Leeds Student January 29, 1999 www.leedsdotstudent.co.uk Volume 29: Issue No.13 IT'S THE SPICE 'WHAT YEAR PANTS AT OF LIFE PULLING? Tickle your tastebuds with AM I IN?' The who, what and' where' our guide to oriental cuisine Mercury Prize winners Gomez guide to mating in Leeds • Pages 15-17 live the high life in JUICE • Pages 12 and 13 £35,000 booty of no interest to honest finalist `THE CASH JUST KEPT COMING' By MATT WIEVER

A GOBSMACKED finalist who went to withdraw the final COO from his bank account was amazed when cash machines spewed out over 05,000. Dan Knox was anempting to close the account he had opened during his year in Panama when he used his card in the Barclays Bank cash machine opposite the Parkinson Building. But the Leeds University Spanish finalist was astonished when the machine kept giving him more and more money. 1-k explained: wanted to close the account so I kept asking tier money until it would give me no more. First I asked for a hundred pounds each time. then two hundred pounds. and then five hundred pounds a time.- Eventually Dan bagged £10.0(X) from the Barclays machine before it ran out of money and he instantly nipped into the Blenheim Terrace bank to open an Instant Saver account to put it in. He then moved next door to the Midland Bank machine which proved to be equally generous. But after he had made his final deposit the bemused student decided it was time to telephone the head office of the Panamanian hank where he held the account to inform them of their error. And Dan's incredible tale has now catapulted him into the national media spotlight as the beneficiary of one of the greatest dividends on a single account for years.

THE BANKS THAT LIKED TO SAY YES - DARING DAN REVEALS ALL ON PAGE THREE 2 NEWS Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 Boffins tackle the words on the streets

DO YOU have trouble telling By EVE McGOWAN your 'ey up me (lucks from your och aye the noos? PhD student at Leeds University. SHINING LIGHT: LeeIle hopes to lead by example Web, it might all become a who is currently testing the lot clearer soon thanks to a group techniques in her home town of of word wizards from Leeds Middlesbrough. University. According to Dr Upton. A team from the School of Carmen &sets es much of the English are to begin an in-depth credit for her pioneering dialect investigation in a "Network Approach" of Silver grabs nationwide survey of speech investigation. habits. "It involves a range of people And the accent experts. led of all ages, genders and by Dr Clive Upton and PhD occupations." he explained. student Carmen Llamas. will "You collect data from across leave no stone unturned in a three- the community by making pole position year search for the strangest contacts- each person introduces speakers and most diverse dialects. you to someone else." By ZOE GOLDMAN The aim of the study is to The survey looks set to create a comprehensive record become an ongoing study, LESLIE SILVER is set to quite overwhelmed. of today's speech. Dr Upton. a charting language change well take up his post as LMU's "When I started as Chair former Leeds student now into the next millennium. first ever chancellor this of the Board I didn't expect to teaching dialectology in the -There's no real way awning month. be here over ten years later School of English. explained: why language changes but change "There is currently no is inevitable," said Dr Upton. The former Chair of the but this university has become regularised. systematic record "These days people don't Board of Governors has been an important part of my lilt and I wish it the very best. of our country's amazingly varied pronounce their Maybe 'es given the challenge after years "1 shall do all I can to use dialects. could start sounding like 'w's. of working with the university. the ambassadorial role of "We hope to create a social Who knows. Jonathan Ross Mr Silver, a successful and regional dialect database could he at the forefront of businessman who received an Chancellor in the hest interests of the University." which will enable scholars to language change. But that's a 0I3E in I983 and aLso holds an make their own analyses. Honourary Doctorate of In addition. the University's big maybe." new 4:20 million Learning Omar "We will collect samples from The dialect doctor's research Technology. founded the second across all groups of society and largest manufacturer of paints on City Campus will be named carries on a great northern and coatings in the United after him as a sign of gratitude the entire country." tradition of such work, adding Kingdom. for his enthusiasm and But the linguistics enthusiast to an already existing bank of incredibly mnlessed to a lingering He is even better known in commitment to the University. information in Leeds University's the Leeds community as the ex- Vice Chancellor Leslie preference for his own Brotherton Library. chairman of Leeds United Wagner spoke highly alms new Birmingham accent. Upton was also involved in football club. boss: "It's rare to find someone "I'll always have affection the Linguistic Atlas of England And the decision to appoint who is so successful in so many for the Brummie accent but as 25 years ago. him by the University's Board fields and yet so well liked. a dialectologist I have to try and Any students imm the Tetside of Governors has left him Leslie has a lot of friends around remain objective." area interested in becoming delighted. "I can't tell you how the University and I know they Data collection methods for involved in the study are honoured l am about this - I'm are pleased he will still be the study were thought out by encouraged to contact Carmen involved." Carmen Llamas, a second year at: engml (4) leeds.ac.uk. SPEAK EASY: 'Dialect Doctor' Clive Upton

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ARTS Victoria Cohen Eleanor Mawrey Lauren Pushkin Sally Young BOOKS Phil Hanlon Helen Morrissey CARTOONIST Murray Wallace CLUBS Phil Lindtield Nick Weight COLUMNIST Ross Horsley COMMENT Lola Almudevar Adam Blenford FASHION Clare Brayford FEATURES Clare Rudebeck Jemima Sissons FOOD AND DRINK Kate Sleigh Joanne Roll INVESTIGATIONS Michelle Chappell Rebecca Smith JUICE GUIDE Andy Kelk JUICE LOWDOWN Louise Sherwood MUSIC Oliver Craner James McCarthy Fiona Smalley Sonja Todd NEWS Catherine Burt Matt Cenever Kevin Pettman Ralph Savage PICTURES Gilly Fox Dan Thubron POLITICS Nick eseenhalgh PROOF READERS Chinny Li Jennifer Smookler SPORT Raved Raja Jenny Thompson Seb Vance TRAVEL Marc Silver WERMASERS Ben Lamb Matt Fletcher Ed Baldrey

gai GOT A GOOD STORY? RING OUR 24-HOUR NEWSDESK ON (0113) 243 4727 Tr- Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 NEWS Dan's definitely not a greedy banker

•• MUST have looked like a By MATT OBEYER drug dealer with all that cash WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU COULD GET - the staff thought it was quite exptained_ amusing." exclaimed a startled The finalist continued using the Dan Knox after his amazing cards for a marathon two hours £35,000 OUT OF THE HOLE IN THE WALL? good luck story this week. before the banks closed and he His incredible tale started when eventually decided to call it a day. he decided to close one of his but he never really considered accounts last Wednesday afternoon. making a run with the money. • wish something like that would happen to me. I would ditch the card, keep the moiley and spend spend spend!' During his year in Panama as "I wasn't interested in financial Gary Stibbs, 2nd Year Engineering part of his Spanish course last year. gain - Ijust wanted to have a good the Colorado horn finalist opened crack. I assumed that when the the account with the country's state- account ran out of money it would ▪ `I'd be drawn to Harvey Nic's in a flash, although I wouldn't overspend in case I got caught_ I wouldn't have thought they'd be owned hank, Prihanco. stop but the cash just kept coming.- too bothered about £500 so long as they got the bulk back' But when he put his Panamanian- he said. issued card into the Barclays His final hoard of £35.350 is Tamsin Reed. 1st Year French machine this week expecting to now still sitting in the Barclays take the final £200 out of his account. account as Dan waits for officials he couldn't believe his eyes when at Pribanco to get hack to him. A • 'WOW, shift like that only happens in the movies. I'd be straight on the phone to Denise Van Outen' it kept accepting his requests for spokesperson for the Bank was Antony Wilde, 4th Year Management Science more money. He had to stuff' the puzzled by the chart) of events. money in his pockets and a carrier "There obviously seems to have hag as it just kept pouring out. been some sort of error either v. ith • 'I'd go straight to the police and say it was already cooing out when I got it - then I could keep shit loads' Dan certainly made quite an Dan's card or his account that Dave Hansen, 2nd Year Sport Science impression when he started making allowed to him to take so much the deposits in his new account. money out. We will however be "There was quite a reaction when claiming the money hack from • `I'd report my card stolen and then head off to a nice place in the sun! I walked in with two theusand Pribanco," she said. pounds at one point," he The fortunate finalist has now Angela Farrow, 1st Year Sociology found himself at the centre of a media frenzy after grabbing his L35,000 booty, But he yesterday • 'I'd report it straight to the police, there's no point risking spending it - you'll no doubt get caught. Besides - you'd probably PLC stated that Leeds Student carried get a reward anyway' the only report that he really cared -46 4 BINK14 20-18 about. David Cole, 2nd Year Management/Sociology 11-V LE-MS.1E1 He told us: "The national papers alcsecr WOKE don't matter so much. but a lot of • 'I'd use it to pay oft my overdraft - it should cover about half anyway!' 11/0 AT 15t20 Ow 274114109 people around here read Leeds Student." Dorsinic Smith, 2nd Year Health Studies However, despite being courted terat1311110,10 by the national press this week the bewildered finalist has had more • 'It's happened to me before - I got £40 when I asked for 5:20. I just went out on the lash! Ct1.9111r t9s! practical things on his mind. FAT: a 15120 ari 271I,- Paul Weston, 2nd Year Sport/Primary Education "I just hope that with all these distractions. I'll he able to get art Reporting by Neil Oakley and 7im Marshall tatutul 11110 extension on my dissertation now." NEWS Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999

•

The Old Bar PRESENTS 5414e4,2eaite Quiz Night Tuesday 2nd February 1999

WIN A TRIP FORIOWO To VERONA ITALY! By TOBY CHASSEAUD vibrates and the unique "Dogs are surprisingly replace existing methods of frequency with which effective but they sometimes detection. It will be in addition explosives vibrate can be experience fatigue and lapses to them," reassured Professor PHYSICISTS from Leeds identified using beams of laser in concentration. Batchelder. "We won't make University are hoping to light." "X-ray scanners can be sniffer dogs unemployed!" revolutionise air safety Professor Batchelder baffled when explosives are The project has been and anti-terrorism explained the role of their hidden in a disguising material, undertaken in co-operation measures world-wide. apparatus. in one case the scanners even with Strathclyde University PLUS Professor David Batchelder "The scattered light which confused plastic explosives and with funding from the and Dr Simon Webster have returns is usually extremely with Christmas pudding!" Police Scientific Development produced a prototype machine weak and our equipment's If all goes well then the branch of the Home Office. 3 nights hotel accommodation, designed to detect tiny amounts extreme sensitivity is based boffins' system should be fully Field trials of the equipment of hidden explosives. on its ability to amplify it employed in combating will take place in the summer. The equipment is cheaper millions of times. terrorism in just two years' They have already been Romeo & Juliet City Tour, and thousands of times more "It can detect the equivalent time. working on the project for two powerful than anything else of a pin head of explosive in The equipment is said to he years. Free Insurance, available. Wembley stadium. while especially valuable for detecting "I don't think we will he "The compact apparatus current techniques would explosives hidden in large making any money out of our identifies tell-talc traces of struggle to find it inside a freight containers which are efforts," moaned the Professor. £150.00 Spending Money! vapour given off by squash court." often inaccessible to dogs and "But the most important thing explosives." said Dr Webster. Fellow developer Dr impossible to X-ray. is that we are doing something "Every phs sical material Webster commented. "Our apparatus won't socially useful." Plus loads of giveaways- Vadie.4a mile eoue, fice,tn, Fraud has nowhere to Hyde oj 2(leiteam. 54-alexditeevre get to Wakefield. By KATE NGUYEN people who gave her some money." another student to get him to Susie Ki Mica, a fourth-year The woman also approached escort me through the park. I just Dental student, First encountered Henrietta Roussl is, a French and think she's a bit mad." ez' Sesuoteet, NAIVE passers-by are being the mystery woman before History finalist. The woman is described as warned not to he fooled by Christmas. -I was walking by the statue about 5'4" tall, very slim and a female trickster who is She was approached by her at the edge of the park when she with long mousy blonde hair. 7-44erta doing the rounds in the Hyde again last Tuesday evening along ran up to me saving, 'Please can She is in her early twenties Park area. Victoria Road hut this time met you help inc. I'm trying to get and speaks with a Yorkshire The woman has approached with a less favourable response: home. I don't have any money. accent. eg ,atizee several students asking for money, "I recognised her." said Susie. The woman would also advise She appears to operate after ostensibly to get home. "And shouted out 'Don't try that people to avoid the mystery man dark, targeting students as they She has been approaching again. I've seen you before." who was tailing her, walk hack from university. Ste.64 Waal people. claiming that she is being However this altercation "She said a man had been "I'm just annoyed that she chased by a mystery man or faking seemed to have little or no effect. following her and warned me not might he crying wolf." said Susie. an asthma attack and then tricks "After I shouted at her she just to walk through the park alone. "and exploiting the goodwill of them into giving her money to walked on to the next group of "She even flagged down students in the process."

4 Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 NEWS FRIENDS SALUTE LUCKY LUCY'S STAR TURN WITH SOAP HUNK

v v 1's1 a bit of a I Wright

THE LAST thing a finalist had on her By KEVIN PEITMAN When she woke up the nest morning she mind when she set off for a night on was in disbelief until the photographs turned up. the town was a hru.sh with a soap star. tame,- she commented. But one lucky Leeds University student. But little was she to know what the night -I tuned into limmerdale the next day and got the shock of her life when she found would have in store. The friends had decided it was really weird seeing him on television after meeting him the night before. It all herself in the arms of Woolpack regular. Will to carry on their party at the Majestyk nightclub. Cairns, Lucy. horn and bred in Wensleydale near seemed like a dream." Lucy Wright, studying Broadcast to where the Yorkshire drama is set. spoke However the young star appeared in his Journalism. was partying away with course of the surprise that she was about to get. "We final scene this week as he bowed out of mates at the Revolution vodka bar when were dancing near the DJ when I looked over the top rating soap. Lucy has been left with she spotted the hanky teenager. real name and saw Paul. He beckoned me over and I only the memory of the night to picture in Paul Fox. just got up and went without thinking about her mind. "I did watch hint in his last episode "I saw hint in the corner and decided to it.'" and it was kind of sad that I won't be seeing take my chance with him." she explained. The pair stole the show as he danced and him on TV again." "He had spoken to one of my friends in twirled her around the floor. much to the Manchester and remembered it. We just started envy of 11er-onlooking pals. Fellow Broadcast chatting and got on really well." Journalism student Rachel Ashcroft EVER HAD A NIGHT OF PASSION Lucy s friends. shocked at her hobnobbing commented: "I remember that he was all Ith the Leeds based star. looked on in over her, I couldn't believe IL" WITH A CELEBRITY STUNNA amazement. Annabel Kilbet was less than And Lucy was not deterred by Paul's pleased at her colleague's audacity: "I was off screen antics at the end of last year. when OR FAMOUS FELLA? chatting him up but Lucy came in and stole he was arrested in the city centre, my bloke." But unfortunately the romancing had RING US ON 243 4727 OR EMAIL The group decided to move on and Lucy come to an end. "He had to go and find t, • reluctantly had to leave. "I gave him a kiss friends. He gave me a kiss and he left." I . [email protected] and thought that was that. my brush with said.

• 4 4 i•••• i• • A A 4 5 6 NEWS Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 Double assault at flats

RESIDENTS at university flats By_T1M MARSHALL dark coloured wooly hat. are being advised to lake DI Cooper of West Yorkshire Police said: "This has been a horrific different mutes home following walking alone along the towpath ordeal for both victims. Although two indecent assaults on a canal under the Crown Point bridge. they weren't seriously injured. they towpath. "We do advise all students not have both been heavily traumatised." Two female students were to walk along the towpath at any Residents have been warned not attacked on the path as they walked 'time. day or night and particularly, to use the path and take an alternative back to the Leeds University owned not to walk alone" route over the bridge instead and Clarence Dock flats. The most recent assault took University security officer Peter Police are now looking into the place at 11:30pm last Saturday when Vincent will be giving a safety talk two incidents and the university has a lone female was approached by for all residents on February 4 at 6 increased the number of security a man. He was described as being pm. Everyone at the flats is being dog patrols in the area as a result of in his early 20s. of medium build, advised to attend. the attacks. 5'8 to 5'9 tall with a clean appe.annee. There will also be a limited supply A spokesperson for the university He was reported to have a local of personal alarms available 81 the confirmed: "There have been two accent and approached the girl on talk. Anybody with information are recent assaults on female students a push hike. On both occassions the being asked to call Holbeck CID on at Clarence Dock The assaults attacker was wearing a distinctive 241 4685. occurred while the students were IN THE DOCK: Safety fears surround Clarence Dock flats Pic: Tim Marshall Sewell Monthly Disposable Contact lenses blasted

There are cheaper ways to get Contacts, for 'silly' but we don't recommend them. criticism • long sentence. Just got out on good behaviour, Seeks getaway driver. with Own car LEADING lights in Leeds have hit By SALLY FAIRCLOUGH back this week after an eminent art Box No. T999 critic and TV celebrity described Armouries, describing it as no more than Desperate & overweight the city as 'grim' and 'without culture'. "theme park material for Mickey Mouse Writing in London newspaper The &minx entertainers," man, late 60's. Likes drinking. smoking & Standard. Brian Sewell also slated the city's But a spokesperson for the armouries architecture. theatres and top tourist attraction retaliated: "Mr Sewell's highly selective gambling. Enjoys eating in ALOT. Seeks the Royal Armouries. piece of reporting, full of leading statements anybody, anybody at all But students. councillors and tourism and innuendo stems from the insecurity of Box No. LOS3R chiefs have been united in their condemnation many Londoners that London, as the capital. of the article - suggesting that the attack is becoming culturally depleted." Fish Lover comes from a fear that London's position as In recent years, Leeds has also seen many the cultural capital of the country is under new developments including the construction late 40's likes all kinds of fish. Has slight threat. of the Henry Moore Institute and the hygiene problem. Seeks person with no Anna Richards, Communications Officer introduction of Harvey Nichols - the only at LUU, said: "Leeds is the most popular branch of the store outside London. sense of smell, choice for students which demonstrates just A spokesperson for the company said: ox No. P00 how ludicrous his comments are. 'Snarl Sewell has made a rather silly comment "After all why would 50,000 students that is going to cause him obvious choose to spend three or four years in a so embarrassment. called 'grim' city?" "Leeds provided Harvey Nichols withal{ And the Leader of Leeds City Council, the ingredients it needed its successful branch Brian Walker, was quick to highlight the out of London. city 's reputation as a top spot for clubbers "With a sophisticated customer base, from all around the country. "Many young excellent communications and an air of 0.1111111111111TY) Londoners will have studied at Leeds vibrancy and confidence. Leeds seemed the universities or visited our city on clubbing perfect city to mark the expansion of the breaks and will realise what utter nonsense company." Sewell is speaking, Students from Leeds also felt that Sewell ISION "Fossils like him are unlikely to change had gone to far in his attack on the city. Social P i IC I A N S their parochial and blinkered views and his Sciences fresher Anna Hallam iaitt "Evetyone vOe comments-are so ludicrous that they barely knows about the reputation that Leeds has Lower Ground Floor, Union Buildings, Leeds UriiverSity. LS1 1UH Tel: 0113 242 4684 merit a dignified response." of being u great city for students. I think it In his tirade on what Leeds has to offer. has as much to offer as any city - including the eccentric critic also blasted the Royal London." Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 NEWS Reaching out Globetrotter looks to Nepal A pioneering project. aided by Leeds Metropolitan University is aimed at preventing youth crime A 61.013E trotting law involves young people. working BY KAREN LEE. INES TIPPMAN in Leeds. writes Kirun Rundnuwa, student is looking to raise with and on behalf of them. I The initiative hosted by West & CATHERINE PARKER also want to experience culture E11.000 to fund a charity Yorkshire Constabulary hopes to from a completely different part trip to Nepal. channel 'at risk' youngsters into a of the world. Basically. I just Katherine Hudson is hoping programmes to raise awareness new project called 'Reach out'. want to do some good.- to travel to the mountainous about life issues such us the Val Tarhitt, is managing the The intrepid student is hoping region in November and will env ironment and AIDS. university's part of the two year to raise the money by working he spending nine months in a Katherine - who will be project. She said: "Many of these rural s i lage. She commented: working for the Student over the summer. organising a young people arc extremely capable "I will he five days walk from Partnership Worldwide - will fete at her old high school and of channelling their energies into hosting a pub quiz. the nearest road." also be teaching basic maths something other than crime." The village she will he living and English. drama and music Anyone who might he able in has neither running water nor classes to the children of the to help Katherine raise the electricity and she will help to village. needed funds is asked to contact implement small-scale She said: " All of the work her on 0113 234 2598. Brush strokes

TOPquality paintings are up for sale in a bid to finanie a trip to Africa. writes Catherine Parker. Civil Engineering student Yang Ying Tay is hoping her artwork will fund a course Marine Conservation trip to Tanzania in September. But the Leeds University student is confident she will reach her £3.001) target. She said: "If I don't make the money from the paintings I'll Strike threat have to do some other projects like a sponsored walk to make up the test. I am looking forward to going as! will gain experience for future conservation projects." So far she has raised £600. most of it from her artwork - the paintings cost between I:10 and I n. Fur more information contact her on 0113 233 2268. over pay deal Centre fit to Go

B AN U MON OM R THE Granada Leisure Group have opened their first new multi-purpose health and fitness centre in Leeds A PROPOSED strike is due AUSSIE RULES FOR CAMPUS FAIR GC) Farresst. on Queen Street, will to affect large numbers of form pat-tie. a chain eivverine :bales lecturers at Leeds University nationwide and boasts state-of-the-art in a protest over pay conditions. equipment and fully muddied staff Members of the Association of running a variety of bows,: classes. University Teachers have proposed 'The fundamental need to provide the use of "a sustained campaign an alternative to erring to the pub of industrial uction" which will after a long day at university is probably take the form of one day paramount," explains manager Jun co strikes and examinations boycotts Dale. "The benefits to fitness arc FITNESS Et) and will cause serious problems immeasurable." for existing students as well as Special student offers and free causing chaos in the admissions consultations are available on 0113 ! lEfILTil CLUBS and clearings systems. 246 1088. The strikes have been proposed due to lecturers complaining over a 36% pay shortfall compared to other professionals. AUTGeneral Secretary David Tricsmann claimed Better Access that lecturers arc being "systematically cheated and MUCH needed funds have been ploughed into Leeds University 's defrauded" out of decent salaries. Access Fund for students suffering financial hardship. He wants a 10 percent pay increase Almost f.720:000 is available this year to those unable to to partly make up the deficit. afford an HE course without additional support or who has These complaints come problems meeting their living costs. including students with alongside government proposals physical or other disabilities. to create a further 100.000 places Priority is given to applications from mature students and in higher education. "We paid those entering higher education from care but anyone is ins ited for the last expansion in higher to apply although payments cannot he made available to student., education and we are not going to eligible for a student loan who have decided not to take one out. pay for the next one." complained Application forms and further advice and information on the Mr Thomann. Nccess Funds can be obtained from the Welfare Office at And lecturers at A UT-dinninated t I I Leeds University will almost certainty join the strikes If they arc approved in the March ballot. David Saw, A UT spikes-man for Leeds University, confirmed: "If the Research tour association voted for industrial action to take place. AUT members at Leeds University would have to CHIEF Secretary to the Treasurs, respect their democratic decision. Alan Milburn was in Leeds this week At the moment, the strikes to meet the students who designed. remain a proposal. and still have built and raced their own formula to he approved by a ballot. "Our ate style car, writes Suainnah Bailey members don't want to do things The minister visited Leeds that will seriously. or permanently University's School of Mechanical affect students." assured Mr. Engineering on Wednesday us part Triestnann. of a nationwide productivity However; if the proposals are roadshow. accepted, they would not be taken The government's aim for the lightly. Mr. Salinger spoke of the madshow is to address the challenge commitment of Leeds' AUT of prtiductivity and to discuss possible SKIPPY ALL THE WAY HOME: Students turned out in force to visit Usit Campus's Australian solutions to the problem, in members: "In the past when there travel convention held In the Riley Smith Hall at LUU yesterday. The event which was sponsored has been industrial action. Leeds consultation with representatives by Ultra Travel and Quantas aims to get more students to consider going down under for their has always played a part, and we from the world of education and travel experiences Story: Suzannah Bailey Picture: Alice Graham will readily do it again." training.

7 COMMENT Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 Leeds Student As leading figures run rings around the public No rises equals no prizes for greedy bosses Cheated by YET again Leeds Student features university staff at the forefront of their fields, making significant, celebrated breakthroughs. UAN Antonio This week alone, two physicists have taken massive Samaranch, steps towards safer skies for anyone getting on board President of the ADAM BLENFORD an aeroplane. They have produced a machine that can International minute amount of hidden explosives, which Olympic detect a Committee, has never sat could soon make it almost impossible for terrorists to easily alongside the smuggle a bomb onto a plane. Olympic ideals of fair Ground-breaking research of this calibre allows play and the glory of Leeds' universities to gain worldwide recognition and competition. His each one of us feels the benefits. The respective principled speeches at universities gain too, as their coffers receive a vital each Olympic games, boost. calling on "the youth of But how long will these academics stay in Leeds if the world" to unite and their pay packets do not reflect their worth to the excel. have been university? consigned to memory as allegations and Fat cat university bosses seem oblivious to the admissions of corruption inadequate pay structure over which they preside, as and bribery within the they reward themselves huge pay hikes. No doubt both IOC rocked the Olympic universities will rush out press statements denying the movement this week. fact, saying they're in talks to increase their teaching Samaranch leads an staff's wages and they are all oh-so tremendously organisation proud of its valued. principles. yet now openly admits to underhand and But it's about time the lecturers reaped some of the downright immoral practice!.. rewards for their hard work. If they don't. then they'll His refusal to resign. coupled he following the exodus to industry and we will suffer. with his acknowledgement For only as long as there are good teachers and good that more scandal is likely to be around the corner. is paper researchers, are our degrees are worth the on symbolic of the virus that which they are printed. infects our leaders and our Reputation is everything. just look at Oxford and 'betters'. Cambridge for proof. And the way to maintain our The Olympic scandal universities' reputations is to keep the people that make carries echoes of recent scandal at the Football embarrassed ‘shcii their watching their colleagues himself to save a drowning them so good happy. Association. The demise of prisate lives. financial with as much zeal as Tory Dane in the Seychelles to win Stop talking about it. Give them the rise they want. Chairman Keith Wiseman and dealings and political whips ever scrutinised favourable headlines. Chief Executive Graham misadventures are exposed. Jonathan Aitken. If the British government Kelly for offering financial is still the same old collection assistance to the Welsh FA of financially shady and No honour in (and inducements to sexually confused ladder- influential Asian members of The British government climbers, then President FIFA's council) to help the Clinton in the US is the high English World Cup bid priest of dubious values. degree awards undermines the whingeing by is a collection of financially How a man who has spent those who 'masterminded' his time in office embroiled in HAVEN'T you always dreamed of a getting an Manchester's crushing defeat financial and sexual scandals endless stream of cash from a bank machine? by Sydney in the race for the shady and sexually confused that brought him to the mercy 20(M) Olympics. While they of Congress can enjoy the Or even a £20 note when you only requested a moan about compensation. highest approval ratings in tenner'? It would be so perfect to get one over the Kelly and Wiseman can ladder-climbers history is an indictment of stupidly rich banks. joyously claim that although down-trodden American Lucky Dan Knox. He actually got to live that we haven't won anything for After an unusually long Alastair Campbell and his morals. Clinton's supporters. years, at least we can play at fantasy. Imagine standing in front of the cash point honeymoon. New Labour's media darlings, themselves a who claim his lying was of no bribery with the hest the IOC 'Black Christmas. which source of controversy last consequence to the office of outside university, with everyone around you waiting can offer. began early with Ron Davies' year thanks to Derek Draper's President. are denying the to withdraw their last tenner for the evening, and The roll-call of corruption liaisons dangereux and was slithering antics, arc working moral leadership that the most watching piles and piles of cash flowing out the and unsavoury business runs topped off with Peter overtime to preserve the powerful politician in the right through our society. Mandelson's loan scandal, has government's image. but it world has to provide. machine. Politicians arc constantly Whereas most people would be heading straight for had Tony Blair's aides needed the Prime Minister There is an acceptance of Rio, honest Dan never even looked for his passport. He was more worried that he wouldn't get an extension for his dissertation rather than pandering to Having been a victim of corruption it's really the media circus which had arrived in town. ARE WE RIGHT TO What a hero. He will make some money out of the annoying. I got passed over for a job which I was cock-up - even if he does not get to keep the whole WORRY ABOUT qualified for owing to their preference for an £35,000. But imagine if he did get to keep the booty. Everyone would be in on this superstar's round. internal candidate. It was nothing to do with my He's the type of guy that would buy the drinks for CORRUPTION ability. You feel as if it goes on in every walk of the rest of the night_ life and is denied. Let's just hope it happens again soon. As for us, AMONGST PUBLIC forget the party of all parties on New Year's Eve. We'll he waiting by the millennium bug-infested cash Louise Hines, 3rd year, Adult Nursing machines. which will be spitting out twenties. FIGURES?

a

Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1998 COMMENT 9

have we accepted corruption as a valid game tactic? Speakers Corner ) ..,0 wiin.vcij power games ilt

HAT are you doing on New WYear's eve? I haven't got a clue. I've only just got the photos back from last New Year's and all this talk of the nest one is making me feel a year older 9011104 hat prematurely. We all have to spend clot of time thinking about the future and 1999 has come to represent this like no other year before it. Everywhere you look they're getting ready. Almost from the stroke of midnight. as The Artist's predictable ditty sung in the last year for a thousand, they started to tell us things_ Worrying things. The worries quickly

enough beer? How much will they pay the nurses? If the hug hits. will our lives be turned over to chaos? And if they don't gel all these thinp organised then they assure us, we'll be in AWARD WINNING PERFORMANCES: Kelly, Samaranch, Clinton, Aitken and Blair, would you trust them? for an extremely traumatic New Year. scandal and 'horse-trading' two years ago. What stood out The presence of Lloyds but acknowledges the need iu securit). Age-old work ethic.s So how should you see where public figures and in this case was not the Bank inside LUU despite the liaise closely with the and standards are being off 19497 The government inviting us all to their bodies are concerned. and as amount of money involved. long-standing boycott of business community. eroded and replaced by hriven arc as they work in the most successful but that Anthony Harvey went Lloyds and Midland Banks is While there may yet he pilfering and corruption. \Jst party as soon out what's going on in the societies. those at the top undetected by LUU for twelve another long-standing hope for our universilic%, swathes of the developing influence all below them. years. from I9M to 1996, anomaly. sonic bloated public world are riddled with Dome. For a similar prier tag. While money makes the world Although Haney was The NUS Executive. institutions are falling into corruption in both public and go round, there will always he convicted. the real concern famously inefficient and dubious and unaccountable private business. The most clubs will offer a big night out However, big some lining their pockets. was that LUU had no real way unaccountable, last year practices. The early retirement resignation of African the pub chains say they won't In President Clinton's case. of uncovering the claimed huge expenses for of most of the Metropolitan members of the-IOC be open al all. despite a 48 men like Kenneth Starr claim irregularities. travel and 'sundries', Police officers involved in the unfortunately supports this hour licence because they they are standing up fur Leeds Student last week spending money that they Stephen Lawrence murder vies' can't afford the wages. morals and integrity, vitally highlighted the efforts of the hadn't earned and didn't investigaticrn has prevented There are many in the hmm. important aspects in leading Campaign Against Arms necessarily deserve_ disciplinary charges being West. led by the shallow public figures, yet by Trade to convince Leeds The NUS is a breeding brought against them. If this rhetoric of Clinton, Blair or F the millennium crucifying Slick Willie. Starr University to stop their ground for future public seems wrong. consider the the power-hungry EU celebrations are And his cronies are failing to substantial investments in figures. and had habits they fact that I 60 officers have commissioners who will supposed to he our ' find a new saint. creating a companies dealing arms. like learn now will surely stay avoided charges through pander to those who hold the chance to look back on an ,moral vacuum around the British Aerospace. and with these men and women as retirement in the last five balance of power, such as extraordinary thousand highest issues in American pressure is mounting to switch they move into either the years. which the Daily those delegates of far-flung years then the time has , politico. investments to less public or private sectors. Express terms "a national nations in the IOC or FIFA. come fur contemplation, It isn't just high politics controversial ventures. In Leeds University is disgrace." Samaranch has the not hysteria. which reeks of sleaze. Union addition to Leeds. other adamant that regular auditing We are living in a society opportunity to purge the In today's frenzy of bosses at Leeds University universities, including sonic of public money makes it in which values play second underhand influences from the hype and hyperbole we uncovered a f250.0041 Cambridge colleges. are likely that any financial fiddle to financial 10C. and set a nos example to should rely on the one• suffering the same attacks. corruption will he uncovered. consideration arid personal the youth ;if the world. ember/lenient scandal only thing that keeps its all human • our ability to he spontaneous. to [Lie our iinaginations and not to We have to accept Corruption is inevitible. say to ourselves 'El I buy What do you think? Leave this, then I'll he happy.' corruption. If you don't Government corruption is It's very efl_sy to do but accept it, you're naive. sad especially with all the your thoughts and rarely as fulfilling. Try and remember that a day is Whatever the context back-handers that are pretry tang and time flies vote on our all-new opinion %hen you're having fun .vet sport, music - corruption is being dealt out when money if you're spending all your page at: time hanging around for always going to be there. should be going elsewhere, the party to end all parties but what can the average then it'll seem like a rather Matthew Chism, James Brown, lung wait. man do? Nothing. www.leedsdotstudent.co.uk 4th year, Communications Engineering 3rd year, Geography Ralph Savage

9

.-, ti ROT'iMu cJ-R°c] 'Au IR_C MER 310000

In case you hadn't noticed this term is a hotbed of elections. No sooner will you have finished voting for r Be a... one candidate before someone else will be thrusting a flyer into your hand. edil mit]T Annoying as you may find this, voting is a very impor- if you are self motivated, hard working and determined tant part of the democratic process and the more peo- then a SABBATICAL POST could be the perfect first ple join in the fairer it is, so please get down to that job for you. It's an ideal opportunity to find out what ballot box and make sure that the person who gets to you're good at and aquire a variety of skills and experi- represent you is someone you want and not just some- ences. one who's got lots of friends. Who knows you may If you're interested then pick up an election pack from the even decide to stand yourself... Porters' Office or come up to the Exec. Office for a chat.

