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The Anchor, Volume 104.21: April 1, 1992

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Recommended Citation Repository citation: Hope College, "The Anchor, Volume 104.21: April 1, 1992" (1992). The Anchor: 1992. Paper 9. https://digitalcommons.hope.edu/anchor_1992/9 Published in: The Anchor, Volume 104, Issue 21, April 1, 1992. Copyright © 1992 Hope College, Holland, Michigan.

This News Article is brought to you for free and open access by the The Anchor: 1990-1999 at Hope College Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Anchor: 1992 by an authorized administrator of Hope College Digital Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. What can you do with a April Fool's! The Swim teams leave mark Ph. D. in Sociology? Be anchor narody issue, on Buffalo; take home 18 a comedianne The ranchor is back Ail-American honors —Page 5 —Special Insert —Page 11

Hope College « Bulk Rate U.S. Postage PAID Permit #392 A the anchor Holland MI April 1, 1992 Serving the Hope Community Volume 104, Number 21 Recommendations made to alter Nykerk, Pull

According to Anne Bakker- Pull are." Cynthia Keip Gras, Director of Student Activi- Moore hopes staff writer ties, the committee was set up "to that "these consti- look at ways to improve both of the tutions will As times change, so does tradi- events...not necessarily just dealing strengthen the or- tion. Nykerk and Pull are two such with the issue of men and women ganizations as a traditions that have changed with participation but other things as well, whole by having a the times. things to make them more appeal- more informed The issue of integration of these ing." committee." two events became serious last year. Holly Moore ('93) was one of The contro- The Dean of Students, Richard Frost, the students who took part in the versy over integra- said that integration "initially came discussions. Moore said, "1 think tion was such a up a year ago last October when a the main consensus of the commit- problem because student asked to be included in song tee was that the events were good neither event had a in Nykerk. At that time there were the way they were." The committee written constitu- special meetings held with the Ex- decided that the ideas of involving tion, so they were tra- Curricular Activities Commit- integration of Nykerk and Pull would run according to tee and the Campus Life Board." not be of much benefit to the events. tradition. Bakker- Dean Frost added, 'There has al- The committee did come up Gras said they dis- ways been some sentiment that each with a few mandates, one of which covered that the event promotes sexist kind of beliefs is that both Nykerk and Pull must Pull "has nothing .*vt 1 in the standpoint that Nykerk is for each establish a constitution. These saying a woman women and Pull for men." constitutions will address who can't be a puller Joint Archive Photo In order to tike a closer look at should participate, how participa- and vice- versa." CHANGING WITH THE TIMES—Traditional events like the Pull (above) the issue, a conmittee was set up tion should be judged, rules and The commit- and Nykerk will be facing changes to make the events more appealing. which consisted of two men and one regulations, and the purpose of the tee also came up woman from Pull, two women and events. After the Nykerk and Pull with quite a few suggestions to im- one song." To improve the Pull, the com- one man from Nykerk, the Director committees write their own consti- prove both Nykerk and the Pull. Another suggestion for Nykerk mittee is suggesting free substitu- of Student Activities, a member of tutions, they will be passed on to the One Qf the recomtnendations for involyes a slight change to oration, lion for health purposes. Presently, the Campus Life Board, a member Extra- Curricular Activities Com- Nykerk included having an encore Instead of having oration done as it there are two alternates that pull of the Extra- Curricular Activities mittee and the Campus Life Board song performed together by the odd was in the past, it would be con- only at the very beginning of the Committee, the Dean of Students, for review. and even years. Moore said that, ducted more like a pro-con speech, competition. and two students from Student Con- Frost said that the constitutions "the whole spirit of Nykerk will be This speech would not have ques- gress. "will make clear what Nykerk and seen through this event, through this tioning between the two sides. See CHANGES page 12 Student assaulted in Van Zoeren Resident Director criteria changed for Kollen and Dykstra Halls parking lot Sunday evening —— Christian values, your personal val- —— constructively." are also trained to talk and offer by Heather Mumby ues, and what you want to become," by Jill Flanagan If men and women got angry direction should someone experi- staff writer said Frost. "Those are the kinds of News Editor and acted upon it consistently by ence physical or sexual assault." things we're going to be looking for protesting crimes against women, The Counseling Center is up- A new set of standards has been in terms of the Resident Director A Hope woman was sexually "humanity in our society will be a stairs in the Sligh Building and can set for the selection of next year's candidates. So that they can bring assaulted in the parking lot on the much safer place," according to be reached at X7945, while the Peer Residence Directors (RDs) in both those kinds of things to students." north side of VanZoeren at ap- Green. Counselors are in Sligh 112. They Dykstra and Kollen Halls, focusing Frost sees it as a progressive proximately 7 p.m. this past Sunday. If a sexual assault does occur, can be reached at X7949. on both the education and experi- movement from the old "house The suspect is a white male, Lindell encourages any victim to Part of attempting to avoid as- ence of the candidates. mothers" who made sure the resi- , , 6 3 \ of thin muscular build and tell someone. Said Lindell, "You sault is education. Said Green, "My It's preferred that the new RDs dents behaved properly to the new dark colored hair. could call Public safely or tell a first reaction is not to say, "Women, hold Masters degrees in either 'stu- Residence Directors, who are there Said Jeanne Lindell of the friend or an RA. There's always a do this..." If we could prevent it, we dent affairs' or 'student personnel.' to support and educate as well as Counseling Center and a member of staff person on call. Your R A would would. Instead, this is education, A Masters in psychology would also discipline the residents. the Sexual Assault Education Com- know who that is." not prevention." count as a related field. These Mas- "We're not getting rid of all the mittee, "It is never the victim's fault. It is also a good idea to have a Although it is still fairly light at ters degrees are highly recom- Residence Directors we have cur- Rape is an act of power and vio- physical check-up after an assault, 7:00 p.m., the shuttle begins its mended, but not required. If the per- rently. We don't do that. We never lence—it is something that is done according to Lindell. Public safety nightly rounds then and continues son has lots of experience in resi- had a design to do that. What we are to somebody." is available to provide transporta- until about 1:30 A.M. The van makes dential life, then this educational trying to say is that we can get the Director of Counseling Services tion to the hospital for this as well. two rounds after the library closes background isn't as important. best of both worlds by adding a Darell Schregardusechoed this. Said The victim of Sunday night's and after that, public safety is avail- "1 think another part that's im- more intentional person," said Frost. Schregardus, "It is an ongoing trag- attack bravely reported it. Most as- able for escort service. portant is the diversity of their abili- The first three weeks of April edy in our society that women have saults go unreported. Said Lindell, "Women should ties as an educator concerning: dis- have been set aside for the process to be so on guard. It's a situation that Said Green, "1 would say to her, walk together at night. Don't go cipline, community development, of finding these new Residence Di- affects both men and women." "Bravo!" because she has taken ac- alone. Use the transportation bus. educational - programming, rectors. An oft-neglected aspect of tion and she has taken control. I feel Be aware of what's going on around multicultural interests and women's It will take about two weeks for sexual assault is men. Said Director so good about the steps she is taking. you as much as possible." issues," said Richard Frost, Dean of the initial phase of looking for of Special Programs Fonda Green, 1 don't want to trivialize what she's As the letter to all students from Students. qualifications, reading recommen- "We all got the letters, but they're gone through, though. Any assault Dean Richard Frost urged, "Be very This new set of standards are dations, and conducting phone in- really directed at women. Women is a traumatic experience—a hurt cautious—don't assume it can only being implemented in Dykstra and terviews. After the choices are nar- have a right to decide whether or not down deep inside that you can't put happen to someone else." Kollen because they are the two rowed down, the candidates will be to walk in pairs. Men don't need to a hand-aid on." Green also encourages all largest residence halls, housing 25% brought to campus and introduced decide." i t a victim wa.)! to go outside of people to be careful. Said Green, of the population on campus, and to life at Hope College. While women get scared after Hope !or services, the Center for "There are people out there who because they house most of the first- "Whenever we bring the candi- , an assault, men often want to protect Women in Transition also has a 24- want power and control, and that time students. dates in, I will guarantee you that the women, according to Green. hour hotline. Their services for as- includes power over bodies." What Frost, along with Resi- there are going to be students, R. A. 's, This anger over the assault is sault victims are free. Green asserted, "Women have dence Life Director, Robin BalUs current Residence Directors, and healthy. Said Green, 'Those angers There are options for counsel- the right to safe, secure lives." hoping to happen is to acquire Resi- other people involved in that pro- would be so positive if we could just ing on campus as well. Said Women should not have to take dence Directors who are more in- cess to make sure that the people get angry. Anger is one of the most Schregardus, "Not only do we pro- these precautions. Rather, people tentional in what they're doing. we're bringing in are in fact people affective tools against assault. vide assistance through the counsel- need to take action to prevent rape "We are supporting you and that will fit in with the Hope College People need lu channel their anger ing office, but the Peer Counselors from ever happeningngain. challenging you in terms of your student," said Frost. 2 Th« anchor AprS 1,1992 NATIONAL NEWS U.S. officials concerned over nuclear weapons WASHINGTON (AP) Ever range nuclear missiles. Belarus and Kazakhstan intend to senior U.S. negotiator. Nazarbayev has vowed to keep some since the Soviet\Union went out of On top of that, Ukrainian become nuclear-free, leaving Russia Suggesting some perspective nuclear weapons on his territory until business last December, leaving President Leonid Kravchuk ultimately as the only nuclear power. after the gloomy events in Kiev, all such weapons in the four republics some 27,000 nuclear weapons denounced the Russian leadership Moreover, the officials said, all Dennis Ross, director of the State are destroyal. "We would like to be behind, Bush administration at a meeting of the shaky four will fulfill their commitment to Department's policy planning staff, equal partners in any negotiations," officials have worried the arms Commonwealth of Independent eliminate about 40 percent of their commented: "It'sextraordinary and he has said. would be split up among the new States last weekend in Kiev. —, impressive to have an empire Jack Mendelsohn, the deputy nations or, even worse, fall into the "The C.I.S. has not solved a dissolve peacefully. It is also director of the private Arms Control hands of terrorists or rogue regimes. single important military or "It's important to understand rather extraordinary to have Association,observed said "it seems These officials are still uneasy political problem," he told that nothing we have seen republics • committing to have become a macho issue" for as Ukraine and Russia renew their reporters. suggests to us any hint of their themselves to becoming non- Kravchuk and for Nazarbayev. historic political rivalry and the From the outset. Secretary nuclear states when they have "It's their way of deterring mercurial leader of Kazakhstan, of State James A. Baker III has backing away from the START nuclear weapons on their steamrolling by Russia," Nursultan Nazarbayev, speaks one had reservations about the treaty or the other obligations territory and to do so on a Mendelsohn said in an interview. day of getting rid of his 1,400 staying power of the that are involved," voluntary basis." "They've clearly recognized the strategic nuclear weapons and the commonwealth, the loose Russia is the most powerful nuclear card is the most important next of holding on to them. federation formed at the breakup —Reginald Bartholomew, of the 12 independent nations one they have. But it doesn't mean But three State Department of the Soviet Union. that once made up the Soviet they are trying to blackmail the officials charged with keeping track But Baker was and, according deadliest missiles, bombers and Union. It has inherited 20,750 of the United States." of loose nukes all said Thursday in to lop aides, remains confident that submarines under the Strategic Arms nearly 27,000 Soviet nuclear Nazarbayev, said a State separate interviews the four nuclear Ukraine and Belarus will ship their Reduction Treaty signed last July in weapons, among them 8,750 of the Department official, "knows that in nations—Russia, Ukraine, tactical nuclear weapons to Russia Moscow. 12,000 big-ticketstrategic warheads. the end of the day Kazakhstan is Kazakhstan and Belarus—were for safekeeping by July 1. "It's important to understand This power does not always going to be a non-nuclear state. He adhering to their pledges and to their None remain in Kazakhstan nor that nothing we have seen suggests rest easily on Ukraine, which knows that in order for his state to disposal schedules. in any of the other republics, to us any hint of their backing away historically is in political function he needs support from Ukraine, indeed, has stopped including volatile Armenia, from the START treaty or the other competition with Moscow and has Russia and he needs support from shipping the second half of its 1,275 Azerbaijan and Georgia. obligations that are involved," said one-fourth of the population of the the United Slates and that the one tactical nuclear weapons to Russia, No nuclear weapons have been Reginald Bartholomew, the former Soviet Union. way to guarantee he won't get it and Kazakhstan is expressing spirited away, according to State undersecretary of state for In Kazakhstan, the other from either is to try and become an reservations about giving up its long- Department analysts. And Ukraine, international security affairs and the potential trouble spot. President independent nuclear power." Brown calls for Department of Education to be abolished Clinton calls for new loan (CPS) While he was governor debtors," he said. of California, Edmund G. "Jerry" In response to a United States programs and incentives Brown claims he accomplished a Student Association questionnaire great deal with regard to higher (USSA), Brown said he supported (CPS)—The core of Arkan- 77.7 percent since 1983. He estab- According to the Chronicle education. raising the maximum Pell Grant to sas Governor Bill CLinton' s higher lished a college bond program in survey, he also said he advocated During his administration, $4,500 and expanding eligibility for education platform mandates that 1991 to help parents finance their affirmative action so that "every which started in 1972, Brown nearly Pell Grants to students from families loans to college students be paid children's higher education. Under young American will have access doubled the funding for stale uni- with incomes between $30,000 and back as either a percentage of their the plan, parents and others can buy to a college education, no matter versities and community colleges, $50,000. income over time or through vol- short or long term tax-exempt what their background." and tripled money devoted to equal "As a nation we ought to make untary national public service. "college bonds." Clinton said he agreed with opportunity programs. the commitment that anyone who In addition, Clinton wants to Since Clinton took office, the Bush to rescind Department of "I called for higher standards in can make the grade and fulfill the establish a trust fund from which percent of Arkansas' graduating high Defense policy prohibiting lesbi- high school, requiring three years of academic requirements ought to get any American can borrow money school students who attend in-state ans, gays and bisexuals from math and two years of science for the financial assistance to attend," for a college education—a pro- universities has risen from 38.2 military service. Because many graduates, with even more stringent he said. gram he labels a domestic GI Bill. percent to 51.3 percent. . college students look to the mili- requirements forthe college bound," In order to generate funds for To fund the additional aid, The Arkansas Challenge tary to help pay for college, the he said in a statement from his increased grants. Brown told USSA Clinton proposes reallocating the Scholarship Program, implemented issue has come to the forefront. campaign office. "This led the he would "institute a flax tax and budget and pledging more money last year, allows any student who Clinton said he supports more California Stale and University amnesty, cut government spending to education. meets middle and lower-middle in- accurate national testing standards systems to raise entrance require- and shift funds, including substan- "Today only nine percent of come guidelines to have part of their "that will help us measure the ments in math." tial funds currently budgeted for the the budget is directed to investing tuition paid by the state at any col- achievements of our students and Now that he is running for the military, to education." in our future—education and lege and university in the state. tell us in what areas we need to Democratic presidential nomination, Also in the USSA survey. training, child health, environ- The student, in return, must make greater efforts," according the former governor has vowed to Brown said he would support House mental technologies, research and maintain a "C" average, stay off to the Chronicle's questionnaire. abolish the Department of Educa- Resolution 271 and Senate Resolu- infrastructure. We need to double drugs and a score a 19 or above on "However, no student in good tion. tion 236, which asks President Bush that share and pay for it by con- the ACT test. standing should be denied access "It is a massive bureaucratic, to rescind the Department of Defense verting resources no longer needed CLinton said in a Chronicle of to college, and grades should not waste," he said. "It educates no policy barring lesbians, gays and for defense," Clinton said in a Higher Education survey that he be the basis for providing financial student." bisexuals from military service. United States Student Association wants to simplify the student-aid aid. As president, I will introduce Brown said federal grants to Brown advocates the introduc- survey. program "by eliminating banks from legislation to provide universal col lege students are belter than loans. tion of sophisticated technology to As governor, Clinton in- the process and making direct loans access to college for anyone who "What we're seeing s almost an the classroom. "There ought to be a creased funding for a higher edu- to students through their colleges desires a college education," he invisible disease that is turning stu- computer on every student's desk in cation institutions in Arkansas by and trade schools." said. dents into long-term, almost lifelong. America," he said. Abortion issue likely to explode before party conventions 1 ^ f A ry ¥ TT V T ' ¥ * A'X ^ T / A r m ** % • • • - « . . . WASHINGTON (AP) There's Congress is considering an involved. Arkansas, their likely nominee, says GOP campaign strategists do a political explosion wailing to attempt to preserve abortion rights But Republican women who he is "very strongly pro-choice" and not consider it a turning point happen during the lull between the by law, no matter what the court want to change the party's anti- considers abortion a private matter national issue. But it can be crucial last of the presidential primaries and does, but Bush says he would block abortion platform said they were that shouldn't be a political issue. in a state campaign. And presidents the clamor of the national it. "Let me be clear," he told a encouraged by the new guideline. Jerry Brown, his challenger, says he are elected in 50 stale campaigns for conventions. It is a Supreme Court conservative church group early this They want a convention vote in defended abortion rights against electoral votes. ruling on abortion rights that would month, "I support the right to life." August on the platform plank that hostile legislation when he was The potential impact was put a new problem on President Bush has vetoed six bills that declares opposition to abortion; the governor of California, and evident in the major slate upset so Bush's campaign docket. would have permitted the use of Bush campaign does not want a floor appointed seven stateSupremeCourt far this year, Carol Moseley Braun' s There's just been a preview in federal funds for abortions or fight that would stir the controversy. justices who supported abortion defeat of Sen. Alan Dixon for the the controversy over an abortion counseling. But by the time the Republicans rights. Democratic nomination to the Senate administration ruling that allows When the counseling guidelines get to their Houston convention on Bush came late to his anti- in Illinois. doctors in federally funded clinics were disclosed, militant foes of Aug. 17, the issue will be stirring abortion stance, a position he took She made Dixon's vote for the to advise patients on abortion, while abortion said the president had anyhow. The Supreme Court will in 1980, the year he ran for vice confirmation of Supreme Court other staff members cannot discuss compromised the ban on abortion hear arguments April 22 on a president, in keeping with the GOP Justice Clarence Thomas one of her that option unless asked, and then advice. Abortion rights advocates Pennsylvania law restricting platform. campaign targets, and it helped her only to refer women elsewhere. said the guidelines actually would abortions, with a decision due by The Democrats see the issue as gain support that included Those government guidelines tighten the so-called gag rule. early summer. an opening, given the public opinion unexpected backing from women in angered activists on both sides in the The White House said the clinic Both sides in the abortion polls that show most voters suppon suburban Republican precincts. 20-year battle over abortion rights, instructions ^iterated and clarified struggle anticipate a ruling to limit abortion rights, although many also Abortion rights could become a guaranteed by the Supreme Court in the president's position.*' abortion rights, it is an issue the favor some limits. A restrictive crucial factor in the Nov. 3 election 1973, now in the hands of a more "It has not changed," deputy Democrats would seize at their ruling could help them mobilize there, for the Senate and for 22 conservative court deemed likely to press secretary Judy Smith said. She national convention in New York in women and shift votes that could be electoral votes, in a state Bush limit if not reverse thai ruling. said no political consider^ions were mid^July. Gov. BiH Clinton of crucial in a close contest. v captured four years ago. April 1,1992 The anchor 3 NATIONAL NEWS Programs for Women say there's no glass ceiling gifted students ROANOKE (AP) As a top trained women is larger. If Domin- So she retumed to Wharton. She advises young women on executive for Dominion Bankshares ion Bankshares had barriers, she Only this time, just a decade later, the way up to "choose your mate face elimination Corp., Susan Koch directs a staff of said, "I wouldn't be where I am." women made up 30 percent of the carefully/' And a key to success is a GRAND RAPIDS (AP) two dozen people who plan the Their perceptions are borne out class. She married another Wharton good baby sitter, she said. Parents fear attempts to pare down company's marketing strategy. in a recent study by Kom/Ferry In- MBA candidate and came to Ms. Koch cited two men in her the school district's $ 15.5 million But when Ms. Koch comes into ternational, a New York executive Roanoke in 1981 when he took a job department who are in their 30s and deficit for the coming academic the office on Saturdays or evenings, recruiting service. with ITT. greatly involved in raising their year will lead to the elimination chances are her son will be by her The firm found that the number Roanoke had few openings for children. of special programs for gifted side, doing homework. of its women placed in senior-level MBAs, Ms. Koch found, but she It's never assumed the mother students. For Nick, 7, it's the only way of positions more than tripled from got a job by pioneering what has will be the one to take time off when Vicky Hudson already has life he's ever known: having two 1981 to 1991. today become a familiar technique: a child is sick and needs care. "The one daughter in the city's parents with separate careers in two Kom/Ferry said 5 percent of its networking. Her husband's associ- responsibility is much more shared," Spectrum program and had hoped different cities. top placements in 1981 were women. ate at ITT had a wife who worked she said. to enroll another daughter next Sacrificing what many would The portion rose to 9 percent by for Dominion and she delivered Ms. Older executives now in power year. Students in the program consider a normal family life is Koch's resume to the bank. didn't have working wives, Ms. Koch attend regular schools, but spend necessary, according to women Dominion took a chance said, but they see their sons and one day a week at the Spectrum who have advanced to the execu- on her, Ms. Koch said, because daughters coping with new defini- Center with other children who tive ranks. "My husband understands she had no business experience tions of family. excel in academics and the arts. "My husband understands at all. The next generation of Cheif there are two professionals "The Spectrum program there are two professionals in the Banking was then newly Executive Officers, Ms. Koch said, was a very important part of my family," said Judie Snipes, vice in the family/' deregulated and banks had to will have a different view of the daughter's education," Hudson president for quality management —Judie Snipes develop and manage their own world. said Monday night at a at Carilion Health Systems, She products, she said. "When it's your life or has community forum on impending said she sees no artificial barriers Ms. Koch became touched you personally," Ms. Koch budget cuts. to continued progress by women Dominion's first product man- said, it affects your attitudes. School officials have in industry. "We're our own barri- 1986 and to 16 percent last year. ager. Her initial responsibility was Her boss. Dominion Chairman considered merging Spectrum ers," Ms. Snipes said. "With women today accounting travelers checks. It wasn't one of Warner Dalhouse, said he has asked with the district's smaller gifted At Norfolk Southern Corp., for half of the graduates of our Dominion's most important prod- his managers to find minorities and programs within individual "there are a lot of younger, very nation's graduate business schools, ucts, she said, "but I made it a prof- women "to put into important jobs. schools. But Hudson and several good women coming up," said we... expect the number of women itable one." It's in our best interest from a lot of other parents said being in the Kathryn McQuade, director of tax placements into senior executive In 1989, Ms. Koch developed perspectives." center's unique environment with administration. Her bosses mentored positions to increase dramatically the Dominion Premier program, Ms. Snipes at Carilion said other gifted children was too her career, Ms. McQuade said, and over the next 10 years," Kom/Ferry built around incentives for a total today's top managers are the men important an experience to in her climb "all of my predecessors president Richard Ferry said. consumer banking relationship in who trained under the GI Bill after sacrifice. were men." "There isn't any job that's both deposits and loans. It was an World War 11. Women were not in "Children at Spectrum need "I never felt I was held back," closed to women today," he said. enormous success in the amount of that pool of qualified candidates. to live up to their abilities," said said Ann Harrell, senior vice presi- "The glass ceiling has cracked." new business it generated for Do- But women must work the same parent Nancy Clements. She said dent and retail division head for Susan Koch's career demon- minion, she said. long hours as their male counterparts special classes for gifted students Crestar Bank. Top management "has strates some of the changes in atti- Ms. Koch was promoted last if they want to reach high executive are as important as special always done the right thing by me." tude about executive women over November to senior vice president positions, according to the female education classes for students at "I haven't found that much of a the last two decades. for marketing. business leaders who said they put in risk of dropping out. physical glass ceiling," said Helene Ms. Koch, 44, once backed Nine years ago, her husband 10- to 12-hour days. Brian Craig said he feared Mawyer, manager of business and away from enrolling in the graduate went to work for a private engi- 'Tm committed to spending the the district wouldcut back further development and information sys- business administration program at neering firm in Washing!^. That lime" which is to perform the job on art and music programs. tems at General Electric Co. "GE the Wharton School of the Univer- meant maintaining two households. of running Crestar's seventeen local "We're down to one session has been very willing to advance sity of Pennsylvania. They have houses here and there. branches, Ms. Harrell said. But it's over two weeks in visual arts and women's careers." That was in 1969, when only "We're still happily married," no burden to her because "1 love my the sam in music," he said. "That But by the time her generation three women were enrolled, or about Ms. Koch said, adding that when job." simply isn't enough." came along, Ms. Mawyer said, 1 percent of the class, Koch said. she grew up in Cincinnati, her father Noting she was on the leading But Superintendent Jeffery mathematics was no longer viewed Instead she look demographic spent the work week away from his edge of the baby boom generation, Grotsky told parents the Board of as an unfeminine pursuit. "Perhaps and Middle East studies at Colum- family, as brewmaster at the Ms. Harrell said she spent her Education has not determined the culture was already changing," bia University and spent 10 years Wooden Shoe Brewery in Minster, working years "really focused" on which programs would be cut. she said. directing a Planned Parenthood Ohio. her career, taking care of her family Other public hearings were Pat Stowers attributed her po- clinic in Hartford, Conn. Ms. Koch admits she has and balancing those two aspects of scheduled for later in the week. sition as general records supervisor She watched her two brothers sometimes thought of looking for her life. To cut costs for 1992-93, to "tremendous bosses" at Appala- cam MBAs and start work at very work in Washington, but: "A. 1 re- But the world of women may be Grand Rapids school officials chian Power Co., who taught her a high salaries. When the youngest ally like my job a lot; and B. It's a turning yet again. already have decided t6 eliminate lot about accounting. graduated with an MBA from great place to raise a kid.... Roanoke Ms. Harrell's 25-year-old 25 management positions. ^The '80s was a major change Harvard, she said to herself, "I'm at is just more of a family town. I like daughter is a full-time homemaker. Contracts for another 60 decade for women and men," Ms. least as smart as he is. I should be it here a lot. I've never really been "She is very, very happy. She's not management employees will not Koch said, because the pool of making that kind of money." tempted" to leave. quite as driven as her mother." be renewed. U of M President enraged by Michigan's fab-five won't be satisfied student paper's political cartoon. ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) cartoonist Greg Stump never with just making it to the Final Four An editorial cartoon in the Uof M intended to offend blacks. LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) But when you become complacent, During the ensuing timeout, student newspaper about political Rennie said after reviewing Michigan's freshmen-led team you become a loser. We've got Webber said, "one of the players off change in South Africa enraged the cartoon, he could understand if won't be happy with just going to another toumament to deal with, a the bench said, 'No one can beat us the school president but brought people found it offensive. the Final Four. It wants the school's two-game toumament." except ourselves. So let's not blow barely a ripple of other protest. In Tuesday's paper. Stump second NCAA title in four years. Michigan, which had lost to up.' "I know that coming out of that The cartoon shows a said he regretted any confusion The Wolverines' 75-71 Ohio State twice during the regular timeout, I felt real good about this prehistoric white man and a woman about his work. The cartoon was overtime victory overOhioState for season, began having doubts Sunday team." looking at a small, dark monkey- intended to show the steps being the NCAA Southeast Regional after the Buckeyes erased a seven- While Michigan's freshmen like character that is trying to walk taken by the white South Africa championship was minutes old know what lies ahead—a meeting with the aid of a cane. The character govemment, not blacks from the Sunday when the Fab Five began "I've achieved one of my with Cincinnati on Saturday in is labeled "South Africa." country. pondering their first trip to the Minneapolis—Ohio State's "Aw gee, his first steps," the Rennie said the paper had national semifinals. goals, which is to make it Jimmy Jackson is pondering his white man says. received only one phone call "1 really don't know how I the Final Four. But when future. University President James J. complaining about the cartoon. feel yet," said Michigan's Jalen you become complacent, Jackson, who had 20 points Duderstadt suggested The Duderstadt's office received Rose. "It's a feeling of happiness, but nine tumovers Sunday, said Michigan Daily apologize for several complaints about the but it's not exactly a feeling of you become a loser." he hasn't decided whether to skip publishing the cartoon in last cartoon, said Shirley Clarkson, satisfaction." —Chris Webber his final year of eligibility and Friday's editions. director of presidential Rose scored 20 points S unday enter the NBA draft. In a letter to the newspaper communications. and Chris Webber _ another of Jackson has accomplished Monday, Duderstadt said he was Duderstadt also wrote to the the five freshmen starers _ had 23 point deficit midway through the plenty in three years of college. He "appalled that we have in our midst newspaper last October after it points and 11 rebounds. The pair second half to tie the game at 57. is a first-team Ail-American and people capable of exploiting the published a full-page have held team scoring honors in 30 "At that point I started having two-time BigTen player of the yea . terrible suffering of the people of advertisement that claimed the of 32 games this season. flashbacks to Columbus," Webber He also was named to the U.S. P: n South Africaandof purveying ugly Holocaust was a hoax. "Sitting here thinking about it, said. "I became dejected, thinking American team last summer. racial stereotypes for their own Duderstadt backed the paper's I realize that not many players can that we're not concentrating. "I'll sit down with my parents sick or sophomoric purposes." right to run the ad as a form of free go to the Final Four," Webber said. Especially me. Little things that I and different people, look at both Michigan Daily editor-in- speech, but criticized editors for "I've achieved one of my goals, wasn't doing. And I was questioning sides of the situation and what' s I est chicf not disavow^^jpjits,,, lmu] MiQhjifcJpjnHte it.ihajFu^lFaittn for myself jon li \hm 4 The anchor April 1,1992 CAMPUS Students spend break at Rosebud Reservation with a scene we haven't known be- gone on one of these—although by Cynthia Tanty * fore." every year I want to—nor have any campus editor Ann Rubin ('92), said of the of my interns gone, although they've experience, "it was awesome. We always wanted to. I just feel that the While many students made a went and our main project was to way to develop leadership is to have beeline for (he south, 22 Hope repaint the inside of one of their them make the decisions and do the College students headed for the churches and we cleaned everything thing, and if any of us is there it Rosebud Indian Reservation in up. That look us basically the colors it." South Dakota. whole week. We also saw Ml. Locations of past years have Through a student-organized Rushmore, the Badlands National included Alabama, Appalachia, project coordinated with the help of Park, and the Niobrara Wildlife Georgia, Canada and Staten Island f the chaplain's office, the group spent Reserve. in New York, and projects have spring break helping renovate a "In the evenings we had a lot of included working with inner-city church on the reservation. visitors from the church. They youth and Habitat for Humanity. Said Chaplain VanHeest of the cooked us traditional Indian meals Said VanHeest, "We never double il tr decision to go to South Dakota, and they danced traditional Indian up. We go somewhere different Photo courtesy of Ann Rubin "We've never been to a Native dances." every year. 1 want to say thank you THE CHAPLAIN'S OFFICE took a different route this American anything. So, it was de- It is the policy of the chaplains' to the Hope community for the year and went to an Indian reservation. Hope students cided to go there. It's a sensitizing office never to go along on these Bethlehem Fund last year al Christ- pose with some of their native American friends. thing and a way to become familiar trips. Said VanHeest, "I've never mas which enabled students to go." Poe works and antebellum Psychologist stresses father's role by Jill Flanagan the father is the custodial parent, ihe' news editor mother is more likely to be involved ^ publishing examined in lecture than the father is when the mother is sponsored by the English depart- kinds of criticism. The broadest Fathers matter, too. the custodial parent." by Krika Brubaker ment here at Hope. The lecture was proposition which will seem like a Both males and females who Biller stressed, however, that* features editor held in the Otte room, on Friday. very simple one but which 1 think is receive positive influence from their regardles•- s of which is the custodial • March 27 which had an audience a difficult challenge is to presume fathers seem to have better self- parent, "It is in the best interest of "My main focus in my work comprised of Hope English students that authorship has a history." esteem and be more confident and the child to have both." > has been on ihe way in which and faculty. Much of McGill's speech was competent on a variety of measures Said Biller, "Mothers are more, changes in the conditions of au- McGill is currently working on concerned with copyright laws and than those who did not, according to effective when the father is in- thorship, specifically in America in her dissertation, entitled "Poe's how they related to Poe's works. Ai Dr. Henry Biller. volved." the nineteenth century, have rede- Plagiarisms: Literary Property and that lime, many authors published Biller, who spoke to a packed He also pointed out that, where# fined what it means to be an author," the Authorial Self In Antebellum their works simultaneously in both house on Thursday, is from the there is "mutual cooperation and stated Meredith L. McGill at the America." England and the United States, be- University of Rhode Island and has suppon, the likelihood of child"* beginning of her lecture entitled The dissertation "examines cause otherwise their works were published extensively on the im- maltreatment is decreased." "Edgar Allan Poe and the Authorial Edgar Allan Poe's career and writ- not fully covered by the copyright portance of fathers in the family. Fathering is also important for Subject: Publishing, Plagiarism,and ings in relation to the radical changes laws in both countries. Biller is also a five-time father infants. According to Biller, babies (he Conditions of Authorship in in publishing practice of the 1830's McGill's work reflects the in- himself. are just as capable of bonding with* Antebellum America." and 40's, and in relation to the ex- fluence of schools of criticism such Said Biller,"The way five-year- fathers as with mothers. McGill, who is finishing her tended debate over copyright, the as those who study the history of the old kids were treated by their fathers "Dads respond differently than Ph.D at The Johns Hopkins Uni- social mechanism designed to book and new historic ism. "The new was significantly correlated with moms to babies. Children's devel-^ versity, will begin teaching at regulate this practice." historicism has urged us recently to functioning at age 41. In fact, the opment is enhanced by these dif-^ Harvard University in the fall. She McGill stated, "What 1 want to think about the ways in which literary quality of fathering was even more ferences. These differences stimu- received a B.A. from Williams do today really is try to unfold the texts are somewhat semi-permeable highly correlated that the quality of late cognitive development and so-* College, a B.A. from Cambridge, logic of my work on Poe and ante- membranes or cultural events that mothering." cial adaptability," said Biller. and an M.A. from The Johns bellum publishing, and make a are co-existent with these literary Biller stressed that positive fa- When both parents are actively Hopkins University. Her visit was methodological case for certain texts." thering influenced more than just involved, babies are more adaptive*

