘97 Jiu Jitsu AGM is Sunday 9th n BIG SHOUT going out to 27 T.L.O. from 3EE and 5H!!!! 17:00 Grant Mitchell Room November, 8pm. Meet in CLOVER RD!! n I miss you chiquitillo n It’s definetly my turn to have a Campusport Studio. BOU BOU!! I Love U!! YOGI!! n Ford presentation...or Free Chess Club - we exist! Meet on crisis!!!jump on n Beer!!! n Thursdays at 7pm in LTK, matches The Volunteer Reading Service is Ickle Lou Lou come to Harry n Kev leave Mary Jane ALAN M. Needs a shag!!! Jeremy swollen glands Parker, Rottencrotch alone against locals, contact Dan looking for recruitments. have fun! n JayPee your Burger King Gold (ee41de) or Pete (me41ps) Get FREE RNIB training, Get a n Does anyone want to go the n Pigs might squeal Card has expired new skill, Help yourself revise Media Conference. n The Uni Ct. thief now likes n This week I ‘ave been mostly Judo Club meet 2pm every Help the RNIB Challenge blind- n Edd - stop wasting electricity!! peach juice and spoons. eating other people’s sandwiches. Wednesday at campusport centre, ness All we ask of you is a few JayPee your Burger King Gold n DB, Try Haggis or Warren next n Gorjus’er - Love you lots - everyone welcome from beginners hours reading each week to help Card has expired time. You might get as wet as you Gorjus to blackbelts the Blind student’s at the did swimming S.Y. nMoooonnnkffiiiisshh n University. We will be holding a n Jakey is am twot. n Andy - “I’d do anything they Adam, Hope you have a good Jeremy, congratulations on getting Thai Society AGM Friday 24th Training Day in November, if you weekend cause I know I will.Love wanted me to do” onto the scoreboard. October at 6pm in Lecture Theatre are interested please contact Flopsy xx n Gill Keep your arse in the Ram A Philippa Kerin, Special Needs n n Did you know my next door neigh- Countdown: BF v Bob - BF 4 Did you know the human head Officeron Extension 9261. weight 8 pounds ?!?!?!?!?!? bour has 4 rabbits ?!?!?!? am Bob 2am FOAS AGM Tuesday 28th n 1 Honda, 2 doors, no keys n Speedy, You or Pooh Bear??I October at 7pm in TB14 Oscar Film Society - Everyone n Tracey - more than a mouthful is n I promise, I DID send a post- think I got the better deal!! welcome, come along to our week- a waste?????? card! n You’ve got no pulse? You must Duke of Edinburgh Society AGM ly meetings! Tuesdays 6pm LTH. n Sarah - One bottle of hooch. n Andy - “They used me because I be dead! Either that or I’ve been Monday 27th October at 7pm in You’re such a bird!! was cheap”. fiddling again. LTE The Singapore Students’ Society n My name is Davey Munro. n If the cleaners won’t clean, then n Ready Brek!! is having a Tea Reception on the Davey Munro. Davey Munro. can we at least have a hoover n Duracell Bunny, How did Economics Society meeting 31st October 1997 at LT D at n Sam - hope you had a lovely n Fraggle, DB can’t remember Fraggle’s tent get soaking wet? Tuesday 30th October at 5pm in 6:45pm and all students are wel- birthday in the other Kings Head. Saturday night - you must have Rabbits have nothing on you! - 4AO17 come. n Laurence, how’s your thumb?!?! been good then!! Warren So,can we come round for a n So, you’re really is a small green n Fraggle - hows the back?!!! Had Bare Facts Editorial Board Skills Development Programme - predrink on friday? alien. And to think we never any good massages recently?!! Meetings 6pm every Monday in There will be a Meetings Skills n n Mr. P, I hear you used the wrong noticed... Tania & Sophie...where were the Office in Union House Workshop taking place on Tuesday n toothbrush. How are your glands? Miss RB - I’m sorry if you you at the RAG Slave Auction?!!! 28 October. This is for any student 2. Jump on, Criticize, Slag off and n Foggi, I loved your songs, sing thought I meant the opposite, but MetSoc AGM 21AB20 1pm 12th who wants to come and is totally Rollock, wanna DO dinner? - Pick for me again. Stop ‘trying’ for the you really are ladylike!! November ‘97 free. For more details and to sign n E.K - WELCOME BACK!!!!! on. up (£2 returnable deposit required), rugby team, try for me instead. And it WAS the computer’s fault!!! n Karate Club AGM Monday 27th contact Rodney Bates in the Love XXX It’s Jake the Peg... n n October 9:30pm Campusport Tap Educational Liaison Centre, 5th How many people can you fit in n Suz, one handed? Oliver, interrail, lisboa o for- Room Floor, Senate House or on ext. a stag hill shower? n Simon - Found your keys yet?!!! mentera? n n 3177. Other upcoming workshops House 34 - beware the milk n Andy Gale there’s just one thing T-shirts, Keys, Thursday, ha ha Photosoc AGM 28th October ‘97 include Exam Techniques/Revision behind the fridge! to say...last Wednesday night was ha ha ha ha n Grant Mitchell Room 6pm Skills and Teamwork. 25 page report in 2 days - no JUSTICE!!!

