Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Winter 1-7-2005

Volume 40 - Issue 13 - Friday, January 7, 2005

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 40 - Issue 13 - Friday, January 7, 2005" (2005). The Rose Thorn Archive. 233. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/233

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ROSE-HULMAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY T ERRE HAUTE, INDIANA Friday, January 7, 2005 Volume 40, Issue 13

News Briefs When “C” is no longer average

Bridget Mayer draft by attending college. Student team to study Staff Writer Others argue that affi rma- with Swedish University tive action has played a role With the end of the last in increasing GPA’s. However, Four computer science and software quarter came fi nal grades, and the lag in infl ation in the 1970’s engineering students (Paul Gagnon, with those fi nal grades came and 1980’s occurred at the Brant Gurganus, Ross Miller, and a school-wide grade point av- same time that minorities be- Brandi Soggs) joined colleagues from erage of 3.15. Not bad at all, gan attending colleges in sig- Sweden to examine an online medical considering that only a decade nifi cant numbers, effectively training system that could someday be ago, that average was 2.86. Re- ending the affi rmative action used by doctors in both countries. cently in the academic world, claim. The most popular ex- numerous reports have an- planation for grade infl ation Through use of the Internet, nounced that the letter grades arises from the consumer- international conference calls, and a awarded to students are shift- based attitude that permeates trip to Sweden, Rose-Hulman’s team ing upwards—that a “C” is no society—students paying hefty collaborated with students and faculty longer average. In 2003, a pro- tuition bills for their education from the Department of Information fessor at Duke University com- expect to receive good grades Technology at Sweden’s Uppsala mented that C’s made up less in exchange for their money. University to examine the benefi ts of than ten percent of all grades; Institutions all over the an online educational tool that would D’s and F’s combined account- country have experienced this help hospital personnel with patient ed for less than two percent of trend over the last thirty years: grades at the university. in 1969, the nationwide grade interaction. The trend does not exclude point average was 2.60. Seven Rose-Hulman’s role in the project private schools—in fact, stud- years later, that average jumped involved collecting requirements and ies have shown that private to 2.93; in 1993, it was 3.07. information from American hospital colleges have an average GPA Technical schools seem Stephen Pierce / Webmaster personnel regarding how hospitals 0.3 higher than public schools. to be experiencing the same Changes in Rose-Hulman’s average GPA for women and men are structured and possible solutions One large study from 2003 trends, albeit on a smaller from 1993 to 2002. to patient interaction problems. The found that the grade point av- scale. Georgia Institute of team’s suggestions disclosed how the erages have been increasing by Technology has witnessed an online system, developed in Sweden, roughly 0.15 per decade. Begin- increase in GPA of 0.4 over alarming, professors and ad- Professor of Philosophy and ning in the 1960’s, grade infl a- the past three decades; Har- ministration have offered Technology Studies. Unten- could be improved for use in the United tion increased quickly, tapered vey Mudd College in Cali- several reasons to justify this ured professors concerns States. in the mid-1970’s to mid-1980’s, fornia has seen increases of increase. over student evaluations have and then began to rise quickly. 0.12. Nearby institutions like “Grade infl ation started become a problem at many Rose-Hulman News One explanation for the initial Purdue University have been when student evaluations schools as they adopt the jump during the 1960’s is that relatively immune to infl a- became popular…unten- evaluations as a measure of sympathetic professors gave tion—their increase amounts ured professors feel that they professor performance. better grades to students who to 0.03 over thirty years. need good evaluations,” com- Massive black hole sets were avoiding the Vietnam War Although the trend is mented Heinz Luegenbiehl, Continued on Page 3... records Scientists are currently recording data 2015: First response on what is the most massive black hole observed by modern astronomers. Angela Smiley According to David Piker, reviewing responses. a meaningful way.” The black hole has consumed a mass Staff Writer Executive Director of External The topic which has drawn But not all the focus was Affairs and one of the admin- the most response thus far is academic, or even disci- approximately 300 times more massive The Rose-Hulman 2015 istrators most heavily involved “future students” - how should pline-related. “I think that we than our sun, which caused an emission initiative, announced be- in the 2015 project, the open Rose select future admittees, should let more cute girls in,” that alerted the orbiting Chandra X-ray fore break by Rose President discussion forum is the part and how should we encourage quipped one individual iden- Observatory, operated by NASA. Jack Midgley, has now been of the initia- future admit- tifying himself as a student, The black hole is drawing in material running for slightly under a tive currently The lack of tees to select before going on to suggest that from a volume of over 600 times the month. This dialogue, which garnering Rose? An- the administration should volume of the entire Milky Way galaxy. he said is inspired in part by the most fi nancial aid is swers to this consider making more efforts The displaced mass is equivalent to similar efforts underway at response. a hinderance to question to get students involved with about a trillion suns. other great institutions, has Thirty to for- vary widely. campus activities. received a fairly warm wel- ty posts have many quality stu- Chad Matt Millington, a 1999 Observations on the black hole could come on campus; it has given been made Zarse, senior Rose graduate, voiced concern help scientists discover why stars do not rise to thirty-fi ve private on- on the forum dents that can’t in Applied about fi nancial aid. “While all consistently form at a rate predicted by line responses, as well as let- thus far, with Biology and make valid points as to the theory. ters and e-mails. contribu- afford to Biochemis- type of students that RHIT In addition to these always- tors in many attend Rose. try, offered should be recruiting, the lack By Lissa Avery open channels of commu- positions; a passion- of signifi cant fi nancial aid is nication, the administration alumni, fac- ate argu- a hindrance to many, many has begun to schedule discus- ulty, staff, ment for an quality students that simply sion sessions in conjunction parents, – Matt Millington increase in can’t afford to attend Rose,” with the initiative: Midgley and cur- research op- he wrote. “I was very encour- Friday will go before the SGA next rent and prospective students portunities available to under- aged when I heard President Mostly Cloudy 40 Hi / 32 Lo week (Tuesday at 5:30 p.m.) have all offered their opinions graduates. “In order to ‘be the Midgley call our fi nancial aid Saturday in a Senate meeting open to on Rose’s future and how it best’,” he asserted in a Decem- situation a crisis earlier in the AM Showers 45 Hi / 35 Lo all interested parties, and has should pursue its institutional ber 15 post, “we must continue year. I hope that a sincere ef- plans to meet with the Young goals. “I was very pleased with excellence in education, but fort is made to improve the Provided by www.weather.com Alumni Association and the the cross-section of the com- also acknowledge the fact that situation for future classes.” Alumni Advisory Board within munity,” stated Piker, who is research challenges a student the next month. part of the team reading and to apply his/her knowledge in Continued on Page 3... News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

The Wabash River rises to Orphans, orphans, Social security, let’s Men’s and women’s δv fl ood levels. orphans. change it up. basketball gear up for δa upcoming conference. Page 3 Pages 4 & 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 2 CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn

Friday Saturday January 7 8

* Deadline For Rose- * Swimming, Millikin Upcoming events Hulman Outstanding University, Pool, SRC, Teacher Award Nomina- 1 p.m. tions * Women’s Basketball, Millsaps College, Arena, SRC, 6 p.m. * Men’s Basketball, Millsaps College, Arena, SRC, 8 p.m. Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 9101112131415 * Study Abroad * Recyclable Engineering * HSS Presentation, “Nap- * Society of Women En- Program: Australia, GM Contest, Lobby, Hulman ping in Class and Other gineers’ Girl Scout Day, Room, 5-7 p.m. Union, 5-6:30 p.m. Methods That Make You Kahn Rooms, 10 a.m. to Smart,” Brigette Steger, Noon GM Room, 4:30 p.m.