childhood. Children whose fathers when left with other people. # Scholarship for the People lecture series concludes were involved grew up more likely Biller explains that, "When to have a quality, long-term stable babies are positively attached to* marriage,close friends andchildren, fathers, they are also positively at-* by Cami Reister according to Biller. tached to their mothers." staff writer Said Biller, ''There is no ques- Fathers are not out there alone, tion that we have to pay at least as though. They must work well withiir The year long Scholarship for much attention to the quality of fa- the family. Said Biller, "One thing, the People lecture series came to a thering children receive as to any- we have toconsiderwith the father's close last Thursday, March 26, with thing else." role is in the context of the family:4 one of its main organizers address- It is best for children to have the quality of the father-mother re-- ing ihe connections between a quality fathering, even in divorced lationship and how well they com- theatre riot, society and politics relationships. Said Biller, "When municate with one another." Marc Baer, associate professor of history at Hope College and one of the organizers of the series, re- CAMPUS BRIEFS lated his experiences of writing of his recently published bovkj heatre and Disorder in Laic Georgian U of Chicago professor explores ethics London. and considerations of life-support The host of ihe lecture series, Marie Sicgler, a professor of medicine at Ihe University of Chi- Bobby Fong, Dean for Arts and Photo by Rich Blair cago. presented a discussion on the ethics of life-sustaming medical Humanities at Hope, introduced MARC BAER speaks with Bobby Fong about his book treatments on Tuesday, March 31. Siegler addressed the use of life- Baer, providing the audience with after the final Scholorship for th e People lecture. suslaining treatment in medicine in light of the U.S. Supreme Court the basis of the lecture series and "Cruzan Decision." He explored the moral and ethical considerations Baer's presentation. necessary to decide when (and if) it is appropriate to stop a treatment "Humanities scholarship rests that time. and organize the lecture series. The that keeps a critically ill patient alive. on the premise that by understand- "I wanted to write something series was underwritten by the ing the particular, we might gain about [the riot], and I ended up writ- Michigan Council for the Humani- Hope students place in math competitions some insight into larger truths. Thus, ing a book that's kind of about it, but ties and the Holland Community individual storiesof scholarship will also about how theatre and politics Foundation. A team of three Hope College students has placed 59th in the 52nd become examples of the scholarly and society are all interconnected," Jacobsma is pleased with the Annual National Putnam Mathemat ical Competition. Alexei Stepanov process," said Fong. Baer said. outcome of the series in general. finished 55th out of2.325: Rychard Bouwens 093) finished 688th;and Baer's book is based on a riot at "Audiences which rioted were However, she would like to have Paul Warner (*94) finished 1.135th. a London theatre in 1809, which not a new feature in British society," seen a larger variation of Holland Also in the annual Lower Michigan Mathematics Competition on lasted 67 continuous nights. Baer said Baer. "And, paradoxically, such community members in attendance. Saturday, Feb. 15 three students placed. The competition featured 21 first ran across information on the incidents help explain why a coun- "I wish there would have been teams of three students each from eight colleges and universities. The riot while in London doing some try which had so many riots never- more high school students. We re- first place Hope team earned 76 points out of a possible 100 research in another area of interest. theless avoided political rebellion ally tried to target some of the off- The subject intrigued him, and in the eraof the American and French campus audiences," said Jacobsma. Violist and faculty to perform concert after he ran across the information a Revolutions." "We sent letters to English teachers Hope faculty and a violist of the Grand Rapids Symphony will few more times, he decided to look Baer, along with Kelly and history teachers. So 1 was a little petform on Tuesday. March 31 at 8 p.m. in Dimnent Chapel. The into it a bit more deeply. He found Jacobsma, head of Public Services disappointed that more of them recital will feature Robert Byrens. Joan Conway and S. Russell Floyd, that this incident showed more than of Van Wylen Library, worked to- didn't bring their classes or take perfonns wi,h G,^ Symplw,y, the riotous tendencies of Britain at gether to secure the needed grants advantage of it." April1,1992 The anchor 5 CAMPUS Van Wylen library Bertice Berry returns awarded NEH Grant tion of existing materials. with important message by Reba O'Shesky NEH defines humanities as staff writer anything todo with histoiy, language anticipation of a larger by Dave Betlejewski and literature, anthropology, phi- crowd over last year's staff writer Van Wylen Library has recently losophy, comparative religion, eth- turn-out.

