t thirty-three, my anger hasn’t subsided. It’s gotten And to all this, I don’t have a real answer. I don’t think I’m naïve. I deeper. It’s more like magma keeping me warm instead of lava don’t think I’m expecting too much, but it’s hard not to feel shat upon by AAshooting haphazardly all over the place. It’s managed. You see, the world-at-large every step of the way. There are a couple of things that I’ve been able to channel the balled-fist, I’m hitting-walls-and-breaking- temper my anger. First off, when we were doing our math, I got another knuckles anger into something of a long-burning fuse. Oh, I’m angry, but number: sixty-four. That’s how many folks help out Razorcake in some I’m probably one of the calmest angry people you’re likely to meet. I take way, shape, or form on a regular basis. Damn, that’s awesome. Sixty- all of my “fuck yous” and edit. I take my “you’ve got to be fucking kid- four people, without whom this zine would just be a hair-brained ding me”s and take pictures and write. I seek revenge by working my ass scheme. off. Anger, coupled with belief, is a powerful motivator. The second element is a little harder to explain. Recently, I was in an What do I have to be angry about? I don’t think it’s obvious, but we do adjacent town, South Pasadena. It’s richer than where I live—it’s lousy everything in our power making this zine to be fair to everyone we deal with white people of all colors—but they have an awesome video store with, from bands, to subscribers, to our printers and our advertisers. I don’t chock full of independent films. Right before my friend and I walked in, want to rip anyone off, so we keep all of our prices as low as possible in we saw a cop car on the sidewalk. Then we saw it: a massive tree branch the hopes that we can continue to contribute to culture that I love and lit- had fallen right on top of a luxury car. Termites or heat or something erally owe my life to. And that’s a liability. This is capitalism, dummy. made that tree branch fall and we had to stifle our laughter and bite our Make stuff that sells well or go out of business. lips when we inspected it up close. Spiderwebbed windshield, caved-in So, we’re attempting to become legitimately non-profit. We had to pay roof. What that tree had done made me happy. That tree did what we $500 to file the forms. Then we waited eight months for a response. The both would have liked to do to that car. And it’s not the car, per se, it’s IRS asked more questions. We just submitted a thirty-four page response what it represents. as to how we do everything in our power to not benefit ourselves. When If we stop giving everything we’ve got, if a tree metaphorically falls we were done, it felt like someone had zipped out my brain and replaced on us, we’re pretty fucked because we haven’t paid into the system. It it with Silly Putty. We tried to get free legal representation to explain copy- owes us nothing. That car—or more precisely the person who owns a car right law and help us with wording so a bureaucrat could understand how that is worth more than I’ve ever made in my entire life—their insurance DIY punk rock works without being dishonest. No dice. We paid a lawyer, probably covered it. They get a bad day, some inconvenience. literally, almost one hundred times an hour of what I make. (I found out I like the idea of my anger working quietly, like a termite in a piece of that I make $1.66 an hour. Ouch.) It almost feels like we’re being punished wood, bite by bite. You never know if the world’s going to break away by having the nads to claim that our culture—punk rock, independent in unexpected ways. I just gotta keep on chewing. music and publishing—is as worthy and viable as other non-profits. –Todd

AD DEADLINES AD SIZES "Dissent is native in any society which ISSUE #29 • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. is still growing. Has there ever been a October 1st, 2005 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. society which has died of dissent? ISSUE #30 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. Several have died of conformity in our December 1st, 2005 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. lifetime. Dissent is not itself an end; it is • Please make all checks out to the surface mark of a deeper value. Email [email protected] Razorcake. Dissent is the mark of freedom, as origi- for rates and full details. • We only accept electronic ads. • All ads are black and white. nality is the mark of independence of Our ad rates are super. • We don’t reserve ad space. mind." –J.Bronowski, Sceince and Human Values

Cover photograph of Against Me! taken by Bryan Wynacht Contact Razorcake: [email protected] This issue is dedicated to the memory of Randy “Biscuit” Turner and John Glick

Thank you list: Championship belt thanks to Bryan Wynacht for the Against Me! photos; I wish “Rhino tape” meant what I thought it meant thanks to Mike Frame for the Zero Boys interview; Havin’ a high time thanks to Danica Johnson, Bill Florio, and Carol Stamile for the Zero Boys photos; Making a shitload of cheese thanks to Ben Lybarger for the This Moment in Black History interview; Those two guys look like somebody farted on their breakfast thanks to Lou Muenz; Courtney Love’s gonna sue us thanks to Mitch Clem for the illustration in Nardwuar’s col - umn; Blood on the streets, blood on the rocks thanks to Terry Rentzepis for the illustration in Liz O.’s column; Reminder that history is often left out of history books thanks to Chris Pepus for the Keith Beauchamp interview; Thassa lotta blood thanks to Keith Rosson for his illustrations in the Beauchamp interview and in Rev. Nørb’s column; Shuddering at the thought of Kirk Hammett in an exercise suit thanks to Gabe Hart and Kat Jetson for the Holy Kiss interview and photos; Writing songs during Thanksgiving dinner thanks to Brian Mosher for the Downbeat 5 interview; Striped shirts always look good thanks to Kris Tripplaar and Eric Law America! Fuck Yeah! Paddy of D4 for the Downbeat 5 photos; Let’s keep that hate mail a-comin’ thanks to Aphid Peewit, Brian Mosher, Buttertooth, Donofthedead, Gabe Rock, Jenny Moncayo, Jimmy Alvarado, Keith Rosson, Lord Kveldulfr, Mike Frame, Mr. Z, Newtim, Sean Koepenick, and Speedway Randy for their ceaseless ability to wade through our review piles in search of a new favorite band or zine or book or borderline porno - graphic Japanese movie. Long term-support thanks to Jeff Fox for soldering and Issue #28 October / November 2005 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 44 www.razorcake.com WE DO OUR PART COLUMNS 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 7 Art Fuentes Shizzville 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 38 12 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 14 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 16 Rev. Nørb Love, Nørb 50 62 20 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? 24 Josh Lane Kind of a Sewer 28 Ayn Imperato 90803 29 Chrystaei Branchaw’s Photo Page 30 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 32 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 34 Designated Dale I’m Against It 37 Dan Monick’s Photo Page

INTERVIEWSANDFEATURES 70 74 38 This Moment in Black History by Ben Lybarger 44 The Lynching of Emmett Till by Chris Pepus 50 Against Me! by Todd Taylor 62 Zero Boys by Mike Frame 70 Downbeat 5 by Brian Mosher 74 Holy Kiss by Kat Jetson REVIEWS 78 Record Conformity as nonconformity still sucks... 104 Zine I think that a girl wrote this and she needs a hug... 108 Book A chapstick cap full of pot is worth twenty-five dollars in prison...

Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc.

Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.com were put together by Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Josh Lane, Megan Pants, Skinny Dan, Amy Adoyzie, and Chris Devlin

Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the US. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the US and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101. Want to distribute Razorcake in the United States? The minimum order is five issues. You have to prepay. For $10.00, you’ll receive five copies of the same issue, sent to you when we do our mailout to all of our distros, big and small. Email [email protected] for all the details. “The three fellow MS travelers shoved Josh GGUUEERRRRIILLLLAA MMYY DDRREEAAMS into his seat. Someone LIZ O grabbed him by the hair. The next few minutes are a blur.” own in the Subway: The Story Behind AntiViolence Los Angeles

Josh Pfannkuche felt the gravel of an unfa- group of three people—two women and one that is kind of recognizable and the other miliar street rub against him as he crawled out man—offered to direct him towards his des- that is like the Elephant Man.” Dfrom a subway station. His teeth wiggled as tination. Perhaps they told him to take the blood poured from his mouth. He tried not to Red Line, which travels north from * * * make a mess but, at this point, it was Downtown and ends in the San Fernando Sam Pfannkuche, Josh’s younger brother inevitable. He grabbed his cell phone, which Valley. Or, maybe, they told him to take the by “one year, two weeks and one day,” was had died earlier in the day, with the hope that Blue Line, an above-ground train through packing his suitcase when he received the he could place a call. All he heard was southern Los Angeles that moves under- call from his mother in Seattle. silence. His wallet and checkbook were gone. ground and meets with the Red Line in this A drummer for the Los Angeles-based JJosh wanted to sleep. area. Either way, the trio boarded with Josh. industrial band Imperative Reaction, Sam No, I can’t, he thought. If I go to sleep, it The subway car was dark and the mark- was in the midst of a national tour opening will be the last time I sleep. I have to find ings Josh noticed from the window did not for EBM purveyors VNV Nation. He had someone. Then I can go to sleep. look familiar. played a successful show in Dallas the night Josh heard a voice as he felt a hand pat “I don’t think we’re going the right way,” before and woke up early to prepare for the his back. he suggested. trek to Phoenix, where the band was sched- I can go to sleep now. They insisted that Josh was indeed home- uled to play the following night. ward bound. They were helping him. Sam spent the eighteen-hour ride from Earlier that evening, May 15, 2005, Josh Josh thought it best if he just exited at the Dallas to Phoenix trying to reach Molly. His sat inside a small Downtown Los Angeles next stop, but the trio would not let him out mind raced with what-if scenarios. He building marked “Fancy Schmancy” grow- of his seat. flashed back to a time during his teens when ing more irritated by the minute. “You guys,” he protested, “this is my stop. he was jumped by skinheads. Four hours had passed since his friend I have to get off.” Sam and Josh were raised in a military promised that they would only stop by the The three fellow travelers shoved Josh family. Every few years, they would move soiree for “an hour” on the way home from into his seat. He tried to stand up. They from base to base and all they had was each the Los Angeles Art Walk, where the twenty- shoved him again. Someone grabbed him by other. In Ohio, they saw their first concert: eight-year-old aspiring actor and local DJ the hair. The next few minutes are a blur. Bon Jovi and Skid Row, together. In Japan, had spent the day in search of advice on a Josh awoke momentarily on a stretcher fourteen-year-old Josh “saved [Sam] from film project. The friend had too much to inside the emergency room at King Drew grunge” by playing him a Front 242 album. drink and Josh knew that another few hours Hospital in Compton, about a half-hour While living in the “Mojave hell” surround- must pass before his ride was able to get south of his home. He tried to say his name, ing Edwards Air Force Base, they escaped to behind the wheel. He was hungry for some- but the damage to his jaw left him incom- Los Angeles as often as possible, where Sam thing more than the cookies and cheese prehensible. He was signed in as a John Doe met his prior band, Pulse Legion. When their offered to him, exhausted from the long day until a man with cornrows, apparently the parents left Edwards for Northern California and unable to contact his girlfriend, thanks person who took him to King Drew, told the and then Washington State, the brothers to the dead cell phone. staff, “His name is Josh. His girlfriend’s decided to stay in Los Angeles. Sam wanted Agitated, Josh prepared to take his leave. name is Molly. This is her phone number.” nothing more than to return to his adopted “No, I’ll stick you in a cab, dude,” the The staff asked the man with the cornrows hometown and help Josh. His friends in friend offered. “I just can’t drive now.” for his name. VNV Nation offered to fly him back. When “No, dude. I see train tracks right there. “I’m his friend,” he replied. The man he spoke to Molly that evening, however, The subway has to be close to here. I’ll just then disappeared. she related that Josh insisted he finish the get on the subway.” Josh continued to spit up blood as he was next week and a half of the tour. After the sun sets over the Pacific, hooked to an IV and fell asleep again. Three days later, Sam’s tour made a stop Downtown Los Angeles is like a ghost town, He awoke the next day against the at Los Angeles’ Avalon Theater. He and his a series of one-way streets, desolate save for “strange Miami Vice prints” of his hospital tourmates set up a private entrance and bal- the occasional lump of blanket-covered room. Molly was at his side. He tried to say cony for Josh, anticipating that he might not human and dilapidated brick buildings dat- her name, but still had difficulty talking. want to talk to many people. Sam prepared ing back to the early-20th Century. It is easy Eventually, he got up to see his face in the himself for the worst. to feel disoriented while walking these bathroom mirror, thinking that the sight “My mind overcompensated,” he said roads. Eventually, though, Josh found the would not bother him. His left eye had later. “He looked better than I thought he subway station. swelled shut and the corresponding side of would. He just looked swollen. Black and Like many in Los Angeles, Josh never his face fell where bones broke. blue and swollen.” really relied on the subway. He was not sure “It was a complete stranger,” he said later Josh had two fractures in the left side of his which station he was at, nor was he sure of the reflection. “You see one of your eyes face—one stretching across his top jawline which train to take in order to get home. A that you recognize and one side of the face and another running from his canine teeth to his sinus cavity. The doctors formed a metal Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He says that messages offering assistance. One week later, bracket around his teeth and thread wires he will not enter “another metal tube with no after the email was circulated around My through the gaps. For a person whose only escape” for a long time. He looks at every Space, Friendster, and countless other net- phobia is metal filing against teeth, the expe- stranger with distrust now and gets uneasy works, monetary donations reached the rience proved to be horrendous. Weeks later, when thinking of going to an unfamiliar $5,000 mark, most of which were placed by Josh still cringed at the thought of the con- location on his own. people not directly connected to Sam or Josh. stant pressure of having the jaw wired shut Weeks have passed since he last heard In addition, a diverse range of artists, musi- and the intense pain of broken bones separat- from the detective assigned to his case. cians and companies (including comic book ing every time he yawned. He could only eat artist Jhonen Vasquez, AFI, and Amoeba through a straw and had begun to lose weight. * * * Records) donated goods for raffle at the He was covered in bruises and left with a After his show in Los Angeles, Sam left for upcoming Los Angeles show. Sam secured chipped front tooth and two black eyes. another week of touring up the West Coast, the night of August 21, 2005 at Sunset Strip’s still torn that something as simple as catching Key Club, booked performances from * * * a ride on public transportation could leave his Babyland, STG, and System Syn, in addition In the days following this incident, Josh brother so injured. He knew that Josh had no to his own band, and the fundraiser fell into slowly began to recover from his injuries and, insurance. The hospital bills alone could place. Soon, promoters in other cities joined with Molly’s help, he filed a report with L.A. grow too large to handle. He needed to help. in planning similar benefits. At press time, County Sheriff, who maintains safety control In Seattle, Sam’s last stop on the tour, he AntiViolence Seattle held its first fundraiser on the Los Angeles MTA. Chances are, talked to his parents. His mother, who ran a and shows are in the works nationwide. Josh though, that his assailants will not be found. successful nightclub while living in is currently planning a fashion show to help

Illustration by Terry Rentzepis www.alltenthumbs.com Josh has suffered memory loss from that Sacramento, suggested a benefit show. night. His only recollection of the three peo- Sam had toyed with the idea of club pro- raise funds for AntiViolence. ple on the subway was that the heavier of the motion, but never gave the notion much seri- Josh hopes that he will not have to use two girls had a name starting with a K and ous thought. However, with two successful much of the money raised. ending with an A tattooed on her arm in cur- industrial bands under his belt and a day job “My responsibility is to make sure that I sive writing. He cannot remember who beat at a collectible toy company, he had more get as much medical care that doesn’t cost him, nor can he remember the train he rode than enough connections to organize a money first, so that as much money as possi- and the stations he passed. There are no fundraiser. He was not the sort of person who ble can go to charity.” known witnesses. There is no mention of a asked for favors from his friends and col- Meanwhile, Sam has decided that he wants subway driver noticing the beating from the leagues, but this situation warranted Sam to continue promoting non-profit events. He is closed-circuit television inside the train, nor calling any contacts he had. currently planning a December show to bene- any reports from a person who might have Upon returning to Los Angeles, Sam fit children’s charities and hopes to put togeth- seen fresh blood trailing out of the car and researched organizations. He came across the er one or two events per year. onto the boarding deck. National Center for Victims of Crime Sam and Josh have no political agenda in In the two months that have passed (NCVC), an advocacy group that also pro- organizing such events. They simply want to between the assault and this article, the vides assistance and services for those affect- help others in similar situations. wires were removed from Josh’s jaw. He has ed by violent crime. Sam set up his own orga- “A lot of people think that the purpose of lost a minimum of twenty-five pounds from nization, AntiViolence, with the goal of rais- this event is to be against something or to be his normally fit, muscular frame and has ing enough money to cover Josh’s medical some sort of challenge to some sort of sys- developed the beginning of cavities from expenses and donating all extra proceeds to tem,” Josh said. “We can’t change what hap- where the metal rubbed against the enamel the NCVC. He built a bare-bones website, pened, but we can lead by example.” of his teeth. His black eyes have not faded. created a Paypal account, and called friends to “Maybe you can’t change things,” Sam He wonders if the bruising will be perma- help book a show. adds. “But that doesn’t mean that you can’t nent. He must now use a steroid nasal spray After AntiViolence went online, Sam’s move forward.” daily for the rest of his life in order to friend, New York-based DJ Hellraver, posted For more information, please visit breathe properly. His doctors have not yet the link on Live Journal, Yahoo, and various www.antiviolence.us determined if he will require surgery. mailing lists. Within one hour, the organiza- Josh was also recently diagnosed with tion received $250 in donations and countless –Liz O. 5

“A concussion grenade is a marvelous fishing LLAAZZYY MMIICCKK tool. That is, for the JIM RULAND ones that weren't right next to the concussion grenade.” WAR STORIES Part 2 of 3 Earlier this year I interviewed my father, a Vietnam veteran and a member of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, the organization that helped sink John Kerry’s campaign last fall, at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. My father was there to attend the organiza- tion’s Mission Accomplished banquet and I went as his guest. The interview was spread out over two days, but most of it took place at the poolside bar at the Swan and Dolphin Hotel where we drank margaritas and I lis- tened to my father tell stories. Every so often the bartender hits the ignition switch for the massive margarita blender and it makes a racket like a shuttle launch. The pool is next to a fake lake and has a fake beach and music pours out of speakers embedded in fake rocks. I can hear birds chirping but since this is Disney World it’s hard to say if it’s live or recorded, but the war stories my father tell me are real.

Jim Ruland: I’m watching these guys make these drinks and they’ve put a lot of stuff in them. P Lazy Mick: Is “stuff” code for booze? Jim Ruland: Uh-huh. This is great. Cheers. Lazy Mick: So we’re talking about the never- ending poker game and how it didn’t stop the whole time you were there. Jim Ruland: That’s right. It was the only thing that didn’t end. Life revolved around the poker table. People paid thirty cents an hour to be there. And the challenge was to figure out how long they’d been there. Because you couldn’t quibble about the drink prices, people used to argue about how long they’d been in the Club. We couldn’t change the thirty-cents an hour rule for reasons I can no longer remember, so we made the minimum charge three hours, and p.s., that rounded up to a dollar. If you came in for any reason other to announce something like, “So and so asked me to tell you to come to the office,” you got nailed for a buck. Then there would be people who would show up and leave twelve hours later, or fourteen hours. They weren’t always drinking all this time, but they were in the Club. Usually, the winners at the poker table would pay for the hour fees for the losers. Sort of as a courtesy. “Don’t worry, I’ll get your hours.” Meanwhile, how did you spend your MPC? In order to get to the world you had to get on a Mike Boat (LCM-8 a mechanized landing craft used on rivers and could carry up to sixty tons of cargo) over boxes look like they didn’t know what they ing for them. At first they didn’t want us to across the harbor to where the city of Qui were doing: $5,000 worth of stereo equip- even set foot in there, but we explained the Nhon itself was. You got your Jeep off the ment next to this nineteen-dollar cot. Then problem and they thought it was funny. “Poor mike boat and then you rode another little you’d go to the next one and that guy had his. bastard, let’s let him in.” So we get in there ways and went to the place where you could So when the base would get overrun, you’d and we are working up this fantastic sweat. buy booze. All the beer had formaldehyde in quit the poker game, scramble the boats, turn We are pulling boxes down. We paid some it to keep it from perishing. It was a preserv- around, and attack. But now the bad guys are guy with a forklift. We were only at it about ative. It only had tiny amounts of it in there, where you live so you’re sending all these two hours, just scratched the surface, and we but it was sort of a disconcerting thought. fifty caliber rounds into your own hooch and found it. What an unbelievable stroke of luck. Every time you had a beer you were embalm- blowing up all your stereo equipment. And So we open up the cruise box, find the picture, ing yourself. A bottle of gin would be like hating them for it. “Goddam VC, why are take the MPC out of there, get back on the ninety cents. I know it’s a long time ago, but they making me blow up all of my own mike boat, back to the base, back to the club, even in those days they were considered to shit?” Then you go and buy some more. I and a big cheer went up and then I sat down be ridiculously cheap prices. You had this know it sounds like Stanley Kubrick or and lost about two hundred bucks at the poker cigar box full of MPC that you’d collected something, but that’s the way it was. To kind table, but it was a great victory. That story for all the hours that you brought over. of put a finish on all that, when it was time summarizes how surreal all of this kind of gets Lazy Mick: Did the O-club (Officer’s Club) for me to go home, I had accumulated a lot of because the underlying value of currency is have an OINC? MPC. I was on a pretty good streak at the just so far removed from what it really is. Jim Ruland: We had a mess treasurer and poker table. You know, if you play every Lazy Mick: It’s worth what people think that was another very unpopular position that chance you can because it was about the only it’s worth. you couldn’t force people into taking for diversion there was, you’re gonna have good Jim Ruland: The food was provided, which more than three or four months at a time. periods, not-so-good periods, and bad peri- was a good thing because you would never Everything we had was converted into more ods. Just like on a small boat, you always fire pay anybody for it. And at thirty cents an product and if it came up short it had to be on the up-roll to take the variable of the seas hour you could do that until you stood on the mess treasurer’s fault and he had to make out of the thing, in a poker game you want to your head. Cigarettes, I think, were eighty up the difference. It was definitely not a situ- finish on an up-roll, because it’s only a mat- cents a carton. You go over and buy stereo ation you could win. ter of time before you go down again. Well I equipment and fancy cameras and emeralds Lazy Mick: People complaining about being was on an up-roll for the last couple weeks and things like that, which you only had a out of their favorite liquor? that I was over there. It seemed like every chance to do three or four times a tour, unless Jim Ruland: Yeah, some people thought time I played I was taking money off the you were the guy going over for the booze they were at the Ritz Carlton. We’d have table. Again, it’s MPC. So I had a picture of for the club, in which case you were sent, and acute water shortages. In the monsoon sea- your mother on my little bedstead in my he wouldn’t do anything for anybody son we had plenty of water. You’d be awash hooch and I was taking the MPC and I was because he had enough to figure out between in it. Mud everywhere. Or it would be the dry hiding it behind her picture, between her pic- the booze and the beer. season: no water. The ice machine was the ture and the cardboard thing that it came in, Lazy Mick: Let’s talk about your call sign highest priority. All the water we had came and I had $1,200 worth of MPC in there and how you get your call sign and how that over on the mike boat and if there wasn’t which is remarkable because we were only became my nickname. enough for showers, too bad, the ice machine playing for nickels and dimes and quarters. It Jim Ruland: This really is all about you, got top priority. You never got water with was not a high-stakes game. The next thing isn’t it? your drink. So you had soda. There was no that happened is everybody had a cruise box. Lazy Mick: I’m not just here to hold the mic. such thing as bottled water then, I don’t The carpenter shop would make you up a box Jim Ruland: Yeah you are. think. Who in god’s name would put water in that looked a little bit like a coffin except it Lazy Mick: [Laughs.] a bottle and then try and sell it someone? wasn’t long enough. It looked like a trunk, a Jim Ruland: When you were out on patrol, [Laughs] So you’d go over to this big place steamer trunk, but it was square and it had a there were two call signs. There was the call to buy the booze and that’s also where you lid and you put all your stuff in there and sign for the boat, which was easy. could buy all your electronics. Everybody when it was time to go it got stored with a Lazy Mick: Was it different from the num- had those big reel-to-reel tape recorders, and bunch of boxes that looked just like that one ber on the hull? they had every kind of stereo equipment you and it usually turned up about a month after Jim Ruland: Yeah, you never used the hull could think of. If you went into the typical you got home. Well, I got my cruise box. I number because you didn’t want to disclose Quonset hut where maybe a dozen guys stenciled my name on the outside of it, put all that information. So the call sign was Rice lived, there would be two refrigerators. One my stuff in there, and so forth, and off it Twigs and then you added to that the phonet- would be used to store the fruitcake. Word went. Then I realized that I had put your ic name for the patrol area you were sup- was out that fruitcake shipped well so every- mother’s picture in the box. posed to be in. So if you were patrolling body sent fruitcake to everybody. We all Lazy Mick:With all the money in it... India, you were Rice Twigs India. Any traffic hated the fucking fruitcake. Nobody ever ate Jim Ruland: With all the MPC in it. Just as that came over would begin, “Rice Twigs it. We used to throw it at each other, try to it was illegal to bring U.S. currency into India, Rice Twigs India, this is Flashy hurt the dog with it. But you couldn’t stop it Vietnam it was illegal to take MPC out and Flashy,” which was the call sign for the con- from coming and nobody had the heart to once it’s out it’s not worth anything. Where trol unit, “over.” If there was traffic aimed throw Aunt Tilly’s fruitcake out so it got you gonna go? What bank do you go to? But for the individual OINC then there was a per- shoved into the refrigerator. I’m not making it’s $1,200 bucks. Shit. So myself and two sonal call sign. Bill Schachte was Bacardi this up. It’s the same people who told every- other guys we get on this mike boat and we Charlie, owing largely to the fact that his one we all needed white socks and talcum go over on the same day that the box left. We wife was Puerto Rican and her father was powder. They’d get the entire fifth grade end up in the warehouse where they’ve chairman of the board for Bacardi Industries. class from Council Bluffs collecting this staged all these cruise boxes that are going to There were different names for different peo- stuff for I don’t know how long and send it get shipped out in the next whenever. There ple. Some more picturesque than others. over. None of us wore white socks. We are thousands of them. They are on pallets. Lazy Mick: There’s Dudley Dooright. weren’t sure what the talcum powder was for. They are stacked floor to ceiling in this ware- Jim Ruland: Well, Tom Wright is, was, a And the fruitcake we were definitely sure we house that had twenty-five foot ceilings. straight arrow. He was always a by-the-book weren’t going to eat. They are from one side of the facility to the kind of guy, which we all respected him for, But in describing this hooch (Quonsett other. They’re all a little different, but they’re so he became Dudley Dooright. A lot of peo- hut), it would be lined with cots and next to all an awful lot alike. And the stencil with ple had names where their real last name was each cot was enough wattage to make these your name on it is on the top of the box and phoneticized in the military alphabet. Like cars that run around with oversized boom they’re all stacked. So there’s no way of look- Jerry Lyle. Last name Lyle, begins with an L,

9 which is Lima. Now Jerry always spoke in a there because you were supposed to some- you’d rotate back into that patrol area and loud, booming voice, so he became where else anyway. you got to know the local persona: people Megaphone Lima. My call sign was Rookie Jim Ruland: Nukmam is the number one who made their living fishing. Vietnamese all Romeo and the reason for that is not any- condiment in Vietnam. It’s to that country what lived and died within clicks (kilometers) of thing like it sounds. Ruland, R, Romeo, ketchup is to ours. It’s a fermented fish and that where they were born. Average age expectan- except there already was somebody there doesn’t sound too appealing but after it’s fer- cy of a Vietnamese male was thirty-five with Romeo, but I was the new guy, so I was mented it doesn’t really taste like fish anymore. years. That’s why, by the way, the village the rookie. So I became the rookie Romeo, It’s sort of a spicy thing that you squirt out of a elder was always ceded the most respect which, when you think about it, didn’t vinaigrette shaker. The nasty part about it, because in the great Taoist wheel of life if require a lot of thought on anybody’s part. however, is when it’s in its formative stage he’d been afforded a long life it meant that he And there it was. The night when we were between being a bunch of fish and nukmam. must be a really smart dude or at least all celebrating “Give every man his dew,” To speed up the process, the standard practice favored by the folks upstairs who make all you became Little Rook. If I was Rookie, was to ship nukmam in bulk from one part of these decisions. By any rate, you’d get to then you had to be Little Rookie. Made the country to the other, therefore requiring it know the people who fish for a living and sense to them. Made sense to me. Then to be sent by boat or small ship, and basically you’d see little kids out on boats in the mid- shortly after I came home, which was a cou- they’d start making it at the beginning of the dle of the night because in such a poor envi- ple days before Christmas, we decided trip and by the time they got to the end it would ronment children were an economic before I left Vietnam that those of us who be pretty much ready to go, but in between it resource, and if you were five or six years old were back, and those who would be back, was a bunch of rotten fish. So it seemed like you were out on the boat with dad helping would all meet in New York on St Patrick’s about every seventh or eighth trawler you him pull those nets in. Most of the fishing Day. And that happened. Hugh Taylor came would stop was a nukmam boat. Everything was done at night and some of these boats from Boston. Curtis Torrey came up from stank to high heaven at that stage. It was a real would be in the same place. Sometimes Atlanta. A whole bunch of people came and inhibitor for wanting to search down in the they’d be moving up and down the coastline everybody wanted to have a glimpse of bilges of the nukmam boat, but it turns out with the currents and tides, and so forth, and, Little Rook, because, after all, they all knew that’s exactly where they would hide contra- I guess, based on where fisherman every- about you. You had brought a little joy into band of various sorts, but mostly small arms. It where think the fish are running and where their otherwise empty lives. So you were a became clear after being embarrassed several they’re not. It would not be uncommon to big hit. I mean they would only spend thirty times by not finding stuff that should have stop a boat and search it and find people with seconds looking at you and then they would been found that we really needed to get in their artifacts from the last time they had been all go to the bar or something. That’s why amongst the nukmam and search. So this task searched. You’d see this little kid with you are now cursed with this moniker. The was awarded to the junior man on the boat who WMCA radio station t-shirt on. We’d trade more you try and analyze that the less inter- stripped down to his shorts or bathing suit or with them all the time. Give them C-rats (C- esting it becomes because it was all very off something. He was shoeless and we’d lower rations, a kind of ready-to-eat meal used by the cuff kind of humor. him down into the hold and he’d feel around the Navy in Vietnam) and candy and ciga- Lazy Mick: What were the Swift Boats like? with his toes like he was clamming or some- rettes and stuff and they’d give us charcoal Jim Ruland: The boats were designed to thing, and try and see if there were fifty-gallon and lobster and some of their catch. We had bring engineers out to the oil rigs in the Gulf drums of god-knows-what underneath the nuk- taken a fifty-caliber ammo box and shot it of Mexico. Time is money and those were the mam. Once this process got started it didn’t through a few times to give it ventilation and high-priced folks. The engines were almost take very long, but it also didn’t take very long coerced someone to make us a rough metal five hundred horsepower apiece. The boat for the man to become indelibly stained with grate for the top of it and we’d set that on a would do sixty knots (approximately 69 mph). this rotten fish. The searcher was never wel- little bracket that we’d devised that hung Lazy Mick: Wow. comed back on our boat. Instead, we would over the fantail and that was our charcoal Jim Ruland: Well, probably more realisti- tow him behind the boat. We’d toss him like a grill, except we didn’t have any charcoal so cally fifty, but they sure wouldn’t go that fast hundred feet of manila line and we’d tow him we’d have to get that while we were out on when we got ‘em because with all the arma- for thirty or forty miles as fast as we could to patrol. I told you this was a war story. ment and all of the ammunition, principally, help him rid himself of this awful smell. Lazy Mick: [Laughs.] slowed them down to about maximum speed Lazy Mick: Would he be in a lifeboat? Jim Ruland: Sometimes, to help the fisher- of thirty. Still a hell of a lot faster than any- Jim Ruland: No, he’d just be hanging onto man make their quotas, we’d further that thing else out there on the South China Sea. the rope on the end of the boat. along by the artful use of concussion Lazy Mick: And they were made out of Lazy Mick: For thirty or forty miles? grenades which we’d usually only do in the aluminum. Jim Ruland: Yeah, well, no, depending. daytime to make sure that you weren’t going Jim Ruland: Made out of aluminum. The When he couldn’t hang on to the rope any- to blow anybody up. A concussion grenade shrapnel effect of which was admired by all more that’s how we could tell that he was is a marvelous fishing tool because you drop of us. Really interesting designs. You were probably done and we’d go get him. And one down there and suddenly the surface is much, much, much safer out on deck than that was funny at first but it became so rou- full of all these stunned fish. The fisherman you were inside the cabin because of the tine that it became not funny anymore, just would clap for joy and reach in there and fragmentation possibilities. Little, tiny four- part of the drill. “Your turn in the nukmam scoop ‘em up before the fishes came back to inch long slivers, needle-like things, would barrel.” Being out on patrol the principal their senses. That is, the ones that weren’t come at you. So a close call could mean a mission was to interdict any contraband right next to the concussion grenade. This fatality if you were inside. The only really from being infiltrated from one end of the was usually met with such great appreciation safe place on the boat was to lie down country to the other, or from sea to shore. that they would give us part of the catch or between the two main engines, but whenev- This required a lot of random activity in the what have you. So there was a lot of interac- er we had a Vietnamese military advisor, patrol area. You wouldn’t try and search tion going on out there and it was surreal that’s where he went so it was already taken every boat because it would be too hard, and because you’d trade somebody some C-rats and everybody else was too macho to go too predictable. And if you were searching and they had their likes and dislikes just like one it meant you weren’t searching the rest, us. We universally disliked it all, but they and there could be someone acting with were eating enough of it that they didn’t like impunity under your very nose. So the ran- some of it either. “No, no. No stew. No #10. dom pattern was the best. We’d go and work What else you got?” a patrol area and every week or ten days ...to be continued –Jim Ruland

11

“I felt like an OFF FFUUNN alcoholic Cinderella, MMOONNSSTTEERR O finally reunited with AMY ADOYZIE my sweet-malt-liquor- filled glass slipper.”

I’ve got Typhoid and Hepatitis A. his girlfriend, Tawni, served us cans of White dudette: Sure. Okay, fine. I don’t have have Typhoid and Sparks along with a frosted shot glass. I felt White dude: But I don’t agree with inter- Hep A, I’m not oozing feces and mucus out like an alcoholic Cinderella, finally reunited racial mixing. Because think about it. God of all available orifices, I’ve only been with my sweet-malt-liquor-filled glass slip- made birds, right? He made all the birds injected with their respective vaccines. It per. We got as far down southeast as with feathers, beaks and two wings. The doesn’t matter that vaccines are weakened Gainesville, Florida where Durt played a same blood runs through all of ‘em. But you versions of the bacteria or virus, because house show as I sheepishly avoided Warren know what? You ain’t never see an eagle try even gimp Typhoid is still Typhoid. from Against Me! because last summer I to fuck a sparrow! IAnd worse still, worse than feeling like drunkenly-playfully punched the dude twice Holy shit! Is this man a certifiable scien- some diseased early 19th Century slum in the jaw, chipping a tooth and busting his tician? Because he just whooped the civil dweller, I am presently riding the lip. But he forgave me the night after the rights movement with some damning evi- Greyhound. incident when I sharpied “NO WARREN dence. Or just provided some evidence as to It didn’t used to be like this. It didn’t used MY PANTS” on my bare belly with an how damned ignorant he is. I wonder how to be where I would have to be vaccinated arrow pointing to my crotch. long it took him to cook up that theory and for cooties so that I may travel freely to On our way out of Oregon, we passed if he went out and bought a new crossbow third-world countries. It didn’t used to be through huge hills so Crayola green they as a reward. where I felt like a Greyhound veteran, hav- looked like they popped out of a storybook. Being enlightened to other people’s ing ridden the dog just two weeks ago. But We couldn’t tunnel through Idaho’s lack of ignorance never ceases to increase my as much as I don’t like being mildly infected landscape quickly enough. Durt almost had blood pressure. or lament crowded bus rides, as much as I’d a run-in with the law in Colorado after Then came one of those revelations that like to complain about the unfamiliarity of pulling away from a gas pump before pay- have been sitting on the tip of your brain for my new daily life, as much as I’d like to talk ing. I saw my first thunderstorm light show ten years, only to slowly snowball down shit—I really shouldn’t because it didn’t in Kansas. The truck almost overheated as your sloping forehead and fly off the bridge used be like this at all and I’m relishing it. we sweated through Missouri. We finally of your nose. How it used to be: Fifty-hour work weeks made it into Durt’s Alabama, where cool My feet criss-crossed as I weaved slumped in front of two computer monitors, humidity and lightning bugs welcomed us. through an empty street in downtown struggling against sleep, sensory depriva- Throughout my trek across the nation, I Mobile, Alabama. I landed in front of the tion, and fluorescent light poisoning. I got learned an essential American truth: Wal- Cell Block, where Durt and tour mates tired of the weekly staff meetings/dead- Mart is bad juju. For serious. Anyone who is Counter Clockwise were playing, with a lines/looming reminder that this may be the concerned about this epidemic is not overre- hula hoop Kitty and I just swiped from the rest of my life. I got tired of feeling like a acting. As a modern society of wirelessness lobby of a booty club. I swung the neon lab mouse running through a never-ending and microwavable Thanksgiving dinners, green ring around my waist as Durt poured maze of cubicles. I got so tired that I decid- we’ve become numbed to the consequences more PBR down my throat. I was a model ed to retire. of Wal-Mart’s pseudo-convenience. How of class and dignity. I gave away or threw out half of my small convenient is it going to be when Wal-Mart The hoop fell when I noticed a 2 Live studio apartment and shipped the rest to my remains the only employer in your small Crew poster announcing a show later retirement home—a bedroom I’m renting town and their wages and benefits are so low that month. from my best friend in Portland, Oregon. I that you can only afford to shop there? “Me so horny!” I gushed at Durt. “That’s sold my car, left my friends and family, and During the thousands of miles we traveled, I the first American song I learned.” ditched a career. never got used to the sight of the green Wal- My folks are refugees of the Vietnam I became the world’s most naïve retiree. Mart Supercenter signs looming above War, though we’re ethnically Chinese. As a My Winnebago was Durt’s schizo beat- faded highways as disturbing omnipresent child of immigrants, I was very unaware of down pick-up truck. They carried me from markers of many sleepy communities. American pop culture for much of my early L.A. to Portland, where I only stayed long My three-day Greyhound trip back to childhood. When I was about ten years old, enough to unpack a few boxes before Durt Portland from the South taught me more “Me So Horny” was the first song I taped and I were on the road again. about our curiously accepting culture. I off the radio. I would sit diligently by my Durt plays grimy country-inspired rock overheard two Idaho natives “dialoging” parents’ boom box, my fingers fluttered music in his one-man band Almighty Do about race in America. between the rewind and play button as I Me a Favor and he had a handful of shows White dude: White people are the minori- transcribed the lyrics. I clicked my little lined up that set our itinerary. I was his ty in this country. mechanical pencil and clutched a piece of sleepy navigator, iPod operator, and moral White dudette: Yeah, I hate feeling like wide ruled paper and sung “Me love you support sweetheart. We went as northwest we have to cater to everyone. long time.” As a kid with minimal cultural as Bellingham, Washington where White dude: I mean, I don’t mind ‘em awareness, I didn’t understand how nasty Federation X’s Ben took us to a bar where bein’ here. the song was and mistook it for a love song 14 about a boy who went over to a girl’s house English sexual solicitation spoken by Viet So, here I am, my ass nestled comfortably for a date. I looked up the lyrics and was hookers in Full Metal Jacket. Me, an asth- into a bumpy Greyhound seat on my way astounded by my naiveté: matic, buck-toothed geek of a child, oblivi- back to Los Angeles. I’m returning to my ously chirping around my folks, “I’m like a parents’ house before heading out of LAX in Sittin’ at home with my dick on hard dog in heat, a freak without warning.” a week. We’re going to Vietnam. We’re going So I got the black book for a freak to call “Can you believe that?” I asked Durt. “Do to the site of the “American War.” We’re Picked up the telephone, you understand how fuckin’ insane that is?!” going to try our best to not get the shits. then dialed the seven digits “Yeah, uh huh.” My folks haven’t been back since they left Said, “Yo, this Marquis, baby! “It’s fuckin’ nuts!” almost twenty-eight years ago. I’m buzzing Are you down with it?” Some people ask, “What Would Jesus with anticipation to see the Saigon house my I arrived at her house, Do?” when they’re in sticky situations and mother blossomed in and the dirt shack my knocked on the door are seeking guidance. As if Jesus would ever dad sprouted from. I’m preparing myself for Not having no idea of what the night have to ponder whether he should snort the impending guilt of having been born in had in store Aderall before partaking in the Worst Orgy Los Angeles’s Chinatown, instead of post- I’m like a dog in heat, Ever? When I’m in the middle of ridiculous- war Ho Chi Minh City. I’m ready to get my a freak without warning ness, I often think, “Did my parents come to gook on. I have an appetite for sex, this country so that I can do this?” The I’ve got all my shots, and I know how to ‘cause me so horny answer that rings in my ears is usually a say “Shut up” in Vietnamese. I’ve got my Ahh! Me so horny! resounding, “Fuck yeah!” passport and proper paperwork, and I assured Me love you long time! Did they endure a war, work factory and Durt I wouldn’t fall in love with a Charlie. food server jobs just so that I can do this? Just I’ve packed bug repellent, and I promised That was just the first verse. so that I can become voluntarily unemployed Fose that I’d bring back a P.O.W. for him. I’m Aside from the total inappropriateness for with minimal direction in my life? Just so going to miss Sparks, but I’m ready to gulp any ten year old to utter those words, the that I can drink copious amounts of alcohol down bowls and bowls of pho. irony of the situation hit me like a shot of as I flail around during chaotic house shows? It didn’t used be like this and I’m relishing Bacardi 151 as I stood under a streetlight in Just so that I can spend my days riding bikes in it. the middle of Mobile. and sewing lum-jum pillows for friends? Did My ancestors would be stoked. Picture it: me, a kid of Vietnamese they come here for that? refugees, innocently reciting the broken All of the above and more. –Amy Adoyzie

15 “John Glick was COOL. John Glick was WAY LLOOVVEE,, NNOIORRBB cool! And you KILLED REV. NORBI HIM during a fucking TEMPER TANTRUM!”

I TURNED FORTY, scrounge up a copy of her song and mail it about merely being able to take a free shot øI HAVE A SLIVER OF SOME to her. Soooo... i contacted my friend John at someone who can’t strike back. But, that UNSPECIFIED Glick, the Returnables’ vocalist/guitarist said, i think i’ll take my free shot anyway: FIBERGLASS-LIKE /lynchpin, hit him up for a copy of Unrequited Hits, the band’s underrated full- MATERIAL LODGED IN MY NICELY TURNED, length, and promised him i’d mail it to YOU BLOCKHEADED CUNT. ASS-CHEEK, AND SOME DIZZY Tomoko for him when i put together my big BITCH KILLED MY FRIEND box of crap i was gonna send her (including I mean, way to go. WAY TO GO. I’ll call IJOHN GLICK (NOT LISTED IN my right ear, to be routed in the direction of you when i need another friend fucking run ORDER OF IMPORTANCE) Kid Spike [then, doubtless, quickly re-gift- over, you selfish, boneheaded twat. What ed to some daffy but appreciative Japanese the hell were you thinking? What, you’re severed punk rocker ear collector]). Which i too cool to OD on pills or something, like a Yeah. That’s right. I turned forty. Like the did. Unfortunately (and this is surely a new REAL model? John Glick was COOL. John beer. Don’t you wish you were sucking on low for me), i failed to mail the package off Glick was WAY cool! And you KILLED me in an alley right now? I already got the in John’s lifetime (come to think of it, that HIM during a fucking TEMPER letter in the mail saying how they’re raising was probably a new low for John, too): On TANTRUM! What the FUCKING FUCK is my health insurance rates because now, July 14th, John made the Grave Error of THAT all about?! What the fuck were you being one more than thirty-nine, i am a dan- being stopped at a stoplight (note: the traffic so fucking “distraught” about, anyway??? gerous risk to The Man. Party on. Of course, signal, not the drink i invented with the two Chip a nail? Dog peed on the couch?? as the old saw about growing older goes, “it shots of Pucker™ and a pint of beer) at an Implant sprung a leak??? John Glick was certainly beats the alternative”—and (if intersection in Skokie, Illinois, at the same the one guy on the planet who actually stud- you’ve got a hookup with a clairvoyant or time that Jeanette Sliwinski, a “distraught” ied and deciphered substantial portions of local equivalent) you can ask my friend twenty-three year old model, decided to my infamous vowel-less rejected MRR col- John Glick, mowed down last month at the “end it all” in the stupidest (and, i might umn (the late, great Tim Yohannan, then age of thirty-five, about that one. Anyway, add, least effective) method she could think Tyrant-In-Chief at Maximum RockNRoll, as you doubtless recall, last issue’s column of—which, unfortunately, just so happened once told me he needed my column to be dealt with an ass-load of vaguely (barely?) to be flooring the gas, getting her car going about “a quarter shorter,” so, after some connected occurrences including, but not seventy mph, then ramming into the back quick math, i removed all the vowels from limited to, dancing with Tomoko of end of someone else’s parked car. Said car, said column and re-submitted it, pretty Supersnazz, seeing the Undertones, and unfortunately, happened to be the car that much consonants only. He didn’t print it almost hitting a moose. The hitting the John was sitting in with his two co-workers, [and that is relevant because The Word moose escapade has absolutely no relevance Michael Dahlquist (the drummer for the From On High here at Razorcake is that all to this issue’s column; i just like mentioning Dials, whom i believe i may have met) and columnists {except for ME! Because i’m it repeatedly because it amuses me to do so. John Reis (the drummer of Silkworm, OLD and untrainable!} have to start keep- The dancing with Tomoko and seeing the whom i do not believe i had met), returning ing their columns under two thousand Undertones escapades are being brought up to their day gigs at Shure™ after lunch. The words! I get an extra thousand words, once again as, thru an act of High Lameness three musicians were killed instantly. because i’m special {that’s right! You can of almost Unspeakable Degree (you know Jeanette Sliwinksi, of course, escaped the start calling me “Mr. 3000,” just like the the act is an act of great lameness indeed if crash in perfect working order. Yep. lame Bernie Mac movie that i was an extra it merits capitalization of “U” and “D” of Now, at this point in time, one might in!}]). I mean, a few people wanted copies “Unspeakable Degree”), they have taken on (rightly) assume that a few words somewhat of that column (“clmn”) after they heard additional significance which i felt com- critical of Ms. Sliwinski’s recent John- about it, but i’m certain virtually all of them pelled to discuss further. Anyway, upon the Glick-slaughtering actions might be in gave up on seriously deciphering it after a pleasure of making Tomoko’s acquaintance order, and, to be sure, that is the case. minute or two of trying. John actually hun- this April, i had occasion to ask her if she However, in cases like this, when the party kered down with it and studied it, primarily, had ever heard the song “[Letter To] at fault has obviously fucked up SO fucking i think, because it was about the Ramones. Tomoko” by my friends, Chicago’s fab and egregiously as to veritably beggar descrip- Clad in his traditional button-up shirt, he lustrous Returnables. She replied that she tion, tossing a bouquet of insults and vitriol explained it thusly: “The more I study it, the had not (in the spirit of full disclosure, let at them seems almost pointless—it’s like more I comprehend! And with every addi- the record duly note that i erroneously yelling at someone after they vomit on your tional part I comprehend, I say ‘HUZZAH!’ referred to the song in question as “Hey carpet: Why bother piling abuse on someone (pumps fist in air), for it is more words writ- Tomoko,” which, in all fairness, they say a whom everybody knows cannot possibly ten about the Ramones!” So, yeah. You whole bunch of times in the song, as have anything to say in their defense? Why killed that guy. When i wrote that i had no opposed to “[Letter To] Tomoko,” which belabor the obvious? Ultimately, when fucking clue what the lyrics to “Mars Bars” they never say at all, so there is a mathe- (metaphorical) crowds gather around to lob by the Undertones were (i suggested it con- matical possibility that she had, in fact, another (metaphorical) overripe zucchini at tained inherently untranslatable phrases heard “[Letter To] Tomoko” by The another (metaphorically) pilloried such as “There’s glooble for energy, carmel Returnables, but thought that i was talking Quasimodo, things become less about cor- for strength”), John sent me a postcard with about a completely different Tomoko-based recting injustice or extracting some minis- the correct lyrics (amazingly devoid of any Returnables tune), thus i told her that i’d cule measure of vengeance than they do reference to glooble whatsoever) scribbled 16 on the side in green ballpoint pen. I acutely knew and loved and respected That Which racing thru the narrow and winding streets remember the green ballpoint pen part (hell, Came Before, and basically just wanted to of the city, with pedestrians scrambling out better than i remember the corrected lyrics, spend his life doing his part for the cause— of the way for dear life, and some kid winds actually) because, as you doubtless recall, in which he did, quite admirably, until he was up getting trampled by the horses, bringing Catcher in the Rye, the baseball glove that senselessly mowed down by some dipshit. the whole procession to a screeching halt for Holden Caulfield keeps in memory of his Again, not to put too fine a point on it, but a few seconds while the rag-clad citizens deceased younger brother Alfie is covered PHOOEY ON YOU, LADY. tend to the horribly mangled kid, and then with poems Alfie wrote on the glove in I don’t exactly know why it bothers me the Emperor yells “WHAT THE HELL’S green ballpoint pen so he’d have something extra that the person who fatally steamrolled THE HOLD UP? GET TH’ FUCK OUT O’ to read if things got boring during the game my friend was a model. Obviously, i would THE STREET! GO! FASTER!” and the (needless to say, the sub-corollary to this is be hella miffed even if the driver of the chariots speed off again. Or else one of that people who write things in green ball- offending vehicle was something those scenes where a bunch of sewer- point pen suffer untimely deaths. Send one respectable and cool like a pizza delivery dwelling mutants get senselessly slaugh- to a Supreme Court nominee today!). Yeah. person, but... yet... there’s just something tered, so the other sewer-dwelling mutants You killed that guy. about being done in by a friggin’ model that decide that it’s time to wage war against the John Glick was originally from Boston adds that extra disgust factor and gets me surface dwellers. WAR AGAINST THE (he definitely had that “you’re not from shaking my head disdainfully and wonder- SURFACE DWELLERS!!! WAR around here, are ya?” look to him [in point ing what the fuck kinda loony bin we’re AGAINST THE SURFACE of fact, he kinda looked like a younger, hip- incarcerated in here. I mean, here’s three DWELLERS!!! I mean, as far as ridiculous per, much better looking composite ver- sion of all the Democratic Presidential Candidates Massachusetts has emitted in the last thirty years or so]), but, after moving to Madison and forming Fez Petting Zoo, he became a raging full-on Packer Backer (making his assassination at the hands of a likely Bears fan grounds for hate crime charges, if’n you ask me), backing the Pack against even his home- town New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXI (No further testimony to this man’s greatness need be uttered!). In point of fact, one night, with the Packers- Pats Super Bowl looming, John took me to task after a Boris set at O’Cayz Corral for NOT mentioning the Packers ENOUGH (boy, let THAT one sink in for a while, folks!). He said he’d been talk- ing up the Packers so much on stage in recent weeks that it made me look like a (shudder) Vikings fan by comparison, then gave, as an example “IF THEY’RE NOT WITH UST, THEY’RE McGINUST!”—a pun on the surname of New England defensive end Willie McGinest so amazingly awful that i was both relieved and disturbed that i hadn’t thought of it first. So, yeah. You killed that guy, too. John Glick was CLASS, lady, a concept you might do well to investigate (assuming, probably correct- ly, that you won’t really be doing much in the next few years). When the Returnables opened for the Epoxies in August ’03 —about a month after the van accident that killed the three guys Illustrations by Keith Rosson [email protected] from the Epoxies’ fellow Portlanders the Exploding Hearts—John (stage name: work-a-day joes coming back from where— rock’n’roll deaths go, that clocks in right “Bobby Lee Ray James.” I have no idea Subway™? Taco Bell™? Long John underneath choking on someone else’s why) introduced the band’s next tune with a Silver’s™?—they’re gonna go back to vomit, ya know? “Here’s to the working simple “this is a great song by a great band work, so they can pay their bills, and pay class / Rocket ship up your ass,” as a great that was taken from us too soon,” then led their rent, and put gas in their cars, and then band who were taken from us too soon once the band thru bashing out a surprise version they’re gonna go home and live their dream said (said band being the Returnables them- of the Exploding Hearts’ “Modern Kicks” of hauling a bunch of cumbersome amps selves, who said it in “Road Trip,” the first that had Roxy Epoxy choking up after- and drum kits around in faltering, decrepit song on their first release). It’s not much wards. That is among the many things that vans, for the pleasure of playing to a few consolation right now, but, if the Afterlife™ made him great: John was fully aware of the dozen oft-uninterested patrons in faltering, is like one big keg party (and i’m not so sure Spider-Man™ Rule—“With Great Power decrepit venues, because THAT IS WHAT it is—i’m just sayin’ is all) where new Comes Great Responsibility.” He had com- THEY LOVE TO DO, and then here’s some arrivals get acquainted by relating the tale of plete and utter respect for THE ROCK—or model who’s having a bad day so she bash- their demise to each other, John’s likely got THE POP, or THE PUNK, or what-have- es her car into theirs at seventy mph and the best story at the keg (i envision the party you (note: Not necessarily “THE POP” as in now they’re dead. Oops, my bad, yo! It just as having multiple kegs, necessitating a the band who did “Waiting for the Night,” reminds me of one of those scenes from an maximum ratio of six angels per keg. I although John probably liked them, too); he old movie where the Emperor’s chariot is mean, i don’t really see any reason why there wouldn’t be lots and lots of kegs, since song i ever attempted to learn, preceding weeks]) being not long for this Earth, i they never have to bring the taps back). I my attempt at learning “Teenage Kicks” by would’ve regretted it for THE REST OF mean, i can see him telling the story and a good twenty minutes or so), then the MY LIFE. I mean, i wouldn’t regret it as grinning from ear to ear as he fills his plas- Undertones themselves emerged from the much as, say, VIOLENTLY SMASHING tic cup with Old Style (why Old Style, i dressing room and planted themselves at MY CAR INTO THREE TOTALLY COOL dunno. I guess God’s got a sense of humor the bar with us—so we got to drink, see the PEOPLE, but i would have regretted it or something), with the guys around him Undertones, drink, talk about the quite a bit nonetheless. trying to embellish their own weak stories in Undertones, and then just plain drink with I pretty much felt like crap when i had to order to compete with his. I can also see him the Undertones—and the fact that we got to package up the Returnables CDs and the let- walking around, greeting other Rockers who do such a thing in our lifetimes is important ter to Tomoko John sent me (and, yes, he did show up with helpful anecdotes like, “Yeah, to me, so huzzah for that. The scary thing is point out in the letter that he was writing a I wanted to talk to Joey right away, too, but that i was really on the bubble about going letter to Tomoko about the song “[Letter To] the lines were too long... I did get to talk to to that show—it was on a weeknight and Tomoko.” I peeked) and ship them off to Chris Bell of Big Star, though, and that was two hundred miles away, and i was totally Japan. I mean, it was a totally sweet letter, very interesting!” John Glick was totally busy with work and school and couldn’t about how, when the band formed, two cool. Totally fucking cool. really spare the time or absorb the negative albums they drew inspiration from were At least the last memories i have of John impact that getting home at six AM the SuperSnazz’s Diode City and the Tweezers are good ones: Hanging out after the next morning was gonna have on me for Already!, and how he hoped they could Undertones show at the Bottom Lounge in the rest of the week—but, you know, i was come to Japan and play with SuperSnazz Chicago (the same venue where the like “fuck it, it’s the Undertones, i gotta do some day; writing an additional Letter To Returnables covered “Modern Kicks” in it,” and i did it. Had i NOT done it, know- Tomoko about how the letter to Tomoko 2003), debating what the Most Underrated ing now what i know about Wizard Glick (i about “[Letter To] Tomoko” was written by Undertones Song Of All Time was, then always called him “Wizard Glick,” because a dead man was something other than pleas- both agreeing it was “Listening In” (John in the “Monkees on the Wheel” episode of ant. Thanks for fuckin’ NOTHIN’, Jeanette initially tried to make a case for “There The Monkees, some guy walks up to Peter Sliwinski of Morton Grove, Illinois. Goes Norman,” but i countered that “There Tork, apropos of nothing, tweaks his nose, I’ve been periodically using Word Count Goes Norman” is unanimously held to be and yells “TAKE THAT, WIZARD as i write this, to make sure i stay within my The Hit on the second album, and therefore GLICK!”—which, of course, i found [and newly imposed three thousand word limit. is rated appropriately)—which, John continue to find] to be completely hilarious At the exact point in the column where i informed me, was the first song his [In the show’s final episode, Rip Torn plays typed “Jeanette Sliwinski” for the second Undertones tribute band, The Underclones, a villainous character named “Wizard time, i ran Word Count. It said “666.” learned (which in and of itself is pretty Glick,” but the “Monkees on the Wheel” Your witness. wacky, as it was also the first Undertones episode predated it by a dozen or so –Love, Nørb

19 “Nardwuar, I hate your fucking guts. WHHOOAARREEYYOOUU?? You're such a pig.” W Courtney Love