16 17 18 19 20 21 22

* Registration For Spring * Registration For Spring * Humanities & Social * Registration For Spring * Registration For Spring * Fine Arts Series, A Night Quarter Quarter Sciences’ Spontaneous Quarter Quarter of A Cappella (Featur- * Admissions’ Visitation * Engineers In Concert Art Contest, Art in an * Final Date To Drop ing The University of Day Program, Hatfi eld Auditions, Hatfi eld Hall Hour, O-169, 4:30 p.m. Winter Quarter Class Illinois’ Xtension Chords & Indiana University’s Hall Theater, 1-4 p.m. Theater, 4:30-6 p.m. * Winter Funfest, Without Penalty Ladies First), Hatfi eld Hall Throughout Hulman Theater, 7:30 p.m. Union, 7-11 p.m.

RESTAURANT Tired of Studying? Treat yourself to a Steak Dinner! (CORNER OF MAIN ST. Classifi eds & U.S. 40 - SEELYVILLE) Apartments and houses (812) 877-2314 Available January, 1-4 Bedroom Apts & Houses. Starting at $335/month. ROI Apts. 232-2466. Sharp Flats Algebra 2 Tutor Now renting for 2005-2006 school year! Seeking Algebra 2 tutor for two high school students Wednes- East On 6th St. days after 6 p.m. or on weekends. Contact Molly Reed at [email protected] or 217-826-8700 for more information. 1 bdrms & studios 1-9 Bedroom Houses for rent for the

2004-2005 school year. Female Algebra 2 Tutor 6710 Wabash Tutor needed for 11th grade Algebra 2 student. Female ap- Visit our new On or near S. 6th St. plicants preferred. Call Bruce at 812-872-2466. Trails End Deli! Call for details. Worship

Call 877-1146 Worship with music, prayer, and refl ection in the White Chapel Sunday, January 9, 6:00 p.m. Led by United Campus Ministries, 321 N. 7th Street, Terre Haute, IN 47807. Campus Write, edit, or assist with page Minister: Jack Diel, [email protected]. layout for the Thorn.

