PULLOUT ELECTION GUIDE

THE MEN’S EDITION WEEK 9 EDITION | 6 MAY 2009

2009 UNION BOARD ELECTIONS VOTE! TAKE PART IN DEMOCRACY

CAMPUS NEWS CELEB-VILLE TOP 5 NTEU Tim Pocock Poos. Yep,

>05 >10 >15 Strikes & April Rose >21 poos. WEEK 9 EDITION | 6 May, 2009

04 09 > Sriram Srikumar casts his vote in the world’s biggest > Rumour Mill gives you the goss from the Marathon elections in India SRC meeting > Michael Krasovitsky follows a lead into a brothel > Honi goes behind the NTEU picket line > Jessica Cowell looks at real choice and abortion 05 > Michael Krasovitsky follows the NTEU’s EBA negotiations > Tom Kaldor was at Law School opening 10 > Paul Mackay eyes off Tim Pocock aka. the young James Marsden in Wolverine

12 > Union Elections Guide: the favourites, the outsiders, the douches - who to vote for, and who not to vote for 14 > Cooked me dinner last night. And did the washing. > George Downing paddles his way into Honi’s heart > Lauren Barker hits Madonna where it hurts > Paul Mackay engages in a little toilet humour

20 > Jonno Seidler looks at political correctness in music > Alex Lee sends us a postcard from Melbourne >April Rose Pengilly, face of L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival, looks at what’s hot this season

22 > Alice Blain reviews the 2009 fResher Revue

06 > Katherine Connolly gets reading in our staff interview > Luke Grace and Paul Mackay throw their opinions on immigration overboard in head-to-head

EDITOR IN CHIEF Mark Di Stefano EDITORS Will Atkinson, Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn Cowell, George Downing, Giselle Kenny, Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Shamon’ Lee, Paul Mackay, Sriram Srikumar REPORTERS Tom Kaldor, Tim Whelan, Michael Falk, Jonno Seidler, Luke Grace CONTRIBUTOR Jessica Cowell, Mark Sutton, April Rose Pengilly, Alice Blain, Tom Robertson, Sarah Bornstein GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing COVER Paul Mackay COMIC Sertan Saral and Patrick Magee CROSSWORD Mark Sutton PUZZLES Tom Clement

ADVERTISING [email protected]/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. *Spoof advertisement on page 15 edition? Where is the edition devot- Just stop. Women’s Honi ed to male depression and mental Rory Dennison, Law IV Sarah Constable, Arts II health, prostate cancer, suicide; and Welcome to one of the worst periods the myriad of other male specific of semester. Major essays are due, a new 21st season is starting and Union Dear Honi, Dear Honi, yet devastating issues? As attractive as he is, I don’t find any- I was reading last week’s Women’s elections are in our collective grill. thing Noah White does interesting. Honi and was shocked to see Hannah This week we take independent politi- Please stop writing about him. Goldstein’s article entitled “War in Take a Hind-ing cal coverage to a new level. With the Gaza”. Ms Goldstein has taken what best news team anywhere, ever, we By the same token, I don’t find any- was supposed to be a publication Steve Hind, Law IV seperate the wheat from the chaff, thing you write about interesting. discussing issues relevant to women the douche from the douchebag, and Please stop writing altogether. and hijacked it for her own political Dear Honi, the rickshaw from the Asian Union agenda. Apologies for being a serial letter employee. Yet, as we tested and P.S. Congratulations. You got in to writer - rest assured that I’m more teased the candidates on their plans Sydney Uni and you didn’t have to go It is ironic that Hannah would write determined than you make sure that and powerplays it became quite clear: to UTS, but so did everyone else who an article on the issue in Women’s it stops. there was no separation needed. reads this. Give yourself a pat on the Honi without mentioning the forced Everyone supports AA, hates VSU back and get over it. marriages, honour killings and low But! I’m struck by the fact that nearly and wants more ACCESS benefits. pay that Palestinian culture subjects all of the Union Board candidates Cultural policy needs to be more in- women to on a regular basis, not to this year have gone the ‘I Dig Doug’ clusive, women need more leadership mention the culture against allowing approach and made puns about their programs and the financial stability of Don’t Diss Me women to be educated. names: Mel Brooks is playing up her the Union is paramount. On the campaign front it is nothing Noah White, SRC President work on the Producers and the Simp- Ms Goldstein should feel ashamed sons, Falk has realised that his name different. To get elected it seems you as a former Women’s officer that she sounds like every work that ends in need a pun, a campaign team and the Dear Honi, ...alk, and one that ends in ...uck, Buck- correct recipe for chalk. ‘Institutional For the Honi readers out there who would hijack the one publication a year where her collective gets a chance land is giving us more bang and Dave knowledge’ has become so widely are genuinely “intrigued” (as opposed Mann has realised that his surname used and repeated that it has lost its to the one who just want to hack on to voice their concerns on anything related to their cause. She has failed is also, albeit with different spelling, effectiveness. All the candidates are me in the letters page for fun) as to personable, intelligent and ambitious, women at this university. the word for the male of the species. I exactly what the function of the SRC detect a whif of Tom Robertson. then we have to start thinking: why President is (letters, week 7 edition), are people going to vote on May 13 writing into Honi probably wont help Either that or the pun is the optimal when it will be to maintain the status you very much but below are a couple Men’s Honi? electoral slogan, and yet for some quo? The Union will be in safe hands. of things that might. Matt Gallagher, Arts II reason Justin Hancock, Courtney Tight and Alice Dixon all avoided it... For the disinterested, we bring you Look up the SRC website; you can even Dear Honi, Australia’s biggest model, most look though the constitution online. It’s important that women’s issues With love and heavy breathing down promising star and whiniest teachers. Email me ([email protected]. get voiced in a paper such as Honi the phone line late at night. In the year of the Slumdog, vote like au). Stop me when I’m “wandering the Indians - passionately and for around campus,” and ask me. Or you Soit, even if every year the same discussions over why its necessary democracy! are even welcome to come and spend Shh! a day with me and you can see first to have a women’s edition and af- Mark Di Stefano hand exactly what the SRC president firmative action in a paper such us Emilie Cangy, Social Work II does. yours are reiterated. What I would voting booth, the Union said that not like to ask, is where is the men’s John Nowakowski needs to graduate enough nurses voted last year. Access already. Lovin Honi this year! to voting should never be determined > Alice Blain reviews the 2009 fResher Revue according to who voted last time. All down the Lodge would be a tragedy. students have a right to have their say. He said: ‘The Lodge is now very much Family Matters If a student or group of students chose a part of the University. Generations not to vote, perhaps this indicates of students have drunk there and Mish Charles, Science/Arts IV that no candidates represented them enjoyed their beers more than they last year? This, however, is not an would in any so-called ‘hotel’. The Dear Honi, invitation to remove their ability to Lodge has a unique atmosphere and In the week 7 edition, Sriram Sri- vote. should be preserved if the owners per- kumar presented the case for and Anyone who has been near the sist with their plans to pull it down.’ against the $900 stimulus payment. Union President Ruchir Punjabi Forest Lodge (or the Flodge, In the against, Sririam declared that has said that there will be no booth or the Forest Dodge) Hotel can He went on to explain that as the Dar- “students just don’t need the money” on Mallet Street as the campaign be forgiven for not being over- lington extensions continue, all the and that the worst that could possibly has already begun and this will be whelmed by the beauty of its old pubs around the University except happen was that “[students] lose a ‘unfair’ to the 14 candidates running. architecture. When the original May’s will be pulled down. little face as we move back in to the How can this possibly be considered building came under the pur- suburbs with out parents.” Should I a valid reason to deny nurses their view of developers in 1965, the Students will be asked to sign the fol- gasp or just laugh? It’s nice to know democratic right? If candidates are student body reacted angrily to lowing petition, which will be avail- that some people are so caught up afraid of nursing students, perhaps the possibility that their favou- able at the SRC office and outside in their own situation that they can’t they should consider representing rite drinking den was going to Fisher next week. possibly imagine other people’s lives. them. be redeveloped – in the way stu- How about students that don’t have dents know best – by a quixotic ‘We, the undersigned students of any family in Sydney, NSW or even Ruchir, how is this acceptable? campaign to have the pub re- Sydney University, respectfully but Australia? How about those students Will Conservatorium, SCA and built brick-by-brick on the Dar- urgently request the members of the who have been kicked out of home or Engineering students have a voting lington campus. Wentworth Committee to seek the are not welcome back for a variety of booth next year? Why not nurses? blessing of the Senate for the proposal reasons? Not every student has the So I urge nurses to vote in the Union Petition to save favourite pub to re-erect the existing Forest Lodge luxury of an accepting and supportive Board elections this year, even if this Hotel buildings on the main campus, family. means making your way to main By our hostelry correspondent. and to negotiate with the owners of campus. Pre-polling is available at the Hotel for the right to remove and Manning from May 6. Nurses, make The Forest Lodge Hotel, the pub most re-erect the existing building. And us? your voices heard so that you are not favoured by University students, will ignored by your Union! be gone any minute now. The owners We request that they give serious and Anna Scott-Murphy, Nursing II of the pub’s licence plan to demolish long consideration to this petition, be- the existing building and replace it lieving as we do that the Forest Lodge Dearest Honi, with a small, modern hotel. is an important element in the heri- I write to bring to light an issue tage of the present (and future) mem- concerning nursing students in the upcoming Union Board elections. Two corrections: 1. Our last edition, Organisers of the campaign intended bers of the University.’ preceding Women’s Honi, included an to petition the University Senate and The Union has decided that nursing article titled “Recession Relationships”. It the Wentworth Committee of the two students on the Mallet Street campus has come to the attention of the editors that Unions to rebuild the hotel on the Published in Honi Soit, July 1965. will not have access to voting. this submitted article contained sections campus. that were not original. We would like to Nursing students have most, if not apologise for this editorial oversight. 2. The One of them said last week that to pull all their classes at Mallet Street. Most article, “Slamball, more than just squashed nurses have no classes on main campus. testicles”, was wrongly attributed. Joseph When the Union was asked why Mallet Smith-Davies was the author. Sorry Joe! Street would not be provided with a >03 Honi’s Guide to... The Indian Election Sriram Srikumar outlines the biggest democratic election in history... ever. outbreaks of violence (19 people (except perhaps America), Indians also were killed on the first day of polling, worry about their place in the world. Competing teams from the nowhere near the worst-case scenario) The recent nuclear deal with America is University of California Berkeley the elections are triumphant because a hot topic, argued by respective sides and Cornell University have they should be impossible. There as India’s emergence as a world power both announced that they have are Maoist insurgents in the North- or submission to American demands. East, IT workers in Bangalore, Hindu developed technology that means nationalists and rural farmers; all from As always, racial identity is a hot- a lumpy object hidden under their vastly different cultures, economic button issue thanks to radical groups ‘invisibility cloak’ is undetectable classes and religions come together like the militant RSS, an offshoot of under infrared light. Reports out of to select a Federal government- it’s the mainstream BJP party (currently both California and New York have Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot and impossible to not be taken by the in opposition). India hosts a strong thieves, peeping toms and Harry Congress candidate Sachin Pilot idealism of it. Hindu-nationalist movement reaching Potter fans rejoicing at the news. back to independence which feeds on The fact that the device is useless I remember my parents’ sense of As a result of such widely competing increasing resentment of affirmative in daylight, twilight, dappled light bemusement at Australia’s political claims and interests, much of action policies for India’s ethnic or when fighting He-Who-Must-Not- process every time elections rolled the politics is actually local and minorities and a commitment to Be-Named seems to have escaped around. Having spent a few weeks in representatives run on platforms that secularism which it sees as down- India during their campaign season, are of almost no importance to anyone playing Hinduism in favour of them. I get why. In comparison, Australian outside that area. Christianity, Sikhism and Islam. (and every other) election is absolutely tame! THE SCRIPT THE ACTORS

