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Folkestone & Hythe District Council Domestic Forum

DOMESTIC ABUSE

SUPPORT AND ADVICE

Updated: 28TH October 2019

CONTENTSV 3. Who can be affected by domestic abuse?

4. Examples of abusive behaviour

6. and

7. Signs to look out for

12. Effects on children

14. The , Vulnerable Adults

16. Teenagers

17. Honour-based and forced

18. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered

19. Practical things to keep you safe

20. Planning to leave

21. How to access local services

22. Housing support

24. What can the police do?

26. Civil orders to protect you

28. Terms used in domestic abuse

30. DA services

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WHO CAN BE AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC ABUSE?V

Anyone. Domestic abuse includes all kinds of behaviour that is meant to hurt or frighten you. Not all abuse leaves visible marks; it ranges from physical violence to cruel words and . It can happen to anyone, women and men; gay, lesbian and straight (heterosexual) people; and people of any age or background.

 Abuse of any type damages a person’s self-esteem, confidence and self- worth. Domestic abuse is never your fault

 Domestic abuse should always be taken seriously regardless of type or frequency of the abuse

 Everyone has the right not to experience violence or abuse. This booklet aims to support those subject to domestic abuse in recognising the abuse and support that is in place. It will also explain some of the terminology and legal responses to domestic abuse

This booklet aims to give advice if you, or someone you know, is domestic abuse.

If you are in a dangerous situation and for your immediate safety you should contact the police on 999. In a non-emergency call 101.

DOMESTIC ABUSE – SUPPORT AND ADVICE 3

REMEMBER

Violent and abusive behaviour is the abuser’s CHOICE Despite what many people believe, domestic abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control. In fact, abusive behaviour is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.

EXAMPLES OF ABUSEV Domestic abuse is defined as any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or members regardless of or sexuality. The abuse can encompass but is not limited to:

Psychological and emotional abuse Calling you names and putting you down; constantly moving the goal posts or changing rules and expectations; threatening to take your children away or threatening loved ones; calling you a bad parent; encouraging your children or others to be negative towards you; controlling whom you can talk to or the places you can go socially or for work and education; breaks or damages your property.

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Physical abuse Punching; kicking; hitting; slapping; pulling hair; choking; breaking bones; burning (with cigarettes or irons etc.); keeping you awake and depriving you of sleep; using weapons or objects to hurt you. They may also physically abuse your children.

Sexual abuse Forcing you to have sex or take part in sexual acts against your will; refusing to have sex with you; forcing you into prostitution or pornography; accusing you of cheating on them; of sexuality; sexual jokes or demeaning gender.

Financial abuse Checking every penny you spend; controlling all finances; accusing you of not managing money properly; holding all the money, leaving you with no access to bank accounts and checking the mileage in the car.

Controlling behaviour Making you dependent on them and isolated socially from friends and family; taking away anything that helps you to be independent, such as money or mobile phones; planning your day for you and preventing you from having opportunity to escape.

Coercive behaviour Using physical violence, threats or to control, punish or frighten you into behaving in a certain way. Victims often describe coercive control as not being ‘allowed’ or having to ask permission to do everyday things.

MYTH Domestic abuse is not a big problem It is a major issue. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience domestic abuse at some stage in their life. It is estimated that two thirds of incidents are unreported. You are not alone and support is available.

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One in four women will experience at some point in her life.

STALKING AND HARASSMENTV ‘Stalking is repeated acts which are unwanted, intrusive and can be reasonably expected to cause distress, alarm or fear.’ Stalking is against the law in the UK. It is hard to give an exact definition of stalking because stalkers will often use multiple and differing methods to harass their victims.

Stalking can consist of any type of behaviour such as regularly sending flowers or , making unwanted or malicious communication, damaging property and physical or sexual . If the behaviour is persistent and clearly unwanted, causing you fear, harassment or then it is stalking and you should not have to live with it.

It may be difficult to explain why repeated actions, some of which in seem trivial, can be so upsetting and unnerving but, the truth is that they are and that is enough. Kent police will take positive action if you report that you are being stalked. The One Stop Shops can advise and support you.