received a $600t000 Challenge ics, history, theory and critique of When looking for Grant from the National Endowment the arts, speech and rhetoric, and Bertice Berry is coming back words to describe Berry's for the Humanities to be paid to the jurisprudence. for an encore performance and lec- show and the unique way college over three years. The grant 4The whole purpose of this grant ture at Hope College on Friday April she presents her message requires that in order to receive the to enhance the humanities resources 3 sharing her message with the Hope Hardy said,"Phenomenal. funds Hope must raise $2.4 million of the library is to support the hu- and Holland community. Excellent. Easily one of dollars over four years. This fund manities instruction of the college. An award-winning comedienne the best comediennes to raising is presently being conducted It's an old saw that the library is the and Ph. D. of sociology. Berry will come to Hope." within the Hope in the Future cam- laboratory of the humanities and it be lecturing at 11:30 a.m. in Winants Hardy is not alone in paign. According to Van Wylen is true," stated Jensen. Auditorium and also performing in his positive critique of Ms. Library director David Jensen, the Interviews are being conducted Maas Auditorium at 8:30 in the Berry. Last year she was ft college has matched the funds for the reference library position. evening. the recipient of the Na- needed to receive the second in- Jensen says he hopes that the new Described as a complete 're- tional Association for stallment of the grant. librarian will be in place in late July naissance woman,' Berry has three Campus Activities The monies from the grant will or early August. degrees in sociology, including a (NACA) Comedy Act of be used will be used to establish an "Ouraimistobring the library's Ph. D. from Kent State University. the Year Award, an award endowment to enhance the humani- quality of collections in the hu- She is at Hope once again in a presented based on a na- ties collections of the library in four manities up to the level of humani- dual role giving a lecture as well as tionwide vote that has Group H, Nashville areas: materials, processing costs, a ties instruction at the college," said performing her act dealing with taken place every fall since BERTRICE BERRY the comedian new humanities reference librarian, Jensen. %This is a tremendous boost bigotry on campuses. 1982. and sociologist will again be on This dual role is nothing new to Otherrecipientshave and a small amount for the preserva- for the college and for the library." campus to bring her message. her as she toured colleges and included Rodney comedy clubs across the nation last Dangerfield (1984) and year while simultaneously working Andy Andrews (1986-87). it is not so much her side-split- on her dissertation This year, however, she man- ting humor, but the unique message According to Tom Hardy, aged to walk away with NACA's she brings to people everywhere that chairperson of Social Activities highest award for Campus Enter- keeps audienqes begging for more, Committee Berry enjoyed her visit tainer of the Year, previously given Indeed Berry strays from telling to Hope so much last year she began to the Police (1984) and Huey Lewis jokes with punch-lines but instead looking for a house in this area. and the News (1985). tells stories anyone can relate to. Hardy also noted the size of the The fact that Berry has been Berry will bring to Hope her audience in the Kletz last year and given these awards is no surprise to message of togetherness and un- expects to also pack the Maas this anyone who has seen her act or derstanding which few others can year. The move to Maas was in attended one of her lectures. match. Student Congress election process begins signatures. ter turnout this year. by Jon Joffe A potential president must re- "I would really like to see voter staff writer ceive 100 signatures to be eligible to turnout increase. It is important for run for office. The position of the students to get involved in their Student Congress elections comptroller requires 75 signatures school," stated Moore. have arrived once again at Hope and the potential vice president needs Voting is April 16 from 10:00 College. Petitions for officers have 50 signatures to be eligible. a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Booths will be set File Photo to be in by April 7. Ballots are made Holly Moore, the current Stu- up in the DeWitt Center Lobby, the VAN WYLEN LIBRARY receives a Challenge Grant of up on a first come, first-on-the-bal- dent Congress Vice-President says Maas Center, and the lobby in $600,000 which requires the college to raise $2.4 million. lot basis. Many prospective officers thai voting turnout was good last Phelps. are hard at work getting the required year and she hopes for an even bet- Take the time to vote. Fraternity organizes work-service project Hope students participate in Great that scores big with Holland area youth Lakes Chemistry Conference two of the players. "Some tourna- Austin and Chris McDonald from • Two juniors present posters by Jon Kelder ments can cost $30-40, but this one West Middle School. Runners up guest writer explaining their current research is fantastic. It gave everybody a were the "Smukkers"—Todd chance to play. Everything was very Timmer, Tom Van Hekken, Chris Holland — Students from modeling can be used to better A three-on-three baketball smooth running and on time [as) the Glupker of Holland West Middle Hope College participated in the understand molecules and their tounament was held Saturday, planning was done very well." School, and Joe Van Faasen of 1992 Great LakesCollege Chem- reactivity. March 27 at West Middle School as The toumament was divided Holland Christian Middle School. istry Conference, held at Michi- Others working on the project a work/service project organized by into three brackets with seventh and The "Renegades" took the ninth gan Slate University in East with Overway include Polik; the Emersonian Fraternity of Hope and tenth grade bracket. This team Lansing on Saturday, March 21. Rychard J. Bouwens, a Hope jun- College. consisted of Jason Klobucher, Ryan Ken Overway of Holland, ior from Wayland; and former The original idea for a tourna- "Some tournaments Kempe, Jimmy Morin and Ricado and Kent Rcnkema of Hope student Charles D. Emery. ment was brought to the can cost $30-40, but Lopado, all from Holland High Hudsonville both made poster Renkema presented Emersonians by Mike VanEpps, this one is fantastic. School. The second place trophy presentations during the day-long "Functionalization of youth pastor at Bethel Reformed went to "CBCB"—Benny Guerero, conference, which included par- Polydimethylsiloxanes Via a 1,2- Church, in the fall of 1991. Since It gave everybody a Chuck Kyles, Chris Banks and ticipants from more than 20 Great Silyl Shift." According to then, Derek Triesenberg of the chance to play/' Bemie Lopez from Holland West Lakes area schools. Hope faculty Renkema, future benefits of the Emersonians has been organizing —Nick Devries Middle School. members William F. Polik and project could include the creation the toumament. The varsity toumament proved Joanne L. Stewart, both assistant of new, synthesized molecules "I called local churches and successful for the "Pyrones are professors of chemistry, also at- with properties useful to scientists. businesses to help sponsor us," said eighth graders in the first bracket, Us"—Adam Shashaguay, Chad tended. Renkema has been working on Triesenberg. "The toumament was ninth and tenth graders in the sec- Wiggers, John Van Wieren and Overway and Renkema are the project with Michael E. Silver, free for the players and our fraternity ond, and eleventh and twelfth grad- Frank Cisneros of Holland High both juniors and chemistry majors associate professor of chemistry couldn't handle all the costs so we ers in the third. School. Runners up team members at Hope. They have conducted at Hope. needed the support of the commu- The first rounds of the seventh included Brad Bultman, Rolf research during both the academic Overway, Renkema and the nity." to tenth graders advanced in regular Geiselhart, Jose Cablert and year and the summer. conference's other participants Registration forms went to lo- toumament and a toilet bowl tour- Benjiman Van Wieren. Overway's presentation was displayed posters outlining their .cal schools in late February and by nament if needed. This allowed all Sponsoring organizations and titled, "Dispersed Fluorescence work and discussed their projects toumament time 42 teams with over A* the teams to play at least two games. churches included Christ Memorial Spectroscopy of Excited with others attending. The con- 160 students comprised the touma- The eleventh and twelftli grade Reformed Church, the Pillar Chris- Rovibrational States in Formal- ference also included workshops ment. bracket was also double elimination tian Reformed Church, St. Francis dehyde." The research has in- on new topics in chemistry, a "My son came home from but no toilet games were played. De Sales Catholic Church, Bethel volved using a laser to excite luncheon and an address by Jay school one day with the registration In the seventh and eighth grade Reformed Church, Bentheim Re- molecules and them mathemati- Siegel, who directs the Forensic form and said that he wanted to play, toumament, "Where's the Prize" formed Church, Cobblestone Hob- cally modeling what they look Science Program in the MSU and that it was free, " said Nick emerged in first place. It included: bies and Crafts, and the North side like. According to Overway, such School of Criminal Justice. DeVries of Holland and father of Nate Butsis, Ryan Klinger, Mike Burger King. VIEWPOINT Editorial -A No one immune to assaults

This past Sunday a female Hope College student was the victim of sexual assault/rape. The fact that the attack occurred at approximately 7:00 p.m. draws special attention to this incident. CP \ Often we fall into the naive belief that sexual assaults 7* eteto occur only late at night in secluded places. Wrong. This attack out occurred on the north side of Van Zoeren Hall during daylight n. hours. At the same time Van Zoeren computer labs were filled with students working on papers, professors staying late to grade papers and students working in the physics lab in Vander Werf. All of Hope College went on its normal activities, while an assault occurred on the campus. df This should wake us up to the reality that assaults, either sexual or physical in nature, can happen to each and everyone of us. Even in our little bubble here at Hope. Men are not excluded from this danger. Physical assaults take place every day, and because they are men does not mean they are excluded from the dangers of society. Do not assume it can only happen to someone else and that you are excluded because of gender. Letters to the editors With the arrival of Spring, the students of Hope are most vulnerable to attacks. The warmer weather and the increase in outdoor activities makes students and the campus prime targets Outrage expressed over anti-Greek sentiment for assaults and other crimes. Dear anchor. their pledges to go to events, which tion holds a formal each semester? By following some basic guidelines, students can reduce Even from 5000 miles away, is simply not true. Greeks force their Furthermore. I don't believe any the possibilities of being a victim of a crime. from Nantes, France, where 1 am pledges to do nothing, except love pledge who would rather go to Fan- 1) Travel in groups, especially at night. studying for a semester abroad, I and accept each other. It is the tasia instead of a pledge event de- 2) Call public safety or the escort van instead of walking feel the need to repel the anti-Greek pledge's choice to attend an event, serves to be a Greek. If a pledge is alone. At anytime of night, pubic safety will provide a safe ride. Trash, which I read today in the two and if he chooses not to attend, he or willing to skip out on his pledge Guys, this means you, too. editions of the anchor, about Fan- she will simply be required to make brothers or sisters, he or she isn't 3) Be aware of your surroundings. If something looks tasia interfering with pledging. up the time, and the valuable ses- ready to accept the responsibility suspicious, avoid it. Ann Bakker-Gras starts, "It's sions lost. Also she seemed to think and commitment of brotherhood, 4) If there is no possible escort, walk in the middle of the not my fault; the date for Fantasia the Greeks could simply "cancel" and not ready to love and to sacri- street and avoid poorly lit areas. was set before the date for pledging an event. With honored alumni fice. It is because of my trust, and 5) Be sure to walk with confidence. Sorry Anne, pledging has been three coming from all over the country, is my brother's commitment, that I am 6) Have keys, mace or other defensive items in hand. weekends of second semester for not an event just as, if not more, sure no Cosmopolitan attended 7) Phone ahead to let someone know you are on your way more than twenty years, and you important [than] an obligation than Fantasia. and who you are leaving with, if anyone. should know that. Try again. a date to Fantasia? Pledging is a And these articles are just a 8) Wear shoes you can run in. "The Am way Grand Hotel only sacred tradition we Greeks cling to symptom of the anti-Greek senti- For more information, contact Public Safety or the Hope gave us a few dates on which we as the means of furthering our fra- ment I've felt since I've been at Counseling Center. could have Fantasia." Not good ternity or sorority. It would be like Hope. All the G.D.I.'s and the ad- Criminal activity can be reduced by following these and enough. Why didn't you seek an telling an expectant mother in labor ministration choose to be ignorant other precautions. Students at Hope College are not immune to agreement with another hotel? As that you couldn't lake her to the of our unguarded secret—that Greek the dangers of the world. Be smart. Don't be naive. It can happen the administration has been "for- hospital until the Cosby Show was pledging has nothing to do with to you. It can happen to your best friend. It can happen to getting" about Greeks for a long over. meanness or "hazing," but rather anyone. time, I was not truly outraged until I Both articles, I noticed, missed love and responsibility toward each read the letter to the editor, written the obvious point: why would a other. This is This. by some ignorant G.D.I. Greek or Greek- to-be want to go to Corrections She made two false assump- a glorified high school prom any- Jacob Sanders ('93) OKA tions. The first was that Greeks force way, when every Greek organiza- The classified ad in the March 11 issue concerning the Kappa Delta Chi Sorority's Integration tears away at identity of the College pledging policy was a bogus ad and does In a letter that appeared in the This type of discrimination is neighborhoods, boy/girl scouts and not reflect the character of the sorority. March 11 Anchor, Nicholas Drzal acceptable after adopting the appro- do I dare say Nykerk/Pull and Hope The anchor regrets the error. expressed dissatisfaction with the priate level at which diversity is College would be lost forever. Inte- recruitment of the new religion insisted upon. Total diversity can be gration dilutes differences and dif- professor, a process which he felt represented by coed bathrooms. ferences are what make things in- was discriminatory. He feels that Total undiversity is then all- male or teresting. the administration is keeping stu- all-female schools/communities/ Hope teaches non-RCA religion The anchor staff dents in an RCA bubble. This, of slates. Some set the level at classes; this is the level of diversity EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Steve Kaukonen course, is obvious. schools, some at sports teams and that it has chosen. So if you don't ASSOCIATE EDITOR Scott Runyon However it is also acceptable social organizations. And some like it, do something like find another NEWS EDITOR Jill Flanagan for Hope to practice what Drzal calls households and an occasional ser- school, or adjust, or maybe just write CAMPUS EDITOR Cynthia Tanty discrimination in order to maintain vice station have coed bathrooms. a lelter to the anchor. Thanks go to FEATURES EDITOR Erika Brubaker its identity. Hope's identity is RCA. Which is best? 1 don't know. But 1 Mr. Drzal for making us think about ARTS EDITOR Matt Buys Hope should maintain this identity do know that Hope is a small part of diversity. SPORTS EDITOR Cal Hodgson and not feel pressured to input non- a diverse world. If we insist upon PHOTO EDITOR Rich Blair RCA professors or students. ultra-integration, things like ethnic Todd Abbott ASSNT. PHOTO EDITOR David Beetlejewski PRODUCTION EDITOR Maria Van Baren COPY EDITOR Polly Schuler Notes from the editor's desk PAGE DESIGNER Cami Reister New Political Cartoons The ranchor special edition BUSINESS MANAGER Kristen Bauss A few weeks ago eight delegates from the If you happen to be merrily reading along in this AD MANAGER Fran Johnson anchor staff traveled to Minneapolis for the Best of week's anchor, and you happen to read a story that is TYPIST Bret Bussey the MidwestConference,aseriesof lectures, seminars too hard to believe is true or that you've sworn you've FACULTY ADVISOR Dennis Renner and workshops for college journalists. The confer- read in the National Enquirer or other similar publi- ence not only provided the staff with information cation, don't Iret, it's only the parody issue of the STAFF WRITERS about journalism, but they came home with some- anchor. Greg Brown Theresa Hamilton thing a little extra special. Cindy Keip ^ IJfcaUjer Mumby Each year about this time, when stress levels are That extra special item may have only been Reba O'Shesky^ at their peak, and nothing seems to be going right. The noticed if you happened to be paying close attention anchor staff works long hours to bring you the parody Suzanne ^Sja^W^ii urik to the political cartoon in the last issue of the anchor. Beth \ issue entitled. The ranchor, in hopes of brightening But even the keenest eye and the most intelligent your day, and bringing a smile and an occasional laugh } // \ yA \ person may not have noticed. to our audience. The antKQjtfa a product jjf student effy^and is funded That special significance is that the cartoon was through theiHopc College St|i(lent Congress'Appropriations Inside this year's ranchor we have consulted the drawn by Eric Allmond, a cartoonist for the Univer- Committee.?jLettos editor are^qcoijiraged, though due to world's finest parody writers (okay, so they are our sity of Minnesota which the eight delegates met space limitattons^os^4Jo wotife orfesav/ill be given regular staff writers and editors, but it's nice to be while at the conference. Allmond offered to send preference. T^e^pi^(^ editorial are solely biased every once in a while) and they have produced The anchor staff his cartoons if they could beat him those of the edhpri^po^cj SofKjkS The anchor are what we feel is a very entertaining and amusing in a game of pool. The staff won when Allmond available for We reserve the right parody issue. It is loaded with lots of subliminal scratched on the eight ball under the pressure of the to acccpt or reject an^ messages as well as straight-forward humor. anchor team who had already sunk two "balls. Stephen D. Kaukonen • &**&&•**** JBttZ ssgm i UFO spotted on campus: s oy, sweet Joy: Ranchor leader abducted Unbearable bear in brothers napper victim reunite on Donahu€jj^|| bears story Henway College To be Mailed Postage UNPAID Permitable Mail ranchor COOPVILLE Today, 1992 What's a henway? Oh, about four pounds Vol. e=2.718281828 , No, 3.14 A. C. Van Realte LIVES by Beetle Balee County) issued an APB on the es- sensational writer tranged church leader and warned all those who were known liberals, men with long hair and/or beards. The Coopville community was Catholics and people who have sex shocked lo learn lale Thursday af- to stay indoors until Rev. Van Realte ternoon that a vault containing the had been apprehended. Police warn still-living Reverend A.C. Van that Van Realte is armed with a Realte was exhumed on Henway large King James Version of the College's campus. Bible and is considered dangerous. The vault, measuring 10x20x40 Psychologists, physiologists feet, was discovered 15 feet under- and historians from the Coopville ground by workers attempting to community have urged that Van plant tulips for Coopville's upcom- Realte not be injured by the police ing festival. or the numerous bounty hunters Unable to locate Gerhaldo seeking the 550,000 prize pul on the Riviera to open the reverend's head by hermetically sealed the Pope, as the cast-iron vault, Heidi "Aside from the minister is an ex- Van Vandervan, a book burnings and tremely valuable representative of the his daily homage scientific discovery. Dutch Church of Archaeologists America, was called to Martin Luther, have since been upon to do the honors he was okay" called to study the when ancient Dutch —Jimmy Hoffa vault itself in an at- inscriptions on the tempt to discover vault's mantle re- how Van Realte vealed the contents. Unfortunately, managed to stay alive for over one the pomp of the circumstance was hundred years since his alleged soon replace by sheer horror when death. Photo by Someone With a Really Spiffy Camera the vault was opened. So far they point to an air vent, UNEXPECTED FIND. Maintenance workers work round the clock to exhume the At that point the Rev. A.C. Van a re-routed water pipe, a plethora of vault in which the late founder of Henway was presumed resting in peace. Realte, presumed dead over one edible grubs and the Fountain of hundred years ago, sprang from the Youth as possible reasons for the vault at Van Vandervan and began reverend'sapparent longevity of life. lege Board of Rustics, code-named that he informed the minister that The survivors of Rev. Van to beat her brutally about the face Among other items discovered U.N.C.O.U.T.H. (Unarm, Neutral- his "actions were in direct contrast Realte have invited the public to a and body while screaming in the vault was a shrine to Jesse ize, Capture, Ordain, Update, Train lo Kant's categorical imperative." Dutch wake (Bring your own food incoherencies about liberals. Helmes, a letter of commendation the Honorable Rev. Van Realte), In response. Van Realte grunted and drink) in the Tammy Raye After dispatching Van from Orrin Hatch, an honorary has been working around the clock once, then began to beat the young Chapel on Tuesday evening. Vandervan, the minister drew up to plaque from the Moral Majority and lo locale Van Realte, meet with him philosopher with the jaw of an ass. The Board of Rustics is also his full height (5 feel 1 3/4 inches) Jimmy Hoffa. and discuss possible job prospects The ordeal came to a close, al seeking donations for a memorial to and lurched through the terror Hoffa expressed disappoint- with the Board of Rustics. Says one long last, lale Sunday evening when Van Realte in the Pine Grove. stricken crowd. This would prove to ment at being found, although he member, "Rev. Van Realle's outgo- Van Realte broke into the DePew The memorial is to consist of a be the last mass sighting of the Rev. was pleased to hear that John Colli ing attitude toward religion and sup- Art Center. Upon viewing a contro- plaque outlining the minister's val- Van Realte as he immediately dis- was "finally" being indicted. pression of evil thoughts is just the versial sculpture, displayed in the iant crusade for the great reformed appeared into the sprawling me- When askeii'for his opinion on sort of initiative we are looking for." lobby, and its colorful composition, way both before and after his in- tropolis of Coopville proper. Rev. Van Realte, Hoffa remarked, So far, however. Van Realte the minister suffered a massive ternment in the vault, as well as a More sightings were reported "Aside from the book burnings and has only been spotted by his vic- coronary and was pronounced dead glass case displaying the preserved since Thursday, but only by victims his daily homage to Martin Luther, tims, although one extremely in- on the scene. remains of Rev. Van Realte with a of the obviously insane and/or over- (Van Realte would kneel five limes ebriated Henway College student The story made national news special tape-recorded tour which will conservative minister. a day facing Germany and bow managed lo speak with Van Realte in the Enquirer, and it was reported give the life and post-life account of Following the assault of Van countless limes) he was okay." before he was assaulted outside of by eyewitnesses that Sen. Edward Rev. Van Realte. Donations can be Vandervan, the Coopville Police Friday morning, a special task Parrot's. (Ted) Kennedy chuckled when he sent to any member of the Board of Force (The Pride of Henpeck force appointed by the Henway Col- The unidentified senior asserts heard the news. Rustics. Underground newspaper supplants student organizations Spokesperson for The Parrot, lemmas. The underground paper was change will be for the better — format running mostly artistic trash. by Ganhdi Candi Meijers, says "the associa- approached by the administration hopefully The ranchor will attract The top-dog at the Milerock, writer (for now) tions on campus have failed to live and asked to assist in the re-structur- more readers and increase its circu- Molly Heuffner, said, "we have not up to the student's expectations. ing of the groups lo im- lation. Then, more students will quite decided to run local, national Rumor has il that there will be Students are not so much interested prove the situation and come to Hemway and that way or international trash. We are con- many changes in the structure of in the news or activities but in gos- to offer them a "new tuition will decrease." sidering combining two or three of variouscampus organizations. Such sip and rumors on campus." look." The next step involves these areas in one issue." changes involve Popas, Social Apparently, some of the groups The re-structuring Popas and Milerock. SHC will be the last of the cam- Health Committee (SHC), Milerock, have some financial or legal prob- will start with The Popas will become pus groups to make any major and The ranchor. It is hoped that lems that the college wants lo re- ranchor by printing only more like The ranchor, changes. The SHC committee has these changes will be brought about solve as soon as possible. The those stories which have shifting from poems to not yet announced the changes they gradually enough so as not to result president of the college said he would an extraordinary, extra- original stories contain- plan to make. However, it is be- in complete chaos. like to "eliminate the problem as reality, extra-sen- ing the "extra" charac- lieved that they would like to hire According to reports, all of the soon as possible... before it causes sory, extra-terres- teristics, and the professionals instead of students lo above campus organizations will be the groups to fall completely apart." trial quality to them. Milerock will contain run the campus activities. These taken over by Henway's under- It is not yet known exactly which The leader of the paper. Sieve fewer pictures and will con- professionals must have at least a ground newspaper. The Parrot, organizations have run into the di- Cowcakenon, believes that "this vert to a glossy magazine PhD in both physics and literature.

