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Tina Delgado Is Alive!

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Tina Delgado Is Alive! What does a Top 40 Radio DJ, hallucinogenic drugs, go-go girls, cannibals and the dark side of pop culture all have in common? When average teen Bobby finds the mysterious words “Tina Delgado Is Alive!” on a button in a thrift store, what follows is a wild safari into the suburban jungle of cult classic America, where he will either discover the truth or descend into madness. 2 Playwright’s Note: B-Sides & Rarities No one would ever mistake this play for a serious biopic on the life of Donald Steele Revert, and for good reason. This play is not about the man but about the myth. The idea was born when I randomly found a slogan button in a head shop in Los Angeles that read “Tina Delgado Is Alive!” It was in the same bin with all the hippie flower power memorabilia, but that phrase jumped out at me. I went home and Googled it only to find that this anonymous slogan was once the catchphrase for a disk jockey in the 1960s named “The Real Don Steele.” From there, I found the theme song for his KHJ radio show. The recording mostly consists of a woman screaming “Tina Delgado is alive, alive!” on repeat. Researching the station’s history, I was never able to find out where Steele came up with the line or what it’s supposed to mean. The station auditioned hundreds of girls in L.A. to record it, yet no one seems to know who or what Tina Delgado was, or why the woman in the soundbite is so desperate to convince us she’s alive. I was instantly hooked. There was an implication that this phrase, repeated like a mantra, contained a hidden meaning like a Zen riddle. Next, I discovered a CD called ‘60s Jungle Garage Teen Beat that featured various pulp bands and cataloged a whole subgenre of jungle-themed novelty tunes. As tacky and outrageous as Tarzan go-go dancing to Saturday morning cartoons, this gonzo album is like the soundtrack to American Bandstands that never were. I mean, who can forget that African-beatnik-surf craze that swept the nation? This music took me totally by surprise and I loved every minute of it. So as these pieces came together, I knew I wanted to write an homage to this era of crazy, campy dance fads, over-the-top radio personalities and the psychedelic wonderland they describe. Having a plot that centers around an obscure radio catchphrase should convince anyone that this play is not about the Real Don Steele Show so much as it is about building the mythology that surrounds it. It uses radio as a metaphor for the spirit realm. The vision quest between worlds that shamans explore through drugs and dreams. Its jungle imagery represents our unconscious mind as in classic dream interpretation. The jungle often hides itself in the density of its own matter. As such, it is a place of great complexity and unknowing. For many of us, it describes the unpredictability and potential threats of our world. To be lost in a jungle usually means you are on a quest for treasure, sacred knowledge, or other things kept in deeply covered and generally inaccessible places. It’s where we are preyed upon by our untamed desires and must confront our fears and inhibitions. The savage land of Tina Delgado addresses themes of male chauvinism, feminine power, psychosexual conflict and the search for individuality. The consequence of Bobby’s identity crisis or dishonest character leaves him open to the perils of unreality. A lost world of dark adventure where only the true of heart survive. Through all of these strange encounters – people, animals, monsters – Tina Delgado suggests a melodrama of altered states in which unmet teenage anxieties become a life-or-death ritual of self-transformation. 3 BOBBY RAY: a troubled teen, a poser, a liar, a seeker. CIRCE: a rocker, a moon child, a groupie, a muse, or is she? THE REAL DON STEELE: a retired radio disk jockey, a drug dealer, an ex-hippie guru. LIVINGSTONE: Bobby’s roommate, an experienced partier and womanizer. SHEENA: an Amazon queen, a jaguar totem/spirit animal, may or may not be Bobby’s pet cat. THE MONKEY-DEMON: an ill-omen, death, addiction, the id, the Hindu god Hanuman (played by ensemble) CLERK: works at a vintage clothing store (played by same actor as Real Don Steele) THE DRAGON LADY: half woman, half snake (played by same actress as Circe) DR. MOJO: a Voodoo witch doctor (played by same actor as Real Don Steele) BOSS: music industry executive (played by same actor as Real Don Steele) ACTRESS: a struggling voice-over artist (played by same actress as Circe) BUM: homeless man (played by same actor as Real Don Steele) CANNIBAL TRIBE: Bobby’s friends and family (played by ensemble) THE TIKI GOD: the voice of the jungle, he knows everything. 