www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk Christmas 2009

Editorial This festive edition of Blah has a modest Christmas theme, mainly because it’s the fourth edition of the year and it’s out in late December! Our cover shows two of our riders, James and Angus, rowing across the sky and while they are from different sporting backgrounds they are now confirmed cyclists and have done pretty well in their first proper season by picking up club trophies and moving up the road race categories.

Our riders are still active with some bravely competing in winter series road races and others out on club runs which are now in full swing. Do take a look at Marcus’s regular email updates detailing the numerous on and off road club runs.

With the year almost done we can now think ahead to next years’ targets. Personally, I like a challenge and in recent years it’s been the London Marathon, The Three Peaks yacht race and last year the Transalp. For next year I’m musing over the channel swim or a 12 hour, decisions decisions!

Our new club kit order will be here early in the new year and my question to all the racing members is who will take our first victory wearing the new club strip? Free tea & cake will be available to that rider at a subsequent club run.

Happy Christmas and all the very best for New Year.

Stephen Roach

Newport Velodrome Track session Sunday 14th November 2010 12-3pm

There’s nothing like a bit of forward planning and James Stuart has done this by booking Newport Velodrome for a private club track session next Autumn. The original plan was to book something this Winter, but with the seeming popularity of cycling the track was booked out to midsummer! This will be a great opportunity for you to ride on a world class 250m velodrome and see how easy or hard it is. We’ll book a coach to tutor us as necessary but also run some races / competitions. This could also be a great opportunity to go for a club track record, if you’re that way inclined. Have a look at the handbook and see what you could go for. We’ll let you know further details next year, but for now – get the date in your diaries.

Mallorca training camp

We shall be running our training camp again next March at Arenal to the east of Palma. The last few years have been a great success with fine weather and a solid week of riding that really got our riders started for the season. John Masters is www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 2 Christmas 2009 co-ordinating participants for the camp, so please contact him to express an interest & he’ll let you know further details.

Casual Wear

We shall be buying a supply of short sleeved polo shirts in gold with the club motif emblazoned on the breast. Orders will be placed in time for next season and they will be great to wear post race, ideally for podium presentations. They will also be handy at our open promotions where officials, organisers & marshals alike can stand out from the crowd. Predicted cost for these shirts is £11

Club Subs

2009/10 Annual Subscription: C an you please make John Pocock’s job easier by sending your subs in to him asap. Senior First and Second Claim - £20.00 Social - £10.00 Juvenile / Junior £5.00

Cheques made payable to: Norwood Paragon CC

Retirement

Maurice Jefferies has been a member of the Paragon for over 50 years and made the long trip from Canada to attend our centenary dinner in 2004. He still has many friends in the club who would be interested in knowing that he has retired from International Commissairing. Maurice has spent 37 years as a UCI International Commissaire working at many World Championships, Regional Games and International events, both as a commissaire and an anti-doping inspector.. ______

Racing Review 2009

The club has had a great year of racing with even more victories than in 2008 with over 80 podiums and 32 wins in races, competitions and team events throughout the year. This is a great achievement and underlines our strength in depth with 10 different riders claiming victories in 2009. Several riders have progressed up through the ranks with another strong finish to the year from the road racers.

Following on from two successful training camps in Majorca the Paragon team has bonded well to work as a cohesive unit on the road helping ensure there is always a Paragon in the break or lining out the bunch for the sprint with Steve Calland in particular proving unbeatable on many occasions. Here are some of this year’s highlights across the disciplines:

Road Racing Steve Calland – South East Divisional Champion, winner of the Easter 3 Day with a 1 st

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 3 Christmas 2009 and 2 nd places in stages 2 & 3. Steve also won at Chertsey and in a 2/3 race on the