Creative use ofzvhite space v. , r, ARE YOU DONE YET? Bombthreat scares professors Bear-napping terrorizes campus "Pookie is one of my nearest by Cheze E. Kake -by E.Z. Gno and dearest friends. Tm absolutely n staff writer good writer lost without him. I hope that whoever I has him, wherever he is, he is OK. Smoke bombs have become It happens all the time: people Please treat him well. I think I may quite the hobby at Henway Col- have their watches, their bags, their have pampered him, but then what lege. A prankster has been set- books and their wallets stolen. A could I do? He's not used to sleep- ting off anywhere from ten to new twist on an old theme occurred ing by himself, and he likes to steal fifteen bombs a week at various on February 4 when a bear was the covers." locations on the enormous cam- stolen from his pillowed resting "Last night, 1 received a ransom pus, scaring many of the pro- place at the apartment of Enanoebria note. It said that Pookie was OK, but fessors. "Bubi" Bubibraeker (,92). that if 1 was not careful and did not During this semester the "1 don't know how it happened. follow the kidnapper's directions, bomb threat has grown ex- Sometimes 1 do leave my room un- then he would end up like his friend." Photo by Shutter Bug Brown tremely serious and no one has a locked, but 1 never thought that "Attached to the note was a IN RESPONSE TO INCREASE IN CRIME Public Safety clue as to who is behind the something like this would happen." plain brown paper bag. Inside it, has purchased tanks to combat criminal activity. pranks or even how they are The teddy bear usually reclines upon there was an ear. It was a plain being pulled off. Lately, the the pillows of her bed, but on the brown, soft plush ear, just like one dangerous incidents have oc- afternoon of the 4th, she retumed to of Pookie's. Tm absolutely heart- The two have been holding se- afraid of the dark, and he's never curred in quite centralized areas her room only to find her bed totally broken. Now it's not only a matter ances and prayer vigils since the been away from me for this long." but away from students. empty of any trace of the bear. "I of my bear, but also of some poor, February 4 kidnapping. They alter- Officer Jules Vander Boon re- The latest attack of explo- can't imagine who would do a thing innocent other bear, who now has nate nights, with even dates being ported that Public Safety is investi- sives occurred at the Factual like this. Pookie never hurt anyone. only one ear." prayer vigils around a bear-shaped gating the kidnapping, but thai no Events Department in the He's a fun and peaceloving bear," A friend close to Bubibraeker, candle in their apartment, and se- leads have been found. He com- Homek Building. Bubibraeker remarked. Antoinette Van Bicbic ('93), com- ances on odd dates around a small mented, "It's a shame when things The bomb, making a loud The kidnapping apparently oc- mented "Pookie has been Bubi's crystal ball that they have surrounded like this happen." noise, scared professor Reading curred on the date of the Chinese constant companion since she first with the bear's personal effects in The bear is approximately two literally out of his wits. The hys- New Year, February 4, 1992. This received him in 1986.1 think that, the Pine Grove. feet tall, and of a light mocha color. terical professor, just waking up may be the year of the bear for all we under the circumstances, she really Bubibraeker sobbed "Some- He wears a brown satin ribbon from a cat-nap, ran out of his know, but so far sources close to The is handling it quite well. 1 don't thing has got to work. I'm at my around his neck, and his nose is office, down the hall and all the ranchor have been unable to verify think that 1 could stand up under this wit's end. It's so frightening, but starting to rub off. The lag on his way across the campus with this claim. kind of pressure." then I think about poor Pookie. He's rump reads "Teddy So-Soft." arms waving wildly. Concerned students woke up from their "class-naps" to find out what was happening. Finally, there's hope to beat ugliness Seeing smoke coming from the uglifying virus linked to geographic the Physical Education Plant Of- cense; a line of chemically treated by Melba Onion Homek Building, the now wide- location." fice—both are expected lo move clothes and, of course, special Associate Gaffer awake and curious pupils en- "In just one week after being on soon to cover the administrative combs, brushes, hairdryers, curlers, tered it with extreme caution. campus 1 have counted an additional needs at the newly constructed perfume, cologne and make up Once they had located the "Things are sure changing 30 grey hairs and an increase of Tammy Raye Beautification Cen- products of extra strength and du- source of the smoke and distin- around here and it's about time!" warts and wrinkles on my face. I ter. rability, designed for the extremely guished the bomb, one student said the ever-enthusiastic Dr. Jay, think my nose was even beginning Jay says, "This is a good move ugly person. happened to stumble upon in- President of Henway College, NBA to droop. I couldn't bare to look at for the college since it doesn 't really She says one remedy won't criminating evidence of a pos- star, and famous radio personality. myself in tot mirror anymore—at matter what our surroundings look work for everyone. That's why she He was referring to the recent ap- least, that is, until I began to take like as long as the people look good. has thoroughly researched the phe- "We strongly pointment of one, promising Dr. three daily doses of my miracle Some things just take precedence nomenon of ugliness and developed 4 believe that the Babe^uth Westime to the position beauty potion. Now I am back to my over others." a whole line of beautification prod- of Dean of Personal and Corporate Babe is excited about coming ucts. source of the normal gorgeous self again." Hygiene. Jay talks of how Babe fits the to Henway and implementing some "The remedies are not likely to problem is Jay has been very keen to notice school. "She sure is a babe and of her sure fire "ugly is bad, beauty work as quickly on students who located at how the whole of the student body maybe il will rub off on some of the is good" tactics, which have been have been here since the beginning as well as the faculty, administration, Kaville College/' students here. Anyhow she is a per- sweeping the nation since the release of the school year as it did on me," and everyone else who has spent fect match for Henway coming from of her most recent best selling book said Babe. "The time of reversal —Officer Idunno much lime at all near the school, a long line of ugly relatives—it's by the same name in January. from ugliness to beauty is directly seems to catch a bad case of turning amazing she turned out so well!" Babe is also thrilled to be able proportional to the length of time a ugly. Her background includes de- to connect with a Henway philoso- particular person has been in coniacl sible identity of the prankster. Babe says she is able to cure grees from Joan Jet Beautification phy major named Ureka Studebaker with the virus." According to sources, this evi- this plague, as she has seen this sort School, Hartwarm Seminary Help- who has perfected over 53,000 facial Babe articulates her all-en- dence points to the well-known of case many times before. ing the Ugly, and numerous doctor- expressions which can increase compassing goal to defeat ugliness Professor Temes of the Treatise Since the situation here at ates from ^earn-a-doctorate-at- beauty at least 50 percent. through beauty which really puis all Department. Henway is particularity extreme, she home-in-the-conveniencc-of-your- Jay has been heard to say of of life in perspective. "I want to Witnesses say they have has agreed to take up Jays' offer to living-room-since-you're-so-ugly' Babe's program after using one of make it possible for everyone lo be seen Professor Temes with a become part of the faculty as Dean programs. Babe said, "Even though her potions called 'grandeur image' beautiful and popular so the campus sleeping cat in his office several of Personal and Corporate Hygiene I am beautiful I wanted to understand on a trial basis for a week, "I t works." will no longer be plagued wilh thai times during the day. Suppos- to take care of the problem over the how the ugly feel and decided to Babe's potion is only one of the terrible ugliness virus. I know we edly this cat was found at the long haul.- pursue these doctorate degrees." many beautification items she will can beat it—we have to—the human source of the explosion, which Babe has diagnosed the root of In order for Henway to afford be administering to students and race's survival depends on il! Ev- caused people to believe the the problem at the school. "I've been the reasonable $600,000 salary for faculty beginning this week. Others eryone knows that popularity is re- professor was the prankster. around campus talking with students Babe the school had to lay off 95 include: a cream called "No ally all that matters anymore since However, further conflict- and faculty and have come lo the percent of the maintenance staff Wrinkle;" a new variety of exotic we can't depend on the economy ing evidence disregards this conclusion that Henway has a ter- leaving only two administrative of- foods from the rain forests; spe- and what better route to popularity possibility and suggests that a rible case of "amiuglyrwatitis," an fice employees who now work in cially treated, vitamin enriched in- than through beauty?" student of Kaville College may be behind the bomb threat. Unfortunately, without further Jehovah's Witnesses lose out on bid evidence officials have no way of discovering the true source of the problem. Now at a dead end, Sub-Genius religion to utilize chapel facilities authorities have decided to take proached the adminstration to rent Dobbs can be found on the streets of verse as a campus," he said. by Jelly Hooligan desperate measures to put a stop the building, there was some hesi- many towns, according to Smith. The rental of the facility will a nosey writer lo the exploding bombs. tation as it had "never been done Smith also acknowledges the not interfere with chapel during the Said Officer Idunno, head that way before." The Sub-Geniuses administration for moving to rec- week The Chaplain's Office will Beginning in the fall of 1992, of the investigation, "We presented a persuasive case, how- ognize the up-and-coming group so remain in the basement as well, with there will be a new religious group strongly believe that the source ever, and final negotiations will be quickly. Said Smith, "We forsee the the Sub-genius offices moving in on campus. of the problem is located at finished within the month. beginning of a long and fruitful part- down the hall. In what has been called a "stroke Kaville College, so we have . According to Bob Dobbs right nership." Although the Rustics have yet of good fortune," Dim Chapel will come to the conclusion that the hand man in Coopville, the rental The college agrees, according to lend their stamp of approval, it is be home to local members of the will be beneficial to all involved. only way to terminate the threat to the President. "As you can see, expected to have unanimous agree- Church of the Sub-Genius every Said Bob Smith, "We don't plan to is to send in student spies" we are working to head off any ment among board members. Sunday morning. knock on doors as the Jehovah's The student spies will, problems that might leave us as fi- While not releasing figures, the Since the demise of Sunday Witnesses might Rather, our church hopefully, successfully infiltrate nancially strapped as That College president acknowledged that the worship in the chapel, the building is more low key." into Kaville^s student body and in Grandiose City. Our hope is that, Church of the Sub-Genius will "help has stood empty, costing the college The Church of the Sub-Genius discover the facts begind this while making us more solvent, the both save jobs and keep tuition at its money for its upkeep. No longer. is a growing segment of the popula- hazardous bomb threat. Church of the Sub-Genius will also current extremely competitive When the church first ap- tion and pictures of pipe-puffing make us more multiculturally di- rates." Not Lately, 1992 The ranchor 666 WHAT? Ranchor editor picked up by UFO (But he wishes it were a blonde 5' 4" blue-eyed babe) But most important of all, they pro- shake on coverage." Russian exchange student billionaire Henry Meijers, started by Kalee Coakley duced a paper with no spelling er- Youra Geekman, exchange Ijustawet Mipants (more affection- taunting him. Cowcakenon sprang biased writer rors. And that is what the Henway student who pledged wilh the AAA ately known by her nickname, Cara) from the platform and started beat- student body wants. 1 also feel that fraternity, said, "We never got the was a'so displeased over the an- ing on the frail and helpless girl. "1 wish anyone now teaching with the name ol the paper being the coverage we wanted. The only thing nouncement. All I can say is that 1 The Coopville Police were on English, radiology, ideology, knit- same as a local bar, the students we ever got was bad PR and were arn ra^er upset that 1 was never the scene 25 minutes later, but not ting and Basket-weaving remember were able to recapitulate with it more, never shown in the positive light, interviewed by Ihe ranchor, she before Cowcakenon had beaten us because administrators kept ev- I am also cognizant sa^- Meijers to a pulp. Chief of Police ery ranchor" of the truth that Cowcakenon Hendersen said, "We were busy This statement sent shocks students were 'The Parrot was a product of superior also commented breaking up a non-alcholic party through Henway's campus as the piqued and miffed invention. Each issue convalesced and within a that he saw this over on 14th street, so it took us a leader-of-the-pack for The ranchor, by my urbane coming. "I was just while to get here. We also had to the Henway student newspaper, lexicon." short period of time they had transcended us in talking to my advi- stop in at Goodtime Donuts to get spewed his guts and hurled after During his coverage, content and leadership.. .1 also feel sor, Professor some fresh donuts and hot coffee." announcing his retirement and the speech, that with the name of the paper being the same Bruce Jenner, and Cowcakenon was led away by end of The ranchor. Cowcakenon was he felt it was best police and will be arraigned on as a local bar, the students were able to For the last few weeks. The jeered and mocked for everyone. He charges of defacing public property ranchor had been experiencing major by feminists and recapitulate with it more. I am also cognizant was also elated be- and assault. Meijers is in the inten- problems which led to its staff Greeks who felt of the truth that students were piqued and cause now he can sive care unit at the community concentrate on hospital. members migrating to they had been jilted miffed by my urbane lexicon." competitor. The Parrot. Il was quite by The ranchor training for the Late breaking news flash; painful for the 22-year-old Cleve leader. —Cleve Cowcakenon decathalon for the Cowcakenon has just been picked Cowcakenon who divulged the i m a 1992SeniorCitizen up by an UFO. The event took place events leading up to the demise. Nalretentev, Summer Olym- in the Birch Bunch at 12:00 a.m. "The Parrot was a product of spokesperson forthe feminists group Like that thing about Fantasy Night pics." Cowcakenon was last heard spying, superior invention. Each issue con- on campus said, "We'rejust glad to and pledging. Sure the scheduling However, the event struck a "I've been picked up before but this valesced and within a short period see him gone. Now that we have a conflict was our fault but who cares sour note when Cowcakenon lost is ridiculous." of time they had transcended us in competent paper with competent about Fantasy Night? It's only for his temper when Parrot editor Stay tuned for updates.We'll be coverage, content and leadership. leadership, we'll finally get a fair girly men." Candy Meijers, grand-daughter of back after these messages.

The UFO was spotted over the northwest side of Debt Center at 11:57 p.m. this past Friday (upper left). The UFO, which cast a bright light on the surrounding terrain (right) landed in the Birch Bunch behind the music building, where a reported 10-12 aliens proceeded out of the UFO. The aliens, which were of short stature, headed straight for the Public Safety building where Cowcakenon was being held. They were chanting "Zweeb Dwab Verab Zable" which according to translators meant "Just Do It." After overcoming a barrage of defensive manuevers from Public Safety, the aliens took Cowcakenon and carried him away while chanting "Ascing Bwab Le Shortble Bwenble" which means "King of the short people."