Standing for a union position is not as mad as it may seem. Positions available- You don't have to stand for a sabbatical post straight away but Communications. Education. Finance and Administration, can test the water by sitting on Union Council or going to Services. Societies,Sports.VVelfare.Womens. LSRfm co- conference. If you like it then it could just be the best thing ordinator, Nightline co-ordinator.Action co-ordinator, that's ever happened to you apart from discovering the defini- Rag co-ordinator, Leeds Student Editor. tive way to eat a cream egg, Salary- >E 10,700 p.a. No experience necessary. This term there are vacancies for sabbaticals. Union Council members, conference delegates, Speaker and Chair of the dis- ciplinary tribunal. Be an... TotIcafGuumFi., Ir_ug"H7.-7-Vcb The Speaker chairs all General Meetings and sits on 15th-18th March Disciplinary Tribunal Committee. It's an ideal job if you're con- Represent LUU at National Conference and find out how fident and enjoy public speaking. If you've chaired an AGM the NUS really works.A great opportunity to meet people then quite frankly you can do anything. It involves about an from other Unions from all over the country and decide hour every other Tuesday lunchtime. national policy. This is also the place where the next NUS executive gets voted in who represent students nationally. There are also visiting speakers and fringe events which are IougiTunted[pw illaufflu always really interesting and the odd social event. Disciplinary Tribunal is who we bring in when something seri- Don't be put off the idea of going ous happens and one member of the Union wants to make a if you don't have any money The Union will pay for all travel, complaint against another member. It is only convened when a accomadation and food. complaint is made. The Chair can not be a member of the Executive Committee.

[. Nominations open 4th February Nominations close I I th February, 5pm Voting 16th, 17th & 18th February Election Packs available from the Porters' Office

I aim to contribute to Being women's officer my promoting the status, position involves NUS services and equal representing all women at opportunities for women in LUU, monitoring your all areas of university life. unions policy and WOMEN'S I am able to represent the influencing at national views of women with level through conference. diverse needs, interests and As women's officer and ambitions, in a multi-racial a SWSS member I have CONFERENCE and multi-national and will ensure a fiahtback university. to governments cuts on With previous NUS provisions of contraception ELECTIONS conference experience. I am . nurseries, on VAT on the right candidate for the sanitary produce etc... WANGUI job. LUCY Lucy Bagnall 1999 MANGUYU Wangui Manguyu BAGNALL

ORSLEY No brain, no pain

ANCY a little insight into my from circuit hoards. LEDs scattered mind' Yep, so would I. everywhere, chunks of solder snapping Frankly. I don't know what off - and that was only the basic stuff. F the hell is going on in there at Then there's the fact that the the moment. Ever since I came to majority of the brain is just water. It's university it's been threatening to like a sponge. Now, correct me if I'm collapse into a useless dollop of wrong, but... electricity and water'? pureed thoughts. and I'm expecting Isn't that like matches and petrol? It's a it to go any day now. Knowing my meltdown waiting to happen. No luck. I'll probably be doing w onder you can't think straight with all something really important at the those currents sloshing around. And time, like giving an assessed why so much water anyway'? You can't presentation ("And so, in think with water. Just look at lettuce. conclusion... bleeuuuurrrgghh.,.") or buying cinema tickets ("I'd like one HE brain must have its student for... bleeauuurrrgghh, The equivalents of electrical surges, Siege..."). T short circuits and interference - all It would he awful. too, if no one of which would account for the way it noticed the difference. though in 'fly starts playing up when you try to case there probably wouldn't even he concentrate on something like much difference. Once it's gone. coursework. It's not my fault my mind there's not much you can do without happened to have a power cut during the use of a brain, except watch Sunset that last exam. And I don't think trying Beach. Or star in Sunset Beach. Or to use candles was a good idea, though write. produce and direct Sunset Beach. my eyebrows are starting to grow hack The human brain is a pretty weird at last. thing when you think about tt. And you It's not surprising that our brains arc can't even think about it without completely hattered hy the time we having to use it. so it's difficult to get reach university whan you think what an unbiased opinion. According to my they've gin to go through. Childhood copy of Tell Me Why, thought processes (those Creaky toys and crazy nursery are controlled by electrical impulses, rhymes). adolescence (don't even get which isn't particularly reassuring me started). the OCAS selection when you hear in mind all the things process... that can go wrong with electricity. So don't worry if your head is a Remember science classes with those mess; it's understandable really. In pitiful little bulbs and buzzers dangling conclusion then... hleruutturrrgghh. That was the month that was... January 1999, the month that experts have named the longest on record, is finally drawing to a close. As a tribute to thirty-one days of laughter, tears and, well, boredom mostly, Leeds Student celebrates the stories that have made it a month to remember July and New star sign Bug prepares Sudden equinox August Axed discovered early strike eludes pagans

With the month overrunning by In the biggest event to hit the In a statement released on January. forty-eight days, calendologists astrological world this century, a 12th, the Millennium Bug revealed to January's extreme duration. an announced on January 55th that Due new star sign became visible on that it had run out of patience and unexpected und-month equinox two months would have to be January 10th. 'Toaster', a fire sign decided to bring its attack dare forward occurred on the 14th, catching hundreds dropped from the summer in order symbolised by a small electrical to March 1st. "I can't wait another of pagans off guard. "We had no idea," to accommodate it. Hay fever appliance, ran from the I I th to the sodding twelve months," it told said peat-worshipper Pet w ar Cow fack. sufferers rejoiced, while 30th of January. and people born gone before we even reporters. January has been hell, sheer "It had come and companies like Lunn Poly and under its influence are expected to hell, and I'm buggered if I'm sitting had time to descend on Stonehenge as it' WorldChoice lost millions of he hot•tempered.quick-thinking around while Pentium do another we understood the purpose behind those pounds refunding pre-booked and an ideal accompaniment to a frigging upgrade. From now on, you'll ancient stones." holidays. full English breakfast. have to call me the March Bug."

11

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Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 FEA Do you come here often? With two weeks until Valentine's Day, date desperation is taking hold. Why not try looking where you least expect it? The Bar The Library am

HE OLD BAR isn't the asked her whether she thought me. I don't think the Old Bar PLACE of high sexual They looked at me like I was never usually get chatted up. It's most romantic of love was a bohemian concept. is a particularly good place tension. Boredom is possessed. I just felt stupid. very unusual if girls come and settings. However She wasn't very impressed by for pulling. To be honest. I easily alleviated by They hastily told me they were chat me up. Things like that T where else do you find that either. In fact she wasn't don't normally pull people in Atrying to pull a victim's off home immediately after they don't happen in my life your lecturer, your old flame. very impressed by the whole pubs and clubs. I tend to meet eyes away from the Beginners' left. And no, I couldn't he the (Simon). You're very brave to and the person who sits thing. She humoured me very my boyfriends through Guide to Uphill Gardening etc. final chapter in their novel. come up . opposite you in your seminar politely though. friends. A novel place to pull. but how group all under one roof? easy is it to seduce someone Simon and Danny:I thought The outcome: When asked if Clare and Jamie propped Anthea: He came across as an The outcome: Anthea turned away from their Astro Physics? you were a bloody wierdo. they'd have said yes to a date themselves up against the bar. absolutely mad art student. out to be the girlfriend of one pulled in a tutorial before, and they said they would have, but ordered a Screaming Orgasm And it wasn't a good chat up of Jamie's friends. A date Jemima picked up Simon Bull at Old Trafford (Danny). but not turned up. Nil points. and hoped that pints weren't line - a hit too arty fatty for seems unlikely. and Danny Butter. third year the only things that were going Psychology and History to get pulled. students. She said to them: Do you judge Jamie pounced on Anthea a hook by its cover. Ayache. First year French and They said to her: Err. I suppose Portuguese student. so, He said to her: Have ■,ou ever been drunk on love? Jemima. I tried the little girl She said to him: No! lust approach at lust - 'Where's Jamie: She looked very scared the Civil Engineering"'- then when I dropped my line and humbly sat down next to them. then ,aid an emphatic no. We I asked them what they studied talked about her exams anti and in a final last ditch attempt I then the conversation looked asked them where they indulge like it was going to die. So I their extra curricular activities.

Clare took on Second year they were very evasive. anywhere unusual for that hook-wormed his way kind of thing; it's hard possible to pull in places like Computer Scientists. Matt matter. Majestyk and Tequila Tom into the clutches of Susannah distracting people. especially the library, built I don't think Spencer and Stephen Leary'. Matt and Stephen: We didn't are our preferred pulling. Fudge. a fourth year Chinese during the exam period. about it. As for chat up lines. I She said to them: Have you think it was a particularly locations. student don't use them and there aren't ever been drunk on hive? good chat up line. Actually. Susannah: I was initially very any particular places where I They said to her: Sorry, what we just thought you were a The outcome: No chance of a He said to her: When you've embarrassed when I was pull. did you say? Oh right. no. really scary mad person. We date here. The boys were finished working would you approached. and didn't really were very relieved when you more scared than seduced. In like to come out and play? know what to say. I like it when The outcome: Unfortunately Clare: They looked shocked said that you were doing an this case, three was a crowd. She said to him: Err. no people come Susannah has a boyfriend. for about 30 seconds and then article and not really trying to not an exciting sexual and chat me up stuttered no. I told them that I pull us. Neither of us have opportunity. although 1 wouldn't do it Looks like Tont was left on the was waiting for my friends ever pulled in the Old Bar or Tom: I approached her and myself. I could see that it's shelf... and thought that I'd come and tried sitting next to her for a talk to them until they while. When that didn't work. I arrived. Al this point 1 could tried the chat up line. I asked see the fear kindling in their her what she was studying and eyes. so I tried to put them at tried to remember something I their ease. We talked about had seen on a China where they lived, what course documentary. That was greeted they did and exam blues. I with incomprehension. She thought it was all going rather seemed quite embarrassed so I well. They even started asking quickly admitted that I was me a few questions back. doing this in the name of high Although I could tell I hadn't brow journalism. It was hard won them over completely. going up to someone in the When I started asking them silence of Level 13, No-one where they were going later. comes to the library for this

2S-01-99

iglercury winners Gomez ► II come back to Leeds INSIDE - coldcut, diy disasters, messy rooms

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JUICE 29-0199 what's inside

`VVE WEREN'T' ON A

,16"'4- MISSION TO FIND FAM AND FORTUNE'

Ian from Gomez on their whirlwind rise to the plus

11 ri 177,CA-OWDOWN Is living like a slob something a student has to do? REVIEW'S 7-9

ARTS 7 • PRACT1C_AL MAGIC • STUDIO 54 OPPOSIT'E OF SEX • SIX DAY'S, SEVEN NIGHTS • THE AVENGERS

beLkig._a • BLA.CK STAR LINER • FFRR CLASSIC= - PIROTECTION - THE CI-IILL OUT ROOM

BOOKS 9 • CARPE JUGULUM, JINGO • NEED AND DESIRE • BLOOD AND GUTS COLDCUT 10 The funky veterans on past, present and future NICK WARREN II DJ/Producer on his new album KEN UCKLEY 14 Student author on the theory of existence and his new book GUIDE IS-123 A change for the be-tterP Our nation's obsession with DIY

The only Leeds guide you•ll ever need Leeds Student

15 Edited by Louise Sherwood Freshly squeezed every Friday Royal exhibition IEN Charles I got his examples of its type of late the restoration of the monarchy are head chopped off 350 renaissance craftrnanship*/ far more exciting than the soap Wyears ago last Friday could But seriously now, the period of opera marriage larks of today's royals. he have known that the Royal the reign of Charles I (the guy who So it's well worth taking a look at Armouries would be displaying believed in the Divine Right of Kings - the exhibition and a lot more fun his metal togs in 1999? he basically thought he was hand than watching the Queeen's speech Sorry 'one of the Armouries' picked for the it:6 by God). at Christmas. greatest treasures - stunning gilt Cromwell's decision to prove him The exhibition begins on January armour, hand engraved and covered wrong by beheading him, the 30 and runs right through until April in gold leaf - one of the finest consequent Interregnum and then 18. When you Ye renting a house while at university there's a limit to the kind of pet you can hove; one that the landlord will aillow or one that can be hidden when the owners of the house do pay a visit. GOT A N.U.S. CARD HAMSTERS - If you can get away with it these are great pets. not too much work or expense involved. and their lifestyle is that of GOT TO GO TENPIN BOWLING a student too - up all night and unable to move a muscle in the morning.

SNAKES Not very compatible with the pet above but kinds good in a 'I'm cool I've got a snake' sort of way. Plus the landlord/lady will probably be too scared to ONLY complain about it for fear of receiving it through their letter box.You can always bring out your 'poisonous' pet when the rent's due as well.

BUDGIES -They might not keep very quiet but they can keep you company and dance in time to music as well. However you might need a hairdryer or hoover to get them down from the top of a curtain railAnd when they die, you could always stuff them and put them on a shelf.

GOLDFISH -The safe option.You can perhaps disguise the tank as an ornament it need be - well kinds - and your friendly fish friend certainly won't make enough noise to attract any unwanted attention

DOGS . Not really a viable option for a student They might be man's best friend but landlord's tend to disagree. Ditto CATS

RATS - Maybe the domesticated ones are PER GAME alright but as for the wild ones... if these are in your kitchen try to befriend one if you dare but remember this breed of renegades and nomads generally live in sewers and 9.30am-6.00pm they'll probably give you rabies orWeil's disease 1 0.00pm-midnight That's a WHOPPING 7.895% less than last year!! The Art of Rock RAMATIC pieces of art created from paper, micas and pigments and D reinforced with natural materials such as grasses and sand make up a new exhibiton that is being shown in the University Gallery LEEDS BOWL Inspired by Gordale Scar near Malham in the Yorkshire Dales. Katharine Holmes has created a range of stunning works which reflect the weather and rock formations. "It took about six weeks to make each picture MERRION CENTRE and about two years CO complete the whole exhibition but I loved doing IC she explained. The Leeds University Gallery is in the Parkinson Building near the front steps and the reception and OPPOSITE J.D. INETHERSPOON'S 'STICK OR TWIST' PUB the exhibiton runs until March 5. JuRgg this Week

Messing the point THE A Leeds student goes on television this week to tell the TOP nation that 'mess is best'. But are we really that untidy or FIVE is the slob just another misplaced student stereotype... FTER answering an THIS advert in a magazine A to appear on television you might hope for fame and glory, but when Leeds University WEEK student Vicky Keane answered an advert in The Big Issue, it was no Stars in Your Eyes makeover or Blind Date dream. It was Movies simply the question 'Are you a slob?' that caught her I LITTLE VOICE eye. BBC 2's Video Nation 2. ENEMY OF THE decided to investigate that age STATE old problem of untidiness and 3. MEET JOE BLACK to find out why some people are so unwilling to clear up 4. THE SIEGE their mess. And one of the three stooges is our Classics S. PSYCHO student Vicky. In the film, she invites us into her room which is strewn with clothes and papers. She insists on "living up to the Albums student image" and claims that her untidiness and reluctance I , FATBOY SLIM to do the house chores is a You've come a long way result of her belief in "girl 2. ROBBIE WILLIAMS power." I've been expecting you According to her housemates, making the film 3. MADONNA does seem to have changed her Ray of light slobbish ways and the house does now all take it in turns to 4. OFFSPRING do the washing up. Americana My room Is like a shoebox so it has to be But the programme does My room is like a palace! S. THE CORRS raise an interesting question - David Alexander • HND Civil Engineering messy because there's nowhere to put all Talk On Corners are students really chat messy HOW my stuff or are we just a target for yet My room's often messy but I tidy it when Sarah Wall - Hospitality Management another unfair label? MUCH OF I've got exams - it's a good distraction from revision! My bedroom's usually tidy because with • Vicky appears in 'Coming Madelyn Grieves - Hopsitalicy Management two in a room you need plenty of space to Clean:A Mug's Game' as A SLOB fumble about in Singles part of BBC2's Video Nation I like my gaff but the dirty bastards I live Claire Ewens - Hospitality Management Shorts Series on Tuesday with spoil it for everyone I. OFFSPRING February 2. ARE YOU? J. Mitchell - HND Civil Engineering Ilive at home so... Paul Miller - Civil Engineering Pretty Fly 2. TERRORVISION Tequila

3. BUSTA RHYMES Gimme Some

4 FATBOY SLIM Time to p clubbing for a cause PraiseYou

AVE Angel, MR C, S. TQ Matthew Westside D Bushwacka!B and Mixmaster Morris will all be playing alongside a host of other Djs this Thursday at a club night that 011ie Videos Smith - director of the Town And Country Club - I. BAGPUSS has dubbed 'clubbing with a TOWN & COUNTRY CLUB MD, cause'. 2. GOODWILL Titled Our Friends Electric, HUNTING the night will serve as a 'Friends of the Earth' benefit night 3. STAR WARS Debbie Bell, co-ordinator for Friends of the Earth, adds that a 4. SCREAM as well as the music line-up, "clubbers may find themselves 5. LEON in a corner with a nuke lobster or giant genetically modified vegetables.' Two of the local DJs - (10 in advance Tickets are Dinsdale (Tempiehead) and end f 14 on the door) and are available Robert Fox - who also have 04:02:99 Town and Country Club booking office: slots on the night will be doing from the rust—Nt•ar.lv Tel: (0113) 280 0100 a two hour lunchtime show on LSRfm this terra as well.

competitions JUICE 29-01-99 e a BR T award winner... T4E .PL\GM wth= r±031ff: TC _TA

WANT to be part of the UK's ceremony include The Manic Street biggest music event? Want to see Preachers,The Spice Girls, Robbie and hear which artists made 1998 Williams and BlurAnd Marietta Frostrup Skint tour such a great year for British music? (pictured opposite) will be presenting Well, you can be part of The f 999 this year's MasterCard Best Album giveaway BM' Awards thanks to new sponsors award. MasterCard. In the UK.we alone spend LI .8 SKINT Records are on tour to To celebrate their support of British billion a year on music and whatever promote some of the newer acts music and the BRIT Awards, MasterCard you're buying from CDs to singles, on the label. is giving you the chance to win one of videos to albums, make sure you have Space Raiders. Indian Ropeman and five sets of BRIT Awards merchandise. MasterCard in your corner. DJs Sparky Ughtbourne and Danielsan Each set contains the official CD and Don't forget to watch this superb will be at the Cockpit this Wednesday video featuring a selection of tracks by music extravaganza on ITV at 8pm on to prove that there is far more to the this year's BRIT Awards nominees, as Wednesday February 17 to see which label than just the Fatboy and the well as a cool T-shirt stars scoop the top prizes. Allstary The 1999 BRIT Awards in association And in the meantime, answer the To win a pair of tickets to the gig with MasterCard is taking place at the question below for the chance to get and some Space Raiders goodies, just London Arena on Tuesday February 16 your hands on one of MasterCard's answer the following question: 1999 1999 BRIT Awards prize packs.. The top stars will all be there What is the name of FatBoy anxious to take away one of the coveted When are the 1999 BRIT Awards Slim's latest album? BRIT awards. taking place? Artists who have previously First correct answer wins triumphed and performed at the awards First rive correct answers win the packs. Free cinema Get down to the tickets? OUR regular cinema ticket giveaway continues this term, Chill Out room with a pair of tickets available on this page every week for the film FEELING stressed? Need of your choice. something to help you relax as To win this week's tickets. lust those erm... taxing introductory answer the following ridiculously easy lectures really kick in. question: Well worry no more. because we are here to ease you back into the new Lisa Kudrow, who stars in 'The semester with the best sounds around. Opposite of Sex', appeared in All the grooviest bands. including which other Hollywood movie? Leftfield, Morcheeba, Sneaker Pimps. Orbital and Primal Scream are on the ti•st correct answer wins. Tickers are only special ambient compilation 'The available for films that have been an ChillOut Room' And we've got three of national release for two weeks or longer these cool Sony CDs to giveaway! To win one, lust answer this question:.

WARNER lir In which American sport is Leftfield VILLAGE a position? ► NEMAS First three correct answers win the CDs

To enter any of these competitions, simply ring 243 4121 and leave us your answer, name and contact phone number. GOOD LUCK? Competitions end each week at midnight on the following Tuesday. Only one entry per competition per household.The editor's decision is final. Prizes will only be given out from our office at LMUSU.

JUICE 29-01-99

ALLY Owens (Bullock) is 1 sweet and homely, her sister DRAMA SGillian (Kidman) is outrageous and fun-loving. Nothing too unusual about that, Practical STARS: but the pair have also inherited Sandra Bullock. magic powers. Magic But while Sally uses her abilities to Nicole Kidman concoct herbal lotions and potions to sell in her shop. Gillian is busy using More bubbly cauldron belladonna to knock out her lustful than boyfriend lust to get a little shut-eye at powerful potion night. A crisis brings the sisters together to dabble in the unknown against the wishes of their eccentric witch aunties (Stockard Charming and Dianne West). • But the sisters are soon to realise the consequences of interfering with the darker side of nature. The film begins with a promising The Crucible-style witch hunt opening, dabbles briefly in scary Poltergeist territory, only to settle in the end for Die Worst Witch cuteness. Despite vague references to a nice-sister. cy naughty-sister naked moonlit ritual. the 12 certificate ensures the film is unable to live up to such 'delightful' promises and so condemns the film to remain in chick-flick oblivion. Practical Magic is a mildly entertaining. easy watch, but probably OWEVER. whilst it is refreshing one to reserve for a flu-induced bed- to see a predominately female ridden video binge than a magical Hcast and there are some Saturday night at the flicks. touching and humorous moments, the film compromises genuine emotion by Sally Young resorting to American cheese.

FILM CRAZY ITH the 70s revival still in full swing cinema-goers FILM FUNKY W are to be treated with 54, The STARS: the true story of a glamorous New York night-spot. Following Studio STARS: Christina Opposite the success of Boogie Nights and Mike Ricci The Last Days of Disco. 54 Myers Hollywood has found it of Sex necessary to produce another loosely based on fact 70s biopic. Serious Myers in retro Kudrow strikes it Ricci Why? Who knows? It's not bad, romp but it's not that good either. Shane (Ryan Philiipe), a poor kid from New Jersey. dreams of making brimming with sex, drugs and disco N the same way Poison fry So what happens? Well yes, he brought an emotionally the big time, his carefully crafted masterpian - to go clubbing in the takes copious amounts of drugs. has Imature Drew Barryrnore to loads of sex, dances with a granny the attention of adult audiences. dizzy heights of nearby Manhattan But Shane doesn't want to go to just and then surprise, surprise it all goes The Opposite Of Sex, brings wrong... the party just can't last any club, his eyes are set on Studio Christina Ricci (Mermaids, Now forever. & Then) kicking and screaming 54. Run by Steve Rubell (Mike Myers), the club is the place to see into indle cinema. N his first foray into serious and be seen, a hedonistic paradise The Opposite of Sex casts Ricci as acting Mike Myers is great. The Dedee. a manipulative bitch of the I only thing worth seeing really, it's highest order, although with her just a shame we don't see him Clueless-style voice over she's quite Bill of all he holds dear. expect from the recent Lolita-esque On the run with all of the above. films.The female roles are well enough. Instead we are treated to likeable. the gorgeous but wooden Shane. Arriving in small town Indiana, due you wouldn't think much else could fleshed out, as Ricci and Kudrow's go wrong for Bill, but things do, and revelationary performances show, who is more concerned with to the death of her abusive showing off his body than his acting stepfather. Dedee wastes no time with his friend Lucia (Lisa Kudrow) and even Donavan's character seems must track down Dedee or risk going more three dimensional than his talent.What results is a mish-mashed moving into her gay half brother Bill's unfocussed stream of beautiful fife (Donovan). Starting with his to jail. usual roles, Definitely one CO watch, Despite Ricci's portrayal of Dedee just don't cake your little sister with people with beautiful bodies having a house, his boyfriend, his dead ball. Not unenloyable to watch just a boyfriend's ashes and then his money. as a Ginger Spice on heat. The you. Opposite of Sex avoids the gratuitous bit pointless really. Dedee. not so much unwittingly. but Jon and Alex without conscience goes on to strip titilation you may have come to Stephen Marcel

MA Thurman (in catsult), VIDEO Quinn (Harrison Ford), the world liners.There is some action though and Ralph Fiennes (in bowler ACTION VIDEO ACTION weary pilot, for company Ford handles it with finesse fin spite of tihat) and Sean Connery (in . Considering the circumstances they the rumoured dentures and hip- kilt) starring in one film - surely STARS: STARS: have quite a lot of adventures including replacement operation). Look out for The Six Days, witnessing a murderbeing chased by David Schwimmer as Frank, the well- the making of a box-office Uma Harrison pirates arid Robin gets a snake in her intentioned fiance. basically playing Ross success? Er, no.The dialogue is Thurman. Ford, Anne awful, the plot laughable and Avengers Seven shorts, and that's not all if Quinn has from Friends on holiday the interest factor is zero. Ralph Fiennes Heche anything to do with ieNot surprisingly Connery, Fiennes and Thurman Nights their love-hate relationship develops in Catherine Osborn are all talented actors, but this Great stars, cloudy sky the face of such adversity as they share dross prevents them from b.,. Wet, wild and weary secrets and bare their souls. shining. Harrison Ford trades In his traditional The Avengers TV series was a . all-action hero role for materials to be good. but they just huge success during the sixties. and BSENCE makes the heart romantic comedy do not gel. the film's creators have revamped grow fonder except, it seems, 'Nand a few the spy caper In a cool post-modern when you're stranded on a one- ATRICK Macnee, the actor A way. But they fail miserably • the desert island with Harrison Ford. who played Steed in the jokes about tea are lame, and the Robin (Anne Heche) and Frank's original series, appears as an film loses it's way early on. Rumour p (David Schwimmer) romantic invisible man late on. I don't blame has It that the studio refused to holiday is cut short when she is him for wanting to avoid being screen public previews because it is called away on business in Tahiti. En associated with this substandard just so bad - I'm not surprised. route her plane crashes leaving her remake. The most painful thing about this on a uninhabited Ryan Jacobson film is that it has all the raw Lisland with only

19

_JUICE reviews 29-01-99

MUSIC ALBUM SINGLES MUSIC ALBUM BLACK STAR LINER * tl EXPERIENCE' Black Star FFRR VARIOUS ARTISTS BENGALI BANTAM Classics Liner FFRR YOUTH EXPERIENCE! WEA .;,.• Dance, dance, for