Bletchingley circuit promoted by Addiscombe. Calland was 3 rd in Surrey League rankings and gained promotion to 1 st category. Steve also rode very strongly in the FBD Insurance Ras in the Surrey League team where he got a top twenty finish in one of the stages. Calland is also the Paragon 2009 Road Race Champion. James Stuart - won at Dunsfold Park (E/1/2) and Walliswood (3) this year on his way to gaining his 2 nd category. He also finished 3 rd in the Surrey League Handicap Champs and was 10 th in Surrey League rankings. Chris Moores – 4 wins and 4 podiums for elite rider Moores in the Imperial Winter Series where he finished 2 nd overall. Sadly a knee injury in March has put him out for the rest of the season. Angus MacAlister – another new member with a lot of power! MacAlister started the season with 2 wins in the Imperial Winter Series and has had 6 podium finishes throughout the year including an impressive 2 nd place to Alex Dowsett in the Finsbury Park E/1/2. MacAlister rounded off the year with 2 wins on consecutive days in the SERRL Winter Series which also gave him promotion to 1 st category. Marcus Brueton – several top 10 finishes for Marcus who regularly rode with Dave Kennett in a supporting role for various Paragons. Brueton got a win in the Imperial Series and rode the Ras de Cymru and Dengies Marsh where he finished just in the top 20. Nigel Carpenter – 1st place at Alfold (2/3) and a several top 10 finishes from the man who “wasn’t going to race this year. Mike Ladbrook – 1st place at Wivelsfield Green Handicap and some strong rides showing potential for next year. Paul McGuigan – 1st place at Hog Hill (4) in his first full season of road racing. There have been a lot of strong rides from various Paragons throughout the year with many riders like Dave K or Andy McKie sacrificing themselves in order to get club-mate on the podium. Likewise there have been some impressive supporting rides from Kevin Davey, Niall Pugin, Alex Mackmin, Russell Painter, Ben Moores and Jason Humphries. Norwood Paragon missed out on gaining a 5 th win at Crawley CC’s 2/3 RR at Rusper, but with MacAlister in the 2 man break they did get 2 nd , 3 rd , 4 th and 6 th !

This is just a summary of what has been a very busy year on the road, which has seen the Paragon move up the rankings. In the Surrey League the club is the 3 rd highest ranked senior team and 3 rd team in the South East Regional Rankings.

Time Trials Several new PBs were set this year by various Paragons with James Stuart and Steve Calland setting some fast times in 2009. Stuart – new PBs’ 10 21:02 and 25 – 57:05 with the latter placing him 12 th in the Robin Buchan Memorial. Stuart also won both the club evening TT series and the Circuit TT Championship. Calland won the Worthing Excelsior 10 on 2 nd July with a new PB of 20:36. Dan Sullivan was 37 th in the National Student 10 with a PB of 22:29. Marcus Brueton finally broke his PB of five years with a time of 21:54 in the Old Portlians Open 10 (G10/57). E Sussex CA Sporting 24m 2up - Calland rode in a composite team with Mark Clothier

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 4 Christmas 2009 to finish 2 nd (55:22)

SCCU Sporting 10 – 11 th Brueton (24:26) and fastest on a road bike, 3 rd Lady – Kaye Patton (30:17). Redhill sporting TT Feb – Stuart 10 th (44:31), Russell Painter 13 th (46:10) Paul James 21 st (47:34). Stuart, Brueton and Simon Hazeldine dominated the local TTs in which one of them always finished in the top 3 with just Ben Instone their main obstacle. The Paragon fielded 2 teams in the Surrey League 4up, however once again the A Team suffered mechanicals and could only manage 7 th place with the B Team in 8 th .

Hill Climbs Catford – 13 th Ben 2:14, 20th James Stuart 2:18, 24 th Simon Warren 2:09, Phil Burgess 2:31 – Paragon team 3 rd. Bec – 16 th Simon Warren 2:11, 22 nd Ben Moores 2:14, 28 th James Stuart 2:16, Phil Burgess 2:42 – Paragon team 3 rd . Warren is 2009 Paragon Hill Climb Champion scaling Ranmore in 2:37. National Hill Climb Championships – 37 th Warren 4:14. Crawley Wheelers Staplefield Hill – 1st Stuart 5:40, 2 nd Brueton 5:50. Redmon CC Ranmore Hill – 4th Brueton 2:49. Kingston Wheelers Leith Hill – 8th Warren 4:10 Brighton Mitre Steyning – 10 th Brueton 4:43 Brighton Mitre Mill Hill – 9th Brueton 8:30

MTB The off-road team took part in a wide range of races including local XC series, Mountain Mayhem 24hr race and Gorrick Enduros plus Dusk til Dawn and Transalp. Mountain Mayhem 24hr – Vets 2 nd - NP ‘A Team’ (Steve Watkins, Marcus Brueton, Kaye Patton, Nic Ffoulkes & Stephen Roach), they were also 7 th overall in Mixed. Gorrick Enduro – 4 laps – 1st Patton; 5 laps - 11 th Ffoulkes, 13 th Watkins. Transalp MTB Stage Race –Mixed Pairs 37 th – Patton & Watkins rode. Ffoulkes & Roach rode as a pair, but Roach missed a stage due to illness and so Ffoulkes got a solo finish of 47 th . Gorrick Spring Rd 1 – G Veteran male – 7th Watkins. Gorrick Spring Rd 2 – G Veteran male - 5th Watkins, 19 th Andy Murray, Veteran female – Patton 3 rd . Southern XC Champs – Masters – 4th Brueton (Club MTB Champion); G Veteran – 3rd Watkins. Brighton Big Dog Enduro – Mixed Pairs – 4th Watkins & Patton. Dusk till Dawn – Mixed Pairs – 5th Watkins & Patton, Men’s Pairs – 32 nd Dave Mascall & Simon Allerdice (composite)

