PrettyPretty TGirlsTGirls MagazineMagazine
April 2007
AnAn interviewinterview withwith …… ChristinaChristina MarieMarie
Pretty TGirls Magazine is a production of the Pretty TGirls Group and is intended as a free resource for the Transgendered community. Articles and advertisements may be submitted for consideration to the editor, Rachel Pastel, at [email protected] . It is ourPretty hope that TGirls our magazine Magazinewill increase - April the 2007 understanding of the TGpage world and1 better acceptance of TGirls in our society. To that end, any articles and notices are appreciated and welcomed for review ! PrettyPretty TGirlsTGirls MagazineMagazine April 2007 Edition Welcome to the April edition … Take pride and joy with being a TGirl ! Table of contents:
Our Miss 2007 Cover Girls ! Our Miss April 2007 Cover Girls Cover Girl Christina Marie Members’ Then and Now Pics Editor’s Corner - Rachel Pastel Patty’s Powder Room - Patty Cakes Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum - Marla Morley My First Time Out - Tonya Smith Coming Out To My Sister - Abby Pink Essence - Leigh Smythe Unforgettable Faces (Contouring and Blush) - Carol Deanna Signs - Brianna Austin TG-Friendly Places To Go TG Conferences and Getaways Advertisements and newsy items Our April and May 2007 Calendar Pages
Magazine courtesy of the Pretty TGirls Group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/prettytgirls
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 2 Our Miss 2007 Cover Girls !
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 3 Our Miss April 2007 Cover Girls !
How about joining us? Just go to … We’re a tasteful, fun http://groups.yahoo.co group of girls and we m/group/prettytgirls love new friends!
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 4 An Interview With Christina Marie
Question: When did you first start crossdressing?
Christina: I was about 15 or 16 at the time when I first started to crossdress.
Question: Describe your early experiences dressing as a girl.
Christina: My sister was getting married and one of her bride’s maids gown was in my room, along with the heels. I was curious about it and decided to try on the shoes. The shoes fit perfectly and it didn’t take me long to figure out how to walk in them. Then I just wanted to try on the gown. I stripped and then slipped it on. It was such a rush. It didn’t feel wrong when I did it. I felt complete as though I was meant to be like that. After that, I just wanted to try on other things. That took time though.
Question: At what age did you start using make-up and wearing wigs? How did you learn how to apply make up? Any tips for other TGirls? Brand of make up you use?
Christina: I started using makeup and a wig when I was about 21. I always had an idea of what I like in a woman and I used that to create Christy. Long hair was a must. As for the makeup, I had to learn all on my own. My wife didn’t want any part in it really. I have always used Cover Girl, but have been dabbling in a little bit of everything now. As time passed I got a little better at makeup, but when I was 34 I met my friend Brenda though Tau Upsilon and she showed me what I could look like in short hair. I didn’t think I would look good. I was so wrong, and then I changed my name to Christina Marie, to go with the new look. As for Christina’s tips, the best way to find a wig is go there dressed with makeup on. It makes finding the right wig easer. Not to mention it is a lot of fun. The best way to find the right makeup is go to a MAC counter and get a make-over. If not, get a book on makeup like “Making Faces,” and practice, practice, practice.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 5 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: If you had your choice, what do like wearing the most when being a girl?
Christina: I like wearing everything, from the panties and bra to the dress. If I had to pick one, it would be a dress because that is what completes the look.
Question: Now a bit of personal information ... What is your marital status? A sensitive area for some girls, but ... how old are you now? Does anyone know you are a TGirl? What country do you live in?
Christina: I am a married T-Girl for over 17 years. I just turned 37 this month. As for who knows that I dress, everyone on my side of the family does, but my wife keeps it from hers. My family found out during a time when we were having marital problems. I didn’t want her telling my family before I did. It worked out great because they were all very accepting. And yes they did ask if I was gay right off. I told them I was when I am dressed as a woman. A complete lesbian! Even all my nieces and nephews know I dress. I live in Tucson, AZ. Lots and lots of fun in the sun!
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 6 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: Have you ever gone out as a girl? If so, tell us what the first time is like and how you feel being out in the world as a girl.
Christina: I make it out at least twice a month if not more. I belong to a Tri-Ess organization called Tau Upsilon. A bunch of T-Girls get together to chat. The first time I went out of the house was about a week before Halloween years ago. The wife and I went as the opposite sex. I wanted to try a test first. So we dress up and visited the neighbours and see if they could help perfect it a little better. They did, and it was so fun. I remember being so nervous and just shaking in those 4 inch heels! I did like being the centre of attention for once. ☺ One guy actually thought my wife and I were lesbians. LOL It was such a fun Halloween!.
Question: Have you ever gone through a purge of your female clothing? If so, can you tell us why? How did it make you feel? How long before you went back to being a girl?
Christina: No, I never went though a purge. I heard TG’s do it all the time and that they end up starting all over again. I figured I would save money. If I ever have a problem, I just put everything up and then bring it back when I need it. It doesn’t take long though…I would be back dressing the next day.
Question: What percentage of time do you spend as a girl?
Christina: Once I dress and have makeup on I stay like that as long as possible, usually about 8-12 hours.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 7 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: Have you ever considered moving towards becoming more of a girl physically with options like hormones, feminisation surgery, breast enhancements, or SRS?
Christina: The older I get the more I want to be that girl I see in the mirror. Unfortunately family keeps me grounded. Being a parent takes a lot of time, and I can’t be selfish. I do what I can
Question: Do you feel more like a boy or a girl now and why?
Christina: I feel much more like a woman now. As the years passed, it went from a sexual thing to something that just felt and looked right in my mind. I spend a lot of time trying to perfect my image.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 8 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: Have you ever dated or wanted to date another TGirl or a man?
Christina: I have been out on a couple dates with men. It was so much fun to be treated like a lady. I wish I could do it more. ☺
Question: Do you have any advice for other TGirls, especially ones that have yet to venture out as a girl?
Christina: The easiest way is to join an actual Tri-Ess group or some there group to make it easier to venture out. It just takes time to build confidence.
Question: How is your life now as a TGirl? What's gone well and not so well?
Christina: I am glad I have taken the time to actually express my femme side. If I didn’t, who know what might have been. I just wish my wife was more excepting and supportive, but I take what I can get.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 9 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Question: Anything else you'd like to say?
Christina: I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to interview me and I hope readers enjoy reading about my life.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 10 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 11 An Interview With Christina Marie … continued
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 12 Pretty TGirl Members Then and Now - (Photos of how we looked when first dressing as a girl and how we look today) Abby Jeanette Then Today Then Today
???? ???? Then Today Then Today
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 13 Editor’s Corner – Rachel Pastel Personal Website: http://rachelpastel.com
Welcome to our issue for April 2007!
We still need magazine contributors. Would you like your very own monthly column? Have a story about your experiences as a TGirl? Are you a member of a TG group and would like to tell us about it? Can you put together a TG-related crossword puzzle each month? Really, we will consider anything TG-related that is tasteful, so if you can contribute, please email me at [email protected] .
I would especially love to have a GG or two to have a column and write about their feelings on Transgenderism.
Ok, for April …I call this “You and Your Bra.” Figleaves.com has been gracious enough to allow me to reprint their wonderful pages on how to select the right bra size for you. All us girls wear bras . I still think wearing makeup and a bra is where the departure from crossdresser to being a TGirl is. Wearing a bra is one of the most feminine things we can start with. Personally, I wear a bra the majority of days, even while I’m sleeping! It is just as important for us girls to wear the right bra as genetic girls … so take a look at the following pages!
If you haven’t already, and you are a Transgendered Girl, please take a moment to take my TG Survey. The survey is located at … http://rachelpastel.com/survey/survey.php?s_id=1 I really want to get to at least 1000 TGirls taking my survey. Results-to-date are posted on the following pages.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 14 You and Your Bra By Rachel Pastel
This information courtesy of FigLeaves.com
Do you know that some 80% of women are wearing the wrong size bra? Here are some pointers and what to look for when putting on a bra, getting the right size (with me as a model!), and more! This material was used from Figleaves.com website with their written permission. You should check out their website … lovely lingerie at good prices!