WEEK Is it a ship? Is it an tomorrow we die eyeliner? Is it a new pen? THE HRONICLING the ten LACK Star Liner's enigmatic years of dance music, which OF frontman/producer Choque actually grew out of the (Che Guevara good looks, C B underground scene of the late immersed in leopard-skin) once eighties, the FFRR (Full remarked that life as he Frequency Range Recordings to experienced it in his home city of SINGLE you) is actually quite a smart Leeds was defined by the sound of package, which living up to its U.N.K.L.E feat. Ian Brown discordance, the flamboyant clash promise puts together some of - BeThere (Mo' Wax) of disparate ethnic cultures. the more noteworthy tunes of He saw a need in pop to reflect and actual transcendence of social context. worst, complacent The rampaging sitar I 0 years. So•hip-it-hurts DJ Shadow providing unify all these social strands: bhangra The politics is intended to be in on 'Khaatoon' becomes a kind of cultural Dance albums are a dime a dozen the music and Ian-carcerated Brown blasting from passing taxi cabs at 4am. sound. and yet. at its best. the sound of clip-tag, bludgeoning ethnic roots to these days, and for regular buyers.you having a good old sing-song? Sounds the sitars and tablas and wailing vocals of Black Star Liner escapes politics death with sub-classicist reverence, grow to expect that you'll probably great, yeah? Well, it doesn't quite live Bradford community radio stations over altogether. sitting somewhere wonderful rather than appropriating. perverting, and end up with your fifteenth edition of up to expectations. Shadow's beats messy airwaves. breakbeats and in the space between chaos and soaring off to explore new sunsets and Ton Amos"Professional Widow' with are good as ever. but are reined in by kickdrums pounding out of clubland fire- cohesion.This is best evinced on the landscapes. every next dance compilation the rigid 'song' structure and exits, dub loping through the hash fog of opener 'Sea D', a wide-screen/split- The hackneyed funk/baggy/Beasue Not so with this package however. 's favourite inmate doesn't ever student bedsits, the clean muzak screen golden rush of cinematic Boys cliches drag the whole thing further Stretch N' Vern aside, the album has do enough to compensate for the sophistication of Conran cafes_The effect orchestral washes, driving tablas, drum- down into the numbing Big Beat- tried to pick out some of the harder restriction.The vocals are c-ool.but of this being confusion, the by-product rolls and dub-heavy bass (in the front breakbeat-coma beat mire, adding to the to get 'dance classics' of this era. not a parch on the first Scone Roses fragmentation. yet for Choque, the Ideal seat stalking through the hostile high- cruel irony of diversity breeding cultural Okay, so some of the tunes aren't album. Still. I'm picking holes: it's being fusion, and the point integration. streets). It also works well on the utterly homogeneity: radical intentions doing exactly classics. I mean, when was the flawed, but it's still damn good. Bengali Bantam Youth Experience! only displaced heat-haze death-drama of nothing more than clogging up the last time you were trailing the dance Our Survey says: Jail Breaks really succeeds in achieving this ideal 'Dark Shadow': not so much a sonic drains, disguising tensions, glazing over vinyl section for One Dove 'White when discord is both emphasised and refleCtion of brooding social tensions. as specifics, obscuring any kind of clarity Love'? Or for that matter, when did McAlmont -A Little bypassed.When 'fusion' seems barely the an articulation of modern existential that might ever be salvaged. Frankie Knuckles get on every Drs Communication point at all and is attained almost psychosis played out in endless midnight And who the fuck would want to be play list? (Hut) unconsciously.when genres liquefy, alleyways. compared to Cornershop? Considering you're getting three dissolve. It succeeds not so much in The problem is that all too often CDs for your average priced double McAlinont comes over all Luther integration within social context, but eclecticism can be self-conscious and,at Oliver Craner CD album here, FFRR Classics is Vandross to tell us that'there's nothing wrong,with a Iltde worth a look, but considering the ESPITE the fact that this playlist, it's a sad reflection on how communication'.An innocuous (I collection is primarily a think its supposed to be soulful) MUSIC ALBUM dance has gone full circle to becoming fund-raiser for the victims of vocal rambles along over nasty 80s D yet another commercial money last year's 'hurricane Mitch' which spinner. production. and not much happens. Various PROTECTION An absolute Sunday afternoon of a devastated central America, it does not feature the natural ELF Stephen Marcel tune.The remix has a funkier feel, Artists • more Prince than Luther, but also fails disasters that are Flood, to go anywhere interesting. Hurricane No. I or, more's the Our Survey sayx Wallpaper pity, Earth,Wind & Fire. LIVE It does, however. include tracks Something humorous from everybody's favourite beatster Fat Desert Island Discs (feat. 21 yet profound Soldiers) -The Lovers Boy Slim, those popular tripsters The (Boiler House) Massive Attack, and the almighty THE this for charity (mate) should not mean Chemical Brothers, not to mention FENTON they don't have to make a proper Lapse This is hip-hop (I use the term under Underworld and a fine offering from effort: you won't find much originality duress) produced in NewYork. and as U2. This hall of fame is somewhat on this album, but if big beat and Haven't heard of them such is proof that "it's not where tainted by some ambfenty jungle bungle are your thang it shouldn't you're from, it's where you're at". gubbins from Dreadzone and the yet? You philistines! offend. The rather funky 'Music Makes Where this is at is a nicked Sade serposingly shabby 808 State. You Lose Control' from Les Rythmes bassline.a 'sexy' rata from a man Not even Underworld can provide Digitales is a diamond in the rough. and who'd be an ill-advised choice of any of their trademark punishing beats HE has the perfect haircut Roni Size's'Brown Paper Bag' is baby-sitter and percussion my gran to save the rather unnecessary second over the perfect flat Japanese probably alright if you like that sort of would be ashamed to programme CD from degenerating into tribal cosh: isface. He has a green jumper thing, but on the whole there's a damn Buy yourself a barge pole,arid then one can sense the influence of ELF, the and a red guitar-The drummer sight too much bleeping and wailing for for goodness sake don't touch this record label in question. who have a has curly hair.They build up deep my liking, and I never could with it penchant for rainforests, seemingly loops of guitar. She doesn't smile. comprehend Beth Orton. Our Survey says: Blackcurrant shared by Banco De Gain here. He speaks over the top in sharp Hooch Its all in a good cause, etc etc. but sour sentences. It looks like just because these artistes are doing Hannah Corbett something you could do yourself, The Lanterns -High Rise Town if so inclined. (Columbia) They are from NYC. They used to HAT'S that fridge doing on be in Van Pelt, but lacked it in E0 start the cover, then? Well, as it This horrendous mainstream/trip- MUSIC ALBUM being in The Lapse. An old Van Pelt turns out, it's not as hop hybrid is already getting loads of W song works its way in.though:'The incongruous as it seems,You might airplay.WIthin a couple of weeks it Speeding Train'_ People seem to like call it an album for the airport THE CHILL OUT will be giving you bad dreams.An Various this, although it wasn't that different lounge or bachelor pad or other Olive for '19. ROOM from the rest. But experimentation can such pretentious wank. Shun the Our Survey says: abysmal Artists Sony just. involve one experiment and still, illusion, this is the soundtrack to well, work dining out a la Damien Hirst in a Sleater-Kinny -A Quarter To Each song builds immediately, holds whitewashed noodle-hall / branche Can't chill, won't chill? Three/ Burn Don't Freeze you in a snatch of a tune. intensifies soup kitchen where this season's (Matador) and quickly dies. Sometimes the pulses and olives noires are as spoken voice works against the beat essential as the air kisses we This American trio sound is in the 60s-inspired girl pop from a time when and against the tune. Sometimes her breathe there. more Aunt Bessie's-style disasters to tradition stretching back through The they were still a brilliant chaotic mess of bass sings duets with his voice- And rather soufleed it is. on the come, rooThe Deep Forest track (oh Breeders. Belly and the Pixies.With influences, before the saccharine set in) During the climax of one tune, he rs whole, since a large number of the songs dear) releases hidden urges to look at such a rich heritage they have much and Primal Scream's compellingly saying/shouting the same sentence. will be instantly recognisable from rattan rugs in Habitat. whilst the dull trip- to do. but they manage admirably:A unmannered'Revolutionary' are good for something about cigarettes. over and adverts for, errn. Citroens and suchlike. hoppy drone of this version of EBTG's Quarter ToThree has a dreamlike, the palate. But the warbling echoes of over again, slightly off kilter to the beat. How postrnodern. 'Missing' seems to incorporate the melodic quality and Is perhaps their muffled sounds of somebody chopping Enya and Enigma are never far off. 'Pure and attempts to hand the mike over to The cordon bleu goes to David best chance for some radio play.'Burn Moods 8' to unwind after that exhausting a hapless member of the audience . Holmes for his Gainsbourg-poached wood in the background.(Very IKEA). Don't Freeze' is more interesting. Morcheeba gig, dear1 Our representative fails to join in, and (rare)bit of orchestral poncing about All in all, you can't help thinking that flaunting new wave influences and The percolator burblings of Apollo recoils as if slapped The moral is, 'Don't Die just Yet' while (Fern reckons) Massive Attack were doing it all much wicked vocal dialogue. Four Forty seem appropriate to finish:a sometimes you can't do it yourself. the wooden spoon should go to Alpha better years ago. Still, the inclusion of the Our Survey says: Pretty cool coffee please waiter, and I'll be on my Things aren't as straightforward as for their airy, half-baked fairy-cake odd unexpected gem like St Etienne's way. they seem. doodlings. Unfortunately. there are plenty 'Nothing Can Stop Us' (a slice of classic Duck James McCarthy SonjaTodd reviews BOOK POLMCS ROOK FICTION BOOK CULT JAMES Need and Carpe TERRY HEARTFIELD Blood and KATHY ACKER Desire PRATCHETT [f) Af firif f—lf [ ift Sheffield Hallam jugulum Picador Doubleday Guts in £4.99 f6.49 f16.99 j—/E re 1 jj--11j High School Vampires, witches and Heavyweight political Ineffably wonderful 70s critique priests trying to kill each other post-feminist punk-trash

IGHTILY Oats is just a man minding his own Need and Desire M business. However a BLOOD AND GUTS lu the Nast-Material noutotny visit to the mountain kau. lizarrtkiti kingdom of Lancre to IN HIGH SCHOOLZ perform what he believes will be a simple religious ceremony is about to turn his life upside down. Unfortunately he wasn't really all that happy to begin with. Despite the fact that he is a priest. Mightily's problem is that he doesn't actually know if he really believes all that religious stuff to begin with. Now he II has to go to this sleepy town and overcome all kinds of other AMES Heartfield's critical problems as well. analysis of consumer culture. First of all he must try to the information age and de- overcome his aversion to some of ITTLE Janey Smith is In a bit of a fix. Her dad won't fuck industrialisation is well over due. Lancre's inhabitants namely Agnes her as he's got a new At a time when we all seem to be Nice Nanny Ogg and the L girlfriend. So he sends her off to caught up in the idea of indomitable Granny Weatherwax. live in New York, where she gets information superhighways and k isn't that Mightily Oats thinks picked up by the Persian Slave consumer culture, Heartfield's that they're nasty people Trader and taught to be a whore. study peels away the hype and necessarily. it's just that they're things going on at once. Pratchett One day she finds a pencil and rhetoric surrounding these witches and he being a man of the never fails to draw all of the jots down her life story. contemporary phenomena. cloth and everything he shouldn't different strands together. It's interesting to see whether Making very few adjustments to a really like them much. Therefore, what would at first anybody could actually write a linear 'vulgar' Marxist perspective, he Then of course when the appear to be a complex array of novel after reading this. Acker's use of provides a powerful insight into what vampires come, things become a plots very quickly becomes a literary techniques and media - prose. post-materialism' means for wee bit sticky as Mightily must cohesive structure that is really poetry. charactatures, illustrations, contemporary society_ It also reminds disregard what beliefs he does easy to understand. stage-directions create a unique us of the things it has helped us forget. actually possess and join forces with Carpe jugulum possesses whole, eliminating the need for a linear He is highly mural of a world in everything that a reader could want the witches in an attempt to defeat narrative.and decentralising the basic which identity is defined through the in order to make a really good them. trying to convince Agnes that it's premise of the novel form. narrow remit of consumption, rather novel.The characterisation is Carpe Jugulian is the twenty-third not too painful to become a Sections of prose are repeated than through a process which excellent and the humour is superb. novel in the Discworld series and is vampire by saying "All it takes is just verbatim, pages and pages are in acknowledges more Important fortes It certainly would not appear unarguably one of the best to date. one little prick" and Agnes Nitt's 'Persian', and many other pages are such as our relationship with that Pratchett's Discworld series Though written largely In the style retort that "It's not going to be devoted to heavily detailed shows any signs of flagging as yet. So production. of the other Discworid novels there yours mister!" gynaecological drawings. whether you are a seasoned h might seem strange that a is something a bit different about However. like the other novels An acolyte of Burroughs.Acker Pratchett fan or a complete commentator of his political this one which for some reason the style is very pacey and the jokes deconstructs the social situations that go newcomer to these books you will persuasion should demand that we makes it even more compulsive come thick and fast.This book she addresses in the novel, identity definitely enjoy reading this book. back to the factories. reading than any of the others. never fails to be both clever and gender. sexuality, familial ties, However, as Heartfield points out, it It could be that the humour in very very funny. education, US politics, and brings them Is de-industrialisation that helps us this one is a bit more adult with The best thing about these to the fore, creating the narrative out forget the exploitation of labour when examples such as the super suave books is that despite the fact that Helen Morrissey of them, instead of creating the rt is, alive and kicking:No catwalk and sophisticated vampire Vlad there are always a million and one narrative for them. All meaning - no without a rag trade, no Britpop surface, if you will. without a plastics industry' The author's uses of character veer What post-materialism celebrates Vimes. several armies and a dim wildly all over the place. Janey is the as a move away from the messy BOOK FICTION witted fisherman and his son! Ask main character, but is not always called business of production is, a move yourself whether or not any of this Janes,: different name. different aspect towards luxuriant consumption. a self sounds even vaguely familiar. of personality? Erstwhile President absorbed preoccupation with Jingo TERRY This is indoubtedly a good read. Carter is in for a while,as is Jean consumer identity and a decaying F'RATCHETT Pratchett's light-hearted touch and Genet and Andrea Dworkin. whom economy.We are berated for leaching his oh-not-so-serious attitude mean CORGI Acker reduces to a gurgling baby. money out of consumer culture rather he seems to get away with dealing Carter is shown to be a violent, than creating real wealth through ES.99 with some serious issues by sadistic pederast. which is just a more production. Is Terry Pratchett going ridiculing them without the reader extreme version of Clinton's Heartfield has a flair for delving batting an eyelid. predicament. and the eternal saga of all headlong in to rather hefty analyses of stale? Having written all this, there is a politicians' morals. Genet is the muse political theory.This he does when down side. Being a fairly well- of the novel, in the sense that he looking at the concepts of 'need' and seasoned Pratchett reader. it is easy ERRY'S done it again- intellectual apotheosis. but also a Bad to wonder how much each new 'desire . another wacky story about Thing for the emotionally diseased Discworld novel conserves the Whilst a minimum wage might be some people living on a Janey. T originality of the Initial concept. seen as a victory for some, he argues strange Discworld with even Whilst Janey is in the Slave Trader's that the needs theorists who Of course, the series makes good stranger habits. If you haven't room, she reads the Scarlet Letter by campaigned for it miss the point and reading, funny, witty and intelligent heard about the famous (or Nathaniel Hawthorn.Acker's all spring to mind but. doubts do overlook the persistently exploitative infamous) Discworld series then deconstruction of this.along with, occasionally creep in, particularly relationship between capital and labour. some might ask where you've amazingly or not.a story about a whilst reading Jingo. The study covers enormous range been hiding yourself. monster and a bear,forms most of the It is difficult to see each new and is an accolade to the discipline of For the uninitiated, the basic narrative of the middle section of the Discworld novel as new and fresh if cultural studies from which it comes. lowdown is that Pratchett's series is novel, taking the story on wild one has read many of the preceding Moreover. it is an unapologetic demand based on a completely fictional tangents and even wilder theories. that we stop panting about with docu- novels. However, Jingo is fun and world with its own strange Apparently the sexual content of definitely worth a look, just as long soaps and consumer culture and get eccentricities but, some remarkably this has angered many people over the and inevitably disconcerts the as you make sure you've engaged on with finding our identities in earthly problems. years but quite frankly. the controversy reader.When is he being serious and your imagination before you begin something broader, more fulfiling and Jingo is just as funny and sharp as of a female author using the word when is one supposed to laugh? to read. productive. its predecessors. It sees the return 'cunt' in a purely aesthetic sense is The basic story is really standard Luke Robins-Grace of Commander Vimes, head of The probably just anti-feminist rhetoric blood, guts. war and xenophobia. Watch and your classic hard-as-nails over the den line of art and Ankh-Morpork goes to war with its James Heartfteld will be at Leeds hero whose cracks show through. Lucia das Neves pornography. neighbour Klatch over a grubby Univemy on kbruary 10 to w& at a Free He is in many ways a send up of But is it any good? You bet your piece of land of little importance Speech Society discussion on ?ohm& the heroes we've all loved to hate. fucking life it is. Untouchable. except patriotism and pride. Correctness' at 6prn, LG I S in the Midiael Pratchett takes Vimes just that little Stuck in the middle of this is the Sadler Building. Phil Hanlon bit too far which makes him funnier Ankh-Morpork watch. Commander

21 SLATES Iteiriecil• • Techno

WELT IN SCHERBEN EP (Force Inc) as A huge rolling mother of a tune with a bass that's phat enough to be Purveyors of finely tailored funk satisfying to the most glutinous appetite. Builds and builds and builds and then stops.. Coldcut talk to PHIL MIDFIELD of CAPTAIN TINRIB Coke, cos I learn 2 cope times past and the road ahead (Tin rib) HE WORLD of Coldcut More'euro techno' of the finest is undoubtedly a quality from what is emerging to be strange one. From oft one of dance musics top acid-techno discussed chart success labels. Don't pass this up on your withYazz and Lisa way through the stack Stansfield to uber-cool Hip- hoppers with a taste for things THOMAS BANGALTER oriental. It is difficult to pin Trax on da rocks 2 their sound down exactly, the (Roule) un-anointed would call it stoned drivel but those in the Aptly named this Thomas know could describe it as hip- bloke, as you will know if you've hop for the future, good for a heard this record.lf not.why not? dance and good for a chill. Breaks into nothing half way through Jonathan More (the be-hatted and builds back into a frenry. half of Coldcut) describes it as "something old, something KEXTEK new, something borrowed, Hackney council are a something blue, funky and bunch of cants fresh, a little bit different." (TEC) In 1987 ex-art teacher Jonathan More and computer programmer Matt Black met and created one of the first A great tune, worthy of a sample based tracks with their debut mention for the utic alone. single 'Say Kids What Time Is It?' and firmly set the ball rolling. Jonathan - - remembers how they"just DJ SAKIN AND FRIENDS li started making records in Matt's Protect you Mind ) bedroom for the London club scene,1 used to take them round (Additive) 1' to record stores in my van," From these roots came Coldcut, and it is .00 Cheesy as you like. this track is to these roots that they firmly attach more hard house than techno, themselves, even in the midst of late featuring a 'Braveheart sample of eighues pop excesses. Jonathan More dubiotis quality. Re-read the above, describes their role in 'The Only Way Is Up' years as "a bit like rocket now formed the idea of a type of doing now is myth different, audio and don't buy this, fuel" providing the winning formula to cottage industry which would tie in all now visual art" presumably for the By Nick Weight complete the whole pop package, but aspects of emerging technology in kids. did all the fun ruin them as they crashed into the nineties? "We were IN ASSOCIATION WITH pop tarts" replied Mr More, tongue 'All good things must firmly lodged in cheek. It was after this brief sojourn with the commercial world that Coldcut come to a trend' realised their true calling as Ninias. crash The idea was hatched, Jonathan More records surprisingly enough, in Japan where they were touring.The which experimentation and quality This new vision manifested itself in ...... / concept of nomadic heroes were at the fore.What about the art 35 The headrow Leeds ork- Ninja Tunes,arguably the forerunners of battling against all the crap that teaching. what about the kids? Jonathan trip-hop and definitively the founders of they had been exposed to.They had replies that he" doesn't think what he is flip-hop.As you may have gathered FULL OF CHARACTER liquid the basement, 2 central road, leeds (near the corn exchange, underneath oxfaml

JUICE 29-01-99 nick warren

PROFILE Nick DJ/ Warren PRODUCER

Progressive pioneer and new ambient master

T TWELVE o'clock, I phoned Nick Warren's A press man. I had an interview, you see, with Nick Warren. 'Hi, I'm Nick Weight. I've got an interview with Nick Warren at twelve.' 1 said, carefully reciting the sentence I had decided would be the best opener during the previous four hours.*This is Nick Warren' said a bemused voice at the other end of the telephone. Great! My careful composure was destroyed before I'd even asked him any questions. Still, after spluttering and making my excuses, we got down to the serious business of Nick's new Ninja Tunes like all that is hip-hop album 'Back to Mine' The record is a so long as it is being firmly mix of down tempo and ambient brought into the twenty-first breaks, providing somewhat of a century.There is not. however. a departure from the progressive house hip-hop only rule as Jonathan is and trance that we have come to quick to point out'It's not a expect from the Cream resident. conscious effort to move away Clubbing for Nick. though. is no from four on the floor'.This different to clubbing for the rest of eclectic outlook is mirrored in the us. except that he's on the other side new re-mix album with Coldcut bringing in artists as diverse as Grandmaster Flash and Carl Craig to put their special touches to the 'European 1997 album 'Let Us Play'. Coldcut were able to commission clubbers will not such remix duties because of their unique reputation.They were, for many accept a bad set. people, the bridge into dance music. Their sound has a distinctive I once played a crossover appeal whilst maintaining their underground routes. It also Incorporates a sense of furl which as set after Jonathan says COMES from his 'fascination with the kitsch' on which spending eight he did his art degree dissertation. In 1996 they were to combine these hours on a plane, formulas to produce the influential and now highly sort after '70 mins of and after the madness' for the Journeys by DJ compilation series. gig, someone in This firmly established them as kings of the underground with Coldcut moving from Dr Who to Red Snapper the crowd told with consummate ease.This was so be backed up by their now legendary me it was a load club night Stealth which made Club of the Year in 1996 in NME,The of rubbish' Face and Mixmag but was ended by Coldcut because as Jonathan says "all good things must come to a of the turntables.The new album are not live as is maintained by the not allowing music to develop to it's trend," represents what he would like to album inlay cards. but are merely full potential.The global market is hear in the early hours of the recorded in the relevant city.A bit of catching up. though. he admits, but for OW Coldcut are morning long after the club has a con? To a certain extent, Nick now the proper hardcore following of going headlong into closed and everybody has been up for agrees. but the use of the European clubbers expect a certain Nthe new millennium with hours mixing, smoking and drinking international city was more of a standard of music. If they don't get it. 'Let Us Play' and its last single until finally sleep forces itself onto the sleeve concept.The inlay cards they'll tell you. Timber' which was neither audio protesting public. provide a certain amount If ambience As we talked. I began to realise nor visual but a mixture of the both. But 'Back to Mine' represents from each place. which is a that this was just a normal bloke.Too Timber also brought Coldcut into a more than just a new musical style, it (roundabout) way of promoting the often we place celebrities on new area, that of the protest song; a represents a whole new style of increasing draw of clubbing around pedestals. believing them to be super- mixture of hi-tech and feeling This is mlxing.There are very few true beat the world. stars. if anything, Nick sounded more where Coldcut are going and going mixes between the tracks. Instead. nervous than I Was. but that might fast.The new'Let Us Replay' album Nick has made full use of the records S for clubbing world-wide. just have been as a result of the seven comes with a sample of the new natural breakdowns to blend the Nick's opinion is that it is other student press interviews that Vjamm software which literally enables tracks together during the ambient Abetter overseas than in the UK. he had done before I got hold of him. Half an hour later, we exchanged you to mix videos.This is one stage sweeps; different, equally as It has reached the mainstream in this pleasantaries. thanked each other and further than the software provided challenging, and certainly as exciting. country, whereas abroad it is still very hung up the phone; me with an insight with the original 'Let Us Play' album So what else does Nick Warren much an underground thing. When of what it is like to be a DJ of world- that in itself heralds a new era in music do? Well, as befits his status of you get three thousand people in a club like Gatecrasher. there is no way wide acclaim. him with a sore throat production. Coldcut have come along international DJ, he has released a CD that all of those people are there for and partial deafness. way since the late eighties and are set in the highly successful 'Global the music.A good proportion of Back to mine! A bloody good to go a lot further, but as Jonathan says Underground' series.This collection those people go to Gatecrasher album. Nick Warren? A bloody nice "don't believe the pipe." emblazons the names of Sasha. John Digweed,Tony de Vit and Paul because it is Gatecrasher; they go to bloke.Worthy of your 113.99? Oakenfold on it's sleeves; highly be seen! In addition, he thinks that Definitely, • 'Let Us Reploy'is released on illustrious company.To my horror, the music industry in this country is February 1st though. it transpires that these CDs far too media driven.The super-club is Nick Weight

23 rin • in They're just like you. Honest. Or they were until they formed a band and scooped the Mercury. KIRAN RANDHAWA follows Gomez on the path from studentville to stardom

II ERCURY prize expected anyone to get into our demos." winners Gomez Even though the prize was celebrated the end of unexpected for the band, it seems that '98 with a big bang being thrown into the limelight and into the whole showbiz charade has lifted and chose Leeds their spirits. Gaining recognition for an Town and Country Club to hold art you enjoy and others can enjoy. their Crimbo bash. would lift your spirits. but their feet are After a mad year of continuous still firmly on the ground. success, the band finally bagged it at the "A couple of days after the awards, Mercury music awards,winning the we had weird people from The Sun and award over the likes of MassiveAttack the likes, wanting us to talk to them and Cornershop. about our music and about the whole After graduating from Leeds and showbiz thing. But it's people like that Sheffield Universities. the five-piece have who know nothing about music. so now established themselves as a band you've just gotta tell them to fuck off- with a vibrant and collective sound, the "No-one really recognises us in the result ormucking around" In a street though, and we're really trying to Southport garage. keep it low key. I suppose we've had "We just played and recorded music some interesting situations where at my for a laugh. Eventually, through the passing house people stood outside taking round of demo tapes, we got signed up:' pictures. But there's not been any recalls tan. lead guitarist, as he takes a rummaging through dustbins as yet." swig of his Fosters in the Gomez suite of But what about other parts of the the Town and Country. world that Gomez have toured in the last 'We're very disappointed. Now we'll just have to play big shitholes instead of good places like the

Hyde Park Social club' feel some kind of pressure when writing no-no. current music scene? and recording new stuff? "We started the new album a few "There's some fucking this hot bands. "Well. we started writing and months ago. So far we've recorded ten A lot of stuff that just hasn't made it yet, We weren't on a mission to find two months? How well have the band recording For the new album in July.There tracks which are really good. It's gonna like the Lo-Fidelity All Stars and that fame and fortune and we didn't want to been received there? Lan shows a sudden was no pressure, we basically had three be like the first album, but bigger and kinds stuff. Music scenes don't change take over the world with our music or pang of enthusiasm. weeks off and just recorded some stuff. brighter. So far we've got a real sense of that much, there's always arse and always any of that shitWe did it cos we enjoyed "Yeah man, we've done all nght.We've We didn't think we had to sit down and direction with the recording we've done. good stuff. But coming back to England rt." just got back from Europe and were here write a hit single that was gonna make But we don't want an album reflecting a and finding out that Cher is number one, Having read various interviews with to do our last gig of the tour, which is the Kiss FM listings.There was none of certain vibe. So we're recording at that Madonna's in the top ten and that the band, who happen to be called after actually more of a crimbo party than that shitWe just went along and different times to get different sounds_ Culture Club are in the charts, it's like two Leeds students of that name, it is anything else. But over the last two recorded songs that we'd already written, "We've actually got a lord's mansion 'Hello, what year am I in?" dear that the band are almost indifferent months of traipsing across Europe and There's no pressure from management lined up for us to live in for a while.We'll Ben, lead singer with Gomez walks in to the"fame" or "success" element of the US. were doing the same as when we or from record companies.The only be paying a grand a week and we'll be. at this point typical - as the interview the music industry. But surely winning started out here. They've responded well people that think we're under pressure staying there writing and recording our draws to a dose - they talk about such a prestigious award. Gomez have to us In Pans and Amsterdam, especially are those that don't really understand music." realised that the Mercury prize was more In San Francisco." various technicalities as they get ready our recording process, which is. in actual than lust free champagne all night? There is still no sign of the other four The band's attitude to music is for their end of tour Christmas party fact, pretty hit and miss. We write a lot of "Being awarded the prize was band members at this point. but Ian looks generally very laid-bade In talking about which will be full of old university friends shit which goes in the bin." confusing; says Ian." It was a very strange quite relaxed and content. as he reaches Gomez's musical influences, Ian remarks, and family. So I take it Gomez aren't Feeling. It was actually the first real over to the fridge for another bottle of "Our influences are a whole swimming happy with the upstairs of the Hyde Park HE new album, which will be out showbiz party that we had been to and Fosters . pool of music. We never think about our Social Club, the first venue of their first later on this year, Isn't designed to everyone thought that we'd got a good So what about new material? A band influences. our music reflects a collection real gig. being turned into flats? achieve any aims, it will be an album chance of winning. ft was a good feeling, that have exploded onto the music scene T of sounds and that's all there is to it I "We're very disappointed. Now we'll which inevitably builds on the first. but a strange fecling.After all, they were with every student singing along to the think people are always too serious lust have to play shit:holes like this reflecting myriad expehences.A just demos to begin with, we never words of'78 Stone Wobble must surely about musk." instead of good places like the Hyde common or universal theme is a definite And their feelings regarding the Park Social club." Putting it on it on The Young Person's Guide to Becoming a Rock Star in,.. Leeds, baby

Just think, you too could be following in the footsteps of award-winning local heroes Gomez, whose pipe 'n' slippers trace ladders to the stars now that they've really hit the big time... just follow our simple guidelines and you'll be snorting coke off supermodels' bottoms before you can say 'Smash Hits Double Page Spread!'