As a country that seems forever in a Nevertheless, there are national Indian politicians are cut from an state of colourful celebration, India issues of importance and here, as altogether different cloth. Over a fifth of impossibly steps up a notch during elsewhere, it’s the economy, stupid. current legislative representatives are elections. Large firms complain that India lacks former criminals with an impressive the infrastructure for them to compete rap sheet of attempted murder, With nearly 5,000 candidates in globally, small businesses worry about kidnap, ransom and armed robbery. 550 constituencies representing 300 the trend towards large-scale retail So much for Einfeld’s speeding ticket, parties and being voted for by 700 and much of the rural class rightly huh? This partly explains the cynicism million voters (add a few million for note their inertia as much of India of Indians to the political class. At the fraudulent votes), the election is a progresses. the national level, politics is dynastic. triumph of logistics. It’s done in five Sonia Gandhi, the current leader of The cloak is unveiled in New York. phases over a month with the effort of More intensely than most countries Congress (the governing party) is part six million people and the patience of of the family stretching back to India’s a billion residents. And you thought first prime-minister, Jawaharlal Nehru With swine flu cases now three weeks of students shoving fliers (not Mahatma Gandhi as is sometimes confirmed in Asia, and the in your face was bad. A frequent sight believed). Her son, Rahul Gandhi, government recommending around my neighbourhood were jeeps seems to be gearing up for a shot at the people stock up on two weeks that tied massive speakers to their PM’s position in years to come. This worth of essentials, the roofs and drove around blasting party family has been dominant in the ruling anthems including, you guessed it, ‘Jai survivalists among us are having Congress party for as long as India has the time of their lives. Simon Ho’. existed in its current state. Beer, founder of survival.org.au, Jai Hind (‘long live India’) indeed. is quoted in the Herald as saying THE STAGE “There’s a fair bit of ‘I told you Despite the corruption, fraud and 700 million and counting so’, but its nothing compared to how survivalists will feel in a few years time when society collapses to work, although they are legally ing and migration, particularly from completely”. Fuck you Simon. forbidden from working near schools, South East Asia, have not been fac- Try doing the ‘I told you so’ dance hospitals and churches. Brothels are tored in. While there is a clause saying when law and order has broken legal in every state, making Australia’s that it is illegal to take the proceeds of down and we’re stealing all your prostitution laws some of the most Brothels Bro. prostitution as recompense, the law is baked beans. Michael Krasovitsky finds out about liberal in the world. In the majority weak in its treatment of pimping, and of the European Union for example, doesn’t provide enough safeguards the oldest profession in the world. neither street walking nor brothels for economically disadvantaged men There has been disagreement in are legal. and women becoming involved in our nation’s capital this week over a prostitution. planned ‘bridge to nowhere’ to span In New South Wales, prostitution Lake Burley Griffin, commemorating regulation is defined by the Summary Prostitutes are represented by the the immigrant experience in Offences Act of 1988. This act allows Scarlet Alliance, the Australian Sex Australia. Insiders are referring to prostitution, but forbids “causing or Workers Association. As part of their the stoush as ‘The Battle for Burley inducing prostitution,” prostitution mission statement, the Scarlet Alli- Griffin’ and things are getting ugly. advertising on premises, “living on the ance states “through our objectives, Some warring MPs have complained earnings of a prostitute” and advertis- policies and programs, [we] aim to that Defence Minister Joel ing that suggests anal penetration. achieve equality, social, legal, politi- Fitzgibbon has an unfair advantage The penalty for advertising a premise cal, cultural and economic justice for as a brothel is up to 3 years in prison. past and present workers in the sex in terms of firepower, but that was industry, in order for sex workers to before everyone remembered that Tunnel o’ Love. One of the most interesting parts of be self-determining agents, building Fitzgibbon can barely command respect, let alone an army. Sydney University is surrounded prostitution law is its treatment of their own alliances and choosing by brothels. Whether you see them “inducing” prostitution. Clause 15a of where and how they work”. This as a den of sin and oppression or a the Summary Offences Act 1988 states Union was formed in 1989 and still The government has recently vital social service, it’s impossible to that “A person must not, by coercive performs a vital role in representing released a pamphlet designed to deny the existence of these hot spots conduct or undue influence, cause or sex workers politically. help parents educate their kids in our community. But how are they induce another person to commit an about the dangers of ‘sexting’ the act of prostitution” and that should a governed and why? They hold protest marches, perfor- racy new trend amongst teens of person be brought before a criminal mance nights, social events and public taking nude photos of themselves court, he or she could be punished by forums, particularly on or around June Prostitution law is quite fascinating. and then messaging them to It’s entirely in the hands (that’s $100) upwards of a year in jail. 3rd, which is International Whores Day. This date commemorates a 1795 their ‘crush’. Unfortunately the of the states, which govern, the rela- government awareness campaign tionship between street walking pros- This clause however has not been sit in by French sex workers to protest is likely to fail, ignoring as it does titution and brothels, with the support updated in NSW since 1988, and discrimination. of local councils. New South Wales is significant changes in sexual traffick- the root of problem – the fact that the only state to allow street walkers Aussie kids are just mad sluts. >04 NTEU STRIKE. No, wait... Law School Opening Michael Krasovitsky stroked the strikers and got the story. Tom Kaldor says the magic words to open the new law den.

A settlement was reached late last skylights with non-legal minds, the of- week however, and the strike has been ficial opening of the building was held cancelled. The new agreement delivers last Thursday. 17% percent pay increase for universi- ty staff over the next 3 years, which in- Since 1969, senior combined law and cludes a unilateral 2% increase which graduate law students had been taught occurred late last year. While, in a press in subterranean conditions in the heart release Michael Spence stated “we’re of Sydney’s legal precinct on Phillip investing in our most valuable asset – St. 2009 marks the year that the law our staff”, NTEU members were less faculty finally integrates with the uni thrilled by the new agreement. Mi- masses at Camperdown – and starts What do we want? Things! When do chael Thompson, NTEU branch presi- teaching in slightly less subterranean we want them? Soonish! dent, conceded there were still limita- condition. tions in the agreement, including on A university-wide strike, originally or- “the amount of face-to-face teaching The opening was a day of celebration, ganised by the National Tertiary Edu- hours”. On the whole however, NTEU with no amount of rain able to ruin the cation Union for Tuesday 5 May, has staff and members seem pleased by festivities. There were forums, debates, been cancelled as university admin- the new deal. re-enactments of courtroom scenes istrators and academic staff reach a from popular movies, guided tours, settlement. Teaching-focused roles will become soap-boxers and soap-boxees, The- a major part of recruitment, and it atresports, a band and a barbeque. On March 27, a ballot was opened for seems, to academic life. The EBA, de- NTEU members to vote in favour of spite not including the contentious Adam Spencer helped christen the hi- or against strike action. After feeling ‘teaching-only’ clause, has succeeded tech new moot court, presiding over that they had received poor outcomes in refocusing the role of academ- Doctor Spock was unfortunately a passionate debate on the topic “it’s in one of the final rounds of discussion ics away from research and towards unable to join the festivities too late to do anything about climate over the 2009-2012 Enterprise Bar- teaching. It has also placed restric- change”. Cloud Control was also a gaining Agreement, a contract which tions on the number of casual staff There is a general consensus among highlight, suggesting that fun and rel- governs the conditions and pay of employed. The issue of casual staff the student population that our uni- evance to law are generally inversely university staff, university academics has been highly contentious for stu- versity suddenly looks quite nice. A big related. and teachers voted heartily in favour dents, who are often forced to sit final part of this is that there is no longer a of strike action. One of the most dis- exams in week 13 due to the funding construction site wedged between Fis- The day culminated at the official puted clauses of the new EBA was the allowances given to staff employed on cher and Carslaw. Instead, we have a launch of the building, where guests potential introduction of “teaching- a casual, semester-long contract. This glorious new law building. rubbed shoulders with Quentin Bryce, only” positions, jobs which would see development in the EBA will hopefully Robert McClelland, James Spigelman, academics devote all of their time to redefine the parameters within which Despite the fact that classes have been and Marie Bashir. It was great… so I’ve teaching course subjects, rather than courses are conducted, and lead to taught in the building since March 1, heard. This reporter didn’t score an in- combining this with independent and greater opportunity for students and and the Freehills Law Library has been vite. university-funded research. teachers to partake in scholarship. open long enough to be packed to the Books, books, books, oh my! (Hons)? STAFF INTERVIEW Katherine Connolly interviews Neil Boness, CAREERS Michael Krasovitsky Rare Book librarian honours us with some analysis What is your role in the library? University ever bought was a 17th At USYD, Honours is available in arts, Century dictionary - in Latin of course! architecture, economics and busi- I am the person in charge, or the Today we receive material by donation, ness, health sciences, IT, science and curator if you like, of the rare books the Newton was a gift for example, or visual arts. In most of these faculties’ and manuscripts in the University we buy material using various endow- honours programs, the year consists Does The World Library. My official title is Rare Book ment funds attached to the collection. of both a major research project and & Special Collections Librarian. There These usually have certain guidelines a series of course-work subjects. In Really Exist? are about 200,000 items in the various about what we can buy. a political economy honours year collections here of which about 70,000 for example, one is required to write One of the essential components of are classed as “rare” in the traditional How do you determine if a book an original thesis of approximately quantum mechanics is that every sense - the rest are part of various is rare or not? 20,000 words, as well as complete particle is described by a prob- special collections of material . two course-work subjects, each with ability function which describes the A book can be rare simply because of its roughly 6,000 words of assessment. chance that it’s found in one particu- What are the oldest and most age, the standard figure is publication In other Honours programs, such as lar place or state of motion. That is expensive items in the library? before 1800, or because of the number that for Nutrition and Dietetics, the to say, nothing exists in one place of copies printed, or its binding, or Honours year involves working on an or state of place- it just has a super- We don’t really talk about values for because of previous owners. There is already established research program, position; a set of all possible places obvious reasons but the oldest would also the simple criteria of market value as well as doing course work subjects. and states that the particle has a be some of the medieval manuscripts in the way of any other antique or work probability of being in. we hold which date back to the 12th of art. The minimum value we would An honours year will allow you to and 13th centuries. There are also a look at would be about $600 before we develop research skills and, accord- A popular school of interpreting couple of Sumerian items which are would transfer material here from the ing to Ryan, a recruitment agent at such results is the Copenhagen In- about 4,000 years old but they are ex- general collection today. Vantage Recruitment, demonstrates terpretation. This states that this su- ceptions. The most unique item would your “commitment and maturity”. perposition collapses into one state be our copy of Isaac Newton’s Philoso- What do you think will be the “It shows you’ve got the capacity for when a measurement is made. To phia Naturalis Principia Mathematica, rare books of the future? independent thought and the ability translate, the world only exists in a which is one of four known copies in to see that through,” he said. For re- particular state when it is observed. the world which contain manuscript They could be anything because of cruitment agents at Vantage, the most The famous Schrodinger’s kitten annotations and corrections in New- the growth of electronic formats. A highly regarded Honours programs thought experiment was intended ton’s own handwriting. safe bet would still be first editions, are those that require a high level of to be a discussion of this point. In it, and 19th and early 20th century acquired skill: economics and math- a cat is placed in a sealed box which Do the books need to be kept in travel and exploration. It is worth ematics for example. Recruitment contains a poison designed to re- special conditions? considering that 19th century books in agents at Vantage estimate that the lease when a particular particle de- general will become increasingly rare average honours student will earn composes. According to quantum Yes, they are kept under conditions of because they were often made of such $3000 more per annum in the first mechanics, the particle should be in controlled temperature and humidity poor quality materials and have the year out of university, compared to a composed and decomposed state in a closed access storage and we also seeds of their own destruction inbuilt their non-honours counterpart, “plus, at the same time till it’s observed- have early warning smoke detection into them. Early comics are another there’s more ability to be mobile in leading to the ridiculous conclusion and sprinkler systems. Most of the group because of their fragility and that workforce”. that the cat is both dead and alive material that is printed before 1800, poor survival. Another area is niche until the box is opened. for example, contains paper made sort of materials. One of my favourite Honours is also particularly important from linen rags and this is susceptible examples is a writer called Amanda if academia appeals to you. Complet- Scientific consequences for the to moisture variations so we need to M’Kitterick Ross who in the early 20th ing an honours degree with First or, in measurement and treatment of par- control the humidity. The most valu- century achieved notoriety as the worst some faculties, second, class honours, ticles aside, there are some interest- able of the books and manuscripts are writer in the history of the English lan- will allow you to move into a PhD ing philosophical points. It becomes stored in fire proof safes. guage - she was self published. Today project without a masters. possible to argue about fate and her works are valuable simply because determinism in scientific terms. In Where does the library receive no one bothered to collect them at the The downside: Honours may not accordance with classical physics, most of its material from? time; so there may be hope for those be the be all and end all. Generally, everything that happens is a con- early Mills & Boon! you will be more highly regarded in sequence of changes to the physi- When the collection was set up, much the work force. On the other hand, cal system that behave according of the material was transferred from some HR managers will preference to a set of rules. So this could mean the main research library - the Univer- academic excellence, others “general that everything that happens was sity started buying books around 1850 involvement” in the life of the univer- predetermined to happen that way, and they purchased retrospectively sity and still others, life experience. like a giant set of dominoes top- even then. I think the first book the Either way, Honours is certainly pling through time. You take the ar- worth considering. guments of quantum physics and the story becomes a lot different. If everything only has a probability of mutually exclusive, it’s going to have occurring till it is observed then, to to compromise somewhere. Recently, Every day, between 35 and 150 spe- paraphrase Einstein, God is playing dice with the universe. Tim Whelan assesses the future they got their cake and ate it too when cies go extinct. If you’re going to stand Exxon and Shell rolled over and sub- in the way of a country beset by eco- viability of the environmental lobby mitted to regulators. nomic crisis and a recent aversion Woah. Physics is awesome. It was Machiavelli that made the term to greenhouse gases, I for one am ‘the end justifies the mean’ fashion- They haven’t always been so lucky. In perfectly happy to make it 37 to 152. able. It was only Dick Cheney’s de- Victoria, a $220 million wind farm But the same people who bemoan parture that made it unfashionable project got the thumbs down in 2006 the Government’s apathy towards again. Every political movement has because the orange-bellied parrot, greenhouse gases are the ones who go presented a unified and organised in all its youthful naïveté, might fly batshit the second actions are taken front to advance its ends, war ma- into the turbines and hasten its own towards addressing the problem. En- chines and phonebankers in tow. Ex- extinction. The federal Environment dangered species today, Nimby to- cept one. Even in this age of frothing Minister, under pressure from Tar- morrow. The hypocrisy and infighting ideologues and political capital at all win Valley Coastal Guardians, cited it is a leaden weight to their gravitas. costs, Australia gets lumped with an as an unacceptable site from a fauna environmental lobby that couldn’t perspective. There are between 99 We survived without the dodo and the score in a brothel. and 200 of the parrots left in Austra- Tassie tiger. We can survive without lia, and the uneducated eye can’t tell these parasites. We could send them If the environmental lobby is to make the difference between a typical spec- in pairs to countries that we want to progress – any progress – in gain- imen and a fucking lorikeet. impress. I hear Japan likes turtles. ing credence in its own goals and debunking the myth that economic Gone. Kaput. Because of a parrot that and environmental development are can’t hack progress. I can haz kwantum mekanix?