E-mail [email protected] for more information. The Rose Thorn The Rose Thorn Opinions Editor: Staff Writers: Advisor: the right to refuse publication CM 5037 John Kropf Bridget Mayer Dr. Richard House of submissions that the edito- RHIT Robert Herbig rial staff deem unsuitable. 5500 Wabash Ave. Entertainment Editor: Andrew Twarek The Rose Thorn is printed Terre Haute, IN 47803 Jacob P. Silvia Alexander J. Clerc Fridays during the standard Editors reserve the right to E-mail: [email protected] Aaron Meles Rose-Hulman quarters. condense or edit submissions Sports Editor: Angela Smiley for clarity, space limita- tions, grammar and spelling Phone:(812)877-8255 Josh Annin Philip Woods The deadline for content sub- Fax: (812)877-8166 Ely Spears mission to the Rose Thorn is mistakes, and factual errors. 5 p.m. two days prior to dis- Letters to the Editor must be Web Address: Flipside: www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Photographers: tribution. All content should signed and include contact Gregory Weir Matt Durham be submitted to thorn@rose- information: phone number, Co-Editors-in-Chief: Carmen DuVall hulman.edu or to the Thorn e-mail address, and the major Luke Stark Webmaster: Andrea Brown Offi ce (Union room 249). and class of the author. Bob Schulein Stephen Pierce Copyeditors: Editors reserve the right to Ad Manager: Bill Waite accept new content or con- News Editor: Odessa Goedert Abby Rebhorn tent changes submitted after Lissa Avery deadline. The Thorn reserves Friday, January 7, 2005 NEWS 3 Grade infl ation, from Page 1 He also noted that when uni- age does go up.” He added that versities give out more A’s and Rose-Hulman has been able to B’s than other grades, it becomes attract better male students be- harder to distinguish the very cause “previously some excellent good students from the outstand- male students would not come ing students. Making this distinc- to an all-male college.” These cir- tion between students is not as cumstances set Rose’s grade point important now as it will be when average increase apart from the students apply to graduate school increases at other colleges. or for a job—in some cases, re- Western noted, “Rose-Hulman cruiters simply ignore high aca- professors knock themselves out demic marks altogether. “All our trying to improve their cours- students are smart—they could es…they study literature on stu- all get good grades” at a state dent learning and better teaching school, Luegenbiehl said. “But it methods.” He also cited students’ is because they are all smart that above-average performance on it is very important to maintain nationally normed exams such high standards. Students will work as the Fundamentals of Engi- harder if professors discriminate neering exam (FE). This evidence in grades—the students do like to leads him to believe the increase be challenged.” in grades is a real and accurate Art Western, Dean of the Fac- refl ection of the intellectual ulty and Vice President for Aca- achievements of Rose-Hulman Stephen Pierce / Webmaster demic Affairs, offered a differ- students. Western also cited evi- The recent rainfall has caused Lost Creek (the creek that fl ows through campus) to rise. According to ent explanation for the increase dence of grade defl ation—one the Tribune Star, the Wabash River was at 17.1 feet on Tuesday afternoon, which is three feet above fl ood seen at Rose-Hulman. “Much of professor who attended Rose level. Roads across the Valley have been closed on account of the fl ood. the change came about in the commented to him that the lab The infl ux of rain has caused leaks to spring up across campus. In an all-campus e-mail, Joe Kastigar, years following the decision to go reports he wrote while in school Manager of Construction Services, advised people to continue to report leaks as they occur for the safety coed…the women’s GPAs are in would have received lower grades of people and equipment. general slightly higher than men’s, today than they did during his so naturally the all student aver- time as a student. 2015, from Page 1 Students also expressed a de- and potential employers would major and active poster who fi rst that I’ve been thinking about for yet done so. “I’m really excited sire to see word of Rose’s edu- recognize the name of Rose.” encountered the forum link on a while.” Wollowski, who teaches about it,” remarked Mario Simo- cational success spread further Perhaps surprisingly, the Rose’s main web page. “I’d like to a course in web-based informa- ni, “but I’m holding off... to get outside its immediate region. boards have provided a way for see more people get involved... I tion systems, also added that he my thoughts in order.” “You would think a school with some future students to learn really feel that it takes the voices planned to encourage his class The administration has not a reputation as good as Rose’s more about the school. Recently, of many people to sculpt the dis- to consider how the web might yet announced plans for offi cial would be well known through- a conversation about whether cussion.” be used to further Rose’s mission feedback on the opinions which out the U.S. Who doesn’t know the current four-division human- Michael Wollowski, Assistant and hoped that they might sub- are being received, but Midgley what MIT stands for?” com- ities breakdown should continue Professor of Computer Science mit the results of their discussion stated that he and others work- mented one student, in a post prompted a high school senior to and Software Engineering and to Rose 2015. ing on Rose 2015 will be updating titled ‘Rose? Never heard of it’. inquire about the system, which another forum contributor, felt The initiative will last until the community through on- and “More should be done to pro- many students do not become fa- that the initiative had given him the end of the academic year, so off-campus meetings as well as mote the reputation of Rose for miliar with until arriving at Rose. the chance to express ideas he those wishing to contribute have statements posted to the website. the benefi t of alumni and the in- “I think the forums are cool; cared about a great deal as a fac- substantial time in which to do For now, the forum offers a snap- stitute... Rose would attract the they let you bounce ideas off ulty member. “I’m interested in so. Many of those interviewed shot of many of the opinions and best students from all over the each other,” said Brant Gurganus, these things in general; my con- said that they planned to offer much of the advice offered up so country, not just the Midwest, a sophomore Computer Science tributions have been [on] things their own opinions but had not far. Rose student illustrates textbooks THEOLOGY Rose-Hulman News “Megan is talented. If you give her drawings that suit her ON TAP Megan Whitaker’s ability to artis- strengths, she produces truly tically illustrate the many stages in professional-quality illustra- 7pm - Mogger’s Upper Room the lifecycle of a mushroom or the tions,” states Wile, a former col- bones of the human skull is help- lege professor. Theology on Tap, a nationally recognized ing schoolchildren throughout the In recent years, Whitaker has program for young adults (21 and over), is a way world learn about science. used insight from her Rose-Hul- Nearly 500 detailed illustra- man courses to enhance her cur- for young adults to get together to discuss the tions created by the Rose-Hulman rent illustrations. She took class- Catholic faith in a relaxed atmosphere. These Institute of Technology junior es in physiology, engineering gatherings mix great speakers, good food, lively biomedical engineering student systems design, mathematical have appeared in 10 textbooks statistics and technical commu- conversation and theology in a laid-back social on such topics as “Exploring Cre- nications this fall. She is hoping M. Mogger’s is located at setting. ation With General Science” and to utilize her biomedical and en- 908 Poplar Street in Terre Haute The Terre Haute Deanery Pastoral Center now “The Human Body: Fearfully and gineering skills to become a hos- Wonderfully Made” for the grow- pital operating room liaison, as- introduces four Theology on Tap evenings to the ing home education community sisting doctors in patient medical For more information, please Terre Haute area. These evenings are FREE, no and international internet-based care. contact Sue Butwin at the Terre RSVP is required and dress is always casual. schools. Approximately 130,000 However, the former Anderson Haute Deanery Pastoral Center copies of these textbooks are Highland High School scholar Come as you are to Mogger’s Brewery Restaurant currently in circulation in all 50 would like to incorporate her il- 812-232-8400 and Pub around 6:30 and the guest speaker will states and 13 foreign countries lustrating talents into her medical begin around 7ish. through Apologia Educational career. She and Wile are currently Ministries of Anderson, Ind. working on textbooks on marine Date Topic Speaker Whitaker spends her summers biology and general high school and approximately three hours biology. Each textbook takes ap- Tues 1/11 “Top Five Misconceptions Br. Bob Baxter OFM Conv. each weekend completing illustra- proximately a year to complete. about the Church” tions on a digital art pad for text- “I’ve almost had a career already book creator/author Jay L. Wile’s and I’m only 20 years old. This Tues 1/18 “Women in the Chuch: Ms. Paulette Davis textbooks. There are between 50 to has been a big part of my youth,” Why Do We Stay?” 150 illustrations in each textbook, Whitaker says. “I could have a ca- which each average more than reer in illustrating, but my true call- Tues 1/25 “Making Faith Real” Fr. Bob Robeson 500 pages. She is paid monthly for ing is in the medical fi eld. Hopeful- Tues 2/1 “Does Prayer Work” Fr. Russ Zint completed assignments. ly, I can continue to do both.” 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn

Out This Week The Phantom of the Opera is here

In Theaters Jacob P. Silvia Christine Daae (Emma Rossum), fi lm style for the Entertainment Editor is given the opportunity to sing “present” and the White Noise lead in the upcoming opera. crisp, clear foot- Directed by Geoffrey Sax Andrew Lloyd Webber and Joel The operagoers love her so, age for the rest of Starring Michael Keaton Schumacher have teamed up to and wish to see her more often. the movie, taking make quite an interesting fi lm. The Phantom wishes so as well. place in the past, That fi lm is a movie rendition of However, the managers do not or quite possibly On DVD the great The Phantom of the Op- quite see things the same way, fl ashbacks. era. Now, before I saw this, I had and would wish to have Carlotta Since I have Troy never, ever seen the stage version. back. Every time the Phantom not seen the stage I had never read the Gaston Ler- doesn’t get what he wants, some- musical, I am no Eternal Sunshine of the oux book. I had never seen any of thing bad happens. expert as to how Spotless Mind: the other 16 screen adaptations This is best brought to face the fi lm compares, 2 Disc Collector’s Edition of this tale. (haha) when Christine meets her but I do know The only experience I had with childhood lover, Raoul (Patrick this: I enjoyed the Harold & Kumar Phantom prior to my viewing Wilson), and a bizarre love trian- fi lm, though it is Go to White Castle: of this fi ne fi lm was the original gle unfolds, eventually leading an somewhat slow Even More Inane Unrated studio recording of the musical. amazing scene in the Phantom’s at points (I saw Edition I had only listened to it casually, lair near the end of the fi lm. The it twice within able to recognize the music if I Phantom does not want any other the span of two “Millenium” Season 2 happened to hear it. So, I went man having Christine’s admira- days). Seeing it a into the movie knowing only tion, thus he wallows in his own third time the fol- “CSI: Miami” Season 2 this: There is an operahouse, and self-pity and kills a few people. lowing day may within that operahouse, a phan- He’s what they call “the jealous have killed me, (Who really watches tom. type.” but not because that show?) Now that I am educated, I The movie is pretty good, and the movie is hor- know one more thing: this movie from what I hear, gave more plot rible, just because is wonderful. to the story, showing points that there’s so much in Box Offi ce Tops The story is about an opera- could not be conveyed onstage. the movie: song, imdb.com house in France that comes under Though, with the added “we dance, color, and Gerard Butler, singer for several bands, is of the few 1. Meet the Fockers new management. The new own- can put the audience anywhere” every other pos- non-professionally trained singers in Phantom. 2. Lemony Snicket’s a Series ers are introduced to the concept element, be ready for camera sible stimulus that of Unfortunate Events of the Phantom (Gerard Butler), angles you never saw on the a movie can give. It is a beautiful easily, or have the attention span 3. The Aviator but pooh-pooh his existence. stage, complete with cuts and fi lm, but sometimes too much of a fruit fl y, I would recom- 4. Fat Albert An accident leaves the resident fades. My favorite aspect of the so. mend you avoid this fi lm. Go see 5. Ocean’s Twelve diva, Carlotta (Minnie Driver), cinematography involved using If you’re a die hard fan of White Noise instead. Ooh, scary, irritated, and upon her leaving, a grainy, turn-of-the-century Phantom, you may very well the dead talk to me through my the protagonist of the fi lm, one (the 20th century, not the 21st) enjoy this show. If you’re bored crappy reception!

