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THE PALINDROMIC DEAD SEA SCROLLS Pent Feigns but God Is N LIVE NOT 0 Almighty Del MOOD SEV ERE HOWARD RICHLER Displays Zen Cote St

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THE PALINDROMIC DEAD SEA SCROLLS Pent Feigns but God Is N LIVE NOT 0 Almighty Del MOOD SEV ERE HOWARD RICHLER Displays Zen Cote St 150 REV ILED I I THE PALINDROMIC DEAD SEA SCROLLS pent feigns but God is n LIVE NOT 0 Almighty del MOOD SEV ERE HOWARD RICHLER displays zen Cote St. Luc, Quebec, Canada EVE DAMNED as God evict Many Biblical scholars are expecting a bombshell with the recent release of previously- unpublished documents of the Dead Sea Scrolls. CAIN, A MOl They will not be disappo i nted i.n discove ring that there another Abel in a cl document which traces the l1istory of the Bible in palindromic form. HA' ON' ON' Not only is thi.s document written palindromically, but it is writ­ of Arc, is ir ten in English palindromes. WAS IT ARA One should not be totally surprised at this revelation, for there the seventh are indications of the favored status of English; it has become a double-tak the lingua franca for a reason. Just as the Jews were the Chosen People, English has become the Chosen Language, supplanting "PEE? WE E Hebrew and Aramaic. his uncle A Genesis 17) J The facts speak for themselves. Examine the Biblica1 names Eve, Hannah, Asa , Adam, Anna, Onan. Ahab, Mo ses, Annas and PA'S A SAP' Jesus. All these names a re e ither palindromes o r near-palindromes' his two dauf Wa s not Joshua the son of Nun ? Was not David the son of Jesse? so the elde~ Wa s not Janna the great-grea t-grea t-grandfather of Jesus? Was drunk he w( not Aram the great-great-great-great-grandson of Abraham? The girls bear s Biblica1 place-names Eden, Canaan, Tarsus, Gaza, Cana and Ararat i tes. are all near-palindromes as well. HARASS SELF Was not Jesus deified? Is not God referred to (Mark 14:36, Romans ultimatum: 8: 15, Galahans 4 :6) as Abba? What led t o the secession of the and extradit, northern tribes after King Solomon's death? It was the practice KN1FE IZZIE of forced l abor called miss im. Even the word Essenes, the sect find ou t tha that is believed to have wdtten the Dead Sea Scrolls, is a near- to sacrifice palindrome. A PET? l' M The Lord works in mysterious ways. It is not mere coincidence when his din that God spelled backwards is dog. a ny more than evil backward dog. is live, or Devil backward is lived . The Almighty does indeed have a droll sense of humor, and if She (He) will a llow me a LT .. I'M t palindromic pun at Hi s (Her) expense, we are blessed in having travels. intr a droll Lord. hamen. I know there are Doubting Thomases out there who are saying WAR, DAN? "show us the nails". I present them with the Palindromic Dead es to his s ' Sea Scrolls. To aid readers not well-versed in Scripture, I have end e d in a included attributions of the palindromic s tatements. As fra g ments r es u 1 t of thE are being pieced together in jigsaw-puzzle form on a c o ntinuous lillg Feder-a ti basis. this document must be seen as a work in progress. LO, DINAH, j i:i golde n Cd 11 151 REViLED I DlD LIVE; EVIL DID I DELIVER (Genesis 3) The Ser­ )LLS pent feigns remorse in an attempt to a void eterna1 sand-sucking, but God is not fooled. LIVE NOT ON EVIL, MADA M, LIVE NOT ON EVIL (Genesis 3) The Almighty delivers an injunction to Eve. 100D SEVERE , VAIN. AVER EVE'S DOOM (Genesis 3) The Almighty displays zero tolerance in his sentence of Eve. EVE DAMNED EDEN, MAD EVE (Genesis 3) Adam is disconsolate as God evicts him and the Missus from Paradise. th the r e c e nt Sea Scrolls. CAIN, A MONOMANIAC? (Genesis 4) Adam discovers that Cain slew here another Abel in a classic case of sibling rivalry run amok. iromic form. HA' ON' ON' ON' 0, NOAH' (Genesis 7) Noah's amorous wife, joan t it is writ- of Arc, is inspired b y animal behavior on the original Love Boat. WAS IT ARARAT SAW ? (Genesis 8) On the seventeenth da y of m, for the re the seventh month of confinement with odiferous beasts, Noah does has b e c ome a double-take when the ark c omes to rest upon Mount Ararat. e the Chosen supplanting "PEE? WE BAD'" LOT TOLD ABE, "WEEP '" (Genesis 13) Lot