Cyclocross Andy Murray was the only Paragon racing Cyclo-Cross this year. He put in some strong rides despite often being the oldest competitor in the field. Stanmer Park London Cross Series 70 th . Herne Hill – 49 th (20 th vet), Stanmer Pk (2) 57 th (21 V). No doubt if he hadn’t cut his racing season short Murray would have put in an impressive ride in the 3 Peaks as planned.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 5 Christmas 2009

Track Simon Warren has raced the track at Herne Hill and in the Nationals this year with several top 5 results including Herne Hill Spring Series – Open Scratch – 1st . Herne Hill Series 26 th Sept – Omnium -3rd , Scratch – 3rd , Points Race – 3rd National Track Championships – Kilo – 17 th with a new club record of 1:12.9

Triathlon The Paragon had three triathletes this year: Nic Ffoulkes, Fraser Dawson and Kevin Bailey. Lanzarote Ironman – Dawson 35 th in category (45-49) 11:00, Ffoulkes 94 th 13:22. A2 Southwater Sprint Relays – Ffoulkes, Dawson & Bailey rode as team – 2nd in category and 4 th overall.

Cyclosportives Several Paragons rode various Sportives this year with most of them attaining Gold standard. Notable highlights include: London–Paris – James Stuart was 5 th on GC and 1 st King of the Mountains. Tour of Wessex – Steve Watkins & Kaye Patton. La Marmotte – 5 Paragons took part with Stuart the quickest (6:49) – 55 th and 1 st Brit home. Fred Whitton Challenge – Simon Warren was fastest in the 100km event. Land’s End to John O’Groats - Marcus Brueton rode this for charity with one other in four and half days.

Promotions Stephen Roach successfully promoted the Les Ingman Road Race, which attracted a full field of quality riders. The event was won by our very own Steve Calland. James Shrubsall put on a good show for The Robin Buchan “25”, which was won by Steve Denis (East Grinstead CC) in a time 52:45. The SCRL Handicap Championship Road Race, promoted by Nigel Carpenter at Alfold with a large turnout of Paragons racing and helping. James Stuart took 3 rd place with Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport) the winner.

Summary Once again the club has been able to improve on its results of the previous year with the Norwood Paragon claiming victories across all disciplines and at all levels. The club has reinforced its position as one of the premier clubs in the South East and continues to flourish against many sponsored clubs and teams. The club demonstrated this at the end of the season where they fielded a strong team every week in September and proved particularly dominant leading to 7 podium finishes in 6 weeks.

The standard of both the riders and the club-runs is such that they are now attracting the best of the local riders to train with them both on road and off-road including current divisional and national champions.

It has been great to see the Paragon spirit growing throughout the year, with the

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 6 Christmas 2009 popular Majorca training camps, La Marmotte Alpine trip and Newbury weekend providing more opportunities for some challenging riding in good company. The resulting fitness of riders has meant that they have always been able to rely on a strong selection of team-mates in the road races and handicaps to help ensure a good result.

Thanks again to the support of members, various partners and family throughout the year. The Paragon can look forward to some great racing and successful performances in 2010 where they will hopefully see the return to form of Chris Moores and Mike Hawkins with James Stuart and Angus MacAlister no doubt snapping at their heels. ______

Annual Dinner and Prize Presentation – 14th October by Stephen Roach This year’s annual dinner was once again held at Woodcote Park golf club. There was a good turnout from our members and guests with the room decorated in club banners, trophies and a rolling slide show displaying the year’s endeavours. While relatively formal, the event is nice and relaxed with drinks in the bar prior to a formal sit down dinner. The food this year was superb, with our chef and his team doing a fine job with crab cake starter, lamb loin for main and then sweet stuff for sweeties. The coffee course was made all the more entertaining when Pennie challenged her table to the ‘after eight’ game. During the meal there was the usual cross toasting which caused a few smiles.

Our guest speaker, Pete Hamilton did a great job with anecdotes from his time in the club which was both informative and entertaining. The clubs first officer, Steve Calland responded for us very well with a few laughs to boot. It was then time for main event where our club champions and prize winners received their accolades. Alan’s better half Yve Clark presented the prizes and all the recipients lined up for a group photo. It was good to see some new names on the trophies this year.