Stalking Helpline 0808 802 0300 www.stalkinghelpline.org www.protectionagainststalking.org for a risk assessment checklist

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SIGNS TO LOOK FOR INV RECOGNISING ABUSEV

 Have they tried to keep you from seeing your friends or family?  Have they prevented you from continuing or starting a college course, or from going to work?  Do they constantly check up on you or follow you?  Do they accuse you unjustly of flirting or of having ?  Do they constantly belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or you in front of other people?  Are you ever scared of this person?  Have you ever changed your behaviour because you’re afraid of what this person might do or say to you?  Have they ever deliberately destroyed any of your possessions?  Have they ever hurt or threatened you or your children?  Have they ever kept you short of money so you’re unable to buy food and other necessary items for yourself and your children?  Have they ever forced you to do something that you really didn’t want to do, including sexually?

Domestic violence has more repeat victims than any other (on average there will have been 35 before a victim calls the police).

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The following is a list of personality traits that may indicate a potential abuser. It is not the purpose of the listing to imply that every person with some of these characteristics is an abuser or potential abuser.

Jealousy: At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate with . They will question you about whom you talk to, accuse you of flirting or become jealous of time spent with others.

Controlling behaviour: In the beginning an abuser will attribute their controlling behaviour to concern for you (for example, your safety or decision making skills). The situation will become worse as this behaviour progresses. They may assume all control, control your finances and even prevent you from doing as you please.

Quick involvement: Often people in your situation have known or dated their abuser for less than six months before getting married, engaged or living together and this is due to pressure from their partners to commit to the relationship.

Unrealistic expectations: An abuser expects their partner to meet all of their needs and to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.

Isolation: An abuser will attempt to isolate their partner by severing their ties to outside support and resources. The abuser may accuse your friends or family of being ‘trouble makers’. They may limit your access to the outside world by not allowing you to use the car, not letting you go to work and limiting your time on a computer or phone.

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Blames others for problems: Abusers will always others for their shortcomings. Someone is always out to get them or is stopping them from achieving. You will be blamed for almost everything that goes wrong.

Hypersensitivity: An abusive person will use feelings to manipulate you. Common phrases you may hear are, “You’re hurting me by not doing as I want” or “If you truly loved me…”

Cruelty to animals or children: This is a person who punishes animals or children and is insensitive to their . They may expect a to behave in a way that is older than they are (for example, whipping a two year old for wetting a nappy or children or until they cry).

Sexual abuse: ‘Playful’ use of force in sex: This behaviour includes restraining you against your will or initiating sex when you are asleep or demanding sex. Abusers may show little concern for your opinion and will use sulking and to manipulate .

Verbal abuse: This behaviour involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading you, or minimising/criticising your achievements.

Rigid gender roles: Views your role as to simply serve. For instance, a male abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

Dual personality: They have explosive behaviour and moodiness that can shift quickly.

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Threats of violence: This consists of any of physical force meant to control you. Breaking or striking objects, often used as a (breaking sentimental possessions) or to terrorise the victim.

Any force used during an argument: This may involve an abuser holding you down, physically restraining you from leaving, or pushing and shoving.

250 cases of are reported each year.

I’m not his punch bag, nor shall I be disrespected or made to feel low about myself to become weak, as this is what he wants and the nice things that he did like phoning me every day but really he was just checking up on me. Refuge resident

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LOVE ME… LOVE ME NOT...

Signs that a person is abusive Signs that a person is NOT abusive  you, expects sex on  Shows you physical affection demand or will not accept no without assuming it will lead to for an answer. sex and accepts your right to say  Pressures you into having no to sex. children.  Equally responsible for  Acts as a bully, , shouting, contraception. smashing things and sulking.  Acts as a friend, talks and listens to  Puts you down and tells you that you, is cheerful and good you’re too fat, too thin, ugly, company. stupid, useless etc.  Values you, tells you that you look  Controls all the money. good, values your opinions and  Threatens to report you to social supports your ambitions. services, benefits agencies etc.  Shares financial responsibility.  Denies any abuse or says it was  Supports you with the children “only” a slap. drink, drugs, and is a responsible parent. , over-work, you,  Accepts responsibility and admits unemployment etc. to being wrong.  Threatens to hurt themselves if  Takes responsibility for their own you left them. wellbeing and happiness.  Stops you from working and  Welcomes your friends and family. seeing your friends, tells you what  Encourages you to have outside to wear or keeps you in the house. interests. Encourages you to  Treats you as a servant or slave. develop your skills at work or  Uses access to harass you or tries college. to turn the children against you  Does their share of parenting and and calls you a bad parent, but housework and treats you as an leaves all the care of the children equal. to you.  Is a responsible and equal parent  Constantly texts and calls you to  Encourages you to be independent monitor what you are doing. and trusts you.

