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Joseph, Daniel, the Prophets like Elijah and Jeremiah, and more than anyone, Jesus Focus on the Dysfunctional – March 8, 2015 himself were all falsely accused and imprisoned for doing good. How to Overcome growing up in a Dysfunctional Family

39 Joseph - Pops to Pits to Pot’s to Prison to Palace. 4) Perspective -- Blessing & — Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has shown you all this, there is none so discerning and wise as you are. 40 You Bible Background shall be over my house, and all my people shall order themselves as you What we know—the sequence of the narrative. command.[d] Only as regards the throne will I be greater than you.” He was the 11th of Israel (Jacob) If I had another week, I would talk about just this part of the story. The story of 1.) He was the favorite…he showed favoritism through the gift of a very rare and Joseph and his dysfunctional family does have a happy ending! They did not dictate colorful coat. the outcome of Joseph’s life. 2.) Showing favoritism caused the other boys to become jealous and resentful. -Joseph was elevated to the prime minister of Egypt. Pharaoh put him in charge of 3.) He shared dreams without wisdom. He was young and hadn’t developed the nation, particularly the grain silos, where he stock-piled grain for 7 years wisdom yet. He knew he had a calling on his life and wanted to share that. So he because God had revealed to him that there would be 7 years of famine and shared his dreams with his . This caused his brothers to despise him drought after the years of abundance. Finally, Jacob’s home is impacted, and he 4.) A family divided: “He’s dad’s favorite and he thinks he’s better than us”. sends his to Egypt in hope of them purchasing some grain to keep them from So when he brought them food while they were pasturing their flocks kind of far dying. Of course when Joseph recognizes them, he has a decision to make. He kind away from home in Dothan, they Conspired to kill him. Their oldest, Rueben, talked of toys with them, and finds out that he now has a younger , Benjamin. I them out of it, recommending they throw him into a pit. While he is away the other have to cut the story short, but he sets them up to bring Benjamin, then holds him brothers sell him as a slave for 20 pieces of silver to a Midianite caravan. as hostage, and the brothers beg him saying this would kill there because 4.) He is sold as a slave first to a Midian caravan, then to the captain of the they had already lost a brother. Pharoh’s royal guard named Potipher That was all he could take, and weeping, he told them who he was. HE sent them 5) Thrown into the palace dungeon, having been falsely accused of sexual assault home with instructions to bring their father back to Egypt with them, and that they by his master’s . and their would be cared for. 6) Elevated to a position of power second only to Pharaoh himself. He had the power to hurt them, yet he provided for them and blessed them. He Jacob alone could have been a series on dysfunction. He was a deceiver from took care of them. birth… they even named him “trickster”. need to be careful what they call

their children or who they name them after. He later deceived his father Isaak to Overcomer’s Perspective get his brother’s blessing and , involving his in the scheme. 1) Like his great-grandfather Abraham, He believed in God’s purpose for his life! 2) He depended on the Lord’s presence. Interesting, no teaching of the Holy Spirit, He was a con man…. He works 7 years for the woman he loved, and his father-in- but as Moses tells the story he repeats the phrase, “The Lord was with Joseph”; law tricked him into marrying his intended -in-law, Leah. Then he gave him This is a story that ends well. Joseph went from slave to prisoner, but at every step Rachael on the condition that he work for him 7 more years. Because he didn’t love along the way we read the phrase, “The Lord was with Joseph”. Leah, God had compassion on her and allowed her to have children while Rachael Potipher’s house--39:2 The LORD was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he could not conceive. lived in the house of his Egyptian master.( Finally, years later, God blessed Rachael with a , and they named him Joseph. In Prison-- 39:21 “the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted Later, his little brother was born, and Rachael died right after Benjamin was born. him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. (He was put in charge of the prison! ) Jacob probably favored Joseph because he favored Rachael, and because he didn’t 3) He forgave those who wronged him! have a mother… he doted on him. He over-compensated. Genesis 50:9-21 Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God? Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all Showing Favoritism always hurts the family. around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to ; I’ll Dr. Phil, “one of the dangers of playing favorites is that the less favored child will take care of you and your children.” He reassured them, speaking with them heart- begin experiencing feelings of resentment, both toward the favored and the to-heart.You will never come into your destiny with unforgiveness in your heart. . When a child feels that their sibling is receiving preferential treatment from Until you wish someone well, and comfort them, you haven’t forgiven them. a parent, it can make them feel as if they are not good enough, leading to , That’s why I call Joseph the most Christ-like person in the Old Testament. and problems with low self esteem.”