How to figure out your true bra size
What a correct fitting bra looks like
CORRECT-FITTING BRA (FRONT)
1. Center front sits flat against the body 2. Underwire sits flat against the ribcage 3. Breast tissue is completely encased in underwire 4. Underwire follows the natural crease of the breast 5. Cup fits with no bulging or gaping at the top
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 15 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to put on a bra
CORRECT-FITTING BRA (BACK)
6. Straps are parallel or slightly V shaped at the back 7. Band is level all the way round, without riding up at the back 8. Underband is nice and snug 9. Straps do not dig into the shoulders
STEP ONE
Lean in. Adjust the straps to their maximum length (you’ll shorten them later) and slip your arms through. Lean forward into the cups, hook up the bra at the back if you can (if not, fasten the bra at the front and then turn it around, taking care not to strain the elastics, before leaning in) and put the straps on your shoulders.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 16 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
STEP TWO
Adjust the bra. To do this slip a hand into the cup and lift the breast while holding the wire in the correct position with the other hand. Where should it sit? Look at the natural crease of the breast - the wire should fit along the crease where your breast begins while remaining on the ribcage so that it doesn’t pinch the breast tissue.
STEP THREE
The jiggle: Hold the wires under the breasts, lean forward and gently shake the bra to the left and right. Your breasts will fall into the cup and sit higher when you stand up straight.
STEP FOUR
Adjust the straps. Remember that it’s the bra band that provides most of a bra’s support – not the straps. The straps should therefore support the breast lightly without putting too much pressure on the shoulders; otherwise, the back of the bra will ride up and affect your posture. Drop the strap off your shoulder so that you can reach the adjusters from the side (or ask someone to help you). You only need to do this once, and the strap length will be right every time.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 17 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size Ok … here I am (Rachel) in my bra as your Ready? Now it’s time to put on your favorite bra, model. This article shows you many areas to stand in front of the mirror – or, better still, ask a watch out for when choosing a bra and bra size. friend to help you – and start looking for clues. To begin, take the 2 measurements shown in the photos (pink bar). The 1st measurement is your bra size and the 2nd helps determine your cup size. You subtract the 1st result from the 2nd result for your cup size. For example, my 1st measurement is 36 and my 2nd is 38. This means my bra size/cup size is 36B. Remember girls, that is the start … you should read all of this article if you want a truly great fitting bra for YOU.
Measure your bra size: Measure over an unpadded, comfortably fitting bra. Keep the tape measure snug, not tight. Measure around the chest, just under the arms, above the bust. This is your band or body size. If your measurement ends in a fraction, round either up or down to the nearest whole size.
Measure your cup size: Measure completely around the bust at the fullest point, holding the tape measure straight but not tight. Round to the nearest whole size.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 18 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
BACK BAND RIDING UP Lift up your arms to see if the underband is tight enough. Check that the underwire is still sitting on the body and that the band is not riding up at the back – if it’s ridingup, this might mean that your band is too big. If you are still unsure, here’s how to judge: the underband should fit firmly against the body so that it does not slide around or move away from the chest as you go about your daily activities.
SHOULDER STRAPS DIGGING IN The underband of a bra provides the majority (80 percent) of support for the breasts, with the straps providing just 20 percent. If the bra straps are digging in it could be because the underband is too loose and the straps are doing most of the work to support the bust – so in this case we recommend that you try a smaller band size. Alternatively, you may just need to loosen the straps.
BACK BAND OVERSTRETCHED
Look at your back straps: they should either be parallel to each other, or converge in a slight V shape at the back. It they are too far apart at the back (an upside down V), it could mean that your bra band is too small and overstretching. (It is possible, however, that this is simply the design of the bra, so look for other clues such as the back band digging in uncomfortably.)
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 19 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
Front band pulling down
Have a look at the underwire at the front of the bra.Does it lie just under the breast, or is it being pulled further down your ribcage? If the underwire is being dragged down to where your ribcage is slightly narrower, this is a sign that you are wearing too small a band size.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 20 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
Center front lifting away from the body
The center front should lie flat against the body. If it doesn’t, this could be a sign that the cups are too small, causing the breasts to push the center front away.
Wire digging into the breast tissue at underarm
Look at the sides of the cups – it’s important that the breast is completely encased by the underwire. Is there any underwire digging into the breast tissue? If so, you might well need a larger cup size. There is also a possibility that the underband is too tight and pulling the wire so tightly against the chest that it becomes distorted and no longer follows the natural crease of your breasts. This in turn can cause the wire to dig into the bottom and side of the breast. If you find the correct underband size to begin with, you can eliminate this as a possibility and start to work on finding your correct cup size.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 21 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
Bulging over top of cup
Does any breast tissue bulge out at the top of the cup? This means the cup is too small.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 22 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
Cups too baggy
If there are creases in your cups you might want to try going down a cup size. If, however, the cup fits snugly everywhere but is gaping where the cup meets the strap, it could be that the bra is finishing too high up the chest for you. Some people are more hollow in this area than others, so square necklines that finish lower down on the chest – as in a balconette, for example – are better.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 23 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How to figure out your true bra size
Different sized breasts
Do you have one breast bigger than the other? This is very common – most women have one breast around half a size bigger than the other; for some, there is more of a difference.
It’s important to always fit the bigger breast – tighten the other strap slightly to avoid the cup with the smaller breast sagging. And don’t forget that you can always lightly pad the smaller breast.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 24 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
How bra sizes work
It’s important to understand that the band size and the cup size work together. One of the most common misconceptions is that a D cup is always bigger than a C or B cup. In fact, a bra’s cup size is dependent on its band size – so a 32D holds the same volume as a 34C but is actually smaller than a 38B. What does this mean in practice? Well, if, for example, you are currently wearing a 36DD and you want to go down a band size but keep the same cup, you will need a 34E, not a 34DD, to accommodate your breasts. If, on the other hand, you are wearing the correct band size but wish to try a different a cup size, all you need to do to is move up or down a letter size. (This is why it is a good idea to establish your correct band size first before moving on to the cups.) Bearing this in mind, be prepared for your true size to surprise you. Even if you think of yourself as ‘busty’, this does not always translate to a bigger band size – the volume of your breast is all in the cup size. So, for example, people often think that Pamela Anderson’s size is somewhere in the region of a 38D because 38 is thought to be a large bra size; in fact, she is a 34F. This is in fact the same cup size but a smaller band size.
Elizabeth, like many women, was wearing a bra that was too big in the band and too small in the cup. She arrived at our fitting studio in a 36C bra which was riding up at the back and offered little support, causing her to hunch forward.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 25 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
After being fitted, she emerged a taller, more confident 32E. In the correct bra not only are her breasts properly supported, but her torso looks longer and her posture is better – you can really see the difference it makes under her everyday clothes.
Styles of bras PS Size matters – but to findui the best bra for a particular occasion, you’ll have tosz think about the style too. he Push-up - um Want to look fuller in thepa bust? Resist the temptation to wear a bra that’s a size too small.t Instead, try a push-up bra. It’s designed to push your breasts inwardst and upwards to create a better cleavage under those plunging necklines We ar ns t – t ob u Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 26 lt o You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
Balconette
A balconette is a sexy style of bra with a low neckline that goes straight across the bust. It has wide set straps for a square neckline. The cups are seamed to push the bust upwards to give a shelf like appearance similar to the look created by a corset. Non padded balconettes create less of a cleavage than the padded versions, but they still have a square neckline. On larger cup sizes the neckline may be higher.
Molded bra
So-called because the cup is molded from a single piece of foam or fabric – so that it’s seamless.
T-shirt bra
Like a moulded bra, a t-shirt bra’s cups are seamless. What makes it a t-shirt bra is the thickness: a t-shirt bra has a level of padding to ensure that your nipples do not show through when you’re wearing a figure hugging top.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 27 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
Half cup
Lingerie manufacturers do not always agree on what makes a half cup bra but as a general rule, it’s one where the cup stops just above the nipple. Known in the US as a demi bra, it is generally more suitable for smaller cup sizes. However, larger cup brands are becoming increasingly skilled at creating supportive bras that give a good impression of a half cup.
Full cup
Again, lingerie manufacturers don’t always agree on what makes a full cup, but a full cup bra is generally one where the cups cover the entire breast.
Soft cup or soft bra
A soft cup bra is one without an underwire. Maternity and sports bras tend to be soft cups, and soft cups are also a good solution for teenagers who can’t wear underwired bras while they are still growing, as well as for some larger cup size women who cannot find an underwired bra to fit. If you have a larger back size too, it can be easier to find a well-fitting soft cup bra than one with an underwire. Don’t think that a soft cup bra is necessarily less supportive than its underwired sister – heavily constructed soft cup bras like the Triumph Doreen can be very supportive indeed.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 28 You and Your Bra … Continued (thanks to Sarah at Figleaves.com) By Rachel Pastel
Minimizer
Minimizer bras are designed with a specific need in mind: if you take a larger cup size, how do you deal with those gaping tops? A minimizer bra redistributes the breast tissue so that your breasts do not protrude so much – and you can do up your shirt buttons.
