A Special Ebook Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer
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A special eBook Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer How to Interview a Nanny Like a Therapist By Tammy Gold, LCSW, MSW, LSW, CEC www.tammygold.com I can’t stress the following enough: The nanny world is the Wild, Wild West where one plus one doesn’t always equal two. Accordingly, interviews also fall into this non-rational logic. Nannies are not like other professionals whose interviews are typically a strong predictor of how they will fair in their profession. In fact, my view is that how a nanny answers your interview questions has very little predictive value for how well they will care for your children. SO…what should you do? As I outline in my book, Secrets of the Nanny Whisperer – a Practical Guide for Finding and Achieving the Gold Standard of Care, the real goal of a Gold Standard Interview is to: 1. Ask Questions – fill in your bio-psycho-social analysis and fill in the “complete puzzle” of “who is this stranger?” 2. Observe - assess what seems normal and what seems off In my training at Columbia University, they taught us that when meeting a client, our job as therapists is to gather information two ways: by asking questions, and by observing. Interviewing a nanny is no different – hence why I (a therapist) do this! A therapist’s Mental Status Exam (MSE) examines a person’s appearance, activity level, speech/language, attitude, mood/affect, stream of consciousness, and thought content. Now, to be clear, I’m not advocating that everyone go out and get graduate degrees in Social Work or Clinical Psychology to properly understand the MSE, but but learning the basics of the MSE will allow you to do a great Gold Standard interview. Asking nannies questions and observing them (through your own questions, your own observations during a trial, and by asking the right questions of their references) will help fill in the “nanny puzzle.” Think of it like a game of hangman – we need to ultimately find out whom they are as a whole and if that whole matches our needs. So what should you be looking for when you interview a nanny? I suggest the following: Her Appearance: Is the person dressed appropriately for an interview? Does she have long nails or poor hygiene? Is she wearing a reveling outfit that would make you question her judgment? o Her attire does not need to be anything other than appropriate. It’s important to note that nannies strive for comfort (vs. fashion) when caring for children all day. © 2017 Tammy Gold 275 W96th Street 12A, New York NY 10025 | www.tammygold.com | (646) 389-2781 Red Flags: Attire that shows poor judgment Unkempt hair Other elements of her appearance that show poor self-care like rotting teeth, or wounds that have not been treated What to Say and How to Handle It: If you really like the candidate you should honestly reveal your concerns and see how they react. For example, “Emily we really liked meeting you today, you seem terrific and your reference was glowing but your shirt is so open and skirt is so short, I fear it may distracting for my boys. Can you tell me about your thoughts on dressing for work? What is your typical professional wardrobe?” Then: She may say “I am so sorry. I am running to a concert from here and did not want to lose anytime during our meeting so I dressed for the concert ahead of time. I am sorry. I guess I should have thrown a sweater on over this.” Or, she might say “I am a wonderful nanny, I wear tight clothes, I have tattoos and piercings, but I love children more than anything on earth and devote every second to making them happy, keeping them safe and teaching them. I do not believe my attire should play a part in how I care for children.” Activity Level Nannies are nervous and their “true self” (what us therapists call “baseline personality” is not there – they may be so nervous that they are excessively hyper, or they might even be scared and entirely immobile. In my view, you just want to look out for how quickly they get up, sit down, and move around if they are caring for young active kids. But I’d caution you to remember that a trial will allow for better review of this than any interview could. Red Flags: Restless leg, jerky movements, twitching of her body or face, poor coordination which could result from alcohol or drugs, slowed movement or rigid movements. Think about how this activity level would affect your ability to perform your job. What to Do and What to Say: If you notice that her foot is shaking tremendously or if she has problems getting up from her chair, simply ask if there is an issue. “Your foot is shaking so much, Ester. Are we doing something to make you nervous? How can we help you to calm down?” The answer will be telling. Does she immediately relax and connect or does she seem more anxious and perhaps this could be a medical condition? Here’s what you can say if she has difficulty getting up from her chair, “Wanda, we