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THE EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE ON CHILDREN Children, regardless of whether they were abused directly, are affected by domestic abuse in the home. All children will react to seeing or hearing domestic abuse differently and the signs that they have been affected vary at different ages. Even from before a child is born they could be harmed if the mother is assaulted or put under stress.

Witnessing abuse can have a negative effect on children’s emotional and behavioural development. They may not be very good at making friends or may be clingy and not want independence. They may not have any confidence or may not have respect for others. They may not develop as quickly as other children their age.

Even when children grow up and have their own relationships they may not understand what a loving and stable relationship should look like and may become a victim or abuser themselves.

Children may be injured when caught between their parents during a violent incident or may feel responsible for the violence that is occurring. They may be confused by the abuse and feel a divided sense of loyalty because they want to protect you, but they still love the one hurting you and may be scared of the person themselves.

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MYTH

If it’s that bad, they would leave It can be very difficult to leave the relationship and may not end the abuse. There may be threats of violence against the victim, their children or . There could be practical issues including money and housing.

Signs in children may include (but is not limited to):  Headaches, stomach aches, sleeping difficulties.  Anxiety at being separated from a parent.  Aggressive behaviour towards self and others, including you.  Constant worry about possible dangers.  Withdrawal from activities previously enjoyed.  Lack of interest in friends and family, or isolating themselves.  Very high activity level, constant fidgeting or trouble concentrating.  Poor school attendance or running away from school or home.  Attention-seeking behaviour or rule breaking.  Feeling guilty that they couldn’t stop the abuse.

KEY POINT

If you have noticed changes in your child’s behaviour or can identify the signs that they have been affected by domestic abuse, please seek support from your GP, visitor, specialist domestic abuse service or social services.

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CYCLE OF ABUSEV Most abusive relationships display a distinct pattern, known as the Cycle of Abuse or Violence. Abuse is rarely constant but alternates between: tension building, acting out, the honeymoon period and calm.

The abuser apologises and there are loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse. This can make it difficult to leave or recognise the abuse. He/she may make you believe that you are the only person who can help, that things will be different this time or minimise the abuse.

The cycle usually goes in the following order, and will repeat until the conflict is stopped, usually by the survivor entirely abandoning the relationship or some form of intervention. The cycle can occur hundreds of times in an abusive relationship, the total cycle taking anywhere from a few hours, to a year or more to complete. However, the length of the cycle usually diminishes over time so that the ‘reconciliation’ and ‘calm’ stages may disappear, violence becomes more intense and the cycles become more frequent. VULNERABLE ADULTSV If you know about an adult (18 years of age or over) who is being harmed and requires care and support with everyday tasks as a result of either their physical or , a , a , a sensory impairment or substance misuse, this could be an Adult Safeguarding concern.

Adult Social Services: 03000 416161 Email: [email protected]

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Cycle of abuse:

Tension: The tension builds as the abuser feels ignored, annoyed or wronged, building up the justification for using violence. In return you will try to reduce the tension by becoming compliant and nurturing. You will try to soothe the 1abuser to avoid upsetting them. Incident: Violent, abusive outbursts that may be preceded by verbal and . The release of energy reduces the tension and they may try to justify their act by saying that 2you had it coming and that you made them do it. Reconciliation: The abuser may apologise, use affection or deny and minimise the abusive incident. They may claim that it will never happen again or say they will get help to change. You 3may notice that they may feel or claim to feel overwhelming remorse and sadness. They may threaten harm or suicide to prevent you from leaving. Abusers can be extremely convincing and say that they will change and it won’t happen again. Often at this time you are feeling confused and worn down so you want to believe the situation will improve and your relationship will change.