Nardwuar Vs. Everyone I just noticed that Razorcake is fast corner. And I don’t know how long he’d Jean Chretien: But I don’t know. This approaching issue number thirty. Thank you been riding the elevator for, but he was just technique did not exist in those days. For Todd and Sean for allowing me to contribute kind of comatose in the corner. We never me, pepper… I put it on my plate. Next! to these pages! Razorcake really is incredi- said anything, we just kinda looked over ble! In the spirit of “looking back” below are and I said, “Oh Brian.” CYNTHIA PLASTER CASTER a sampling of interviews I have done over Nardwuar: Didn’t you want to help him? (renowned artist) the years. Some were for Razorcake. Some Tommy Chong: Naw, what can you do? Nardwuar: Were you the first person to do were not. Either way, hopefully they will not He’s fucked up. Met Ted Nugent one time— this? When you told your art teacher that you Ibore you. that was funny—just recently. I said in the were going to be doing castings of cocks, elevator, “Hey Ted, how are ya doin’? I’m had anybody ever done it before? JAMES BROWN Tommy Chong.” And Ted says, “No, I’m Cynthia Plaster Caster: Well, um, I didn’t Nardwuar: You also play drums, don’t you? Ted Nugent.” And I said, “No, Ted, I’m wind up telling my art teacher that, but I Didn’t you play drums on “Night Train?” I Tommy Chong” and he goes, “Oh, I’m believe that men have been casting them- heard, like, the drummer went to the wash- sorry man, I’m deaf.” He’s deaf. He can’t selves with plaster or other molding materi- room and James Brown, er, Mr. Brown, hardly hear! als for years. I think the Egyptians were filled in! probably dipping their dicks in sand and James Brown: [laughs] You’re a funny cat! GEDDY LEE water. I knew a bartender at Gino’s Pizza that But that’s true. That’s true. Cat had to go to (Rush) cast his dick in alginates (a derivative sub- the bathroom and we had to cut to the next Nardwuar: And, Geddy Lee, if you were a stance of seaweed) before I did. As well as song. [laughs] I’ll start to go a little deeper. dog, what breed would you be? an insurance salesman I worked with. He had a “number one” in mind; we had the Geddy Lee: Next question. whole thing in mind, right?! [laughs] It was GLENN DANZIG real good. And I played the drums on a song JEAN CHRETIEN Nardwuar: In the movie The Prophecy II called “Hold It” as well. (Prime Minister of Canada) you play an angel. Nardwuar: Nardwuar, CiTR Radio. Mr. Glenn Danzig: Yeah. BECK Chretien, regarding Suharto, there’s a Nardwuar: Was it a bummer getting killed Nardwuar: Why should people care about you? song out there right now by a punk band by an angel? You were killed by an angel in Beck: [pauses] I have no idea, you know. I, called The Nomads called “The Suharto the movie The Prophecy II. [softly] he, he, hah… Stomp.” Earlier today, as well, at UBC, Glenn Danzig: Yeah, no, it was just a movie. Nardwuar: Beck, speak up, voice of a gen- there were an incredible amount of pro- [laughs] eration! Speak up! Why should people care testers. Do you think, Mr. Chretien, if you Nardwuar: Okay, uh, Glenn, just one last about you? were, say, forty years younger, that you thing. Who do you think would win a fight, Beck: [silence] too would be writing punk songs and Satan or Superman? Nardwuar: It certainly isn’t… protesting against APEC? Glenn Danzig: Um. Satan. Beck: I have no reason. Jean Chretien: But for me in a democracy, Nardwuar: And, Glenn Danzig, doot doola Nardwuar: Well, hopefully, they are not, people protest. I, I have been protested a doot doo... according to you, caring about your hair, few times in my lifetime and with a lot of Glenn Danzig: Whatever. your song “Why Don’t You Kill Me?” and a people at times. That’s democracy. I did Nardwuar: Doot doola doot doo... coffin and a squeegee on fire in your video… that myself too when I was a student, and, Glenn Danzig: You’re nuts! Beck: Oh man. You’re just making... you’re now I’m no more a student, but I accept the just... you know, oh, just fuck off... [click, fact that people will protest and we had COREY FELDMAN dial tone] organized an area where they could express Nardwuar: When was the first time you their views, but at the same time we had to did coke? Was that with Sean Astin on the TOMMY CHONG run the meeting properly. set of The Goonies!? Nardwuar: Do you really love drugs? Nardwuar: Do you think, though, that Corey Feldman: [laughs] No! Who Tommy Chong: I really do, I love it. I think mace equals freedom? Some of the protest- said that? drugs are what’s happening and I advise ers were maced. Nardwuar: Cyndi Lauper did the title track everybody to do them, especially young Jean Chretien: What did he say? for Goonies, so I thought that might have kids, huh-huh. [giggles] Nardwuar: Some of the protesters were inspired you to do some coke with Sean Nardwuar: Do you have any Brian maced. Does mace equal freedom? Would Astin on the set of The Goonies. Wilson stories? you have been maced yourself back then, Corey Feldman: Now where would you Tommy Chong: [laughs] Cheech and I we Prime Minister Chretien? get a correlation like that? were playing Vegas one time, we walked in Jean Chretien: But I don’t know what you Nardwuar: What happened to the kid from the elevator and Brian was huddled in the mean by that. Indiana Jones? Nardwuar: Um, mace, pepper spray… 20 Illustration by Mitch Clem, www.nothingnice.com Corey Feldman: Wait a minute! You did- “boo” to him at all? Courtney Love: [to promoter] You’ve n’t answer my question. Iggy Pop: I don’t remember the “boo,” but already broken your promise to me. This is Nardwuar: Oh, just introspection. A equals you know, as you pointed out, there are so a bad sign. B but B equals C, so A must equal C. One of many children who look like me-ee-he he Nardwuar: Courtney, can you at least, will those type things… [laughs], I maybe don’t remember all the you at least... Can you at least sign… things I do. Courtney Love: You’re the first person I’ve PAUL GALLAGHER seen. I was, like, the whole way up here, (brother of Liam and Noel of Oasis) TOMMY LEE “Nardwuar! Nardwuar! I can’t wait to see Nardwuar: When is the last time Noel or Nardwuar: The best part of that video, that little…” Liam punched you? I know you want to Tommy Lee, is—I mean, sure there’s Pam, punch me, don’t you? You want to whip me… and there’s all that other excitement—but I LOVERBOY Paul Gallagher: You’re fucking right. I think the best part is when you “honk the Nardwuar: What sort of groupie thing do want to rip your fucking head off, and I will, horn!” of the speedboat! When you take Loverboy have? What sort of groupie thing one of these days, you know what I mean? I your cock out there, and you push the horn do you have on the road now, Mike Reno? know where you are. [laughs] of the speedboat. Do you remember that? Mike Reno: You got an hour? I’ll tell you! Nardwuar: Thank you, Paul Gallagher. Tommy Lee: Of course. Nardwuar: Because Courtney Love of the Paul Gallagher: You aren’t getting away Nardwuar: Did you rent or buy that rock ‘n’ roll band Hole has a story about with trying to wind me up on the phone. I speedboat? Loverboy. She has said, “They were once don’t fucking care where you are… Tommy Lee: Um, that was a rental. playing at the old Paramount in Seattle with Nardwuar: Nobody, nobody screws with Nardwuar: So did you like tell them that Heart and I went up there from Portland. I Paul Gallagher. Nobody. your cock-print was left on the horn? was walking by the loading dock with my Paul Gallagher: Nobody screws, not even Tommy Lee: [laughs] God damn it! I would heavy metal groupie friends, and the drum- d of Nardwuar “GDo eit tquick ri because I'm going to beat the fuck outreally of soon!him “Courtney, can you say it into the mic a bit more?” ” you, fucking Nardwuar, or whoever you’re imagine they would know by now if they’ve mer (not Mike Reno) yells at me, ‘Hey, called. I mean, Nardwuar, what’s up with seen the video! you’d be a fox if you got your nose fixed.’ your fucking nickname, Nardwuar? Did you It made me cry. I thought I was a fox in my come from outer space? COURTNEY LOVE spandex jumpsuit. I was fifteen. That’s it... Nardwuar: You are teasing me in my little Nardwuar: Hello, Courtney. Hi, it’s me, fucker... I bet he’s sorry now.” “Country House” here. Nardwuar. Mike Reno: [laughs] Where do you get all Paul Gallagher: I’m fucking… “My coun- Courtney Love: I told him to get you out of this stuff? This is great! I’m going to phone try house” [laughs]. Some might say I’ll here. You’re not allowed back here. you more often! cast no shadow across your fucking… you Nardwuar: I was just going to say “hi” will roll with it, you cunt. to you. MICHAEL MOORE Courtney Love: But you’re not allowed Encounter #1 IGGY POP back here, Nardwuar. Nardwuar: How can you single people Nardwuar: Now, Mr. Pop, did you really Nardwuar: But I just want to say “hi” to out? Isn’t it kind of scary to single these show your cock ring to Tina “Ginger” you. I brought my camera here, too. executives out? I understand you’re going Louise from Gilligan’s Island fame? Courtney Love: Nardwuar, I hate your to be picketing outside of Nike. Isn’t it dan- Iggy Pop: Hoo hoo hoo hooo!! [laughs] fucking guts. You’re such a pig. gerous? I mean you’re targeting these peo- Uhhhhh… Nardwuar: Oh, thank you! And why again? ple, these people killed Kennedy, Michael Nardwuar: What are the circumstances Oh, thanks. You’re not going to punch me yet. Moore. Aren’t you a bit worried? surrounding that? Ginger, my idol, Ginger. Courtney Love: No, why? Why? I’ll Michael Moore: [laughs] Okay, I’m con- Iggy Pop: It was a slow day by the pool in get sued. vinced now. It’s not coffee, it’s crack. The Beverly Hills. Nardwuar: I don’t understand what exactly guy (referring to Nardwuar) is on crack. Nardwuar: Was she frightened? Like total- was wrong with that Vanity Fair thing. What was the question? I forgot the question. ly frightened like when you said, “Boo!” to Courtney Love: Go get the guy from the Encounter, #2 several years later Brian Wilson? upstairs, the promoter guy, to get rid of Nardwuar: Hey, remember I talked to Iggy Pop: Hee hee hee hee!!! [laughs] I Nardwuar. Go get him, Kristen. Do it quick you once before and you said that I was don’t know how she felt. You would have to because I’m going to beat the fuck out of on crack? ask her. him really soon! Michael Moore: No, no, you are… Nardwuar: You did once walk up to Brian Nardwuar: Courtney, can you say it into Nardwuar: Nardwuar The Human Wilson though, Iggy Pop, and say, “Boo!” the mic a bit more? Serviette. didn’t you? Courtney Love: No, I am not going to say Michael Moore: You are a national trea- Iggy Pop: Hoo hoo hoo hoo!!!! [laughs] Is anything into the mic. sure, man. that what Brian says? Nardwuar: Courtney, can I get an inter- Nardwuar: Thank you. You remember the Nardwuar: Apparently that is the legend. view with you? last time I talked to you, you said that I was Iggy Pop scared Brian Wilson, big time! Courtney Love: No, I hate your guts, on crack? Iggy Pop: It’s possible. I like Brian. He is Nardwuar. You’re such an idiot. Why would Michael Moore: Yes, I do remember you. very nice. I have met Brian and he is very I give you an interview? You’re an idiot. Nardwuar: One last thing. nice. We spent an evening together. Why would I give you a fucking interview? Michael Moore: I was really disappointed Nardwuar: Have you mentioned the word Nardwuar: Courtney Love of Hole. that you weren’t there last night ‘cause no trip to Vancouver is complete without talking to “If you believe they put a man on the he was told that Slayer eat yogurt! And he you, so I really appreciate you being here. moon,” you’re here to prove it, aren’t was like, “Slayer eats yogurt?! No way!!! you, Mr. Kaysing? No, that’s not what I believe! Slayer, WESLEY WILLIS Bill Kaysing: I’m here to prove that no Slayer eat... pussy, man!” Nardwuar: Have you been to any Taco man has ever landed on the moon. I will Tom: Yeah, I do that too! [laughs] Bells at all? You’re going to have a hard stake my life on it, and I have many, many, Nardwuar: All right, Tom! One last thing: time in Vancouver. There are no Taco Bells could you just give one little scream, do at all. you think, like you do on “Angel of Wesley Willis: I don’t like Taco Bell. Death,” you know, like you do? You know, Nardwuar: What’s wrong with Taco Bell? “Aaaaaaah!!!” Wesley Willis: Taco Bell will make you Tom: [laughter] take a poop. Nardwuar: Can you just end the interview Nardwuar: But Taco Bell. Run for the with that please? You know, border! You’ve praised Taco Bell “Aaaaaaah!!!” Just a little one together before! with me please? It’s been a fantasy Wesley Willis: Yeah, if you eat I’ve been acting out all week. Taco Bell, it will make you take Tom: Give me that bottle! I’m sure a poop. you can do a really good job when I shove it up your butt! [laughs] HENRY ROLLINS Nardwuar: I like a broomhandle Nardwuar: Have you had prob- actually instead. lems with that, you know like peo- Tom: Let’s go get a broom! ple just trying to hassle you? Like, [laughs] there’s a new ‘zine out called Stone Grass, and they talk about SNOOP DOGGY DOGG this girl from Washington, DC that Snoop encounter # 3 said she had sex with you and that Nardwuar: I appreciate your time your cock is shaped like a soup can. and I want to leave you, Snoop You know, another rumor, a “soup Doggy Dogg, with a little joke that I can cock” for Henry Rollins. have. Snoop Doggy Dogg, thanks for Henry Rollins: The last girl I fucked speaking to me, Nardwuar The in DC was this idiotic stripper chick Human Serviette. How does Snoop who called herself Aura, but I fucked her Doggy Dogg keep his whitest clothes the really good, so I don’t know… whitest? Snoop: Mmmm. Stay fifteen feet away VANILLA ICE from the suckas, at all times. Nardwuar: Now I heard this rumor, I Nardwuar: No. He uses lots of blee- don’t know if you want to answer it or not, ATTCH! but I heard a rumor. Did you go to a party Snoop: [laughter] put on by Naomi Campbell? Archbishop Don Magic Juan: They Vanilla Ice: I did, I did. Back in the day. many people who will support this view learnin’ over here. Yeah, they learnin’. Nardwuar: Now I heard that you were with technical information, including a Snoop: That’s cool. necking with Corey Feldman in a hot tub man who was at the Goldstone tracking Nardwuar: How was that? How was that? at Naomi Campbell’s place. Is that true station during all of the Apollo flights and Snoop: I got a joke for you. Vanilla Ice? he is absolutely convinced that they were Nardwuar: Go ahead Snoop Doggy Vanilla Ice: C’mon, Hasselhoff, I don’t faked. The government claims that the Dogg. get that friendly, man. [both Vanilla and reports of astronauts and photographs and Snoop: Let’s say for instance you… Nardwuar laugh] some rocks prove that we went to the [laughs] I have this... it’s not a joke. This Nardwuar: Ba-boom. moon and my feeling is that some photos guy, he used to work out here at Vanilla Ice: You’re pushin’ it. and some people who have been under MuchMusic. His name is Malone Brown, military pay or military jurisdiction all you ever heard of him? ROB ZOMBIE their lives and some rocks don’t prove a Nardwuar: No, I have not. Nardwuar: Speaking of battles and thing. In fact, there is so much contrary Snoop: Malone Brown. killing, Rob Zombie, there was some seri- evidence to going to the moon, such as Nardwuar: No, I have not. al killer in the 1930’s who had a roadside solar and cosmic radiation, micro mete- Snoop: Malone Brown dick in your café where he would kill his staff and cus- orites, the temperature on the moon, the mouth. tomers and then feed their bodies to alliga- fact that the astronauts never reported how Nardwuar: Ba-boom!! Snoop Doggy tors! Do you think that is the wildest thing magnificent the stars were or they never Dogg in da house! you’ve ever heard, Rob Zombie? showed a picture of the crater that should Snoop: [laughs] Rob Zombie: [laughs] Oh, you make have been dug underneath the lunar lan- Archbishop Don Magic Juan: Now that’s me crazy. der—it goes on and on. I have hundreds of gangsta. Nardwuar: Why is that? pieces of information that any really intel- Snoop: Thank you. Rob Zombie: What’s your name? ligent person could review and then decide Nardwuar: Thanks very much Snoop. Nardwuar: Nardwuar. for themselves. Keep on rockin’ in the free world and doot Rob Zombie: I just want to be able to say doola doot doot... your name after every answer. SLAYER Snoop: Doot doo. Nardwuar: Do you guys like yogurt? BILL KAYSING Jeff Hanneman: I don’t. (author of We Never Went to the Moon) Tom Araya: I do. [laughs] Listen and read many of the above Nardwuar: For years, Bill, I’ve heard the Nardwuar: You like yogurt! interviews at www.nardwuar.com rumor that Disney faked the moon land- Tom: With fruit! [laughs] ing. Now you’re here, Mr. Kaysing, to Nardwuar: There is this guy, Tom, in prove it’s true, aren’t you? R.E.M. sang, Tacoma, his name is The Mosher. I think

23 “I think the retarded kids who rode to EWEERR school in the KKIINNDD OOFF AA SSEW handicapped bus JOSH LANE caught less flack than I did for riding a bike to school.” Bolt-Cutters in Broad Daylight At first I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t. It smaller town, whether I was dodging traffic get a fake ID so I could get into the Marked had to some trick of the light, some para- on my way to work, enjoying a day off by Men show last summer, that bike was right noid fantasy playing itself out in real time. cruising around with a couple of friends, or there with me and it never once questioned But as I felt my chest tighten and my teeth just blowing off steam late at night with the wisdom of my purchase (although, in clench, it slowly dawned on me that the bike nothing but a Walkman and a Pegboy cas- retrospect, it probably should have). Those I had locked up not five minutes earlier, my sette to keep me company. (many, many, many) times when I needed a bike, was gone. All that was left was the Living in a new city and not having any taco at three in the morning and wouldn’t be lock, snipped in half, lying on the ground, other way of getting around, I rode the hell able to get back to sleep if I didn’t have Aand all I could do was scratch my head and out of my new bike. What better way to get one? That bookstore that was too far away wonder how the hell a bike lock could get to know your new surroundings than by to walk to? Just couldn’t scrape up a dollar cut open in the middle of the afternoon in a enjoying the Southern California weather and a quarter for bus fare? All I had to do very public place. and riding around? I’m starting to think that was hop on that bike and I was practically maybe I quote Dillinger Four songs a little there. My legs might have been tired and I The bike had been given to me, along too much, but there’s a line from a song off might have been pretty sweaty, but chances with a bag of socks, by a friend’s dad. From Situationist Comedy that’s always made me are, I would have been sweaty anyway, and a distance, it looked like a pretty nice bike. think of exploring your surroundings on a the point is that I was there, wherever it was It was an old red Schwinn cruiser bike from bike: “In thinking of the size of this world that I wanted to be at that point. the ‘60s that had somehow remained mostly that’s right outside/ Please don’t waste it One time I called my friend Rawl and told intact over time. But when you got up close, trying to hide.” Too often, people just see him that I was going to bring my bike down you could see all the rust, the chipped paint, the world in terms of what’s right outside to San Pedro that weekend so we could ride the warped rims. None of that mattered, their passenger-side windows, but you can’t around. His response was, “Cool, do it. though. There was something resilient about always do that. You have to head down We’ll get epic.” I know he was probably just the way it had survived the past forty years those back alleys. You have to discover joking, or maybe high, or most likely both, with fewer scars than my old bikes would those weird little landmarks that nobody but I still thought that was a pretty rad way have after six months. else is going to care about. You have look of looking at it. Getting epic. It’s probably When you’re a kid, bikes are invaluable, past those fancy yellow Winchell’s signs tough to imagine a couple of shiftless bums especially in the summertime. They serve so and find the hole-in-the-wall doughnut like us riding around aimlessly all day as many purposes. They can get you far places that most people pass every day anything even close to epic, but to us, in a enough away from your house to light off without even noticing. You have to get out way, it kind of was. Compared to our usual fireworks without your parents catching there and smell the taco trucks and the activities of playing video games and sitting you, or if you just want to ride it over a big exhaust fumes and the bum piss, and it’s on the porch, in the grand scheme of things, pile of dirt, you can do that, too. But at some hard to do that in a car or on a bus. Don’t riding down to Baja Fish for a salmon bur- point, usually around high school when kids get me wrong, there’s something to be said rito (and looking forward to doing that all are starting to drive cars, riding a bike about spending an afternoon sitting on the day) actually was pretty fucking epic. And becomes the really lame thing to do. In all porch, knocking back a couple of ice-cold hell, riding all the way out to the coast just seriousness, I think the retarded kids who forties of High Life with a friend and blast- so we could see the spot in Sunken City rode to school in the handicapped bus ing a Pinhead Gunpowder or Jimmie where they filmed part of The Big caught less flack than I did for riding a bike Rodgers record, and it’s probably not a Lebowski… that kind of stuff makes to school, and I would have had an easier smart idea to ride your bike all the way out Spartacus look like fucking Dude, Where’s time talking to girls from the passenger seat the airport or anything, but when you boil it My Car? Epic… I mean, if it feels epic to of my mom’s car than from behind the han- all down, nothing beats the simple joys of you, then it is epic, even if the people dlebars of a Huffy covered in duct tape and riding your bike around on a beautiful day around you think you’re just a couple of stickers. Not knowing how to drive and get- and getting balls deep in the parts of your weird homeless guys who don’t want to get ting around the only way I could had, by neighborhood that aren’t usually mentioned arrested for loitering. default, made me different from all the other in the travel brochures. people at school that dismissed bikes as kid And not to toot my own horn or anything, But it wasn’t always jug wine and roses stuff. And although it’s a very satisfying but that’s exactly what I did: I got balls deep and getting totally epic on the way to the feeling to be able to get pretty much any- in it. If there was a show at the Smell or at Sandwich Saloon. I certainly didn’t take where you want to go just by hopping onto Arts in Action that none of my friends want- proper care of it. Bikes aren’t like little kids; a simple machine and pushing the pedals ed to go to, I just rode my bike, never really you can’t just ignore them and hope they around, I never really thought of it as a thinking about the fact that I’d be riding shut the hell up. I never oiled the chain, I rebellious thing or a punk rock thing to do, around a bad neighborhood, just enjoying hardly ever put air in the tires, and it took and it definitely wasn’t about Critical Mass the night air and getting ready to enjoy some me over a year and a half to get that back or resisting dominant culture or “one less fine DIY punk rock while homeless people tire fixed, not to mention all those mornings car” or anything like that. It was just fun. It asked if I was done with those beer cans. where I had to ride home through Silverlake was always fun, even when I lived in a When I needed to go to MacArthur Park and while being accosted by people trying to sell photo by Megan Pants Bikes aren't like little kids; you can't just ignore them and hope they shut the hell up. me poetry and chased by little dogs. And And then the roof caved in. I had somebody else’s bike. No matter how much who could forget the time I spilled coffee on promised a friend of mine that I would help I loved the bike (and I loved it a lot), it was my crotch and then crashed it into a row of out at a show that he was putting on at a bar gone, and it needed to just stay gone. Just trash cans (and then told everybody that I in Chinatown called the Mountain. I had like you’d hate to hang out with an ex-girl- “probly hit like a rock or a branch or some- taken my bike down to San Pedro that friend and see that her neck’s covered in thin’, I don’t know”)? See, if I spilled coffee morning (not getting epic this time, just vis- hickeys, I’d hate to get back that bike and on a little kid and then crashed him into a iting), and I ended up back in Chinatown see that the tires had been slashed or the row of trash cans, I’d go to jail, but doing about an hour before I was supposed to be at Scared of Chaka sticker had been covered the same thing to a bike just got me laughed the show. Being a hungry sort of fellow, I up or somebody had peed on it. I think it at by my neighbors. figured I’d kill that hour and my appetite was in an old issue of Genetic Disorder Still, I took better care of it than my pre- with one stone, and I locked my bike to a where I read, “There’s a special place in vious bikes. I mean, I never lit it on fire and street sign and headed into a restaurant. Hell for bike thieves.” And maybe there is, asked somebody to videotape me riding Pretty much as soon as I sat down and but I don’t really want to wish eternal around on it, I never rode it over a pile of ordered, I looked out the window and it was damnation on anybody. I’d rather just tuck those long fluorescent lights that I found gone, which brings us right back to the all of those memories—the fun shows, the next to a dumpster, and I actually made beginning of this sob story: me scratching countless middle-of-the-night tacos, the attempts to fix some of the more obvious my head and looking around like a confused time that some old hippie told me that riding problems with real tools instead of duct-tap- chimp. To say that it put a damper on the my bike was “against the law, maaaaan,” ing stuff back together or tying things up day would be an understatement; it was like and even the conspicuous coffee burns in with an old shoelace. Maybe it was because somebody hit me across the chest with a places that should never know that kind of it was a gift from a friend and not just some baseball bat. pain—into the happy part of my brain and piece of crap that I found covered in dust at After it happened, pretty much everybody leave it at that. Sometimes it’s better to just the Humane Society Thrift Store. Or maybe I knew asked me if I was going to report it make peace with your loss and move on. it was because I finally realized that it was or put up flyers or make some kind of effort one of the few things in life that I could to get it back. My answer was always no. I –Josh Lane actually rely on: death, taxes, and that bike. said my good-byes when I found the broken lock on the ground, when it was already

25 “I like a little unpre- dictability. I like differ- 0 8 0033 ence from time to time. 99 0 8 And freedom in gener- AYN IMPERATO al. I don’t want to pay people to smile.” Great Scott,You’re Grande

I love a good memory, as much as any- “Uh, medium.” manual too, but it comes across amazingly one, but I’m rarely swept away by home- “Grande,” she corrects with a little laugh. well. Damn, they’re good. town nostalgia. I’m from a city that never I’m a Starbucks virgin. I don’t, gratefully, But I still wonder why people who don’t changes. Anywhere USA. Every time I’ve know the lingo. It’s Tall, Grande, or Venti. even drink coffee know all about Starbucks visited over the years, it’s the same shoe But doesn’t “tall” mean pretty big? and feel compelled to go inside? It’s like repair, the ice cream shop, Army-Navy I normally drink my coffee plain—black they want to go in there, just to find some- store, the same narrow streets and in with a splash of milk—and more often than thing they can buy. Like wandering in a store between are the dense patches of trees, too not make it at home. I read somewhere that knowing you’re going to buy something Ithick to see into. The way things seem to buying blended coffee drinks daily adds up before you even see what they have to offer. change so fast these days—maybe I’m too to over $50,000 over a lifetime, and out of I start to get it. It’s less about coffee, afraid to care. fear of financial ruin, I stick to the basics. because good coffee is nothing new. But more I visited my hometown recently and At around fifty cents a cup at home, it will about something social. To not be out of the drove by the old streets, past the familiar only set me back $7,200 over forty years— loop, or on the outside. It’s what’s accepted as storefronts. There are a few places I do love. an inflated credit card bill. I can live with normal and that translates instantly into gold. Especially the trains that are the same as that. But what the hell—for free I’ll see But it’s more than that too. decades ago. The decrepit awnings have how the corporates do it. Starbucks has captured the lost art of cus- been modernized, but the trains remain the In forty-five seconds flat, they call me by tomer service, where the customer is, still, same, ricketing down the ancient wood name. My drink is ready. A handsome indie always right. People will sell their cherished tracks. Near my old train station, I boy, with a blond stripe in his floppy brown stores and memories to once again feel approached the brick face awning where the hair hands it to me in a beige coffee cozy. appreciated. They want a connection in newsstand always was, the one my sister He looks me in the eye. “Thanks,” he says. these chilly, computerized times. They want and I used to walk to and buy candy bars “Have an extremely good day!” It’s believ- to not be treated like crap when they spend and Wacky Packs. Or where I sometimes able. It’s amazing what $3.45 will buy. money on something. bought something to read or drink before Then I taste it. Hot damn, it’s one of the These days where life is fast, and commu- boarding the train. When I pulled up in front best coffees I’ve had. I was secretly hoping nication is felt largely through computers or of it, my heart paused. It was now a it would suck, but there it is, blended with text messages, more so than telephones and Starbucks. Well, that figures. You could see just enough—but not too much—sweetness face to face interactions, people are lost. the shadow of the old sign, etched in the and plenty of coffee goodness. The perfect When you go into a Starbucks, it’s very per- bricks, behind the new green and black mer- temperature. And just enough caffeine to sonal in there. The people who take your maid sign. In the town that never changes, wake you up but not make you tremble order seem friendly and kind. They pay this was definitely a big change. It got me down the street like a speed freak. As much attention. They remember your drink and thinking about the allure of Starbucks. What as I resist, it’s good. They have some good often your name. In a world where two peo- would make people accept the new scientists in their lab somewhere, whipping ple have to rely on a computer just to meet Starbucks, instead of the old newsstand that up and measuring just the right amount of and date, and where two people, once they knew and loved all these years? Why satisfaction in a cup. together, both work forty-plus hours a week did it take a Starbucks to bring coffee— The next weekend I go in again to use my to make ends meet and never really see each expensive coffee—to this area of town? card. It’s the same girl. I open my mouth other—intimacy is lost. There is no one at but she beats me to it. home to cook a meal, no one waiting there to I received a $20 gift card to Starbucks for “Café mocha? Grande, right?” sit down and talk. Something’s got to give. X-mas one year, from a relative in New “Uh, yeah.” I’m so dumbfounded that I can see the appeal for businessmen and Jersey. I didn’t want to go in there, but I’m she actually remembers what I ordered women. To the average businessman, it’s never one to pass up free coffee either. I last time that I forgot I wanted to try probably worth $3.45 a day to have a young wanted to see what the big deal was. What something else. girl serve him his drink, his way, and with made people return, day after day, avoiding “That’ll be $3.45.” an enthusiastic smile. It makes him feel all others? What made people pick the chain I hand her the card. important and strangely cared about. The store instead of the smaller café down the “On the card, then?” women might do it for the young spiky- road that had been there all this time? It was “Yeah.” haired man who serves it to them with cour- just coffee. Could it be that good? After “It’ll be right up. Thank you!” tesy, and also the comfort of the sweet, caf- years of die-hard avoidance, lured by free I dump some change in the tip box. I feel feinated drink. coffee, I went inside. simultaneously amused that she remem- People want predictability in these often I walked up to the counter. A cute blond bered my drink, and also sorry that these chaotic times. They like the routine and the girl approached. “Hi!” she said, seemingly people have to act so creepily nice. But I knowledge that if they enter a Starbucks genuinely enthusiastic. “What can I get you?” don’t sense the gritted teeth behind the anywhere in their city, in their country, or Since it’s free, I get fancy. “A nonfat café smiles that I do at other places. Or a sense even the world, they can be reasonably sure mocha.” of stressed out, overworked people. But what to expect. The same clean, blond wood “Tall or Grande?” rather a carefree grace—maybe that’s in the and metal counter. The same gray, modern furniture. The same WIFI connection. The two of those boxy green devils on either My memory of the old newsstand in my same friendly barista with the green apron. side of the strip, where that diner and that hometown is gone. In its place is something The same friendly smile. Same. Predictable. bookstore used to be. The mermaid that new, a place where people pay for someone Ritual. For Starbucks it translates to major mesmerizes with the lure of love and caf- to be nice to them, to serve them a little dollars, and worldwide domination. Even on feine. Only to eliminate your freedom of friendliness, predictability, and a comfort- my flight home on a major airlines I was choice forever. ing, hot beverage. To have a strange, fleeting offered a Starbucks coffee. I received a There was a skit on The Simpsons where connection over a syrupy drink that costs Sunday paper a few months back with a free Bart goes into a mall to get his ear pierced. nearly as much as a meal. It’s how things sample of Starbucks coffee, tucked inside The sales clerk rushes him through, have changed not just in my neck of the the plastic wrapping. They are everywhere explaining, “Gotta make it quick, kiddo. In woods, but in life. and they are brilliant at targeting people’s five minutes this place turns into a Disconnection, Grande. comfort zone. What better way to nail the Starbucks!” Then they pan out and show point home than a free cup of coffee in your every sign in every store in the mall flip- –Ayn Imperato living room, reading your paper on a Sunday ping into that round, green sign. morning? You will love me! I’m not into Starbucks, though they make Update: Immediately after writing this, I went Saturation. Starbucks business model a damn good drink. I like a little unpre- across the street to the corner market to buy relies on cannibalization—flooding the mar- dictability. I like difference from time to a pack of coffee only to discover that they ket with its stores so that individual time. And supporting free coffee com- have now replaced all the good brands they Starbucks compete with each other. The merce. And freedom in general. I don’t normally sell with Folgers. FOLGERS!!! It’s logic here being that it’s better to lose busi- want to pay people to smile. Plus my local coffee mutiny. Guess that’s what I get for talk- ness to itself than to a competitor. How can coffee shop gives me a free drink after I buy ing trash on the Buck of Star. They’re a small-fry coffee shop compete when they ten. And costs less. And sometimes the like, See! That’s what you get. Folgers. can’t even rent the space? Instead, there are floor is just a little dirty. Now how do you like that, biotch? 27 The Rectangles “Get a good sweat E DOOGG AA MMOONNKKEEYY TTOO RRIIDDEE TTHHE D going. Bounce into SEAN CARSWELL some Texans. Have fun.” IT’S NOT MUD You walk into the Texas Blues Bar and he’s seen. He doesn’t tell any stories about “Listen, there’s something I want to ask wonder if you’re gonna have to fight your the bands. He just says the name of the band you,” he says. He looks very serious. “Is Ian way out. It’s that kind of joint. Two pool and asks if you’ve heard of them. Like this: MacKaye gay?” tables to your left, and in front of you is a “I saw NOFX,” he says. You almost say, “I don’t know. I never long bar with twenty or so Texans sitting on When he doesn’t go on, you say, “Oh tried to fuck him.” But you stop yourself. No barstools. All of them looking at you. It’s a yeah?” need to be a smart ass. The only problem is, row of mesh-back hats and blue work shirts, “Yeah,” he says. “You heard of them?” if you don’t give a smart ass answer, you but these guys aren’t hipsters wearing thrift “Yeah.” don’t have an answer at all. It’s never store clothes ironically. The work shirts have Silence. occurred to you to wonder whether or not Ythe right names sewn on the patch. The guys He does this several times. Sick of It All. Ian MacKaye might be gay. So you stick wearing them are wearing them because You’ve heard of them. Strung Out. You’ve with, “I don’t know. Why?” they stopped at the bar on the way home heard of them. Swingin’ Utters. You’ve “Just wondering,” the guy says. from work. You can just tell. And even the heard of them. Lagwagon. You’ve heard of Roy tells you that the reading will start women around here look tough—not neces- them. No Use for a Name. You’ve heard of at around nine o’clock. It’s seven now. Roy sarily like they could kick your ass, but not them. Big Boys. You’ve heard of them. You assures you that everyone in the bar is there necessarily like they couldn’t, either. But stop him here. “Really?” you say. Impressed, to see you guys read. There are also a couple what can you do? Just keep walking like you because he doesn’t seem old enough to have of bands playing. The order is: reader, band, know what you’re doing. seen the Big Boys. “You’ve seen them?” reader, band, reader. You’ve done enough One of the pool tables is open. A guy is “Nah,” he says. “I was just seeing if shows to know that this is a recipe for disas- sitting on the stool next to the table. He’s got you’d heard of them.” ter. But you don’t say anything, because you a pool cue in his hand. He’s looking for a And so two pool games pass, just like trust Roy and also because you seem to be in game. It’s a good way to acclimate yourself that. The little guy has seen just about every a place where the rules of the rest of the to the crowd, so you head over there. Put two band on the Fat Wreck Chords roster. That’s world don’t apply. So you just go with it. quarters on the edge of the table. Say to the about all you learn about him. Well, that and guy on the stool, “Is this your table?” that he’s damn proud of this accomplish- Nine o’clock rolls around. The Texas He nods. ment. And that he’s not very good at pool, Blues Bar is packed and everyone’s drunk. You say, “Wanna play a game?” but you learned that almost right away. There’s a room to the right of the bar that He nods again and stands up. He’s every So you quit playing pool and wander you didn’t see when you first walked in. It inch a Texan: cowboy boots, tight blue jeans, around the Texas Blues Bar. You walk along looks exactly like a two-car garage—big and camouflage T-shirt, and a fluorescent that long bar. Your two tourmates are drink- open, concrete floors, no windows. The only orange, deer-hunting baseball hat. He’s also ing at the far end of the bar. Before you thing missing is the garage door. This is about four feet tall. You’re not sure why that make it that far, someone calls out your where you’ll perform. matters, but it seems to matter right now. name. You turn and look. It’s the bar- The poet you’re on tour with starts Playing pool with a little guy just seems to tender/booker/manager, Roy. Roy is also things off. It’s tough. There’s no stage. The make the evening perfect. your friend. He’s the reason why you’re in first band’s equipment is set up behind him. You drop the quarters into the slot, Longview, Texas. His shift must’ve just And, even though the bar’s packed, only release the balls, and start to rack them. The started, because he wasn’t behind the bar the about a dozen people walk over to see the little guy chalks up his pool cue. You say to last time you got a drink. You’ve been wait- poet. He starts his act. You’ve seen him go him, “What are you up to tonight? Just hav- ing for him, though, so you could figure out through this ten times on the previous ten ing a beer on the way home from work?” if there’s a drink special for the entertainers: nights. You started the tour in Boston and “Nah, man,” he says in a thick, Texan i.e., you. Before you can ask, Roy hands you have made it all the way down and around to drawl. “I’m here for some readings. a Lone Star. You reach for your wallet. He here. You know word for word what he’s There’s some literature and shit going on shakes his head. So that’s the drink special: gonna say, how he’s gonna say it, when the here tonight.” drink; you’re special. crowd will laugh, when the poet will have Any apprehension you may have been Two guys who are obviously auto the crowd hooked. Only, tonight, again, feeling wanes as soon as he says this. You mechanics are sitting at the bar between you rules are off. He’s not getting the easy are, after all, one of the guys reading. and Roy. They’ve got dirt and axle grease laughs. No one’s walking over from the bar Bringing literature and shit. You smile and deep in the wrinkles of their fingers. They to check him out. In fact, the crowd in this pull the triangle off the pool balls. “Should smell like hand cleaner. Roy points at you room is starting to thin. The poet cuts his set be cool,” you say. “Break ‘em.” and says to them, “This here’s the guy who short. The pool game gets underway. The little does Razorcake.” This doesn’t bode well for you. You guy isn’t very good, but can you blame him? “No shit?” says one of the mechanics. don’t read poetry. You have that going for He’s four foot tall and the table is three foot He’s wearing an American flag bandanna. you. But you do read short stories. Or, at tall. Do the math: you’d have to find a pool “Well, I’m one of the guys,” you say. “I least, you tell them. And the shortest of the table four and half feet tall to try to see mean, I don’t put it out by myself.” short stories takes ten minutes to tell. If things from his perspective. He doesn’t seem “I love that fucking rag,” the bandanna things go badly, you’re still stuck up there to care that he’s losing, though. He just guy says. for ten minutes. And ten minutes can be for- wants to talk about punk rock and the bands “Thanks,” you say. ever when you’re bombing. You try to tell 30 yourself that a lot of people here know Razorcake, so it may be better for you. But you know where Razorcake sells, and how many copies. The numbers just don’t add up. Still, you remember that you’re in a strange place. Rules don’t apply. Just ride it. The band gets started. The lead singer is wearing a coveralls and a cowboy hat. He’s that weird kind of hybrid that you’ve been seeing all night: too punk to be a shitkicker, too shitkicker to be a punk. And that’s exact- ly what the music sounds like. And that’s exactly how the crowd looks. It’s a perfect fit. So perfect you get swept up in it. You get out onto that concrete floor and dance. Why not? Burn off some nervous energy. Get a good sweat going. Bounce into some Texans. Have fun. Before you know it, the band’s done and you’re up. Here you go. Bringing the literature and shit. Forty or fifty shitkicking punks are looking at you. You look back at them. It’s too late to wonder how it’s all gonna go now because it’s all going. You introduce your- self and tell a lame joke and someone to your left laughs like hell. You look at who’s laughing. It’s the little guy you played pool with. Game on. You start to tell a story about working construction when you were a kid. It’s a more-or-less true story. You changed things to make it better, but you’ve told it so many times that you can’t remember what you changed and what’s real. The story is blue collar and it’s funny and sad. And so is the crowd. They seem to be digging it. They stay to listen, tipping Lone Stars, smiling, laughing sometimes when you don’t even expect it. The little guy is to your right with a big ol’ grin on his face. And you get to one part of the story. This is the hook. This is what you’re hoping will connect with the people around you. It’s the part where the narrator is hitting on a girl. He’s spent the day busting open a septic tank. He rubs the back of his head and finds a chunk of mud. You tell them that. The room goes silent. “Then,” you say into a sea of big eyes star- ing at you, “very slowly, I realized...” And the first shout goes out. It’s the geeky chick who’s been hitting on every dude in the bar that night. She yells out, “No you didn’t!” “Oh I did,” you tell her. “I realized...” “Oh shit,” the little guy starts yelling. Rich Mackin and Janaka Stucky in the pit at the Texas Blues Bar. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” “Tell it,” someone else screams. And suddenly you feel like you have a tent revival on your hands. They’re waiting for hat against his knee. Goddamn. the other fighter’s leg. You’ll spend a few the punch line—hollering out encourage- You keep going. You finish your story hours wondering how someone breaks ment, seeing what’s coming, even—and you and someone even gives you an “Amen.” someone else’s leg in a fight. Spinning toe can’t deliver it. Not yet. It’s all too right. The Amen. hold? Before all that, though, you’ll just energy is too good. You have to feel it for a kick back at your merch table and watch the few seconds, at least. Forty-five minutes later, after the second room clear and be happy to watch your tour- But the seconds pass and you tell them, band has played and your second tourmate is mate bring his literature and shit. You don’t “I realized: that’s not mud.” The room goes halfway through his set, half of the room need to see the latest spectacle. You’ve nuts. This part of the story isn’t even that suddenly clears out. You have no idea why. already gotten what you came for. funny. At one reading on this tour, a girl Your tourmate is giving a hell of a reading. even said, “Awww,” when you said this line. You’re enjoying it, and you’ve heard this –Sean Carswell Like she felt sorry for you. Not these stuff for ten days straight. Later, you’ll find Texans, though. They hoot and holler. The out there was a fight in the parking lot. little guy even slaps his fluorescent orange You’ll learn that one of the fighters broke 31 “To put it into more REEPPOORRTTSS scientific terms, my TTHHEE DDIINNGGHHOOLLEE R beer cells began to RHYTHM CHICKEN outnumber my blood cells.”

The Dinghole Reports before Rogerski flew off to Poland. Ruckus Mistreaters, who take on an added elo- By the Rhythm Chicken O’Reily met me at my nest and we shared a quence when playing in a grimy basement! (Commentary by Francis Funyuns) few bottles of Zywiec (Poland’s finest). One of their best shows I’ve seen. [Edited by Dr. Sicnarf] Then we headed out to conduct a mini-tour Later, I was too busy inhaling free beer to get the wheels of ruckus lubed up for the and unfortunately missed the Human Eye, Dzien dobry, America! I am once again big bang. The ruckus militia rolled over to who I heard were also stellar. Free Pabst. living in Krakow, Poland. Are you still with Lincoln Avenue, the heart of Milwaukee’s Free Pabst. Free Pabst. At some point, me? The areas I consider to be my homes old Polish district. I thought it would be fit- Ruckus and I decided it was a good idea to now include Green Bay, Milwaukee, Door ting to play at the foot of the Kosciuszko head off to the show. Upon arriving at the DCounty (WI), and Krakow, Poland (not to be monument in Kosciuszko Park, with my Onopa Brewpub (the venue for this confused with Krakow, Wisconsin, where forthcoming re-immigration to his home- evening’s much anticipated event) we my parents live). Seeing as how my land. We set up the chickenkit near the base hauled my chickenkit into a corner and American comrades still haven’t fixed their of the statue. Ruckus backed away to see began to meander about. I went to the bar to ham radio, it looks like I’m flying solo how the neighborhood would react to a buy a couple beers for Ruckus and me, but again this issue. Huh! good dose of down-home Chicken-fried the bartender refused to let me pay. Huh! I’d like to back up to a cold February ruckus. I pulled on the chickenhead and let Free Pabst. Free Pabst. This was going to be morning in Milwaukee’s southside. I was loose! My rhythmic thunder flowed proudly the best show ever! sitting in the Hi-Fi Café when my from the base of that stoic Polish hero. I think this is the point where my better Milwaukee friend Kevin joined me for Tadeusz Kosciuszko I Rytm Kurcze razem judgement gave way to “drunken whatever some cluck-cluck juice. He inquires about zawsze! I halted the ruckus and raised my bla bla bla.” To put it into more scientific my opinion on this whole “Green Bay vs. wings… nothing. I pulled out the mighty terms, this is the point at which my beer Milwaukee” feud. Being somewhat of a for- ruckus logs and pounded out some monster cells began to outnumber my blood cells. eign national and a tireless kitchen slave rhythms with my chicken ears flying every The Brian Costello Show had started and he most of the time, I tell him I know nothing which way. Once again, I took my break was interviewing someone already. I contin- about it. He informs me of various little with my wings skyward… nothing. Then, ued wandering about and figured someone “scuffles” between the Green Bay and out of sheer pity I’m sure, Ruckus begins would just find me when I was “needed.” A Milwaukee punk scenes. Considering clapping and hooting. few free beers later I felt the need to check myself an active, though not always present, This is when I felt the sudden urge to visit up on my chickenkit. I was shocked to find member of both scenes in question, this the National Liquor Bar. While packing that my gig rug, which usually is rolled up news saddened me, but life goes on. away my kit I asked Ruckus, “So, did ANY- containing my hardware, was opened up About two months later, Kevin asks me if ONE acknowledge the show?” He said that and my hi-hat stand and ruckus logs were the Rhythm Chicken can appear at a birth- some kid stopped his bike for a few seconds just lying there. Where was my snare stand? day party show for himself and his band’s and then just rolled away. Huh! No matter, This is the point when I think twenty beers drummer Christian, also a friend of mine. we retired to the NLB for some liver-achin’. of drunken bliss turned into twenty beers of He tells me that I would be a guest on The When we walked in, the old lady bartender drunken anger. Someone stole my snare Brian Costello Show. I asked what on earth remembered us from the recording gig a few stand, the snare stand I paid sixty bucks for is a Brian Costello Show. Apparently, it’s weeks back. She welcomed us with a few when I was working at the record store for like a late night talk show with a host, a free pints of Pabst! Then Andy K showed up minimum wage and living on oatmeal and sidekick, a house band, and various guests; and told me about how his friend’s dad was rice twelve years ago! My particular fond- all conducted live before a punk rock show in the very same Slaughterhouse Five with ness for this broken hunk-o-junk may not audience. I thought it sounded fun, so I Kurt Vonnegut. Huh! Well, we figured that have been rational, but then neither was I. In agreed to appear. Then I had my big live the beer ingestion was well underway so we my enlightened state of immaculate reason- recording gigs and was in the post-process- cut short the rest of the intro-tour. ing, I figured it had to be on the stage. I es of layout, design, duplication, and mixing Ruckus and I made our way to the pre- intruded on the talk show stage and began (mixing consisting of John Gehring and I show BBQ in the Riverwest neighborhood. overturning every stone looking for my pressing play with a few cans of Hamms There I ran into many old friends who I had- beloved snare stand. Brian Costello must and saying, “Yup, sounds good!”). Then n’t seen in three or four years, being a diplo- have caught wind of my intent to wrestle and came April 30th, the day of my last mat of ruckus to Eastern Europe and all. seemed a little agitated. I inspected the house American ruckus! This is where I chatted with a few scenesters band’s drumkit. I looked under the chairs and and shared with them my grand idea of tack- pillows. Then Brian’s sidekick, the evening’s Dinghole Report #68: The Last American ling Mr. Brian Costello, all in punk rock Ed McMahon, got in my face with some not- Ruckus… Again! fun, mind you! I thought a well-Pabsted so-friendly words. Mr. McMahon, don’t (Rhythm Chicken sighting #359) Chicken wrestling the host would be a fine, make me angry… You wouldn’t like me Here it was, my big last hurrah. You see, chaotic way to bid farewell to my home- when I’m angry. The gamma radiation took I was planning on this evening’s show to be land, or at least make people say, “What the hold of me, turning my skin green, making my last appearance in America. I wanted it fuck?” I finished my own backpack full of my muscles (ha!) bulge, and I tore the shirt to be an all-out beer-soaked circus of chaos. Pabst tallboys. Then Devon bought me off my back with an animalistic howl. Yeah, I wanted it to be like a stampede on the another six pack of Pabst. Then Tom Grimm I wish it had been that graceful! It all hap- senses! I was Roy Rogers and this stampede bought me another six pack of Pabst. Bands pened pretty fast and my memory was in no had to leave a crater on American soil were playing in the basement. I caught the state to function properly. I've decided to make a learning experience out of this all. Unless I'm in heaven or on the battlefield, twenty is my limit on free beers. I attacked the sidekick, Brian Costello got Russia is abuzz with gossip about this hor- evening in years. The other half just didn’t me in a headlock, and the three of us were rible fiasco. All of Wisconsin is abuzz with dig the thuggery. on the ground in what was later penned a gossip about…oh wait, I’m getting ahead I’ve decided to make a learning experi- “brawl.” Huh! Ruckus O’Reily said he tried of myself. ence out of this all. Unless I’m in heaven or making it up onto the stage to help restore The very next morning I wake up in on the battlefield, twenty is my limit on free order, but he got his foot caught in some quite a state of remorse. In hindsight, I’m beers. And as for our friend Dmitry hippy girl on the stage. Then someone else sure I could have found a better way of Karamazov, he was judged and sent to much bigger than all of us grabbed me and handling the theft of my snare stand. In the Siberia. I, on the other hand, fled the coun- threw me off the stage. (In hindsight, it does days that followed, I heard more about the try and made it as far as Poland, which some seem rather fitting to have the Rhythm rest of that evening’s show. I guess it just people think is near Siberia! Before leaving Chicken thrown off the stage!) I found went downhill after my departure. A few the States, I dropped off some Rhythm Ruckus and recruited him to help me claim dopey ex-Green Bay residents began to Chicken 45/DVD packs in Green Bay. I what remained of my chickenkit. We made excessively heckle Mr. Costello. The thought I would go to Timebomb Tom and our way back to Milwaukee’s southside and Green Bay vs. Milwaukee feud had flared inquire about this feud involving his and my I decided that the Rhythm Chicken’s up to include a new Green Bay vs. Chicago hometown. He said that he heard about my American tour was officially over. feud. (I personally feel that Green Bay and ill-fated fracas and how it sparked up a Okay, so now here I am in Krakow, Milwaukee should team up and take on whole new wave of feuding… on various Poland. One of my favorite aspects of my Madison! Then when we’ve annexed their webpage message boards. Tom’s stance was life here is that I have the time to do plen- territory we can all face the REAL somewhat along the lines of, “I really don’t ty of reading. After an eighteen-month enemy… INDIANA!!! Aside from their care. Let them fight. I don’t have time to span of little to no reading, I’ve finally inferior football team and their yuppie pay attention to their message boards any- found the time to finish Dostoevsky’s The tourists infesting my Door County neigh- way.” So let it be known, the Rhythm Karamazov Brothers. I find the similarities borhood, I actually sort of dig Chicago.) Chicken’s last American gig was at the foot here to be quite uncanny. Dmitry I guess one of the later bands invited all in of the Kosciuszko monument in Karamazov spends a month in the town’s attendance to throw their glass bottles and Milwaukee’s Kosciuszko Park, playing to drinking dens telling everyone how he will cocktail glasses at the stage, with quite dan- Ruckus O’Reily and one kid on a bike who kill his father. I, with a gut full of Pabst, gerous results. Then their singer didn’t like stopped for a moment and then kept on his tell a few scenesters how I will wrestle them taking his request seriously so he way. Yeah, my ruckus is supreme. Brian Costello. The evening of the began physical fistfights with various audi- Karamazov father’s planned murder goes ence members. The indoor bottle rocket –Rhythm Chicken rather awry and Dmitry attacks his servant fights sounded dainty as well. There seems [email protected] Grigory instead. The evening of my last to be a 50/50 response out of Milwaukee. big show goes rather awry and I attack Half of those in attendance thought it was Brian Costello’s sidekick instead. All of the best smash-bash riotous punk rock 33 “Just get the ‘less drowsy’ formula or II’’MM AAGGAAIINNSSTT IITT you’ll be stumbling DESIGNATED DALE around like Tipsy McStagger, feeling loaded as a pillhead.” Dizzy Honky Invades Latin Music Conference This past August was especially fun ever get plagued with the vertigo, we found has become an invaluable tool for bands, ‘cause I got to enjoy NYC with the lovely out that no antibiotics at all can go after it national or small, by targeting their audience Yvonne Gomez, being she was part of a (that some doctor prescribed me the first and keeping them updated with their panel at the LAMC (Latin Alternative Music time, thank you very much. Calling Dr. MySpace.com page. This I know to be true TConference) this year. The LAMC is an Dickskinner! Can you say, “side effects,” first hand, as many a band like Throw Rag annual conference (this being its sixth year) dummy?) Seems the only thing that heals this and The Riverboat Gamblers have been for music publishing, marketing, entertain- crap is time (with armfuls of Pick-A-Bagel using the MySpace thing to its full advan- ment networks, bands/artists, and just about and Crif Dogs) and the only thing that allevi- tage, with their tour schedules and/or post- anything and everything you could think of ates the symptoms of spinning is meclizine, ing new songs. that has to do with—you guessed it—Latin the active ingredient found in Dramamine. The next panel was entitled “The Birth of alternative music. After taking the red-eye Just get the “less drowsy” formula or you’ll a Genre—Hurban Music Makes Its Big out, we caught a few hours of sleep at my be stumbling around like Tipsy McStagger, Entrance.” Hurban (Hispanic Urban/Hip sister’s pad, then trained it upstate to meet feeling loaded as a pillhead. Hop) has made a big stride this past year with up with her at her boyfriend’s place in Wednesday rolls around, and I wake up to Reggaeton artists like Pitbull (you know, the Monticello. Julie (my sister) picked us up at find my vision has stopped rotating like a guy that does that “Culo!” song and that the Port Jervis station in style in one of bad b-movie effect, which was perfect tim- other tune with the one of my favorite words Tim’s (her boyfriend) creations—a nineteen ing being there was a live music showcase to in the world: “Toma”). Ray Acosta, president fifty-something sedan morphed with a kick off the LAMC that night. Walking dis- of Wu-Tang Latino spoke how this style of Cadillac(?), complete with a welded Sacred tance from the world famous Katz’s Deli on music is identifying with its Latin audience Heart sculpture on the rear trunk panel. Tim Houston Street, Yvonne and I made our way and that hip hop artists across the board has been building cars for some time, and to the Mercury Lounge where the Indie should reach out and mix it up with other the party was at his shop, Pirate Kustoms, in Band Showdown was going on. As usual, “Hurban” artists. Actually, would it be the middle of a beautifully wooded rural the best band that night, The Cuban “Lurban,” being that all the artists from this neighborhood. A whole fleet of his car pals Cowboys (www.cubancowboys.com), genre are not only Hispanic, but of Latin dis- showed up in their rides to drink in the night, wrapped up the opening slot a few songs sent? What happens when the Turks get into and gorge on a gang of barbecue (oh, hello, after we walked in. They had a kind of fran- the Reggaeton market? Would that make roasted corn on the grill). I have to note that tic Plugz/Tito & Tarantula thing going on them “Turban?” Then the East Indians are there was an actual hot dog cart (yes, one of with a traditional smear over it all. gonna take it as an insult and think the Turks the more interesting things he’s got there) Definitely check ‘em out if this sounds like are mocking ‘em. I’m leaving this one alone full of steamin’ franks and sauerkraut, or somethin’ that floats yer bote (that’s “boat” unless Dave Chappelle or Carlos Mencia is what I like to call “Hitler’s Slaw.” in espanol. Watch out, the honky’s getting all reading this and wants to give it a stab. Sauerkraut… retch… ca-ca. A roots- bilingual). And, no—they ain’t a pack of The evening following, the panels had rock/rockabilly band from Philly made the refugee cowpokes from Cuba. After talking most of the conference over at this club trek to play (Full Blown Cherry) and the to their gracious frontman Jorge, I found out called S.O.B.’s for the ASCAP Acoustic Ramones radar must’ve been on ‘cause that they’re from Brooklyn. More bands fol- Showcase. I really didn’t know what I was in “Rockaway Beach” was soon bouncing off lowed including Soniko, who sounded like for, especially ‘cause I’d never seen any of of the trees in the forest surrounding us. I that band Blur doing bong hits with a the bands/artists doing their regular sets to soon found out that a full-length slab of washed-up metal guitarist. Another band begin with, let alone acoustic. The word Ramones tunes from this cheesesteak-eating was Santos de Los Angeles, a pretty tight big “acoustic” generally calls to mind craptacu- trio is happening soon. Cool. band-flavored outfit headed by their Cab lar Grateful Dead/folk/hippie drivel that I’m After we got back to Julie’s place in the Calloway-type singer who was dressed like allergic to and causes me to break out in city, I woke up early Monday morning to the one of the rivals of the Corleone family. And punches. Remember the guy with the guitar familiar, nightmarish spinning of the room he likes to say “fuck” in between songs. A singing on the stairs in Animal House during around me that I encountered earlier this lot. My money was still on the ‘Cowboys at the party? And you remember what John year. No, Dale didn’t finally go alcoholic—I the end of the night. Belushi (RIP) does to his guitar, right? There was being haunted with another bout of The next day got off to an interesting start you go. But sometimes “acoustic” can be the inner ear problems, know more commonly sitting in on a couple panels, all which most brilliant thing in the world, like the all- as vertigo. I felt really bad, being that we included five or six professionals of the acoustic Hurt Me LP that Johnny Thunders flew out a coupla days early to go see some industry speaking. The first one of the after- recorded in 1983. That full length is still my sights before the LAMC started that noon was called “You Can’t ‘Have to Have favorite Thunders record to this day, so Wednesday. Yvonne took very good care of It’ if You Don’t Know It Exists,” which dealt “acoustic” can be a good thing and the night my loopy, lop-sided head and was on the mainly with how promoting and marketing at S.O.B.’s proved to be a pleasant surprise phone tracking down doctors belonging to can make or break a record. Pablo Lopez, an with a few of its acts, like Roberto Poveda my health plan, trying to get some prescrip- NYU college intern at Nacional Records, (www.robertopoveda.com). Poveda walked tion action happening. By the way, if you spoke about how the MySpace.com thing onstage with a toned-down electric guitar