I'hoto by National Enquirer College newsrag editor in dating frenzy after public plea of plight dates, and then 1 didn't have any impact of the phone number and asked him not to has happened to him as a result of by Camai Allover dates," said Cowcakenon. "I written give il oui because the number of his columns is that the producers of Da writer couldn't understand it. 1 always word. In phone calls coming into hison-cam- ihe Fox network's program Studs thought 1 was a pretty swell guy." If t h pus line has caused complaints from have asked him to be a participant If you happen to be going his intention was to change his situ- past other students who are unable to gel on their show. through a dry spell in the dating ation. he achieved his goal. a long distance line out. "I couldn't believe il. They said that they had a lot of women (and area, there are ways to remedy the Ever since his columns went 1- He has also been forced lo rent situation. One way is to write a into pnnt, he has been bombarded a mail box al the post office lo some men) request that I be a pos- column for the school newspaper with offers from many of handle the number of letters sible date for them. I haven't given describing your plight and hope that Henway's women stu- he receives every day. them an answer yet. I'm holding out it has some beneficial results. dents (and some men). "Il is really gelling for the big money," said This particular technique He has been enjoy- somewhat out of hand. I don't Cowcakenon. worked for Cleve Cowcakenon, ing the attention for the have time to study. I am either out Has Cowcakenon found that special someone through his frenzy? leader-of-the-pack of the Henway most part, and has had many a on a date or working to pay for the College publication. Early last se- wonderful dating experiences since next one. A lot of the girls that call "No, not yet. Usually once the mester, Cowcakenon wrote a series then. "I've met some really neat months he has been propositioned me, however, offer to pay, so it's not girls see me, they forget about my of articles based on his unpleasant people. I'm even more popular than from women (and some men) from always me forking out the dough," mind and personality and want me dating and lack of dating experi- I thought I was" said Cowcakenon. all over the country. said Cowcakenon. only for my body," he said for- ences. "I had had some really bad However, he did not realize the The college has changed his Probably the biggest thing that lornly. The one after the last one and before the next one The anchor Get a Calendar, 1992 — THAT CLOCK IS FAST—I'M NOT LATE!

WHAT WI: SAY Action of administration to be abhored (or maybe not)

Ihe act'On the administration haS Undertaken IS appafPng. The nelVe of fcureaucra t S t o e^en oon t empla t e Such a hi deouS action, Should make the Henway Student bodu up-chuck and hurl the bile from the depthS of thier bowels HomeFer, i"e do reapze the difficulty the administration iS facing "Jith Sych a controversial and complex matter. Even So, thiS iS not an exCuSe to cop Out On making the appropriate decision On the iSSue at hand, TO do So Only warrants that thoSe in authority may not belong there if they are unable to qu'ckly and efficiently remedy the Situation. Of courSe, ho™often do u»e put ourSekeS into the ShoeS of thoSe in authority and take a Step th? ?oLmiiY "oxtrn'mromi cmbon. back t o appredat e t he hard mork and dedicat ion of thoSe administrators mho muSt anS^er to not THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK Only the'iS^edS of the Student body byt alSo to the outside preSSureS of running a large Student responds to response of the organization Such aS Henway college. BeSiaeS "'hat do ^e nai^e StudentS knO1" about running response and criticizes integration a multl-mlfllon dollar operation? We are Dear editors, There are also many questions dress up the song girls in the red merely S t upi d pea-braine d pheaSant S f r opcking I am writing in response lo the which have yet to be answered. For shirts and white pants? around the coop, acting pke ^e have all the response to the response lo the article instance, which hand signals will Or when the winner of (he Pull anS^erS to pfe'S queStiOnS. about the article written about inte- the pullers recognize? Will they be is announced do all the contestants grating Nykerk and Pull. Personally confused by the hand signals given jump in the river and meet their We Shouldalloiu thoSe inauthoritytodictate I believe it would be very difficult by the song girls with the hand sig- -secret pal in the middle of the Black our pveS On matters Sych aS theSe >"hich i"e and distracting to the contestants of nals given by their pull coach? River while drowning half the team have little or no experience in deapng ^th either event to have to compete wilh Or do we integrate so that the members who can't swim? Such a SeriouS matter. the other event just a few yards song girls sing a song and do hand Questions like these should he away. We Should learn to break do^n the motions at the same time they give answered before we proceed with I mean, can you imagine having signals for the pullers. integrating Nykerk and the Pull. So animoStity bef^een uS and the great mindS to sing a song while just 20 feet Or do we have the pullers as far as Tm concerned we should mho control our each and every move ""hile away there are hot, sweaty men and singing and smiling and make the leave the tradition the way it has controlling our fate. women involved in the Pull? Or can winner the group who not only pulls always been. We dS a Student body Should unite >"ith the you imagine how difficult it would in the most amount of rope but also administration, and alio™ them to make be to get psyched up for a physically does the best job of singing? Also, Name withheld because the demanding sport like the Pull while do we have the pullers wearing white dedSionS •"Uhout our input, eSpedally writer is too chicken to associate his in the background you have girls gloves and blue skirts and sweaters name with his unfounded opinions concerning thiS matter. singing pretty songs? with a white turtleneck? Or do we

Corrections go home and he takes me off, and In the late '80s he wanted a SHALLOW slips on his slippers. He leads me comfortable shoe which gave him In last weeks issue of The ranchor, we into believing we are an inseparable good stability and support, all for a erronously reported that tuition was going to be IDEAS and then the blows start coming. low price. reduced by 50 percent. The correct change is NIKE AIR HUARACHE "I like you, but I want lo wear Now in the '90s he wants all of tuition is actually an increase of 120 percent. other shoes," he says. I reply, "No these. So whal are we shoes sup- Cocaine problem." posed lo do? Should we give him The ranchor does not regret the error. Then comes, "1 want to buy comfort, or give him good traction The author of this column is out another pair of running shoes," lo for running over rugged terrain? of the country for the week, so in which I reply, "No problem." Does he wish lo have a con- place of our regular columnist, his And finally, the big blow, "I'm The ranchor staff shoe, the Nike Air Huarache, will servative looking shoe lhal he can sorry, but you're old news. I'm go- LEADER-OF-THE -PALK Scott wear with the majority of his ward- write this week's column. Note: the ing to replace you with a pair of ASSOCIATE GAFFER robe? Or does he want a flashy, Melba Onion opinions expressed in this column Asics." NOSY EDITOR Jelly Hooligan are the opinions of the shoe, and do colorful shoe which his friends will The second thing he does is run drool all over? CYNFUL EDITOR Vicki Vale not reflect the opinions of the col- me through mud, cold rivers, and HIGH PLAINS EDITOR Jimbob Wayne But, hey, why should I expect umnist. Any form of retransmissions every other form of bad weather and BEST BOY Ureka Studebaker or copy of this article without the him to make up his mind when he terrain conditions, and what thanks VOYEUR Hugo N. Frye can't even decide who to ask out on express written consent of Nike and do I gel? Nothing. Not one single bit DA JOCK Rico Suave a dale, let alone get up the nerve lo the shoe, will be subject to fines and of gratuity from that #%&(§)#*!!# FLASHER ask someone out? Spiffy Guy wilh a Camera imprisonment. jerk. Having heard and read about ASSNT. PUSHER Shutter Bug Brown Cocaine hurts. After being If you ask me, he can just go lo DA REAL BOSS K. Issoph stepped upon mile after mile, day his dating life, I can truly say I can't Timbuktu, and never come back for CRAYON EDITOR Polly Gripp understand this kid. Personally, I after day, I have had it. No more Mr. all I care. TOKEN GREEK Camai Allover Nice Shoe. In his column on running believe he's just too picky and there Finally, Cocaine cannot make PRES. OF I.R.S. Zacchaeus he thanked everyone and their are very few females on Henway's up his mind, though never accuse GOPHER Fran Tarkinton campus worthy of dating this guy. mother. That is, everyone except him of indecisiveness. TOKEN BUREAUCRAT R.E.D. Tape me. So now I have decided to sink to NOT!!! Had you going there for a In the early '70s, he simply second, didn't I? BASE Cousin Bart the depth of being an egotistical, wanted a shoe to last for more than filthy, dirty, rotten shoe. Please, if there is anyone re- STAFF WRITERS six months. Nothing more than that. Beetle Balee Ever since the beginning of his motely interested in this guy, please Engry Birdmen Emily Bronte In the late 70s he wanted the Kalee Coakley running career when Cocaine gave let him know. I'm tired of sitting at Veri Cyncerely Cheze E. Kake popular shoe, which he could Gandhi up pole-vaulting and began his quest home over the weekend with Co- E.Z. Gno O. Goodie promenade around in front of his Jelly Hooligan Heathenist Mumblings for that ever elusive 4:20 mile, he caine and doing absolutely nothing. elementary school friends to com- Minnie Ority ImaPb^e is has continue to torture and torment I want to get out and meet other Notta Writer pliment his groovy plaid shirts and shoes from other walks of life. (Ha, us shoes and make our lives miser- striped pants. able. I m punny). Okay, so I have his sick /H/vi' \ Then when the ^SOs rolled The ranchor is 3 prodiici of student effort and is funded When his coach says to run sense of humor, but that is where the around he wanted a shoe which was through the Henway-CollegrBookmaking Committee. Letters faster and farther, they forget about similarities end. lightweight and would not be too to the editor are enccftiiagecCTiOugh they better not degrade, me. I must put up with hot, sweaty, Well, Cocaine is due back much of a burden on his feet. He also criticize or ruin the reputation of this jpapcr. The opinions smelly, fungi-covered feet, whose anytime now so I had best end this warned a shoe which gave good addressed in the editoriaJt^'soJ^y {hose of the editorial board mere punishment was deformity. column. I hope all you out there treat traction, so when he was being (if they will admit to it).'Sti^crtoti6hs to The ranchor are Why does Cocaine hurt? First, you shoes better than he does, and if chased around the playground by available for SI800 a year or ST060 a semester he uses me. All Tm good for is a you don't then please seek coun- those girls with cooties, he could spin around the block, and then we selling at the Peer Counselling ser- make a quick getaway. vice or call l-SOO-SSS-SHOE. I'M TIRED. LET'S GO HOME

OTAL that they in conjunction one wilh the we all live with the fear of missing ^ T other explain the feeling and aura of a crucial due date, and cause all of Christianity to be the topic at hand), overwhelming the preceding days to be just one IK ORGANIZATION and drudgerous existence we all ex- long stretch leading up to that day K.ISSOPH perience in that four up to, well, up of judgement, this is not referring replaced by Islam to quite a few years for some, called to that ultimate day of judgement fice by Howilal Bediuons wielding college, lhal 1 just can't keep it all (no not THAT one either) upon Going to Dinner by HugoN. Frye stillelos. Malice, though bleeding to separate while il blends into one which, if all goes well, we will be farts editor death, was still able to crawl to his Just the other day—I believe long area of grey which can be com- given this piece of paper which 220 modem class and teach for it was a Sunday, but I could be plicated wilh a distinctive inability insures lhal most employers will Since yesterday, wilh the ad- several minutes, before dying." wrong you know—1 mean, some- lo remember what day il is, let alone at least be a bit kinder in their vent of Muhammed's second com- Dejected religon department limes the days just blend into one the actual date (the dale, of course, rejections—1 was walking wilh a ing, the Henway College adminis- members fired for dedicating their gigantic blur and become indistin- is often remembered through note- friend, S. R. Weered who was ac- tration has been scrambling. lives lo the study of the wrong reli- guishable one day from the next, taking which involves putting the companying me lo the house, or "1 can't beleive il," muttered gion were consoled by Muhammed, and of course this has caused date on the lop right-hand comer of cottage, rather, which is located Dick Frost, head of academic af- who assured them, "McDonalds is problems in the past when 1 have every page of notes so that one's across the street from Lubbers and fairs. "All these years 1 went to a hiring." needed to remember a day on notes will be organized and chrono- is an interesting beigeish-yellow Christian church so 1 could get my Of interest to many idiots was which 1 did or did not do some- logical in nature)—these limes are color and is complete wilh porch butt in heaven. Then whamo - ranchor columnist Cal Igula's reac- thing, but, as I was saying, this day nolicably worse before breaks, and and ugly grey door, of one of our Muhammed comes, tells us how tion. "Metaphysically speaking," was muddled into that overbear- it is hard enough just to make it to mutual friends, who we met pissed Allah is, and hints that said Igula, "an epistomology that ing continuum of being which we the break while wading through the through various means, who had Coopsville is gonna bum." has a base in unsubstantiated collec- are all a part of—none of this has oppressive amount of work assigned graciously offered to reduce her "It's just not fair," said Kay tive modes of thought, such as any bearing on the actual event in bulk al these times by our merito- stew reserve that we might have a Hunt, speaking for the Felta Thighs. Muhamedism, sucks. Unless, of that 1 am explaining, yet this is one rious professors, who, of course, are warm, homecooked meal full of "We were told to have faith and not course, beer is incorporated in the of those occurrences happening usually fair in their assignments delicious things, so that she might question Christianity. How were we existential Dasein so as to let an on a regular basis and can mean ('usually' being the key word here) have a reasonable as opposed to an to know Islam was the coolest authentic comportment of Being one of two things: 1) everything is even though when taking five or astronomical amount left for the religon?" occur." going so well lhal the days are just more classes the combination of fair upcoming week, when we heard Jane Pickie, upon learning However, Cal, when told lhal passing by without me taking no- assignments can certainly be over- this cry/moan/"no"/l don't know Muslims hold lhal women have no Muslims forbade the useof alchohol, lice because 1 am enjoying myself whelming—to pul il mildly, or il what coming from the stairwell in soul, was furious. She is rumored to headed straight for Parrot's where , far Kx) much or, the more likely, 2) may possibly occur because dates DeWitt which is next lo ihe post have started the underground he stomped the balls off anyone who \ 1 have so much to do in this mun- and limes become meaningless ex- office and leads down to the book- W.A.M. (Women Against mentioned the word Muslim, and dane, hectic (bet you thought those cept as deadlines and due dates which store that lo this day we have no Muhammed) and seen ravaging then drank ten pitchers of Killians, iwo words were incompatible, eh, are barkened lo wilh zealous religi- idea what il was. Oh lhal reminds Muslims on campus while riding eight Long Island iced teas, four- but I beg to differ and maintain osity il not always adhered to, since of something... horseback; many irate Muslims have teen scotch and sodas, sixty five been reported castrated. shots of tequila, and one glass of Commented an angry President milk. Cal went into a coma shortly New home gym placed on market Jay, "This new Muslim dress policy, thereafter, only to recover when told requiring women to hide all flesh, that Muslims do allow for the use of bv Mr. Bread means my wife can no longer crank opium and hash. »* sports aficionado up Guns N' Roses and lake her Ex-chaplain Jerry Van Yeast midnight nudey run through ihe inflected that Henway would never Birch Bunch." be the same, hinting lhal Tm sure you've all heard of Also, students should expect Coopsvillers will have to learn how Soloflex, Universal, and different the Henway College physical cam- to say 'please' and 'thank you' at home gyms. Well, there's a new pus lo undergo alterations—the li- public hangings. product oui on the market lhal will brary ra/.ed to ihe ground for one. Incidentally, Reverand Scholer revolutionize exercise in the home. Said Muhammed akhbar abdullah is slill coming lo Henway, but his "What is this product?" you ask. mohmorakhenoten Muhk aboul the original role of commmencement "Whal is this boom lo the ex- Van Villain Library, "If ihe library speaker will be altered to that of a ercise industry?" you want to know. has books in it lhal disagree wilh ihe human sacrifice. "Whal can il possibly be?" Koran then il should be burned, and Most distressed of all, perhaps Boy, you sure are inquisitive. if it has books in il that agree wilh are the maintenance workers who The product of which I speak is ihe the Koran, then we don't need them have been working around the clock, Jim Gym. so it should be burned." replacing old "If you ain't Dutch, The Jim Gym is a mulli-func- Dr. Jim Malice, who pointed you ain't much," bumper stickers rtonal, mobile workout unit wilh no out the unsoundness of Muhk's wilh the new logo: "If you ain't assembly required. argument, was massacred in his of- Muslim, you ain't Shi'ile." The Jim Gym will sell itself, deliver itself, and even feed itself. Pholo by 007 Student experiences f, The J im Gym consists of a du- The new Jim Gym makes other exercise machines like rable medium sized man(namcd Jim) the Susie Summers (above) obsolete. who will offer all the weight lifting sweatshirt withdrawal cxercises of any machine on the mg home!"' Bush's plan to solve the homeless ——— Whun commented lhal Brubes market. By lifting, pulling, pressing If you reach level five on the problem. You give Jim (or what- by Engry Birdmen suffered from withdrawal symptoms and curling Jim and different parts first workout, you probably didn't ever his name is) a place lo sleep and PMS editor whenever she had to pul the garment of his anatomy, you can work all need the Jim Gym anyway. some food, and in relum you get a in the wash. "Sometimes I would major muscle groups. Unlike the Nordic Track, the home gym that not only will help A familiar sight al Henway come home and she'd be in a fetal AND he can use his own resis- Jim Gym will not fold neatly away you work out at home, but where College for the last two years has position on the couch, shaking and tance lo give you a wide range of for storage after a workout. But if ever you want. been the green sweatshirt. Since it crying. Sometimes 1 didn't even workout levels. Just tell Jim al what you give him a quart of Gatorade, You can do arm curls in the first appeared, il has been wom to recognize her, because she was not Ifvel you would like to work out, you can send J im outside lo mow the elevator, or bench press at the office. just about every possible occasion wearing that green sweatshirt." and you're set. lawn so you can drink your Gatorade A complete set of instructions comes by its owner, Henway psy- ' To find out at what level you in the tub wilh a copy of Sports with the Jim Gym on everything Griselda Brubes chology professor Dr. should be al, just try a few exercises. Illustrated. from how to use Jim's feel to do "It's unbelievable.' ('999). Du U. Thinkso com- Jim will inform you as lo which of How much would you expect to upright rows lo how to insert cleats — N. Gaged Whun Brubes ex- mented, "I've never ihe five levels you are working. pay for such a product? A hundred in his stomach lo do the leg press. plained, "At first, I seen anything like il • The levels are: dollars? Five hundred dollars? A And, if you are not completely just wore it to formals. You know, it before. I understand that college 1 -"Oooo. That kind of tickles." thousand dollars? satisfied with the Jim Gym, lough! was a bit too new for the usual students do nol do their laundry, but 2 - "Is lhal all the belter you can Shame on you! Don't you know You got him for free didn't you? sweatshirt occasions. 1 wanted lo I think that this little lady may have do?" that you can't buy a person? The Be the first on your block lo keep il a bit nice, so I just wore it for a chemical imbalance. She really 3 - "Now we're talking." Emancipation Proclamation laid that have one. Call Now! dress-up. Then I began to wear it ought to go lo the Health Clinic. I 4 - "Hey! Il hurls when you do out years ago. 1-800-JIM-GYMS once a week. Soon I could not stop. hear they do just wonderful things fhal." So we're letting you have Jim Also available in Slim Jim size # I wore il all the lime. I began lo buy there." 5 - "Forget you, man. I'm go- for free. It's all part of President for beginners. Please allow four lo six weeks lofor deliveaeiiveryi | shorts and pants lhal would match il. Head physician. Dr. Luk Inside Once I even wore il to bed, but then commented "Well, yes, this has been Detached head puzzles Henway student my roommate lold me lhal was sick a strange case. Unfortunately, we home in the dark, wilh the sky deep the Green Knight'!). But 1 could not and she look me lo see the counselor were not able to do any preliminary by Emily Bronte indigo and the stars overhead, and 1 pick up my head. Instead, il lay there here al Henway." tests on the subject, because we were loo sexy for her editor heard the strains of a trumpet. and looked al me through sleep- Brubes' roommate, N. Gaged unable to remove the sweatshirt. We * Henway sludent Anne Boleyn The strange experiences did not filled eyes." Whun ('1000), remarked, "Look at requested that the patient relum, with The ordeal wasn't over, how- *2001) lost her head just this morn- slop there. these pictures from the past few a change of clothes. I'm afraid we "This morning there was no ever, as Boleyn noticed that "il be- ing. vacations we've taken. You may were forced to cut the sweatshirt off She commented, "I woke up trumpet. Just my head lying there gan to tip. It looked for a moment as think that they were all taken on the her. She's rather upset right now. ihis morning and my head was curi- beside me on the pillow. Actually, 1 though it might fall off the bed, but same day, but the fact is, they were After a few days, she should be right ously detached from the rest of my was lying beside my head, but that is then it wobbled toward my body. 1 taken over a series of weeks, over a back to normal. I'm keeping in close Rody." beside the point." did not have the right kind of series of vacations. It's unbeliev- touch with Dr. Thinkso. just to ^ Boleyn continued, "The last "1 felt a lot like the green knight superglue to hold it up there, but it lime this happened 1 was walking (remember, from Sir Gawain and seems to be slicking okay now." able." monitor the situation." I MEANT TO DO THAT! ra