Lemony Snicket’s depressingly good Chinup Chinup delivers

Jacob P. Silvia reader, and Sunny (Kara & Shel- came to enjoy the movie. It was quality indie rock Entertainment Editor by Hoffman) likes to bite things. depressing, but it still managed Things go poorly for the to be funny at times, causing Mike Jones nects lyrically in a way the rest of At fi rst, I was hesitant about Baudelaire orphans as Olaf uses me to laugh with the characters Staff Writer the album doesn’t. The next two seeing Lemony Snicket’s A Series them as his own personal clean- as they remained optimistic at tracks, “Falcons and Vulcans” of Unfortunate Events, partially ing service, yet is perpetually their situation, when any nor- Although Chicago’s Chinup and “Virginia, Don’t Drown” fol- due to the fact that it was billed disappointed with their work. mal, sane person would be sulk- Chinup released their debut al- low more in the modest spirit of as a “Family” movie. Now, I’m They manage to be freed of him ing and crying in the corner. bum “We Should Never Have the opening. From this point, not one who hates family mov- to spend time with relatives they Maybe they were crazy, those Lived Like We Were Skycrap- however, the album stumbles a ies, it’s just that I would rather never knew they had before orphans. I myself am crazy . . . pers” in October, I didn’t hear bit. In “Collide the Tide”, the lay- spend my time watching a mov- (Meryl Streep and Billy Con- about the movie. If you have not the album until recently. Having ers of vocals are actually some- ie more concerned with a decent nolly). No matter where they go, seen it yet, and are interested seen the band live in August, I what trying. On “Get Me off This plot, deep characters and good however, the nefarious Count in seeing the movie that has decided to take another listen to Island”, the guitar pedal work dialogue versus a movie that has Olaf pursues them, making for remained in the top ten charts the band after discovering their crowds the bright aspects of the funny people in it, and makes humorous situations. since it came out mid Decem- album had been released. After song and seems unnecessary. children laugh. At fi rst, I was shocked by the ber, I suggest you see A Series of hearing the music for a second The middle of the album would I fi nally opted to see it, not ex- darkness of the movie. I was Unfortunate Events. Who knows, time, I’m pleased with the re- be almost a complete loss if not pecting much else than a Harry shocked further later when I maybe they’ll turn the rest of the sult. for the excellent “The Architect Potter-esque storyline and style discovered that the children’s books into movies. Will this be The band uses a variety of Has a Gun” The album does re- with the acting talents of Jim books upon which the movie the next big fad? Is Potter losing elements to create their own deem itself at the end with “All Carrey. However, I was pleasant- was based are far darker than out to Baudelaire? We’ll fi nd out sound. The busy drum tracks My Hammocks are Dying”, a ly surprised by what I saw, not the movie. The movie itself is soon once Rowling releases her provide most of the energy on choppy banjo melody with the having to watch something trite based on the fi rst three books next book. Until then, I might as the album, and aid in setting strong vocals from the begin- and shallow. in the series. I hear that they are well enjoy both tales of orphans the band apart from other indie ning of the album. A Series of Unfortunate Events, easy reads. having a blast despite the hor- acts. The gui- Most of directed by Brad Silberling, I soon got over my shock and rible machinations of evil. tars and key- the songs on based on the books board tightly this debut are by Daniel Han- intertwine, of- pleasantly dler (AKA Lemony fering a sound infectious. Snicket) focuses similar to one Although the on three children of the year’s album does whose parents have most suc- have a few me- died (orphans), cessful indie diocre tracks, and are left in the bands, Broken the album care of a horrible Social Scene. as a whole is Count Olaf (Car- The vocals still strong. rey). He specializes are hushed You might be in theatrical acting and modest— thinking that as well as greed, sometimes you’re just not for the Baudelaire even too much really into in- orphans have a siz- so, and the backups add needed die, which is exactly the way I able fortune upon depth to the lead vocals. feel. On the other hand, there are the eighteenth The album opens with the rel- a few bands that stand out, and birthday of the el- atively brief “Why is My Sleeping Chinup Chinup accomplish- dest, Violet (Emily Bag a Ghetto Muppet?” A quiet es that by having depth while Browning). opening, it serves to make way steering clear of the staunch in- Each child has a for arguably the best song and die sound. If you don’t like indie, unique trait about title track of the album. The sec- still try and get a listen to Chin- them which pre- ond track progresses from the up Chinup. pares them for reserved nature of the band, Any questions about the band their harsh, parent- presenting a side I hope to hear or the album, go to chinup- less world. Violet is imdb.com more of in the future. Showcas- chinup.com or email me at an inventor, Klaus The Baudelaire orphans (Aiken, Hoffman, Browning) look for the house of their ing a more lively sound, it con- [email protected]. (Liam Aiken) is a Aunt Josephine (Streep). Friday, January 7, 2005 ENTERTAINMENT 5 Napoleon Dynamite is the sweetest DVD EVER

