Band Releases New Record at Crazy Dance Party
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
BREHDREN times a closer look into the brehdren universe volume 1 - june 2, 2018 Band Releases New Record at Crazy Dance Party Mysterious recluse finally reveals name after being crowned dance king Local nine-piece ska outfit Brehdren released its latest record “Classifieds” at a dance competition at the Railway Stage & Beer Café on June 2. But what started as a simple album release and celebration of dance, spun sideways when a mysterious recluse won the competition and finally revealed his identity. Long known to locals only as the “Man with the Crazy Suits,” this mysterious gentleman stumbled through the doors of the Railway and on to the dance floor just as Brehdren hit the stage. People immediately marveled at the “My name is Benneth Kenjamin Bones.“ crazily-clothed man’s moves as he snaked his Kenjamin Bones. Thank you.” The room way around competitors to take the ultimate erupted with applause while Mr. Moil placed prize of the evening: the Double Rainbow a crown upon Mr. Bones’ head and a ribbon Award of Dance. around his neck. Mr. Bones then stepped off the stage, danced, and disappeared into the Brehdren lead singer Scott E. Moil presented crowd. No one saw him again that evening. the award to the colorfully-clad individual during their set, which included all five songs However, while having a drink after the event from their new record, The Classifieds. The I noticed a book sitting alone on the bar that COMING SEPTEMBER 2, 2018 man shyly walked to the front of the room to read “The Life and Times of Benny K. Bones”. Celebrating the release of Space Case III, we are bringing accept his accolades. As soon as he stepped On the book was a note: “This book is for the Space Case fans together from around the world. onto the stage Mr. Moil asked for the winner’s world: read and enjoy”. I quickly thumbed Event includes filming location tours, cast Q&A, photo & name and gave him the microphone! through the pages and marveled at the stories. autograph sessions, kraken rides & more! Stay tuned as we plan to issue pages from To everyone’s surprise the man cleared Benny’s book online at www.brehdren.com his throat and said “My name is Benneth Local Weather What’s Inside? Classified ................................C3 18°C11°C Local News ..............................B2 Comics ....................................C3 P: 40% Lyrics ......................................D4 Swimming, canoeing, hiking, arts & crafts, W: 8 km/h Bread Recipe ...........................B2 H: 74% late-night camp-outs and more! Crossword ...............................C3 It’s always grey in Vancouver. Seriously, why is there even a Come for the fun, stay for the friends! space dedicated to the weather. It’s always raining. It’s a grey, Weather ...................................A1 grey, day so let’s play, play, play and paint this grey city red today. ALL ATTENDEES WILL BE REQUIRED TO SIGN A WAIVER OF LIABILITY. CHILDREN HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DISAPPEAR UNEXPLAINABLY. Read more stories, watch videos and learn all about the band at brehdren.com! NEWS YOU CAN USE a closer look into the brehdren universe volume 1 - june 2, 2018 Witnesses Claim To See Spirit Rise From Body Got Brehd? Of Murdered Girl New Bakery Proves Popular Among Locals “I never would have believed it “She was the one… I know it,” said not worthy yet, but someday I will A new bakery has rolled into town if I didn’t see it for myself,” said Bobby slowly through his tears. be. I can’t wait to see her.” thanks to carb-enthusiast Anita Cup. Cynthia Wild, who claims she saw “We were perfect for each other. We will update this story Opened earlier this year, “Got Brehd?” a spirit-like apparition rise out of I know some people may think whenever new information was named after her favourite local the body of a murdered girl. it’s not possible to fall in love this becomes available. ska band, Brehdren, who played this quickly, but we did. I can’t believe “A boy was holding her, crying, year’s dance competition (see story this happened. I am forever when this glowing thing came page 1). changed after meeting Julia.” out of her body and rose up to the “I love ska and have named many sky,” continued Mrs. Wild. “I don’t While collecting statements from special loaves after my favourite know exactly what it was, but I witnesses, police received several Vancouver ska bands: the Brass Action know I saw it.” comments about a glow coming Baguette, the Los Furios