Calm: During this phase the relationship is relatively calm and peaceable. The abuser may agree to engage in counselling, ask for forgiveness and create a ‘normal’ atmosphere. In 4intimate partner relationships, the abuser may buy presents or the couple may engage in passionate sex until the tension starts building again to the next incident.

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TEENAGERSV The law recognises that 16 and 17 year olds can experience domestic abuse, but even younger people experience abuse in their relationships as victims and abusers.

Teenage relationships can sometimes be dismissed as ‘young love’ but they need to be taken seriously as they are often intense and develop quickly. Young people may not understand what it is to be in a relationship and need some more advice and guidance.

This could include domestic abuse, sexual exploitation, abuse from and young people who cause harm to others, honour-based violence, forced marriage and cyber stalking.

www.disrespectnobody.co.uk

www.childline.org.uk or call 0800 1111

www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk

Teenagers can also be violent towards members of their families. This can be hugely damaging to the family’s dynamic. A booklet ‘Adolescent to Parent Violence Booklet’ has been produced to assist parents who may be suffering from this abuse and is available online: http://www.slideshare.net/JoHoward4/adolescentviolencetoparents-booklet

DAY Programme DAY is aimed at young people. It uses short films, advertisements and chart music to raise awareness and provide education about domestic abuse. For information on DAY Programme please contact Enhanced New Beginnings Domestic Abuse Project: 01303 244836.

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HONOUR-BASED VIOLENCE ANDV FORCED MARRIAGE, INCLUDINGV FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION V “Honour-based violence is a crime or incident which has or may have been committed to protect or defend the honour of the family and/or community.” (Assoc. of Chief Police Officers’ definition) It is often linked to family members or acquaintances who mistakenly believe someone has brought to their family or community by doing something that is not in keeping with the traditional beliefs of their culture. For example, honour-based violence might be committed against people who:  become involved with a or from a different culture or religion  want to get out of an arranged marriage  want to get out of a forced marriage  wear clothes or take part in activities that might not be considered traditional within a particular culture A forced marriage is where one or both parties does not to the marriage but have been threatened, coerced or forced to marry.  Are you being forced to marry against your will?  Are you being pressurised to enter a marriage you are unsure about?  Are you worried that you will let your family down if you say ‘no’ to an arranged marriage?  Do you fear you may bring SHAME on your family, or take away their izzat?  Are you scared you may be cut?

Karma Nirvana support victims of honour and forced . They will listen in complete confidence and not speak to your family, friends or anyone else. Their helpline is 0800 5999247 or visit: www.karmanirvana.org.uk

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LGBTV Domestic abuse in the lesbian, bisexual, gay and community is a serious issue. About 25% of those in LGBT relationships suffer violence or threatening behaviour with partners or ex-partners.

This is around the same rates as found with domestic abuse against heterosexual women. Similar to opposite-gendered couples, the problem is under-reported because those involved in same-gender relationships are often afraid of revealing their or the nature of their relationship.

There are many parallels between LGBT people’s experience of domestic abuse and that of heterosexual women, including the impact on the abused partner and the types of they fall victim too. This can be emotional , physical , threats to harm the victim or other loved ones, social isolation, control of finances, extreme jealousy. However, there are a number of aspects that are unique to LGBT domestic abuse such as using the threat of ‘outing’ as a means of control.

Refuge 24-hour Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247

The LGBT Foundation Helpline provides free advice and support on a wide range of issues: 0845 330 3030

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PRACTICAL THINGS TO DO TO KEEPV YOURSELF SAFEV The first thing is to make sure that you and any children are safe.