Jacob P. Silvia templating the fantasy world, in Napoleon eventually befriends boy who has literally nothing to dies would say “how low?” Entertainment Editor which magical creatures, barbar- two other underdogs: Pedro and prove. Now they release a movie that ians and ninjas all live together in Deb (Efren Ramirez and Tina I was amazed at the fi lmmak- appeals to both their normal Napoleon Dynamite is the perfect harmony, doing the sweet Majorino respectively). Together er’s abilities. Granted, it’s a sim- empty-headed audience as well sweetest movie ever to come out things that they do. His fantasy they work on a campaign to get plistic fi lm, but think about it: as the indie fi lm crowd? This is on DVD. Though I saw it like in- world is never really shown on Pedro elected as class president. it’s a simplistic fi lm. It has no scary beyond all reason as I real- fi nity times in theaters, I just had screen in any other way than his His opponent is the hyper-popu- amazing special effects or cho- ize I like, if not love, a fi lm that the to watch this awesome movie less than wonderful drawings. He lar Summer Wheatley (Haylie reography (that’s a lie.. there’s an culturally impaired love as well. when the DVD was released. is perpetually detatched from re- Duff), who is an all American girl awesome dance scene near the I tried to buy it on DVD when I The fi lm focuses on the less ality, but is forced to remain liv- with has charisma galore. end. It rivals John Travolta, Billy went home for break and every than glamorous life of one Napo- ing there. My description of the movie Blanks and the guy from Darren’s store was sold out from day one. leon Dynamite (Jon Heder), high Things take a turn for the worse probably doesn’t do it justice, Dance Groove having a Battle This is depressing, though I school student. At the beginning when Grandma has an ATV acci- as I tend to read too deeply into Royale slash dance-off). It is less should see it as enlightening. of the fi lm, he has no friends, no dent, and the boys are left in the things. While Napoleon Dynamite than exciting when compared to Maybe Jared Hess, the director, ambition, or any sweet skills. He care of Uncle Rico (Jon Gries), did entertain me, it depressed blockbuster special effects sensa- will make a deep, meaninful fi lm is the poster child of the whip- who normally lives out of his van me just as well. I started thinking tions, like xXx or any other movie that MTV will relase, and then ping boy. Jocks bully him because somewhere in the valley. He adds about the main character’s goals featuring Vin Diesel screaming in MTV’s staple crowd will be the they can. Preppy “pretty” people further abuse to Napoleon’s life and ambitions, the reality of his his deep nasally way while some- pretentious moviegoing crowd. make fun of him because they by being unwilling to understand situation, having non-existent thing explodes, but still, it’s en- I better start getting used to the can. Everyone else bosses him Napoleon’s hyperbolic speech parents, living with Grandma, tertaining. feeling of a personalized basket- around because they can. patterns. Rico attempts to make constantly belittled. Wow. That’s This I did not expect from ball jersey and some bling, the He lives with his grandmother men out of the boys, though his sad. But then I realize: that’s not MTV. I expected chase scenes, machine that is MTV will require (Sandy Martin) and older broth- methods involve babying them the point. The point is, Napoleon drugs, promiscuity. This movie it of me. er, Kip (Aaron Ruell), the lat- as would Grandma, but just the is a boy whom everyone who has had none of that. I used to look All that aside, go rent or buy ter of whom spends all his days same complaining about the fact ever been bullied can relate to. In at MTV with fear and trepidation. (notice I didn’t say download, “chatting online with babes” and that he is babying them. Just the fact, he probably makes you look I saw that they owned most high you dirty pirates) Napoleon Dy- “training to become a pit fi ghter.” same he ruins everyone’s lives good. The movie is supposed school teenagers. They could say namite. But be warned: you’ll ei- Napoleon spends his time con- and eats all their steaks. to be light and funny about a “wear these pants,” and the kid- ther love it or hate it. Garden State DVD

Bob Schulein was the autobiographical clas- Co-Editor-in-Chief sic, The 400 Blows. The rest of the fi lm’s charm Garden State tells the story of comes from quirky humor and Andrew Largeman (aka “Large,” inspired acting. Many of the im- played by Scrubs star Zach ages have become iconic – Large Braff), a struggling Hollywood wearing a patterned shirt that actor who returns to New Jersey fades into the background wall; for his mother’s funeral. Large’s Sam tap dancing for Large in psychiatrist father (Ian Holm) front of a fi re place; the list goes blames him for the accident that on… Portman blends warmth crippled his mother. As a result, and humor with a beautiful Large was sent away to boarding smile to convincingly save Large. school and placed on a plethora Starsgaard is goofy as Large’s of sedative drugs. These drugs stoner friend, yet has great in- leave him emotionless, as evi- sight into humanity. dent by his barren, all-white As great as the fi lm is, there are apartment. a few faults. Most annoyingly, When Large meets Sam (a the second half of the fi lm me- bubbly Natalie Portman) in a anders away from Large’s devel- Have you not had pizza chance encounter in a waiting opment to see more quirky char- room, his life is changed for- acters. While these scenes are ever. Her charm breaks through hilarious in their own right, the Large’s shell and he reopens to fi lm as a whole would have ben- the world. The two travel with efi ted from some changes. The all year? Large’s childhood buddy Mark (a fi lm also ends too abruptly. It hilariously scrubby Peter Stars- defi nitely would have helped to gaard) amongst a series of in- have more scenes between Large teresting characters to recover a and his father. surprise present for Large. The The special features on this journey’s end is not important; DVD match the fi lm’s quality. Try some delicious Papa what matters is how Large dis- Braff and Portman contribute an covers meaning in life. insightful commentary track that Large’s transformation to a is one part fi lm school, one part fully living human is a moving playful banter. Portman gives us experience that I connected to the revelation that Method Man, John’s pizza for a more than any other movie I’ve who plays a bell-hop in a small seen (and I’ve seen a lot). The part, was afraid his line about amount of personal connection I “titties” would offend her. She had with Garden State made the laughs about not being so inno- fi lm my favorite of 2004, with the cent. Geeks take note… change of pace. second place fi lm far behind. Ev- Braff contributes another eryone I’ve talked to has enjoyed commentary track, this time the fi lm – the themes of losing with the production crew. You home, dealing with numbing can tell they had a great time drugs, and fi nding salvation with working together on this fi lm another human are issues very and their enthusiasm makes this common to people my age. much more interesting a listen Most of Garden State’s power than most commentary tracks. Extra Large One Large can be attributed to Braff, who There are 16 deleted scenes with 1234 WABASH AVE. proves himself as a triple threat commentary by Braff, the best One-Topping One-Topping by writing, directing, and star- being an extended conversation ring. He also handpicked each between Large and his father Store Hours... of the indie songs that serve as about his mother. Rounding out Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am the movie’s fi tting soundtrack. the special features is a 30 min- Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am It’s impressive to note that this is ute “making-of” documentary 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am 99 Braff’s directorial debut. In the and a soundtrack preview. special features, Braff says much If you are around my age or ONLY 9Campus Only ONLY 7Campus Only of this movie comes from his own want to understand someone life experiences. I hope Braff can my age, Garden State is a good Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required Limited Delivery Area - Coupon Required continue to make delightful fi lms place to look. I absolutely adore ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST WHERE ORIGINAL OR THIN CRUST WHERE AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/04. Not valid AVAILABLE Expires: 5/28/04. Not valid such as this. Maybe his career this movie and heartily recom- with any other offer. Valid only at participat- 232-PAPA with any other offer. Valid only at participat- can resemble the one of Francois mend it to anyone looking for a ing locations. Customer pays all applicable ing locations. Customer pays all applicable sales tax. Additional toppings extra. sales tax. Additional toppings extra. Traffaut, whose directorial debut heart-warming soul-searcher. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn The future of Social Security well because there were around and save the taxpayers money 30 workers for every retiree. in the long run. Bush’s plan is At least That number soon dropped to to reduce the payroll taxes on 15 then 10 and so on. By 1980, everyone now, and allow them I have there were only about 3.2 work- to invest that excess money. opinions ers for each retiree. The system Several other countries have as it is built today relies on the already implemented pro- idea that there will always be grams involving private social more workers than retirees, so security funds with a good deal John Kropf the payroll taxes can be rela- of success. Chile, who sees Opinions Editor tively low while the benefits are growth rates of about 10% a Perhaps because of the Tsu- relatively high. year proves that the 2% or less nami disaster in Southeast Asia When the baby-boomers Social Security provides is far recently or because the is now start to retire, however, we’ll less than we could be earning. a lame duck, President Bush is reach a point where we can Great Britain has also moved to beginning to spread the news no longer afford to dismiss so- a privatized system, taking the that he is going to reform Social cial security reform, because burden of old age pensions off Security. Unlike so many other one of two things will happen. the taxpayers. Americans, I think it’s a won- The Social Security trust fund The opponents of this plan derful idea, and far too long in can last a few years after the will be quick to point out that coming. number of retirees is greater Social Security was implement- Social Security was an inven- than the number of workers. ed to protect workers from the tion of the New Deal, proposed So we could do nothing until sharp edges of the market. by Franklin D. Roosevelt to pro- the money runs out, then tax They say that Social Security tect the Aged from living a life the working population heav- is designed to provide a set of extreme poverty after they ily to support the retirees. If amount of benefits, while a retired, all paid for with pay- that doesn’t sound like a good private system wouldn’t be eq- roll taxes. The government told idea, we could instead start uitable, because some people everyone that the system was taxing heavily now, to put more would retire while the market inaugurated to hold some of money in the Social Security was doing well, while others their tax money deducted from trust fund, thereby keeping it would retire when the market each paycheck while they were propped up for a bit longer. was doing poorly. These peo- A British Road Sign www.ospolitics.org working, which would be paid Eventually, though, it will run ple do not really understand back to them after retirement. out of money, and we’ll have to investment strategy. People when it is needed. Investment ture. It’s ironic that the people Because the government want- be taxed even more heavily, in investing for their retirement strategies like this don’t see who are the biggest believers ed to start right away and pay order to support the retirees. invest in growth securities that people losing everything in the in what social security does are benefits to those who had never Maybe I’m the only one, but are risky early in their lives. As market before they retire. doing the least to help it sur- paid into the system, the taxes I would prefer a system that they get closer to retirement, The opponents of social se- vive for the future, while the paid by the working population didn’t involve taxing me heav- it’s prudent for them to begin curity reform fail to realize people who never liked it to became a transfer payment, go- ily in the future. So, what to to pull their money out of risky that something must change begin with are doing the most ing straight to the people who do? George Bush has a plan stocks and bonds, and put it in the current system if it is to to help it along. People have to were were on the government’s to reform social security that into stable ones, ensuring that be there for people who will re- realize that nothing can go un- payroll. At the time, it worked I believe will actually work, their money will be available tire sometime in the distant fu- changed forever.

