ISSUE 9 Feb/Mar 1999

NEW! NAKED It’s been at least a YEAR In the news ell it was an exciting kind of year. What with the World Cup, you will virtually be able to do the the onset of Digital TV, the rise of the Internet and the week’s shopping and have it delivered TWINS! whole world getting mobile phones [If that sounds like a by a small virtuous mechanoid (see W 1). This will continue as you adorn techies dream then hold on, we’re going somewhere with this…] your virtual helmet and have a virtual So as we hurtle headlong into the new millennium, Madhatters night out. And what better way than takes an in depth look at how the future will change our lives for- to finish off with a virtual kebab… or ever. a curry, perhaps? ROBOTS - There will be robots and they will do everything from taking the ENTERTAINMENT - Never go to the dog for a walk to ironing and stuff. theatre or cinema again as you digital- SPACE 1999…erm, THIS YEAR. We will all be able to live on the Moon ly create your own plots, actors and and fly around in spaceships and stuff. Perhaps we can look forward to our scenes in a container the size of a next Medieval Lunar Banquet in zero gravity. small bag of nuts. SQUEEZEE MEALS - We think that even the most sophisticated gourmet PUBS - People will go to pubs and meals will be replicated in paste like form - and with all the nutrients - much have a drink every now and then. like toothpaste now. But exercise caution when cleaning your teeth. That’s the future then - for the most Dannii - you decide HOME SHOPPING - From the virtual comfort of your virtual sitting room part anyway. We know because we’ve seen it and read about it and talked to some top science people. If you are interested in the future and have some spare cash, why not buy some hi-tech Congratulations to PIP HUMPHREY and gadgets. In the meantime have a Brave New Year and don’t stop reading PAUL YATES on the birth of their new PAINTED MAN Madhatters (well not yet anyway). sons. Pip gave birth to Twins Jack (6lb 10oz) and Alexander (6lb 12oz) born on PREMIERE New Hatters Role call November 30th. Both Mother and babies are doing well! Late again! How quickly a year comes and goes, and what news it brings... Those astute hatters will realise that the last issue was well over a year ago. So, apologies to everyone. We may be late - but at least we’re consistent in being late. We’d like to welcome those outgoing folks from the The Premiere of Simon Hopes’ new film bowels of last year’s UHDS into the warm bosom of this issue… ‘Painted Man’ took place on a chilly Madhatters. If you have any suggestions to help Madhatters sur- Saturday evening in November at the vive and flourish into the next millennium we’d love to hear from Inside Madhatters Planets Complex in Woking. Much expecta- you. And to all those oldies - don’t worry we’ve not forgotten you. Letters p2 tion rested on Simon and the rest of the UAC More snigger filled tom-foolery in this Ôleast readÕ It’s just that, well you’re no longer spring chickens now - and to section of the publication. Film company to make this one count. Find be quite honest Billie is more upbeat and entertaining than the News Round-up? p3 A Madhatters album, come again? No thatÕs next issue. out the perspectives on page 9. Quo. SEE PAGE 7 for your handy guide and introduction to What people who could be bothered have been up to. Madhatters - your top ex-Herts Uni publication. 32hr Challenge Special p4/5 Just what were all those people up to last May? Revue Reviews p6 YouÕve been performing again, hmmm. Madhatters for novices p7 UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE SUCCESS Your handy guide to cut out and keep Wedding Watch p8 he now semi legendary UHDS EveryoneÕs favourite PC ties the knot - and so do some More 32 set ‘32 Hour Challenge’ which more of you in, quite frankly, a display of maturity. started life in 1992 as the elon- UAC gala premiere p9 T ÔPainted ManÕ finds ÔA Piece of WoodÕ in Woking for next year gated ‘42 hour challenge’, enjoyed My Marathon Hell p9 another revival earlier last year. More true life readers stories The Madhatters 32hr Challenge took Soccerwatch p10 Following the success of last place back in May as an opportunity to, Roughton challenge for England spot in Football drama Where are they now p11 year’s first 32hr MADhatters “meet and get back to doing what we all Now where did we put those addresses? challenge, Ken & Justin are used to enjoy so much”. With some ster- Madhatter of the Year p11 setting their sights on ling performances, some surprise faces One manÕs struggle to put Kings Lynn on the map another next year… and a host of gaffs, guffaws and bloop- University collaboration p12 ers… well, why not read what happened Madhatters sells mailing list for large amount of cash for yourself on pages 4&5. Back Page p12 See page 7 for more details Some Oscars pics, news on the new Otis single and 32 Pictorial Pages 4 & 5 some other stuff to fill space. http://www.madhatters.org.uk Page 2 BLOATER’S Letters✍ DUB Write to Madhatters, Walmer Villas, 139 Verulam Road, St.Albans, Herts, AL3 4DN. E-Mail: [email protected] WE DON’T WANT YOUR SWEET CHARITY RUMBLED RESIGNING? Dear Madhatters, Dear Madhatters Dear Madhatters, I've just finished a mammoth 4 night run In October I graduated and as is neces- I’ve recently resigned from my job and of the wonderfully penned 'Sweet Charity' sary I went to a Pub in St. Albans with fel- thought this letter might help to any of with the acclaimed Stone Revellers at the lows to drink heartily. This seems perfectly your readers thinking of doing the same... prestigious Stonefield Hall aka ABB normal, however while drinking in this Canteen..... And all I can say is,Its Done, pub, I noticed a small piece of card stick- Dear:_ _ _ _ _ (name of boss), Hello again hatters, let me re-introduce it was great. It was better than great. I ing out from underneath my Beer. I pulled I’ve worked for you for _ _ (number) myself after such a prolonged absence. That’s was a geek in glasses. out this curious card to discover that it years. It seems like _ _ (bigger number). me, BLOATER, on the right looking like I’ve It was another bloody musical, but I sup- was Honey Langcaster James’ business Working for you was more boring than _ _ just had ten rounds with ROGER COLES. And pose when I'm feeling pretentious and in card! I put the card in my wallet, intending _ _ (funny cliche). Well, no more you _ _ to the left is my cousin SPLODGER. a group of people talking 'shows' I can to send her a ransom demand for its safe _ _ (alternative name for boss). You can This issue Splodge and I would like to talk say,'...... that's right darling, when I was in return. otherwise it would be returned in shove you job up your _ _ _ _ (part of about crisps and in particular, vent our Sweet Charity, or SC as we called it, ha, 4mm sections every 2hrs, but I didn’t get body). I’m no longer your wage slave, and spleens at that Gary Lineker. Now, as Chrissie ha, blah fucking blah blah BLAH...... round to it. Some kidnapper I would make. it feels _ _ _ _ (verb ending in ing) great! Hynde once said, ‘don’t get me wrong…’ I Anyway, all's OK in sunny Staffordshire, Strange, but true… You think money means more than _ _ _ like your Salt & Vinegar as much as the next and I look forward to seeing you all soon. Paul Scullion _ (your vice) but one day you’ll learn badly knitted cretacean, however I take issue I'm on E-mail, so drop us a line. [[email protected]] otherwise. I may be skint from _ _ _ _ _ with Walkers who are blatantly using the for- (date), but I’ll be doing what I want. mer England striker’s name in vain. I am of Ciao Babies, Davey Wild GO DOWN WITH KEV Unlike you! course referring to the alleged Salt & Lineker Dear all, _ _ _ _ _ (your name) flavour. P.S. I still make Electricity Meters for a Nope, not got married (in response to E- PS. Fuck work before it fucks you Now, maybe I’m missing the point but surely living, hell could not be more real for me mail request for Marriage news - Ed) any crisps that purport to taste of Gary if I lived in _ _ _ (withheld due to sensi- although I’ve been to more weddings than Thanks for helping me get that off my Lineker should do. Come on Walkers do the tive nature of comment). anyone else (It’s my job). chest honourable thing, chop him up and chuck Have taken ‘going down’ to a new profes- Dave Patrick him in the flavour mixing vat. MORE EXCUSES FROM EVANS sional level and passed my Dive Master Next time I’ll be looking at ‘Spice Girls’ Qualification so anyone wanting to go flavour snacks in particular new Cheese & MH, down with me knows they’ll be in safe TRIVET MYSTERY UNRAVELLED ‘Sporty’ flavour. Salutations and that. Sorry about the quite hands. I also have all the right equipment No Hanham’s Happenings this issue but unbelievable delay in getting everything to record it all on film. [Simon, How about please accept this perfectly adequate defi- done that I had promised. I have got 4 an underwater scene á la James Bond in nition: days over easter (that long ago eh - Ed) your next pic] trivet /'trIVIt/ n. 1 an iron tripod or to pen articles as promised. I have actual- Photographed that girl in the ‘Upper bracket for a cooking pot or kettle to stand ly managed to dig out all the programmes Hand’ the other day, you know the glam- on. 2 an iron bracket designed to hook on now so I have started. Still, far more ourous daughter of that McGann job - who to bars of a grate for a similar purpose. as importantly, the reason for the delay is said it was a glamourous job. right as a trivet colloq. in a perfectly good that after exactly 3 months at my new job Brought Microsoft off Gates for a fiver, he state, esp. healthy. trivet table a table with I have been promoted and I just wanted to said “I’m sure Kev can take it to the next three feet. [ME trevet, app. f. L tripes (as tell someone. I hope everything’s going stage far better than me”. I think its crap TRI-, pes pedis foot)] OK with the new biz. though, still can’t find the key on level 2. Chris (Evans) Cheers for now, Kev (Whibley) Chris Hanham