The raffle went well with a long list of prizes that our compare (Les Black) found slightly overwhelming. Some superb raffle donations from club members made you wish your ticket would be called. I was especially pleased when I picked up the star prize of a Pinnarello Prince carbon frameset! Special thanks to John Cleeve who did a fine job Our 2009 prize winners organising the event once more.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 7 Christmas 2009 Freewheel Competition by Patrick Trainor

‘Skin it’ to Win it! Now I know what Tom Boonen feels like when the cobbled classics come round. The pressure to win both Flanders and Roubaix in the same week is overwhelming for him and since I had won the club’s dart’s championship a few days before- hand, the pressure was on me to do the double with the club’s Social trophies. Come Sunday morning and the atmosphere among the as- sembled riders at the top of Tilburstow Hill was more like a grand tour prologue as everyone was eyeing up each other’s Stephen Roach choice of equipment. The more experienced among us, though, knew that this is as much about technique as equipment so it was anybody’s game. Maybe Brian knew something we didn’t with his Brompton - small wheels for quicker acceleration, Ian on the trike - cornering faster by Godstone Farm or anyone with mudguards who knew spray obscuring vision on the descent could lead to a panicky dab on the brakes and lose crucial momentum. When four times Club Freewheel Champion Mike Hawkins turned up on a bike probably worth more than all the rest of the bikes in the field put together we knew he meant business. Dave Mascall Toe straps and zip ties were added to secure the pedals in place and with Stephen Roach grabbing behinds and Mike the bars, riders were ‘let go’ to trundle down the hill. To avoid drafting, it was roughly one minute between riders which helped to add drama at the bot- tom. As riders wobbled off one by one, the time came for my run. My ambition to win and do the double were clear as I donned my 20 year old Lemond style Giro aero helmet with matching huge Oakleys much to the amusement of those gathered. Off I went and straight into the tuck position. Building up speed by the farm, the crowd at the finish came into sight and judging by the comments as I passed, they more impressed with my performance then my attire! One Ian Murray by one I passed the markers on the road to inch into the lead. There were only a few riders left and as Dave Mascall came up tantalisingly short on my marker (even though he bunny-hopped passed my position, the judges intervened and his initial stopping distance was taken) I knew there was only one man who could beat me. When Mike came into view in a perfect tuck position and wearing a skinsuit (where did that come from, he was fully clothed when I last saw him!), I knew the game was over. As he drifted past, my childhood dream of doing the ‘Social Double’ ended but Mike proved a worthy winner by four bike lengths (yes, I measured it when everyone had gone). Mike then went back up the hill to get his winter gear back on faster than he came down as bare skin and near freezing temperatures don’t mix. Thankfully the as- sembled press, lady from the Croydon Advertiser, were ushered away so I didn’t have to

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 8 Christmas 2009 go over my disappointment in the glare of the public eye.

Ah well, there’s always next year....

Results: 1st Mike Hawkins 2nd Dave Mascall 3rd Patrick Trainor 4th Stephen Roach 5th Steve Watkins 6th Marcus Brueton 7th Anthony Chandlen 8th Andy Murray 9th Charlie Rogers 10th Ray Puttick Mike Hawkins in full flight 11th Ian Murray

Post match reflection

SHIMANO PRESS RELEASE

STOP PRESS - Shimano’s new Di2 Electronic groupset wins historic title. That’s right, just simply having the groupset on your bike means you can win titles without having to turn the pedals. At the recent Norwood Paragon Club Freewheeling Championship in Surrey, England, former multiple Club Freewheeling Champion Mike Hawkins returned to the race and crushed the opposition using the new electronic Dura Ace groupset in a domineering display of technique and technology in perfect harmony. ‘Simply awesome’ was how Hawkins 34, cycling journalist from Surrey, described Shimano’s new electronic groupset. ‘I didn’t even have to turn the pedals and I still won, just think how many races I’ll win next season when I actually use the gears!’

Event runner up, Patrick Trainor 36, darts player also from Surrey, was suitably impressed with the new wonder gear. ‘I thought I had the edge with the retro aero helmet and sunnies but I was so under equipped against such superior modern equipment I just didn’t have a look in. It’s a bit expensive though, I heard it costs a million quid or something but if you can win races without pedalling then it’s well worth it and I want it!’. Shimano are also said to be impressed with the win claiming this proves that battery life is not an issue with the new groupset as Hawkins didn’t miss-shift once on his title run. However, they would not reveal if the toe strap used to secure his crank for the winning run was included in the groupset price or was an optional extra.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 9 Christmas 2009 Walking Weekend - Piddletrenthide, Dorset 9th—11th October 2009 by Valerie Taylor

Last year's trip to Sherborne was so enjoyable we decided to return to Dorset again this year. Rolling hills, attractive villages full of thatched cottages, welcoming pubs, friendly people - all the right ingredients for a walking weekend. We established in April that the Poachers Inn in Piddletrenthide could accommodate us so we were all set. The unusual name originates from Piddle meaning a clear stream, trente meaning 30 and hide meaning a plot of land - thus a clear stream running through 30 plots of land.

