volume 9 - issue 1 - tuesday, february 1, 2011 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr - thewatertower.tumblr.com Stories abound in the rich history of Not enough to make use of this room all stars of UVM see it differently. I mean the decision made by the UVM Board of Waterman. My mom has told me stories time, that’s for sure.) This menas that it’s people who are responsible for bars staying Trustees. The swarming UVM cops will of the convenient “Waterman couch” that like a real life room of requirement. in business Sunday through Wednesday. wait outside in fear of being accused of once was – where students could sleep off So how do UVMers take advantage? The ones who may or may not have put harassment for barging into the girls’ a hangover or a long night raging at the Stressed out underclassmen gaze at the off graduating on time for reasons related room, so the protesters even have enough Cyber Café, while being just a hallway box with hope for a better living situation. to partying. For these people The OP time to draw up their next plan of attack. away from their classes. These glory Perhaps this gift could be their lovely and Finnegan’s are too mainstream. They All other uses aside, what are people days are long gone, though. The head living space – a home away from home see the Waterman Box as a sort of indie really going to use the Box for most? In the custodian at Waterman has remarked of that provides solitude and escape from champagne room: a quiet, clean spot for end, we need to accept that our heads are the dramatic decline in lavatory usage roommate stress. Bathroom stalls are not lines of blow and intimate dancing. No in the gutter and will be there for the next since the erection of the Davis Center. She usually large enough for this purpose, and name brands allowed. No panties either. couple years. This room is perfect for two cited features such as the airplane-engine this dorm-sized box in Waterman can fit Boys need havens too, especially those (or more) people to use. Again and again. hand dryers, gender-neutral bathrooms, all your clothes, a full-length mirror and groups of boys who live in a house together In different positions. For those who may and automatic sinks that have made Davis and pay loads of not have experienced it, the locks on the the preeminent campus choice for doing money to get drunk DC gender-neutral bathrooms are finicky, one’s business. Waterman is now making together. Yep. The and midday sex is risky there. Now, efforts to win back its fans, and its first Greeks. Hidden from though, the Waterman Box’s thick door step seems to have been to implement a the public eye and with a lock, convenient chair, and desk big weird Box. hazing hearings, it for more creative maneuvers, ensures a Entering the girls’ lavatory the Box is here that brothers good sexual experience and no walk-ins. immediately imposes itself. It seriously can make pledges At the very least it’s an easy way to knock blocks the path to both the sinks and the spend a night in Waterman off your list if you’re trying to stalls. It consists of three large panels and a the new room, bang in all the main buildings on campus. big door, and upon entry it reveals a single blindfolded and only (Side note: to our knowledge all recent chair and a desk stolen from a middle wearing the UVM attempts to do complete that mission have school. dance team outfits. failed, so if you do it, tell us, and we’ll give Apparently it was first created as a place Or something worse. you a free T-shirt for being awesome). for working mothers to breast-feed, which We don’t even want How you use the Box is up to you. means that UVM has left us, the students, even several essential decorations – a Chia to know. Just have fun and make sure you keep it with the task of finding its true purpose. pet, a Ke$ha blow up doll, and a poster of The old budget cut protesters of 2009 clean. Someone might actually want to (How many Vermont moms really have Fogel on a brisk fall day. can lock themselves in this room when breastfeed there one day. g qualms about whipping their boobs out? The tatted, pierced, rebellious rock they are in the midst of protesting another news advertise for your reflections tunes club or organization with a swiftly changing irrational fears fembots have the water tower. we’re egypt feelings, too! cheaper than the other guys. by lizcantrell by bendonovan by bridgettreco [email protected] “For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled.” -- Bob Dylan by bendonovan For thirty years, Hosni Mubarak has ruled Egypt like died in the protests, most of them civilians. The military may be undemocratic, the logic goes, but they’re the only his own private fiefdom. In two weeks, the Arab country has stayed surprisingly neutral, refusing orders from friends we’ve got. President Obama has been cautious in of 80 million people has gone from being the model for the government to fire on unarmed marchers. Suppos- his remarks, urging “both sides” to use moderation--as if stable autocracies everywhere to the open question that edly spontaneous mobs of Mubarak supporters armed there were two equally valid sides in the conflict between has the entire world watching. with clubs and meat cleavers--who happened to appear unarmed protesters and the dictator they’re protesting Mass street demonstrations began January 25th, in in multiple cities at the exact same time--were attacking against--without criticizing Mubarak in concrete terms. the wake of protests in Tunisia that brought down that protestors and journalists on the streets on Thursday, That’s going to have to change. The United States country’s authoritarian government the previous week. punching CNN reporter Anderson Cooper in the head can’t afford to be neutral on something this huge; Amer- Upset over rising food prices, rampant corruption, repeatedly. This violence--the predictable response from ica must either stand with the forces of democracy and chronic unemployment, and an op- human rights, or stand against them. pressive regime, Egyptians in Cairo There is no third way. There is no middle and other urban centers took to the Reshuffling cabinet ministers in a country where ground. Change is going to come, wheth- streets in what was called a “Day of there hasn’t been a free election in half a century er we like it or not, and it’s going to come Anger.” By the 28th their numbers had sooner rather than later. Egyptians are no swelled, and the Day of Anger gave ... is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. longer willing to settle for the same pack Dear water tower, way to the Day of Rage. The govern- of jackals, thieves, and fixers who’ve been ment’s response was as predictable as looting their country for decades. Like what the fuck, is it this hard to have sex? Why would you take it was vain; when using live ammunition against the pro- a despot whose 30-year rule has been based exclusively And why should they? Would you? “We want what away something so special to my potential, blooming, going to pick up testers failed to scare them off the streets, Mubarak dis- on violence--is only further enraging the Egyptian street, you have,” said one protestor to an American reporter soon love life? The “penis too big for you” tips and hypothetical with emilyhoogesteger missed his government and formed a new one, and when however. last week. And that’s what it comes down to; those people situations such as, the second I meet a guy I think about how to get that failed to mollify the opposition, he announced that This isn’t going away. New York Times columnist out on the street are the best friends we will ever have. him into my bed but like without seeming like I want it but like Hosni Mubarak. Egypt’s thirty-year president is hanging on to power, despite weeks he would not run for re-election in September. Thomas Friedman wrote that Middle Eastern politics in What they want is the same thing Americans have fought definitely lick my lips every sentence and still can’t tell if he’s of protests. On Thursday, Mubarak told ABC News he “would like to step down right But it appears to be too little, too late. Reshuffling the future will be referred to in terms of B.E and A.E.- and died for for over 200 years. There is concern that DTF, hypothetically speaking. So WHY are you taking away the quim away, but cannot because he does not want to risk plunging his nation into chaos.” cabinet ministers in a country where there hasn’t been -before Egypt, and after Egypt. The only people who don’t the power vacuum left by a departing dictator could be queries when people like me need them? Here’s one to think over – how Can’t risk chaos? Really? Mister Mubarak, we suggest you look outside. a free election in half a century and political opponents seem to get it are the leaders in the United States and Eu- exploited by Islamic extremists; that’s certainly a valid to seduce a hot stranger on Valentine’s Day.