 If you need protection during a violent incident, call the police on 999. If you are using a mobile phone, tell the operator where you are immediately because they cannot find out by tracing your call. The police have a duty to protect you and any children and make sure you are safe. They may arrest your partner. They may go with you to a safe place if you need to leave the home to be safe. They can tell you about emergency refuges and housing  If you want help from the police at some point after you were abused, you can call 101 and someone will be able to advise you on what to do  If you choose to stay at home but are scared that your ex-partner may return, the police or you can ask friends and neighbours to keep an eye on your property in case your ex-partner appears. You do not have to tell them why you need this help  You may also want to alert your employer so that you are safe at work and receive support  Social media, such as Facebook, is often used to keep track of or to find people. You want to check your privacy settings: who you are friends with and their connections. Suspending your profile may be an option you want to explore. Further detailed guidance is available on www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk  There are also services that will help make your home safe by installing fire proof letter boxes. Kent Fire and Rescue Service offer a free Home Safety Check: 0800 923 7000  If you are given a civil order, contact your children’s school and make them aware. They can then prevent your ex-partner coming onto the site and collecting your children

DOMESTIC ABUSE – SUPPORT AND ADVICE 19

PLANNING TO LEAVEV

Collecting and reporting evidence is important to support your case. Keep this evidence hidden from the abuser.

 Keep a diary of events  Photograph your injuries; sign and date each photograph  Keep crime reference numbers from the police to pass to a solicitor  Attend a local one stop domestic abuse shop for advice  Speak to social services  Keep a record of any threatening calls, texts, or social network messages

If you are planning to leave or may need to escape in a hurry, there are some things you will need to take with you. They need to be easily accessible so may be in a “grab bag” or kept with friends. Keep benefit books, bank cards/savings books, birth certificates and marriage certificate, passports, national insurance number, medical cards, court orders, pay slips in a safe place. Try and get copies and leave one set with your solicitor or a trusted family member or friend. A utility bill or bank statement is useful for proof of address.

 Write down all emergency and personal telephone numbers. Do not rely on your mobile phone  Keep spare clothes, belongings and toiletries for yourself and children in a bag at a friend’s house or perhaps at work if possible  Keep a spare set of house and car keys  Keep some money in a safe place or open a new online bank account  A photograph (if you have one) of your partner

Sometimes it is safer just to get out of the home with whatever you can grab. Don’t panic; make sure you are safe first.

The Folkestone & Hythe One Stop Shop can help you with your plans to leave.

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One woman a month is murdered in the name of ‘so called’ honour.

LOCAL SERVICES – HOW TO ACCESSV Domestic Abuse One Stop Shop (OSS) The One Stop Shop is a drop-in service for any victim of domestic abuse to gain support and advice from a range of agencies held every Wednesday at the Early Years Children’s Centre, Dover Road, Folkestone, CT20 1QF. No appointment is necessary 12.30-14.30. If you prefer to attend a One Stop Shop outside of Kent, please visit www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk for further details.

Independent Domestic/Sexual Violence Advocates (IDVA/ISVA) IDVA’s are domestic abuse specialists who work with men and women to help them to increase their safety by providing advocacy and advice around domestic abuse, safety planning, accessing services, liaising with partner agencies and being the voice of the victim at MARAC. This support can be accessed from the website www.domesticabuseservice.org.uk

National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) The NCDV provides a free, fast emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their financial circumstances, race, gender or sexual orientation. 24 hour emergency 0800 970 2070 or text ‘NCDV’ to 60777.

Enhanced New Beginnings Domestic Abuse Project The ENB project supports women who are or have suffered DA on a one-to-one basis or through groups - Phoenix/Recovery Tool Kit/Power to Change/DAY/Butterflies Therapeutic Group - that offers women an insight into abusive and controlling behaviour and its effects on the family which rebuilds self-esteem and confidence: 01303 244836.

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MYTH Alcohol, Drugs and Stress make men abusive Abuse is about power and control. Blaming drink, drugs and stress is a way of avoiding responsibility. These may be a trigger for an incident but they are not the cause.

HOUSING SUPPORT AND ACCESSV

If you are homeless or threatened with homelessness due to domestic abuse, you can approach Folkestone & Hythe Council for advice and assistance. If you cannot remain in the area you live in due to the risk of harm, you can approach another council.

If you are unable to stay with family or friends the council will try to house you in a refuge where there is availability. This will not normally be local to you.