34 and quietly sang his heart out, much like the and simple. I’ve just always had morbid with some soul and lounge dabbling. Great ballad side of Ray Charles, only with a deep curiosity and a dark sense of humor, so sue band and a great bunch of guys, too. On layer of Latin gloss, much like the rich me. Being that my mom used to work with Saturday, the panel I was waiting for was smoothness that a menthol smoker experi- handicapped kids years ago, I learned early that afternoon. Yvonne was part of “Latinas ences first thing in the morning. In town on as a kid that disabled folk are the same as in the Music Biz… Breaking Barriers and from Puerto Rico for the conference, Circo other people, except for what’s ticking Smashing Stereotypes.” She spoke of how came on a while later and did a couple upstairs. Or as my dad used to say, “Poor women in the industry need to keep focus on acoustic versions of their material that had guy’s brain is bent.” Almost sounds like a what they’re setting their goals for and how me watching closely. They’re kind of hard to possible title of a Ramones tune, don’t it? important mentors can be. She also touched compare to, but if I had to, I’d say they Friday’s panels included one about break- on how just because there are artists who do remind me a bit of Queen ‘cause their singer ing ground and expanding non-traditional exploitive things with females that they can belt it out pretty damn good, although no markets for rock/urban music. It was kind of should be allowed to create what they one could ever unseat Freddy Mercury (RIP) enlightening to discover just how grassroots want—there’s always going to be supply and and his band from their spot in rock and roll. the Latin alternative music market is, with a demand that everyone doesn’t agree with. I’m curious to see Circo with a stage full of strong emphasis on the whole DIY ethic that Like anything else, if you don’t like it, stacks and a drum kit. punk rock has been raised upon over the remove yourself from it. After the show, we met Dante Spinetta, years of its existence. That night was the conference closing co-founder of the Latin hardcore rap outfit The other panel we caught was about party sponsored by Johnnie Walker, and yes, Illya Kuryaki and the Valderramas. His monies being made from digital performance the whiskey was flowing like the tears of a

Or as my dad used to say,“Poor guy’s brain is bent.” father, Luis Alberto Spinetta, was one of thee rights and downloads. Neeta Ragoowansi of preschooler who just dropped his ice cream top guitarists in Argentina, from what the government-funded SoundExchange cone on the ground. Everyone had a glass (or Yvonne was telling me, so Dante and I start- spoke about how a lot of artists can benefit two) in their hand. They even had waitresses ed talking music. A few seconds into our financially through SoundExchange. walking around handing out big, pre-mixed conversation, he asks me if I’m into any Basically, what they do is make sure artists cocktails of Johnnie Walker and cream soda weird or different types of music. I say, “You get paid from anyone using their music in to the party guests. Bottoms up, borracho. mean, like Frank Zappa or Captain digital streams and cable “radio” broadcasts, Being that we were flying out the next morn- Beefheart?” “No”, he says, “Like really out and what have you. Like performing rights ing, we said our goodbyes to all we saw and there kind of stuff,” and goes on about this societies BMI and ASCAP, SoundExchange hung out with that week. I laughed as we band from Buenos Aires called Reynolds. is a digital rights society. From what Neeta were leaving, ‘cause Yvonne told me the From what he told me, Reynolds (formally spoke of, a lot of bands are completely obliv- ladies room stalls were loudly occupied with known as The Burt Reynolds Experience) is ious that royalties are literally waiting for a few no-so-fortunate women who should’ve this very loud/noise outfit that features a them through her organization. This one’s a stuck to beer instead of the whiskey. Hope drummer with full-on Down Syndrome. I no-brainer people. If you’re in a band, get they held the hair back (right, Marissa?). I’d look at him in disbelief, laughing out loud signed up with SoundExchange—it’s free like to thank Josh and Marin of JN Media for and say, “Down Syndrome? Like handi- and who knows just where your material may hooking up my conference pass and Tomas capped Down Syndrome? You’re fucking end up being used. I remember a few years Cookman, who co-found the LAMC and kidding me, right?” ‘Cause at this point all I back, my old guitarist told me he got a check keeps things rolling every year. And of could see in my head was that guy who in the mail because the cable channel Animal course, much thanks to my sister Julie for played Corky on Life Goes On doing his Planet used a snippet of music from almost always extending hospitality to Yvonne and flailing best Keith Moon impression. Dante every song off our first record. Hadn’t it been myself every time we’re out in NYC. went on explaining, telling me that Reynolds for BMI, we wouldn’t have known our songs is indeed for real and that the drummer goes were being used as the backdrop of a tiger I’m Against It, nuts on the kit while making all kinds of chasing and killing a caribou (or whatever). strange noises and grunts. There’s even a Like I said, you never know. –Designated Dale movie down in Argentina about these guys. The showcase later that night featured [email protected] All I’ve got to say is that I’ve got to see this, Plastilina Mosh out at Prospect Park for part man. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a of the “Celebrate Brooklyn” festival. Think cold-hearted prick that points at disabled of an unbalanced blend of Jesus and Mary people and laughs. That’s just mean, plain Chain, Beck, The Cure, and The Gorrilaz

35

Interview by Ben Lybarger Photos by Lou Muenz Original Artwork by Amy Adoyzie

I have seen This er that I needed to know about. Moment In Black History Chris has been known to ridicule Bush- described as many things: huggers and otherwise provoke lethargic post-punk, hardcore, garage, crowds, both lyrically and physically. Mike and art-damaged, noisy, and avante-garde. All those things and more Buddy used to work at a restaurant in L.A. where they passed the might be true, but there is a deeper layer to music, one that goes time by spitting in celebrity food. Subversive, passionate, con- beyond the surface, down to the core of where the sound is coming frontational, and honest. All without forgetting to have a laugh. from. This isn’t just ear candy with a fluffy nougat center. There is That’s what gets in my system. an intangible nutrition here, something that nourishes and makes Historically, the band is the latest chapter in Ohio’s musical lega- you stronger. You can’t describe it, but you know its familiar flavor. cy, which has included luminaries such as the Electric Eels, Rocket Any music, when it’s good, connects with you personally. You From the Tombs, The Pagans, Dead Boys, Devo, The Cramps, New sense something honest in it. It communicates to your blood. Bomb Turks, Pere Ubu, and scores of other amazing yet lesser- Good music doesn’t care what you think of it; it has self-respect. known bands. In a region known for individualism, innovation, and It’s not desperate for your affections. It’s not pretending to be irreverence, This Moment In Black History could have happened something it’s not. It has teeth, takes risks, and says something nowhere else. real, no matter what the lyrics might be about. Punk is more than a style of music, it is a philosophy of music that can come in many Chris Kulsar (a.k.a. CK1): Vocals/Keyboards forms, and This Moment In Black History get that. Implicitly. When Lamont Thomas (a.k.a. Bim): Drums I go over to Bim’s house he’s genuinely excited to spin some of his Buddy Akita: Guitars/Vocals vast vinyl collection for me, turning me on to one band after anoth- Mike D'Amico: Bass Ben: I want to start by asking about the band history. You were in starter went. Then the battery. Then the alternator in the desert. Then in Chargers Street Gang? L.A., the transmission. Chris: Yeah, I was in that band. Mike: Then they tried to get us for highway robbery. Ben: What happened to that band? Buddy: They tried to charge us double. Chris: They fuckin’ blew it. Some people in that band got tired of tour- Mike: They took all our shit apart without asking, then wanted us to give ing and some people in that band didn’t want to live in Cleveland any- them $2500 just to put it back in. more, so… Chris: Not fixing it. Just putting it back in. We had to pull a Three Ben: Where did they move to? Stooges—“Oh we got a show tonight”—and start running around. We Chris: Austin. went down and got all our stuff out of the van and left it there. Ben: Damn. And you two were in Neon King Kong together? Mike: We had to sell some of it just to get home. Mike: Yeah, we were both in that and the Teenage Knockouts… Chris: Yeah, we had to sell a bunch of our equipment. Buddy: And Lesbian Maker. Ben: How did you get back? Ben: Neon King Kong was based in L.A., right? How did you end Bim: We flew. I just got the drum set back that I sold to buy my ticket. up there? Mike just bought a cabinet to replace his. We shipped everything else on Buddy: We got sick of everybody here. Well, not sick, but we didn’t our old record label, which is the least they could have done—they want to play with anybody here. haven’t done much else. Mike: Yeah, once the Teenage Knockouts broke up, all our friends Chris: I am still in the process of painting my parents’ house to pay for and everyone worth playing with were already in bands, and we the ticket that they bought me. As soon as I am on summer break, I have didn’t want to do the recycled Cleveland band thing, which we I hate when you see a band up on-stage being adored and there's like a curtain or wall in between them and the other side. Fuck that. came back here to do anyway. to go start painting. ” Buddy:“It had to do with the kind of band we wanted to play in, too. Ben: Is that why you were trying to buy paint before the show? There wasn’t anyone around here into the kind of shit we wanted to play Chris: No. I go to school for painting at Cleveland State. that wasn’t in a band already. Chris would’ve been into it, but he was Ben: What kind of stuff do you paint? already in a band. Chris: It’s kind of post-impressionistic stuff. Ben: So why didn’t Neon King Kong work out? Bim: I saw his stuff a couple times. I was shocked by it. I didn’t know Buddy: Because the lead singer was on drugs and shit. he was into it like that. Ben: How does that work out when you have to tour with two dif- Ben: And what do you go to school for? ferent bands? Bim: Communications. I just applied for graduation, so I’m about to Bim: Well, the Bassholes don’t work very often. We usually do some- wrap that up. thing once a year. Ben: What kind of communications? Buddy: And we get priority. [laughs] Bim: Well, some people think I’m very good at non-verbal communica- Bim: It was a little cooler when we (Bim and Don Howland of the tion, social campaigns, and I have a journalism background as well. Bassholes) were both living in Columbus, practicing once a week. When Ben: How about you? somebody called we could do something right away, but now it’s few and Mike: I go to school for recording at Tri-C. far between. It takes a little planning. Ben: What kinds of jobs are you getting that allow you to tour? Ben: So how much does TMIBH tour? Chris: I work in the gallery at school and in the library. I do mostly Chris: We’ve really only toured twice, but we do weekend stuff as much odd jobs. as possible. Mike: I’m a Camel cigarette rep. Bim: Yeah, we do Detroit, Chicago, New York… Buddy: Same with me. Ben: Did you have your van die on you? Bim: I’m the doorman at the Beachland. Chris: Yeah, we’ve had the worst history of vans. Ben: Who writes most of the lyrics to your songs? Bim: We’ve had three vans in two years. Bim: Chris. Mike: We’ve broken down in plenty of states—been stranded in the Ben: All of them? desert. Stranded in the desert trying to get a date. Buddy: Pretty much. Bim: The latest van we bought, we took it out on a tour and first the Chris: [to Buddy] Have you written any lyrics? It’s always open. Buddy: You’ve asked for input before; I’ve made some songs. Mike: I do have some input for you when we start writing new shit. I’ve been kind of fooling around with some stuff. Bim: See, we’re writin’ right now. [laughs] Workin’ out a jam right now. Chris: So yeah, I guess up to this point I have been writing the words. Ben: What can you tell me about “Last Unicorn” then? Chris: It’s just a nostalgic thing about… oh god, I’m talking about lyrics… I wrote the lyrics out before we were a band and I smelled this girl who had this real powdery, gross perfume that smelled just like the perfume the girls used to wear at the roller rink. Ben: One of those scents that takes you back. Chris: Yeah, you know that powdery kind of perfume… Buddy: Smells like cotton candy, popcorn, and piss. Mike: There’s lot of misconceptions about our lyrics. Chris: Lots.

39 Mike: Lots of reviews will say, “This song is about…” and they are way off. Ben: What do they get wrong? What kinds of things? Chris: “Beans and Rice” is a song that is just talkin’ about how played out rock’n’roll stereotypes are, and one reviewer said it was about racial profiling. Buddy: A couple reviewers said that. Chris: It’s about lame rock’n’roll-isms, but somehow people got differ- ent stuff from it. Mike: I think it’s lazy people writing reviews, and they just read what other people wrote. Chris: Another funny one was this song that wasn’t political at all, and they said… Buddy: “Oh, this shows their political side!” The song is about robots. Chris: It was this dumb little story about someone who gets broken up with for a robot. It was stupid. Buddy: Yeah, but it was kind in the same vein of all those old ‘70s songs about vibrators and shit. That’s how I always thought about it. Chris: I was thinking more like how Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young would have science fiction songs. [laughs] Buddy: Takes you on a musical journey roughly based on an after- school special by Ray Bradbury. Ben: Do you feel like people tag you as a political band? Chris: If they do, it is my fault. Buddy: It’s kind of hard not to be political right now. Chris: We don’t outrightly try to be political. Maybe if you were dressed like a Bim: Everybody was stoked about the “send Bush walking” thing, but I hipster and had a scarf on or mean, shit, who knows what the next batch of songs will be like? Chris: When we wrote most of the songs that are on the first record it some shit they would have just was right during the lead-up to the Iraq war, so I was out protesting a lot. known you were in a band. I didn’t know we were gonna make a record about anything. That’s just “ ” what was going through my head. It’s also because we’re a punk rock band, and good punk rock bands do have a social conscience. Chris: Well, you need to make a little spectacle too. It’s boring when a Buddy: It’s social commentary. band just stands around. This is the first time I’ve ever been a singer in a Mike: Current events. I was the current events champ in my eleventh band, and I always felt if you’re a singer you should take full advantage grade year of high school. I won every time. of your limbsical—that’s not a word—but your limbsical freedom. I can Ben: You had current events contests? run around and act retarded, so I might as well. Mike: Yeah, I won every single one, but I still failed American History. Ben: So what happened at the Free Times Awards? [Everyone groans and Ben: Speaking of history, how did you come up with the band name? makes the defeated “wah, wah, waaah” sound effect.] Chris: That’s all Bim. Chris: Basically, I’m a spazz. Bim: It’s just the war and everything; the whole perspective we’re look- Buddy: But also you saw me getting hassled. ing at it from. It’s a metaphor for hate crimes and some of the darker shit Ben: So Buddy was being hassled? that America does. You know, when you’re lying to people about your Chris: Yeah, they wouldn’t let him up on-stage at first. motives to go in and invade and kill lots of people and stuff. It’s an Buddy: We wanted to go accept our reward. Him and I were the only extremely dark time right now. ones from our band who were there, so... Buddy: At the same time, it’s a nod back to black music too. Chris: So I just started to grab all our friends and pull them up on-stage. Bim: Yeah, yeah, fuck: this is our compilation that we’re listening to Mike: Rappers do that shit all the time. right now. (The bar is playing Deep Soul Treasures, issued on Kent Buddy: So they all went up and I was trailing behind, and as I was com- Records.) This is what we listen to when we party. And it does help with ing up the security guard grabbed me. I was like, “What the fuck man? the band name having a brother like me in it. There ain’t a whole lot of I’m in the band!” By the time I actually got to the stage, that shit was black people getting involved in this shit. These guys are willing to adopt already over. As soon as I stepped onto the stage, Chris was already off a guy like me and let me get my rocks off. the stage and I was standing there like, “Okay... sweet... alright…” Ben: So with what you were saying about the war and having a social con- Mike: Maybe if you were dressed like a hipster and had a scarf on or science: do you try and be confrontational with the crowd at your shows? some shit they would have just known you were in a band. Chris: Yeah. I mean, it’s not so much confrontational as trying to get Buddy: But I had on fuckin’ fishing boots and stuff, so they got pissed. them involved. Ben: So did you get charged with anything? Buddy: Break down the barriers. Chris: Yeah, well the podium fell (broke apart) and I was like, “Aww Bim: I hate when you see a band up on-stage being adored and there’s fuck,” so I jumped off stage and started walking towards the door, you like a curtain or wall in between them and the other side. Fuck that. If I know... but now I know that I should have run. They didn’t even get to could be out there with the tubs, I’d do that shit my damn self. It’s not me until I was actually at the door. They were like, “Arrrh, you’re outta necessarily a confrontation, though. I mean, some people might get a lit- here!” and I was like, “I’m leavin’, it’s cool. I’m retarded, I’m getting out tle scared… of here.” Then one of them came up and said they wanted me arrested, Ben: I remember seeing Chris leap over the railing at the Beachland so I got arrested and sat in jail for eighteen hours. They blew that shit all once, straight onto some people. Out of nowhere. Like a maniac. out of proportion. 40 Bim: I’ve thought about what I would have done if I had been there. I Bim: A rebel without applause. would have got involved and shit would have been more severe. Ben: I also heard that you guys blew a fuse at show in Bowling Green Chris: They tackled our other friend for no reason. He was standing and Ian McKaye came up and helped fixed it? there and they grabbed him and said, “You’re coming with me,” and then Buddy: Nah, but he was there… four different security guards tackled him and were holding him on the Chris: He pointed out that the problem was the fuse. Jeff Nelson, the ground while he was like, “Get the fuck off of me!” He wasn’t doing any drummer from Minor Threat, was playing that night and Ian’s band had damn thing. And then they tackled the guy who owns the Beachland— played earlier in the day, so they were both there. It was an Indy Media made his ear bloody and shit. conference. It wasn’t a big deal. He was in the audience, and I was con- Bim: If I would’ve been there, they would have arrested my black ass fused, like, “What the fuck is going on? What’s happening?” I look up at too, and then your charges wouldn’t be dropped right now. him, and he’s like, “You guys blew a fuse.” It wasn’t any big deal. Chris: Well, they’re still not dropped. Buddy: Then he did say that he liked us, but that we were too loud. Too Bim: No? loud for Ian McKaye. Chris: No, I’m going to court on Wednesday. Chris: I saw him two days later and he was like, “You guys were great but Bim: Fuck! that bass drum was like BOOM-BOOM.” Then he punched me in the belly. Ben: So what charges are you facing? Bim: That’s what the fuck I’m talkin’ about right there, Ieee-an! Call me Chris: Aggravated disorderly conduct, which raises it from being only a for session. hundred dollars max with no jail time. That and criminal damaging. It’s Ben: In your CD layout there’s artwork by Jake Kelly. Who is that? so much bullshit because our lawyer—all three of us are using the same Chris: He’s a local artist. He did the mural that’s out there. (Part of the lawyer—read to me what makes something aggravated disorderly. It says wall from the old Grog Shop that was moved to the new location.) He that you are asked to cease and desist your activity, and you don’t. Which does flyers and comics. He’s like our own Raymond Pettibon. is ridiculous because what I did was one action; there is no way I could’ve Bim: He had that comic in the Free Times about the devil been asked to stop. And then criminal damaging means that you caused Mike: He got let go from the Free Times because he pushed too far. damage to something of value by using explosives, a gun, toxic materi- Chris: No, he got let go because the day his comic was due he left a note als… he was reading the list of these things that constitute criminal dam- that said, “Sorry I didn’t do the comic. I got drunk.” That’s the way I aging, and it’s like, what?? But the maximum penalty for me is ninety heard it. They were still gonna print it, though. days in jail and two or four thousand dollars, I can’t remember. Ben: What was the controversy over? Mike: It’s something about that club, though, because last year we had Chris: He did this comic called Young Devil where Jesus was giving the trouble there. devil a blow job, stuff like that. It was a really good comic. Chris: Yeah, Bim got kicked out. Buddy: My favorite one had that stereotypical black, Sambo-type char- Ben: What happened? acter and he walks into a bar and he’s complaining how he can’t get a job Bim: I was standing up for Clint and Dave Bowling, they were getting anymore because everyone’s all politically correct. Then he looks down kicked out for being in the V.I.P. area. It was just way out of hand. They to the end of the bar and Chief Wahoo is sitting there, so he asks him, sent eight little men over in yellow shirts that said, “Security,” of course. “How are you able to get a job?” Chief Wahoo’s like, “Clevelanders, It was like eight guys trying to throw those two out, and I was like, man, they’re savages.” “Hey man, that shit’s not necessary.” So they took me into an office and five more of the little men were yelling at me and shit, trying to provoke me into punching one of them so they could rough me up in this office. But when I talked to them calmly, they let me out. Well, they threw me out. It was a hassle, man, those motherfuckers… I mean, what were they thinking? They were screaming right in my face and shit. I wanted to blast the guy. They wouldn’t do that shit out here at the Grog Shop or the Beachland, that’s for damn sure. Clear Channel, the fucking Odeon, Rock-N- Roll Hall of Fame, all those motherfuckers can kiss my black ass in the middle. I don’t need them for shit. My music has nothing to do with what those people do. The only reason that we played the Rock Hall in the first place is because we needed the money after our van broke down. Ben: So Chris, I heard that wasn’t your first scrape with the law. You’ve been on house arrest before? What did you do? Chris: Everyone in my family didn’t get along, and my brother was being an asshole so I threw him down on the ground by his neck. Just then my mom came in as I was choke-slamming him… and I love my brother… but my mom called the cops. My parents claimed that I tried to kill my brother, so I was on house arrest for domestic violence. Bim: Shit! [voice going up a few octaves] Mike: So they made you stay in the house with him??? Chris: Yeah, but I was only sixteen then. Ben: So that’s not on your record now. Chris: Uh, yeah it is, because I refuse to pay the twenty-five dollars to have my juvenile records sealed. To get your records sealed you have to pay this fee, and I’m not paying any fucking money, so… Chris: He also does this amazing comic book called Crosston. looked up and everyone was staring at me, so I was like, “What?!” They Ben: In the CD you have a poem too, by R.A. Washington. Who is that? were like, “Those were weed brownies.” Shut up, you’re fucking with Chris: He’s a local poet: Rafeeque. He plays trumpet in our band called me! Twenty minutes later my friend Tony said he saw me on the couch. The Vernacular (a.k.a. Big Black Africa). He was the poet-in-residence He went outside to have a cigarette and I was cool, when he came back at C.M.A. (Cleveland Museum of Art) He’s a friend of ours too. The in I was just sitting there like this [his face falls from the bone] for the Amira Baraka of Cleveland. rest of the night. Then someone got me home and it took me forty-five Bim: He definitely likes to make his presence known. minutes to make a stupid veggie burger. Mike: Did you you say B.A. Baracus? [laughs because that’s the real Buddy: In seventh grade you used to smoke the fuck out some weed. name of Mr.T] Chris: Oh yeah. Chris: No, Amira Baraka. Ben: Why’d you stop? Ben: I heard that you hate garage rock. Chris: I don’t know, my body chemistry changed and I just can’t do Chris: [laughs] Bim hates garage rock, too. drugs anymore. Bim: I’m comin’ out on garage rock right now, just because the bands Ben: That same thing happened to me. Next thing you know you’re in that I play in get lumped into that shit because of the labels I’ve record- a cubicle… ed for in the past. And also because of playing with Don Howland, who Bim: We went to an after-party in Bowling Green once and Chris ate was in the Gibson Brothers, even though they weren’t necessarily every cookie. garage rock in the tight pants and bowl haircut sense. The music in this Chris: No, I was demo-ing them—you know, when they ask people to band is definitely not garage rock. try this new flavor. Ben: What do you consider this band? Bim: That shit was funny: we got a new flavor, man… Pinwheel. He had Bim: Punk. Rock’n’roll. Soul to rock’n’roll. all the girls down. You know how long he got away with it… Buddy: Comedy. Chris: People were hatin’ us. Bim: And fuck dude, there’s plenty of hardcore-ism. Bim: Shit, we were holdin’ it down, man! We had the music going, we Buddy: Punk hardcore comedy—that’s pretty much what it is. had a six of Busch stashed in the car, that girl from Asheville had some Bim: I think with garage rock in a lot of cases you have smart people pre- kind bud. tending to be fucking dumb, and the other half are like fashion cats— Chris: Yeah, but those two kids were like, “It’s retarded to vote.” Then motherfuckers wearing clothes trying to get retroactive and I hate that shit. how are you going to change anything? Mike: Trying to get laid. Bim: They were assholes. They were saying some stupid shit. Bim: Well, if that gets you coochie, go ahead and do it, I mean, I don’t Chris: It was all clichés, like “think globally, act locally.” [in a goofy voice] give a fuck about that. Now him [indicates Chris], on the other hand, I Bim: As far as that girl was concerned: don’t you worry about voting, hit don’t know what his motivations are. the fucking showers. Goddamn! Now I know you don’t give a fuck: Chris: It’s like anything else, it gets played out when there’s too much because your armpits smell like Haiti. I mean, that ain’t right. Forget of it. I think a lot of it has to do with The Chargers on what was per- that. Smelled like that bitch was on tour. ceived of as a Garage Rock label, so when we played out-of-town gigs we’d have a lot of garage rockers. Anyone who says they like a certain type of music, I find are really limited in what they like. Garage rockers have to have a Vox Ac-30, and you have to have the haircut, and all the right shit. It’s 2005 and they’re like, “That’s not a 1965 Fender? Oh, then you can’t play surf rock then!” Just that kind of purist attitude. Just like dudes who say, “That’s not punk!” because its not Crass. Bim: They started making money of the word “garage,” and now it’s the beginning of the end. The real people who fucking have garage rock records and love garage rock, and have been making good garage rock records over the last fifteen to twenty years: they’re still broke. Still paint- ing houses, still teaching school, still doing whatever the fuck they do, while these third wave motherfuckers step up and make a shitload of cheese. I ain’t playing with any of those guys because they’re gonna be gone in a week or two. A week from now, those motherfuckers will prob- ably all be gone, and shit, I’m just gonna keep doing what the fuck I do. Chris: A friend of mine would say, “I’ve never practiced in a garage, never played a show in a garage…” Bim: I’ve recorded in a shed. Mike: We did use a garage for a while. Chris: Oh yeah, that’s right. Oh fuck, I can’t say that any more. Buddy: It was really not a garage, though. It was a workshop. Ben: Workshop rock. Nice. Hey, speaking of wood, I noticed on your MySpace profile that you’re really into Telemundo. Chris: Yeah, I like Telemundo. The girls on there are of a higher caliber, and there’s this show, Tú y Yo, that I really like. It’s like a soap opera [sings the theme song]. Telemundo: it’s amazing. Me and Bim were both taking Spanish classes for a while, so I was watching it a lot. Ben: Do you guys party to excess? Are you into the sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll thing? Chris: We were at this after-party once and I was hungry, and there were these brownies, so I was like fuck it: mwaaarrgh-mrrar-mrraahh. Then I It is one of the most infamous murders in American history. In August 1955, a black teenager from Chicago named Emmett Till went to visit relatives in Mississippi.

An interview with documentary film maker Keith Beauchamp by Chris Pepus

A few days after he arrived, he bought gum at a store owned by a white man named Roy Bryant. Roy was out of town and his wife, Carolyn, was managing the shop in his absence. The exact details of the incident have long been disput- ed, but the fourteen-year-old Till somehow offended Mrs. Bryant. When Roy Bryant returned, he and his half-brother, J.W. Milam, planned savage retaliation. Armed and uttering threats, they took Emmett from his great-uncle’s home at 2 AM on August 28. Three days later, Till’s body was found in the nearby Tallahatchie River. His face was horribly bat- tered and there was a gaping hole in his head. When the body was returned to Chicago, Emmett’s mother, Mamie Till, held an open- casket funeral to let the public see what had happened to her son. Jet magazine published a photo of the victim’s mutilated face and Emmett Till became the symbol of count- less victims of lynching. Back in Mississippi, an all-white, all-male jury acquitted Milam and Bryant of murdering Till, even though they admitted kidnapping him. The case provoked international outrage and helped generate support for the civil rights movement. Soon after the trial, a white, southern reporter named William Bradford Huie inter- viewed Bryant and Milam. Protected from fur- ther prosecution by their acquittal, the two men proudly admitted murdering Till. “As long as I live and can do anything about it, niggers are gonna stay in their place,” Milam boasted to Illustrations by Keith Rosson the writer. Huie’s 1956 article on the case is controversial, partly because he paid the killers $4,000 to talk. Likewise, his claim that the two brothers had no what happened at the store that day for credit. But we were able accomplices was disputed at the time by black reporters like to identify the person who actually did it. James Hicks, who accused Mississippi officials of covering up Pepus: There have been many conflicting accounts of what the involvement of other perpetrators. Milam (who died in transpired between Emmett Till and Carolyn Bryant at the 1980) and Bryant (who died in 1994) remain the only ones ever store—that he wolf-whistled at her, that he said, “Bye, baby.” prosecuted for murdering Emmett Till. What really happened? Four decades after the crime, filmmaker Keith A. Beauchamp: Well, he did wolf-whistle. That was the reason Beauchamp began interviewing Till’s relatives and other wit- for the cousins running away from the store. I was able to inter- nesses. After finding evidence that implicated suspects who are view all the cousins who were at the store. From their accounts, still alive, he and Emmett’s mother pressured federal authori- Emmett Till went in the store. They (the other cousins) sent ties to re-open the case. Mamie Till-Mobley died in 2003, but Simeon Wright, who was the cousin who was actually in the the FBI and prosecutors in Mississippi announced a new inves- bed with Emmett Till on the night of the abduction—they sent tigation of Emmett Till’s murder in May 2004. In this interview, Keith Beauchamp talks about his upcoming documentary, The Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till. He describes what it was like for an African-American filmmak- er to investigate the Till case in Mississippi. He also explains what really happened at the store and discusses both the 1955 cover-up and the prospects for bringing the surviving killers to justice.

Chris Pepus: As you know, the standard account of the lynching of Emmett Till is an article that William B. Huie wrote for Look magazine after interviewing Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. How accurate is Huie’s story? Keith Beauchamp: Well, one of the things that we discovered since the case was re- opened was that William Bradford Huie didn’t only interview Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. He also interviewed three other men, but he wasn’t able to get the release forms for these three guys, and, therefore, only used Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. The account that he wrote is somewhat accurate. However, you have to keep in the context that there were three other men, and we don’t know how much of the story was told. I have been speak- ing with William Bradford Huie’s widow for a long period of time because I know he had written something down and didn’t actually publish it. I would say that you have to take his story with a grain of salt. Pepus: So how many people were involved in the murder? him in afterwards to make sure that Till didn’t say anything out Beauchamp: I was able to identify up to fourteen people who of line. There was no bragging. People have written that were involved in the kidnapping and murder of Emmett Till. Emmett Till bragged about having a white girlfriend, showing One of the men went back to Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam and a photograph of this white girl in his wallet to his cousins, and told them what transpired at the store. Carolyn Bryant did not that they dared him to go inside the store. That never happened. tell her husband what happened. It was a person by the name of That was put out in the media by people in the (white) com- Johnny B. Washington, no longer alive, who went into the store munity who were trying to blame the kids for what happened to and told Roy Bryant. Emmett Till. This was all controlled by the White Citizens’ Pepus: How did he know what happened? Councils (1) at that time. The photograph that was in Emmett’s Beauchamp: The news spread. Washington was seen ask- wallet was a photograph of Hedy Lamarr. ing people about the incident and the next day, he went into Pepus: The actress? the store and, for twenty-five cents store credit, he told what happened. (1) Known as the “upscale Ku Klux Klan,” the Citizens’ Councils coordinated Pepus: For twenty-five cents store credit? southern opposition to desegregation, and counted many leading southern politi- Beauchamp: Yes. Now, this guy was a black field hand. For so cians, landholders, and businessmen as members. Today, the Councils go under the name “Council of Conservative Citizens.” Senator Trent Lott (R., Miss.) main- long it’s always been said that it was Mose Wright’s (Till’s tained close ties to the group and wrote a column for its official newspaper while great-uncle) eldest son that told Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam he was majority leader of the U.S. Senate. However, he distanced himself from the organization following press coverage of the relationship in 1998. 45 Beauchamp: Yes, the actress. During that time—and even Beauchamp: Absolutely. That was fabricated by Carolyn today—if you buy a new wallet, they often have photographs Bryant. Emmett Till was stricken with polio at an early age, and that come in the wallet as a sample. Mrs. Till bought Emmett a a lot of things she claimed that he said—he wouldn’t have got- brand new wallet right before his trip. So as Emmett Till entered ten those words out. the store, the only female in the group of kids, Ruthie May Pepus: Regarding Carolyn Bryant, one suspect who’s still Crawford, was looking through the window. What she said that alive, there have been stories that she was with the other kid- nappers when they took Till from his great-uncle’s house, that she was the one who identified Till. Were you able to find out if that was true? Beauchamp: That was actually Carolyn Bryant. When I started meet- ing with the FBI, the first thing I told them was, “If you ever want to read the truth about this case, go back and look at the microfilms.” Court records were destroyed, so the only thing I could do was go back to the old newspaper articles. The Clarksdale Press (a Mississippi newspaper) covered the story exten- sively, and a number of articles talk specifically about Carolyn Bryant. There was a warrant out for her arrest in 1955. The sheriff went to arrest Roy Bryant and Carolyn Bryant. Carolyn wasn’t at the house that day and he just left her alone. I just recently looked at the Clarksdale Press newspaper and it talks about her being with the men the night of the abduction. Also, I have an eyewit- ness who says she was in the truck the night Till was taken from the house. Pepus: Could you sketch what hap- pened after they took Till out of his great-uncle’s house? Beauchamp: Well, after they took him out of the house, they took him to Drew, Mississippi, and that’s where the barn was located on Clint Sheridan’s plantation. That barn was managed by Leslie Milam, the broth- she saw was that Emmett Till asked for bubblegum, and Carolyn er of J.W. Milam. Of course, that’s where Willie Reed comes Bryant gave him the bubblegum, and Emmett got his change in. Willie Reed was a young black man living on the planta- and he put the money into her hand. I think that’s where the flag tion, and he was going to the store in the morning time. And went up. No one ever analyzed that. Till placed the money into he was walking along the gravel road, and the truck pulls in her hand, which means that he violated part of the southern code with J.W. Milam and Roy Bryant. He said there were white at that time. A black male was never supposed to touch a white men in the cab of the truck and black men on the back of the woman. So then, Simeon Wright went in to get Emmett. As he truck. The black men included Emmett Till. When Reed got went in, Emmett was already walking out the door of the store back (from the store), everybody was in the barn and all he and it just so happened that Mrs. Bryant was walking out behind could hear was screaming and crying. He talks about going him. She was enraged and ran to her car and got a gun, and that’s past the barn, hearing the screaming and crying, and he said he why the kids scattered and ran away. But when she came out of could hear Emmett yelling out his mom’s name, wanting his the store behind Emmett, Emmett turned around and wolf-whis- mom. The next thing he said was that he didn’t hear anything, tled. A wolf-whistle is a very distinctive whistle. He wolf-whis- that everything just went blank. And all of a sudden, he heard tled at Carolyn Bryant and that’s why the kids began to run a loud scream and that was it. Now, let me explain about the away, as well as the fact that she was already going towards her black men he saw on the back of the truck. The black men car to get a gun. But what I’m saying to you is that nothing tran- Reed saw were Leroy “Too Tight” Collins and, he says, Joe spired within the store, besides Emmett giving her the money. Willie Hubbard. Pepus: So your evidence contradicts Carolyn Bryant’s court- Pepus: Now, both these men worked for J.W. Milam, right? room testimony that Till grabbed her around the waist and Beauchamp: Yes, J.W. Milam and Roy Bryant. However, there propositioned her? was another black man involved in this equation and his name was Henry Lee Loggins, and he was seen on the back of the Beauchamp: Five of the fourteen people are still alive. There truck as well. are five people right now who could be charged for the kidnap- Pepus: So you have another witness placing Loggins there? ping and murder of Emmett Till. We all know about Henry Lee Beauchamp: Yes, I have a number of witnesses placing him Loggins and Carolyn Bryant. There are also three white men. there. Now, I’m going to fall back on the FBI records. Better Pepus: Can you talk about them? yet, I’m going to talk about James Hicks of the Baltimore Afro- Beauchamp: I can’t, because of the investigation. American newspaper. In 1955, during the trial, the NAACP— Pepus: Okay. Could you tell me how this case affected you Ruby Hurley, Amzie Moore, Dr. T.R.M. Howard, Medgar when you were growing up, and how did you decide to make Evers—and black journalists—Jimmy Hicks, Simeon Booker, this film? and Moses Newson—were involved in a secret investigation. Beauchamp: I grew up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I came They tried to locate the black men who were seen on the back across a photograph at the age of ten. I was looking in my par- of the truck. James Hicks was the first to come across the ents’ study and I found a copy of Jet magazine, and I saw this information that these men were actively involved in the kid- photograph of this little boy. And it just shocked me because I napping and murder. Too Tight Collins and Henry Lee Loggins was ten years old; Emmett was fourteen years old, and it was disappeared during the trial and both black and white reporters like a mirror image of myself: this young boy who was mur- were looking for them. It was said that H.C. Strider, the racist dered for whistling. I’ve always had that vision of Emmett sheriff, the fat one that everybody sees in the footage, he actu- Till’s corpse etched in my head. Then when I got to high ally put them in jail against their will so they would not testi- school, I was dating interracially, and the first thing my parents fy in court. One of the things said in 1955 was that if it could would often tell me was, “Keith, don’t let what happened to be proven that witnesses were taken against their will and put Emmett Till happen to you.” They didn’t say it to stop me from away so that they could not testify, the federal government dating interracially; they just wanted me to be aware of my sur- would have to intervene. I was never able to find out that it roundings. But two weeks before my high-school graduation, I was in fact true until I interviewed Henry Lee Loggins. No one was beaten up by an undercover police officer for dancing with had ever spoken to him after all these years, and he invited me a white girl. It was a wake-up call for me to understand that the to his house and I interviewed him. I had a lot of paperwork Deep South hasn’t changed that much when it comes to racial from the FBI files and correspondence by Jimmy Hicks that intermixing. I always tried to put myself in the position to make specifically talked about Henry Lee Loggins and his involve- sure that these things never happened again. When I had an ment. When I interviewed Loggins, he denied everything. The opportunity to work on my first feature, the first thing I ever first question I asked him—because he was J.W. Milam’s thought about writing was something about Emmett Till. It right-hand man for a long period of time—I asked him, “What actually started off as research material for me to develop a was your relationship with J.W. Milam? Did you like him?” screenplay. As soon as I got to Mississippi, I realized the case He was telling me, “Yes, I liked him very much. He never did was a lot larger than I’d thought it was. I was coming across me any wrong.” But, in the middle of our conversation, we eyewitnesses who had never spoken publicly before, and I real- started talking about his disappearance during the trial. So he ized that I was not taking interviews. I was taking depositions. explains that at the time of the arrest of J.W. Milam, J.W. went So I wanted to put together a project that would expose this to him and told him that he could have scrap iron that was information enough to get the case re-opened, and documen- behind his home to sell, because he didn’t know if he was taries are the way. I remembered Spike Lee did that with his going to come back home or if he was going to jail. So film Four Little Girls. (2) Loggins took the scrap iron, and he said that a few days later, Pepus: Has it been tough to decide what evidence to put in the the sheriff and J.W. Milam walked up to him and J.W. pointed film and what to leave out? How have you drawn the line his finger at him and said, “You stole my iron.” So the sheriff between being a filmmaker and being someone investigating a put him in jail for six months. criminal case? Pepus: This was Sheriff Strider? Beauchamp: I have to put my filmmaker career aside. Of Beauchamp: This was Strider. This was right before the Till course, I was always fascinated about becoming a filmmaker, trial. But Loggins said yes, he was put in jail because of what but I was willing to put the documentary aside just to get all the they said he knew about the murder, and he kept saying, “I did- evidence to the (US) Department of Justice. It has never been n’t know anything about the murder.” I said, “But you just told about the film; it was about finding the right information to get me that J.W. Milam was a good man.” In the film, he stumbles the case re-opened. One of the things I did before Mrs. and contradicts himself completely. He goes into the full story Mobley’s passing, I promised her that I would do everything in of what happened. He acts out all the scenes, tells you the loca- my power to get this case re-opened, even if I had to hold my tions where Emmett Till was taken. So I don’t believe that he film back. I’ve had the film since forever. I had my first screen- doesn’t know. It’s not my place to convict; I just wanted to get ing of the film in 2002. the opportunity to speak to him. Pepus: Could you talk a little about what it was like work- Pepus: Some other aspects of the Huie story are that Till never ing on this project with Emmett’s mother, the late Mamie realized how much danger he was in until it was too late, and Till-Mobley? that he was very defiant. Did you find out anything about that? Beauchamp: Well, I don’t like talking about it, because it Beauchamp: I believe that Emmett was possibly in shock, still hurts. I worked with her until she passed away (in 2003). man. I believe that he was in shock to see that some of his own kind would be participating in the murder. I don’t know; I was- (2) Four Little Girls is Spike Lee’s 1997 documentary about the 1963 bombing n’t in there, but I believe they took turns beating him and they of Birmingham, Alabama’s Sixteenth Street Baptist Church, in which four young black girls were killed and 20 other churchgoers were injured. In 2001, an forced the black men to beat him as well. That’s something that Alabama court convicted one of the perpetrators of murder for his role in the we’re still trying to figure out. attack on the church, and another of the bombers was convicted in 2002. Both Pepus: So how many of the killers are still alive? men received life sentences. Many observers credit Lee’s film with reviving interest the case. 47 I was on the phone with her an hour before her passing. Pepus: When Emmett Till’s body was exhumed recently (June 2005), there was a report that Mrs. Till-Mobley had been opposed to exhumation. Is that report true? Beauchamp: She had never been opposed. Mrs. Mobley kept saying that she wanted an exhumation done. No autopsy was ever per- formed. Mrs. Mobley gave me the death cer- tificate and it was incomplete. The reason given for losing the trial in 1955 was that the prosecution could not prove that the body that was pulled from the Tallahatchie River was in fact Emmett Till. Even though we know that Mrs. Mobley knows her son and that she tes- tified identifying him—even though we believe her—the cloud that has been hovering over this case for so long is that that body is not Emmett Till. We had to make sure that was established, and the other thing is that we believe there is forensic evidence that will link others to the crime. I asked the family of Medgar Evers (3) to come out and speak about this. Charles Evers is a good friend of mine and he showed the importance of it. But the people who are coming out now, Bertha (Thomas), a distant relative of Mrs. Mobley—it was an attack on me. She came out and said, “I refuse to let Mr. Beauchamp or anybody else use Mamie or Emmett for their own agendas,” or something to that extent. It wasn’t said to me last year when I got the case re-opened. But Jesse Jackson jumped on her bandwagon without talking to other family members. He comes out and denounces the federal government—that they’re grandstanding; they’re using Emmett Till as a trophy. And I was furious. He had many opportunities to get involved. I contact- ed Jesse Jackson at the beginning stages of this project. I asked his assistance. He was too busy. I had Mrs. night. We went by her house, and as soon as we got out of the Mobley call him and ask him to help. He was too busy. All of car, we walked towards her home and it was pitch dark, that a sudden, he’s jumping in now and trying to attack the federal Mississippi darkness. I heard this loud scream. It was Ruthie government without knowing the situation. He’s been totally Mae running out to me, telling me that I’m going to get her out of the loop killed by bringing all these people to her house. So we had to Pepus: Going back to when you were making the film, you shoot her in silhouette and she’s just screaming and panicking. must have been concerned for your safety. Did you ever So I’m shaking now; she’s shaking; we all are shaking. That’s believe that you were in imminent danger in Mississippi? just the way she reacted. She really felt her life was in danger. Beauchamp: I never feared anything, because no one knew I Pepus: Do you believe there will be indictments in this case? was shooting. I would travel to Mississippi by myself. Well, Beauchamp: I hope. I did all I could do to get the right evi- there was one time I was scared. It was when I interviewed dence to the FBI and they’ve been doing a great job. I cannot Ruthie Mae Crawford, the only female who was at the store. complain about the team of people they’ve got working on it. She was just panicking. I went to her house and I did have two The special agent and I talk all the time. We have some very of my friends travel with me that day—and a cameraman. sincere agents working on the case and we’re talking about Most of the footage was shot by myself because no one would white agents as well. I believe that there’s enough evidence, trust anybody but me. But I had a cameraman with me that and I’m still finding new eyewitnesses. So, yes, I would say I’m confident that indictments will take place.

(3) As Mississippi field secretary for the NAACP, Medgar Evers investigated not only the Till case but many lynchings and acts of racial violence throughout The Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till Mississippi. He was assassinated in 1963 by Byron de la Beckwith, but is slated for general distribution this October. Beckwith was freed after two 1964 trials ended in hung juries. In 1991, Mississippi prosecutors ordered Evers’s body exhumed and a new autopsy per- formed in preparation for Beckwith’s third trial, which resulted in a conviction and life sentence in 1994. 49 Interview by Todd Taylor Photos by Bryan Wynacht It’s rare that a band I truly like, Tom: I lived in Naples when I was twelve. them—which they had patience for because both musically and as people, gets big. My parents divorced and we moved over from they liked me and they weren’t really that Naples, Italy to Naples, Florida. great anyway. Then our friend Zach started Big, like you can tell a relative, whose job is Todd: How did that happen? playing bass, which he couldn’t really do par- designing storm drains the band’s name Tom: My grandma used to live in Cincinnati ticularly well. It was just a lot of fun, so we and there’ll be a glimmer of recognition. I’m and when she retired, she moved down to just started doing it weekly, or a couple times talking about far beyond punks, activists, Naples, for the weather and everything, golf- a week. We all sucked equally as bad, pretty hipsters, zinesters, and the record industry ing. When my parents divorced, me and my much. I was probably the weak link of the into the world at large. And Against Me! is brother went with my mom and moved in band, if you want to get technical, but we just on that bubble. The whole thing’s just wait- with her. But before Naples, Italy, I lived in took a lot of time with it and were patient. ing to explode, or implode—to react to Texas, and before that I lived in Cincinnati, That was probably six months of being in that incredible and powerful forces that most of and before that, I lived in Pennsylvania, and I band was my foundation and I got my own the population can only guess at. was born in Georgia. drum set instead of just using Melissa’s after All of this wouldn’t mean shit if their Todd: A lot of shifting around. three months. music wasn’t good. If you’re looking for Tom: Yeah. I think moving around that much, Todd: Was that Lambda Lambda Lambda? purely popular bands—bands that are born and some of the other places that I lived, Warren: That was. and die without ever playing a basement, specifically living in Italy, had a lot more of Todd: Switching gears altogether, what was without ever touring in a highly suspect an effect upon me as a person. Definitely liv- first positive sexual encounter you had? van—you’ve picked up the wrong zine. One ing in Naples has affected me. Tom: I think it’s seventh grade. I dated the thing I do know is that their music continues Todd: Warren, where did you grow up and girl for maybe four months. That was when I to be incredible. I can’t think of another band how did that form you? first felt comfortable, nothing awkward. that can pull can so heavily from music’s Warren: I was born in Gainesville. My par- Todd: What was special about it? long tradition (folk, blues, rock, punk) while ents got divorced when I was two. My mom, Tom: I don’t know, it just felt all right. It felt making it startling, new, and vital without my sister, and I moved to Bradenton and then natural. With her, I felt adequate. I felt com- betraying its roots. Tom has a voice that’s a Sarasota, Florida. I’d spend summers some- fortable with the person I was with and I think clarion call; no matter how fast the band’s times with my dad in Gainesville. I think we were pretty much on the same page. There going, you can still pick out the words. Sarasota was a good place to grow up. There was nothing wrong about it. It was good. Warren’s drumming can make any line wasn’t a lot of competition for setting up Todd: Warren? sound like an anthem. Andrew’s bass can be shows or being in bands because as soon as Warren: Actually, I had a couple of awkward as subtle and helpful as a well-placed ladder people got out of high school, they got out of sexual encounters around thirteen or fourteen, in a song, or a hairy, saddled beast that leads Sarasota. It was high school or middle school like makin’ out at a Green Day concert. I the charge into a verse. James’s guitar can kids in bands and setting up shows or organ- remember one instance of a girl who I was brick-up a song so tight and close, then blast izing events. So, there was a lot of access to dating. She was getting frustrated because she it into a to a wide-open vista. get the training wheels of how to do this. And couldn’t satisfy me, couldn’t make me ejacu- Much to the chagrin of early-on fans, there were people who were willing to go out late, and so she just asked me to masturbate they’re far from guilty of making same and watch bands of young kids play. I think if and she wanted to watch. I remember being record time and time again. They tour like it would’ve been a lot more of a presence of fourteen years old, and being like, “Man, this maniacs. They live on the road eight to nine kids like college-aged, people in their twen- is really weird.” It was a level of vulnerabili- months of the year, have survived off of t- ties playing in bands and setting up shows, ty that I remember specifically that would not shirt sales, and treat the people who helped there wouldn’t have been that same access for be the first positive sexual encounter. them on the way up incredibly well. They’ve somebody who’s sixteen to get involved. I’m Although, I think that was a good stepping given the band everything they have. They’ve really glad that I lived there while I did and stone, because I think it came pretty soon paid in full. got out when I did. thereafter. I had a period of sexual liberation Todd: How did you get interested in where I read a lot about non-monogamy. I was Todd: What was one piece of advice your drumming? just like, “Oh man, I don’t need to date this parents gave you as a kid that you really took Warren: Two of my best friends, both named one person. I can just hook up with my to heart and you still use? Eric, both played guitar and wanted to start a friends.” That sort of mindset was floating Warren: It’s more of a general rule of thumb, band, but didn’t know each other at all. I knew around so I had a little window of opportuni- but I remember that whenever I’d get upset that they would like each other, so I scheduled ty where I was freely hooking up with my about what my friends were doing or choices a time for them to meet. I was like, “I’ll come friends and it wasn’t really a high pressure that they were making and my mom would along so the two of you could get together and scenario and it was okay to laugh in the mid- tell me that the only person whose actions I just rock out together.” So I went and the two dle of some intimate… it didn’t have to be a could control were my own and so that was Erics were hanging out, playing guitar togeth- scene from a movie. That was a very impor- the only way that I could find a solution to any er. We went into the garage of my friend Eric tant and enjoyable period of my life. problem that I had was through my actions Mann, whose house we were at. His little sis- Todd: Where do your manners come from? and I shouldn’t worry about bad choices or ter had a brief flirtation with ska and pop punk How important are manners to you? good choices that other people are making. and had her parents buy a drum set. So, we Tom: I’d say my mom raised me well. Good rule of thumb. Then, my stepmom, I were in the garage and there’s this drum set Todd: But why do you still do it? Is it impor- have to give her credit for one as well. She sitting over in the corner. They’re trying to tant, or is it ingrained in you and you don’t always said, “Don’t shoot no skinny rabbits.” play guitar parts together, like Cure songs or even think about it? Which, basically, means pick your battles. whatever they were doing, and I was like, “I Tom: I definitely recognize it, especially That one stuck with me as well. wanna play drums.” I just sat down and was being in a band and traveling with a group Todd: Tom, how much did growing up in trying to keep time and just play along with of people where you’re in really close quar- Naples effect you as a kid?