Coles and Bloater’s cousin Spangler - WANTED! - YOU “ere’ a word in your shell-like mate” Madhatters has now expand- Justin and Gary EDITORIAL PANEL ed so much that the Editorial remit is beyond the bounds FEBRUARY 1999 - ISSUE 9 in shock split of its present humble team. EXCLUSIVE BY SIMON HOPES Contributors: Dave Patrick, John Wyatt, We therefore invite anyone Simon Bennett, Andy Roughton, Justin Yes, its true - the cosiest couple this side with an interest in journalism, gos- Flute, Simon Hopes of Clapham are dividing their CDs, split- sip and gatering news to come ting the Scalextric and fighting over the aboard and be part of the Editorial Sub-editor: Andy Roughton Bread Bin. crew. It’s not a huge commitment JUSTIN FLUTE and GARY STEVENSON have Editor: Dave Patrick and would quite likely give you a been living together since their final year at Uni, warm glow all over. moving down to Staines in 1993 to continue the A space has been created If you have enjoyed reading this magazine, you may be delighted to know that the next issue is partnership. But, six years on they are to split for delegates from this years grads. scheduled for another release. Kerblip. after Justin’s announcement to move to Your mission is to keep in touch Hartwell, North Hants joining those other with your contempories and deliv- Please send all articles and contributions to happy residents, SION & JOSIE and SI & LIZ. Can you do this? If so, we may have an even Madhatters, 139 Verulam Road, St. Albans, Herts, er news to the MH desk. You may Justin is set to purchase a house in the village bigger opening for you AL3 4DN. E-mail: [email protected] and will continue his glittering career in multi- even get a badge and a pass and a hat media on a ‘teleworking’ basis. and a reporters pad and stuff. Remember - the enemy is closing in from all sides, we BACK ISSUES of Madhatters are available from a knockdown price. Collect issues 1-9 and receive a Gary, on the other hand is taking on ownership must keep our paper based fanzine safe for the future, free binder. Also available for preview viewing on of the flat in Staines and is rumoured to be Your humble editor, . the Internet thing. www.madhatters.org.uk turning Justin’s old room into a fully working Davey P brothel. Contact us for a ratecard. Page 3 the Alban Arena, Sep 8th - 12th. After that Julian appeard in ‘Wyrd Sisters’ with the Company of Ten at the Abbey News Round-up Theatre, St Albans on the 12th - 20th November. Lion taming days are over What’s been happening in your world 1998-99 SION HUGHES has now stopped being a lion tamer and is now a freelance produc- Farewell to Herts called it Ruff. Does this signal the end of attached windows. It even comes with a tion / floor runner, thanks to the persuasive July saw the departure from Hertfordshire Smokin’ Zone and herald the onset of a mouse or two. talents of MR RODRIGUES. for LESLEY WHITE who returned to ‘Barkin’ Zone’? He is in fact referring to the fact that he has Blue Hoo Southampton to teach. Meanwhile NICK Hatherley in ‘Back End of Cow’ finally finished his beloved Corvette car-port Old luvvie ALEX McKINVERN decided to try WIGGINS landed a job in The English shocker by adding some attractive corrugated plastic his hand, with other hopefuls hoping to fill Riviera as Assistant Arts, Events and Keeping the Madhatters Devon contingent in windows. A garage door may appear one day, the shameful shoes of Francis Bacon at the Entertainments the news, PHIL HATHERLEY has meanwhile BADGER is thinking about start- Blue Peter auditions. Unfortunately Alex Manager for Torbay confessed his fetish for Panto ing his own business writing books for chil- couldn’t handle the nose sherbet. Council. performances. Although not on dren. His first magnum opus is set to be Harv (Bye) has quiet year called 'The Car-port that Also to leave St.Albans stage for any UHDS productions ANNE LOUISE BYE wanted to be a real to follow his aerospace Phil has more than made up for didn't really get up to garage'. “I think children career in Lancashire this by being involved in recent much in 98. Just the might appreciate a nice was BRIAN BENSON. Sidmouth (SODS) sellouts. With usual - bought a house, tale about how a simple Brian has since landed last years effort, his Mum was got married and started car-port gained walls, a job with the RAF and directing/ producing, sister Avril a new job. However, “I windows and the big is due to commence his was principle thigh slapping boy, did make a significant clincher at the end would training shortly. MELIS- Phil was a gorilla and bits and his discovery...that when be whether it got a fibre- SA NASH also relocated then girlfriend was Goldilocks. hair colourants state on last year, in the leaving glass 'up and over' garage Lesley - Back down South Altogether, Oh yes she was.... the label that they are door from Wickes. I see of the Ash Tree house This years SODS Panto saw Phil not suitable for vast potential and a real posse - MIKE CRANE and NEIL PENNOCK being the front end of the Panto Cow to his bleached hair and that cult following”, stated the are now in Harpenden. Mums rear end. a strand test is recom- plucky mammal. Baby Oil Balls Litt returns after 102m bungy mended, they do that HELEN BALLS had a career move last Feb After travelling around the globe for about Carrie in Japan for a reason.” With a and now works for Johnson & Johnson. (If 15 years. JO LITT decided to come back ear- CARRIE GREEN has been wisp of green hair Harv Suzanne Burgess - frankly better anyone has a particular passion for baby-oil aly last year. Apparently she did the missing sanity (Not to at dancing than most of us feel s she has now let her know). It meant a relocation as the ‘Pipeline’ 102m bungy jump in New mention John) for the last made a significant company is based in Yorkshire in the heart Zealand... for a laugh which, “fair nearly few months over in Japan. With very hot and contribution to cosmetic research and of the Dales. filled my pants - I tell you!!” humid weather, constant dribbles of rain and has moved on. Burns Love Nest After having a chat with her firm about them the odd Typhoon, Carrie also went to see a Phil Philanders festival of fire in the hills which consisted of After being out of touch with MH for a while sponsoring her for citizenship she decided Our PHIL MILLER, apart from recently it was great to hear from MELANIE BURNS. not to go for the “marry someone way of being packed into a train for half an hour visiting Australia is looking to set up a Mel has just bought a house just round the getting residency”, stating, “it could get very and then watching men with their buttocks digital media studio at work, write a corner from her Dad with new beau messy!”. Jo came back to appear in the 32hr hanging out light minature bombfires. futuristic film script with the possibility Cameron (see Marriage special…) and to challenge - read about this on pages 4&5, “The ‘Pushers’ at the train station managed give a brief overview of Mel’s life since and is now working for a theatre down in to squash about as many as five hundred of entering it into a Channel 5 competition University. She is still working in Personnel Kent. people into three carriages! I saw a proces- at home, continue surfing, and persevere at MSD in Hoddesdon (same pharmaceutical It’s Dr John sion in Kyoto with all tra- with his dance tracks so we’re told. company that Warren Sweeting works for) (finally!) ditional costume and it Choreographer Contact Confirmed and has completed a postgraduate Diploma Life hasn’t stopped was completely silent Dear, dear SUZANNE BURGESS recently with them at Anglia Poly - bumping into for JOHN MEARES except for a few pipes. contacted MADhatters to let us know she’d Mark Jones a few times (no comment). Mel (above) since finally People are either really moved. Folks will remember Susan’s says she hasn’t been on stage since getting his doctor- over friendly and giving stunning display of patience for such Cinderella, however, she does still sing regu- ate from Herts. you presents or shouting musicals as ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ and ‘The larly (by her own admission she has hopeful- John has been in and pushing you around Boyfriend’ in which she single handedly ly improved somewhat since the days of Hatfield since 1989 as if their lives depended taught a flock of Engineers to ‘two-step’. 'Freddy my love'). With far too much money at least, but has on it.” Suzanne is still at the dancing school - spent on watersports holidays, skiing a few finally left the Uni Living in a tumble down one of her pupils has recently gone off to times last season, a visit to Abu Dhabi, and after having gained shanty squat that could study at the Royal Ballet and more recently a trip to S.Africa, it’s little employment with well have been an old last summer she Dr Meares… we presume wonder that we have seen little of her. F1 aces Jordan. knocking shop and with spent a week in Haver buys Cats Many hatters will remember John fondly as a mad old landlady con- Covent Garden as Amongst other news, MIKE AND MEG have regular ivory tickler and more recently musi- stantly spouting Japanese, sounds like she her girls were been at it again. First it was the garden, then cal director for UHDS. Playing in ‘The had a great time. dancing in double glazing, then selling motorbikes, Boyfriend’ to last years Jesus Christ Wathen in acting frenzy the West now the plucky couple have acquired some Superstar. Since his staring role in the 32 hour chal- End. cats. Still Mike was always in his element sur- Windows for Carports lenge as Duke Bronchio and as Harry Brewer rounded by… no, sorry…we won’t go there. PAUL HOPE’S latest project is a new win- in ‘Our Country's Good’, JULIAN WATHEN French buys Dog dows based project called 'Windows for has been in many recent shows of late. Not STEVE FRENCH and JO DAVIES have bought Car-ports 1.0'. It consists of the usual least of which was ‘Return to the Forbidden a dog. Cool. More importantly, they have Planet’ with the Regeneration Theatre Co. at structural framework around which are Anne Louise - Bye Page 4 The Madhatters, alumni of UH Drama Society, take pride, pleasure and 32 hours in presenting The 32hr Challenge in which three plays are produced from scratch in just 32 hours