You may need to show evidence of domestic abuse when you make a homeless application to the council. They may be able to offer support for:  Temporary accommodation pending enquiries  Secure accommodation in the private sector in the form of a deposit or rent in advance; however you may be referred to the Department for Work and Pensions or Housing Benefit Department for eligibility Folkestone & Hythe District Council Housing: 01303 853300 Out of Hours: 01303 221888

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If you need to leave your home, refuges support both men and women fleeing domestic abuse by moving them out of area for their safety; however these places are limited. They offer a safe place to stay with information, advice and practical and emotional support.

There are also some specialised refuges working with women from black and minority ethnic communities. They offer the chance to stay with other women who share their culture, and background. A growing number of refuges also have disability access and workers who can assist victims and children with special needs.

You will need to make your own way to the refuge once your place has been found. There may be an emergency fund to support you to escape to safety. Professionals would need to contact Enhanced New Beginnings to access this: 01303 244836.

I felt at the time very confused and over whelmed by my situation but after the meeting at the DA One Stop Shop I didn’t feel so alone and knew that there are people to help and answer my questions. I felt that people were concerned for me and my welfare and really wanted to help.

Refuge resident

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WHAT THE POLICE CAN DOV

The police can take action to protect you and your children. They may do this by arresting the abuser, if they have the power to do so, and holding them for a short time (for example, overnight). The police will need to investigate whether a crime has happened and you will be needed to help with this. The police and Crown Prosecution Service decide whether or not the abuser goes to court.

If you decide not to make an allegation against your ex-partner, you should not be put under pressure to change your . Regardless of your choice, the police will still want to make sure that you will be safe following case closure. Even if you choose not to support the case, the CPS can go ahead and prosecute the abuser if there is enough evidence.

If the CPS does prosecute your partner, he or she could be fined or given another type of sentence. Or they could be “bound over to keep the peace” (told they must behave, or they will be brought back to court). In cases of serious or repeated violence, they could be sent to prison.

Bail conditions The police or the court can impose conditions stopping them from contacting you or the children and coming near your home or your workplace if they are on bail. They can also impose other conditions if they think these are needed to protect you.

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Restraining order If your abuser is taken to criminal court, the police will ask if you want a restraining order. This is an order granted by the court and tells the abuser what conditions they have to adhere to, such as not being able to contact you, keeping a certain distance away from your home etc.

Domestic Violence Protection Notices/Orders (DVPN) Regardless of your prior living situation with the abuser, the police can prevent them from entering or being within a given distance of your home.

Once the DVPN is in place, the police present to the magistrates’ court within 48 hours. If the court is in agreement they can extend the notice for 14 to 28 days. This is called a domestic violence protection order and you do not have to give permission for this process. If the abuser breaks the conditions of the notice they may be arrested and appear before the magistrates. If the abuser breaks the order they will be arrested and seen in court and could be fined and/or sent to prison.

Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (Clare’s Law) If you are concerned that your partner may have been abusive in past relationships you can ask the police. If a police check identifies anything that shows that you or your children may be at risk they will tell you. Other people can also ask the police but the information will generally only be disclosed to you. To make an application you can call 101 or visit a police station.

If your partner is prosecuted for assault in the criminal court, it won’t sort out who has the right to live in your home or impose an order saying how your partner must behave or restricting where they can go. To do this you need to go to the civil court and get an injunction.

If your children were also abused or were present when you were being abused, the police may contact social services, depending on how serious the abuse was or how often it happened.

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One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police

every minute.

CIVIL COURT ORDERS THATV PROTECT YOUV You will need to attend the Family Court to apply for these orders.

Non-molestation order: This tells your partner they must not use or threaten to use violence against you, or ‘harass, pester or intimidate’ you or any children living with you. The order is generally written in wide terms to stop all forms of unpleasant behaviour, for example threatening phone calls. It will also stop your partner getting someone else to harass you. Breach of this order is an arrestable offence.

Occupation order: This is an order that states who can and can’t live in your home. This cannot be used to change ownership of the property; it is just to keep the abuser away from you for a short time.

Child arrangement orders: This decides where your child lives, when your child spends time with each parent and when and what other types of contact (like phone calls) take place; this can be arranged by solicitors and the courts.