>06 “The Government has gone too far in softening its border protection, encouraging an influx of illegal aliens.” The case for... ally decrepit, money grubbing boat The case against... million to the funding of the Depart- Luke Grace runners, our families in the suburbs Paul Mackay ment of Immigration, including an are under an ominous threat. additional $44.1 million to combat people smuggling. Indeed the UNHCR Let me start with a statement made This is Australia’s security threat. It When a boat of asylum seekers explod- still describes Australia’s policies and last year by Steve Cook, the Chief of is not Arab suicide bombers. It is not ed 800km west of Darwin, it sparked a tough and hard-line, citing the main- Mission of the International Organisa- mass murdering angry husbands with new round of debate on governmental tenance of an excised migration zone tion for Migration in Indonesia, “peo- a sawn off shotgun. It is not White su- policy regarding immigration. Oppo- and offshore processing of asylum ple smugglers have clearly noted that premacists with chemical agents. sition Leader Malcolm Turnbull ac- seekers on Christmas Island. there has been a change in policy and cused the Government of going too they are testing the envelope.” It is aliens. It is aliens who destroy our far in softening its border protection A return to TPVs and Howard Govern- bunny cartoons, who befriend our chil- policies, suggesting the abolishment of ment policy will not stem the flow of This comment was not made by Lib- dren, and give channel ten the right to the “Pacific Solution” and temporary those seeking asylum. Australia has eral politicians or morning right-wing run shitty spin off comedies. protection visas (TPVs) encouraged a grown as a nation, realising the injus- hacks, it was made by the IOM- an raft of people smuggling, putting Aus- tice of a system that barred holders organisation that closely monitors the Rudd has let us down. You fuckin’ joke tralians at risk. from bringing their families to Aus- legal and illegal transport of aliens to of a Prime Minister. I suggest we all tralia and encouraged women and and from East Asia and Indonesia. take our 900, and buy some alumin- While it’s true that the amount of asy- children to brave the dangerous boat Their job is to perceive the percep- ium foil, cause by our Christian God, lum seekers bound for Australia has journeys. Further, bandying about the tions of a degenerate class, and they your government won’t help you. increased, to attribute the rise to gov- term “illegal aliens” does the debate no resolved that our change in govern- ernment policy is simplistic and triva- good, as Australians must understand ment produced a change in policy that lises the plight of these people. A more that it is perfectly legal to request asy- changed perceptions. compelling argument for the rise has lum to escape persecution. People been the “push factors” described by smugglers are not motivated by “soft Take politics out of the equation we the Prime Minister and others includ- policy” to enter Australia; results for should say. Let’s be purely utilitar- ing the UN High Commission for Ref- them are unimportant. By that stage, ian! Since the abolition of Temporary ugees (UNHCR), who have indicated they’ve already exploited passengers Protection Visa’s (August, 2008) there that the places traditionally looking to and received payment for their ser- has been double the amount of illegal for refuge – such as Pakistan and Af- vices. Nor are the desperate asylum arrivals to our far flung coasts than ghanistan – are becoming increasingly seekers, people who, as in the case of the entire period 2002-August, 2008. unstable and people quite rapidly are the SIEV 36, are willing to risk injury DOUBLE in one sixth the time. having to look elsewhere. and death to secure a better life. These I’m on a motherfucking boat. latest asylum seekers are the product We have a never-ending, open coast- The 2008-09 budget proved that the of an unstable world, and we are better line. As rickety boats full of disheart- Government, while removing previous off correcting that imbalance, rather ened and desperate aliens, are pushed policy, was not de-prioritising border than constructing stronger borders at to put their lives in the hands of mor- protection, with an increase of $116 home.

They do. You read.

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, declaring that illegal immigra- and Master of Speech Most Awk- tion is not a crime, although it is ward, was at a ceremony at Ports- under the criminal code and that mouth’s D-Day Museum last week the 9/11 terrorists entered the and asked a 55 year old woman United States from Canada. Gaffe- what she had done in the World man hopes she does not invade War 2. He also asked her where her Canada. Land Army badge was. At least this time he was just implying that the Bob Quick, head of Scotland Yard, has woman looked old enough to have blundered his way into our hearts been in war, which makes a nice by gaffing the shit out of homeland change from his usual charm- security. Heading to a meeting with ing banter– the Duke’s greatest British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, hits include asking an Aborigi- last month, Quick was carrying with nal in 2002 if he was “still throw- him a dossier containing the names ing spears”, describing a faulty of 12 suspected terrorists that were to loose box during a factory visit in be placed under arrest on suspicion Edinburgh as though it had been of terrorism. His devilish plan was “put in by an Indian” and warning foiled however when Quick walked British students in China that they into the Prime Minister’s office with risk becoming “slitty- eyed.” the highly confidential memo facing the media. Smooth. Nicholas Sarkozy was at a lunch with parliament members last week to discuss the global financial crisis. After the foie-gras and bouillabaisse were served and the Cotes du Rhone started flowing, it seemed Sarkozy’s fellow world leaders were next on the menu. Sarko told colleagues that Obama “is not always up to standard on decision-making and efficiency” and stating that Spanish PM Jose Luis Roriguez Zapatero’s “not very clev- er”. He then added a haughty, “haw 1. Find terrorists. 2. Buy Milk. haw haw” and started on his crème brulee. Mmm, delicious. I can haz kwantum mekanix? US Secretary for Homeland Secu- rity Janet Napolitano is letting the gaffe times roll, and started by GOT A RUMOUR? [email protected]

councillors were quick to get into the successfully managed to open the floor lie House threw, “Socialist Alternative SRC Amusement recess spirit. to all opinions and to keep discussion decided not to support the NDA [Na- relatively clean. General Secretary tional Day of Action], is a decision not Park Open for The SRC room was divided: National Russel Schmidt, captain of the foot- to support students!” across the table. Business Labour Students, the “cool” kids, sat ball team, showed once again that he on the left. They spent most of their deserved his title, impressing all with a Tim Scriven, digesting a squabble Often criticised for being out of touch time laughing jovially at personal jokes competency to rival no other. over the SRC Orientation handbook, with the students they purport to rep- and forming unified stances on po- screamed “I am speaking, you, you resent, the SRC officially began its year litical issues. The Socialist Alternative, SHUT UP” to Patrick Langosh, mem- with its first meeting on April 20th, a the emos, sat at the front. Clearly out- ber of the S.A. mere 8 weeks behind the rest of the numbered, but determined to get their student body. message across, these fiery hacks en- Then there was Andrew Coleman’s joyed a night of bitter resentment and “If Alma can’t do her job then what’s aggravation. The Whigs, that slightly she doing here?!” tirade. For failing to weird but sorta hot new kid, sat in the produce a satisfactory account of her middle. Schmoozing the room with achievements as Global Solidarity Offi- witty one liners, Whigs henchman An- cer, Alma Torlakovic, whose treatment drew Coleman got vocal early, trying to resembled something close to trial by impress everyone with his apparently fire, was ordered to resubmit her re- hardcore stance on the role of SRC of- port or risk being removed from her fice bearers. The Broad left, that quiet, post. If gang mentality was ever doubt- lovable nerd, spoke from the right. Os- Words flew across the SRC conference ed, then the almost enjoyable way that cillating between angry speeches from room with a speedy bitterness which is many SRC councillors dealt with Alma Tim Scriven and wise words from Raf- comparable only to a full-fledged food would certainly prove its strength. faele Fantasia, the Broad Left proved fight. Which memorable morsel to be- impressive in their flexibility of thought gin with?! Not all food parcels were negative: Mel and general ability to listen. Brooks proved her knowledge of policy There was Alma Torlakovic’s statement and regulation by providing some in- Noah sat at the front. Although the as Global Solidarity Officer and mem- teresting insights and Kathleen Stud- unbearable lack of air conditioning in ber of the Socialist Alternative, “Noah dart spoke admirably along party the SRC conference room meant that why can’t I say fuck in front of you, lines. Noah’s hair wasn’t able to achieve its we’re fucking not in fucking school you Little cliques sitting together, swap- gone-with-the-wind vitality, Noah, prude!” Though things were accomplished, ping notes, whispering to each other, School Captain, proved he was able to two words cannot fail to pop to mind: laughing at the outsiders, getting fired manoeuvre his way between confusing Then, in a not-so-difficult-to-believe shambles much? up and finally being subdued, SRC and conflicting play ground tussles. He move, proud Labor cheerleader El- Abortion is a complex and emotional issue as well as a reality for one in three Australian women. Because the debate SILVIO BERLUSCONI has centred on legalisation, both sides I AM THE have largely ignored related social WORLD’S MOST issues regarding women’s welfare. POPULAR It seems to me that from the moment Crazy Law Lady of conception, there is a genetically LEADER. distinct growing human in the womb There’s been turmoil this semester and as a Christian, I consider this amongst the graduate law classes at life to be as valuable as mine. As our newly opened law school. such, it is easy enough for me to say that abortion is wrong. What is much The source of the unrest is a particularly harder is realising that those women disruptive mature age student who in her latest stunt has begun litigation faced with unintended or difficult against her tutor on the grounds that pregnancies often see their only she was defamed in class. Over the option as a choice between their semester, this student has apparently own welfare and that of their unborn been disrupting lectures, answering child. Perhaps even the word ‘choice’ back to teachers and generally rubbing is misleading. A significant number everyone the wrong way. of women undergo abortion even However, the email communications On 16 March, the NTEU successfully though they are morally opposed to On one occasion, after yet another de- from both Michael Thomson and lodged an application to the Australian Michael Spence hint that there is still Industrial Relations Commission to it – it would appear that their choice is railed tutorial, she was told loudly by not as free as it seems. a fellow student in class that he was no guarantee of consensus; Thomson run a postal ballot of members on the “sick of you disrupting and ruining told his members, on 30 April that the options of industrial action available. every single class we have”. The two EBA will be for three years and the In response to this announcement, Abortion is often presented as a safe, proceeded to have a large argument, at salary increase is 17% until January Spence wrote to staff and the NTEU simple solution when in fact it is the which point the tutor asked them both 2012; Spence said the settlement was that “it is disappointing to me that problem. It destroys human life, and to leave to sort out their differences a 5% salary increase per annum for the NTEU is considering this course brings with it significant physical, elsewhere. Our angry friend refused 3 years in his missive to staff dated 1 of action [applying to the Australian psychological and emotional risks to leave, so the tutor simply took the May. While Thomson insisted that Industrial Relations Commission]”. for women. Studies have shown that rest of the class to another room and the EBA would be finalised by close of This application was unopposed many women experience distress business 18 May, Michael Spence said refused to allow the fighting pair in by the University. Spence wrote in and grief, and a higher likelihood of until they agreed to make up. final drafting would be completed by response that, “the grounds on which the end of May. the AIRC granted you a ballot did other psychological problems such as not, in my view, reflect any adverse depression. Abortion also increases How this amounts to defamation the risk of difficult pregnancies later Honi is unsure, but as a result the The VC did indicate other terms of finding regarding the University’s teacher in question has not been able the Memoranda of Understanding, conduct.” He commented further,“I in life. to continue to teach the class, meaning which included a commitment to am disappointed that you feel we have the remaining tutor has taken on the employment targets for indigenous been stonewalling, a perception that I Many problems confine a woman’s entire class load. staff, extension of parental benefits believe has no basis.” The ballot was choice: financial and relationship including five days partner leave run on 26 March, by the Australian pressures, the concept of a “shameful immediately following birth, greater Electoral Commission, and returned a pregnancy”, domestic violence. But flexibility in 14 weeks paid maternity verdict 84% in favour of a strike. accepting abortion as an easy solution Further on that leave with the allowance that primary means that these problems are not carers can take some of this leave if During this process, negotiations Strike they wish. intensified. On 30 March, Thomson as readily addressed through better identified the main issues as academic policies, resources and attitudes. The NTEU’s sustained campaign of The MoU and the cancellation of workloads, unrealistically high KPIs My hope is to live in a society lobbying and industrial action led to the strike was product of months of for academics, and attempts by where pregnancy and child support a planned general strike of Sydney extensive NTEU campaigning. In his management to make more positions organisations are as accessible as University staff on Tuesday 5 May. email of 27 February Thomson wrote, casual by making teaching roles dentists, where men care for pregnant Five days before the strike was to be “The university management have ‘sessional’. While the MoU marks women and joyfully welcome their held, Deputy Vice Chancellor Ann sought to delay bargaining and avoid a significant win for the NTEU, Brewer signed a Memoranda of own unplanned children, and above dealing with issues that staff have it’s unlikely that the final stages of all, where motherhood is viewed as Understanding on behalf of University raised”. In the month that followed, negotiation will be smooth sailing. management, with Michael Thomson, an honourable choice which benefits the NTEU organised local branch the woman, the child and society. In NTEU President, outlining the broad meetings, a BBQ, distributed leaflets terms of the Enterprise Bargaining and even ran a video on youtube short, a society where women have Agreement. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ER_ real choice. TTAHk5Lg). Jessica Cowell On set with the Wolverine. Paul Mackay eyes off Cyclops.