Strapless
Indispensable under strapless tops and tricky party dresses, a strapless bra deserves a place in every wardrobe. It’s important, though, to get the tension right: too loose, and it won’t give you enough support; too tight and it will pull itself down the ribcage. Many multiway bras have detachable or clear straps and can be worn as a strapless bra as well as a halterneck or with the straps crossed over at the back. Look out too for backless bras, which criss-cross around the waist, and – most unobtrusive of all – the latest self-adhesive solutions that you simply stick to the body. (This is only recommended for smaller cup sizes.)
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 29 Patty’s Powder Room
Welcome to the Powder Room once again. By the way “Patty’s Powder Room” is a separate space set aside for Patty in our home with all my clothes, wigs, makeup and femme décor that I like complete with stereo system. It also has a bedroom and office as part of the 3 room space. It is where I feel completely at home as Patty and allows me a spot to get ready in total comfort when I go out. I feel very fortunate to have this place to go to and be surrounded by things I like, it is very peaceful. I have am armchair in there so I can just sit back and relax and listen to music that I like. I can reflect, think, read, change and just plain be me there. This area of our home was created once I came out to my wife and daughters. Home Sweet Home! So my home is set up and I am happy inside but what about the external world? Our world of crossdressing is a different one compared to the norm of the way most of us were brought up or trained in our formative and our schooled years. It is also a world that can carry much baggage with it because of the lack of acceptance by society in general. We face many challenges and live like a secret society yet every time I look around there seems to be more and more information available about crossdressing. The internet has been a huge catalyst to make information more accessible to the world than any other time in the past. It seems that there is a huge opportunity quelling up out there that every one of us that crossdresses could affect some change in the world, albeit slowly, like how we are viewed in society. Gandhi had a famous quote “You must be the change you wish to see in this world”. I made a conscious decision that when I go out in public I am always on a small mission to help educate members of the public in a positive manner about crossdressing. I introduce myself to one or some of the staff of just about every women’s clothing store I go in. I let them know I am married, not someone weird and tell them I am here to possibly buy some clothes. Many times we get into quite the chats about crossdressing and it offers an opportunity for me to talk about the positives of crossdressing and educate someone who knows nothing of what we do. By being proactive and positive they usually return a positive reaction back I find in just about every store I have ever done this in. When I wasn’t proactive however, I got the looks and the signs of them wondering who I am and what I am up to. I think can be a natural reaction to something deemed foreign to them. It’s a chance for us to change one mind at a time!
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 30 Patty’s Powder Room … Continued By Patty Cakes
The biggest challenge for me was to come out to my wife once I knew I was on the path of no return from dressing up. I knew I wasn’t going to wake up one morning and say oh well I have had enough of this and stop. It isn’t going to happen. So if I am not going to give it up the obvious step was to figure out away to tell my wife which I discussed in last months column. In reflecting on how this was accomplished a little further I realize that I had a great foundation in the first place to start from in our relationship. I consider myself very fortunate when you look at the divorce rate statistics. Beyond being fortunate it has also taken us a lot of work to stay together and have good communication, trust and keeping our love alive for all these years (23 years to be exact). I was asked by another crossdresser what the secret was to making this all work. I told her to read my next column. LOL so here I go…
The foundation has to be built very strong in the first place and based on trust and understanding. Every relationship is different and there are a ton of psychology books that discuss these attributes for a successful relationship. Males and females do think differently as many tests of all kinds have proven over the years. A lot of books about crossdressing indicate that the gap can be lessened to quite a degree as the understanding of each other grows if one follows that path. However even with a good foundation much has be built on it to make it all come together into a work of art. If you are going to learn how to build a house you better learn some new skills and focus on them so you can do a good job. There is a ton of information available to each and every one of us in bookstores, libraries and the internet on building better relationships. So that’s a great starting point
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 31 Patty’s Powder Room … Continued By Patty Cakes
Research and reading is a natural love for me so I continue to read and grow and learn more about our world everyday. Lately I have been spending some time in the powder room reading books on CD/TG and relationship subjects from coming out to going out to you name it. There are some great books that are very inspirational for anyone that crossdresses and beyond that maintaining and keeping a relationship throughout the journey. I thought I would focus this column on a few of the books and authors I have been reading over the past few years.
If you do not have any reading materials on our lifestyle you may want get some to expand your horizons and provide food for thought on what you are into and perhaps some of the theories why we came to be what we are. There are many theories and they have changed perspective over the years and I like to take them all into account when I am reading as well as the era they were written in. I’ll start be saying when I read any book I try and keep my mind open and always read it with the understanding that it is an opinion and the information contained within can be somewhat subjective. I find it best to keep my own thoughts and ideas near the forefront so that I can interpret rather than take all the info verbatim and just believe it like with most things in life. In other words, take it all in with a grain of salt as the old expression goes. This makes for much better reading and thinking on my part and also keeps my creative energies working along with the material I am reading so I also get new fresh ideas surface.
The first book that I gained some great ideas from was “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. John Gray used the metaphor of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus to illustrate the commonly occurring differences between males and females. Although this is not a book on crossdressing perse, I found value in looking at the relationship side of things that helped me consider things from the point of view of a genuine woman’s perspective. Where I used this is not only in understanding myself but also how to communicate more effectively with my wife. I mention that you might need a grain of salt when you red it as the book is written solely by a man, John Gray, so I found some areas were aligned with a male perspective. That being said, there is still so much good thinking in the book about the differences between the two genders that it was a great platform to launch from for me to continue building a more communicative environment with my wife. Some of the key points I got out of it were the descriptions of the ways that we think differently and how to work towards bridging the gaps we have in communicating as males and females.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 32 Patty’s Powder Room … Continued By Patty Cakes
Some of the key parts of the book for me were knitted throughout the book in the language we use with each other that sometimes seem as different as cheese and chalk to coin another old phrase. Another was the feelings and thoughts we hide from each other because we not know how to communicate with each other. Here is an example taken from the book on basic communication and how words and meanings can be misinterpreted easily. When a Venusian (woman) says “We never go out” a Martian (man) hears “You are not doing your job, what a disappointment you have turned out to be. We never do anything together any more; you are lazy, unromantic and boring”. Yet what the Venusian is actually saying in her own language is “I feel like going out and doing something together. We always have such a fun time and I enjoy being with you. What do you think? Would you take me out? It’s been a few days since we have been out”. The book explains that when a Venusian is upset she not only uses generalities and so forth but is also asking for a particular kind of support. She doesn’t ask directly for that support because on Venus everyone knew that dramatic language implied a particular request. If a Martian can hear the implied request and respond accordingly, then the Venusian will feel truly heard and loved. The book covers a lot of ground in this area of teaching us to interpret each others real feelings and meanings. I got a lot of food for thought by reading this book so would recommend it to anyone that wants a better understanding of the difference in communication style between the two sexes. This is very handy if you plan on coming out to your loved one some day as you are going to have to be clear in all of your communication.
So Who is Really from Venus? Is a book written in 1998 by Dr. Peggy Rudd that takes the above books basic premise and looks at it from a perspective that some people don’t really know if they are Martians or Venusians. Peggy delves into unscrambling the mystery of why some people can be a bit of both. She has done a wonderful job or connecting the lines of thought to how a crossdresser can identify with both gender spectrums with the Mars and Venus analogy. Her husband is a crossdresser so it all makes sense she would have intimate knowledge and experience in this area. She possesses a great writing style and a good sense of humor from what I can see. There are some great conflict management techniques for couples focus on in the book as well as other bits of wisdom. I like it because it speaks the language of the crossdresser throughout. It is loaded with so many creative ideas I have read it twice already and plan to read it one more time. She is also the lady that organizes the Dignity Cruises. Peggy believes crossdressers deserve dignity and respect. She believes the opportunity to move freely in an elegant setting is an integral part of feeling complete and fulfilled. Dignity Cruises, in association with Absolute Best Cruises, offer members of the crossdressing community the opportunity to experience the finer things in life while dressed as a beautiful woman or as a man. Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 33 Patty’s Powder Room … Continued By Patty Cakes
The cruises offer wives, partners, family members and friends an opportunity to interface with others who have shared some of their own life experiences. If you are interested in looking into this go to www.pmpub.com for more info.