jives his uncle Abram (God doesn't change the name to Abraham until Genesis 17) for ha ving a wet dream. blical names Annas and PAIS A SAP' (Genesis 19) Lot is living in an isolated cave with -palindrome s' his two daughters. The girls want to "preserve seed of our father", ,on of jesse ? so the eldest daughter convinces her sister that if they g et Dad jesus? Wa s drunk he won't realize what he is doing. The plan works as the )raham? The girls bear sons who become the fathers of the Moabites and Ammon­ and Ararat i tes. HARASS SELfLESS SARA H? (Genesis 21) Sarah gives Abraham an 4:36, Romans ultimatum: "It's me or the handmaid". Abraham choose s Sarah ssion of the and extradites Hagar and Ishmael. the prac tic e KNIFE IZZIE? FINK' (Genesis 22) Abraham is much relieved t o ~s , the s ect find out that God was only teasing him when He/She told Abraham is a n ear- to sacrifice his son Isaac on Mount Moriah. A PET? I'M ESAU, A SEMlTE, PAl (Genesis 27) Esau is incredulous coincidence when his dim-ey ed father, Isaac, mistakes him for the family sheep ri1 b a c k ward dog. does indeed allow me a E.T., I'M ESAU, A SEMITE (Genesis 32) Esau, in his Egyptian j in having travels. introduces himself t o the used-camel merchant Ed Tutank­ hamen. are say ing WAR, DAN? ISRAEL CLEARS IN A DRAW' (Genesis 32) Jacob announc­ dromic Dead es to his son Dan that his wrestling match with an angel has ure, I have ended in a draw and that the angel renamed him Israel. As a \s fragments result of the draw, jacob retains his BWWF (Biblical World Wrest­ '1 continuous ling Federation) belt. s. LO, DINAH, AN IDOL (Genesis 34) JAcob shows his daughter Dinah a golden calf which their Shechemite neighbours built. 152 I DID DA V O.J. DEIFIED JO (Genesis 37) The O.J. initials refer to "Old Ja­ cob" . Ge nesis 37:3 states: "Now Israel (jacob) loved Joseph more Jonathan is than all his children, because he was the son of his o ld age: HAIR UP, and he made him a c o at of many colours." This made Joseph' s the Younge! brothers very angry because they all had to wear hand-me-downs Long-locked or buy off the rack . in a n oak ONI ONI ON I ONAN, ONI ON I 0, NOI (G enesis 38) A self-abusing MAD AMNON Onan is bereft upon s taining the famil y heirloom. em, the G her perver1 DOG WAS ERE SAW GOD (Exodu s 4) Moses i s humbled after it is Amnon his dialogue with the Burning Bush. MY BABY I MURDER I RAMSES MA RRED RU M (Exodus 7) A li v id Moses discovers that Pharaoh Ramses has tampered with his liquor s u ppl y , and test custod; all he ha s left to drink is kosher wine. AHAB I AHA Ahab for a( EGAD, NO BONDAGE? (Exodus 12) An Israelite slave is euphoric upon being released from captivity. DRAB ASA NULL. ARABIAN IS NOT ON SINAI. BAR ALL U.N. (Exodus 33) Moses his Judean claims God ordered him never to relinquish control of Mount Sinai NO WAR (L for strateoic," reasons. the scribe MUST I. MOSES, OMIT SU M? (Numbers 35) Mose s is told by his a letter of accountant that he cannot deduct the first Tablets. YAHWEH, C one time to TIM, MUST I, MOSES , OM IT "SUMM IT"? (Deuteronomy 33) Moses discusses with his editor . Tim Leviticus, what to include in the POOR DAN Five Books of Mose s. is feeling G IDEON. A CA NO E. DIG (judges 7) God tells Gideon He/She will in a den hel p him defeat the Midianites if he can find three hundred men for Jewish who ca n dig a can oe o ut o f the mud without any of their knees AIRY, SNII t ouc hin g the ground . (j ere miah , NAOMI? NO I SMASH SAMSON, I MOAN (Judges 15 ) A Philisti ne father b e plagued dromic nam is embarra ssed to discover that his son beat up Samson I s sister Naomi rather than c h a llenge the Biblical he-man. NOON. TAC of Amos's GO, MA, SNIP "NAME" HE-MAN. PIN, SAM, OG (Judges 16) Delilah of his tran exhorts her mother to shave Samson's head w hile her uncle Ogden attempts to immob ilize him. SO MAY OBi Obadiah hi NAOMI, I MOAN (Ruth 1) Ruth laments the death of her hu sband to her mothe r -in-law. Naomi, when she discovers the s tiff didn't Assy ria, ae carry life insu rance. SET? I'VE ou t of a AIRY, SNIDE, DOCILE ELI CODED IN SYRIA ( 1 Samuel 1 ) A detractor i s instruc t, of the priest Eli claim Eli is a Syrian mole.
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