Starring

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS AS YOU LIKE IT by Michael Green

Frederigo, a deposed Duke Mike Crane Dronio, his son Andy Roughton Testiculo, a clown John Wyatt Mud, a loon Dave Wild Bronchio, a usurping Duke Julian Wathen Friar Crucible, a holy man Chris Evans Delia, daughter to Bronchio Lesley White Lute player Dave Wild Grot, another loon Dave Wild Dracula, a nurse Jo Litt Messenger Dave Wild The God Pan, a God Simon Bennett Bolio Dave Wild Dave - small weedy soldier Dave Wild Ken - smaller weedy soldier Ken Rodrigues

Directed by Simon Bennett

THE BAG by SImon Hopes The Salesman Paul Hopes The Woman Honey Langcaster-James The Photographer Dave Patrick The Husband Ashley Pearson The Wife Jane Maclean The Garrulous Man Simon Hopes The Tramp Brian Benson The Backpacker Alex McKinvern The Attendent Bruce Maclean The Girls Jayne Ellis Caroline Payne

Directed by Simon Hopes

THE TECH CREW The Producer Ken Rodrigues Sound Gary Stevenson Technical Director Justin Flute Lighting Mike Haver Sion Hughes Stage Managers Amanda Hayton Josie Gordon Set Construction & Design Dave Higgs, Fraser Hayton, Liz Wild, Chris Hanham, Simon Smith, Brian Benson, Tom Pitt-Chambers, Dave Wild May 3rd/4th 1998 Page 5 How it all came to pass t was a weekend to remember. Perhaps it was the smell of the Prince touches and idiosyncrasies that brought the whole ideal to life in a way that must have pleased the man Edward Hall, or the amazing sea of familiar faces that greeted me as I himself on the play’s debut. ‘The Bag’ brought on walked into the Hall but it really felt as though I’d never been away. character after character to huge approval. From I Dave P’s, fumbling, double entendre packed, Before me was a most bizarre mix of folk, a wide array of Drama people Photographer to Ashley’s henpecked husband. With from over the years, some the greatest of friends, others who’d never acted Brian Benson’s excellent drunk and Jane Maclean’s oddly stereotyped ‘The Wife’, the show took together, and yet they all had one thing in common. on a life of its own. Alex’s backpacker, Bruce’s I hadn’t realised the full importance of what Madhatters audience quota, but most heartening excellent Jobsworth BR attendant and the two we were about to do until all the old stalwarts was the support from the current Drama Society girls (seeing Jayne Ellis and Caroline Payne back started filing in - a smile started spreading swelling the ranks to well over one hundred. on the stage) finished off the performance and were only topped by Simon himself with his across my face that got so wide it actually With a disjointed but well prepared and inten- tioned opening speech from Davey P and Si Hopes wonderful Garrulous Man. hurt. After some faffing - as faffing is par for and the first public airing of the hastily recorded If this review sounds a little over zealous - then the course with such events, Justin Flute Well Studio anthem, ‘The Madhatters 32hr so be it. There was a fantastic buzz about the unveiled his masterstroke - a time clock of Challenge theme’, the event expectantly kicked off. place as the show finished, paving the way for an such massive Y2K non-compliance that the First to pass was the Michael Green penned, ‘All’s even better cast Party to come. But that as they say countdown was on. Well That Ends As You Like It’. It was obvious from is another story… Messrs Hopes, Bennett and Patrick siphoned the the off that the cast were well prepared and pro- The event finished with a well deserved rapture acting talent into their constituent dramatic run-offs, ceeded to milk the crowd for all they were worth. Of for the Tech crew who had all performed admirably leaving not a drop to spare. A small briefing ensued, comedic delight was the multi handled Dave Wild, and solidly throughout. the teams dispersed and the Tech crew were left in leering and groaning, rushing in and stealing off in Some of the more memorable moments from the weekend were Amanda slipping straight back into the Hall to get on with what they’re best at. With inimitable style, and Julian Wathen who stooged a her old highly vocal berating of ‘those bloody actors’ help here and there from Tom Pitt-Chambers ne’er finer seen hunchback. With a solid backbone and the welcome return of Dave Higgs. All that was (current Drama Chair) and an explanation of the from Mike Crane, Andy Roughton and John ‘Twatty’ missing was that award-winning double act of new desks, Gary was tweaking knobs, Mike Haver Wyatt, plus solid support from Jo Litt, Lesley White George and Tricky. Roll on the next one! was up in the skylights and Liz, Simon et al set about and even Chris Evans the audience, reeled, rocked Madhatters would like to heartily thank again the the set design. and laughed out loud. Really! They thoroughly Drama Society, in particularly Tom and Caz who The plays that had been chosen were vastly enjoyed every moment - what was even more unusu- were helpful beyond the call of duty. different in their approaches. The farce required al was the lack of stutters, stops and line fumbles - By Dave P (Intro by Simon B) little in the way of set, whereas Simon Hopes self especially when considering the length of text penned voyeuristic master piece required the to remember. erection of an entire Train station. As the day rolled The show could hardly have gone by without a on and people set into their roles, it was just like the Ken Rodrigues Cameo™ His appearance as Guard 2 good old days in every respect. Crisis arose - and delighted the crowd. Your went, production problems reared their heads - and Before the interval, Honey and Ashley bravely were conquered. In fact, before you knew it the day took on the challenge of performing Sion Hughes’s Comments had gone and it was time to have a few beers back in opus. What was even more remarkable than the fact St.Albans and celebrate the Birthdays of Payne, that they stopped arguing for three hours was that it ------Maclean and others. took only 3 hours to prepare. A thought provoking, “Just a short note to say thanks for an absolutely Meanwhile Sunday morning brought with it the off beat, comedy largely looking at killing off the storming weekend. Much fun was had and it was usual, late arrivers, hangovers, headaches of magnif- population of the world. It went without a hitch and good to see so many people in the audience. icent proportions - it was still time to crack on the crowd sauntered down to the Vale Bar for Thanks again and see you all soon” though and Bennett and Hopes continued to fine refreshments with a wry smile (collectively). Chris (Evans) tune their respective acting entourages. Coming back for the second half, the audience were treated to a miracle of time constrained set It has been noted that these things get easier with “Oh, bollocks, I wish I’d done it now.” design, as the curtains rolled back to reveal the set each passing show. This time some actors found Roger (Coles) themselves without gainful employment and for the second play, Si Hopes’s ‘The Bag’, gasps made way for applause as the full splendour of the temperatures rose and nerves started to get itchy. “I think everyone had a really great weekend Into this breach stepped the capable hands of Sion set sunk in. The close proximity of the audience and and would be very keen to do it all again Hughes who put together a thought-provoking piece the cosy feel of the event added to the effect but you sometime. We even had an audience - which was from, literally, the inside of his own brain. So with have to ask what could be achieved if we’d had the nice! I was a bit concerned about the prospect of the clock honing in on zero hour, the stage was set hall for a month like in the ‘big show’ days. any kind of stage appearance, but by the Sunday for three performances. The audience, unexpectedly, The scenario based around the premise of the afternoon, it felt just like the 'good old days' and flocked to see the whole spectacle. In fact, perched ever present ‘Bag’ started with Badger as a pushy I loved every second of it. Great party too - a few on their jury-rigged coffee table grandstand at the salesman muscling in on an uninterested Honey too many show tunes, but this never stopped us edge of the stage, were more and more vocal than Langcaster James. in the past.” were ever expected. Roger and Nadine, Warren, Simon wrote the show after observing everyday Badger (Hopes) Simon and Sarah, Johnny Meares and more filled the activities at a station and it was these little human

