How Communities Can Support Survivors of Stalking” Was Developed by Survivors to Provide a Clear, Empathetic and Effective Care Tool for Communities
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We dedicate this guide to all survivors of violence, to those who came before us, to those we have lost, and to those who stand with us to build a future free of violence, abuse, stalking and oppression. This Guide Has Been Endorsed By: Ballet After Dark C.A. Goldberg, PLLC Victims’ Rights Law Firm Center on Halsted The Network Advocating Against Domestic Violence NYC Cyber Sexual Abuse Task Force COLLECTIVE COLLABORATION Many resources for stalking focus on victim safety, self-advocacy and the expansion of legal interventions. Yet, there are few pragmatic care tools that address how communities can intervene to support survivors of this violence. Thriving Through and mensen collaborated to build this resource for people who are supporting a loved one who is experiencing stalking. This guide centers survivors, builds the strength and knowledge of survivors’ support networks, and relieves some of the burden on people experiencing this form of abuse. We believe that our communities can and should be sites of safety and healing. Ending violence within our communities requires that we engage one another to actively participate in dismantling cultures of shame, fear, silence, bystanding, victim blaming and individualism. By building power with each other to intervene where violence exists, we create an infrastructure for a new world to live in. We humbly present this guide as an offering to our communities. survivorguides.org /// thrivingthrough.com /// mensenxoxo.com Written By: Thriving Through + mensen. Design + Illustration: mensen. All rights reserved. © 2021 Thriving Through + mensen. INTRODUCTION ................................................................................................... 1 On Language ...........................................................................................................2 How To Use this Guide .............................................................................................3 BELIEVE US. .......................................................................................................... 4 We’re Not “Crazy” - but Someone Wants You to Think We Are .............................6 Credibility and Oppression ......................................................................................7 UNDERSTANDING STALKING ............................................................................. 10 Defining Stalking ....................................................................................................13 Stalking and Technology ........................................................................................15 The Gravity of Stalking as a Form of Violence .......................................................17 A Note on Statistics + Reporting ...........................................................................19 Stalking is Deliberate ............................................................................................20 EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR THE SURVIVOR AND YOURSELF .......................... 22 Empathetic Listening .............................................................................................24 Communicating in Small Bites ..............................................................................25 Intuitive Responses ...............................................................................................25 Reality-Checking + False Alarms............................................................................26 When A Survivor “Ghosts” ....................................................................................28 Digital Violence = Digital Trauma .........................................................................28 Invisibility is Stressful .............................................................................................29 Dormancy + Escalations ........................................................................................30 Taking Care of Yourself ..........................................................................................31 UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA RESPONSES .......................................................... 34 Types of Trauma Responses ...................................................................................36 Coping ...................................................................................................................37 What No One Wants to Talk About ......................................................................38 COMMUNICATING SAFELY ................................................................................. 41 Communication Platforms + Apps .........................................................................43 Group Communication ..........................................................................................44 Camera Consent ....................................................................................................44 SOCIAL MEDIA SAFETY ..................................................................................... 47 Photos + Tagging ...................................................................................................49 Harassment, Threats, Defamation + Doxxing ........................................................49 SAFEGUARDING LOCATIONS ............................................................................ 51 IRL (in real life) ........................................................................................................54 Snail Mail ................................................................................................................55 Event Invitations ....................................................................................................55 Accompaniment + Safe Houses .............................................................................56 STALKING BY PROXY ......................................................................................... 58 Your Relationship with the Stalker ..........................................................................60 Stalking via Community .........................................................................................62 Stalking By Powerholders.......................................................................................62 Swatting + False Reports .......................................................................................63 Stalking through the Courts ..................................................................................64 TRACKING + REPORTING .................................................................................. 66 Monitoring Stalkers for Threat Assessment ...........................................................68 Tracking Logs .........................................................................................................69 Law Enforcement + Legal System Involvement ....................................................70 Orders of Protection .............................................................................................71 CONSENSUAL COMMUNITY INTERVENTIONS .................................................. 74 Accountability + Restorative or Transformative Justice .........................................76 Exposing Abusers ..................................................................................................77 Protecting Communities ........................................................................................79 Securing Community Spaces .................................................................................79 ECONOMIC JUSTICE ......................................................................................... 83 Gifting Money ........................................................................................................86 Giving Circles .........................................................................................................87 Public Fundraising + Crowdfunding ......................................................................87 BUILDING A SUPPORT TEAM ............................................................................. 90 Squad Up ...............................................................................................................92 Building Trust and Relationships within the Support Team ....................................92 Identifying Roles ....................................................................................................93 Support Team Safety ..............................................................................................95 Endurance ..............................................................................................................95 BE AN UPSTANDER ............................................................................................ 97 Intentional Language .............................................................................................99 Digital Security ......................................................................................................99 Educating Your Community .................................................................................100 IN GRATITUDE ................................................................................................. 102 GLOSSARY ........................................................................................................ 103 ABOUT THE AUTHORS ..................................................................................... 114 THRIVING THROUGH // thrivingthrough.com