Unimportant Issues your 'Horoscope

Announced for Autumn Van'Hgstrcdamus Jortum-Tetting Service hair, 'Just What is a Scud Missile?/ by Notta Wrighter 'Where is the Milerock Office Any- Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22) 9{pbody knows stuff writer way?/ 'The Real Meaning of Steps Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19) It ivtilrain today in tiddUy pom heno cold my toes tidddy pom how cold to Steelcase,' 'Which Way is Toilet Idaho. Avoid tft communication department, The Henway Board of Noth- Paper Supposed to Come off the your color today is chartreuse and your Cucty my toes tidddy pom aregrcmnng. Avoid the psych, ingness has announced the schedule Roll,' and 'Were the Condoms in the numBer is 33.908. "Btzvart of those you knotv, they department, your color today is chartreuse and for autumn's Unimportant Issues. Condom Sculpture Used?' your lucky number is 33.902. Don't forget to Said Provoker Nicehouse, "We are Said Asst. Provoker Gorilla, might remember something you did. very excited about the upcoming 'The speaker we had the most trouble search for heffalumps and whoozles. you should autumn's event. It should be the agreeing to visit us is Madonna's Taurus (Apr. 20-May 19) "WatchforfaUing unite home more often! perfect opportunity for thought- hairdresser. Apparently Madonna's cats and dogs, especially the cats-they scratch. provoking thoughts to occur on our hair color is a bigger issue than we Avoid the economics department at ail costs, your Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec.21) 'Mal(f sure campus.M suspected. We hope the Henway When asked about the senior community appreciates this oppor- color today is chartreuse and your lucky number is you wear your snozi/pants today; you don't citizens who would miss out on this tunity to learn the secret of the cen- 33.907. necessarily have to mar anything else but tury." great experience, Nicehouse replied, snemfpants are recommended. Avoid Modem and "Well, that is really too bad is it His reply was similar to Gemini (May 20-June 21) Tiptoe through Classical Languages.your color today is chartreuse not?" Nicehouse's when asked about the The topics to be uncovered in- senior citizens missing out on this the tulips in sunny Seattle today. Avoid shady and your lucHy numBer is 33.901. If you play that non-event. clude the real color of Madonna's spots or mar old shoes. Avoid ivalking in pairs. •way, someone is going to get hurt. Avoid both the physics andphys. ed. departments, Guess who is next year's your color today is chartreuse and your lucky Capricorn (Dec. 21-Jan. 20) Wear your number is 33.906. Always listen to your mother. galoshes for singing in the rain. Avoid the chemistry communion speaker? department unless you are an "English major. Jour that." by O. Goodie Cancer (June 22- July 22) "Ihe sun will shine color today is chartreuse andyour lucky number is Baker plans to bring free passes insane writer for you today. Today is your day! Avoid nothing, for the Baker Amusement Park for 33.900. 11nder%(P circumstances should you mar The class of 1993 has a rare all those taking part in the service. just don't zvalti between the Dow and dirty underwear. treat lo look forward to for their For those lucky ones not participat- VandefWerff. your color today is metallic teal, communion. Tammy Faye Baker ing, she is bringing the name of her and your lucky number is 123. (Don't play with Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb.l9) "Every cloud has has agreed lo lecture here on the maintenance company responsible condition that she receive an honor- for clearing her face for another your food. a sdver lining. Avoid all history professors and ary pedicure and maybe get a build- Tammy crealion. departments not mentioned above, your color today ing named for her. When asked whal she would Leo (July 23- Aug. 22) (Dress for Florida in is chartreuse and your lucky number is 33.899. All Said Baker, "Since Jimmy leclure on. Baker replied, "I plan to the morning but e?(pect Alaska in the p.m. Avoid swept me off my feet at such a give away some of my make-up that we asfiis that you do your very best, you '11 young age, I was kind of never able secrets. I knowpeopleare just dying the sociology and social work, departments even have the dream date of your life unless you have to gel a college pedicure. So, if all I loknow how I look like I don't wear though they are hard to find, your color today is been condemned for sexist remarks in the last year. have lo do is talk for a lillle while, an ounce of make-up. I'm really chartreuse andyour lucky number is33.905. If you which might be difficult, lo gel a excited. Really I am." pedicure 1 think 1 might be able to do can't be good, be careful. Pisces (Feb. 20-Mar. 20) Every sdver lining has a big, black, cloud. Avoid the religion and Submissions office works harder Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) "The sun shines every philosophy departments unless you want a by Minnie Ority day in Colorado. Avoid the computer science headache, your color today is chartreuse and your kiss-bull writer department lest you catch a virus, your color today lucky number is 33.898. Don't bother to flush the is chartreuse and your lucky numberis33.904.Just As a method of cajoling more Dutch lo reside in Coopville and attend todet. for that matter, you might as well just stay Henway, the Submissions Office has started giving out Henway sweatshirts because you 're paranoid doesn't mean the world in bed, but make sure your lightening rod is in to gullible victims. The sweatshirts, which usually sell for $100 in ihe isn't out to get you. proper working condition. There is a little man in Henway Bookstore, have the Henway ball and chain logo and read "How De Zwaan who has his telescope pointed at your much does a Henway? About 4 pounds." Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) 'Either stay in the As a part of the urgency to appeal to all gullible victims, they have room. root cellar or prepare for the trip to Oz. Avoid the designed new propaganda, loo. One piece, for example, has a Henway professor, Minnie Duckie, lied lo a train track wilh an approaching train (English department, further avoid all alliteration, looming in the distance. Professor Duckie is saying in this picture, "It's similes, metaphors, comple\sentences, homophones, never loo late to attend Henway!" o?(ymorons, commas and other punctuation as well Born today: We're sorry, your parents must Said Duckie of her role in the wheedling process, "At first I wasn't sure the idea would work. But, when they shpwed me the short skirt I could wear as iambic pentameter but definitely use not have known. (Make the best of a bad situation and told me I wouldn't really be tied to ihe track, I agreed lo do it. Anything onomatopoeia, your color today is chartreuse and and go to Tarrot's tonight, just don't order a lo help Henway." your lucky number is 33.903. Ain't ain 't a word. mvceddrinfior anything on tap Look for the results of these new begging ideas in next year's ranchor. Nude Briefs Environmental Tissues Group Strikes Again wilh the pulling out of the Palio are very excited aboul this event1? by Veri Cyncerely Furniture (as in what's Irish and sits We are hoping to find many shanw green editor outside for three months of the year). rocks in order to save them and^ the government to do research on where socks go after they are placed Participants are requested lo bring transplant them someplace safe. in (he wash. Slaiikspore presented his thesis last Friday at a convention The Henway College Environ- their empty kleenex boxes to fill Someday they may be an endan-41 where he revealed that he believed that cither socks are eaten by the mental Tissues Group will sponsor with shamrocks. gered species and then we can boas^ other articles of clothing or they are "sock-rificed" to the clothing god. a "Hunt for the Shamrock" in Those groups or individuals of a large transplanted population." Slankspore traveled to WASHington to do lunch with the Maytag Ketchup Park on the Waterfront on finding the most shamrocks will Those participants finding th^ Wednesday, April I at 11:13 a.m. receive a free copy of Molasses, the least amount of shamrocks will b^ In case of bad weather, bring an unbelievably long novel by Jimbob surprised lo learn that they, too, will No one understands philosophy paper umbrella because the event will go Royce. receive a prize. They will receive i • a paper that no one understood. on as planned. Said Dr. Shewomenweigh, certificate for a green, slimy shak& Tliisevent is held in conjunction head leprechaun of the group, "We at the Dutz. . A. Veri Moldy sculpture dedicated in library The sculpture was originally tion of the sculpture, the original by Ima Phake intended for the 100th anniversary sculpture is, right? Well, isn't the m horrible writer of Moldy's birthday in 1999, but the sculpture in the attic the original Henway trusty Board of Nothing- Tyson was iiiiil sculpture? Yes, right. Therefore* After several years of debate ness decided it couldn't wait that iiiiil' that makes the answer to your ques- and controversy, the A. Veri Moldy long. So, they decided to celebrate tion, the attic. Yes, the attic." sculpture was dedicated in the Moldy early. ofhiscar eckless It isasemi-permenentexhibitt attic of the library. When President Jayaughter was had PMS, When told that the sculpture ii^ The sculpture was originally asked where the original sculpture returning the library attic was not the original commissioned in 1899 after Henway was, he replied, "Well, now let me Greg, The groiHt sculpture. President JakedaughteF received a grant from the Moldy Beach, Florida see if 1 understand the question. declined comment and said he would foundation in New Yuck. You want to know where the loca- look into the matter. What's it to you babe, 1992 The ranchor The perfect 10 I'VE BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH Entrepreneur offers facial advice

as far as the next country. by Cleve Cowcakenon "Henway has taught me a lot leader-of-the-pack about life. First, to get ahead you HMni Ureka Studebaker, Henway must kiss-up to your professors. I've isiilii College the freshone, has not al- actually found that the older pro- ways lived the easy life. As a matter lessors are easier. And with my new of fact, as a schizophrenic, pyroma- found wantonness, I get anything I niac, drug-addicted psychopath, want. One time I had to do some Studebaker is wanted in seven states research on Twinkies, so I went to for possession of cocaine and Ihe library, and like, 1 had no idea marijuana, first-degree murder, ar- what to do, so 1 found this cute little son, armed robbery and grand theft, old man and he helped me out. Il was and has even committed the worst just so peachy keen." crime of all — tearing the tags off of Although Studebaker is a very mattresses. Studebaker claims her likeable person wilh her bubbly, alternate personality is responsible over-bearing personality, she admits for these crimes and not herself. there is a lot of tension wilh some KSKSSSSS But after coming to Henway minority groups. "I sense there is College and starting up her own quite a bit of animosity between syndicated talk show based upon myself and the cliche groups of geeks her b(X)k, How to Express Yourself and nerds. I don't like them and they Through Facial Expressions, don't like me. This animosity was Studebaker has turned her other- brought about because I refused lo wise m i se rab I e, pa t he t ic I i fe a rou nd. ever do a feature story on them be- Studebaker attributes her suc- cause I was loo busy interviewing cess to her recent marriage to porno every single Russian student on star. Babe Ringo/'When i met Babe campus. Personally. I think they can it was love at first sight. I wanted go to Chile, because I don't need to him. He wanted me," said please anyone except myself, my Studebaker. "Our first date we went leader-of-the-pack and Babe." to Hot & Now, and although all mv Studebaker also values her mWOnOwvwvwwHwOwwtfOwvW friends did not consider it a date, I l am ily. She is es[vcia 1!y close lo her iiii I knew it was. Because any lime you brother Ben Dover Slupidbaker. are asked to go to Hot & Now, it's a "My brother and I have a great re- date." lationship. We compliment each Studebaker continued, "Babe other well. I have the brains and he was a lifesaver lor me, a cherry has a big nose, and together we are flavored lifesaver. Not like a lemon invincible." or orange lifesaver, but a cherry Bui ihe one person Studebaker lifesaver, my favorite flavor. He's most admires is her leader-of-the- sucked the marrow out of the bone pack . "He is the object of my desire," of life, and now he has given some said Studebaker. "However, I don't SHE WENT FROM A LIFE OF CRIME TO A CHERRY LIFESAVER (NOT LEMON OR of that cherry flavored marrow to have a snowballs chance in hell to EVEN ORANGE, BUT THE BEST OF THE PACK—CHERRY): Ureka Studebaker came me, so now I am high on life (and a ever go out with him. He's always too busy dating real women. If only to Henway College and began lo turn her multi-faceted life around. She now has her few other drugs)." Studebaker came to Henway as every man could be like him." own talk show based on her book How to Express Yourself Through Facial Expressoins a shy little girly man,. But alter Studebaker has quite a few and her beau. Babe. Above is the "I don't know what you mean, but don't bother telling receiving a sex-chaiige getting in- unique hobbies including bungee me" look. From left to right below: The shy question, the "I think you had better cover volved in underwater basket-weav- jumping, the latest fad to hit college your tracks quick," the "Come again?", the "Ooh! I understand," and finally the ing and powerlifting she feels that campuses, and devouring all forms winning smile, "Sure, whatever you say; I just want to get out of here," looks. her liberal artseducation will get her of chocolate.

mm

New hero sets out to protect Henway College issue," said Betty Goaty, a controversial about using condoms, ya know. Besides, I tion through a mail-order business he devel- by Heathenish Mumblings sculptor. think he's kinda cute." oped two years ago known as the Condom-of- staff writer Like most super heroes, the Condom In addition to handing out condoms per- the-Month Club. "It's really very simple," he explains. There's a new hero out there. His mission Crusader wears a costume to hide his true sonally, the Condom Crusader has begun a "We send out our selection of the month every is to protect the citizens of this campus from identity from the public. He sports what he mailing campaign to increase campus aware- four weeks and if you aren't completely satis- the evil forces known as STD's. His name is calls a "body condom" which consist of one ness. He has already sent out over 6900 free fied, you can send it back with no purchase the condom Crusader, and he wears a pro- six-foot bright blue latex condoms and directions for their use to all currently enrolled requirements." phylactic. condom with holes where his "J wanted to draw students as well as all adminis- The Crusader's fascination with condoms "There's a definite problem on this face and arms can stick out and attention... I trators, faculty and staff mem- began at a young age when he used to take campus, and 1 see now that I hold the key to the a silver lone-rangerstyle mask. figure people can't bers. them from his brother's drawer and use them solution," said Crusader. "And that key is a "I wanted to draw attention really ignore a six- When asked lo comment as water bombs to drop on unsuspecting condom." to the growing problems of on the subject. President Jay visitors. Since then, he has been interested in The Condom Crusader has organized a STD's and unwanted pregnan- foot condom was unavailable. Apparently he all the latest technological advances in condom plan to rid the campus of reckless unprotected cies, and 1 figure people can't walking down the was looking in the mail for production. sex. He has been spotted handing out condoms really ignore a six-foot condom street/' something. "My goal is basic," said the Crusader. "1 on campus between classes and during meals walking down the street," said —Condom Crusader My next plan is to air-drop just want to let the students of this college at Fleps. Perhaps you caught his glow-in-the- the Crusader. 10,000 condoms on this year's know that condoms are not something to be dark condom light show held outside "I think it's like a really said Am i Springfest Picnic in the Pine Grove," revealed embarrassed about. They are possibly life- Koligenen Hall. cool idea, ya know/' VanVanderDutch ('90, '91, '92 and possibly the Crusader. saving devices which everyone who's sexu- "It's great to see people expressing '93). "I mean, I think that people really know The Condom Crusader funds his opera- ally active should use regularly." themselves so freely about such an important MLXI2 The ranchor Time to get ill, 1992 WOULDN'T WANNA: »

TOP TEN HEADLINES THAT WE LIKED BUT I. DUE TO LAZINESS DID NOT WRITE A STORY 10. Condoms replace hen as mascot of Henway College 9. WHEN 66.2 FM to play "Bohemian Rhapsody" continuously for 24 hours 8. Student Congress makes a decision 7. Milerock makes profit / 6. Popus pleases persons in powerful positions and pulls prestigious prize for parody of Polish poetry Photo by John Glenn 'Bozo' Dahlmer, brother of Jeffery, blasts off from Cape Canaveral in the space 5. SA.K sponsors co-ed naked shuttle Alternative . Dahlmer was elated when the appropriations committee Mazola Twister allocated funds for the purchase of the shuttle which he claims will be used to go on pizza runs and other basically useless errands. 4. Ranchor staff wins Pullitter

Prize LAST THURSDAY ON DONOHUE Henway student, Mikey Helikesit 3. Administration listens to (right), was reunited with his long lost students' opinions twin brother (below). The two were seperated at birth, and the reunion 2. Financial Aid Office gives money brought tears of joy to the emotional 7' away: get yours while you can siblings. When asked what he did when he saw his likeness, Helikesit 1. Cal Igula goes to church, writes said "I just puckered up and gave him a column while sober great big wet kiss." (lower right corner) • Parrot's experiences grave fourth quarter losses, files for Chapter 11

Response created for silly questions M:

practice their singing, but in all actu- by Easter Bunny ality lo accost other innocent vic- staff commcnialor tims wilh "You ask us a silly ques- tion. and we give you old banana "You ask us a silly question, peels." and we give you old banana peels." Henway College has long been How many limes has someone shoi known to be a place where new back ihisretori to you in the past few trends start, and experts expect lhal weeks? the new cra/e will be sweeping the Wilh alarming regularity, the country soon. i phrase "You ask us a silly question, When asked where they got the and we give you old banana peels" inspiration for the profound phrase, is the acceptable and even expected the pair responded, "You ask us a answer lo questions in class, al home, silly question, and we give you old or in other social situations. banana peels." Interviews are diffi- The cull was apparently started cult to conduct, since the answer to by two of Henway College's sing- every question is, "You ask us a silly ing philosophers. In response to any question, and we give you old banana question, the two answer in chorus, peels." "You ask us a silly question, and we The two were last seen careen- give you old banana peels." With a ing around campus in their bright laugh, they run off, presumably to yellow banana-colored Volvo. Henway College's most wanted

Steve Kaukonen for Holly Moore for a beautiful R.G. Blair — This man is Kristy Arthurs for exceeding Anne Baker-Gras for impersonating a journalist smile, great personality but armed and dangerous. Do the number of allotted having the nerve to tempt no dates (Call 555-DATE) not attempt to apprehend quotes per ranchor issue pledges with Fantasia April 1,1992 The anchor 7 VIEWPOINT