The Bards perspective - by Andy, John and a small one from Carrie

And so we all met up again, up tonight what are the chances, From him I am learning to be a cad The hunchback duke like Patrick Moore, To see some with love, some with pain, Well, they will lessen the more he dances Twitched and gibbered when he took the floor, For 32 hours we all were one, On stage for a change we saw Jo Litt. His programme absence didn’t make him grump, And the party now has just begun Badger & Simon, the brothers Hopes, Her breasts had grown a fair old bit, And he had the weekend’s second best hump Wrote and starred in our tropes, Unfortunately one of them burst, There dreadful poems are all so trite, Tropes means plays for those not knowing, We guess with smaller she is cursed John Wyatt played a bit of a clown, Though please laugh with all thy might, But it rhymes OK and keeps it flowing Keeping us amused when we were down, This time there is no snog list, Wild man Dave showed of what he’s made, The question is though more for Carrie, Though weíll see what happens when we all get pissed Sex God Ashley comes on stage, His guts it seems do biodegrade, Are the two of them ever to marry? A typecast, hen-pecked, comic mage, For all his farts, he’s rather nice, So now we begin to people name, Give him a porn mag, whip and spank, From mud to grot in half a trice Those that failed to show will be gutted, No-one will be allowed to hide their shame, Live on stage he’ll have a wonderful performance For our funky thing we have strutted, We’ll try to give all a mention, The first is Dave who nears his pension Saturday night the Tech crew worked much later, You’ll be pleased to know that we are near the end, Cameo Ken, For ‘those Bastard actors’ they did cater, That these were funny please don’t pretend Davey Pea - a Madhatters founder, Did it again, They should all be praised so very much, In the past allegedly quite a bounder, Against dark cloth in rank and file, They are our stalwarts, supports and crutch For those not mentioned no offence is meant, Today he decided to regress, All you could see was his winning smile The pen to write these I was lent, And on Honey’s chest he left a mess Train man Bennett god of jungle, Also I’d become quite bored, Along those lines mention Mike we must, Face and figure of Rainbow’s Bungle, So let us now get drunk as a lord Brian played a Scottish drunk, For he is black but only just, Crack’d the whip and worked us hard, Though the question is whether he will get a bunk… He played my own Dad, But won’t strip off and show his lard THE END Page 6

THIS ISSUE OF MADHATTERS TAKES IN A LARGE NUMBER OF SHOWS THAT HAVE HAPPENED OVER THE LAST YEAR... WITH BOARD TREADING STILL A FAVOURITE OCCUPATION FOR MANY REVIEWS OF YOU WATCH OUT FOR MANY MORE FEATURES TO COME

on the PEH’s rear wall. Steve Deaville’s manic Our Country’s Good Aladdin Abanazar the magician rode the waves of laugh- ter like an acid dropping hyena on a surfboard DEC 98 - PRINCE EDWARD HALL and Carrie Gilham also deserves praise as the REVIEW BY JOHN WYATT first person to nearly have sex with Mr Bennett (on stage). Leon Sparrow as Aladdin provided pity you poor souls who have never had the the rest of the cast with a surprisingly calm and pleasure of seeing Simon Bennett in curly unmoving fulcrum around which they could slippers and baggy pants. The curly slippers I spin the plot, which centred around the acqui- in question were stepped into by Si just two weeks before UHDS’s production of Aladdin on sition of large golden pasties. December 2, 3 and 4, when he took on the role Using the genie in the lamp, Aladdin pro- as the Sultan. cures the largest golden pasty in the land and so The Drama Society’ grandee’s performance wins the hand of the Sultan’s daughter. But the was as full of fruity comedy as the script he had cheesiness of the inevitable ending was cleverly penned with Chris Hanham and Pete Hawes. dodged with another deftly worded song, Their Lloyd-Webber-esque songs provided a under the musical direction and flickering fin- gers of Chris Hanham. How much longer can APRIL 98 - PRINCE EDWARD HALL solid foundation, but many of the gags soared over the crowd’s heads to splatter unlaughed at Bennett keep it up? REVIEW BY DAVE PATRICK Simon Bennett should be walking around with a smile on his face. With a combination of intensive rehearsal schedules, a carefully chosen script and a deftly Des Lynam’s chosen cast, Mr B. managed to reap a spellbinder of a show on an unsuspecting audience who, I dare say, were not completely ready to be harvested. Timberlake Wertenbaker's highly acclaimed 'Our Country's Good' a tale essentially about con- victs and deportees sent to Australia has many moral underpinnings. To say the cast and crew Mustard Monkey did the show justice would be only half of it - for one of those very few times the cast actual- ly brought the story to you. From the first utterings of Mike Crane's adorned aborigine styling RAG REVUE 98 - ELEHOUSE, REVIEW BY DAVE PATRICK the dream like manner with which the native populace had been disturbed - you were in, he CHRIS HANHAM penned title underlined the basic premise of an evening nothing at hook, line and sinker. all to do with 'said' celebrity. The cast all dressed in regulation black trousers and white From here on in the tale unfolded as in a unique and inventive fashion, each member of the tops and went on to perform a series of skits, sketches and musical numbers to in most cast took on two or more roles, bringing a member of the ruling British and a convict to life. T cases the audiences delight - except for the excellent 'Toothbrush Samba' which was - as last The play centred on the colony’s production of Farquhar’s “The Recruiting Officer” and how time - greeted with the utmost bewilderment. its staging impacted on everyone from the incensed Major Robbie Ross played to perfection To say the show was a complete rip off of the Drama Soc's 1994 'On the Box' would be by Brian Benson to Julian Wathen’s lowly John Arscott. unkind, however most of the sketches were repeated in their entirety. It has to be said some Not strictly a UH Drama Society production this one, though the facilities and technical skills better, some worse and some about the same (vague reviewing maybe, but true). On the whole of many of the current members were utilised, Simon managed well to pick an excellent cast there were some solid performances and it was good to see some great raw talent pushing and crew. Madhatters, Andy Roughton, Brian Benson and Mike Crane put in some of the most through, especially worthy of mention are PETER HAWES and STEVE DEAVILLE proving that convincing performances I'd ever watched. Of special note were Steve Deaville and Peter comedy is all about... well, timing as well as good acting. Hawes who although in many other productions for UHDS this year were at their finest hour As usual, the Drama Society's devotion to the cause of political correctness ruled the day here. The female cast was equally as impressive, of note were Richelle Brundle and Sophie with more jokes bordering on the treacherous verge of homophobia than you could shake a Brookes who were excellent, none more so than in their convict roles as Duckling Smith and veiny bangstick at. That's not to say the show was actually homophobic - this would be a gross Liz Morden. untruth - and perhaps to rubber stamp the affair it was good to see former LGB chair, Gwilym It’s such a damn shame that in true Drama fashion the best plays always attract the smallest Roberts present to keep an eye on the proceedings. 'Near to the bone' should do the trick. audience! This in many respects was a repeat of 1995’s IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST The show started with a proclamation that the all powerful 'C' word would not be used, which again was seen by only a handful. Still life’s full of these little annoyances. It makes you then proceeded to reel off a barrage of examples to demonstrate. It was not long before the wonder why UHDS don’t break with tradition as well and do something like this instead of the highly topical peace-derailing sketch using the Northern Ireland Peace Process as its muse easy Panto option. If as many people had seen this as ‘Aladdin’, it may have changed the way brought the first offender. It was interesting to see Drama treading the oft-feared politics/com- the Drama Soc is now viewed by many sections of the University, i.e. as a Panto and Musical edy road. Demonstrating a new sense of political awareness, perhaps? society - no serious acting allowed. One of the highspots of the evening for me was the recycling of the much loved and well Bollocks to it - this was good, they should have taken it to Edinburgh. trod ' Sketch' first brought to fame by Messrs Pennock, Coles, Hennings, Roughton and Crane to name but a few 'involvees'. It was a treat to see Mr Small Arms and co. back on the stage in this thoroughly enjoyable jaunt. To their tribute UHDS 98 did this great justice albeit Jesus Christ Superstar the sketch a little shorter than usual. It was strange to see others performing it though... The obligatory 'Gonads' resurfaced, however without props and the obligatory 'loss of MAR 98 - PRINCE EDWARD HALL, sound' at the start it was one to quickly gloss over. Some sketches are best left in the closet REVIEW BY SIMON BENNETT methinks. ast years UHDS musical was even more of a triumph over As always the involvement of Simon Bennett and Chris Hanham was omnipresent. From adversity than usual. The show was to have been Cabaret Chris's ivory tinklings to Simon's thoroughly professional and sincere rendition of the now leg- but contractual problems stymied our intrepid Soc. Messrs endary anthem, 'Hatfield', it was good to see that although the two had guided the proceed- L ings, they had also stepped back enough from the event to let the other cast members shine. Lloyd Webber and Rice stepped in with support in the form of a much more lenient licensing company. Jesus Christ was our sav- The mighty 'Hatfield' left the audience of nearly one hundred folks on a high spot and the iour… I am not sure whether the time constraints were what cast took a deserved bow as they soaked up the rapturous applause. It's a shame that the event encouraged UHDS to dispense with their traditional fully didn't arouse more of an interest amongst the student population being Rag week and all. The dressed sets but the resulting mainly black space with only Elehouse could have easily stuffed a few more in, although the fact that I've just mentioned sparse props had a great deal of impact. Rag, Elehouse and now Drama in the same paragraph maybe says it all. Students are curious, The trio of main actors, Gina, Alex and Dave Marriott would fickle beasts with little money to spend on events they know little about. I'm sure revues of this have been a revelation if we didn’t already know how talented they are. The revelation was Steve nature would attract them in (and most would have enjoyed this one) - the question is how to Deaville as Pilate who put much visible emotional effort into ‘39 Lashes’. The old Wiggins magic get the message over? was present again in ‘King Herod’s Song’ delivered with a nod to the King of Rock - (an excellent Pros: A great performance on the whole with only a few weak links. setting by Director Sarah Biggin). Cons: I do wished they'd dusted off the Chocolate Chess sketch. IF YOU HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN A SHOW RECENTLY AND WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A REVIEW OR DETAILS PUBLISHED PLEASE SEND THEM IN AND WE’LL GLADLY INCLUDE FOR THE NEXT ISSUE... Page 7 Madhatters for Novices What’s it all about - Your handy guide