51 ters and whatever you do affects someone now. Two of them are getting ready to move Tom: Right now I have with me: three pairs else. And everyone else has an effect on me. away, so it’s definitely going to be the next of pants, probably about fifteen shirts—just I do it out of… if you show me the same chapter after this set of tours. Going back is black t-shirts, two nice dress shirts, probably consideration. going to be like it’s a new city again. twenty pairs of boxers, twenty pairs of socks, Warren: I think that the foundation would Tom: I feel that it’s also harder for me and I also have six pairs of shoes with me. definitely be my mom and how I was raised. because I feel more and more disconnected Todd: Why so many shoes? The environment around my house was defi- from people in general from being on tour all Tom: I like shoes. nitely basic politeness and consideration. I of the time. When you go home, I come back Warren: I’ve got probably five pairs of pants, think that was reinforced by having some less and the last thing that I want to do is talk two pairs of shorts, probably about a dozen than ideal living circumstances of people not about my band or just what happened on tour. socks and boxers, a bunch of black t-shirts. respecting my boundaries and having really Then you find that when you go out, that’s all Todd: Have you ever run out of t-shirts and chaotic living situations where things were that they know about you anymore—is that dipped into your own merchandise? really messy and toes were getting stepped on you’re this guy and you’re in a band. And Warren: Yeah, and the band that you’re on and just being really frustrated by that. I think that’s all they want to ask you about. I get tour with. It’s almost a nightly thing where that manners are a way of asserting order in really frustrated feeling like that’s all that I am you play a show. You come off, you’re my life—in an often chaotic lifestyle—if and that’s all people ask me about. sweaty, you walk over to the merch table. there’s that default setting that everyone’s Warren: You don’t have any context as to “Can I get a shirt?” I’m always taking notes operating off of in this framework of general what’s been going on in Gainesville… when we tour with other bands—What do consideration. I think that being polite is pret- Tom: I have no idea what to talk to you about they do about food? What do they do with ty political in a certain way. In an ideal world, either. People ask, “What have you been up their sweaty clothes after they’re done play- everyone would be considerate to other peo- to?” And I’m at a loss most of the time about ing? And seeing some bands have the rock ple around them. I think it comes down to a what to say because I’ve been on tour. I’ve uniform—a set of clothes that they wear when pretty basic, day-to-day execution of that. been playing shows. they play and take off when they’re done Todd: You guys are considered a Gainesville Warren: A lot of things that are really inter- which just gets stinkier and stinkier. band, but you get to a certain level where esting when they happen, and they’re really Tom: Which makes sense—Andrew started you’re touring eight to nine months out of the fun and intense. Like, “We played this show playing in a shirt that he only plays in. year. Do you ever feel like disconnected from and it was awesome.” I know how awesome it Warren: It keeps it from infecting your entire Gainesville to the point where you are a band was and I have the memory there. If I recount clean clothes supply. I haven’t been able to of the highway system now? Do you feel a it, it’s just like… adopt any sort of consistency with that because sense of loss or displacement? Todd: “We played this show…” it’s weird for me to be that regimented. Tom: I feel completely disconnected from Tom: And then you start to feel like that band Tom: It’s always interesting at the end of a Gainesville most of the time, and especially dude who’s just talking about your band and tour… we have a laundry basket in the trailer because of the nature of Gainesville. When you feel like an asshole. and it’s just filled with all of these sweaty we go back there after this Europe tour, Todd: Do you think it’s a little bit different shirts that no one claims. there’s going to be x amount of people who for Andrew because he’s married, that he has Warren: Every single one of them is turned have moved away and x amount of new peo- more of a direct connection there? inside out. ple who have moved in. Each year, it totally Tom: He just bought a house, too. So, he’s Todd: It made an impression on me when I reinvents itself as a city. We were home a cou- coming home to his house, that he owns, and saw some Ramones video when I was a kid ple of months ago for the longest we’ve been to his wife. I’d imagine that it is more so. Me and Dee Dee comes off stage and he takes his home in a while, and you go to shows and you and Warren are here right here now and shirt off, takes his jacket off, and he has an look around and I don’t know anybody here Andrew and James have flown home because identical shirt and jacket and puts the clean anymore. I don’t know what’s happening, and they have a partner who’s there waiting for ones right back on. I feel completely disconnected from every- them. Technically, I have no other reason to go Tom: I get to a point where I get a rash on my thing that’s going on. There are certain people back there other than that I have stuff there. chest from wearing a shirt for too long. who have been around and who I still consid- Todd: If you could get any historical figure, Warren: Yeah, if I don’t change it, I totally er friends and everything, but it’s also weird past or present, who would you want to be the get a rash. because I rent. I don’t consider any place my next President of the United States? Todd: As a band, have any of you vetoed one real home for a long period of time. Warren: The first thing that pops into my another’s wardrobe before going on stage? Warren: I’d say our license plate number is head was Mark Twain. I think at this point, Tom: It’s never been a fight type of situa- more of an address… I feel a pretty strong history has given him a good name, so he def- tion, but I’m of the opinion that bands thread to Gainesville; I feel a good connection initely would have that going for—that should not play in shorts, and I’ve made that there. It’s definitely easy for me to shift gears there’s a real positive association everybody opinion known. as far as when we’re traveling a lot, I’m in has with him. He’s a really good populist, so Todd: That’s cruel to a drummer. travel mode. I’m not calling home every day: that even if he was talking about really radical Tom: If Warren wanted to play in shorts, then “What’s going on now? What did I miss?” I concepts, he’d have a way of telling a little I wouldn’t have any problem with that. don’t feel like I need that constant narrative of anecdote or funny story then the moral of the Todd: Why can’t you play in shorts? what’s happening in Gainesville without me, story would be socialized healthcare. Tom: Something about it aesthetically to me. but when we’re there, I definitely shift into Todd: War is bad… It doesn’t come across as serious if you’re domestic mode and I have some really good Warren: Something radical, well in the con- playing in shorts. friends there who are mostly from other text of right now, the political situation, would Warren: If I ever wear a shirt with a logo places, but are calling Gainesville home now. be radical, but I think that he could dumb it when I’m playing, I’m pretty conscious that My housemates are some of my oldest down pretty well and get the votes. that’s kind of an advertisement and an asso- friends, people who I grew up with. We’re all Todd: Pragmatically, how many changes of ciation. People would be like, “Oh the- living in a house together in Gainesville right clothes do you take on tour? drummer was wearing a whatever band t- 52 When you have an instrument in your hands...

shirt. I guess he really likes that band.” Todd: You’re endorsing them. Warren: Right. Ideally, I like the clean slate of flat colors and not having anything endorsed. If I do wear a shirt, it’s usually somebody from a band who I know or some- thing pretty intentional. It’s something that I can fully endorse and get behind. Tom: As a band, we’re pretty much all on the same page with that, but it’s been a more and more gradual thing where everyone’s like, “Let’s play in shirts that don’t have anything on them. Let’s not be billboards. Let’s all wear black because it looks better as a presenta- tion.” A uniform type thing on stage—some- thing about it aesthetically—I like. Todd: Warren, you said that your mom would sit down and listen to music that you’d stuff to starting Against Me! as an acoustic Todd: I think it’s very important for people to listen to when you were growing up. What one-man band? With Crass, there’s a lot of see this point: you can be influenced by some- were some surprising things that she actually turmoil. There’s a lot going on—very chaot- body and be really engaged with somebody, approved of? ic—as opposed to the very early stuff, like but the idea is not to copy them. Warren: For the most part, I wouldn’t say your demos, are nowhere near that. Tom: That’s the thing when saying those that it was too surprising. Violent Femmes Tom: I think me and Kevin at the time defi- bands were influential to me. I mean, politi- she would get into. I’d be listening to some- nitely took from that time… cally, their ideas and ideals are what I really thing with screaming and a lot of noise and Todd: Who’s Kevin? took from. I enjoy their music as well, but she’d be like, “Why don’t you put on that Tom: The original drummer, percussion- what I thought was so special about them, and ‘Waitin’ for the bus’ band?” She found it a lot ist. What we took from that was the over- so great, was the attitudes and the way that easier to get into Soul Asylum and Pearl Jam all attitude of it was almost hippie-ish and they did things. than when I got into hardcore and stuff that very minimalist. It’s like we’re a collective Todd: I think they also paid a lot of detail and was more rough around the edges. I still try to in a sense. And that’s what we got from it. intention to their aesthetic, especially visual send things her way that I think she would get We also got into bands like the Apostles aesthetic. They were very thorough in how into like the Postal Service, things that you’re and they had a very stripped-down sound they presented themselves and how almost like, “Oh, this is pleasant.” A lot of times, the and it was as natural as possible. It seemed what they didn’t show was as important as things that I think are kind of boring and I’m almost a direct rebellion against the what they did show. like, “Oh my mom might like this; it’s kind of leather jackets, spikes, and mohawks. We Tom: Yeah, totally. Crass in particular had boring.” Then she’ll listen to it and be all, only had x amount of things. It wasn’t like, Gee who was in the band, but didn’t even play “It’s kind of boring.” She likes stuff that’s “Well, we could use our electric guitars,” an instrument. just a little rough around the edges. She still or “We could go this way.” It was, “This is Todd: Which is huge. likes the Violent Femmes. what we have, so this is what we’ll use. Tom: Which I really liked too. Todd: Tom, you cite Crass, Omega Tribe, And aesthetically, too—let’s just go for Todd: Visual propaganda: you’re just propa- and a lot of early peace punk as being very that. Let’s just make it very minimalist and gating this idea so that if someone looks at influential to you. How do you get from that very natural.” that record, they know instantly. Tom: And you’re still in the band. It’s not just Todd: Can you give us just a little bit of a run- sage with his message below it. He didn’t about who’s playing. It’s a collective. down on that? remember what he wrote. He thought that I Todd: Do you really know how to break- Tom: It was Halloween, so that is where the was writing that I wanted the rights to the dance? vagina costume comes from. We were playing interview. So, he writes back this threatening Tom: No. at this place called the Trashateria in Guelph. email like, “You little son-of-a-bitch. That Warren: They might have been talking After the show, the promoter was like, “Hey was the most stock interview I’ve ever done. about me. do you want to hang out and party? I’m Lamest questions ever. You think you can tell Todd: Oh really? You can? DJing; it’ll be a dance party. It’ll be fun.” So, me you own that interview?” Just totally Warren: I was engaged in a dance-off in we hung out. He was just spinning horrible went off on me. I wrote back and I was like, Vegas. music. It was a good song here and a horrible “Mr. Seale, I think there’s a misunderstand- Todd: At the Punk Rock Bowling song there. I went into the DJ booth at one ing. That was your message to me.” And he Tournament? point—it was the promoter who was spin- wrote back a really simple “I’m getting too Warren: I won. I mean, that might be up for ning—and I was like, “This music sucks. You old for this.” some debate, but in my mind, I won. should put on something good that everyone Todd: Did he apologize? Todd: What’s the most fun you’ve ever had can dance to. Put on Outkast.” He was like, Tom: Yeah, he apologized. It was very weird while in jail? “Nah, I’m going to put on this,” and held up a though. That was probably the most signifi- Tom: I think the first time I was in jail was a White Zombie CD. There was another guy cant thing that I did with that magazine. The horrible experience and I realized just how who was in the booth who said, “Outkast is rest was horrible. helpless I was. I was so frustrated by the cir- fucking gay.” So then I got into an argument Todd: It’s carried at the CMC (community cumstances that I was put in jail and it was a with him, very drunkenly, over a) Outkast was center in Gainesville) still; isn’t it? life-changing experience, but horrible at the a really good band and b) I thought his state- Tom: They still have it there. I think the only same time. But, the last time I was in jail, it ment was fucked up. At some point during the two noteworthy things I did with that maga- was a complete surrender to the absurdity of conversation, he slapped me. So I was, “What zine were interviewing Bobby Seale and I did the situation. It’s like, “Godfuckingdamnit. the fuck?” I slapped him back. Then he turns a pretty extensive interview with this guy What can I do? Sit back, and when I get out, I around and starts to walk away and I followed named Jimmy Dennis who was a death row get out. This fucking sucks.” If you can have him and was slapping him in the back of the prisoner in Pennsylvania. fun, that’s as close as I’ve come to it. head like, “Hey! What the fuck man? Todd: Does your merchandise take up more Todd: What was so absurd about it? Where’re you going?” I guess he worked in room than your instruments when you go Tom: I got charged with resisting arrest with- the club and was just going to get security. on tour? out violence and obstruction of justice. I went Once he got the security, they grabbed me and Tom: Depends on how long of a tour, but it’s to pick up a friend who was at a 7-11. I pulled threw me outside. We were on tour with The definitely getting to a point where, yeah. up in my car and there were some people Saint Catherines at the time and then every- Todd: Do you get most of your money on hanging out at the 7-11 too. Popped the trunk one got involved in the fight. And it ended up tour from selling t-shirts and merchandise? because he wanted to throw some things in it, being a huge fucking street fight out in front Tom: Completely. That’s where we get all of and all of a sudden the cop cars pulled up of the club. the money from touring. It’s mainly a neces- behind me and I couldn’t really see what was Todd: So who was the guy that had the vagi- sity. In order to support ourselves on the going on. Got out after a couple of seconds, na costume? road, as well as support ourselves when walked over to the first cop I saw and was Tom: He was just a random dude who was in we’re not on the road, you have to sell t- like, “What’s going on here?” and he’s like, the fight. shirts, unfortunately. “You. Down on the ground now.” I’m like, Warren: I think he works at the club. He was Todd: Well, it’s one of those things where I “I’m not with these people. I just…” and he’s definitely involved. He was pissed. He took it don’t like wearing things that say Razorcake like, “Down on the ground now or you’re as a personal vendetta. because I don’t want to be the Razorcake going to jail.” And I tried to explain myself Todd: Tom, how many issues of Misanthrope dude having a hat and everything. But you’re once more and he threw me in handcuffs and did you do? proud of it, and you can understand other peo- took me to jail. It was such a quick thing and Tom: I did eight. No, nine. ple want to do that too. it was so dumb. What can I do? I didn’t do Todd: You interviewed Bobby Seale? Warren: I don’t have any illusions. I think anything. I didn’t resist. Tom: Yeah, I did. that people are going to want to wear a shirt to Warren: It’s the kind of situation that makes Todd: How did that come about? represent the fact that they like the music that you want to wear a three-piece suit every- Tom: They have a website. I emailed him. It we make. And that’s awesome. I would defi- where you go. That shit does not happen to was one of those things, searching the web for nitely prefer to have some control over… I’d people wearing suits. websites. At the time, I was reading books like to make shirts that look good instead of it Todd: Did James end up hitting a guy in a about the Black Panther Party and ended up just being bootlegs that don’t look good. vagina costume? checking out his website and sending him an Todd: And your friends screen them? Tom: I think he did hit him. We all hit him a email. The funny thing was that he ended up Tom: We go through Cinder Block, but we couple of times. And got hit by him. threatening to sue me at the end of the whole have friends who make the designs. Todd: Was his head the labia? Or the clitoris? ordeal because I interviewed him. The inter- Todd: Do you design girly ones? Tom: His head was the actual vagina. Which view was great, when he sent me the inter- Tom: Yeah, I used to design the girly ones. Me is one of the most absurd visual images I view, he send me an email that said, “Just so or Jordan. It’s also one of those things where have: having someone come down on you you know, I own the rights to this interview. originally when I started doing this, I had an with a vagina on their head. You can print it in your magazine, but you attitude of, “Fuck that. We’re not going to have Todd: If that had happened when you were can’t reprint it without my permission.” I shirts. We’re not going to have anything like ten, you’d be fucked. replied to him that that was fine, I understand. that.” It was just one of those things that you Tom: That happened when we were in But, when I replied, I didn’t erase his previous realize… the first two tours that we did, we did Canada. message. So, when he got it, it was my mes- not have any t-shirts. We only had whatever 54 You can either become a weenie...

music we had. Then after a while, you’re like, “We need to sell shirts to make money.” Todd: “I’m making a condiment cracker sandwich and these people are asking for something that they really want.” Tom: At this point, we’ve made x amount of shirt designs, so there’s no real turning back. Todd: What is the biggest struggle the band is facing today? I’m going to give a quote from Tom: “I hope I never get comfortable. I hope it’s always a struggle.” Tom: I think we’re at a weird point right now. Right at this very second, there might not be an immediate struggle. Like our van’s broken down, but that’ll be fixed tomorrow and we’re going to be able to pay for it—it’s under war- ranty. We’re kind of at a weird point that when this record comes out, this could go one way or the other. We’re at this point, and a lot of what this record is about for me is, “What are we as a band? What are you choosing to embrace? Which direction are you going in?” and that’s where we’re at. People could like this record, or they could not like this record, and that’ll actually make a difference whether or not people like it. Unfortunately. Todd: Warren? Warren: I feel like musicians, or travelling, touring musicians, kind of end up in this dis- connected no-man’s land limbo. You’re always traveling. You’re always moving. As long as everything makes sense, as long as you’re mov- ing and checking things off of your to-do list, it’s really easy… I just think of, as an extreme example, the Metallica movie, Some Kind of a Monster. Watching that and just realizing that these guys just have no connection with what it means to be a band. They have no perspective on what’s a good song versus a bad song. They’re just kind of floating out there. They’re just these guys that started out—you can imag- ine a feisty young Metallica. They’ve got all of these ideas and they have this identity. Todd: They’re also like a crew, too. They’re and say, “Sure we can play some songs, but I’ve ever heard anybody say that humility in working together. what kind of songs should we play? Sure we and of itself is success. How do you come to Warren: They’re all really connected and could write a record, but what kind of record.” those conclusions? How do you say that suc- they’re kind of a conduit. These ideas are just And they don’t have any perspective or qual- cess is not units sold? Success is not how flowing through them. They’re producing ity control. At this point, anything that they many people listen to us. You can say that good songs pretty consistently. Then they say, there’s going to be people ready to listen. when no one’s listening and no one cares, but have the luxury of growing further and further Appropriately enough, they don’t have any- how can you stay with that idea? apart, and they have the luxury of spending thing to say. Tom: I don’t know. To me, success right now less and less time together. Now, they’re just Todd: You’re in a position where a lot of peo- is stability and being able to continue on as a these rich guys who come and sit in a room ple will listen to what you say. I don’t think band and just realizing how long life is, in the- ory. What are you going to keep doing? You the beast.” You want to come and work for me kind of have to take it as that. for sixty hours a week? That’d be awesome. Warren: It’s interesting—very specific to us Tom: That’s something that I’ve tried to clar- as a band—that a lot of things that people, at ify more and be more vocal about. We’re a least on paper, would say that they like about band, and we want to play shows, and we us, or if they’re pinned down, historically want to record records, and we want people to have been the choices that we’ve made: how hear them. we’ve gone about touring or how we’ve gone Todd: The other side of that is that there has about distributing our music and that it’s to be a sustainable yield. People don’t under- been something that they could get behind. stand that. For you to do this at full speed, it The way that we were doing it and not even has to pay you. Your van breaks down; you so much what we were doing. I’m, personal- but not in a have to pay for the van. You have to pay for ly, right now more interested in people—the gas. It’s awful that the whole petroleum mechanisms of distributing music are flawed negative way. industry is fucked up, but you have to get to at any level—but I’m interested in people the next show. seeing merit and finding value and finding Tom: The thing that I think is really fucked is meaning with the music itself regardless of when people play the anarchist card. They’ll what label it’s associated with or how it’s dis- now all of those mechanisms are so transpar- be like, “Well, you’re an anarchist and then tributed. I think a lot of people who have his- ent and everybody’s so aware of who has a you’re doing things this way.” I’m an anar- torically been into the band are people who manager and who’s booking whose tour and chist, but we live in a capitalistic society. are politically conscious and can’t separate everybody’s real aware of all of those things Ideally, yes because I’m an artist, because the mechanics from the music or the distribu- that it’s hard to look past them. It seems that’s what I want to do with my life and that’s tion from the songs. It’s a transition point sometimes that any current band is just torn the way I feel, and I also happen to be an anar- right now. apart. There’s no band that seems to escape chist politically. In an ideal world, everyone’s Todd: Why do you think that people think that sort of criticism. profession or whatever they do with their life that punk rock needs saving and you guys Tom: I think with punk rock—the reason why would be valued equally: as an artist you’d be are the savior? Often, you guys have liter- someone would say a statement like that—I as valuable as a doctor, but you’re in a capi- ally been called a messiah or punk rock’s could kind of understand would be that talist society where you kind of have to fight last hope. maybe the feeling when punk rock started or for your piece of the pie. No one else is look- Tom: Yeah, it weirds me out. the bands were a threat, and they were going ing out for you. Todd: I don’t want to put anything in your to change things. That this band was so good Warren: We’re not going to get a grant from mouth, but I don’t think that punk rock needs and they were working for something and this the government to keep on playing. it. I don’t think anybody can save punk rock. thing was going to happen. I don’t know what Todd: Completely hypothetical: what if a It’s not an anybody thing; it’s either going to that thing was, but it was going to happen. major label said, “Name your two favorite be or it’s not going to be. And then this is after the thing happened, and people and we will set them up for life. They Tom: I’m very wary of someone saying now it’s just punk bands are just going to keep can quit their jobs tomorrow. They’ll be com- something like that. A statement like that just coming and going. That’s not really any kind pletely set for life.” Would you trade a con- means eventual persecution for failing them. of a threat to anything. That’s generally just tract for that? Todd: You know what happens to messiahs. the way it is. There’ll be new bands and Tom: If it was enough cash to set up and guar- Tom: Exactly. That’s where that’s headed. there’ll be old bands and it’ll just continue on antee that my mom was totally cool for the It’ll be a let-down. as opposed to reaching this point of critical rest of her life and all it meant was that I Todd: Why do you think people put so much mass where everything just explodes and would have zero credibility in the punk value into that? Have you ever done some- everything is different afterwards. scene—where I’d basically be a joke—I’d thing similar to somebody else, or another Todd: What’s some of the most baffling sign in a heartbeat. band, or someone who you really admire? rationale people have given you for sell- Todd: Really? Warren: I never had a specific band, or musi- ing out? Tom: Yeah. cian, or… I guess besides Nirvana. I think a Tom: I think what the majority of people Todd: Awesome. Warren? lot of it might have been on the timing of his base it on is a.) the venues you play at or b.) Warren: I think it’s hard for me to work in death, making it this instant mythology. But, I the record label that you’re on. I find both of theoreticals. I feel like I can’t even hypothe- feel like there’s definitely, with music, the them a lot of the time really baffling because size about a theoretical situation because I’ve nostalgia comes into play. People look back they’re calling you a sellout for reasons that proven myself wrong so many times in my on bands and they say, “Now this band, they you never even had a conversation about. I life already. were great. They had no awareness of never said I didn’t want to do this. With the Todd: On the converse of that, you guys met whether their songs were going to do any- venue thing, or the label thing, I never said FRAN (Florida Radical Activist Network). thing for anybody, but they couldn’t help that I wanted to keep it a secret. I never said You start off doing Food Not Bombs and you themselves but write these songs and play this I only wanted to sell this amount of records start helping out the community. You’re in a way.” And it becomes, in hindsight, there’s or play at a venue that only holds x amount band and you’re moving around, you become this innocence to it, unpolluted. These bands of people. displaced. You can’t do the exact same things. were working in this vacuum where they Todd: I think that people will take something You can’t show up at a venue and start serv- could do nothing but play. They were helpless that you say and come to their own conclu- ing food to people. How do you internalize to the forces of rock. With some time and sions and fill in a lot of gaps. Razorcake’s that activism in very real ways and give back? some distance, it falls away. Whatever mar- been called a sell-out because we don’t cover Warren: That’s actually a tricky thing that I keting the bands were using, or whatever enough hardcore. Or, “You guys have a glossy spend a lot of time thinking about because, things that they all had, it gets lost. I think that cover and a UPC code. You guys are part of even now, I have a lot of negative associations 57 and really get in touch with what you're doing and the person that you are.

towards the activist scene and the radical where.” Anywhere we go, there are these peo- songs, but the “real” way with buckets and community. ple that are willing to be our friends. acoustic guitars. They don’t really learn the Todd: If you could flush that out, I’d And then, really subtly, and really gradual- words or the chords to the songs. There are lit- appreciate it. ly, we would go back to a place and it would tle various Against Me! insurgencies around Warren: I just feel like there was this illusion be a lot of the people who were our friends the country. It kind of made me realize that that we were able to maintain for a while— had decided that we had betrayed them in those people—Tom and I thought for a long that we met in the activist scene in Florida, some sort of way based on some decision we time that those people never really were our and we were involved in a lot of similar activ- had made, a song that we wrote, or whatever friends in the first place. ities. We came from the same impetus that the it was that they didn’t like, wherever they Tom: It’s just an illusion. world is fucked up in a variety of ways and drew the line. Not only were we no longer Warren: As long as you match whatever the there are some casual things that you can do welcome at their houses anymore, but they couple specific things that they were checking to help improve it. So, the people that were weren’t going to come see us play and they for, then, sure, you were welcomed with open interested in working to do those things all had actually really elaborately spent the past arms. But as soon as you didn’t, it was like connected, had this common ground. Through month talking shit about us and convincing all you were the enemy. Nobody took the time to that, we came together to play music together, these people that they shouldn’t go to see us talk to me and say, “Do you still believe in we’d do Food Not Bombs and other activities, and that they would become the laughing this or that? Are you still interested in these and the first couple of tours that we did were stock of the activist community if they went concerns?” kind of like we were making the rounds of to the Against Me! show even after Against Tom: Not that you should have to. It’s not like other activist communities in other cities. Me! had done whatever grievous offense. It you’re on trial and you have to prove it one Whoever were the Food Not Bombs kids in really became… having our shows protested, way or another. this town also set up shows at their basement people standing outside of a club that we were Warren: I would get called out or somebody or at their info shop or they had this kind of playing, telling people that they shouldn’t pay would come to our show and be like, “Dude, network in place. whatever we were asking for. you have some shit to answer for. What about We got to tour around and see what other Todd: What are some things that were spray this and this and this?” I would sit there, and I people were up to, and similar activities, and painted on the side of your van? still do. I feel like I owe it to them to sit there it was awesome and there was definitely this Warren: Against DIY! and explain myself to them. Or explain our feeling that these people were instantly your Tom: Against misspelled though. Didn’t have band. Or any choice that we make. I don’t friends just because they knew that you did spell check. know you. What do I owe you? But, still feel- the same things back home they were into. Warren: Under Against DIY it said, ing this obligation to justify every choice that There was just this assumption that it was a “Remember when you made a difference?” I’ve made. Which I can do. I sleep fine. I defi- safe place where they would welcome you That’s probably the best. nitely don’t have things eating me up about and let you sleep on their floor and hook you Tom: We got our tires slashed, too. That was choices that we’ve made. It has made me, in a up with a bunch of food. It was awesome to in Long Island. very reactionary way, feel like it’s hard to not, see that those things were thriving in other Warren: There’s a band in Texas called in return, feel betrayed by the DIY scene. I try cities and to be able to take part in that defi- Against Them! that will set up in the parking to hold back on that impulse because that’s nitely felt like, “Wow, we have friends every- lot of the show that we play and play our what is annoying me about what they’re doing. Tom: I think that the DIY activist/punk fied yourself really clearly. I think that there’s based on that, and also based on how many activism scene, regardless of what political such an obsession with all of those little cul- people everybody has on tour with them and ideals they claim, suffer from a lot of the same tural signposts that you have to have checked what each band’s individual expenses are— downfalls that any kind of organized political off that it ends up… I remember being at which our booking agent and manager hates party—where it really isn’t about the ideal, activist meetings and meetings of basically us for. It means less percentages for them. it’s about people’s individual ambitions and young punks sitting around saying things like, Todd: So, are you guys now trying to get a agendas and that they’re going to use you to “How do we get the labor unions to come and local band to open your shows? get what they want to out of it. I have such a meet with us and talk about these environ- Tom: We put a thing up on our website say- negative taste for organized activism at this mental issues and these radical issues that we ing for bands to send in stuff. But then, what point because of certain things that happened want to talk about? How do we get the work- if you don’t like the bands that are sending in in Gainesville scene, or the Florida scene in ing class to come hang out at our meetings CDs? You have to sit there each night through particular. I’m just so wary of putting my and get involved in our Infoshops?” the bands, and you want to play with bands actual thoughts on the line because it means Everybody would say really earnestly, that you like. Do we have to put a band on judgement to me and persecution possibly “They’re totally welcome here. There’s no because we have to have a local? that I’m not interested in. I’m not interested in reason that they wouldn’t be welcome. We Warren: I know that there are amazing local making someone else happy. have open doors for them and we want those bands in most cities and there’s really good Warren: It is weird because it makes me feel people to come in.” People were kind of baf- local bands that exist that are just more root- like if I were to go home for a couple of fled by it, why they wouldn’t want to go. Why ed in their city. But, when it really comes weeks that we’re in Gainesville, I was going wouldn’t the older, working class community down to it a lot of times, when we go on tour, to try to get involved in Food Not Bombs if it want to come to this festival? It was really I want our shows to be consistently good. happens to be in one of those swings in wishful thinking to think that they really were Not just in our performance, but I want all Gainesville where it’s going on. I’d feel like a making themselves as open and accessible as the bands that we’re travelling with to be tourist in a way, like I was just trying to do it possible, but, really, those cultural things good every night. in a symbolic, token-y way. were such a brick wall. If Johnny Lunchpail Todd: The tour that you did with Blood Tom: I definitely feel that way too. I think, had come down and been an all-American Brothers and True North, I think that’s great. going back to the feeling disconnected thing, dude, then they would’ve been like, “Why’d The bands aren’t anything identical or alike, I remember this past time when we were at you get your leftovers in Styrofoam? Why are but if you appreciate music, it’s nice that home, I went to a show at Wayward you wearing Nike shoes?” you can see that spectrum. But, they’re all (Council). I forget the guy’s name, but he’s a Tom: Same with a lot of the Food Not Bombs good bands. solo acoustic performer. I went with some being unsuccessful because of the shit they Warren: And, consistently. And I knew that it friends and it’s a pretty good show. He’s real- insisted on serving to people. You had home- mattered to all of those bands every night. ly an entertainer. He’s getting a lot of crowd less people being like, “I’m not going to fuck- And whether it’s Planes Mistaken For Stars or participation and before one of his songs, he ing eat that.” No Choice, it totally mattered to those bands gives a speech about how, “This is what mat- Warren: Maybe it’s healthier in a theoretical every night. The bands were consistently ters. Places like this. And fuck bands with way, but the turkey and gravy at the Salvation good, they cared, they dug deep, and they stickers and websites.” Basically, just going Army looks more appealing than the goulash. made sure to be there. I feel that there’s a real down this list that—as he’s going down it, in Todd: How do you stay politically true to inconsistently in having this wildcard every my head I’m going—“Wait, we do that, we do yourself? What do you do—even purchas- night. Is this band going to show up on time? that, we do that…” He’s like, “Fuck the new ing—what are things that you think about for Tom: On this last tour, there was a local band Franz Ferdinand record.” I’m like, “Wait, I your own self? every single night. Some of the nights were like the new Franz Ferdinand record.” Just Tom: Again, at this point, with touring so not cool situations. one after another where it was like, this sucks. much, the band decisions and everything is Warren: There are little things that I feel are I’m at this show. I paid money to get in, and kind of intertwined. really uncool to talk about and it’s really a he’s saying fuck me. Todd: It’s like a group brain. lame, whiny, bratty thing. I feel like I’m not Warren: I think that the DIY scene would Tom: I think, and this goes back to battling even allowed to mention it. When you’re at a really like to be a movement and would pre- logic, too—people’s refusing to listen to that. show, when you’re in a venue, all of the bands fer to think of itself as a movement. But, I We’ve recently switched over to using usually get a little bit of private space—your think that, in reality, it’s more of a subculture American Apparel shirts for our t-shirts, but green room, or your backstage, a little space and that there’s the little cultural signpost that on the other hand, we have to raise our prices allotted that’s your private space. The closest you look for. There’s a certain kind of music by a couple of bucks. When we were thinking thing we have to a living room, bedroom, that when the people of this culture congre- about that, it was like, “Are people going to house, closet—that’s your bubble. A lot of gate, they listen to this kind of music, they still buy the shirts, or are we gonna get shit times it really sucks to have the local punk have a style of dress, and style of visual aes- because we raise the prices? We have to band in there with their girlfriends and their thetic in how they present themselves. When because they cost more, but they’re not made own crew. They’re partying. they get together, there’s things that they eat, in a sweatshop.” We try in the way we Tom: They’re not on tour tomorrow. and there’s things that—if you were to show approach things, as far as how we tour with Warren: It hasn’t been two months since up wearing a lot of make-up, wearing a bands and the way that we pay bands. We just they’ve been home. Sometimes—and it Tommy Hilfiger shirt and with some make it a very fair thing and not make it a seems like a lame thing to complain about— McDonalds and listening to R&B on your hierarchical thing. I believe really strongly in it’s been months since you’ve seen your bed boombox and you were like, “Hey, you guys not making it, “This band’s the headliner and and that bubble is all that you have and you want to hang out?” Then it wouldn’t really this band’s the opener,” and that every band totally cherish it and you’re not really quick to matter what you believed about anything or going on tour is making that show that night, give it up to somebody to have their party in. what your true intentions were or whether you regardless of popularity, and we try to break Todd: What tattoos did you want when you were a good person. You had already identi- the money down at the end of each night were fifteen? 59 Warren: I got it. body else and I have jealousy issues, so what ally going to bring about this change. I don’t Todd: What’d you get? can I do? We’ll get married and then I’ll be have this house that I’m living in, and every Warren: The story is that right around the her husband. Long-term, it didn’t make me day I’m decorating it a little bit more so that time before I turned fifteen, my great-grand- feel more secure in the relationship, but for it’s as nice of a place as possible for people mother died and it was found out that there that moment it made me feel more secure in to stop by and feel comfortable there. What was this family secret that her side of the fam- the relationship. But, it wasn’t a good idea and are my long-term goals that I’m working ily was part Chippewa and she didn’t tell any- it wasn’t any kind of solution. It was a dumb towards? I’ve been feeling that we’re com- body. It had been a family secret/embarrass- idea. It’s a lot fucking harder to get a divorce municating on a much more intimate level ment in some strange way. The response to than it is to get married. within the band than we ever have before. that, when everyone in my family found out, Todd: Do you think your grasp of reality is I’m getting to know the other people in the was, “Sweet! We’re all applying for member- slipping in certain ways? I wake up in the band in a more three-dimensional way than I ship to Indian tribes. We’re getting dream same place every day. I see the same people ever have before. It’s really important to me catchers.” I have my membership card. I love every day. I see the same buildings every day, to have that in a way that I didn’t always my family and I think that they’re all good but your situation is different. think that it was. We were all just doing people, but there was definitely that fetishized Tom: I think that it’s losing touch with the things together. Sometimes, it’s enough just Native American, “Oh, we knew we had it reality, but not in a negative way. I think it’s to get along if you’re doing things together. I running through our blood the whole time.” I more so that my perception of reality is feel like I need to dig deeper right now. was stoked in a way, but with my growing changing drastically month by month, week The other aspect besides is that personal political consciousness at the time, I didn’t by week, day by day. Not like I’m going connection. It’s just, as a musician, the other want to feel like I was co-opting that culture fucking crazy, or I’m totally fucking losing long-term goal is to just get as good as pos- and claiming it as my own. it, but more just that the way I thought things sible at writing songs and at playing drums So, this symbol I saw of it… I was doing actually were is completely incorrect. I’m and being a good magician on stage and some research and it came up with an inner discovering the ways that things actually are, being able to conjure that vibe. That illusive tribal council to denote crafts and other things and that comes from meeting people every- vibe, energy in a room that’s hard to pin that were made authentically Native where and seeing the world and just having a down, trying to really examine it and figure American and were not made just to make a broad view on everything. Or, the way that what brings that into a room. And, what can buck. They weren’t just knock-offs. They people treat you for the choices you make, I do to conjure that energy in a room? were crafts that were actually made on reser- the situations that you can get into. It’s Tom: I think that comes with the losing vations that were sold to actually benefit the sometimes weird, too, because it is such con- touch with reality. It’s breaking old habits reservation, and not made to sell in K-mart. stant—and that’s one of the things that’s and the person who you used to be and the People were passing a lot of things off like, really hard to not be able to force. You’re mentality that you used to have and adapting “This is an authentic dreamcatcher.” So, if constantly having things thrown at you and to the person that you are now. For a long you saw this symbol on something—by my getting put into new situations. It’s constant time, that comes from feeling of guilt, too, logic at the time—it was something that was stimulation to your brain. Sometimes you with being in a band and you have these peo- made with pure intention and not to co-opt the don’t even realize all of the stuff that’s going ple calling you a sell-out and you do feel culture, which is what I was trying to remind on and all of a sudden, you’ll catch up and guilty. It’s because you’re still in this men- myself to not be: a culture co-opter as well. you’ll be like, “Oh, holy shit.” tality of this person that you used to be, but Todd: I was just hoping for a Descendents tat- Todd: You’re in motion. You’re driving down you’re actually doing these things now. I too or something. a street going eighty miles an hour, you get think it’s important to lose touch with reality, Tom: I wanted a Crass tattoo. And one drunk- used to things going eighty miles an hour, and with fucking that reality, and really get in en night, I got James to give me the Crass tat- when you stop, it’s weird. touch with what you’re doing and the person too and I’ve since had it covered up. Tom: And then you throw alcohol into that that you are. Todd: Tom, would you consider yourself a and it gets even weirder. Todd: It’s not only just breaking that old rebellious kid? Warren: When you’re travelling, it’s all mold, it’s reforming a new one. You don’t Tom: I think that would be safe to say. about short-term goals. Everything makes have that stability in that traditional sense. I Todd: And you got married at twenty? sense as long as something else is scheduled. wake up in the same bed every day. I go Tom: Yes. You have this timeline that you’re just down to the corner store. I know how to Todd: Was there any conflict between… you checking things off of. You’re loading things make breakfast. Those little rituals really really like somebody, you really want to be in. You’re sound-checking. You’re playing a help out. If you don’t have that, it’s even with them, why did you agree to marriage? show. You’re loading out. Then you have to another step. Tom: At this point, I’m divorced and I con- figure out how much time do I have to sleep Tom: It’s kind of like finding those rituals sider that it was a bad idea and that it was a before we have to start driving? How long is and that same comfort in the life that you live mistake. I think it’s also important to note that the drive? Get directions. It’s all really tangi- now. It’s not like I don’t want to live life this I wasn’t the person who asked someone to ble, and you have a real sense of accom- way. I want to live life this way. marry me. I was asked to marry someone. plishment at the end of the day. You made it Warren: It’s hard because there aren’t, real- Todd: Which changes the dynamic a lot. to the club, you played as hard as you could, ly, any good, positive role models. There are Tom: Especially when you’re a guy. It wasn’t you played your show, and you have this either the people who have adapted to it all necessarily a planned out thing. It was spur of kind of satisfaction. too well and have become weenies in a way. the moment and I was married at a court- I have been feeling more now that I miss They’ve got their routine down cold and they house. There were also a lot of particulars having long-term goals as well. I think that’s have their chauffeur take them between about the dynamic of that certain relationship the feeling of losing your connection without shows, but it just seems like they pretend like where I was involved with someone who had a long-term political strategy for my life. It’s they live a dualistic life, but they just do it. a child and I feel uncomfortable in this rela- not like I’m living here so I’m a community It’s like a mobile domesticity. The others are tionship because she has a child with some- activist and I do these things that are eventu- people who it never really gels for them and 60 Our license plate number...

to question it too much why I made that choice, but I’m going to own it because that’s the right choice because I made it. And I’m going to own it and I’m going to repre- sent this choice to the best of my abilities. Whatever the factors are that are keeping me from choosing any of the other million things, I’m not going to dwell on those too much. Just really take this path, this commit- ment, and see it through to the end and try to realize it as fully as you can. Everybody, when they wake up, they say there’s an infinite number of possibilities like “What kind of socks should I put on? Where should I go to eat? What should I do with my life?” There are all of these little choices and you can get really hung up in second-guessing yourself and rationalizing and over-rationalizing the benefits versus the drawbacks of making any little choice. I think just to witness somebody just owning their choices in a world of possibilities is inspiring and can help other people to own their little choices. It’s awesome to see someone get into something, even if it’s something that you don’t really agree with. To see somebody that has a fire under their there’s no sustainability and they just freak merce. I feel like every record has had songs ass, and they’re totally getting into their craft out for a little while and then totally some- about that: on how to exist as an artist in this or their chosen vocation. thing dramatically bad happens to them. And society and how to present music and how Tom: Musically though, I’ve always been a those are your models. You can either does music fit into that and how do music fan of the disco drumbeat. On every single become a weenie or you can embrace the and business mix? Music and politics. record, there’s one with a disco drumbeat. chaos and freak the fuck out and hope that Warren: What’s really inspiring about Warren: We do define ourselves in the neg- some of that freak-out is well documented in music, what I really take away from music is ative to a certain degree. We know we don’t an artistically pleasing way. knowing that there’s an infinite possibility. want to do anything that other people are Todd: One thing that I think that people When you have an instrument in your hands, doing. We do have a cultural awareness, an miss is that you definitely have thematics it’s pretty much infinite what you can do, awareness of what other music is coming out and threads that go through every record. how you can go about playing that, what you around us. We also don’t want to do anything People go, “You’ve changed so much.” But, can choose to play. There’s something really that we’ve already done. So as we write I think that there are some things that powerful and empowering in making that songs, we’re like, “Well, that’s out now. haven’t changed. Could you identify a cou- choice of holding the instrument and saying, Can’t do that again.” Luckily, that doesn’t ple of them? “I can do anything with this, but this is what really shrink the body of possibilities in any Tom: I feel like the one reoccurring theme I’m going to do.” Making that choice and real noticeable way. I’ve found lyrically that I know and that I’m then owning that choice and saying that trying to settle in my mind is the battle of whatever it was that brought me to make that definite political statement as art and as com- choice to play this one thing. I’m not going Zero Boys, 2005, Danica Johnson

Interview by Mike Frame

It was love at first note. Two seconds into “Civilization’s Dying,” in for some unknown reason. Once every couple of months or so I I knew this was the band for me. Amazing lyrics, killer melody, and would catch a ride sixty miles to Grand Junction and go to the local that guitar tone. Oh, that classic guitar tone... it is simply perfect. My music/video chain and load up on tapes and zines. I would look for very first exposure to the Zero Boys made me a lifelong fan. And I the Zero Boys every single time and never found anything, not even had only heard one song! I was sure that there was plenty more and one of the later records. Even when I moved to Portland, Oregon I oh, was I ever right. Unfortunately, it would be years before I got the spent nearly a year trying to track down Vicious Circle, to no avail. chance to hear any more. The thing was just nowhere to be found. I think very few people ever You have to realize that the era I am talking about here is the early got rid of it. It is one of those records. 1990s, not the early or mid ‘80s. I was stuck in a shithole town in Finally, a few years later I was able to hear the entire record from Southwestern Colorado and my introduction to the music of the a roommate who owned it and I was simply floored from note one. Zero Boys (as well as the Canadian Subhumans and GG Allin) came What a classic LP! It would be several years later on from there that via the DIY—Faster and Louder cassette on Rhino Records. More I would finally get my own copy when Panic Button reissued the LP. than a decade after the fact, that landlocked rage still spoke to me I have listened to the record hundreds of times since, and I truly like a sermon. But that was all I could get my hands on. In those pre- believe that it is one of the all-time classic albums. Not just punk internet and reissue days, things like Vicious Circle were damned rock records; I’ll put it up against anything of any style. hard to come by, even by mailorder. The Toxic Shock reissue was out I wanted to interview Paul Mahern, the Zero Boys’ singer, about of print and forget about finding an original pressing. I could bare- what he has been up to. He has kept himself busy with family, work ly afford to buy used cassettes and the occasional new one, like that as a recording engineer, and music. Paul said something to me near Rhino tape that our local, country-centric store just happened to get the end of our first conversation that really struck me. I had thanked him for being so willing to talk about the old Mike: It’s really hard for younger people like tight and we found that if we double tracked it, days because I was sure that it was kind of myself to understand how absolutely shocking it became less tight. So, I remember being in strange to be talking about events that had they must have been at the time. the studio with a copy of G.I. and playing it for happened nearly twenty-five years ago. He Paul: I didn’t really have any perspective the engineer. This is what really developed that just said that the Zero Boys had been such a because I hadn’t really heard the New York sound: he took an old Eventide Harmonizer; it small part of his life that he didn’t mind Dolls. I had maybe heard an Iggy Pop song, but was a rack mount studio device. He put Terry’s talking about it all. That really sums it all up even the Stooges were not considered to be guitar dry hard left, and then the Harmonizer right there. Instead of looking back at that what they appear to be now, in retrospect. They was three seconds of delay hard to the other era of his life and thinking that was the high just weren’t promoted as a punk pioneer band. side. So, that is that sound. Kind of chord point as so many do, he was happy and con- Later on, I could really see that was where the sounding, kind of harmony. You can’t really tent and thankful to be where he was today. Pistols were getting their influence. But tell. It’s nebulous. But it’s awesome. It just cuts because the Pistols had the whole fashion through. Then, the leads are very a la Sex Paul: How did you first hear the Zero Boys? aspect of it, they just seemed to set themselves Pistols or Dictators—where they’re just over- Mike: I heard you on the Rhino Records apart from everyone else. dubbed—all the guitar fills and pick drags, so DIY—Faster and Louder cassette compilation Mike: What did you get into next? they’re twice as loud as everything else. Raw in the early ‘90s. The only bands I liked on Paul: I got into Ramones, Clash, and the Power was the record that kind of started all there at the time were the Canadian Damned in a couple of months’ period. I got that. It’s the whole concept of not being in bal- Subhumans, GG Allin, and the Zero Boys. into the Rezillos and Generation X, any record ance. It’s funny because what I do for a living Paul: It’s funny, I still get a royalty check that I could get that was coming out of is I’m an audio engineer. I have worked on all now and then from Rhino from that. Those England. I was a really big fan of the kinds of records and people want to make are the only royalty checks I ever get. They Vibrators’ first album (Pure Mania). I love the things that have less and less character. They’re have good accounting over there at Rhino. It’s Ramones and I really loved the Dead Boys. always smoothing things out more and more like five dollars every couple of years, but The Dead Boys seemed like the closest thing until they just don’t have any life to them. still. [laughs] to being like us. I could relate to them because Mike: Sometimes if you are just slightly off Mike: Did they license the song through you? they were from Cleveland and that was close. time, it actually gives the song some room It's pretty weird to singing these songs that I wrote when I was sixteen years old. But it's just weird enough to be entertaining.

Paul: Yeah, they were real good about that. They were a Midwestern band, even though to breathe. Unlike those Killed By Death records, which they had moved to New York by then. That is Paul: Yeah, nobody is looking for that. is where it seems like most people I run into when it really began to dawn on me that “Oh, Definitely not the pop punk records. Those discovered the Zero Boys. Those are the anybody can do this.” You didn’t have to be in things are more like Steely Dan records than Italian compilations that are total bootlegs. a big city even. anything else. They’re all using their Pro Tools Mike: Those Rhino comps were an amazing Mike: So from there did you go back and get to line up all the beats and cut off all the down- thing for me to find living in a town of eight into the Dictators? beats on the guitar, so that they just sound com- thousand people in Southwest Colorado. Paul: Oh, definitely. Terry (Howe), the Zero pletely robotic. I always say that every record- Paul: I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana. I Boys guitar player, was a huge Dictators fan. If ing is part math and part magic. I want to lean live in Bloomington (Indiana) now. you know anything about the Dictators and to the magic side. If your band is just naturally Indianapolis is about a million people. When you listen to Vicious Circle you can tell. I was- super tight, then awesome. But if you’re not, I first got into punk rock music, there was n’t that much into the Dictators at the time, so don’t fake it. only one record store in town that sold any I didn’t realize it. Listening to Dictators Mike: When you first got into punk rock, what punk rock. We would take a city bus about records now I think, “Oh my god, he just stole was the reaction of your family? forty-five minutes across town. that.” [laughs] Also, the Germs G.I. Listen to Paul: Mostly, my mother raised me and she Mike: How did you first hear about punk that and a Dictators record and you have the was extremely liberal, kind of a feminist, and rock to even know to buy the records? formula for Vicious Circle. she didn’t care. I don’t even know how much Paul: I remember getting a copy of Creem Mike: The guitar tone was what I immediately she really noticed. My band practiced in the magazine that had the Sex Pistols on the latched onto. It was just perfect. To this day, basement—and we were loud and she is not a cover, and just being completely freaked out that guitar sound is one of my two or three fan of loud anything—but somehow she put up by the whole thing. I thought I was into the favorite guitar tones of all time. with it. My whole family has a serious liberal heaviest, darkest music there was. I was into Paul: Yeah, that’s a funny kind of unique gui- background. I do remember when the Dead Black Sabbath and Aerosmith and then the tar sound. I’ve had people email me and ask, Kennedys first came on the scene, my older Pistols came out. I didn’t know what to “How did you do that?” He played a Hamer brother saw a DK’s record and he said, “If think. It just blew my mind wide open. I guitar through a Lab Series amp, which is a these people wanna spit on each other or call instantaneously hated them and loved them funny little ‘70s solid state amplifier that had a themselves the Sex Pistols, whatever, but the before I even heard them. They were just built-in compressor. It just had that kind of Dead Kennedys, that’s sacrilege.” [laughs] He making fun of everything that I thought was razor/ tin can sound. Then, in order to double just couldn’t imagine why you would have a cool. Yet, they were somehow cooler than all track it and make it sound bigger—instead of name that would be critical of the Kennedys, of that stuff. playing it twice—we just wanted it to be really all people.

63 Mike: That’s another one that I think is hard to band conceptually in their heads. Then they Replacements. Land Speed Record wasn’t understand years later, how big of a deal that decided they needed a singer. It was all put even out yet and the Replacements definitely band name was. together by these guys who were old enough to didn’t have a record out yet. But both bands Paul: Yeah, years later you grow up and it’s know what they were trying to do. I just had a already had this major attitude, which was a just that band with that name. Big deal. But I notebook full of words that I would scream real turn off. My whole concept was more like think that’s why they called themselves the over the top of them. We had the classic thing the Youth Brigade or the Dischord concept. Dead Kennedys, to get people like my brother. where they didn’t even know what the lyrics Let’s get everybody together because there’s Mike: Were you in any bands previous to were until we recorded. [laughs] not very many of us. I think that coming from Zero Boys? Mike: What were some of the first punk shows a really small scene, that’s just the way you Paul: I was in a band in high school. We that came to Indianapolis? want it to be. Then we were encountering played a few basement parties and we played Paul: I think X might have been one of the first these bands from Minneapolis and they the school talent show. We were a punk band. bands. Right around the same time there were weren’t about being a part of the scene. They We played that song “Showdown” from the some of the New York noise bands that came: were about being a band. They were what was New York Dolls record at the talent show. The James White and the Blacks and DNA. important to them. To me, the scene was what name of the band was 3 PM, which was when Cheetah Chrome from the Dead Boys, his solo was important. That band that I was in was no we got off school. That band was playing at a band. The Effigies from Chicago. The first more important than the band anybody else party that we were putting on and the guys show that we put on was T.S.O.L. That was the was in. The guys in Toxic Reasons had that

When I was in high school, I was threatened with having my ass kicked on a regular basis. That gave me a sense of identity, you know?

from the Zero Boys saw me play. Those guys original line up and the only thing they had same attitude, so that was who we hung out had already formed and they were all older out was the True Sounds of Liberty EP. The with the most. than I. I was sixteen and they were all twenty- Midwest bands would come through: Toxic Being a fan was at least as important as two or twenty-three. What is kind of interest- Reasons, Die Kreuzen. The first club was this being in the band. Standing up at the front of ing and deceptive about the Zero Boys record place called Crazy Al’s. It was twenty-one the stage while the other guys were rockin’, is that you can tell that I am really young, but and over. Then I started putting on all-ages and getting into their songs and buying their they’re playing their asses off. Those guys are shows, and I put out a couple of compilations records. I mean, that was why I got into it; it top musicians. They were a spot-on amazing (Master Tapes Vol.1 & Vol.2) and all the was never my intention to be a rock star. It was band from note one, but because I am this little bands on there would come through and just my intention to be a fan and somehow that kid singing, it has a similar vibe to an early record and play. The first Master Tape comp. led to being in a band. It was weird to watch it Descendents or Adolescents or some of those is totally essential. The best stuff that Die develop and see it change. Then I saw it California punk records. But the band is just Kreuzen ever did is on there. Some great change when it went into being something that rippin’. They had been in bands before. Terry’s Articles Of Faith and Toxic Reasons stuff. It you could actually make money at. It was first record came out when he was thirteen. He is really a time capsule of what was going on never, in my wildest dreams, possible to make was in a band called The Insects and they put that year around the Midwest. a living playing punk rock music. It had never out a 7”. He was in Ohio at the time. I think the Mike: At that point most of the Midwest happened. Then, slowly, it started to happen. song was called “Girls” or something. It was a bands were really out of what was going on? Even at the time, the most you could hope for surf rock record and came out on an indie label Paul: It’s true, especially where we were. was to be as big as the Dead Kennedys. Even in Ohio. That would have been at the end of the Chicago was different because it was a big they weren’t rich. They sold more records than ‘60s or right at the beginning of the ‘70s. Tufty enough city. We played with some of the anybody else, but I imagine they were still (bass) came from playing in a few in Indiana. bands from Chicago. We played with the working jobs on the side. It was really a mind Mark (drummer) was in a band called The Late Effigies, but they didn’t like us. They were blower to watch it get huge. When it blew up Show that were a New York Dolls kind of into this whole macho thing. I think they with Nirvana, the whole concept was just total- band. They moved from Indiana to go to New thought we were too fey or too poppy or ly thrown away. Up until that point, you knew York and they made a couple of demos with something. We didn’t wear camos. [laughs] It if a guy was in a punk rock band, he was doing some people. They were recorded by Don just wasn’t a good fit. I think we played with it ‘cause he loved it. Then the market gets Kirshner (music industry bigwig who ran a the Necros once. What is really funny was that flooded with people thinking they are going to record label which released bubblegum Tesco Vee was a big fan. He loved our stuff. I make some money, and it brings a whole dif- records by bands like The Archies. He also had think the early Touch and Go family would ferent element into it. a television series called Don Kirshner’s Rock have gotten it a little more, but we didn’t real- Mike: I grew up in really small towns where I Concert which bands played on, including the ly ever play with those bands. There was a lot didn’t know anyone who was into even the New York Dolls as well as all the ‘70s schlock of show swapping that would go on. Every Clash or Sex Pistols, so it was really strange to of the era). So, for these guys, they had all been couple of months there would be a big show move to the city and see how everyone looked in bands and had scouted each other out. Punk somewhere, and a lot of the bands would play “punk” in the early to mid ‘90s. rock was really new and they all really dug it. I all on the same bill. We did play a bill in Paul: It’s weird when it goes from the per- think they all met up at parties and formed this Chicago once with Hüsker Dü and the spective of the outsider to something that is “cool.” When I was in high school and wearing a leather jacket, I was threatened with having my ass kicked on a regular basis. That gave me a sense of identity, you know? In my high school, wearing a leather jacket in 1978, they were like “Are you trying to be Fonzie?” [laughs] They just had no perspective on it, and I got a lot out of that. I was just like, “You don’t even know. You have no idea. I go home after school and listen to the Ramones and you don’t even know who that is.” Having an identity outside of the central structure of school is real- ly important at that age. The other thing that was great about it was the whole DIY thing. At the time it was just bands putting their own records out. You didn’t send out demos and try to get signed to some label, you made a record and you put it out. Nobody was going to put your record out for you. Mike: You guys did that with your first single, Livin’in the ‘80s. Were you aware of labels like SST or Alternative Tentacles? Paul: We didn’t send the single out to anyone, for sure. We just put it out. We were just start- ing to be aware of some labels. When we made Vicious Circle, by that time Jello Biafra was already a fan. If you listen to the first single and then the LP, you can hear the exact moment that we started listening to the Circle Jerks. [laughs] We started playing ten times faster. Nimrod Records was our record label. We had a friend who kind of managed the band and we wanted to put it out, so we just called it Nimrod when we put out Vicious Circle. We pressed two thousand copies and shortly thereafter, when we were working on the second record, we broke up. The Master Tape Vol.1 & 2 have three songs each on them, so there are six songs that probably would have ended up on the second record. Then during those same ses- sions, I think we recorded another six or seven songs. Some of that stuff has been released in little bits and pieces. There is a 7” record called Blood’s Good that came out in Italy with a cou- ple of songs. I think that there are only three or four songs that have not surfaced in some way. The Toxic Shock reissue of Vicious Circle has Terry Howe, 1981, Carol Stamile six bonus tracks, the stuff from the Master Tape compilations. just fell through the cracks. As far as I know, five thousand new people on to the record. Mike: Have you been approached about com- you can’t get it anymore. Mike: That is when I finally got my own piling that stuff for release, or thought about Mike: How’d that reissue come about? copy. I had heard the record many times, but doing it yourself? Paul: I have a friend named Mass Giorgini, never owned it. I think it is very interesting Paul: I have thought about it, but I just haven’t who is in a band called Squirtgun and lives in that it came out on a pop punk label, because done it. As of right now Vicious Circle is out of Lafayette, Indiana. I have known since he was with how catchy the songs are, it’s really not print. So, it’s not like anyone is beating our a little kid, and he’s just a super big Zero Boys that different. door down for material. I was approached fan. He has done Screeching Weasel records, Paul: We were definitely a pop punk band. recently by a guy who owns a record store in producing and engineering. So, I think he just That is what “Civilization’s Dying” is. There Indianapolis who wants to put Vicious Circle told Ben, “This is ridiculous. This record has to are some songs on there like “Forced Entry” or back out on vinyl. I imagine it will be one of be available.” Ben agreed with him and Panic “Vicious Circle” that are more like thrash those records that is in and out of print forever. Button decided to put it out. I think they did a songs but even they are presented in a format I think that Ben (Weasel) at Panic Button was great job. The remastering is awesome. The that’s kinda poppy. It’s certainly not angry or really excited about it. He managed to sell record sounds better than ever on that release. dark or anything like that. That was the most probably more copies than anybody else. But The packaging was great. They went out of exciting time in punk rock for me: the first then he sold Panic Button to Lookout and it their way to make it cool. It probably turned Descendents record, Group Sex by the Circle 65 Jerks, the first T.S.O.L. EP. Punk was starting to be played faster and more aggressively, but there was still a sense that there’s a song there, there is still some melody. It’s kind of got a sense of humor, but it’s not “funny punk,” you know? There is a very short time period— we’re talking about two years—and then it becomes metal. Then I totally lost interest. That wasn’t what I signed up for. I am not interested in punk metal. It makes no sense to me. Those are two things that are not supposed to be together. It became more and more like testosterone music. It became about beating people up on the dance floor. It just lost its sense of humor. It took itself way too seriously. It’s just not fun or smart. I just don’t get it, but that’s the way it went. The next DKs record after Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables was In God We Trust, Inc. They were playing ninety million miles an hour. I was like, “Where’s your songs, that Paul Mahern, 2005, Bill Florio It's one thing when you're singing about how bad corporations are. It's another thing when you're just trying to bring me down.

whole thing you developed, that whole Threat is a completely different style of music, we never really played much outside of sound?” That whole thing of who can play the but it also has that much interplay and that Indiana. Then I formed a band called the fastest, I just didn’t get it. Then there were much personality. But they only made a hand- Datura Seeds. That band lasted for about four bands like MDC, who just had no sense of ful of recordings. Then they broke up because years. The music was kind of the same (as humor. It’s one thing when you’re singing they were getting too popular? That’s just so Dandelion Abortion) but with more of an about how bad corporations are and you’re weird. [laughs] When I first heard Minor emphasis on songwriting and less on just wig- making fun of them. It’s another thing when Threat they made me want to just quit, just go ging out. We made one record called Who Do you’re just trying to bring me down. I’m actu- back to being an audience member. They were You Want It To Be? that came out on Toxic ally not a very big hardcore fan. a complete package. They had a great look, Shock in probably 1989. He (Bill Sassenburger Minor Threat, on the other hand: greatest great songs, and the straight edge thing. The of Toxic Shock) reissued Vicious Circle in band ever. We played a show in Torrance, CA last thing they recorded was the album (Out of 1985 or ‘86 and then through that connection and this is probably the epicenter of my punk Step) and it just didn’t have as much fire. I have he agreed to do the Datura Seeds record. My rock career. It was DKs, Minor Threat, and always thought that was why they stopped. I first son was born when I was twenty, so once Zero Boys. There were maybe two thousand was at a punk rock show about three years ago that happened I was pretty much off the touring people there. I had never been to a show that in Indianapolis and it was just like stepping circuit. It became more of a hobby. had more than a hundred and fifty people. It back in time. All these bands were playing and Mike: When did you get into doing studio was just amazing because at the time my two they all sound like they’re trying to be Minor work and producing records for other people? favorite bands were on the bill with us. To me, Threat. Then one of the bands actually breaks Paul: I got into studio work pretty much right Minor Threat are the best American punk rock into a Minor Threat song and the audience just away. I was completely fascinated by it. I was band. You can’t touch ‘em. Especially the first goes nuts. I was just like, “Nothing has hap- studying electronic engineering at the time we two singles, that was just it. And those guys pened since I stopped going to these shows went in to record Vicious Circle. I knew right were all so young. They were maybe younger twenty years ago?” [laughs] away after seeing all the equipment and seeing than me, or at least we were the same age. I Mike: What bands were you in afterwards? the process that it was really what I wanted to was in a band with guys a little bit older. Then Paul: Directly after the Zero Boys broke up, I do. So I just started interning with the guy John it turned into Fugazi, or whatever else, and I was in a band called Dandelion Abortion. We Helms, who produced Vicious Circle. I started wasn’t following that either. [laughs] were a psychedelic band. At the time, I had just hanging out there and then I realized that the Mike: I also think Minor Threat are the perfect recently discovered the 13th Floor Elevators way to learn how to make records was just to example. It had to be those four people doing and there was a second wave of psychedelic start making them. So, I made the Master Tape exactly what they were doing. Even if you hate bands from California. It was weird music and comps and those were as much about teaching each other’s guts, that chemistry can be there. sometimes aggressive, but also very melodic. myself how to make a record as they were any- Paul: I am a big fan of rock music. I listen to I’ve always been very interested in melody. thing else. I did them because, at the time, the Stones, Kinks, Faces, and there was so Where punk was going at the time was more comps were necessary and popular. You had much stuff going on, especially in England in metal, so I went in the other direction and This Is Boston, Not L.A. and the Posh Boy the 1960s; so much chemistry between musi- wrote shimmery pop guitars and psychedelic comps (Beach Blvd., Rodney on the ROQ), but cians, so much real quality on record. Minor melodies. That band lasted about two years and there wasn’t a Midwestern compilation. There 67 a father I haven’t had the luxury of having an attitude about what it is that I am recording. I think if my life had been different, if I hadn’t become a father at twenty, I may have pursued a slightly more exclusive client base. But at this point I am really glad to have been able to work with all the people I have worked with. Bloomington is a great place. We’re sur- rounded by conservatives being in southern Indiana, but Bloomington is like a little oasis. There is lots of culture. Lots of bands come through here. Lots of different art events going on all the time. But it’s such a small town. It is sixty thousand people when college is in and thirty thousand when the university is out. I think as far as Midwestern college towns go, Bloomington and Madison, Wisconsin are the two great Midwestern college towns. Mike: So you guys are playing this Dot Dash