WHATTO WEAR - PAST MASTERS

Being cool is, of course, essential. Remember. it's not what you wear. it's how you wear it Or something. So why not take a leaf out of the book of goth pride of Leeds.The Sisters of Mercy, by adopting pointy boots and shabby 80s leather jackets. Complete the look with cobwebs painted on in your mum's Collection 2000. and skin complaints brought on by too much wanking about Siouxsie Sioux in dank Burley bedsits. Instant angst. courtesy of the Avon lady. Failing that_ you might prefer the nondescript cup-a-soup-stained baggy [-shirts of that other great Leeds institution._. The Wedding Present, of course. (The minimalist approach.) Those DM's and holey jumpers for him, and stripey tights and tasselled skirts pour elle are an absolute godsend when it comes to disguising those unfashionable middle-class roots.All you need do upon graduating is comb your hair a bit, wash and invest in a Debenhams blazer and before you can say "Liberal Democrat!" you'll be pouring over home furnishings catalogues at your split-level in Surbiton.Yum. I do like a nice Rich Tea.

WHERETO HANG AND HOWTO POSE

The Fenton, the Duchess, Joseph's Well_.. you know the score. Be seen as a member of a sneering clique composed of improbably attractive girls with sharp hairstyles and improbably skinny boys with ridiculous hairstyles.Alvrays make an entrance, drawing attention to yourself by bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter at nothing at all. as if you are aware of the humour and absurdity of everyday life more than normal people. Or perhaps you have lust been snorting shidoads of drugs because you're already so successful. Man. BOYS: pluck your eyebrows (one permanently arched) and paint your nails with Hard Kandy.Tell girls you're bisexual but if a bloke tries it on, remind him you ain't one of them faggots, so fuck off you pervert Girls like a man what's a bit. you know, sensitive. Beads and that I ain't one of them, though. GIRLS. get a dreadful mullet like Donna Elastics and steer well dear of Louise Wener-style faux pas. Rock chick postures are the order of the day: try alternating your gaze between staring directly into peoples' eyes like a crazed cat on heat and staring aloft and aloof as if everything (apart from reading ID to see if you're in it this month) is just swot) flicking boring.Alveays wear shoes which do not allow you to walk properly and slit skirts which afford all-corners with panoramic views of your arse.

WHAT TO SAY

"Yeah. Bowie's cool but I prefer his darker, more experimental stuff. I adore Eno."

"I mean, just don't want us CO be pigeon-holed because what we do has no precedents. Imagine Sylvia Plath meets John Lydon in a silver catsuit covered in petrol and elephant dung speeding to earth in a Ford Anglia at a thousand miles an hour and you have some idea of what we're about."

"The tensions within the band make it what It is. I hate everyone in this band. We are all totally different and wish each other was dead. In a professional sense, obviously. And we have all shagged each other-

WHAT NOT TO SAY

"Saffron out of Republica is my hero."

-Margaret Thatcher was the first Spice Girl"

"We are the best fucking band in the fucking world.You panhead."

"Nobody will ever tell us what to wear or what to say. I'm in this band purely for the creative opportunities it offers me, as an artist, to dissolve boundaries and bring newness into the world. I'm not remotely interested in the trappings of fame, celebrity status and the prospect of beautiful groupies telling me I'm wonderful and licking tiramisti off my private parts."

Or you could do it the Gomez way... James 'It Boy' McCarthy

ken lickleg JUICE29-01-99 The stuff that dreams

BOOK FICTION Earth KEN UCKLEY Citron Press Song £6.99 are made of

Time and reality blur EN Lickley isn't your average writer. For one thing he is a Student Ken Lickley's new novel is into a dream of desire K studentA mature student, he's doing technical computer type a treatise on life itself. stuff at LMU's Beckett Park HIS is definitely not campus. He's studied at Cambridge your average novel.The and at Sheffield as well. But that PHIL HANLON questioned him on T Searcher is on the was "a long time ago." KIN LICKLEY I move, looking all over the He's written two other novels. but the theory of existence place for the one true love this is all about his new one, the multi- of his life.Within this generic Earth Song and the interesting of styles, such as sci-fi, western and past events, possibly?" journey he comes across company its published by. Citrus Press. kitchen-sink drama. So the novel works on the basis that many different characters Earth Song is a complex, "I had the Idea for a narrative past events are real to you, even if that influence his decisions postmodernist (oh yes) novel of lost integrated with ambiguously linked certain things did not happen that way desire and the search for identity Its in his direction of travel. episodes, and from that comes the way or not at all? Lickley's third novel is a different and definitely non- in which genres dictate the style and "Yes. Every day we are faced with mainstream.Citrus Press is also a small spellbinding and deliberately content. the feelings and the emotions the fact that we have memories that underground company. So how does it complex novel that begins quietly, If of the piece." are increasingly real, but then you meet operate? confusingly and then builds up into someone who was also there in that "k works like a printing press:' a dazzling hallucinogenic HERE are many different themes situation, and their recollection Is dreamscape of reality, deception states Ken."Sowhen a bookshop in the novel - language. identity, similar but not the same, But it has and loss. orders copies. they are printed on Treality and illusion. sex, death - that become real as it is part of what you Using many different genres - demand, so there's never a big stock- all combine in the different strands of remember." from sci-fi and western to Dennis pile, and no costs to worry about. the novel as it progresses. It appears So all interpretations of what have Potter-esque school dramas - "I mean I've gone the traditional that the same people appear in happened are valid, like in the novel, and Lickley shows that situations affect. characters may or may not route and written a couple of books different guises throughout the novel. of the novel? the way that people are perceived reappear throughout the book.the with an agent. and sent them to big Are they the same characters' "Yes, so I know what I had in mind. and looked upon and how the novel explores the ways that companies. like Penguin.- he continues. "Well, its up to the reader. to but it will be different to what the actual situation Itself is formed and people assume who they and "But after nine months you get a determine that, if that is what they reader has. looked upon. others are even if they are from no relection letter saying,'we really like the think, what reality Is in the noveLTIsere "Going back to memory - when you Using themes of illusion. reality. discernable background at all. book. but we haven't got a suitable are manifestations of the same people tell somebody something, you fill in the identity, death and loss, Lickley Time is removed completely place for it on our list at the moment' in different strands of the novel;' gaps and exaggerate the events Then deconstructs the core of the novel from the book. to the extent. that k's all to do with marketing and That's a very dream-like way of you believe what you are saying. So in and decentralises it very much in the Searcher actually gets in a time commercialism-The way that Citrus determining things .. the book when I'm describing the way of Kathy Acker i reviewed machine. a symbolic motif that time Press works means they can publish "Well, we all live in our heads in effect, memories in the 90s section, the on page nine). Burroughs and arid circulestatice does not hooks that they think are good, without and all our dreams have still happened - process of the process of writing Jeanette Winterson, but even more contribute to a person. the commercial considerations." in our minds." changes the events as well." so. effectively removing the This is a very interesting, The novel is complex in its structure Sort of like. how real is reality? So the Searcher, the main character narrative (although it is there) into thought-provoking novel which is and definitely different to other books. "Reality is out there, but the way we in the novel - what is he searching for? to the extent that it does not read in the background. sufficiently different to be a must- experience it and the way we "Maybe himself, creating a goal out By having a character called the read, any linear way at alLAII the different remember it is different.When you of the unbelievable, or maybe making 'Searcher', and the way that Phil Hanlon strands link together after a fashion but remember things they are more real himself real." it's very dream-like in its juxtaposition than they originally were - recapturing Aha.

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Edited by Andy Kelk and Chinny LI Made over for the next sever' tidy_:

I nferior Design A l Home improvements? JO HANCOCK makes • FILM • • The Witches of Eastwick • designs on the rise of DIY programmes • Monday • BBC! IT dementia? Interior improves two houses in order to • 10.45pm design overload? Are we a increase their market value. Dream OOOOOO •••••••••• • D nation obsessed with the House provides a futuristic look at • style of our houses? ideal homes. • It used to be cookery. Now Granted these two programmes • household DIY is the new topic on differ slightly to their DIY • everyone's television. counterparts. but do we really want • 1999 brings a bombardment of more shows about home • • DIY-orientated programmes improvement? • guaranteed to keep you clued up on Judging by the popularity of DIY- • interior design. focused programmes. and their • If Real Rooms, Change That. Home increasing production, we do. Why? • Front and Changing Rooms did not Dr Richard Howells, Lecturer at the • suffice, you can now enjoy Dream Leeds University Institute of • House and Better Homes, both Communications Studies, offers an • presented by Countdown brain, Carol explanation: • DOCUMENTARY • Riddle of the Skies 'Television producers have hit a • Monday • C4 reliable formula for success with • 8.00pm • Si interior design and are flogging it' L7 I • • ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT: Carol's team are TV megastars - why? • • Dr Howell (Leeds University) public mood and reflect society's lime green. • growing interest in domesticity, Several friendships must have • "They reflect the fashion, and been broken following Changing • Vorderman, "There are three potential may actually show a change in Rooms' transformations. (arid • • Better reasons for the success of these British character towards the marriages, if this week's report in • Homes DIY programmes. Firstly, the importance of impressions and The Sun about a divorce resulting • business reason. appearances." from a disastrous transformation is a Television producers Personally, I think interior design to be believed,) have hit a reliable programmes are comforting to The question is. how long is this • formula for success with watch You can snuggle back in your trend going to last? Our Wednesday • interior design and are sofa safe in the knowledge that it is evenings have already been taken • COMEDY flogging it. Success begets someone else's house being over by DIY addiction, with three revamped by the likes of Changing • Bring me the Head of success. consecutive programmes on home • Light Entertainment "Secondly, household Rooms' eccentric designer. Laurence improvement • shows are relatively cheap Llewelyn-Bowen. It is only a matter of time before • programming. There is no The real entertainment is seeing even more Carols and designers • C5 need for expenditure on the reactions to these often drastic feature in your television schedule. • 10.50pm costumes, writers. sets or actors. household makeovers. Houseproud Well, there is one potential area • "Finally, there is the owners look aghast when they see that all these DIY programmes have • • • • • • • • •OOOO • • • sociological reason: these DIY that what used to be an antique not yet covered - student houses. • • programmes have tapped into the chest of drawers has been resprayed Now that would be a real challenge. • • • • Do we take him for Granted? [i(,( • • OUR Grant has got the TV nation decided to hand it over only not to old The thought of sweet little Courtney • gripped at the momentAdma it, you Bill but bent Beppe (Bepp-ay). No (Carroty) growing up without her daddy • thought he was going down quicker sooner than the viewer can shout 'you to duff up her boyfriends just doesn't • than the tyres on Roy's dodgy motors. dozy mare' then he's gone arid burnt the bear thinking about. • Ever since having one too many evidence. The smell of porridge is nothing new • lover's tiffs (get is?) it looked as though All this was too much for Grant who to our protagonist but this time its a • • time was being called at Her Majesty's clearly believed a punch-up would be of stitch-up. innieWell if the worst comes DRAMA pleasure But the discovery of that some benefit I genuinely feel sorry for to the worst. I shall not let my soap • • letter, in Bianca's nappy infested bin gave the Vies favourite Ben Sherman-clad down. just as couch potato power freed a Shot through the Heart the baddest.baldest barman in the son Admittedly, his track record makes Deidre R-achid, entice will be done - me • Sunday East(end) the reprieve he deserves. him no St Albert of the Square, but this 'ol son. • BBC2 Kevin Pettrnan Finally the ginger whinger time TV land is firmly in his corner. • 10 I Opm III WI El MMIMI IN THIS WEEK'S CINEMA LISTING FOLLOWS THE TV SECTION Irn 1.111rn NM MINIM MI I• IM III MI

27 ( friday January 29 1,J1IDE

UNUSU IN this new series, female some of America's most showcases American Drag Star wannabe Ru Paul presents popular porn stars: Chasey Queen Sweetheart with a kids 13.50, f3 Adv 10pm-2am The Ru Paul a mix of music, comedy Lain and Janine & Kylie new song and new Coelqpit and celebrity chat. Ireland.Tune in to hear outrageous ensemble. highkri fleods "The girl with the girls divulge gossip on Also, you can catch hot Boom 11•CA pop mews new music Show mama Charo performing Room 2.601 soul. RMS. feral. beat something extra" plays male porn stars, what they C5. I fpm-lam host to icons of the music would never do and what her new song (and new C4 and film industry, and in their families think about dance) called the Hoochy Liquid the first episode tonight, their profession. Coochy! Not one for the C2reebo °web° Hip Hop. funk & soul 1.20 we are introduced to Each programme kids. LS, f4 NliS, I Open.2am

Elbow Rooms Decree Old skool house. CI I I pm-4am

Nato Frxfor nren (53 Nara 6.00 5 News And Sport. 7.00 Classic dance and club anthers 6.00 Business Breakfast. 7.00 6.35 Refining The View, 7.00 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Trisha; 10.30 5.50 Magic Roundabout, 5.53 Free 04 10pin, 1:01 I I pm, 14 alter. BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Hairy Jeremy: 7.05 Teletubbies; This Morning; 12.20 Calendar Animal Alphabet; 5.55 Sesame WideWorld; 7.30 Milkshake!. 7.35 NUS £2 all night Opm-3am Kilroy: 9.45 The Vanessa Show: 7.30 Secret Squirrel And Co; News. Weather, 12.30 ITN Street; 7.00 The Big Breakfast, WIrtzle's House; 8.00 10.55 News: Regional News And 7.55 Short Change; 8.20 Taz- Lunchtime News: Weather; 1.00 9.00 Schools; 11.30 Powerhouse: Havakazoo; 8.30 Dappledown Fruk Cupboard Weather: 11.00 Real Rooms; Mania; 8.40 Polka Dot Shorts: Home And Away; 1.25 The Jerry 12.00 Sesame Street; 12.30 Farm: 9.00 Mixing II!: 9.30 The Frew Cower 70s & 130s disco nil ht 1125 Can't Cook Won't Cook: 8.50 Johnson And Friends; 9.00 Springer Show: 2.10 Emmernale; Bewitched; 1.00 Pet Rescue; t30 Oprah Winfrey Show, 10.20 £6 L4 w Cate Junction CIISIOTOrl 11.55 News: Regional News: Storytime: 9.10 See You, See 2.45 Dale's Supermarket Sweep: Roots To Success: 1.45 FILM- Sunset Beach: 11.10 Leeza: 04 10.30pm 10..30prn-2arn Weather; 12.00 Call My Bluff; Me; 9.30 Numbertime; 9.45 3.15 ITN News Headlines; 3.20 Between Heaven And Hell 12.00 5 News At Noon; 12.30 12.30 Wipeout: 12.55 The Come Outside: 10.00 Calendar News Headlines; 3.25 (1956); 3.30 Hampton Court Family Affairs. 1.00 The Bold And Planet Earth Megamaths. Palace. 4.00 Fifteen To One; 4.30 Corry on Clubbrig Weather Show; 1.00 One Telatubbles, 10.30 Mopatop's Shop; 3.35 The Beautiful; 1.30 The 10s.Ws & 90s & commerce' O'Clock News: Weather; 1.30 10.50 Look And Read: 11.10 Timbuctoo; 3.40 Animal Stones: Countdown; 4.55 Ricki Lake; 5.30 Roseanne Show. 2.00 100% i11 L6.99. £4.99 NUSItatkis 9.30pm- Regional News. Weather. 1.40 Landmarks: 11.30 English File; 3.50 Adam's Family Tree; 4.15 Pet Rescue Gold; 2.30 Good Afternoon; 3.30 230a.m Neiahbours, 2.05 Ironside. 2.55 12.00 Scene: 12.30 Working Gladiators: Train 2 Win; 4.50 Top 6.00 TFI Friday. The nation's FILM: Take Your Best Shot CD Body Spies. 3.25 Playdays; 3.45 Lunch; 1.00 Johnson And Ten Of Everything: 5.10 Home favourite redhead presents (19821, 5.20 Sunset Beach Kiii*Ift7k Li Femme Spider; 3.50 Smart On The Friends: 1.10 The Arts And Crafts And Away; 5.40 ITN Early his famous brand of chat 6.00 100°4 liplike% anthisks. 20v . LS, Members Road: 4.05 Rugrats; 4.30 L And Hour, 2.10 Sporting Greats, 2.40 Evening News. Weather: 5.55 and music. 6.30 Family Affairs. Mel. Roy U El b4 I I pm C3 aftei 10 30 . 2 K Friday; 4.55 Newsround Extra: News: Regional News: Weather; Calendar 7.00 Channel 4 News: Chris and Annie's wedding 5.10 Blue Peter; 5.35 2.45 Match Of Their Day: 3.25 6.30 Tonight Weather plans day turns horn Town and Country Club LueeTton Neighbours News: Regional News: Weather. 7.00 Bruce Forsyth's Play 7.55 Music Of The Millennium. perfection to deception. 70s (lege:x[7 9 30pen-lam 6.00 Six O'Clock News: 3.30 FILM: For The Future - The Your Cards Right. Brucie Beverley Knight nominates 7.00 5 News: First On Five. Weather Irvine Fertility Scandal (1996); hosts the TV card game. her favourite artist. National and international Ritzy 6.30 Look North 5.00 Tennis: The Australian Open 7.30 Coronation Street. Linda 8.00 The Lost Gardens Of news. 99p 7.00 Celebrity Ready, Steady. 6.00 The Slmpsons. Ban tears blows Nita's cover to Heligan. This fourth 7.30 Wild Water. Wildlife Dance. i3 b4 Ilprn, 4 after ICIpm lam Cook. Martin Hancock the worst when Aunt Ashley. And Sharon's episode looks at the four- documentary about the and Jane Denson, alias Selma begins dating ex- fiance makes an walled acres of the dolphin, whose key to Club Uropa Spider Nugent and convict Sideshow Bob. impression on Rita. productive gardens which survival is to work together Spice of Life Leanne Tilsley from 6.20 The Simpsons 8.00 Airline. Real-lite were. in Victonan times, In groups, for safety and CUIVCC - UpTer Ronson & Galaxy Coronation Street. appear documentary senes and most labour intensive LS. L4 conal.S0 b4 11. 10prn - 6.45 Ice Skating for feeding purposes.. 4srn on the cookery show. 7.3D Country House. Lady following the passengers part of the Heligan estate. 8.00 Was It Good For You? 7.30 Top Of The Pops Tavislock has high hopes and staff of budget airline 8.30 Brookside. The tnendship Ailsa Greenhaigh takes a Underground 8.00 Vets In Practice. Sam that a young racehorse will EasyJet. between Sinbad and Mick peek into the world of The Corer.- attempts to tame the wild 8.30 Neighbours From Hell. A could be at an end. naturist holidays, following beat L6, C5 coot. I Opm-2.rm revive the fortunes of the urges of a young stallion, stud. look at nightmare 9.00 Friends. As New Year two British couples on a Thlnk!Tank 8.30 A Question Of Sport. 8.00 Gardening From Scratch neighbours from across approaches, the gang textile-free vacation to a dop.r. Spoils quiz with guests 2. Jojo Norris helps Jars Britain, with stories make a pact to celebrate at specialist resort on the Drum n' bass. underground gams. Stuart Pearce and Mark ranging from the amusing Monica and Rachel's flat Costa de Almena. (7,1.6 NUS. 1 Opm • 3am and Rob sow a small Richardson wildflower garden and to the appalling. without dates. 8.30 Holiday Park. A visit to the Mint 9.00 Nine O'Clock News: plant up a stylish patio. 9.00 Catherine Cookson's 9.30 Streetmate. Devine Foxhunter caravan site bnicik /rent the norm Lavish A Regional News: 8.30 Garden Stories. This Tilly Trotter, McCall plays cupid in 9.00 FILM: A Promise To Hasse £6 I Opm • 4ani Weather programme features the period drama adapted Liverpool and Norwich. Carolyn (1996). Fact- 9.30 Parkinson. Michael from Catherine Cookson's 10.00 Frasier. Frasier and Niles based melodrama about West Indian Centre Liverpool woman who best-selling novel. Sub Dub Parkinson interviews actor finds contentment in the fall to gel tickets to the two sisters, both victims of and stand up comedian 10.00 News Al Ten: Weather hottest show in town. terrifying abuse in !radon Stews & Lon Time sounds of nature LS lOpm - kite. Alan Davies and secretary 10.30 Calendar News: Weather 10.30 Graham Norton... So childhood, who come 9.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme. of state for Northern 10.40 Friday Night's All Wright Connected. Another together as adults in order In spite of Linda's evident Duchess Ireland Mo Mowlam 11.30 Phil Collins Live In Paris opportunity to enjoy some to hang their step-mother disapproval, her tong-lost Bans Monkry1A4semed M Lociphait 10.25 FILM: Lock Up (1989). 12.35 FILM: Steel Justice of Graham's most hilarious to justice. Stamng Delia sister takes refuge in the Raw prison drama about (1992). Bizarre murder phone-outs from the first Burke and Swoosie Kurtz. Feat & Firkin flat. an inmate's violent conflict mystery in which a series of his talk show. 10.50 Poltergeist - The Fridge & Team Dort. 9.30 Bang, Bang, It's Reeves With a sadistic warden. tutunstic cop discovers a 11.10 King Of The Hill. Hank Legacy. A group of And Mortimer. Vic and Drudenell Club Starring Sylvester Stallone way of avenging his son's decides to breed Lady Bird ghostbusters go on a Bob have a rather nasty Cabaret Hoarsen and Donald Sutherland. murder in the form of a but is reminded of his past. mission to exorcise evil fight in the kitchen. 12.05 The Stand-Up Show. 45-foot steel dinosaur. 11.40 TFI Friday from the world Fenton 10.00 The Young Ones. The Bug Writer Comedy_ Stars Robert Taylor. J A 12.45 NME Premier Live Shows 12.30 FILM The Happy Hooker 12.35 The Big End. Mirror editor boys have a party. Preston and Roy 1.20 The Ru Paul Show (1974). Erotic adult drama 10.30 Newsnight WestYorkalgre Playhouse Piers Morgan reveals his Brooksmith. 1.50 Late Toon: Crimplene starring Lynn Redgrave. Marto, (ow & The Tempest regrets and achievements. 11.20 Ice Skating 2.15 Box Office America 2.00 The Mod Squad 2.20 FILM: The Democratic 1.05 FILM: Blue City (1986), 12.00 FILM: The Wizard Of 2.45 SeaOuest 2032 2.55 Vldz Terrorist (1992). Thriller Leeds Civic Theatre Thriller starring Judd Nelson. Loneliness (1988). Drama 3.35 The Haunted Fishtank starling Van Heflin A Don House 3.25 FILM: The Iron Curtain 2.25 Tennis: The Australian starring Lukas Haas. 4.05 Trisha (1948). Cold War thriller 4.05 Nightstand VI Park Lane College Open 1.50 Close 5.05 ITV Nightscreen starring Dana Andrews, 4.40 Prisoner: Cell Block H The Hose cif &armada Albo 4.30 BBC News 24 3.00 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News 4.50 Pearl 5.30 100%

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TONIGHT Fresh Jive 99 will cutting are now infamous monthly residency making Mint be the scene of the true Old around the country for this one of the biggest nights tacit to &stn. Skool revivial It all begins rocking the party, which will D Falph & Imes Holroyd. in the country. 10. a roemben. IttorrtAarr with the first of two big go off tonight in proper old 999 offers old skool Hip- name resident DJs to come skool style.The perverts will Hop and Nu Skool Scratch Thinkrrank to Fresh Jive 99, Aularnm be joined by breakdance Turntablism. For future Eltpop and Ind*. £6, a NUS The Scratch Perverts will crew Second2None (UK reference,The Scratch 10ren-Ism begin a monthly residency Perverts breaking champions). Perverts return on February Club Uropa for the Fay. Coming soon, Deejay 20 to battle DJ Craze & DJ khr Their big sets and coot Punk Roc wilt be starting a Develope. © Faversham Gum rught for over 20s. £6. (4 members 10pret4sin 00 LMILISU Suarday rites 903 cisaskuchuto.! t230 NUS. TWO • 4 0.50 gum. lOperlaro Ritzy 7.00 The Munsters; 7.25 News: 6.20 Open University 6.45 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 SM:TV Live, 5.15 Natalie; 5.20 The Magic 6.00 Dappledown Farm; Everybody's favotarte dance has. 6.30 LS, £41 54 I 1.30om 10prn-/JOarri Weather: 7.30 The Incredible Musee Du Louvre. 7.35 Open 11.30 CD:UK. 12.30 Dinosaurs: Roundabout; 5,30 The Legend Of Havakazoo: 7.00 5 News And Hulk; 6.50 Hero Turtles: The Next Advice: 8.00 Weekend 24: 9.00 1.00 ITN News: Weather: 1.05 White Fang; 5,55 Sesame Street; Sport 7.30 Milkshake; 7.35 Elbow Rooms Mutation; 5.15 The New Personal Passions, 9.15 Open Calendar News: Weather; 1.10 7.00 Bush Tales; 7.05 Box Full Of Winiziee House, 8.00 Lassie; Do= lled6 Adventures 0! Superman; 9.00 Saturday; 10.35 Cyber Art; 10.40 On The Ball: 1.40 FILM: The Stories: 7.20 Animal Alphabet; Seethe ileum with jezWolla &Tan 8.30 Wishbone; 9.00 Land Of The (4_1 i pin-4arn Live And Kicking; 12.10 News. See Heart; 11.25 Tennis - The High Bright Sun (1966); 3.50 7,30 Pippi Longstocking; 8.00 Lost: 9.30 Kablamf: 10.00 Weather: 12.15 Grandstand: 5.15 Australian Open; 12.10 Food And Early Edition; 4.45 ITN News: Transworld Sport; 9.00 The Loggerheads: 10.30 The Wonder Urea News_ Weather: 5.25 Regional Drink; 12.40 FILM. Paint Your Sports Results Weather, 5.05 Morning Line; 10.00 Inside Rugby Years; 11.00 The Pepsi Chan; Kaaba Samba Furl.= News- Weather, 5.30 -Alto 'Allot Wagon (1969), 3.10 One Man Calendar News: 5.10 Goals With Thierry Lacroix; 11.00 Funk soul and rarla groove 11.30 Footy Shorts; 11.45 Beverly DS', free ty11 I OprOtprn-ban 6.00 Jim Davidson's And His Dog; 3.40 Space 1999; Extra Gazzetta Football Italia; 12.00 Hills 90210:12_40 Singled Out; Generation Game. Jim 4.30 Ice Skating; 5.15 TOTP 2 5.20 Breaking The Magician's Boardslupid; 12.30 High 5, 1.05 1.05 Bang Liberty: 1.30 RAD: Alterdark Club Davidson and Melanie 6.00 Animal Minds. Code. The Masked The Vibe; 1.30 The Cosby Show: 1.45 Roobarb; 1.50 News; 2.00 Orfat.Techno. El 0 Etpm-2arn Space look back at classic Documentary which Magician presents a 2.00 Channel 4 Racing Blast; 2.30 Sportsweek On 5; Manes Earth moments from the 1995 uncovers the latest special programme 5,05 Brookside Omnibus 3.30 Sunset Beach Omnibus. Saturday NO hie( senes, includihg Jim's scientific research into the offering a unique insight 6.30 Channel 4 News: 5.55 5 News And Sport 70s with sorsiry A How Saar appearances as Elton brains and behaviour of into how magic locks are Weather 6.00 Hercules - The L4.frueb4101m9prn,2-30mtr in John, Rod Steward and various species performed. 7.00 Right To Reply. Roger Legendary Journeys. the Spice Girls. 6.50 Trade Secrets 6.10 Don't Try This At Home. Maliestilt Bolton airs viewers' Hercules and the 5,T"EdY MufellY* E 6.55 Noel's House Party. More 7.00 News: Sport: Weather Devine McCall presents a opinions of last week's clairvoyant Cassandra try House & dub anthems 20. i& members a 64 1115 after: 10-3 co unpredictable 7.15 Correspondent Kate show in which ordinary television programmes. to warn the inhabitants of entertainment. Ache returns to Bosnia to people are challenged to 7.25 The Spying Game, Alan Atlantis of their impending Town and Country Club tell how, dunng the war, an 7.40 The National Lottery perform dangerous acts Bates narrates the second doom. Sated fa Salon* Show. Dale Winton 100s:4Os Mart, dance and indie ITN cameraman tried to 7.10 Blind Date. Cilia Black part of the fascinating 6.55 Night Fever. Karaoke presents the biggest prize save the life of a little girl £6. LS members. )0pro.230ern plays matchmaker to series which sheds light on entertainment show, draw on television, dying of leukemia. couples hoping to get the dark history of 7.45 5 News And Sport The Warehouse including live music_ 8.00 What The Papers Say. A lucky in love. Speed Queer espionage. Tonight we 8.05 Xena: Warrior Princess. 8.05 Casualty. Hospital drama look back at the events of 8.10 Family Fortunes. The enter the covert and HI-energy mated gay/emit night series set in Holby the week as reported in Catstree family from Xena and Gabnelle lie in £10, a members I opm-urn mysterious world of the wait for warlord Dram who General's emergency the press. Huddersfield play !he eavesdropper. is nimoured to be after department. Mistaken 8.10 Century Road. Ansel' family from Garda 7.55 Station X. Another chance Ftsu;:=rI identity, misdiagnosis and Documentary about a 840 ITN News: Weather some virgin priestesses Saul & fur& MCI:DC,* le see last Tuesday's Junction customers 1a4 10.30pm. mail-order brides cause small street in Oldbury, In 8.55 Inspector Morse. Morse programme. 9.00 FILM: Nightmare Carne True (1996). Chiller about 0_10ra.-2an problems for the A & E the heart at the Black Is concerned about a 8.55 FILM: Tonal Twat Torte a woman whose vivid Cockpit staff. Country. built in 1900. Fifty murder case believed (1970). Oscar-winning, nightmares seem to hold Thr Garage 8.55 Sunburn. Nicki tries to years ago. 450 local bus closed alter the death 01 super-realete wartime the key to a family mystery. lade & atte'redes. S.1 Itm•lern make peace with Carol crews went on strike rather the accused, as a fifth drama portraying the than work with an Indian victim's body is still to be When a nurse returns to when she asks her to bombing Of Pearl Harbour Mato !he last-minute accounted for. Morse is live with her bickering organise conductor from both the American Patiorment convinced that the body, parents, she finds herself Advanced dame, £5 hi 1 1 pm. C7 wedding of two holiday- 9.00 FILM: Point Blank (1967). and Japanese that of a single woman on having the same bad 134 I Zur, a thrr. leen-cm_ makers. But when Gripping thriller in which a perspectives. Starring assorted guests arrive, the hoodlum takes on the mob a day trip to Oxford, is in dreams she suffered as a Joseph Cotter. Marlin child. dreams which West Indian Centro day begins to spiral out of when he comes back for Wytham Woods. Balsam, Jason Srd roe Robarde become mallet when her control. revenge (and the loot) two 10.55 FILM: Dances With and So Yamamura. Overseer & Vo,t Trapp Fame" 9.45 Kiss Me Kate. A client years after being double- Wolves (1990). Sweeping mother disappears. L5. 9T.rmizte 11.25 Sci-Fi Mutants. This week offers to introduce Kate to crossed on a heist and lee epic western about a Starring Gerald McRaney. the goggle-eyed mutant LUU Harvey Milk Bar her all time idol. lor dead on the deserted Union soldier who, after monsters from the B 10.50 FILM: Scorpion: Ground Yierefetouse & Mutate 10.15 News: Weather prison island of Alcatraz. an act of suicidal bravery, movies are given the Zero (1996). Action sequel .6..herraove eaiecesei.ei. 10-1 Starring Lee Marvin, and becomes a hero and gets about the ex-policewoman- 10.35 Match Of The Day. Exploieca treatment. Highlights of Uverpoot's Angie Dickinson, to choose his next turnect•vgilante who takes Faversham 11.55 I Frmtr fire KIS, L3 NUS 9-2 trip to HIghtiefd Road to 10.30 Lee Marvin - A Personal assignment - a deserted Married A Strange is a pair of villains Person, Bill Plympton lake on Coventry. plus a Portrait By John outpost on the Irontier threatening to destroy LA. illustrates a film about Underground comprehensive round-up Boorman Where he comes into Starring Joan Severance YOSIkEd SrAt.Jamr- 9pm 2-3011m. newlyweds. of the rest of the action. 1120 FILM: Hell In The Pacific contact with the Sioux 12.30 FILM: The Front (1976). 11.45 FILM: The Grissom (1968), Atmospttenc and Indians. Starring Kevin 1.20 FILM: The Curious Or Hump (1967). Bizarre scet, Incisive remedy sternng Duchess Gang (1971). A last- gripping drama starring Costner, Woody Allen Cowpuncher Sharle rklookrjr.Lorti of 2.15 The Jerry Springer adventure starring Ricardo paced, violent crime caper Tashiro Milune and Lee 2.20 FILM; When The Daitons tiro File & ReArkus5 set in 1930s Kansas. Marvin Show eadeo and Gloria Prat 2.55 Pop Up Video. Comedy Rode {1940). Western Starring Kim Darby. 1.00 FILM: Verboten! (1959). 100 Box Office America starring Randolph Scott. WastVorkstilre Meylsouse 1.50 Top Of The Pops Drama starring James 3.25 World Football music, orograrnme. Atonal Cann &The tovireg 2.20 What A Carry On! Best. 3,55 CD:UK 3.25 NYPD Blue 3.50 Riptide 4.10 Hill Street Blues 4.40 Prisoner: Cell Block H CrvIc Theatre 2.50 Tennis - The Australian 2.25 Close 4.45 ITV Nightscreen A Don Mouse. 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29