We nearly had 21 participants this year, but at the last minute John Cleeve was hospitalised, and then Bob Shepperd decided to check how the facilities at Dorchester hospital dealt with his mild heart attack, so we ended up with 18 happy walkers. We welcomed back with open arms Graham O'Sullivan who had organised these walking weekends for many years, and who this year brought along his girl friend Tina. Also in attendance were two of Valerie's Swiss friends who thoroughly enjoyed their introduction to an English walking weekend. Even coming from such grandiose scenery in their home country, the Swiss ladies thought the English countryside beautiful, and the hills not quite so strenuous.

On Saturday we walked over the hills in sunshine to the Thimble Inn in Piddlehinton. The main happening on this day was that Marilyn's boots stolen from outside the pub and a shabby pair left in their place. Is this a sign of things to come? Awful. Halfway through our afternoon walk we descended on the empty Piddle Inn, White Lackington and increased their day's taking enormously by ordering 18 drinks, before resuming our walk along the valley footpath to our home base. We had live music provided in the hotel that night, but unlike last year's music, it was not to our taste - the generation gap perhaps …

On the Sunday we were very lucky to get back to the hotel before the heavens opened up. Sunday was a day of hills. Up, down, up down, up down - home. Phew! Again beautiful scenery and thumping hearts but being the older generation nobody had any apparatus/computer for measuring our hearts/pulse rates which was probably just as well. Lunch was taken at the Brace of Pheasants in Plush which is not far from Piddletrenthide, but the organisers ensured that steep hills and thus views were part of the master plan..

We only walked about nine or ten miles each day, but it would have been more interesting to have measured the accumulated altitude - like one does in the Alps. The Poacher's Inn is recommended but advanced booking is required as the hotel was completely booked.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 10 Christmas 2009 Some of us visited the National Trust property in Kingston Lacy, near Wimborne Minster on the way home and walked in the magnificent gardens, saw the famous North Dorset cattle and enjoyed the sunshine.

Of the committee of three who did the organisation, Pam was the expert rambler, John Pocock was naturally enough the treasurer, and Valerie the secretary - naturally.

______Why not? by Stephen Roach

Belgium – seen by many as the heartland of European cycling, so off went an intrepid group of Paragon’s and friends to experience ‘the scene’ on a wet & windy November weekend. Our remit was simple; watch the cyclo cross world cup race at Koksijde , the Gent6 track race and soak up as much Belgian culture as possible.

Our trip began at the Cycling Weekly offices where we met before the journey to the Channel tunnel. All went well until Ashford where the M20 was at a standstill, so in the outside lane with the engine turned off we discussed current affairs and I kicked started the w/e as I revealed four very good friends called Stella. Within thirty minutes we were on our way and before long we were through the tunnel and hammering towards Belgium and our hotel in De Panne. Very fit cyclo cross rider The driving conditions were awful and I was pleased Simon Richardson was driving through the wind and rain. We reached De Panne in the dark rain – the Belgian equivalent of Bournemouth on the North Sea.

Saturday dawned and after a pleasant breakfast, the hotel’s best feature, we were on our way to the other side of town to Koksijde. This World Cup Cyclo cross race sees the cream of riders competing and the enthusiasm of the riders is almost bettered by that of the crowd. An estimated 6,000 spectators were there all making the most of the refreshments. As for the riders, their performance was amazing as they road round quicker than I could ever hope to ride – and they do it for just over an hour. To demonstrate the level of these guys, our national champion Jodie Crawford finished the race in 40th place!

We left Koksijde cold, tired and feeling lazy which meant most of us were asleep with some of us relaxing a bit too much and snoring away in the back of the car. Local knowledge helps and the combined skills of Simon and Lionel meant we drove into the heart of the city of Ghent without any problems. A small walk from the underground car park and we were at our hotel and then getting ready for the night ahead. We met in the hotel bar for a small livener of Leffe and then were out in the rain once again. A suitable restaurant was found beside the main canal and we managed to nab a very nice table at the back of the restaurant where we had superb steak washed down with more authentic Belgian beer.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 11 Christmas 2009

Time was getting on, so we were soon off in taxis to the track. Upon arrival some of us picked up our tickets from the box office while others got their press packs from the press office!

The Gent Six runs for six nights of racing with pairs competing for the overall title. Some races are almost exhibition races while the competitive ones are full on and it’s fair to say that the strongest pair win. There are derny races, points races, scratch races and of course the Madison which is my favourite. You know you’re getting into the racing when you start getting dizzy from watching as your head is going round and round as you keep your eye on the riders, although this was also due to me having the cheap tickets standing in the track centre.

Along with the track racing there are lots of fast food outlets and bars – you even get a free beer voucher on entry. Half way through the racing the music sounded almost live and it was then that we were intro- duced to the wonders of a Belgian singing sensation that is Eddy Wally. If you’ve not heard of him then you need to look him up – he struck a chord with all of us!