Lavash, the from Julia’s body and moving The girl, known only as Julia Bone Daddies Brioche, and a lot more,” skyward. No physical evidence (police have refused to provide said Anita. “But my absolute favourite has been gathered to corroborate a last name at this time), was Vancouver ska band is Brehdren, so I these claims. The assailant is still stabbed while on a first date with named the whole shop after them.” at large. a boy named Bobby. The two Sales have been on the rise over the met online, chatting for several “I believe she was the ‘right past few months and Anita is fighting months before finally deciding to height’ to move on to the next to keep up with demand. The local ska meet in person. They went out for world,” said Bobby. “For the rest community has been spreading the dinner then walked around town, of my life I will work to reach that word, which has definitely helped. talking for several hours. height so I can meet her again. I’m Staff artist’s rendering of the event. “It’s a real honor to be the namesake “The brothers have been stealing “The brothers claimed to have for one of the best bakeries in town,” Out-Of-Town from people all across Canada,” established their company in said Brehdren lead singer Scott E. Movers Are Jerks said Constable November. “They 1980, but I’m not sure I believe Moil. “Anita is a real gem. I’m always would take the property and sell that anymore,” said Stephen excited to see what she’s going to bake Hiring a moving company is it to local pawn shops. Probably Hastings, Maureen’s husband. up next.” never easy, but you definitely “They appear to be con artists— don’t expect the owners of the plain and simple. Thankfully “My big goal is to find a way to bring company to be arrested right the owners of the new house we my love of music and bread together in the middle of your move. For are renting were able to help us in some sort of ‘Breadfest’,” said Anita. the Hastings family that’s exactly finish the moving job and we are “I’ve been in talks with Brehdren and what happened. still unpacking as we speak.” we may do something special next Daniel Fivendime year. We’ll see.” “The Dan brothers recently The Dan brothers will appear in moved in just down the street court for their arraignment next Anita has been nice enough to share from us. I thought we could Monday. a special bread recipe with our trust them. I was wrong,” said publication. Maureen Hastings, who hired the See inset. Dans Haul Crates company for her family’s recent move. Danthony Fivendime Daniel and Danthony Fivendime looking to raise enough money were arrested last week halfway to retire on an island, sipping between the Hastings old house sangria all day long.” and their new one. Pulled over Thankfully the brothers were by Constable Todd November, arrested before they could the “Dan Brothers”, as they call steal from the Hastings family. themselves, were wanted on Unfortunately, the family was warrants from several provinces stuck mid-move with a lot of for stealing property from their work left to do. customers. THE CLASSIFIEDS a closer look into the brehdren universe volume 1 - june 2, 2018 Nine-piece Ska Band 4 Rent Dancing Lessons Broke Your Horn? Local ska outfit Brehdren is available Want to win next year’s dance Get it fixed by horn expert Sweet. 10,000 for your event! Let’s skank, let’s dance, competition? Start your training now horns fixed in the last year. You break it, come on! Contact Ian at +1.604.889.6902 with dance expert Mike “Mr. Legs” I fix it! Contact me at +1.555.455.8558. Chamzuk! $45/hr. Call +1.555.551.4133 for Metal Teeth Needed for Cyber Voice Be Free Speech more info. Robot Birds Voice and presentation consultants. Millionaire willing to spend large sums Scott E. Moil Bobble Head Feel like your words just come out of money for metal teeth. Need to feed Open box. Lightly used. $500 firm. like babble? Let us help you speak up robot birds. If you can acquire, please Serious offers only. Contact Noman at and get seen! Seminar next Tuesday at contact Karina at +1.555.515.3554 778.840.6736 Sunset Community Centre. Contact Clancy at 555.755.8757 Your forehead will disappear! Witness for accident on Midnight Road last Monday at 3am. Some clown in a car rolled down a driveway, smashed into me on the road, turned on, and then just drove away. Contact Ashton at 555.555.7584. Out Goes The Window THANK YOU! Window repair services. Are you A great many thanks are in order suffering from the effects of a broken for this publication to have come to window? You never want to feel like fruition.