DeLay-ing ethics Law applies to war ity leader to step down from guidelines like those threat- detainees Travis Willse his post. Under the Republi- ened in recent months exist Oregon Daily Emerald cans’ new but rescinded rule in the fi rst place: to illuminate (U. Oregon) -- unsympathetically nick- and respond to those confl icts is especially egregious because named the DeLay Rule -- an in accordance with the public Staff Editorial the government has admitted The 109th Congress con- indictment would instead interest. The Lantern (Ohio State U.) some of the lifetime detainees vened for the fi rst time Tues- trigger a review by a party DeLay takes a dim view lack evidence for convictions. day, but the usual partisan steering committee to deter- of the potential indictment: An article in The Washington Under any other normal court horseplay was already ahead mine whether the charges “This has been a dragged out Post Sunday reported that the of law, they would be released, of schedule -- and this time warrant removal. The change, 500-day investigation, and Bush administration is plan- but under this plan they will be for the better: Majority Lead- which would have stripped you do the political math,” ning to imprison some sus- held indefi nitely, a blatant vio- er Tom DeLay, R-Texas, asked much accountability from he told CBS News. “This is pected terrorists for life, even lation of habeas corpus. fellow House Republicans at the authority of the increas- no different than other kinds suspects whom the govern- What the United States a Monday night meeting for ingly ideologically central- of partisan attacks that have ment lacks enough evidence should do once it has man- a reversal of an (ethically du- ized congressional Republi- been leveled against me that to charge in courts. Plans are aged to stabilize the situa- bious) rule passed late last can leadership, drew fi re. “We are dropped after elections.” in place to build a more per- tions in Afghanistan and Iraq year that strips an 11-year- have gone from DeLay being DeLay’s historical appeal manent housing unit for those is deport any enemy combat- old party ethics rule from the judged by his peers to DeLay is shaky: The House eth- prisoners unlikely to go to trial ants they are unable to obtain books, permitting indicted being judged by his buddies,” ics committee rebuked him but who will not be released. convictions for back to those congressmen to continue lamented Fred Wertheimer, three times in October and This follows right along with countries, and make sure they holding chamber leadership president of the Washington November, once for offering the government’s decision to deal with the enemy combat- positions. watchdog group Democracy to trade an endorsement of a treat those captured in during ants properly. According to The Why were legislators so in- 21. lawmaker’s son in exchange the wars in Afghanistan and Washington Post a similar idea terested in rewriting guide- Rank-and-fi le Republicans for a vote in favor of Medicare Iraq as enemy combatants and has been suggested: The United lines at the end of a session? naturally (and moreover rea- legislation. not prisoners of war. This de- States would build prisons in Well, DeLay is presently un- sonably) obliged DeLay’s All that aside, the threat of cision has been criticized by the prisoners’ home countries der investigation in Travis request, happy to avoid a baseless attacks designed to many human rights organiza- and house them there. Those County, Texas, for illegal use deserved imbroglio over un- destabilize a party’s leader- tions as a violation of detained countries would be responsible of some $2.5 million in cor- justifi ably tweaking the rules. ship is a poor excuse to drop combatants’ rights under the for managing the prisons but porate money to help Repub- Count Rep. Zach Wamp, R- ethics rules: It’s exactly the Geneva Conventions, the inter- would be monitored by the U.S. licans win state legislative Tenn. -- who with some other grand jury’s place to fi lter the national rules for war. for human rights violations. races in 2002; a grand jury has Republicans opposed the slings and arrows, determine This plan is a slap in the face While this plan isn’t a cure already indicted three of his original rule change -- was which are legitimate and to one of the U.S. Constitu- for violating habeas corpus, associates in the case. among the relieved: He told which are partisan nonsense. tion’s basic ideas, an concept it comes closer to the spirit of (Don’t think that this was a CNN, “It takes a big man to Dropping the rules in ques- that should be applied to both that law then indefi nitely hold- push for a legislative super- do what he did, and a smart tion would short-circuit the American and international ing them at Guantanamo Bay. majority: Republicans have a politician. This allows us to process, putting the decision citizens: Habeas corpus, or the While the enemy combatants tougher hand in Texan state stick together.” in the hands of a possibly right to have a court hearing held at Guantanamo Bay and politics than their seven-elec- Behind this rule shuffl ing unduly sympathetic steering to determine whether or not a other military prisons are some tion streak of red state-ness sits a plainer but more sinister committee. person is being held lawfully. of the most dangerous people suggests. That year marked story: House leaders nearly This incident, however Article I, Section 9, Clause 2 of in the world, they have rights the fi rst time the GOP held unraveled important ethical well-ended, should leave a the Constitution says that this too, both in international and a majority in the Texas State codes, trading down relative public wary of future changes right can only be suspended U.S. law. Denying them their House of Representatives moral clarity for political po- to congressional guidelines. If “in cases of rebellion or inva- rights by holding them indefi - since Reconstruction.) tency. Confl icts between ethi- the above is any example, leg- sion.” nitely in violation of habeas Anyway, with the old lan- cal and political aspirations islators rarely roll back ethics The wars in Afghanistan and corpus just further confi rms guage intact, an indictment of are neither new nor surpris- rules to improve the ethical Iraq are hardly cases where the the idea in terrorist minds that DeLay would force the major- ing. But, of course, that’s why character of politics. United States have been in- we are as evil and corrupt as we vaded or rebelled against. This think they are. Friday, January 7, 2005 SPORTS 7