Peggy also wrote a book that you might be more familiar with called “My Husband Wears My Clothes” in 1995 which is primarily written from the perspective of a wife of a CD. This is also a fascinating read providing a lot of insight into the female perspective, viewpoint and acceptance of crossdressing. I plan to buy any other books I can find from this author. It’s been said that this is a "must read" for anyone in a transgendered relationship. The book addresses many of the questions frequently asked by the friends, families, and spouses of men who crossdress as well as candidly exploring the related emotions that range from frustration to elation. Through her example as the wife of a crossdresser, Dr. Rudd demonstrates that total acceptance is both possible and rewarding.
That’s it for this month’s Powder Room! Comments and observations most welcome always. Please email me at [email protected]
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 34 Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum By Marla Morley
“I don’t understand my wife. She seemed okay with this after I told her, but now she gets upset whenever I mention it. What’s going on with her?” As many crossdressers have discovered, a wife’s or girlfriend’s road to acceptance is rarely smooth. There are often rough patches, detours, and even U-turns to contend with along the way. Understanding why these occur, and what you can do to help her through them, may make the journey easier for both of you.
The first thing you need to understand is that for all but a tiny minority of women, finding out about your crossdressing is a traumatic experience. The degree of perceived trauma varies considerably from one woman to the next and depends on many factors, including her upbringing, her values, the strength of your relationship, and the circumstances surrounding her initial discovery. Some women seem to take the news in stride, while others are completely devastated, but for nearly all of them there is some emotional work that needs to be done before true acceptance can take place. This work is commonly known as coping. Any time there is change in our lives, there is potentially a sense a loss, and coping is the process of dealing with that loss and adjusting to the new situation.
“But what has she lost?” You ask. “Nothing has changed. I am still exactly the same person as before.” From your point of view, of course, you are absolutely correct. But from her point of view, everything is different now. Her image of you, her expectations of the relationship, and her vision of the future all must be reevaluated in light of this new information. The loss that she has experienced is very real to her—the loss of the man she thought she knew. Coping with loss takes time, and while the process is different for each woman, there are several stages that typically occur. This is the model that therapists refer to as “The 5 Stages of Grief,” and it can be used to describe an individual’s adjustment to any significant life change.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 35 Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum … Continued By Marla Morley
· DENIAL – My husband is not a real crossdresser. This is just a silly phase he’s going through. If I ignore it, or refuse to tolerate it, it will go away. · ANGER – How could you do this to me? You obviously don’t give a damn about our family! · BARGAINING – There must be a cure for this. You just need to find a good therapist, or start a new hobby, or get a different job, or have sex with me more often. I’ll do anything if you just stop! · DEPRESSION – Go ahead and do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore. What’s the use? · ACCEPTANCE – I realize now that this is a part of you. I won’t try to change who you are. Let’s work together to find a solution that is acceptable to both of us, so that we can get on with our life together. These stages are rarely experienced in a neat sequence; rather, they tend to merge and overlap with one another. Each stage may last for any length of time, from minutes to years. Moreover, the process is recursive, meaning that a stage may be repeated several times before it is resolved. This partly explains why a woman might seem accepting one day, and angry the next. She is coping with pain and loss in an entirely normal way. It is not fair to expect her emotions to remain stable, not is it healthy for her to repress them. The best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open between you, and ask her frequently how she is feeling. Just because she seemed to tolerate your crossdressing--or even enjoy it--last week, there is no guarantee that her response will be the same this week. What causes these sudden shifts, and what can you do to help her work through them? As it happens, there are many circumstances that can trigger a step backwards from acceptance to one of the earlier stages. Here are a few common scenarios.
• Her acceptance may not have been genuine in the first place. When a woman first finds out about her partner’s crossdressing, she is often in shock. Rather than dealing with her own feelings, her first instinct may be to comfort you and offer reassurance. She may fear that reacting in a negative way will make you feel rejected, and she may also fear being rejected herself. Perhaps she wants to avoid an argument, or perhaps she is so overwhelmed that she simply does not know what to say, so she tells you that everything is all right. Eventually, after she has had time to think things through, her true emotions will begin to emerge. That is why you should always move slowly after breaking the news to her, no matter how well she seems to take it. Allow a “cooling off” period before you start moving your things into the closet or wearing nighties to bed. Introduce her to your femme side a little at a time, be attentive to her signals, and be willing to back off if she shows signs of discomfort.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 36 Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum … Continued By Marla Morley
2. She may accept your crossdressing at the intellectual level, but not at the emotional level. If her personal values include being non-judgmental and tolerant of others, she will quickly acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with a man wanting to wear women’s clothes. She will understand that this behavior is harmless and quite common. But regardless of what her thoughts are, her feelings will proceed at their own pace. It is one thing to accept the concept of crossdressing, but it is something else entirely to see your husband in a dress. This gap between intellectual and emotional acceptance can be as confusing for her as it is for you. Be patient. If she is well-informed about crossdressing and her beliefs are in the right place, her emotions will follow—eventually.
3. She may feel that the terms she initially agreed to are being changed. Perhaps she was tolerant of you wearing panties under your male clothes, but recently you have begun wearing skirts and heels around the house, and that is more than she can handle. Each time your crossdressing escalates, new boundaries have to be negotiated. If you do not check with her first, she will feel as though you are moving the goal posts, and whatever approval she offered before may be withdrawn. Moving forward before she is ready will cause her to feel that the situation is out of control, and an unpleasant backlash will most likely result. There is no sure way to predict how each new step will affect her; some women are comfortable with nightwear but not nail polish, others are fine with pantyhose but not bras, and a great many are okay with clothing, but not wigs and makeup. The only way to avoid violating her boundaries is to talk to her about them, and listen to what she tells you. By resisting the urge to charge full speed ahead, you are doing your part to facilitate her eventual acceptance.
4. Her feelings about your crossdressing may fluctuate according to how she feels about herself. The more confident and self-assured a woman is, the less likely she is to feel threatened by her partner’s feminine side. But no woman feels good about herself all the time. A woman’s emotional resilience can vary wildly with the circumstances she finds herself in. A fight with her mother, a conflict with her boss, an insensitive comment from a co-worker, or even a bad hair day can temporarily make her feel insecure. When she is in this frame of mind, she may become overly sensitive to things that previously did not bother her, and old fears that were seemingly resolved may come back to haunt her. Where your crossdressing is concerned, she may find that she is suddenly uncomfortable with aspects of it that were acceptable before. This is not the time to remind her that she had no problem with this same thing the last time you did it. Instead, try to find out why she feels differently now. It could be that she just needs some reassurance from you. After her mood improves, chances are that her former feelings will return.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 37 Understanding The Acceptance Pendulum … Continued By Marla Morley
As you can see, acceptance is not a straightforward progression for most women. The process can be likened to the movement of a pendulum, swinging back and forth. Instead of seeing these swings as setbacks, I encourage you to see them as signs of growth and progress. It may take months or even years before the pendulum stops swinging, but with your support, your partner will ultimately work through these stages and resolve her painful emotions. Life will never be the same as it was before, but you know what? It could be even better!
© Marla Morley 2005
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 38 My First Time Out By Tonya Smith
In 2001, I had been dressing and taking pictures of myself and others for a few years. I had even had a “makeup lesson” in downtown Philadelphia with an experienced TG woman who gave me many good tips and helped improve my application methods and told me of some better products to use as well. It was in the summer/fall of 2001 that I thought my look, at least as far as makeup was concerned was coming together. I could do a dramatic look for a night out if I wanted, and learned how to tone it down for a day out, or if my wildest dreams ever came true, a look I could use for work.
I had always had a pretty good fashion sense, and loved to look at Vogue, Glamour and other magazines for the latest trends and figured out how to make the trends work on my figure. I knew what I looked best in and had been practicing female mannerisms for quite a while. I had a few minor outdoor excursions, but always in a controlled atmosphere. Things such as trips to my wig store, which is a very private small store in southern NJ, and dressing to drive around and get used to driving in heels, and things of that nature. However, I had never really been out to anyplace where there was a fear of running into anyone who might “out” me. (with the exception of a couple construction workers outside my wig shop!) I had not been to the mall shopping at this point, nor had I been to any restaurants or places like that. That is when, perhaps, the luckiest thing ever to happen to me could have happened. A national organization related to what I do for a living, was holding their annual conference in San Francisco, California.