The “non-favorites” will Once kids grow up and leave home, the rivalry and resentment can often grow. I Resent their parents, Resent their , Develop anger/self esteem problems. know a lot of families where brother’s or haven’t spoken to one another in years! Some families become fractured and broken, never to be healed. This usually comes to the surface during illnesses or funerals… times when the family needs to Essential Tips to Help Parents Avoid Favoritism pull together to help and comfort one another. But when there is dysfunction, this Tip #1 – Take Time for Each Child – First, make sure you take time for each child, is like speeding up on a dangerously damaged tire. It will heat up and explode! showing that they all are worth your time and effort. One-on-one time will make Most of the time, if I don’t know a family well, I will ask if there is anything I need to each child feel important. avoid so as not to cause more friction or damage. I call them “verbal potholes”. Tip #2 – Cheer On Every Child – Cheer on all of your children, letting them know A pastor friend told recently of conducting a funeral in which the man had been a that you are there to support them. very active member of the church and held in high regard. At the close of the Tip #3 – Tell Every Child You Love Them – Children need to hear that they are loved, funeral, the pastor was approached by the man’s , who asked to speak even if they seem embarrassed or unaffected by your proclamations. Make sure with him privately. It was then he learned that the man had sexually abused her for you take time to tell your children that you love them every day. years. The devastating damage had been done, and all he could do was offer a Tip #4 – Show Concern for Each Child – Showing concern for your child will also deeply heart-felt apology and some counsel. help you to avoid favoritism. Take the time to ask about each child’s day, finding out what is going on in his or her life. Genuine concern will go a long way towards Most of the time, the damage parents do to their children is not quite as dramatic, making your children all feel that you care for them, avoiding any feelings of but can be deeply wounding and devastating. favoritism among your children.

Overcoming Your Dysfunctional Family 3) Perjury--- Acting out of deep hurt and resentment--Resentment leading to 1) Favoritism-Coat of many colors. Genesis 37:3 hatred…. Selling their brother into slavery. They saw him coming (because of the 3-4 Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he was the child of coat!) and plotted to kill him, saying “here comes the dreamer”! his old age. And he made him an elaborately embroidered coat. When his brothers His brothers pulled Joseph out of the cistern and sold him for twenty pieces of silver realized that their father loved him more than them, they grew to hate him—they to the Ishmaelites who took Joseph with them down to Egypt. wouldn’t even speak to him. “Their hatred just kept getting bigger and bigger!” A) If you have big dreams for your life, don’t expect them to make you “It doesn’t matter whether you’re the chosen child or not, the perception of popular when shared.. especially if your dreams in some way put you in unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings,” explains Dr. Karl Pillemer, authority over others. Ph.D. B) Believing in God’s dreams will sustain you through some incredibly difficult circumstances, including attacks by your friends and family, those We parent out of the Parental Imprint: Jacob had been raised by a dysfunctional who should be the most encouraging and supportive! mother who helped him con his Father into giving him the Birthright that goes to the first-born. He was parenting as he had been parented! 4) False Accusations- Genesis 39:18 “She said, “The Hebrew slave, the one you -- The favored child will have a feeling that they can accomplish things and get brought to us, came after me and tried to use me for his plaything. When I yelled them done. Research shows that every president has been the favorite child --- and screamed, he left his coat with me and ran outside.” Harry Truman’s siblings said of their mother, “she treated us all the same, but there Potiphar trusted Joseph completely, putting him in charge of his house, his servants was something special between her and Harry.” and all of his business. All he had to worry about was the food he ate. Joseph took But Jacob in no way tried to mask his feelings for young Joseph. He was the favorite, care of everything else. But Joseph was a very good looking, well built young man. and he knew it and all of the other boys knew it, too. Our children are far more And while Potifer was away, his wife would try to seduce him, begging him to come intelligent than we think some times. Fairness is huge to a little child. to bed with her. One day when he was working in the house alone, she grabbed his 2) Sibling Rivalry- Bundles; Sun, Moon & Stars: “He thinks he’s better than us”. coat trying to drag him to the bed, and he pulled away leaving his coat in her hands. How many problems could be resolved if Parents could treat all of their children Offended that he refused her advances, she begins to cry rape! When her exactly the same? gets home, she tells him the lie, and he immediately throws Joseph into prison. The Unfavored Child—“The unfavored child perhaps stands to suffer the most – He was faithful. Being faithful doesn’t always mean things are going to go well. even long after he or she has left home whether it be through , You can do everything the right way for the right reason and still have people lie weakened self-esteem or a chronic need to feel special. And in many cases, sibling about you and try to destroy you. Satan means “accuser”. He has used false relationships are strained as resentment from favoritism breeds.” accusation against God’s people for centuries, and will continue to do so.