The University of Sydney last saw but I don’t think you can ever be pre- Tim Pocock handing out free pro- pared for how intense some of the fans motional popcorn during O-Week in can get. The first thing I remember 2008. A lot’s changed in that one year reading online was about a week after and Honi caught up with Tim while he I was cast – I hadn’t officially been was in L.A. for the red carpet premiere announced, but some very astute fans of “Wolverine”. had come across my agents humble website which stated that I would be Unless particularly familiar playing Scott Summers in Wolverine. with Volkswagon commercials, Within 24 hours there were hundreds audiences will be seeing you on of websites with that as a leading story, screen for the first time, as Scott my face plastered all over the web. The Summers in the newly released general consensus seemed to be that “Wolverine”. What’s brought people didn’t like that my character was you to this point? in the film. Unfortunately that dislike seemed to ricochet onto me – people My first acting role was when I was six can be quite opinionated and cruel. – I played MARGE SIMPSON in my Things like “he’s not good-looking kindergarten’s end of year play called enough to play Cyclops” and “Such “Bart and the Beanstalk”. Not exactly a step down from James Marsden”. More like SEX-MEN! Am I right, folks? a star making role, but it definitely got Probably the hardest thing to deal my first night on set and I was already downloaded the film, including me interested in performing. When with was a series of videos posted on overwhelmed enough by it all, the last FoxNews.com columnist Roger I was ten I was cast as Kurt in “The YouTube that personally attacked me thing I wanted was for a mega-star Friedman who was fired for re- Sound of Music” and that led to five and my acting ability. But its all part actor to strike up a conversation with viewing the bootleg. Do you think years performing at the Sydney Opera of it, I guess. People in this industry me. However, he just has this knack this will harm the film’s success, House, working with directors like Neil have to put up with it all the time. I can of setting you at ease. He told me not or affect the industry? Armfield (Candy) and Baz Lurhman laugh it off now, but at the time it was to feel overwhelmed because then I (Moulin Rouge, Australia). hurtful. wouldn’t be able to have a good time. It definitely was a tremendous blow. He said “If you f*ck up, that is what When I found out it had happened I When I finished school I started to How was filming, being on set? ‘Cut’ and ‘Take-2’ are for.” He would was devastated. So many people work seek representation from agencies actually buy a $2 scratchy for everyone so hard on movies like this. I don’t think in Sydney. Trust me, it’s a difficult A complete blast! I started the shoot working on the film every Friday with the general public fully appreciates task – there are hundreds of agents in working on location on Cockatoo the footnote that any large sums of how much goes into the film making Sydney, and of those only a handful are Island, in the middle of Sydney money had to be split-even with him. process. There are literally thousands any good. I was fooled many a time by Harbour – it used to be a prison that of people who were directly affected by dodgy agents who promise the world was transformed during the war to As for Liev, I was particularly excited to the leak. Not only that, but it trivialises and deliver less than nothing – taking make submarines. It’s a grand, old, work with him, as I had been a fan for the work of the people who have spent rusty place, and given that we were years. When I read through the script the better part of five years working on shooting there at night, it had a very and saw that he and I share a pretty the movie right from concept stage to creepy, eerie atmosphere. We would crazy scene together, I couldn’t wait development stage to production and start each day at about 4pm and to work with him. When people see then completion. work through until 7am the following the film, and the menace he brings to morning. Filming is tiring enough, let that character, they’ll understand why. One positive thing that could come out alone doing so during the sleep hours, Danny Huston is also in it and he is such of it all is that it has really highlighted but every time I stepped onto the set I a legend in the acting world, I felt very the problem of film piracy and I’m sure would get a second wind. The green- privileged to meet him, let alone get to the instances of piracy will dwindle as screen work was particularly challeng- work with him, albeit briefly. And of a result. The leaked version was by no ing. I had to pretend I was flipping course, the rest of the cast are superstars means finished. I think Hugh said it horizontally through the air whilst ac- of the show-biz world: Ryan Reynolds, best when he said, “It’s like a Ferrari tually standing completely upright on Dominic Monaghan, Will.I.Am, Taylor without the paint-job”. So I think that a giant lazy susan being turned around Kitsch. I couldn’t believe I was rubbing the majority of people that have already by a couple of guys covered head to toe shoulders with such people. watched it will see it again in theatres in green. Acting school doesn’t prepare because they’ll want to see the proper you for that sort of thing. In the film you’re sporting some product. Also, this is a movie that has wicked shades, could you see? to be seen on a big screen. It is such I was also flown to Canada for reshoots an epic movie and is so cool to look at, at the start of the year – we shot at an Oh, Tim. Stop. Ah the shades! I tried on over 500 pairs watching it on a computer screen just abandoned Insane Asylum in Coquit- of sunglasses for the wardrobe depart- does not do it justice. lam. Apparently it was abandoned ment. They had gotten them from all a substantial up-front fee for all their in the 60s due to their controversial over the world and every day a new Where to now? “troubles.” Eventually I took part in a electro-shock therapy methods and style would arrive. Their only brief was part-time course offered at NIDA called even a case of a frontal lobotomy on a that they had to make me look cool. So We just had the premiere here in Los “The Screen Actor”, it really changed 12-year-old girl who had depression. It each day I would head to the wardrobe Angeles and that was a whole new my life. I managed to get an agent was incredibly creepy – though aban- department and sit for hours at a time, level of crazy. It was a great deal of fun eight months later and had plenty of doned, there were still beds and some trying on a pair of sunglasses, having though, and it’s a necessary tool for any unsuccessful auditions, it wasn’t until furniture in various states of deteriora- my photo taken in them and trying on new actor as it helps promote them in a year later when I had just finished tion, and even some of the equipment another etc. At the end of the day our the public eye. I’m here in L.A. for a filming a Volkswagon commercial that and instruments used. It was fantasti- Director had to pick which pair were while longer, taking meetings with my agents contacted me about a role in cally spooky – I loved it there! his favourite and he went with a very agencies and management companies “Wolverine”. Exactly one week later I funky pair of aviators. I wanted to keep as well as meeting with casting execu- had the job. And working with Hugh them after the shoot but Gavin (the Di- tives for the big production houses as Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan rector) ended up getting them. I guess well. Certainly being involved in a film Before you had been officially Reynolds – just to name a few – that’s one of the perks of directing a of this scale has opened up a number announced as a cast member, were you star struck, what are $150 million movie! of doors for me – I am now able to X-Men fans were already being they like? audition for a much wider variety of critical of you – how was that? A bootleg copy of the film, roles and, in the day after the premiere, Hugh is the nicest guy in the world. missing many of the SFX and was sent scripts for about five features It’s crazy. Obviously I was well aware I know everyone says it, but that is around 20-minutes of footage that are in the casting process at the that this was the kind of movie that because it is true. He is so nice to you was leaked online a month before moment. So it’s all about getting that would have die-hard fans – all of that you feel like he’s almost making the movie’s official theatrical next job to consolidate the success of whom would be expecting big things, fun of you! The first time I met him was release – thousands of people Wolverine. Onwards and upwards.

>10 Welcome to Honi’s Union Election coverage. More Fox News than CNN, our independent journos tirelessly waited all week for 13 candidates to come to them. After quizzing them (see below) we watched them talk for 15 minutes and made an informed decision on who we would shag, marry or kill.

Possibly because of the amount of independents running, 2009 is so far a tame affair with any rant not on the talking points directed angrily at Tom Lee. The interviews showed nothing different. Everyone agreed with some form of AA, ACCESS cards and the need to keep the Union financially stable. Read on...

WHAT IS THE UNION? A briefing

The University of Sydney Union is the major service provider of the University of Sydney. It differs from other representative bodies on campus (SRC, SUPRA etc), by including all ‘enrolled students’ while providing and maintaining services that have populist appeal: cultural festivals, the operation of Manning, Wentworth and Holme, management of clubs and societies, co- ordination of faculty revues, the list goes on.

The decision making body of the Union is its Board of Directors. The 13 member Board comprises the Immediate Past Presi- dent, two ‘professionals’ appointed by the Senate and 11 Board Directors elected by students. The election in this odd year is for six directors from a group of 13 candidates (and at least three must be female). The role of a Union Board Director outlined in the USU Constitution (7.1.a) is to ensure the long term viability of the Union, monitor its budget and its systems of control and accountability. Although this sounds like the role of an accountant, Directors also facilitate and run the important Clubs & Societies program, propose and vote on new policy, and whether cynics like it or not, are important student ambassadors/ poster children for the Union.

THE KEY ISSUES Points of interest in the 2009 campaign

Independence Excluding the four formal factions (NLS, the WHIGS, Labor Right and the Nazi shark loving Liberals) who all rely on footsoldiers, institutional knowledge and supple- mentary funding, we are left with a field of seven ‘independents’.

How independent are these martyrs? Some, not very. A candidate is not independent when they are being supported and supplied with the necessary tools for election by another member of the Board. This is ‘dependence’. When grilled about these af- filiations - need we say political coalitions with their ‘campaign managers’ - Giorgia Rossi (Doug Thompson), Dave Mann (Pat Bateman) and Mel Brooks (Courtney Tight) all gave different accounts/definitions. But needless to say that when push comes to shove in the big decisions, read: Executive voting, AA policy tweaking and CSU support, they will be falling in line behind their dependent leader. So to clear it up, Giorgia, David and Mel are not injured puppies who are fighting against a political machine. The real independents are just less formidable.

Affirmative Action & VSU Under 10.2.c of the USU Constitution, in a six board director election there must be at least three elected who are female. This isn’t the place to debate the merits of Affirmative Action in Union elections (see Honi Week 5), but to highlight that in a year where five women target three or more spots, there will be eight men running for three or less spots. Democracy hurts boys. A ‘form’ of compulsory student unionism will also be coming to campus in the com- ing years, in the form of a $250 yearly administration fee. This will be attached to your HECS debt and used by the University in many ways, including funding the Union. All candidates hated VSU and supported the fee, and they needed to - it is in USU Constitution (3.1.k). An election within an eleciton? The current Union Board have their dirty little hands all over this election, pursu- ing favour for a vote in July’s 2009-10 executive election. While President Ruchir is leading Lizzy Watt, Scott Brownless and a tumultuous faction for Bec Santos, VP Alice Dixon is selflessly guiding the enigmatic Falk, and the previously mentioned Union The interviews Board Freshman all lead doe-eyed law/debater types, in pursuit of the presidency. It UNION is an election within an election, as campaign managing means votes come July. QUIZ

1. Name the Current Union Board Directors. 2. Approximately how many clubs and societies COMMENT The role of preferences does the USU oversee? Tom Robertson 3.The USU facilitates the revue season. There 2009 are nine revues, including: Law, Arts, Medicine, UNION Engineering, Commerce and Science. What are ELECTION The next few days will see a frenetic level of negotiations between campaigns on the other three? SPECIAL campus, as like minded campaigns and ambitious campaign managers try to orches- 4. Which buildings on Camperdown campus do trate the outcome of the elections. The important thing that many forget is that this the Union own? Editorial coordinator 5. Name the three major publications that the Mark Di Stefano isn’t the real world- there is no above the line voting and no-one can negotiate your USU produces each year. Interviewers preferences. “how to votes’ are a suggestion from a candidate about like minded Alex Lee, 6. True or False: the USU Women’s Forum is Sriram Srikumar, candidates, but in no way binding. You can absolutely assign your preferences in chaired by a man. Katherine Connolly, whatever order you’d like. 7. Name the Chief Executive Officer of the Union? Giselle Kenny 8. Which of these Union food outlets does not Photographer Union election counting is simple. First they count every primary vote. This number participate in the ACCESS benefits program: Café Sriram Srikumar Azzuri, BB’s, Engineering Café, Asian Noodle Layup is then divided to determine a ‘quota. Candidates are then selected on a ‘first past Lounge? George Downing the post’ system where a candidate is deemed elected once they’ve exceeded the 9. In what month of the year is the VERGE Arts Disclaimer quota of votes. Any votes received by a candidate in excess of the quota are then Festival held? To avoid conflicts of interest, only editors 10. Who are the two Senate reps for the Union? with no intimate involvement in particular distributed according to the preferences. Preferences ‘flow’ down from successful campaigns took part in authoring this report. In candidates to those who still haven’t hit quota. Once 6 candidates have hit quota addition, every effort has been made to ensure Test yourself - answers page 23 the coverage of the election, its candidates and (assuming AA requirements have been filled) the election is considered over. issues is as objective as possible. >11 The best... The best... CAMPAIGN T-SHIRT LECTURE BASH 1. Lizzy Watt 1. Michael Falk Simple, with an Obama-esque triple word score Stealing the show with that ukelele 2. Giorgia Rossi 2. Tom Lee Clean, retro and so very Giorgia Racist rantings about rickshaws 3. Armani Frijat & Chris Ho 3. Michael Buckland The Whig’s saved some cash with a double team Coherent with strong, measured projeciton And the worst... Michael Buckland (Navy blue?) And the worst... Tom Lee (Well, he’s racist)

The countdown HONI ODDS

NUMBER OF VOTES CAST 2000-2500 ...... $1.50 2500-3000 ...... $3.20 1500-2000 ...... $9.35 3000-3500 ...... $19.80 0-1500 ...... $99.00 3500+ ...... $1015

FIRST PAST THE POST (No. 1 Votes Recieved) Peter Seith David Mann ...... $3.30 Tom Lee Lizzy Watt Michael Falk ...... $3.33 Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 96% Giorgia Rossi...... $6.81 Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 96% NLS | QUIZ SCORE: 88% Scott Brownless ...... $10.13 Coming to the interview with a 25 page Jonathan Ribot ...... $11.98 Tom is obviously smart, focused and Came across as very competent, but policy document that we pretended Tom Lee ...... $12.20 a little bit mental, running with a cam- a bit self-righteous, telling us that she Lizzy Watt ...... $13.42 we’d read, Peter is obviously one of Melissa Brooks ...... $13.44 paign that capitalises on being the was concerned that other students the more detail-oriented candidates Michael Buckland ...... $72.35 outsider with fresh ideas. He seems to don’t have the same “desperate urge” in the field. Peter Seith...... $1102 be brandishing his factional indepen- to help people in developing coun- Jess Priebee ...... $1526 dence as more of a weapon than any- tries that she does. 11 He identified cliques in C&S as one of Chris Ho ...... $10 one else, and he has certainly put more Amani Frijat ...... $1021 the main problems in the Union, which than half of the candidature offside Lizzy really wants the Union to expand no other candidate had picked up on, ELECTED TO UNION with his aggressive campaigning. its humanitarian agenda, but didn’t but he unfortunately had no strong (after preferences and AA) have any revolutionary policies to ideas as to how a Board Director can Giorgia Rossi...... $1.01 Regardless of whether inter-uni achieve this, giving only more Union Lizzy Watt ...... $1.02 increase intra-club inclusion. Melissa Brooks ...... $1.98 rickshaws are viable (we’d like to be support for humanitarian societies Scott Brownless ...... $3.20 proved wrong), Tom seems to lack a and commitment to Fair Trade outlets A bit of a lone wolf, he sees the lazi- Michael Falk ...... $7.23 coherent strategy for the Union and as her examples. ness of others as the main obstacle to David Mann ...... $7.23 an understanding of how it works, Jonathan Ribot ...... $7.24 his policies being implemented. This Jess Priebee ...... $11.25 leaving us unconvinced. He’ll get She was defensive about her NLS may be true, but we weren’t sure if this Michael Buckland ...... $16.43 votes from people who want Director membership, but made a good point meant he’d have trouble working with Amani Frijat ...... $82.23 who’ll shake up the Union, and can that the people supporting her were Price of a other Directors. Tom Lee ...... $ rickshaw articulate how he is different from the affiliated because of their stance on Peter Seith...... $155 other 12. issues, and were committed to keep- Chris Ho ...... $267 ing the Union progressive.

Giorgia Rossi David Mann Melissa Brooks Amani Frijat Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 96% Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 96% Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 92% WHIGS | QUIZ SCORE: 84%

Giorgia gave a very candid interview, David comes with a very well devel- A very impressive interview, her Amani doesn’t want to revolutionise admitting to having little compa- oped and specific policy platform knowledge about the bureaucracy the Union, telling us that it’s her aim to rable experience in C&S and Union which focuses on ensuring the Union’s of the Union and the duties required maintain the Union so future genera- positions. She spoke passionately financial viability while growing its of a Board Director was unrivalled. tions have the same great experiences about women’s mentoring programs accessibility. Her policies, such as improving the and opportunities that she has had. to increase the accessibility of the volunteer program are realistic and Union’s Executive to women, but told He was recommended by two achievable, though we’d like to see She comes with really achievable poli- us she didn’t campaign on it because other candidates as being a very more creative ideas for getting people cies, such as support for new smaller “people don’t like it”, which to us hard worker, and his track record involved in the Union. societies and a C&S Exec mentoring seems soft. certainly seems to back that up. But program. Her lack of big ideas gives when pressed on issues like Indepen- She’s passionate about her ideas but us concerns about complacency, Is clearly smart and articulate, and dence and Affirmative Action he was her campaign could suffer for being leading us to think that Union Director could show us the link between why reluctant to defend his opinions. overly serious. Everyday students is not the best place for her to enact she thinks people don’t get involved may not find themselves identifying her ideas. in the union and how her policies We were left worrying that his fence- with her in lecture bashes. could fix it. Though she may struggle sitting could lead him to being swayed There are hints that Amani doesn’t getting her voice heard on Board, by more experienced directors, two know much about the Union in an she’ll get stuff done. or three of which he’s good friends organisational sense, but she taps with. into a different network than the other candidates, which will be valuable.