sunday January 31 GUIDE

Le Phonograph*toe YEE-HAW! Hold on to your Starting at 7pm, you can be one of the top three to Sunday tatb ten gallon hat - the last catch some of the regions represent Leeds. Goth, Industrial &Testhno bastion of American culture best dancers before they Apparently Line Dancing finalty lands on the shores of make their way down to is great for your health and a Leeds. Wembley for the finals in fun and exciting way to meet Faversham British Line Lazy Sunday After 20 national heats, it's May. new friends. Staidly papers. board gamsd, semi-finals time for the The contestants in this Obviously I was wrong waitress service and a him Dancing British National Line competition have been when I thought it was a way Fire_ 12thn- $03Ohni Dancing Championships drawn from the best of the for middle aged women to act like idiots. Probably... Underground @T&C 1999. region and are competing to Sunday Joni Free entry all thy bict4suonsi food washed down will Fat 8-10pm Lem mush. ONE Elbow Rooms LSRfni 6.40 Match Of The Day; 7.50 6,10 Open University: 7.25 Team 6.00 GMTV; 8.00 Digga: 9.25 5.25 Animal Alphabet: 5.30 The 6.00 Mixing Ii, 6.30 Havakazoo: Pool and food 13 buys one hour of TelelubbiES: 8.30 Breakfast With Culture; 8.15 French Experience: Art Attack. 9,50 Worst Witch. Pink Panther Show; 5.40 The 7.00 Dappledown Farm. 7.30 pod and a meal. LSR DJs play the Milkshake!: 7.35 Wimzie's Ames, Frost, 9.30 The Heaven And 8.30 Little Mouse On The Prairie 10.20 Extreme Ghost Busters: Adventures Of Hyperman: 6.10 Middle - 10.30pin Earth Show: 10.30 Porridge; 8.50 Alvin And The Chipmunks. 10.50 Oggy And The Bill And Ted's Excellent House: 8.00 The Mission, 8.30 11.00 Match Of Their Day; 11.30 9.15 Charlie Brown And Snoopy Cockroaches; 11.00 Sunday Adventures; 6.35 Dog City: 7.00 The Revelation Game; 9.00 Uropa CountryFile; 12.00 On The Show; 9.40 The Wild House: Morning; 12.00 My Favourite The Magic Roundabout; 7.05 Stickel' Around, 9.30 Milkbarr, Sunduened North 10.05 The Wayne Manifesto; Hymns: 12.30 0E2 Bah TAt; Animal Alphabet; 7.20 Salty's 10.00 Mirror, Mirror: 10.30 The Grand Relaunch Party Jon of the Record; 1.00 Tom And Jerry Pleased, Lisa Lashes. Rob Truer.% Double Bill: 1.15 EastEnderS: 10.30 Grange Hill; 10.55 Kids 1.00 ITN News' Weather, 1.10 Lighthouse, 7.45 Bug Alert; 8.15 Valley Between: 11.00 USA Anne Savage.lan M & Fergie 2.35 FILM: Flight Of The And Cops 11.20 Grange Hill: Jonathan Dimbleby. 2.00 Saved By The Bell: The New High; 11.30 Singled Out. 12.00 II2 Members (15 Guests_ 2pm- Navigator (1986); 4.05 Are You 12.00 The 0 Zone: 12.15 The Calendar News, 2.05 Murder, Class; 8.40 City Guys; 9.10 The Mag: 1.10 5 News; 1.20 I2am Being Served?. 4.35 MasterChef Simpsons: 12.40 The Ren And She Wrote; 3.05 FILM: The Catdog; 9.45 Planet Pop; 10.00 Frostrup On Sunday; 1.50 The 1999: 5.05 News Weather. 5.25 Stimpy Show; 1.00 Regional Count Of Monte Cristo (1975); The Waltons: 11.00 Hollyoaks Movie Chart Show: 2.20 Duchess Regional News Weather Programmes. 1,30 Sunday 5.00 Coronation Street Omnibus; 12.10 Late Lunch With Exclusive; 3.25 Family Affairs Cann, nviside 5.30 Songs Of Praise. In a Grandstand; 5.10 The Animal 6.00 Calendar News: Sport; Mel And Sue: 1.15 Football Italia; Omnibus special edition from the Zone: 5.15 Watch Out Britain: Weather 3.45 FILM: The Wind And The 5.40 FILM: Teenage Mutant Brannigans Castle Museum in York, 5.30 Chimpanzee Diary 6.15 Goals On Sunday. Lion (1975) Tulles III (1993). A &pope Fever NInja Pam Rhodes travels hack 5.50 The Natural World. A Highlights from one of the 6.00 Time Team. A ruined third big-screen Town & Country Club in time to hear the music look at the unique habitat weekend's top First Norman castle towers over adventure for the heroes Slash Uric Omani Chwnportsh,pce of Moody and Sankey. of the Everglades. Division games. Plympton in Devon - but in a halt-shell, who leap (ISO ad, (900 on door 6.05 Last Of The Summer 6.45 Star Trek: Voyager. The 6.45 ITN News: Weather what else from this period back in time to rescue Wine romance between Parris 7.00 Bill Bryson's Notes might be hidden under their friend April when she WeatTorkshlre Playhouse 6.35 Antiques Roadshow. and Torres continues. From A Small island. Bill back gardens and behind is transported to the year Mortm ierre From Northallerton, North 7.30 The Money Programme. Bryson tries to modern house fronts? 1603, swapping places The Tempest Yorkshire with Hugh Scully A look at how many of understand what makes 7.00 Hampton Court Palace. with the son of a warlord. Civic Theatre and the team. Germany's biggest arid the inhabitants of this Compilation of highlights Staffing Elias Koreas and Aerophanic 7.20 Holiday Guide To.., Jill richest companies use small island so good at from last week's episodes. Paige Turco. Dando cruises along the slave labour to run their innovation 8.00 The Phil. In programme 7.30 5 News stunning scenery of South factories during the 7.30 Coronation Street. Fred two, we join the 8.00 Wild Secrets. East Alaska. And Michael Second World War. cooks up a scheme And Philharmonia on tour at Documentary about the McNally boards Disney's 8.00 The Great Flood. Sally gets a lodger. home and abroad. For adventures of a wildlife latest venture. The Disney Arachaeological detective 8.00 Heartbeat. An eccentric violinist Carol Hultmark. a camera team marooned Magic, which sails to the story following the trail old woman reports an working mother, her zeal for three years in the Bahamas. back many thousands of abduction. and to be a proper mum is put islands of the Galapagos. 8.00 The Scarlet Pimpernel. years to the time of Noah Greengrass meets an old to the test on a tough but 9.00 FILM: Co-ed Cell Girl The Pimpernel is called and the great flood. friend with an unusual sublime tour. (1996). Drama. based on upon to track down 8.50 Monet's Gardens. proposition. 9.00 The Real Don Giovanni. a true story, about a Helene, the daughter of Japanesese garden 9,00 London's Burning. Atter Opera's hearthrob Thomas bookish student who the Marquis de designer Takashi Sawano Dan has doubts about Allen exposes a very dark becomes a successful Rochambeau. Chauvelin is finds onental influences in continuing as a firefighter, side of his personality call girl. Joanne is Get a FREE also looking for her. Monet's water garden. he and Pearce find when he goes in search of convinced she is ugly and 9.30 The Lakes. John and 9.00 A History Of Alternative themselves in danger the real Don Giovanni. unlikely ever to find true listing in the Beverly continue their Comedy. Angus Deayton when scaffolding starts to 10.00 FILM: What's Love Got live, but her life changes twisted romance. talks to women who came come loose around them To Do With it (1993). when friends jokingly GUIDE 10.10 News: Weather to the lore with alternative 10.00 Tarrant On TV. Chess Entertaining and submit her name to an 10,25 Unfinished Business. comedy. Tarrant presents more fascinating biopic of singer escort agency. She plays and on our new Life in the Berger family 9.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme. outrageous moments Tina Turner. starring along with their prank and becomes so complicated Linda's long lost sister from TV, including a look Angela Bassett. is surpnsed to find she events website. that they put themselves in lakes refuge at the glat. at how animals are used 12.10 Babylon 5. Sheridan enjoys working as a call the hands of professionals. 10.00 Trade Secrets. Florists in advertising summons his dearest girl. Starring Toe Spelling. Log on to 10.55 I'm Alan Partridge explain why you should 10.30 ITN News: Weather surviving friends for a 10.50 The Comedy Network. 11.25 The Big End microwave your roses. 10.45 The South Bank Show reunion. Stand-up showcase. www.leedsdotstudent.co.uk 11.55 FILM: All Night Long 10.10 Shot Through The Heart. 11.45 Faith In Music. Maria 1.10 Dark Skies. A spy is 11.20 Water Rats. A young (1981). Offbeat comedy Powerful drama based on Brennan, lead singer of uncovered inside the woman who may have and leave the surrounding the midlite a true story about Clannad. discusses her Magestic. seen a murder is killed. crisis 01 a married friendship torn apart by faith. 2.05 s. Carey injures her 12.15 Sports Talk With Steve details or drop business executive who is civil war in Yugoslavia. 12.15 Stilt In Bed With back. Scott demoted to managing an 12.00 FILM: Happy New Year MeDinner 2.30 FILM: Le Parfurn 12.45 Ice Hockey - NHL '98. the details into all-night drugstore. Starring (1973). Suspensful and 12.45 Cybernet D'Yvonne (1994). Drama Pittsburgh Penguins v Gene Hackman. Barbara witty crime caper starring 1.20 FILM: Judwaa. Drama starring Hippolyte Glrardot. Montreal Canadians. our office at Streisand. Dennis Quaid Lino Van. starring Salman Khan. 0.00 LFIIsLaM(:1Th96.ree5). 4.40 Tibs And Fibs and Diane Ladd 1.55 Close 4.30 Jobfinder Musical 5.05 Move On Up LMUSU 1.25 BBC News 24 2.00 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News starring Joe Brown, 5.30 Wildlife SOS

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30

Cc-L7-__GUIIDE monda Ebruary I

SPANISH plays don't the Spanish Civil War. first performance, on generally do good business Planet Earth A few months after Friday 29, preceded by a Absolutely Fabulous in Leeds in winter, but this writing the play, Lorca talk from professor House of Student men. Non-stop perry may prove to be the himself was murdered. Gwynne Edwards who has music. exception. The play itself is L2.50, LI .50 NUS free 84 written this new translation I pm. 9prn-2.30ain Frederico Garcia Lorca's disturbing - Bernarda of the play. Bernarda powerful play was written in becomes a despot and her The performances are at Nato I 936 just as Franco's fascist daughters the inmates. the Park Lane College Alba BeltWeIntd ic";tiI dc pop and ewe. regime was looming, during The play is running for Theatre as is the talk which 47. free 81 10pm 8ptri•2arn the political unrest before most of this week with the starts at 5.30pm. @Park Lane Liquid Sweet Pewit*/ 13 or Old sicool.hop hop. tunic, tart groove. twing & soul ONE TWO C3 50. L2.50 NUS lOpm-2ain 4 Cockpit Club Auctioi 6.00 Business Breakfast, 7.00 7,00 The Family Ness, 7.05 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Trisha; 10.30 5.55 Sesame Street; 7.00 The 6.00 5 News And Sport, 7.00 La.," entertainment BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Teletubbies; 7.30 Secret Squirrel This Morning; 12.20 Calendar Big Breakfast; 9.00 Schools; WideWorld: 7.30 Milkshake!: Free. Spin- i min 9.45 The Vanessa Show; And Co; 7.55 Blue Peter. 8.20 Kilroy. News: Weather; 12.30 ITN 11.30 Here's One I Made Earlier; 7.35 Wlmzie's House: 8.00 Club Barcelona 10.55 News: Regional News: Taz-Mania. 8.40 Polka Dot Lunchtime News: Weather 1.00 12.00 Sesame Street; 12.30 Havakazoo; 8.30 Dappledown Fruity Weather; 11.00 Real Rooms: Shorts; 8.50 Rornuald The Home And Away: 1,25 The Jerry Bewitched; 1.00 Pet Rescue: 1.35 Farm; 9.00 Was It Good For Parry anthems from 701.80s a 11.25 Can't Cook, Won't Cook; Reindeer, 9.00 Space Ark: 9.10 Spnnger Show; 2.10 Coronation Collectors' Lot: 1.55 FILM: She'll You? ; 9.30 The Oprah Winfrey 901 O. L2 84 10.10pm. 9.30pm- 11.55 News. Regional News. Short Circuit; 9.30 Writing And Street; 2.45 Dale's Supermarket Have To Go (1961); 3.30 Show; 10.20 Sunset Beach. 2am Weather 12.00 Call My Bluff; Pictures; 9.45 Storytime: 10.00 Sweep: 3.15 ITN News Hampton Court Palace; 4.00 11.10 Leeza; 12.00 5 News at 12.30 Wipeout: 12.55 The Teletubbies: 10.30 Words And Headlines; 3.20 Calendar News Fifteen To One; 4.30 Countdown; Noon; 12.30 Family Maas: 1.00 eraeragans Weather Show; 1.00 News: Pictures; 10.45 Cats' Eyes-, 11.00 Headlines: 3.25 Mopatop's Shop, 4,55 Mantel Williams: 5.30 Pet The Bold And The Beautiful; 1.30 Monday Student Night Big Weather 1.30 Regional News. Look And Read; 11.20 Zg Zag; 3.35 Kipper; 3.45 The Rescue The Roseanne Show; 2.00 100% drinks promos Weather, 1.40 Neighbours; 2.05 11.40 Landmarks; 12.05 History Adventures 01 Captain 6.00 Roseanne. Darlene is Gold; 2.30 Good Afternoon; 3.30 Uropa tronside; 2.55 Body Spies: 3.25 File: 12.30 Working Lunch: 1.00 Pugwash. 4.00 Oggy And The hours late returning home FILM: I Want Him Back (1989); atoneaerenier Playdays; 3.45 The Littlest Pet Romuaid The Reindeer; 1.10 The Cockroaches; 4.20 It's A from a rock concert. 5.20 Sunset Beach A heaving mass of horny Shop; 3.55 Badger And Badger: Travel Hair. 2.10 Sporting Mystery; 4.45 Sabrina, The 6.30 Hollyoaks. Max and Sash 6.00 100%. The quiz show mayhem. 4.10 Pocket Dragon Adventures; Greats: 2.40 News Regional Teenage Witch; 5.10 Home And collect the video of OB's without a host. L3 NUS/C2 If you look like Kenny from South Park. I Opm- 4.20 Anthony Ant; 4.35 Misery News: Weather; 2.45 Match Of Away: 5.40 ITN Early Evening amorous liason the night 6.30 Family Affairs. Maria 2am Guts. 5.00 Newsround; 5.10 Their Day; 3.25 News: Regional News Weather before. but discover agrees to something she Blue Peter. 5.35 Neighbours News: Weather; 3.30 Turning 5.55 Calendar Cindy's taken It back to the may regret. Evolution 6.00 Six O'Clock News: Points: 3.35 The Naturai World: 6.30 Tonight video shop by mistake, 7.00 5 News: First On Five Noci000l Student Night 2 rooms of Chart hits. party My Antonia (1995) Wildlife Weather 4.25 FILM: 7.00 Wish You Were Here.,.? 7.00 Channel 4 News And 7.30 Wild Water. anthems. dance monsters, 6.30 Look North 6.00 The Simpsons Anthea Turner takes a Weather documentary. indie.hrit pop 6 rock 7.00 This Is Your Life. 6.25 Hit. Miss Or Maybe city break in the Majorcan 7.50 Music Of The Millennium. 8.00 Weather Front. Katie i 1 54 10pm. (2 b4 I fent. L3 Michael Aspal presents an 6.40 Top Gear capital at Palma Neil Hannoe reveals his Ledger presents a series after unsuspecting individual 7.10 Ski Sunday Special 7.30 Coronation Street. Maud all-time favourite song about the weather 0.30pm 2am Courtesy coach leaves with their life story and 8.30 Food And Drink. Cookery blows the whistle on Fled. 6.00 Riddle Of The Skies. A 8.30 Road Rages. Love 'em or Original Oak A city square some faces and voices programme. 8.00 Trauma Team. On the look al the idea that loathe 'em, motorways e•eiy 15 tt.lnutet from from their past. 9.00 Red Dwarf medical front line with a unidenlitled flying objects have been the main 9 10pin rd tnitlroght 7.30 Watchdog Healtheheck. 9.30 The League Of 24-hour emergency may be cratt from another arteries of our road network ever since the Fruit Cupboard Consumer magazine Gentlemen. Black comedy trauma learn world, featuring some Maim programme presented by series about small-town 8.30 Carol Vorderman's fascinating footage late '50s when they lest Conirnettal indin with Oft Alice Beer. Angela Repoli life. The schoolchildren get Better Homes. Home including lhat of appeared. This edition of Mat And Hrrity Investigates the causes of a visa from the improvement programme unidenbeed flashing lights the series investigates the Cl.fra. 54 10 3Dprn Spin 2tin this country's high incompetent Legz Akimbo 9.00 The Vice. An Investigation outside a NASA shuate. laws of the road (and how teenage pregnancy rate. Theatre Company. of art escort business 9.00 Cutting Edge. Would you they are broken) 9.00 FILM: Two Mothers For 8.00 EastEnders. Grant 10.00 The Fast Show. Comedy leads PC Raymond into pretend to be someone Duchess Zachary (1998). Moving struggles with a difficult sketch show featuring Paul close encounters with you're not just to gel on 8"ght young MOVI, I sede final decision And Terry and Whitehouse, Charlie prostitutes telly? Stuart Smith and drama about the Irene return to the Square Higson. Mark Williams, 10.00 News At Ten: Weather Victoria Greetham did just controversial true story WestYorkshire Playhouse with some shocking news. Caroline Aherne. John 10.30 Calendar News And that when. fast year they about a woman's court battles with her own Martin GOO rfr 8.30 Dad. Brian has a new job Thomson, Simon Day and Weather decided to pose as father The Tempest as a security guard in a Arabella Weir. 10,40 Nash Bridges. Nash and daughter In a Channel mother In a highly strange local village 10.30 NewsnighL In-depth follows the trail of a thrill 4 documentary. controversial decision, the Park Lane College 9.00 News: Regional News: analysts of today's seeking couple on a wild 10.00 FILM: A Home Of Our mother was granted elottte Of BerounidAdiu Weather important news stories, crime spree. Own (1993). Moving family custody of her grandson 9.30 Paddington Green including intervenes with 11.30 Wild On... Mardi Gras. drama set in the Sixties In on the grounds of her 10.00 Panorama. Vivian While the key political figures. Julie Asner presents a which a widowed mother of daughter's nomosexuallty investigates the Euro. With David Aaronovitth look at carnivals. 'tv des to relocate her Starnng Vaiene Bertineili 10.45 FILM: The Witches Of 11.15 Picture This Profiled 12.30 Doomsday: What Can family to an enfinished and Vanessa Redgiave. house in Idaho. Starting 10.50 Dr Fox's Chart Update Eastwick (1987). Offbeat Nick Drake, the singer- We Do? A documentary NOTHING songwriter who died in the exploring five different Kathy Bales 10.55 FILM: The Patriot (1986). buy comedy in which three If. like most of the 70s. This programme scenanos that could wipe 12.00 Shooting Gallery Gritty action film in which frustrated female student world. divorcees living in a quiet explores his reputation and out civilisation 12.25 Groovemasters an embittered ex-Vietnam you arc suffering from grarrdo town wish for the perfect the enduring power of his 12.40 Nationwide Football 12.40 Starting Over vet is hired to recover e debts after a few months of man to enter their lives music. League Extra 1.00 Black Eyes stolen nuclear warhead. excess, I've a solution. Starring Jack Nicholson. 12.00 Despatch Box. Steve 1.40 World Football 1.15 Dispatches Stamng Gregg Henry. Cher. Susan Sarandon Richards presents the 2.10 FILM: Dracula's 1.45 Powerhouse 12.35 Live And Dangerous. Don't buy anything at all. and Michelle Pfeiffer political magazine looking Daughter (1936). Chiller 2.15 Right To Reply Highlights tat the Super No clothes, no chocolate 12.40 FILM: Villa Rides (1968). at the day's events in starring"Gloria Holden. 2.40 FILM: Its Not Cricket Bowl from Miami bars, no food at all. It will Drama starring Yul Parliament, with lull reports 3.20 Trisha (1948). Lively comedy 1.15 Live And Dangerous definitely save you money Brynner and lively discussion 4.20 iTV Nightacreen starring Basil Radford 4.40 Prisoner: Cell Block H and you'll feet so much 2.40 BBC News 24 12.30 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News 4.00 Schools 5.30 100% better (but hungry).

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GUESS what?There's yet blurb which comes with the example, the case of Geoff Majestgk and Kath (pictured) who hold Eat My Shirts another programme about show claims that it takes an Student only night. 2 Rooms of sex on the telly. intimate look at couples "alternative" dinner parties commercial dance and You'd never have guessed embracing alternative sexual (wife swapping, basically). But entertainment with Djs Neil Swingers that it was winter and that lifestyles. come on. would you shag Maguire & Mat Moriarty L 154 II pm. L2 after. NUS only the TV producers are getting Or in other words, yet either of them? Naahh. 8.30pm-tam 'TV desperate for ideas, would another programme with Quick bit of advice, make you? cheap titillation from couples sure you have friends around Underground Lam Lounge This time it's a little gem who are old enough to be whilst watching or you'll look 60s disco, funky soundtracks. 10.40 from ITV called Swingers.The your parents.Take, for really desperate. hammond and French pop . With DJ Alex L3 SO all night. lOpm-lam

Planet Earth Viagru ONE j Uplifting and pumping house. L4. L3 NUS. 9.30pm-tam 6.00 Business Breakfast; 7.00 7.00 The Little Polar Bear; 7.05 6.00 GMTV; 9.25 Trisha; 10,30 6.00 Sesame Street; 7.00 The 6.00 5 News And Sport; 7.00 Fru It Cupboard BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Teletubbles; 7.30 Secret Squirrel This Morning; 12.20 Calendar Big Breakfast: 9.00 Schools; WitieWorld; 7.30 Mllkshakel; 7.35 Monkey Magic Kilroy; 9.45 The Vanessa Show; And Co ; 7.55 Blue Peter: 820 News And Weather 12.30 ITN 11.30 Powerhouse: 12.00 Wimzie's House; 8.00 Stir Fried Funk 10.55 News: Regional News: Taz-Mania: 8.40 Polka Dot; 8.50 Lunchtime News: Weather; 1.00 Sesame Street: 12.30 Bewitched: Havakazoo; 8.30 Dappledown £2.50 b4 I !pm, L3 after. 10pm- I 2 Weather; 11.00 Real Rooms: Oakie Doke; 9.00 German Home And Away; 1.25 The Jerry 1.00 Pet Rescue; 1.30 Farm; 9.00 Weather Front; 9.25 11.25 Can't Cook, Won't Cook: Globo; 9.05 Hallo Aus Berlin; Springer Show: 2.10 Coronation Earthscape: 1.35 FILM. The Russell Grant's Postcards; 9.30 Len's Bar 11.55 News: Regional News: 9.10 Working It Out: 9.25 Street; 2.45 Dale's Supermarket Sheriff 01 Fractured Jaw 119591, The Oprah Winfrey Show, 10.20 Pre Weather: 12.00 Call My Bluff; Techno; 9.45 Numbertime: 10.00 Sweep; 3.15 ITN News 3.30 Hampton Court Palace; 4.00 Sunset Beach; 11.10 Leeza: Free entr y L I 50 for two pinta. 12.30 Wipeout, 12.55 The Teletubbies; 10.30 Watch: 10.45 Headlines; 3.20 Calendar News: Fifteen To One, 4.30 Countdown; 12.00 5 News Al Noon; 12.30 Rhythms Wlnebar Weather Show; 1.00 News: Science Zone; 11.05 Space Ark; 3.25 Mopatop's Shop; 3.35 4.55 Flick] Lake. 5,30 Pet Rescue Family Affairs: 1.00 The Bold And Soul. Hip hop, MB classics with Weather; 1.30 Regional News; 11.15 Megamaths, 11.35 Words Rosie And Jim; 3.50 The 6.00 King Of The Hill. Hank The Beautrlul; 1.30 The DJ Dynamite 1.40 Neighbours; 2.05 Ironside; And Pictures; 11.50 History File: Wombles: 4.00 Cow And and his friends face oft Roseanne Show; 2.00 100% 2.55 Body Spies; 3.25 12.10 English Express; 12.30 Chicken; 4.25 Mike And Angelo. against tour teenagers for Gold; 2.30 Good Afternoon; 3.30 Think?Tank Working Lunch; 1.00 Oakie 4.50 How 11; 5.10 Home And blue Playdays, 3.45 The Enchanted a game of paintball. FILM: Bye Bye Braverman Drum n Bass & Garage Lands - The Adventures Of The Doke; 1.10 The Travel; 2.10 Away: 5.40 ITN Early Evening 6.30 Home Improvement (1968): 5.20 Sunset Beach 13. 0prm2a m. Wishing Chair; 3.55 Hububb; Sporting Greats; 2.40 News: News: Weather Creative differences 6.00 100%. The quiz show 4.10 Chipmunks Go To The Regional News: Weather; 2.45 5.55 Calendar threaten to break up Tim without a host. Evolution Movies; 4.35 The Really Wild Westminster; 3.25 News: 6.30 Tonight and Al's partnership. 6.30 Family Affairs. Dave Universal Show; 5.00 Newsround; 5.10 Regional News: Weather 3.30 7.00 Emmerdale 7.00 Channel 4 News And manages to destroy the Student Anthems G range Hill; 5.35 Neighbours Turning Points; 3.35 The Natural 7.30 Missing. Alan Hardwick Weather letter before Cat reads it.. G 're 0 World; 4.25 FILM: The Journey and Gaynor Barnes try to 7.50 Music Of Fumpin Mouse 6.00 News: Weather The Millennium. 7.00 5 News: First On Five. 9.30 • 2 00tim L2 b4 4 0, C3 b4 6.30 Look North Of Natty Gann (19851 trace missing persons. Top pianist Joanna National and international I I Li after. Courtesy coach 7,00 Holiday. Jill Dando 6.00 Fresh Prince Of Bel Air 8.00 The Bill. Boyden is forced MacGregor tells us what news with Kirsty Young. leaves Original Oak and City explores the Cheshire 6.25 Heartbreak High. Ryan to rely on Santini when a she considers to be the 7.30 Wild Flight. A visit to the Square every IS minuets countryside from behind becomes an opera freak one-night stand goes greatest piece of classical Orkney Islands to solve between 9.30pm and midnight the wheel of an E-type to impress Sarah. terribly wrong. music ever written. the mystery of how one Jaguar 7.10 The 0 Zone. Rajesh 9.00 Peak Practice. David 8.00 Brookside.Could Joey's grey seal ended up with 7.30 EaslEnders. Will Grant Mirchandani gains a rare delivers a shattering piece attempts to salvage the an enormous scar on his Dry Dock let o Scream CJrrrcdr Got, give in to Terry and audience with pop diva of advice to an old friend, solver fund lead to his muzzle. Simon? Whitney Houston. but can he practice what death? 8.00 Heart 01 A Child. For 8.00 Hoiby City. Coma girl 7.20 Skiing. Hazel Irvine he preaches'? 8.30 ClassIc Aircraft A four-year-old Amy ------ ------Nicola reaches crisis presents live coverage of 10.00 News At Ten: Weather laymans guide to tile state- LeBarviera. getting a new WestYorkshire Playhouse point, and McKendnck the test of the men's 10.30 Calendar News of-the-art (lying machine, heart and lungs meant Mann &ewe and Collins have to help events from the Alpine 10.40 Swingers - Faithful To the VV2, which is half- more than Just another The7canpet her parents lace an Skiing World You In My Fashion. helicopter and half- chance at life. Park Lane College agonising decision. Championships in Highly personal aeroplane. 9.00 FILM: The Vanishing Hisiste ofilemoni-s Alto 8.50 8.50 To Paddington Colorado. exploration of three 9.00 Station X. The definitive (1993). Stylish thriller In Green. In London. 400 8,30 Rick Stein's Seafood couples' alternative sexual series on the World War which a young man's life is young hopefuls lurn up to Odyssey. Rick Stain looks iltestyles. As one couple Two codebreaking station turned upside down when audition for parts in the at places and flavours that discover for themselves at l3letchley Park continues the woman he loves one to... new production of Annie. have influenced his the reality of extra-marital tonight with a look at some suddenly disappears 9.00 News: Regional News: cookery over the years. sex and the difference more extraordinary stones without trace. Convinced LONG PUFFA Weather 9.00 The Morecambe And between sex and love, the of genius that altered the she has been kidnapped, JACKETS miss 9.30 Paddington Green. Wise Show. Ernie throws film questions whether course of the war. he continues to search lor I can't believe Sameer Vaswani finds a cocktail party. monogamy has a place in 10.00 Father Ted. Steamy her long after the police himself at the mercy of 9.25 Great Railway Journeys. today's society. novelist Polly Clarke have abandoned their anyone is seriously wearing London's food critics. Nick Hancock attempts to 11.40 Renegade. Bobby finds comes to stay on the investigations, consumed these.You know the normal 10.00 FILM: Stakeout (1987). cross Cuba. his liquid assets quickly island. by a a desperate need to black puffs jackets? Well these Comedy thriller about a 10.15 Coming Clean - The evaporating. 10.30 Faking ft. A look at the know what became of her ones are similar but knee length cop who falls in love with Truth About Housework. 12.45 The Haunted Flshtank. trend for playing hoaxes on whatever the cost. Starring and with padded hoods. the woman that he and Three very different Television news. the media. Jeff Bridges, Nancy Travis I saw someone wearing one his partner have been people explain why they 1.15 Highlander. One of 11.20 Short Stories. Three sets and Keifer Sutherland. once and I laughed and laughed assigned to watch. are not prepared to do any Charlie's former students of travellers search for 11.00 Two. Gripping tale of an and laughed and laughed.Apart Starring Richard housework is in danger. exotic destinations. embittered twin's terrible from looking like a slightly Dreyfuss, 10.30 Newsnlght With Jeremy 2.10 Planet Rock Profiles. A 11.50 Dope Sheet. A brief history revenge on the brother inflated bin bag, they make the 11,55 FILM: Flesh And Bone Paxman. profile of Massive Attack. of British experimental 11.55 The Jack Docherty Show wearer look like they have the (1993). Drama about a 11.15 Seinfeld. Elaine sets out 2.35 Wish You Were Here...? animation. 12.35 Live And Dangerous. grace of a seal just after feeding travelling salesman who to change a gay man's 3.00 Judge Judy 12.25 Beyond Dope Sheet Live sports magazine time at Colchester Zoo. linds true love with a sexual preference. 3.20 Nationwide Football 2.35 FILM: Jack Ahoy! (1934). 1.15 Live And Dangerous Sorry if you just spent lessogram girl. Starring 11.35 The Larry Sanders Show League Extra Comedy stamng Jack 3.45 Asian Football Show hundreds of pounds on one, but Dennis Quaid. 12.00 Despatch Box 4.15 Jobfinder Hulbert. 4.40 Prisoner: Cell Block H I have one thing to say - MUG! 2.00 BBC News 24 12.30 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News 4.00 Schools 5.30 100%