Sailing Club AGM Thursday 30th ATTENTION! Greek students fly- October 6pm TB1 ing with British Airways to Crossword No. 54 Thessaloniki for Christmas are Hellenic Soc AGM 27th October urged to check with their tour oper- Across spanned 21. competent 23. ink 24. ascend 18. paces 20. attic 22. mar 6:15pm LTL ator whether their flight is going to 1. Tap a golf ball (4) sprayed 25. clean (Oh, YES I did get the grid wrong last Taiwanese Soc AGM 31st October take place. 3. Stroke needed to get out of a week – sorry) 6pm LTH bunker? (4-4) Down: 1. custard 2. animation 3. print Crossword Compiled by Jeff 8. Deprived of feeling (4) 4. scalds 5. radiate 6. nib 7. elect 12. Blackham 9. Imposes (8) expensive 14. tragedy 16. redskin 17. 11. In this vicinity (10) 14. Tuber (6) 15. A writer (6) 17. Getting to start working (10) 20. Individuality (8) 21. Stupid person (4) 22. Deceiving (8) 23. Gas used for lighting (4)

Down 1. Fist-fights (5-3) 2. Rashness (8) 4. Old type of carriage (6) 5. Person interested in government (10) 6. Rustic and uncultured (4) 7. Russian news-agency (4) 10. Chewed (10) 12. Mockery (8) 13. Intensify (8) 16. Small domestic animal (6) 18. Female deer (4) 19. Small room (4)

Solution to Number 53

Across: 1. clamp 4. syringe 8. ski 9. inaudible 10. adapted 11. avert 13. dainty 15. pepper 18. panda 19. ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Sports and Features Friday 24th October 1997 n Mini Bus won - Dickie’s Shortest Column

way from the highs Mini right off (England, Scotland, Dickie Saulet On the University front, however, AIreland) and lows (Wales) Sports Editor congratulations to the football club of international football, this last for all six teams winning on designed especially for those weekend’s TV sporting highlights Saturday; to the rugby teams and nations who are crap at everything have been provided by the “minori- netball for winning (and submitting else- Scotland’s Stephen Hendry, ty” sports - sports of the type that no articles); and to all the other teams and.....nope Wales still loses out! one admits they watch but, as soon who competed in BUSA and in The baseball season is drawing to as your back is turned, they are their own leagues on Saturday. and end (hopefully to make way for glued to the screen. That’s right, the the Emmanuelle films on channel 5) indoor bowls and snooker seasons Keep the articles coming so my and Britain has the new ladies are with us at last! These personal- column can get shorter still! squash world champion. ity filled sports must have been CONKER SOC. IN AMAZING VICTORY!