>12 The best... The best... The best... SUPPORT TEAM VISIBILITY ON CAMPUS POLICY PLATFORM 1. Giorgia Rossi 1. David Mann 1. Mel Brooks Private school girls, and a private school manager Black and yellow with the GetUp! touch Detailed, realistic and practical. Good stuff. 2. David Mann 2. Michael Falk 2. Chris Ho Paul’s, debating kids, and 1st year media girls Iconic symbol, used well The big fella for engineers. But no one else.

3. Scott Brownless & Lizzy Watt 3. Giorgia Rossi 3. Michael Falk ELECTION SPECIAL The NLS faction Made green cool again The deficit under control with movies in the Quad And the worst... Peter Seith (They don’t eat meat) And the worst... Jess Priebee (Where is she?) And the worst... Tom Lee (Food Priority?)

Candidate breakdown THE FACEBOOK ELECTION

Scott Brownless Jess Priebee Michael Falk Figure 1 - Members in candidate Facebook NLS | QUIZ SCORE: 84% Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 77% Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 73% groups Now here’s a genuinely nice guy, Jess clearly has a passion for co- Lots of people mistake him for a and the other candidates speak very curricular life on campus, and cited joke candidate, but Falk surprised highly of him. Having been involved her ability to listen to all perspectives us all by speaking articulately about in the ‘grass roots’ aspects of the as one of her strengths. These are all the Union’s financial challenges and Union through clubs and committees, good qualities for a Director but she how he’ll manage them. Was able to he knows what makes a good Board disappointed when asked to articu- explain why such policies as Open Air Director, giving a solid example of a late her policies, as they really lacked Cinema were financially viable. bad Union policy that hurts C&S. specificity and focus. We had some concern as to his lack of He spoke about trying to decorpora- She’s not doing posters so as not to financial training considering he is an tise the Union and return its focus to waste paper and money, but since English major, which was highlighted service provision, which we felt was she’s not running on an enviro plat- by his mis-estimation of the Union Figure 2 - Aggregate Facebook friends bordering on idealistic, consider- form, it seemed like a bit of a hollow deficit (see below). ing that the Union is undeniable a gesture. Unlike others, she is com- KEY Tom Lee corporate entity. Still, he’s immensely pletely independent and her bubbly Great answer as to why he’s running Michael Falk likeable and he seems like the kind of personality and engaging style could such a novel campaign: hopefully Chris Ho Michael Buckland person who’d be good to work with. see her being a really viable candi- it will engage people and get them Lizzy Watt date with another year of experience curious about the Union, which we Giorgia Rossi David Mann NOTE under her belt next union election. think is the right attitude for a Board Not all candidates Director Mel Brooks have open profiles

Context-free quotes FROM THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// “Doug is a phenomenal leader” GIORGIA ROSSI

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// “Hang on, am I a current Union Board Director?” ALICE DIXON [Union Vice President] Michael Buckland Chris Ho Jonathan Ribot /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Labor Right | QUIZ SCORE: 61% WHIGS | QUIZ SCORE: 57% Independent | QUIZ SCORE: 57% “I’m all about sharks and Nazi’s, Sharks - great, Nazi’s - terrible.” We felt that Michael had good ideas In true WHIGS style, Ho’s campaign Has so far lived up to his campaign JESS PRIEBEE (cheaper photocopying, Union child- picture - puffing up the chest and promises of being both Delicious and care and more affordable ACCESS sticking out the guns - did not suit the Mauritius, and charmed the pants off ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// cards) but bad solutions (direct debit softly-spoken engineer sitting in front us all. His policy was focused around ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// “I know this is probably going to sound ACCESS is incredibly complex and of us. the experience of international racist... but Rickshaws for campus.” difficult to implement). students at uni, and he has already TOM LEE His keenness to expand Union services started to get things done through the Still, he has experience in workers more into the Darlington campus was Union in his position at International ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// unions, is incredibly diplomatic and impressive, though we fear his “what House. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// “The Union turned a $1.3m deficit last it’s likely that he’ll work hard to get about engo students?” view is too year.” results. His explanation for the totally narrow for a Board Director. He spoke Jonathan has some good policy be- MICHAEL FALK [it was $2.6m] unfeasible $2 beer policy was that it well on AA, but his overall policies yond these issues but couldn’t really was added by the guy designing his were too vague and his understand- prove in the interview how his ideas ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// campaign poster because he needed ing of the strategic challenges of the would lead to a more integrated ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// “It could be $2 shots of beer... why not?” a “populist alcohol policy” but it Union as an organisation was weak. international student body. Jonathan MICHAEL BUCKLAND [explaining his $2 speaks to a larger problem that some will secure the IH vote, and may ap- beer policy] of his policies could be claims that the With Peter Seith and Amani also focus- peal to other college voters, though union would be unable to substanti- ing on a more inclusive Union, Chris we assume their votes will be tied up ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ate. will need to find a point of difference with the Whigs at Mandelbaum House to get elected. and David Mann in the sandstone col- leges.

>13 Point Counterpoint Quote (un)quote Celebrities Will someone What we wish shoudn’t adopt please just feed we’d heard PAUL KEATING Lauren Barker, Arts (Media & me? Honi Soit’s keen hearing picked Communications) III Chifundo ‘Mercy’ James, 4. up these deliciously fabricated one liners on the campaign trail The scandal around I know you guys have Madonna’s attempts some valid arguments, “And if you vote for me for Prom to adopt yet and there are certainly Queen, I mean, Union Board Director” another Malawian forums where these – Giorgia Rossi, lecture child has shone a concerns do need to spotlight on a new be addressed. But “CHRIS HO! SMASSSSSSH!” – troubling trend, the seriously, I’ve been Andrew Coleman’s HO-Bot 2000 glamorisation of sitting on the floor misinterprets his command to lecture adoption of children of this hut for three bash, leaving hundreds injured It’s been another arse of a week for from foreign countries. Angelina weeks now and I tell you what, there’s the Honourable Paul John Keating, Jolie and Brad Pitt, Meg Ryan, a baby on the other side of the room “You nice lady, you get in my rickshaw, diary. The wallpaper is starting to Ewan McGregor, Calista Flockhart, who is starting to look pretty tasty. onry two dorrar” – Tom Lee, with get on my nerves again, and those all of these celebrities are shopping Madonna, my father, hell, leave me sticky tape on eyes and pointy hat, bovine reprobates on Macquarie for children overseas, for reasons in this orphanage for another week wonders why he isn’t securing the Street have their noses wedged so none other than good PR, to land a and I’ll even take Eric Clapton. It’s Darlington vote. far in the trough that any hope of sympathetic role in a film or because not like he’s going to make the same retaining any architectural value in their drug addled bodies have rejected mistake twice, am I right? That’s right “Um, guys? I’m right here, behind this the City of Sydney is as far remote as their attempts to procreate. folks, I’m here all week. Try the veal! lecturn. Goddammit, does anyone ‘Rockdale’ is from ‘culture’. Hahaha oh God I’m starving. have a phone book?” Who is to say that a life in the spotlight “Maybe if I get on your shoulders we Thank God for the economic down- is anything other than damaging for So Madonna came in here the other can make one whole candidate.” turn that those pig-eared Tories children? Who is to say that these day, all spandex and sinew, with David Mel Brooks and Peter Seith, finally engineered off the back of my years people are going to provide a better life on her bony hip and I thought, it can’t seeing eye-to-eye with their electorate of consistent policy, because if I cast for these children than one they could be that bad right? She’s clearly making a difficult task. a glance over another plan for rein- have had in their own communities? sacrifices for her children, giving all the forced-concrete-and-glass towers on These children are going in to broken food she can spare to them while she “Well my name’s Amani, if only there the Barangaroo development, I think homes, under the glaring lights of wastes away. Meanwhile, while you was some way I could make my name I’ll do my lolly. the Paparazzi, without the freedom guys bitch about the pros and cons of into some sort of brand related pun. Aboriginal kitsch doesn’t call for to go out and live normal lives? If international vs. domestic adoption, Amani…hmmm. Oh fashion week’s postmodernism scraped off the floor anything, there should be a program I’m contemplating throwing some on, nothing to inspire me there. of a architecture firm run by a cabal where normal families can adopt Moroccan herbs on my own foot and Hmmm..How about Coles, Coles of spastics, it calls for bark humpies, children from the Hollywood Hills, gnawing on it pretending its chicken. sounds like Amani!” Amani Frijat, sharpened sticks and lots of trees. I those children forced to lead a life of serving you better. think I’ve got the last laugh though, fame, to give them the fame free life Mads, when you’re ready, my bags are diary, because that’s all they’ll be they deserve. packed. able to afford now. Let me render my pleasure for you in words. Ha ha. Haaha ha.

Oh, it’s also been a bit of a test on the personal front as well. Stepping Poos. out with a girlfriend for the first time is always a dicey proposition, espe- cially when you’re on the front row After Grog Bog (AGB) of a fashion parade. I remember the Part of any essential hangover recovery, the AGB might take a couple of goes but is both necessary and advice of dear old Dad all those years satisfying. Sometimes referred to as the Morris Iemma, this particular poo doesn’t always quite feel ago in the garage at Bankstown. I right; you could say it’s, “heading in the right direction, but there’s still more to do.” In that way, this think I was fifteen at the time. ‘Paul’, stool’s stilted passing renders it kinda similar to The Godfather, an absolutely fantastic poo in three he would say, as he looked up pater- parts, with the second definitely the best. nally from the boiler he was welding, ‘son, women are a lot of work. You’re not making it any easier for yourself The Phantom in a double-breasted suit with a It’s Matthew Mitcham meets the Jamie Oliver Teflon range – much like The Ghost Who Walks, The pocket watch. They’ll think you’re Phantom comes, does its business and leaves without a trace. It enters the pool without sounding a some variety of dago with a passion splash, it edges out your orifice without so much as a mark. It is what the Bristol Stool Chart, a medical for furtive masturbation’. aid designed to classify the form of human faeces into seven categories, lists as a “Type 4 Faeces: like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.” Phantoms are the epitome of hassle free WC. Well, Dad, looks I proved you wrong. It was an excellent suit. Efficient Faeces I’ve never been a fan of emotional When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Favoured by the Germans, the Efficient Faeces has positives outbursts, diary, unlike that super- and negatives: you’re certainly not wasting any time on the toilet, but miss the short opening and you’ll annuated gold-chain wearing charla- be left feeling a little dirty. These guys are so keen to come out and meet the world that you may also be tan, Hawke, but why doesn’t anyone left with lightly dampened cheeks as the force of exit splashes up from beneath. value me? The Sydney Morning Herald’s called a moratorium on my letters, and the only people that are interested in me are those slimy little Travellin’ Turd maggot weasels at Honi Soit, and Relieving oneself in the tiny self-contained restroom of a plane or coach or train is fantastically utilitar- that’s only because they’ve got their ian. The movement is good for the bowels and while you’re being productive on the can, you can feel heads caught so far up their own as though you’re really getting somewhere. While other commuters while away the travel with cross- arse they can’t see daylight. Students words, books and papers, you’re completing a bodily function necessary for existence. are the most disengenuous brand of homo sapiens out, diary. When they’re not being smug, they’re wor- The Rabbit shipping at the altar of Moloch and pouring shit over my years of toil for A bear and a rabbit are taking a poo in the woods. The bear, grumbling in displeasure, cranes over to this third-rate excuse of a country. ask the rabbit, “hey mate – do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit casually replies, “nup, never!” At which point the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes himself down with it. That John Howard was a student once. I joke’s been around for about as long as we’ve been celebrating rabbit-style pellet-poos that make the rest my case. clean up easy.

>14 Stand-Up Paddle Boarding HOW TO FIGHT George Downing grabbed his oar and stroked, stroked, stroked TERRORISM the main break, riding their SUPB like the last few years, with the trend hit- a regular Mal. ting Sydney’s beaches in a big way. It’s HYPOTHESIS not only more fun, but more scenic, Them terrorists are on the rise. For Honi it was all about staying up- and an all-round workout. And it’s no Here are some simple ways to fight right from South Steyne to Shelly exaggeration to say the SUPB looks set terror in your home town. Beach, trying not to look like an idiot to be the most talked about develop- in front of hundreds of locals sharing ment in the surfing world since surf- EQUIPMENT coffee in the beachside cafes or walk- boards themselves arrived in Australia 1 x angry lynching mob ing their dogs along the promenade. 50 years ago. Paddling over schools of The reputation of the paper was on the 2 x silly minority Oarsome fish, sun washed coral and a couple of 1 x economic downturn line, after all. Scuba classes (Honi waved at them 1 x sensational media Feet shoulder length apart. Eyes and they waved back, three meters straight. Knees bent, lean forward, one The SUPB craze is global: celebs from below the surface), you can’t help but METHOD stroke, two. Wobble-wobble, hold still. Pierce Brosnan to Nicole Richie have love life. 1. Remember that terrorists can be Another stroke. So shouted Honi’s been snapped negotiating the over- anywhere at any time. Don’t restrict de facto Stand-Up Paddle Board in- sized craft through choppy swell. The Seasoned SUPB expert and Manly lo- your mobbing to buses and trains, structor one recent Sunday at South papparazi love it because beginners cal Jesse Curtis is in love. ‘I got the get creative. Terrorists might be Steyne in Manly. It took a little while tend to look seriously inept, not least board from a couple of mates for my serving you lunch or helping you to master the concept – standing up- due to the size of their equipment and birthday,’ he told Honi. ‘Ever since I’ve try on clothes, so don’t forget to right on a 12 foot Malibu-cum-canoe, the tendency to fall awkwardly into the been hooked – and the South Steyne/ get violent there too! heavily waxed, with a fiberglass paddle sink. But once you’ve mastered the art Shelley Beach area has to be one of the gripped in both hands, stroking either of balance (it’s all about core abs, I was most beautiful spots in Sydney to try it 2. Keep your phone, with ASIO’s side of the board to propel forward – told later), it really is a beautiful thing. out.’ number at the top of your quick- but eventually your correspondent got For anyone who’s experienced the ex- call list, on you at all times. On top the hang of it (see image). hilaration of surfing – the rush as your So how hard is it to master the art? ‘It’s of this, befriend an ASIO call cen- board is carried down the face of a not easy – like any serious water sport, tre worker; that way, should you Manly’s local Stand Up Paddle Board- wave – SUPB is the next frontier. you gotta hit the break as often as you see an Islamic person doing any- ers, ‘SUPB’ for insiders, made it look can. Once you’ve mastered balance thing suspicious, you can be sure easy. It’s not. Buffed blokes caught the Originating in ancient Hawaii (there and propulsion, I guess to possibilities your call will get through! rollers out at Bower, more advanced is a kind of peasant fisherman feel to are endless.’ users mingled with the shortboards in it), SUPB saw something of a revival in 3. Form a mob. What could be more fun than pre-drinks followed by militia violence? Hoorah! The ADVERTISEMENT * best mobbing will combine pur- pose with theatre: for example, you could use racial slurs from Shake- speare, or use ju jitsu to get your obviously correct point across. 4. Do your research. Did you know that terrorists have smaller brains? Title title And they’re also all from the Mid- dle East. All useful tips to help you secure our future. CONCLUSION Terrorism is no laughing matter. By doing your bit, you too can help make sure than Australia remains the peaceful, tolerant, white coun- try that it is today. All you need to do is hope. And pillage.