elcome to Madhatters - the top Alumni publication to come touch with all the right peo- petition. If anyone wants to affect you on a regular basis - from the University of Hertfordshire. To the novice reader ple. Incidentally if anyone enter all you have to do is move on to the next article. WMadhatters may seem like a crass, unintelligent, naive and immature read would like to ‘come out’ as it provide proof of Birth - were we’d gladly cover the preferably on Super8 Video, FOUR YEARS INTEREST FREE - full of ‘in-jokes’ and humour. The untrained eye may read through its skill- story. Come on, You know it oh and your own Ten pound AND NOTHING TO PAY UNTIL fully crafted articles without ever understanding the true gist of the underlying sub- makes sense. note. NEXT YEAR text. So if your feeling a little out of your depth, you have forgotten everything you ______A bit of a hot cookie this one. ever knew about being in Hatfield, or you just want to be led in gently, here are some TRIVET Madhatters is funded by the handy tips to make your Madhatters read more satisfying. Madhatters love affair with So thats pretty cool but now seat of its pants so at some of the Trivet was born out of an lets look at the constitution. the reunions you may be EXAGGERATION HANHAM’S HAPPENINGS ever mentioned in an article it obsession with Maturity. How asked to make a humble con- At its best you may take it as Undoubtedly the biggest pile will usually include some better to measure this than on THE MADHATTERS tribution to keep the press read that the article you are of nonsense you will read in derogatory reference to this a ‘sliding Trivet’ scale we CHARTER wheels rolling. reading is not 100% on the your life. Headlines to avoid fact. asked. Incidentally if you OUR PLEDGE TO YOU level. Real life can be very include ‘Man dies Fish’ and don’t know what one is - best A THOROUGHLY ENTERTAIN- boring - and hence stories will ‘Alien Bingo Caller explodes DRAMA STALWARTS keep it that way. ORIGINALITY GUARANTEED ING READ EVEN FOR THE be doctored to not reflect this. over Norfolk’. Everyone knows that some Madhatters promises to never ‘NON’ HATTER As a guide anything contained people have extended their DOMESTICATION (knowingly) publish any of Madhatters is a fully paid up within Madhatter of the BAD SPELLING time at the University of Also a top maturity favourite. those predictably docile e- member of the European Month is a total fabrication. There’s always someone who Hertfordshire by any means Anyone who gets married, has mail circulars in the guise of a Partner Inclusion program. spells things differently to you known or available to them. a baby, buys a house or shows relevant article - or for that This means that you can now IRONY - at Mardhatters we take our This is known as doing a other traits of ‘growing up’ is matter send you Pyramid let- leave your copy on the coffee Few people understand this spellig with a ters from table safe in the knowledge totally as Alanis Morissette so pinch of slat - Albanian that should your partner/ pet/ aptly pointed out. Madhatters and it showss. peasants. family member pick it up and is generally no exception but This feature is have a flick through - they will can sometimes be chock full more consistent ANNUAL be almost as entertained as to the brim with examples - in in Madhatters PARTY you are. We conform to ISO many cases without the than any of the We promise 6739. (EC Directive for small author of the particular pas- other points BECAUSE IT MATTERSto try and paper based newsletters) sage not fully understanding. mentioned here. organise at It is not to be confused with least one get together event ISSUE DATE PROMISES bad luck. GENUINE ‘Bennett, Crane, Patrick’ or systematically ridiculed and every year until there are no Madhatters reserves the right To go against what we said in most impressively a ‘John scorned. Albeit by a decreas- more of us left. to be consistently late in SATIRE ‘Exaggeration’ you can gener- Meares’. ing number of sad, jealous releasing issues, subject to no No one does satire better than ally take any pleas for arti- and miserable Madhatters. A PAPER FOR ALL READERS good reason at all. Look, it us. [Insert witty, satirical com- cles, photos or news of any INTELLIGENCE Realising that members of MH doesn’t come out of a bastard ment here]. kind as a genuine plea. This is It is widely held that most BABIES span the ages, races, oceans, tin, alright. not a lie - expect a more Madhatters are intelligent. We One of the most popular com- sexes and class divides and BLOATER’S COLUMN direct and honest approach in hold you all on a pedestal of petitions ever run in that one readers favourite There it is. Madhatters in a In the best tradition of stuffed the future such as ‘get up off supreme intellect. If however Madhatters was the ‘Drop a topic may be another’s wilting nutshell, so bless you all and pets being the only way of your fat lazy arse and send you start forgetting things, or Sprog and Win a Tenner’ com- lion bar. Erm... if this does happy reading… getting certain messages some stuff in, you [insert by learning new things you across to the general public. expletive here]’ forget old things don’t be sur- Madhatters has its own prised if you are accused of ‘cutesy’ stuffed orange THOSE IN JOKES having a ‘Burges’. dinosaur named Bloater. On EXPLAINED 32hr Plans afoot occasions providing good POINTLESS OPTIMISM socio-political offerings but OBVIOUSLY with any group In days of yore there was a KEN & JUSTIN ISSUE A PLEA FOR IDEAS generally he just talks about there are going to be in-jokes. man who was unbelievably food (particularly crisps and Any Drama society worth a upbeat, positive and more KEN RODRIGUES and JUSTIN FLUTE, so ever present in last years beer). Kenny Rogers* knows that. importantly totally unrealistic highly successful 32hour shenanigans, have cooked up a plan for the So hereby are some of the about everything. His name next 32hour Challenge, be that this year or more likely - the year after THE LETTERS PAGE jokes explained and some (but was Jolyon. We are still look- In all of Madhatter’s 8 issues by no means all) of those ing to buy a bus, convert it (Could be 32hr: 2000!) to date the Letters page has colourful characters who go and drive around Europe if Hence we are now advertising for Directors (2 teams of 2 people). consistently been ‘most with it. anyone has one for sale… Involved in this will be script development as well as actual direction ignored’. Please feel free to do on the day. We are also on the look out for ideas /concepts for plays the same whenever you come AGE THE GOLDEN YEARS (as little as a short description or as much as an outline script) across it. An increasingly worryingly These by definition are always large proportion of the years that you were at Two ideas from the above will be chosen by the Madhatters Editorial SPECIAL FEATURES Madhatters are over 30 or Hatfield. By default every- team (less any candidates for directors). Numbers of actors to be cast This months special feature is hurtling to the golden mark. thing else that has gone and other constraints (e.g. Technical) will be roughly set with the ‘The 32hr Challenge’ and Any reference to old age will before was shite and every- Directors chosen carefully. In the next issue we will publicise the cho- we’ve put a lot of bloody hard usually be followed by a refer- thing that came after will sen concepts and directors who will be taking care of the proceedings. work into it - so you can damn ence to Steve and/or Shona ‘never be as good as [insert well just go ahead and enjoy it who are the oldest. No favourite show here]’. The scripts will be completed a few months after and the 32hr - and don’t take the piss. offence guys - it’s just the participants will be gathered. As usual on the day, Directors will divide truth. SEXUALITY up actors who have responded and build the cast lists. Scripts will be LATE NEWS Anyone questioning their sex- released to the producer, tech director for final discussions with Generally just a space filler to BIGAMY uality should go and see our directors over constraints. make up the pagination. Late Dave Wild holds the cards resident sexuality analyst. He News is most likely to feature with this one as the Madhatter covers lesbianism, bestiality, If you would like to be involved - please get in touch with Madhatters the word ‘Kerblip’ after an who has been married the , felching and thrup- using the address on Page 2. entry. most times. If his name is ping - and can put you in Page 8 Wedding Watch More, quite frankly, grown up behaviour from you Marriage. The ringing of church bells, the happy sound of laughter, the sweet smell freshly cut flowers and the sound of champagne corks ‘a-popping’. All the joys of a wedding day and with the new year comes more Madhatters tying the knot. No I don’t mean having a vasectomy, but the joyous union of a man and… well in most cases, a woman. It seems that you lot out there can’t get enough of it, and to prove it we are using this page to bring to everyone’s atten- tion the quite frankly ‘matrimonial’ behaviour that has gone on over this last year… and there’s more to come.