One of our party, Simon Smith, recently returned from Australia was so impressed by the racing that he Our party—trackside in Gent cheekily asked to ring the bell and to our surprise they agreed. So up he went later on and rang the bell for the flying 200 metre race. He did let himself down though by asking none other than Patrick Sercu: "So, have you ever had a go at this?" "Yes," replied Sercu, "I won it 11 times." Simon told us, “I thought he was some bloke from the council”, I kid you not!

Before long it was gone midnight and we left the track and went on our way back to the centre and with our heightened excitement from the evening – or was it the alcohol, we jumped aboard the VIP coach outside and literally bluffed a ride to the town centre. Gent is a bigger version of Brugge but with far less tourists and being a University town the nightlife is prominent, so we bowled into the liveliest hostelry we could find and the night then became a blur. Without going into too much detail it was a fun night out and when we all re-grouped for an 11am departure next morning we found we were still one man down. Within half an hour the main protagonist returned so we were soon heading home in sunny conditions back to rainy England.

It was a great trip to Belgium, despite the grim weather. The racing was superb as were the laughs and Simon & Eddy Wally shenanigans had by our entire group.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 12 Christmas 2009 2009 Darts Championship – Blood on the oche by Matt Lamy

“Ladeeeeeees and gennnnnnellllmen..... LET'S....PLAY.....DARTS!” That's how Keith Butler might have started proceedings at the annual Paragon Darts Champs (better known as 'PDC' – that's a little darts joke for you, sportsfans). Instead, though, this highlight of the sporting calendar started with equally immortal line: “Matt, heads or tails?”

Few could deny it was a night of bizarre happenings. The pre-event favourites were upended, Alan 'Not Eric' Bristow actually appeared in the flesh, and Marcus 'The Plasterboard Punisher' Brueton managed to score with all three darts in a single go, and then finished on a double... twice. That last fact alone will live long in the memory of all those privi- leged enough to say, with pride: “I was there when Marcus won two darts matches.” We shall never see its like again. But back to the event in hand, and with 10 expectant arrowsmiths lined up to take the oche, The scoreboard competitors were split into two groups of five for the initial stage - a round robin event with the winner and runner-up from each group going through to the semi-finals. In group one lurked Keith 'The Guvnor' Butler, Matt 'The Moral Winner' Lamy, Patrick 'The Luck Of The Fecking Oirish' Trainor (tell me if I'm giving too much away all ready), Alan 'Not Eric' Bristow and old 'The Plasterboard Punisher' himself.

By the time all fixtures had been played, Lamy had four wins out of four under his straining belt, while Trainor and Brueton had two apiece. In the ensuing dart-off Trainor managed to get the edge on a clearly delirious Brueton, securing the plucky little chap's place in the next round.

Group two had some big guns: Brian 'The Silver Fox' Dalton, Dave 'The Quiet Assassin' Adams, Steve 'The Stoat' Roche, Simon 'The Rampant Rabbit' Richardson and reigning champion Andy 'The Javelin' Murray. 'The Javelin' had spent a fair portion of the year being immobile, which in most endurance pursuits would be a problem, but in dartland it's the equivalent of permanent altitude training. Second only to snooker players, dartsmen have taken inaction - with the exception of regular repeated right forearm movement (oo-er) - to new levels of athletic perfection. So if anything, Murray should have been at the top of his game, and he quickly showed it.

By the final fixture in group two both Murray and Richardson had a perfect score, three wins from three matches each. But like two legends of the ring, somebody was about to lose their unbeaten record as they faced each other. Most sensible money was on Murray and he didn't disappoint, dispatching Richardson with all the glamour of Jocky

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 13 Christmas 2009 Wilson in his prime.

So the semis were set: Lamy faced Richardson, and Trainor would take on Murray. Despite a spirited performance and a high-quality game, Richardson was pipped to the double finish by Lamy who secured his place in the final. But in the other semi Murray seemed to let the moment overcome him. Big scores went adrift, his nerves were rattled, and in the end it was Trainor that battled through to reach his second final in two years.

Befitting a major sporting spectacular, the headline event saw a change in format and was a best-of-three affair. Trainor won the toss and threw first, quickly racking up some big scores by concentrating on the '19' bed at the bottom of the board, which, to be fair to the wee fella, is probably the equivalent of aiming at the '20' bed for normal-size humans. Soon he was down to a finish and, in a flash, his arrows hit the correct double bed. Round one to Trainor.