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SKINT records have be Spark), Lightbourne who Indian Ropeman are embarked on a nationwide Uropa will release his new single considered by Jon Carter to iwtm tour this week to showcase 'Can't Stop' in April. be one of the best live acts Student night. Kok so tun all some of their newer acts. The Space Raiders, he's seen for years. calm from 7fis to .01. Space Raiders, Indian notorious for planning their As if that's not enough, 0,12 B4 I I pm 9 .30prn4am Ropeman (pictured). Sparky set five minutes before they thanks to our friends at Liquid Lightbourne & Danielsen are are due on stage, are always Skint, you can win Space Skint Tour nun all on the tour which comes exhitirating. Expect to hear a Raiders goodies and tickets Skate.hip hop. MB and Big Beat to the Cockpit tonight. rake of songs from their to the gig (see competitions L7 50. t OPM. 22,11 Main DJ on the tour will debut album Dona Be Daft_ page 6). @Cockpit Planet Earth rFk whale:dor 5tirne Beet nonstop parry. Free HOW.. CA ristFerg & Cocktails. ONE £6.99, (4.99 NUS, 9.30pm. T 8\17° 230:er Cockpit 6.00 Business Breakfast. 7.00 7.00 Tales Of The Tooth Fairies; 6.00 GMTV. 9.25 Trisha. 10.30 6.00 Sesame Street: 7.00 The 6.00 5 News And Span; 7.00 Wurfwn BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 7.05 Teletubbies: 7.30 Secret This Morning. 12,20 Calendar Big Breakfast; 9.00 Schools: WideWarid: 7.30 Milkshake': 7.35 ant e. tech no. D&5. ha rtica re Kilroy; 9.45 The Vanessa Show; Squirrel And Co; 7.55 The Really News: Weather; 12.30 ITN 11.30 Powerhouse; 12.00 Wenzie's House; 8.00 £150. 9prn-/am 10.55 News: Regional News; Wild Show: 8.25 Taz-Manta; 8.45 Lunchtime News. Weather; 1.00 Sesame Street: 12,30 Bewitched; Havakazoo; 8.30 Dappledown Weather; 11.00 Real Rooms; Polka Dot Shorts; 8.55 Tales Of Home And Away: 1.25 The Jerry 1.00 Pet Rescue; 1.30 Roots To Farm; 9.00 Hot Property: 9.30 Underground Monroe* 11.25 Can't Cook, Won't Cook; The Tooth Fairies: 9.00 Images; Springer Show; 2.10 Success: 1.50 FILM The The Oprah Winfrey Show. 10.20 Best of 60s & 11.55 News: Regional News: 9.10 What? Where? When Emmerdate; 2.45 Dale's 703 Funk. Feminine Touch (1956), 3.30 Sunset Beach: 11.10 Leeza; Northern Saul, Motown. Weather: 12.00 Call My Bluff; Why?: 9.25 The Art; 9.45 Words Supermarket Sweep: 3.15 ITN Hampton Court Palace: 4.00 12.00 5 News At Noon, 12.30 Resident Ph. Fd and John 12.30 Wipeout: 12.55 The And Pictures. 10.00 Teletubbiee: News Headlines: 3.20 Calendar Fifteen To One: 4.30 Countdown; Family Affairs. 1.00 The Bold And I 0-2am £3.50 Weather Show; 1.00 News: 10.30 Numberlime; 10.45 Cats' News: 3.25 Mopatop's Shop: 4.55 Rick) Lake: 5.30 Pet Rescue The Beautiful; 1.30 The Weather; 1.30 Regional News: Eyes: 11.00 Around Scotland; 3.35 Teddybears, 3.45 Jumanii. 6.00 Late Lunch With Mel And Roseanne Show: 2.00 100% Len't Bar Jere Weather: 1.40 Neighbours; 2.05 11.20 The Geography 4.10 Whizziwig; 4.40 Mad For ii: Sue. Alan Titchmarsh will Gold; 2.30 Good Afternoon., 3.30 Free entry. E 1.50 for two pima Seaside; 255 Body Spies; 3.25 Programme; 11.40 Science In 5.10 Home And Away; 5.40 ITN be preparing his favourite FILM: Command In Hell (1988t: Maydays: 3.45 Little Monsters; Action; 12.00 Spanish Magazine; Early Evening News- Weather dish for Claire Sweeney, 5.20 Sunset Beach Rimy 3.50 ChuckleVision: 4,10 See II 12.15 Hallo Aus Berlin, 12.30 5.55 Calendar. Christa Alexandra Fletcher and 6.00 100%. The quiz show Goid Saw It; 4.35 The Wild House; Working Lunch; 1.00 Brum Been Ackroyd and Mike Morris Karen Drury from without a host. DJ if.mth Rots playt name from p 5.00 Newsround. 5-10 Blue And The Mad Mower; 1.10 The with all the day's news. brOs • 91h. Over 2Is only. Casual Brookside. 6.30 Family Affairs. Declan dress polity f 150 la4 1 Ipm. 1.3 Peter 5.35 Neighbours Travel Hour 2.10 Sporting 7.00 Emmerdale 7.00 Channel 4 News And and Gaily debate whether after a 6.00 News: Weather Greats: 2.40 News: Regional 7.30 Coronation Street. After Weather to tell Clive to do tOpm - 2am. Ui 6.30 Look North News: Weather: 2.45 an emotional day at court. 7.55 Music Of The something about his 7.00 Airport. International Westminster ; 3.55 News. Natalie does something Millennium. Shane weight. LMUSU 011 I protocol is at nsk when a Regional News: Weather: 4.00 she will always regret. MacGowan selects his 7.00 5 News: First On Five. Student party night. 80: and 90; Sag gets stuck halfway up Turning Points; 4.05 Birds With And Kevin faces up to the favourite song of all time. National and international classic L2.50.11.50 b4 1 Opm, the flagpole minutes Tony Soper, 4.25 FILM' Daisies possibility of losing the 8.00 Brookside. Nrarnh news with Kirsty Young (1 SO adyroice.9prn-2am. before the arrival of the In December (1995) girls. teaches Benny a lesson, 7.30 Wild Flight. Wildlife Latvian president. 6.00 Star Trek: The Next Bar Luna 8.00 Mldsomer Muders. The but will she be able to documentary about the fur binary 7.30 Dream House, Designer Generation naked body of a young forgive Joey? And Jacque seal, focusing in particular Tony Rowe gives Carol 5.45 Buffy The Vampire woman is found strangled realises that she's stuck on the role both male and Su et Vorderman a tour of the Slayer. Drama series in local woodland nine with Lindsey whether she female seals play in the Bock to Rotas kitchen that could be about a 16-year-old girl years after ihree identical likes it or not. rearing and preservation of )au 9pm - smarter than her. who fights to nd the world murders took place there. 8.30 The Real Holiday Show. their young. Evolution 8.00 Changing Rooms. Carol of supernatural evil. As DCI Bamaby and DS Holiday series presented 8.00 Wing And A Prayer. Spertnight Club & 'Society night Smillie presents the 7.30 Tales From The Troy investigate the by Devine McCall. Thelma Professional and personal Popular Dance Musk. (I b4 10, interior design challenge Riverbank. Geoffrey killings, they are led and John Sutton fly across concerns clash for hot-shot L2 124 11.C3 after 9.30pm•2arn from Bolton. A daughter Palmer looks at the quest further and twitter into the Africa in a six-seater barnster Carl Hallam in the Courtesy cosh as Mon & Tue and mother swap homes for that most intelligent murky. clandestine world plane. latest episode of the Bette- Fruit Cupboard to decorate. and almost uncatchable of Midsomer Worthy 9.00 ER. An enthusiastic third- nominated drama series. Monkey Mart 530 Battersea Dogs' Home. fish - the carp. 10.00 News At Tern Weather year medical student 9.00 FILM: Triple Cross Hip. sees, bred best. funtt4ungie Shauna Lowry looks at the 8.00 Battle Of The Sexes. 10.30 Calendar News: Weather learns that becoming a (1995). Jimmie Ray and aS0 ta4 1 Ipth 10am-tam process involved in trying Samuel West narrates the 10.40 The Big Match doctor is more difficult than Julia are the perfect MalestYk to relocate homeless story of sex in the animal 12,15 FILM: True Identity she expetted. couple and they're living &ale Wonderland dogs. kingdom. (1991), Comic tale about 10.00 Sex And The City. At a the high life. They're also 70s & 801 with a wool of eas. 8.50 The National Lottery 8.30 Home Front. Home an aspinng young black thirtysornething birthday can artists who steal 13.C2 b4 11pm Member/NUS decorating show. actor who takes on his party for Miranda, Carrie jewels from all over the Free (A t 1prn. after. 10pm. Draw lent 9.00 News: Regional News: 9.00 Mersey Blues. biggest acting challenge and her friends vow to world. When art.FBI agent Weather Documentary series when he stumbles upon a start having sex like men who's due to retire decides Cockpit 9.30 The X Files. Drama series following life in the mob boss living under an 10.30 Sex And The City. to have one last stab at Slow Tour about two FBI agents who Merseyside Police Force. assumed name Starring Miranda makes the convicting the couple, their indarl &apeman, Spate Raiders, Darathan & Spark), Lightbourne Lenny Henry. mistake of going out with a comfortable lifestyle is investigate the 9.50 Blood On The Carpel (5.50.9-9-2a.m. paranormal. Mulder This programme profiles 1.55 The Jerry Springer man who is obsessed with threatened. Starring discovers that his father Joseph Jett. who was Show. Outrageous models. Patrick Bergen, was involved in secret accused of defrauding one American talk show. 11.00 Mark Thomas Comedy 10.50 Not Melinda's Big Night Duchess orrork experiments with zombies. of the world's largest 2.40 Master Class- Product. Comedy and In. With Gail Porter Root • 10.15 Inside Story manufacturing companies. Saxophonist Chris 'Snake current affairs 11.30 Strange Luck. American 11,10 FILM: Deadly Whispers 10.30 Newsnlght. With Jeremy Davis puts three young 11.30 Music Of The Millennium drama series, Weseforkshire Platholase (1994). Psychological Perlman. nopefuls through their 12.25 Boardstupid Goes Skiing 12.25 Ice Hockey - NHL. Morten Guerre drama about a man Wm 11.15 Pierre Boulez: A Life In paces. 12.55 Football Italie - Coverage of a top game 1hr remora becomes a suspect in the Seven Chapters. Roger 3.05 Trisha Mezzanette from the American Hockey investigation of his own Wright interviews the 4.05 Soundtrax 3.20 Transworld Sport League. Grand Theatre Afilodin daughter's murder influential composer 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 4.20 FILM: What A Crazy 4.40 The Movie Chart Show World (1963). Comedy 5.05 Move On Up Starnng Tony Danza, 12.00 Despatch Box 4.20 Jobfinder Park Lane C.oireed5 12.45 BBC News 24 12.30 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News stirring sloe Brown. 5.30 100% Hem, cf IlemenfeMps tom` J CCIGLJ I DE

F-aversharn AFTERNOON lectures? just goes to prove how now running the ward's [trucked Who needs them? Why excellent it is. Generations tuck shop. Brealrbnic Children's bother going when you of children have grown up For those finding E.3 Drinks promos 9pr•2am can stay in and watch kid's with the inmates (sorry, Casualty's "Spot who's Ward TV instead. patients) of South Park going to have an accident" Underground Unlike most of the (no, not that one) game a little too taxing, Caw Latino other pap on TV in the try playing it with the UK4 premier Law, club lust gets ITV Hospital. better afternoon, Children's Ward Look out for the radio Word. Hint:This week, it Dante chss 130; Band on is ace. The fact that Its station - KWA (Kids with revolves around the I 0.30pns 4.30 been around for I I series Attitude!) and Big Bob - campsite. Happy spotting! C6/C5 NVS

Warehouse retiau UK 013151 Hedonistic, debauched niest NUS £4. Members C3.9pm 2am ONE TWO 4 LUU Harvey Milk Bar Smile - Britoop and indie 'AA= & 6.00 Business Breakfast. 7.00 6.10 Why Me? Why Now?; 7.00 6.00 GMTV: 9.25 Trisha; 10.30 5.55 Sesame Street; 7.00 The 6.00 5 News And Sport, 7.00 Smcsil • Skate, rock (3 entry. Happy hour 10-11 ?Sp BBC Breakfast News; 9.00 Open A Door: 7.05 Tetelubbies. This Morning; 12.20 Calendar Big Breakfast; 9.00 Schools Wide World: 7.30 Milkshake!. pint. 10prn - 2am Kilroy: 9.45 The Vanessa Show; 7.30 Secret Squirrel And Co; News And Weather; 12.30 ITN 11.30 Powerhouse, 12.00 7.35 Wimzie's House: 8.00 10,55 News: Regional News: 7.55 Blue Peter, 8.20 Taz-Mania; Lunchtime News: Weather 1.00 Sesame Street; 12.30 Bewitched: Havakazoo, 8.30 Dappledown Id Weather; 11.00 Real Rooms: 8.40 Polka Dal Shorts; 8.50 Home And Away; 1.25 The Jerry 1.00 Pet Rescue; 1.30 Farm: 9.00 Animal House, 9.30 aHann," 'lush ads 11.25 Can't Cook. Won't Cook; Fiddley Foodle Bird. 9.00 Job Spnnger Show; 2.10 Earthscape; 1.50 FILM: Mr The Oprah Winfrey Show; 10.20 Funky Jan t5 NUS 14 10pm - 2am 11.55 News: Regional News' Bank; 9.10 Belief File: 9.30 Emmerdale; 2.45 Dale's Denning Drives North (1953): Sunset Beach: 11.10 Leeza. Weather; 12.00 Call My Bluff: Watch: 9.45 Come Outside; Supermarket Sweep; 3.15 ITN 3.30 Hampton Court Palace; 4.00 12.00 5 News At Noon; 12.30 Club Nato 12.30 Wipeout; 12.55 The 10.00 Teletubbies, 10.30 News Headlines; 3.20 Calendar Fifteen To One; 4.30 Countdown; Family Affairs: 1.00 The Bold Sent, Weather Show; 1.00 News Storylime; 10.45 The News And Weather: 3.25 4.55 Ricki Lake; 5.30 Pet Rescue And The Beautiful; 1.30 The Finest it'n B. House * Garage & Experimenter: 11.05 Space Ark; Drum • Bats 1.3 50 1{4.8prm2am Weather: 1.30 Regional News: Mopatop's Shop; 3.35 The 6.00 Dishes. Three girls cook Roseanne Show; 2.00 100% Weather; 1.40 Neighbours: 2.05 11.15 Zig Zag, 11.35 Llteschool; Adventures Of Dawdle; 3.45 The up a dish to win a dinner Gold; 2.30 Good Afternoon; 3.30 Cockpit lronside; 2.55 Body Spies; 3.25 12.00 Job Bank; 12.10 English Sylvester And Tweety Mysteries; date with tonight's picker. FILM: The Defiant Ones (1985): PliPfaslic Playdays; 3.45 The All New File; 12.30 Working Lunch; 1.00 4.00 Lavender Castle; 4.15 Hey 6.30 Hollyoaks. Lewis and 5.20 Sunset Beach I Opm 2arrt Popeye Show; 3.55 Pocket Fiddley Foodle Bird; 1.10 The Arnold!, 4.40 Children's Ward; Ruth agree to keep their 6.00 100%. The quiz show Uropa Dragon Adventures; 4.05 Travel Hour; 2.10 Sporting 5.10 Home And Away; 5.40 ITN relationship under wraps. without a host, libtecd Cub Anthony Ant; 4.20 Home Farm Greats; 2.40 News; Regional Early Evening News 7.00 Channel 4 News And 6.30 Family Affairs. Roy and student drinking club.13 Twins; 4.35 Short Change; 5.00 News: Weather; 2.45 5.55 Calendar Weather Pete come to blows, =Ira if you bring beans . Newsround: 5.10 Grange Hill; Westminster; 3.25 News 6.30 Tonight 7.55 Music Of The Millennium. 7.00 5 News: First On Five. I Opm 5.35 Neighbours Regional News: Weather: 3.30 7.00 Emmerdale Ronnie Spector puts National and international Evolution 6.00 News: Weather Turning Points. 3.35 The Natural 7.30 We Can Work 11 Out lorward the case for her news with Kirsty Young. Bad to the Future 9fis180s 6.30 Look North World, 4.25 FILM: Face Of A 8.00 The Bill. A registered favourite singer, 7.30 Wild Water. At the end of anthems 7.00 Watchdog. Anne Stranger (1991i paedophile has moved 8.00 Nortand Nannies. The the winter, the beaches of Robinson presents the 6.00 Star Trek: Deep Space into Sun Hill. But how Nortand Nannies man a the sub-Antarctic island of Mint Pause consumer magazine. Nine. long can it stay a secret? creche for the kids of Kerguelen are almost House & Garage. H. lOpm-3arri 7.30 EastEnders. Simon and 7,30 Regional Programmes 9.00 The Knock. Diane Is Britain's country set. deserted, But, come the Terry fall out over 8.00 The Travel Show. Juliet bitten by a snake in a 8.30 Margot Fonteyn - Prima spring, thousands of Planet Earth Courtney. Frank has Moms visits the island of warehouse. Lynn gets Ballerina Assotuta. elephant seals gather Number One Night Dierba, off the south east valuable information from Among the stars of ballet, here to to breed A right of number ones some unwelcome news L2S0, free b4 lOpm.9pri-230ans and Grant and Peggy are coast of Tunisia. a Thai girl caught one name soars above the 8.00 The Pepsi Chart. Or Fox reconciled. 6.30 Jeremy Clarkson's smuggling heroin into the rest. Margot Fonteyn is the presents the latest sounds Majestyk 8.00 Vets In Practice. Trude Extreme Machines. A UK And in a risky dancer who established from London's Sound Linton Mostue introduces her look at some of the fastest venture, Barry goes deep British ballet's international Republic, including a Mousey screamer & monster anthems boyfriend. Patrick, to her machines in the world. undercover to try to reputation. rundown of the brand new £4. (3 b4 I I prri Members/NUS II sister Leanna. Having 9.00 Meet The Ancestors. penetrate an Algerian 9.30 Dispatches. Six months Top 20. b4 1 I pm, L2-50 after. topic-tam. won her man she is also Julian Richards travels to drugs gang. after the Omagh bombing, 8.30 Family ConfidentialThe after a new job, and has the home of a couple in 10.00 News At Ten: Weather Dispatches meets the fly-on-the-wall Town & Country Our Friench Beam an interview with a Winterbourne Gunner, 10.30 Calendar News: Weather Republican hardliners who documentary series Fnends of the Earth benefit Mr C. practice whose clients near Salisbury, who 10.40 Thursday Night Live. threaten to blow the features a mother of two Angel. Momorter Morris. include Longleat Safari wanted to build a garage Nicky Campbell. Kaye current peace process off who left her post office lob 2. C 10 concessions Park, next to their bungalow - Adams and Penny Smithe course. to become a strippogram 8.30 Fat Free. Tern is not knowing that their hear from both sides of a 10.00 Rising Damp. Rigsby is in the town of Birkenhead. Ttsinkfl'ank fraining convinced that she has home was built over a current debate in a studio told of a new man in Ruth's 9.00 FILM: The Fulfillment Of Ruff isasslines, soulful underground gained a stone in weight fifth-century graveyard. discussion life. Mary Gray (1993). garatf since her holiday, but still 9.30 Horizon. An investigation 12.10 Tales From The 10.30 Whose Line Is It Emotional drama set at Mike IJoyd. Buddha Mitch'nBenci allows herself one last :nto the lethal pandemic of Darkside. A woman who Anyway? the turn of the 19th CS. 1 Opm•2arts treat before weighing in. 1918, a mutation of the cannot stop crying finds a 11.05 Ally McBeal. Ally is century about a childless, 9.00 News: Regional News: influenza virus that killed buyer for her tears. arrested for topping a married couple who lake Ui Duchess Weather up to 100million people 12.45 The Jerry Springer woman in a supermarket. drastic measures to have Rhythm Method 9.30 Silent Witness worldwide_ Show. Outrageous 12.00 A Game Of Checkers. the family they have w 11.05 Question Time 10.20 Meetings With American talk show. Beecher is released from always dreamed of. 12.05 FILM: Ambush In Waco Remarkable Trees. 1.30 Pirate TV the hole and Schillinger is Starring Cheryl Ladd. Ciricllwiture (1993). Drama Series looking at the most 2.00 Highlander. left eyeless and weak. 10.50 Bring Me The Head Of Dots House documentary based on unusual trees in Britain. Swashbuckling adventure 1.10 Vids Light Entertainment. 1.45 Late Toon: Morris Comedy panel game. WestTorkshire Playhouse the rise of Vernon Howell, 10,30 Newsnight. With Jeremy series Moran Guerrt the rock 'n' roll guitarist Paxman. 2.50 Pop Down The Pub 1.55 FILM: The Anniversary 11.20 The Jack Docherty lOW The Tempel? who became notorious 11.15 Late Review. Mark 3.15 Cybernet. What's new in (1968). Black comedy Show. Late-night chat cult leader David Koresh, Lawson is joined by Tom the world of computing. stamng Bette Davis and comedy. Grand Theatre 3.40 FILM: The Devilship 12.00 Live And Dangerous Aladan charismatic founder of Paulin, Natasha Walter 3.45 Potty About Pets the Branch Davidrans. Arid Diane Roberts. 4.10 Soundtrax Pirates (1964). PDrama 12.40 Live And Dangerous Park Lane= Starring Timothy Daly. 12.00 Despatch Box 4.20 Jobfinder starring Christopher Lee. 4.40 Prisoner: Cell Block H House of 1.40 BBC News 24 12.30 BBC Learning Zone 5.30 ITN Morning News 5.10 Dans Le Petit Bois 5.30 100% Planet Earth Planet Earth The club in Leeds The club in Leeds

PLANET EARTH NIGHT CLUB IS NOW PLANET EARTH NIGHT CLUB IS NOW RECRUITING FOR THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS: RECRUITING FOR THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS:

Receptionist.Bar Staff,Cloakroom. Kitchen, Receptionist.Bar Staff,Cloakroom. Kitchen. Glass Collectors,Promotion Staff Glass Collectors,Promotion Staff We Offer We Offer Excellent Working Conditions. Good Rates of Pay. Taxi Home Subsidies Excellent Working Conditions. Good Rates of Pay. Taxi Home Subsidies You can work part time for as little as one night a week You can work part time for as little as one night a week

Interviews are held on : Interviews are held on : Saturday 30th January 1pm - 3pm and Monday 1st February Saturday 30th January I pm - 3pm and Monday 1st February from 7pm to 9pm at Planet Earth Night Club from 7pm to 9pm at Planet Earth Night Club City Square (Next to Queens Hotel) City Square (Next to Queens Hotel) Tel 243 4733/44 Tel 243 4733/44 • NOW SHOWING

WARNER VILLAGE CINEMA Cardigan Fields Leisure Park Kirkstall Road Shakespeare In Love a' 18.40 21T 30 279 9833 Programme / 279 9855 Very Bad Things (18) 13.50 16 20 18.50 21.20 ttii3e:t Lott. Show 23.30 Enquiries £3.40 Adult ticket before 5pm SteMorn (12) 12.35 (Nat Satl5un) 1.5,20 18 10 21.00 £3.60 with NUS card after 5pm Practical Magic (12) 13 20 (6.00 18.30 21.10 The Opposite of Sex (18) 14,00 Not ScidSuri) f 6_30 19.10 21.40: Fri/Sat Late Show 23 53 twj Meet Joe Block (12) 13 10 /6.56 20 30 littleVoice ( 1 .5) 13.00 ( 3.40 18,20 20.50 The Siege (15) r 6 40 ;' Nor Sot/Sun) 22.00 StarTrek Insurrection (mai '4./ u r Y.zu Enerny of the State (IS) 13.15 Not Scit/SunI 6.10 19.00 21 30 The Prince of Egypt (PG) Sat/Sun Only 11,40 16.40 Babe: Pig in the City (U) Sot/Sun Only 11 00 The Parent Trap (PG) SatiSim Onfy. 13.15 Antz (PG) SoliSuri Only 12.00 14.15 S4 (15) )76/Sat.toteShaw DAD Psycho '98 ( S) Fri(Scrt Late Shaw 0.00 Shakespeare in Love (I 5) Rush Hour (15) FritScrt Late Show 23.20 11111r IJ Kid's Club - Small Soldiers (PG) Sat Only 11.00

ODEON CINEMA The Headrow $teprnorn (12) 12.20 14.55 17.35 20.15: Sat Late Shaw 23.00 243 6130 - programme and bookings Very aad Things (18) 13 43 16 00 18.15 20.35; Sat late Show 23.10 243 0031 - enquiries The Parent Trap (pc) Sat/Sun Only 11.30 14.00 1 £3 with NUS card 11116' 6111 Little Voice (1.5)12.10 19,15 filar Sat/Surf/ 16.25 18 35 2045; Sat Late Show 23.05 Practical Magic (12) 12.00 14,10 16.20 18.30 20,40; Sat Late Show 23.00 The Siege (1S) 11 25 Enemy of the State (IS) If .55 Not Sat/Suni- 14,35 20.05:Sat Late Show 22.50 The Prince of Egypt (U) Sot, Sun iJ lr 12.30 In ;.Chia - City of Angels (12)Tues- Only 11.00

SHOWCASE CINEMA Gelderd Road, Birstall VrtRiiselirriti rave (15) (Just off Junction 27 of M62) Two Girls And A Guy (15) Very Bad Things (18) 0 f 924 420071 - programme information Stepniom (f2) 01924 423000 - bookings (answerphone) Little Voice (15) £3.50 with NUS card The Siege (1S) Antz (U) Enemy of the State (1 S) Meet Joe Block (12) Psycho (18) Mask of Zorn) (PG) Prince of Egypt (U) Saving Private Ryan (15) Ruth Hour (IS) Parent Trap (PG) 54 (15) Bulworth (18) ABC CINEMA Vicar Lane 245 2665 / 245 1013 Shakespeare In Love (15) 13.00 17.15 20.00 £2.50 before 6pm Meet Joe Black (12) 13 i 5 I Not SotiStin) 14 45 (Sat/Surf Oniyi 19 00 £2.50 NUS after 6 StorTrek Insurrection (PG) 12.43 15,20 17.50 Psycho 98 (05) 20.15 Antz (PG) Sat1Sun Only 13.00 LOUNGE CINEMA North Lane, Headingley 230 2562 - prog 1 275 106! - enqs The Prince of Egypt (U) Sat Only 14.00 Sun Only 15.00 £2 NUS in stalls (MoniTues): £3-£3.50 others Shakespeare in Love (1S) 17.90 20.20; Except Sat1Sun - 17.20 19.50 COTTAGE ROAD CINEMA Cottage Road, Headingley 230 2562 - programme 1 275 1606 - 1.00 Babe; Pig In the City (U) Sat Only 1 enquiries 1 The Parent Trap (PG) Sg • 14 00. Sun Only 15 00 £2.50 NUS (MonfTues); £3 all other times mil Little Voice (PG) Ji t Sat/Sun 17.40 1950 HYDE PARK PICTURE HOUSE Brudenell Road, Hyde Park 275 2045 Dmiord'hiaa's 200 £2.50 NUS; £2 on Monday cheap nights 0 late shows NI MTh IM NI IM MTh WHAT ARE STUDENTS GETTING UP TO AT WARNER VILLAGE CINEMAS? Up to 25% off any ticket anytime. With a valid NUS or !SIC card. Nine Screen Multiplex. Double Seats, Stadium Seating, Digital Stereo Surround Sound and Premiere Sae Screens. Cardigan Fields, Kirkstall Road, Leeds. Card Bookings and Film Information 0113 279 9833.