>15 PRESIDENT’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the SRC President, Noah White//[email protected]

A Brave New University? major decision making body of the SEG might decide that this would university comprising of around 100 be a very popular degree and the NOAH’S KITCHEN Who runs the University? According academics and 20 students) have University could make lots of money Making a roast can seem difficult to the University of Sydney Act 1989 largely becoming places where deci- off it, possible to subsidise other Uni- and expensive but really it’s actu- it is the Senate (a group of 22 elected sions are rubber-stamped not made. versity activities. Academic Board, ally reasonable easy and if you are and appointed people, including 2 however, might say that this is not a feeding a few people, fairly cheap. students), in reality it works a bit dif- So why the lesson in university valid academic pursuit and decide I used 1kg of meat and it fed 4 ferent to this. In reality the strategic bureaucracy? Well, the University not to go ahead. people easily. Although I talk about decisions of the University come from wants to change it. In a meeting I had lamb the recipe below works for a mish-mash or senior University with the VC last week he outlined his This is how it was explained that it most different types of meat, you officials. The Vice-Chancellor (VC), plans for overhauling the decision should work (at least in theory). It will just have to adjust the cooking several Deputy Vice-Chancellors making process. could be said that this is just institu- time. (DVC), a Provost, heads of organi- tionalising a very top-down decision sational units (senior general staff The VC has created the Senior Ex- making structure or it could that it is You will need: a piece of lamb (you members – i.e. not academics), the ecutive Group (SEG). Comprised of simply being done to put a veneer of can find special roasting cuts in chair of the Academic board, Deans the VC, the DVCs, the Chair of the accountability and transparency on most supermarkets), a bunch of and anybody else that manages to Academic board, Director of Human the University bureaucracy when in rosemary, clove of garlic, lots of weasel their way into an influential Resources and all the Deans the SEG reality nothing will change. Whether olive oil, roughly chopped veg- position by whatever means. will “receive and consider significant it is either of these things we’ll have etables such as potatoes (potatoes proposals from… [University] man- to wait and see. will roast better if they are cooked For someone not caught up in this agement” and “make decisions… slightly first), kumara, carrots and tangled web it can be extremely about strategy, management, ad- We can say that it has the possibil- pumpkin. difficult to work out by whom, when ministration…”. The SEG also has 5 ity to put student representation in and where any particular decision subcommittees, two of which have a much better position, the more Rub salt and olive oil into the lamb, was made. It is also very difficult student representation, which would formal the decision making structure then stab small holes and insert a to have any input in the decision look after particular portfolios, e.g. the easier it is for us to have input. section of the garlic clove as well making process as by the time an the Research Committee which This is a good thing, student consulta- as a sprig of rosemary into each issue is discussed in a committee the looks after anything to do with the tion and input leads to better quality hole. Place into a baking tray with decision has very often already been University’s research activities. decision-making. While that’s true it the vegetables and drizzle a bit of made. will also give any decision that are oil onto the vegetables. This structure would be used to made much more legitimacy which It is very telling that often the issue make decisions about the running will mean that it will be harder for Place into a preheated oven at 180 that is the most controversial or of the university in accordance with students to fight anything at a Uni- degrees. You will need to let it cook that attracts the most discussion is its strategic and financial goals. The versity senate level as we have done for 20-25 mins per 500g of lamb. something as trivial as what colour Academic Board would then be in the past. To check if it is cooked poke with the new University of Sydney logo responsible for “auditing” the Uni- a knife, right into the middle, if will be or whether wood panelling versities decisions against academic As ever, if you have any comments the tip comes out quite hot then it will be using in the renovation of the principles. An example would be the or if you would like to know more is ready. Once out remove and let boardroom (seriously!). The Senate creation of a new Masters degree in about what I have been up to please stand for 10 mins. and the Academic Board (the other “How to get rich very quickly”. The feel free to email me. EDUCATION REPORT Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryan//[email protected]

When I left high school and came to Way to screw up Australia for the university I expected a radical change long term. Education has always in my education. I naively saw a de- been the basis of achieving equal- parture from the ruthless, mechanical ity in society. Deregulation flushes push of final exams. How very wrong that concept down the toilet. Skills I was proved. I was forced to squish shortage? The government is palm- into overcrowded lecture halls, sitting ing off responsibility for the future of on the floor or standing outside in the Australia’s workforce under the guise hallway straining to see the lecturer. of giving 17 and 18 year old high Tutorials soon revealed themselves school students ‘choice.’ Choice?! to be larger than many of my school This system limits choice through classes, and therefore likely to be restricting courses available, increas- dominated by the same few people ing overcrowding and doing nothing every week while the rest of us sat in towards supporting students through anonymity. their education.

Worst of all was that the glaring dis- Our education is under attack. We parities in quality of education for pri- need to fight for it. Come to the vate and public school students hadn’t Education Action Group, find out magically dissolved. Those students more and get involved. It is crucial whose parents could cushion them in the lead up to the budget that we financially were blessed with shiny time to sleep and socialise. The re- to the higher education sector. Cue continue pressure on the govern- new textbooks and ample study and sult? Scraped passes, malnutrition, an the death of education as the great ment to fund universities and support socialising time. The rest were left enormous HECS debt, no social life equaliser. For those from indigenous students through fair and accessible to juggle part time work where they and a half-baked education. or low socio-economic backgrounds youth allowance. We meet 1pm were demoralised and underpaid, higher education will become even every Tuesday on the Chancellor’s forced to pay ridiculous rates of rent The Rudd Government has done less of a realistic option. Rural and Lawns next to Fisher Library. See because the university won’t provide nothing to remedy this situation, regional universities will become you there! affordable student housing and study opting to stick to a system of inac- wastelands. Teaching, nursing, sci- without being able to afford essential cessible youth allowance, and now ences and humanities courses will be course materials. In the midst of all to introduce deregulation of course cut and under funded. this they’re meant to somehow find places and demand driven funding >16 The University of Sydney GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT The University of Sydney Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//[email protected]

USU Madness NTEU Strike educational institutions that equip world the next generation with the tools list. Is that a uni you want to go to? I So I made a mad fool out of myself The National Tertiary Education they need to succeed and to develop thought as much… in class. Again. In my relatively early Union (NTEU) is the union that humanity. Integral to this is the role class last week, which I was late and represents academics. The union of research; it means that those that U$yd or The University of $ydney? unprepared for (and was getting as- had called a strike, on Thursday, are teaching us are always learning sessed on), I decided to bless people then Tuesday, then never. Whilst the and as a result we are getting the best Which of these fine education with a little comic relief. I rocked strike has been called off, the issues education possible. It means we are institutions do you attend? Much of back on my chair, which promptly that prompted the union to resort the beneficiary of an education that a muchness to you? Not so to your collapsed sending my table toppling to industrial action are ever present. is up-to-date, critical and rigorous. friendly university bureaucrats! ‘The over forwards and me flat on my arse Staff are not paid a fair wage that uni’ as it shall be affectionately backwards. I stood up, redder than reflects the extreme level of expertise Currently academics are required to known to me, has blown a seven usual, as the entire lecture including they require and most worryingly, the spend a certain proportion of their figure amount of the money they so the lecturer raised an eyebrow in my university is still considering imple- time on teaching. To implement kindly gouge out of you in HECS, on direction. Outstanding gross motor menting ‘teaching only’ positions. teaching only positions would de- a ‘branding study’. And its not even skills or cheap stunt to draw attention grade the quality of our education. done yet and gonna cost more! The to the USU campaign shirt I was Universities are more than degree It would mean there is an increased point is to figure out which name wearing? Hmm. But I have to ask the warehouses, where you rock up and potential for courses to become stale best fulfils the Sydney mission, ‘elite, hard questions; Doug campaigned get a ridiculous pointed cardboard and out of date. The other critical but not elitist’. for new chairs for the cellar last year, hat, a robe and a shiny testamur that concern is that many of the world but where are the candidates this certifies you dedicated three years of rankings heavily weight research out- Gag. year on dickhead proof chairs in the your teens/early twenties to drinking put. Oh yes! Teaching only positions McRae Room for the aspiring acrobat beer and smoking fat cigarettes. They could conceivably see Sydney Uni Amazing how far you can stretch that is I? are responsible for social critique and fall from the uber prestigious, flavour several million dollars in a looming technological innovation; they are of the month, hottest 200 Unis in the economic crisis isn’t it? ASK ABE SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry 9660 5222 or [email protected]

Dear Abe, Dear House Proud,

My landlord is a pig. Not an actual This matter is potentially a very tenancy advisor at the SRC. Bring pig. A metaphorical pig. I suspect complex one. Some people are them the photos together with a copy a pig would run a business better tenants and some are lodgers. of your contract so that you can work than he does. My room is just Generally speaking if you signed out how to break the contract or lease one step above a crack den, with a lease agreement, as opposed to a and be able to move. no windows, a floor that holds no contract, you are a tenant, and the more than 2 people at a time and government says that you should not Abe mould growing on anything that be forced to live somewhere that is stays still for more than an hour. awful as you’re describing. Curiously How can I terminate my lease and enough, lodgers are generally lower live someone more inhabitable. income earners (or not employed at all) and the government does not House Proud. provide any real protection for their This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions on anything living conditions. that may affect their “welfare”. This can be as personal as a question on a Centrelink payment or as general as a question on the state of the world. The best thing for you to do is to take If you would like to ask Abe a question send an email to lots of photos of your room. Then [email protected]. make an appointment to talk to a

>17 The SUPRA www.supra.usyd.edu.au

International students – still being subjected to racist exploitation

In Melbourne last week some 250 students from campaign. “There is a long way to go, but people are are under investigation for providing fraudulent a number of universities and higher education feeling optimistic about the campaign, and I think education certificates and work references, and institutes came out to rally against the Victorian the rally was successful,” he said. charging up to $20,000. state government’s policy of denying international students and postgraduate students access to The basis for the campaign in Melbourne is similar to SUPRA has also received a number of reports transport concessions. that in Sydney – NSW and Victoria are the two states of fraudulent real estate providers targeting in the country which make it legal to discriminate international students. Properties which either do not This rally builds on a campaign conducted by SUPRA’s against international students in providing public exist, or are extremely sub-standard are advertised Melbourne University counterpart, the Melbourne transport concessions. NSW and Victoria also have at unrealistic rental rates, and international students University Graduate Students’ Association (GSA). high numbers of international students who pay have been defrauded of thousands of dollars. The GSA has been working with a number of student high fees and taxes, but who are denied the basic groups including the Federation of Indian Students entitlements that other students expect. It seems the NSW and Victorian state governments Australia, Persatuan Pelajar Indonesia Australia, and are happy to operate like these ruthless criminals, the national peak body for postgraduate students, I call this situation exploitative and racist. In with the only difference being their ability to change the Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations 2006 SUPRA ran a campaign for international the law to make their actions unassailable. (CAPA). The GSA also built relationships with the students to gain transport rights through the Anti- International Student Advisers Network Australia, Discrimination Board and the Administrative Rashmi Kumar and the Victorian branch of the Rail, Tram and Bus Decisions Tribunal. Both the ADB and ADT SUPRA President Union to get their campaign off the ground. found that the NSW government was unlawfully [email protected] discriminating against international students by So far the Melbourne students have put together a denying them travel rights. The NSW government petition with 5000 signatures, including that of the responded by changing the Anti-Discrimination Act In response to student enquiries, Melbourne University Vice-Chancellor, Glyn Davis, to allow them to discriminate against international SUPRA is beginning to organise and those of the University Council (equivalent to students. This illustrates the extreme measures that around international students’ our Senate). They have also received public support governments will go to in order to squeeze every cent transport concessions once from Greens MLCs in presenting their petition to they can from international students. again. The first meeting was last the Victorian parliament before the state budget is handed down this month. Earlier this month it was revealed that up to 60 week, and the next meeting to businesses have been investigated in relation to discuss and plan the campaign As I spoke to Paul Coats, president of the Melbourne migration fraud towards international students. A will be on Tuesday 12th May, 12 University GSA today, he was optimistic about the number of private colleges and training institutes pm, location TBA.