Helen Balls & Chris Forsdyke who must have been together for, ooh at least Belch and Tania… now everyone say ahhhh. HELEN BALLS was married to Chris last year. 7 years have finally set the date for this year. Rumour has it that the wedding was in Sri DATE: 30th October 1999 WHERE: Tewin Lanka but the couple had a celebration bash Bury Farm in Herts. in Norwich last October. Sam Roach & Christy Lynne Digby & Mr Wood Drama Soc’s very own Damon Hill is to be INTERNET STUFF Don’t know much about this one but Mike C married later this year. Sam met Christy at Did you know that Madhatters is now on the Internet? Were you aware that and Alex McK were in attendance in Ford where they both still work. They are you can view issues 1-8, look up e-mail addresses, keep up to date with the September 1997 for it. currently living in St. Albans. DATE: May 29th Madhatters news, delve into the Anne-Louise & Robin Bye WHERE: Bath History file. The no longer allowed to call her the Steve Phipps & Carolyn No? Then where have you been - seeing as ‘Harvster’ got married to Robin, July 18 last In his own words “Guess the dinosaur of BT are going to give us all a free e-mail year. Madhatters has moved into the Neolithic address shortly anyway, get yourself era…”. STEVE finally got round to proposing hooked up. Like it or not it’s the future. Nick Wiggins & Sarah Moisey We are looking to develop the Web site a to Carolyn and she accepted. They haven't The ever popular Nick ‘Wiggy’ Wiggins and bit further in the future as there are Sarah were married in November of last year fixed a date yet but expect it to be sometime already a huge number of Hatters online in Bath. Popular wedding function band in 2000. already. Future developments will see an Speakeasy were in attendance and one of the Steve and Carolyn are currently living in online chat forum, picture gallery and highspots of the evening was Ken singing Dublin and have been for the last year. expansion of the history section. Many thanks to Richard Palmer who hosts ‘Angel of Harlem’. DATE: Not know as yet WHERE: Dublin? the site on his Web server. By the way for Wedding advice from Nick: “Stag do went a list of those folk who are on online - see very well, and the memories flood back every here so often. If any one ever offers to take you Wreck fishing in a force 6/7, probably best to [email protected] (nee Balls) say no in the future.” [email protected] [email protected] (Caroline) Mark Belcher & Tania [email protected](Brian Benson) [email protected] (Ashley) Dear Belch, everyone’s favourite PC got mar- [email protected] [email protected] ried to Tania last year (see pic). Tania also has [email protected] [email protected] a son Billy and they are living in Lincs. [email protected] (James Castro) [email protected] (Tom Pitt [email protected] Chambers) [email protected] (nee Digby) [email protected] [email protected] (Clive) [email protected] Nick and Sarah - married in Bath area [email protected] (Stuart) [email protected] (Pearl) [email protected] (Chris Evans) [email protected] (Paul Scullion) 1999 [email protected] (Paul) [email protected] [email protected] (Greg) [email protected] (The Smiths) [email protected] [email protected] (Gary Stevenson) wedding diary [email protected] [email protected] Mike Haver and Meg Birks (Dr.) [email protected] (Shona) [email protected] (Stockdale) This one was set to run and run… Mike first [email protected] (Caroline Green) [email protected] met Meg whilst playing in a skiffle band in [email protected] [email protected] (Mat Tarrant) Amsterdam. Meg was impressed with the fact [email protected] (Anne-Louise) [email protected] that his banjo was made entirely out of [email protected] (Simon) [email protected] (Kath Whibley) Technical lego. Of course it was a love match [email protected] [email protected] (Kev Whibley) made in Heaven… These two are already far [email protected] [email protected] to domesticated for their own good. If any- [email protected] (Jolyon) [email protected] [email protected] (Badger) one sees them, do not talk about DIY, I Steve Phipps & Carolyn - Dublin, 98 repeat, no DIY. [email protected](Josie Gordon) Names included in brackets following DATE: Aug 21st WHERE: Oop North, proba- [email protected] the address are there to indicate where bly Simon Smith & Liz Wild [email protected] (George) it isn’t clear who’s address it is. Melanie Burns & Cameron The celebrity self confessed Tech Crew cou- [email protected] (Lalonde) If you are new to e-mail don’t type [email protected] these in) Cameron asked Mel to marry him on New ple are splicing the mainbrace very shortly [email protected] Years Eve whilst the couple were in now. After a few years courting it was about [email protected] REMEMBER: A full and up to date list of E- Switzerland. time really! [email protected] mail addresses is always kept on the DATE: “We're hoping to get married in DATE: Feb WHERE: [email protected] (Richard Palmer) Madhatters site - as people do tend to November” Paul Scullion & Claire Paisey Sion Hughes & Josie Gordon Not a huge amount of info on this one as of [email protected] change their addresses quite frequently. After getting engaged late 97, Sion and Josie going to press but have a good one anyway. We wish everyone good luck with the preparations and to those who are VIEW THE MADHATTERS WEB SITE already ‘done’ even more luck with the bit that comes afterwards. The ‘til death do us part’. Apologies if we forgot anyone... http://www.madhatters.org.uk Wedding Exposé by Simon Hopes and Dave Patrick Page 9 UAC•STEP•UP•A•GEAR November 14th 1998, Planets Complex, Woking “A STORMING NIGHT” was not how any attendee at the recent film premiere of the UACs new film ‘Painted Man’ and band extrava- ganza described the event - but had they been asked, they would have. Just under 500 people attended the recent premiere evening seeing the launch of the UAC’s new Simon Hopes penned film.