UNIVERSITY OF Gerbil move to devastating effect, Conker Soc Officer with- as we prepared for the doubles SURREY CONKER out portfolio Greedy and Goofy knew what they fter the usual confusion, slipping and sliding, especially for SOC. 12 had to do, the scores stood close at mini buses missing, the those members who ran, tripped and MILFORD OCTOGE- 2.15pm after we had intimidated our 8-6, so the oven baked with vinegar chairman arriving late etc. landed arse over heels in the wet, elderly but viscous opponents with a conkers were taken out of the bag. A NARIANS CONKER rendition of our theme tune ‘Smack We finally set off for our weekend (no need to name anyone anymore). No chances could be taken if away in Snowdonia. A quick stop Having lost the footpath we resorted CLUB 6 My Conker Up’ featuring Bugsy on Milford won the doubles, they won was made in Banbury - or would to climbing the stone walls and kazoo. Needless to say their the match!! colostomy bags filled in seconds. have been had Dave, the chairman, couldn’t help thinking this was es, believe it or not Surrey Greedy and Goofy did the job well, We started well with Shagger and not been stuffing his face with more outdoor climbing than the now has a society dedicated these two are sure favourites for the Spud both winning both their excessive amounts of chicken mountaineering club ever does to the smashing together of All England Conker Doubles later Y matches easily earning two points on in the year. Put your money on nuggets. Then tragedy struck, as an (Hrrmm). two nuts on a shoelace! Conkers. each. Milford gained momentum, R registration Mini Cooper decided Retiring that evening to the local, Last Wednesday we all travelled them now. however, when 1942 All England to take it’s chances and overtake the we were entertained by some young out to Milford for a warm up match After the match, naturally we all Champion ‘Gnasher’ McFiggarty bus. It clipped the wheel arch, caus- chaps singing Country and Western. against the highly rated Milford traipsed our weary feet back to the stepped on the grass, a lesson was ing minimum damage to the bus, Not to be outdone Dave thought Octogenarians Conker Club, who day room for a few beers, a saucy given to us that we will never forget, but sending itself hurtling into the he’d impress the local women with boast two former county champions dancing contest and a quick game of he may be 86 but he sure is a mean crash barrier. Luckily we were all his dancing....?! and an ex national champion Bingo (Bingo Soc. anyone?) . Oh conker player. Captain Bugsy was unhurt and left the police to deal Sunday dawned bright and sunny amongst their players. and Shagger pulled a stunna (Doris, later seen swapping techniques with with it. and after a morning hike we packed Us, well we’ve been formed for 87, retired nurse). the great man. Having made it to the campsite up to go home. However not before about three weeks, and contain If you can play conkers, cook piz- At half time, following a brilliant intact, events took a turn for the a very sexy Welsh woolly hat was some people who hadn’t even zas, fight, burp, arm wrestle, shout, stampsy by Greedy we led 8-2 and worse. Girls in the back began purchased for the chairman. Being played a competitive match before swear and cause general havoc in Lady Luck was smiling on us, until throwing up due to Andy’s driving, the helpful souls that they are before but we knew we could rise to the day centres then Conker Soc. is for a magnificent Milford fightback Dave “The Man” on the bus roof leaving Andy and Dave decided to occasion. We matched their team of you! Don’t contact us through the that is. woke up the whole campsite by help take the tents down - unfortu- six (just) after Greedy said he could pigeon holes because we haven’t The second half saw Captain Bugsy throwing tent poles everywhere and nately we girls were getting play as his nigglesome knee injury got one yet but we can be found in lose again this time to Alf Bates, the warden’s wife came out in slip- changed in it at the time! Revenge had healed up.. Chancellors on Tuesday Nights and who used his famous Gibbering pers, not best pleased, to warn us was sought and suffice to say the The match started promptly at the Kings Head on other nights. that if there was any more noise battle will continue.... we’d be thrown off. We are the Hiking Club! Netball On Saturday of course it rained, Meeting every Tuesday lunch time however a certain member though at 1 pm in TB12B. ‘Netball players don’t down rain wasn’t good enough and decid- Next trip is to the Peak District on ed we should take a dip in the river! 