National Plan of Action to ‘Reduce’ Violence Against Women

Further to the article from last week about the government’s recalcitrance over question: if children in remote Aboriginal communities are going to be educated the National Plan of Action to End Violence Against Women, the Minister for about violence against women, where will they go for help if all the services have Women, Tanya Plibersek has revealed the National Plan of Action (NPoA) this been shut down? week. The NPoA’s focus on public awareness-raising comes at the cost of real services The funding largely goes towards the establishment of a national telephone and for people in need, and is another attempt at back-patting and self-justification online help line staffed by professionals (unlike the ‘Australia Says No’ help line), from the Rudd government. at $12.5 million, and $26 million going towards a ‘Respectful Relationships’ education strategy targeted at a number of primary schools in regional and Rashmi Kumar remote areas, as well as a national co-ordinated legislative strategy. SUPRA Women’s Officer and President [email protected] While these initiatives are not, in themselves, harmful, we must look at them in the broader context of the issue. ** SURPA Queer Film Night ** The NSW Women’s Refuge Resource Centre revealed that almost one in two women are turned away from refuges because of a lack of resources. The What’s on: The Secret History of Queer Australia statistic is often cited, but nothing is being done to address the severe lack of When: Friday 15 May, 6pm – 8:30pm accommodation available to women in crisis in the NPoA. Where: SUPRA Office, in the Raglan Street building Cost: FREE! Moreover, a number of the ‘Respectful Relationships’ education strategies are Food & drinks provided! being targeted at 15 remote community schools in the Northern Territory. As the NPoA unequivocally and uncritically supports the government’s Intervention into these communities (the Northern Territory Emergency Response), which So head on down to the SUPRA Office on Friday has seen a worsening of child health, loss of income, and the collapse of 15th May … bring a buddy! community services (especially those which assist women in crisis), it is merely We’ll be expecting you! advocating the shuffling of money from one department to another. It begs the

>18 Postgrad Pages

Are you being told by your landlord you can’t put things in the fridge? Or just had a knock on the door at 3 am? Or have you been Subscribe to threatened that deductions will be made from your rental bond if you SUPRA use the Internet? Maybe it means you’ve got the landlord from hell! it’s FREE! By becoming a SUPRA Subscriber It is now more than half way through the semester and many the matter. Apply to the Tenancy Division if you are you will be able to: postgraduates will be realising that their living conditions covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 1987 or to • and who they live with or are renting from is having an the General Division if the contract you have signed is student advice and advocacy impact on them and their ability to study at home. If you not covered by the Residential Tenancies Act 1987. If service don’t feel comfortable in the place where you live, eat and you decide to apply to the do seek assistance prior to • Participate in SUPRA events lodging the documents with the CTTT. and activities household/bedroom then something is happening that is • Receive regular email updates not healthy for you. (c) If talking hasn’t work and you have been left with and electronic publications threats from your landlord or agent (eGrad) Ways you can try to resolve your living situation Threatening behavior by a landlord or agent is unacceptable, • Use the SUPRA Resource and however, unfortunately it does happen. The types of threats Meeting Rooms (a) Talk with your landlord or real estate agent which students have reported to us that they have received • Access discounted photocopy- Whether it is a problem with the locks on the doors and are: ing, printing and faxing windows, or getting a repair done, or some other problem • I’ll deduct money from your bond • Vote or run in the SUPRA there are often provisions in the Residential Tenancies Act • You cannot cook in the kitchen Council elections 1987 which can be referred to when you approach your • You cannot use the internet or I will charge you more • Actively participate in your rep- landlord or agent to talk to about the situation. because someone has downloaded too much from the resentative student association. Make sure you read information available on the website internet By becoming a SUPRA Supporter of the Tenants’ Union of NSW (contact info is below) and, • It was your fault that your iPod/Xbox 360/computer/ you will be able to: preferably, call the Tenants’ Unions Tenancy Advisory etc was stolen from your bedroom and I am not • responsible. • Receive a SUPRA Supporter or real estate agent. Welcome Pack (including SU- All of the above are unacceptable and you can do something PRA highlighter and t-shirt) (b) If talking doesn’t work and you are left with empty about them. What can be done varies according to the • Show that you appreciate the promises situation you are in. Come to SUPRA for assistance or go value of an independent stu- It is not acceptable that repairs are left undone by a landlord to your local tenancy service for support. dent run organisation. or agent, it is not acceptable if you are being lied to, and it Complete your subscription online is not acceptable behavior if a landlord then turns around Our experience at SUPRA is that, if you do something about at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub- because you have raised an issue with them and they whatever has been happening with your accommodation scribe then follow the links if you threaten you. (from writing a formal letter to applying to the CTTT) it can would like to become a SUPRA does result in the student getting some or all of what they Supporter. Alternatively you can If it has become evident that the response you have received want. complete a form at our stalls or is not going to result in something actually being done about Where to go for further assistance: rent until the repair is done, whatever the issue is) then it is time to get tough. Your options are: • website of Tenants’ Union of NSW www.tenants.org.au • Write a letter about the situation to your landlord/ • Tenants Hotline: (02) 8117 3750 or 1800 251 101 • phone or make an appointment to see a tenancy advisor Raglan Street Building (G10) particular date. You can specify a date by which you at your nearest tenancy advisory and advocacy service Darlington Campus (see website of Tenants’ Union of NSW for the list of University of Sydney NSW 2006 to go back to the TU Hotline to double check what is a these services); Phone: (02) 9351 3715 reasonable time to specify. The Residential Tenancies • website of Department of Fair Trading www.fairtrading. Fax: (02) 9351 6400 Act 1987 frequently uses the phrase ‘reasonable’ so it is ua.vog.wsn tceles( stnaneT‘ dna emoH ’srenwO ;noitpo Email: [email protected] important to discuss your situation with an advisor to or phone Renting Services (relevant section of the Dept Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au get an idea of what is generally considered ‘reasonable’ of Fair Trading) on 13 3220; in the particular situation you are facing. • website of SUPRA www.supra.usyd.edu.au • You can make an application to the Consumer, Trader • make an appointment to see a Student Advice and and Tenancy Tribunal (CTTT) for assistance in resolving

What’s coming up at SUPRA (see www.supra.usyd.edu.au for more information)

Nominations now open for the 2009-2010 SUPRA Council. NOW For details see www.supra.usyd.edu.au Tues 12 May, 12pm International Students Meeting, location to be advised

Fri 15 May, 6-8.30pm SUPRA Queer Film Night ‘The Secret History of Queer Australia’ @ SUPRA Office >1>199 Because It’s STAND-UP ALBUM NON-FICTION All About Dylan Moran, What It Is? Bob Dylan, Together Through Life Paul Krugman, The Return of De- pression Economics and the Crisis Psychopaths The truest thing I’ve ever seen writ- of 2008 Jonno Seidler is retarded in here. ten is actually the name of a facebook group that I (and 9,760 others) be- In keeping with the theme of pissing Paul Krugman is a great economist. long to – Dylan Moran Is a Drunken minority groups off, it’s interesting to He won the Nobel prize in 2008 for Genius. Indeed. Particularly beloved contrast sexism in music with politi- his work on trade and gloablisation. it seems by uni students the world cal incorrectness, most notably in the Apparently, enormous companies over, Dylan Moran is a curmudgeon- field of mental health. that operate in many nations can reap ly Irishman who peddles cranky old To start, remember the Black Eyed economies of scale. Stellar observa- man humour laced with (very) occa- Peas major hit Let’s Get Retarded tion. sional lashings of pathos. He is also, filling up the airwaves a few years as noted above, a genius. And I went back? Probably not because unlike But Krugman’s most conspicuous to see him perform last Tuesday night. America, we Aussies apparently take work is not his technical modelling It. Was. Rad. offence at being referred to as mentally of trade; though a Professor at Princ- impaired, and so the offending song eton, he blogs and writes columns I actually headed to the show with a was rebranded as the less incendiary regularly for the New York Times. He vague sense of anxiety in my stom- Let’s Get It Started. No thought given has the common touch. ach – that sort of worry when you’re “I’m listening to Billy Joe Shaver / to those with initiative defiency, then. going to see your favourite band play And I’m reading James Joyce / Some Recently, loads of songs sprouting Thus, if you consider yourself a ‘gen- and you think maybe there’s a tiny people they tell me / I’ve got the blood very strong (but incorrect) mes- eral reader’, not an economist, Krug- chance they’ll be shit and you’ll never of the land in my voice” – so sings Bob sages about serious psychological or man’s your man. His latest book, ac- be able to listen to their stuff the same Dylan on Together Through Life, his cognitive issues have been allowed tually a reworking of a book he wrote way again. Turns out, I needn’t have 49th officially released album, a dry full airplay, without getting the BEP in the 90s, is well-explained, short and worried. summation of the scholarly bluesman censorship treatment. Prime offender Dylan has become during the late ca- informative. It contains no maths. He is ‘I-used-to-be-a-Christian but-then- illustrates all his ideas using either His new show is called What It Is and reer renaissance of his previous three I-discovered-my-boobs’ pop star, analogies or stories from economic treads much the same ground as his albums. The new album has a lot to Katy Perry, who frequently references history. previous stand-up work. He muses live up to, and although it may fall concepts she has no experience with, about the big things in life like sex, short of his 2001 masterpiece Love like lesbianism, or doesn’t under- It is, in short, a well-written, interest- death, love, family and Obama. His and Theft (not to mention his work of stand, like lesbianism. But she takes ing work that anyone could read. comedy varies between the very ce- the 60s and early 70s), there is much the cake with this line from Hot N rebral, with references to philosophy here to enjoy. Cold: “Someone call the doctor/Got His central argument is that we should and religion, to the almost physical, as a case of a bipolar.” Assuming Perry have seen the GFC coming. Though he becomes a tree attempting to shake Although Dylan is often loved best as had a brain, she’d realise that not only the West has not experienced a simi- a koala from its branches (“Munch a lyricist, on Together Through Life do people suffering from mood dis- lar event since the Great Depression, elsewhere!!!”). In this show he talks it is the music that shines. Not that orders usually see psychiatrists, but financial crises in Latin America and about kids massacring the English there is anything wrong with the lyr- in Asia in the decades leading up to language, Obama hero-worship and ics, far from it, but they favour direct, last year should have warned us. sanctimonious doctors. All this is unadorned language, witty, emotive, helped by the fact that he has an Irish nostalgic and sincere, with a handful The GFC is different from a normal re- accent (science has proven that every- of wry literary references (‘Beyond cession. Most recessions we suffer in thing is funnier in an Irish accent) and Here Lies Nothin’ takes its title from developed economies are simply the a sort of endearingly defiant scruffi- Ovid’s Sorrows of an Exile and ‘Shake result of interest rates being too high; ness about him. Shake Mama’ includes an amusing couplet from Chaucer’s ‘The Miller’s high interest rates eat into businesses’ and individuals’ ability to spend, be- The show, admittedly, wasn’t as good Tale, amongst others). But these are cause it is more expensive for them to as his previous stand-up shows, Mon- not lyrics to puzzle over academically secure credit. When interest rates fall, ster and Like, Totally but that is set- like the abstract impressionism of his spending resumes, and the recession ting a damn high bar. One assumes earlier albums, these are songs to kick comes to an end. Jonno, she’s got a knife a lifetime of being a drunken genius back to and let the music wash over went into those works, whereas What you. And what music it is! Majestic But the GFC’s causes were different. It Is comes less than 2 years after he and muddy, echoing at times the gritty that any man deciding that she really This time, interest rates were very toured with Like, Totally. That’s some Chicago blues of early Chess Records is just a dumb hick with no talent and low—too low, in fact. Too many dan- serious joke-writing to be done in a (in ‘My Wife’s Home Town’ and the dumping her ass doesn’t automati- gerous borrowers were buying cheap short space of time. If you haven’t blisteringly fun dance number ‘Shake cally have a severe problem. Some of mortgages. Too many houses were seen any of his stuff before, come out Shake Mama’). us, indeed, would call that character built. Too many were sold at too high from under your rock, and grab the ‘enlightened.’ a price. When this housing bubble DVDs of both his stand-up and TV Elsewhere we have the blaring horn- burst, the banks all suffered. show, Black Books. infused blues/funk of ‘Beyond Here Somewhat more adored but skating Life Nothing,’ the smooth country/ on very thin ice is Pharrell Williams, This means that conventional mon- I can’t really shed much more light soul of ‘I Feel A Change Comin On’ producer du jour and front man of etary remedies, like dropping interest on his material from the other night and a gorgeous, and surprising Mexi- rap/funk band, N*E*R*D. On his rates, can’t work. Despite the official - I can barely remember most of the cana feel (‘If You Ever Go To Houston’ most recent record, not only does interest rate’s dropping functionally stuff I laughed at. His comedy moves and ‘This Dream Of You’), courtesy Skateboard P have a track aptly called to zero, credit continues to get more so quickly and is so full of little asides of Los Lobos’ David Hidalgo’s stellar Spaz, but he also drops this great in expensive in the US. and self-commentary that its often work on accordion, taking the role of the same song: “Motherfucker are hard to recall where he just was and Dylan’s harmonica on earlier albums. you ADHD?/You jump around like If you’re interested in the GFC, but which joke exactly has made you There is an appealingly raw, laid you ADHD.” Clearly Williams is so have very little or no economics laugh until your stomach burns. back, across the border, smoky bar, well versed in this field that he actu- late-night jam feel which combines knowledge, this is the book for you. ally knows spastics who can mosh like If you do reckon you’re an expert al- That’s ok though. It’s all the same en- perfectly with Dylan’s superb sing- Ritalin junkies. Brilliant. ready, swallow your pride and read it dorphin high. ing - gravelly and rough, sincere and sardonic, occasionally delicate and anyway! It’s damn good! Maybe it’s just a cultural thing. When 4.5/5 crooning (as on the tea-room jazz of we go drinking, we ‘Get on the piss’, ‘Life is Hard.’). Overall, it’s a rollick- 5/5 while Yanks ‘get retarded’. Flip flops Bronwyn Cowell ing, great but minor album from a versus thongs, that sort of thing. But true music legend. Michael Falk we must truly be a country full of bipolar, retarded spastics if Katy Perry 4/5 still receives airplay. That one makes no logical sense. Mark Sutton