But enough of these poor introductions. The premiere evening also saw the release of the PAINTED MAN: The Verdict new single from OTIS, ‘Stop the World’, the Okay, so cut to the chase, the question new film from Vantage Pictures, ‘A Piece of really is, for those that weren’t there Wood’, and a new computer animated short anyway, was it REALLY any good? based on ‘War of the Worlds’ by PAUL SCUL- Well to say that Mr Hopes has come a LION. long way since the last film, would be an “Many people worked very hard to make understatement of the highest order. Let’s the evening a success”, said SI HOPES, face it Friday Knight for all its good inten- Director of Painted Man, “UAC would like to tions was long, too long, and through thank Si B, James Castro, Dave & Si and all technological difficulties gave the Ferrero the bands and Temporal Events. Also thanks Rocher advert a run for its money in the to the many Madhatters who turned up from Lip sync department. That aside, it was all over the country which was superb. It was Simon is currently drafting a new script with always a learning curve for UAC. the working title of 'Collection Point'. The a lot of fun and we hope to do another one in In contrast, Painted Man had pace, a year or so.” UAC will be gearing up to shoot in spring of with stylish camera work and direction. next year. In the meantime, ‘Painted Man’ will Painted Man began shooting in Sept ‘97, And more to the point, Simon used some with an intensive 4 day shoot at a constructed be entered into as many competitions and fes- people who could actually act - as tivals as possible. Many Madhatters are studio set in Surrey. Twenty four cast and opposed to a group of mates running crew worked to produce the dramatic interior involved in the cast and crew for the next UAC around in the woods having a laugh. This, project. SI HOPES will be directing, PHIL scenes making up the majority of the film. coupled with the assembly of a small, MILLER - Production Manager, GARY Cast and crew filming ‘A Piece of Wood’ Post production started at the beginning of productive and tightly knit group added November with Gary Stevenson at the visual STEVENSON - Director of Photography, up to a recipe for success. The moody and JOLYON HENNINGS - Acting Co-ordinator, TONI editing helm. ‘machiavellian’ lighting added new life to Simon Bennett’s film ‘A Piece of Wood’ MATTHEWS - First Assistant Director, STEVE FRENCH a set that had appeared in both of - Actor, JO DAVIES - Production Assistant. Make-up starring JOHN WYATT and NICK WIGGINS Simon’s other films - yet was totally filmed at Wall Hall and based on a short story Artist. The new venture has an estimated completion unrecognisable this time round. date of August. by Ray Bradbury was also well received Simon Hopes has learned and moved although most of its stars were on a Stag do! on in leaps and bounds. Gary Stevenson Meanwhile Paul Scullion’s computer ani- has found out how to work his computer. mated film has probably ensured he’ll get the I’m actually quite looking forward to job offers rolling in. Incidentally it was pro- viewing the next one with my scepticism My Marathon Hell duced as part of his final year project. and cynicism left in RICHARD SULLY and BRIAN BENSON were worthy candidates in the All in all a good evening - the biggest the foyer with the downside was that somebody had forgotten popcorn. So don’t St.Albans half marathon early last year. Brian whose main ambition was to to book a bar extension - a gross undersight let us down Simon. get himself fit and just finish that needs to be corrected at the next one! ✍✍✍✍ the bloody course drew on the Who’s who in the picture? From l-r: strengths of Richard ‘Wind me Sion Hughes, Paul Baxter, Steve Hatherley, Your man on the scene: Simon Smith, Phil Hatherley, Liz Wild, Justin Andy Roughton up and I’ll go for miles’ Sully. Flute, Shona Gilchrist, Brian Benson, Jayne Frequently during the thirteen and a Ellis, Chris Hanham, Simon Bennett half miles Richard, described by his mates as being ‘fit’, taunted Benson by running up behind him shouting ‘boo’ and then speeding off into PAINTED MAN VIDEOS the distance. Congratulations were on hand for the two after finishing - in the form of a drink at available from the UAC film company The Fighting Cocks and a well earned rest. As usual Sully was back to his running Price: 10 pounds antics the following week however unconfirmed reports suggest that Brian may wait a while before his next one. Those lap times again, Brian finished in a ‘cosy’ 2hrs 1 Send Cheque payable to UAC productions minute with Rich cruising in at 1hr 42 mins. Fate was on both of their sides that day c/o 87 Linden Road, Hampton, Middx - unlike a Madhatters cameraman, or reporter. Page 10 FamousFamous snogssnogs SOCCERWATCH NO IN A SERIES OF PROBABLY THIS WEEK OE ALL AND RUCE ACLEAN 1 …1, . Z B B M

OUR ROVING REPORTER, MIKE HAVER ON THE CASE OK, so the secret is out. Listening to the Zoe Ball breakfast show one morning in late October. (Thursday 22nd) to be precise, and repeated on the trailers through- HERTS XI Back Row (l to r): Simon Burges, John Meares, Greg Finch, Dave Marriot, out the day), and we quote: Zoe, "I used to kiss Bruce Maclean in my friends car- Mat Tarrant, Richard Gale, Chris Nicholaides. Front Row: Bruce Maclean, Dave avan when I was 7. We used to kiss for 10 minutes then swap over" Patrick, Ken Rodrigues, Andy Roughton, Stuart Ellerker, Brian Benson. Surely there can only be one Bruce Maclean in the Farnham Common area...... The Date The Next 9 Goals What we want to know is can Bruce confirm this? And what made it so special that Zoe can still remember it 20 years later ??!! As for the " We used to kiss for 10 July 10th 1998 Hertfordshire minutes then swap over"...does Jane know about his partner swapping tendencies? The Venue The Hapless Keeper Surely this could be the start of a new Madhatters column "Famous people Hatfield Astroturf Steve French vs Dave Marriott we've snogged".....contributions on a postcard to the normal address. The Weather The Final Score Raining Hertfordshire 10 The Rest of the World 2 The Crowd The Hatrick Grouting Engineers form Sizeable (20ish) Andy Roughton The Sport The Offside Football Unfairly denied Roughton a fourth new partnership The Other Hatrick The Teams Well, who’d have thought it eh? After all those years acting the fools at Hatfield Stuart Ellerker Hertfordshire vs The Rest of the World Poly, ROB SLINGER and DAVE PATRICK have gone into business. The Captains The Patrick The company REALTOUCH is a Digital Media Services supplier specialising in Internet Andy Roughton vs Dave Wild Dave solutions. This includes everything from Web site design and management to The Match Report The Brace E-mail, Internet access and graphic design. Rob and Dave have been going at Follows Dave Patrick it for well over a year now and are rumoured to have just about “got the hang The First Goal The Other Scorers of it”. With their strapline 'A helping hand in your digital future' lets hope it goes The Rest of the World Slinger, Burges, Benson, Miller(?) better than their previous venture - Grouting for all seasons. The Equalizer The Man of the Match For further information and a special competitive Madhatters rate: Edward Woodward Ken Rodrigues http://www.realtouch.net. [t] +44(0)1737 370070. [f] +44(0)1737 371282 The Real Equalizer The Humiliation [e] [email protected]. Hertfordshire Dave Wild The Next Goal The Excuse McMahon in 60ft Penis The Rest of the World See ‘The Injury’ The Injury The Winner Rob Slinger (Ribs and ankle) Sport Shocker malarkey The Culprit The Occasion Whilst thinking about a suitable theatrical outing, the intrepid and inim- Brian Benson (probably) Davey P’s 30th Birthday itable Nic McMahon hit on a unique histrionic airing designed to bring the most unlikely pageant ‘er seen to the fair stage. The concept hinges around a radio play, performed in front of a live audience in a nineteen fifties type setting. Nic adds, “In the style of Drive-in Sci-fi fear movies like 'The Collosal Man’ - called something like “It came from Above, …Pure Radio Fear”. The plot involves, well, er, The CIA, the rampant rise of Women's lib in fifties America, men with inactive sperm, unpregnated women and the solution… “A gigantic sixty foot penis that will provide for all America, producing super sperm for a super America - and It all seemed to be going so well…” And what about the hook? Look no further, Nic explains, “Now it is FREE! And on a mission for love. What will our intrepid heroes do to save America from the Collosal Penis and the Super Sperm army? Lock up your daughters. Only a new male CIA agent, a mad outcast Professor and a beautiful woman (with a strange romantic connection to the enormous member) stand in its way.” With sights firmly set on assembling a small band and going to a festival like Edinburgh, Nic feels this could be a groovy idea to develop. With such classic lines as, “But ..... (dramatic pause) an ejaculation that size could cover Manhattan” and “Don't tell me about sacrifice, I gave my husband to science and all I got in return REST OF THE WORLD XI Back Row (l to r): Tim Lang, Ashley Pearson, Phill ‘Pod’ was a 60 foot penis”, we feel that the man who gave us Prince John should not be Stamp, Steve French, Nic McMahon, Pat, Rob Mahon. Front Row: Paul Gidley, Phil underestimated. Anyone interested in the production should give Madhatters a call Hatherley, Phil Miller, Dave Wild. Not pictured: James Cann, Rob Slinger - and quick. An idea with balls this big won’t hang about… Page 11 MADHATTER OF THE YEAR News Round-up …continued from page 3 Yours to Simon Harrowing collect and Former UHDS set designer ANNE SAUNDERS (right) surprised us all last year by turning up keep! in new C4 program ‘Scrapheap’ where two teams have to construct stuff using only other “I’m putting stuff - er, from a Scrap Yard. Anne was in all of the shows and starred with King’s Lynn Robert Llewelyn, alias Kryten from Red Dwarf. We saw one in September back on the where they had to make a rocket go as high as possible - it was quite good map” actually and MH gives its collective thumbs up to Anne for really showing those wannabe Actors the best way to get that Equity card.

PAUL MAYHEW ARCHER who wrote the first draft of Alec in Wonderland (all those years back - you young ‘uns) recently won a Comedy Award for radio play ‘Harry’s Game’. Paul made a speech on prime time TV at the National Comedy Awards, hosted by Jonathan Ross on ITV, but obviously forgetting his roots didn’t thank UHDS or Madhatters.

Tricky Dicky himself, RICHARD PLAMER wrote to tell us recently that the computer hosting the Madhatters Web site was stolen during a break in. Happily a quick resolution of the situation was in hand when Richard got a new one. That’s it.