^ Trusting in theunfavorable with the Javelin we ripped off. lo which Hope College clings and Mike scrambled off his chair. madness and illogic which accords Mike, though, was still a bit angry Bad maybe get some idiot to laugh in "More beer for Cal. Quick! Before afi of these articles, I humbly beg with the world. the process." he slobbers on me." ttye reader to go no fuither. Stop 44The toughest problem Hope Madness "How about 4The Hope "Yes,441 said. "More beer. reading. This tale is naked of the graduates have to deal with is College housing policy was made Tonight I drink for my advisor pfecious adornments humanity getting married " said Mike Cal Iqula simpler today. All those without who's in the hospital. My affords the sane. Do nol disdain knocking back his twenty-second 75 credit hours requesting to live compatriot in madness for four my warnings. beer. "And I'll bet you anything Cal Admits He's off campus will be hung in the years, and for four years he has • You kept reading, didn't you? they'll even screw that up," he Pine Grove.'" put up with my disorganization, Qf course you did—all sheep are added. Ugly "Nah." madness, and warped logic, like lhal. It's okay, don't feel bad. "No, trying to find the right me on top of Nykerk singing "How about 'Hope College is treating me with kindness and Lois of people are sheep, or so house to live in after getting Wagner while urinating?." renaming its multi-cultural sincerity reserved for dignitaries." says Nietzsche. But now let us married is much tougher. You "You're right. But I tell you, program Toreign exchange When I walked into his office b^gin my evil and ill-begotten wouldn't believe the bitter anguish people just don't want to see or student."" I was somebody. But most lale, and, if you would be so kind, that causes—all the time spent hear truth or beauty around here. "Nah." precious were the plays we aWow me to preface it by saying, wondering can we afford the Just today I saw a kid get kicked "How about 'A new theme attended. Every Hope play we a^did Heidegger, that in a lime payments? Are the neighbors out of my speech class for for the Hope College '92 year caught: Chekhov, Brecht, darkened by the cold mouth of the atheists? Is there a good school for suggesting that Holland's only book: Hope College: towards a Pirandello. Afterwards we would nfghl il is necessary for someone the kids nearby?" redeeming attribute was that it kinder, gentler, master race.'" retreat lo the Eighth Street Bar and to dive into the abyss. "Yah," Mike sighed. "Say, could be used as a dump site for "Beautiful!" yelled Mike. Grille for the warmest conversa- "Why do you look so down?" why do we drink so much any- nuclear waste." "Yes, it is beautiful, but I'm tions I've ever known. With a Nfike mumbled to me as I lay way? I've already vomited three "The truth hurts," I said. wary of beauty. I prefer ugliness, belly full of beer and wingzings, I passed out over my barstool; times tonight." "So tell me, Mike, if you're because the world is ugly. And so felt lhal those moments shared knuckles resting on the floor. "Because, as a dear friend travelling at the speed of light am I for that matter. I'm a always bordered on the mystical, "You look like you're suffering. once related to me, it's our duty. with your headlights on can you slobberer, an ugly slobberer, but I the magical, the ethereal. He HAS your life become meaning- Even Kant would agree. Some- see them?" rejoice in ugliness. Like that wasn't a teacher, he was a less? Has your existence become body must drink around this place "What? That made no sense." deformed mongoloid in Madame TEACHER. burdensome? Is a cold metaphysi- so as to awaken the masses from "Yes. I know. I only said that Bovarv I slobber on myself with But now he's in the hospital. cal angsl clutching your heart?" their dogmatic slumbering. Do so the inherent low quality—no passion and meaning. I slobber on Brain cancer. The doctor says he , "No," I said. "I just farted you think I like drinking twenty logical progressions, poor transi- myself for all the prudes who will has a twenty percent chance of and il smells bad." pitchers of beer, and then climbing tions, and meaningless never slobber. Like Buddha, I recovery. Mike and I, al Parrot's again, Nykerk (the back courtyard is the ramblings—of my columns would have no ego, and recognize all is I saw him today, clutched his had been celebrating the fact we best place to get up) lo pee on all be insured. This column was false except slobber. Let everyone hand. Il was warm, so warm, and had no free will. Having both the public safety cars driving by. going much loo smoothly." else become successful, rich, and it seemed for the first time in my finished reading Skinner's Walden No, I do it because I'm concerned "But you should be more live in suburbia. Let them worry life I was holding someone's II: we learned we're not respon- aboul all the lender minds around obvious about it. Just ramble, about the environment, feeding the hand. He could barely talk, but sible for our actions, a great relief this place that must be nurtured without explaining anything. But cat, brushing their hair, and death. never did he seem more alive, for us, because we no longer had properly. Whal if people went make it something worthwhile. Let the world collapse, let people more precious, more important. to^feel guilty about harpooning all through college without ever Point out some unjust, corrupt, die, let sheep carcasses rain on the The world is ugly, because it is ihpse squirrels our freshman year seeing something so beautiful as worthless, bureaucratic principle earth. I say it's a nice day for it." precious."

is wrong is this country. After all, country and then complain aboul w Over ihe results. aren't we the ones who elected By Anriieny Rubino, Jr. One of the things lhal really them? If our leaders are doing a Kingdom Mv Head concerns me is the lack of interest poor job then we need lo make "I think, therefore t am."—Descortes Carrie Maoles in real issues. Do I really care if sure they improve. George Bush likes broccoli or nol? The current scandal over the Hey! Great Ian! Does il really mailer if Bill House bank is one lhal we need Haw was your ' Election Years Clinton smoked marijuana while to remember. We need lo make sprina break? Really?! Where did yau go? Really?! f Tm nol usually one lo jump he was in England thirty years sure lhal the situation is handled Who did yoo go with? Really?! on a bandwagon, but I figured ago? in a way lhal makes il clear we Wow! That sounds great! You •ihal wilh all the attention Ihe Whal I want lo know is whal expect belter conduct from our did what?! With ai namimflamingo?! No way! Were you wasted? election is gelling in the press, il these candidates are going lo do leaders. Really?! No way! In the poolI?' ! was probably lime 1 pul in my aboul our dependency on foreign Our country is based on With who?! Really?! *two cents. oil (will we have lo go lo war democratic principles and we fail Hey listen 1 gotta get gain', I'm late for dass.^ again in a few years?). 1 want lo lo lake advantage of those A friend of mine is leaching Great tan. Really!. in Japan this year and she asked know if they have any ideas aboul privileges. We have lo make Q me how Hope students feel dealing with the growing problem them toe the line or face nol Aboul the election. She wanted of homelessness. Do any of the being re-elected. io know who I thought most candidates have possible solutions I'm nol a political science Ooaoai people were backing al this lo the problems faced by inner- major, but I feel I have the Nasty sun bum. responsibility to do my duty and Looks painful. Crap/ Here point. city teens? we go again. I barefy know this' I lold her the attitude al These are the issues lhal need try and distinguish the best man jerk. I'm sick and tired of askin' Hope is one lhal never lo be dealt wilh during presiden- (or woman) lo be president of people how their sfinldn' break was! I don't care haw it was! tial campaigns. As voters we this country. changes—loo much apathy lo And I know they don't care haw teally care. should demand lo hear where a That may be hard to do mine was either so I wish they'd I admit, I find I have a hard politician stands on important during this election, but we have stop asking me. What can I say to aet outta here? I'll say^ lime really caring about this things. We should expect respon- lotry. I'm late for dass. That Maybe if we start requiring election either, but caring and sible reactions to current prob- always works. ^ jfoling are our responsibilities. lems. more out of our candidates, No one has the right to just I get tired of people always they'll start giving more. Apathy ignore whal is going on in our blaming ihe politicians for all lhal isn'l the way lo change things.

Calvin and Hope

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8 The anchor April 1,1992 FEATURES Veteran journalist shares his experiences children. He worked hard and even spect one needs for an editor. He tor. Illustrating the understanding for many-a-week in a library to fa- by Scott Runyon spent one summer during college was assigned to a story covering the Kahn had with him he recalled, dur- miliarize himself with the topic. associate editor gaining experience by working on a first female police officer hired in ing a Monday lecture, the shortest "Now," says Kahn after writ- newspaper without pay. New York who just happened to be story assignment conference he re- ing two books on agriculture, "I Storyteller. Teacher. Friendly Kahn's textured face broke into a small lady. members. have become a sort of agriculture journalist. Dedicated writer/ re- a warm smile and his eyes sparkled He put pressure on her to ex- It happened as he passed the nut." porter. All these describe one man, as he told students in "Introduction plain how she would handle big editor in a corridor of the 19th floor Through necessity, Kahn has E.J. KahnJr. lo Mass Media" aboul the weekly guys on the street. In response, she of a Manhattan office building. The developed an approach to writing Kahn, a veteran writer for the paper his family published during demonstrated a maneuver putting editor said "Coca Cola," and he which works for him, focusing on New Yorker magazine, shared ex- summers at their vaca- "nodded in agree- the final product as the goal and cerpts from over 50 years of pro- tion home. The paper ment." doing whal he needs lo gel there. fessional "real world" journalism taught his three children Neither broke a During the interviewing process experience wilh faculty and students valuable lessons aboul stride and neither he doesn't use a tape recorder, like at Hope College last week. journalism. spoke another word most reporters do today, but writes As a Woodrow Wilson Visiting He was able lo leach on the topic until a out notes in pen and ink. Fellow, Kahn was brought to cam- them aboul the dedica- year and a half later "Then lo organize my notes, 1 pus for the week to encourage Ihe tion it takes lo pul to- when he had pro- circle 20 or 30 fads or concepts on flow of ideas between academic and gether a paper by selling duced a four part se- a page and use a letter along ihe left non-academic worlds and help stu- up a couple rules they ries for the magazine hand margin to mark every para- dents see the connection between were lo follow: "No one which eventually graph." theirliberalartseducationand future could go lo bed until the would become a book He makes sure to reference all lives. paper went lo print and on the company's the facts, concepts and names al- After publishing hundreds of all guests in ihe house history. lowing for detailed organization by stories and nearly 30 books, Kahn had lo conlribule." They Kahn describes making a cross-reference index to Photo by Rich Blair explains how he began by free- ran the show, but, he said, himself as a "gener- supplement his notes. EJ. Kahn Jr. takes a moment out of his busy schedule lancing stories to magazines and "I was allowed to write a alist nol a specialist" This takes him some lime. "I to speak to Cami Reister ('92) about his career newspapers during his college days gossip column." because he writes just finished spending five weeks in to gel his feet wet in the field. They also learned many stories about Italy where all that I did was orga- As a result he was fortunate about finances by selling copies of him flat on his back on his own various topics. He accepts new sto- nize my notes for a project," said enough lo be grabbed by the New the paper, which had a circulation of office floor. Just then, his editor ries as a challenge and dives in to Kahn. Yorker only three days after gradu- aboul 100, for five cents each at a poked his head in the door. learn all he can. After this, he makes a brief ation. local store giving one cent back to He didn't find it surprising that A few years ago he was in- outline of the book or story, which Kahn talked about how he got the store. his next assignment had him cover- spired by his wife lo begin writing usually fits on one page, and then he into journalism as a young man and Early on in his writing career ing the autopsy of a seal. on botany, which was a subject for- fleshes it out. later found it was the only way he Kahn learned the value of being a Through time, though, he built eign lo him al the lime. Seeing a knew to make a living and feed his friendly journalist and about the re- a lasting relationship wilh his edi- challenge, he proceeded to research See KAHN page 12 Hope nursing student travels to London term offers students New Mexico with Calvin students vast learning opportunities "We deal wilh business and ing] to a doctor's house for lunch. over the social conditions of the by Erika Brubaker economics, but it's a program by Erika Brubaker He had heard that I went to Hope, Native Americans as well. Many of features editor which is broader than that. This features editor and he said, 'So, did you hear you them have problems wilh alcohol. year, for the first time, students lost the basketball game?' and ev- "I saw many broken families be- Students participating in the are able to lake il for senior sem inar Michelle Timmer ('92), a na- erybody snickered at me. But the cause of it," Timmer said. Due to the Economics and Business London credit. So even non-business ma- tive of Hudsonville, was the only girls were really cool. I had a lot of fact that alcohol is not allowed on May Term leam aboul manage- jors can go," Heisler remarked. Hope College nursing sludent this fun wilh them." the reservation, many people drive ment and economics "all in the Muiderman explained that year to travel to New Mexico lo "I did home help, so I got lo see to nearby towns to drink, and then context of teaming a lot aboul the last year, the students surveyed practice her skills on the residents of more of the homes that the Navajo get into accidents on their way back culture and a lot about the society. people on the street about their an Indian reservation there. people live in. There was a huge to the reservation. So we go lo the theater and plays educations. The purpose of the The nursing program kept Navajo reservation nearby where Although most of the experi- and Parliament. We have a mem- project was to"analyze the impact Timmer in New Mexico from the hospital was, so I got lo go into ence that Timmer had was on the ber of Parliament talk lo us," ex- of the British educational system January 6-24. She explained, "We the homes on the reservation. Wilh reservation, the students did spend plained James Heisler, the head of on iheir economy today and their are combined wilh the Calvin pro- the nurse, I got lo make an as- some lime at the hospi- the program. prospects for the future." gram; we take Calvin's spring se- sessment, and take blood tal in Gallup. "The most The London May Term pro- The students leam not only mester. They have a January term." pressures and that kind interesting part was gram is about twenty-two years about the financial institutions The nursing programs at Hope of stuff. I got to do a on the reservation." old. Heisler became the head of themselves, but also about the so- and Calvin are unique in that their lillle bit of leach- i While the stu- the program in 1983, and runs it cial component involved in classes are combined, with students ing... and wound dents devoted most of with Tony Muiderman, also of the banking and retail. shuttling back and forth between the care." their time during the economics and business adminis- Heisler explained one of the two campuses to their classes. One week to working on tration department. reasons for the off-campus Timmer explained that the reason thing lhal the reservation, they 1 The students are involved in program's location being in for the split programs is so that deeply af- spent their weekend several activities throughout Lon- London: "One of the major activi- students in both schools can use the f e c t e d time sightseeing. don. They visit many manufactur- ties of London is the financial." facilities al both Holland Hospital Timmer They visited Santa Fe ing and economic facilities, learn Muiderman explained, 'This and at Butterworth Hospital in Grand was the condi- and several of the about education in Britain, and is an interesting year lo be there Rapids. She commented, "There are tion of many of other nearby towns. even have the chance lo go up into because they're going through only seven senior nursing students the Navajo They also visited the the clock tower of Big Ben. elections." Heisler commented,"It from Hope, and about forty from homes. "It's like "Four Comers," the Last year, the group went to becomes a foreign experience in Calvin." a third-world spot where Utah, Cambridge, to the old city of Bath, an English-speaking country." Timmer went as a part of a country there. Colorado, Arizona, and to Stonehenge. During a four London is considered to be group from the nursing program that There was one and New Mexico all day "cultural exploration" they combines students from Hope Col- home that didn't meet. one of the most cosmopolitan cities were able lo travel wherever they in the world, and although we lege and Calvin College. "There have any carpet- Timmerexplained wanted. Students went to Ireland, were seven other girls from Calvin ing; the woman that the nursing stu- speak the same language, experi- Scotland, and even all the way to that went. It's someplace that they just had a dirt floor. ences there are "tremendously L dents were given op- Italy. go every year. They have been go- She had no heat tions of working in different" from those in the Stales. Students spend their mornings ing there every year for the past except for a wood Mospitals in the Hol- The program usually lakes in class. "Most days we, as a group, seven years, so they had some people stove. She had no •and/Grand Rapids about sixteen students. While they are involved in seminars," elabo- lhal had already had students stay oven...noelectricity, Barea or of travelling are mostly business majors, there rated Heisler. The seminars are wilh them—the host families." no running water. las far as India. She have also been English, sociology, led by the people al the institutions Even though the rest of the They go to the chap- explained, "We and art majors who have traveled the students are visiting that day. people on her program were all ter houses and get these huge tanks went there [to New Mexico] for the with the group in the past. The rest of the day is free for Calvin students, Timmer did nol of water every once in a while." cultural experience...I wanted a This year, students can get the students to spend as they feel like an outsider. The hospital "The govemment doesn't lake change. I wanted to see what I could three credits not only for business choose. However, they do have itself was in Gallup, New Mexico, care of their roads. They live very learn out there. Other people just or economics, but also for IDS. certain responsibilities. They must and the community where the stu- far out and the roads get all muddy worked al hospitals to gel better Muiderman remarked that the purchase and read a book and dents did most of their work was a from the rain." One of the other skills. I got to practice more of my program gives students a chance prepare for an oral report at the Christian Reformed community students who worked at the reser- skills." to "reflect back on what you see in end of the term. There are also a called Rehoveth. "There were a lot vation wilh Timmer had her Jeep tip "It made me want to be more of your own country." Students leam required number of cultural ac- of people associated with Calvin. over as she was driving on one of a home-health nurse. These people not only about England, but also tivities to attend, such as theater Some of the doctors had graduated these roads. about the United States, and about productions and concerts. from Calvin, and 1 remember [go- Timmer expressed her concern See TIMMER page 12 themselves. V. April 1,1992 The anchor 9 Science fiction brings reader into world with friendly aliens