The group for which I worked was given two slots at the conference for an all expense paid trip to San Francisco to attend the conference. Now, there are 70 people in my group and nearly all of us wanted to go. All our names were dropped in a hat. Now, I had never even won a 50/50 drawing or any lottery of any kind, so I knew my chances were slim. But, low and behold, my name was the first to be drawn from the hat. A very nice lady with whom I work was the 2nd to be drawn. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to San Francisco! The trip was scheduled for March of 2002. I had 4 months to plan how I was going to get my things out to San Francisco.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 39 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
You see, I am married, and my wife does not know that Tonya (aside from Halloween) exists. I hatched a plan to send my makeup and some clothes and shoes and a couple wigs out to the hotel, so that it would be there when I arrived, which is what I did. I figured I would have to buy some items out there, and heard that San Francisco was a great shopping town anyway. I was staying in the heart of downtown, at the Westin St. Francis, in Union Square. The conference was also at the same hotel. I was so excited that I even bought some nice lingerie to sleep in, as I could finally let Tonya be Tonya for an extended period of time.
I got on line right away and started to chat with other girls in the San Francisco area and found a nice group of people who I got to know on-line and were waiting for me to arrive in March. I scoped out the nightlife on line and knew the places I wanted to go visit as Tonya. When I got to the hotel, my package from home was handed to me and I was on my way. I made a phone call to a girl named Michelle who I had met on-line, and let her know I had arrived in town. She said that her and a bunch of girls were going to a club called Diva’s that night, and she would pick me up at the hotel. I gave her my room number and then headed out, in boy mode, to pick up the remainder of the items I needed. I needed some new lipstick and of course a nice perfume to wear and some hair clips and hairspray and stuff like that. I hurried back to my room about 6 pm and began to get ready for my big night out. I showered, shaved fully, even my arms! I was so excited I could barely keep myself from shaking as I applied eyeliner and all the rest of my makeup. I really took my time, as I did not want to look like a crossdresser, but rather, a normal girl on her way out for a nice night. My makeup looked very classy and nice, and as I put on the new blonde wig I had purchased just for this occasion, my look suddenly came together.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 40 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
I pulled on some black pantyhose and my black leather, knee length skirt, and the very tasteful plum and purple top, which I had bought for the trip as well. The dark colors against the blonde wig looked really cute. Finally, I pulled on my Chinese Laundry, knee high boots and put on the silver jewelry and the look was complete. Tonya was ready to face the world, ( or at least Northern California!) for the first time. I put on a long length, button up sweater coat I had purchased in town, and put my ID and some cash into the purse I had also just purchased and I was ready to go. I was just waiting for Michelle to come to my room. Suddenly, right at 8:30, the phone rang. It was Michelle, and she was in her car, down the street, at the corner. She explained that parking was going to be impossible and that I should come down to meet her! “Oh my God” I thought, I have to walk out of my room, go to the elevator and out through the lobby of this huge hotel, ALONE!!
But, I didn’t have time to ponder, she was in a no parking zone and I needed to hurry. I grabbed my purse and peeked out my door….the coast was clear…I hurried to the elevator. The door opened, and to my surprise, the thing was empty! I hopped in and pushed the “Lobby” button. Down I went, and to my surprise, didn’t stop at another floor, even though I was on the top level of the hotel. The elevator hit the lobby level and the door opened. There were about 5 people waiting to get on. My throat became dry and I started to shake a bit. They knew I was a guy, they would certainly laugh. Then, they parted so I could get through, just like you would for anyone. I looked at their faces, and to my surprise, I got no strange looks! They just smiled, or did nothing and let me go past. One thing I have learned is that I am my own worst critic. No matter how good I think I look there is always a part of me that thinks the whole world is going to point and laugh. Well, I got past the elevator people and had the whole lobby to navigate. Trying to remember my femme walk and to keep my shoulders back, but relaxed and to take smaller steps, I began my journey through the crowded lobby, to the large front doors of this gorgeous hotel. To my amazement, I got no weird looks or laughter. I calmly walked to the front door, where the doorman kindly opened the door for me and said, “have a nice night ma’am” I smiled and said “thanks” and continued.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 41 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
OK, I, navigated the hotel, now it was time for the street. Holding my purse close with one hand, and the other in the pocket of my sweater coat, I began to walk down the street as calmly and womanly as I could, to the corner where Michelle said she was parked. I realized that walking in heels on concrete is much different than walking in them on a carpet in a hotel room, but it was fun, and Tonya was in her glory. As I got to the corner, I did not see the car she had described, and the light was red. Crap! I had to wait for the light to change with about 20 people all clustered around me. Again, no one looked or stared, or seemed to care. Suddenly, I felt this feeling of calm come over me. “This is my kinda town” I thought. As the light changed and I followed the crowd of people across the street, I suddenly heard a voice calling out “Tonya!!” and there was Michelle at the other corner, waiting for me. She was just as her picture looked.
She was very cute, and had told me she had been living en femme for a few years now. I jumped in her car and met another friend, Kim and we were on our way to Diva’s. We parked on the street nearby, and walked into the entrance of the club. It was a T-girl hangout, so I knew I would be safe there. We paid our fee to get in, and a really nice looking Asian transgendered girl commented on how much she liked my boots, I thanked her, made some small talk and headed to the bar, as Tonya, really needed a drink! I ordered my rum and coke and the group of us headed to the dance floor on the first level of the club. It wasn’t crowded so it was a good time to try out dancing in heels! It was fun, but took some practice to be convincing as a woman. There was a mirror all around the floor, so I could watch myself, and it really helped. The dim light really made us all look pretty, and we just looked like a bunch of girlfriends on the dance floor. I finally saw what I must look like to the rest of the world. And to my surprise, I was not horrified. We all danced a few songs and then they wanted to show me the rest of the club. The 2nd level had a fireplace with several couches around it, a pool table and another bar. I ordered another drink and sat down on the couch with Michelle and the other girls. It was here that I met Melinda, who, I would end up hanging out with the rest of my time and having a really nice conversation with. We ended up shooting some pool, great fun in heels and long nails by the way. It was a fun night, with many girls stopping by to see me and wanting to meet “Jersey Girl” who was in town.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 42 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
Melinda and I continued to talk about my situation and she shared her story with me as well. After many drinks and long talks, we decided it was time to get me home to my hotel. She offered to give me a ride home and Michelle knew I was in safe hands so I said goodbye to her. We would meet again in a few nights anyway at the “Tranny Shack”. Melinda and I went to the coat check and got our coats and waited for a few of her friends to come out. That is when, I experienced being “hit on” for the first time in public, as Tonya. Two Mexican men were waiting in the club lobby and started to tell Melinda and I how beautiful we were and that they would like to take us out for drinks and then take us home. I have to say, I was not attracted or interested in that at all, but I was flattered! We kindly told them we had to get up early or something, which was not entirely a lie, and said goodnight to them. They seemed disappointed, but were very polite and let us through. Melinda’s car was a few blocks away, so we had to hike up a hilly street, in our heels, to her car. My feet were really starting to ache at this point, even thought I considered the boots I was wearing to be pretty comfortable. We were greeted by some whistles from passersby, but other than that, we walked through the crowds to her car.
She gave me a ride to the front door of the hotel lobby, which was now deserted, and I walked through with a large sense of accomplishment and pride, that I had pulled off my first night with no incidents. I walked by the night clerk, who said, “Good night, Miss” and I smiled and waved and said “good night” in the most feminine voice I could muster. I would meet Melinda the following night at her house. She and I dressed up again, and went to a martini bar, where there were several more girls in her circle of friends waiting. Including a girl named Mikala, who oddly, was profiled on the Discovery Health Channel one night, for her transition from male to female.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 43 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
Of course I wanted to shout out that I knew her, but had to bite my tongue! We talked and drank all night, and even ran into a group of genetic girls who were most interested in hearing why we do what we do. My last night in the City was my “Big Night” out. A night where outrageous clothes were not only OK, but encouraged! It was the Tuesday night show at the Tranny Shack. Michelle met me at my hotel after my work conference had ended for the day. She suggested, since it was early, that we dress, do some shopping and then have dinner before getting ready to go out.