35 Qtn. ,ct.1,nr!..Irt+vr!..ry SJM Concerts presents :ley C 11e

THURSDAY 12TH MARCH LEEDS METROPOLITAN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION TICKETS £8.50 ADV ISTEIF1 AVAILABLE roam Lmuriu.Luu...JumsD, CRA 9.-4, w.k. AHEAD G VRIGIN P•ECIASTOPE CREDIT CARDS: (011519129192 QUOTE LEEDS MET Oft every iNednes Every Saturday rhaiela Happy First Hour Drinks Prices £1,95 treble vodka - 1r*. Eist:Outocm 99p selected pints 9pm - 2arn timasi►kang £2.50 nus £4.50 guest £1.50 • 1 .3Pprn cidv - Ike. aft sty

• lip driftr- • SJM Concerts presents

Cenci.■-•4■•■■•■••■.-

1

.R.FgIT4NS. I - 26 -

THURSDAY 1 8TH MARCH LEEDS METROPOLITAN UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION TICKETS £8.50 ADV (STBF) iMbk front LMUSU, LULI. AVAILABLE FFION* LMUSU.LLIU.4111.113CL, CA An.i.war Ai-tE aD & VRIGIN MEGASTOPE Card,: (011S CFIEDIT CARDS: (01 1 5) 9129192 QUOTE LEEDS MET

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eft • Every Saturday f,1, .J 350itlz 4 Vakei Happy First Hour Drinks Prices J.1$1,115:11 9pm - 2am pieletted pints Itocasex £.1 50 b4 10 30pm £2 adv £2.50 nus L4.50 guest .. g3.Sti Om• i3.1T- 12/13 OUT ON THE PULL... Jamie Fagg e Rudebeck Tom Hyslop Jemima Sissons Age: 20 Age: 21 Age: 20 Age: 20 Course: C'ourse: Course: Course: Second year Second year Second year Second year Geography student English student Geography student Classics and Italian Relationship status: Relationship status: Relationship status: Relationship status: Recently single Open to offers On the look out Disillusioned dater The Superliarket PI The Gym HETHER the machine, which I then VERYONE KNOWS that the avocados. When I tried my line more appropriate. I once pulled on don't loose your dignity too YOU'RE realised was an inner thigh the way to the heart is she just laughed and didn't really a bus: I wouldn't go up to someone much. I'd say, don't he afraid pumping your cruncher. My joke about through the stomach. So take it seriously. mysell. to jump in, you might lose andominals or strengthening my thighs what better place to pick up W out. But then when you're not E fiddling with the equipment, didn't go down well. looking for it, it's most likely riething fresh and fruity than Nicky: I would have thought that The outcome: She has a the gym is the perfect place to happen. adingley Safeway? Heading for something about baguettes in the boyfriend. Carry on checking-nut to meet your sweat-heart; Alex: I was flattered that she bright lights. Torn and Jamie bread section may have been a bit the talent TOM- Clare and Jemima slipped into thought I knew what I was The outcome: When asked if 1 trolleyed and sorted out the something tighter and worked doing, I wouldn't really know lied consider a date. Alex :Ions from the haps. out with the fittest specimens if someone was chatting me said: 'Probably not.' Looks in Leeds. up. If anyone makes an effort, like Clare's just another 1m weighed up Nicky Pointer. a I appreciate it. As long as you dumb-belle. rd year Social Sciences student. Clare measured up Alex r said to her: Do you like tinned Venditteli. a fourth year od or do you prefer something a Chinese student. Ile more fresh? She said to him: Can you to said to him That's a poor help me with my equipment' tat up line. He said to her: Why don't you ask the staff to help you? am: I approached her in the fruit td veg section and started testing Clare: My choice of chat-up line wasn't particularly good amle warmed up to Kirsty crap food as C have a hangover. I have probably said yes to a date. since an instructor was icMullen, a second year Civil thought he was a bit odd. When he standing two metres away, I .ngineering student in the frozen found out I live in Cambridge. he The outcome: She wasn't at all swiftly attempted to change eg section. said that he lived near me - in icy. But will their hearts melt? We the subject, clambering onto London. Saying that, I would left them talking shop. le said to her: Do you shop here Jemima tackled second year though. I once pulled sitting in has got to he a good thing. lien? History student. Neil Wilson, the middle of a path when I Hamstrings arc not the only he said to him: No, E normally in the Sports Hall. was buttered. It was a religious things I've pulled here. to Morrisons. nut. I've also been chatted up She said to him: What are you by a lady boy, but I'm not gay . The outcome: He invited mule: She looked baffled and doing with your halls? Can I I think the Sports Hall's Jemima to conic and play with ten said that she doesn't shop come and join in? probably quite a good place to him and his friend later. But is _re often. I suppose it was a He said to her: I'm not doing pull. All that bodily contact it just a game to them? alai chat up line because then I very much with my halls at the mild ask ' Oh, where do you moment. Join in it you want_ top?' We ended up having a cod chat anyway. I thought she Jemima: I pretended that I as really nice. was there for netball practice. irsty: I only really came to buy But I continued to inquire about his ball skills. I kept it up for quite a while and asked him where they were going to he that evening. The main problem was trying to distract hint from the game in hand. But he didn't seem particularly fazed by it all and we ended up playing football. Neil: Girls chat me up all the FACE-TO-FACE Reply if you like. PSC6SCR replied: DEFINITELY time. But I'm a bit shy. I do method was proving more from ? NOT1 mi Why don't you try going take it as a big compliment embarrassing than effective. PSC6SCR e-mailed him back: You out and getting hammered at It was time to cast our inter- should be in the pub celebrating if Majestyk like the rest of us. wider. Jamie processed the vital you've finished your exams.. from Sarah. ustics and indulged in a spot of Jamie replied: I'm doing an article avows, It's alarmingly easy to for Leeds Student. I was just The outcome; She may have been d out people's addresses. Simply wondering whether you thought the female, but she wasn't impressed to current login, pick some e- e-mail was a good way to pull . by this e-male. AND 1311. D DATE lil numbers that take your fancy i a hot data could he surfing its y to you. We're going to set up three lovely lads with three tale sent e-mails to TEX6SCH 1 PSC6SCR luscious lasses for Valentine's Day. If you or your , e-mailed them: Fancy a mega- Le? friends would like to take part, volunteer today l I've just finished my exams 1 I'm putty short for something do and so meeting someone on (Friday). We'll be in1110from 3-4pm and MU 4-5pm. ' Internet seemed like a good 1. it'll be a lorra lorra laffs! 14 CLASSIFIEDS Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999

better? Or does it not really need http://mernbers.tripod.com/—wendy he when my toilet explodes. Cheers action and trout page pictures to hoot. LSRfni 00/Station Manager sabbatical changing at all? house for getting it all done when all Cheers Catherine for all the graft - election 1999 Whatever your experience or http://members.tripod.comb-motat around you was falling apart.] hut I didn't get any cola bottles Modify so fa.- opinion I would very much like to don't need to congratulate myself ('Ultra' good stuff next week?), Ralph Vlore is atonal meeting tar everybody fweehll hear for you for a short documentary Are you female? Have you ever taken on a superb careers piece (no one - see you tonight if you don't sleep in. in LSI (members oil cortriators) Iw the IM I ant making about changing the Viagra, either as a recreation drug or reads it anyway), so I'll move on Zoe. cheers for the lifts and laughs. Ras loweestfob1,1-3pla (1.18ellere the world and the cotnmunities around for medication? Please phone Marc from Outlook and switch my Sports guys. out by eleven? Well not cemmitlee tti mai ehet LSIt is ap to this otnit us. on 01 1 3 234 7271 congratulations to features for a much else to say now about from we twat appeal Whelp sigalsone fresh ewer Whether you arc allready trying to HELP! Skit, punk. new stuff Di pulling fest and news for am were robbed and you know it. A teamsipiedroxieribrtheAregiitzi do something, or have allready helped needed for help with project that incredible week. I'm obviously legitimate goal it was. Nay's knee broadcast to make a difference, or if you feel could bring mutual benefit. Please worried that we haven't got enough will testify to that. Vey cat gti those stool/ifs the station there is nothing that can or should he ring 07887 860956, NOW! stories. Hmtnm, maybe I should Raha refuses to write anything so I manager's job, before et* for theta on Feb 2 and done please contact me. TV meetings have now been changed trust you in future Genever. Pevin, guess it's up to me to finish this 3 at any time in the BR office. You can contact me or leave a to Thursdays at 3pm. Hope to see you Ravage and Curt - you all looked so bloody paper off again. It's not gone To he eligible boa a rote you must bun up to this message by ringing 0114 2254622 or there, sweet sitting at your subbing too bad this week, but well done Alex, don't know how you do it. The DGM or submit aooloejes to ISA (via the porters in by writing to me at : The Northern No one's got anything to say, computers, remember you like there'll all too tired after a hard that forever. Finally Pushkin, you last laugh's on Raha though cos I'm LUU) ono( to this. All members and strong Media School, 15 Paternoster Row, Sheffield SI 29X. week, but Fin sure be able to land your friend) provided me with going to tell everyone about his prob contributors to BR ei be welcome. Jason Budge rustle up a few thank-yous. Top of one of the funniest moments of the See you there. WENDYHOUSE/ MUTATE my list are Kay and Johy, top or my year so far, but we're still going to Saturdays 30th January, 27 Michelin list. You both deserve the have to go out NOT on a mission. To place an advert in the !Viand he lust so i6rsasses oft Um February full three stars for a superb feature, See you all in the DD. Lots of love f aster beak. Mall that hare i piped arum LOU Harvey Milk Bar- Leeds University possibly your best so far. Photos to Zoe classifieds, either give it to the every Imittilm12-Aaa Union Alternative 80s downstairs. die for, tasty food and fish to hoot. I've been forced to write something LUU porters for the attention of Industrial acid techno trance Brilliant. Thanks. Nick gels a but the brain's a bit vend at the Do you wish the world we live in upstairs. 3.50 door tickets adv. 4 mention for innovative layout and moment (makes a change I hear you Alex Gubbay, or email it to us at could be different? If so how do you pounds door - Jumbo. CATS, true dedication to the cause, cry). Well firstly Many Boy and the think it should he changed for the Infopoint although I know where I'd rather Guhh - good work lads. Great splash [email protected]

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38 SLEAZY DOES IT: Illegitimate children, romps on Clapham Common, it's what politics is all about oun K Page 19 CAREERS • FOOD AND DRINK • FASHION • POLITICS • SCIENCE • TRAVEL Nowt

as fishy as sushi In search of an alternative lunch time treat, JOANNE ROLL and KATHERINE SLEIGH fall hook, line and sinker into the mouthwatering delicacies of minimalist Japanese cuisine

AVE to admit it, the idea of eating stodgy cold rice and slimy raw fish takes some getting used to. But take the plunge into the deep end Hand these clean, subtle delights will soon have you yearning for more. The unique culinary preparation of sushi has already created a growing market in Soho. To the disappointment of many. the trend hasn't as yet caught on in Leeds but food fanatics are anticipating its imminent arrival. Having scoured the streets of this city, the only place offering lunch timers the chance to experience these oriental bites was Pre: a Manger. Already renowned for its unequalled sandwiches, salads and sweets. this chain has taken the initiative by providing customers with an alternative io the monotony of I3LTs and chicken salad sandwiches.

RAW LIKE SUSHI: Prat a Manger's sushi trays are a feast for the eyes and a unique and healthy lunchtime snack TURN TO NEXT PAGE

16 OUTLOOK Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 Climbing aboard the

with Wasahi paste (green horseradish), soy NOTHER popularised form of FROM PREVIOUS PAGE sauce and a pair of chop sticks to top off Japanese cooking is Teppanyaki. If you're craving a break from the the authentic experience. Awhich involves throwing the meat norm, trying to adopt a healthier outlook Both ready-prepared trays have been onto a sizzling hot griddle. For evening or merely want to broaden your horizons. concocted by the specialist chefs at Hi indulgence. make a night of it at Leeds' catch yourself one of these fishy little Sushi. This restaurant found its fame on own Teppanraki restaurant (Belgrave Hall, numbers. you may surprise yourself. the Barclaycard advert with a tantalising Belgrave Street. Leeds, 01 13 2453345.) Essentially. sushi are little formed rolls display of dishes rotating on a conveyor Worlds apart from the quick lunchtime or squares of rice, topped or filled with Mt to entice their clientele. Revolving convenience of Prer a Manger. raw seafood and shredded s,egetables, Pre: sushi bars, or }Wien Sushi, are a true Tepponyaki opens up further possibilities a Manger offer two delicious varieties. reflection of the culinary culture in Japan. of exploration into Japanese cuisine. Frotn Vegetarians can pick up a tray of bean The Japanese pride themselves in the moment you walk in the door you are curd, avocado and cucumber sushi for just perfecting the art form of sushi making, welcomed by all that is quintessentially £2.70. Or if you fancy the better known fish variety, then there's tuna, salmon. cod and prawn to tempt you at i'4.75. Eat in or take•away. they come If you're craving a break from the norm, or want to broaden your horizons catch student & one of these fishy little numbers

youth travel establishing its prime position in the Japanese. Thesound of trickling water world kitchen. The traditional sushi greets you and the staff make every effort usit master chefs apply their talents in creating to make your visit a memorable and www.usitcampus.co.uk precise parcels of sushi with exactly the enjoyable treat. Cooked at the table in CAMPUS same number of rice grains lying in the front of your very eyes. dishes have 49 Branches Nationwide same orientation. Possibly not the most enormous variety and specialities can he achievable feat of meticulous assemblage ordered on request. Don't be deterred by by the bumble student. but maybe the prices - save the experience for a something we could aspire to? special occasion. Its worth every penny. Rtn flights + 2 stops in E uropo/Asia £569 + Free Lonely Planet guide Rtn flights + 2 stops in Europe/Asia + 1 slop rn OZ + 1 internal flight + £1 for 2 nts accomm and transfer £659 + Free Lonely Planet guide £749 RIW flights + 2 stops in Asia, Afnca, USA + i stop in Australia + 1 intemal flight + £1 for 2 nts accunim and transfer + Free Lonely Planet gUttle Other specials £o/w £rtn Athens 78 149 Los Angeles 140 244 New York 111 159 Prague 76 138 Singapore 244 328 Toronto 128 156 Vancouver 185 219

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FABLES FROM FRANCE INCE my arrival here in Saverne, Alsace, I have had plenty of Sopportunity to reflect on the things `they' don't tell you. This came to mind most recently as I was hurtling uncontrollably down one of the unreasonably steep hills that surround this beautiful Alsatian town, on a newly borrowed bike. What I had just discovered, much to my alarm. was that my brakes seemed reluctant to grip the wheel rims with any significant force - the idea presumably being for the blocks to gently massage the bike to a standstill. Eventually, the heels of my shoes and an obliging lamp post prevailed against the combined forces of the Vosges Mountains and STEP ONE: Shred ginger. lemongrass, capsicum and avocado STEP TWO: Cover two thirds of your seaweed sheet in boiled rice gravity, and I drew to an undignified halt outside the gates of the school at which I teach. to the apparent delight of some of the assembled pupils. This embarrassing spectacle was a particularly gutting moment because, almost since my fresh-faced arrival here. I have had a serious credibility problem amongst my pupils. This unfortunate situation stems hack to my very first lesson in charge of a class when I was left to rue a small but significant omission in a book entitled "So, you're an assistant, here's host not lo arse things up" I or something I hastily added a straight line for the Scottish border, and in doing so sent matters from phallic to pornographic

similar) that I had eagerly read hetore thQ start of term. Brimming with patriotism, I was introducing myself to the young froglings and STEP THREE: Place veggies on the rice and firmly roll with bamboo mat STEP FOUR: Cut into circles and serve with Wasabi, Soy and ginger was vainly attempting to explain just where my home county of Somerset is in England_ To stop myself drowning in the rising sea of incomprehension before me. I snatched up a pen and rattled off a quick. Pictionaryesque sketch of Great Britain on the board. Simple step by step guide to sushi Picture, if you will, a map looking something like the following: Starting at HE beauty of this dish is What you do: carefully chop the roll into 2 cm bottom and opened out. wrapping somewhere near Newcastle I drew line straight that even though it looks 1. Boil up about two mugs worth segments. it all with a narrow hand of down to the rounded lump that is East Anglia. really complex and of rice and when cooked, gently 6. Serve with pickled ginger and seaweed. followed by a slight indentation for Portsmouth T Of course, there's a whole sophisticated, it's extremely rinse it in a sieve under the cold Wasabi paste, but take care before a similar lump for the South West because it's quite strong! wealth of different types of sushi. easy and takes minutes to water tap to stop the heat cooking peninsula. To this I added a conspicuous lack it anymore. This was our version of sushi. This rolled sushi is called Maki- prepare - the hardest part is of Wales before rounding things off with a 2. Place a sheet of Sushi Atari You can try all different types of Zu.shi and is possibly the most slight bulge representing Scotland. boiling the rice. (roasted seaweed) on the rolling fillings such as salmon, tuna, well known. Other varieties Already unnerved by sporadic sniggers from mat and cover about two thirds of tiger prawns, shitake mushrooms. include California Maki with behind my back, I hastily added a straight line What you need: the seaweed sheet with a layer of grated carrot. courgettes. mayonnaise, crab and avocado. for the Scottish border, and in doing so sent Sushi Sudare (bamboo mat £2.251 the cold rice. About half a cm cucumber, spinach - take your Kappa Maki has cucumber and matters from phallic to pornographic. I can still Sushi hiori (seaweed sheets thick should he fine. pick. As long as the flavours are sesame seeds and Faromoki hear the laughter now. £2.19) 3. Place thin strips of lemongrass, quite subtle and complement each consists of dried gourd strips. The point is, not one of your teachers, and Pickled ginger (£1.15 for I I Ogi pepper and avocado about 2cm other, the possibilities are spinach, egg, sea eel and ohoro not one of the books, (nor any of the previous Wasahi paste (£1.35) from where you will start rolling end less. Freshness and quality are the assistants) ever told me that drawing Britain is Vegetables or fish as you choose. so that it ends up in the centre. Another idea is to substitute main principles of Japanese something to be done accurately. For our sushi we used avocado, 4. Making sure the seaweed sheet the Nori with a parcel of salmon cuisine. Seasonality and Winning back the respect of the pupils has lemongrass, red pepper and is tucking into a tight cylinder. or if you're feeling extravagant, simplicity are important in been deservedly difficult, especially as I live pickled ginger, all available from begin rolling the bamboo mat to build up a block of rice and cut maintaining the uniquely subtle on the left testicle. Maumonial International form a tight package. into bite size pieces. Cover with a flavours. Sushi embodies the true Still, live and learn, as 'they' also say. Supermarket on Brudenell Grove. S. Take a moist knife and prawn that has been cut along the character of Japanese food. Alex Alex Catnemn is third sear French student The beauty of sushi is that the possibilities are endless teaching in Alsace

41 18 OUTLOOK Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 ON YER Probably the best BIKE job in the world Your fortnightly guide to careers events in Leeds Think you can sell ice to an eskimo? ZOE FELLER investigates Tuesday February 2 Procter & Gamble hi.31ipro Headingley the lighter way to enjoy the ad-man's game Cameron McKenna 5,00pm, Careers Seminar R. K7111 Tips for applications ,4 interview. HERE are three ails-- to get into advertish either have to Wednesday February 3 You 2.00-4.00prn 1310 Parkinson Building. work incredibly hard, Aptitude Testing. be exceptionally gilled or he very lucky. 1 was lucky." I xeds graduate. Chns Mooney is a Thursday February. 4 ae. a riles at a London •dvertising Titmuss Sainer Dechert .IL!CrICs surd he is aware of the 5.00pm University House. .leakiaility of las job. Training workshops: ' ye met people who see 'la a ming as their dream joh. They Ntonday February 8 are a Wine (ii work for free to get a .4:30- 11:30am Careers Seminar %man Mot in the door." he says.. Cons feting a CV. This is ilia an uncommoti plil:noineraiti. London agencies have 2,00pm Careers Seminar %aim' so many well-qualified graduates *Step' Programme knocking on their doota that they can demand up to two years unpaid work. Linklaters It is a good idea to build up a book of 5.00pai University House ideas to show at aaaaaaaa. inn it can Skills for commercial law he very difficult to get that far. ales sueh a competitive industry. Yorkshire Water you've got to really believe in e.30pra Senior Common RI aim yourself," says Chris. "You've gilt to he able to sell youraelf and your Thesday February 9 ideas. I I -12pm Great Woodhouse Suite all depends on the agency. A career in retailing Some of them are stuffed with Oxhndge graduates, others are real 2-3pm Great Woodhouse Suite. OVER THE MOON: Chris Mooney celebrates getting his job at a swanky media party meritocracies where only the best Marketing. production. sales will succeed. But in all the firms, you wanting experience. Perks are not advertising is very different to College of Art and West Hens have to be- realise that someone else is quite as exciting as those that buyers journalism, he is sure that his media College. 510pm Careers Seminar Room "This is the hest place to mart going to have the final word." and account holders gel. experience helped hitn get his job. Working in Museums A copywriter works as part of it "There isn't any of the "It wasn't a conventional way to like-minded people with whom you creative team with an art director. The schmooring that the account handlers get into the industry. A lot of people can form a creative team," she says. Wednesday February 10 team does nut meet the client directly. do." says Chris. "But we do get do postgrad courses in advertising. Agencies are more likely to take Bechtel Water but receives a proposal from the (in a team, especially one that has 6.00pm Senior Common Room account handler explaining what the already produced work together. Engineering/ business or computer :audentst client wants the advert to say and to However. they may expect the team whom it should be targetted. to work for free. Thursday February II "You then get a lot of sitting `If you think "I could do better There is no exaggerating the 201-4.00pm Careen, Seminar' Room around with pads of paper and competitiveness for jobs in the Have a go at aspects cif a typical interviews in a marker pens corning up with ideas." creative advertising industry. It either non-threatening situation explains Chris, 'The best three or so needs a lucky break or extreme hard arc then suggested to the client. and than that," or come up with work. after a lot of consuilatiun, the final ail "Don't be put off," says Sue. "If VISIT THE CAREERS is funned. you're the kind of person who thinks SERVICE WEBSITES "It's good because right from the snappy slogans, then go for it' 'I could do better than that' when you FOR MORE beginning, i'Ve been left tit my own see an advert, or are always coming INFORMATION devices. Once an idea is chosen, I get up with snappy slogans, then go for complete responsihilty for all the invited to swanky media parties. but they're also really hand to get it." Leeds University: words. The art director eboosas It really lends itself' to doing onto." Chris is proof that you can get www.leeds.ac.uk/careers the photography and design. although other things. I know a copywriter Sue Hawksworth of the Leeds ahead in advertising_ without being I do get It' choose models and go on who is writing a film, another one University careers service believes an Oxbridge graduale. After eareful photo shows and film seta, which is a designs hoard games and I urn a that these courses are the best way to alinsideration, he say s:"11 you're a Leeds Metropolitan great perk." freelance joarnalist." break into the advertiaing world. creative person. it's u great way to University: Starting salaries can vary. Chris took a postgraduate diploma "There are only two places in make money out of your talent.. Bur www.lrnu.ac.uk/aqd/ especially because so many junior in Journalism al City university alter England that offer a copywriting and you have to he prepared for other careers positions are filled by unpaid staff he left Leeds, and although art direction course, Falmouth people to have the final word." BUSINESS GAME - 16TH FEBRUARY OUD Unilever 5:30 - 7:30pm See Careers Service for details Unilever Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 OUTLOOK 19 More sleaze please The 1990s has been the decade of sleaze but LUKE ROBINS-GRACE laments the new whiter than white era of politics

OMRA DES, let ns to resign - the Blair values at all Like all action, but I can't help Pre- occupation with image gloat! Three 0 POLITICS administration has equalled governments before them they bemoaning the consequent reflects an inability to engage ministers resigned that in a year and a half.' careered through the line disengagement with more with those real people and real in almost as many at the sight of such calamity? I Unfortunately, the rush to between private and public. If important issues. Polities has issues Tony Blair keeps weeks. Blair's think not. self righteousness we are to laugh at a minister's an unsatisfying, narrow remit mentioning, Where are they? Cdomestos style politics After the denouncement of spectacularly misses the point. fall from grace we must if sleaze is the most important I'd love to meet them. appear to have been a the MandelsonlRobinson Don't get me wrong. remember to berate the Om up for debate. Keeping your nose clean in resounding failure. affair, a Mirrrir columnist high corruption is clearly not a authoritarian moralising which The squeaky clean moral politics is a messy business, Jack Straw's son was been mindedly declared that good thing, but the politics of defines that grace from which high ground is a disappointing the ramifications for politics busy selling weed whilst Ron successful businessmen and Daz Ultra leave a had taste in they fall. trend. In a world where style arc grim, and ultimately it is Davies was otherwise engaged politics don't mix. As far as my mouth. takes precedence over content. we who lose out most. on Clapham Common. He Robinson was concerned this Take the tories the grand OT ONLY does the image makers and PR Politicians want you to laugh wasn't doing drugs, but is absolutely correct. Finding masters of sleaze. It was anti-sleaze agenda blur consultants are turning polities at them. It gives them the neither was he there to admire tax loopholes one minute laughable when ministers . Nthe distinction between in to a game of celebrity moral high ground and the view. Best of all, however. whilst engaging as Paymaster resigned, bowed down and private and public. it makes squares. DaVid Trimble posed detracts from proper is that Big Brother Mandelson General the next is moral yoga even died in a flurry of for very regressive polities. recently with Bono in an effort governance_ has finally hit a rather rough al its best. The Economist was handcuffs. lose children and Martin Bell may haYe saved to reach out to us. Suggestions Next time a government patch of turbulence in his also queuing up to give a tangerines. especially while Talton from a fate worse than that Jeremy Clarkson was to minister is caught in a public meteoric rise to global smug account of recent events simultaneously promoting Jonathan Ankin, but with what become the Conservative boo with the shadow domination. This might be - In the live years of the family values. The real did he fill the vacuum? transport spokesman show that chancellor. don't gloat, it only quite amusing. but is it really a Major governments, two menace, however was that Ai tkin's failure is a great the Tories are also flirting encourages worthwhile enterprise In revel cabinet ministere were forced they were promoting these examnle of democracy in with pop-star politics. them. dr: Ashdown's final curtain ri flow, his ileiVe righteousness was Too close to the government to to the point that Paddy's his imndidaey By Nicholas Greenhalen indeed a thing to behold. And of attack them poverty, but not enniihility was destroyed. riery he the kiss of er atm no one will forget how, close enough to gain any real Laughter is the most powerful death. Though six when 'attacke4 by a racisi on the rewards, he was stuck in political political weapon and it was used months away. the campaign trail the former soldier no-mans held, which always ends to devastating effect that outcome will he retired last week in personally 'subdued' his in fatality. Despite bitchy afternoon_ the most typically honourable fashion. assailant. exchanges in the conmions, Paddy's retirement is a important event in His vohmtary exill led to misty- crushing blow for 'the prnjeet% polities this ytme eyed. universal praise being opposition to formai Lin-Lal• ties and the result heaped on. Too close to attack Labour properly, is now strong in both pa and could signal either However this analysis is more Paddy's role as a key architect a new era of wishful thinking than reality. but not close enough to gain any real was crucial. There is now much plurality or eternal Paddy is retiring with his tail in:rimed scheming as forces on damnation under between his legs. barely hidden rewards both sides try to capitalise on Labour. rifts appearing where once there Paddy's departure. was harmony. The last year has The Liberal Dent's future is seen a dismal performance and Unfortunately-the Blair years kntavn that Ashdown and Blair uncertain. Cturiditkites standing Paddy is the man responsible for have seen him lose his are friends and have much nano for the leadership range teem that. judgement. Labour's inV1IRSIon to in common with each other-than Simorn Hughes' old- That's not In say Paddy hasn't the Liberal Democrats to join their respective cotleagtmes. fashioned partisan' tactics had his moments. He's the one them in an inteintud coalition was The Final blow came a few to the right wing politician who has successfully perhaps the emu-name's weeks ago at PM's questions. In Menzies Campbell who avoided the tabloid instigated eranitto more. perfectly response to Paddy's ail:a:6%m seems to be unaware sexual McC.anhyism of the last anticipating Paddy's eageniess in Labour's health policies, resident which puny he belongs two decades.. He took is party that punicipate in government. 'median Detests Skin eor called Kennedy I, die polls verged on fixing non existent and Col-lona:nye oppi 'sib I )1i kit Blair to sack Ashtlnwn. The favt ;mite, thought has given it respectable poll proved to be Paddy's fatal aria. reselnag Mario,. %%as humiltatina Blair's endorsement of \,.....r_infinp. When Paddy was in full

43 daMINIMMI. 20 OUTLOOK Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999

Please write to: Letters to the Editor, LEEDS STUDENT NEWSPAPER Leeds University Union, PO Box 157 LEEDS LS1 1UN Your life in Letters Email: [email protected] Hashed up laws Time for peace Rivals challenged the stars AQUARIUS (20 Jan - 18 Feb) For a change, think talks in Church to squash egos about what you want to do. Focus on favourite projects lower standards or arrange any meetings to advance your financial aims, Dear Editor, Dear Editor, Dear Editor, Judging by extrovert Mercury's link with unpredictable Uranus, you'll be less at odds with life but this doesn't Just a note regar ding the big bust With regard to the story 'Society I'm writing in response to the up at Kirkstall Brewery mentioned in changes rules after protest' in your last flattering article about LMUSU rule out some surprising news or a tremor of last week's Leeth Student. issue, I want to point out that whilst men's squash team in last week's emotional tension. k After having lived in Holland for "Christ's teaching" and homophobia spoil section. three years I have experienced a might be as incompatible as Bryany Congratulations to LMUSU's PISCES (19 Feb - 20 Mar)Your own ideas for the society that despite the fact it has Hall suggests. this liberal attitude has squash team on winning the short-term, shouldn't be rushed.The good news is that decriminalised marijuana for many not always been displayed in the "Northern League", I can only despite some difficulties surrounding a personal history of the Christian Church. presume they actually mean North arrangement. your luck is increasing. Lively planets are ... decades. has an economy. social system and standard of living that After all, the word 'faggots' in this East merit league II. helping your overall expectations, but don't do more leaves the UK to shame. context derives from the medieval I think being big fish in a small than time allows. If you're striving to expand a specialist If you do use marijuana you may Church's "un-PC" practice of burning pond has really gone to their heads. interest, then this is your lucky week choose from a wide selection of sodomites. along with witches, Team captain Donelan's naivete is Hashish or grass which is of a quality epicureans. etc. exemplified in his comment alter ARIES (21 Mar - 20 Apr) Imagine basking in the that is sadly rarely seen in the UK. but There is good scriptural basis for heating a weakened Hull side, " I sultry sunshine or holidaying somewhere busting with you don't have to consort with antihomosexual discrimination in can't see many teams hieing as strong fun.The planets favour a delightful holiday breakThe criminals to get some decent puff. Genesis, Leviticus and various Pauline as that." splendid news is that whatever you do to stimulate Face facts, people from a variety of epistles. Whilst the Anglican Church I can tell him now every single your love-life, job or family plans. the stars will boost backgrounds have been smoking pot may choose to relativise these worries team left in the championships is a your efforts.Trends are definitely improving so do your since the 60s and the attempts to stop away in a nebulous cloud of undefined lot stronger than Hutt. If LMUSU best to improve with them. this have not worked. The only thing PC, they are still present in the fabric had bothered to turn a team out for the present law does is allow a lot of of Christian thought. as was the match against LUU they would TAURUS (21 Apr - 20 May)There is scope for people to make fat wages. excellently demonstrated by the recent. have realised they're not even the hope. Cast aside your usual get-there-in-the-end It is not at all surprising however clash between British Anglican and best team in Leeds. tel alone the attitude. Even though you'd love to shock one or two that due to government cutbacks African Anglican Bishops over country. people.you don't have to be outrageous just regarding student funding that more the ordination of gay men. The CU Their "quest for the national title" inventive.Switch to some fresh social outlets or swap students are considering selling drugs and the LGBS should he prepared to could he compared to that of the ideas with your friends.You'll be surprised by what to help then fulfil their goals seriously debate these important issues Reggae Boy/ in lust summer's world you stir up - or who you meet academically. rather than regarding each other with cup. Good luck against Warwick Would it not be much smarter if the concealed suspicion: pious next week but it' any silverware GEMINI (21 May - 20 June) You're still having some poor students of Kirkstall could go to witehhunting of the un-PC. and comes hack to Leeds it isn't going to trouble getting one of your Ideas understood. Maybe a coffee shop at the bar instead 0110 hypocritical lip-service paid to PC have metropolitan engraved on it. you will have to deflate someone's high and mighty sonic dodgy git weh a coke habit? ideals are equally unhelpful in this son attitude. Sometimes it pays to be cruel to be kind. If of situation. A. Taylor. they can't see logic of the situation, then say what you Name willed(' Jonathan Lynch UV squash captain need to but be as tactful as you can.

