WHY SEX IS BEST IN MARRIAGE Marital Sex and Human Flourishing

Ben KC Lee 26 August 2017 © Whole Life REAL QUESTIONS

What are we supposed to do Do we go with a hook up culture with our sexual longings? or a culture of glorious intimacy?

Why can’t we just enjoy sex with whoever we How can human beings best want? flourish and thrive in our sexuality?

Cultural is Pluralistic © Whole Life TRUTH COMES FROM GOD

• Special revelation • Natural revelation

Christ followers need to integrate the Bible and natural revelation. This is a worldview approach.

© Whole Life I. TWO STORIES

© Whole Life View 1 – Sex without marriage is okay as long as you are past the age of consent.

View 2 – Sex is best in marriage.

© Whole Life THE BIGGER STORIES

Secular humanist worldview The Biblical worldview

© Whole Life WHAT GOD FORBIDS WHAT GOD ALLOWS Gay sex Conservative Pedophilia Bestiality Marital sex Sexual Ethics Premarital sex Polyamory

NON-CONSENSUAL CONSENSUAL

Marital sex Pedophilia Progressive Gay sex Bestiality Sexual Ethics Premarital sex Rape Polyamory

Source: © Whole Life http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/files/2012/08/Sex.png Any middle ground?

Each of us has to choose which story we’re going to live when it comes to sex.

“I can only answer the question ‘What am I to do?’ if I can answer the prior question ‘Of what story or stories do I find myself a part?’” Alasdair MacIntyre

© Whole Life II. POPULAR SEXUAL WORLDVIEWS

© Whole Life SECULAR HUMANISM

• Sex is ok as long as sex is legal, consensual and does not hurt anyone • Gender is self-defined • Sexual orientation – born this way

© Whole Life III. MARRIED SEX AND HUMAN FLOURISHING SEX IS BEST IN MARRIAGE

© Whole Life PERSONHOOD ARGUMENT

© Whole Life Sexual intercourse has biological similarities with mammals Our essence as persons is spiritual We are physical though our personhood is housed in beings with bodies a physical body like animals but We have nonphysical we are different. properties. Sex is not just a physiological act. © Whole Life Animals mate. We are Human beings make love. sexual beings On the most basic level, sexuality has to do with our longings for connection, intimacy, comfort, nurturing and love.

© Whole Life We are We are created for relationship. relational beings We have this desire for intimacy deep in our soul to be connected. We wrongly use physical means to meet relational needs.

© Whole Life Chemicals There is a cocktail of chemicals the brain shakes up during sex.

Neurochemical processes occur during sex, which are the "glue" to human bonding. Vasopressin

© Whole Life Our bodies are designed for monogamy

 Marital sex = pleasure + deep bonding + safety

 Extramarital sex = pleasure + dysfunctional bonding + STDs/unwanted pregnancies…

© Whole Life The unique qualities of free will, moral awareness, self-consciousness and spirituality distinguish human beings from animals. Don’t ignore the whole person for human flourishing.

© Whole Life SOCIAL JUSTICE ARGUMENT

© Whole Life Marriage is social justice because of the biological asymmetries between men and women. Married sex is Keeping sex within a lifetime social justice commitment creates the basis for - Bruce Wydick, 2016 a healthy relationship between genders.

© Whole Life DIFFERENT INCENTIVES IN SEX

• A sexual relationship between a man and a woman involves an exchange of sex for commitment • Acceptance of sex without commitment represents an injustice against women and their deepest biological interests for commitment • Sex with commitment is a fair exchange between the sometimes competing interests of men, women and children

© Whole Life A society that encourages sex within the context of life commitment upholds its own collective long-term interest.

The argument that sex can be separated from commitment ends up promoting behaviour strongly misaligned with the long-term interests of women.

Sadly marriages do fail, but at a much lower rate than less committed relationships like cohabitation, and at a lower rate among those who have foregone cohabitation before marriage.

© Whole Life SOCIETAL ORDER ARGUMENT

© Whole Life Development of sexual order in society

Historical cultures The Christian sexual ethic rocked the pagan world of ancient Rome

© Whole Life Society’s needs for Rights of individuals order and stability Necessity for a society to have Sex outside marriage generally structure and order bring negative outcomes to Sex outside a marriage those involved. undermines the character quality of faithfulness Boundaries are needed for which builds community the fire of sexual passion.

© Whole Life The kind of sexual boundaries needed in society. … when culture loses the holistic view of the human person and each person become his own authority. Some limitation of individual happiness is required for the common good.

© Whole Life A society where sex is protected by the boundaries of marriage will prosper more than one where there is sexual chaos.

This calls for restraining sexual desires to the exclusive relationship of monogamous marriage — this unique relationship that offers emotional, psychological and physical security in which true sexual freedom can be experienced. - Michael Craven

© Whole Life Marriage is a part of the fabric of humanity as a non-negotiable shape for sexual relations.

• The boundary of marriage gives the relational security for each spouse to be free to share their true self, find true acceptance, and enjoy true intimacy. • Society needs the security of marriage being an institution with boundaries.

© Whole Life SUMMARY

© Whole Life We need to examine our worldview, the story we currently live.

The secular humanist worldview comes from the view that we make our own choices. The Biblical worldview is based on the story of self-emptying love.

© Whole Life Sex is special. Two people having sex means something. Children are one of the most beautiful things about sex. The precious gift of sexuality is meant for the safe harbour of marriage.

© Whole Life