Last week’s Men’s and women’s basketball prepare Upcoming sports for upcoming conference season athletic

scores Andrew Twarek SCAC leader board with a 10-2 (2- 1) Sunday at 1 p.m. before head- events Staff Writer 0 SCAC) record, but their confer- ing to solid competition at South- Men’s Basketball Men’s Basketball ence wins were against Hendrix western and Trinity next week. Friday, January 7 Men’s Basketball (4-7) and Rhodes (2-8). (7-5, 1-0 SCAC) Rose-Hulman Conference season is the heart The Rose-Hulman men had a Women’s Basketball vs. Millsaps Dec. 15 of basketball action: games every rocky non-conference season, This time last year, the wom- 8 p.m. Rose-Hulman 58 Friday and Sunday, alternating holding only a 4-5 mark until en’s team was 4-7. They went vs. Wilmington 69 between home and away week- their last three games. Now 7- on to fi nish 11-15 and 7-8 in the ends, playing some of the tough- 5 (1-0), they defeated Earlham, conference for their best season Sunday, January 9 est teams in the nation, and all Robert Morris-Springfi eld, and ever. They have improved even Rose-Hulman Dec. 18 leading up to the SCAC Tourney. Thomas More by a combined 80 more this year, and stand 7-5 (0- vs. Oglethorpe Rose-Hulman 77 The early part points since 1 SCAC). The Engineers have de- 1 p.m. vs. Earlham 52 of the season “The conference Winter Break. feated fi ve foes for the fi rst time helped the Despite their ever, including some long-stand- Women’s Basketball Dec. 19 teams work .583 record, ing rivalries. Hanover, Anderson, regular season Friday, January 7 Rose-Hulman 71 on their game Coach Shaw and Saint Mary-of-the-Woods Rose-Hulman vs. Robert-Morris 52 and teamwork, and the tourna- and his team had all recorded more than 10 but conference are ready to victories over Rose-Hulman in vs. Millsaps games are ment at the end turn things up games back to the inaugural 1995 6 p.m. Jan. 3 more than just in the SCAC. season, but they were fi nally over- Rose-Hulman 78 a W or an L. of the year are “The confer- come in 2004. Sunday, January 9 vs. Thomas More 42 They count. what we play for.” ence regular The Engineers claimed the Rose-Hulman Why are season and the Clabber Girl Trophy for the fi rst vs. Oglethorpe they so impor- - Coach Shaw tournament at time in a roller-coaster game that 3 p.m. Women’s Basketball tant? Bragging the end of the featured Rebekah Forsyth and Jill rights, for one. year are what Floyd with 20+ points each and (7-5, 0-1 SCAC) More importantly, the confer- we play for. We put an emphasis Suzy Carlson with 17. Swimming ence tournament is seeded ac- on winning every game, but our That doesn’t mean things will Saturday, January 8 Dec. 17 cording to conference records. focus and passion is obviously be easy in the SCAC season, how- Rose-Hulman Rose-Hulman 66 The winner of the tourney gets an at its height in conference play. ever. Trinity and DePauw are vs. Millikin vs. Calumet 40 automatic bid to the NCAA Divi- That was probably illustrated ranked 9th and 11th in the nation 1 p.m. sion III Tournament. The men’s best by how well we played at this week, and Sewanee (10-1, 2- Dec. 19 squad has been there three times Depauw right in the middle of a 0) joins them with double-digit under head coach Jim Shaw, stretch of poor non-conference wins on the season. In fact, only Wrestling Rose-Hulman 48 Friday, January 14 vs. Marian College 57 most recently in 1999. play,” he said. That game was an two of the 10 teams are under .500 Last year they fi nished second exciting 69-60 victory in Green- so far. Rose-Hulman in the conference with an 11-3 castle, that Rose-Hulman led for This conference-opening at N. Central Invitational record. Again this year, the En- the entire 40 minutes. weekend with Millsaps (4-3, 1- 3 p.m. gineers have a good shot at tak- This weekend is the fi rst of six 0) and Oglethorpe (5-5, 0-1) will ing the title. The competition conference doubleheaders. The ensure exciting matchups both Teams in bold denote is stiff—Trinity was ranked as Engineers should get a good start days. They earned double-digit Games in bold denote winners. highly as 16th in the country and in the SCAC, opening against Mill- wins over both schools last year. defeated the sixth-ranked team saps (1-7, 1-0) tonight at 8 p.m. Friday’s event starts at 6 p.m., and home games last week. Centre stands atop the They take on Oglethorpe (5-3, 0- the Sunday matchup is at 3 p.m. Jake Vieck earns all- Rose-Hulman releases american honors from 2005 football schedule