CANCER (21 June - 20 July) Do something different and you'll see the changes it makes.This is one of those phases when anything could happen DOUBLE CROSSWORD No 10,012 between you and someone who isn't seeing eye to eye with your ideas. If you're dealing with a self- 1 2 3 4 6 7 CRYPTIC CLUES opinionated individual, then don't hesitate to say what you think 8 ACROSS DOWN 9 ■10 1. Runs caused by 2 Toward the Onent LEO (21 July - 21 Aug) Unlike fellow Leo Bill panic in the stock on loot? (3) *it Clinton, you won't get impeached. It's all down to how markets, perhaps (9) 3 A bottle held In much you want to cling on to what is unworkable.Your 8. Sphere or ball loses triumph, I alighted (5) chances to get ahead in whatever you choose are very 11 12 everything (3) 4. Dismal listener in good.The one thing you can count on is that new 9. Drove one mad, arid surroundings (6) experiences will keep you both guessing and keen to It may be 5. Disposes find out more. of benches (7) So mawkish' (11) ■ 6 . Loses time in 13 14 15 11. Uniform for a soldier (7) VIRGO (22 Aug - 22 Sept)You've just as much fresh ceremonies (11) 12. Sole source of drink (5) right as anyone else to state your position.You need to 16 7. The more there are. 13. The French exam is be particularly on your guard against spending too the fewer there are! (9) much, too soon. Spin your money out because there most up-to-dale (6) . They follow each 17 imi 19 10 are better times ahead.Any streak of misfortune can 15. Have a lofty aim? (6) other one falls be watered down by accepting it as a necessary part 17, A number go next but, it's the other of your personal growth. MI to the small that breaks! (5. 3, 3) ■20 21 church for fish (5) 11. Tells about four kins- 18 Goes off and finds men (9) LIBRA (23 Sept - 22 Oct)After the 15th your another partner? (7) 14. It is noted for creative, home and other family aims will brighten up, so don't allow anyone or anything to make you feel I 20. For people taking a dim lively playing (7) 23 view of the world? (4, 7) 16. It's clear there's inadequate.The reality is. you are basically a realist and, ■ 22 Time for some a note to correct (6) though you've a romantic heart, you usually keep your 19. Quiet way to dreams and plans in check of the races (3) SOLUTIONS TO Smooth things over (5) Quick Crossword answers 23. Flying - up and down PUZZLE 10,011 the touchline? (2, 3, 4) 21. One is confused SCORPIO (23 Oct - 22 Nov)Your power to win also fit the large grid for a long time (3) some of life's prizes sterns from your great capacity to QUICK endure all sorts of setbacks. No astrologer need Across_ 1 Reduce; 4 Stable; 9 remind you that you have coped with a lot of personal Miscellaneous: 10 Renders; 11 QUICK CLUES Ether: 12 Repel: 14 Users; 18 problems.You've wondered just when circumstances Strip. 19 Depnve. 21 Entertain- will start to brighten up. ment 22 Desert; 23 Chaste. . ACROSS DOWN Down: 1 Remark. 2 Disintegrates: 1. Dispirited (9) 2. Australian bird (3) SAGITTARIUS (23 Nov - 20 Dec)You probably 3 Crete: S Tenders, 6 Brosherli- CCL, 8. Tavern (3) 3. Expel (5) • feel you have more important things to do than nese. 7 Ensure 8 Close; 13 Ewer. 9 Refuse concentrating on redecorating, buying new gadgets or or. 15 Ascend: 16 Ideal, 17 Gen- 4 Plan (6) dumps (7, 4) E L 11 tle. 20 Punch 5. Diminish (7) searching for expensive items that'll fill your life with 11 Characteristic CRYPTIC 6. Differentiate (11) comfort and fun.After all, you're not going to change sign f7) s, Across: 1Typist, 4 Stow; 9 Reg} 7. Learning (9) one particularly forceful situation overnight 12. Bore (5) vestments. ID Set tree: 11 Loser: 10 Artillery attack (11) 13. Sailor's song (6) 12 Snips; 14 Graft: 18 Ashen: 11 Kept up (9) CAPRICORN (21 Dec - 19 Jan) Sometimes you have 19 Pasteur; 21 Caught napping: 15. Pleaded (6) to compromise.To build bridge to help you cross from a 22 Theist, 23 Flagon 14. Supporting 17 Muddle (5) structure (7) 3 difficult phase into more acceptable conditions means Down: I Thrush: 2 Printing-house 18. Interval at rest 171 finding a middle 3 Sever, 5 Tumbler, 6 Long-suf- 16. Threefold (6) course.You have to choose whichever is 20. Set up (11) Fr tering. 7 Desert; 8 Asses. 13 Pvich- 19. Viscous (5) going to advance your security and future prospects. 22. Eternity (3) es: 15Mascot 16Spine: 170re- 21. Finish (3) Focus on the more practical of the two options. gon. 20 Sepal 23. All persons (9)

44 Leeds Friday January 29 1999 SPORT 21 The shouting star His loudmouth style may not please everyone but radio and Channel Five commentator Jonathan Pearce enjoys a massive cult following. SEB VANCE has a quiet word in his earpiece

EOPILF. conjure up people aren't the same. Saturday many images when the changes people in this country." name Jonathan Pearce Pearce rose to prominence with is mentioned. One thing Capital Gold Radio, and he assumed a is for sure, when he cull status among his listeners. They 'speaks' you have no enjoyed his new brand of commentary pchoice but to listen. He Is sitting in which although exciting bordered on the corner of an open plan Capital hysterical at times.Then with the arrival Radio office. his large frame filling of Channel 5 and at call for his services, must of his chair. "If there is one he soon became heard outside the thing I could change about myself it London area. He consequently attracted would he to lose about three and a a lot of publicity, ma all of it good. Alan half stone," Pearce says as If he was Parry was one, in particular, labelling reading my mind. him a 'shouter'. A framed picture of himself and a -the co-called 'shouter' thing is so beaming Ian Wright is hanging above overplayed. If you went back to Brian lus desk. It is no great surprise that they Moore on television, Brian's volume appear to be enjoying each other's was much louder than it was toward the company. Both these men love to talk end of his career. he was much more and share a natural enthusiasm for the dramatic but he toned down over the game. years. If you listen to Alan early in his "It just comes naturally. As a career he was the same and indeed if commentator you have to keep in mind you listen to the velocity of his that someone supports a Liverpool. commentary, as I've checked the tapes. Man IJtd. or whoever you're I actually say less on air than Alan does commentating on. even if it is the most on a Monday or most other mundane 0-0 draw, the supporter has to commentators tor that matter. He is get something out of it. whether it is a entitled to his opinion. He was a very good away draw or a good individual good radio commentator, and he was performance or whatever. one of may influences." People are very quick to criticise. They must just sit there and go 'yes - a

mistake'. That can really get to you LITTLE JOHN: Pearce checks the form in his number one Leeds Student Pies: Nick Va

"Sometimes if it is pissing down This sums up Pearce's attitude. Luxembourg goalie dropped the hall v Argentina 1998 World Cup quarter- Pearce seems to be the only one who with rain and you are stuck outside in While Pearce and Parry may not be the like a bar of Lux. final as strangely one of his best. "That can not remember his commentaries. the middle of it all then it can be hard, best of friends. he still holds him in "He was saying in an article that I was a great feeling. Argentina out of the "Holland were playing Brazil in the people tend to think you are closeted high regard_ There are times when had prepared it beforehand, But I mean World Cup. Good bloody riddance," he World Cup last year. and 1 asked for a inside these glass studios, which we're Pearce while working on TV, is guilty how was Ito know that the goalie was gleefully says. There is one game, clip oldie commentary when they met not but IL just love being at a game of of not letting the pictures tell the story. going to drop the ball like that and that however, he would rather forget. in Dallas in '94. I told them that I football." But he will be the first to admit he has a it was going to squeeze through his "West Ham were going for couldn't remember who the I was secretly hoping that the man long way to go before he takes over us hands. h was the most bizarre criticism; promotion from the old Second commentator was but I remembered we hear behind the microphone would the country's premier Ciimmemator. people arc always looking to criticise. Division and they needed Sheffield that the winning goal was a be the same person without it. But after "Brian Moore. I had the highest You might think of them two or three Wednesday to draw or lose at Oldham magnificent effort from about 30 yards only a couple of minutes in his regard for but since he's retired I think minutes beforehand and then use them and then they would have gone up as They called hack 5 minutes later company, I find my hopes were ill- John Motson has taken over his crown if the Opportunity arrives." champions. The producer told me in the saying it was me. I just can't remember founded. -This is what people say to as the king. For accuracy of statistics, earpiece that Wednesday had lost and games, I can't even remember where I me, 'you're riot like you are when you the time he spends and his sheer his likeable bloke from the West therefore West I-tarn who had just lost was last week." are on the radio or TV', but when you dedication. He loves the game of Country. a Bristol City fan. may in front of me to Notts County at home, As you would expect. Pearce is an to the North football. sometimes feel permanently on were champions. I gave the information optimistic about the future. He is the Bank stand -I inn a great admirer of Martin Ttrial, constantly facing criticism out and 15,000 fans all ran on the pitch voice behind Robot Mtn, presents his at Arsenal Tyler, as he has changed the way and accusations. "You'd be surprised thinking they were champions. own sports show on Channel Five and and go television commentary has gone. I also by people. When I did Liverpool v "Then the producer said to me recently appeared 011 They Think It's 'fuck admire Alan Greets although we're not Valencia recently. I sard"they'd met 'score correction at Boundary Park Al! Over Jonathan-Pearce is getting off ref% social buddies, Spanish opposition beforehand in 19114 West Ham aren't champions' and they recognised and his reputation can only do you -The Motama, the Tylers, they're in the European Cup Final against Real all looked up at me and the gestures grow with the amount of air-time mar go into the experts. I'm just a novice. a late Madrid. with Bruce Grohbclaar they made suggested it may have been Channel Five are dedicating to sport. the starter and apprentice. wobbling on the line". two points difference. That was "I think what they're doing is very office "I'm lucky enough to work with "'Dunk' - something hit me as embarrassing." brave, They tried to get a new approach on people who have given me free rein to wrung straight away. it was Roma. Ten Pearce displayed no signs of pre- and they are still formulating that. It's a Monday express my emotions for the game and minutes later I said, "it was Roma they match nerves for his Channel Five hit suck it and see. but it's gone down and say not he tethered." beat on penalties. they beat Real 1-fa international debut. The England v very well. They will be bidding for that? You Pearce is also quick to defend the and Alan Kelly scored a scorcher." In Poland snatch was not that memorable, more arid more games. don't. assumption that he spends hours and between that time, someone in Devon hut the commentary was. Teddy "Who would have thought BBC hours working out possible puns and had written a letter and had alreadx Sheringham scored a half-decent goal would lose England games to Sky? phrases that he can casually drop into gone to post it to complain. I mean for but it was greeted with the glorious Who would have thought Sky would his commentary. fuck's sake they must just sit there and words, "READY. STEADY. TEDDY" lose to Channel Five. BBC had to pay "None of the puns and phrases are go 'yes - a mistake'. That was harsh which was preceded by, "Channel Five £675,000 to gel the first leg of Celia prepared. They just come to you. After and caul really get to you." - the station that brings you GREAT Vigo Liverpool for one game." the England v Luxembourg game I was Pearce has many arta memories ENGLAND GOALS," after Shearer The future looks bright fin' both criticised by someone for saying the commentating but he cites the Holland scored. Jonathan Pearce had arrived. Channel Five and Jonathan Pmrce.

45 -

22 SPORT Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 OWN GOAL LUU ANNIHILATE CENTRAL LANCASHIRE IN ONE-SIDED CONTEST Murali hard done by fame seeking umpire

T'S been a rough spoiling But Emerson decided to re- haw for Australia While open this most sensitive of issues Bruce and Sheila this week by going against the received celebrated Australia Day the wisdom causing Botham, I Benaud and Border to all recent conduct of their various sports officials has left a stain on condemn his idiotic action. That their country. Sri Lankan captain Arjuna A veritable Bill Clinton- Ranatunga has been slapped esque mark was left by cricket with disciplinary action while uinpirc Ross Emerson. Ross Emerson is free to continue just who Thu may have been asking compounds the feeling that if this too before this week and umpires continue to create the rightfully so. Since then it seems law rather than enforce it, it's that the good ump decided that about time they were brought to he needed a hit or media hook, not those who stand up to exposure and how was h•going them. lotto it? bony Meeny Munili Mo. 0 Doug Walker has He'd first no-balled Sri been accused of drug Lanka's star spinner three years taking alter his great ago along with the more season last year. SSurprise me. I always thought it (in)famous Darryl Hair, and since then he muy have decided was a bit weird that a Scot could• lie needed sonic unique selling start wining in any event that point to make his no doubt didn't involve knocking hack inevitable hook worth buying as copious amounts of alcohol with JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS: Awesome LOU romped home slotting in eight of the best to crush Central Lancashire iair has cornered the market head-butting as a tie-breaker talking about the original Bun win he did and didn't he fly through on his way to Eunipean gold and Instant lame? However with Iris previous track record it was silly not to expect something to be awry as he Fantastic hat-trick legged it around the course quicker than Shane Warne runs to his bookmaker. Therefore Dotigic is now in trouble and has fought hack in the grand tradition of British wins war of the roses athletes: deny everything. "1 have never taken any banned substance. I have never used the first on eight minutes after a live on the hour alter combining teams will meet again in what steroids and will be contesting MEN'S HOCKEY goalmouth scramble and then with MacLeod-Smith. should he a positive. draw for the findings." So it's either a real LUU 8 CENTRAL LANCS....1 made it two alter half an hour. Simon Hall-acre slotted home LUU. shame that Walker has been a This was Followed by a sublime from the penalty spot and then Captain Ian Craven is justifiably victim of a real injustice at the flee man interchange Inim a penalty made it seven with a thumping confident about his sides chances incident. hands of science or he has been BY GARETH GIBBON coma- which saw Ian lanes pounce drive from outside the area. in the competition and on today's What makes the whole running closer to the white line for the third. Lancashire stole a cunsolation performance it will be a brave incident even more crazy is that than we all thought. AN EXPLOSIVE hat-trick Alex Partakis made it four soon after and was probably person who bets against them. if there is any howler who is While the Diane Modahl case performance front Alistair from the rebound of a fierce deserved as they refused to The future looks bright as LUU incapable of 'chucking' it Ls has allegedly shown that people Macleod-Smith sealed Richard Gill drive as LUU succumb to an awesome LUU. played some breathtaking hockey Muniah Muntlitharan. He has a can be wrongly found guilty it Central Lancashire's doom outclassed their opponents. Macleod-Smith rounded off and look uncompromising in hereditary deformity of his right has to he said that in the majority as LUC romped to a crushing Central Lancashire's cause the goal feast late on to secure defence. arm which he cannot straighten of cases the original findings victory. was not helped by the sin-binning his hat-trick and cap an excellent Craven said: "This is our hest beyond 32 degrees. This alone is stand and lead to the subsequent A scinti I 1 axing combination of of their most influential player performance. chance of winning the cup, we've enough to satisfy the rules on his punishment. In Walkers case this aggression. organisation and silky after he accused the referee of With the ironies that sport seems only lost one competitive game alleged throwing. would mean a life ban from the skills from LUU left their rivals bias. to conjure from time to time the in the last thirty five and that was But his double jointed wrists Olympic Games. That would be no chance of recovery. Four goals The opposition came out in two sides look set for another against Sheffield. and shoulders create amazing sad for one of the new hutch of either s ide of half time destroyed a determined mood in the second meeting in two weeks' time in the "Today's game is a chance amounts of rotation which raised athletes and athletics in general a medicare opposition in torrential half and pressurised the LUU Busa Cup. to look at the opposition as we the initial doubts about his who have inspired a wave of conditions. LUU were solid at the goalmouth. Providing Central Lancashire don't really know how good they unique action. Therefore the ICC optimism about the sport in this hack and lethal in front of goal. But the defence stood strong defeat Durham and LUU overcome are, only that they lost to launched a full investigation two country over the last season of Alistair Macleod-Smith grabbed and Captain Ian Craven made it a strong Liverpool side the two Manchester and we beat them." years ago which exonerated his international success. But it action through video evidence looks like athletics is about to let and that should have been the itself down again. end of the matter. Naveed Raja Come along for Eurathlon A hint of Rosemary ODDS ON: Sunday sees As such take a look at the BECKETT PARK is playing host the importance of the event: BRADFORD City Football Club lifestyle will improve their chances America's premier sporting event Denver Tight-Ends of Shannon to Eurathlon IV, a major "Women arc poorly represented have teamed up with LW of making it. Good diet will The Superhowl being contested Sharpe and Ed McCaffrey in international conference designed at senior level in the vast majority graduate Rosemary Denison to improve their general physical in Miami, Florida. the race to he the first touchdown to look at ways of improving of sporting organisations. help teach their young players condition and can help prevent Super Sunda!, will he scorer at and 9-1 respectively 8-1 women's sport, writes Soh Vance. "We hope that this event will about the importance of healthy serious injuries which might ruin contested by the NFC's Atlanta with Ladbrokes, conference is being run by stimulate debate and possible eating. their rafters." Rosemary explains. Falcons and the favourites Denver The Contrary to popular belief the Federation of Yorkshire Sport solutions to ensure that they are Over three seminars, Rosemary One of the three seminars is Broncos of the AFC. The Broncos Odds On sees the game as being and will he examining how to given a voice at the highest levels." hopes to teach tomorrow's would- dedicated to young players' are the defending champions but a tight one with the winning increase high level female Leading LMLI experts Prof. be stars host to maximise their parents who need to know the there is no big di fference in the margin being between I-6 points participation in European Spotting Scraton and Prof.Talbot will be chances of becoming professional importance of their children's odds being offered on the two in which the Broncos are offered Organisations.Eurathlon's co- amongst key presenters in the event football players. diet. Rosemary can be contacted teams. at and Atlanta at 9-2. 4-1 ordinator Mel Welch explained running [rein 14-17 May. "A healthy and nutritious on 250 7089.

45 Leeds Student, Friday January 29 1999 SPORT 23

WEEKEND FOOTBALL FIXTURES

FRIDAY JANUARY 29

Nationwide Division Two Tooley too good Stoke City v Manehester City 17 45 SATURDAY JANUARY 30 NICKTooley scored a brace to give LMUSU B flattering MEWS FOOTBALL FA Carling Premiership Blackburn x. Toitenham Holarur 5-1 victory over a lack-lustre LUU 1 LMUSU 5 Coventry v Liverpool LUU outfit in this 'friendly' Everiou v Nottingham Foreit Middlesbrough ....Leicester City derby. BY BEN SOLOWAY Nem:mite v Alum Villa After the came, star striker AND ALEX KAMM Shell-Laid Wednesday v Derby Tooley was jubilant. He praised Soutluarripton v Lem/a United his team's performance and was a stubborn LMUSU defence, Nationwide Division One confident about the future. "I whose good work was Bolton v Mirada. expect to win some silverware". complemented by the side's Crewe v Sheffield United he said. attacking play which produced Huddersfield v Bruno! t'ily fpgwich v Pon Vale In the opening exchanges it a third before half time. Oxford w Barivaey was typical derby fare, neither A teasing free kick into the QPR v Portxmouth side having time to settle on the box was not dealt with effectively Stockport v Wolves Swindon v Bury ball. LUIT's passing game was and the hall broke to Tooley who I rarunere v Crystal Palace hampered by the heavy pitch extended his team's lead. Watford v Sunderland and they struggled to find their The home side failed to make WBA v Grrmslay rhythm. a realistic fight of it in the second Nationwide Division Two The visitors took advantage half. Despite the lion's share Blackpool v Macclesfield with some early pressure but of possession, they struggled to Minot Rover, v Coletwster could not capitalise. In the make it count. Cheitterfiela y Wycombe sixteenth minute LMUSU got LMUSU continued to thwart Fulham ti Nonhamplou Lincoln v Burnley the breakthrough they deserved. their attempts at goal and always Luton 8 Bournemouth Some neat play outside the box looked threatening on the break; Miltwail v Gillingham set up Declan Torpey for a midfielder Simon Armstrong Nails County v Reading Wuhan v Wigan powerful strike into the top becoming incre.asingly influential. Wrexham %Fresh-Kt corner. Armstrong made some Yak v. Oldham From then on the game fell weaving runs, exposing LU into a recognisable pattern. LULI frailty at the hack. it was his pass Nationwide Division Three looked the more comfortable on that set up Tnoley's second. Barnet Swansea lingtooti s Peterborough the ball, but their passing lacked the striker left with a simple Cambridge v Carlisle the necessary cutting edge. finish to put the result beyond Cardiff v Brentford Their task was made more doubt. Exeter v Plymouth (I lam Halifax v Rotherham difficult by a determined and A filth seemed likely for the Hull v Shreveaurry hard-working LMUSU side visitors when Tooley was brought Lepton Orientv Darlington whose commitment to the cause down in the area. Armstrong Manlifield v Chetter far out-weighed that of their stepped up to take the penally Rochdale v Plurtlep•dui seemingly disinterested but the strike was well saved by Scunthorpe v Scarborough opponents. Andy Gartshore. Southend v 'runway Mid-way through the first The visitors scoring was SUNDAY JANUARY 3t half the visitors struck again. rounded off with a header from Another Lifil attack was easily Damien Stuart after arsother quick FA Carling Premiership dealt with. the hall was played counter-attack. Amenil r Chel.ra '4.0) swiftly out to the left and from In the dying minutes Mark Charlton s Man I lid 14.0411 there the cross found the Winter's volley gave a modicum Nationwide Dhision One unmarked Rich Emerson who of consolation to the bedraggled naittivaav v tiradtani I UV! had time to pick his spot. LUU side. At 2-0 down LUU War! finally Having had their pride stung into life. For a period before wounded in this friendly. LUU the interval the home side looked will be looking to bounce back the more potent. However, the when the serious husiness of the chances created failed to trouble BUSA league starts next week. PUT YOUR HANDS UP: LMUSU ran riot in the derby fixture World Premiere

National Tour Top Thomas A fine nine Sponsor

hone crunching, tackling to From Back Page Lady luck was clearly not MEN'S RUGBY LEAGUE assert their authority. However. at times appeared to he fighting shining on LMUSU today. LMUSU 2nd .....34 TAW 11 on one of the few back moves a lone hank at the heart of the To the home side's credit Gavin Thomas drilled into the LMUSU defence. they were still prepared to take "...a truly dramatic ensemble BY BLAIR CAWOOD line perfectly, and danced past The thittl goal for LUU was the game to them with Sarah of dedicated dancers." the covering defence to score a a result of great teamwork Male attempting to find a SUNDAY rei..eliaAot A DYNAMIC performance superb in4ivistual try. between captain Lowe and weakness along the left flank. from a spirited LIVIUSU team The second half began with Sarah Hutchinson. the latter However it was not long belkire turned what should have been same fancily as the first, despite having been left completely LUU were back on the a severe test of their BUSA the sin-hinni lig of Dave Slater unmarked with just the keeper offensive. credentials into an easy win. for persistent interference. To to heat which she did with Jane I le Lowe completed The scene was set inside-the add to TAS•s•woo Dave Slater consummate ease. her hat-trick with the pick of first few minutes. with Mike came back to auto twice. This Hutchinson then almost the game's goals as she drilled Richmond making u hugse impact compensated for his earlier scored her second of the game the ball past the keeper from in both attack and defence to indiscretion. but for sonic fancy footwork outside the penalty area. The tlx err ughly knock the azinfidersr The visitors scort-d two late by LMUSU keeper Vicky Ptigg. seventh and eighth goals both out of the visitors. consolation tries, the second Unfortunately for Trigg it was came from penalty comers with Richmond melted and :galled resulted fn an a superb retrieval not long before Lowe'ssecond Karen Edge adding her name the first try by initially forcing of an up-and-under in the comer and WIN fourth arrived. to the growing list of scorers a turnover deep in the TASC by the TASC winger. The visitors started the Sarah Williamson finished half and then getting tip to put However, LMUSU finished second half the same way they the rout off in a thoroughl!, the finishing touch to a flowing with a flourish. when Gavin ended the first and pressurised deserved victory. move. Thomas snatched his second the LMUSU defence into further The last moment of the Fair During the f irst pthocITASC try, after a devastating run by mistakes. is one which Jade Gartside only completed their set of six the impressive second-row Rachel Cooper scored the would like to forget in a hurt) tackles once. A drop-goal from Richard Harrison. fifth after a penalty earner as she missed an open goal and Mon 22 - Sat 27 Feb 1999 the sixth tackle gave TASC LMUS Li coach was before a goalmouth scramble turned awn in disgust - thus Box Office: (0113) 222 6222 m-c their first p oint, delighted. " It wily a epud well would surely see LMUSU pull summing up how all her LMUSU lacked continuity. fought derby. although the a goal back but Helen Aspell teammates felt once the final but relied a ei Nikki, and .sumdimeN kicking needs work." saved again to deny the visitors. whistle hiew.

47 INSIDE Leeds Student SPORT DEAR JOHN

Infamous commentator Jonathon Pearce bends our ears

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW Page 21

IN A thoroughly one sided WOMEN'S HOCKEY affair, LI21.1 showed just LMUSU 0 why they could strike fear Glorious six appeal into the hearts of their Over 1,000 people BY PAUL GALLAGHER A GOLDEN goal and opposition when the tremendous fighting spirit MEWS HOCKEY every year are BUSA league begins again capitalising on sloppy brought victory. for I.MUSU SOI-A-SME TOURNAMENT next week. defensive work to slam in the BUSA North East men's recompensed for From start to finish. the home the opener. indoor hockey tournament STEVEN BELL home side were camped in It was not long before promoting them through to the national finals in slay. seconds of extra time. their spare time the LMUSU half with only the home side had doubled The 4-3 victory over The final was a match of a few fleeting opportunities their lead. Northumbria in the final was the highest quality. Captain for the visitors to get their The LMUSU keeper LMUSU's sixth straight win Sam Djavit set up LMUSU's names on the scorcsheet. Vicky Trigg saved the of the tournament and they first goal. Scott was in good Although the game was original shot at point blank are IOW of the top six favourite.: support and pummelled the What do you do with for the national indoor title. ball low and right past the only a friendly, LMUSU range but was unable to England Universities keeper giving LMUSU the returned home with their stop Jo Heck scoring with representative Ben Edwards advantage. But Northumbria your spare time? pride battered and bruised. the follow up. impressed throughout the equalised just before half time. They failed to withstand LUU were well on top competition, finishing with an The second half saw impressive eleven goal tally. Northumbria capitalise on the barrage of LUU attacks of their game by this stage Two of these were needed to two defensive errors giving You could join them, and help us to develop the which showed a good with further shots and make it 3-3 in the final. them the 3-1 lead from which degree of variety throughout crosses flashing across the Five man Northumbria LMUSti only just managed medicines of the future. the game. face of the LMUSU were defenceless against to escape, finally ending up goalmouth. Jenny Hopkins superb link play between victorious. The opening five minutes Djavit and Radley, who The golden goal was If you are over 18, a non-smoker and would like provided the pattern for the did her best to keep LUU powered through the depleted suitably followed by a mass rest of the game with LUU out of the penalty area but defence and flicked the hall pitch invasion by INIUSU's more information, call our Recruitment department captain Janelle Lowe, Page 23, Column 3 past the keeper after only 25 joyful supporters.

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