31st October, Week 8 (Trust a canoeist). It was noted that For further info contact Dave on Dave, currently single, disappeared 01483 576981 pints’ into the sheep pen to work off some e-mail [email protected] frustration! Better luck there then hen I woke on 27-16, it was at this point we set a mate? The weather caused much Hannah A Degree and a Black Belt Wednesday morning and target of a score of 50. Thankfully Wlooked out the window, match began and very quickly due to great teamwork both in the sight that greeted me was not a attack and defence the final score ind of early into the acade- wherever you are, you will find a three things became evident: good one: torrential rain was not was 54-27. mic career to be thinking Judo club that teaches Judo exactly 1) We had this game in the bag really the ideal weather in which to Returning to the Union that night, about what you are going to the same as the way it is taught at 2) One of the umpires had trouble K play our first BUSA netball match we nominated CJ, one of our two be doing at the end of four years, Surrey because there is only one working out how to blow a whistle, of 1997, but hey we’re netball fresher players (Yes, freshers on but by the time you graduate Judo way to do Judo. Judo is for men and never mind keeping the score and players, we’re hard, we don’t care the first team - we’re not all like offers you the chance to have a women, the big and the small, the knowing the rules and (much)!!!!!!. the football club!!), player of the black belt which will impress the athletic and the not so. All you do 3) The opposition’s Goalkeeper Thankfully as we weaved our way match, and even though “Netball socks off future employers. Here’s need to be is willing to try some- wanted to flatten every member of around the streets of Ealing look- players don’t down pints” (our the pitch. thing different and sure that you our team and the umpire!! ( For ing for the Thames Valley campus, response to not having a boat race Judo is the only martial art that is want to get fit and get a job. After those of you that don’t know, this is the sun came out and out spirits team), she very skillfully downed a recognised by the Olympic move- all, who would turn down a Judo not usual behaviour on a netball brightened. We dropped the fenc- Chumbawonga(?) and now can’t ment. Why? Because all the other black belt? court!!) ing team off where they should be remember Bojanglez!!!. A martial sports are so fractious that Come and see us at Campusport on When we came off at half time, ( no comment!!) and set about throughly good day was had by all- they don’t meet the standard. What Wednesday 2:00-4:00, Sunday thanks to the fantastic shooting of tracking down the opposition. The bring on Reading!! this means is that during a year out, 3:30-5:00 both Helen and CJ the score was ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 11 (1,1)

n Friday 24th October 1997 Sports 11 We’ll Call it a Draw Men’s Rugby Superb Surrey nce again the usual unholy Dave “El Presidente” with you… forces conspired against the The victory roll read with a two- OPaintBall Soc and once Davy and Phil “Arctic game win for the Yellow team, Stay Strong against again we overcame them! Against Action Man” Venton – mostly garnered due to the fact that all the odds, the morning of PaintBall Soc. they never lost a game at the Fort Saturday 11th saw a small, elite [Yay! – Phil / Grr! – Dave]. In fact, band gather outside Senate House team. These were followed by a the yellow team managed to break Suspect Sussex! raring for the chance to project large variant of “Capture the Flag” in the site’s all-time Storm the Fort quantities of paint at each other. which five flags were spread about speed record by thirty seconds, with e all know off after Charlie There they waited for Dave to turn the field, and the team capturing the a time just over five minutes. The that The Boy Davis. Parker and Gerry up, late as usual [Oi! I was getting greatest number at the end of the margin would have been even Wednesday McCormack linked petrol! – Dave] who eventually game being the winner. greater, if only we had known that W feeling, running after a ball of some well down the left side but were rolled up in his car. The fun could A break for lunch later, and it was we had to