D3football.com Rose-Hulman News face-off for the fi fth consecu- home for a pair of conference tive year, with the Engineers games on Oct. 22 and Nov. 5. The 2005 Rose-Hulman In- holding a 4-0 lead in the sea- The homestand opens with Rose-Hulman News can awards following the 1998 stitute of Technology football son opening series. a Community Day contest season. schedule features a repeat of The Engineer home sched- against Sewanee, before the Rose-Hulman Institute of Vieck, a senior defensive last season’s campaign with ule opens with the annual Engineers host archrival De- Technology senior defensive tackle, led the conference in the games sites reversed for Hall of Fame Game on Sept. Pauw University on Nov. 5. lineman Jake Vieck (Vin- sacks (10) and tackles-for- third-year head coach Ted 10 at 7 p.m., when Rose-Hul- The season concludes with a cennes/ Lincoln) earned loss (18) while ranking in the Karras. man hosts Mount St. Joseph trip to Centre College on Nov. All-American honors from national NCAA Division III The Engineers fi nished 4-6 in non-conference play. The 12. D3football.com, in results re- top 30 in both categories. He overall last season for its sec- Lions fi nished 10-1 in 2004, Rose-Hulman returns 17 leased today. fi nished second on the squad ond best season since 1995. including a perfect regular starters and all the specialists Vieck earned third-team with 68 tackles and also re- Senior noseguard Jake Vieck season record. from last year’s squad. The All-American honors after corded two blocked kicks, two (Vincennes/Lincoln) earned Rose-Hulman completes offense features the return of a season that also featured forced fumbles and two fum- All-American and SCAC De- the non-conference sched- quarterbacks Aaron Gerhard- all-region and Southern Col- ble recoveries this season. fensive Player of the Year rec- ule with a trip to Concordia stein (Fort Wayne/Northrop) legiate Athletic Conference The two-time all-confer- ognition, while sophomore University (Ill.) on Sept. 17 and Cameron Hummel Defensive Player of the Year ence honoree fi nished his ca- cornerback Brett Bueltel and the “Rose-Hulman Day” (Dunkirk/Jay County), honor- recognition. reer ranked second in school (Huntingburg/ Southridge) home matchup against Ober- able mention all-conference Vieck becomes the 33rd history in career sacks (21) earned all-region honors and lin on Sept. 24. tailback Charlie Key (Harri- student-athlete in any sport and recorded 246 tackles senior safety Neil Harrison SCAC play begins on Oct. 1 son, Ohio) and four starting to earn All-American hon- and 55 tackles-for-loss in his (Tucson, Ariz./Catalina Foot- with the Homecoming game offensive lineman, including ors at Rose-Hulman. He also career. The electrical engi- hills) claimed Academic All- against 12-time defending all-conference standout Pat becomes the 11th Engineer neering major also tallied six American honors to highlight league champion Trinity Uni- Ludwig (Valparaiso). football player and the fi rst forced fumbles, fi ve blocked the individual accomplish- versity. The Engineers then Defensively, all-conference defensive lineman in school kicks and a pair of fumble re- ments. hit the road for two lengthy linebacker Austin Hastings history to capture All-Ameri- coveries in his four years as a Rose-Hulman opens the conference road trips, head- (Santa Ana, Calif./Foothill) can honors. Defensive back starter. 2005 season with its “Battle ing to Rhodes in Memphis on and honorable mention se- Justin Blomenberg was the Rose-Hulman fi nished 4- of the Borders” matchup with Oct. 8, and Millsaps in Jack- lection Steve Hawkins (Casey/ most recent football honoree, 6 this fall for its second-best a trip to Earlham College on son, Miss., on Oct. 15. Casey-Westfi eld) join Bueltel earning a pair of All-Ameri- season since 1995. Sept. 3. The two schools will Rose-Hulman returns to lead the returnees. Volume 40, Issue 13 Never ask your roommates for funny. Friday, January 7, 2005

Blubberize Today! Alexander J. Clerc Wacky Prof Quotes So I was at the car dealer bringing my beloved Buick LeSabre (really, that’s what I drive) in for a check-up. The mega- “The sheer force of coolness is brought to you by the 1970s awesome-mobile (really, that’s what I call it) was making some Gremlin.” rather disconcerting airy, wheezing sounds, and I was worried it --Prof. Livesay, on the sheer force of coolness was pneumonia... Anyways, the crux of this amusing anecdote came when the mechanic asked me if I would like to have my “We’re gonna run a pole through about three-quarters of the car “winterized” to face harsh winter conditions. ME faculty.” Harsh winter conditions… that sounded dangerous. I --Prof. Eccles, comparing professors to barns decided that I had to get my priorities straight. Before I worry about preparing my car for the icy onslaught, I need to worry “You can take it all off!” about protecting myself. I didn’t want to freeze to death walking --Prof. Kubota, on verbs and their uses to the Worx to get some tasty cheese sticks! I needed to winterize my body. “It’s your yummy protector.” I would need insulation from frigid gusts of wind. I would --Prof. Minster, on hamburger buns need better traction, larger, snowshoe-like feet, and padding in case of a slippery fall. I would need to have large stores of “BOING!!!” sustenance for when I get stranded in a snow bank or decide to --Prof. McInerne, on elastic interphotonic collision hibernate. I realized that all these improvements could be achieved “We give the rum to the pirate so he doesn’t stab us in the with only one addition to my almost perfect body – 200 pounds face.” of blubber. Blubber is one of the world’s best insulators and --Prof. Livesay, on motivations in ConApps stored energy sources. It offers pillow-soft protection and gives you better traction (via the extra weight). Whales have been “I’m not going to get a lot out of Dr. Yoder if I sue him. I might utilizing blubber for eons and, aside from harpoons, nothing get 6 of his children.” can kill them. I decided to blubberize my body immediately --Prof. Grigg, on litigation by tripling my weight, and so far I am quite pleased with my “Don’t get me wrong, I like hippies... for a variety of reasons.” progress. If I die of anything this winter, it won’t be of cold or --Prof. Minster, on his unique tastes falling down. If anyone is interested in my Blubberizing program (patent “It doesn’t have to be a love fest, you just have to talk.” pending), see me today and I’ll hook you up with everything you --Prof. Moloney, on interpersonal relationships need to get your body blubberized (200 pounds of chocolate Easter bunnies I got from a dumpster… I mean… the warehouse “I don’t want New Jersey fl avored bread.” and a harpoon-proof vest). --Prof. Voltmer, on foodstuffs

Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions “So those elephants you sometimes see... they’re not the 10. Lose 10 pounds, then gain it back results of something you did to yourself.” 9. Order glasses from LensCrafters minutes before setting the --Prof. McInerne, on quantum uncertainty clocks ahead in the spring, then sue them for not having “Infi nity is about 3. Most of the time, infi nity is 1.” them done in an hour --Prof. Thomas, on civil engineering 8. Silence the voices in your head 7. Go to class Send your prof quotes or other humor material to 6. The same thing we do every year… try to take over the world fl [email protected] 5. Silence the voices outside your head 4. Give up STDs 3. Disprove chemistry, physics Herbig’s Pun of the Week 2. Find out who this Hertz guy is Podiatry is its own religion; it’s sole therapy. 1. Give up New Year’s Resolutions

This Day In History In 1999, the Clinton impeachment trial begins. Pol Pot was overthrown too, but I decided in favor of a sucky fellatio joke.

In Addition In 2015, Rose-Hulman graduates will have patents on hoverconversion technology, Mr. Profusion, and fl ux capacitors.

The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of The Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn or Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions, unless you act now! You can even get your degree. All material is copyright of its owner. Search keywords: mdadm raid linux damnit