Zero Boys, 2005, Danica Johnson Festival in New York. When was the last time

Being a fan was at least as important as being in the band.

was a tape comp called Charred Remains that noise by now. That’s still what I do for my liv- you played together and what is the line up? was an awesome release and it has a lot of the ing. I am working in Bloomington, Indiana, Paul: I think the last time we played was same bands. What they had done with that was mostly at a place called Echo Park Studios. It about two years ago. We played New Year’s take all the 7” singles that had been released in is awesome; lots of analog equipment and also Eve of 2000 and since then I think we have the Midwest and put out a tape compilation. all the latest Pro Tools stuff. I have been in played twice. We just get together and My idea was to have songs that you couldn’t Bloomington for about nine years now and am rehearse five or six times. Terry, our guitar get anywhere else. So I brought the bands in— working there primarily. player, is no longer living. Tufty and Mark Toxic from Ohio, Articles from Chicago, Die I also work at a place called Belmont Mall, both live in Indianapolis and I live in Kreuzen from Milwaukee—to Indianapolis which is John Mellencamp’s studio. I’ve got a Bloomington, which is about forty-five min- and we recorded them. Unfortunately, that stu- little home studio too, where I do stuff that is utes away. Our current guitarist Zack lives in dio closed between the making of the two super low budget. But I don’t get to make many Indianapolis as well, so it’s pretty easy for us Master Tape records. I made Vol.1 at Keystone punk records anymore, although I would like to get together. It is not something I am inter- Recording, where we had done the Zero Boys to. There is just not a lot of it going on and I ested in doing full time, but for a special occa- record. Then it closed and I found a little 1/2” don’t have the reputation of being “that guy.” I sion, it’s kinda fun. Kinda surrealistic. It’s tape eight-track studio in somebody’s garage. don’t make exclusively those kind of records pretty weird to singing these songs that I wrote They were calling it Hit City. Vol. 2 is about and I think that is kind of where you need to be when I was sixteen years old. But it’s just half of me recording in that garage and half to get many of those gigs. weird enough to be entertaining. getting tapes from other places. Some of the Mike: Who are some of the people that you Mike: Thanks for the interview. I learned a lot bands were from further away, so I only engi- have recorded over the years? of stuff that I didn’t know. neered maybe half of that record. It was done Paul: That’s a good question. I did some stuff Paul: I must admit my favorite old band sto- on lesser equipment and I think it was kind of with Afghan Whigs very early on. I mixed one ries are the ones where someone ended up in a cool process; how to do the same thing I was Iggy Pop song. I have done some stuff for Farm the mental hospital or something. doing, but with less stuff. Aid, mixed some Neil Young and Willie Unfortunately, I haven’t done any time in the Then, unfortunately, I had about two or three Nelson. I have done records for the Blake mental hospital and I haven’t eaten acid every distributors either default on paying me or just Babies. I have done like six John Mellencamp day for the last thirty years. But if I had it go out of business. So, all the money I had records now, I think. He’s great to work with. would be a great story. [laughs] invested in the label was completely gone. I He’s a really interesting artist and he’s got a lot didn’t have enough money to get it going of intensity. But I think, mostly, I end up work- ENDNOTE: Terry Howe passed away in December again. I was kind of disillusioned with that ing on his records because of proximity. I am of 2000 as far as I know. We fell out of touch short- aspect of it. I was just interested in making the one engineer who makes exclusively ly after our last reunion show on New Years of 2000 records. I wasn’t so much interested in getting albums and not commercials in this region, so and I was not aware of his death for several months distributors to pay me. Also, my son was born we have developed a good relationship. I have after it happened. I do not know the details but I shortly after that, so it just became a job. I basically existed without a straight gig my fear that it was drug related. Terry “Hollywood” Howe was the true driving force behind the Zero started recording whatever I could to pay the whole life. Certainly, making records can be Boys. He was the musical visionary and he wrote a bills. I recorded probably twenty gospel really hard. It’s not like it’s easy, but I work lot of the music. In many ways, the sound of records over the course of about four years. I pretty much for myself. There has always been Vicious Circle is the sound of Terry Howe. have recorded just about anything that makes enough work to pay the bills. Since I have been –Paul Mahern 69 INTERVIEW BY BRIAN MOSHER PHOTOS BY KRIS TRIPPLAAR AND ERIC LAW DDOOWWNN BBEEAATT 55 The Downbeat 5 are a rock’n’roll quartet. rural country, glitter rock, soul and R&B to Brian: Help me fill in the gaps: what did you They don’t believe in limiting themselves in ‘70s punk, surf, Brit Beat, bluegrass, blues, do between the breakup of DMZ and joining terms of musical influences or styles. Their and pop of all eras. Downbeat 5 was formed The Queers, and then between leaving the sound is a combination of ‘50s girl group with the object of playing music that reflect- Queers and putting together Downbeat 5? pop, gritty R&B, outlaw country and melod- ed their varied interests. In the beginning, J.J.: Well, before DMZ, my first working ic garage rock served over a heaping portion Jen found a drummer in her office (she had band was a garage rock group in my home- of first-wave punk. It’s part of a continuum left Rounder by this time), and J.J. found a town of Philadelphia, called The Deserters. that stretches back to the beginning of rock- bass player in his office. Their first album, We played a lot of Stones and Animals cov- ’n’roll, through the Brill Building, the Ism, released in 2003, was recorded in Texas, ers, plus a few originals. I was the singer. Mississippi delta, the garages of Seattle, the produced by Mike Mariconda of The Raunch Our first big gig was at the armory in Philly, nightclubs of New York and Boston, and Hands. Along the way, they had changed a party for soldiers. That was 1965. pretty much anywhere else that anyone ever bass players, adding the experienced Yocco, Sometime around 1972 I moved to Boston, played real music on real instruments. In who had played in a number of local blues and met Peter Greenberg. We had similar addition to having a dynamite lead singer, a and R & B bands, including John Sinclair’s musical tastes, and started to put together a wily veteran of a lead guitar player, a knowl- Blues Scholars (John Sinclair was the man- band, which ended up being DMZ. In ‘79 I edgeable and experienced bass player, and a ager of the MC5). Shortly after the release of joined a band called Bad Habits, which passionate and accomplished drummer, the Ism they switched drummers, adding Eric became the Odds. We did a show with the thing that sets The Downbeat 5 apart from Almquist, whose musical proficiency is Queers, and the rest of the guys in the Odds other rootsy garage rock bands is just how matched by his enthusiasm for the material didn’t really dig them. But Joe (Queer) and I deep their roots are. Elder statesman J.J. and his high energy personality. started talking, and then he asked me to join Rassler has been playing in bands since 1965, The second album, Victory Motel, them, around 1987. I stayed with them he was a founding member of the seminal released earlier this year, is a giant leap for- through 1990. At first, Joe wanted me to be DMZ, and has spent time with the Odds, the ward for Downbeat 5. It’s well-paced, well- the singer, but as he was teaching me the Queers, and many others. Not many working produced (by which I mean that you can hear songs, singing them to me, I said to him, bands today have anything to match that. all the parts distinctly, but it’s still rough and “These are your songs. You sing them better J. J. met Jen D’Angora while they both real sounding), the originals are strong, and than I could. Just sing them, and I’ll play gui- worked at Rounder Records in Cambridge, the covers are brilliantly tasteful. It’s avail- tar.” I had wanted to be more of a lead guitar and they got married in 1994. They started able through Abbey Lounge Records, and is player, and to focus on singing harmonies, so casually learning songs together. They lis- as good of a garage/R&B/rock album as that worked out well. In ‘96, Joe and I got tened to a variety of musical styles, from you’re going to hear this side of 1965. back together to write some songs for what 70 became the Don’t Back Down record. I’d sing the songs at home to Jen, and ask for help singing them together. It became clear that there was a combined musical voice emerging between us. Once that project was over, Jen and I continued to experiment with singing and playing together. In 2000, we finally decided to put together a band, just hoping to play out once or twice a year. That was the Downbeat 5, and we really haven’t stopped since. Brian: Do you and Joe Queer still get together? J.J: I went down to Texas a couple months ago to meet up with him. The Queers were playing South By Southwest, and they asked me to play with them. He and I were hang- ing out in his hotel room, playing some of the old songs, drinking bottled water. I said to him: “Look at us. We used to know where to score in every city in America. Now we know where to find an AA meeting in every city in America.” Brian: So, you’re sober now? J.J.: Yeah, for almost fifteen years, after twenty-five years of addiction. I don’t remember much of the ‘80s. I had never played on stage sober. I had never gotten laid sober. Back then, the fact that I didn’t know how to play didn’t matter, ‘cuz we were all so wasted. Now, I listen to my playing sometimes and cringe, and that makes me practice more and try to get better. Brian: Take me back to DMZ for a minute. You guys were part of the CBGB’s scene in the late ‘70s, even though you were from Boston. When did you first hear the Ramones? J.J.: The first time we saw the Ramones was March of ‘76. Brian: Any interesting stories from that time? J.J.: I remember a band that played there a lot called Frankenstein. They were a lot like DMZ, basically aping the Stones and the Stooges, and they had long hair, like us, like the Ramones. This was in ‘76. We came back to Boston for a while. Then, sometime after the Sex Pistols broke, we went back to New York, and in comes this new band called The Dead Boys, with short hair spiked up on top. They were the same guys: Frankenstein. They tried to J.J.: I’ve always loved Brill found attractive; it sucks when that’s tell us that we should cut our hair like that, too, since Building/girl group pop. It was really all a reviewer concentrates on. I love it everybody was doing it. I just said, “No, man, that’s just my first musical love, growing up in when people comment on my guitar another form of conformity.” Philly. And that kind of music was one playing. I am a rhythm guitar player, Brian: The fact that you and Jen were married when you of the first things Jen and I discovered and that role is just as important as the put the band together, and then divorced, but kept the band we had in common. vocals to me. together, speaks volumes about how important Downbeat Brian: Jen, how hard is it to maintain Brian: Mike, how much input do you 5 must be to both of you. a band—or two in your case—and have in the choice of cover songs that J.J.: Jen could sing in another band and sound good. I work a full time day job? Downbeat 5 does? could play guitar in other bands and be adequate. But Jen: It’s really hard. My dream is to be Mike: Most of the input starts with J.J. when the two elements come together in this band, they able to take a year off and tour. I just and Jen. While Eric and I give a lot of become a third element. It’s a chemistry that’s indefinable, don’t have the means to do that and the feedback on arrangements, songs are inexplicable, and undeniable. I’m the dinosaur, Jen’s the rest of the guys in the band don’t pretty much selected by them, but it’s chick, and we get the notoriety. But the four of us togeth- either. So we are weekend warriors, not to say any tunes we might bring into er are a complete band. The sound we have is a product of taking a few days off here and there to the mix wouldn’t be considered. all four of us. We wouldn’t sound as good as we do with do the extended runs. It’s exhausting, Brian: Are there other bassists you another rhythm section. Everyone thought we were nuts, but it’s all worth it. admire, or like listening to? but we are, in fact, best of friends and an incredible song- Brian: I’ve received some feedback to Mike: Some of my favorites include writing team. We had to see the value in that, recognize it, the effect that I shouldn’t make refer- Duck Dunn, Jerry Scheff, John and save it. The day we went to court for the divorce, we ence to whether or not someone is Entwistle, Brian Wilson, Bill Black went to lunch right afterwards to plan the summer tour good looking or attractive in a music and Noel Redding but the one bassist I schedule and decide what songs we wanted to record for review. Do you find it offensive when want to be like is Michelle Paulhus the new record. Relationships may come and go, but a reviewers comment on your looks (Dents/ Marvels)! Seriously good band and good songwriting partners are hard to find. within the context of a review? though, bass players, myself included, Ain’t easy, but it’s worth it. Jen: I don’t mind it as long as the main are rarely noticed by anyone other than Brian: The new record has two Shangri-Las covers on it. focus is the music. It doesn’t suck to be other musicians. But man, you’d have Is that a style of music you’re particularly fond of? 71 we had someone working full time, outside of the four of us, doing promotion and that kind of thing. Brian: I’m always interested in where songs come from. Are there any interesting stories behind any of your original tunes? J.J.: The song “I’m Not Waiting,” from the first album, happened on the first Thanksgiving after our divorce. We decided to still spend it together, and I was cooking at my place. While I waited for her to come over, and while the turkey was cooking, I was listening to some different old records and just playing along on my guitar, just noodling. I got this riff going that I liked, and I just kept doing it. Jen arrived just as I had taken the turkey out of the oven, and I picked

WE USED TO KNOW WHERE TO SCORE IN EVERY CITY IN AMERICA. NOW WE KNOW WHERE TO FIND AN AA MEETING IN EVERY CITY IN AMERICA. to be blind and deaf not to notice Michelle’s a rhythm section that could handle any off- presence and charisma. There’s a realness the-wall direction or whim Jen and I were my guitar back up and showed her the riff. about her style and personality that I admire. lookin’ to explore. That is now the case. We She said, “That’s cool, I like it.” Then she Brian: Eric, was it difficult to fit yourself try anything we feel like. Why not? If it went in the living room to watch TV while I into Downbeat 5, an existing band, as works, great, if not, at least ya tried it. You’re finished getting dinner together. opposed to being a founding member? never too old to learn, as long as ya keep Jen: That was kinda written for my Eric: No, it’s their music, and I play drums your mind open, and this band has been a boyfriend at the time. for them, enjoying myself all the while. The learning experience for us all. Ya make mis- J.J.: We finished it right after dinner. last thing a drummer says in a band is, takes through trial and error, but we concern Jen: “Lie Again,” on the new album, was “When are we gonna play one of my songs?” ourselves with only what we think, collec- written about a documentary about hookers Brian: What are some of the different styles tively. That’s what matters most. Fans’ or on the street. Without getting too gross, the of music you enjoy listening to? press reactions are good and important, but last verse was written because of a scene that J.J.: I dig a wide variety of music including certainly not the barometer to solely rely on. was particularly disturbing. A hooker was country, ‘50s jazz, Latin, old-time Brian: Jen, I noticed that, when J.J. was with this guy in a car, and he wanted to do Appalachian, soul. I have a record collection playing his solo in “Run in Place,” you her “in the rear.” She said no, and he did it of over 10,000 singles, but nothin’, musical- seemed to really be getting into your rhythm anyway, and then beat her. It was just really ly, turns me on like a tough four-piece, balls- playing, you had your head down, and your disturbing to me. Definitely not the Pretty to-the-wall rock ‘n’ roll band. I sometimes hair was hanging down in front of your face, Woman image portrayed in movies. hate the fact that I get jaded and pissy and hiding you. It was like you were inside your Brian: How hard is it to transition from hate some bands before even checking them own little space. What were you thinking at being on stage—the crowd, the attention, out, but, on the flip side, I wear my heart on that moment? being the “rock star”—to getting up the next my sleeve and am a drooling slob over bands Jen: [laughing] I was wishing that I didn’t morning and going to your nine-to-five I do like. Whether they’re famous or com- have to sing, and that I could just play guitar. office job? pletely unknown. Whether they’re ragged Brian: Really? That surprises me. You look Jen: For me, it’s very difficult. Being on and raw or tight as a baby’s ass. When I like like you really enjoy singing. stage is such a rush, and I really become a dif- somebody, I’m a fifteen-year-old fan, wide- Jen: I do dig singing a lot, but sometimes it’s ferent person. At work I’m quiet, reserved, eyed and salivatin’. so much more fun to just play guitar. A lot of professional, but on stage I can get crazy. Brian: Eric was the last member to join. people will simply just not believe this, but I J.J.: There’s definitely something about get- What kind of impact did adding him have on am a very shy person and being center stage ting on stage and being the ham and interact- the band? is actually pretty freaky to me, even after ing with the audience. I mean, I need to play J.J.: Gaining Eric as a drummer opened new doing it for so long. Also, I love playing gui- music. If I go too long without playing, I get doors to us musically. He’s a powerful and tar, and singing lead has taken a lot of focus nervous, like going through withdrawals. tasteful drummer who came from his own away from my playing. So when I have the Rehearsing can be enough to take the edge background of music that differed opportunity to just hang back and play, it is off, but only playing for a live audience gets slightly from ours, but he saw the basic qual- so much fun, and I get to get out of the spot- the real fix. ity of what we were about, and ya can’t deny light for a bit. Eric: I agree with that. Playing for a crowd, the appeal of tough, no-brainer rock- Brian: Looking ahead, how much success there’s the energy, feedback, whatever, that ’n’roll, so he wanted in. It was the missing can you expect, long term, for a band playing just makes me play that much louder, link for us. We were progressing, wanted to tough but graceful garage rock? hit the drums that much harder. do more styles, and needed a solid punch and J.J.: It really depends. It would help a lot if

73 The HolyHoly KKississ

lone they stand as a baker, a librarian and a movie Interview by Kat Jetson and Gabriel Hart ticket taker. Together, as friends and musical soul mates, Intro by Kat Jetson they rock the blues and create dark, powerful and intoxicat- Photos by Kat Jetson ing songs that are soaked in love and drowning in sorrow. AOpen-E-Minor slide guitarist and singer Matty Rue Morgue, along Kat: So Matt, the first thing I want to say is, because I read that you with his ex-wife, bassist Dawn Hillis, and drummer Nic Ott have been like Metallica, don’t waste your time seeing their documentary Some Kind of Monster. enchanting San Francisco with their their brand of jagged, foot- Matt: It’s not good? stompin’Americana since 2000. In return, they ask for very little—allow Kat: I kind of like Metallica… yourself to be entertained, buy some music to take home with you, Matt: So do I. Ride the Lightning… I see Kirk Hammet a lot, just keep your galloping drums to yourself, and please, for the love of God, hanging out at my work buying health food. He had on a black exer- don’t call them goth! cise suit the last time I saw him. I pressed the band about life-altering topics such as Metallica and Kat: Frightening! So Nic, you work at a library, right? And where else? what they collect, while Gabriel dug deeper and got the scoop on vices Nic: A bookstore. that work and the dead body in Riverside. Kat: So I take it you like the books, huh? Nic: I do. Kat: ‘Cause I have this image of Parker Posey in Party Girl, and I was wondering if working in a library was any- nified and it’s a lot better. But with Nic and Matt: I drink whiskey and smoke a pack of thing like that. me we can write songs in, like, two minutes. cigarettes every day, and do opiates as much Nic: Sometimes. She did more stamping and He bought a drum machine and we just want- as I can. So, there you go. I do more shelving and fetching. But yeah, it’s ed to do something else that was stupid and Kat: I appreciate the break down. You and similar. would get us beer and twenty-five bucks a Gabe were recording today. What’s that for? Kat: And Matt, I hear that you want to be a night. Skot B (bassist of the Phantom Limbs) Matt: As far as labelmates, the Starvations mortician. Is that correct? has helped up out a lot as far as recording. and us have become pretty much like broth- Matt: Yes it is. And he’s recording the Holy Kiss album at ers. We seem to really be about the same Kat: Does one go to school for that, or do you E40 Studios in Oakland, which is insane to us. influences and stuff. learn from, uh, watching? It’s like walking into a musical Disneyland. Gabriel: I think we stick out like a sore thumb. Matt: It’s weird. In the state of California you Kat: Does he sneak you in the studio and Kat: You mean you don’t sound like (the can go to school for it or do an apprenticeship. record you for free or something? band) !!! (pronounced “chk chk chk”)? The schools for morticians are few and far Nic: Yeah. The studio was closing, so the Matt: Exactly. between. I believe there are two in California, last month it was open we snuck in on a cou- Gabriel: Nothing against any of those bands and the one I’ve been going to—taking pre- ple of weekends and now we’re doing some (on GSL), though, because they’re great. liminary courses—is in Sacramento. To me it stuff at his house. We pay Skot, but we did- Matt: We just have the same Americana symbolizes becoming an adult… n’t pay the studio. roots. Me, Gabe, and Nic just recorded today Kat: It’s an honest job. Matt: …and fucking this rock and roll shit. It’s important. You have to be on the ball. So I’m going to wait to do that. Kat: So does the mortician take out all the blood and stuff? Matt: Well, there are two licenses. There’s an embalming license and there’s a funeral direc- tor’s license. The funeral director takes care of the whole procession—pallbearers, casket, et ceteras. Embalming, you pretty much take care of the body. Gabriel: Have you ever seen a dead body outside of a funeral home? Matt: Yes, I have. Gabriel: Did you trip over it? Matt: It was disgusting! I saw it when I was a kid, and it was black and it was blue and gross. It was in these orange groves in Riverside and I just happened upon it. Kat: Why am I not surprised? Matt: When I was growing up there, they had a really large murder rate. Kat: Nic, your sister Sam is a musician, too. I was wondering if she taught you how to play any instruments. Nic: We started taking drum lessons at the same time from the same person. We had a drum kit in the house. Matt: It was a totally different experience and it’s coming out really well. Matt [to Nic]: Your dad was in a band, huh? than recording in a garage. Gabriel: I felt like we all just fucked today or Nic: Yeah, my step dad. Kat: Was there coke ready for you on mir- something. It was all small talk until today Matt: What was the name of his band? rored tables or something? Shag rugs and… and we finally made a move on each other. Nic: The Gonzo Rockers! Matt: Nah, none of that shit. No strippers or Matt: I’ve had sex with Gabe a number of Kat: So you’re from a very noisy family. anything, it was just really nice equipment. times. At least in the fact that he sent me cas- Nic: Yeah, pretty much. Nic: The control room was like the deck on settes in the mail and I’ve been able to play Kat: I know that you both are in another band Star Trek. There were all these computers and with them. And today was the first time we called Jeweled Cats. One time I was talking to knobs and flashing stuff. had physical sex… musically. What we did Gabe, when he was playing in both New Gabriel: Is there a particular vice that lends today sounded great and I’m really excited Detectives and Starvations, and he said it felt to inspiration? about it. like he was cheating on his girlfriend or some- Nic: I don’t know. Matty’s the drug addict in Gabriel: One thing I’ve always liked about thing by playing in two bands. Do you ever this band. you guys is the way you blur the line between feel that way? Matt: I’ll lay it down for you. Dawn drinks fantasy and reality. Is that a conscious thing Nic: Not really ‘cause it’s just the two of us once in a while, Nic smokes weed, does you’re doing? and it’s extension of what we’re already doing. mushrooms, and drinks. Matt: I think we all share a dark sense of Matt: Nic and me share the same musical Nic: I actually don’t drink that much, and only humor. We basically play blues rock but it’s brain. With Dawn, of course, it’s totally mag- do mushrooms once every couple of months. magnified. I don’t know how to describe

75 myself. We just try to make it as personal as applaud Gabriel for his fabulous story- Kat: You know, normally emo’s a dirty word. possible. Instead of walking into a club and telling.] Matt: But he actually does it very well. I’ve seeing some asshole solo or whatever, you see Kat: [to Matt] I just found out you were cried through his records many a time. some guy up there telling some real emotion. married. Nic: I really, really like the new Sleater- That’s basically what I wanted this band to be Matt: I was. To our bass player, Dawn. Kinney record. It hasn’t left my turntable. about. Blues music is important to me in that Kat: Is that weird to be in a band with her? Matt: And the Vanishing. aspect. You’re talking about love, you’re talk- Matt: After the divorce, for about two or Nic: I think a lot of “innovators” are doing ing about addiction, and whatever else. I three months, it was weird because we were, electronic music. Rock music is great, and I don’t want to get up there and be like… you know, going through a divorce. It was play rock music, but it’s bored and dying in a Kat: Shake your ass! like… do I hate you? Do I love you? But what lot of ways. I think many people have fallen Matt: Exactly. it came down to is that we enjoy playing away from it because it’s kind of tired and Gabriel: Do you guys ever get upset by the music together, and to sacrifice that would they’re trying something new. way people describe what you’re about? probably kill us. I love Dawn to death, but Matt: Punk nowadays is way too mainstream. Nic: People can think whatever they want. we’re just different people. When we were There’s magazines about it and shit. I don’t Matt: We always get Birthday Party and Nick together she was a straightedge vegan and I want to hear about Fletcher from Pennywise. Cave. And maybe some Crime and the City was drinking whiskey and doing as many Kat: Or Punk-O-Rama 16… Solution, which is not a bad thing. But, at the drugs as I could. Matt: Or the Warped Tour for Christ sakes! I ysical TodayToday waswas thethe firstfirst timetime wewe hadhad physicalph sex...sex... musically.mmusically.usically. same time, we’re trying to distance ourselves Kat: Eh, well, you got that awkward first want to hear about real punk rock. No gallop- from that. marriage out of the way. ing drums or… I just want it to be real again. Nic: I don’t listen to Nick Cave anymore. Matt: To be honest, you don’t have to get [Dawn arrives after a long drive from Matt: After Boatman’s Call, it’s just [thumbs married. Don’t get married! San Francisco.] down]. Kat: At what point did you feel like you Matt: Hey Dawn, we’re doing an interview! Gabriel: I couldn’t agree with you more. played your instrument well enough to be in Kat: What song do you wish you wrote? Matt: He’s like fifty years old. Fuckin’ a, if I a band? Nic: I wish I wrote “Caravan” by Art Tatum. were fifty, I’d be making bad music, too. Nic: Just in the past two years have I felt real- Kat: I don’t know that song. Kat: Do you think people can be too old to cre- ly comfortable. Nic: It’s one of his solo piano performances. ate music, or do you think people just get shitty? Matt: I’d never picked up a guitar before this Kat: Is he alive? Matt: No, I think people just… band. I used to play bass in a screamo band in Nic: No, he’s dead. He was a jazz pianist Nic: Lose touch. San Diego back in the early ‘90s. They were from the ‘30s. Matt: Tom Waits is a perfect example. Real a dime a dozen. I wanted to start a band with Matt: I wish I had written “Mutiny in Gone is perfect. Good album. And the guy’s Nic and Dawn because we all shared the same Heaven,” or anything by Erik Satie or Skip like, fifty-five. I actually saw Tom Waits one musical interests and we both like the same James. Especially “Cherry Bottled Blues” by time. He came into my store—I work at a bands. I don’t play normal tuning, so I can’t Skip James. bakery sometimes—with his wife Kathleen. It play regular guitar like G chords and C Dawn: I’ll give props to one of our friends’ was the most amazing thing to me. I watched chords. I play an open E minor, which is kind bands, and that would be Black Ice’s “Eve E.” him pick out cookies and stuff. I was debating of what Skip James and old blues kind of Kat: Do you think that the city you live in has whether or not to go up to him and be like, guys would play. I think that lends a lot to our an impact on the kind of music you create? “You’re awesome!” but I decided not to. sound. So, if you wanted me to play normal Matt: I think it has a lot to do with it. One, Gabriel: Did you get all starry-eyed? guitar for your band I couldn’t do it. because there’s a thousand bars you play in Matt: I did, but I thought that this person gets Kat: So no power chord riffin’? and two because there’s a lot of people up it all the time. Matt: Definitely no. Just slide. there who are disconcerted by normal music. Gabriel: You just feel like another number. Kat: Who do you think are innovators in this Nic: Your friends and the bands you play with Kat: Or you feel like you couldn’t add any- time? Someone or some band that has influence what you write. thing to what anyone else has already said. changed the face of music. Matt: It seems like there’s almost a ren- Gabriel: You get really used to that in L.A. Nic: Well, I’ll mention Tom Waits again aissance going on in San Francisco, if I Matt: Fuckin’ Kirk Hammett. because a) he’s been so prolific and b) he’s may say. As opposed to five years ago [Somehow everyone gets off the subject been doing so many different styles of music when there was just Starlite Desperation and we end up talking about fishing. for so long. and The Vue. Now people are like, “Fuck Gabriel then tells a story of how he went Matt: Xiu Xiu. That guy’s amazing. that poseur shit! I’m a rock and roll dude,” fishing and he caught a McDonald’s bag Nic: Jamie Stewart. and they’re just going for it. So So Many with a fish in it! Not a Filet-o-Fish sand- Matt: Yes. He takes emo to an absurd level, White Tigers are great. Militant Children’s wich, but an honest to goodness fish! We but it works. Hour are great. They’re trying to make music for people to have fun to and not, ferent music and to different people. I feel like of the century mourning cards. They used to like, go and drink to. we would have chosen a different direction if be a big fad, and you’d have a card of your Kat: You know, directly at the bottom of your that was our goal. loved one who just passed away with their recent feature in The Guardian was an ad for Kat: But that said, what product do you think face or not, and some biographical informa- “goth dating.” Do you have any comment? your music could sell? tion. People used to keep them and have hold- Matt: We’re not goth. Maybe the ideas and Dawn: Whiskey, maybe. ers for them in their houses. sentiments we deal with are dark, but as far as Nic: Silent movies. Dawn: I collect so many things it’s pathetic, the whole Nine Inch Nails/Hot Topic thing, Matt: People who are upset with romance. but I don’t want to reveal my secrets. we’re not very goth. Nic: So, like dildos or something? Kat: What’s the one thing that everyone Kat: I actually don’t know what the word Kat: Goth dating. knows about you, and what’s the one thing means anymore. Matt: Pretty much, if you’re human and you they’d be surprised to know about you? Now Matt: It doesn’t mean anything. agree with the fact that sometimes being a I know Dawn won’t answer because she does- Matt: Punk dating. Ska dating. It’s just so human sucks, we’ll sell it to you. n’t want to reveal her secrets. funny how these subcultures have evolved Kat: Are there any commercial songs that Matt: Everyone knows that Nic’s the straight over the years. you like? Because they’re using a lot of good man, but he’s got a great sense of humor. Kat: With everyone saying every band ones now. Nic: Okay, everybody knows I’m a sounds like Joy Division. At this point, that Nic: I like that Nick Drake song they use for straight man. means nothing to me. Matt: NOTH-ING! You might as well say Rolling Stones. Kat: Or Beatles harmonies. Thanks, I’ll run out and get it right now. Matt: Yeah, really! Kat: What has to be present in the music you hear and see for it to get your interest? Matt: I think it’s about performance. The first time I saw The Phantom Limbs, Ryan pretty much crawled through my legs and was throwing himself all over the place. That was something I had never seen before. It was amazing to me that someone would stake their own physical health for the sake of performance. It’s some- thing I try to do with Jeweled Cats. Nic: I look for good drummers. Kat: Me too! Do you ever get bummed out thinking after your show you have to sell some product? Nic: We don’t have to. I like having merch that people can take home with them so that they can remem- ber us. I don’t think we’re trying to sell anything. Matt: That’s always a problem with me. fuckin’ Volkswagen. Matt: Everybody knows I’m the fuck up and Nic’s always telling me to announce that we Dawn: The Buzzcocks. that I’m obsessed with death, but at the same have stuff for sale and I feel like, “Ohhhh, Nic: And I like that Led Zeppelin song that time, I appreciate life even more. okay.” But I guess it’s necessary for gas and they use for the Cadillac commercials. Dawn: I’ve been driving for five hours, I’m something to eat that night. Matt: Then there’s the sacred cow, which is not ready to think. C’mon Matt, you came up Kat: I guess what I meant was that it seems “Lust for Life.” But when I see it advertising a with one for Nic, come up with one for me. like you shouldn’t have to deal with that stuff. Carnival cruise I’m kind of skeptical about it. Matt: Okay, everyone knows that Dawn’s a Like you should just be able to be creative and Kat: Do you collect anything? sweetheart, but she can kick your ass if she perform. I always feel bad for bands that have Nic: I used to collect records. A couple of really wants to. Seriously. to sell something so that they have money for years ago, after moving records and books Nic: Oh, and everyone knows that I’m Sam food or to get to the next show. It seems most around forever, I just went through this one Ott’s brother. just can’t make a living off of it. move where I got rid of hundreds and hun- Matt: Yeah, I think the Ott family will go Nic: I like records. I like recorded music, and dreds of dollars worth of records and three- down in punk rock history. First there was I listen to it all of the time. And I appreciate fourths of my books. I’m just not that attached Sam, and then there was Nic. C’mon Nic, you buying music from the band instead of from a to stuff anymore. gonna give me a baby soon? store. In turn, I appreciate people buying Matt: I collect anything from Bessie Smith music from us. I also feel like if we were try- and old horror figurines like werewolves and ing to “sell something,” we’d be playing dif- vampires… little merman and stuff. Also, turn

77 Top fives RAZORCAKE STAFF

Designated Dale • One Man Army reunion show BBQ, San • The Riverboat Gamblers on the Warped Francisco party of fuck. Tour. This means that many a high school • Hot Snakes final show at the Casbah in student have been exposed to the rock this San Diego. Amy Adoyzie past summer. Alleluia. • Grabass Charlestons and the Soviettes Make Out Mix Tape Must Haves • Throw Rag’s dates also on the Warped with Vena Cava and Altaira live in a dive • MC5, “Let Me Try” Tour. Justice such as this makes Joey, Dee in San Diego. • The Dirtbombs, Dee, and Johnny smile down from the “I’m Qualified to Satisfy You” heavens. Greg Barbera • Scott H. Biram, “Wreck My Car” • The Epoxies, Stop The Future. Listen to • Tommy Gutless, • The Fictions, “The Handjive” them. See them. Love them. Death, Honor, or Glory Bound • Clorox Girls, “Vietnam” • The Soviettes, LP III • Todd, Purity Edge • Pointed Sticks, Perfect Youth. Quite pos- • Valient Thorr, Total Universe Man Aphid Peewit sibly the most perfect thing to come out of • Turbonegro, ResErection DVD • Dean Dirg/Henry Fiat’s Open Sore, Canada some twenty-five years ago. This • Poison Idea, War All the Time Split 7” re-issue makes my point. And speaking of • Regulations, Self-titled Canada, fuck Rush. You heard me. Jason Kinnard • Reatards, Bed Room Disasters • Modern Life Is War, Overlooked • Henry Fiat’s Bastard, Dan Monick • Go It Alone, The Only Blood Between Us Your Mom Is a Fucking Mongo 7” • Gun Called Tension • Shook Ones, Sixteen • Amish Armada, Give Up • Fosters Freeze on Fletcher • Allegiance, Overlooked • P.O.S. • Sex Positions, Self-titled Ben Snakepit • Daggers • Modern Machines, Taco Blessing 12”EP • Smile Like You Understand Jim Ruland • Army of Jesus, Rats in the Walls 7” • So Unloved • Rumbleseat, Is Dead Denise Orton • Epoxies • Soviettes, LP III Top Five Live Bands Viewed in the Past Year • Soviettes • Krunchies, In Der Winkel • Grabass Charlestons • This Is My Fist • Baroness • Observers Brian Mosher • Kudzu Wish • Spottiswoode And His Enemies, • Planes Mistaken For Stars Jimmy Alvarado Building a Bridge • Blood Brothers • Adolescents, OC Confidential • Graham Parker, • Shattered Faith, Bootleg Songs of No Consequence Donofthedead • Cymande, Renegades of Funk • The Hatepinks, Plastic Bag Ambitions • Rotten Sound, Exit • Gun Club, Fire of Love • Muck And The Mires, Beginner’s Muck • The Observers, So What’s Left Now • Acid Reign, Ready Yet? • Downbeat 5, Victory Motel • Shakira, Fijacion Oral, Vol. 1 • The Soviettes, LP III Josh Benke Buttertooth • System Of A Down, Mesmerize • King Khan BBQ Show • Shark Pants, Porno Snakehead • Real Losers, Music for Funsters • Dauntless Elite/The Because, Split 7” Gabe Rock • Pointed Sticks, Perfect Youth • Meneguar, I Was Born at Night • Blotto/Altaira Japan Tour: supported by • Carbonas, Frothing at the Mouth 7” • Blotto/Altaira, The Urchin, I Excuse, and tons of other • New Ugly Things Magazine Drunks Not Dead, Split 7” amazing bands thanks to Snuffy Smile. • Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle (book) • Dillinger Four, Tiltwheel: Free Radio San Diego Benefit and Fuck Yeah Fest.

Math’s hard. Ten is too high. Here are our top fives. Mostly music. But we’re not fascists, so there are other things, too. 80 up on the same label as Noam Chomsky! • Various Artists, Vancouver 4 Way, 7”. RAZORCAKE GUESTS Tasty new comp featuring Ladies Night, Vancougar, The Beladeans and Raised by Wolves. • Uncut presents… NME Originals MOD Josh Lane Billy of Dillinger Four • Toys That Kill, Don’t Take My Clone 7” Magazine: Interviews, reviews, and rare photos with everyone from The Action to • Toys That Kill, Don’t Take My Clone 7” • Asshole Parade, Say Goodbye 7” • Hard Skin, Same Meat, Different Gravy • Bent Outta Shape, Stray Dog Town Secret Affair. • Various Artists, The IKON Records Story, • The Soviettes, LP III • The Leeches Integratron 7” • The Loved Ones, Self-titled EP • Sexy, Por Vida Double LP. Incredible sampler of America’s #1 Unsung Garage Label • The Hold Steady, Separation Sunday 1964-1966. Kat Jetson Chris of Sexy • Kraftwerk at the Greek Theatre. Robots Newtim • Swing Ding Amigos, Kings of Culo came out and played a song for them. • Okmoniks, Rustle up Some Action/ Robots! Top Five current favorite 7” records in my collection Take a Spin 7”s • The Ghastly Ones at CIA. The return of • Toys That Kill, Don’t Take My Clone 7” the top-hatted, caped surf crusaders. • The Lids, Too Late 7” • F.M. Knives, Estrogen 7” • Spits/Triggers, Split 7” • Radio Vago’s self-titled CD. Produced by • Sexy/Killer Dreamer, Split 7” that guy with the glasses in Mars Volta. • Die Kruezen, Cows and Beer 7” • Tsk Tsk’s “Mouth to Mouth.” Hot damn, • Hickey/VooDoo Glow Skulls, Split 7” • The Bananas, Bad Banana Rising 7” Damian of Fucked Up that’s one helluva song! • Pissed Jeans, Shallow CD • This Blush’s synthtastic demo. Love at (until the vinyl comes out) first listen. Rev. Nørb • The Returnables, 3/5 Demo CD • Iron Boots, Weight Of The World CD • Real Losers, Music for Funsters • Chronic Seizure, Demo tape, Lord Kveldulfr self-released • The Meows, At the Top of the Bottom • Four Slicks, Bad Girl 7” • Leg Hounds, “Get Out of Here” (Live • Career Suicide, Invisible Eyes 12”EP • Rookie, A Lot to Live • 86 Mentality, On the Loose 7” • Sweatmaster, Tom Tom Bullet Thin Lizzy cover) • Hatepinks, Plastic Bag Ambitions • “A Day in the Life… Joey Cape” in Jim of Underground Medicine Punk Rock Confidential #2 Puckett Distribution • The Supersuckers kicking ass a three- • Catholic Boys, Hurt to Hate 7” piece in April. • The Hold Steady, Separation Sunday • Lucero, Nobody’s Darlings • Shop Fronts, Don’t Quit 7” • Maria Taylor, 11:11 • Final Solutions, My Love Is Megan Pants Disappointing 7” • The Arrivals, Goodbye New World • Some Girls, The DNA Will Have It’s Say • Steven Heller, Citizen Designer • Tokyo Electron, Put a Charge in You 7” • Grabass Charlestons, Ask Mark Twain • Sultanas, You’re the One 7” • Soviettes, LP III Rhythm Chicken • Various Artists, This Just In: A Benefit Kid Kevin of Killer Dreamer, for Indy Media • Against Me!, Re-inventing Axl Rose • Dillinger Four, Vs. God Lipstick Pickups • Various Artists, To Live and Die in • Thee Make Out Party! 7” Tampa Bay • Fireballs of Freedom, Greasy Retrospective • The Soviettes, LP III • Drinkers Purgatory, Self-titled Mike Frame • Bright Eyes, I’m Wide Awake; It’s Morning • Bent Outta Shape • Dictators, Viva Dictators • The Observers, Walk Alone 7” • Shady Lady, Raving Mad • Radio Krakow (Polish Radio) • Jeff Dahl/Diamond Dogs, Split CD Sean Carswell Mike of The Observers • Shit Dogs, World War III • Onion Flavored Rings, • Alkaline Trio, Crimson • Routineers, Self-titled • Banditas, Self-titled Two Minutes’ Enlightenment • Soviettes, LP III • Bent Outta Shape, Stray Dog Town Mr. Z • Army Of Jesus, Rats in the Walls 7” • Rivethead, Cheap Wine of Youth 12”EP • Charming Snakes, Ammunition • Grabass Charlestons, Ask Mark Twain • Knugen Faller, Inte Som Ni 7” • Teenage Bottlerocket, Totally • Pedestrians, Self-titled 7” • Four Deadly Questions, Self-titled 7” • Killer Dreamer, Self-titled Todd Taylor • Bent Outta Shape, Stray Dog Town Todd Congelliere of Toys That Kill • Blitz, Anagram Punk Collectors Series— • Swing Ding Amigos, Kings of Culo Best of Blitz • Grabass Charlestons, Ask Mark Twain • Toys That Kill, Don’t Take My Clone 7” • Bent Outta Shape, Stray Dog Town • Modern Machines, Taco Blessing 12”EP Nardwuar the Human Serviette • Dillinger Four, live • Hot Snakes, live • Federation X, Rally Day • Pointed Sticks, Perfect Youth. Reissue of • Arcade Fire, Funeral the greatest Vancouver punk rock LP ever. • Blowfly, Fahrenheit 69. Who would have ever thought that Blowfly would end

80 Sprinkler vocals. Eugene, Oregon would be the last place I would expect this Hey Goober: Full sound to be pushing out from, but here it is. Other than a seven-song demo, this is album art is their only release. This is a solid start. Tight and catchy. Now I only hope they required for can make it out of their crappy little col- lege town so others can witness their review. rock. –Newtim (Infringement)