take the flag back to base sort for a couple of hours in the pur- stopped just short of the 22. Sussex now begin, or at least that was the back to a simple pair of “Capture as well as blowing the Fort up! suit of sporting excellence then pil- then put Surrey to the test, with plan. Despite a distinct lack of the Flag” games to work off the All in all, a thoroughly fun-filled ing into Bo’s and forgetting all some strong forward play and good minibus driver, we all eventually set sausages and beans. Next came the day was had by all, and despite the about it the next morning! running from their backs which off, crammed into assorted cars. Fort once more for another set of occasional unfortunately-placed Well, all of the aforementioned finally led to their try. Surrey how- It had looked like being a fine, brisk attack and defend, this time crossed shot, [Stop wingeing Phil! – Dave] things happened to the 1st XV ever, hit straight back with some morning – the birds sang, and a with capture the flag – one team’s everyone agreed that another day rugby team on Wednesday. more excellent interchanging for- crisp chill ran through the air flag being inside the fort and the should soon be arranged. We fully Their first BUSA game saw them ward and back play, enabling Gerry [Thank you Mr. Literary – Dave]. other outside. The day was rounded intend to do so, as soon as Dave gets pitted against Sussex, never an easy to go over in the corner. From then Then about half way to the off with a small free-for-all style off his arse, [Oi! – Dave] so keep match by any means. Surrey didn’t on in the dog fight was becoming PowerBall site in Andover, the game for all of those with paint left your eyes (and ears) peeled for get off to the best of starts and some evermore one sided. heavens opened and great buckets to burn. No kills in the last game, details here in Bare Facts, on GCR good play from Sussex meant hard The Surrey forwards kept working of the wet stuff descended upon us. just blast away until you’re out of and posters at a lecture theatre near tackling was the order of the day. hard ( The front five of Link, Marvellous. Bad navigation ammo. After all, you can’t take it you soon! But Surrey weathered the earlier Myself ( a.k.a. Boy Davis), Alex, notwithstanding, we eventually storm and took the lead 15 mins into Ben and Brett doing the unattractive arrived at the site, and disembarked the first half through the left foot of donkey work, with Foggi, Dan and an hour or two late, much to the cha- Paul Broddle. This sparked a good Alex working superbly at back row grin of the marshals and the other spell for Surrey with the forwards ) and Foggi finally scored his well party we were due to share the field finally beginning to gel and the earned try after a brave charge up with that day. backs got good ball, one of which the centre of the field. The flood And so the scene was set for a day was put to great affect by Shane gates never really opened but they of epic conflict [Sliding about in the Green who, after some great play were slightly ajar, and Mike “ wiv mud, more like – Phil]. Shadows of made a determined 20 yard dash for aht a brussel ! “ Collins scored two “Platoon” were noticed as we sat the line and duly scored the team’s superb tries to round off another through the short safety briefing, first try in BUSA competition this great game in the stream rolling sea- split into blue and yellow teams, year. The kick was made and the son of Surrey university rugby. were issued with arms for those not first half ended Surrey 10 Sussex 0. already so equipped and squelched The dream start to the second half University 1st XV 34 onto the field of play. was almost achieved from the kick Sussex 1st XV 5. The day’s games were broken down roughly as follows: First two “Capture the Flag” games, CAMPUSPORT with each team playing once from either of the two starting bases. Next up were a pair of “Storm the BALLROOM DANCE MEETING Fort” scenarios, again once defend- Please note that the first meeting October as mentioned last week). ing and once attacking for each Photo: Dave Davey concerning starting the Ballroom The meeting will take the form of a Dance Society has been POST- “come and try it” workshop and a CAMPUSDANCE LATINO EVENING PONED until Wednesday 5th chance to talk about reconstituting November at 7.30 p.m. in the the Society, future functions, cours- WHAT A SCREAM !!! University Hall (not on 29th es and maybe even competitions!