Lamy was first to throw in round two and hit some big numbers while Trainor seemed to flounder. By the time Lamy reached the checkout stage he was a good couple of hundred points ahead and looking comfortable. Then, away from public gaze, a quiet moment of concern. In between throws somebody whispered: “Matt, just remember Andy Murray beat Paddy in the final last year. Look what's happened to him since.”

Whether it was the psychological effect of this thinly-veiled threat, or a Patrick Trainor—2009 Darts Champion deliberate wish to keep all his faculties, Lamy missed double 16, then double eight, then double four, then double two, then languished in the house of madness, double one. Meanwhile Trainor whittled down his target score. Finally, with Lamy all at sea and unable to focus, yer man popped in the winning double. Trainor revelled in the adoration, Lamy quietly wept in the corner, and 'The Guvnor' unpacked the silverwear.

Then it was time for a pose and a quick shake of hands as the hallowed trophy was officially presented to our victor.

I'll get you next time Trainor. ______

Darts quote of the season: While on a finish, Marcus miraculously scored a single number to leave his teammate on a preferred double. Rather than risk the double and go bust an esteemed team mate offered Marcus some simple advice when he asked what to go for, “Just throw it at the f****n floor”. You really had to be there :-)

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 14 Christmas 2009 2009 – How was it for you?

We posed a few questions to our club mates to find out......

Alan Bristow (Our club president): What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Pushing the riders off in the Presidents "12" Rider of the year? James Stuart. Memorable moment of the year? Being at the finish of the inter club "10" with the Addiscombe. Favourite race? Presidents "12" One thing you'd rather forget? Pressing the key to go into "Google" layout on the computer.

Jason Humphries: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Not sure I achieved anything other than keeping my pro chipper licence but my best ride was for sure at the Wally Gimber. Who is your rider of the year? The Goose (Angus Macallister - for generally being a monster) What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Signing on with Flavio Zappi & Yanto Barker then finding out exactly how tough it is riding a UCI 1.2 race and only lasting 45 miles What was your favourite race of 2009? RAS de Cymreag One thing you’d rather forget? Loosing Russ in the team time trial at the RAS then having to finish with the monsters that were Dave & Marcus (oh and a Masters World Champ Mooning at us)

James Stuart: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Mmmm tricky one, I think my Marmotte ride in 6hr 49mins has got to be the winner although very pleased with some of the other wins. Who is your rider of the year? Mr Calland for his win at the Les Ingman road race and the divisional championships What's your most memorable moment of the year? Watching the Tour out in France and especially the penultimate stage on Mt Ventoux with 1/2 million other people. What was your favourite race of 2009? 2/3 Rusper race NP in 2,3,4,6 places One thing you’d rather forget? Double puncture during Les Ingman!

Paul McGuigan: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? First win and first full season of racing. Who is your rider of the year? James Stuart (quickly followed by Wiggo’s 4th Place in the Tour was good, but he hasn't got 1st Brit in the La Marmotte on his palmares has he!). What's your most memorable(s) moment of the year? Close run thing between, Steve Calland fending off no less than four London Dynamo riders for the win at the Les Ingman, racing with James Stuart at Walliswood to secure 1st and 4th and my first excursion to the Alps and bagging the Glandon, Telegraph, Galibier and Alp d'Huez. What was your favourite race of 2009? Surrey League 3rd Cat, Walliswood One thing you’d rather forget? Going 'pop' during the Surrey League TTT

Mike Hawkins: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Selling our house. 35 separate viewings took it's toll. Who is your rider of the year? Danny Macaskill - check out his videos on YouTube. What's your most memorable moment of the year? December 2nd and the French Doctor telling me I'd broken my back, I won't be forgetting that in a hurry. What was your favourite race of 2009? Having only raced three times, I'd say it had to be the handicap around Hungry Hill. There was a massive thunder storm after a couple of laps and on two separate occasions people crashed in front of me but I managed to stay on long enough to ride back to the car - which was a relief. One thing you¹d rather forget? Cutting down all of Marcus' race reports from the winter into a

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 15 Christmas 2009 sensible, hopefully readable, condensed version to go in Blah.

Carolyn Heeps: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Becoming fit enough to come out on both Saturday and Sunday rides (on the same weekend!) and not disgracing myself. Not so bad for an old girl. Who is your rider of the year? All Paragon riders I have ridden with get my vote as Riders of the Year as everyone has been really supportive and encouraging, whilst also challenging me, and that's why I have been able to improve this year (and not telling me to join an "easier" club helps). There are too many to name - but thanks to all those wheels I have sat on to get home along with the occasional push up a climb to get back on the group. (The Saturday regulars have been particularly helpful and I am also impressed by the younger members too)...... Does that all sound a bit gushing? It’s deserved. What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Most memorable event is turning up to a club ride with my Cervelo for first time and suddenly not being so left behind on the hills. I haven't raced but does being first woman home in less than 5 hours in one of the Southern Sportives count (Wantage) as a favourite? (Also a memorable moment). One thing you’d rather forget? Not much that I want to forget about riding with Paragon, so the only thing I want to forget is a Peak District sportive in foul weather in October and seeing a few casualties in ditches along the way who forgot that rain washes gravel onto the bends.