I had a nice long black skirt and black pumps with a nice blouse to wear, and thought I would fit in with the business crowd with that, so I happily said “Yes”. We spent the afternoon at Macy’s, and several other stores. We tried to have dinner at a place called “Asia?” (I think that is the name) where the waitresses are all CD’s or Transgender girls, and the food is great. However, they were fully booked and we could not get in, so we settled on a quiet little diner where we could talk. I was amazed of the lack of attention we brought to ourselves. Michelle explained the very accepting atmosphere of San Francisco and that they are so used to seeing girls like us, it doesn’t really effect anyone anymore. We ate and headed back to the room to change. I had a black pleated miniskirt, tan thigh highs, a red tank top and sheer black blouse picked out for the night, along with some very strappy, red, leg wrap type sandals with a clear heel and low (1/2 “ ) platform. I glammed up my makeup a little from the afternoon version, with some pretty, dark red lipstick, and some highlighter on my cheeks and browbones, and gave myself a shot of perfume, added a few bangles and rings and was ready to go. Michelle went in a leather skirt and boots and nice blouse. Again, we had to leave the hotel, but this time, we looked way more “over the top”. The elevator was empty though, and we got off the elevator, went out a side entrance and hailed a cab, with no one really giving us a second look. I have to say, I felt really pretty, and actually sexy!
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 44 My First Time Out … Continued By Tonya Smith
The mid-thigh skirt and nice tan legs and red strappy heels really was a great combination and showed off what I always thought was my best asset, my legs. We got to the Tranny Shack and went in and it was packed with all kinds of girls. genetic girls, lesbians, straight girls, straight and gay guys and lots and lots of CD’s and Transgender girls and all the girls I had met a few nites before, including Melinda and Mikala. This was the best! There was a funny tranny show up on the stage, and lots of dancing. I met a nice lesbian couple who I danced with most of the night. I have to say that after 3 days in heels, my feet were killing me, but I didn’t care. I had all the time in the world to recover.
After a long night of partying, sadly it was time to go. Michelle drove me to my hotel. She and I hugged, and said goodnight. I couldn’t believe what a great time I had had all week. The next day, I was so sad, that I actually cried as I packed. I knew that Tonya’s time to herself had come to an end and I had to return home. From that time on, I knew that I would not be afraid to go out as Tonya once I returned to Philadelphia. I have been out many times to stores, since that time. Getting out at night is tough as I have a family, they still do not know of my other life as Tonya. If you decide to go out en femme, please do yourself a favor, and do not go alone the first time. Take a another CD with you, or another guy or woman if you wish. It makes it so much more fun, and much less stressful. Plus it gives you someone to make eye contact with besides the people you will be passing on the street or in stores. Most of all, be confident and act like you know exactly what you are doing, even if you don’t think you look your best, or think you are passable. After all, what do you care what a stranger thinks? Salespeople in stores care even less, they just want your money, and they don’t care that you are a crossdresser or transgendered person. You will never see them again anyway. And most of all, if you get the chance to visit a liberal city like San Francisco, please go, you will LOVE it. Contact me and I can help you find some contacts out there to show you around that great city
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 45 Coming Out To My Sister (a true story) By Abby
I had been debating this internally for months. My sister is my only sibling and had known about my femme desires when I was a very young boy (not thereafter). We had often put on lipstick together with her friends (she's almost three years older than I) and other makeup as well. In addition, she was there when, one Halloween eve when I was about 7 or 8, my mother answered my question about what I should wear to the upcoming party with, "What about your blue dress?" (of course, I had no such dress nor, to my knowledge, did my mother know about my crossdressing).
Thus, my sister was in the position to remember these events and might also shed some light on what my parents knew about my dressing. On the other hand, my wife was adamantly opposed. She distrusted my sister's being able to keep this a secret and cautioned me against it. I knew that my wife is always opposed when it comes to liberating Abby and I also knew that my sister loved me and was very open-minded. I was in the midst of doing many things as Abby and longed for the love and support of somebody important to me in my real life. Yet, I knew there were risks.
I asked my sister to come to my office (as opposed to doing this in a public place), told her that she knew things about my childhood that might be very helpful to me and ordered in lunch. I left us plenty of time. First, I asked her about what was happening in her life and there were plenty of issues. Letting my sister unburden was not unusual for us because I have always been helpful to my sister and like being supportive to her. It has always been very rare (if it ever happened) that I required her support. Psychologically, I was going to shift that equation markedly very soon.
I started by telling her that she was the only person who could help me understand some very important issues from my childhood and that I had something very important to share with her that I had kept secret all my life. She immediately interrupted and said, "Let me guess." She wondered if I had been molested as a child by either of our parents and I answered that she was way off. She then denied that anything like that had happened to her. She pondered for awhile and then looked at me quizzically and asked, " Are you gay?" I answered, "No, but you're a lot closer." Again, a pregnant pause.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 46 Coming Out To My Sister (a true story) … Continued By Abby
Finally, she said,
"Do you want to be a woman?" I responded, "Sort of. I'm transgendered and always have been." I proceeded to tell her all about my secret life since earliest childhood (for those interested in more, please consult my website: abbys-heavenly-haven.com). Disappointingly, she couldn't recall anything at all about those times we put on makeup, didn't know at all if my parents knew anything and said they never discussed it with her. She told me repeatedly that she loved me, hugged and kissed me and told me she would even love me as a sister if that's where I was heading. She said she'd be happy to go out with me when I was Abby and would come to Balls and events whenever she could. She was curious to meet my Tgirlfriends and thought it would be fun. I was so happy, I had tears in my eyes. It was all I could ever had hoped for. Finally, I turned to her and said "What is this going to mean for our relationship? After all, I've always been your support. I've always been your rock. What will I be now to you?" Again, a pregnant pause and, then simultaneously we both said, " A rockette!"
Love, Abby
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 47 PinkEssence, a TG group for all TG's who want to come out and find friends. - By Leigh Smythe, a Minnesota TG
I would like to acquaint you all with a group that is growing and building, mainly, in the United States, but may go further. My friend, Chloe Prince has had some success building a social organization of TGs that go out to public places like theaters, plays, large malls, and other locations for the purpose of socializing together, building friendships and having fun. The starter group has been in Ohio, but Chloe has started to set up chapters all over the country and Canada, and Mexico. This group is called PinkEssence.
You can connect with the national group by going to PinkEssence. com
England has had more liberated attitudes for quite some time now, but in the United States, our experience is mixed. Some states are doing well at protecting the rights of TG and Intersexed people, whereas, some are not.
Very recent cases like that of Julie Nemecek, a Michigan Professor at Spring Arbor College, and Susan Stanton, the city manager of Largo, Florida, are leading the way to making the public aware of Transgender issues. Nemecek and her wife are readjusting their lives to continue this by meeting with State legislators, and, in May, participating in a DC rally and congressional briefings. Stanton has lost his fight for his job as city administrator in a hearing with the city counsel on the 23rd of March, but is considering a lawsuit to redress his wrongful termination. Hundreds showed up and many register to testify and most testified into 1 AM on his behalf. With only a few dissenters, the Same 5 council members voted to start termination proceedings, showing that the process of listening to any realistic assessments of his situation was a sham all along.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 48 PinkEssence … Continued - By Leigh Smythe, a Minnesota TG
Although the Stanto case is blatantly clear to be discrimination, its is questionable that a favorable outcome may be obtained. The only district federal court that has been supportive of title 7 cases is up north and there is no precedent in her federal district. We can only hope that a firing this clearly discriminatory will set one.
I would assert that our "time" is coming. With upstanding people like these two, leading the headlines, PinkEssence is trying to bring transgendered out of the closets, and away from the traditional "safe" GLBT clubs, to places where the general public is. The goal is to provide a solid friendship network and throw out our fears and join the general population. We are important in our own right and should not be relegated to just GLBT places or our traditional hiding places.
Chloe has been working this effort for a while and has gotten a very strong camaraderie. The January Girl's Night Out had over 60 people and a live band. Recently, over 50 people attended a GNO in Akron, OH. Chapters in other states are recruiting girls and will be setting up GNO's in their areas soon.
I am the Social coordinator of the Minnesota Chapter. I am looking to find Transgendered in Minnesota who might like to join us. We are using the yahoo groups just as a means to communicate our nights out and the notes and messages and pictures of our get togethers
If there are any Minnesota girls here, who may want to join us, please check out the link below. The link to the Minnesota group is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PinkEssence_MN/
If any of you have an interest in looking into a group in your state, or learning about this organization, check out this link: http://www.PinkEssence.com
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 49 PinkEssence … Continued - By Leigh Smythe, a Minnesota TG
Our Founder, Chloe Prince has stated:
"The #1 Goal of PinkEssence is to condition and educate the general population of the Transgender community via our presence out in the general public! Everything else is a side effect… i.e.: having fun, GNO,s people coming out of the closest.. etc etc."