The Latin American evening held at I haven’t seen it so full since the were turning people away all INTERDEPARTMENTAL BALL- the Varsity Centre last Friday was a time when the male and female evening. fantastic success. We were packed rugby teams had fixtures at home on Our next Latin American evening is ROOM DANCING - BEGINS 7TH to the brim with hot, sweaty bodies the same day! I think it may have on Friday 28th November and we moving in unison to the latino beats had a lot to do with the fact that shall be learning Latin American NOVEMBER provided by Carlos Paz from Bar tequila was £1.00 a shot all night - Jive (that’s Siroc to you and me but Mambo and Ents. The evening and as you can imagine there were a I can’t call it that as it is a registered Fridays 1.05 - 1.50 p.m. in the pation points for the overall kicked off with a salsa lesson taught few casualties! trade name!) Tickets are available at University Hall - a five week ‘drop Interdepartmental Trophy - and by Carlos, followed by a Mexican If you arrived at the door on the the Sports Centre - please book in’ with a light hearted competition have fun and learn a social skill at dinner and then a latino disco where night and expected to buy a ticket early to avoid disappointment. We in Week 14. Come and support your the same time. everyone put into practice all those then you would have been sorely can guarantee you another wild department through gaining partici- rhythms and movements learnt in disappointed. I apologise but the evening. the early part of the evening. The few tickets we kept back to sell on STEP AEROBICS dance floor was packed all night and the door had gone by 7.00 p.m. We A number of students were disap- special price of £5 (or £7.50 for stu- NEW GOLF BEGINNERS COURSE pointed to find that the Tuesday dents without membership cards). evening Step Class was full and yet At least 20 people are needed to Starts TUESDAY 11TH NOVEMBER 6.00 - 7.00 A few places are still available for the new course could not make the Thursday lunch make this new course viable so p.m. at the Sports Centre for 5 weeks. starting from 11th November - Students £7.50. time slot - so we are endeavouring please register and pay in advance to start a new 5 week course on BY 5TH NOVEMBER at the latest The course is run by Golf Professionals and takes Fridays 5.30 - 6.30 p.m. at the to secure a place and to ensure that place in our indoor nets. Sports Centre. Beginning on FRI- we can employ Joanna!! DAY 7TH NOVEMBER Note: No Step Aerobics on Campusport & Sports & Classes Thursdays - Transfer to another ses- Card holders are offered this at the sion ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sports Friday 24th October 1997 n Men’s Hockey Kingston 2nd XI 2 Surrey 2nd XI 0

he arrival of our second to our defence - especially our BUSA match of the season Shearer minibus driver Duncan who Tsaw a fresh faced 2nd team stepped in to make up numbers due up against Kingston. Last year we had played and won to the absence of our German compatriot (YOU KNOW (if a little fortunately) on three occassions. But our WHO YOU ARE!!!). With some 15 minutes to go, the team had only 3 players from last year’s side! opposition were awarded a penalty flick which duly led Good pressure in the first half saw us come close to tak- to their second goal. A good performance from every- ing the lead with an equal level of possession between one - particularly all the freshers.....naming a man of the BUSA the two sides (near misses for Floppy and new boy match is tricky but I think Andy has to get it for keep- Steve). A lapse in marking after 30 minutes saw one of ing the defence together throughout the game! the Kingston bunch take his opportunity and slot his Freshers count yourselves lucky you chose Surrey shot past our all new keeper Dave (clearly last week’s rather than Kingston to study for your degrees - those mags have had an effect on his performance!) to lead 1- murky pints were as grim as I’ve ever seen! Next time 0 at half time. we WILL win! BUSA The second half saw the home team take over posses- sion and they dominated for much of the half, all thanks Women’s Rugby BUSA W.U.S.R.F.C. v St. Mary’s