Patrick Trainer: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Losing 10kgs! Who is your rider of the year? Would have to be Tom Boonen for the way he rode Roubaix. What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Riding with the pros at the Tour of Menorca What was your favourite race of 2009? Not a race but the Tour of the Cornfields sportive was a real blast, a 100km cyclo cross loop! One thing you’d rather forget? Booking flights to Malaga for the club Majorcan training camp!

Nigel Dinning: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Getting Fit! Who is your rider of the year? Cavendish What's your most memorable moment of the year? First Race in UK - Dunsfold What was your favourite race of 2009? A lap of a Greek island against a local rider while on holidays One thing you’d rather forget? My dog died :-(

Chris Moores: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Putting on nearly a stone and having to take two suit to the tailors to get them 'taken out' - they should do it for free. Instead I had to suffer the indignity of handing over £50 for the privilege. I quite like the fact that for three months I was the UK's top ranked rider, even if nobody else rides the winter series races! Who is your rider of the year? James Stuart. Superb engine and a top man. I’m expecting big things next year! What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Richmond Park, 0635, one Tuesday in January. Freezing cold, pitch dark, closed roads, heavy legs. Angus Macallister half wheeling and ab- solutely destroying me for a lap. Out-punched up Kingston Hill for the first time. I crawled home...... it’s not easy to forget being dominated! (I had a backpack on, on the commuter. 'goose was 'tooled up' - does it still count?) What was your favourite race of 2009? Paris-Nice, seeing Contador crack the day after destroying the field. Eurosport coverage of the big races has saved me from going bonkers this year. One thing you’d rather forget? Easy. I’ve lost a big part of my life without the cycling and the Paragon. Would give up just about everything to get it back again.

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 16 Christmas 2009 Nick Ffoulkes: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Finishing the Trans Alp. Who is your rider of the year? I know it should be a well known pro rider. But for me the rider of the year is a good mate of mine a John Watkins (John The End is Ni!). This being because his came off his mountain bike back in 2007 and shattered his femur in three places. It had to be pinned. John being 60 years old thinking he would not ride again. But after building up last year, he is back on form. Riding everything we ride off road. Even mad Dave’s North Shore in Red- lands, what a hero! What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Standing in the fountain in a small village at the end of one of the Trans Alp stages absorbing the moment. What was your favourite race of 2009? The Trans Alp again...... sorry! One thing you’d rather forget? Throwing up on the last lap of the marathon run at the end of the Lanzarote Ironman Triathlon.

Simon Warren: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Winning the hill climb, at last. Who is your rider of the year? Wiggo (Bradley Wiggins) Whats your most memorable moment of the year? Riding up Bealach-na-Bar in Scotland, the pass over to Applecross, north of Lochcarron. It was wet, windy, 7am and the sun was just clearing the mountains, and there in the road I was faced by a stag looking right into my eyes, it gets no wilder. Luckily he took pity on me and wandered off so I could complete this epic climb. What was your favourite race of 2009? Tour de France One thing you’d rather forget? Falling apart just the other side of La Valloire during the Marmotte. I stopped for a pee and when I got back on my bike I had no legs. I just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me as I was passed by rider after rider on the Galibier climb.

Steve Calland: What is your biggest achievement of 2009? Winning the SE England road race championships and finishing solo. Who is your rider of the year? Bradley Wiggins for his ride in the tour What’s your most memorable moment of the year? Winning the Les Ingman on a sunny day in front of 'The Paragon' What was your favourite race of 2009? Mountain Mayhem 24hour One thing you’d rather forget? Breaking my shoulder in a stupid accident doing 5mph!

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 17 Christmas 2009 Some good news from the club We’ve managed to secure a deal with Trek following Steve Calland’s win in the divisional road race. They were looking for a presence in the south east and wanted to support a traditional club with a strong racing contingent and understandably chose the mighty Paragon. They have designed this unique paint job for us and are prepared to supply as many bikes as we need, just let the Steve know what size you would like and we should have the fleet on the road soon.

STOP PRESS: Trek have discovered that Steve is keen to ride more mountain bike races and is even contemplating taking up kite surfing. In view of this they have decided to withdraw the deal. ______

Festive Wordsearch

Goose Santa Track MTB Christmas Gent Review Surrey Cross Editorial Fit Mallorca Trek Blah Italy Ride Paragon Bike NP Spoke Bicycle

www.NorwoodParagon.co.uk 18 Christmas 2009