adored meeting you today, but Charlie is heavy and moves around a lot. I noticed you struggled with getting up in the chair. Are you in physical shape to handle a toddler now?” She may say “yes I just threw my © 2017 Tammy Gold 275 W96th Street 12A, New York NY 10025 | www.tammygold.com | (646) 389-2781 back out helping my son move” (remember, you’d be able to test this thesis out during a trial and if her movement improved then she was telling truth). On the other hand, if she said “oh no, nothing is wrong” then perhaps she is not being honest or open to the situation of her own health. Speech/Language: What you are looking for is clarity of their speech and how well a candidate can communicate. Do they have a vocabulary you can converse with on a basic childcare level, are they talking too fast, too slow, or mumbling? Are they slow to answer? Do they answer too loudly or softly? Red flags: If their volume is too loud (which they don’t correct) If she doesn’t understand your vocabulary If she has slurred or rapid speech. What to do or say if there is a problem: If you have any problems during the interview, simply explain “I am having trouble understanding…could you explain again please?” See if it’s just nerves that they shake off or if it’s a situation where there is a clear language barrier. Attitude: How is the nanny during the interview? You want someone who may be nervous but can make some eye contact, and who seems pleasant, friendly, cooperative to questioning, and comfortable to converse. Red Flags: If she is defiant, defensive, hostile, or angry. What to do or say if there is a problem: You can ask, “You seem uncomfortable. Have we said or done anything to make you upset?” See if they correct their behaviors. If not, than wish her goodbye! Nannies should be full of love…especially when speaking about the children they used to care for. Anyone who seems outright nasty, unfriendly, or rude should either explain herself, or exit promptly. There are many professions where attitude does not matter. You can work in a solitary job away from people and be as mean or unfriendly as you want, but a nanny job is not one of them! Affect and Mood: Mood is typically how someone says they are feeling. Where affect is how others observe that person is feeling. For example, if a person has a “flat affect” it is usually means that they have no smile and make no eye contact. Referencing Attachment Theory and Psychology, it is crucial that caregivers have a positive affect, since a child’s brain needs warm, loving, positive people for productive emotional development - this is my NUMBER ONE item that I look for when interviewing nannies – positive affect. © 2017 Tammy Gold 275 W96th Street 12A, New York NY 10025 | www.tammygold.com | (646) 389-2781 Remember thought, that in the interview they may have calm or muted affect but in your trial, they must come alive and have huge, happy, and positive affects with children. Red Flags: The candidate seems bored or tired. Her affect does not properly match the emotion (for example, she’s telling a very upsetting story about a child in their care yet she lacks any emotion at all while speaking.) What to do or say if this happens: If you notice that she seems very bland, flat, or slow in her affect, explain your concern right there and see if she understands and changes for the balance of the interview. You might say, “I am looking for someone who has a lot of personality! I have an infant, and I know the baby needs to see big warm expressions, lots of smiling, and someone who seems very happy to be caring for them. Today though, you seem a bit quiet and I am sure it is probably that interviews may be uncomfortable, but with children do you think you convey the type of traits I am looking for? How are you with children?” The nanny may say, “I am so sorry. I am very nervous with adults, but I feel so comfortable and so happy with children.” Thought Process: Did the nanny’s thoughts and content make sense? When you asked her a simple question did she answer with something else that did not match your original question? Did she start telling you story about a child she cared for in New Jersey and then shift totally off-topic to ramble on about something else? Was she able to converse and have solid and clear thought processes and content that matched your conversation? Red Flags: Did she answer one question with an answer made for another question? Did she start to answer questions only to then diverge off topic several times so that the initial question was now lost? What to do and say if this happens: Immediately stop and say, “I don’t know if you’re nervous, or perhaps I spoke to quickly, but you could tell me the answer again to this question? You might alternatively say, “I don’t mean to interrupt, but could you just go back and explain again about the infant you cared for in New Jersey? We got off topic a bit and I would love to hear about that family.” OK….so now you know to observe and ask thorough questions.