4 Oh, a lion hunter In the jungle dark, And a sleeping drunkard Up in Central Park, And a Chinese dentist And a British queen All fit together In the same machine Nice, nice, Such different people In the same device! ---Bokonon (Kurt Vonnegut), "A Man Without A Country" 5 Scene 1 The stage is lit with tie-dye lights and swirling designs, reminiscent of the 1960’s television show Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. “Tina Delgado Is Alive” by The Real Don Steele plays. (Note: During any hallucination scene, a huge red “On Air” sign over the stage is lit) SHEENA appears on stage in a leopard skin bikini, her body painted in flowers and peace symbols. She performs a wild go-go girl routine, exaggerated movements, big, fake smiles. There is a sudden break in the music. She freezes. In the silence her expression changes to fearful desperation. She looks out into the audience, as if noticing them for the first time. SHEENA: (out of breath, panicked) Listen. I don’t have much time. I don’t want to dance like this. When the music comes on they make me smile and dance. Please help me. You must… She notices something offstage and gasps. SHEENA: Oh no! She starts to weep in fear for her life. The music begins again, her smile instantly returns and she throws herself back into the dance. The opening credits for the play are projected onto her body as they would in a movie opening credit sequence…the title, directed by, starring, etc… The 20th Century Fox theme song plays. Blackout. In the darkness, Sheena lets out a scream. 6 Scene 2 The opening “LA” sequence from Russ Meyer’s 1970 film Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is projected on the back wall. A small, “bachelor” apartment. The wallpaper is green with a banana leaf pattern. A couch in the middle of the room. LIVINGSTONE is seated; he is sleek, well-groomed, metro-sexual, the consummate “bad boy”, a nightclub party animal, dressed in the latest fashion. BOBBY RAY comes in, drops a bag next to the couch and sits down dejected. He wears a plain polo t-shirt and khaki shorts. LIVINGSTONE: Something on your mind? BOBBY: Women. LIVINGSTONE: What about them? BOBBY: Everything. You know, why is it that guys, who I have no interest in, are open books and women, who I do have an interest in… LIVINGSTONE: See, that’s your problem. I hate to say it dude, but you are a classic beta. BOBBY: Beta? LIVINGSTONE: Beta male. I used to be like you. It seemed like all these other guys were getting the girls and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why. Then I saw this article on the internet – or it was an ad or something? Anyway, it had a girl in the middle making a choice between two guys. One is this clean cut, combed hair and glasses-wearing dude – not unattractive mind you – and then the other guy has his hair in a faux-hawk, looks a little more cut, probably a jerk. And above this “cool” looking guy you have the words “Alpha Male” and under the well-dressed one you see “Innocent Beta.” That was the day I decided to become an alpha. So I read books, put on the front and now I’m good with the ladies. BOBBY: I don’t know man. That seems gimmicky. LIVINGSTONE: What do you mean “gimmicky”? BOBBY: Like, disingenuous. Fake. 7 LIVINGSTONE: Of course it’s fake! Nobody wants anyone for who they really are because everyone is flawed! You’re looking at this from the wrong angle, my man. You’ve got to think caveman, barbarian, survival instinct. Does the hunter worry about what his quarry thinks? Hell no. HE makes the decision about whether or not to go in for the kill. He just has to blend in enough to get close. BOBBY: So how do you blend? LIVINGSTONE: Well, what kind of girl do you want? BOBBY: I don’t know man. There is this one girl I’ve seen. LIVINGSTONE: Yeah? BOBBY: On the way home from work I pass by this little hippie store. I looked in the window last week and saw this girl. Of course she was hot but also she had this certain way about her – like she didn’t care about what anyone thought of her. Fiery. LIVINGSTONE: So go in there and get her! Buy some clothes, or pretend like you’re buying clothes. Common interests. I had a girl tell me once we had nothing in common.
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