Bournemouth resident KATRINA THORNE has just qualified as a Solicitor. Criminal prosecutions a speciality - ask for a special ‘first offender’ discount.

SIMON BENNETT has landed the lead role in a production of ‘A Family Affair’ by Alexander Ostrovsky at the Abbey Theatre, St.Albans. The show runs from 25 Apr- 1st May.

THIS WEEKS seminal offering for the MOTM (now MOTY) TOM PITT-CHAMBERS landed a plum job with the Students Union as Vice shrine falls squarely in the lap of one of Drama’s most President Comms & Media last July. Tom follows in the footsteps of such other Sabb-types as notorious favourites, Simon Harrowing. Dave Patrick, Andy Roughton, Stuart Ellerker, Mike Crane and Mark Jones. Busty Simon, 14, from King’s Lynn featured heavily in earlier Drama BEHOLD THE BURGES BROTHERS (try saying that when your pissed or without a Sean productions from ‘Alec in Wonderland’ to ‘The Boyfriend’, before a Connery accent when your sober). The three boys got together in a rare live appearance for script fanfare writing and starring in the ‘Wizard of Odd’. a spot of the old Jammin’ at Simon’s recent 30th Birthday. SIMON ‘Well, this ish a shet, ish- After leaving Hatfield our Simon, has kept his profile lower than some, pausing n't it?’ BURGES celebrated by throwing a fine party in St briefly for a return to the action in 1996’s Cornish Banquet extravaganza. Albans at the Waterend Barn on Recently spotted at Belch’s wedding with girlfriend Bella, Madhatters asked 16th January 1999. A musical Simon what he was up to these days? It seems Simon has not left the acting karaoke was in action as well as arena and is firmly in with a Norfolk based group. “Every January we get laughter, late bar and more - as together and do not your run of the mill stuff, actually”. were a healthy splattering of After a few beers Simon admitted that he and a cohort have been secretly Madhatters. trying to sell King’s Lynn to the Japanese with the oh-so-memorable marketing BABY, BABY, BABY slogan, which incidentally is set to feature on the main KL Sign. “Well, King’s Still taking no notice of the fact Lynn - it’s not Great Yarmouth, but if you want Great Yarmouth you go to Great that the Madhatters ‘Drop a Now all together - “Love, Love me do, you know - erm, Yarmouth, don’t you”? Sprog and win a Tenner’ com- petition is over, it seems some oh, er… Doh!”. Burgii croon at Simon’s birthday of you have been busy pro- ducing the little bundles. So congratulations to PIP HUMPHREY and PAUL (Jack and Where are they now? Alexander in November - see front page), ROBBIE McCARTHY and JOON (Little Ella), ROB & JACQUI SLINGER (their third now - Sam). JUNIOR LEWIS got involved in the then Hatfield Poly Drama Soc in the heady JAYNE ELLIS has been busy a-toe tapping at the Birmingham Hippodrome in practice for the days of the 1990-91 season. BMOS production of ‘Anything Goes’. Meanwhile KATH WHIBLEY has also been keeping her Always a joker, Junior will be best remem- acting career running down the Thespian road - rumour has it that Kath was recently spot- bered for his performance as the Genie in ted at the back end of a pantomime cow though not with PHIL HATHERLEY. ALEC IN WONDERLAND. With the greatest respect in the world, Junior’s performance in Travel News: SHONA GILCHRIST in New Zealand and Australia tour shocker. GREG FINCH ‘Alec’ was worthy of dear Frank Bruno - and in all around the world but probably start in Thailand shocker. these were the days before our Frank had even trod a board or uttered a word of Panto Congratulations to HONEY LANGCASTER-JAMES who got a First class degree in Cognitive babble. Know what we mean, er, Harry? Science last year. Honey, ASHLEY, Jasmine and Mitchell are now living down in Slough. Junior had to deal with Rob Slinger as Alec Smart and wear one of the most inspired cre- DAVEY P in a web site designing frenzy has relaunched the WELL Web site. For all those ations to come out of the costume cupboard. interested in a peek, http://www.thewell.co.uk. You can find further info on SPEAKEASY, I’m surprised he kept with it to be honest! OTIS, SMOKIN’ZONE and download audio files and pics. Altogether now, “These days, yat- ter, yatter, etc..” “He was a funny guy, always up for a laugh, a beer and full of enthusiasm.” The last contact Junior had with Madhatters was in 1995 when UHDS SHOWS: And finally on the 13th Feb there is the Rag Comedy Revue “May Contain upon a chance visit to the FONT he bumped into Dave P. Unfortunately we are now unable Nuts” we realise this is probably too late for most of you. So sorry and hope it went well. to trace him - so if anyone knows of his whereabouts please let us know. This years musical by the way is ‘The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas’. It will be in March If you would like to trace anybody from Drama who you have lost contact with or have a suit- with NATHAN DAWE taking up the musical reins as M.D. able suggestion for ‘Where are they now?’ Please write to MH at the address on page 2. Page 12 University Plea Oscars 1998 Some of you may be wondering how it came to pass that a copy of University of Hertfordshire Alumni Magazine ‘Herts Plus’ came to find itself on your doorstep. The blame lies squarely at the foot of one, Dave Patrick, who shamelessly gave over the MH address data- base . Apparently no money changed hands, however unconfirmed reports of small white sachets being exchanged were bandied about by sources close. Apologies in issue 7 - leaving Madhatters in a ‘Sorry’ to any member who has state of flux as - to quote Dave, been traumatised from receiving “I wanted to use the Madhatters Herts Plus. A self help group is also article in Herts Plus as a spring- available for anyone who is a bit board for issue 9. I feel grieved freaked out by this turn of events. now that I have put issue 9 off Letters for a year beacuse of this”. However The liaison occured whilst search- sources close to the MH Editors ing for old members. MH Editor, Mr desk described this excuse as Patrick thought about the Herts lame at best. Andy Roughton Alumni and sent info about shirked reports that Patrick had Madhatters to Press Relations thrown himself into a pit of After a record num- Officer, Jane Poynton. Upon men- despair as he was having “a bit ber of shows shows tioning the fact that we were 100 of a lifestyle paddy” at the time, last year UHDS had strong group of ex UH students stating only that, “Dave’s a bit no choice but to carry on the OSCARS tradi- who used to be involved in lots of of a lazy bastard at heart and tion. With surprises, shocks and tears aplen- Drama shows whilst at the Uni, Ms couldn’t be arsed”. ty, Madhatters was warmly invited along to Poynton put in the request that MH Twist speak at and witness the evening. We also handed over the database in return Finally, in a finally, final twist of fate used the opportunity to welcome a few new for an article. it was discovered that had Dave members into our fraternity, Mr P’s letter went on to state, “I am managed to contact Herts Plus an Congratulations to those who got the little conscious of the fact that there are article may never have been written gold plastic men, especially Si Bennett - who still quite a lot of people who were anyway as they “had a more inter- unfortunately later had to return his because involved in the UH Drama Soc who esting picture of some bird with of a failed urine sample. would be very interested in Stevie Wonder”. As always… it’s not the winning its the tak- Madhatters”, and mentioned about Lies ing part that counts. the recent 32hr Challenge we had It is thought that a future collabara- Pics (anti clockwise)Tom Pitt-Chambers and Gina Boucher, Richelle Brundle & Steve Deaville, Simon Bennett, Alex McKinvern, Alex & Nick Wiggins done. tion between the two publications Stiffed may have been put in jepoardy by As soon as the information was a needless and untruthful article passed over no further communica- appearing somewhere in issue 9 tion occured between Patrick and of Madhatters. Our advice to you is otis Poynton.The said ‘article’ was not to see if you can spot it and then forthcoming, only a small mention read between the lines. Jesus Christ Almighty Clergy were up in arms yesterday when Midlands based Drama group ‘the Stone Revellers’ announced their decision to make former Madhatter of the Month, Dave Wild, the lead in their forthcoming production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Will the former Robin Hood star live up to young Alex McKinvern’s performance? Will he hit that high G in the garden of Gethsemane? Why is Judas willing to trade him up for 30 pieces of silver? Expect a review next issue…

Issue 10 For your continued support we thank you. If you have any news, Dave Patrick and Simon Burges recently released their 4-track single 'Stop The World' pictures or gossip please send to: • Available now price £4 including P&P c/o Madhatters • Cheques payable to D.Patrick Madhatters, 139 Verulam Road, St.Albans, Herts. AL3 4DN or Tel: (01727) 868729 139 Verulam Road, St.Albans, Herts, AL3 4DN. (01727)868729 E-mail: [email protected] The WELL online - http://www.thewell.co.uk Web: http://www.madhatters.org.uk