With rain in our faces we stood in and I moved up into the centres and ell it has finally etc etc. I was then sold Zoe Bentley CAZZA pack formation ready to receive the Louisa (I can’t down a pint Honest!) arrived: the with my sidekick for a ball, knowing that we had some- came on as wing and despite having Sports Officer The second half started with the Wsports players’ measly price, even though thing that they didn’t: CAZZA played flanker for us on Sunday, she decision to have uncontested excuse to get injured, I forgot my rugby roots telling us that we had the DESIRE, kept up with us at all times. scrums: they had already used two injure other people, drink ourselves and sang THAT football song! Then COMMITMENT and ENTHUSI- Cazza soon scored her second try, of their subs due to the power of our stupid - throw up, strip naked, strip let’s just say it all went a bit Pete ASM to play a good game of rugby showing unstoppable pace. We pack!! naked again, drink some more beer Tong. I was thereby forced to enter and win. The first half began with failed to convert but we were now Dizzy Lizzy one of our freshers, and roll down the hill towards the many a beer drinking races. This them scoring a penalty try, caused ahead (15-14) and nothing else mat- made one of many charges up the general direction of BO’s hoping was to include the Sabs race - which by our captain Mim who held one of tered. Our defence play hottened up line, one of them meaning we you hit it, and pull some ugly, drunk incidentally lacked a few of it’s their players back- we didn’t grum- and Little Jo our scrum-half got became involved in a maul; we bird/bloke/both, or, if lucky and members - which was probably why ble as she was the only one fast mullered and had to be taken off. finally fed the ball out to Fiona, but without puke stains, someone you I managed to snatch victory!! enough to catch their player and her Liz H. came on as flanker so Fiona she took a high tackle ( the first of actually quite fancy - but whose Unfortunately, I then forgot that my immediate thought was F*#+ off: could move to scrum-half. many from them ),got concussion phone number, due to the aforemen- younger years have departed, and that ball’s MINE!! As they convert- Five minutes later the whistle was and was replaced by Kelly. tioned alcohol intake, you actually took on the women’s fastest pint , ed, we realised we could win due to blown for the end of the match. WE At the kick-off we stole the ball off can’t remember! OR IS THIS JUST and lost. So I now know what the the fact that they didn’t like you had WON!!!! For many it was the of them; Cazza made a superb run, M? Footy boys feel like! HAHA! I then running at them; they avoided tack- first time they had won a match at popped the ball to Gayle who made All I know is that swelling with preceded to loose the last three pints ling and we were mullering them in Surrey, including Gayle, our try a 20 yard dash to the line and scored pride after a fantastic day, with of beer, but as my tally was still at the scrums ( Nice one Lou, Rach scorer, and Sam. The feeling was proving once and for all that props admittedly a couple of losses - 15 pints, I remained happy with my and Gayle, more of Gayle later). SUPERB. Mim would like to thank CAN RUN!! which we won’t mention, but can representation of sport for that day! Cazza (our forward player of the everyone for playing their socks off, By now all the backs wanted a go surely blame on the Anyway enough of my ramblings’ I match) started charging at them each one of you mattered on that and Beth, our first year winger, ref/weather/near miss - I entered the have to leave some space for until finally she scored a try under pitch and we could not have done it made some excellent charges with Union, in what I thought to be a par- Dickie’s column! Please remember their posts. Our hopes were lifted, without any of you!! Well done, some great duckin and divin. ticularly ugly costume, having to give in your results card by although Sam didn’t convert, especially to Fiona for catching a “HammerHands” Lizzy lived up to already drunk lots of beer, ready to EARLY THURS. despite finally having to go off in ball, all the new players and Gayle her name so much that the girls with drink more in the name of RAG! Take care and here’s to next week - the second half after landing on her you STAR!! her hand in their faces were swear- The night started well, despite the are the freshers still with us back with someone’s foot under it! ing at her constantly. She took a fact that I apparently looked more guys??!! They scored again and converted nasty high tackle but managed to like Supergirl! More beer was drunk but we remained unruffled. stay on. After Sam’s injury, Kelly ....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Re

Our Team The Enemy Us Them Our Team The Enemy Us Them Football M1 v Southampton Inst 1 2 Netball 1 v Thames Valley 54 27 Football M2 v Southampton Inst 0 1 Rugby M1 v Sussex 34 5 Football M3 v Brighton 1 4 Rugby M2 v Sussex 0 5 Football W1 v Southampton Inst 0 5 Rugby W1 v St.Mary’s 15 14 Badminton M1 v Bournemouth 5 4 Squash M1 v Portsmouth 2 3 Badminton M2 v Kingston 5 4 Squash W v Portsmouth 2 2 Badminton W1 v Roehampton 6 3 Volleyball M v St.Mary’s We Won Basketball v Buc 75 91 Volleyball W v St.Mary’s 3 0 Fencing v Thames Valley 24 3 Tennis M v Portsmouth 1 5 Hockey M1 v Sussex 2 3 Tennis W v Brighton We Lost Hockey M2 v Kingston 0 2 Hockey W1 v Reading 3 1 Hockey W2 v St.Mary’s 12 0 ED971024Issue 917.qxd 04/11/98 21:48 Page 13 (1,1)