Pre releases go ASSHOLEPARADE: Say Goodbye: CD into the trash. Ah, good ol’ Assholeparade. I tell ya, back in the day (as in three years ago), 80’S GIRL: Demo: CD-R this band was the soundtrack to many, If you go to shows frequently enough, many bike rides to and from work. It was you meet people. You become friendly just such a perfect segue between Void from the frequent interaction and conver- and Born Against, you know? I’ve never sations happen. One guy in particular, I really understood why they, along with meet from common friends and he tells Trepan Nation and Man Afraid, didn’t me he has a band. So I get kicked down a have the lasting popularity of some of demo from a guy who is genuinely nice. their peers, like Spazz and Charles It’s a two-piece combo that consists of Bronson. But we’re not here to speculate; guitar and drums and two guys named we’re here, of course, to talk about this Ryan. While I am four beers in listening new Assholeparade record. If you like to this, I am trying to get that thought off any of the bands I mentioned, or if you the tip of my tongue of what this sounds like thrash in general, you’ll definitely like to me. It sounds like the live 7 ALL HAIL THE BAND'S like this, but if you think you’re allergic Seconds tracks from the We Got Power to blastbeats, this isn’t going to convince comp mixed with early Circle One and you otherwise. These are songs that did- possibly another early ‘80s band like STUNNING ADEQUACY! n’t make it onto the Student Ghetto Disability. Boombox recording makes Violence CD (Which you should get. this even more appealing when they go -Rev. Nørb Seriously.), including a fucking amazing from mid-tempo to almost thrash. ‘80s is cover of the Circle Jerks’ “Red Tape” (the definitely where these guys have pulled liner notes also include the best advice from. –Donofthedead (80’s Girl) you’ll ever get: “Please buy the Group Sex LP for all of our sakes.”). If you’re them go—a couple of no-frills thrashers fishnet-clad background-vocalist-slash- ADOLESCENTS: keeping score at home, here’s the stats: here and there would’ve been nice—but tambourine-players from the waist down fourteen songs, twelve minutes, and one OC Confidential: CD I’ll gladly ignore roads less traveled if is not what i would consider to be a fresh Conservatively guessing, I’ve listened to grumpy, overweight snowboarder on they keep coming up with songs just as one. But, that said, the record itself is vocals. –Josh (No Idea) this bad boy at least thirty-five times in amazing as “California Son,” which to pretty cool, and, ultimately, that’s what the last three or four days, so at this point me sounds just as crucial as anything else matters, so, like, who gives a fuck if the I’m pretty well acquainted with the music AT THE SPINE: they’ve come up with to date. In short, bass player’s name is “Tommy Torture” First Day of Spring: CD contained herein. I’ve also been an yeah, I’m stoked as hell to have another and the inner sleeve portrays a fat dude unabashed fan since I heard their leg- This was specifically sent to me with a crucial album from these guys, one that from the neck down with “THE ANGEL note stating that they really appreciated endary “blue” album not too long after it gets better each time I listen to it. Let’s SLUTS” written across his gut which was released, so I’m also well acquainted my sincerity. So, I was truly hoping to just hope they’re planning to stick isn’t all that impressive when you honesty love this and reward them with a with their history and what they’re capa- around awhile to keep building on what remember that there was that Poison Idea ble of when they set their minds to bring- glowing review. I read the liner notes as I is already a solid foundation. Now if record cover where the fat dude pictured put this in and got a bit jaded. They cover ing the rock. That said, I can say with all you’ll excuse, I gotta go and hit “replay” from the neck down had actually carved conviction that they do, indeed, rock as Hank Williams and admit they’re never and spin this puppy again. –Jimmy the phrase “KINGS OF PUNK” into his even heard his version of the song, only they can. Is it the same as the “blue” Alvarado (Finger) gut with a fuckin’ RAZORBLADE??? album, you ask? Well, no it isn’t, you “House of Gold,” that they cover. Minus This doesn’t sound like the Reatards out- one. Then, they go on to proclaim (minus ninny, but it also isn’t 1981, is it? You ALTAIRA/ BLOTTO: right, but it sounds enough like the want rehash, pop that oldie into your one) that they’re not religious, and if they Drunks Not Dead: Split 7” Reatards (dirty guitars, trashy sound, were they wouldn’t be Christian… and player, bury your head in the sand, and It makes some sort of morbid sense that Radio Shack™ microphone vocals) that pretend we’re still living in Reagan proceed to sing a religious song the most-realized, stratospheric, and anyone who picks up records from (hypocrisy—minus twelve). If you seri- Country, kiddo. What it DOES sound like emotionally convincing songs Altaira Memphis bands in the hopes that they is TSOL’s more recent efforts, an exten- ously feel so strongly anti-religion, anti- make are on their swan song. These sound like the Reatards won’t be disap- church, or anti-whatever that you feel the sion of that original into new and inter- dudes in San Diego have flirted with pointed, i’m guessing. Actually, it sort of esting places. The dual octave guitar stuff need to come out and defend your views, bushy-beard era Hot Water Music and sounds like a cross between the Reatards then why not just choose another song? that sounded so fuggin’ cool back then post Hairbrained Scheme Addicts and all those guitar bands that defined the and ended up being one of the trademarks Or, if you just like the song’s melody or Tiltwheel for some time—that hairy- Sympathy for the Record Industry sound other element, but don’t agree with the of the “OC punk” sound is still all over voiced, drunk desperation slipping into about fifteen years ago. Oh, what the hell, the place here, but it’s used in different, lyrics or sentiment, you have some choic- elation, mixed about with goodguy musi- we all love the first Saints album here, es. Personally, I sing the hell out of songs often subtle ways. The tempos are slower cal fisticuffs. They finally got a locker let’s drink. BEST SONG: “5 and Dime” for the most part, but the intensity, the that I like which have lyrics that I don’t with a combination all their own and their BEST SONG TITLE: I’ll say “5 and necessarily agree with or that have senti- conviction, the thing that made them corsage to the big dance, then kaput. Two Dime” again, because new Razorcake “hardcore” is still there, right up front, ments I don’t agree with. Do I feel the of my favorite songs by the band. Blotto: regulations indicate that i am required to need to validate my liking of the songs? and so is the pop to temper the rage and Japan needs to invade America again. spell that phrase “FIVE and Dime” and i give everything that musical “sheen.” Nope. Maybe I’d take it all with a grain of Bomb the shit out of the airwaves. Make like to stick it to The Man. FANTASTIC salt if the music were any good, but this The lyrics, the one place they could’ve babies who play flawless guitars and say AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Record con- totally fudged and gotten away with it, is about as awful as it comes: mellow and things like “And I want to shoot my head tains an insert depicting a silhouetted pole uninteresting arty adult contemporary remain substantive (at least from what which is poor.” I’m not fibbing when I dancer coupled with the phrase “I SUP- I’m able to make out) and Tony serves with wimpy, echo-y vocals. How’s that say they’re standing on the dynamite bar- PORT SINGLE MOMS,” which, as for sincerity? –Megan (Global Seepej) them up as only he knows how. They’ve rel of Dillinger Four while pulling down someone that deals with strippers/ even added a few new influences to the the Clash’s socks and making a racket escorts/you-name-its on a daily basis at pot to give the stew a more interesting BAD VIBES, THE: that Crimpshrine would be proud of. Oh, work, amuses me to no end—so i’m tap- All the Right Ways flavor (is that a dash o’ ska I’m hearing yes. Fucking outstanding split. –Todd ing it to the top of my computer monitor there?). Most importantly, though, this to Do You Wrong: CD (Snuffy Smile) until my boss tells me i have to take it “Someone’s got it in for you and that feels REAL, which is more than one can down. –Rev. Nørb (Wrecked ‘Em) say about so many of the older bands motherfucker is me!” Some killer ANGEL SLUTS, THE: Nihilistics/Poison Idea-influenced punk who’ve decided to give the punk rock Hot Teen Action: 7” ANXIETIES, THE: Black Hole cash cow another milking—no resting on here. This Hostile City outfit spits out I got to admit, the concept of bands with (In the Center of my Brain): 7” pure, unfiltered rage in its two-minute their laurels or riding on their name here; dopey names like “The Angel Sluts” and Fast punk rock that reminds me of a these guys have obviously put in the nec- rippers. This is highly recommended for dopier record titles like Hot Teen Action healthy mix of early Angry Samoans fans of Boston’s deeply missed A Team, essary work. You can bet that, as a fan, and even-dopier-than-that record covers music and a less witty Rev. Nørb’s “(Do there are places I would’ve loved to see Last In Line, and, hell, the entire depicting (presumably) their (female) You Wanna) Grilled Cheese?” Boris the Kangaroo Records catalog. Great hard- 78 core punk by folks who may have to fight this, but you won’t be able to little rockin’ instead of people-eatin’. All of those songs markedly diverging from actually been around to see some of stop. The second thing you’ll notice is a gloom, depression and woe here, which, what they’re so obviously good at, those great early ‘80s bands. There is sonic fuzz wrapped around melodies. It’s while interesting, decidedly does not go Meanwhile... is lacking that consistent some “living paycheck to paycheck” been done before. Hüsker Dü and early with the sunny summer weather and dis- and wonderfully damaging sort of swag- anger here that some snotty suburban Mudhoney did it well, but it would be a position I currently find myself stuck in. ger and snarl that they’re gonna need to kids can’t even fathom. The vinyl mistake to compare the Banditas to –Jimmy Alvarado (Satellite) really stand up above the plethora of purist snobs will miss out on this due either one of those bands. In fact, it’s bands playing the same type of stuff. to its non-hardcore label and CD-only hard to find any safe comparisons for the BIG VINNY AND –Keith Rosson (Take Root) status, but fans of pissed-off, burly Banditas. I guess there’s a bit of Rocket THE CATTLE THIEVES: hardcore without any stupid fuckin’ From The Crypt without the horns in I Was a Teenage Premature BLACK ICE: breakdowns will love this. A label like there, like the Banditas and RFTC are Ejaculator: 7” EP Terrible Birds: CD Manic Ride, Deranged, or Kangaroo part of the same species, but not the If GG Allin never wrote a romantic bal- While many of the modern goth scene’s would be well served to make this same genus. When you stop comparing lad to his dick (and I’m not sure if he heroes either wallow in watered-down available on vinyl. This is fucking them to bands, the next step is to just get didn’t) and how his too-tender mush- pretentious noodling for the sake of great! –Mike Frame (Steel Cage) swept away in the songs. There’s a nice room cap failed him, Big Vinny’s written “art,” embrace electronica’s lamest ele- balance of power and rhythm, and this it for him, years after GG’s demise, and ments and/or shovel out dreck that is BAMN/ BLACK STAR trio puts more into the songs than you’d the world’s a better place. It’s the title nothing more than bad metal with some RISING: Split: 12” expect from only three people. And track. Actually, the two originals on this Sister Eldritch clone mumbling along, Bamn reminds me a lot of Wilmington’s maybe, after about twenty or thirty lis- 7” remind me of GG’s country work: goth’s leaner, meaner American cousin, Armistice—super crusty! Black Star tens, you might notice that there doesn’t laid-back in its own filth, heavy-drink- death rock, seems to be enjoying a bit of seem to be any bass in here—no bass ing, self-depreciating, torn-throat, and a much needed revival thanks to the Rising is super fast Swedish street punk. guitar, no bass drum. Not that it’s miss- better than it should be. The third song’s efforts of bands like the Phantom Limbs This is one of the best new splits out ing. It’s just not there. And, finally, this a GG cover, “Sister Sodomy,” so they and this, one of that band’s side projects right now, and from the DIY looks of it album will creep into your top five. At weren’t working in a vacuum. Not that has become a full-fledged band in its all, it’s probably not too far off from least, it’s one of my top five favorite essential, but oddly enjoyable. –Todd own right. Elements recalling both gen- being permanently out-of-print forever. albums right now. You may also be inter- (May Cause Dizziness) res’ glory days—the gloom of early So you better go pick yourself up a copy ested to know that this album is available Christian Death, the dark neo-tribalism right away! –Mr. Z (S&M) on vinyl, too. And they sent me a CD. BLACK FURIES: Meanwhile, of Savage Republic and the Birthday Fuckers. –Sean Carswell (Last Drag) Back in the States: CD Party, the aversion to full-on Barre BANDITAS: Self-titled: CD Black Furies wound up parking their car chords that was once the hallmark of I met all three members of this trio prior BENDER: Self-titled: CD somewhere between Lazy Cowgirls 4AD bands like Cocteau Twins and to hearing their album. The drummer is Dunno about you, but when I see accor- Avenue and Hellacopters Way. Problem Xmal Deutschland, the punk rock punch also a poet. He and I did a reading dion, piano, banjo, and harmonica listed is, their ride’s a Honda Accord. I mean, of bands like Mood of Defiance or together. He’s a pretty good poet (and I as instruments used on a recording, I it’ll get you there but it’s not exactly Superheroines, and vocals that borrow don’t often say that about poets). One of expect something more or less uptempo decked out, you know? There’s just a lit- liberally from the Siouxsie Sioux School the guitarists is a writer, too. She does a and rootsy to come from the speakers. tle something missing here. Granted, of Singin’—are married to the intensity zine about being a menstrual anarchist. These guys (to be as completely obscure these guys absolutely know what they’re in delivery that makes Phantom Limbs She taught me how to say “eat my as possible in a shameless attempt to gar- doing; this stuff is proficient and catchy such hot shit, resulting in what is easily pussy” in French. The other guitarist hit ner some “underground reviewer dude” beer-and-stilettos garage punk inter- one of the best albums thus far this year. me up to buy him a beer. With a trio of cred for myself so I can use phrases like spersed with the odd dancehall number, It’s really nice to hear someone revisit personalities like that, what could you “reinvented” without fear of being beat- and an instrumental or two that verges this style that obviously understands that possibly expect from the album? I was- en to a pulp by heavies doin’ dirt for the on spaghetti western shit. At their best, the music is supposed to rock, and here’s n’t sure. I just wasn’t expecting it to be Underground Reviewer Dudes Union they’re channeling early Supersuckers to hoping they continue to raise a racket this good. The first thing you’ll notice Local 215) sound like EXP reinvented as records, which ain’t a bad road to head for some time to come. –Jimmy when the Banditas start playing is that a pop band, or (less cryptic) the zombies down at all. But when this thing clocks Alvarado (Hungry Eye) your head will start bobbing. You can try from Dawn of the Dead decided to do a in at eight songs long, with two or three BLACK SUNDAY: songs of punk rock’n’roll that make me immersed in a bucket of Fresca™, POP is legions of followers to quit forming Tronic Blanc: CD say, “Yes.” –Speedway Randy BOLD like the baritone sax coming in bands. These guys are admittedly better The most difficult thing in dealing with (Yakisakana) and going “WHUH WHUH WHA- than others, but this continued exposure Alicja Trout is trying to keep up with all WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA” at the end of to rehashed ska punk is not only making of her musical projects, but it’s immense- BLACK TIME: “Thank the Lord for the Night Time” by your music sound that much worse, it’s ly fruitful. Black Sunday (basically a one- I Spit on Your Lifestyle: 7” Neil Diamond. It’s BOLD like the strings causing me to break out in a funky rash Dirty, messy, inspired fukking rokk. on a Troggs ballad. It’s bold like the every time I so much as drop something woman project recorded over a two-year frickin’ brass section in “I Know a and someone tells me to pick it up. I span) heavily takes elements from two Great, great stuff. This is what mixed-up hot girls play on the pirate radio station Place” by Petula Clark! It’s NOT like thank you in advance. –Jimmy Alvarado other bands she is/was involved in: the some half-assed cross between the Flying (http://buzzkill.biz) Lost Sounds and Mouserocket. There’s when they’re all pissed off at boys. –Speedway Randy (Shake Your Ass) Lizards and Shonen Knife and Guided By choreographed electronic symphonies, Voices aspiring to (and failing to achieve) CASIONAUTS: songs that sound like ‘50s standards set to “Hong Kong Garden” by Siouxsie & The !Bailamos Murimos Juntos!: CD new wave, sweet indie rock moments that BURIAL: Never Give Up… Never Give In: CD Banshees as some sort of Pop Grail. IT IS Comparisons to the Faint are gonna be launch into Servotron-y lo-fi blasts, and NOT THAT. This record is no darn good! inevitable. They’ve got to know that. far beyond. Due to the fact that I’ve been First off, if a record comes out on Deranged Records, I’ll give it a chance I do not know why anyone would listen to Maybe if that band and the Washdown able to track down a decent amount of or put out this record. To heck with all hooked up at a swingers party, their illic- what Alicja’s done (Fitts, River City without knowing anything about the band prior to listening to it (this CD is a perfect parties involved! BEST SONG: Their it spawn-bag of corpulence and blood Tanlines, Clears)—and pretty much like example of that). Deranged’s honcho recasting of PiL’s “Public Image” as vessels would’ve been the Casionauts. it all—she’s fallen into the rare category Gord has consistently great taste and isn’t “Yellow Peril,” which states “now is the Bouncy, angular-yet-admittedly-catchy of a musical artist I’m willing to follow genre-locked beyond liking a broad time to try the new flavor.” New flavor? keyboard rock that fans of labels such as down paths I wouldn’t necessarily con- swath of excellent punk rock. Burial’s Honey, i oughtta get frequent flyer Sound Virus would probably shit their sider. With a little patience and repeat lis- from Germany, sing in English, sound miles!!! BEST SONG TITLE: “Kimono tight pants over. I’d imagine these dudes tens, her music has cracked some tough like they’re a third from Sweden (from Kitty” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA have a pretty stunning white belt collec- musical chestnuts. Tronic Blanc is no the d-beats and the cymbals assassina- FACT: This record came with a piece of tion and that perfectly coifed bedhead is, exception. Usually, folks dealing with tion) a third from Japan (oh-so-tight, candy that, i assume, is called a “butter- like, mandatory for all members at all such a broad musical palette kind of lose Gauze-like songs that squeeze all the air sprite.” It was like a piece of butterscotch times, even when they’re buying gro- me, leaving me wishing that they’d stick out of a room) and a third from America hard candy with strawberry filling. It was ceries. They’re decent at what they’re to the one or two things they do well. (the wide and gloomy atmospheres of very good. If you can figure out some doing, but enjoying this EP is definitely a Alicja Trout seems unstoppable and I Tragedy). Instead of a studied, laborious way to get the piece of candy without dark and guilty pleasure, the same way hope she keeps on going in so many mix of three different approaches to play- actually getting the record in the process, that whacking it on the bathroom floor of directions at once. She’s prolific, multi- ing, it’s all melded together with some i say do it. –Rev. Nørb (Dionysus) an Elks Lodge at 4 AM is. –Keith Rosson talented, and indefatigable. Great stuff. new sort of crazy glue and flies around (Omega Point) –Todd (Dirtnap) seamlessly. It’s also as immediate and CAPITOL TARGETS, THE: threatening as being thrown out of a fast- Self-titled: CDEP CASUALTIES, LOS: BLACK TIME: moving car with handcuffs. Really good This can be classified as Clash-y, poppy En La Linea Del Frente: CD Beat of the Traps: 7” stuff. –Todd (Deranged) punk and is quite frankly better than that Not that anyone should care, but I work Black Time steamrolls through sound, so description makes it sound. Head bob- on many of my reviews for Razorcake up whatever may be lost in the recording is BUTTERSPRITES: bing, toe-tapping fun! The only sucky in the northwoods of Wisconsin, far, far overachieved in effort with the “rocket Self-titled: CD part? It’s a three-song EP. –Mr. Z (No away from poisonous Jell-O salads like rumble of my stereo speakers” and Look, you people, this is important: POP Front Teeth) MTV and Rolling Stone. It seems to “crackling static” as the sleeve says. But is BOLD. Pop is bold. Pop is not all afford me a certain mindset uncluttered more moody than, say, the noise insanity mumbly and wobbly and echoey and sit- CAPTAIN BRINGDOWN AND with the detritus of music industry adver- of the Reatards, then add the humpty ting around sounding like it’s humming THE BUZZKILLERS: tising and fashion trends. I mention this bumpty of The Cramps. Two and a half some off-key tune while its got its head Feel Good Tunes: CD here only because, as I sit here in my Dear Operation Ivy: Please tell your antique lawn chair, sipping a beer, about pecker and a stupid Casualties disc could consider apologizing for it if I made the to sin. This is a CD of grimy, stripped- to write down my salient thoughts about so quickly whip me up into a pontificat- band’s plumages bristle. But I doubt it. down, heavy rock with a punkish sneer, the Casualties, there is, coincidentally ing blowhard? And only on my first beer. –Aphid Peewit (Side One Dummy) ala Blitzspear—but it is laden with cock- enough, a punk rock woodpecker pecking Life can be funny sometimes. I think it rocky guitar wankery and, in spots, even at a tree about fifteen feet from where I was John Denver who said “life ain’t CIRIL/ THE VAGINALS: reminds me a little bit—just a little bit, sit. In all my years of ducking humanity nothin’ but a funny, funny riddle” and Split: 7” mind you—of (gasp!) Skid Row. And I up here in the woods, I’ve never seen a damned if he wasn’t right. So riddle me Ciril: I don’t think people get them. Me like it. There, I said it. But this thing actu- woodpecker like this one. It has a thick this: are the Casualties chemically altered included, sometimes. The last record ally rocks out pretty impressively. Self- black body and a white head with a streak hairdos mere clownish affectation or are creeps up on you and gets you interested. righteous punk rockers with extra starch of black cutting across its eyes and mak- they striking, porcupiney examples of This is a band you have to listen to more in their rectitude might want to avoid this ing it look a little bit like the mask the angry self-expression? I’m guessing than a couple of times to appreciate what one, but me, I like it damn good. Simply Riddler used to wear on the old timey that’s one of those DFY—decide for they are doing. Seeing them live a few put: when this band rips it up, they fuck- Batman TV show. But the important part yourself—sort of things. All I know is times has made me a convert. Taking ele- ing rip. I just hope they don’t go off on here, is that sitting atop its white and that my punk rock woodpecker friend, ments of death rock and the fuck you atti- some woozy Monster Magnet-type rock black burglar head is a genuine red who has since moved on to another tree, tude of punk, they push the boundaries of star trip down the road. That would leave mohawk. No shit. This woodpecker has a seemed as genuine as genuine can be— the genre. They’re interesting with a me with some egg on my face. But for better mohawk than Wattie ever had in whereas, when I look at the cover of this healthy dose of snottiness that, at least to now, though I think there’s some self- his wildest dimwit dreams. Talk about CD with these dolled-up mannequins me, gives a spark to bring up the interest indulgent fat that could be trimmed, synchronicities; I just grab a beer, pop the looking all grouchy and mean in their level. Often, the Rudimentary Peni com- Crash and Burn tear it up pretty good and CD in the player and sit down and— spiky leather and spiky hairdos, I get a parison is thrown at them. They do a you’d be a sectarian idiot to not acknowl- floom—this woodpecker that effortlessly sad whiff of the mothball odor of people mongoloid cover of “Rotten to the Core” edge that. –Aphid Peewit (Thorp) makes clear everything that’s wrong with who’ve only got part of the puzzle fig- and jump into their own original that is a so many of the Ronald McPunks of the ured out, but think they’ve cashed in on noisecore middle finger in the air. Here is DEAN DIRG/ HENRY FIAT’S world, shows up and basically drops this the big prize. In this case it’s a booby another band that will have more fans OPEN SORE: Split: 7” review in my lap as if it were letting loose prize. Oh, and lest we forget, there’s the music in the future than in the present. It Frenzied, trash-kicking mongoloid stom- digested ants and inchworms from its music. Well, even if you haven’t heard will take people that long to realize what pers from the idiot savant masters of the lower regions. So here’s the poop, so to the Casualties before, you know what to is actually going on. The Vaginals: First genre: Henry Fiat’s Open Sore (Sweden) speak: be it a mohawk or a Jennifer expect: tough, snarly, and constipated thing I thought of is that this band and Dean Dirg (Germany.) Each band Anniston or whatever hair arrangement (and on this particular disc, it’s in reminds me of Snap-Her. It’s more of here plays three songs and each band you want, that’s fine. Go crazy with it, if Spanish). Sorry boys, you’re not scaring straight-up punk that is more UK punk does one song about the other band. you want. Harden it with your own filth anybody. Conformity as nonconformity via ‘79 than modern. I have to see them HFOS does “The Dirg Never Sleep” and and string it with Satan-mas lights. But still sucks. And the only feathers you live a few times to see if I’m missing Dean Dirg does a ditty called “Don’t no matter to what degree you torture your stand to ruffle are those of the mayon- something. –Donofthedead (Despotic) Make Fun of Henry Fiats Maybe They hair to peacockish flamboyancy, you’re naise people who spend their money and Are Really Retards,” which has, best as I just never going to have a mohawk as real energy on the less punkish affectations COTTON PONIES: can make out, references to HFOS’s and as cool as this woodpecker’s just a like fake tans and collagen-pumped lips Self-titled: CD-R famous velcro-strap footwear: the Mongo few feet away from me. And he or she and bleached choppers. And they’re not They are so fucking bad it’s awesome. I Shoe. I just wish the lyrics were printed didn’t color it with kool-aid or mold it paying attention to you anyway. Go try really like the guitar sound. It sounds like out somewhere on the record cuz I bet with Krazy Glue or use some DIY scaring someone who matters. Your oh- weer neer weer neer and they seem to there’s some pretty funny shit being mohawk kit purchased at Hot Topic. It’s so-important look is what the punk rock have something. I would like to see them yelled here. Regardless, this is top-notch natural. And if there ever was such a woodpecker pulls off without even try- live. –Gabe Rock (no address) tardcore and you’d be doing yourself a thing as a Punk Rock Bible, it should ing. You, my friends, are trying too damn favor if you made room for it in your hi- consist of nothing more than one page hard. Oof, that’s enough of that. I know CRASH AND BURN: fi record collection. File under: Big with one lone sentence on it that reads: be this hasn’t been a very punk rock way to The Value of Mistrust: CD Dumb Mental Fun. –Aphid Peewit real. Wow, who’da thunk a stupid wood- review this disc and I might someday Tim Yohannon forgive me, for I am about (Green Hell) DEAN DIRG: 26 Kicks to that, it’s a fast, trashy-but-tight, shit-fly- that’s intelligent and pointed, that’s less the dearly missed Lost Sounds: science Make the World Pay: CD ing mongo-fest that would do HFOS reliant on floorpunching (do kids still do experiments gone wrong, psychosis Living amidst a musical world of contra- proud. I like this band a lot. –Aphid that?) and instead rests on the bedrock of being wrestled with, and dirty electron- diction, Germany’s Dean Dirg pull Peewit (Ken Rock) passion, solid songwriting, and a gut- ics used as percussion instruments then together polar opposites. Sloppy/tight. wrenching intensity that doesn’t let up caressed back into a melody. The best Retarded/genius. Medicine/disease. DEATHCYCLE/ SOLIDARITY until the needle does. I hope they stick of all, the songs are thickly spined and Damaged/perfect. Warty/beautiful. They PACT, THE: Split 7” around long enough for a full-length. muscled into form by solid songwriting play like they’re all jumping around in a An odd pairing here that’s probably –Keith Rosson (Rok Lok) instead of mere shtick or amateurish moon bounce, and yet keep it cohesive based more in geography and friendship “hey, look at me being rad by sucking”- and short. The obvious match-ups are than anything else, as both of these DECAHEDRON: isms. In turns, this reminds me of Gary Henry Fiats Open Sore (whom they’ve bands hail from Long Island. Deathcycle 6 Songs: CDEP Numan, the Reatards, Joy Division, done a split with); the Tyrades (for the hits us with two metal songs, neither of This is very mature sounding music for Human League, and a male-lead too-much-coffee, not-enough-sleep, which floored me too much. Lyrics deal mature adults, kind of a modern-day Epoxies. Good stuff. –Todd we’ve-failed-so-brilliantly-we’ve-actu- with contemporary topics but are Invisible Touch-era Genesis for the post- (Florida’s Dying) ally-won patina); and the Functional strained through the standard metal emo crowd. Carefully planned Drive Blackouts, where you suspect that colander: the result of environmental Like Jehu-style dissonance, but cleaned DIRECT CONTROL: there’s some actual real thinking going irresponsibility isn’t translated into the up so it will sound nice on your iPod You’re Controlled: 12” EP on behind the damage but they’ll proba- passing of CAFTA and the ensuing coming out of the speakers of your new Hello Reagan-era hardcore. Welcome bly never admit it because they don’t depletion of environmental standards Jetta. It’s not necessarily bad, it just onto my stereo. It’s ’05 by way of ’82, want to appear in any way, shape, or and continuation of nation-sanctioned doesn’t seem like there was any fun and they’re neither restrained by the form as pretentious. Twenty-six songs. sweatshop labor, but rather “dead bodies involved with the creation of this. It’s ripped-up jeans and bandanas of nostal- Not one hits two minutes. rotting everywhere.” I mean, I agree very serious, and smacks of self-impor- gia nor guilty of licking off too much of Recommended for folks who think tying with them but I’ve had it up to here with tance and pretense. The layout is very Henry Rollins or Keith Morris’ armpit their shoes is too much of a hassle and the Cookie Monster and Oscar the professional, the pictures of the dudes in sweat and calling it holy water. They’ve go with velcro. –Todd (Dead Beat) Grouch snarling behind the mike stands, the band are very professional. It comes taken from the best and put their own shouting doom-filled epithets while the with a video (I think, I don’t have a com- chips down on the table. How, oh how, DEAN DIRG: double bass rocks it. Then I flipped the puter so I can’t tell) of a live show at does Direct Control do it when legions The Chimpanzee EP: 7” record and got stoked once I realized at Macrock, which, if you don’t know, is a before them have failed? Don’t know, Like a divine case of directed pansper- least one of the kids in the Solidarity big music festival held every year in the but it seemed for awhile that most of the mia, the demented clown sperm of Pact used to be in Contra, who at one mountains of Virginia where a bunch of bands capable of picking up the original Henry Fiat’s Open Sore seems to have time held the belt as one of my favorite bands that nobody’s ever heard of get a American hardcore banner didn’t live landed in the fertile manure fields of bands. And what the Pact is doing here, chance to wear laminates and act impor- inside the United States. This is neck- Germany and given rise to a hell spawn they’re doing well. Consider it an updat- tant. A perfect venue for a band like and-neck with DS-13, Amdi Peterson’s known as Dean Dirg. And that—praise ed version of Contra—they’re not neces- Decahedron. It’s well done, it’s just not Army, and Career Suicide. Straight- the Lord—is a beautiful thing. Almost sarily more pissed off, but there’s a fuller my thing. –Ben Snakepit (Lovitt) ahead assault: like a chainsaw. At first anything that can be said about HFOS sound this time around. The vocals have you just hear the scary roar, and when can be said of Dean Dirg except for two to fight against the guitar just to be DEREK LYNN PLASTIC: you get used to it, you can see that all the things: 1) the Dean Dirg boys don’t seem heard, rather than sailing easily over the Plastic Surgery: 7” EP whirring teeth on the saw are shaped a to wear suits and wrap their heads in Ace top of it like Contra did. The guitars are I do believe it’s more of a spontaneous little bit differently without blunting the bandages, and 2) their lyrics, though fuzzed out and vicious and the songs generation than an empty trend—new power. Yes. –Todd (Kangaroo) similarly disjointed and off-kilter, are seem less dependent on verse-chorus- wave smacked on the jagged boulders not as funny and offensive as those that verse than they are in going full-tilt from of garage rock, exploding in a bounty DIRTY FINGERS, THE: Name flow from the thoughtful pen of the Bard start to finish. Three quick songs on their of once-buried treasure. There are sev- of the Game is… Cocaine: 7” of Stockholm, Henry Fiat. But other than side and every one of them just shits fire eral bands doing this, and doing it well. Scumbags love to play rock’n’roll. The and brimstone, you know? It’s hardcore The nearest cousin to Derek would be Dirty Fingers stick to the dirty rock- ’n’roll recipe to a T. Nothing new here. like this album. It’s New England punk same fucking syllable stresses. It’s force. There aren’t basic bar chords with Songs include: “Name of the Game is.. in the best ways (dirty, fast, and full of amazing. As the name implies, there’s a the guitars. The two guitarists interplay Cocaine,” “Girl to Fuck,” and “She’s a hooks, but not in a poppy way at all). weird “Wild West gunfighter” theme with each other to give you a textured Slut.” I have a feeling these guys don’t They stick to a well-worn path, but they threading its way through a few of the sound. The songs sound fresh and don’t get laid much. In the vein of other do it well. It’s dark and angry, and easi- songs that I could definitely do without, come off as something I have heard a raunch rockers like Nashville Pussy, ly something I would’ve trekked across including one, “Gunfighter,” written million times. Enjoyable and would Nine Pound Hammer, and Jesus Christ the city uphill in snow both ways for. from the perspective of a kid who “killed make a great soundtrack to a skate ses- Superfly. Not bad, just kinda cheesy and –Megan (Lude Boy) his motherfuckin’ whore.” Said kid asks sion. –Donofthedead (Disaster) unoriginal. If I only had a nickel for the question, “What good’s a woman every band that ripped off Ed Roth’s DOWN TO KILL: for?” and the song just makes me cringe DUCKBOMB: Reactor: CD style of artwork. –Buttertooth (Bigneck ) Neversafe: CD every time I hear it. That and the last Four-on-the-floor, cut-and-paste sloppy Their lyrics aren’t too bad, especially one, “Marry Me,” in which Peters crust punk. Their hearts are in the right DISRESPECT: when they take swipes at fashion punks, sounds horrifically drunk and mutters a place (topics covered include the mean- Justice in a Bag: CD but their take on the hardcore template la Shame McGowan over a lone guitar ingful but standard fare: respect for Mid-tempo mohawk-core with three fell just short of being interesting. Dug are the two that I’ll have to pass on. cyclists, religion, the beauty standard, singers, none of whom apparently can the cover art, though. –Jimmy Alvarado Regardless, the eight other songs that do machismo, government, etc.), but it’s muster enough energy to sound particu- (Lude Boy) cook on this album do so with such sure- pretty run of the mill shit. Lots of gang larly interested in what they’re doing or ty and precision that I’m willing skip screams, tons of soundbites and lyrics singing about. The lyrics, while not DRUMS & TUBA: El Tubador/ past those two and move on. In the band that sometimes read like Yoda backed by exactly Whitman, make their point. Of The Peleton: CDEP photos, Peters looks like a crazed and a bunch of drunk punks: “With us on interest was “Hung, Drawn, and Kind of a disappointment, since the tuba Quartered,” which is quite possibly the damaged leprechaun, and minus the bikes, the road you must share,” indeed. only creeps in on “The Peleton”—a aforementioned songs, the majority of They’re probably a fun basement band first song I’ve heard—on a record with low-key exercise in fusing the trusty such an anti-war bent to the other lyrics the lyrics are a shitload smarter than I to watch while fucked out of your head tuba genre with outer space travel. “El figured they’d be, which really begs the on forties of malt, but when they’re —to advocate hanging and castrating Tubador” has a smooth but creepy feel convicted rapists who are released from question, “Why bother with the filler?” restricted to the stereo I just can’t help to it, kind of like Pinhead from Anyway, it turns out that sometimes you feeling that I’ve heard this record a hun- prison. While I may not necessarily be Hellraiser cruising for chicks in a shark- averse to the suggestion, I find it inter- pass judgement on a band and then they dred times before and didn’t really dig it skin suit, martini in hand. –The Lord smack you with something out of left that much back then, either. And the fact esting that they would advocate torturing Kveldulfr (Sickroom) and killing one group of people—rapists field and you’re left, for the most part, that their cover showcases the famous or not—while at the same time decrying loving it. This one’ll get a few rotations. photo of that kid holding the grenade DUANE PETERS GUNFIGHT, –Keith Rosson (Disaster) that was on the early pressings of the torturing and killing going on in the THE: Self-titled: CD Bush administration’s Middle Eastern SNFU’s If You Swear, You’ll Catch No Legend notwithstanding, I’ve heard DUANE PETERS GUNFIGHT, Fish LP from a million years ago really war of empire. I wonder if they’re vege- Peters’s various bands on comps before tarians that wear leather jackets, or are THE: Self-titled: CD doesn’t do much to lessen that sense of and have never really been that There might be people who disagree revisiting memory lane. –Keith Rosson pro-abortion and anti-death penalty. impressed. Admittedly, I’ve never –Jimmy Alvarado (Profane Existence) with me, but I think this is the best stuff (Blood Money) owned a full-length of their stuff either. Duane Peters has ever done. The back- DOWN TO KILL: Then I get this and I’m both surprised ing band he has put together is stronger EEL: People People: CD Neversafe: CD and floored: think of an updated version sounding and better songwriters than A one-woman Japanese pop group of I’m completely biased on this one. I’ve of Wild in the Streets-era Circle Jerks, anything previous that I heard from DP. sorts, with the music provided by syn- got a soft spot in my heart for anything except with better songs. I mean, it’s The songs have a strong OC feel and fit thesizer(s). Most of it sounds like a from Portland, Maine and an even soft- almost eerie how much Peters sounds well with his vocal style. The songs are a weird melding of circus music, video er spot for someone in the band who like a primed-and-ready Keith Morris; notch above the average punk rock. The game music, and game show music, all makes the best candy bread. That being there’s the same bile and venom, the bass and drums on this recording pound of it recorded at 45 rpm instead of 33 1/3 said, I (as objectively as possible) really same confidence and vocal swagger, the out hard and make you feel the driving rpm. The drawings of happy people on the cover made me smile a lot. –Jimmy exact same results performance-wise as even remotely reminds me of the Mog The idea of “holding,” “taking,” or Alvarado (Records of the Damned) he got here. He also could’ve done it in Stunt Team or Guzzard is going to set off “keeping” some nameless person in the 1/16 the time it took to listen to this, all sorts of burglar alarms in my brain. vocalist’s arms is a common theme ERIK HINDS: ’cause their songs are shorter. –Jimmy And it’s my own fault. This all probably spread throughout many of these songs Reign in Blood: CD Alvarado (www.erikhinds.com) has more to do with the way I filter things and do not appear specific to a certain The arpeggione is an instrument original- and pigeonhole them in my head than it aforementioned category. You listen to ly developed by a Viennese guitar FALCON CREST: Taste the does with Hazelmeyer’s armpit of influ- enough stuff like this and the question maker/repairman named Johann Georg Thunder Raise the Flag: CD ence. Sorry Falcon Crest—and sorry to eventually arises: who are these women Staufer in 1823. Similar to a guitar, in that It’s only with the knowledge that no one Tom and both his armpits. I feel like once that consistently wind up ruining all it has frets and its six strings are tuned in actually bothers reading my rantings that again I’ve really let the hometown team these poor pop punkers’ lives? And who the same way as your standard guitar, it is I feel safe in saying this: Minneapolis/St. down. –Aphid Peewit (Not Bad) are all these guys in nondescript bands held like a cello, meaning vertically Paul, my Siamese twin hometown, seems that feel they have been so ruined? And rather than horizontally, and you use a to be moldering in the dank armpit of FERTIL MISERIA: why are they all in lame-ass pop punk bow. Although popular in the 19th centu- Tom Hazelmeyer, even now that Desplazados: CD bands? Why aren’t they spouting the ry, its popularity waned over the years, AmRep’s been effectively dead for years. This band, which I believe is from same shit in, say, grindcore bands? And with the cello more often being used Hazelmeyer, the man behind AmRep, Colombia, exhibits more of an ‘82 sound are these men destined to keep repeating when an arpeggione was called for. Erik already hates me for poking fun at the in punk. They play a very garagey, raw the same mistakes with different Hinds is a proficient arpeggionist who alt/punk bars he owns around town, so punk sound with elements of speed in the women, if only so they’ll have some apparently believes that Slayer’s Reign in indirectly blaming him for the miasmic music. The female led vocals are raunchy lyrics to paper over their lackluster Blood album and his instrument of choice conditions of the local punk scene will with a throat-screeching delivery. The Herman’s Hermits-like song structures? are a complimentary match. He was only further foster his contempt for me. production is thin, probably due to eco- Or are all of the songs by all of these wrong, not so much due to the limitations And this is a concern, as I sometimes stop nomics, but does not downplay the total thousands of bands only about a group of the instrument, but rather the limita- into his alt-speakeasies for a draft beer or package. They play tight and seem to be of, like, fifteen or twenty women? Like, tions of adapting what is essentially one two. But, nevertheless, here’s the rub: I using all their might to make this a good is there a small posse of attractive, flir- of the definitive hardcore albums to a think Falcon Crest is a pretty cool band— recording. The band reminds me of early tatious punk women spread throughout wholly instrumental format—you can’t but I’m too contaminated by all my years Colera meets Ratos de Parao from Brazil. the country who get together twice a make musical something that is essential- of listening to AmRep bands to not hear You can feel the angry energy and con- year at conferences, where they network ly tuneless to begin with. Metallica, and something here that sounds a lot like a viction in the songs that they play. on various emotionally manipulative even Black Sabbath, have enough typical ‘90s AmRep band. Don’t get me –Donofthedead (Fertil Miseria) tactics bent on rending in two the hearts melody infused into their songs to make wrong, AmRep used to kick out some of bland songwriters who could only be previous classically inspired takes on damn fine shit: the Cows, Hammerhead, FIVE CENT DEPOSIT: Focus called “punk rockers” if you were feel- their respective catalogues more success- Supernova, Helmet—even the Melvins on the Negative: CD ing bad for them? Somehow I doubt it, ful, but—and this is not meant as a dig at and Nashville Pussy at one point—but Argh. Standard whoa-whoa pop punk that but someone really should do some sort Slayer, who remain a personal favorite— much of what the label was cranking out seems specifically designed to get the of case study. End result is that you’ve when you’re talking about a band whose was starting to sound the same to me. less-than-hunky band members laid. This heard one version or another of Focus primary mode of attack sounds like a Studied punk. The stale odor of Art album consists of thirteen songs that can on the Negative a hundred times before, plague of pissed-off hornets attacking a School and Liberal Arts College influ- be aptly filed into three categories. and Weston did the whole “I’m a dork stronghold of locusts, you’re gonna be ences everywhere. What rawness was Categories and song totals include: and I’m heartbroken” thing a lot better. hard pressed to come up with something there in the music was hamstrung by an 1) A vague and undefined sort of spiritu- They also broke up years and years ago. that doesn’t sound like a tuning session artistic self-consciousness. I think that al malaise: 4. –Keith Rosson (Radical) for a fourth grade string section. Maybe if what it comes down to, really, is that I 2) Feeling alienated from one’s peers: 1. he’d screamed the lyrics while he was probably shouldn’t be attempting to 3) Holding on to, lamenting the loss of, FIYA: Better Days: CD playing he might’ve been onto some- review this disc. My finely tuned critical or acknowledging the fact that the I’m torn right down the middle with this thing, but as it stands, Hinds could’ve equipment has been hacking up AmRep singer fucked up the relationship with, a album. Half the songs fit right in between covered the Neos or Siege and gotten the hairballs for years now and anything that girl: 8. the two bands on No Idea with the word “North” in their names. It sounds like done, and still I can’t make up my mind “THE FOUR SLICKS” and the song feels all stiff and haranguing, i like how they’ve been weaned on Rites of Spring, about it. The music is really cool. Surf- titles that’s gettin’ to me. I mean, Jon the songs seem to boil down to exercis- but it also sounds like they’re playing ish guitar riffs over garage-ish drums. I Von is the Supreme Font Dude (as evi- es in playing suspended chords as too fast. Instead of being exciting, the say “ish” because it is not easy to pin- dence, i present the following anecdote: quickly as possible, and i like the fact faster ones sort of blur together, and the point exactly what the style is. My only After the Rip Offs show in Green Bay, that, although the Devil Dogs (or, for result is something that I like and would problem with it, and it is a fairly large we were all standing around, and i that matter, the Rip Offs) it ain’t, it actu- enjoy in a live setting, but not something one, is the vocals. The singer, who used noticed Jon looking at my E=mc2 tattoo. ally is exactly good enough to be com- that I would throw on just for the hell of to sing in Le Shok, uses this horrible Without really thinking about it, i turned pletely successful for what it is: Rippin’ it. The other half of the songs, the more voice effect so that when he sings, no to him and said “forty point Megaron fast party garage rock. Play it loud, but mid-tempo ones, musically remind me, matter what he is intending to vocally Bold Extended,” which is, in fact, the don’t ever let me get so drunk that i get astonishingly enough, of my two project, he comes across sounding whiny font and point size my tattoo is in. any part of their iconography tattooed favorite Japanese bands at the moment, and monotone. This is the basic feel Without so much as a second’s pause, on my person. BEST SONG: “Bad Baggage and Minority Blues Band, throughout the entire EP. It sort of Jon goes “not the equals sign”—and he Girl” BEST SONG TITLE: “Lulabelle” where it’s still chaotic, but instead of reminds me of a little kid misbehaving in was correct: Before i got inked, i decid- FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA sounding blurry, the songs explode all a grocery store next to his angry and ed that the two bars of the equals sign FACT: The Fantastic Amazing Trivia over the place. Also, even though I’m short tempered dad. We’ve all seen and were too far apart for my liking, so i Fact was covered with the forty point 50/50 on the music, I’d like to point out heard this before. The kid starts pissing manually moved them closer together Megaron Extra Bold Extended story. that I am completely against them dedi- his dad off, despite multiple warnings to before having them permanently –Rev. Nørb (Savage) cating this album to little babies. –Josh “cut out” whatever he has been doing to inscribed on my shoulder. Jon Von (No Idea) cause the aggravation. The sound that noticed the alteration. Now THAT is a FOXX, THE: Instrument the kid makes after the dad’s hand quick- Supreme Font Dude!) Anyway, the let- b/w Come to Japan: 7” FLORENCE NIGHTIN- ly connects with the kid’s backside a few tering on this record is in what i call America’s Only Glam Band™ (my GALES, THE: Self-titled: 7” times, making him cry for a minute or “Tattoo Regular”—a sort of embarrass- claim—not theirs) deliver an A-side bor- Oh, hell yeah! The Florence two, and the kid starts running out of ingly pseudo-ornate hand-lettered font rowing heavily from Mott the Hoople’s Nightingales make me wish I were still breath from crying, and attempting to that basically one only sees things like “All The Young Dudes” and/or T. Rex’s booking shows. With vocals sneering, form words between sobs. The speech is “MOTHER” written in, and, i might “Teen Riot Structure” descending chord “We come out at night,” it’s easy to sort of drawn out unnecessarily due to add, pretty much my least favorite font progressions (and basically borrowing image this band, if you could find them the crying fit, as well as a little hoarse for (or, more correctly, “pseudo-font”) of all heavily from Dandy in the Underworld- (my Google search came up empty), the same reason. That is exactly what I time (its only real competition being era T. Rex in general) about some fab playing a show with the Orphans, the think of when I hear this guy sing. Only that which i call “Tattoo Inline Filled”— chick who lives above a grocery store in Runaways, and the Avengers. Speaking stretch that sort of off key mumble whin- the same lettering, but they make the an apartment packed full o’ musical of, the singer all but channels punk-era ing out over two-minute segments of vertical parts of the letters wider so they instruments, and a protagonist who Penelope Houston. Four equally solid cool music. I didn’t find this quite as can fill them in in red or some god damn wishes to be recast as one of said songs pressed on purple wax and impressive as everyone kept telling me it thing). I mean, i can’t STAND looking objects—result being a palatably cloying wrapped in a great looking cardstock was. The music is great though. at shit lettered like that. IF YOU’RE tune that’s cute in the same way that sleeve. The “F’s” in my 7” collection just –Newtim (Vinyl Dog/TKO) GONNA GET WORDS TATTOOED ON Smithereens song about the cigarette is got a whole lot better. Florence YOU, GET IT DONE IN A REAL cute. B-side trades more heavily on T. Nightingales, say hello to the Flash FOUR SLICKS, THE: FONT, GOD DAMMIT!!! However, i’ll Rex of a more classic nature (i.e. Express and Fuzzbox! You’re in the col- Bye Bye Bye: 7” let Jon’s band get away with this aes- Electric Warrior), thus is much more apt lection to stay. –Kat Jetson (Arkam) I love Jon Von. Jon Von can do no thetic horror just because i’m sure it’s to resonate with those for whom wrong. However, he is kinda testing my all part of some post-adolescent font “Instrument” falls short of the mark. FM BATS: Everybody Out… patience with the front cover—it’s not so rebellion on his part, and, therefore, Being sort of stuck in a state of perpetu- Shark in the Water: CDEP much the skull & Crescent™ wrench healthy. As to the music itself, i like that al ten-year-old-ism, i’d prefer to hear a It’s short enough to listen to a little over crossbones that looks kinda like tattoo they’re playing everything at the fastest more Chapman/Chinn-like a-side and six times in one hour, which I have just parlor flash, but it’s the lettering of tempo they possibly can, i like how it maybe stick the syrupy crap about wanting to be a sitar on the b-side, but, the-future feel gives ‘em a nice bite, stuff’s probably really fun for them to GRABASS CHARLESTONS: on the other hand, anything i get from makes them a little tough to figure out, play, and they are enthusiastic, but it’s Ask Mark Twain: CD this band is sort of sweet relief from and keeps the mystery going through the also pretty common fare. –Keith Rosson I own more Grabass shirts than I proba- decades of hair metal being fobbed off entire course of the album. It makes them (George Moshington) bly should. I’ve worn one to class and as “glam” so who am i to be critical? so much more than merely artsy-fartsy. didn’t realize it until one of my students BEST SONG: “Come to Japan” BEST Good stuff. –Todd (Shit Sandwich) GLOW, THE: started calling me Grabass, which contin- SONG TITLE: “Come to Japan” FAN- The Ghosts Are Out: CD ued through the semester. I love watching TASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: GAS HUFFER: To beat Andy Warhol at his own game, them live; it’s sweat and smiles and back- The matrix number on this record Lemonade for Vampires: CD when I die I’m going to have my shaved, bends—they have the most flexible appears to indicate that it is a “U-num- It’s amazing to me that, after all of these de-boned meat made into those little bassist I’ve ever seen—and every song is ber” from United Record Pressing, yet years and all of these albums, Gas Huffer wiener chunks that are in cans of an anthem to raise your drink high and if one is to hold the vinyl up to the keeps getting better. Lemonade for Spaghetti-O’s. I have all the proper throw your arms around a friend, singing light, it—shockingly—is NOT translu- Vampires has all the elements that I’ve paperwork drawn up, notarized and in at the top of your lungs. Recorded is cent brown. Whaddaya know about come to love in Gas Huffer: Tom Price’s place, and I do this because I believe, another dimension entirely. The energy is that?! –Rev. Nørb (Vinyl Countdown) amazing guitar; a subtle, Brit-pop kind of down to my tastiest bite-sized morsel, slightly more subdued, but the music is catchy-ness; and an album full of songs that there is nothing more beautifully more complicated in that “Are there FUCK YOU DALE: that seem to go off in a bunch of differ- American than offering one’s self up for three guitar tracks on this song? Wait, Self-titled: 7” ent directions, but pull together into a mass consumption. And it is because of was that a horn right there?” kind of way. In almost every issue of Razorcake, we cohesive unit. There’s even a political this deep conviction of mine that I toast Their regionalism (Gainesville) is appar- hide a “Fuck You, Dale” in it some- song to wrap up the album—an ode for the startlingly bland commercialized pap ent, but they make sure that their own where. We’ve skipped a couple of issues the environment called “Ruined.” If of the Glow. With their banal, middle-of- mark is more prevalent than any of their along the way, but we’ve put them as you’ve never gotten into Gas Huffer, this the-road Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers influences. Impressive release by a band graffiti behind bands (see the Arrivals latest album is a good place to start. If impersonation, I recognize them as fel- I didn’t think could impress me more. interview in issue #12, behind Ronnie’s you’ve been into them for years, this new low fighters of the good fight and I salute –Megan (No Idea) drum set), the first letters of editorials, one will slap a smile on your face. –Sean them and their heroic attempt to someday and a whole bunch of other places the Carswell (Estrus) be a successful commodity. God bless GRABASS CHARLESTONS: past five years. Dale’s awesome, but it’s them and God bless America! –Aphid Ask Mark Twain: CD fun to say “fuck you” to him. Shhh. It’s a GEORGE MOSHINGTON: Peewit (Bankshot) Var Thelin and Master P have a lot in secret. –Todd (Designated) ‘05 Demo: CD common. They both live in the Dirty Well, band members have names like GODDAMN: Demo: CD-R South, they both run successful indepen- FUSES: Eastern Cities: CD Kellen Felon and Mark the Mustache, Long has it been since I last heard a dent record labels, and they’re both In Bladerunner, almost everything was a and titles on this five-songer include “I straight-up hardcore band (meaning non- responsible for promoting and inspiring robot or manmade, but looked real, Declare a Scene War,” “1 if by Land, 3 if grind) with completely unintelligible the music of their region; creating their organic. Shit like eagles and humans by Pit,” and “You Don’t Care About the lyrics. Such groups are a rarity in the age own sound and look. A No Idea record is weren’t what they seemed. Like Darryl Scene,” if that gives you a hint. Lots and of crystal clarity via ProTools and enun- as easily recognizable as a No Limit Hannah in a shower curtain dress and lots of talk about the pit, the scene, pits in ciation classes, so this was a surprise. The record. Case in point, Ask Mark Twain, new wave haircut, while she’s kicking the scene, moshing, thrashing, being tempos are kept to a medium pace and the newest record from No Idea’s answer some serious ass, the Fuses are exciting, drunk, being punk and the like. Solos their overall sound is reminiscent of to Silkk the Shocker, the Grabass sexy, and alluring, but in the back of your that are so trebly they almost sound like White Cross circa the demo with “Nuke Charlestons. This record is so Florida it brain, there’s the creeping acknowledge- keyboards. Cut-and-paste, nearly illegi- Attack” on it, with plenty of anger should come with a beard and flip-flops. ment that you’re probably battling and ble artwork. Seems like one of those pumped into the proceedings, and you Thirteen songs of whiskey-soaked dealing with machines. And I think that thrash bands that a lot of us probably can’t understand a single fucking word swamp punk that come out sounding like sort of tension works really well for the formed when we first got into punk and homeboy is saying. Man, you just gotta a less-Midwestern Modern Machines. Fuses. That androidal delivery amongst were fired up about it but hadn’t yet love it. –Jimmy Alvarado They draw heavily from their Floridian all the shimmer, sheen, and dancehall-of- delved much beyond the surface. This ([email protected]) blood: I hear a lot of Hot Water Music work of brilliant space aliens whose mod- ping it more mid-paced silky, it’s really before and forwarded it to me. But as and Against Me! influence, and track ernistic genius could not be comprehend- essential that the speed of the record is luck would have it, I had other commit- two, “Atlanta Is a Cocaine Town” is a tip ed by mere earthlings. I dunno what-all noted somewhere on the paper label in ments. But my brother did go and he got of the hat to their western neighbors, This souls got sold to what-all rulers of the the middle of the vinyl (or at least the copies of these releases and let me bor- Bike Is A Pipe Bomb. There’s a lot of Underworld to get this record sounding packaging). I’m betting on 45, but can’t row them since the band asked him to cool shit coming out of Florida these this way, but this album is, without ques- be totally sure. At that speed, it sounds have them reviewed by me. So this band days, and the Grabass dudes are the top of tion, sixteen minutes and twenty-eight like Henry Rollins’ pre-Black Flag band, has been, from what I am told, one of the the heap. –Ben Snakepit (No Idea) seconds well the fuck spent. Actually, my SOA: pretty much all speed, not a lot of longest running punk bands in Colombia. player says that this CD is sixteen min- melody, more of like listening to machine They play what would be classified as HATEPINKS, THE: Plastic Bag utes and thirty-four seconds long. Lying gun fire, but somehow catchy. If it’s 33, street punk. But they really sound like an Ambitions: CD/LP Euro bastards! BEST SONG: “I Am a these dudes really like Tragedy: doomy older band that continues to play what Sacré Pink! After a first album which had Divorce” BEST SONG TITLE: “Kissing and crust-laden, hidden-chord hardcore. they know: upbeat, snotty punk that is the unintended consequence of inspiring Cops with My Ass” FANTASTIC Fuck if I know which it is. sung in their native tongue of Spanish and my Punk Rock Magnetic Poetry column AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The last Entrails: Uhm, yeah. I was wrong about a mid-paced 4/4 beat that would have of a few months back (the gist of things track on the record allows the listener to the speed of the 7”. It was 33. These guys those in the know singing along at the top being that said album was so superficial perfect their pronunciation of “Moo-zair- are in the bombed-out cathedral of From of their lungs at their gigs. Dual and humdrum that it just seemed like the foo-kair!”, just as that track on the Fonzie Ashes Rise, Tragedy, and Born Dead female/male vocals take turns from song band was picking “punk” sounding words Favorites album allowed us to perfect the Icons. If you ever wished Lemmy of to song to mix things up. Group back- out of un chapeau and then writing songs phrases “Sit On It!” “Cool It!” and Motörhead was in a punk band and love ground vocals round things out. If I heard about them, inspiring me to do the same) “Aaaaaaay!” back in The Day! –Rev. the sonic equivalent of being half-buried an American band playing the same (sorta), the Hatepinks counterattack bril- Nørb (CD: TKO, LP: Lollipop) in a graveyard, trying to scratch out of songs, it wouldn’t have the same magic. liantly by suddenly developing amazing the soil while bombs are dropping all Something about it coming from South proficiency, pulling a particularly stun- HOLY GHOST REVIVAL: around, these dudes fit the bill. I’m pre- America makes it so intriguing. ning array of bass chops out of their col- Bleeding Light: CD conditioned to like this stuff (it’s tremen- –Donofthedead (I.R.A.) lective anal apertures, and walloping the My first thought was that this sounds like dous for drives through gentrified neigh- unsuspecting consumer with a hard, fast a mix of the Starvations and Queen. My borhoods, pretending houses are being IGNORANT, THE: blast of ‘79/’80 Buzzcocks A Different second thought was also that this sounds firebombed and the music bubble is mag- The Belly of the Beast: 7” Kind of Tension-isms—all the while, like a mix of the Starvations and Queen. ically protecting you) and they do a fine Mid-paced, whoah-oh-y, L.A.-by-way- keeping true to their subatomic vision of And I pretty much only thought about it job at capturing the mood and power. of-late-‘70s London pub rock: Cock punk rock as a small collection of proper- twice. Pretty mellow, bare-boned roots –Todd (No Idea) Sparrer meets Social Distortion. I think ly charged words and syllables (e.g., the kind of stuff, but, you know, with those the band needs to make some decisions. lyrics to the title track are nothing but little Brian May guitar parts. Since I love I.R.A.: Decadas Libertad: All the elements of a spitting type of fifty-seven seconds worth of the phrases the Starvations and Queen, I actually Epidemia: CD chaos are there. Some sparks. Some gas. “1-2-3-4,” “Plastic Bag Ambitions,” and liked this. I don’t know very many people I.R.A. stands for Infexion Respiratoria But they sound way too complacent, like “Go!”). It’s kinda like someone took the who would like it, but hey, give it a shot Acuda. Spanish readers, please translate! a kid with pleading eyes saying, “Like Briefs, turned up the Minimalism Dial (or if you want a change of pace. –Josh I’m just a chubby Japanese guy sitting this? Should I do it like this?” instead of would one actually turn down the (Jonny Cat / 17 Television) behind a computer. So, I received a copy just going for it. The band sounds like Minimalism Dial? Well, you know what i of this band from Medellin, Colombia’s they’re reading instruction manuals while mean), compressed the song lengths, HOLY MOUNTAIN, THE: CD titled Cronicas De Una Decada playing instead of attempting to tumble threw in a flurry of second-wave UK Wrath: 7” EP Podrida in a trade a few years ago. It was through the speakers and knocking the punk-isms (to shut me up?), then topped HOLY MOUNTAIN, THE: a big surprise to hear from my brother dentures out of your grandma. In other it all off with the kind of inhuman, three- Entrails: LP that this band was playing at a tiny club in words, a band that fits perfectly opening steps-ahead-of-the-listener production Wrath 7”: In this day and age of Cookie Long Beach, CA with no flyers passed up for whatever band Duane Peters is in that made those early 999 records sound Monster and Yosemite Sam vocalists, out or any advertising. He had received this week, but not the headliner. –Todd (at least at the time) like they were the bands rockin’ blast beats and others slap- an email from a friend a couple of days (Rebel Sound) IN STEREO: JEFFERSON PLANE Of Like Spitting Demos. But mostly his on this album fits my mood perfectly on Death Before Emo: CD CRASH, THE: The Future of stuff consists of static, tape loops, and a a Sunday evening while I dread going to NOTE TO BAND: Oh, Jesus Christ. Brutality vs. Nature: CD kid occasionally warbling off key about work tomorrow. The music is quite You guys are fucked. You’re fucked, or A noisy, grindy hardcore band that, love. Little Wings fares marginally bet- eclectic. The first songs like “Mama’s you’re still in high school. If you’re although they have a pretty funny name, ter, if only for the fact that there are a Nightgown” and “Creepy Tejas Moon” still in high school, then you’re grudg- sound pretty much like any other noisy, couple decipherable songs on their side. are comparable to a less upbeat Hives, ingly forgiven, but please take heed, grindy hardcore band. Then again, how High falsettos above keyboards and/or with dark piano and organ like the guys: it’s not forever. A couple more many variations can one pull out of that strummed acoustic guitars, interspliced Murder City Devils and some raging years and you’ll be out on your own hat? –Jimmy Alvarado (Spinsgood) with random conversations and fake vocals similar to Refused. To my sur- and the drama will subside. There will commercials about fast food burger prise there are also some more upbeat be other relationships in your life. JONBENET, THE: joints. Seriously. The LP comes on nice songs like “Backslider,” which has a Don’t obsess over these girls so much. The Plot Thickens: CD marbled gray wax; so it’s a real shame Rolling Stones meets New York Dolls With that in mind, here’s the deal: I Blood Brothers-inspired sweat-spazz that it also suffers from one of the heav- kind of vibe. The eclectic sounds still don’t care who you are, but unless freakout right here. The Jonbenet toe iest cases of schizophrenia I’ve ever persistent as there is harmonica on you’re J Church and you’re also gonna the line. They’ve got moments where heard on a record. Why do indie rock “Neither,” distorted vocals on “Lerved,” reference Paris in 1968 or Trotsky or they sound crazed like the Locust, and quality control mix like oil and and a Cramps-like number with “Shine Viennese Secessionist art movements moments where they sound versatile water? Why can’t they just get along? It.” Perhaps it is my somber mood but of the 1920s or some shit, don’t you but intrinsically gutted like the Plot To –Keith Rosson (Friends and Relatives) this album surpassed my expectations of fucking dare insert a lyric in a slow and Blow Up The Eiffel Tower (when that another lame indie band (since I lump cloying ballad that consists of, “She band’s really cooking and laying off the KEVIN K AND THE REAL them all together at times) and I actually smelled just like cinnamon, the snow dull jazz interludes), odd dancey sec- KOOL KAT S: Perfect Sin: CD enjoyed the listen. –Jenny Moncayo fell light in her hair.” Nobody except tions, and moments where the vocalist Most of the songs on this album repeat (Hook or Crook) these girls that you’re obsessed over gets all heartfelt, runs his vocals the same thing over and over again. want to hear that stuff. Unfortunately, through a fuzzbox, and emotes all rock- Most of the songs on this album repeat KNIFEFIGHT: Self-titled: CD your entire record sounds like the sonic style like, uh, Candlebox? Matchbook the same thing over and over again. Bummer, dude. These guys bounce equivalent of a note someone would Twenty? Some band like that. Most of the songs on this album repeat between multi-vocalled screamo, put in someone else’s locker. NOTE Thankfully, they keep those moments in the same thing over and over again. How straight-up hardcore numbers, and TO READERS: Saccharine-sweet check, and this album (which compris- do you like it? Be that as it may, this is a instrumental keyboard-driven space rock Blink 182 pabulum of the lowest order. es their first two seven-inches) is for the rock album that’s worth a damn. And jams a la fuckin’ Cave In or something. Perfectly molded, cookie-cutter, vastly most part pleasantly spastic and wigged even though I was sure it was going to It’s actually really, really good stuff for unthreatening radio rock. Death before out. The cat can really scream his frig- suck, most tracks don’t. Some songs the most part, until you hit the packag- emo? You’ve got to be fucking kidding gin guts out when he wants to, too, and even remind me of Paul Westerberg talk- ing. Unfortunately, everything then me. I’ll take just about anything off the the end result comes down to the fact ing about drugs. They also have a song becomes colored by the fact that there Wayfarers All comp, even the Pine, that this band seems to be teetering about getting heroin with Dee Dee are multiple lyrical references to fire, over this shit any day of the week. right on that ugly precipice of sounding Ramone. And the drummer is cool “God above,” and being reborn, and in Despite their holier-than-thou title, the just a bit too sassy and cute for their because he looks like Nosferatu. But I the thank you list they give props to both lyrics here are the most heartsick, own good, but for the most part I’m still just wish it wasn’t so fucking redundant God and their “church homes.” I won’t obvious, trite “I love her, whoa whoa” into it. –Keith Rosson (Pluto) and it wasn’t so fucking redundant. even get started about that ugly hotbed lyrics I’ve ever heard, and I’d bet my –Gabe Rock (Kevin K) debate of the creeping influx of last Pabst they’re vying like mother- JUSTIN CLIFFORD RHODY/ Christianity in the hardcore scene, but if fuckers for that upcoming Warped LITTLE WINGS: Split: LP KILLER’S KISS: Self-titled: CD you’re like me and tend to veer far, far Tour slot. Avoid this one for sure. At best, Rhody has moments where he At first this album made me think that I away from bands who make mention of –Keith Rosson (New School) sounds like old Kind Of Like Spitting don’t have evolved enough taste in their religious beliefs in their music, take demos. No, like outtakes from old Kind music to enjoy the organs and indie rock a step back from this one. And for every vibe, but lo and behold, the angst present schlub who says something to the effect of, “Dude, if the music’s good, what’s the straight-up hardcore, stuff that’s totally LAWRENCE ARMS, THE: ty painting of monstrous sea bunnies big deal?” let me note that that’s just as void of any emo undertones, pick this Cocktails and Dreams: CD attacking a ship to be very inspira- stupid and beside-the-point as listening to one up—these guys impressed the hell It’s always nice to get something for tional, too. –Jimmy Alvarado bands like Contra and Rambo just “for out of me with this one. –Keith Rosson review that you would’ve bought any- (Sickroom) the music.” Their lyrical content, barbed (Five Point) way. This is a collection of singles, and political, is what constitutes much of stuff from splits, comp tracks, and a LURKERS, THE: 26 Years: CD those bands’ identities. And the same LAHAR: handful of unreleased or re-recorded A new studio album with a few re-record- thing goes for Knifefight: fact is, if you Provide and Conquer: CD songs. They put out two full-lengths on ed old tunes smattered throughout the sing about “someone rising out of the Angry chugga-chugga metal dudes Asian Man before jumping to Fat. I track list. Their longevity and still-obvi- darkness” while you reference God and scream and thrash about to show how think their Fat debut, Apathy and ous love for punk isn’t something to be church in your liner notes, it’s gonna get upset they are. I bet a good hug would Exhaustion, is easily their most consis- laughed at or shrugged off, but it’s also noted one way or the other. For me, it’s turn them frowns upside down, and then tent and solid record—some of the not something to be held up to candlelight just something I can’t look past. –Keith they could progress to bad glam like all songs on there will probably wind up and lauded as sacred. What I mean is, if Rosson (Arkam) chugga-chugga metal dudes do. –Jimmy on my mixtapes for years to come. One you listened to this album and it wasn’t Alvarado (Spook City) of the greatest assets this band has is the Lurkers, would it still carry the same LABEL THE TRAITOR: the ability to write the most acerbic, weight? Would you still be as forgiving The Battle of the Common: CD LARKIN: Reckoning: CD haunting, and self-loathing lyrics ever, of its shortcomings? Simple fact is, I was Oh man, with song titles like “Burned at Once upon a time, kiddies, there was a and then follow them up with some of still shitting my diapers and eating news- the Stake,” “Let the Demons Go,” and band called the Pogues, who were led by the most hilarious (but still self-depre- paper when this band formed and there’s “The Horns of the Shepherd,” I was so a guy who once had part of his ear bit off cating) liner notes I’ve ever read. certainly something to be said for the fact ready to hate this. I was preparing myself by a girlfriend and liked his whiskey Couple this with the fact that it’s pop that they’re still pushing forward. And for an album full of whiplash-inducing more than a man should. The Pogues had punk, but top-notch, catchy-as-shit pop the album isn’t nearly as bad as some of metal that read like a D&D manual and this neat idea: instead of playing straight- punk. The vocals are shared ala the reformed cash cow records that bands was rife with shitty solos and falsettos. forward punk stuff like all the other kids, Dillinger Four between the guy that of yesteryear have been putting out Thankfully, I was way, way off the mark. why not invest in a fiddle and some sings clean and the guy that sings snot- recently. That said, it’s also nothing spec- Instead, Label the Traitor managed to penny whistles and take a stab at punking ty—at their worst, they’re a decent tacular. Hit and miss: the record’s mildly give us an album full of furious hardcore up traditional Irish music? The idea went band. At their best, they’re frickin hooky, the production sounds good, the that plays all the requisite sonic tricks but over like gangbusters, and the Pogues anthemic. Yeah, they’re self-absorbed, cover’s sinfully ugly and reminiscent of throws a few more in the blender as well. became very famous, indeed. Sadly, after but they’re good enough songwriters old Sloppy Seconds records, and minus a Most importantly, they’re not dumb. Un- some twenty-odd years passed, every tit- that the songs have the ability to stay few choruses here and there, the majori- fucking-believeable! Musically, the mouse and would-be Irishman on the with the listener for days at a stretch. ty of the record is ultimately pretty for- stuff’s pretty good, but what really sets planet latched onto the very thing that About the best compliment I can think gettable. So it’s a mixed bag here, which this band head and shoulders above their was so fresh and interesting back when of for a band of this nature: even with- leads me to say that 26 Years will proba- peers is the fact that while the lyrics intel- the Pogues first did it and effectively took out headphones, this shit plays in my bly appeal to completists only. –Keith ligently cover topics like the dangers of all the fun out of it by running it into the head when I walk down the street. Rosson (S.O.S.) blind patriotism, drug addiction, hipster- friggin’ ground. Here is yet another band Cocktails and Dreams is a nice addi- ism, apathy, work as identity, etc., they to do just that instead of actually taking a tion to an already pretty solid discogra- MAJOR CONFLICT: addend these with thoughtful liner notes. moment to sit and seriously think of phy. –Keith Rosson (Asian Man) Sounds Like 1983: CD End result is, in a genre that’s chock full something new and inventive of their One of NYHC’s “lost” bands, which of thick-neck assholes espousing the joys own. Are they any good, you ask? When LOZENGE: Undone: CD apparently rose from the ashes of the of street-thuggery and thinly veiled gang things are this uncreative, it really doesn’t Experimental noise rock with more mighty Urban Waste, gets some overdue mentalities, it’s nice to hear from a group matter much. Buy a Pogues album if you than a smidge of free jazz mixed in. attention via this disc, a collection of of guys who actually take the time to step need to hear stuff like this and leave it at Sounds like Flipper with Ornette tracks from a 7”, a demo and assorted live beyond idiotic “watch your back” sloga- that. –Jimmy Alvarado (Know) Coleman aspirations. I found the pret- tracks. While nowhere near as maniacal- neering. If you’re into the current crop of ly out of control as Urban Waste sound- ed, these guys burn quite nicely in an MANIKIN: Still: CD MATTY POP CHART: point does this record sound rehashed. oi-influenced sort of way, and I can I’m not the world’s biggest post punk Good Old Water: CD While the Meows may be happily doff- see why they were revered back when fan. Mostly, it’s due to the fact that the I want to back everything that comes ing their caps to such predecessors, they were active. –Jimmy Alvarado punk part is largely left out as “youthful from Plan-It-X, but I just can’t on this they’ve come up with something that is (Mad at the World) garbage” for some sort of “expansion” one. I’m hoping it’s somebody’s cousin completely their own. –The Lord or “maturity” or “development” that they just couldn’t say no to releasing. It’s Kveldulfr (No Tomorrow) MAKERS, THE: results with me being bored stiff. I kind of like They Might Be Giants meets Everybody Rise: CD always hesitate with bands that toe that Kermit the Frog’s little nephew Robin MINIWATT: I Can’t Stand A good record. The Makers maintain “we love Gang Of Four and Wire” line on vocals. And maybe if this were twen- Waiting for It: CDEP their mod-infused rock’n’roll but and then go and mope around like peo- ty years ago and I was in the fifth grade This seven-song disc is the third release they’ve injected a bit of glam and psy- ple looking for lost buttons from their when TMBG were among my top ten from these Providence, RI noise mae- chedelics into the mix. They need to sweaters on stage. Luckily, Manikin bands at the time, I’d be into this. But, stros and I can’t believe these guys aren’t be careful lest they turn supremely remembers that the art of throwing things have changed and though I tried on Touch and Go yet. Like some freak wussified like the Lemonheads did; musical rocks can still be worthwhile, pretty hard, I just couldn’t get into Matty show concoction of Bastro, Rapeman, they seem to be bordering on wanting even if it’s played more proficiently and Pop Chart now. Then again, I also don’t and Volcano Suns. Pretty intense. Danny to skip barefoot through the park. with a little less nihilism. The droning see myself choreographing a Tiffany Esten’s drums threaten to peel your skin There are moments that sound like voice anchors. The drums concretize a song at recess happening again any time at any moment. Michael Esten’s vocals those really cheesy Rolling Stones solid foundation with the bass, and the soon either. But buy things from Plan-It- and guitar are lethal and scary all at songs from the late ‘70s, but this guitar volleys and paints. There’s defi- X. They’re one of my favorite labels out once. Matt Jackson’s bass is EQ’ed so record rocks well enough and often nite force, momentum, and direction. there. –Megan (Plan-It-X) high it may cause the faint hearted to enough for me to gladly affix my The end result is; basically, if you like lapse into convulsions. Yes! Yes! We stamp of approval. –The Lord any bit of Joy Division, then chances are MENEGUAR: need more—bring us more. –Sean Kveldulfr (Kill Rock Stars) you’ll dig Manikin. Sophistication does- I Was Born at Night: CDEP Koepenick (Arbeid) n’t necessarily have to equal musical This is by far my favorite review this MAKERS, THE: safety and boredom. I won’t be listening month. Driving, angular, indie post- MINKS, THEE: Everybody Rise: CD to this everyday, but it’s a solid and rock. Thick bass and jagged guitars that Are You Ready Now?: CD interesting changeup from my usual. soar at times. From NYC, this four- Tough girl garage punk here from some Started off with some interesting Philly women who seem like they may MC5ing, then quickly veered off into –Todd (Super Secret) piece remind me of Gang of Four, At the Drive-In, the Fall, early Interpol—and actually be bad asses, not just playing boring rock land. –Jimmy Alvarado them on stage. Simple and straight for- (Kill Rock Stars) MASTERS OF THE therefore Joy Division—and Dinosaur OBVIOUS: Raw Power: CD Jr. One string guitar solos are where it’s ward garage punk from start to finish. So stupid it’s genius! They’ve been The single was damn good, but this full MANIC HISPANIC: at. This EP is worth a listen. length is fantastic! Fans of Downbeat 5, around forever and they have more –Buttertooth (Magicbullet) Grupo Sexo: CD songs about penises than anyone else I The Winks, and Hot Damn should be all More of the same gay cholo over this. This band makes such great can think of. This is about all I can say MEOWS, THE: lovin’/border sneakin’/gangsta rib- for M.O.T.O.: these are songs that will use of the trio format; the songs sound bin’ one expects from these guys, all At the Top of the Bottom: CD great and full. Apparently, one of them either have you singing along before the Wow. The best record that I’ve heard this set to some of punk’s classic tunes. song is even over, or they’re going to plays with Mondo Topless from time to While I remain impressed by their year. Pure rock‘n’roll with strong ele- time. Steel Cage has a knack for putting annoy the living shit out of you. I think ments of the garage. This is one of those ability to take repeated trips to this they’re hysterical, and although I don’t out the best pure garage punk, like Thee well and still come up with impres- think this album is as good as Kill rarities in which a band is able to take a Minks and the Earaches, that is the best sive results, I can’t help but wish they M.O.T.O., it’s worth getting. The title of classic format—the three chord tune shit happening right now. There is no would focus less on standard the record is genius, too; fucking amazed with lots of vocal harmony—and make it best song on this disc, they are all Mexican stereotypes and more on no one thought of that one first… –Josh sound fresh and inventive at all times. smokin’! Now go check out their awe- defiant contradictions to said stereo- (Criminal IQ) Strong hints of very early Aerosmith and some Pink N Black website. –Mike types. –Jimmy Alvarado (BYO) the legends of the late ‘50s, but at no Frame (Steel Cage) MINUS THE BEAR: referencing other bands, I’d say that it this release, “Easier,” was a more of a I’m most stoked that one of the afore- Menos el Oso: CD sounds like a group of kids who grew up straight-up pop number: great melodies mentioned live tracks is “Barbi in I’m not saying that this is for hippies. on Screeching Weasel and then discov- and vocal delivery. If they ever re-record Bondage,” a tune which, if I may be so I’m just saying that it’s a safe bet that ered Hüsker Dü and then decided to put it with better production and speed it up, bold to say, is one of the best punk tunes people who wear patchwork-flared cor- the two together. In other words, it’s it would be absolute perfection for me. of the past decade. These boys serve it duroys would be into them. –Megan melodic punk done well, and there’s The closer, “Spin,” came out with the up-tempo, loud and snotty, just like it (Suicide Squeeze) times when you’d totally swear that Bob most punk attitude. Good stuff. The should be. –Jimmy Alvarado (Galeforce) Mould is the singer for this band. If I (for record geek in me also enjoyed that it’s MIRACLE MEN, THE: some unknown reason) had to describe limited to two hundred and pressed on NATION OF FINKS: Return of Don’t Hide Your Love: 7” this band by comparing them to a smell, clear vinyl! –Donofthedead (Ms. 45) the Pissed Off Bastards: 7” For those of you who harbored secret I’d say that they’re a carpet that’s soaked Fast, catchy hardcore with European grievances that the Nuggets Vol. II box up a lot of spilled beer. It’s not mind- NAKED AGGRESSION: accents, a lot of the back-and-forth set was exactly four songs from the blowing or anything, but if you like fun Heard It All Before: CD drumming technique that made F.Y.P Netherlands too short, i believe this and you like records, you could probably This album is a compilation of the first famous in the ‘90s, and great song balances the karmic ledger nicely. ALL get into this band. –Josh (Recess) decade of Naked Aggression with three names to boot! Oh yeah, the cover HAIL THE BAND’S STUNNING ADE- unreleased early demo tape songs. There artwork has an amazing depiction of a QUACY! BEST SONG: The one that MODERN MACHINES: are also three bonus tracks of their late bloody-nosed Nixon punching the sounds like “Can’t Seem to Make You Taco Blessing: 12” EP guitarist, Phil Suchomel, playing classi- shit out of a fat Elvis. Good stuff! Mine,” but isn’t. BEST SONG TITLE: The good and bad news: an excellent cal guitar. Basically, if you already have –Mr. Z (Kangaroo) Here, you pick one if you think this gig Hüsker Dü album. –Todd (Recess) any Naked Aggression albums you will is so goddamn easy: “Don’t Hide Your already have most of these songs, so this NEGATIVE APPROACH: Love” “Let Me Love You” “The MORMONS, THE: is only worth it if you want a more com- Ready to Fight: CD Magic’s Gone” “Can’t Go On”—see Statement of No Statement: CD plete record collection. The political Demos and assorted live tracks span- what i mean? FANTASTIC AMAZ- I have no idea what happened to this songs and unique high pitch squeal of ning the entire career of this Midwestern ING TRIVIA FACT: In mono. –Rev. album. If I remember correctly, it was singer, Kirsten Patches, have a soft spot powerhouse of a band, from their first Nørb (Kuriosa) supposed to come out on Destroy All in my heart. In a women’s studies class recordings in their singer’s basement to Records. Then, when they went on full of ignorant pop-star-loving rich kids, the last performance of the original line- MISMO: indefinite hiatus, Kapow picked it up. I played “Lock Us Away” for my media up. The music is pissed and to the point, …And to the Republic: CD Then, I didn’t hear much until I got this presentation—I don’t even remember and the sound quality of the tracks here, Politically conscious heavy metal. Wait, and now it’s on Nickel & Dime. Any the point or my argument—but the hor- fifty in all, are, at their worst, good. This let me check that again, ’cause I’m not way that it comes finds me happy, ror on my classmates faces was price- complements nicely the Total Recall CD sure I believe what my ears are telling though. Spastic, but not sloppy, and def- less. For that moment of triumph, I like Touch & Go put out a while back, espe- me…. Yup, that’s what it is. Am I on initely danceable. If these boys come this band, and coincidently this CD has cially because it contains some tunes Candid Camera or something? –Jimmy knocking at your door, stop hiding, and some shining moments, since it is pri- that have never been released in any Alvarado (www.mismoband.com) welcome their gospel in. –Megan marily old Naked Aggression songs. form prior to this release. –Jimmy (Nickel & Dime) –Jenny Moncayo (SOS) Alvarado (Reptilian) MODERN MACHINES: Taco Blessing: 12” EP MS. 45: Pop!: 7” NARCOLEPTIC YOUTH: NICE BOYS: You Won’t See Me I love house shows. I love ‘em a whole This female-led band has a lot going for Something Old, Something Anymore b/w Lipstick Love: 7” lot more than “real” shows at rock them. The first song, “Yadda Yadda New, Something Borrowed: CD Whoo, this is some amazing power pop! venues. So it would stand to reason that Yadda,” sounds like the Ramones going Four new tunes, a couple of covers There is not even a hint of punk here I would like this band, who share a sim- power pop—if they were still in the (Misfits’ “Bullet” and the Damned’s from this great Portland band—just pure ilar stance on this issue. And I do like garage. The second track, “Be Like “Ignite”) and five live tracks from a Nick Lowe/the Sweet/the Raspberries- them. If I had to describe this record by You,” was more in the surf vein. Now a show at the Orange Pavilion are what influenced glammy power pop. I’ve seen flip of the record. My favorite track of you get here. All are fine and dandy, but ‘em live a coupla times now and the Nice Boys are neck deep in great songs. is, as most of Rob’s projects, very much tighter and not as drunk, and also with has some nice Moog parts from Sean This band just absolutely has everything worth checking out. After all this said Rev. Nørb singing Bob Dylan’s lyrics Stevens. “Abbey” features melodic right, one smash hit after another. Last though, I still have to admit to liking the over the music. From the liner notes, vocals from bassist Grant Johnson as he time they even busted out a Slade cover! Flip-tops way better. Sorry. –Newtim which are pretty damn hysterical, you sings, “knocked a pane of glass out of They are so far from where other current (Self-released, no address) can tell that they pretty much just did this my front window/that broke against the power pop bands are. They are not draw- for the hell of it, and at the very least, it’s ground two stories below.” “Dean” is a ing from the same well as all the other NO USE FOR A NAME: fun to listen to. So there. –Josh full tilt rocker fueled by Dave garage-y power pop bands that have been Keep Them Confused: CD (Alternative Tentacles [no, seriously, Berthiqume’s precise fills that rags on turning up since Fink N Fifi and the I could only take this band with a grain of Alternative Tentacles]) some local actor who walks around Registrators went that direction. Much salt. I liked them at moments and could- town with a major attitude. This tune deeper stuff here. I’ll bet these dudes n’t stand them at other times. I dreaded NOVEMBER TRIALS: makes me think what Joe Jackson’s know every Dave Edmunds song ever having to listen to this. But something Cover Your Tracks: CD Look Sharp record would sound like if recorded. This is exactly the type of thing about this record makes this stand out. The recording is horrible but the music the Jam’s rhythm section sat in on some I hope to hear when I pick up one of Without looking back at their past releas- isn’t. The band sounds like a premature sessions. Excellent stuff. I believe this those Screaming Apple albums, but es, this release on its own is pretty good. Cursive. They still need to develop into band is from Winnipeg, Canada so I’m rarely do. Just a phenomenal, instant My pop sensibilities kicked in and I real- something more than a third rate knock- sure Nardwuar has already had coffee classic single. Bring on the full length! ly listened and enjoyed this. The produc- off. They need their own sound and the with them. But check out their website –Mike Frame (Discourage) tion is dead-on. The songs have a maturi- lyrics need some kind of psychedelic too—they have a cool cover of a New ty that makes this release stand above drug to make them more interesting. But Order song on there as well. –Sean NIX: Self-titled: 7” what they have done before. They have if they got their shit together, who Koepenick (Mint) Damn, I hate reviewing friend’s bands better hooks and the silliness of the past knows? The second track, “Dance Dance sometimes. There’s always the obvious seems to be gone. They also seem to have Revolution,” is better than the first. The NUMBER TWELVE reason, in which if you don’t really like walked away from a lot of the formula drums sound like cardboard boxes. With LOOKS LIKE YOU: the band, you almost feel obligated to that made you know that it was them. I all that shit said, it’s not horrible, they just Nuclear Sad Nuclear: CD accommodate a positive review, for the like the experimentation with sounds need work. I wonder how old they are Imagine, if you will, the speed metal parts sake of the friendship. Luckily, this is not here. The strings and keyboards really and how long it took to record this record. of the first Naked City record done longer the case with the NIX. I have a different add to the emotions of the songs. This My guess is between seventeen and twen- and by less creative musicians. If you like problem. I want to accurately describe might be the release that gets them lured ty years old, three months. –Gabe Rock your Napalm Death spiked with a bit of this stuff, but I am having difficulty pin- them away to a major. Radio should pick (no address) art and whimsy, this is for you. –The Lord pointing what it sounds like, and wanting this up. The fans they already have are Kveldulfr (Eyeball) to write a really accurate review. It took going to eat this up. –Donofthedead (Fat) NOVILLERO: Aim Right for me a few listens to get into the recording. the Holes in Their Lives: CD OMEGALORD: Their live shows sound much different to NØB DYLAN Finally—a record that breaks through Hammer Down: CD me. It’s fast-paced, late ‘70s four-chord AND THE NØBSØLETES: the morass of balderdash. A light in the You know when you end up having to go punk rock. This sounds like songs you Positively 12 Stiff Dylans: CD dark, creepy woods you were warned to to Guitar Center to get some strings or would find on some early Killed by Death This is Rev. Nørb covering Bob Dylan stay away from—you get the idea. I’m something and there’s always some collection that you can’t believe you songs with the Obsoletes as his backing reading their liner notes and it says that dumbass subnormal redneck working never heard before because they’re so band. If you hate Bob Dylan, don’t worry, they were originally going to use their there and he won’t put down the Dime cool. Melodic with a lot of catchy hooks, it doesn’t sound like him. And if you hate piano player’s last name as the name of Slime that he’s been shredding on long but not poppy. There’s solid lyrical sub- Rev. Nørb too, it doesn’t really sound like their band but they ran into some legal enough to help you with what you need? ject matter too. Stealing beer, listening to him, either, or at least the stuff that he’s issues. His name? Rod Slaughter. Okay, This band is made up of five dudes like records, shit talking, and watching horror known for. (I’ve never heard the I totally made that up, but they can use that. Completely retarded (and not in a movies. What else is there worth singing Obsoletes, so it might actually sound like that anyway. But to cut the crap and get good way) heavy rock that sounds like about? This 7” has four songs on one side them.) What it DOES sound like is the to the music. “Laissez-Faire System” third-rate Pantera. I know Todd only at 45 RPM. Nothing on the B-side. This Replacements, circa Hootenanny, but rails against the corporate hierarchy and gave me this to review because the first song is called “Skull Bong.” Cool song this entire genre of music seems laden-to- that this record was recorded, mastered, Death Dance Mix Version),” and “Oh titles aside, this thing is a ridiculous overflowing with what are essentially pressed, shipped from England to My Goodness, How We Rock.” ...i think waste of everyone’s time. –Ben jocks with tat sleeves. You read enough Razorcake, then forwarded to me in the best actual line from a song is Snakepit (Omegalord) lyrics like these throughout the years and Wisconsin, all in the same month—but “Science will save us, my cel phone terms like “brotherhood” just starts to then i realized that, in Europe, “07/04” range has improved immensely,” but OSCARS, THE: become synonymous with “dipshit gang means April 7th, not July 4th, so, like, i’m going to have to lodge a complaint Techno Primitivo: CD mentality.” You want my opinion? Out To never mind. –Rev. Nørb (Wrench) about someone else rhyming “boner” I can’t figure out these guys, but I suspect Win should just hang up their guitars and with “toner.” I HAVE THE PATENT ON that they may still be engaged in the same hit a couple yoga classes—loosen up and PEDESTRIANS, THE: THAT ONE, DAMMIT!!! BEST SONG: process. There are a lot of different relax, guys, not everyone is out to “get” Self-titled: 7” “Live Fast, Sleep In” REVIEW: Sounds sounds on this one. Some of it sounds like you. And even if they are, chances are Sometimes I think I shouldn’t write like 1985 basement punk/core. So? early Invisible Men records—very raw, good it’s because of your own swinging- record reviews because when I really like FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA very sloppy, and very fun, like wreck dick, us-versus-them, punch-first-think- something, I have a tendency fall back on FACT: “It started out as a joke, you your parents’ rec room with a barrel of later macho posturing asses. –Keith saying “this is rad” like I’m about to do know.” –Rev. Nørb (Pelvis Wesley) beer and thirty of your closest friends. Rosson (Thorp) right now: this record is rad. An Effigies Other songs have a bit more refinement comparison fits pretty well: inventive, PELVIS WESLEY: to them (if such a word can be appropri- PARKINSONS, THE: plowing drums; guitars that sound thick Oh My Goodness, ately applied), and then there are tunes Up for Sale: 7” and heavy without being slow or thug- How We Rock!: CD-R that seems to be pointless experimenta- British bands of sizable merit who aren’t gish; and vocals that are forceful but still To add a bit to Nørb’s astute commentary, tion with a keyboard and a tambourine. recorded at Toe Rag Studios are few and intelligible. It’s more raw and modern Pelvis Wesley have mastered the born-in- There’s too much ridiculous crap on this. far between in this day and age, which is and it doesn’t have the post-punk lean- a-cement-mixer tumbling of Dick Army, If this were cut down to the ten or eleven why this doozy by the Parkinsons is so ings of songs like “Security,” but it’s the vocal and enunciation pattern of John best tunes, it would achieve a consistent welcome and unexpected. Soldiering on definitely prototypical broad-shoul- Ransom of the Smut Peddlers (weird), level of fun, trashy rock’n’roll, but right in the almost-forgotten genre of UK Punk dered, mid-tempo Chicago punk. An and the “feels like winter, but it’s entirely now the skip button gets used too much. Bands With Lots Of Guitars That Don’t amazing debut by a band that hopefully danceable and powerful” feel of Rites of –The Lord Kveldulfr (Bootleg) Suck, this trio somehow manages to emit we’ll hear much more from in the near Spring. Oh My Goodness… sounds like it four catchy, anthemic, and loud punk future. –Josh (Southkore) was recorded through gigantic sponges, OUT TO WIN: Beg for Life: CD rock depth charges that appear to be at but that’s part of the charm. Contains Wolves, brass knucks, and tattooed least partially motivated by the golden PELVIS WESLEY: quite possibly the first song I’ve ever necks, oh my! Tough guy, paint-by-num- age of Brit Guitar Punk—let’s say the Oh My Goodness, heard dedicated to the art of zine making, bers hardcore filled to the gills with refer- Clash’s second album and the How We Rock!: CD-R too. (“A cut and paste fighter, from Zapf ences to revenge, “getting yours,” and Professionals in theory—without—and Fuck the review, i just want to print the Chancery to American Typewriter.”) how Out To Win is apparently “coming to this is the important part—sounding like song titles: “All My Friends Have Neat. –Todd (Pelvis Wesley) get” you, the listener. Also: revenge, dead some ridiculous European thing that Robotic Necks,” “We Will Electrocute bodies, being sick of bullshit, revenge, would be beneath the notice of a reason- You in the Ass (Revisited),” “Mikey POPE, THE: war, and yet even more calls for revenge. able individual. Plus, on the cover, they Died Eating Pop Rocks (And You’re a The Jazzman Cometh: CD In the liner notes, the various band mem- look like cool guys, so there ya go. The Dumb Motherfucker),” “God Bless Noise rock that sounds like Unsane in a bers thank, among others, the New York Parkinsons are selling, but who’s buying? Johannes Gutenberg, Part Two,” “And bad mood. Playing this loud might actu- Giants, the Indianapolis Colts, fishing I guess i am. BEST SONG: “Heroes and God Said Yo, Let There Be Moms,” ally work well as a defoliant as well. and gambling, and they also warn some- Charmers” BEST SONG TITLE: “New “Head Like a Holy Shit My Head –Jimmy Alvarado (Wantage USA) one named Jesse (who is apparently a Wave” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIV- Hurts,” “Some Suggestions for Pleasant “stank bitch”) to heretofore watch his or IA FACT: This record claims to have Dining,” “26 and Hacking,” “Assassin PREMONITIONS OF WAR/ her back, and that he or she will eventu- been recorded live by Johnny Scum on of the Cockroach Nation,” “Sarah’s All BENUMB: Split: CD ally “get” his or hers. These guys are the “07/04/2005,” which, to me, seemed Peristaltic,” “Live Fast, Sleep In,” Benumb are metalheads from Northern near-perfect embodiment of the fact that impossible, since that would have meant “Taco Bell Girl (Extended Napalm California who offer up hardcore mixed with a huge helping of grindcore, the with a backing vocalist that sounds like that’s still accessible to the listener. And if you haven’t replaced your worn-out likes of and speed of the good ol’ Charles the sasquatch from Harry and the the fact that this is some of the most Ramones vinyl with these yet. They’d Bronson 10” and a slight wink to Aus Hendersons, which kind of tempers the tuneful, furious and intelligent hardcore also be good gifts for your friends who Rotten lead vocals. Premonitions of War power of the band a bit. Profane to come rumbling down the avenue in just had their first newborns. Screw baby deliver straight forward metal which isn’t Existence certainly didn’t skimp on the some time doesn’t hurt either. Despite blankets and Johnny Jumpers. Put togeth- all that bad, and they almost steal the packaging with this one. It’s got a twelve- the lack of Mike Bukowski cover art, this er an eight-disc set of “Baby’s First show with their cover of the blues classic, panel booklet, every song gets its own record just kills from start to finish; Ramones.” The kid will thank you later “Born Under a Bad Sign.” This is defi- page with lyrics and illustrations, and the songs like “That Lump in Your Throat” on in life if he/she grows up with any nitely a necessity for your grindcore or cover itself is quite a picker-upper, fea- and “Kids Who Mosh Like Assholes sense. Now, getting to this box—when I metal libraries. –Mr. Z (Thorp) turing a bald, naked woman clutching her Must Make Selfish Lovers” will hopeful- first heard about it, I was a bit skeptical own face as a baby, still attached to her ly be on mixtapes for years and years to being there’s been a few “greatest hits” PROVOKED: Infant in the via the umbilical cord, freezing to death come. Still, this literally has to be one of Ramones releases over the past few Womb of Warfare: CD in the snow at her feet. Oh, and she’s next the ugliest LP covers I’ve seen in years. years. But when I heard that a collabora- I believe the LP version of this was to a graveyard and there’s a stealth I’m not necessarily faulting the artist, tion of comic artists were pitching in their released a couple of years ago. So, I’m bomber dropping explosives right next to just saying it was a poor idea for a cover, talents for an included book with this and not sure if the tracks on the end of this them. So, picture that in your mind and the end result being if I didn’t know who that Rhino was heading the deal, I was CD from the Path of Destruction split you’ve got a pretty good idea of what this band was, I wouldn’t pick this thing sold. Quote Homer J. Simpson: “Done are bonus tracks. But we do have the Provoked probably sounds like. They’ve up in a hundred years. Both CD and LP and done!” The book is packed with internet and I find that this CD is being got some good moments on here, but if versions come with a live DVD that artists’ Ramones offerings from whom a released to coincide with the band’s new they just had Harry cool it a bit and highlights their ‘03 European tour, along lotta fans will recognize right off the bat, full-length titled Prepare for the Cold, kicked the tempo up a notch, then they’d with a bunch of additional material. If like John Holmstrom (Punk magazine), which introduces a new singer. It’s go from decent to memorable. As it you’re wondering about the hype, it’s whose artwork graced the Rocket to angry-as-fuck, spitting-vinegar female stands, I’m not convinced: if I want dis- well founded. If you’re wondering why Russia and Road to Ruin LPs, not men- vocals over crusty d-beat that pummels tilled rage and intelligent political dia- everyone’s talking about this band, tioning about a bazillion Ramones tour along at a raging pace. At breaks in some tribes, I’ll go listen to Warsawpack or there’s a reason. Seek it out, read the shirts. Other noted artists include Sergio of the songs, the vocals are sung with a Rambo, neither of whom, to my knowl- words, feel it, and wear the grooves out Aragones (MAD Magazine), Matt sort of sorrow that changes things up. edge, have a hairless vagina or dead on the thing. –Keith Rosson (Havoc) Groening (Life In Hell, The Simpsons), But the vocal attack is pure mean. The babies on their record covers. –Keith Xaime Hernandez (Love and Rockets), band, on top of playing fast, does go into Rosson (Profane Existence) RAMONES: Weird Tales of the Bill Griffith (Zippy The Pinhead) and a metal territory at moments but it doesn’t Ramones: Box Set whole bunch more. I get the idea that this overwhelm the songs. They focus on RAMBO: Bring It!: LP Around four years ago, Rhino Records book was supposed to be primarily for compassionate lyrics on topics that are There’s a reason that Rambo’s huge in did an awfully wonderful thing for us comic book artists, but I personally not light or fun: commentary of things certain circles: like Propagandhi, high priests belonging to the Cult of would’ve like to seen Chris Cooper that they question. Now I have to put the Dillinger Four and Against Me!, they Ramones: they re-issued the first eight (Coop) included here. If I ain’t mistaken, new one on the shopping list. So many manage to convey an “us against them” LPs in their re-mastered entirety on CD he did the Ramones’ We’re Outta Here releases, so little money. –Donofthedead kind of desperation in a manner that still plus bonus tracks of cuts including differ- box art. He also draws one hell of an (Profane Existence) remains inclusive, that allows you to feel ent vocal versions, demo versions, and example of what a beautiful woman looks that things are possible, and that makes live versions. Some of these bonus tracks like. The first three discs include PROVOKED: you feel that this is a world that isn’t were also tunes that never made it onto Ramones tuneage from the thirteen studio Prepare for the Cold: CD totally void of compassion or meaning. the original LPs to begin with (the LPs plus cuts from the Acid Eaters cover The best thing Provoked have going for While Rambo sonically sounds nothing Subterranean Jungle non-LP cuts are album. The fourth disc, a DVD, includes them is that their vocalist is an absolute like the aforementioned bands, they all fucking brilliant). Being par for the the Lifestyles of the Ramones video col- dead ringer for Blaine from the Accused, have (or had) that same inherent under- course with Rhino, the packaging and lection of Ramones production videos which can never be a bad thing in my current of rage, that same ability to deal liner notes on these re-releases are top plus five later videos the band produced book. Bummer is that he shares the mike with overtly political issues in a way notch and I can’t recommend ‘em enough in the ‘90s. Upon further examination of the liner notes, it seems Johnny RED ROSE GIRLS: REGULATIONS, THE: never truly do justice to the visual Ramone compiled all the disc material Self-titled: CD Self-titled: LP goulash that is the Rhythm Chicken, for for this before passing on last year, and Definitely not a typical release from the I’m not sure exactly why I like these those of us that miss His Fuzziness, this it’s just a damn shame that he, Joey or record label that cut its teeth on bands like guys so much. I have no idea what is our Charles Emerson Winchester Dee Dee aren’t here to see it. Seymour Gas Huffer and the Drags. The Red Rose makes this band so good. Or why it is audiotape letter from the stuttering sister. Stein, the man who once ran Sire Girls are three women doing traditional that everything they do passes my “this BUT WAIT!!!! We have a visual!!! Yes, Records and signed the Ramones said folk and bluegrass songs. That’s pretty isn’t even close to sucking” litmus test. for those whose lives have not been something awhile back that hit the nail much what you need to know. It’s really They don’t milk cheesy gimmicks from graced but the clucked musings of our right on the head. He said bands like the good and they have really nice voices, but a dead teat or don funny outfits—any of Drummer Laureate, be it known that Ramones don’t come along once in a if you don’t like traditional folk and blue- the stuff that I oftentimes fall for in a thine is the power, the glory, and the lifetime; they come along once. Life’s grass, good pickin’ and singin’ ain’t gonna band. They just play simple, catchy, DVD! Find out how drunken Milwaukee too short, my friends. PLAY LOUD. matter much to you. For starters, you’d be unaffected ‘70s style punk that some- ne’er-do-wells spend the fleeting hours –Designated Dale (Rhino) better off blowing your allowance on the times brings to mind a more cohesive of daylight in our northern clime hud- American Folk Music box set, but if you sounding Germs—without Darby in a dled around a flopsey beat-maker! Now REBEL, THE: Kit: CD like, say, the Carter family (who the Red sputtering coma. The Regulations are for the low, low price of money, you can While listening to this album, I came Rose Girls cover), this’ll work out nicely just straight-up, no-bullshit real rock- take the Chicken home for your swilly to the realization that many of my for you. –Josh (Empty) ’n’roll and maybe—in this world where anytime pleasure! ORDER NOW! –The favorite musicians are completely out a plastic surgery disaster/boy fondler Lord Kveldulfr (The Rhythm Chicken) of their minds. Roky Erikson let the REGULATIONS, THE: named Michael Jackson is considered government perform medical experi- Self-titled: LP rock’n’roll royalty—that’s more than RIFU: Dead End Street: CD ments on him instead of going to jail. Well, that settles it. I’m moving to enough. –Aphid Peewit (Havoc) Political hardcore from Norway. This Tom Waits got married, and then after Sweden. There have been so many bands almost has a Rise Against feel to it, only a week or so, decided that he didn’t that have tried to pull off the stripped- REPTOIDS: Park a Tiger: CD with a more compelling and less melod- like his wife, so he slept in his car down approach of early L.A. punk rock Female-led rock/punk that started off ic tone. Very raw and very angry! That’s (which was still parked in the drive- and it usually just sounds boring and kinda arty in a cool way and ended up always a good combo! –Mr. Z (Go Kart) way, mind you) until she moved out. generic. With the Regulations, though, it’s being plain ol’ rockin’ by the end. And then there’s this: BR Wallers so raw and so immediate and so inspired –Jimmy Alvarado (www.reptoids.net) ROCKETZ, THE: from the Country Teasers making an and so exciting… WHY CAN’T MORE Rise of the Undead: CD album all by himself. One of the BANDS PULL THIS OFF? I guess it just RHYTHM CHICKEN, THE: Debut release from this band featuring things that I’ve always liked about the goes to show you that if you spend a little Official Motion Picture Tony “Slash” Red Horse on lead guitar Teasers was that they don’t make very less time embracing the superficial aspects Soundtrack: Live at and vocals and Andrew “Mr. Pink” much effort to stay in tune or keep of ’77 punk rock, you can actually write a Koz’s Mini Bowl/National Martinez on drums. Two bassists on this tempo or hit the right strings. That car- record blows away pretty much anything Liquor Bar: 7”+DVD record including “Angry” John ries over into this album, but instead ever released. No, I’m not exaggerating; As the beloved Chicken explains in his Dimambro (ex-Down By Law) on three of sounding like an ungodly cross not only does this record sound like very low-fi insert: “It’s a Wisconsin songs. The liner notes state he had to between the Fall and the Butthole Jealous Again compared to some of the thing.” If you’ve been blessed by the leave for another project. I’ll bet dollars Surfers, this sounds like what would anemic shit that’s come out in the past ten beauty and the glory of the Rhythm to donuts it’s that new thing with happen if you locked a wino up in a years, it might as well be Jealous Again, Chicken, this is a must-have. If you’ve Morrissey’s guitarist but I guess every- closet and told him to write the inci- period. I’ve said this before about bands not, then you might not understand the one has to let their soft side come out. dental music for a David Lynch like Career Suicide and Sweet JAP, but I appeal of two “songs” that sound only Rise of the Undead is far from soft, how- movie. Not sure how many people out think it holds even more true in the case of like drumming, a hooting and hollering ever. It will come at your head like a there want to listen to forty-five min- the Regulations: if you have any interest in crowd, and a drunken rendition of detached cement mixer. The Rocketz utes of this guy’s brain farts, but I punk rock at all, you will like this. “Happy Birthday.” Because that’s just call it psychobilly but it just seems like kinda do. –Josh (Hook or Crook) Absolutely jaw-dropping. –Josh (Havoc) what they are. While a recording can straight ahead rock. Songs that everyone can commiserate on: booze, chicks, and some more booze. Any CD that has four that originally appeared on four different Man,” but then there’s “A Boat Named the B-side are cooler, and, curiously, songs about death is okay in my book. 7”s. This shit is great. I’m probably Mischief,” which sounds a helluva lot either song on the B-side is longer than Catch this band live with new bassist gonna listen to it a whole lot in the next like a ‘luded-up Jim Morrison singing the one song on the A-side. I’m gonna Don “Pony Boy Fraser” at a skuzzy dive few months. You should, too. –Ben Van Morrison’s “Moondance,” and the give this band a Mulligan for this record, bar near you. If you don’t have a cool Snakepit (No Idea) Pink Floyd-ish “Dementia.” As long as and suggest that the next time they com- nickname like the members of The Scott doesn’t go and decide to put out a mit tracks to 7” vinyl, they do so with a Rocketz, you ain’t got nothin’! –Sean SAW WHEEL: full-length of vocal standards and contin- clearer idea of what constitutes a poten- Koepenick (Hairball 8) The Next Train: CD ues to put out the rawk, things are good. tially viable A-side, because “Don’t Though three people are listed as being And Mr. Mark Lee: animal husbandry, Quit” is not the correct answer. That will ROOKIE: A Lot to Live: CD part of Saw Wheel, this album sounds fer crying out loud? Someone call Animal be all. BEST SONG: “Frustration” BEST Although I’m not terribly fond of the more like a one man band: acoustic gui- Planet. –Designated Dale (Dionysus) SONG TITLE: “Frustration,” i guess. band’s name, I am terribly fond of their tar, some harmonica when no one’s FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA record. It makes me think of Face to Face singing, and very basic percussion. The SHOOT ‘EM DOWN: FACT: This record features esteemed meets Electric Frankenstein, muscular vocals are gruff and heartfelt, singing Self-titled: 7” NYC promoter Tom from Dot Dash on and straightforward, a pop sensibility lyrics about hopping trains, drinking too Aaaahh! The song “No Complaints” is drums, so i probably should have given it mixed in, and lyrical maturity that com- much, trying to find some kind of hope in awesome! I haven’t heard this sound a better review. –Rev. Nørb (Rapid Pulse) bines understandable cynicism with an life, and wallowing in a doomed working since the first Goo Goo Dolls record. upbeat attitude to spite it. All-around, a class. It’s kinda like an acoustic Avail This is a very high compliment from me, SIR HENRY FIAT’S terrific record that combines power with album with one of the Hot Water Music even though people who don’t have any BASTARD: Your Mom intricacy, grace, and perceptivity. –The guys singing. There’s even a cover of knowledge of early Goo Goo Dolls are Is a Fucking Mongo: 7” Lord Kveldulfr (Pickup) Avail’s “Lombardy Street.” Saw Wheel now thinking I am a complete moron. Our Hero, Sir Henry, strikes off from the definitely wear their influences on their You really have to trust me and give it a world of Open Sores for a side project RUMBLESEAT: Is Dead: CD sleeve, but it’s still a solid album. –Sean listen sometime. It’s called Jed. It rocks. with three chaps who, coincidentally Ever have one of those nights where Carswell (Hill Billy Stew) I promise. As does the first song on the enough, all share the somewhat unique you’re heartbroken and depressed, so B-Side of this record. The sad part is that surname of “Bastard”—and the results you call up your best friends and they SCOTT “DELUXE” DRAKE: they totally ruin it by following up / fin- are cause for much rock’n’roll happiness. come over with a couple of twelve packs The World’s Strongest Man: CD ishing the record with some horrible Though not as spastic and barky as early- and you all sit on the porch and drink and Fans that recognize Scott’s name will attempt at hip hop. Ouch. This is not a era HFOS records like Gnarly, talk and laugh and by the end of the night likely remember his tenure with his old cool thing to do. The first side of the Headshots, and Makes Your Cock Big, you feel better about everything? That’s band, the Humpers, one of America’s record is more straight forward southern this record has a sound more similar to what Rumbleseat sounds like. This is an best bands to make spaced-out and bar rock with a punk beat at times. those records than the more recent HFOS old (1998) side project from the dudes fucked up rock‘n’roll accessible to loads Catchy, but entirely too overplayed here releases. “George W. Bush Is a Fucking with the beards in Hot Water Music, of punk rock folk across the globe. Now in the Northwest for my tastes. I do like Hippie” is my current favorite song and Chuck and Chris, along with their friend on his own, Scott’s been tooling around the vocals a lot though. There was no every time I hear it I want to pull my Samantha. I might be wrong about this, with his love yet again on this disc, along insert for this 7”, so this is all I can tell underpants up over my head and hurl but I think they might have been one of with a few familiar faces from his old you. –Newtim (Arkam) myself down a well-peopled stairwell, the first genre-defining “campfire punk” gang (Mark “Anarchy” Lee and Billy over and over again. This Henry Fiat guy bands. It’s just acoustic guitars, two Burks). A large portion of this CD is in SHOP FRONTS: has tapped into some magical retardo dudes, and a lady singing and a little bit tune with what Scott was churning out Don’t Quit b/w Frustration & rock elixir and, I for one, can’t seem to of harmonica and accordion thrown in with the Humpers, like “I Made a Just Don’t Know: 7” ever get tired of guzzling the shit. –Aphid here and there. It’s mostly original songs Mistake,” “The Girl with the Titanium A-side reminds me of the Deadly Peewit (Pandacide) with a few covers (including a stellar Heart,” and “The Bolivian Mind Weapons: A bunch of people pointlessly version of Johnny Cash’s “Jackson”). Bender.” I even dug on the Stonesy, attempting to play at speeds beyond their SLA: Sonic Love Affair: CD This is a complete discography of tracks organ-speckled “The World’s Strongest capabilities to achieve. The two songs on Nice enough post-MC5 fuzz rock, but I take exception to the sticker on the front SOVIETTES, THE: LP III: CD the Hunches, though these songs are STATE OF REVOLUTION: of the case identifying “FCC UN-friend- God damn! I knew something was going more lackluster and tepid than that sug- Fight Forever: CD ly tracks.” They should ALL be FCC to be good when I heard the opening gests. The band seems to be going for a I’m confused. The cover looks punk rock, unfriendly, bucko. If they aren’t, you’re chords. The first track has me hooked! straight-up garage rock approach, but with a bunch of show flyers with the just wasting your fuggin’ time. –Jimmy This one comes right off the starting line tempering it here and there with the Business and Blanks 77 listed in the Alvarado (Dollar) and has me at attention. Track after track, odd section of sonic fuckery or call- background with a fist immersed in a star. it keeps my toes a tapping. As usual, I’m and-response interplay in the vocal Talk about false advertising. The music SONNETS, THE: coming into the know a little late. Here I department. Both songs are mid-tempo, sounds like a poppy Warped Tour mess of Mystery Girl: CD am at LP III and I haven’t heard the first and while they’re okay, it seems like bands like Strung Out and Bigwig. It Sounds a little bit like the Who in places, two. I know the guys at Razorcake HQ the Spitting Cobras need to decide if even has a song, “Maybe One Day,” cry- a little like the fifth and sixth Jam albums have shown their affection for this band they want to shoot for the genitalia- ing about a girl, which I have no qualms elsewhere, and, when the band’s at their for awhile, but coming in late sometimes swinging sex-and-drugs rock approach with, but the music and Blink 182 vocals best, a skitch like the Vapors. Ultimately, is a good thing when band has developed (see: AC/DC) or all-out garage-noise create an instant response of nausea. The this comes off as an album of glum, and become more focused in their sound spasticness (see: the Hunches). music sounds like it was made by a bunch hookless power pop with harder rock down the line. Also, in this case, going to Otherwise they’re just toeing the line of bros from San Diego or something. No interludes that doesn’t seem to be helped a bigger label also gives them more room between the two, and the result is pret- offense to those from San Diego. I won- much by a. an ill-defined feeling of ambi- to experiment and stretch their sound out- ty forgettable. –Keith Rosson der if I could sue for false advertising? ent social consciousness, nor b. the lack side the box. Without a preconceived bias (Wrecked Em) –Jenny Moncayo (SOS) of overdubs, which, while a nice thought, of what the band should sound like, I am seems to prevent the band from success- more open minded on the music. I think STARVATIONS, THE: STRAY FROM THE PATH: fully articulating their vision more than that is what is happening here. So the first Gravity’s a Bitch: CD Our Oceania: CD anything else. This record is both a bene- two tracks (“Multiply and Divide” and The Starvations were the first band that Them: Chuggachuggachugga. fit for a women’s shelter and about two “!Paranoia Cha Cha Cha!”) reminded me I went out of my way to listen to just Howlhowlgrumblehowlgrumble. songs too long, so if tonight, in Chicago, of taking the rocking aspects of the because I had read about them in Doogadoogadoogadooga. a battered woman is turned away from Lunachicks mixed with dreamy melodies Razorcake. I remember reading the Howlgrumblehowl. the Greenhouse Shelter due to lack of of the Dancehall Crashers. Track three interview that they did and thinking that Chugggachuggachugga. Me: Yawn. funds stemming from this record not sell- (“Middle of the Night”) threw me for a any band that could equate drinking –Jimmy Alvarado (Five Point) ing enough copies because it should’ve loop and came off as Berlin or the Motels with brushing your teeth was okay in contained only twelve songs and not meets Charlotte Caffey’s onetime band, my book. Don’t want to jinx them or STRUNG UP: Warfucked: 7” fourteen, as well-established Power Pop the Graces. It’s strong and punchy in a anything, but so far, they’ve never let The twenty-year reset button’s been Aesthetic Guidelines dictate, you guys straight-up rock approach. I wouldn’t be me down and I can’t completely put my pushed. In too many ways, 2004 and have only yourselves to blame. That real- surprised hearing this song on the radio finger on why I like them. They’re in a 1984 had bad things in common: threat of ly wasn’t very nice to say, but i’m upset for years to come. The rest of the album league with bands like the Gun Club nuclear holocaust, “worst President ever, that they didn’t call the album Boom! and continues on with consistency. Great pop and the Pogues: storytelling lyrics, sim- re-elected,” and picking fights with other am lashing out reflexively. BEST SONG: melodies with some grit to get your teeth ilar instrumentation, and the ability to countries for oil while putting bullets into “Anniversary” BEST SONG TITLE: chipped and wonderful vocal melodies pull off both dirges and more uptempo innocent people. But on the up side, the “Mystery Girl” FANTASTIC AMAZING that make me melt. This is so going to be songs. But the thing is that they don’t thrash-a-holic golden age (that pube hair TRIVIA FACT: Actually, the most fantas- in rotation in my car for a long time. really sound like those bands, they just of time before crossover) of early DRI tically amazing thing about this band –Donofthedead (Fat) remind me of them. All three bands and Corrosion of Conformity and Plastic (other than that it contains esteemed have a knack for taking inspiration from Surgery Disasters-era Dead Kennedys, Chicago scenester Chuck Uchida) is that, SPITTING COBRAS: traditional roots music, but they never where “shredding” could be applied to for a little while during “Rockopera,” Idle b/w Tickin: 7” become slaves to convention; they music and skating in equal measure, is they actually sound like the Mystery Two songs from a Brooklyn three- weave in their own paranoia and make being resurrected. In 2005, think Street Girls! –Rev. Nørb (Failed Experiment) piece. Sounds like a mix of AC/DC and the music their own. –Josh (GSL) Trash, Career Suicide, Caustic Christ, and Kangaroo Records. Strung Out rock, but there are hints of ‘50s pop in I don’t care for that band either, I have no after, obsolete. It’s kind of a bold state- stands true in that good company. My the back up vocal harmonizing during idea how faithful or inspired a rendition it ment, and I am not sure if I completely favorite track is their answer to the the chorus. The drummer sounds like he is. This record also serves as concrete agree with it, but they come pretty close. Beastie Boys’ “Fight for Your Right (to has listened to a lot of later, slower proof that the world honestly appears to It’s not really accurate to describe them Party):” a fantasy of sessioning your par- Hüsker Dü a la Candy Apple Grey. be running out of good, or even decent, only as an alt-country band, because ents house when they’re away on vaca- There is a nice little Moog-sounding band names. If one were to judge Dead there are so many more aspects to their tion that includes wallriding their big keyboard line that if it was up any high- Beat Records solely on this release, one music that automatically get dismissed screen TV. –Todd (Tankcrimes) er in the mix, it wouldn’t sound good at would surmise that said label has come a when they are classified in such a specif- all, but it is layered nice and subtle. This long way (and not necessarily in the right ic genre. I guess if Uncle Tupelo were to SUMMERBIRDS IN THE is a really well-written song, recorded direction) from its old Viva la Vinyl comp only cover Iggy Pop songs with Isaac CELLAR: With the nicely, and I am disappointed there is days. From the same label that put out Brock on vocals, only way cooler than Hands of the Hunter it only one from these guys on here. The damn good (and arguably seminal) this statement could ever be interpreted. All Becomes Dead: CD second side is by Sybris. It’s very basic, records ten years ago from J Church and Even though it is an accurate description, Note to band: If I really wanted to be slow, female-fronted shoegaze indie Whatever, they’re now putting out stuff hearing it without listening to the music bored, I can do it myself. –Donofthedead rock. Not nearly as impressive or origi- like this. I’m sorry to say, but after this first would just turn me off, so sorry if (Slow January) nal as the Ten Words for Snow song on CD ended, silence never sounded so that’s what you are thinking. Trust me. side A. –Newtim (Boyarm) good. Wasn’t my bag at all. –Keith These guys are really great. The musi- SWEETHEARTS, THE: Rosson (Dead Beat) cianship on the album is astounding. The Looks Could Kill: CD THIS MICROWAVE WORLD: drummer is killer, and has an uncanny It sounds like The Sweethearts are trying Red States: CD TRAILER PARK TORNA- rhythm and a grasp on dynamics of his to for a little more rock’n’roll with this On first listen, I have to admit that I did- DOES: Mata Al Contacto: CD instrument as played throughout an entire album. Gone are the happy, poppy guitar n’t give this much of a chance. It reeked The Motörhead comparison is a little song. He makes flawless stops and build- bits, and the singer, Lynnette, seems to of all things hipster to me. Vocals with a dubious, since so many bands in ups throughout the entire album. The gui- have traded in her bubble gum for liquor touch of reverb and a ton of fuzz? Check. Mötorhead shirts have either glossed that tarist plays some riffs so fast and catchy and cigarettes. I’m not sure how I feel Keyboard? Check. Lyrics about popping sound over (the Turbo AC’s, for exam- that I can’t even understand them after about it. I kinda liked them better poppi- pills? Check. But, something in me held ple) or turned it into boring fat guy rock witnessing them live. The lyrics are er. Looks Could Kill is still a pretty solid off on the review. I kept returning to write like Electric Frankenstein. These guys excellent. The artwork is great. This is an album. The Sweethearts are still catchy it, but every time my opinion shifted the haven’t made either of those mistakes. album that everyone into punk with a and fun. I’m sure this album will grow on smallest bit. And then the hooks began to It’s loud, heavy, fucked-up rock and roll, country twang will love. If you aren’t me. It’s definitely a keeper. Still, I like it take a hold of me. The songs are struc- simultaneously abrasive and oddly into the genre, this is the perfect gateway. when they rock their Go-Go’s and tured well, but they stay pretty safe. I catchy. And yeah, it sounds a little bit I highly recommend everyone hear this Screeching Weasel influences more than kept expecting that one song where they like Mötorhead if they were a notch CD. –Newtim (Trainwreck Riders) their Runaways influences. –Sean go out of their minds, but they never do. more punk and they were from a town Carswell (Mortville) It builds you up for something that they that lost four straight Super Bowls. –Josh TRIXIES AND THE MERCH don’t follow through on. I can’t say that I (Big Neck) GIRLS/ THE JIM JIMS: TEN WORDS FOR SNOW/ totally back this yet, but I’m not ruling Split: 7” SYBRIS: Split: 7” out the possibility that this could grow on TRAINWRECK RIDERS: I had the misfortune of living in The A-side of this record is a song called me. –Megan (Tight Spot) Where the Neon Springfield, Missouri for a year once. “Shake You Off.” I am going on record Turns to Wood: CD What a shitty town. The buckle of the and saying this song has the catchiest TRACTOR SEX FATALITY: These guys blow me away! The entire Bible Belt. Both bands on this split reside vocal pattern I have heard in years. The Peel and Eat: CD record is incredible. In fact, when I set a there. Trixies and the Merch Girls play singer hits two or even three different Sounds like David Yow fronting Jaks or show up for them a few months later I lazy acoustic stuff with some female octaves throughout the verse, making it some other art-fuck damaged band. They had noted on the flier that this band backing vocals. Mellow and uninspiring. flow seamlessly. It’s basically indie even cover a Scratch Acid song, but since makes all other alt-country, before and The Jim Jims bore me as well. One song is crappy slop pretending to be dirty rock VARIOUS ARTISTS: no missile defense contractor’s gonna this CD somehow manages to transcend and roll. The other song is a simple punk Alternative Animals: make a tidy profit off your spending that ugly term of “sampler” despite, or song that a twelve year-old could write. CD + CD-Rom money on it. Very much worth your maybe because of, the extremely limited It’s a waste of good vinyl if you ask me. I love this type of stuff. This is a histori- time. –Jimmy Alvarado packaging, but mostly just due to the –Buttertooth (Wee Rock) cal document of the Australian punk ([email protected]) bands on this thing, the quality of the scene between 1976-1979 featuring songs and the brilliance of the idea itself. TSK TSK: Demo: CD-R exclusive, live, unreleased, and rare VARIOUS ARTISTS: The CD cover is a close up of the I usually hate the mystery demo. When I tracks by the better known bands— Kiss or Kill Volume 2: CD anthrax-filled letter sent to Senator Tom see that it’s a CD-R, I cringe. But I Saints (who get the first two cuts, hell Dunno what it is about these so-called Daschle back in October of 2001, the always try. Here I get proven wrong by yeah!), Radio Birdman, and X—but not Kiss or Kill bands, who are all apparent- inside of the case simply says “Take this mostly female band. The songs are stopping there. Great pains have been ly connected via their involvement with Penicillin Now” and the insert simply very hard-edged, distorted garage that taken to recreate a cross-section of time, a certain L.A. club with the same name, lists the bands and the songs. There’s no has the bass pulled up front in the mix. so there are lesser-known, but no less but something about them just hits all the contact information beyond that, but That adds the thump in the music while great tracks by Babeez, Psychosurgeons, right buttons. Maybe it’s the odd droning there’s also no accompanying catalog or the guitar adds a layer of distortion and and The Leftovers. (Plus a smoking chord stuff that reminds me of Hüsker rhetoric-filled hype about how amazing white noise. It also has elements of cow track of a band Nick Cave was in, Boys Dü’s heyday, or the anthemic quality in a the bands are, which pretty much consti- punk mixed with a hint of death rock that Next Door.) The music speaks for itself. chorus that reminds me of Cheap Trick’s tutes the death kiss of most label sam- adds to the mood. The vocals are vamp- It’s mostly noisy, melodic, driving, and best work. No doubt it has something to plers in my opinion. There’s not even ish with a dreary and fierce delivery. It resilient. But it doesn’t stop there. The do with the fact that while all involved any contact info for G7 itself. There’s a reminded me of some of the vocals that CD-Rom’s full of family trees, fanzines, flaunt more than a little punk and pop in smattering of apparently unreleased stuff Concrete Blonde has done in the past. posters, and photographs: the whole she- their respective sounds, not one of them on here, including songs by Propagandhi Interesting and looking forward to hear- bang. It’s a time capsule. The only bad sounds like they have aspirations of and Submission Hold, and other stand- ing more. –Donofthedead (Tsk Tsk) news was I couldn’t get the CD-Rom to being a NOFX cover band. Ultimately, I outs include Greg Macpherson’s amped- work on my computer. Dang. I highly guess, the whys and wherefores are of no up version of “Southern Lights,” the best U.S.S. HORSEWHIP: suggest seeking this out if you’re a punk consequence, ’cause whatever the rea- song from Warsawpack I’ve ever heard, Wants You Dead: CD hunter or a purposeful obscurity tracker. son, the songs here are quite good, with the haunting and subdued rage of “How This is very “intelligent”-sounding What a tidy package—obviously the postpunk that lies somewhere between hooks sweet enough to cause a hypo- Far Are You Willing to Go?” by result of a heap of work. –Todd glycemic fit if you’re not careful in Bakunin’s Bum, and Randy’s fist-in-the- the Hot Snakes and the 400 Blows, with (Shock, www.shock.com.au) a little late-period Fugazi thrown in, abundance. Making a contribution this air anthem “Losing My Mind.” But time ’round are The Randies (who’s when you’ve got a comp as diverse yet especially on the vocals. It’s pretty VARIOUS ARTISTS: damn good. In fact, the only negative “Boys in Stereo” was the best tune off solid as this one, with everyone from Flesh Wave #1: CD the first volume), the OAOT’s, Bang Swallowing Shit to The (International) thing I can think to say about this is that You gotta love a hardcore comp featur- they were trying too hard to come up Sugar Bang, The Waking Hours, Noise Conspiracy vying for space in ing five bands—in this case Death in Zeitgeist Auto Parts, Silver Needle, The your head, you’re gonna come out a win- with clever song titles, and it comes Custody, The Bill Bondsmen, Goddamn, across like the class clown in middle Cloves, Bobot Adrenaline, Chromosome ner one way or another. For more than a Pub Life, and I Accuse—that clocks in Tea, The Letter Openers, Underwater few years now, G7 has proven itself to school that was a nice enough kid, but just shy of the first Circle Jerks album. was just always trying too hard to get City People, Billion Stars, The Rainman be, as much as something inherently Each band contributes two songs each, Suite, King Cheetah, The Knives, and consumer-based as a record label can, attention. Still, I guess I’d rather listen some of ’em unreleased, most of ’em to a song called “1 800 PUPPIES” than Midway. Play it loud and play it often. thoroughly resistance-minded. The won- one called “Let’s Go, Baby” or some speedy, and all of ’em pretty good. –Jimmy Alvarado (War Room) derful thing about this comp is that the shit like that. Other than the song titles, Judging from the packaging, this is a music is the focus; it’s a document, though, this album rocks pretty hard wholly DIY affair, which makes the VARIOUS ARTISTS: rather than a sonic catalog. The minimal and I think you should buy one. –Ben whole venture that much sweeter since Take Penicillin Now: CD packaging flies right in the face of col- Snakepit (New Regard Media) this ain’t some label’s sad attempt to This one’s pretty fucking good. Consider lector-nerd mentality, of limited releases, peddle crap bands in your direction and it a G7 label sampler if you want to, but and colored vinyl and an emphasis on moving units and all the trappings like It’s good to know that in our country the music for the Super Mario Bros. YOUNG PLAYTHINGS, THE: that. It seems to be entirely about the that’s falling apart, kids still have safe videogame so danged rockin’ taking a So Into Sixty b/w Lies: 7” music and the messages contained with- punk rock to listen to. The corporate stab at swing. Got the image? Good, Dark horse surprise hit 45 o’the ish! Big in the songs. For that, I applaud G7, and sponsors try to add street cred with ’cause that’s EXACTLY what this recorded-in-a-barn drums! Girls playin’ with Take Penicillin Now they’ve put bands like Gogol Bordello (a Russian sounds like. –Jimmy Alvarado (Records Farfisa! Girls singin’! Guitars! Basses! themselves up there as one of the most gypsy band), Strike Anywhere, and the of the Damned) All that shit! The B-side sounds like the diverse, yet consistently solid, labels out Unseen. But don’t be fooled, they just Fevers minus boy vocals plus girl vocals there today. –Keith Rosson want to sell you an image. When the YOUNG PEOPLE plus Farfisa plus much more raucous (G7 Welcoming Committee) Warped Tour can try to help better our WITH FACES: drum sound; the A-side draws compar- washed-up consumer culture I might I Hate You b/w Spider-Man: 7” isons to the Fevers merely in terms of the VARIOUS ARTISTS: give a shit again. Until then, take your A-side is some gay thing where every quality of the songwriting and execution. This Just In… suburban angst to the mall and buy a line ends with a lyrical reference to a I can find out nothing more about this A Benefit for Indy Media: CD fucking conscience. –Buttertooth (Side famous punk song (hopping cretins, band other than the fact that they’re real- The people at Geykido Comet (who are One Dummy) Chinese rock, et al), and their phrasing ly, really good. Please come over and some of the best people I’ve ever met) of the title commands a “Geshundheit!” play on my porch next Tuesday! BEST brought together twenty-nine bands WIFE BEATERS: more than anything else. B-side is a SONG: “So Into Sixty” BEST SONG (almost all of whom I fully back) to ben- Self-titled: CD shameful mutilation of the Spider-Man TITLE: Hmmm... i guess “Lies,” that efit Indy Media (a group whose mission Punk/hardcore with a heavy metal streak theme song, with the verses out of order always went down a storm for the I admire). You really can’t go wrong running through it. Didn’t really pay to and the “to him... life is a great big Knickerbockers. FANTASTIC AMAZ- here. My count is twenty-five out of the much attention to the lyrics, but with bang-up, wherever there’s a hang-up, ING TRIVIA FACT: The only means of twenty-nine coming in at decent or bet- song titles like “Spooge,” “Sword Fight” you’ll find the Spider-MAAAAAAAN!” contact for this band/label is a website ter, which is none too shabby. Added to and “Antabuse,” I’m figuring they aren’t part curiously omitted. The unlisted address that doesn’t work... although this is the fact that twenty-two of the based on the writings of Lao Tzu, bonus track is a somewhat better doing a Google™ search on “young tracks are previously unreleased, and the Longfellow, or Lenin. Maybe Freud, attempt at the Batman theme, stronger playthings” did take me thru some rather remaining are relatively hard to come by. though. –Jimmy Alvarado in actual concept than in execution. If interesting false leads. –Rev. Nørb Strong tracks from Toys That Kill, Killer ([email protected]) they hadn’t said “FUCK YOU!” a (Young Playthings) Dreamer, the Leeches, and This Is bunch of times on the a-side, i’d swear Revenge. Even bands that I like enough, WILLOWZ, THE: The Horn this was the work of some manner of ZOM ZOMS: but haven’t been wowed by, like Song b/w Wake Up: 7” Christian youth ministry, attempting to One Brain: CD Lipstick Pickups and Intro5pect, have I’ve seen them live and heard other subvert the good name of punk rock. It Considering the band is named after the impressively strong tracks here. Well recordings but it never sounded like this is times like these when i lament the fact place to eat in Gary Numan’s “Down in worth picking up. –Megan before. Wow. These two songs can be that i have no children, so i could fling the Park,” where “you can watch the (Geykido Comet) summed up with this comparison: Stone this record into the diaper pail where it Temple Pilots meets the Partridge belongs. BEST SONG: I suppose the humans trying to run” from the rape machines, it’s pretty easy to guess what VARIOUS ARTISTS: Warped Family. Eek! –Mr. Z (Contaminated) Batman theme. BEST SONG TITLE: Spider-Man, because they hyphenated it these guys sound like: vaguely Tour 2005 Compilation: 2xCD Devoesque synth stuff with few pop Another installment of the annual subur- YELLOW BELTS: properly. FANTASTIC AMAZING Self-titled: CD TRIVIA FACT: Features the phrases hooks. This is a really ban fashion punk parade. Lots of bands obscure reference, but it like Fallout Boy, Amber Pacific (which Oh dear me. This is so awful on pretty “PUNKS NOT DEAD—JUST THE much any level. Lyrics? Stupid. Vocals? PUNKS” and “BETTER THAN ZEP- sometimes sounds like the I thought was a beer at first), Plain soundtrack to Forbidden White T’s, Rufio (or Goofio if you pre- Whiny. Music? Uninspired hipster rock. PELIN” inscribed in the run-off fer) and every other swoop haircut emo Thank god for trade-ins at the record grooves, which isn’t that fantastically Planet with a backbeat punk wannabe flooding the airwaves store. –Megan (Eugene) amazing, but said phrases appear to be and lyrics. –Jimmy and TV right now. I hate to say it, but typeset, which actually is. –Rev. Nørb Alvarado (Omega Point) the Hot Water Music song sucks, too. YMCK: Family Music: CD (Young People With Voices) Imagine, if you will, the band that made CONTACT ADDRESSES to bands and labels that were reviewed either in this issue or posted on www.razorcake.com in the last two months.