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A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO):

This is given when there is a suspicion that one parent may attempt to take the children without the other parent knowing. It stops parents from taking the children to certain events or places without permission from the other parent; this must be applied to through the courts. Depending on your circumstances, a needs assessment can be completed to see if you qualify for legal assistance with the costs.

For detailed information about family courts and the process please see www.gov.uk www.rightsofwomen.org.uk or visit One Stop Shop for advice.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence is a charitable organisation that can assist you with obtaining orders. Text ‘NCDV’ to 60777 or call 0800 970 2070 www.ncdv.org.uk

I had a support worker involved and they contacted me on a regular basis, I found them easy to talk to, they offered support at this very difficult time.

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TERMS USED IN MATTERS TO DOV WITH DOMESTIC ABUSEV Word Definition Breach When the named person has acted outside of an order. Civil courts Courts that do not deal with crime. For family law injunctions, you generally use the county court, although you can sometimes use the family proceedings court, which is part of the magistrates’ court. Court bail When the abuser is given detailed instructions on what they are restricted from doing until the next court hearing. Criminal courts Courts that deal with crime. Cases start in the magistrates’ court and may go from there to the town crown court. If a defendant is found guilty, then the court can impose a punishment such as a fine or a prison sentence. Family The section of the magistrates’ court that deals with family Proceedings Court cases. It can sometimes be used instead of the county court. Forced marriage When one or both parties do not consent to the marriage but have been coerced, threatened or forced. Honour based abuse HBA is a violent crime or incident which may have been committed to protect or defend the honour of the family or community. IDVA/ ISVA Independent Domestic Violence Advocate/Independent Sexual Violence Advocate. Injunction An order made by a civil court telling someone they must not do something. If they breach (disobey) it, the person who took out the injunction can ask the Court to punish them. MARAC Multi Agency Risk Assessment Conference -A multi-agency meeting for professionals to discuss cases that have been identified as high risk. NCDV National Centre for Domestic Violence.

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Parental All the rights and duties that go with parenthood, such as the responsibility duty to care for and protect the child, the right to consent to medical treatment, and the right to choose a child’s name, religion and schooling. Partner In this leaflet, partner means someone you are living with; either a , , civil partner or cohabitant. You may be part of a Heterosexual (male-female) or a same-sex couple. Sometimes the law for cohabitants is different from that for people who are married or civil partners. Perpetrator/Perp The person that is being abusive. Police bail The time between when a person needs to return to the police station and can have conditions attached. Return date A date on which a case has to come back to court for another hearing. SARC Referral Centre. Victim The person who is suffering abuse. Witness care Allocated person who will keep you up to date on progress with a criminal charge.

MYTH Abusers are mentally unwell The vast majority of people who commit domestic abuse are not mentally ill. Abuse is targeted at partners, not friends, or others, showing that it is part of the overall controlling behaviour of the abuser.

Two women are murdered every week by their partner or ex-partner.

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DA SERVICESV

Kent and Medway domestic abuse website for support, services and advice: www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk

Kent Police 101 for non-emergency / 999 for emergency Kent Specialist Children’s 03000 41 11 11 Services Kent Adult Social Service 03000 416161 KSCS Out of Hours 03000 419191 Refuge National Domestic 0808 200 0247 Violence Helpline 24hr Helpline NCDV 0800 970 2070 ENB DA Project 01303 244836 Men’s Advice Line 0808 801 0327 Karma Nirvana 0800 5999247 Shelter 08088 004444 National Stalking Helpline 0808 020300 Victim Support Kent 0808 168 9276 (out of Hours) 0808 1689111 Choice’s DA Service 0800 917 9948

30 DOMESTIC ABUSE – SUPPORT AND ADVICE

Up to 1,420 women per year are trafficked into the UK for sexual exploitation.

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Folkestone & Hythe District Council Domestic Abuse Forum

The Folkestone & Hythe District Council Domestic Abuse Forum would like to thank all partners for their support in producing this booklet.

For any queries please contact

Enhanced New Beginnings Domestic Abuse Project. Tel: 01303 244836