>20 Melbourne Comedy Festival the action occurs at the Overseas Alex Lee was funny for a month... she is not anymore. ROSEMOUNT Passenger Terminal, where pho- AUSTRALIAN tographers, including The Sarto- rialist’s legendary Scott Schuman, FASHION and those from Vogue, Getty Imag- WEEK es, Grazia, TitoMedia and countless others click, click, click away as Part 1 polished celebrities (unfortunately, in Australia this extends from well- known models, television hosts and actors to WAGS and ex-Big Brother Dear Honi, being in one of 300 shows in the Mel- contestants) and magazine editors bourne International Comedy Festival air-kiss international buyers and Hello from the city that likes its shoes that take over the city for the month. gossip columnists. pointy, jeans skinny and moustaches ironic. I’ve been living in the Melbourne Unless you’re Arj Barker, our days The uniform for show attendees CBD for a little under four weeks, and were spent milling round the box this year consisted of black leg- now as my bright yellow cab pulls up office handing out flyers and being gings (still a staple but with added Clipper Cafe to the kerb I look back on the month sufficiently charming enough to get flair in the form of quilted leather George Downing got his pretentious on Glebe Pt rd. that was. punters to see our show, and chatting knee patches, gold zippers or a Every once in a while you stumble about graphic novels (all comedians badass pleather sheen), a black across a café that stands apart from The apartment I was living in was a are nerds). By night, we saw comedy, blazer (SHOULDERS, people!) and the pack. It could be its striking décor, two bedder on Little Lonsdale St in a converged upon the festival club to enough black patent accessories the funkiness of the staff, or the sim- complex mainly catering to the needs watch more comedy and danced up to reflect paparazzi camera flashes plicity of a produce-driven menu. The of quiet international students and a storm (all comedians are dorky into the eyes of your competitors. new Clipper Café on Glebe Point Road people who evidently don’t need toilet dancers). By the end of the festival, we hits this mark perfectly. From the out- paper. It was reasonably modern with were exhausted, terribly sick and all Clad in outfits loaned personally side you catch a pastel-striped awning, a couple of nice quirks, most notably laughed out. from designers to wear to their whitewashed timber interiors, and a a door which opens to nothing but a shows (it is de rigueur to be clad couple of retro bikes hanging from the seven storey drop. This door became You’ll be happy to know, Honi, in threads corresponding to which- ceiling. Walk in, and there’s a horde of known lovingly as The Suicide Door. that Sydney Uni represented mas- ever show you are a guest at; my Australian model and Ambassador regulars tapping away on black Mac- sively, with Axis of Awesome, The record was 5 outfits in a single eve- for L’Oreal Melbourne Fashion Fes- Books, adorned in thick Persol frames If you’ve heard from people who Delusionists, Bambina Borracha and ning!), I am shown to my place in tival, April Rose Pengilly, pres- and Bassike t-shirts, hunched over came to town that I’ve been spending Tumbleweed Productions putting on the glorious front row as the lights ents a round up of all the action at crema-rich espressos aside a plastic- my days sitting on the steps of Town some fantastic shows, all thanks to the are dimmed and the snappers Sydney’s version. In Part 1, she takes bound issue of Monocle. (Monocle is, Hall, shivering in the cold and hustling support we get from the Union. But jostle for position at the end of the us behind the gossip columns and perhaps, the coolest magazine in the passers by, you were not misinformed. for now, its time to get on the plane, runway. black curtains. world, and Clipper clearly has a thing No, I haven’t been selling the Big back to assessments, warmer weather for it with an interior clothesline dis- Issue, but yes, any change you can and of course you, dear readers. Have For the most part, our homegrown There’s something that spells “icky designers took their cues from the playing the last dozen or so issues.) spare would be greatly appreciated. I a beer at Manning waiting for me. cold season” to me more than my have been living the life of a comedian, international collections (hey, it is a little toes doing that annoying pretty safe bet for sales!) and major The coffee is great, roasted locally es- crossover thing, or Tim Bailey’s wig themes are 1980-90s revival, exag- pecially for the café. The food simple flapping in the Autumn breeze. It is, gerated shoulders, ripped denim and delicious – poached eggs with pro- my fashionable friends, Rosemount and frightfully tiny minis. Wayne sciutto cooked perfectly, and the best Australian Fashion Week Spring/ Cooper looked to Balmain (the I’ve had for a while. The aforemen- TATT-FU! Summer 2009/10, otherwise known high-end designer, not the quaint, tioned crowd is mostly cosmopolitan as RAFW, which sounds like the family-friendly suburb) for his rock law students. Plenty of other places noise your dog would make regur- n’ roll collection with electric hues along the bursting Glebe Point Road gitating your homework (or the first and another of the huge seasonal café strip could be described simi- draft of this article which, I promise, trends: one-shoulder. That’s right larly, but the Clipper Café fills a niche was totally better than this one). ladies, almost every collection gave because it’s a child of New Glebe (the good arm so bronze yourself and gentrified, cobblestone-and-planter- Trotting down to a chilly Circular prepare for solo shoulder glory. boxed streetscape as opposed to its Quay on the last Monday in April Recessionista Tip: save money on drab former self). Amongst a horde of always gives me a special feeling fake tan - use only on one arm! from my black hobo beanie, right down to my requisite black plat- forms. If you hadn’t guessed yet, black is, as always, the new black. Aside from covering a multitude of sins - “World’s Fattest Nation” much? - I overheard one of Sydney’s most respected fashion editors excit- edly whispering “…wearing black makes it harder for people to tell if it’s a cheapie or not!” Certainly a positive in the current economic climate, which saw Sydney’s annual frockfest heavily downsized this year.

One of the three official runways The great Nicola Finetti schooled was cut, owing to the fact that even us on divine structure and tailoring fewer designers were able to with thigh-skimming party dresses scrape enough pennies together and a finale of flowing floor-length to hold their own shows (which will gowns in a colour palette of classic generally set one back a minimum white, black and nude with Wonka of $30 000). With only two runways Nerd pops of neon orange and can- to choose from, a handful of design- dy pink... ers staged their shows offsite, com- peting to be the most ironically chic Male ‘Fu-dog’ (Chinese temple lion meaning ‘Protection’), Continued next week... Paul’s College III and cutting-edge: Dion Lee sent his crafty products of deconstruct- ed tailoring up and down a gritty Kings Cross carpark. But most of

>21 USU Netball Australia’s best NETBALL Sarah Bornstein nets one rowers, here at for Honi. USYD ROWING Luke Grace is a cox

Good Action Sydney University Netball Club is represented in the Netball NSW State League competition held in Auburn in Divisions 1, 2 and 6 in 2009. The complete package

The club has been competitive since it Sydney University rowers have been joined the League in 2003, and is now awarded more than a quarter of the a premiership winning club, with the available 62 seats in the Australian Division 8 team winning the competi- Rowing Team after exceptional per- tion last year. formances at the National Selection trails in Sydney, which concluded last In 2009 the club also has teams com- week. peting at a more relaxed level at the SEND LETTERS & City of Sydney netball association, Our University rowing team has CONTRIBUTIONS TO with teams playing on Wednesday scored more than 19 spots on the 62 nights in Tempe. seat Australian Rowing Team, des- [email protected] tined to compete in the World Cham- Sydney University also sends a Wom- pionships in Poznan, Poland from the Only submissions with your en’s and Mixed netball team to Uni- 24th-29th August. name, year and faculty versity Games each year. All our teams will be accepted. this year look very promising and we The exceptional performances at the are looking forward to a competitive National Selection trials in Sydney, season in 2009. were due largely to GPS and CIS re- cruiting drives, which culminated with many a college scholarship of- fered to students described as, “just arms and hands”.

A Night at the Theatre… College Style Alice Blain reviews the 2009 Women’s and Paul’s fResher Revue (that’s not a typo – it’s meant to be spelt that way).

A clever spin on one of our fairytale of the Jackson 5’s ‘ABC’: varying quality at the hapless fResh- favourites, the revue told the story of ers, I think it’s fair to say that the 2009 Hansel and Gretel, Tasmanian twins ‘NCP – as easy as no HD! Revue delivered on all counts. Seniors trying to find their way through ‘the As simple as scraping P’s, dumping laughed at the fRresher’s expense, woods’, a.k.a Sydney University. E’s…’ heckled to their hearts content and After being picked up by a couple of were confronted with an unusually Women’s and Paul’s collegiates (the …you get the drift! prolific amount of nudity. aptly named Serena and Nate), the sometimes-absent plot followed the As per usual, the acting was of the At $12 this revue was marginally over- twins as they explored the strange highest standard, with one lead role priced for what was, after all, a celebra- world of college. While the story of forgetting a crucial line in a monologue tion of what we all live with day in day Hansel and Gretel was used construc- that even an offstage prompt couldn’t out. That said, if my reluctantly given One Women’s girl, three Paul’s boys, tively to depict a certain Paul’s boy’s rectify. To his credit the actor in ques- up cash ensured the cast a raging goon- and stir interesting courting technique (think tion somehow improvised his way and-punch filled Revue After Party entrapment by trail of bread crumbs), through the scene, which was shortly (one of the highlights of the fRresher Despite the colder months rolling in a bizarre twist, our two leads found upstaged by a fellow cast member’s year), I’m one happy theatregoer. in and the college calendar delving themselves in the depths of the Gin- hectic stack on some spilt goon. into its dreary mid-semester lull, The gerwez House (Wesley College) sur- Thank you to the fresher Revue cast Women’s College and St Paul’s College rounded by a bunch of ranga, inbread, Nonetheless, the Revue wrapped up in and crew for what was easily the best staged their annual drama disaster, the flannie wearing Wesley kids. typical fashion, with the Women’s girl bit of inappropriate entertainment I’ve fResher Revue, on April 29 and 30. and Paul’s boy falling in love, the prin- invested in for a long time. True to form, the performance cipal of Women’s shacking up with the A time to reminisce on the previous capitalised on its glory time to name Warden of Paul’s (despite no dialogue years’ intercollege antics at the expense and shame everyone and anyone in to suggest it was going to end up that of one hundred or so goon-filled fresh- the college community with a profile way), and Hansel and Gretel finding ers, onlookers are usually confronted worthy of satire (victims included their rightful Tasmanian inbred place with a barrage of college in-jokes, Weenie Tidmarsh, Pat Bateman, David in Wesley, revealed in a confronting acting of a Bert Newton standard, and Robertson, Jack Walker, and Tom and moment in which brother and sister a token awkward pash. Ed Cooper). A high moment was the pashed for several minutes, leaving the grilling of a group of Paul’s boys who audience begging them to stop. This year’s Revue proved no different. define themselves along the lines of T.I. and Akon, with a hilarious rework While the crowd threw banter of

>22 Page 23.

THE HONI CROSSWORD.

ACROSS 1) There’s no way out from the parallelogram! (8) 4) Sounds like he parked his arse on the hearing organs of goat-man. (6) 8) I don’t trust the sneaky pi cousins. (9) 11) Lessens her opinion of warheads. (5) 12) Almost snail-pace for the Gin flavour. (4) 13) With 14 Down. A bizaare sexual practice, or hokey pokey? (2,3,5,2,3,5) 15) Absinthe, without the fakeness, would be a president, for short. (3) 16) NH3 without the end of projectiles. (4) 21) Rain overhead as many begin to travel. (4) 23) The teacher begins with a brew. (3) 24) Correspondence abroad sounds like the reversed primogeniture candidate. (7) 25) Phonetic bogan collective noun is put into play. (3) 26) She hesitates and makes a mistake. (4) 28) Boyfriend and girlfriend are part of the agenda. (4) 29) Concluding nostalgia is Carides. (3) 31) Displaced refugee coach. Fry the middle English pilgrim! (8,7) 34) Electronic space station perhaps, for leading Arab. (4) 35) Address for director Lee causes upset. (5) 36) Muslim blades are bendy. It’s Racism! (9) 37) Fire death trap due to imagined e-toxin. (2,4) 38) Opened wine is no longer spoiled. (8)

DOWN MS 1) Start fishing, but restrict it, or I’ll chastise. (9) 2) What an angry Italian sees. (5) BUT I DON’T DO CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS! 3) It’s crazy to lie to a Modernist poet. (5) That’s loser talk! The Honi Soit Cryptic is designed for people who don’t necessarily 5) Gemini is a pretty bad film. (3,4) do Cryptic Crosswords so now you don’t even have an excuse. Unless you don’t have 6) Lee! Eraser is coming out again! (9) a pen. In which case get one. 7) The traitor will wind his way. (5) 9) Dwarf dog? (5) Here’s a clue: A small confusion for some animals. (6) 10) Psst! Ice congeals in the sewerage. (7) 14) See 13 across. 17) O Regiment. Eccentricity becomes you. (5,4) Find the Literal Clue 18) I roam about with the cheerful plumber. (5) So, with a Cryptic, the literal clue (that’s what the clue actually means) will either be 19) The camp, less a hundred, increases volume (3) at the end or start of the phrase and if you can narrow down what the literal clue is - 20) O chime, distorted by the starting buzzer, is a short study of living organisms then the rest is easy. So the two options are ‘A small confusion’ or ‘Some Animals’. (7) 22) He rote-learned the office communication, then got promoted in the company Work out what’s Cryptic (9) Then there’s the Cryptic element of the clue. In this example the cryptic element is an 27) Lock-box gender is something worth practicing. (4,3) anagram, the word ‘confusion’ shows us that. Words like confusion, crazy, disorderly, 28) I was right all along! Almost, says native Canuck. (5) jumbled, drunk, damaged...etc generally (but not always) denote an anagram. Then 30) Cymraeg won’t pay his debts. (5) we need to find which letters to anagram. A SMALL has 6 letters and so does the 32) The Order of Australia surrounds a Russian plane, friend. (5) answer..... so if we move them around (or ‘confuse’ them) - we get LLAMAS - some 33) Bum goes crazy. (5) animals! LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS Anagrams are only one facet of the cryptic clue, there are many others, but as long as you are able to separate the Cryptic from the literal you should be fine.

Hope this has made things more confusing.

Weiss

6. False 7. Paul McJannett 8. BB’s 9. September 10. Kaye Denning, Sam Sam Denning, Kaye 10. September 9. BB’s 8. McJannett Paul 7. False 6.

4. Manning House, Holme Building 5. The Bull, Hermes, Union Recorder Recorder Union Hermes, Bull, The 5. Building Holme House, Manning 4.

Thompson, Pat Bateman 2. 200-50 3. Womens, Architecture, Pharmacy Pharmacy Architecture, Womens, 3. 200-50 2. Bateman Pat Thompson,

Shead, Alex Houseman, Bec Santos, Courtney Tight, Justin Simon, Doug Doug Simon, Justin Tight, Courtney Santos, Bec Houseman, Alex Shead,

1. Ruchir Punjabi, Alice-Dixon, Justin Hancock, Vyvyan Nickels, Abi Abi Nickels, Vyvyan Hancock, Justin Alice-Dixon, Punjabi, Ruchir 1. Honi Union Quiz Answers Quiz Union Honi

>23 Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney www.src.usyd.edu.au

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