• 17 Television, [email protected] • Florida’s Dying, 1917 Hammerlin • Magic Bullet, 17 Argyle Hills Dr., • Sickroom, PO Box 47830, • 80’s Girl, Ave., Winter Park, FL 32789 Fredericksburg, VA 22405 Chicago, IL 60647 www.myspace.com/x80sgirlx • Friends and Relatives, PO Box 23, • May Cause Dizziness, 1423 S. • Side One Dummy, • Alternative Tentacles, PO Box Bloomington, IN 47402 Farmer Ave., Tempe, AZ 85281 PO Box 2350, LA, CA 90078 419092, SF, CA 94141 • G7 Welcoming Committee, PO Box • Mint, PO Box 3613, Vancouver, • Slow January, • Anti-Music, PO Box 20178, 27006, C-360 Main St., Winnipeg, MB BC, Canada V6B 3Y6 2658 Griffith Park Blvd. #740, Ferndale, MI 48220 R3C 4T3, Canada • Modern Radio, PO Box 8886, LA, CA 90039-2520 • Arbeid, 616 Willett Ave., • Galeforce, 1605 South Chapel Ave., Minneapolis, MN 55408 • Snack Attack, Riverside, RI 02915 Alhambra, CA 91801 • MoRisen, 2125 Southend Dr., 15120 Bonavista Ave. #105, • Asian Man, PO Box 35585, • George Moshington, Suite 451, Charlotte, NC 28203 Santa Fe Springs, CA 90670 Monte Sereno, CA 95030 georgemoshington@gmail • Mortville, PO Box 426, • Snuffy Smile, • Attic Ted, PO Box 434, • Geykido Comet, PO Box 3806, Austin, TX 78765 4-1-16-201 Daita, Setagaya-ku, San Marcos, TX 78667 Fullerton, CA 92834 • Ms. 45, www.ms45.net Tokyo 155-0033, Japan • Bankshot, • Global Seepej, 1907 11th Ave. East, • Necro-Tone, PO Box 2517, • Southkore, 2814 S. Spaulding, www.bankshotrecords.com Seattle, WA 98102 Acton, MA 01720 Chicago, IL 60623 • Big Neck, PO Box 8144, • Go Kart, PO Box 20, Prince St. • Neurot, PO Box 410209, • Spider Fight, 3100 West 57th Reston, VA 20195 Station, NY, NY 10012. SF, CA 94141 Ave., Denver, CO 80211 • Black Market, PO Box 78046 • Green Hell, von Steuben Str. 17, • New Regard Media, PO Box 5706, • Spinsgood, PO Box 2301, Vancouver, BC, V5N 5W1 Canada 48143 Muenster, Germany Bellingham, WA 98227 Staunton, VA 24401 • Blood Money, PO Box 241, • GSL, PO Box 65091, LA, CA 90065 • New School, PO Box 2094, • Spook City, PO Box 34891, Orlando Park, IL 60462 • Hairball 8, PO Box 681674, Oregon City, OR 97045 Philadelphia, PA 19101 • Boyarm, PO Box 304, San Antonio, TX 78268-1674 • Nickel & Dime, PO Box 555712, • Springman, PO Box 2043, Birmingham, MI 48012 • Handstand, PO Box 110398, LA, CA 90055 Cupertino, CA 95015 • Broken Rekids, PO Box 460402, Brooklyn, NY 11211 • No Front Teeth, PO Box 27070, • Steel Cage, PO Box 29247, SF, CA 94146 • Hard Soul, 701 E. 3rd St. Ste. #315, London, N2 9ZP, UK Philadelphia, PA 19125 • BYO, PO Box 67609, LA, CA 90067 LA, CA 90013 • No Idea, PO Box 14636, • Suburban Home, • Casanova Temptations, PO Box • Havoc, PO Box 8585, Gainesville, FL 32604-4636 PO Box 40757, Denver, CO 80204 7814, Ann Arbor, MI 48107 Minneapolis, MN 55408 • No Tomorrow, PO Box 1134, • Sudden Death, Cascades • Chainsaw Safety, PO Box 260318 • Hex, 201 Maple Ln., Castellon, Spain PO Box 43001, Burnaby, Bellerose NY 11426-0318 N. Syracuse, NY 13212 • Not Bad, PO Box 371292, BC, Canada V5G 3H0 • Cheap Art, PO Box 2101, • Hill Billy Stew, PO Box 82625, Denver, CO 80237 • Suicide Squeeze, PO Box 80511, Philadelphia, PA 19103 San Diego, CA 92138 • Omega Point, 4707 N. Springfield Seattle, WA, 98108 • Contaminated, PO Box 41953, • Hook or Crook, 4219 Tanglewood #2F, Chicago, IL 60625 • Super Secret, PO Box 1585, Memphis, TN, 38174 Trail, Spring Branch, TX 78070 • Omegalord, 1104 Morris St., Austin, TX 78767 • Criminal IQ, 3540 N. Southport, • Hungry Eye, PO Box 20403, Philadelphia, PA 19148 • Take Root, 650 Napoleon St. Chicago, IL 60657 Tompkins Square Station, • Orange Peal, PO Box 15207, Suite H, SF, CA 94124 • Dead Beat, PO Box 283, NY, NY 10009 Fremont, CA 94539 • Tankcrimes, PO Box 22641, LA, CA 90078 • I.R.A., www.infexionra.com • Oxford Set, www.theoxfordset.com SF, CA 94122 • Deranged, 1166 Chaster Rd., • Idol, PO Box 720043, • Pandacide, PO Box 2774, • Teen Addict, PO Box 3337, Gibbons, BC, V0N 1V4, Canada Dallas, TX 75372 Petaluma, CA 94952 Hollywood, CA, 90078 • Despotic, PO Box 832, • Infringement, • Pelvis Wesley, 1426 SE 25th #3, • Thorp, PO Box 6786, Long Beach, CA 90801 www.infringementrecords.com Portland, OR 97209 Toledo, OH 43612 • Dionysus, PO Box 1975, • Jalisco, 2836 S. Walnut St. Pike, • Pickup, 385 E. 15th St., • Tight Spot, PO Box 49543, Burbank CA 91507 Bloomington, IN 47401 Columbus, OH 43201 Austin, TX 78765 • Dirtnap, 2615 SE Clinton, • Joyful Noise, PO Box 20109, • Plan-It-X, PO Box 3521, • TKO, 8941 Atlanta Ave. #505, Portland, OR 97202 Indianapolis, IN 46220 Bloomington, IN 47402 Huntington Beach, CA 92646 • Disaster, PO Box 7112, • Jumpstart, 1867 Frankford Ave., • Pluto, PO Box 1201, • Trainwreck Riders, Burbank, CA 91510 Philadelphia, PA 19125 McKinney, TX 75070 www.trainwreckriders.com • Discos Mariscos, 400 Broome St. • Kangaroo, Middenweg 13, 1098 AA • Profane Existence, PO Box 8722, • Tsk Tsk, www.tsktsk.org #711 D, NY, NY 10013 Amsterdam, Holland Minneapolis, MN 55408 • Unsound, PO Box 110966, • Discourage, 1737 SE Morrison St., • Ken Rock, Fabriksgatan 39b, 412 51 • Radical, 77 Bleecker St., Brooklyn, NY 11211 Portland, OR 97214 Goteborg, Sweden NY, NY 10012 • Uterine Fury, 312 Arrowhead • Dollar, 32 Rausch St. #401, • Kevin K, PMB 108 9061 US 19, • Rebel Sound, Circle, Spartanburg, SC 29301 SF, CA 94103 North Pinellas Park, FL 33782 4821 Lankershim Blvd., Ste. #F-351, • Vinyl Countdown, • Doughmain, PO Box 1489, • Kill Rock Stars, PMB 418, 120 State North Hollywood, CA 91601 3708 La Hacienda Pl. NE, Thousand Oaks, CA 91358 Ave. NE, Olympia, WA 98501 • Recess, PO Box 1666, Albuquerque, NM 87110 • Empty, PO Box 12301, • Know, PO Box 90579, San Pedro, CA 90733 • Vinyl Dog, Portland, OR 97212-0301 Long Beach, CA 90809 • Records of the Damned, 8941 Atlanta Ave. #505, • Estrus, PO Box 2125, • Kung Fu, PO Box 38009, PO Box 984, Cedar Falls, IA 50613 Huntington Beach, CA 92646 Bellingham, WA 98227 Hollywood, CA 90038 • Reptilian, 403 S. Broadway, • Wall to Wall, 427 Park Ave. #4, • Eugene, PO Box 1002, • Kuriosa, Biezenveld 48, 7943 MC Baltimore, MD 21231 Louisville, KY 40208 Lexington, KY 40588 Meppel, Holland • Revelation, PO Box 5232, • Wantage USA, PO Box 8681, • Eyeball, PO Box 179, • Last Drag, Huntington Beach, CA 92615-5232 Missoula, MT 59807-8681 Kearny, NJ 07032 www.lastdragrecords.com • Rok Lok, PO Box 137, • War Room, PO Box 93-1813, • Failed Experiment, PO Box A- • Lollipop, 7 Impasse Monsegur, Rocky Point, NY 11778 LA, CA 90093-9998 3412, Chicago IL 60690-3412 13016 Marseille, France • S&M, c/o Nordqvist, Vasavagen • Wee Rock, PO Box 333, • Fat, PO Box 193690, • Lookout, 3264 Adeline St., 44D, 582 33 Linkoping, Sweden Springfield, MO 65801 SF, CA 94119-3690 Berkeley, CA 94703 • S.O.S., PO Box 3017, • Wrecked ‘Em, PO Box 240701, • Fearless, 13772 Goldenwest St., • Lovitt, PO Box 100248, Corona, CA 92878 Memphis, TN 38124 #545, Westminister, CA 92683 Arlington, VA 22210 • Satellite, 920 E. Colorado Blvd., • Wrench, BCM Box 4049, • Fertil Miseria, • LTE, 1344 Oak Trail St., Pasadena, CA 91106 London WC1N 3XX, England [email protected] Thousand Oaks, CA 91320 • Savage, Farstave 89 (8 Tr), 123 34 • Yakisakana, 51 Rue Renaudel, • First Punic War, 2507 School St., • Lucid, 665 Timber Hill Rd., Farsta, Sweden 76 100 Rouen, France Des Moines, IA 50311 Deerfield, IL 60015 • Shake Your Ass, www.syarecords.it • Young People With Voices, PO • Five Point, PO Box 230026, • Lude Boy, 6100 Edinger Ave. #822, • Shit Sandwich, 3107 N. Rockwell, Box 1941, Ketchum ID 83340 NY, NY 10023-0001 Huntington Beach, CA 92647 Chicago, IL 60618 • Young Playthings, • Floatation, PO Box 13282, • Mad at the World, • Shock, 200 Beavers Rd., Northcote, www.theyoungplaythings.com Everett WA 98206 PO Box 20227, Tompkins Victoria, Australia 3070 Square Station, NY, NY 10009 Send all zines for review to Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, CA Starting the 90042. Please revolution by include a contact address, the number snuggling. of pages, the price, and whether or not KER-BLOOM!, #52 you accept trades.