retical teachings of human science BOOK RKVIKW by R.G. Blair to find a solution to their dilemma. guesl writer Krake is a world war two pilot who Sork, Kiri, Sue-Ling, Krake, Moon, was picked up by a turtle scouting Thrayl, and two turtle undertake a The Singers ofTime by Frederik mission. The turtles gave ar. com- journey through universes to find Pohl and Jack Williamson brings mand of a wave ship for his help in the missing female and the reason or the reader into a future Earth that their understanding of humans. A her disappearance. has been invaded by friendly aliens. wave ship is a ship that converts all Between each chapter of the The 'Turtles", as they are called by matter in it an itself into waves that book is a short chapter tat is a lecture humans are turtle-like beings that travel the speed of light. Krake is on astrophysics. Each of these can eat anything and subsist mainly alive at this lime due to lime dilation. chapters is directly linked to the on hard radiation. These turtles Krake meets a young human named chapters of the true story. The A New York Films Release © 1990 possess a very ethnocentric view- Moon Bunderan and her pet Taur, theories defined in these lecture A SCENE from Camp De Thiaroye which is showing at point. Everything they believe is Thrayl. Taurs are intelligent chapters are experienced by the main correct and everything else is blas- minotaur-like creatures that the hu- characters. In these lecture chapters the Knickerbocker and will be followed by a discussion phemous and must be eradicated. mans use for labor and food.. The we are also introduced lo singers. on April 7 with N. Frank Ukadike from U. of Michigan. The turtles are not, however, violent. Taurs represent the callous nature They seem to see these lectures as They achieve their goal through trade the humans have taken on. The Tars songs of truth and sometimes un- of superior technology. are intelligent and docile. The rep- truth. It also seems that the Taur, Film deals with disrespect of The Earth in the novel has ex- resent the ideal slave, but instead of Thrayl, can hear these singers and perienced the turtle invasion and the merely keeping these beings as their songs. returning French soldiers turtles are in charge of a docile world slaves they are also used for their The book did prove to be in- Holland — N. Frank Ukadike, filmmakers. whose inhabitants fully believe the meat. teresting and the concepts explored assistant professor of film and video Ukadike offers courses entitled superiority of the turtles. In this This seems almost cannibalis- by the authors are interesting. The al the University of Michigan, will African Cinema, World Cinema, and docile world we find SorkQuintero, tic. Toeat an intelligent being seems continuous switch between astro- lead a discussion of Ousmane Cultural Issues in Cinema al the an employee of the turtle who feels almost evil. All of the characters physics and story docs start to gel Sembene's film. Camp cie Thiaroye, University of Michigan. He is widely that human science is not heretical except Krake ave no problems in annoying after awhile, but the story following a showing of the movie al published in the field, and his book or inferior as claimed by the turtles. eating the meat of these Taurs. Il is nol seriously hurt by this. the Hope College Knickerbocker Black African Cinema is due in stores He is trying to rebel against the seems as if the turtles have dehu- The way the story unravels is a Theatre on Tuesday, April 7. soon. His talk following Camp de turtles through learning the science manized the Earth population bit surprising and nol unpleasant. Camp de Thiaroye focuses on Thiaroye is sponsored by the de- of old Earth. Sork, his brother Kiri, through its introduction of new The novel explores the subjects of the resettlement of African soldiers partment of history at Hope College and Sue-Ling their lover all work at products. the astrophysics lecture quite inter- from Frenchcoloniesreturning from and the Program for Inter-Institu- a turtle installation lhal processes The story builds momentum as estingly. The novel would ave been Europe's battlefields afler World lional Collaboration in Area Studies forbidden human machines that have we leam lhal the turtle's only female more interesting is ihe moral and War II. Instead of treating the re- (PICAS) at the University of been bought wilh turtle technology has disappeared. The turtles are a social implications of the turtle were luming African veterans with re- Michigan. and also performs more obscure colony race much like insects and fully explored. spect, the French colonials attempt Camp de Thiaroye will show al functions.1 * * they possess only one female so this The end does seem to be a bit of lo reimpose their will on them. Based the Knickerbocker on April 3,4 and We are shown the decay the loss represents the possible death of a Deux el Machina, but il is satis- on fad, the film is set at a luming 6-8 al 7 p.m. Admission to Ihe civilization on Earth has experienced the entire turtle race. Desperation fying. Al in all the book is well point in African history, when the Ukadike-led discussion is free. through the eyes of Francis Krake. forces the turtles to utilize the he- worth reading. colonial myth of while superiority The Knickerbocker Theatre is began to collapse and an African located al 86 E. Eighth Street. Ad- consciousness emerged. Camp de ditional information regarding the CLASSIFIEDS Thiaroye was the first film in more presentation or other offers at the ••r than a decade for Sembene, who is Knickerbocker may be obtained by Aisle Books ETC., 77 E. 8th St., considered one of Africa's leading calling (616) 392-3195. RECYCLE or donate unneeded EVERY YEAR, the U.S. throws 393-8090. items. away enough iron and steel to sup- Concerned ply the needs of the American au- ONLY a few weeks left J. Chuck tomobile manufacturers. 7 ? 7 7 7 7 ' KNICKERBOCKER THEATRE is Gary finger! ,« now hiring two students for the r summer and 1992-93 school year. THANK YOU, Sandy Alspach for PLEASE visit us soon Mark and The hours are 6p.m.-9p.m., 2-3 your copy-editing abilities!! -The Pregnancy? Jeeem. Love, Miss and Cyn. London ' nights per week. Salary begins @ Sigma Sigma Sorority. ' $4.50/hr. If interested please leave Birth Control? - a message @ 394-3196. YAKIMA BIKE RACK for sale. WRITE LETTERS supporting en- Sexually As is fits small 2/4 door car. Can be $375* r vironmental values lo your elected modified. CHEAP! -Todd,x6752. Transmitted f c PURCHASE goods in reusable or officials. recyclable containers. Madrid $565* » Diseases? DTTVTKT^ A VTTN cci I TMP i icrn HE YWANT A BIKE ? I can llakeit Paris $515* BUYING AND SELLING USED L .. t n •. i j• c • c- » ^ home with me, so I must sell it AIDS? Frankfurt $515* MICKEY!-Steve missed the "cute BOOKS mctadmg Science F.cl.on, ^ |0 s30 or $565* Mystcnes of Oz. Zurich little bunny nose" face. Hope youTl Class, s. ^ ^ Ca|| ^ ^ Call The •Pares arc roundtrip from Detroit. Travd nust 4 see il soon-Live! -E! Women s Issues and others. Center b«in by the 31st of March. Fares do nc< Hope College ndude taxes. Restrictions appty. Health Clinic Council Travd 1220 S. University Avenue STE 208 YEAH BOB by Darryl Kluskowskj X7585 Arm Aibor, Ml 48104 MN1. THIS 15 THE Confidential counseling 313-998-0200 YJEiRPEST FtEUNS I'VE Call for a FREE 1*92 EVER MAP! I'VE BEEN HERE. and student travel catalog! BE/ORE1 REALLY! ANP LCDK 60 FAMIUARl K)I Free pregnancy testing KNOW M3U? TELL ME- HAVE WE MEF? 7 4M

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10 The anchor April 1,1992

Graduates named Schedule for Disability Awareness Week to Phi Beta Kappa April 6-10 Holland — Forty-six Hope College graduating seniors and December graduates have been Monday, April 6 recognized with the highest aca- 11:00 a.m. WHEELCHAIR CHALLENGE — Dimnent Chapel demic honor that can be awarded to an undergraduate: election to Phi During chapel service two faculty, two staff and four students will begin their day-long mobility Beta Kappa, the nation's oldest impairment simulation. They will be occupying wheelchairs for six, twelve, or twenty-four hours. scholastic honorary society. For more than 200 years, elec- tion to Phi Beta Kappa has been a Tuesday, April 7 recognition of intellectual capacity 9:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. DISABILITY SIMULATIONS — DeWitt Lounge well employed, especially in ac- quiring an education in the liberal This is an opportunity to simulate mobility impairment, hearing impairment, vision impairment, and arts and sciences. learning disabilities, as well as gather information about a number of hidden disabilities. The objectives of humane 11:00 a.m. COMMUNITY HOUR — Dimnent Chapel learning encouraged by Phi Beta Kappa include intellectual honesty Curtis Bender and tolerance, range of intellectual interests, and understanding, not Wednesday, April 8 merely knowledge. Hope faculty who are members 9:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. DISABILITY SIMULATIONS DeWitt Lobby of Phi Beta Kappa have elected stu- Another opportunity to simulate mobility impairment, hearing impairment, vision impairment, dents to Phi Beta Kappa in recogni- and learning disabilities, as well as gather information about a number of hidden disabilities. tion of their high grade point aver- age in liberal arts courses, their ex- 7:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL GAME—D(W Center ceptional scholarly ability, and The Grand Rapids Pacers Wheelchair Team will be taking on Hope Varsity players. their independent and creative scholarly activities. A formal initiation ceremony Thursday, April 9 and reception will take place on 12:00 p.m. BUILDING BRIDGES WITH THE ADA Herrick Room (by invitation only) Sunday, April 12,1992, at 2 p.m. in Holland area employer luncheon presented by Patrick D. Cannon. This program will be centered the Maas Center auditorium. Stu- dents will also be recognized during around building awareness in hopes of eliminating fear of the ADA and recognizing that the new act is the college's Honors Convocation an opportunity to build bridges. on Thursday, April 23, at 11 a.m. in 4:00 p.m. DENNIS MOORE Dimnent Memorial Chapel. Hope College is one of seven 8:00 p.m. SAC MOVIE — "AWAKENINGS" — Kletz institutions of higher education in the state of Michigan to have a chapter of Phi Beta Kappa. The Friday, April 10 chapter, Zeta of Michigan, was 2:00 p.m.-4:00 p.m. ICE CREAM SOCIAL — Kletz chartered in 1971. This will be a celebration of the week's events and Hope's accepting and caring community spirit. AT U R.DAY OQpn An t Sfjf! ih fJie Mm

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April 1,1992 Tlw anchor 11 SPORTS Hope swimmers excel at Nationals Women's team Top four place at Kenyon,Ohio. In 1991 Hope ended Kenyon's string of 13 consecutive performance nationals best in national championships in this event. The Lords avenged that defeat in a earns eight All- history for Hope's classic race that matched swimmers stroke-for-stroke until the final ten American honors men's swim team yards. Kenyon finished in 6:48.59 HOLLAND—The 1991-92 HOLLAND—Hope College while Hope ended in 6:49. Hope's Hope College women's swimming capped its most successful swim- 4 time was two seconds faster than leam will always be remembered as ming season in history by finishing 1991 when the Flying Dutchmen the little team that could. fourth at the NCAA Division III finished first. Members of that relay Small in numbers, but big in men's national championships in team were Bannink, Hescott, Hope effort, the Flying Dutch culminated Buffalo, N.Y. this past weekend. and Kirk Assink ('95). a most successful season finishing The success of the Flying The hometown flavor of the seventh at the NCAA Division III Dutchmen came on the heals of a men's swimming team was best national championships which seventh place finish at nationals by demonstrated in the 400-yard concluded last weekend in Buffalo. freestyle relay. A quartet of fourth PR Photo the Hope's women's swimming PR Photo With a roster of only 13 mem- Dawn Hoving team last week. Ion Hescott year students Phil Sotok, Chris Von bers, the Flying Dutch sent six The fourth place finish by the Ins. Hescott and Bannink combined swimmers to the national champi- Hope men is the best by an MIAA to finish fourth.(-3:06.37). onship meet. They all relumed wilh Hoving earned All-American team in NCAA swimming compe- freestyle relay teams. Hescott has Sotok, Von Ins and Hescott l Ail-American honors as they fin- honors in three individual events tition. It came as the result of All- now been an NCAA All-American were joined by Matt Hollebeek( * )5) ished among the nation's top ten and another four in relays. In addi- American performances in 10 11 times, equaling the all time Hope in another fourth place All-Ameru an Division III teams for the sixth lime tion to her national championship in events. In fact, the FLying Dutchmen mark established by Rob Peel from performance in the 200-yard in seven years. the 200 butterfly, she was second in maximized their efforts by earning 1985-87. freestyle relay (3:06.37). The 179 points scored by Hope the 100-yard butterfly (:57,40) and All-American honors in 16 of their Jack Methric ('95) was an All- The Flying Dutchmen had six in the national meet was the sein eighth in the 200-yard individual 22 entries in the national meet. American in both the 100-yard honorable mention All-America school history, surpassed only by medley (2:10.59). The Hope teams are coached backstroke (sixth place, :52.01) and performances (eighth thru loth the 1988 team which finished fifth Teammate Sarah DeWitt ('94) by John Patnott who in 13 seasons 200-yard backstroke (seventh place, place). Assink had strong perfor- with 214 points. reiv^vcd AM Lit;!-' v-r |.'V^r\pH nn^ of the 1-M ^ H'* 'h-' first Hope mances in the distance freest;. K Highlighting this year's meet finishing seventh in the 100-yard finest small college programs for male swimmer to win NCAA All- finishing ninth in the l,650-y:irO was Dawn Hoving ('94) who cap- freestyle (:53.15) and liunuiable men and v^omen.Tlic 1991 national Ainciican honors as a first year freestyle (16:12.56) and 11th in ihe tured the national championship in mention All-American designation coach of the year, Patnott has sludent. 500-yard freestyle (4:38.72). Dan the 200-yard butterfly. Her winning in the 50-yard freestyle (13th in coached 51 All-Americans, includ- Jeff Bannink ('93) was All- Knapp ('95) finished 16th in 'IK time of2:05.20 was the in that event :24.69)and200-yardfreestyle(l 1th ing national champions in 11 events. American in the400-yard individual 200-yard butterfly (1:58.14) -jiui in the 11 -year history of the national in 1:55.97). He has coached Hope teams to 13 medley (fifth place, 4:05,26) and Hescott was 13th in the 200-y.ird championships. Hoving and DeWitt joined conference championships, nine by 200-yard individual medley (seventh freestyle (1:42.97). In all, the Flying Dutch had All- teammates Kristy Achterof ('92) and the women and four by the men. place, 1:54.90). Bannink in two years Both medley relay entries American performances in eight Jennifer Moorman ('94) in fourth The FLying Dutchmen scored has been an All-American in four earned honorable mention Ail- events and three honorable mention place finishes in the 800-yard a school-record 235 points at the different individual events. He has American honors. The 200-yard All-American designations. freestyle relay (7:50.56) and 400- NCAA meet. By finishing fourth, been an All-American nine time in medley relay team of Methric, Brian Hoving, this year's most valu- yard freestyle relay (3:35.67), both the Hope contingent was able to his career. Ballone ('93), Knapp and Von Ins able swimmer in the Michigan in school record times. They also bring back to campus an NCAA Steve Hope ('95) won All- was ninth (1:36.16) and the 400- Intercollegiate Athletic Association joined teammates Amy Bongers team trophy for the first time. American honors by finishing eighth yard medley relay entry of Methric, (MIAA), becomes the third Hope ('93) and Monica Bullard ('94) in Three Hope swimmers were in the 500-yard freestyle. Ballone, Knapp and Hescott uas swimmer to win an individual na- finishing seventh in the 400-yard All-Americans in two individual Seven swimmers contributed to tenth (3:31.34). Both relays times tional championship since 1987. medley relay (4:05.97). events. Jon Hescott ('93) finished All-American performances in three were school records. Under coach John Patnott, Hope Bongers, Bullard, Achterof and third in the 50-yard freestyle (:20.97) freestyle relays. One of the national Hope's season of success v. as swimmers have had national cham- DeWitt combined to finish 11th in and sixth in the 100-yard freestyle meet's most exciting event was the marked by 12 new school record pionship performances lOtimesover the 200-yard medley relay with a (:46.17). He was also a member on 800-yard freestyle relay where Hope and six conference marks during i he the last six years. school record time of 1:52 73. all three of Hope's All-American rcnov .

Holland — The Hope College during their recent southern trip. honorees as sophomores. First " baseball team will find their bid for The Flying Dutchmen return baseman Scott Frederick ('92) of » a third consecutive Michigan 13 letter-winners from last year's Bay City batted a lofty .405 against Intercollegiate Athletic Association 17-17 team. The pre-season roster league opponents last spring and # (MIAA) championship to be espe- includes 11 freshman prospects. The .333 overall. * dally challenging as they begin the team must replace all-time leading Four returning pitchers re- ^ league portion of their schedule. hitter Vic Breithaupt ('92), who led corded decisions a year ago, but just The MIAA schedule has been MIAA hitters an unprecedented four victories. They include Kory • expanded from 12 to 18 games three consecutive seasons. Boeve('92)ofZeeland, PaulSchlaaf ^ through a series of weekend triple- Breithaupt and graduate Seth Parker ('93) of Montague, Rob Kangas headers. The new format consists of ('92) also pitched 13 of the team's ('94) of Ann Arbor, and Steve ^ a 4 p.m. single game on Friday af- victories last spring. Andresen ('93) of Dublin, Ohio. temoon followed by a doubleheader The roster includesplayers who Other returning letter-winners it on Saturday beginning at 1 p.m. have excelled for the Flying Dutch- include outfielder ('94) Chris 5*000 and 10,000 meter him duiing the track team's * "The new format will place an men. Shortstop Brent Molnar ('94) Backus of Holland, outfielder Jon > increased emphasis on pitching " of Chesaning was voted to the All- Joffe ('92) of Portage, outfielder MIAA second team last spring. Co- Chad Johnson ('93) of Warsaw, In- > notes coach Ray Allen, who is * guiding the Flying Dutchmen lo a captains Brent Kempema ('92) of diana, infielder Dave McWhinnie 4 29-7 record against MIAA oppo- Grandvi'Kw* S^olf Berir wit h ('92) (*94) of Pinckney, and outfielder ^ncnis. Hope posted a 2-10 record of Batik Creek were MIAA ^ IM Wail ('91; of Midland.

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fe Changes Kahn started in journalism is to "work on members, and students to watch it. ther. Continued from page 1 Continued from page 8 your student newspaper or try lo gel Hopefully these changes will According to Kahn, one should a job on a small newspaper in The committee also suggests improve Nykerk and the Pull and He said he has never used a not be shy about submitting pieces 44 Michigan or wherever you live,ihen having a mock Pull" before the real encourage more people to become computer but trusts his typewriters to publications. The worst that can try to work your way up." thing to gain support. The mock involved in them. Frost said, "Both to do the job, although it's difficult happen is the publisher will send One technique Kahn claims can Pull, which anyone could partici- events are very important to the life to find ribbon for them anymore. back a rejection slip. Kahn said he prove to be very helpful is lo keep a pate in, would use the official Pull of the college, but the constitution Tm old fashioned," he says. has piles of rejection slips—they journal and write down a couple rope and be located on or near itself is not going to be that signifi- Tm probably the only writer in the don't mean much. thoughts each day concerning cur- campus. cant. The more significant thing will United States—the world, probably, Encouraging those who are rent events which relate lo memories Changing the Pull to a Saturday be the other events that may come who has an upright manual type- never satisfied with their work Kahn oreverydaily life in some way. Al- instead of a Friday has also been about as a result of what the students writer in each of my three offices." says after over 50 years of writing "1 ter a while this will be a grcal re- suggested. Having the competition may do and the changes we make. Speaking with a rough and of- have not yet turned in anything that source of connections lo events to on a weekend would be more conve- Hopefully the students will like the ten coarse yet confident voice, Kahn I thought was going to be accepted." write aboul. nient for families, community changes." offers concrete advice to those who He advises reading newspapers see their future in journalism. He daily. It's also good lo "read all the Kahn may be behind in term s of said the first thing one should do is magazines you can get your hands modem technology bul he has sur- leam how to spell and avoid careless on and a book occasionally," says passed most as a dedicated, seasoned Timmer writer who has given some at Hope and obvious errors. If editors see Kahn, who reads over 15 magazines Continued from page 8 people who aren't as bad are jusl errors like that in a submitted story and a number of daily papers. an example of whal the "real world" going home, so [care] is much they are nol likely to read any fur- Another thing one can do to get of journalism is all aboul. really depend on you, they really cheaper in the homes. It's a new look up to you. They look forward to trend in health care." your coming and leaching them and Timmer's immediate plans for helping them." the future include moving to North Timmer explained lhal home- Carolina. She explained lhal while health care is becoming more and she is interested in the idea of doing THE CUTTING EDGE more popular, nol only in places like home health care, she would need Ihe reservation where she worked, some more experience working in a bul also in cities, because "ihe pa- hospital before she would be quali- lienis in ihe hospital have a higher fied for lhal sort of job. "Bul il is a {TONY acuity rale lhan il used lo be. So the good area to gel into," she added. /me myjn>Q TOO 575COLUHBIR PUmV THE SUPERSTORE FOR SOCCER •LJcfr & VOLLEYBALL <53 CANNON adidas *4? Coaches Closet ^ ttv. ajv^3 Lakeway Shopping Center 11975 E. Lakewood, Holland (616)396-2033

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