Additional goals of the group are:
a). We want to get out to places that are nice and ideal for talking and getting to know each other, like restaurants for dinner, then to clubs or other places for fun and friendship. We are not looking for GLBT only types of places. We are looking for places that the "normal" population attends. We're not about challenge, but not about hiding either! We are just people who want to each, enjoy each others company, build friendships, and do it anywhere that seems compatible to those ideas. b). We want to help and pave the way for those sisters of us that have not been comfortable with presenting in a general population. The only way to do that is to accompany them. There is safety in numbers. Comfort in numbers. Nerves can be overcome when we can walk in together and reinforce our bravery!
In the Minnesota group, we have almost 80 members. We are growing and looking forward to getting out for nights of fun and friendship. We will get together at least monthly from now on.
I believe this organization will grow and add to our Transgender experiences. I hope anyone who wishes to find friends among other TGs and get out to have some fun just like everyone else can, will look into the PinkEssence groups.
Your TG friend,
Leigh Smythe Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 50 Unforgettable Faces (Contouring and Blush) by Carol Deanna
Contouring and Blush
Hey girls……thank you for all the mails its been a great response and I am so glad I could help you out with some of these tricks and tips. This month we are going to go over 3 steps and pull the basics of creating the flawless face. So far we have covered skin care, foundation and beard cover. This month we are going to focus on contouring and blush.
What is contouring and why should I use it……it sounds hard? Believe it or not contouring can make all the difference in the world and really soften and feminize the face. The reasoning behind this is our eyes are like cameras and focus on light and dark. If we apply a slightly darker shade to different areas our eyes perceive a different shape thru creating an illusion of a softer more feminine shaped face. This is a trick a number of make up artist and lighting experts have used in film and tv giving an actor a more rugged look or softening the leading lady. This step does take some practice to achieve but is well worth the effort, and please don’t expect to get it right on the very first time
To start with you will need a shade of color 2 darker then your skin or foundation tone, eye shadow or body blush work great for this. The first are you want to shade is the temple directly beside the eye towards the top of the ear. Apply a liberal amount of powder and blend out in circular motion. Having a darker center and progressing lighter about 1 to ½ inches out. This will give the illusion of a narrower temple area . For the second area we want to go directly under the cheekbone and shade back towards the ear in an upward motion. You don’t want to use a lot of powder or go that far down as it will deform the face. Use a good angular brush to help achieve this look. The reason behind this is to create an illusion of a higher cheek bone and to round out the face a bit. The third step is to soften the jawbone by shading down the jaw line and sweeping it under the chin. For this step you do not want to use a lot of powder just a small amount as you do not want to heavily define the jaw line ……remember soft and feminine.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 51 Unforgettable Faces (Contouring and Blush) … Continued by Carol Deanna
There are a few other areas you can shade and I do recommend you practice with the first three before attempting these other areas. You can shade the chin, the sides of the nose, under the chin to hide any excess flesh as males do tend to have more down there. Remember every girl is different and every make up is a piece of art, so some might like doing this others might not again as I always default back to our first rule. In make up there are no rules !!!!
Great product to use are light brown eye shadows from MAC, Haut Appeal, or Make up Forever, they have great pigment and blending capabilities and should last most of the night with little or no touch up.
Alright we are on to blush a very simple step but can go oh so wrong if you are not careful. First thing you want to do is chose between a cream or powder blush. Cream blush is a great product and used before you POWDER the face. The pigment is rich and needs to be applied in smaller amount to reach the desired level of intensity. Once applied it is next to impossible to remove so if you put to much on you are starting over. This type of blush is best applied with your fingers as you have more control and brushes just do not apply it that well.
Powder blush is by far the most common but does tend to fade thru out the night and might need to be reapplied several times during the day or night. It’s best to start with powder before tackling the cream blush. The general application is by making a great smile and applying it to the apple of the cheek and blending it out in circular motion. The general rule of thumb …. Not to close to the eyes, not to close to the nose, and not to close to the ears. Unless you are going for that famous 80 racing strip look. Other then that the sky’s the limit let your imagination run wild. Next month we will cover brushes and what they are used for , Mineral Make Up what is and why should I use it? As well I would like to have some girls write in and ask any question you might have or if you are having a problem maybe I can help.
Until next time girls remember to practice and you can email me directly at [email protected] or on yahoo add me jyslincdr.
Best Wishes Carol Deanna www.weaveofdreams.com Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 52 http://www.genderevolve.com The following is a publication found on GenderEvolve. My thanks to Michele Angelique for her permission to use valuable TG information found on GenderEvolve!
Signs By Brianna Austin
Not a day went by that in the last five years that I didn’t recognize and evaluate my life as a TG. My most profound insights came from getting out and intermingling with all types of people, gay, straight, trans, and tourists – they deserve a category of their own, don’t they? Gaining clarity is not solely from how people interact with us, but rather how we interact with them - in our varying degrees of presentation. Did I act or feel different with people depending on whether I presented myself as male or female? The observations aided me in learning about “who I am,” as a person in general, and as a transgender person in particular .
Most of us seem to have begun the gender discovery journey down the same path. Along the way we rejoice that first day when we realize that there are others in the world just like us: we're not alone! Yet in large numbers it becomes more apparent that "they" are sometimes “not the same as me.” Like most things in life there are varieties to everything, even transgender people. So while we as trans-people can can barely comprehend ourselves as a group, the mainstream is totally lost when looking at the many branches of the gender tree. So, how can one know who they are or where they fit on that tree? First, it is important to understand that you don't have to "be" any certain way, or fit into any certain space. Unfortunately, most people, both in and outside the community get lost if the box that we supposedly belong to isn't outlined in chalk. My own journey has taken me from one end of the gender spectrum to the other, in and out of various boxes, and for me, although the discovery part of the journey was difficult, the knowing part was harder.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 53 Signs … continued By Brianna Austin
What I mean by that is that once you find the answers to the questions you seek, there is no more exploration needed; only for you to make a decision on how to live the rest of your life, based upon that which you have come to know. If the gender journey was a highway we would all recognize many of the stops; “fetish lane,” “Cross Dresser Ave.” “Gender Fluid Parkway,” and Transsexual Road.” And although I got off at the last exit, the gender journey isn’t really a roadway at all; it’s a maze, that when you first enter doesn’t appear to have any clear directional signs.
But when you look at the obvious from a slightly tilted perspective, you begin to see things you walked right past at an earlier time. You may be able to make some distinctions based upon what you like to do, but that doesn’t necessarily represent who you are. Discovering who you are is a deeper journey, one that you may or many not want to make. Discovering who you “are” is complicated by the fact that the lines are blurred and at the same time you are often trying to untangle your sexual orientation as well. “Am I a straight man that likes to cross dress, a gay man in denial, a lesbian, or am I attracted to men because I’m a straight woman”? There are as many combinations as there is imagination, and the deeper you go the more complicated it becomes. So, one might ask, “How do I find my way”?
Since we emulate -- or in some cases feel we are – woman, we should follow their example. When they find themselves in an unfamiliar place they simply stop, ask directions, and then follow the posted signs. Throughout the maze there are many people to talk to, and signs to follow. But, like any one taking a survey can attest to, the answers you get are only as good as the questions you ask.
Some people aren’t really looking for the truth, but they are looking instead to validate the fantasy they’re chasing. If you are not open to the truth of who you are and not willing to go where ever that path leads, then odds are you won’t see any of the signs along the way. But, if you are open, then there are signs everywhere. No doubt some of you have had, or thought about having, sex with men. Of those that do, many will state that they only enjoy men “as a woman,” therefore they are straight. Sometimes people can get so caught up in the label being “straight,” or “gay” that they miss the substance and significance of what any of it means. If you are engaging in sexual activity then you should be asking yourself what it is that you’re enjoying about it. Are you trying to “feel” more female by emulating what woman do? Are you enjoying the sexual act – detached from the role it represents? Have you engaged in sexual activity with a woman when you were emulating one? And if not, why? And if so, then why do you need or want to have sex with men? Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 54 Signs … continued By Brianna Austin
Other thoughts would include analyzing your attraction to woman. Do you want to be with them in a lustful way, or do they simply catch your eye and make you feel fuzzy inside because you appreciate and want to be them? Surprisingly, differentiating between the two is not as easy as it sounds. When you are in a relationship with a woman, do you find yourself critiquing her? Always checking out her clothes, her movements, or her physical attributes: face, lips, legs, rear or shoulders? Perhaps you are living vicariously through her, because in some way she is who you believe you are (as a woman) or want to be.