CLEAR OBSTACLES, stamps or don’t know if he’s got the ability not wrote about the time he saw Sage FURY, THE, #13, $1, trade, 5½” x 8½”, photocopied, 24 pgs. to go for the easy, obvious laugh. Francis. But his zine also included an 8.5” x 5.5”, copied, 24 pgs. A quiet, quick, and sturdy photo zine –Keith Rosson (Mike Twohig, 72-1 open letter to 50 Cent where he asks I’m all for perzines. Love ‘em, in fact. set to a poem. Miranda Wieck, much Meadow Farm South, North Chili, how we can hold the thug image Do one myself. When I read zines, like Dan Monick, can make everyday NY 14514) accountable... all I can really say is they’re essentially what I pick up— and everywhere inanimate objects— Immortal Technique. Even if this personal zines are the ones that seem like lawn chairs, power lines, and gas CRY BOY EMO FUCK WEEK: kid’s views on white privilege are to offer me the most inspiration, the meters—seem lonely, lost, and sad. 365 LIL STORIES, #16, struggling to find a direction, he most enjoyment, entertainment, and It’s this ability to give animus to free/stamp/trade, 5½ x 4¼”, 10 pgs. appears to give a shit. The zine opportunity to relate or admire a par- things that most folks think just are There were three little individually reminds me of high school and all the ticular writer’s style. That in mind, it that rare photographer can capture. xeroxed comics wrapped up and bullshit that went along with it until was incredibly hard for me to read Cool thing. –Todd (Love Bunni Press, numbered in their own packages. that fine day you discovered punk this issue of The Fury. Not because it 2622 Princeton Rd., Cleveland Silly stories ranging from Jesus and a rock and it wasn’t so bad anymore. was poorly laid out or poorly written, Heights, OH 44118) character named Jetboy, to strips –Gabe Rock (191 Briarwood Dr. because neither is true, actually. The about drinking all day long, and other Manchester, CT 06040) layout’s a little sloppy, but it’s got a COLDHANDSDEADHEART, #19, strips that were more in-depth with lot of nice black and white contrasts $2, 4” x 3”, perfect-bound, 44 pgs. stories about personal anxieties and DIAL ZERO & HOLD, #2, in it, and the minor amount of typos Weird. With a title like that, I was self doubt. I thought the art in the 8½” x 5½”, copied, 24 pgs. didn’t interfere. And Mark’s a pretty expecting a crushingly introspective, comics was pretty tight. You could Quick-read zine from some guys in good writer, though he occasionally manually typewritten personal zine tell they put this zine out for fun, but an Ohio lockdown who try to put an falls into the clumsy kind of punk slo- espousing vague platitudes about the that it also took some time. If you emphasis, believe it or not, on laugh- ganeering we’ve all spouted before. author’s hands, letters he wrote to have ever been to a zine convention ing at themselves. DZAH has a bunch Naw, what really made it difficult for some nameless person that he decided or want to see what three complete of short pieces from five or six con- me to read this issue was the over- to reprint in his zine as a sort of mar- strangers did over the period of a tributors, ranging from all the trouble whelming sense of loneliness that just tyresque example of what a guilt-rid- week, then contact these people about one of the guys got into as a kid to the fucking oozed from every sentence in den guy he is, and lots of text running how to get a copy of their zine. Peace, many uses of paperclips in prison. it. The bulk of the zine is taken up by off the margins. Your standard emo partner. –Gabe Rock The layout’s typewritten and pasted. Mark’s multiple stories about how he zine, I mean. Instead, we’ve got a ([email protected].) Content-wise it’s nothing great, but shoplifts, dumpster dives, or sleeps in small zine full of this kid’s one-panel when it’s put in perspective, the fact buildings, alone, until he gets caught drawings, interspersed with a few CUBBY MISSALETTE, that these guys are managing to do a or nearly caught by security, at which longer written pieces that have #17, 7” x 8½” zine and insert some fun into it is time he either hightails it, über-para- accompanying illustrations. The kid The back cover has a reproduction of noteworthy. And, as one of the con- noid, or gets cuffs slapped on. Even can certainly draw; much of the stuff what appears to be a ballpoint artwork tributors notes, it’s really not bad for a during those few stories where his reminds me of Bill Plimpton’s or employing hackneyed uterine, bunch of guys with limited resources. friends are mentioned, it’s in such an Derek Hess’s work, with rolling lines, embryonic symbolism [groan]. Lots Sounds like they’re going to be plow- odd, disassociated way, it seems lots of cross-hatching and decent car- of poetry, some with stilted, over- ing ahead with a third issue as well, so more like they’re acquaintances than icatures. But it seems very much like used imagery, but much of it was sur- drop ‘em a letter and say hi—that friends. I’m not even sure if the kid a random sampling from Twohig’s prisingly fresh and original. I was desire for communication seems to be intended the zine to read like this, but sketchbook, as there’s no real sense of especially fond of the almost-epi- the essential point of Dial Zero And I haven’t read something that exuded coherency between the drawings, no grammatic style and imagery of Hold. –Keith Rosson (Anthony (intentionally or not) such isolation real common thread. And, unfortu- Jamaz L. Smith in the zine-within- Martin, #293246, PO Box 540, St. and detachment in a long time. For nately, many of the drawings read like the-zine (is this what Bill Clairsville, OH 43950) God’s sake, let’s send this kid a buck one-panel puns: one drawing consists Shakespeare would be doing these or a zine or something, brighten his of four cantaloupes, two of them hud- days?). “Notes on a Boutique: 1983” FRIGHTFUL TALES OF THE day up a little. –Keith Rosson (Mark dled together wearing top hats, the by Jason Gonzales really caught me WEIRD #1, stamps or trade, 8 ½ x Novotny, 5413 6th Ave., other two together wearing bridal off guard; like John Updike’s better 11, photocopied, crayon-filled-in Countryside, IL 60525) veils, while a carrot in the foreground, stories, the author demonstrates pro- cover, 24 pgs. holding a Bible in one hand and found significance and universal rele- Crudely, but effectively, drawn JUNKET ,#2, $3, 5½” x 8½”, pointing with the other, shouts, “Hey! vance in the seemingly mundane. In comics. Think of Ziggy, except a photocopied, 56 pgs. Can’telope!” Oh, har har. Sheesh. the end, not all of the contributions to smoking Ziggy who chugs Taxi driving stories divided into sub- Another one shows a rotund Buddha Cubby are of the greatest artistic qual- Robitussin, gets dissed by girls (“you sections: “Times People Have Tried figure with a huge afro and icicles ity, but what it may lack in that regard keep away from my girl bits”) con- to Rob and/or Kill Me,” “People hanging off of his body, with the cap- it more than makes up for in sincerity. stantly before he has a chance to Buying or Using Drugs,” etc. The tion “Fro-Zen Philosophy.” You get –The Lord Kveldulfr (no address) speak. Then there’s a soft-boiled egg good part is the kid has had quite a the idea here. The art is decent, cer- being mean to a block of cheese, and few sketchy experiences that could tainly better than many that pass CULTURE BOMB, #2, free, a whole bunch of characters who translate into good stories. The bad themselves off as “comic zines,” but I 5½” x 8½”, photocopied, 20 pgs. don’t like one another but are in com- part is this is his second issue and his kept expecting the drum roll (Ba- This sixteen-year-old kid is a pretty pulsive close proximity and are at no writing is a little bit raw and not that dump-bump-ch!) to sound off after clever little fucker. His zine has a few loss for cutdowns. Definitely worth a riveting. Plus, the entire thing’s writ- half of this kid’s jokes. Maybe stupid comics and a few short stories couple of stamps. –Todd (Love Bunni ten in type so large that the page Twohig should try his hand at an actu- about his life in CT. The kid also read Press, 2622 Princeton Rd., Cleveland count probably could have been cut al comic—he’s got the talent, I just Soul on Ice in the seventh grade and Heights, OH 44118) by a third if he went with ten- or twelve-point type; less waste and a houseboats and tips on living easy through the dour layers of fear that –The Lord Kveldulfr (Profane more compact zine that’s cheaper to from Mexico to the Canadian border. you’ve shellacked over it throughout Existence, PO Box 8722, mail. Personally, I love taxi stories. This was probably one of the best your life is absolutely one of the most Minneapolis, MN 55408) Doug Grime’s taxi zine Asphalt came things I ever got to review. So if you important steps a person can take PUNK ROCK CONFIDENTIAL, out probably six or seven years ago, ever plan on squatting or hiking or toward self liberation. Maybe espe- #2, $3.95, 8½” x 11” and it’s awesome. I still reread it just want to hear some strange and cially for the vidiots who’ve numbed Punk Rock Confidential is such a occasionally. The difference between fucked up stories then pay the meager themselves to the realities of death by great concept, and I’m surprised that that and Junket is that Grime is a top- dollar and check this shit out NOW! immersing themselves in things like it hadn’t been done more often: a notch writer who seems to merciless- If it only had a recipe for pruno, it Grand Theft Auto. Gawking at death tabloid Hollywood tell-all style look ly edit himself, and that Asphalt man- would be perfect. –Gabe Rock (PO scenes, to some extent, is normal— at the punk rock universe. It’s slick, aged to initially catch your eye with Box 190-d, Philomath, OR 97370) leering at them is not. But if you like glossy, with tons of photos and short its layout and then reel you in with nothing better than to curl up with a quick-hitting articles. It’s obvious Grimes’ writing. I’m not sure if every OGRISH MAG, # 2, glossy magazine chock full of that a lot of work has gone into this issue of Junket is gonna be taxi sto- 8¼” x 11”, glossy, 40 pgs. fetishized death images and poorly publication, and it’s worth the four ries, but if Cummings does a few Our awareness of death seems to be written articles on torture and murder, bucks in every way. And, per tabloid more drafts of future stories and something we like to keep in the run out and grab yourself a copy of agenda, don’t expect anything in works on the visual aspect of the zine, glove compartment of our minds. As Ogrish and wallow in the slew of great detail or eloquence here—if you he’ll be onto something good here. much as our society at large currently photos showing human meat splayed want informed, erudite interviews –Keith Rosson (Justin Cummings, gorges itself on the empty-calorie open like a rotten watermelon or and articles, go somewhere else. If PO Box 7183, Pittsburgh, PA 15213) “realities” of reality TV shows, death charred black like a burnt campfire you want tons of pictures and a buck- remains a reality that, for many of us, marshmallow or squashed and oozing etful of jokes, stay here. Yet at the KER-BLOOM!, #52, free/stamp is too harsh, too overwhelming to like a bug on a windshield. For me, same time, I get a bit nervous when I /trade, 3½ x 4½, letter press, 4 pgs. look straight in the face. Unlike Ogrish is more about titillation than consider this rag… since it revolves I think that a girl wrote this and she Twinkies, we are all going to perish liberation and, as such, strikes me as around a tabloid style exposé of punk needs a hug. She sounds bitter about someday and our bodies are going to Juggs for necrophiliacs and dark- rock stars, I wonder if it can serve to her days of casual sex and seems to slowly break down into stinking, siders. Maybe I’ll send my copies to lionize said stars while marginalizing write a lot about striving for a person- blackened, bug-infested heaps of Karen Greenlee. This stuff will work other elements of the community. al revolution she wants others to join. gasping meat. The sooner we can like Spanish fly for her. –Aphid Ah, but that’s a delicious irony of Starting the revolution by snuggling. shed our squeamishness and accept Peewit (www.ogrish.com) satire—elevating what is mundane to The self-proclaimed anarcho-snug- that reality the better, as far as I’m demonstrate that it should not be ele- glist rants are just enough to lose me concerned. Enter Ogrish magazine— PALETTE, free/stamp/trade, vated. Final analysis: this is a great but I really dug the layout of the zine a spin-off project of the website of the 8½” x 11”, photocopied, 50 pgs. mag. Highly entertaining. It’s not the a lot. So I imagined a world of fuck- same name. The Deathporn ghouls Shit like this is shit like this. Reading New York Times, and nor would it ing snuggling anarchists with lapels, behind this glossy picto-tabloid of it feels like homework; it even smells ever make any such claims, but it’s a patches, and pins to dictate them- mangled, mutilated meat, would like and tastes like homework. A zine of boatload of fun and is perfect reading selves to certain chapters or genres of you to think that they are serving up compiled homework. Poems and sto- for pooping or trying to kill a few the snugglist movement. I saw the these graphic images of death in a ries about food from okra to choco- minutes while waiting for a bus or giant cesspool of punks snuggling gallant effort to “show things as they late to a review of Supersize Me... some such thing. –The Lord and I looked on wondering why I really are, without the bias of the umm, it’s a good thing I ate it so I can Kveldulfr (236 West Portal Ave., can’t get laid. The content was cute mainstream media.” And it’s all tell you that it tasted like shit. I think Suite 134, SF, CA 94127) but it swerved all over the place like a couched in a sort of “this is going to somebody named Brent threw it drunk driver. –Gabe Rock (Artnoose, hurt me more than it’s going to hurt together and called it a zine. But THE RISE AND THE FALL OF PO Box 3525 Oakland, CA 94609) you” tough-love attitude. It’s a dirty Brent, I wouldn’t recommend any- THE HARBOR AREA, #4, free, job, but somebody’s gotta do it, by body trade you for this so-called zine. 5 ½” x 8 ½”, 48pgs. L.A SCENE REPORTER, #15, one gosh. My only problem with all of Your class doesn’t even get an A for The biggest problem with zines stamp, 8½” x 5½”, copied, 8 pgs. this is that there is a certain amount of effort. –Gabe Rock (701 College which focus on one city is that there Essentially a networking tool for gratuitousness here that suggests Road Lebanon, IL 62254) inevitably seems to be a lot less going those interested in hitting backyard something other than pure journalis- on than the writer’s originally shows or lesser-known venues in the tic tough love. As all good punk rock- PROFANE EXISTENCE, #48, $5, thought. They simply run out of Los Angeles area, with a weird cross- ers know, extricating yourself from 7” x 10”, 98 pgs. material to write about, sometimes emphasis on big-name bands. Lots of the shackles of a social taboo can be a It’s been a long time since I’ve read even in the first issue. Enter The Rise show listings and clip art, a few ads, a very healthy and liberating thing. But Profane Existence, but if it’s possible and Fall, a zine focused not only on pizza review, and mentions of local to then stand there, fixated, with a for anything about it to be comfort- one city (Los Angeles), but on a bands that’ve made slots on the crooked grin as you tug on your little able, it’s that I knew what I was get- neighborhood within the city (San Warped Tour. This is put out by the grey wiener—that’s another thing ting into—crusty punk rock and a Pedro – the city of L.A. won’t let same kids that do It’s All Gravy, and entirely. There is nothing liberating barrel full of extreme left wing poli- them be their own city despite being while I like the earnestness of that about a fixation. As much as the grey- tics. I also thought that their slick new located over twenty miles from zine, this newsletter leaves me a bit wienered gents at Ogrish (I’m guess- layout (quite nice, actually) was kind downtown because that would mean weirded out—I mean, guys, come on. ing there are no women involved) of ironic given the general content giving up the port of Los Angeles and Who gives a flying shit if Bad may want to be thought of as taboo- that PE tends to have, but since dress- all the revenue that comes from it). At Religion is playing $22 shows for busters and liberators par excellence, ing better than one’s enemies can be issue four, I don’t see The Rise and five nights at the House of Blues on underneath it all, what they really an effective attraction to the undecid- Fall running out of ideas any time the Strip? I don’t need L.A Scene want is to have the death taboo flour- ed, I say bully! Contents include sev- soon. I think the secret they’ve found Reporter to tell me that—give me the ish. Because that keeps them in busi- eral interviews with bands, per is one of the reasons I love Pedro so lowdown on backyard shows, give ness. Like the paparazzi that need S.O.P.: Another Oppressive System, much: there’s a genuine diversity. It’s me more interviews with twelve- people’s fixation on celebrities to sur- Psycho Faction, Words That Burn, a diversity of art forms, cultures, per- piece high school ska bands—that’s vive, these gore mongers don’t want Migra Violenta, Disrespect, sonalities, ideas, and interests that what interests me, and that’s what to liberate you from your death pre- Hellshock, and The Dagda. Articles meld together in sometimes unex- you’re good at writing about. –Keith occupations; on the contrary, they include, per the cover, the rise of pected ways. At parties in Pedro I’ve Rosson (Nick G., 312 W. 8th St., Los want to garishly seduce you into an punk in Argentina, a complete Poland seen things ranging from drunken Angeles, CA 90014) even deeper level of fixation. If peo- scene report, and an exposé on geno- sing-a-longs to outdoor slideshows to ple were actually somehow “liberat- cide in Dafur. The latter was particu- indoor fireworks to talent shows OFF THE BEATEN PATH: 2005 ed” by perusing Ogrish, then a sec- larly informative and well involving three people puking into a GUIDE TO UNUSUAL ond issue would never have to exist researched, but I would have liked to trick-or-treat bucket. And that’s what SOURCES, $1, photocopied, 15 pgs. because any lustful compulsion to have been provided with more source you get with The Rise and Fall, a lit- At first I didn’t know what the fuck pore over its amateurishly laid out information regarding the quotations tle bit of the expected, but enough of this zine was all about, and then it hit pages again would be gone. And that and statistics therein. But all in all, the unexpected to keep you interest- me like a light bulb-sized pigeon shit is obviously the last things these even though my politics might not ed. In this issue, Mike Watt talks to on the top of my skull. This shit is necrophilia-hacks want. Normally, I square as much with those of PE as Linda Bukowski about Charles (she genius. It’s got all sorts of tips and try to avoid beating a point to death, they once did, I find it encouraging still lives in the same house in Pedro tricks for squatters and backpackers. but it seems totally appropriate here, that there still exists such a forum for that they lived in during his later Everything from showering to hop- so let me re-state: looking directly radicalism, especially one that makes years). It’s a truly interesting read, as ping trains and cooking. Free rent on into the eyes of death and seeing such sincere attempts to be articulate. I learned more about all three of

105 them. There’s a eulogy to the 673 house, where a culture that I’m hardly involved with, but the I was lucky enough to stay for months when all layout, writing, and photos are all excellent, so if of my plans fell through after moving three thou- it entertained me, those who do skate would sand miles. A regular feature is a look at the probably drool all over this one. Drop ‘em a line; progress of the Channel Street Skatepark, which a lot of work went into this one. –Keith Rosson has grown from an idea, some concrete, and a (Skate and Annoy, 3439 NE Sandy Blvd., PMB couple of skaters into an impressive project that #366, Portland, OR 97232) the town can’t tear down without building anoth- er of equal stature. Grab it if you can find. Easily SUGAR NEEDLE, #27, $1, 4¼ x 11, 16 pgs. the best free zine in L.A. –Megan (PO Box 1794, You can’t even imagine the wave of relief that I San Pedro, CA 90733) felt when I read this zine and found out that I wasn’t the only one fooled by the glow-in-the- SKATE AND ANNOY, #2, $3, 8½” x 7½”, dark Halloween Twix. I was seriously so excited photocopied, 56 pgs. about the idea of eating Twix that glowed in the As far as skate zines go, this one’s pretty high dark that I didn’t even pass out any to kids, I just quality. Hell, let’s not even get that specific; this saved the two bags for myself. And then I real- is a good zine. The danger of doing a zine that’s ized that only the wrappers glowed in the dark. so reliant on photos is that if you present said D’oh! I still ate a whole bag for breakfast the photos poorly (low quality scans, washed out next day, though. But never mind that, this midtones, etc.), then you’re fucked. I’ve done it review’s about Sugar Needle, which is totally before; what is there to look at is dull, washed rad and put out by a couple of people cut from out, and in many cases, indecipherable. So this the same cloth as me. They review candy. A lot one’s already head and shoulders above a lot of of it. It’s sixteen pages of photocopied candy zines out there, just with the quality of their pre- wrappers (except for those dastardly Twix, it’s sentation. Tons of photos of locals from Oregon all stuff I’ve never even heard of) and an expla- skateparks, as well as photo features from nation of what the deal was. It’s fun and it’s Florida and Chicago and tons of old shots from enthusiastic and that’s what I look for in photo- the eighties. Mostly vert, but a page or two of copied zines. If you’re looking for something to street stuff. Also has an interview with Art and make yourself sound smart at the water cooler, Steve Godoy, who co-founded Iron Cross you might want to stick with the Utne Reader Skateboards, who skated (and still skate) for (where you’ll learn that, as of right now, there everyone from H Street to Vans and Spitfire, and are more public libraries in America than there who actually provided an interesting interview, are McDonald’s franchises!), but if I had a water even for someone like me, who’s at most mar- cooler, I’d rather stand around it talking about ginally involved in the culture. Top this off with Screaming Yellow Zonkers with these folks. a crazy update, deck by deck, of what some And what’s the deal with the stumpy legs on the boards are going for on E-Bay (complete with cowboy from the Round Up candy cigarettes selling prices and details about alterations in box? –Josh (Corina Fastwolf, PO Box pressing versions that just goes to prove there is 300152, Minneapolis, MN 55403) a sleeping comic book nerd in all of us) and some DVD and record reviews. Like I said, it’s lives of these charac- Captured: A Film/Video History ters. I liked them, and of the Lower East Side Nakazawa avoids mak- Edited by Clayton Patterson, 586 pgs. ing the mistake of only The most direct cousin to music’s DIY underground showing the good side may be the film movement in the Lower East Side of characters who are of New York. Super-8 and 16mm film destruction doomed. The characters and rebirth has been honed to a disturbing perfec- have their flaws and tion there since the end of World War II. Although faults, but you learn to certain figures are more famous now—Jim love them despite that. Jarmusch, Steve Buscemi, Abel Ferrara—or at least Then the bomb drops underground legends—Jack Smith, Harry Smith, and the first book ends. Jonas Mekas, Amos Poe—the often seedy section of As you can guess by the NY was and is full of outsider artists making noise title, The Day After cov- and commentary on the world with a distinctive ers August 7, 1945, as form of fucked up art. The book is huge, 112 articles Gen, his mother, and the and almost as many subjects and contributing writ- infant struggle to stay ers; I’m still plowing through it. So far, it’s interest- alive in the aftermath of ing to those familiar with the scene and accessible the bomb. It’s a grip- to newcomers. –Speedway Randy (Seven Stories ping and horrifying Press, 140 Watts St, NY, NY, 10013) book, a first hand account of what a Going Underground: American Punk 1979-1992 nuclear bomb really by George Hurchalla does. Gen is surrounded I’m a sucker for a good punk rock history book, by people who are liter- especially one that’s written well, is honest, is accu- Asthmatica ally falling apart: skin rate, aims its focus beyond the various in-crowds by Jon Paul Fiorentino melting off, meat coming loose off the bone. He is that permeate each region’s “scene,” doesn’t have I did a reading in Montreal with Jon Paul surrounded by the most horrifying deaths imagin- character assassination as its primary raison d’être Fiorentino. He started the reading by claiming to able, one after another, as he tries to find some rice and isn’t obsessed with tossing the whole move- have written the best book ever. Then he read a for his mother so that she can feed the infant. They ment into a nice big hole and dumping dirt on it. bizarre, drunken email exchange that was alternate- know that they have to leave Hiroshima, but they Sadly, most that I’ve read suffer from one or more ly hilarious and sad. I didn’t know whether to laugh don’t really have anywhere to go. They end up of the aforementioned shortcomings, especially or feel sorry for the guy. I laughed. His reading last- walking to the next town over and staying with a those with either Steven Blush or Brendan Mullen’s ed three minutes. His drinking lasted well into the childhood friend of Gen’s mother. The friend wel- names attached to it, which would line the bottom early morning hours. So I knew what to expect comes them, but the friend’s mother-in-law doesn’t of a well-soiled birdcage, had I a birdcage. I’m well when reading Asthmatica: comedy wrapped up want Gen, his mother, and the baby to stay there, so aware it’s bloody hard writing a book—especially a pitiable situations, a young Canadian seeking a she makes life miserable for them. This installment non-fiction book about a subculture rife with fac- salve for his wounds. What I didn’t expect was how wraps up with the wayward three struggling to sur- tionalism, in-fighting, and generation upon genera- funny and raw he could be. The book mostly focus- vive, leaving with nowhere to go. It’s heartbreaking. tion proclaiming the whole thing deader than a es on a fictional character named Jon Paul Still, considering that, during every single congres- Beatles guitarist whenever they get tired of dealing Fiorentino who’s vaguely bisexual, likes to cross sional session since Bush has been in power, with “scene politics” and move on to that corporate dress, makes love to his mom’s vacuum cleaner, Congress has debated whether or not to fund job they swore they’d never work back when they gets beat up by the fat, geeky kid, and basically research for “bunker buster” nuclear bombs (consid- were young, idealistic and had a trust fund—and stumbles from one humiliating situation to the next ering that research for these so-called usable nuclear that is why I find it amazing that so many seem to with the comic timing of Charlie Chaplin. The sto- weapons continues despite it being voted down in be intended as some sort of long-winded snipe at ries don’t really add up to any deep truth or climax, Congress), and considering that nuclear proliferation old enemies or reinforce half-truths and/or outright but they do trump themselves in absurdity. It makes continues more than sixty years after the brutal lies. Yet they do, as evidenced by the myriad of for a fun read, and it’s hard to put down. I read the events of August 6 and 8, 1945, I think this book books that either declare punk was populated by a whole book during a cross-town bus ride and a train should be required reading for everyone. It’s impor- very small number of truly hip people in ride home. At times, I’m sure I blushed, embar- tant to somewhat understand the horrors that we’re L.A./London/New York/Frisco (and the know-noth- rassed for Jon. At times, I looked behind me to funding with the taxes we pay. –Sean Carswell (Last ing joykillers who wrecked the party for the cool make sure no one was reading over my shoulder. Gasp, 777 Florida St., SF, CA 94110) kids), died in 1979/1980/1983/1986 when said hip Most of the time, though, I just laughed. It’s more people moved on to roots rock/hair metal/post- fun than feeling sorry for anyone, and I think that Beautiful Blemish punk/skiffle and nothing EVEN REMOTELY was Fiorentino’s intention, anyway. –Sean Carswell by Kevin Sampsell PUNK-RELATED occurred between then and (Insomniac Press, 192 Spadina Ave., Suite 403, What do sexual fetishes involving ears, old married when Nirvana suddenly popped up from nowhere, Toronto, ON M5T 2C2, Canada) people having crazy sex, blowjobs from Hell, a with no history whatsoever, at which time punk was young man coming to terms with his heterosexuali- miraculously resurrected, packaged, and sold for Barefoot Gen: The Day After, Vol. 2 ty and dumping his boyfriend, a mutant cat named mass consumption and became part of mainstream by Keiji Nakazawa, 234 pgs. Frankenstein, a guy who keeps an elderly homeless American culture and, as a result, there is no longer Barefoot Gen is an amazing graphic novel series man as a pet, and a man emasculated as a kid in a any punk “underground” to speak of. Ugh. Still, as that Last Gasp is currently putting out. The author locker room points out that his dad has a larger with so much of the CDs that come through this and artist, Keiji Nakazawa, was in Hiroshima on penis all have in common? Kevin Sampsell writes magazine, I wade through these books, hoping that August 6, 1945 when the atomic bomb was about them. This is his latest collection of short sto- someone will eventually make an honorable stab at dropped. He was pretty close to the epicenter of the ries, Beautiful Blemish. Sampsell is sometimes portraying a more holistic, accurate picture. bomb, but because of where he was standing when earnest, sometimes experimental, and sometimes George Hurchalla’s Going Underground the bomb exploded, he survived. His father, big sis- bawdy, but the stories are always engaging. He’s takes just such an honorable stab and the result is ter, and little brother weren’t so lucky. Their house almost Freudian in his exploration of sexual fetish- one hell of a book. Treading through the same geog- collapsed on them and they burned to death in the es, and this makes for a fun journey through one raphy and time period (and then some) as Steven resulting fire. His pregnant mother survived. She man’s id. Beautiful Blemish is the kind of short story Blush’s American Hardcore, Hurchalla veers away immediately went into labor. The baby survived, collection that makes you kinda wish you were the from the lurid rumors, misogyny, and dearth of too, but only for a few months. This series is a author’s psychologist, just so you could hear stories. information about the music and/or scene itself that slightly fictionalized account of Nakazawa’s experi- At the same time, this collection makes you realize makes Blush’s book the steaming pile of nihilistic ence, and Nakazawa’s alter ego is named Gen. The that you are kinda his psychologist. It allows you to revisionism it is and instead focuses on punk/hard- first book covers the lead up to the bomb dropping. be a voyeur into subconscious depths that most core’s migration from the Atlantic and Pacific You get to meet Gen and his family and find out that people fail to explore. How can you realize this and coasts and into the heart of middle America. Taking his father was so adamantly anti-war that he was not keep turning the pages? –Sean Carswell (Word the bulk of its information from fanzines from the briefly imprisoned. The first book has a nice mix- Riot Press, PO Box 414, Middletown, NJ 07748) period covered, the book offers in-the-moment ture of humor and sadness. I was caught up in the opinions, rather than merely bitter backward

108 glances from once-active participants, with contem- long-neglected period in America’s musical history. the novel are shorter vignettes in which Ferranti porary commentary and his own personal history Coupled with the equally excellent Fucked Up and writes about various aspects of prison life (“Snitch and insight interspersed throughout. Much of the Photocopied, Going Underground now stands as Culture,” “Lockdown,” and “Gumps”) through still tale is told from the points of view of lesser known the definitive statement on the history of America’s more fictionalized characters or, possibly, true sto- bands (although there is plenty about the more punk/hardcore scene. George, I tip my worn-out ries of guys that Ferranti’s done time with. famous as well) hopping in vans and driving out to beret to you. –Jimmy Alvarado (Zuo Press, 5775 SE The novel starts when Guero has just rolled into dives in the middle of nowhere—from Kansas to Nassau Ter., Stuart, FL, 34997) the penitentiary, where he immediately befriends Chicago, Philly to Florida—just for the sake of two of the biggest, most menacing guys he can find playing, and isolated groups of kids banding togeth- Good Advice for Young Trendy People in an attempt to associate himself with a larger er in open defiance to a music industry that ignored Edited by Jennifer Blowdryer group and therefore keep himself from getting them and a mainstream culture that vilified them. I’m not young or trendy, and I don’t think much preyed on by other inmates. It turns out these two The picture he paints is not always pretty. Pulling no of giving or taking advice, so why would I read this guys are actually two of the biggest drug dealers in punches when addressing the narrow-mindedness, book? Well, because someone at Manic D wrote me the prison, and Guero quickly finds himself locked back-biting, the herd mentality, and the mindless a nice letter and asked me to look beyond the title in the arms of the same shit that got him thrown in violence that was very much a reality of the period and give the book a chance. So I did. And I was prison in the first place. A self-confessed “pothead,” covered (and continues to be a problem in some pleasantly surprised. Good Advice for Young Trendy this starts a chain of events that will shape him from areas), he unflinchingly points out punk’s repeated People is a collection of essays written by older, a “kid from the suburbs” into a hardened vato loco failures at the local level, where it often becomes trendy people who give advice on how to be a trans- convict—complete with his learning of the requisite mired in its own stupidity and absurd politics. He sexual, or how to survive in prison or rehab, or how moral code that convicts must adopt to survive, i.e., counterbalances punk’s shortcomings, however, to make a token black friend, or how to be a cool a snitch is the worst thing you can be in prison, with its successes, both nationally—where its abili- parent, or how to live in debt, or how to be an art respect is determined by how hard you are, how ty to rally disparate groups of people around a com- star, and so on. On the one hand, if you read the book willing you are to fuck someone up or shank them, mon cause helped to build a true underground net- for actual advice, you’re missing out. Everyone has and loyalty to your crew is of paramount impor- work of media, venues, and distribution systems lit- to find his or her own path in life. Most of the writ- tance. erally from scratch—and on a personal level— ers in this collection understand this. This is particu- Guero, who’s actually a likeable character, even- where many involved found nearly every aspect of larly evident in Mykel Board’s essay on living in tually finds himself involved in a massive drug dis- their lives influenced. Most rewarding of all, much debt. It’s a tongue-in-cheek guide to personal finan- tribution network which the whole prison is soon of the focus is on the music itself: what was going cial ruin, and a pretty funny one at that. On the other reliant upon. Loyalties are crossed and constantly on both in the scene and in the mainstream culture hand, if you read the essays as a personal glimpse broken in the name of money, power, and prestige. to inspire the music and, in some cases, even delv- into how different people learned to accept who they There are beatings, murders, broken friendships, ing into the aesthetics of merely picking out a gui- are and find a little peace in a chaotic world, then it vengeance, the whole sordid mess. It’s a good story, tar to complement lyrical content. makes for an interesting read. Though I don’t have and like I said, I read the thing quickly. Going Underground is not without problems; like any intention of becoming a woman, I was really But I do have points of contention with the book. others, Hurchalla implies the success of bands like taken by Sherilyn Connelly’s essay on how to make On one hand, I feel lame even questioning the accu- Nirvana, Green Day, and a few others has resulted the transition from man to woman. It was an racy of this novel or capping on it at all; it’s so far in the loss of punk’s underground. While it may be unflinching, unapologetic piece about how she removed from my own life and way of thinking, and true on one level that some aspects of punk have became comfortable in her own skin, despite the there’s that old adage of walking a mile in someone been lost—there is no denying that some so-called criticisms of those around her. Brother Man X does else’s shoes. I’ve never been to prison and my con- punk musicians have wholly embraced the main- a nice job in his essay “Black Friend,” simultane- tact with prisoners is delegated to sending dudes stream music industry and all its shiny baubles and ously tackling serious race issues and making a joke zines when they write me and ask for one. That’s it. that punk’s most innocuous aspects have been co- of their absurdity at the same time. Punk mama I’m not versed in the culture at all, and I’m not opted by the very culture it was rebelling against— Pamela Holm delivers an insightful essay about par- claiming I know what’s up. the underground has, in one form or another, con- enting and balancing an anti-authoritarian outlook That said, the characters in this book smoke more tinued to exist. For example, not long after the peri- into her new, authoritarian position. The real stand- dope, drink more hooch, snort more coke, and shoot od upon which he chooses to end the book, Chicago out in this collection, though, is Bucky Sinister with more heroin than the entire fucking population of enjoyed a hardcore renaissance thanks to bands like his essay, “Use Your Contusions.” It’s essentially an metro Portland combined. The inmates do so with Charles Bronson, MK Ultra, and the hugely influ- essay on how to take the most painful parts of your impunity; at best they have a “lookout” posted out- ential Los Crudos; the Billy Childish-inspired trash past, embrace them, and turn them into something side the cell, watching for a guard while they do their punk scene initially centered around the San positive. Sinister has done this well in his poetry things, but even that seems rare. There are parts in the Francisco Bay area and an obscure Los Angeles (check out Whiskey & Robots. It’s the best combina- book where entire rooms or sections of the prison are fanzine called Pure Filth in the late ‘80s exploded tion of punk rock and poetry that I know of, and I’m taken over by various gangs where they just hang and bands like Supercharger and the Mummies and not just saying that because I published it), and he out, smoke dope out in the open, drink and fight, and Rip Off Records found themselves enjoying consid- does it well again in this essay. It’s clear that he’s not there’s apparently not a guard anywhere. I’d always erable popularity; and legions of bands from across giving advice to anyone but himself, and that he thought that the movement of guys in prison were at the country began to fill spaces left by bands like doesn’t have much real interest in being trendy. He’d least mildly monitored and restricted. In Prison Bad Religion, the Offspring, and Rancid as they much rather be honest, and that’s what makes him Stories, the inmates are rarely alone in their cells embraced the mainstream. Punk’s underground has such an impressive writer. The weakest points of this except at lights out—they’re constantly hanging out remained just as active as ever, and while many collection come when writers actually try to give in each other’s cells or making dope deals in the bands’ desire to fit nicely into one pigeonhole or advice. I don’t need someone to tell me not to smoke yard, shooting pool, smoking each other out, tossing another is indeed exasperating, many others contin- too much pot (I already taught myself that lesson) or joints to each other, and walking the track while they ue to defy easy categorization, as even a casual lis- to tip well in restaurants. Still, on the whole, reading blatantly light up. Again, it’s difficult because I’ve ten to the BellRays, Fleshies, Lost Sounds, Le Shok, this book is like walking into a bar full of freaks (and never been to prison, but my understanding, howev- or the Heroine Sheiks can attest. It would’ve also I mean that in the best way) and getting to hear them er ignorant, of how the penal system works was real- been nice to see a little more attention focused on all tell their stories. –Sean Carswell (Manic D, PO ly put to the test with just the sheer ease, volume, and some subjects merely touched upon here, such as Box 410804, SF, CA 94141) frequency with which these inmates acquire and use the contribution and experiences of women and dope, commit acts of violence toward each other minorities, punk’s impact on other artistic media Prison Stories without retribution from the authorities, and pretty (visual arts, performance art, writing, etc.), the roots by Seth “Soul Man” Ferranti, 270 pgs. much seem to be given the run of the prison. and effect of the mid-’80s skinhead influx on the Let me start by saying that despite the criticisms Ferranti’s writings seem factual enough that he’s greater punk scene, and some of the more interest- I’ll bring up later in this review, I was hooked on often believable, but it really flies in the face of what ing ways the scene branched out and influenced this book from the first page, and I read it quickly. I always thought was a strict, vicious, and rigid and/or created other forms of music. Some gram- My attention didn’t wane once and when I had a structure designed to keep inmates isolated from matical and factual errors can also be found here spare moment or two, you could probably find me each other. In Prison Stories, the main characters’ and there, but what makes Hurchalla’s book so pulling out the bookmark and reading this thing. cell doors seem to be always open as they lack- important is that it captures the spirit of the move- Ferranti is a decent writer and the subject matter adaisically meander from one place to another. ment, its idealistic sense of purpose that, despite was captivating as hell. Ferranti’s details are much of what is captivating punk’s many shortcomings, has managed to survive Essentially, Prison Stories is a fictionalized, first- about the book—his writings about the hierarchy of and continues to influence a wide swath of people. person account of Guero, a new inmate recently the prison economy is fascinating. The way he Warts and all, this is an outstanding attempt provid- sentenced to a federal penitentiary for possession of writes about “gumps” (prisoners who are raped or ing a general, yet through, look at an influential, massive amounts of marijuana. Between sections of “kept” by other inmates, either through coercion or for protection), the way in which dope is traded for version of the handshake. Still, Ferranti’s voice is switches frantically, attempting to ABSORB MORE commissary (everything from books of stamps to gritty and tough, his character makes plenty of mis- KNOWLEGE while he finishes his sandwich. But, of sweat suits to chips to Walkmans, all purchased takes but remains likeable, and I found myself course, this has yet to be proven). Therefore, if Jake through the prison store), or money sent from absolutely entrenched in the book. I wouldn’t say Austen—producer of the Chic-a-Go-Go cable access inmates’ families straight to drug-drop locations out it’s the consummate “prison novel,” but it’s emo- dance party show, lest we forget—writes a book of state, to the simple fact that Ferranti says a chap- tional and gripping, and I sure as hell didn’t feel that about Rock on TV, i tend to assume that he knows stick cap full of pot is worth twenty-five dollars in I’d wasted my time when I turned the past page. what he’s talking about, and that said book is THE prison, constituted much of what was so interesting –Keith Rosson (Gorilla Convict Publications, PO definitive book on the subject TFN. That said, how- about the novel. But again, it’s just hard to reconcile Box 492, St. Louis, MO 63376) ever, while i can definitely see TV-a-Go-Go—which the ease of these guys’ movements and the total lack is broken into ten separate essays on dance shows, of rigidity in the system to what I thought I under- TV-a-Go-Go fake TV bands, punk rock on TV, etc.—becoming stood about prison life. by Jake Austen, 369 pp., $18.95 required reading for various college-level mass Like I said, I really did enjoy the book, and I’d For those of you who have been living under a media/popular culture classes for years to come, i recommend it to others. Still, as with many inde- rock (instead of living under the divine auspices of don’t see it entirely succeeding as a self-contained pendently published books, there’s some problems THE Rock, which is, like, a completely different icon of popular culture itself, mainly because of the here with editing. I liked the book enough to check thing), Jake Austen is pretty much the coolest guy on format. While the book serves as an excellent out the publisher’s website—turns out Ferranti has the planet. If you’ve ever read Jake’s magazine, overview of rock on TV from, as advertised, both an AA and BA in English from college corre- Roctober, i reckon you know what i’m talking about: “American Bandstand to American Idol,” the black spondence courses he’s taken since he was sen- He’ll put out, say, a Redd Foxx tribute issue that’s and white, sparsely illustrated format fails to satisfy tenced. That said, he really should’ve paid a bit designed like an old issue of Famous Monsters of the reader’s desire to see lots and lots of images of more attention to his spelling. Grammatical errors Filmland, or a Sammy Davis Jr. tribute issue that bands on TV that reading a book about lots and lots are rife throughout the book, and one reader posted looks like an old MRR, and these issues won’t be lit- of bands on TV can’t help but provoke. Essentially, a comment on the site that about half of Ferranti’s tle, superficial things—like, “ha ha, it looks like what i’m saying is that, at some point in time, some- Spanish spellings are incorrect. As well, there’s the Maximum RockNRoll but it’s got Sammy Davis Jr. on body’s gonna basically do TV-a-Go-Go with a much occasional line that just makes me wince. Lines the cover, isn’t that rich?”—they will have PAGE larger budget, they’re gonna put in half the informa- like, “It would be hard for him to make it but I held after PAGE after PAGE of discographies and histo- tion, a third of the insight, and twenty times the pic- out hope that my carnal would make it,” really ries and in-depth articles about their subjects. tures and people are gonna eat it up—and that’s not could’ve been put down better on the page. The fre- Children’s records? Jake’s the authority. Monkeys in good nor bad, it’s just the way the world works. quent dialogue that consists entirely of (mis- rock? Jake’s the man. Black folks in the punk scene? People are gonna want less of a textbook and more of spelled?) Spanish made it hard for a non-bilingual Jake compiled the friggin’ database. Jake Austen, a coffee table book; that’s just inherent in the subject guy like me to really grasp what was taking place seemingly, knows everything about anything even matter. But, that said, TV-a-Go-Go is a fine and infor- much of the time. vaguely music related, and the more offbeat and mative read, with Jake’s insights into the social sig- But as a whole, Prison Stories is a great read; obscure it is, the more he appears to know, giving nificance of Soul Train and other black dance shows there’s a comprehensive beginning, middle, and him the appearance, to me, of being almost superhu- particularly eye-opening. I wish him the best of luck ending. It is definitely a novel. That said, if the book man (i always envision his home as being some sort (and the highest of budgets) for future offerings. ever makes it to a second printing, more editing is of an underground bunker, kind of like the basement –Rev. Nørb (Chicago Review Press, 814 N. Franklin, definitely in order. And possibly a glossary, both of at the MRR House, but with about six television Chicago IL 60610) frequent Spanish sayings and prison lingo—hell, it monitors, eight turntables, four computers and a took me thirty pages to figure out that “hitting microfilm machine all going constantly, with Jake rocks” was when two dudes hit fists together, their sitting in a chair, slamming Diet Coke™ and flipping