These are questions that can last for years, and require repeated investigation to find an answer. What was true yesterday may have changed with time and experience. Many times getting to the core of your sexual orientation can actually help you determine your gender identity. When you concentrate your mind on one thing, often clarity can suddenly appear for another. When you finally do get all the answers about yourself, then you will be faced with the hardest part, “What do I do about it?
As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 55 TG-Friendly Places To Go Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl, but want to go to a TG-friendly place. Here are some suggestions offered by our members. We take no responsibility regarding the places listed, but they are or have been known to be accepting of TGirls. This is in process with places to be listed in future editions. If you know of places in the U.S. that are TG-friendly, please let me know at [email protected] Thanks!
State Name Address Phone Website/Comments CT The Polo Club 678 Maple Ave. - 860-278-333 Hartford
CT Chez Est 458 Wethersfield 860-525-3243 Ave. - Hartford
CT Triangles Cafe 66 Sugar Hollow 203-798-6996 http://www.triangles Rd. - Danbury cafe.com
MA Friend’s Landing 85 Water St. - 978-374-9400 http://www.friends- Haverhill landing.com
MA Jacques 79 Broadway St. - 617-426-8902 http://www.jacquesc Boston abaret.com
MA Manray 21 Brookline St. - 617-964-0400 http://www.manrayc Cambridge lub.com
NH Amanda Thomas 135 State Route 603-595-9447 http://www.amandat Boutique 101A, Carriage homasboutique.com Depot Plaza, Amherst OH Designs by Victoria 5712 Detroit Ave. - 216-961-7324 Clothing store and Cleveland hosts TG parties
OH Somewhere Else 1312 S. Highland 614-443-4300 Hosts Miss TGirl St. - Columbus Ohio contest
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 56 Transgendered Conferences and Getaways Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl and be part of the community. Here is a listing of some of the conferences and getaways available that are designed for TGirls! We take no responsibility regarding the places listed, but they are or have been known to be designed for and accepting of TGirls.
This is in process with more conferences to be listed in future editions. If you know of conferences/getaways that are TG- friendly, please let me know at [email protected] Thanks!
Date Name Location Website 1/17/07 First Event Burlington, MA http://www.tcne.org/FE2007.html
1/27/07 TGSF Cotillion/Annual San Francisco, http://www.tgsf.org/events/cotillio Debutante Ball CA n.html
2/22/07 Colorado Gold Rush Denver, CO http://www.gicofcolo.org/cgr/
4/11/07 Transgender 2007 Philadelphia, PA http:://www.transeventsusa.org/ifg e/index.shtml
4/19/07 California Dreamin San Jose, CA http://www.california-dreamin.org/
4/23/07 Diva Las Vegas Las Vegas, NV http://www.geekbabe.com/dlv/
4/25/07 Eureka En-Femme Eureka Springs, http://www.femmegetaway.com/in Getaway AK dex.html
5/13/07 Esprit Port Angeles, http://www.espritconf.com/index.p WA hp
5/29/07 Be-All Chicago, IL http://www.be-all.org/
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 57 Transgendered Conferences and Getaways … continued Ok, you’re a TGirl and you want to go out as a girl and be part of the community. Here is a listing of some of the conferences and getaways available that are designed for TGirls! We take no responsibility regarding the places listed, but they are or have been known to be designed for and accepting of TGirls.
This is in process with more conferences to be listed in future editions. If you know of conferences/getaways that are TG- friendly, please let me know at [email protected] Thanks!
Date Name Location Website 6/22/07 Sparkle Manchester, UK http://www.sparkle.org.uk/sparkle_ 2007.htm
9/11/07 Southern Comfort Atlanta. GA http://www.sccatl.org/ Conference
October Defying Gravity Louisville, KY http://www.transfamilydefyinggrav Conference ity.net/programming.htm
October Fantasia Fair Provincetown, http://www.fantasiafair.org/home/i MA ndex.htm
October GLBTIQ Conference Worcester, MA http://www.transcendingboundarie s.org/
November Tri Ess Holiday En- Varies http://www.geocities.com/tri_ess_n Femme e/
November Lake Erie Gala Erie, PA http://www.eriesisters.org/
November Fall Harvest Omaha, NE http://www.fallharvest.net/
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 58 Upcoming TG Events
http://www. masquerade.ca/
Located in "Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada", we are a Social Club for Crossdressers, the Transgendered, and their Wives/Girlfriends! Where... - BOYS have FUN being GIRLS!! -
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 59 Upcoming TG Events
http://www.trans-mission.org
The owners of the Masque Bar Barbican, are in dispute with their landlords and until this is resolved they are unable to open the premises. We found this out at 4pm on Saturday 3 March, just 5 hours before we were due to open for our March party.
As a result we have had to abandon our March party and all future Trans-MISSION events are SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE until the situation has been rectified - whether at the existing venue or possibly at a new one, as our faith in the existing Masque Bar management has been sorely tested.
We apologize unreservedly for this. Whilst the problems which have occurred are beyond our control, we do feel responsible for those of you who support and patronize our parties and assure you that we are doing everything we can to rectify the situation. Please bare with us and stay tuned to Trans-MISSION for the latest updates.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 60 Upcoming TG Events
http://www.femmefever.com April 12, 2007
April 12: 8pm - 12am FemmeFever Party! Private Party; CD's, TG's, TS's, S/O's & Admirers. NOT open to the public - very discreet and safe! Great People, Bar Service, Full Hot Buffet, Dancing, Contests, DJ, Prizes, etc. Always GREAT turnout! Pre-party reduced makeovers by appointment. Come drab/dressed/change there 7pm on. Always a FUN, Friendly, Discreet, well attended PARTY! @ Characters Private Party Room: 419 Great East Neck Road - West Babylon front & rear parking w own entrances to our private party room. (in case you get lost only 631-661-3234 ). Bar next door LOVES us - as well - Very friendly location! For Party Information or to RSVP: EMAIL [email protected] or Call: 516-520-0380. Join us, we always have a great time! $25 pay there. Directions/hotels w your rsvp. No theme this month - wear what you like!
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 61 Advertisements and Opportunities Want to advertise your TG-friendly store, service, club, group, or your own personal items here? There is NO charge for this … just email the editor [email protected] .
http://Glamourboutique.com http://Glamourboutiquewest.com
The Glamour Boutique is a terrific TG store. The original retail location is in Auburn, MA and now has a Las Vegas retail locations! You can also order online. Can’t say enough about this lovely store! A discount is available to Pretty TGirls members and to visitors of my personal website!
http://Crazy4clipons.com
Crazy 4 Clipons is a terrific online place to discreetly buy clip on earrings at a very reasonable price. They have a large variety to choose from and love to have TG customers! A discount is available to Pretty TGirls members and to visitors of my personal website!
http://www.FemmeFever.com
FemmeFever : Karen has developed a wonderful site and TG resource! Along with coordinating many TG events in the lower NY area, she has a store full of shopping opportunities online.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 62 Advertisements and Opportunities Want to advertise your TG-friendly store, service, club, group, or your own personal items here? There is NO charge for this … just email the editor [email protected] .
Austin’s Angels … by Jamie Austin
I can’t say enough really terrific things about Jamie. Simply put, he works wonders. Careful though, he has done such a wonderful job that several girls have seen how wonderfully beautiful they can be that they have become full time girls! Jamie offers several different makeover packages … well worth every penny girls ! http://www.austinsangels.com
http://www. countessascloset.com
This is a fabulous place for GG’s and TGirls alike. Countessa is a GG, former model, and a terrific supporter of the Transgendered Community ! There is an online store and a physical location in Studio City, California. More to follow about this great Lady and her offerings.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 63 Advertisements and Opportunities Want to advertise your TG-friendly store, service, club, group, or your own personal items here? There is NO charge for this … just email the editor [email protected] .
http://www.weaveofdreams.com Weave of Dreams is a terrific is a very new online TG store carrying many items for us Tgirls.It is run by Carol Deanna. It is worth the visit !
AngelWings Designs by Mary Beth You really should checkout Mary Beth’s products. She hand sews everything and has lovely lingerie items and dresses, plus she is a doll and very supportive of us TGirls !
http://www.angelwingsdesigns.com
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 64 Advertisements and Opportunities Want to advertise your TG-friendly store, service, club, group, or your own personal items here? There is NO charge for this … just email the editor [email protected] .
http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/hide.sleek/hs_menu.htm
Hide and Sleek is a wonderful online shop with 2 physical store locations in Scotland as well. Owned and run by Loraine (a gg) and also sponsors the Miss TV Scotland pageant every year.
Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 65 Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 66 Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 67 Pretty TGirls Magazine - April 2007 page 68